1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,120 Speaker 1: Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebine, a space where no 2 00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:07,360 Speaker 1: question is off limits and storylines become lifelines. The views 3 00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:10,400 Speaker 1: shared by our guests are meant to inform, entertain and empower. 4 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:14,080 Speaker 1: From the laughs to the lessons, Just remember, tough times 5 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:23,640 Speaker 1: don't last, but professional homegirls do enjoy the show. 6 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:27,800 Speaker 2: What's up, y'all? 7 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 3: Is shagarra Ebine here and I hope all is cute? Okay, 8 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:35,000 Speaker 3: dal So, I am so excited to welcome Katira Washington 9 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:42,080 Speaker 3: Patten's Pretty Private with Ebina. Katira is an accomplished author, speaker, minister, 10 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:47,120 Speaker 3: and advocate whose work continues to shape conversations around faith 11 00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:50,400 Speaker 3: and emotional well being. In this episode, we dive into 12 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:52,519 Speaker 3: her amazing book. Y'all, please make sure you click the 13 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:55,840 Speaker 3: link in the show notes below title Navigating the Blues. 14 00:00:55,880 --> 00:01:00,640 Speaker 3: Where to Turn when worry, anxiety, or depression steals your hope. Together, 15 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 3: we explore the realities of mental health, the role of 16 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:08,040 Speaker 3: faith during difficult seasons, and the practical tools that Katerira 17 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:12,400 Speaker 3: offers for finding strength when life feels extremely overwhelming. Y'all, 18 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:16,920 Speaker 3: this conversation is filled with wisdom, compassion, and just a 19 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:20,080 Speaker 3: reminder that none of us have to Navigate the Blues alone. 20 00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:24,120 Speaker 3: So get ready because Navigating the Blues with Katerira Washington 21 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:25,360 Speaker 3: Patten starts now. 22 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:28,000 Speaker 2: Oh my god, y'all. 23 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:31,520 Speaker 3: So I am so excited to welcome my guest, Katira 24 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,800 Speaker 3: Washington Patten on the show. Thank you so much for 25 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:36,679 Speaker 3: being on the show, like I am, Like I was 26 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:38,520 Speaker 3: just telling her off the air, like I love her 27 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:39,920 Speaker 3: book what we're going to talk about, and I have 28 00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:41,560 Speaker 3: her other books that I cannot wait to have her 29 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,679 Speaker 3: to come back on. So thank you so much. 30 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:44,800 Speaker 2: How are you feeling. How you doing? 31 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 4: I'm doing great? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 32 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:50,240 Speaker 3: Now before you begin talking about your book, I want 33 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 3: to start with your upbringing. Was mental health talk about 34 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,680 Speaker 3: in your household or just in your community growing up? 35 00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:57,680 Speaker 2: I know, right. 36 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 4: When not? I mean maybe little whispers of it, And honestly, 37 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,680 Speaker 4: when it was talked about, it was not in a 38 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:11,120 Speaker 4: healthy and holistic way. It was that person's crazy or 39 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:15,400 Speaker 4: whoo they way too depressed or yeah, I in fact 40 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:19,799 Speaker 4: didn't express when I was sad because it was kind 41 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:24,040 Speaker 4: of frowned upon. No, my background, my upbringing did not 42 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:29,000 Speaker 4: treat me in a holistic way or anyone. Really, it 43 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:31,919 Speaker 4: was a personal thing. It's just something we didn't talk about. 44 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:32,880 Speaker 2: That's my next question. 45 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:35,360 Speaker 3: Do you remember like being sad or anxious as a 46 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,600 Speaker 3: child when you was growing up, even if you didn't 47 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 3: have lengthag. 48 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:43,800 Speaker 4: Yeah, I do, and in fact, I think about what 49 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:46,800 Speaker 4: I wanted to be. I told my daughter recently, I 50 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:50,400 Speaker 4: wanted to be a child and adolescent psychologist. And that's 51 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,680 Speaker 4: not because I thought that was some great career, but 52 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,639 Speaker 4: I felt like I needed someone to talk to, and 53 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:59,679 Speaker 4: so I wanted to be that person for myself, and 54 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:02,399 Speaker 4: I kind of steered away from it. But I do 55 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:06,079 Speaker 4: remember having small bouts as a child of sadness, and 56 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,919 Speaker 4: as a young adult I did also, and in fact, 57 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:12,200 Speaker 4: my best friend remembers I marked it. I got laid 58 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:13,840 Speaker 4: off one day and I was like, ooh, I'm glad 59 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,920 Speaker 4: I didn't get laid off two weeks ago because I 60 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,480 Speaker 4: was in a real bad place, and she was like, yeah, 61 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,360 Speaker 4: I remember that. So I had bouts of it throughout my. 62 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,679 Speaker 3: Lind looking back, because I remember when I was a kid, 63 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,960 Speaker 3: like obviously, mental health wasn't as popular as it is now, 64 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,080 Speaker 3: so when I was growing up, like I remember like 65 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:31,560 Speaker 3: seeing like my parents or like seeing like people are 66 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 3: older people having different copa mechanisms. 67 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 2: So do you. 68 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,520 Speaker 3: Remember seeing people growing up like having their own ways 69 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:40,800 Speaker 3: of coping with things that we now recognize as depression. 70 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 4: Yeah, I probably sleep a whole lot, staying in your room, 71 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:51,000 Speaker 4: alcohol and drugs. I mean, that's one of our big issues, 72 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:56,320 Speaker 4: over eating, eating the bad things, just not taking care 73 00:03:56,360 --> 00:04:00,880 Speaker 4: of yourself. Maybe some of our behaviors were actually deprecating 74 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 4: because we were not happy, we were not all this. 75 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 4: So I reading in a wonderful fiction book by bb 76 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 4: Moore Campbell, a late, wonderful, great writer. She said someone 77 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,400 Speaker 4: had cancer and she was like, why didn't she take 78 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:17,440 Speaker 4: better care of herself? Not because she got the cancer, 79 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:21,159 Speaker 4: but when she got the cancer? And it was that 80 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:24,560 Speaker 4: statement just rung out to me long time ago, and 81 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:28,440 Speaker 4: it meant that this woman opted not to do the 82 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:32,039 Speaker 4: best for herself. There was something going on that makes 83 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,120 Speaker 4: you say that and wants you to You want to 84 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,760 Speaker 4: do that, You either want to opt out of life. 85 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:40,680 Speaker 4: And it's not necessarily even suicide. It's not even saying 86 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:43,240 Speaker 4: I'm gonna kill myself, but I'm not gonna do what's 87 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,839 Speaker 4: best for me all the time. So that's a level 88 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,480 Speaker 4: I believe of mental illness, of just being kind of 89 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:52,640 Speaker 4: in the dumps and not having the energy and the 90 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,960 Speaker 4: wherewithal to fully take care of care of ourselves to 91 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:56,560 Speaker 4: the best about it. 92 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,440 Speaker 3: You know, that's not funny that you brought her up, 93 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:01,120 Speaker 3: because my grandma was like a huge fan of hers, 94 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,080 Speaker 3: and I was a huge fan of her daughters, the 95 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:10,000 Speaker 3: actor Maya Campbell. Yes, yeah, she's so for some yeah. 96 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 4: Too, and b B. Moore. Campbell wrote a whole book 97 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,440 Speaker 4: seventy two Hour Holds I think it was called. And 98 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:19,279 Speaker 4: her issues were very severe and needed medical attention too. 99 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:21,680 Speaker 4: I just recently heard that she was doing well. 100 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,359 Speaker 3: I followed she just had a birthday. Think she just 101 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 3: turned like forty one, forty too. I've been trying to 102 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 3: get her on the show. So let's keep on. Yeah, 103 00:05:27,839 --> 00:05:28,680 Speaker 3: shout out to her. 104 00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:32,800 Speaker 4: She has plenty to talk about. I would love to 105 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,680 Speaker 4: hear about her me too. I like her too. 106 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 3: So what made you feel ready to open up and 107 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,680 Speaker 3: share your story about depression with others? 108 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 4: Oh, that's a great question. I was actually just thinking 109 00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:47,479 Speaker 4: through it a little bit. It happened, I did. It's 110 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 4: kind of like I was invited to speak at a 111 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:52,040 Speaker 4: women's conference. I'm a minister and I do preaching and 112 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,120 Speaker 4: different things, and I just didn't want it to be 113 00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:55,880 Speaker 4: the same old thing. I was like, you know, you 114 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,680 Speaker 4: go to these women's conferences and what are you talking about. 115 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 4: So I really prayed and said, oh God, give me 116 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:05,040 Speaker 4: a subject that will help people, that will resonate with people. 117 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:08,919 Speaker 4: I decided. I prayed, and I felt like you should 118 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:11,839 Speaker 4: talk about depression. I was like, what am I to say, Like, 119 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:16,600 Speaker 4: I'm depressed, I'm sad, and so I put it on Facebook. 120 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,120 Speaker 4: I literally made a post and I said, I'm coming 121 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:23,520 Speaker 4: out of the closet. I'm talking about depression at this retreat. 122 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:25,920 Speaker 4: And people were like, I need your notes. I need 123 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,160 Speaker 4: to know what you're going to say. And people were 124 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:33,000 Speaker 4: in my inbox, relatives, old friends, Oh my gosh, thank 125 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,680 Speaker 4: you for saying this. I need this. 126 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:35,680 Speaker 2: I wrote down. 127 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:40,839 Speaker 4: Believe this was two thousand and ten or eleven my 128 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,320 Speaker 4: daughter was born. You know how you can trace things 129 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:47,200 Speaker 4: by your kid's age. But I remember some of the 130 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 4: points I said was I had a numb feeling. I 131 00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:55,599 Speaker 4: didn't feel like doing even the things I loved. It 132 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,119 Speaker 4: was hard to get going, hard to get out of bed. 133 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,520 Speaker 4: And I just looked in the book I'm a cheerful person. 134 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:05,120 Speaker 4: I'm a normally cheerful person. I can wear the mask 135 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:08,920 Speaker 4: long enough to pol people. But I knew deep down 136 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,520 Speaker 4: I was not living my best life. I was not 137 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 4: living in color. I was living and gray. And the 138 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 4: amount of people who really resonated with that. And you 139 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 4: can see when you speaking to people, when you say 140 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:25,600 Speaker 4: something that really gets to and they light up because 141 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,640 Speaker 4: and that made me say, oh my gosh, this is 142 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:31,160 Speaker 4: something that I really need to continue to do. And 143 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:35,120 Speaker 4: at that time, I probably was just emerging out of it. 144 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,680 Speaker 4: You go through phases with depression, at least I did, 145 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:41,600 Speaker 4: and I was probably just emerging out of it. But 146 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:45,200 Speaker 4: it really kind of propelled me to dig deeper and say, oh, 147 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,040 Speaker 4: if you're going to talk about this, if you're going 148 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:49,720 Speaker 4: to talk about being whole and healthy, you're going to 149 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:51,880 Speaker 4: have to really do it. And because you got to 150 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:56,160 Speaker 4: be authentic, right, So it actually helped me. And I 151 00:07:56,200 --> 00:08:01,240 Speaker 4: still didn't writ Navigating the Blues until it was doing 152 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:07,200 Speaker 4: the pandemic. Yeah, yeah, it took YEP and it was published. 