1
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:04,200
Speaker 1: This is John. This is your og okay Storytime podcast hosts,

2
00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:06,840
Speaker 1: and we have some rocking stories for you coming up.

3
00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:09,639
Speaker 1: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

4
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:11,479
Speaker 1: got a quick chum in an ad break from a

5
00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:15,360
Speaker 1: sponsors keeping the show rocking and rolling. My boyfriend told

6
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:18,599
Speaker 1: me to leave if I ever wanted marriage, so I

7
00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:21,759
Speaker 1: finally did. Good for you, Good for you. I forty

8
00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:25,520
Speaker 1: four female, live in a small town population about two thousand.

9
00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:30,240
Speaker 1: I've been dating my boyfriend, fifty two male for eight years.

10
00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:33,559
Speaker 1: We were at a holiday party in December with probably

11
00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,879
Speaker 1: two hundred guests. Someone asked when we were planning to

12
00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:41,880
Speaker 1: get married. My boyfriend said never. People continued to press

13
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:45,040
Speaker 1: the subject, so I said that neither of us wanted

14
00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:47,600
Speaker 1: to get married currently, but if it changed, we'd be

15
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:49,720
Speaker 1: sure to let them know. By the way, this comes

16
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:52,159
Speaker 1: from user only measurement thirty two to forty seven, and

17
00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,160
Speaker 1: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

18
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:58,080
Speaker 1: the r slash okay Storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota, I'm Keon,

19
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:01,720
Speaker 1: I'm Carly and d We're aready give good advice, goofilly,

20
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:05,120
Speaker 1: but we're not perfect and we haven't experienced every single.

21
00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:08,360
Speaker 2: Story that we read, so if you've.

22
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,240
Speaker 1: Gone through something like this, let us know what you

23
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:14,400
Speaker 1: would do in the comments, Opie says. My boyfriend then

24
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:18,200
Speaker 1: said quote, if you ever change your mind about marriage,

25
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,760
Speaker 1: don't bother talking to me about it. Just move on

26
00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:24,160
Speaker 1: and find a man who wants to marry you. Everyone

27
00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:29,480
Speaker 1: was staring. I cried. We went home. He's brought it

28
00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:32,280
Speaker 1: up a couple of times since then, but it's not

29
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:35,280
Speaker 1: really something I see a point in discussing. He's made

30
00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:37,120
Speaker 1: it clear from day one that he doesn't want to

31
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:40,200
Speaker 1: get married, and I don't want to either. I wouldn't

32
00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:43,959
Speaker 1: have said what he did in public, but it's the truth.

33
00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:47,560
Speaker 1: The way he said it embarrassed me, and it hurt

34
00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:50,280
Speaker 1: my feelings that he was so flippant about breaking up

35
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:53,160
Speaker 1: and going our separate ways after eight years of being

36
00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,120
Speaker 1: in love. But again, it's nothing I didn't know from

37
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:59,720
Speaker 1: private conversations, which is exactly what that should have been.

38
00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:03,640
Speaker 1: Every Tuesday, we have dinner with friends at this Mexican restaurant.

39
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,040
Speaker 1: Last night, at dinner, a guy that I know socially

40
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,160
Speaker 1: from living in the same small town walked up and

41
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,960
Speaker 1: said that he knew I was exclusively dating my boyfriend

42
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,960
Speaker 1: but just wanted to say that I should call him

43
00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:19,639
Speaker 1: if I ever decided that I wanted a serious relationship.

44
00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:24,000
Speaker 1: Then he looked at my boyfriend and said, nothing personal. Man,

45
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:25,840
Speaker 1: I know we go way back, but if she ever

46
00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,720
Speaker 1: decides she wants more than casual dating, it would be

47
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:31,560
Speaker 1: over between you two. Anyway. What is going on? I

48
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,560
Speaker 1: feel like I'm being punk? What did he say wrong?

49
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,519
Speaker 1: Where did he lie? No, that guy didn't lie at all,

50
00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:39,280
Speaker 1: and he said it right to his face.

51
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:42,640
Speaker 3: I like how this is always happening in like a

52
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:43,600
Speaker 3: public space.

53
00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:46,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, we try that in a small especially in a

54
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:47,120
Speaker 1: small town.

55
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:50,560
Speaker 3: In a small town, that's gonna spread like wildfire.

56
00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:54,320
Speaker 1: Clearly it already did. Being confronted about it at dinner,

57
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:58,880
Speaker 1: that's wild. After we got home, my boyfriend was upset

58
00:02:58,919 --> 00:03:01,359
Speaker 1: with me for not making it clear that we have

59
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:04,640
Speaker 1: more than a casual relationship. I told him that I

60
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:08,720
Speaker 1: wasn't the one that made our relationship status unclear, and

61
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,359
Speaker 1: if he felt something was misunderstood, he could have set

62
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:15,040
Speaker 1: things straight himself. And we have some relevant comments. Let's

63
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:18,880
Speaker 1: read some of them. Shall we take? The red leaf?

64
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:23,320
Speaker 1: Said lmao. The balls on that guy are genuinely impressive.

65
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:26,040
Speaker 1: I mean, are you interested. I kind of think you

66
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:30,359
Speaker 1: should be a wel your boyfriend is temporary. This seems

67
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,480
Speaker 1: as good at jumping off a point as any Opie replies.

68
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:36,880
Speaker 1: He's good looking, successful, smart, funny, never married, no kids,

69
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:39,200
Speaker 1: was a bit of a womanizer when he was younger,

70
00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:40,880
Speaker 1: but he's made it pretty clear in the past few

71
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,800
Speaker 1: years that he's looking to settle down and get married.

72
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,440
Speaker 1: Checks a lot of boxes if a girl was looking

73
00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,600
Speaker 1: to get married, I'm just not and there is an update.

74
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:52,960
Speaker 1: And I do know of one relationship specifically where they

75
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,920
Speaker 1: just never got married. They have kids, they never got married,

76
00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:58,000
Speaker 1: they never wanted to get married. Do we know why

77
00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:01,920
Speaker 1: your partner op doesn't want to get married? I think

78
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,400
Speaker 1: before we read it, my advice would just be like

79
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,760
Speaker 1: get clear, Like just have a conversation with your partner,

80
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,760
Speaker 1: get super clear and make it clear how you felt.

81
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,520
Speaker 1: Use like the eye statements of like I felt embarrassed

82
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,760
Speaker 1: just from the way you spoke about our relationship, like

83
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,520
Speaker 1: it you could throw it away at any moment.

84
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:23,560
Speaker 3: And also if someone was saying that straight to your

85
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:27,760
Speaker 3: face at a restaurant and you didn't like stand up

86
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:33,520
Speaker 3: for that or yeah, that like one there's gonna be

87
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:37,200
Speaker 3: a major change in either either your relationship or how

88
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:40,760
Speaker 3: you see things because the fact that some some guy

89
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:44,880
Speaker 3: who you know apparently well enough to be well enough. Hey, brother,

90
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:49,239
Speaker 3: you're not treating her right enough. I'll fill that spot

91
00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:52,000
Speaker 3: for you. I'll take that spot because you're not doing it.

92
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,200
Speaker 3: You're not doing the right job. Give her a business card.

93
00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:57,120
Speaker 3: He's just having like he's having like the fahidas.

94
00:04:57,279 --> 00:05:00,320
Speaker 1: He's like, okay, yeah, like where where it was the

95
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,840
Speaker 1: like standing up and being like, actually, we do have

96
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:07,279
Speaker 1: a serious relationship. We're just not getting married. Unfair to

97
00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:09,480
Speaker 1: put that on her, to say, yeah, when you were

98
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,560
Speaker 1: also sitting right there, we do have an update, let's

99
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:16,200
Speaker 1: get into it. One month later after posting, I did

100
00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:19,640
Speaker 1: a lot of reflection on our relationship. One day, I

101
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,920
Speaker 1: just packed what I had at his house and brought

102
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:24,200
Speaker 1: it all to my house while he was at work.

103
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,320
Speaker 1: When he came home, I told him that I had

104
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,159
Speaker 1: moved my things out and I wasn't going to be

105
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:32,200
Speaker 1: around anymore. I gave him his house key. My boyfriend

106
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,920
Speaker 1: feels blindsided by my moving out. He doesn't understand how

107
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,000
Speaker 1: we went from happy and peaceful to me moving out

108
00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:41,720
Speaker 1: and living an hour plus away when essentially nothing changed.

109
00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:45,040
Speaker 1: I still have feelings for him, but it wasn't nearly

110
00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:47,520
Speaker 1: as painful as I expected it to be. I have

111
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:50,000
Speaker 1: too many hard feelings towards him for the way he

112
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,400
Speaker 1: treated me and my kids, especially in the beginning of

113
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:57,599
Speaker 1: our relationship, to try to salvage anything between us, and

114
00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:02,080
Speaker 1: I most definitely have too much resentment towards his youngest son,

115
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:05,240
Speaker 1: twenty four male to ever consider working on things and

116
00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:08,159
Speaker 1: trying to be anything that resembles a family with either

117
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:11,240
Speaker 1: of them. Eight years and I packed everything I had

118
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:14,440
Speaker 1: there in two hours, like I was never there. WHOA

119
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:18,400
Speaker 1: okay that I think what happened? I think we're about

120
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:21,000
Speaker 1: to get the lowdown on exactly where this is all

121
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,760
Speaker 1: coming from. But it sounds like y'all had way more

122
00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:28,160
Speaker 1: issues than this conversation that happened at you know, a

123
00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:29,120
Speaker 1: social function.

124
00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:33,040
Speaker 3: Yeah where Yeah, this context came out of left field,

125
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,880
Speaker 3: and I feel like we're going to get yeah gist

126
00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,240
Speaker 3: of that what yeah led up to this because that

127
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:39,679
Speaker 3: was a lot to unpack.

128
00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:44,240
Speaker 1: So during the first couple of years, I did tell

129
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,880
Speaker 1: him how he made me feel, but his answer was

130
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:49,600
Speaker 1: always this is the deal. Take it or leave it.

131
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,440
Speaker 1: It took eight years, but I decided to leave it.

132
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:55,440
Speaker 1: I suppose at some point I emotionally checked out of

133
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:58,600
Speaker 1: the relationship and just sort of let things be. Many

134
00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,039
Speaker 1: of the issues have just sorted them out with time,

135
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:05,320
Speaker 1: but the underlying hurt is still raw. My house doesn't

136
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,200
Speaker 1: feel like home to me anymore. I've been staying with

137
00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:11,400
Speaker 1: my children, who are away from home attending college. I've

138
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,520
Speaker 1: completely moved out of my house, and I officially put

139
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:16,120
Speaker 1: it on the market last Friday. For now, I'll just

140
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,200
Speaker 1: commute to work until I figure out what I want

141
00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:23,280
Speaker 1: to do going forward. And there are some more comments. First,

142
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:26,040
Speaker 1: let me say I'm absolutely amazed by all your kind

143
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,760
Speaker 1: words and well wishes. I can't believe how kind and

144
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:31,480
Speaker 1: supportive you guys have been. I'll address a couple of

145
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:35,920
Speaker 1: the most common comments and questions first. I guess the

146
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:39,000
Speaker 1: most popular is about the guy from the Mexican restaurant

147
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:40,320
Speaker 1: who just showed up.

148
00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:43,640
Speaker 3: The guy who's like, Ah, if you're not gonna do

149
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,080
Speaker 3: it for her, I'll do it for her.

150
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:49,360
Speaker 1: Here's my guard professional husband, give me a call. I've

151
00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:52,200
Speaker 1: spoken to him since. But it's not the fairy tale

152
00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:54,640
Speaker 1: ending you guys are dreaming of I'm definitely not in

153
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,600
Speaker 1: a place where I'm ready to date. I can't remember

154
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,680
Speaker 1: his exact words, but the gist was he'd be happy

155
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,720
Speaker 1: to take me out sometime, but he was just being

156
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:06,000
Speaker 1: annoying to my ex boyfriend on purpose because of what

157
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:08,480
Speaker 1: he had said at the party and other things that

158
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,960
Speaker 1: he'd seen boyfriend do over the years. Very anti climactic,

159
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:15,600
Speaker 1: I'm afraid, although he does frequently work around where I'm living,

160
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:19,960
Speaker 1: so who knows what the future holds. Second financial concerns,

161
00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:21,960
Speaker 1: If you guys want to take back all your I'm

162
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,760
Speaker 1: proud of you comments, I understand. I really have no

163
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:28,440
Speaker 1: excuse for staying. I'm well educated. I earn a good living,

164
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:32,920
Speaker 1: well above six figures. I wasn't always, but I literally

165
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,640
Speaker 1: spent twenty years going back to school time and time again.