153 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,640 Speaker 4: I think the pup date is two twenty oh two 154 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:13,559 Speaker 4: or twenty oh three, the beginning of that year. So yeah, 155 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,720 Speaker 4: I had wanted to write about it. I remember there 156 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:19,160 Speaker 4: was even a time I wrote a piece and I 157 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:21,480 Speaker 4: broke down crying because it was a lot of it 158 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:24,720 Speaker 4: was mingled with grief for me, with the loss of 159 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 4: my mom in two thousand and six. So I wrote 160 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 4: that piece and I had to shut the laptop down 161 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:34,199 Speaker 4: and cry. So I was not that time. But later 162 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:37,880 Speaker 4: on things aligned and someone and the team I worked with, 163 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,439 Speaker 4: they were great. They came up with that title Navigating 164 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:44,480 Speaker 4: the Blues. So it was just a real blessing. And 165 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,400 Speaker 4: I hear people say they've been blessed by it, and 166 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 4: it just it's a reminder that our trials and our tribulations, 167 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:55,000 Speaker 4: what we go through, can really serve to help other people. Yeah. 168 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 3: I actually have a friend she just lost her mother 169 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:01,760 Speaker 3: and oh man, this dance she doing with grief, and 170 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,080 Speaker 3: so I've been like a soundboard to her because I 171 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,199 Speaker 3: lost my grandmother I want to say, like seven eight 172 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,440 Speaker 3: years ago. And one of the things I told her 173 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:11,000 Speaker 3: about your book. But one of the things that I 174 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:12,480 Speaker 3: was telling her because she was like, does to get 175 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:14,040 Speaker 3: better with time? And I was like, no, you just 176 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,600 Speaker 3: learned how to deal better, deal with it better. And 177 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:21,559 Speaker 3: so yeah, and she's like a Bible thumper. So when 178 00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:23,920 Speaker 3: I was reading your Yeah, So, when I'm reading your book, 179 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:25,960 Speaker 3: she was like, I'm a Christian, I shouldn't have to 180 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:28,319 Speaker 3: deal with this, Like I fast, I did all these things. 181 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,800 Speaker 3: And I actually read this part to her in your 182 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,319 Speaker 3: book on page eleven, when you said, you know, let 183 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 3: me begin by stayton, I'm a Christian who has suffered 184 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 3: with depression for many years. Some of those years I 185 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 3: suddenly slept more than I care to admit, evening, much 186 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,280 Speaker 3: more than I should have, especially chocolate. 187 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:44,080 Speaker 2: We all love chocolate. 188 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:50,520 Speaker 3: And walked around me too, and I love cheap chocolate, right, 189 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:53,280 Speaker 3: but you said, and I walked around just feeling numb. 190 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:55,240 Speaker 3: And that's why I was telling her. I was like, girls, 191 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:56,920 Speaker 3: just because you're a Christian doesn't mean that you're not. 192 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,679 Speaker 2: Supposed to suffer. I'm like, we all go through it. 193 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,000 Speaker 4: All go through through it, and with grief. I think 194 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,760 Speaker 4: I was doing an interview for Navigating the Blues when 195 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:09,600 Speaker 4: this thought fully came to me. Is I think as 196 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:15,840 Speaker 4: Christians we sometimes focus so much on eternal life that 197 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:18,720 Speaker 4: we don't think about life those who we leave behind, 198 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 4: Like my mother does not want to come back to 199 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:25,199 Speaker 4: this earth today. I'm telling you now how she's so 200 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 4: hap she lived for this moment, and I think we 201 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:31,960 Speaker 4: were We knew that, but we didn't realize the whole 202 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:35,880 Speaker 4: that her absence would leave with us. So it kind 203 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:39,680 Speaker 4: of took us by surprise because we were Christians. We 204 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:43,520 Speaker 4: were so focused on that's what you do. So Christians 205 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:48,200 Speaker 4: are saying, this is the promise of eternal life, but yeah, 206 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:51,760 Speaker 4: you still have to live in the in between time 207 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:56,040 Speaker 4: until y'all united again and thens are happy. So it 208 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,000 Speaker 4: really sideswiped us a lot. 209 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:00,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, and then you also mentioned about how you had 210 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,640 Speaker 3: a hard time or I guess your friends didn't know 211 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,520 Speaker 3: that you was having these feelings and stuff. 212 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,840 Speaker 2: And then when you told your friend your homegirl was 213 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:09,640 Speaker 2: like Jesus in the Bible. 214 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:13,640 Speaker 4: And that particular quote which I kept laughed about, I 215 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:15,480 Speaker 4: read that recently. I was like, she didn't know she 216 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 4: was helping me write a book. That came because it 217 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:22,520 Speaker 4: was a couple of events around that twenty oh four, 218 00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:26,319 Speaker 4: twenty oh five, twenty oh six time that really got 219 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:30,200 Speaker 4: me low one. And I had been in seminary, which 220 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:32,680 Speaker 4: is kind of ironic as well. I had been going 221 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:36,800 Speaker 4: a seminary for three years working full time work, going 222 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:40,000 Speaker 4: to school, driving commute, and trying to have a life 223 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,320 Speaker 4: working at a church. I was burnt out. Yeah, then 224 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:46,280 Speaker 4: that was disappointment from a job I was supposed to 225 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:49,760 Speaker 4: be promoted after I finished seminary. So you do all 226 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:52,120 Speaker 4: that and then you don't get it. And then later 227 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:54,400 Speaker 4: I got it. But by that point you were spent 228 00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:56,320 Speaker 4: from having to work to get it right. And I 229 00:11:56,400 --> 00:12:00,199 Speaker 4: was in a relationship that ended for a couple of 230 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,319 Speaker 4: reasons that really set me back and made me say, WHOA. 231 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:07,080 Speaker 2: And you did some pretty dumb things. I'm like, what 232 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:07,960 Speaker 2: did you do with terror? 233 00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:12,760 Speaker 4: Let me tell you. I'll be I'll be general right. 234 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,280 Speaker 4: My girlfriend and I we probably should write about this. 235 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:20,440 Speaker 4: We wrote a script. When you think the person is 236 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,160 Speaker 4: who you want them to be and you don't see 237 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,000 Speaker 4: them for who they really are, I'll just stop right there, 238 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:32,160 Speaker 4: because you instead of meeting the people person for who 239 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:35,160 Speaker 4: they are, you meet them for who you built up 240 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:38,719 Speaker 4: in your head or the story that told yourself. So 241 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,199 Speaker 4: then when it hit me, I was like, that's crazy. 242 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:45,400 Speaker 4: All throughout that relationship, I was depressed. I told him 243 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 4: I was depressed. I knew I was. I knew I 244 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:51,520 Speaker 4: was not myself. And some people can use that to 245 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:55,240 Speaker 4: their advantage because they know if they keep you in 246 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:58,600 Speaker 4: a certain space, if you don't come to yourself, you 247 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:01,880 Speaker 4: might not realize what's happening in here, nothing for who 248 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:05,760 Speaker 4: they really are, exactly right, They can take advantage of that. 249 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:10,720 Speaker 4: And yeah, and I thought I was a pretty secure warmer. 250 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:14,280 Speaker 2: Around me. 251 00:13:15,559 --> 00:13:18,679 Speaker 4: That was also a science wife, but all even. And 252 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:22,080 Speaker 4: so that's where that quote came from my girlfriend. So 253 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:26,520 Speaker 4: after that realization, when I came to myself and I 254 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:30,640 Speaker 4: started saying I'm gonna go get therapy, that was a 255 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:34,640 Speaker 4: really good friend asked me, what were you thinking all that? 256 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:37,319 Speaker 4: And that's a great question because that puts owner ship 257 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:40,640 Speaker 4: on myself, not not just on that person. So I 258 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,120 Speaker 4: wanted to get therapy, and I was telling a friend 259 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,400 Speaker 4: about it and she was like, uh huh, all you 260 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:48,440 Speaker 4: need is Jesus in your Bible. And I do think 261 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:53,439 Speaker 4: she was coming from the gilt gold girl generation of men. 262 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,360 Speaker 4: Don't have to send us to therapy. Just because you 263 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:57,720 Speaker 4: had a breakup, don't mean you have to go to therapy. Well, no, 264 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:01,160 Speaker 4: I was going deeper. I wasn't talking about him. I 265 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:04,599 Speaker 4: was talking about what made me stay in that relationship. 266 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:07,800 Speaker 4: I need to work on Katera forget him. I mean, 267 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:10,880 Speaker 4: you know, he was done. But so that's the place 268 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,079 Speaker 4: I was coming from. She was coming from. No black 269 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:19,000 Speaker 4: girl positivity or girl woman positivity or whatever made anything 270 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:22,360 Speaker 4: harmful from it. But it could have hindered me. It 271 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,000 Speaker 4: could have made me say, well, maybe I don't need therapy. 272 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,400 Speaker 4: Maybe I do just need to pray and read my Bible. 273 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:31,320 Speaker 4: I was praying and read my Bible already. And I 274 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,880 Speaker 4: did have a very good friend. So I do like 275 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,720 Speaker 4: to show all sides of my friendships. I had a 276 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,720 Speaker 4: friend who prayed for me. She was like, we're gonna 277 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,480 Speaker 4: pray you find a right therapist. I was like, that's 278 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:44,560 Speaker 4: what I'm talking about. So, yeah, it was. It was 279 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:47,440 Speaker 4: a couple of things. And then right after I started 280 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:50,600 Speaker 4: going to therapy, I remember I had stopped. I felt better, 281 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:55,200 Speaker 4: my mom died. All that therapist up quickly, and I 282 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:58,000 Speaker 4: remember going to her office and just letting it all 283 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,160 Speaker 4: go come out. Something I needed to you. 284 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,800 Speaker 3: Actually, yeah, A couple of questions, are you are you 285 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:04,400 Speaker 3: and a homegirl? Y'all still friends? 