166
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:39,199
Speaker 1: For the past few years, I've made significantly more money

167
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:42,320
Speaker 1: than my ex boyfriend. I really have no excuse for

168
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:46,079
Speaker 1: why I stayed so long. If I could touch on that,

169
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:50,160
Speaker 1: it becomes intoxicating when we let life happen to us

170
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:53,520
Speaker 1: because it simplifies a lot of stuff. When you don't

171
00:08:53,600 --> 00:09:00,000
Speaker 1: feel the need to exert your willon the world around you,

172
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:03,040
Speaker 1: everything gets easier to comprehend.

173
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:06,000
Speaker 3: It's just you settled. You settled, and you're just like,

174
00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:08,360
Speaker 3: I'm okay where I'm at right.

175
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:12,320
Speaker 1: You just convince yourself or whatever. But it's like, you know,

176
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:17,800
Speaker 1: growth mindset is so important. Growth mindset versus a stagnant mindset,

177
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:19,679
Speaker 1: where it's like the things that I do and the

178
00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:21,679
Speaker 1: things that I think and the things that I want

179
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:26,800
Speaker 1: all matter, and I can take active steps to further

180
00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,680
Speaker 1: get to them and change the things around me to

181
00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:33,480
Speaker 1: be better. That's a growth mindset. The stagnation mindset is

182
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,040
Speaker 1: it's like, ah, there's nothing I can do. It is

183
00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:40,079
Speaker 1: what it is. It's good enough. I guess you know,

184
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:43,679
Speaker 1: it could always be worse. It's like that's and then

185
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:46,320
Speaker 1: that contributes to this You're in this relationship for eight

186
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:53,960
Speaker 1: years for no reason, apparently final comments. Uh thinks ying says, Honestly,

187
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:55,800
Speaker 1: the fact that you guys have been dating for eight

188
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:57,640
Speaker 1: years and it took you less than two hours to

189
00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:01,440
Speaker 1: pack is very telling. This guy did not give you

190
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,800
Speaker 1: space or respect in his like that's actually, that's such

191
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,280
Speaker 1: a good point. I didn't really even think of that.

192
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,720
Speaker 1: I just thought, Opepe might have been really good at packing. Yeah,

193
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:11,079
Speaker 1: but it's like two hours. You got to do everything.

194
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,200
Speaker 3: Two hours into eight years.

195
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:18,120
Speaker 1: Yeah. I always maintained my own home in town, and

196
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,600
Speaker 1: I honestly loved the house I bought for my college

197
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:24,080
Speaker 1: age kids. I moved all of my life treasures there

198
00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:27,240
Speaker 1: when I bought it. Okay, so all of Opie's life

199
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,120
Speaker 1: is in this other house that our kids are in

200
00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:33,000
Speaker 1: right now. I had mostly just clothes and toiletries at

201
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,920
Speaker 1: his place. My male didn't even come to his house

202
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,640
Speaker 1: five oh three, B says. And I most definitely have

203
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,320
Speaker 1: too much resentment towards his youngest son. That the comment

204
00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:46,120
Speaker 1: about the youngest son. Give me some info about that, please,

205
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:51,040
Speaker 1: Opie says. My husband passed away. I was a single mom.

206
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:56,120
Speaker 1: Boyfriend's youngest was seventeen when we introduced our kids. He

207
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,640
Speaker 1: hated me and my children and did anything he could

208
00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:01,880
Speaker 1: think of to cause us. Miss I can't think of everything.

209
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,760
Speaker 1: But if we were planning to go out to dinner

210
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:07,240
Speaker 1: and invited him, sometimes he'd refuse to come, like he'd

211
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,560
Speaker 1: say that he'd have dinner with his dad only, And

212
00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:12,560
Speaker 1: if his dad said, okay, let's have dinner just us tomorrow,

213
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,720
Speaker 1: he'd start with the guilt until boyfriend broke our plans.

214
00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:18,400
Speaker 1: Last time he did that, he was twenty or twenty one,

215
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,920
Speaker 1: so definitely not a kid. One year, he threw a

216
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:23,679
Speaker 1: fit at Christmas because he got wind that his dad

217
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,760
Speaker 1: had got my kids a few things. I bought stuff

218
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:29,559
Speaker 1: for him and his older brother as well. He was

219
00:11:29,679 --> 00:11:32,680
Speaker 1: nineteen at the time. Boyfriend returned the stuff he got

220
00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:35,440
Speaker 1: my kids and told me to do the same. Said

221
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,360
Speaker 1: from then on, we'd each only buy for our own kids.

222
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:44,760
Speaker 1: That's not that's not very sustainable. For his twenty first birthday,

223
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:47,319
Speaker 1: he had a party at a restaurant on a day

224
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:50,000
Speaker 1: I got off late. He told them one less person

225
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,600
Speaker 1: than needed when he made the reservation, so when I

226
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:55,040
Speaker 1: arrived there was no place for me to sit. We

227
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,520
Speaker 1: went on a vacation that I paid for and invited

228
00:11:57,559 --> 00:11:59,800
Speaker 1: him on, and he threw a fit because his dad

229
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:02,840
Speaker 1: was paying attention to everyone. He insisted that he was

230
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:06,440
Speaker 1: leaving if boyfriend didn't leave the AIRBNBI rented and rent

231
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:09,200
Speaker 1: them their own hotel room and not see us until

232
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:12,160
Speaker 1: the end of the trip, which boyfriend did. We didn't

233
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,000
Speaker 1: see each other until we got home. Thank goodness. My

234
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,800
Speaker 1: son had driven his car because my daughter and I

235
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:21,480
Speaker 1: had rode with boyfriend. He would randomly call and tell

236
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,760
Speaker 1: his dad he wanted to hang out at his house

237
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,880
Speaker 1: for a bit, but wanted me and my kids to leave.

238
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,520
Speaker 1: Boyfriend told us to go out to dinner or something

239
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,560
Speaker 1: and he'd text when we could come back. I'm ashamed

240
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,160
Speaker 1: to say I did once before I put my foot

241
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,680
Speaker 1: down and told boyfriend if we left, we would be

242
00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:39,680
Speaker 1: coming back. Probably a dozen or more times after that,

243
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:43,120
Speaker 1: he still called and tried and threatened to never speak

244
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:46,520
Speaker 1: to boyfriend again. Probably more stuff, but you get the idea.

245
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:50,679
Speaker 1: That's complex, but that's the end of that story.

246
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,559
Speaker 3: My boyfriend thinks I'm just a pretty face. Now I'm

247
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:55,520
Speaker 3: starting to doubt us.

248
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,280
Speaker 1: Well, you don't have to doubt that you're pretty at least.

249
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,120
Speaker 3: The other day, my boyfriend one male, and I twenty

250
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,400
Speaker 3: one female. We're talking on the phone when he told

251
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,440
Speaker 3: me about his friend's twenty three male relationship and asked

252
00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:10,040
Speaker 3: for my opinion because he wanted the female perspective. His

253
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:13,400
Speaker 3: friend had been dating a girl nineteen who did not

254
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:16,000
Speaker 3: share his religion. He really wanted her to have the

255
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,480
Speaker 3: same beliefs, so she decided to convert for him and

256
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:20,960
Speaker 3: practice his religion.

257
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,720
Speaker 1: Oh, she's losing her religion.

258
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:27,360
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from user Educational Cry twenty

259
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,319
Speaker 3: eight seventy eight, and if you want submit your own stories,

260
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,560
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay storytime subrenden. I'm Keon,

261
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:36,040
Speaker 3: I'm Dakota, I'm Carly. So we'll try to give our

262
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,280
Speaker 3: best advice. But we haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves,

263
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,400
Speaker 3: so if you have, let us know in the comments.

264
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:42,720
Speaker 1: Op says.

265
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:48,240
Speaker 3: Eventually her family disowned her. WHOA causing her serious problem?

266
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:52,120
Speaker 1: Is not that serious. It's just your family disowning you

267
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,199
Speaker 1: over religion. No, that's very serious.

268
00:13:55,679 --> 00:13:57,800
Speaker 3: They were in a long distance relationship at the time.

269
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:01,280
Speaker 3: She converted later and they finally met in person and

270
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:04,520
Speaker 3: spent two weeks together. He decided he did not have

271
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,240
Speaker 3: feelings for her and broke up with her.

272
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:08,319
Speaker 1: Holy wow.

273
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,880
Speaker 3: Two days after the breakup, he told my boyfriend that

274
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:13,840
Speaker 3: he regretted it and thought he still loved her. This

275
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,760
Speaker 3: is when my boyfriend asked for my opinion. I tried

276
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,800
Speaker 3: to stay neutral and told him I thought his friends

277
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:21,000
Speaker 3: should not get back with her because he had already

278
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:24,160
Speaker 3: decided he did not love her. He would just be

279
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,760
Speaker 3: wasting both their time. I added that if he was

280
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:29,080
Speaker 3: a good person, he should leave her alone, since he

281
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:31,520
Speaker 3: had already caused enough trouble in her life and then

282
00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:33,880
Speaker 3: threw her away after spending just two weeks with her.

283
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,520
Speaker 3: My boyfriend then told me he thinks his friend should

284
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:39,800
Speaker 3: get back with her because the girl is pretty nice

285
00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:43,520
Speaker 3: and actually loves him. I told him that was unfair

286
00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:46,320
Speaker 3: because he would be taking advantage of her. You do

287
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:49,640
Speaker 3: not love someone just because they're attractive. That is when

288
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:53,560
Speaker 3: he told me I'm such a feminist and that I

289
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,160
Speaker 3: do not have to make everything about feminism.

290
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,800
Speaker 1: It's feminist to just like actually like the person.

291
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,600
Speaker 3: Irritating, He said I was not being realistic, that I

292
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,600
Speaker 3: do not know the girl to be on her side,

293
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:09,240
Speaker 3: and that I watch way too many women empowerment videos.

294
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,920
Speaker 3: I explained that this had nothing to do with feminism.

295
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:14,240
Speaker 3: If the roles were reversed and it was my friend

296
00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,520
Speaker 3: telling me she did this to a guy, I would

297
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,000
Speaker 3: still tell her to leave him alone because she caused

298
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:22,080
Speaker 3: enough damage already. I would lose all respect for her.

299
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,840
Speaker 3: You're not supposed to toy with people's feelings or life,

300
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,880
Speaker 3: regardless of gender. I told him I was speaking from

301
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:32,320
Speaker 3: basic human decency. My beliefs are built on a solid foundation.

302
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:36,080
Speaker 3: I'm not an idiot. I'm a feminist and always will

303
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,400
Speaker 3: be proud of that. But this conversation had nothing to

304
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:41,040
Speaker 3: do with it. He seemed very biased towards his friend,

305
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:44,000
Speaker 3: which I did not like at all. On top of that,

306
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,320
Speaker 3: he lashed out at me for no reason, calling me

307
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,240
Speaker 3: a feminist as if it were an insult. Now, I'm

308
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:52,720
Speaker 3: honestly contemplating ending the relationship because of his way of thinking.

309
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,400
Speaker 3: Looking back, this was not the first time he voices

310
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:59,320
Speaker 3: dislike for my strong beliefs. He once told me he

311
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,480
Speaker 3: liked me because he thought I was very feminine, and

312
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,920
Speaker 3: he did not know I was a feminist. For the

313
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,480
Speaker 3: longest time, the only thing he complimented on me was

314
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:09,760
Speaker 3: my looks, Almost like I lacked depth as a person.

315
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:14,320
Speaker 1: Hmmm. I think even given the context of what they

316
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,120
Speaker 1: were talking about, Like even if you took all the

317
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:18,640
Speaker 1: gender out of it, and it's just someone said they

318
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,360
Speaker 1: were in love with someone else and then turned around

319
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,880
Speaker 1: and said they weren't, and now like three days later

320
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:26,600
Speaker 1: they're saying they are. I'd just be like, don't get

321
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:30,240
Speaker 1: back together with that person. That's that person doesn't know

322
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,640
Speaker 1: what they want and they think it's you, but I

323
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,120
Speaker 1: don't know. Give us some more time, they'll probably flip

324
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:36,760
Speaker 1: it around again.

325
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,320
Speaker 3: Also, my favorite thing is he asked for your opinion

326
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:41,880
Speaker 3: and he did not give that opinion at all to

327
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,760
Speaker 3: his friend. He's like, no, that's stupid, even though I

328
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,840
Speaker 3: really need an email's perspective on this.

329
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:48,240
Speaker 1: Yeah.

330
00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,920
Speaker 3: We often argued because he got upset when I disagreed

331
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:53,680
Speaker 3: with him about certain things. He just did not want

332
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,640
Speaker 3: to agree to disagree. I explained many times that we

333
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,560
Speaker 3: are not supposed to be the same person or have

334
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,920
Speaker 3: the same opinions, but he insisted we should agree on

335
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,520
Speaker 3: almost everything because that is how relationships work.

336
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:07,400
Speaker 4: Eh.

337
00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:10,200
Speaker 1: Wrong, wrong again, my guy.

338
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:13,080
Speaker 3: He made weird comments over time, but I always stood

339
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:15,399
Speaker 3: up for myself. Most of the time, he acknowledged his

340
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:18,960
Speaker 3: mistakes and apologized, which is why I chose to stay.

341
00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:21,040
Speaker 3: He did not try to work on these things and

342
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,960
Speaker 3: be better for me. I always chalked up his behavior

343
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,840
Speaker 3: to his lack of experience, but now I feel like

344
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,640
Speaker 3: I should not be doing that. It shocks me how

345
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,760
Speaker 3: he is not a feminist himself, given that he is

346
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,800
Speaker 3: a sister who literally took care of him and raised him.

347
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,600
Speaker 3: She is an amazing, smart, beautiful woman. I cannot help

348
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,080
Speaker 3: but think, how could he not think of his sister

349
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,639
Speaker 3: when he says these things about other women. I was

350
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,159
Speaker 3: so shocked by his response, and he made it with

351
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:48,840
Speaker 3: so much hostility, I thought he was joking for a minute.

352
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,320
Speaker 3: According to him, his friend should try to keep this

353
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,800
Speaker 3: girl because she is pretty kind and loving, and it's

354
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,680
Speaker 3: hard for someone like his friend to find a girl

355
00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:58,960
Speaker 3: like that because he is not that attractive and does

356
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,320
Speaker 3: not have many good quality Wow, dang.

357
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,760
Speaker 1: Are we gonna see your good qualities anytime soon?

358
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:05,000
Speaker 2: Here?

359
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've clearly got the quality of being able to go. Oh, babe,

360
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,480
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Please forgive me and your girlfriend goes okay,

361
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,960
Speaker 1: and then you never change. What a great quality?

362
00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:18,040
Speaker 3: Oh if he does say he is a good boyfriend

363
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:21,800
Speaker 3: and was great throughout our relationship, But lately I have

364
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:25,879
Speaker 3: noticed a shift in his behavior that has me rethinking everything.

365
00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:29,240
Speaker 3: He lacks emotional intelligence. A huge part of me believes

366
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:32,000
Speaker 3: I deserve better, but another part tells me that I

367
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,960
Speaker 3: cannot find the perfect guy and that is okay. Maybe

368
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,840
Speaker 3: I should settle and try to help him become a

369
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:39,800
Speaker 3: better person. Then I tell myself, it is not my

370
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,040
Speaker 3: job to fix someone, and I should do better than this.

371
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:46,960
Speaker 3: That is why I'm very conflicted. He does think feminism

372
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,480
Speaker 3: is centered around hating men, even though I explain that

373
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:53,119
Speaker 3: it is about equality and that everyone, regardless of their gender,

374
00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:56,959
Speaker 3: should be treated the same way. He totally does not

375
00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:00,200
Speaker 3: see me for me. He just thinks I'm I'm pretty

376
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:06,600
Speaker 3: and nice and that is about it. There is an update, Dakota, Op.

377
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:10,040
Speaker 3: Come on, like, what would you tell OP if your

378
00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:13,160
Speaker 3: friend was in this situation. You knew, OP, and you're

379
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:17,320
Speaker 3: hearing this that, Oh, he only likes me because I'm attractive, I.

380
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,359
Speaker 1: Would just go. So then why are you dating it?

381
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,600
Speaker 1: Why are you still dating it? Because the moment he

382
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,440
Speaker 1: finds someone more attractive than you in his eyes who's

383
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,600
Speaker 1: also into him, You're gone. Op.

384
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,320
Speaker 3: There's so many other qualities that are probably really great

385
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:33,080
Speaker 3: about you. You seem like you're very intelligent. You seem

386
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,280
Speaker 3: like you're very down to earth. I don't know, you

387
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:38,440
Speaker 3: probably have you know you guys. Probably, I don't know.

388
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:39,680
Speaker 1: You're young. That's the thing.

389
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,360
Speaker 3: You're both twenty one, and I feel like you'll find

390
00:19:42,359 --> 00:19:46,920
Speaker 3: a partner that you'll be like Wow, it's EON's. EON's

391
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,960
Speaker 3: better than this guy. I don't know, just saying we

392
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:54,160
Speaker 3: have an update, I have decided to break up with him, yes,

393
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,119
Speaker 3: right now. I told him we should take a break

394
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,919
Speaker 3: because I need time to figure things out. But honestly,

395
00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:01,879
Speaker 3: I just need that space to build the courage to

396
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:05,359
Speaker 3: end things. My mind is already made up. When I

397
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,760
Speaker 3: told him I wanted this break, he freaked out and

398
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,520
Speaker 3: asked if I knew what happens when people take breaks,

399
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:13,359
Speaker 3: but I insisted I know. He came across as a

400
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,239
Speaker 3: terrible person in my last post. He was not the

401
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:19,520
Speaker 3: worst boyfriend on Earth. He was actually good in many ways.

402
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,560
Speaker 1: He actually can't know if he's the worst boyfriend on

403
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,400
Speaker 1: Earth that you've dated every man on Earth. He's probably

404
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,560
Speaker 1: not the worst, but he can't be that great.

405
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:29,520
Speaker 3: He was actually good in many ways. I love spending

406
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:33,119
Speaker 3: time with him because he's funny. He's sweet, loving, and

407
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,440
Speaker 3: fun to be around. The main reason I want to

408
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,439
Speaker 3: end things is because he does not truly see me

409
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:42,040
Speaker 3: for who I am. He does not understand me, and

410
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:45,040
Speaker 3: he never really tried. I know he loved me in

411
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:48,680
Speaker 3: his own way, but it always felt shallow. I should

412
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:51,080
Speaker 3: clarify that I never got intimate with him, and he

413
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,040
Speaker 3: respected my wishes from the beginning. I told him I

414
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,560
Speaker 3: was not willing to do anything physical beyond holding hands

415
00:20:56,600 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 3: and hugging, and he never complained. If I told him

416
00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:03,800
Speaker 3: something made me uncomfortable, he apologized immediately and did not

417
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,080
Speaker 3: repeat it. He always listened to when I needed to

418
00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:08,399
Speaker 3: talk and tried to comfort me in his own way.

419
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,359
Speaker 3: I'm saying this not to change anyone's mind, but because

420
00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:12,960
Speaker 3: I feel like I owe it to him to admit

421
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,040
Speaker 3: that he was good to me.

422
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:15,639
Speaker 1: In many ways.

423
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,359
Speaker 3: I also genuinely loved him and once saw a future

424
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,840
Speaker 3: with him. Unfortunately, I do not see that future anymore.

425
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:25,600
Speaker 3: I realized he only valued me for my looks. I

426
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,520
Speaker 3: remember once asking him why he chose me. My answer

427
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:31,680
Speaker 3: for him was that I liked how honest, kind hearted, sweet, supportive,

428
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:35,480
Speaker 3: and respectful he was, and that he celebrated my achievements.

429
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:37,159
Speaker 3: I said he seemed like the type of person I

430
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,399
Speaker 3: would want to grow with. His answer to me was

431
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:43,320
Speaker 3: because you're beautiful, and it is hard to find girls

432
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:44,399
Speaker 3: like you nowadays.

433
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,280
Speaker 1: You are everything I want in a wife.

434
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:49,280
Speaker 3: You would take care of our future family, you know

435
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:53,719
Speaker 3: to cook, and you genuinely care about me. No, Na

436
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,000
Speaker 3: one good trade about her besides pretty and that she

437
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:57,640
Speaker 3: can take.

438
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:58,440
Speaker 2: Care of you.

439
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:01,400
Speaker 1: You're pretty and you can cook. Pretty wife, take care

440
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:05,239
Speaker 1: of family wife. Dude. This guy is gonna freak out

441
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:08,800
Speaker 1: when he realizes that every idea he has about like

442
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 1: a woman being a wife can just be replaced by

443
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,680
Speaker 1: like an AI in a year. Probably this guy's gonna

444
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 1: have an AI wife.

445
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 3: At first, I laughed, thinking he was joking, but he wasn't.

446
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 3: Something broke inside me then. Though I tried to excuse

447
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,440
Speaker 3: it by telling myself he just did not know how

448
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:26,720
Speaker 3: to put his feelings into words, over time I realized

449
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,920
Speaker 3: it was just not poor phrasing. He really only cared

450
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,760
Speaker 3: about how I looked. I could never have a deep

451
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:36,480
Speaker 3: conversation with him because he simply lacks depth. He hated

452
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 3: feminism and even called me weird for being strong willed,

453
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,760
Speaker 3: saying it would not benefit me because I'm not struggling

454
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 3: and no one is bothering me.

455
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:47,720
Speaker 1: What when an idiot? Dude?

456
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:51,600
Speaker 3: None of this is true. In university, I often got

457
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,160
Speaker 3: treated like I am an idiot because of how I look,

458
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,080
Speaker 3: even though I work very hard as a med student.

459
00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:00,119
Speaker 3: Some professors treat me with disrespect until they see my

460
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:03,480
Speaker 3: exam results, and then they are surprised I did well.

461
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:07,439
Speaker 3: People assume I'm shallow because I'm pretty. He knew all

462
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:09,560
Speaker 3: of this, but he dismissed it, telling me I should

463
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,400
Speaker 3: not fight for my rights or try to earn respect.

464
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 1: What he yoed? Who is this guy? Who? Where did

465
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 1: they build this guy?

466
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:21,920
Speaker 3: My boyfriend knew all of this, but he dismissed it,

467
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,560
Speaker 3: telling me I should not fight for my rights or

468
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 3: try to earn respect.

469
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:25,800
Speaker 4: Eh.

470
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 3: During arguments, he often tried to twist my words, put

471
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,320
Speaker 3: words in my mouth, or flipped the situation onto me,

472
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 3: But I always called him out and refused to fall

473
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 3: for his manipulation. Only then he would apologize and own

474
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 3: up to his mistakes. He once told me that he

475
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 3: thought he was the only person in the relationship putting

476
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:44,880
Speaker 3: in effort and that I did not contribute at all,

477
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:48,200
Speaker 3: which completely blew my mind because it was far from

478
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:51,119
Speaker 3: the truth. I also realized that he took my forgiveness

479
00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 3: for granted. Sometimes you would not take our arguments seriously

480
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:57,440
Speaker 3: when I tried to resolve things maturely by talking them out.

481
00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:59,480
Speaker 3: He knew that at the end of the day.

482
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:00,360
Speaker 1: I would forget him.

483
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,320
Speaker 3: That was something I could never overlook because I only

484
00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:05,560
Speaker 3: offer that kind of forgiveness to people I truly love

485
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 3: and care about. It is a form of vulnerability for me,

486
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:10,800
Speaker 3: and seeing him take it for granted broke my heart.

487
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,000
Speaker 3: That was the breaking point for me. I know now

488
00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:16,520
Speaker 3: he will never truly understand me or see who I am.

489
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,440
Speaker 3: I tried talking to him about this. When I asked

490
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,480
Speaker 3: if I if my looks were all he saw in me,

491
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 3: his response was, well, you said everything so obviously, the

492
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 3: things you've said about me and you being a great

493
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 3: future wife. What is that response?

494
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:33,440
Speaker 1: What is that? What is that response?