286 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:11,320 Speaker 4: We are I still acquainted? That is a weird relationship 287 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:14,080 Speaker 4: for other reasons, not because she told me not to 288 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:17,560 Speaker 4: go to therapy. Yeah, but and the truth of it is, 289 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:20,720 Speaker 4: and not to put all the business out there. Sometimes 290 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:23,680 Speaker 4: when you get hold, you got to be ready for 291 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:26,680 Speaker 4: people who are not ready to be whole to not 292 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:30,240 Speaker 4: want to be anymore. And that's okay too, because that's 293 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:33,000 Speaker 4: a part of Yeah, it's not gonna stop me from 294 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,280 Speaker 4: being whole, but some of us are different places in 295 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:39,440 Speaker 4: our journeys willing to work on ourselves. Yeah. 296 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,080 Speaker 3: Facts, facts. And the second thing I was going to 297 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:44,880 Speaker 3: say was how many times did you did it take 298 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,960 Speaker 3: you to find a right therapist? Because it took me. 299 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:50,960 Speaker 4: A great question when we just said, I'm gonna write 300 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,080 Speaker 4: that down though, I'm gonna talk about the therapists finding 301 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:57,040 Speaker 4: the friend, talking about that just a little bit, because 302 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,280 Speaker 4: I want to free people. I want to help us, us, 303 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:03,600 Speaker 4: especially those of us thinking about these things. Right after 304 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,280 Speaker 4: my timeline is funny. Two thousand and six, my mama died, 305 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,400 Speaker 4: I went back to therapy. I met my husband in 306 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:13,080 Speaker 4: two thousand and seven, I met the man who would 307 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 4: later become a husband in two thousand and eight, and 308 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:21,440 Speaker 4: then that would free me to have a child and 309 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:27,760 Speaker 4: everything I do believe the therapy positioned me to receive 310 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:31,400 Speaker 4: my husband better. My other girlfriend, even as I was 311 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:33,960 Speaker 4: talking to her just gotten engaged, she was like, kueara, 312 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:37,520 Speaker 4: you sound so different, you sound so grown. I was like, this, 313 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:40,720 Speaker 4: three years of therapy, that's talking right here. So when 314 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:44,200 Speaker 4: you do begin to work on yourself and clean up 315 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:47,720 Speaker 4: and do whatever the hard work is, it can position 316 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 4: you to be in a place to receive much better. 317 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,320 Speaker 4: And I may not have been ready to receive my 318 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,960 Speaker 4: current husband had I not done all of that work. 319 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,960 Speaker 4: So I'm so thankful for therapy, and truthfully, I'm thankful 320 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:02,400 Speaker 4: for the road of because it laid led me there. Yeah, 321 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:09,919 Speaker 4: calapis evan Nay. I am a really practical person. I 322 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:14,320 Speaker 4: know that about myself. Convenience is high for me. I 323 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,840 Speaker 4: looked in my company's directory at the time. First I 324 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:19,600 Speaker 4: wanted to know which ones I could go to for free. 325 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,720 Speaker 4: You know the what is it is it? Ep? I 326 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:26,840 Speaker 4: forget the name. When when you can get benefits toward 327 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:31,200 Speaker 4: mental yes, yeah, And so at the time we had 328 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,640 Speaker 4: that at the company I was at, so I already 329 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,399 Speaker 4: saw that I could get like ten sessions free. So 330 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:40,280 Speaker 4: I was like, okay, I'm located at this address at work. 331 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:44,600 Speaker 4: I'm right, let me see what address is close to 332 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,760 Speaker 4: that within market distance. I could go at lunchtime or 333 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:51,600 Speaker 4: go right after work. And that's really how I found her. 334 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:55,280 Speaker 4: But that prayer that my girlfriend did, I think stealed 335 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 4: it for me. I prayed that God would lead me 336 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:00,159 Speaker 4: to the right person, and she was really kind. That 337 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:04,120 Speaker 4: my girlfriend was really into a Christian therapist. I didn't 338 00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:06,720 Speaker 4: feel that I needed a Christian therapist because I was like, 339 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,520 Speaker 4: I'm a Christian, I know what I believe. I don't 340 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:11,480 Speaker 4: need anybody else. But what we did pray for was 341 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:15,520 Speaker 4: that even if that person didn't believe like I believe, 342 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:19,320 Speaker 4: that she wouldn't try to talk my belief away. And 343 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 4: she never did. She was actually a Catholic woman, and 344 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,080 Speaker 4: she is a Catholic woman, I know that. But she 345 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,720 Speaker 4: was very helpful in just asking me questions about why 346 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:31,200 Speaker 4: do you feel that way, what things about your upbringing 347 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,480 Speaker 4: may have brought you to this space, and so yeah, 348 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:37,320 Speaker 4: she was very good. So I really went the practical route. 349 00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:39,520 Speaker 4: I found somebody close to my job, somebody that was 350 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:42,919 Speaker 4: covered under the insurance benefit, and we just really vibed well. 351 00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:46,160 Speaker 4: And that was in twenty. I think my first appointment 352 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:50,080 Speaker 4: was probably two thousand and four or five, and I 353 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,720 Speaker 4: literally lopped to her a couple of months ago when 354 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:55,400 Speaker 4: I just needed a quick checkup. Hey, you know this 355 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:58,119 Speaker 4: is what I'm dealing with. I want to remain whole 356 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,760 Speaker 4: and healthy. Yeah, talk about this, And she gave me 357 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,280 Speaker 4: one little quote, one little word, and I was like, 358 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:07,960 Speaker 4: that's it. My husband does. She's like, I could have 359 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:09,960 Speaker 4: given it. You could have given me twenty five hours for. 360 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:12,399 Speaker 2: That right, right, five dollar thing. 361 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,960 Speaker 4: But sometimes you just need to say it and you 362 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,879 Speaker 4: need to hear from someone else you have that question. 363 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:21,360 Speaker 4: So throughout these years, I've kept in touch with her. 364 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,240 Speaker 4: I didn't I don't go all the time like I 365 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:25,680 Speaker 4: used to, Like I was on a weekly basis. Me too, 366 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,800 Speaker 4: throws not it, but now it's kind of like check 367 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:30,200 Speaker 4: up basis when I need it. 368 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,960 Speaker 3: What's up, y'all, it's your girl eb and A here, 369 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:40,280 Speaker 3: and be sure to follow me on Instagram and TikTok 370 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:44,399 Speaker 3: at pretty private podcasts, and don't forget to subscribe to 371 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:47,880 Speaker 3: my YouTube channel at the Professional Homegirl. Now let's get 372 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:51,320 Speaker 3: back to the show. Therapy definitely helped save my life 373 00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:54,879 Speaker 3: because after my grandmother passed away. I went into a 374 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:57,720 Speaker 3: really deep depression because not only did I lose somebody 375 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:01,720 Speaker 3: that I was absolutely in life with, but also that 376 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:04,320 Speaker 3: was my first time ever experiencing depth like that before. 377 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:06,720 Speaker 3: So I was going to therapy for a very long time, 378 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,480 Speaker 3: like going like every week, and then I stopped. But 379 00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:10,359 Speaker 3: I've been thinking about going back and just having like 380 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:14,639 Speaker 3: little check ins becuz I feel like, yeah, right, especially 381 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,240 Speaker 3: with everything that's going on, I just want to just 382 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:17,639 Speaker 3: go and talk to her. And then she's always like 383 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,320 Speaker 3: a big sister to me. She's an older woman, she's black, 384 00:20:20,359 --> 00:20:21,919 Speaker 3: so it's like, you know she can be able. 385 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,720 Speaker 4: To start that she already knows you. Yeah, I used 386 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:28,040 Speaker 4: to say, and I said this in one of my 387 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:31,320 Speaker 4: first speeches on depression, is sometimes we think we could 388 00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 4: just talk to our girlfriends, right, We like, girl, let's 389 00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:37,520 Speaker 4: go get coffee, let's get to whatever, and that's fine. 390 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,320 Speaker 4: But that turns in oh yeah, I had that happen 391 00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:42,800 Speaker 4: to me too, because that's a conversation, right, Like I 392 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 4: say one thing, you say something else, and that's what 393 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:49,440 Speaker 4: we do. I need to pay somebody and just listen. 394 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:51,439 Speaker 2: Right, I don't want to hear about you. 395 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:55,080 Speaker 4: My main purpose for forty five minutes, I used to 396 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,000 Speaker 4: say fifty. They were like, oh no, we're going down 397 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:00,399 Speaker 4: forty five minutes now. For forty five minutes is to 398 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:04,680 Speaker 4: ask me, how is Kata doing? What is Katera thinking? 399 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:06,240 Speaker 4: Go deeper in that. 400 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,119 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, but also do you think like this whole 401 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,439 Speaker 3: like black girl magic strope, like, do you think that 402 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,239 Speaker 3: plays a part in our mental health? Because I had 403 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:17,000 Speaker 3: a conversation with this other girl years ago and she 404 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,679 Speaker 3: was telling me how she was like suicidal, and she 405 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,359 Speaker 3: said the reason why is because she was like I 406 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:24,959 Speaker 3: always was the one who made the perfect grades. I 407 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:27,280 Speaker 3: was very like competitive. I was always the one who 408 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:30,000 Speaker 3: did really well. And then the moment I didn't perform 409 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,560 Speaker 3: the way that I thought I should have, it broke me. 410 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,760 Speaker 3: And I'm hearing that from a lot of black women. 411 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,479 Speaker 4: That is that's a great question. I think, yes and 412 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:41,280 Speaker 4: yes and yes. That has a lot to do with 413 00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:45,000 Speaker 4: at our expectations, the expectations we put on our sets, 414 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:50,520 Speaker 4: the mask we wear. For me a very critical time 415 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,960 Speaker 4: And this wasn't deep depression, I don't think, but was 416 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:56,960 Speaker 4: right when I graduated from school and went to work, 417 00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:00,199 Speaker 4: I had been used to do greats. You know you you. 418 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:04,159 Speaker 4: I made good grades all my life throughout college, I 419 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:07,200 Speaker 4: made good grades. And then I get into a workplace 420 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:11,080 Speaker 4: and my first performance review was meet expectations. I was like, 421 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,400 Speaker 4: oh my gosh, that's a seat right in my mind. 422 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:17,200 Speaker 4: Little did I know the company was planning for a 423 00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:20,760 Speaker 4: layoff later on. And you got to do meats expectations right, 424 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:25,040 Speaker 4: because nobody tells you that. You can't see that until 425 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,159 Speaker 4: you've gone through it and looking back. But yeah, that 426 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,119 Speaker 4: was definitely a big part of it. And again the 427 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:35,000 Speaker 4: part about working on yourself, working on your own ponents. 