495
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,120
Speaker 3: I told him, I feel like he does not understand

496
00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:38,439
Speaker 3: me or even try to. He would tell me we

497
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,040
Speaker 3: just have different interests, but that's not what I meant.

498
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 3: He's never complimented me on anything except being pretty. Only

499
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:47,200
Speaker 3: recently he called me smart, and that was just because

500
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:51,280
Speaker 3: we got our exam results back to him, I'm just pretty,

501
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:55,240
Speaker 3: just a face. He does not see that I'm kind, funny, understanding,

502
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,040
Speaker 3: or smart. In his eyes, I'm just a pretty girl

503
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 3: who was hard to get and those are is exact words.

504
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,800
Speaker 1: He's like, you're like the You're like the equipment from

505
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 1: the video game that takes like the long time to

506
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:13,120
Speaker 1: get You're just a valuable piece of asset.

507
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:16,800
Speaker 3: He only sees you for like five percent of who

508
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:20,840
Speaker 3: you actually are. Op, You're way more than that. That's insane.

509
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 3: There's a little bit left of the story, but it

510
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,159
Speaker 3: seems like, OP, you did the right thing. I just

511
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:28,639
Speaker 3: think you need to find someone who values you for

512
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:30,920
Speaker 3: who you are, not just your face.

513
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it should be easy to find someone who

514
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 1: values you more than this guy.

515
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:38,600
Speaker 3: And it's probably because you maybe haven't had an experience

516
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:43,000
Speaker 3: with boyfriends really, but you'll find somebody who is like

517
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:47,359
Speaker 3: they'll have same interest as you, you know, agree with you,

518
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 3: but like in a way that you can actually have

519
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,359
Speaker 3: a conversation and not be like no when you do

520
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 3: agree on everything. You're going to find someone who's gonna

521
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 3: treat you well and love you for who you are.

522
00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,639
Speaker 3: Any other words, any words of wisdom over there, mister Payne.

523
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:05,159
Speaker 1: Don't rush into the next relationship super duper fast just

524
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 1: because you find someone who treats you better than your

525
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:12,400
Speaker 1: last guy. That is a low bar. Don't get swept

526
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,280
Speaker 1: up in the first next thing that comes to you.

527
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I finished the story. I also talked to

528
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:23,199
Speaker 3: him about feminism. I explain what feminism actually means, that

529
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 3: it's about equality, that woman should be treated with respect

530
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 3: and that they should get paid the same amount as men.

531
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:30,720
Speaker 3: I asked him if he thought it would be fair

532
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 3: for his sister, who raised him, got paid less than

533
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 3: a man who did the same job, simply because she's

534
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:40,200
Speaker 3: a woman. He said no, but then proceeded to argue

535
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 3: that I am not being harmed by men, that this

536
00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:44,840
Speaker 3: does not affect me because no one is doing anything

537
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,639
Speaker 3: to hurt or mistreat me. I told him about situations

538
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,439
Speaker 3: I had been and where I was effective negatively, but

539
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 3: instead of engaging, he changed the conversation. I tried to

540
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:56,639
Speaker 3: talk to him many times, but he genuinely could not

541
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,720
Speaker 3: have a serious or deep conversation. He always said he

542
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:02,239
Speaker 3: did not no and shut down anything that required him

543
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,639
Speaker 3: to think for more than a minute because he was

544
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:06,119
Speaker 3: simply a shallow person.

545
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 1: I've been through.

546
00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:09,400
Speaker 3: Breakups before, and I know I will be just fine

547
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 3: without him, even it makes me sad for now, I

548
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:14,680
Speaker 3: am okay with that, and that is the end of

549
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:15,200
Speaker 3: that story.

550
00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:18,760
Speaker 1: Good. It's just as sad for now sad for now,

551
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 1: much happier for later. Hey it's Sam. We're going to

552
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:23,960
Speaker 1: get back to these stories, but here's three minutes of

553
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 1: ads for our sponsors.

554
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 2: My boyfriend tried to control my entire life until I

555
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:30,400
Speaker 2: finally left.

556
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:32,440
Speaker 1: Him, left him in the dust.

557
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,880
Speaker 2: All twenty five female refer to my boyfriend as Xander

558
00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 2: thirty one male. He comes from a powerful and wealthy

559
00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:43,359
Speaker 2: family in my city, which is relevant. Later things started

560
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:47,880
Speaker 2: off peachey. He was always affable, pleasant and accommodating. However,

561
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:51,440
Speaker 2: I'm starting to realize certain issues which have me questioning

562
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 2: everything yet. Oh now, by the way, this comes from China,

563
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 2: Red Flag BF and if you want to submit your

564
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,080
Speaker 2: own stories, go to the r slashy storytime Separate it.

565
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 1: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota.

566
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 2: I'm Carly, and we try to give our best advice.

567
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:10,199
Speaker 2: But we haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves, so

568
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,800
Speaker 2: if you have, let us know what you would do

569
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 2: in the comments. But Opie says incident number one, he

570
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:19,280
Speaker 2: got mad at me because he felt I wasn't appreciating

571
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:23,160
Speaker 2: an expensive gift. He got me a specialized tech gadget

572
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:26,440
Speaker 2: which cost about four thousand dollars.

573
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 1: Okay, that's pricey. Was it something you actually wanted?

574
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 2: I was surprised by it, as I'd never mentioned any

575
00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 2: inclination towards this gadget. I'm not very tech savvy at all,

576
00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 2: and he'd never asked me about it. Also, this gadget

577
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 2: requires a lot of time and practice to use. I

578
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,520
Speaker 2: was concerned that it had cost so much. If I

579
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:49,080
Speaker 2: had known, I would have told him to get me

580
00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 2: something less expensive. Anyway, I still thanked him and said

581
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 2: that I appreciated it very much. A week later, he

582
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 2: asked me if I had used it yet. I answered no,

583
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 2: but would eventually get around to it. He got upset

584
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 2: and repeatedly asked me if he had just wasted his time, effort,

585
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:08,120
Speaker 2: and money, and told me that if that was the case,

586
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 2: I should just dump the thing.

587
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:14,080
Speaker 1: He's like, I spent four thousand dollars on the most

588
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,880
Speaker 1: high quality theorem in what he can buy?

589
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 2: Why was that the first thing I thought about? Too?

590
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 1: A theramist.

591
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:22,200
Speaker 2: I was gonna say a theramin instead of a island,

592
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 2: but I was like, ah, people won't get it.

593
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 1: Because we want with therem and folks.

594
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:29,560
Speaker 2: With therem and folk, we we're just shimple fan themmin

595
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:32,360
Speaker 2: folk trying to make our way in the world. He's like,

596
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:42,400
Speaker 2: you just don't understand why the theremin's just sound like

597
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 2: you're humming. What I could?

598
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:44,480
Speaker 1: I could?

599
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:46,080
Speaker 2: I could do that for free.

600
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't even need it theramy anymore. We can

601
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:48,959
Speaker 1: just make the noise.

602
00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 2: Incident number two, he blew up at me when I

603
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 2: was at the gym at midnight. Fitness is very important

604
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:56,840
Speaker 2: to me, so I always make sure to go to

605
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,960
Speaker 2: the gym consistently. I usually go right after work, which

606
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:03,280
Speaker 2: ends at six pm. However, sometimes life happens and I

607
00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:06,240
Speaker 2: go later. One day, I went at ten thirty pm.

608
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,240
Speaker 2: Before I left, I told him I was heading to

609
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 2: the gym, and he said okay, then silence, so I

610
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 2: assumed he was doing his own thing. I was done

611
00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:19,160
Speaker 2: around midnight, checked my phone and there were twelve missed

612
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 2: calls from him. I immediately called him back. He demanded

613
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,880
Speaker 2: to know why I hadn't been answering my phone. Didn't

614
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 2: I know what time it was, Didn't I know what

615
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:29,680
Speaker 2: sort of impression it was giving for me to be

616
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:34,560
Speaker 2: around other half unclothed, sweaty guys this late, and that

617
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:37,160
Speaker 2: he was too old to be chasing his girl around

618
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:41,320
Speaker 2: in the middle of the night. I'm not your girl anymore.

619
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 1: Then I was at the gym idiot.

620
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 2: I was honestly shocked because when we started dating, I

621
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:49,120
Speaker 2: would tell him when I went to the gym late,

622
00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 2: and he didn't have any issues. I think he's projecting

623
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:56,760
Speaker 2: and he's cheating on you. Probably incident number three, he

624
00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 2: told me he didn't feel attractive when I asked if

625
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 2: we could reschedule to one hour later. We planned to

626
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 2: meet up on Saturday afternoon. On Friday night, he called

627
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 2: me and we ended up talking until three am. Because

628
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 2: of that, I overslept on Saturday. I texted him, telling

629
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:13,280
Speaker 2: him I overslapt and would probably take an hour more

630
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 2: to come over. He told me that he felt I

631
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:19,360
Speaker 2: didn't seem interested in him or our relationship anymore, and

632
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 2: that he was the only enthusiastic one. I tried to

633
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:24,440
Speaker 2: tell him that wasn't the case. I just needed some

634
00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 2: mean time. It's the weekend and my only time to

635
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:30,120
Speaker 2: sleep in, but he still told me he didn't feel

636
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:33,320
Speaker 2: loved in this relationship. For context, we usually see each

637
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:35,480
Speaker 2: other one day during the work week and I spend

638
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:40,080
Speaker 2: the weekend. It hits Incident number four. He got mad

639
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:42,520
Speaker 2: when I talked to another guy on our holiday tour.

640
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:44,880
Speaker 2: We signed up for an eight to nine hour tour.

641
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 2: Another guy around our age was traveling alone, and Xander

642
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:52,440
Speaker 2: got talking with him about work, sports, and current issues.

643
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:55,600
Speaker 2: They seemed to like each other well. I was happy

644
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 2: that Xander had made a friend and just let them

645
00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:00,080
Speaker 2: be At the end when we were heading back, I

646
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 2: also got into conversation with this guy about what he

647
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 2: thought of the tour, what else he was going to

648
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 2: do on this trip, et cetera. All along my conversations,

649
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 2: Xander kept butting in, asking me abrupt, irrelevant questions completely

650
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 2: unrelated to my conversation, so I wasn't very responsive as

651
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:20,600
Speaker 2: I was engaged. When we got back, Xander told me

652
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:23,160
Speaker 2: that he felt I ignored him and was more interested

653
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:26,200
Speaker 2: in the other guy than spending time with him. He

654
00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:28,240
Speaker 2: also said that if we had been back home, he

655
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 2: would have told the guy to get lost so we

656
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,280
Speaker 2: could spend time together. But because we were in a

657
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 2: foreign country, if the guy had reacted badly and they

658
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 2: had gotten into a fight, we would be screwed because

659
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 2: nobody knew of him or his family there. I'm sorry.

660
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 2: He was saying that he was going to use his

661
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:48,280
Speaker 2: family's prestige. He's like, if.

662
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,720
Speaker 4: I if we were back home, I'd just told that

663
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:54,520
Speaker 4: man to get lost. Don't you know the do the

664
00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 4: smithsa If we were back home, I would have had

665
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 4: that man thrown into a ravine and nebody would have

666
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:01,480
Speaker 4: stuck there.

667
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 1: I would have him thrown into the People who speak

668
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 1: out against my family reveal don't you know him?

669
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:07,080
Speaker 2: My mommy is.

670
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:09,840
Speaker 1: Don't you know my father's the dentist in this town.

671
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:16,480
Speaker 4: Don't you know my father runs the only dentist office.

672
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 2: I come from a long line of dentists.

673
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:21,480
Speaker 1: Don't you know If he would have done that in

674
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:23,240
Speaker 1: my hometown, I would have taken his teeth.

675
00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 2: My father will hear about this.

676
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 1: My father will be undoing your teeth.

677
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:30,920
Speaker 2: Incident number five, he was getting me to apply sunblock

678
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 2: on him because he didn't want to get his hands dirty.

679
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 2: It started with him asking me to put sun block

680
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:38,680
Speaker 2: on his back, which I'm okay with since he can't

681
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:43,000
Speaker 2: reach normal. Yeah. Then he told me I should do

682
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 2: the rest, which I found princessy but did anyway. By

683
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:49,200
Speaker 2: the third day, I was tired of it and told

684
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 2: him he should sunblock.