428 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,679 Speaker 4: You did do that issue. Why do I have to 429 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:41,480 Speaker 4: prove I'm smart to you? Can I believe it? I 430 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,119 Speaker 4: live in it. Can I do what that means for 431 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:47,280 Speaker 4: me and forget about what you say, Oh, that's that's 432 00:22:47,359 --> 00:22:50,080 Speaker 4: true black girl magic. But a lot of times we're 433 00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:53,159 Speaker 4: not doing that in a work because black girl magic, 434 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:54,680 Speaker 4: as much as I love to say and I kind 435 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,080 Speaker 4: of feel like my girl is black girl magic back there, 436 00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:02,240 Speaker 4: it is a level of positivity that doesn't always go 437 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:07,520 Speaker 4: deep and deal with truth. It's dealing with oh no, 438 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:10,080 Speaker 4: I got it, girl, I'm this, I'm that. Yes you 439 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:14,080 Speaker 4: are sis, But there's also some internal stuff, yes, to 440 00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:18,199 Speaker 4: be healed and performance. How are you going to have 441 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:22,080 Speaker 4: relationships so long? If you all that? Yeah, why didn't 442 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:25,760 Speaker 4: you see your and understand your work? I know we 443 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,280 Speaker 4: could ask a lot of us that question. Why are 444 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:29,119 Speaker 4: you still there? 445 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:33,919 Speaker 2: Facts wo, even in a relationship. 446 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:35,720 Speaker 4: I don't know your business like that. 447 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:40,520 Speaker 3: I know you're right though you're right, you're right. So 448 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,160 Speaker 3: how did depression show up in your life? 449 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:47,880 Speaker 4: Oh? Goodness, Like I said, I think a lot of it. 450 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:50,919 Speaker 4: Sometimes it was little spurts, and I think that was 451 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,400 Speaker 4: more like sadness or the blues, because we know there's 452 00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:56,000 Speaker 4: such a big raine. I think that was just sadness 453 00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:59,000 Speaker 4: of the blues and I'd eventually get over it. But 454 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:03,080 Speaker 4: my therapist said, when I told her, how long when 455 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:04,760 Speaker 4: I told her some of my symptoms, how long have 456 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:07,760 Speaker 4: you been feeling numb? How long have you been feeling 457 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,439 Speaker 4: like you're not yourself? I said for a stretch of 458 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,919 Speaker 4: three to five years. She was like, that's a long time. Yeah, 459 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:18,360 Speaker 4: that is depression. That's not it's a rough day. It's 460 00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:22,040 Speaker 4: not even situational like with the grief sometimes that can 461 00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:25,000 Speaker 4: be situational. You gotta work through that. But I was 462 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:29,080 Speaker 4: just not myself, and I didn't like that feeling because, 463 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,040 Speaker 4: again going back to the Black Girl magic, I was 464 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,720 Speaker 4: used to being the girl. I was used to feeling 465 00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,879 Speaker 4: the part as well as presenting the part. Now I 466 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,560 Speaker 4: probably was still presenting the part to some people, but 467 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,560 Speaker 4: I felt it in my spirit. I felt in fact, 468 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:46,119 Speaker 4: I have a picture of I did a bio you 469 00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:49,680 Speaker 4: know when you do your little bio pics. My eyes 470 00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:54,679 Speaker 4: looked like they were dead almost. My eyes looked like 471 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,959 Speaker 4: they had no life. I'm a lot person. I remember 472 00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:00,399 Speaker 4: even the photographer when he was taking the p he 473 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:03,560 Speaker 4: knew me. He was like, this not has She's not like, 474 00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:09,399 Speaker 4: is not coming through? And your eyes will tell the truth. 475 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,800 Speaker 4: Now you look at your pictures, you could see when 476 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,760 Speaker 4: you're really happy and when you're just kind of faking it. 477 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:18,640 Speaker 4: So that was probably I was in seminary and right 478 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:22,679 Speaker 4: after seminary and again doing too much. Yeah, you're thinking 479 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:26,240 Speaker 4: you're following a calling. The seminary was a calling on 480 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:30,080 Speaker 4: my life. I'm doing the right thing. You're thinking prosperity, 481 00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:33,040 Speaker 4: you're thinking goodness, you're thinking good things supposed to happen. 482 00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:36,640 Speaker 4: But no, you know, the enemy got in there too, 483 00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:42,720 Speaker 4: and I said, disappointment from the job, disappointment from oh 484 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:45,640 Speaker 4: this is what I ran to school for what's happening here, 485 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:50,720 Speaker 4: disappointment from relationships, disappointment in me. And truthfully, I think 486 00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:55,160 Speaker 4: the relationship added to the depression because I was masking it. 487 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,879 Speaker 4: And I say, that is navigating the blues. Don't make 488 00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,920 Speaker 4: big decisions when you know you're not yourself. I knew 489 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:04,040 Speaker 4: I was not myself, so going out with that person, 490 00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:08,320 Speaker 4: agreeing to date them was not in my character, but 491 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:12,080 Speaker 4: it was a distraction. It was something I did to 492 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:15,080 Speaker 4: just be like, maybe I'll feel better. But all throughout 493 00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:17,679 Speaker 4: the relationship, I remember laying on the floor. I just 494 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:21,920 Speaker 4: don't feel like myself. I was not myself and I 495 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,919 Speaker 4: knew it. And when I finally faced it and said, Okay, 496 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:28,119 Speaker 4: we're gonna go get some help, that's when some of 497 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:30,560 Speaker 4: the healings started to work. But it took three years 498 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:33,879 Speaker 4: at least of therapy of working through I had some 499 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,840 Speaker 4: days better than others. She told me I was working out. 500 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,800 Speaker 4: She was like, don't stop that. Keep doing that. Figure 501 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,840 Speaker 4: out how to fit it in. She told me to 502 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,840 Speaker 4: try to eat better, but she was really very kind. 503 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,280 Speaker 4: She was like don't over focus on it, because it's 504 00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:50,280 Speaker 4: really hard to stay on an eating plan when your 505 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,240 Speaker 4: mind is all over the place. I think that's a 506 00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,760 Speaker 4: big part of our emotional eating. You're trying to do something, 507 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,119 Speaker 4: but you're not even right yet. Yeah. 508 00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:02,399 Speaker 3: Yeah, so yeah, you know, when I was doing researching 509 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:04,560 Speaker 3: on you and thedn read more about your story because 510 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,040 Speaker 3: I know you grew up in the church because your 511 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:08,760 Speaker 3: dad was a senior deacon and your mom was a 512 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:12,720 Speaker 3: Sunday school teacher. Yeah, so I can only imagine attention 513 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,960 Speaker 3: you felt balancing your faith but also trying to figure 514 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:17,439 Speaker 3: out what's going on with your mental health. 515 00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 4: Yeah. Absolutely, my mom. I think she knew because my 516 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:25,280 Speaker 4: mom was like that. I remember her right when I 517 00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:27,439 Speaker 4: started therapy. I never told her I went to therapy, 518 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,159 Speaker 4: but I said, yeah, somebody told me to do this. 519 00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:31,800 Speaker 4: She was like, who told you that? I was like, 520 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,119 Speaker 4: and then I like glossed over it or whatever. Every 521 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,520 Speaker 4: now and then I call her and she was like, oh, 522 00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,080 Speaker 4: what's wrong? And then the next day I called her 523 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,600 Speaker 4: sounded better. She was like, now you sound like yourself. 524 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,520 Speaker 4: So your mama knows when you're feeling like yourself and 525 00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:49,280 Speaker 4: when you're not. She never pushed me. She saw the 526 00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:55,040 Speaker 4: weight gain, she commented about that, she commented about the relationship, 527 00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:58,119 Speaker 4: but she never said, oh, I think you're depressed or 528 00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:00,359 Speaker 4: something like that. But I do think she thought she 529 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:04,199 Speaker 4: knew something was wrong with me. I even today, my 530 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:07,040 Speaker 4: father's still living and he's I think I sent him 531 00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:09,359 Speaker 4: the book and I sent him some of our videos 532 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,920 Speaker 4: we've done by He's never really mentioned it, not very 533 00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:16,679 Speaker 4: open about talking about those things. But my sister and 534 00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:19,800 Speaker 4: my brother and my extended family has they've read the 535 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:23,359 Speaker 4: book too, and they've been sometimes that they've actually had 536 00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:24,280 Speaker 4: gone through depression. 537 00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:26,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, why do you think your mom? 538 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:28,840 Speaker 3: I mean, I guess the church and the upbringing, but 539 00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:31,800 Speaker 3: like she knew something was wrong with you and your dad? 540 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:33,240 Speaker 3: Like why do you think they never like talked about it? 541 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,640 Speaker 3: Because I'm their mental health issues too, right right? 542 00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:39,760 Speaker 4: I And actually my therapist said that theraps, So your 543 00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:42,960 Speaker 4: mom probably was depressed too at some point, and so 544 00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:46,760 Speaker 4: she kind of normalized depression. But I do think, and 545 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:49,600 Speaker 4: I don't know because I never had this conversation with 546 00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:52,760 Speaker 4: my mom, but I could speculate that she was from 547 00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:56,440 Speaker 4: that school of pick it up, pushed through keeping the girl, 548 00:28:56,720 --> 00:29:00,520 Speaker 4: you know, like pray. Let us know. I believe my 549 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:02,680 Speaker 4: mom would have said, you got your Bible in your 550 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:06,720 Speaker 4: prayer life because she did that. That's probably how she 551 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:09,960 Speaker 4: got through some stuff. And truthfully, you know, she she 552 00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:13,840 Speaker 4: died because of complications of diabetes, so there was that eating. 553 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:18,880 Speaker 4: She probably coped in a different way that And I'm 554 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:22,280 Speaker 4: trying to be different in a good way, yeah, and 555 00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:26,280 Speaker 4: all adopt all goodness, and I also be different in 556 00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:29,360 Speaker 4: the things that perhaps were deficient. So I do believe 557 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:33,880 Speaker 4: mental emotional eating was a way she coped, and clearly 558 00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:36,520 Speaker 4: I coped that way as well. But I'm trying to 559 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:41,040 Speaker 4: work on ways of not only turn into food when 560 00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:44,160 Speaker 4: when I'm dealing with something emotional. Yeah. 561 00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:45,800 Speaker 3: And another thing I feel like a lot of people 562 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,520 Speaker 3: say because even when I was going through because I 563 00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:49,400 Speaker 3: didn't have the language, like something was wrong with me 564 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:51,680 Speaker 3: or I was feeling sad of the press, and people 565 00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:53,560 Speaker 3: will always say, well, you're not praying hard enough and you 566 00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:55,720 Speaker 3: trust God, And I'm like, girl, i think God's pretty 567 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,640 Speaker 3: aware of what's going on with me. But I'm like, 568 00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:02,280 Speaker 3: why do people always. 569 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:05,280 Speaker 4: In the in the book I tear it apart? 570 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:06,760 Speaker 2: You do, my lord? 571 00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:12,040 Speaker 4: My Lord? Why I'm forsaken me. And then Elijah Elijha, 572 00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:15,640 Speaker 4: I mean fir King's nineteen. If you just read that 573 00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:20,040 Speaker 4: chapter from a new lens, you will not say depression 574 00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:24,800 Speaker 4: does not happen to faithful people. Elijah had been Elijah 575 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:28,120 Speaker 4: had told Ahab, come on with your bail. He had 576 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:32,880 Speaker 4: challenged him, and Elijah had just come back from really 577 00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:37,360 Speaker 4: the high point of his ministry. And then when Jezebel said, 578 00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:40,360 Speaker 4: oh we I'm gonna get you, he got scared and 579 00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,800 Speaker 4: he wanted to die. It's literally in the scripture. He 580 00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:48,480 Speaker 4: was like, Lord, take my life. So that's depression. He 581 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:52,280 Speaker 4: was tired, excuse me, he was worn out. And I 582 00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:55,000 Speaker 4: loved that chapter because I get something from it every 583 00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:57,600 Speaker 4: time I re read it. Now, God gives him a 584 00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:03,200 Speaker 4: prescription just to let down, rest, get some bread and 585 00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:07,800 Speaker 4: some water. So there we are. That's God's prescription for 586 00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:10,480 Speaker 4: us in a lot of times. Sometimes it's take a break, 587 00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:13,880 Speaker 4: step back, slow down, get some breasts and eat. And 588 00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:17,080 Speaker 4: then it shows how we exaggerate when we have depression, 589 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:20,320 Speaker 4: because what Elijah said, oh Lord, I'm the only one 590 00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:24,200 Speaker 4: serving you, and God was like, oh no, shake the caves. 591 00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:27,960 Speaker 4: I've hidden some profits back there, So I say that 592 00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:31,840 Speaker 4: about myself. I know that. That's why don't make decisions 593 00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,560 Speaker 4: when I'm in the in the throes of it, because 594 00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:38,000 Speaker 4: everything will be exaggerated. Oh Lord, he don't love me, 595 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:41,520 Speaker 4: he don't do this, he don't whatever. Everything is going 596 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:44,320 Speaker 4: to be exaggerated because of where your mental state is 597 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:48,520 Speaker 4: right there, And it happened to Elijah. Yeah, a faithful 598 00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,040 Speaker 4: man of God and David. Don't start us on David 599 00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:58,000 Speaker 4: now his psalms are reaking with issues. So yeah, why do. 600 00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,480 Speaker 3: You think when it comes to like biblical figures who 601 00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,880 Speaker 3: have struggled emotionally, why don't you think we always overlooked 602 00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:04,360 Speaker 3: their pain? 603 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:06,920 Speaker 2: Like we're the first ever experience pain. 604 00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:12,600 Speaker 4: What it's the lens we're looking at it at And 605 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:17,000 Speaker 4: that's why I know God called me to experience this, 606 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:20,800 Speaker 4: because I can come from my experience. I've read First 607 00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:25,320 Speaker 4: Kings nineteen before, and until I started doing the research 608 00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:29,360 Speaker 4: on depression, I hadn't pulled that out. I had just heard, Oh, 609 00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:33,720 Speaker 4: Jezebel got Elijah mad. You know it's the lens you're 610 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:36,960 Speaker 4: looking and reading the Biblical storage from because back in 611 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:38,640 Speaker 4: the day, all we would do was talking about how 612 00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:42,160 Speaker 4: bad Josebel was. She was a bad woman. She influenced 613 00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:44,360 Speaker 4: her husband. My mama used to say she wore red 614 00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:47,560 Speaker 4: lipstick and red bingingnail polish, and then one man wear red. 615 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,800 Speaker 4: That was the lens she was coming at it from. 616 00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:54,640 Speaker 4: I have a different experience. Praise God, and that's why 617 00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,320 Speaker 4: I'm called to share it and talk about it. But 618 00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:01,160 Speaker 4: my experience looked at that and saw that this man 619 00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:04,680 Speaker 4: asked God to take his life. So I was able 620 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:07,600 Speaker 4: to equate that to depression. A long time ago, I 621 00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:11,480 Speaker 4: saw my God, my God, while hast thou forsaken me? 622 00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,200 Speaker 4: And the first time I preached from that text was 623 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:18,240 Speaker 4: actually as a chaplain as a part of my seminary training. 624 00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:21,000 Speaker 4: I was a chaplain and I talked because I was 625 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:25,880 Speaker 4: talking to people in pain, and so my lens changed. 626 00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:29,360 Speaker 4: You know, before I saw that scriptures Jesus Christ on 627 00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,320 Speaker 4: the cross dying for us. Look at him, he's a martyr. 628 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,800 Speaker 4: But now I see it as, Oh, he's a human 629 00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:39,160 Speaker 4: who's very hurt, who feels like God has forsaken him. 630 00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 4: My experience shaped the way I saw that verse in 631 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:46,520 Speaker 4: the Bible is the Bible, right, and it's the same 632 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:49,720 Speaker 4: Bible my mama read and my mom mama them read. 633 00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,840 Speaker 4: But our experience is shape our lens that we bring 634 00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,280 Speaker 4: to the text. And that's why it's important for all 635 00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:58,880 Speaker 4: of us to share what we get from the word, 636 00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:01,680 Speaker 4: righty different from us interpretation. 637 00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:04,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, facts, facts. So who is your favorite person from 638 00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:07,080 Speaker 3: the Bible who wrestled with depression of deep sorrow? And 639 00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:08,600 Speaker 3: why does their story resonate with you? 640 00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:12,399 Speaker 4: Oh that's a good one. Elijah, clearly. I think it's 641 00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:16,279 Speaker 4: because I have always loved, well, have always heard of 642 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:19,480 Speaker 4: Elijah in a positive light. He was a hero, he 643 00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:23,200 Speaker 4: was a he was faithful. Even David, you hear of 644 00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:26,520 Speaker 4: his you know, his rendezvous and his things he didn't 645 00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:29,600 Speaker 4: do right, and and I do love David as well. 646 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:33,640 Speaker 4: But Elijah. I haven't heard anything negative about Elijah. I 647 00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:37,640 Speaker 4: just heard that he was faithful, he believed in God. 648 00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:41,160 Speaker 4: God used him, and he stood up to eighth. So 649 00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,480 Speaker 4: I always he was a great man. And so when 650 00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:49,920 Speaker 4: I really tore First Kings nineteen apart and said, oh 651 00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:54,080 Speaker 4: he was wrestling, I like him. I relate to him 652 00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:57,680 Speaker 4: so and I really relate to God's prescription for him 653 00:34:57,680 --> 00:34:59,879 Speaker 4: to sit down somewhere and get some rest because it's 654 00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:02,279 Speaker 4: a amazing what a good night's rest. Listen, we'll do 655 00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:05,480 Speaker 4: when you're wrestling with something. If you really get that rest, 656 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,759 Speaker 4: don't make that decision tonight, like I'll get back with 657 00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:11,160 Speaker 4: you later. You can wake up a new person. I 658 00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,960 Speaker 4: do that a lot, and sometimes I think I'm depressed 659 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:17,080 Speaker 4: and I'm just tired. So get the rest and don't 660 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:20,719 Speaker 4: wear yourself out so it doesn't lead to depression. Like 661 00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:23,680 Speaker 4: I said, burnout can lead to depression. But if you 662 00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:27,160 Speaker 4: incorporate rest before it gets to that point, you can 663 00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:27,880 Speaker 4: help yourself. 664 00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:29,960 Speaker 3: But that's one thing I love about navigating with the 665 00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:32,960 Speaker 3: Blues because you definitely encourage people, or encourage the readers 666 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,840 Speaker 3: to not only rush to a positive ending, but just 667 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:38,560 Speaker 3: sit down and just rest because you can actually like 668 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:40,600 Speaker 3: get to a better ended or just get to a 669 00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:44,760 Speaker 3: better point in your depression and be able to fully 670 00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:47,080 Speaker 3: understand what's going on and not make any like quick 671 00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:48,320 Speaker 3: or harsh decisions or anything. 672 00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:53,320 Speaker 4: Just go to sleep. Yeah, totally take a break. Rest 673 00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:57,600 Speaker 4: is over is underrated, I believe, and you know, and 674 00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:01,480 Speaker 4: that's kind of culture to what black women and black 675 00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:04,520 Speaker 4: Christian women have been told when the church. I grew 676 00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:07,719 Speaker 4: up in the black women were the ones really pushing 677 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,800 Speaker 4: help in the church. They were the ones teaching Sunday School, 678 00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:12,880 Speaker 4: they were the ones creating the programs. They were the 679 00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:16,720 Speaker 4: ones selling the dinners to make the money into fundraisers. 680 00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:20,479 Speaker 4: They were working. So when you get arrested woman, that's 681 00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:24,760 Speaker 4: kind of culture. It goes against your goals. But in actuality, 682 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:27,960 Speaker 4: you're gonna get a whole woman, and that can actually 683 00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,360 Speaker 4: help your goals because you can do more as a whole, 684 00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:35,879 Speaker 4: healthy person than you can do as a rundown, busy person. So, yeah, 685 00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:39,799 Speaker 4: was between Mary and Martha too, And that's Jesus spoke 686 00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:43,000 Speaker 4: about that in the Bible. Better. Mary has chosen the 687 00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:47,200 Speaker 4: best thing. She's sitting at my feet, She's communing with me. 688 00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:51,040 Speaker 4: She's taking in what I'm saying and taking it to 689 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:54,479 Speaker 4: heart as opposed to running around. Yeah we need to eat. 690 00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:58,279 Speaker 4: Yeah we do need Martha's activities sometimes, but you got 691 00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:00,879 Speaker 4: to know when you need one of them other. Yeah, 692 00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:03,920 Speaker 4: and rest that Jesus. The speed is very important. 