685
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:54,360
Speaker 1: Himself, and on the third day, I decree, I'm sorry,

686
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 1: will sunblock thyself.

687
00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, he made you put sun block on his whole

688
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 2: body for three days.

689
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,240
Speaker 1: Well after day one he's like, I guess this is

690
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:03,880
Speaker 1: the program.

691
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 2: You just do it so well. I would help with

692
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:08,479
Speaker 2: his back, but he could do the rest on his own.

693
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:11,480
Speaker 2: He said, but my hands.

694
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 1: Will get dirty. What does that mean?

695
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 2: And I responded, oh, so it's okay for me to

696
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,840
Speaker 2: get my hands dirty, but not you. He made a

697
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:23,360
Speaker 2: face and said, well, this is new. I've never dated

698
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:26,719
Speaker 2: a girl like this. I still stuck to my pupews

699
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:28,919
Speaker 2: and did not apply some block on the rest of him.

700
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 2: Incident number six, he told me that my past bothered him.

701
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 1: Oh, break up with me. Yeah, break up with me then.

702
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,880
Speaker 2: By when I was younger, I was very sheltered and religious.

703
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:41,360
Speaker 2: A few years ago, I realized I had no clue

704
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:44,920
Speaker 2: about dating or being physically intimate. As a result, I

705
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:48,240
Speaker 2: ended up hooking up casually for a while before realizing

706
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:51,200
Speaker 2: casual isn't for me. I focused on dating to know

707
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,279
Speaker 2: someone better without sleeping with them. I was honest with

708
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 2: Xander about this phase before I met him. At the time,

709
00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:59,719
Speaker 2: He seemed okay and told me he had done similarly

710
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 2: or in college. However, recently he told me that it's

711
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 2: different for guys than it is for girls, and that

712
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:10,080
Speaker 2: what I had done bothered him. I countered that I

713
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:12,399
Speaker 2: had been honest. It was a while ago, and I'm

714
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 2: comfortable with who I am today. If this was an

715
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:18,360
Speaker 2: issue for him, he shouldn't have gotten into a relationship

716
00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,839
Speaker 2: with me. I told him that if he couldn't get

717
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:26,560
Speaker 2: past this, he could move on. Yep, bye, Incident number seven.

718
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:30,360
Speaker 2: He sort of broke up with me, but didn't follow through.

719
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:34,359
Speaker 1: Girl, where is that with him? Pick your self? Respect up?

720
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 2: Off?

721
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:36,239
Speaker 1: Poor god? Dang it.

722
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:38,480
Speaker 2: When I told him he could move on if he

723
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 2: couldn't get past my spicy related history, he paused and said,

724
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:46,320
Speaker 2: well I did try. I asked, does this mean work done?

725
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:49,440
Speaker 2: And he said I guess. He started to leave, and

726
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:51,280
Speaker 2: I told him to take care and all the best.

727
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 2: As he gathered his stuff, he kept saying, I'm sorry

728
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,239
Speaker 2: we couldn't make it work. And I did really have

729
00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:56,759
Speaker 2: a good time.

730
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:59,239
Speaker 1: Wow, he was saying all values he'd be like, I'm

731
00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:01,640
Speaker 1: sorry I could make it work. I mean, I really

732
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:02,440
Speaker 1: did have a great time.

733
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:05,799
Speaker 2: With you oooo. I said, you don't have to apologize

734
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 2: or try to make me feel better. It's fine. Really.

735
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 2: He hesitated and said, are we both sure this is

736
00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:15,960
Speaker 2: what we both want? I said, well, it seems like

737
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:19,160
Speaker 2: it's what you want to which he said, no, it's

738
00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:21,719
Speaker 2: no what I want. I thought it was what you wanted. What?

739
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:23,319
Speaker 3: Oh?

740
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,040
Speaker 2: Literally said, I don't think I can get over your

741
00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:30,239
Speaker 2: past and he said, okay, well my past isn't going anywhere.

742
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:32,879
Speaker 2: And he said, well maybe this is over.

743
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:36,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, and let's say, thinking rich family can build a

744
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:41,120
Speaker 1: time machine, my past is where it's at. And he goes, oh, wait,

745
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:43,160
Speaker 1: but are we sure we both want this? I'd be

746
00:36:43,239 --> 00:36:46,160
Speaker 1: like I do now, you absolute puffoon, get out of

747
00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 1: my face.

748
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 2: I meant that if he couldn't get past my history,

749
00:36:49,239 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 2: he could move on, but otherwise I was willing to continue.

750
00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:54,000
Speaker 2: We eventually didn't break up.

751
00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 1: Oh.

752
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 2: After that, he told me that it bothered him that

753
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:02,160
Speaker 2: I could have let things go so easily. You're the one,

754
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:04,719
Speaker 2: You're the one who said I want to move on.

755
00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:08,480
Speaker 2: So I don't know, am I being irrational or is

756
00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:10,759
Speaker 2: this legit? Are we still getting used to each other?

757
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:13,160
Speaker 2: And can we make this work? And there is an update.

758
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:14,800
Speaker 2: Oh what do you say to Gotta?

759
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:18,600
Speaker 1: I would rather you date a sea urchin. Yeah, I

760
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 1: would rather you get overly attached to a eccentric hobby

761
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:25,680
Speaker 1: like speed cubing or cup stacking.

762
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:29,719
Speaker 2: I would rather you were on that show, my strange.

763
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:33,279
Speaker 1: I would rather you to like a lamp, not date

764
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:33,759
Speaker 1: this guy.

765
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:36,240
Speaker 2: Yeah. Pretty simple, Pretty simple.

766
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 1: Date the lamp, date the lamp update.

767
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 2: After making the post, I reevaluated the relationship and had

768
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:46,480
Speaker 2: a talk with Xander. Against my better judgment, I decided

769
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 2: to give him another chance. Ah the incident that was

770
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:54,719
Speaker 2: the straw that broke the camel's back. Last Sunday, I

771
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:56,880
Speaker 2: asked if we could spend Friday night together to get

772
00:37:56,920 --> 00:37:59,200
Speaker 2: an early start to the weekend. He said he would

773
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:02,040
Speaker 2: let me know about his Monday. I received a dinner

774
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 2: invite for Friday from good friends. Since Sander hadn't confirmed

775
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:08,520
Speaker 2: his schedule, I assumed things were still up in the air,

776
00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:11,560
Speaker 2: so I accepted. I informed Xander that I would be

777
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:13,640
Speaker 2: doing dinner with my friends and would meet him a

778
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:15,600
Speaker 2: couple hours later than initially suggested.

779
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:21,800
Speaker 1: He lived out how many double triple, quadruple front flip backflip?

780
00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:22,880
Speaker 1: What are we talking.

781
00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:26,000
Speaker 2: About at least one. He demanded to know who's so

782
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:28,400
Speaker 2: important and I was good to meet. He asked if

783
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:31,400
Speaker 2: a frivolous dinner with mere friends meant more to me

784
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:34,640
Speaker 2: than spending time with my significant other. I responded that

785
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:37,040
Speaker 2: of course I valued my significant other, but there were

786
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:39,840
Speaker 2: other people I liked to have in my life. He

787
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:42,400
Speaker 2: told me I could go date those people. Then he

788
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:45,440
Speaker 2: went on about how I was incredibly disrespectful towards his

789
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:48,440
Speaker 2: time and that I was jerking him around. I told

790
00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:51,319
Speaker 2: him I didn't CEO that counted as disrespectful since it

791
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:55,160
Speaker 2: was only Monday and the invite was for Friday. I

792
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:57,600
Speaker 2: was keeping him updated way in advance so he could

793
00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:00,240
Speaker 2: plan his time. It wasn't like I was pushing Playsan's

794
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:01,719
Speaker 2: back last minute or canceling.

795
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:03,960
Speaker 1: Now he's like, oh, wow, you have friends that you're

796
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:06,799
Speaker 1: gonna hang out with. Great. He just wants control, he

797
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:09,960
Speaker 1: wants he just wants to be able to control you

798
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:11,720
Speaker 1: and dictate whatever you're doing.

799
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:13,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree.

800
00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:17,319
Speaker 1: Salvaging this is like trying to salvage the wreckage of

801
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:22,080
Speaker 1: the Titanic. It's just better off while leave a dying

802
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:24,400
Speaker 1: dormant at the bottom of the ocean.

803
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:27,520
Speaker 2: But Opie continues. I told him that since he hadn't

804
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 2: gotten back to me on a schedule, I had the

805
00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 2: impression we weren't confirmed, so I accepted the invite. I

806
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:34,840
Speaker 2: also said that from my point of view, when I

807
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:37,000
Speaker 2: make plans with someone for the whole weekend and they

808
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 2: push things back a couple hours, it wouldn't be a

809
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:41,919
Speaker 2: big deal to me, so I didn't see why he

810
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 2: was being so drastic. He then said to enjoy myself

811
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:47,319
Speaker 2: with my friends and that he hoped the dinner would

812
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 2: be worth the cost of our relationship. I responded, Okay,

813
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:54,160
Speaker 2: there's still some stuff that both of us have at

814
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:58,000
Speaker 2: each other's places, so we're meeting up later this week

815
00:39:58,040 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 2: to return things, and there is a second update five

816
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 2: days later.

817
00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:05,359
Speaker 1: Just swear if this update ends with you all getting

818
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:05,880
Speaker 1: back together.

819
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:08,640
Speaker 2: Well, it says the exchange went smoothly, so not a

820
00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 2: great start. As per suggestions, I went with a friend

821
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 2: who's a semi pro MMA fighter.

822
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:15,719
Speaker 1: Wow, that was a suggestion.

823
00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 2: Danner seemed pretty upset and was being really nice to

824
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:20,319
Speaker 2: me and wanted to hug it out when we met,

825
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 2: I grabbed my stuff, dropped his, and left. Oh, I

826
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,439
Speaker 2: guess they are bringing up Yes, I gave that four

827
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:30,280
Speaker 2: thousand dollars gadget back, not interested in keeping any remnants

828
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 2: of him around or giving any possible reason for him

829
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 2: to contact me again. And that's the end of that story.

830
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:41,319
Speaker 2: My parents hit my stepsister for years until I accidentally

831
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 2: found out you.

832
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:45,759
Speaker 1: Just found the hiding spot after all this time. She's like,

833
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:49,120
Speaker 1: I've been playing hide and seek for so long my

834
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:50,200
Speaker 1: whole life.

835
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:53,239
Speaker 2: So let me clarify. I'm writing this out of confusion

836
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:57,960
Speaker 2: and crap. I twenty eight love my parents. They've always

837
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:00,480
Speaker 2: been great to me, loved me and supported me. They've

838
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:02,279
Speaker 2: been staying with me and my wife since we had

839
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 2: a baby to help out, and if I'm being honest,

840
00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:07,239
Speaker 2: it has been a great help having them around. By

841
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:10,480
Speaker 2: the way, this comes from never told of Sister, And

842
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 2: if you want to smit your own stories, go to

843
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:13,759
Speaker 2: the r slash Okay storytime severed it.

844
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:17,560
Speaker 1: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm Carly, and.

845
00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 2: We try to give what that's not right pretty soon,

846
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 2: and we try to give our best advice. But we

847
00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:28,160
Speaker 2: haven't been through all of these situations ourselves. So if

848
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 2: you have, let us know what you would do in

849
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:33,400
Speaker 2: the comments. Yesterday, my dad asked me to get the

850
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:35,960
Speaker 2: mail from his place after work so he could pay

851
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:38,759
Speaker 2: his bills. Well, I got the mail and most of

852
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:42,960
Speaker 2: it was bills and ads, but there was one actual letter.

853
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 2: He apparently threw it out, but my wife noticed it

854
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 2: in the trash and read it. She didn't know what

855
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:51,480
Speaker 2: it was when she saw it. She brought it to

856
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:54,240
Speaker 2: me and it was addressed to my dad as father.

857
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:58,640
Speaker 2: So obviously my half sister. She's pregnant and asking for

858
00:41:58,719 --> 00:42:00,920
Speaker 2: money because it's harder for her to make it and

859
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:04,239
Speaker 2: she just wants to support her baby. I confronted my

860
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 2: parents and yeah, she's twenty one ish, born from my

861
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:11,200
Speaker 2: dad's affair. He gave her money until she graduated. The

862
00:42:11,239 --> 00:42:16,440
Speaker 2: title is inaccurate. It would be half sister Ah. She

863
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:20,280
Speaker 2: writes some letters. She's apparently not in college because she's broke,

864
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:24,839
Speaker 2: and he thinks she's spicy dancing or doing spicy sleepwork.