693 00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:06,399 Speaker 3: Yeah, So how did your relationship with God? 694 00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:08,719 Speaker 2: I'm sorry, go ahead, I. 695 00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:10,239 Speaker 4: Was just gonna say in here I said I found 696 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,880 Speaker 4: one of my favorite scriptures. It's from the message version 697 00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:17,279 Speaker 4: of Matthew eleven twenty eight. We know that scripture has 698 00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,720 Speaker 4: come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, 699 00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:23,480 Speaker 4: and I will give you rest. But in the message 700 00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:27,799 Speaker 4: version it talks about keep company with me, and I 701 00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:32,719 Speaker 4: will teach you the unforced rhythms of grace. Girl. That's 702 00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:37,000 Speaker 4: phrase right there, can sit me down. Yeah, one force 703 00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:41,200 Speaker 4: rhythms of grace. What does that mean? I'm not pushing 704 00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:44,880 Speaker 4: and striving and making it hard on you, like that 705 00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:48,560 Speaker 4: yoke language they talk about. It's easy when you keep 706 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:53,759 Speaker 4: company with me. I give you special direction and discernment 707 00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:56,720 Speaker 4: about when to do something, when not to do something. 708 00:37:56,960 --> 00:38:00,920 Speaker 4: And when you flowing in those unforced of grace, it 709 00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,480 Speaker 4: feels different. It's a different way of living. 710 00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:07,720 Speaker 3: So yeah, So, how did your relationship where God changed 711 00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:09,960 Speaker 3: once you start to understand your own mental health? 712 00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:15,040 Speaker 4: Oh goodness. I had always prayed. And that's what I 713 00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:18,240 Speaker 4: even say in the beginning of this book when people 714 00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:23,040 Speaker 4: say just pray, I'm like, that's what I'm doing. I prayed. 715 00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:26,680 Speaker 4: I'm like, Lord, You're gonna have to help me. Even 716 00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:31,200 Speaker 4: when I felt like God was silent, I was my 717 00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:35,799 Speaker 4: faith in God did not waiver. What changed was when 718 00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:39,800 Speaker 4: He started giving me the tools to deal with this depression. 719 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,080 Speaker 4: And it was a lot of work. It was a 720 00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:45,840 Speaker 4: lot of internal work. It was me going to the therapist, 721 00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:50,560 Speaker 4: me listening to her questions, really asking myself those questions, 722 00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:53,960 Speaker 4: like when somebody turns a mirror on you and says, 723 00:38:54,600 --> 00:39:00,480 Speaker 4: what about you? Right? That is hard work actually for 724 00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:03,360 Speaker 4: somebody who thinks they got it all together right, because 725 00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:06,120 Speaker 4: you know, that's one side of the coin. But I 726 00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:08,840 Speaker 4: didn't have it all together. I was feeling that I 727 00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:11,560 Speaker 4: didn't have it all together. So what did I have 728 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:14,920 Speaker 4: to do to figure out how I was taking what 729 00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:16,880 Speaker 4: could make me take? And it took time. It was 730 00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:19,319 Speaker 4: not an overnight thing, and I had to put that 731 00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:21,560 Speaker 4: work into it. And I still have to put that 732 00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:24,520 Speaker 4: work into it. When I feel something happening, when I'm 733 00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:26,840 Speaker 4: out of line, I have to say whoa, whoa, you 734 00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:31,759 Speaker 4: know and do the work. So I believe my relationship 735 00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:37,600 Speaker 4: ended up deepening with Christ when I realized okay, and 736 00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:41,000 Speaker 4: now clearly looking back over the big bout and seeing 737 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:43,319 Speaker 4: how far he's brought me and she'd be told, and 738 00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:46,480 Speaker 4: seeing a book and seeing a podcast where I'm talking 739 00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:50,239 Speaker 4: about it, I'm like, oh, this is right, Yeah, this 740 00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:54,440 Speaker 4: is all God. But so I believe my relationship deepened 741 00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:57,719 Speaker 4: once I did the work, but it didn't slip. I 742 00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:02,319 Speaker 4: didn't have doubt. I was just not myself And yeah, 743 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,279 Speaker 4: I really wanted to be myself my best friend. And 744 00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:08,160 Speaker 4: I recently said, and I wrote a devotion just today 745 00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:12,520 Speaker 4: about it, depression saved my life because it gave me 746 00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:15,440 Speaker 4: the opportunity to put some of these tools in place 747 00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:18,120 Speaker 4: that I need throughout life. Right, we're going through a 748 00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:21,200 Speaker 4: rough season in my family, and and that's why I 749 00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:24,080 Speaker 4: call the therapist, because I knew I don't want to 750 00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:28,080 Speaker 4: go as low as I went before, so let me 751 00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:30,040 Speaker 4: try to get it in the middle. And you know, 752 00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:32,680 Speaker 4: she told me, make sure you're having fun. I was 753 00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:37,120 Speaker 4: like what, And that's true. We get so wrapped up 754 00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:42,359 Speaker 4: in working and striving and doing and even in the church, Yeah, 755 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:45,680 Speaker 4: your best doing whatever that sometimes you forget the good 756 00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:49,560 Speaker 4: Oh simple fun, right, bring your hand back and laugh, 757 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:51,960 Speaker 4: get together friends, play. 758 00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:53,880 Speaker 2: A game, Dan, do the things that you enjoyed. 759 00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:59,719 Speaker 4: I needed that reminder. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Everything I have 760 00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:02,560 Speaker 4: to be on the clock. Yeah, what are you doing? 761 00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:05,719 Speaker 4: So do you feel like a sleeping it away? Right? 762 00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,759 Speaker 3: Do you feel like God reveals something about yourself that 763 00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:12,000 Speaker 3: you didn't realize before you start your process. 764 00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:17,319 Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely, a lot of things. One. I had let 765 00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:22,040 Speaker 4: my spiritual tools kind of get rusty. You know. I 766 00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:26,240 Speaker 4: was probably doing devotion probably like I said, I was praying, 767 00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:30,200 Speaker 4: but how fervently. And that is not to say that 768 00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:33,960 Speaker 4: when you always do things fervently things work out, because 769 00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:36,840 Speaker 4: we know that's not true. Trials and tribulations come. But 770 00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:40,920 Speaker 4: I had let some things go. And then even with 771 00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:44,479 Speaker 4: the relationship, I know, I look back at my journal, girl, 772 00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:48,400 Speaker 4: I praise God for this guy. I praise God. Just 773 00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:51,360 Speaker 4: sit down and listen, now, you know, because sometimes you 774 00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:54,640 Speaker 4: could be so busy focused on, like I said, the story. 775 00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:58,200 Speaker 4: I want it in my head. I didn't write down 776 00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:01,399 Speaker 4: the red flags. And that's really how I learned that 777 00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:04,719 Speaker 4: this was not for me. I told one person the 778 00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:08,600 Speaker 4: whole story, from the beginning to the end, and before 779 00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:11,239 Speaker 4: she could even give me advice, I said, stop, Oh 780 00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:14,560 Speaker 4: I've been playing. I heard it. As I repeated it, 781 00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:17,839 Speaker 4: I was like, this is not right. But because I 782 00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:22,000 Speaker 4: was so focused elsewhere again praising God for what I 783 00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:25,520 Speaker 4: thought I wanted, what I thought I needed, I was 784 00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:29,279 Speaker 4: not sitting I was not discerning. I was not being 785 00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:32,880 Speaker 4: quiet and receiving from God, and that that's a trap 786 00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:37,720 Speaker 4: for real Christians, people who think we're all devoted and fervent. 787 00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:41,040 Speaker 4: Like I said, yeah, sometimes you need to be quiet. Yes, 788 00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:45,399 Speaker 4: So yep, I really learned a lot about myself and 789 00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:48,760 Speaker 4: really go to God with everything and just say Lord, 790 00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:50,239 Speaker 4: teach me, show me. 791 00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:57,600 Speaker 3: So when did your faith first intersect with your writing? 792 00:42:57,600 --> 00:42:59,399 Speaker 3: And when did you When did writing become a love 793 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:01,920 Speaker 3: for you? Because you've been writing for a very long time. 794 00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:06,240 Speaker 4: Yeah. So in college, I wanted to be in broadcast 795 00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:12,040 Speaker 4: journalism and I did one internship at a TV station, 796 00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:15,279 Speaker 4: and I just felt the environment wasn't me. I'm more 797 00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:18,560 Speaker 4: especially back then, I was a people pleaser. I wasn't cutthroat, 798 00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:22,399 Speaker 4: I wasn't aggressive at that level. So I just felt 799 00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:25,239 Speaker 4: like the environment wasn't me. But my teacher told me 800 00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:27,680 Speaker 4: I should write, and so she had me do an 801 00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:30,920 Speaker 4: internship at a newspaper and just to shout out to 802 00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:35,720 Speaker 4: my HBCUs, when you got teachers pushing you, yea very helpful. 803 00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:38,520 Speaker 4: From there, that very same teacher pushed me to apply 804 00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:42,440 Speaker 4: to grad school at Northwestern in Evanston, Illinois. Which had 805 00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:46,280 Speaker 4: the top journalism school. I didn't even know. I'm from Tiberdea, Louisiana. 806 00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:50,200 Speaker 4: I didn't know what Northwestern was. We had a Northwestern Louisiana, right. 807 00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:54,240 Speaker 4: I came here to Chicago to go to Northwest change 808 00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:58,719 Speaker 4: my life. I had a wonderful time. Just it opened doors, 809 00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:01,200 Speaker 4: like you know, you just get expos to different things. 810 00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:04,399 Speaker 4: And from there I went into I thought I wanted 811 00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:08,480 Speaker 4: to do magazines, and I knew my interests were children, 812 00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:12,920 Speaker 4: black culture. At the time, it wasn't quite Christianity, although 813 00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:15,960 Speaker 4: I had a relationship with Christ. But eventually that became 814 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:19,040 Speaker 4: one of my prongs of things I'm interested in. So 815 00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:21,839 Speaker 4: I worked at a children's newspaper to get the youth 816 00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:24,959 Speaker 4: piece out of I worked at Jet Magazine, Yes, Jet 817 00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:28,920 Speaker 4: Culture a Jet. And the true story is I was 818 00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:32,080 Speaker 4: working at Jet and I had joined my church in Chicago, 819 00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:35,560 Speaker 4: and we had Wednesday and at prayer service, and I said, well, Lord, 820 00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:38,920 Speaker 4: teach me where I'm going with this career, because by 821 00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:41,440 Speaker 4: that point I was praying about stuff, praying about everything. 822 00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:44,840 Speaker 4: And I was at prayer service on ninety fifth Street 823 00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:48,360 Speaker 4: in Chicago, and before I could get on the Highway 824 00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:51,400 Speaker 4: to go home. I just felt I should send my 825 00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:54,760 Speaker 4: resume to this company. It just came into my spirit. 826 00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:58,440 Speaker 4: I didn't have a whole lot of experience with hearing 827 00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:00,600 Speaker 4: from God, and I do think that can be different 828 00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:03,439 Speaker 4: for different people. But I felt that I should send 829 00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:06,279 Speaker 4: my resume there. I knew the company because we had 830 00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:08,360 Speaker 4: used their Sunday school books. I had one of their 831 00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:11,600 Speaker 4: books at home. I looked, literally looked at the address, 832 00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:13,840 Speaker 4: typed it up. At the time we were still sending 833 00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:17,279 Speaker 4: out paper resumes. I sent it to that company the 834 00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:20,279 Speaker 4: next morning, and within three days the president of the 835 00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:22,719 Speaker 4: company was calling me and we were having a conversation. 836 00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:26,600 Speaker 4: It was like, you got the jobs, and he said, 837 00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:30,520 Speaker 4: at the risk of sounding super spiritual, we always try 838 00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:32,239 Speaker 4: to make wound for the people we think God is 839 00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:36,279 Speaker 4: sending our way. I ended up editing a magazine for 840 00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:40,080 Speaker 4: them part time while still working at JET and it 841 00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:45,279 Speaker 4: was a youth Sunday school magazine, which I wanted to 842 00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:49,040 Speaker 4: do youth magazine. YEP. I just saw God putting things 843 00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:54,719 Speaker 4: toge from there in my spiritual development really leaked. Because 844 00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:58,480 Speaker 4: I worked for them part time probably for six months, 845 00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:00,920 Speaker 4: then I went to them full time. I was reading 846 00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:04,080 Speaker 4: the Bible as a part of walk, you know, eight 847 00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:07,640 Speaker 4: hours a day and Bible study. Guys, you kind of 848 00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:12,839 Speaker 4: gotta grow right. Yeah, the library with commentaries, I'd beat. 849 00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:15,680 Speaker 4: I was in my happy place just reading about the Bibles. 850 00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:18,680 Speaker 4: So yeah, that was That was how I got into 851 00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:22,840 Speaker 4: Christian publishing. And truthfully, I've had my feet in Christian 852 00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:26,439 Speaker 4: publishing since then. And that was in nineteen ninety eight, 853 00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:29,879 Speaker 4: nineteen ninety seven, ninety eight. Even when I went back 854 00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:33,200 Speaker 4: to secular publishing, I still did stuff on the side 855 00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:34,840 Speaker 4: for Christian publishing companies. 856 00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:38,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, listen, I am a student of HBCUs. I went 857 00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:39,520 Speaker 3: to the Tennessee State University. 858 00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:42,439 Speaker 2: What HBC. Did you go to the Tennessee State Yes, 859 00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:44,360 Speaker 2: d Tennessee State, right. 860 00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:45,000 Speaker 4: Very good. 861 00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:47,719 Speaker 3: I went to Diller in Nowise, Yes you did, Yes, 862 00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:48,319 Speaker 3: I remember that. 863 00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:51,040 Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, oh wow. 864 00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:53,280 Speaker 3: I'm telling great things come from HBCUs. 865 00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:57,359 Speaker 4: I believe. Well, the confidence is there too, because you're 866 00:46:57,360 --> 00:47:00,480 Speaker 4: not when other things at that time. You just there 867 00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:05,520 Speaker 4: having a good old time, hopefully getting some studies done. Right. Yeah, 868 00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:08,239 Speaker 4: it's a nice it's a nice bubble to be in 869 00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:11,640 Speaker 4: for four or five years years if you can. And 870 00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:13,440 Speaker 4: it's what you make of it. I said that in 871 00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:15,480 Speaker 4: high school. I didn't even know nothing about college, but 872 00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:17,520 Speaker 4: I was like, school gonna be what I make of it. 873 00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:19,840 Speaker 4: I could go to a great school over here, I 874 00:47:19,840 --> 00:47:22,040 Speaker 4: could go to a great school over there, but I'm 875 00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:23,160 Speaker 4: gonna make it great for me. 876 00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:23,800 Speaker 2: Yeah. 877 00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:26,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, And you also spoke about your spiritual development. And 878 00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:29,520 Speaker 3: I'm just curious, what does Guy's voice sound like to you? Like, 879 00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:30,480 Speaker 3: how does he talk to you? 880 00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:34,920 Speaker 4: It's a I asked my mom, I'm that question once 881 00:47:35,239 --> 00:47:37,480 Speaker 4: when she was talking to about it. She's like, I 882 00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:39,560 Speaker 4: just felt God said, it's like what you mean, and 883 00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:42,040 Speaker 4: you could tell when people hungry that got questions like that, 884 00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:44,879 Speaker 4: she can tell hungry. She was like, it was just 885 00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:51,319 Speaker 4: a soft quiet almost my mind saying it. But it 886 00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:54,959 Speaker 4: was so peaceful and kind of out the blue where 887 00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:58,160 Speaker 4: I knew it wasn't just me thinking it, Like for 888 00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:01,080 Speaker 4: me to be turning the car and here, send your 889 00:48:01,160 --> 00:48:05,000 Speaker 4: resume here? Who wasn't really thinking that, you know, like 890 00:48:05,480 --> 00:48:08,040 Speaker 4: I wasn't. I was probably thinking about what I'm gonna 891 00:48:08,040 --> 00:48:11,640 Speaker 4: go home and eat. But me to send your resume 892 00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:15,719 Speaker 4: here was something that settled in my mind, and it 893 00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:18,640 Speaker 4: was a very peaceful feeling, and I felt like I 894 00:48:18,640 --> 00:48:24,239 Speaker 4: should follow. Yeah. Yeah, very peaceful, very very peaceful. When 895 00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:25,280 Speaker 4: I hear God's voice. 896 00:48:25,920 --> 00:48:28,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like God speaks to me in repetition. 897 00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:32,319 Speaker 4: Oh yeah, like I feel. 898 00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:33,799 Speaker 2: Like I hear him. 899 00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:36,200 Speaker 3: But then I like, I hear it or see something 900 00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:39,120 Speaker 3: that He just told me over and over again until 901 00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:40,560 Speaker 3: I do it. 902 00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:44,600 Speaker 4: Yes, that does happen. I have a coworker who actually 903 00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:48,200 Speaker 4: outlet She outlined the ways God speaks and it was great. 904 00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:50,919 Speaker 4: I haven't done the research on that, so I won't 905 00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:53,640 Speaker 4: repeat it, but it was like six or seven different 906 00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:55,240 Speaker 4: ways God speaks to people. 907 00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:58,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, like I just see it over and over again, 908 00:48:58,360 --> 00:49:00,520 Speaker 3: or I see something that remamia what he told me, 909 00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:01,840 Speaker 3: and I'm like, all right, God, I'm gonna do it. 910 00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:02,400 Speaker 2: I'm gonna do it. 911 00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:07,000 Speaker 4: Yes, And when you think about it, even scripture, I 912 00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:09,400 Speaker 4: get amazed when I hear the same scripture two and 913 00:49:09,440 --> 00:49:12,319 Speaker 4: three times because the Bible pretty big, right, How you 914 00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:15,200 Speaker 4: just came from that same thing that I read this morning? Right? 915 00:49:17,200 --> 00:49:17,439 Speaker 1: Right? 916 00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:17,879 Speaker 4: Right? 917 00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:21,439 Speaker 3: Do you feel like your book Navigating the Blues fill 918 00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:24,400 Speaker 3: the gap between conversations around faith and mental health? 919 00:49:25,239 --> 00:49:29,440 Speaker 4: Yes, it's open up doors, Like, yeah, conversation near And 920 00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:32,680 Speaker 4: I've been asked to speak several places and oh my gosh, 921 00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:36,719 Speaker 4: it's so freeing to see people just connect and say, yes, 922 00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:39,680 Speaker 4: this is really good, this is really helpful. But it 923 00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:43,360 Speaker 4: really is about liberating ourselves, right. It's making us and 924 00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:46,279 Speaker 4: hole to be the people Guide has called us to be. 925 00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:48,480 Speaker 3: And you're so down to earth, like I can just 926 00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:51,520 Speaker 3: only imagine like the feedback and the reception you receive 927 00:49:51,560 --> 00:49:53,279 Speaker 3: from people when you like go through your book and 928 00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:56,360 Speaker 3: share your story, like you just seem so like warm 929 00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:58,759 Speaker 3: and inviting, So it makes it easier for people to 930 00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:01,040 Speaker 3: be able to share their story about something that they 931 00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:01,920 Speaker 3: may be struggling with. 932 00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:05,160 Speaker 4: Thank you for that. And God has worked with me 933 00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:08,000 Speaker 4: on that, and that's who I want to be and 934 00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:10,560 Speaker 4: I believe that's who God has called me to be. 935 00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:13,880 Speaker 4: So whenever I see that not happening, I get pulled 936 00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:18,080 Speaker 4: her tale and I asked God to help me too, 937 00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:22,360 Speaker 4: and I believe some of the things that are happening 938 00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:26,520 Speaker 4: as a result timing wise, is once I got that together, 939 00:50:27,120 --> 00:50:29,760 Speaker 4: he could release me to go and touch other people. 940 00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:31,840 Speaker 4: So I thank God for that, because you know, you 941 00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:39,520 Speaker 4: could ruin yourself happening, but truthful, Labine, when you've been 942 00:50:39,560 --> 00:50:42,319 Speaker 4: through what I've been through and you've connected with God, 943 00:50:42,360 --> 00:50:44,400 Speaker 4: You've got to give it back to him. It is 944 00:50:44,440 --> 00:50:50,360 Speaker 4: about God. It is not about that is the bottom line, 945 00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:53,279 Speaker 4: honest truth. Because we could try to think about us 946 00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:56,239 Speaker 4: if we want to, because that's like, I'm human, right, 947 00:50:56,360 --> 00:50:57,879 Speaker 4: but it really is a yeah. 948 00:50:58,239 --> 00:51:01,520 Speaker 3: But were you ever like aprahend We're like feeling like 949 00:51:01,640 --> 00:51:04,320 Speaker 3: like just sharing that side of you in the publishing world, 950 00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:06,480 Speaker 3: just being that vulnerable. 951 00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:12,640 Speaker 4: You know. That's a really good question. Again. I think 952 00:51:12,719 --> 00:51:15,080 Speaker 4: when I went to college, that's what I wanted to do. 953 00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:18,000 Speaker 4: I wanted to be in front of the camera. I 954 00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:20,640 Speaker 4: really wanted broadcast journalism because I thought the anchors were 955 00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:22,640 Speaker 4: cute and you could just sit there and read the 956 00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:27,560 Speaker 4: news go by and report girl. Recently, I moderated sessions 957 00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:30,279 Speaker 4: five days in a row fund for the industry, just 958 00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:33,240 Speaker 4: one hour. I was like, whoa, this is hard work, right. 959 00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:37,759 Speaker 4: What looks and glamorous is not always the case. So 960 00:51:38,360 --> 00:51:40,920 Speaker 4: I am getting to do more of that, and that 961 00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:45,600 Speaker 4: is naturally my personality. That is what made me gravitate 962 00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:49,000 Speaker 4: toward that. But I was not ready. I was not 963 00:51:49,520 --> 00:51:53,640 Speaker 4: who I needed to be to be effective, and frankly, 964 00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:56,399 Speaker 4: at the time when I was in college. It wasn't 965 00:51:56,440 --> 00:51:59,680 Speaker 4: about God, it was about doing the news. So I 966 00:51:59,719 --> 00:52:03,239 Speaker 4: think God is using this to bring me in a 967 00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:06,120 Speaker 4: new place, like you know, all things work together for 968 00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:12,160 Speaker 4: good that I believe that you can't write the script. 969 00:52:12,680 --> 00:52:16,759 Speaker 3: Yeah, facts, facts fast, Yes, and that's not at least 970 00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:18,880 Speaker 3: What does God's grace look like in the middle of 971 00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:21,360 Speaker 3: depression and not after you come out of it, but 972 00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:22,440 Speaker 3: while you're still in it. 973 00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:29,200 Speaker 4: God's grace, Oh my goodness, I'm still learning. I'm still learning. 