865
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:27,560
Speaker 2: He doesn't even know for sure. He just told me

866
00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:31,160
Speaker 2: he's done supporting her and she isn't his responsibility. We

867
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:33,279
Speaker 2: talked more about it for half an hour. My mom

868
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:35,799
Speaker 2: was quiet and my dad has never been like that.

869
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:39,200
Speaker 2: I don't even know the word to describe how he was.

870
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:42,279
Speaker 2: It just made me so effing angry. I made them

871
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:45,640
Speaker 2: leave right there, without even talking, without even taking their things,

872
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 2: without even taking their things back, because it feels like

873
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:51,800
Speaker 2: my fault. I have a sister out there who's living

874
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:55,200
Speaker 2: like garbage while I'm out here enjoying my life. After

875
00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 2: looking into her a bit more, I talked to two

876
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:01,400
Speaker 2: cousins two hours ago and both divided on if I

877
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:03,440
Speaker 2: did the right thing. One cousin thinks I was an

878
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:06,440
Speaker 2: a hole for making my parents leave without okay, without

879
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:09,239
Speaker 2: talking things through or even making a plan, But her

880
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:10,720
Speaker 2: sister thinks I did the right.

881
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,840
Speaker 1: Thing talking things through and making a plan. The guy said,

882
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 1: she's not my responsibility. What are you gonna do?

883
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:19,840
Speaker 2: Ohp was given OPI just on out he has a

884
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:22,839
Speaker 2: half sister he didn't know about, and that his dad

885
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:26,160
Speaker 2: had an affair. I think I think they're allowed to

886
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:28,280
Speaker 2: be a little shocked and say can you please leave?

887
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:30,360
Speaker 1: We can have a grace period for that.

888
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:32,399
Speaker 2: I don't think that's an a whole move. I think

889
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 2: that's just I'm in shock and I just found out you.

890
00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:37,880
Speaker 2: I don't even know you guys. My wife told me

891
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:40,280
Speaker 2: she's staying out of it since she regrets reading somebody

892
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 2: else's mail. I just don't know myself. I feel like

893
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:45,440
Speaker 2: an a hole for making my parents leave because I

894
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:47,920
Speaker 2: love them so much, But at the same time, I

895
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:51,080
Speaker 2: feel so mad over the situation. Well, I guess, I

896
00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 2: guess I see what they're saying in that they were

897
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:57,000
Speaker 2: living there, so I guess it's like a little bit

898
00:43:57,000 --> 00:44:00,120
Speaker 2: more of a get out, like you can't stay here anymore.

899
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 2: But still I think that's a valid reaction. I would

900
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:06,480
Speaker 2: just need like way more context.

901
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:10,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, because it's like, I don't know, she's sent

902
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:14,120
Speaker 1: a letter asking for money, she's pregnant. It seems like

903
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:16,480
Speaker 1: a pretty crazy move to just be like, I'm going

904
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:19,919
Speaker 1: to completely disregard her right now and refuse to help

905
00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:22,760
Speaker 1: her whatsoever. Also, I feel some kind of prior something.

906
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 2: Yeah. I also feel like it's kind of awful that

907
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:29,160
Speaker 2: he's kind of framing this as, oh, she's always asking

908
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:32,360
Speaker 2: for money. She's only twenty one. That's kind of reasonable

909
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 2: age to be still asking parents for money at it.

910
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:38,680
Speaker 2: Since people are wondering if my mom knew because she

911
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:42,239
Speaker 2: was so quiet she knew everything. Oh and top and

912
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:45,239
Speaker 2: relevant comments next, Lengthiness says, I'm a bit torn on

913
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:48,360
Speaker 2: this one, but ultimately everyone sucks here. Your wife for

914
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:51,200
Speaker 2: reading something that wasn't addressed to her, your parents for

915
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:53,160
Speaker 2: not telling you about it once you were old enough,

916
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:55,959
Speaker 2: and you for kicking your parents out without even letting

917
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:59,960
Speaker 2: them gather their things again. I feel like that's how

918
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:03,440
Speaker 2: of a justified a whole move, Opie says, to clarify

919
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:05,959
Speaker 2: about my wife, she didn't see the envelope. She saw

920
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,560
Speaker 2: the letter in the recycling not that she thinks it

921
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:10,239
Speaker 2: makes it better, but she didn't go out of her

922
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:14,440
Speaker 2: way to open unopened envelope. Miserable Key says, not the

923
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:16,919
Speaker 2: A hole reddit is such a weird place. I don't

924
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:19,280
Speaker 2: get how people are coming up with these. Everyone sucks.

925
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:22,680
Speaker 2: Her responses, your wife snooping through private mail isn't exactly

926
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:24,759
Speaker 2: the best thing to be doing, But I don't know

927
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:27,400
Speaker 2: how that is bad compared to a man cutting his

928
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:30,400
Speaker 2: daughter out of his life for over two decades without

929
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:31,640
Speaker 2: telling his own son.

930
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:35,440
Speaker 1: Wait, yeah, because how old is Opie is older?

931
00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:38,399
Speaker 2: Oh? He's older. I don't because it was a fair

932
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:40,000
Speaker 2: after it so.

933
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 1: Not only was it a product of an affair, and

934
00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:43,520
Speaker 1: also op he didn't even know about the affair.

935
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:45,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, OPI he didn't know about the affair. It's about

936
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:50,279
Speaker 2: the sister. Come on, okay, Smell says Ope. Did it

937
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:53,120
Speaker 2: not occur to you that keeping this secret was intended

938
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:53,880
Speaker 2: to protect you?

939
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:54,319
Speaker 4: Oh?

940
00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 2: I hate that argument. Your parents were well aware that

941
00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:59,560
Speaker 2: your father did wrong, but having an affair child in

942
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:01,719
Speaker 2: your life would not have been pleasant for you when

943
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:04,319
Speaker 2: you were a child. Your father and mother probably did

944
00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:06,960
Speaker 2: not want this behavior to be normalized by introducing the

945
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 2: concepts of affairs, children out of wedlock, et cetera. When

946
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:12,040
Speaker 2: you were seven years old.

947
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 1: They don't have to explain it's seven, you goofball.

948
00:46:15,320 --> 00:46:17,840
Speaker 2: I don't doubt that many of this young woman's problems

949
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:21,920
Speaker 2: started with the shaky family structure his actions produced. But really,

950
00:46:22,239 --> 00:46:25,799
Speaker 2: what would not keeping the secret have looked like and

951
00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:29,319
Speaker 2: felt like in your childhood. Sometimes when people do something bad,

952
00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:31,520
Speaker 2: they have to carry on as best they can.

953
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:34,000
Speaker 1: This is just like a commenter who did the exact

954
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:34,359
Speaker 1: same thing.

955
00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, your mother had a choice too, and she probably

956
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:40,239
Speaker 2: didn't punt dad to the curb for your benefit so

957
00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:42,720
Speaker 2: you could grow up in a stable family. There really

958
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:46,360
Speaker 2: was no ideal solution here, and OPI says, Okay, what

959
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:48,839
Speaker 2: about when I turned eighteen? What about when I turned

960
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:51,560
Speaker 2: twenty two? What about twenty six? I found out at

961
00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:54,279
Speaker 2: twenty eight because my wife saw a letter in the

962
00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:57,040
Speaker 2: recycling Yeah, pee, yeah, tell them.

963
00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:59,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, get them, tell them?

964
00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:00,919
Speaker 2: Were they got to t tell me at thirty two,

965
00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:04,200
Speaker 2: at thirty six, forty fifty. It hasn't been for my

966
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:08,759
Speaker 2: benefit for ten years. I must say, justified, you're the

967
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:11,279
Speaker 2: a hole one hundred percent. Get where you're coming from.

968
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:14,680
Speaker 2: I'd be disappointed in my parents and also feel guilty

969
00:47:14,719 --> 00:47:17,359
Speaker 2: for him helping me and ignoring her. I don't think

970
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:19,440
Speaker 2: you should have kicked them out since they are helping you.

971
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:21,479
Speaker 2: We also just had a baby, and my mom lived

972
00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:24,920
Speaker 2: with us slash now babysitting since moving out, which A

973
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:27,520
Speaker 2: they don't have to do, and b is a lot

974
00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:30,640
Speaker 2: of work and inconvenience on their part. Grand's kids are

975
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:33,560
Speaker 2: supposed to be the easy ones for them. I feel

976
00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:37,279
Speaker 2: like it would be I would be so I don't know.

977
00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:40,120
Speaker 2: I'd have so many mixed feelings if my parents were

978
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 2: helping with my kid and then I find out that

979
00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:45,520
Speaker 2: they have another, or like my dad has another kid

980
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:46,600
Speaker 2: that he just didn't help.

981
00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:50,319
Speaker 1: With yeah, it'd just be like it's like oh, and

982
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 1: then it's like oh, yeah, well she's you know, and

983
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:55,200
Speaker 1: then trying to be like yeah, I oh no, she's

984
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:58,960
Speaker 1: like a mess. She's like a spicy dancer worker or whatever. Probably,

985
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:02,120
Speaker 1: and it's like, gee, wouldn't it have been maybe better

986
00:48:02,239 --> 00:48:05,080
Speaker 1: if she had a little more stability in her life,

987
00:48:05,160 --> 00:48:07,680
Speaker 1: maybe some kind of father maybe.

988
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:10,080
Speaker 2: So I get your anger, but there's got to be

989
00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:13,160
Speaker 2: a better way to get a satisfactory result without burning

990
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:15,560
Speaker 2: your bridges with him, and Opie says, why do I

991
00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:18,800
Speaker 2: deserve this help? Though he's not giving it to his daughter.

992
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:21,440
Speaker 1: That does that. Yeah, I think that the whole point

993
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:23,240
Speaker 1: of this post is op he's having a moral conundrum

994
00:48:23,239 --> 00:48:25,680
Speaker 1: of being like, now I feel guilty by by just

995
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:29,239
Speaker 1: virtue of existing with my parents.

996
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:31,720
Speaker 2: What did I do to deserve it? Other than being

997
00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:35,640
Speaker 2: born to the right woman. Mister Hamman says, everyone sucks here.

998
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:37,560
Speaker 2: That's a heck of a lot for you to take

999
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:39,759
Speaker 2: on board in a short space of time, So can't

1000
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:42,200
Speaker 2: harsh it too much. For the gut reaction, I don't

1001
00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:45,640
Speaker 2: think it was the best reaction though from your dad's reaction,

1002
00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:48,520
Speaker 2: he seems pretty cold, But then there's twenty one years

1003
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:51,439
Speaker 2: of history, so maybe he does have a reason other

1004
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:52,239
Speaker 2: than indifference.

1005
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:55,120
Speaker 1: I don't know if there's twenty one years of history, buddy,

1006
00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:58,480
Speaker 1: he's barely seen his daughter. Yeah, I don't know.

1007
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:01,120
Speaker 2: He could just be that cold. Hopefully you can talk

1008
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:04,360
Speaker 2: this one through, and OPI says, he's never been this cult.

1009
00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:06,960
Speaker 2: He's never even been like a man's man type of

1010
00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:10,239
Speaker 2: guy either. He was a loving, caring guy. And I

1011
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 2: know that might seem odd, but he was kind of

1012
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:15,520
Speaker 2: like boiled from Brooklyn nine nine. If it helps, if

1013
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:17,680
Speaker 2: I just can't get my head around it. But there

1014
00:49:17,719 --> 00:49:20,319
Speaker 2: is an update six months later. Do you have any

1015
00:49:20,320 --> 00:49:21,640
Speaker 2: thoughts before we get into that.

1016
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:23,480
Speaker 1: No, I think I've been saying them in a stream of

1017
00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:24,440
Speaker 1: consciousness style.

1018
00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:24,920
Speaker 2: Agreed.

1019
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,720
Speaker 1: I think it's kind of crazy that everyone's being like, well,

1020
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 1: you know, you shouldn't have kicked out your parents. It's like,

1021
00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:32,759
Speaker 1: I mean, are they on a fixed income? Can they

1022
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 1: not get like a hotel room?