974 00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:34,560 Speaker 4: I'm still leaning on that. It means perfection is out 975 00:52:34,600 --> 00:52:40,359 Speaker 4: the door. I read just recently He's perfect. Yeah. And 976 00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:43,960 Speaker 4: you know, when you start realizing you're not perfect, you 977 00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:46,760 Speaker 4: can deal with other people as if they're not perfect 978 00:52:47,080 --> 00:52:51,000 Speaker 4: and you're not expecting perfection from them. So that that 979 00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:53,279 Speaker 4: leads to how to treat my husband, It leads to 980 00:52:53,280 --> 00:52:55,320 Speaker 4: how to treat my daughter, It leads to how to 981 00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:58,400 Speaker 4: treat people I work with. Oh, you messed up? Okay, 982 00:52:59,160 --> 00:53:02,560 Speaker 4: And I really recently my next book is about faith 983 00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:06,120 Speaker 4: for our daughters, passing it on. And I said in 984 00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:12,520 Speaker 4: a sermon children should first receive grace either in their 985 00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:17,239 Speaker 4: home or in the church. Where do you find the 986 00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:20,640 Speaker 4: picture of grace. How will I understand what grace is 987 00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:25,400 Speaker 4: unless I've really received it at home first. So in 988 00:53:25,480 --> 00:53:28,919 Speaker 4: order to receive grace, I don't have to mess up sometimes, right, Yeah, 989 00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:31,279 Speaker 4: I've had to give it. I've had to give it 990 00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:34,560 Speaker 4: to myself. I've had to say I didn't do that perfectly, 991 00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:37,879 Speaker 4: I didn't do it the best. I have to give 992 00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:40,600 Speaker 4: myself grace. I have to give others grace, and so 993 00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:46,080 Speaker 4: for me it's an ongoing reminder that God is the 994 00:53:46,360 --> 00:53:50,520 Speaker 4: only perfect one and he gives us grace every day. 995 00:53:51,200 --> 00:53:54,520 Speaker 4: And my thank you to God is to give that 996 00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:59,520 Speaker 4: grace to others as well as myself. And sometimes again, 997 00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:02,799 Speaker 4: given it toell selves can be the hardest, but that 998 00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:06,120 Speaker 4: can help with your depression too. Today I don't feel it. 999 00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:08,960 Speaker 4: The day is not a good day. I'm gonna do 1000 00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:11,000 Speaker 4: the best. And I say that in here because that 1001 00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:13,960 Speaker 4: really got me through. I'm just gonna do what I 1002 00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:16,959 Speaker 4: have to do. What to do? What meeting? 1003 00:54:17,040 --> 00:54:17,120 Speaker 3: Do? 1004 00:54:17,200 --> 00:54:20,000 Speaker 4: I have to go to this? What we gonna eat? 1005 00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:23,840 Speaker 4: Ca cereal? Because I am not able to do more. 1006 00:54:24,239 --> 00:54:27,800 Speaker 4: I am to rest to you know, do what brings 1007 00:54:27,880 --> 00:54:28,360 Speaker 4: me joy. 1008 00:54:28,520 --> 00:54:30,920 Speaker 3: At this point, I'm just curious, what are you teaching 1009 00:54:30,920 --> 00:54:33,759 Speaker 3: your daughter about honoring her feelings and taking care of 1010 00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:34,520 Speaker 3: her mental health. 1011 00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:40,920 Speaker 4: Oh that's really, really, really good. She's fifteen. Now. I 1012 00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:44,000 Speaker 4: try to use some of the tools I've used in 1013 00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:47,040 Speaker 4: this book occasional lablack what are you looking forward to? 1014 00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:50,640 Speaker 4: Because that's also a method and a tool I use. 1015 00:54:50,719 --> 00:54:53,080 Speaker 4: You gotta have something to look forward to. Life can't 1016 00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:56,520 Speaker 4: be all about routine and work or whatever. And she'll say, oh, 1017 00:54:56,520 --> 00:54:59,520 Speaker 4: I'm looking forward to this or that. I'll ask her 1018 00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:02,640 Speaker 4: what do you rate your day as? And she'll tell me, 1019 00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:05,359 Speaker 4: and what could be better? What could you have done? 1020 00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:08,920 Speaker 4: Why is it like that? So we're beginning to figure 1021 00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:13,719 Speaker 4: out ways to express ourselves and be okay with having 1022 00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:16,840 Speaker 4: a day that's a four out of ten and recognizing 1023 00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:19,479 Speaker 4: someday you're gonna have eight and nine and it's gonna 1024 00:55:19,520 --> 00:55:22,520 Speaker 4: be great and other days it's just gonna Because that's 1025 00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:25,360 Speaker 4: a part of it, too, is living in the mundane, 1026 00:55:25,600 --> 00:55:29,160 Speaker 4: because life can be pretty Monday. So how do I 1027 00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:32,560 Speaker 4: get through that and live through that? I didn't embrace 1028 00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:35,520 Speaker 4: it it. Sometimes it can be as simple as having 1029 00:55:35,560 --> 00:55:39,120 Speaker 4: something to look forward to or creating something to look 1030 00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:39,600 Speaker 4: forward to. 1031 00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:43,279 Speaker 3: Yeah, well, because here I'm so happy that we were 1032 00:55:43,320 --> 00:55:45,200 Speaker 3: able to do this hot. Like I said, I was 1033 00:55:45,239 --> 00:55:47,160 Speaker 3: like following her for a while and I wanted to 1034 00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:48,160 Speaker 3: reach out to her before, and. 1035 00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:49,319 Speaker 2: I'm like, I didn't even reach out to her. 1036 00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:52,000 Speaker 3: So I think that your book Navigating the Blues is 1037 00:55:52,080 --> 00:55:54,920 Speaker 3: just such a good resource to use when you are 1038 00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:57,080 Speaker 3: trying to just figure things out. Like I definitely was 1039 00:55:57,160 --> 00:56:00,560 Speaker 3: highlighting marketing it up and down. So I'm really excited 1040 00:56:00,560 --> 00:56:02,719 Speaker 3: that you was able to come on the show and 1041 00:56:02,880 --> 00:56:04,040 Speaker 3: talk about your book with me. 1042 00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:07,600 Speaker 4: Thank you so much for reaching out to me. This 1043 00:56:07,680 --> 00:56:11,480 Speaker 4: has been amazing conversation and people can order the books 1044 00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:14,160 Speaker 4: anywhere books are sold, and I actually have everything on 1045 00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:18,560 Speaker 4: my website, which is Katerrapaton dot com. Good and last 1046 00:56:18,600 --> 00:56:20,520 Speaker 4: one not least because since you are one of God's 1047 00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:23,399 Speaker 4: favorite people, you have a direct line to Him. When 1048 00:56:23,440 --> 00:56:26,080 Speaker 4: I have people of your caliber on the show, I 1049 00:56:26,239 --> 00:56:29,000 Speaker 4: always ask you to lead us or end us with 1050 00:56:29,080 --> 00:56:32,320 Speaker 4: a prayer for any of those who are dealing with depression, greed, 1051 00:56:32,880 --> 00:56:35,080 Speaker 4: or just navigating the blues, because this has been a 1052 00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:39,920 Speaker 4: tough year for many of us and yes it still is, 1053 00:56:40,080 --> 00:56:42,600 Speaker 4: you know, and the holidays are coming up. Clearly, we 1054 00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:46,160 Speaker 4: didn't even touch on that, but clearly the holidays without 1055 00:56:46,160 --> 00:56:48,960 Speaker 4: a loved one, it's really hard. Some people have complex 1056 00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:52,480 Speaker 4: family structures that make it even hard. So God, we 1057 00:56:52,600 --> 00:56:56,360 Speaker 4: asked that you just be with all those who are listening, 1058 00:56:56,520 --> 00:57:00,560 Speaker 4: all those who are receiving this information, that you just 1059 00:57:00,760 --> 00:57:04,520 Speaker 4: help them to first know you love them and that 1060 00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:07,840 Speaker 4: you sent Jesus for them, and if anyone has not 1061 00:57:07,960 --> 00:57:10,919 Speaker 4: accepted him, that you would show them the way, give 1062 00:57:10,960 --> 00:57:14,760 Speaker 4: them light, give them peace, give them understanding. Dear God, 1063 00:57:14,880 --> 00:57:17,920 Speaker 4: I asked that you be with anyone who is not 1064 00:57:18,040 --> 00:57:22,720 Speaker 4: feeling like themselves, perhaps nom are low, are just in 1065 00:57:22,880 --> 00:57:26,040 Speaker 4: just such a bad place that they don't know how 1066 00:57:26,040 --> 00:57:28,600 Speaker 4: to lift up their head. God, I asked that your 1067 00:57:28,640 --> 00:57:31,760 Speaker 4: spirit would touch them right now, that they would know 1068 00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:34,520 Speaker 4: that you see them and hear them, and you can 1069 00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:38,080 Speaker 4: direct them toward a place to get help. Dear God, 1070 00:57:38,560 --> 00:57:40,919 Speaker 4: I asked that you just continue to be with Ebaney 1071 00:57:40,960 --> 00:57:45,360 Speaker 4: and her show and her work, her enthusiasm, her goals. 1072 00:57:45,400 --> 00:57:48,440 Speaker 4: Dear God, I asked that you bless her so that 1073 00:57:48,560 --> 00:57:51,920 Speaker 4: she might continue to be a blessing. God. I love you, 1074 00:57:52,440 --> 00:57:55,320 Speaker 4: I praise you, and I just thank you for what 1075 00:57:55,360 --> 00:57:57,920 Speaker 4: you've done in my life and how you've helped me 1076 00:57:58,040 --> 00:58:00,560 Speaker 4: navigate the blues since name. 1077 00:58:00,960 --> 00:58:03,800 Speaker 3: Amen, Amen, that's what I'm talking about. 1078 00:58:03,880 --> 00:58:04,120 Speaker 4: Child. 1079 00:58:04,160 --> 00:58:06,720 Speaker 2: I know God, I'm comforta with a blessing after that prayer. 1080 00:58:08,240 --> 00:58:10,440 Speaker 4: Amen man Amen, we all received that. 1081 00:58:10,800 --> 00:58:13,200 Speaker 3: Yes, And before we leave this last one, what is 1082 00:58:13,240 --> 00:58:15,960 Speaker 3: your advice for anybody that's dealing with depression of grief 1083 00:58:16,040 --> 00:58:17,760 Speaker 3: during the holiday season, Because, like I said, my friend 1084 00:58:17,840 --> 00:58:20,600 Speaker 3: lost her mom. So this is the first Thanksgiving she 1085 00:58:21,200 --> 00:58:24,120 Speaker 3: celebrated without her mom and it was really challenging. So 1086 00:58:24,440 --> 00:58:26,080 Speaker 3: what would you say to those who's dealing with that. 1087 00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:31,240 Speaker 4: I actually, in my newsletter, I just released it yesterday, 1088 00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:34,480 Speaker 4: I shared a blurb on holidays and the Blues and 1089 00:58:34,520 --> 00:58:37,520 Speaker 4: you can subscribe to that newsletter a Kata Patton dot com. 1090 00:58:37,840 --> 00:58:41,920 Speaker 4: But it talks about be okay with breaking traditions. Sometimes 1091 00:58:41,920 --> 00:58:44,160 Speaker 4: we feel like we got to do exactly what we 1092 00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:47,720 Speaker 4: did when mama was here, when your grandmother was fat. No, 1093 00:58:47,880 --> 00:58:51,320 Speaker 4: it's it's different. You can acknowledge it, you can say it. 1094 00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:56,360 Speaker 4: I li literally have given myself permission to not go 1095 00:58:56,480 --> 00:59:00,640 Speaker 4: home sometimes on Thanksgiving or Christmas because I have a 1096 00:59:00,680 --> 00:59:04,000 Speaker 4: family here and things are different, and that's hard because 1097 00:59:04,080 --> 00:59:07,440 Speaker 4: I always went home. My mom was a Christmas person 1098 00:59:08,480 --> 00:59:12,080 Speaker 4: Christmas Street decked ole presence all the time. She gave 1099 00:59:12,160 --> 00:59:14,760 Speaker 4: us presents when she was in our hospital bed. So 1100 00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:18,240 Speaker 4: it's really understanding that this is a different holiday now 1101 00:59:18,480 --> 00:59:22,280 Speaker 4: and it looks different, creating different traditions. If you can't 1102 00:59:22,480 --> 00:59:24,240 Speaker 4: go to dinner, you don't have to go to dinner, 1103 00:59:24,560 --> 00:59:26,880 Speaker 4: it's one dinner. You know, you can see your family 1104 00:59:26,960 --> 00:59:29,600 Speaker 4: other times you can meet them somewhere else. But don't 1105 00:59:29,600 --> 00:59:32,880 Speaker 4: be afraid to break traditions and honor you and what 1106 00:59:32,920 --> 00:59:35,960 Speaker 4: you're feeling. It's okay, yeah, Cati, are you're good? 1107 00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:38,120 Speaker 3: Because my therapist told me that too when my grandmother 1108 00:59:38,120 --> 00:59:41,560 Speaker 3: passed away, and she says, okay, the start new traditions, 1109 00:59:41,600 --> 00:59:43,760 Speaker 3: like you don't have to stick to the traditions that 1110 00:59:43,800 --> 00:59:45,800 Speaker 3: you were accustomed to when this person was here, Like 1111 00:59:45,840 --> 00:59:47,200 Speaker 3: it's time to start something new. 1112 00:59:48,520 --> 00:59:51,280 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's okay to do something new. 1113 00:59:51,600 --> 00:59:53,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, and tell us where we can follow you, at, 1114 00:59:53,400 --> 00:59:55,080 Speaker 3: where we can support you. Where we have your website. 1115 00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:56,280 Speaker 3: But I know you're on social media. 1116 00:59:56,840 --> 01:00:00,760 Speaker 4: The website is kat A r A he A T 1117 01:00:00,760 --> 01:00:03,600 Speaker 4: t O N just my name dot com. I'm on 1118 01:00:03,680 --> 01:00:07,400 Speaker 4: Facebook and that's on the KATARO Washington patent and I'm 1119 01:00:07,400 --> 01:00:10,880 Speaker 4: on ig so I have a substack page. I haven't 1120 01:00:10,920 --> 01:00:13,200 Speaker 4: started really writing, but I will so you can find 1121 01:00:13,240 --> 01:00:14,440 Speaker 4: me there as well. Yeah. 1122 01:00:14,520 --> 01:00:15,880 Speaker 3: Then when I say in Chicago, I gotta come to 1123 01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:17,080 Speaker 3: your church to get that good old. 1124 01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:22,520 Speaker 4: Word in absolutely right so you can hear from the Lord. Yes, yes, yes, 1125 01:00:22,720 --> 01:00:23,760 Speaker 4: please keep in touch. 1126 01:00:24,240 --> 01:00:26,320 Speaker 3: Oh I am, I am, I promise you. I actually 1127 01:00:26,320 --> 01:00:28,240 Speaker 3: got two questions to ask you off the air. But 1128 01:00:29,160 --> 01:00:31,640 Speaker 3: thank you, Thank you so much, Katerry. This was such 1129 01:00:31,680 --> 01:00:34,600 Speaker 3: a joy and I feel like this is the perfect season. 1130 01:00:34,920 --> 01:00:37,600 Speaker 3: Yes that I want everybody to support your book Navigating 1131 01:00:37,640 --> 01:00:39,520 Speaker 3: the Blues, because I feel like this has been a 1132 01:00:39,560 --> 01:00:41,560 Speaker 3: really tough year for so many of us, so I 1133 01:00:41,560 --> 01:00:43,880 Speaker 3: think this was right on time. So thank you so much. 1134 01:00:44,400 --> 01:00:49,560 Speaker 3: Until next time, everyone, Later you want to say. 1135 01:00:49,360 --> 01:00:51,240 Speaker 4: Bye, y'a'll be good, be well. 1136 01:00:52,160 --> 01:01:02,440 Speaker 3: Yes, pretty private production of the Black Effect podcast Network. 1137 01:01:02,680 --> 01:01:07,720 Speaker 3: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, 1138 01:01:08,160 --> 01:01:11,320 Speaker 3: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget 1139 01:01:11,360 --> 01:01:14,760 Speaker 3: to subscribe and rate the show, and you can connect 1140 01:01:14,760 --> 01:01:18,000 Speaker 3: with me on social media at Pretty Private Podcasts