1023
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:34,120
Speaker 3: Like?

1024
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:34,520
Speaker 1: Can they not?

1025
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:37,239
Speaker 2: It's not like you're making them homeless entire Yeah?

1026
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:39,080
Speaker 1: Are they entirely helpless? Right now?

1027
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:39,239
Speaker 3: Like?

1028
00:49:39,520 --> 00:49:43,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, six months later, I want to thank everyone who

1029
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:45,719
Speaker 2: said go talk to my parents. That's the first thing

1030
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:47,920
Speaker 2: I did. I went to their place and tried to

1031
00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:50,160
Speaker 2: talk to them, but it was frustrating, and my mom

1032
00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:51,879
Speaker 2: got angry when I said I was going to reach

1033
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:54,680
Speaker 2: out to my sister. She asked why I cared, and

1034
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:57,920
Speaker 2: I got upset and told her because she taught me to.

1035
00:49:58,560 --> 00:50:01,600
Speaker 2: My dad saw me out after that and surprised me

1036
00:50:01,719 --> 00:50:03,879
Speaker 2: by telling me he was proud of me for being

1037
00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:07,880
Speaker 2: a better man than him. That was weird. Anyway, my

1038
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 2: wife reached out to my sister Anna, and she agreed

1039
00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:13,360
Speaker 2: to meet. We went with my cop friend Joe, because

1040
00:50:13,480 --> 00:50:17,640
Speaker 2: you never know. We met Anna in her apartment and

1041
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:20,600
Speaker 2: it's in a rough side of town. It's tiny and

1042
00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:23,720
Speaker 2: a crap place to live. And as a small, quiet

1043
00:50:23,719 --> 00:50:26,640
Speaker 2: girl who works in a library, she reminded me of.

1044
00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 1: My grand She's in like a sitcom scenario. She lives

1045
00:50:31,239 --> 00:50:34,640
Speaker 1: in the rough part of town, she works at the library.

1046
00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:37,640
Speaker 2: And she's just and she reminds of he of his grandmother.

1047
00:50:38,040 --> 00:50:39,000
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness.

1048
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:41,680
Speaker 2: She claims she's only a waitress at a spicy club

1049
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:44,040
Speaker 2: to make ends meet. Obviously she can't do it now.

1050
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:46,839
Speaker 2: She says she's failed like her mom, and the best

1051
00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:49,160
Speaker 2: thing she can do is have her kids succeed. She

1052
00:50:49,239 --> 00:50:52,719
Speaker 2: said she just wanted cash to take pregnancy classes. I

1053
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:58,640
Speaker 2: would be even more mad at my dad after this interaction. Yeah,

1054
00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:01,080
Speaker 2: I gave her my number and in cash, of which

1055
00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:03,960
Speaker 2: she gave a lot back right away. That night, my

1056
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,160
Speaker 2: wife asked if I could let Anna move in because

1057
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:07,200
Speaker 2: she felt heartbroken.

1058
00:51:07,840 --> 00:51:11,120
Speaker 1: Wow, that seems like a little bit too quick of

1059
00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:11,359
Speaker 1: a job.

1060
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:14,000
Speaker 2: Yeah. I gave Anna the offer, but she refused and

1061
00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:16,080
Speaker 2: said she won't take advantage of us. This seems like

1062
00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:20,160
Speaker 2: a really great person based off of this very little

1063
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:22,879
Speaker 2: information I have. But about a month later, she phoned

1064
00:51:22,920 --> 00:51:25,000
Speaker 2: me crying and said there's black mold in her building

1065
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:27,319
Speaker 2: and she asked to go. She came to us with

1066
00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:30,400
Speaker 2: barely anything, just clothes, a wallet, a toothbrush, and a

1067
00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:34,120
Speaker 2: sack of old books. Since then, she's been sad and

1068
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:37,239
Speaker 2: really alone because she thinks she's taking advantage. She tries

1069
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:39,799
Speaker 2: to help with tours a lot and always apologizes. She's

1070
00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:41,839
Speaker 2: only happy when she plays with our baby. And now

1071
00:51:41,880 --> 00:51:44,680
Speaker 2: you have a new babysitter. You got rid of your parents,

1072
00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:46,680
Speaker 2: and now you have a new person out with a baby.

1073
00:51:46,800 --> 00:51:49,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you saved her from the black mole win Win.

1074
00:51:49,520 --> 00:51:51,200
Speaker 2: It was her birthday a few days ago, and she

1075
00:51:51,239 --> 00:51:53,759
Speaker 2: asked if we get her cupcakes. It was like she

1076
00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:56,120
Speaker 2: expected me to say note, but my wife went and

1077
00:51:56,160 --> 00:51:58,279
Speaker 2: got them in a whole dairy queen cake while I

1078
00:51:58,360 --> 00:52:00,520
Speaker 2: got her the box set of the Expanse books.

1079
00:52:00,840 --> 00:52:01,640
Speaker 1: Those were books.

1080
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:03,160
Speaker 2: I don't even know what that is.

1081
00:52:03,719 --> 00:52:05,880
Speaker 1: It's like a sci fi series, but I'm.

1082
00:52:05,719 --> 00:52:08,480
Speaker 2: Gotta check that out. She started crying and hugged us

1083
00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:10,680
Speaker 2: both when she saw everything on the living room table.

1084
00:52:10,719 --> 00:52:14,160
Speaker 2: For in the days since, she seemed happier, and I

1085
00:52:14,160 --> 00:52:16,399
Speaker 2: won't lie. I'm worried for her, but I do think

1086
00:52:16,440 --> 00:52:19,799
Speaker 2: stability has helped her. As for my parents, my mom

1087
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:22,600
Speaker 2: refuses to come as long as she is there, so

1088
00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:25,840
Speaker 2: I visit her with a baby. Sometimes my dad refuses

1089
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:28,440
Speaker 2: to go because he says he's ashamed he should be.

1090
00:52:29,200 --> 00:52:31,440
Speaker 2: On the other hand, my wife's parents told me they

1091
00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:33,839
Speaker 2: are more proud of me than ever. There is a

1092
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:37,200
Speaker 2: little bit left to this story, But do you have

1093
00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:38,160
Speaker 2: any final thoughts?

1094
00:52:38,680 --> 00:52:39,640
Speaker 1: Your dad's a coward.

1095
00:52:39,760 --> 00:52:41,600
Speaker 2: Your dad's a coward, and you're a really great person.

1096
00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:44,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it was you were justified in being like, yeah,

1097
00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:47,239
Speaker 1: I don't know who you are anymore. I literally thought

1098
00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:50,880
Speaker 1: you were someone and then we had a conversation, and

1099
00:52:50,920 --> 00:52:53,040
Speaker 1: now I don't know you anymore, so you're gonna have

1100
00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:55,960
Speaker 1: to get out of my house. Yeah, and that was

1101
00:52:56,000 --> 00:52:56,880
Speaker 1: totally fair.

1102
00:52:57,200 --> 00:53:00,480
Speaker 2: Very emotional comment from Op. Thank you. I guess A

1103
00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:03,480
Speaker 2: big question that ran through my mind was how on

1104
00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:05,520
Speaker 2: earth am I ever going to be able to say

1105
00:53:05,560 --> 00:53:07,799
Speaker 2: that I've been a good father. If I can't be

1106
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:11,120
Speaker 2: a good brother, what lesson am I teaching my child?

1107
00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:13,640
Speaker 2: I needed to help my sister. I hate that we

1108
00:53:13,680 --> 00:53:16,200
Speaker 2: grew up apart. I hate that she's had such a

1109
00:53:16,239 --> 00:53:18,759
Speaker 2: miserable life. Honestly, a few weeks ago, I showed her

1110
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:21,600
Speaker 2: my favorite movie for a few dollars more, and I

1111
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:24,760
Speaker 2: do hope that helped her understand that she's my sister

1112
00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:27,319
Speaker 2: and I will always try to do good by her

1113
00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:30,640
Speaker 2: from now on. So thank you so much. It means

1114
00:53:30,719 --> 00:53:32,880
Speaker 2: everything to hear someone tell me I'm a good brother,

1115
00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:37,440
Speaker 2: and de Justa Verre says, at least your dad got

1116
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:39,279
Speaker 2: one thing right. You're a better man than he is.

1117
00:53:39,840 --> 00:53:42,000
Speaker 2: And special shout out to your wife for opening her

1118
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:44,279
Speaker 2: home and heart to this woman who is essentially a

1119
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:46,880
Speaker 2: stranger to her. I hope you take some time to

1120
00:53:46,920 --> 00:53:49,080
Speaker 2: show her how much you appreciate her support in this.

1121
00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 2: All three of you are very lucky to have each other.

1122
00:53:52,600 --> 00:53:55,360
Speaker 2: And that's the end of the story. I'm really glad

1123
00:53:55,360 --> 00:53:56,480
Speaker 2: that it turned out like that.

1124
00:53:57,160 --> 00:53:58,920
Speaker 1: I am too. You know what, it's good end.

1125
00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:01,319
Speaker 2: It's a good end. Me too.

1126
00:54:01,480 --> 00:54:05,880
Speaker 1: Sounds like the good parts found each other. Yeah, and

1127
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:08,560
Speaker 1: the parts that I mean, you can try to come

1128
00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:10,840
Speaker 1: back from that, but you'll never do it until you

1129
00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:14,480
Speaker 1: take accountability. Yeah, and responsibility instead of just being like, oh,

1130
00:54:14,560 --> 00:54:16,359
Speaker 1: I'm so ashamed, I can't. I could never.

1131
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:18,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the thing. Hope he's never gonna be able

1132
00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 2: to have like the same relationship with his parents, and

1133
00:54:22,160 --> 00:54:25,880
Speaker 2: especially not if the dad never acknowledges that he Papa

1134
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:26,760
Speaker 2: has this kid.

1135
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:30,839
Speaker 1: Papa acknowledge your daughter. Hey, it's John here. We're gonna

1136
00:54:30,840 --> 00:54:32,359
Speaker 1: get back to the stories. Put a quick three minute

1137
00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:34,359
Speaker 1: ad break from our sponsors that keep the show going.

1138
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:38,240
Speaker 1: I stole my necklace from my mother because she refused

1139
00:54:38,239 --> 00:54:38,960
Speaker 1: to give it back.

1140
00:54:39,239 --> 00:54:40,120
Speaker 2: That's mine.

1141
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:44,640
Speaker 1: When I twenty nine female was adopted from China, my

1142
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:47,360
Speaker 1: grandma bought a really pretty pearl necklace and gave it

1143
00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:50,080
Speaker 1: to my parents with a note stating it was for

1144
00:54:50,160 --> 00:54:52,279
Speaker 1: me and that it was intended to be worn on

1145
00:54:52,440 --> 00:54:55,840
Speaker 1: my wedding day. It had sat in my mom's curio

1146
00:54:56,080 --> 00:54:59,279
Speaker 1: cabinet for years, and I was really excited to be

1147
00:54:59,320 --> 00:55:01,759
Speaker 1: able to wear it when the time came. By the way,

1148
00:55:01,800 --> 00:55:04,279
Speaker 1: this comes from user no Platform fourteen eighteen, and if

1149
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:06,400
Speaker 1: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

1150
00:55:06,520 --> 00:55:08,760
Speaker 1: r slash Okay story time so Breddit.

1151
00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:12,680
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Carly.

1152
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:15,840
Speaker 1: And we are here to give good advice googly, but

1153
00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:19,120
Speaker 1: we don't have all the answers. We only know what

1154
00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:21,440
Speaker 1: we would do in a given situation, so if you

1155
00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:26,719
Speaker 1: do something different, let us know in the comments. Op says, Unfortunately,

1156
00:55:26,800 --> 00:55:28,680
Speaker 1: I was unable to wear it on my wedding day

1157
00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:31,960
Speaker 1: because it was lost in storage and my parents either

1158
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:34,600
Speaker 1: couldn't find it or didn't look where I said it

1159
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:38,440
Speaker 1: should be. Anyway, my parents bought a new house in

1160
00:55:38,440 --> 00:55:41,560
Speaker 1: the past year, so it's out of storage and back

1161
00:55:41,760 --> 00:55:44,840
Speaker 1: in the curio cabinet. So I would like it back,

1162
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:46,680
Speaker 1: as I'd like to wear it on date nights with

1163
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:49,520
Speaker 1: my husband or for our anniversary, but my mom is

1164
00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:52,200
Speaker 1: refusing to give it to me. She doesn't see why

1165
00:55:52,239 --> 00:55:54,640
Speaker 1: I should have it and why I want it now,

1166
00:55:55,040 --> 00:55:58,160
Speaker 1: five years after my wedding. She just likes how it

1167
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:00,720
Speaker 1: looks in her display of things she got in China.

1168
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:04,040
Speaker 1: Was never her necklace? Well, is she gonna make another

1169
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:05,160
Speaker 1: box and put you in there?

1170
00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:06,440
Speaker 2: That's icky.

1171
00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:09,399
Speaker 1: I don't like that things. Oh, here's all the things

1172
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:12,200
Speaker 1: I got from China. You and also my daughter.

1173
00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:13,680
Speaker 2: Yikes.

1174
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:16,480
Speaker 1: Ope, he says it was never her necklace. It was

1175
00:56:16,520 --> 00:56:20,719
Speaker 1: always mine. My mom knows this and knows that my grandmother,

1176
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:23,840
Speaker 1: who is still alive, if that matters, wanted me to

1177
00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:25,880
Speaker 1: have it for my wedding. If I ask her to

1178
00:56:25,880 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 1: bring it to me if she ever visits, I'm sure

1179
00:56:27,719 --> 00:56:30,480
Speaker 1: she'll conveniently forget it the way she has done so

1180
00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:33,640
Speaker 1: in the past. My mom has a habit of manipulating

1181
00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:37,200
Speaker 1: me with claims forgetting key discussions we've had, then bringing

1182
00:56:37,200 --> 00:56:39,359
Speaker 1: those things up again when we're in front of other

1183
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:42,040
Speaker 1: people she thinks will peer pressure me into giving in

1184
00:56:42,040 --> 00:56:45,080
Speaker 1: to her. My idea is to steal it back the

1185
00:56:45,120 --> 00:56:48,359
Speaker 1: next time my family visits my parents. I would have

1186
00:56:48,400 --> 00:56:50,560
Speaker 1: a conversation and politely ask for the necklace and see

1187
00:56:50,560 --> 00:56:53,239
Speaker 1: how it goes. If my mother chooses not to let

1188
00:56:53,280 --> 00:56:55,279
Speaker 1: me have it. I would wait until the last night,

1189
00:56:55,719 --> 00:56:59,120
Speaker 1: and when everyone's asleep, I would take the necklace and

1190
00:56:59,320 --> 00:57:02,320
Speaker 1: the note and replace it with a different put necklace,

1191
00:57:02,400 --> 00:57:04,400
Speaker 1: just to see if she can even tell the difference.

1192
00:57:04,960 --> 00:57:06,719
Speaker 1: I don't need the box it comes in, so that

1193
00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:09,960
Speaker 1: can stay. It would be only the necklace and the

1194
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:12,879
Speaker 1: note that leave with me. Would I be the a hole?

1195
00:57:13,440 --> 00:57:16,480
Speaker 2: No? No, your mom is an a whole for taking

1196
00:57:17,800 --> 00:57:21,880
Speaker 2: like a familial tie from you. That's ridiculous.

1197
00:57:22,080 --> 00:57:27,040
Speaker 1: Yeah. Additional context, the grandma is my adoptive paternal grandma.

1198
00:57:27,400 --> 00:57:29,840
Speaker 1: She and I have always had an understanding with each other,

1199
00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:31,600
Speaker 1: and we've been close since I lived with her for

1200
00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:33,840
Speaker 1: a summer when I was twenty one. I think I

1201
00:57:33,880 --> 00:57:36,080
Speaker 1: remember her asking about it on my wedding day and

1202
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:37,880
Speaker 1: I just had to tell her that it was lost

1203
00:57:37,920 --> 00:57:41,600
Speaker 1: in storage. Like my parents said, I was adopted from

1204
00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:44,640
Speaker 1: an orphanage and have no paperwork about my biofamily. I

1205
00:57:44,640 --> 00:57:47,200
Speaker 1: don't even know my real birthday. I've always had a

1206
00:57:47,240 --> 00:57:49,880
Speaker 1: sense that my mom creates these scenarios and plans in

1207
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:52,600
Speaker 1: her head for other people and the way she wants

1208
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:55,800
Speaker 1: them to behave When those things don't happen, either because

1209
00:57:55,800 --> 00:57:58,400
Speaker 1: the people don't want to or because she didn't actually

1210
00:57:58,440 --> 00:58:01,160
Speaker 1: tell anyone she was expecting a specific outcome.

1211
00:58:01,640 --> 00:58:03,440
Speaker 2: She freaks.

1212
00:58:03,920 --> 00:58:06,640
Speaker 1: She really is the main character and everyone else is

1213
00:58:06,680 --> 00:58:09,480
Speaker 1: the supporting cast. She's always been like this since I

1214
00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:12,120
Speaker 1: was little, and it's not likely to change. She has

1215
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:14,800
Speaker 1: a learning disability and cannot read or write past an

1216
00:58:14,840 --> 00:58:17,680
Speaker 1: eighth grade level, and she struggles with her mental health

1217
00:58:17,800 --> 00:58:21,720
Speaker 1: due to her thyroid problems. I doubt she would have

1218
00:58:21,760 --> 00:58:24,360
Speaker 1: the presence of mind to switch them herself, and I

1219
00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:26,680
Speaker 1: also don't believe she'd take me to court over it.

1220
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:29,480
Speaker 1: Her mom was the same way with her, so that

1221
00:58:29,560 --> 00:58:32,400
Speaker 1: she's that way with me. For example, her mom had

1222
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:34,640
Speaker 1: a set of end tables that belonged to my mother

1223
00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:37,640
Speaker 1: for years, and she would not give them up until

1224
00:58:37,640 --> 00:58:40,880
Speaker 1: my parents bought the house therein Now. Her mom would say,

1225
00:58:40,920 --> 00:58:42,439
Speaker 1: you have no use for them. You know, you don't

1226
00:58:42,440 --> 00:58:45,000
Speaker 1: have a space in your house. Blah blah blah blah.

1227
00:58:45,040 --> 00:58:47,240
Speaker 1: It's not worth going to small claims court because it's

1228
00:58:47,320 --> 00:58:49,880
Speaker 1: a pretty simple necklace that wouldn't be worth the court fees.

1229
00:58:50,240 --> 00:58:52,800
Speaker 1: It's a single strand of pearls with a goldfishook style

1230
00:58:52,840 --> 00:58:55,400
Speaker 1: class it's max worth is one hundred fifty to two

1231
00:58:55,440 --> 00:58:57,480
Speaker 1: hundred bucks. But it's just the principle that bothers me,

1232
00:58:58,120 --> 00:59:01,680
Speaker 1: especially because it's just one example of the many manipulative

1233
00:59:01,720 --> 00:59:04,720
Speaker 1: and underhanded things my mom does to me. We don't

1234
00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:07,320
Speaker 1: talk much because of this, and I see my parents

1235
00:59:07,360 --> 00:59:13,080
Speaker 1: once a year maybe. And there is an update. I mean,

1236
00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:17,480
Speaker 1: do the Indiana Jones heist? Yeah, pull a little Oceans

1237
00:59:18,560 --> 00:59:19,440
Speaker 1: eleven clists.

1238
00:59:19,720 --> 00:59:21,880
Speaker 2: I mean it's no, I was wrong about it being

1239
00:59:21,920 --> 00:59:24,960
Speaker 2: a family heirloom, but it's still important to you, and

1240
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:27,840
Speaker 2: it still was given to you by your adoptive grandmother.

1241
00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:29,800
Speaker 2: So go get your necklace.

1242
00:59:30,480 --> 00:59:36,080
Speaker 1: Yeah. So update, not exciting news per se, but an update. Nonetheless,

1243
00:59:36,280 --> 00:59:39,880
Speaker 1: I've received some information that clarifies the ownership of the

1244
00:59:39,920 --> 00:59:45,080
Speaker 1: pearl necklace. So what happened was my parents bought it

1245
00:59:45,120 --> 00:59:48,840
Speaker 1: in China and then gifted it to my paternal grandma,

1246
00:59:48,960 --> 00:59:51,440
Speaker 1: who then wrote up her note stating she wanted to

1247
00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:54,320
Speaker 1: give it to me for my wedding day. The necklace

1248
00:59:54,360 --> 00:59:56,560
Speaker 1: was then handed back to my parents for safe keeping,

1249
00:59:56,880 --> 00:59:59,240
Speaker 1: and I was shown it multiple times and told the

1250
00:59:59,280 --> 01:00:02,400
Speaker 1: story throughout my life. Now my parents are going to

1251
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:04,840
Speaker 1: be visiting my family and me this coming week for

1252
01:00:04,960 --> 01:00:08,520
Speaker 1: five days, arriving tomorrow. Today, I was texting my dad

1253
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:10,840
Speaker 1: and I casually asked if he could bring some of

1254
01:00:10,840 --> 01:00:12,960
Speaker 1: the other things of mine my parents had held onto

1255
01:00:13,040 --> 01:00:15,080
Speaker 1: for all these years that I left at home when

1256
01:00:15,120 --> 01:00:17,720
Speaker 1: I moved out. They had been buried in storage when

1257
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:20,840
Speaker 1: my parents moved, so it wasn't possible to retrieve them

1258
01:00:20,920 --> 01:00:23,600
Speaker 1: until now. I also asked if they could bring the

1259
01:00:23,600 --> 01:00:27,320
Speaker 1: necklace with them, and here's how the conversation went. I

1260
01:00:27,360 --> 01:00:29,680
Speaker 1: told my dad that they could give me whatever things

1261
01:00:29,680 --> 01:00:32,160
Speaker 1: of mine they wanted to clear out of the garage,

1262
01:00:32,200 --> 01:00:35,000
Speaker 1: since I was sure there were a few boxes, and

1263
01:00:35,120 --> 01:00:38,400
Speaker 1: also my pearl necklace. He replied that Mom wanted to

1264
01:00:38,480 --> 01:00:40,720
Speaker 1: keep the necklace because she had it displayed with all

1265
01:00:40,760 --> 01:00:43,720
Speaker 1: the nice things they bought in China. I explained that

1266
01:00:43,800 --> 01:00:46,880
Speaker 1: I was really disappointed when I couldn't have the pearls

1267
01:00:46,880 --> 01:00:49,040
Speaker 1: for my wedding like I was supposed to, and I

1268
01:00:49,080 --> 01:00:51,240
Speaker 1: wanted them back because they meant a lot to me.

1269
01:00:51,840 --> 01:00:53,840
Speaker 1: They were from Grandma, and I was worried we didn't

1270
01:00:53,880 --> 01:00:56,800
Speaker 1: have much time left with her. My dad said he understood,

1271
01:00:56,840 --> 01:00:58,800
Speaker 1: but he remembered that they had bought the necklace in

1272
01:00:58,880 --> 01:01:01,640
Speaker 1: China and didn't call Mom ever giving it to Grandma.

1273
01:01:02,040 --> 01:01:04,640
Speaker 1: He asked me to understand that Mom was heartbroken when

1274
01:01:04,640 --> 01:01:07,120
Speaker 1: she couldn't find the necklace for my wedding. He said

1275
01:01:07,120 --> 01:01:09,120
Speaker 1: it was all she talked about leading up to that day,

1276
01:01:09,640 --> 01:01:11,560
Speaker 1: and now she had it displayed with the note Grandma

1277
01:01:11,640 --> 01:01:13,520
Speaker 1: gave her saying it was meant for me on my

1278
01:01:13,560 --> 01:01:16,080
Speaker 1: wedding day. He thanked me for understanding and said he

1279
01:01:16,240 --> 01:01:18,760
Speaker 1: just didn't like it. When Mom and I argued, I

1280
01:01:18,840 --> 01:01:21,000
Speaker 1: told him Grandma wouldn't have written that note if it

1281
01:01:21,040 --> 01:01:24,320
Speaker 1: wasn't her necklace to pass down to me. She bought

1282
01:01:24,320 --> 01:01:26,600
Speaker 1: it and wanted me to have it. I wasn't asking

1283
01:01:26,640 --> 01:01:29,440
Speaker 1: for something that wasn't mine. I pointed out that it

1284
01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:32,320
Speaker 1: really seemed like Mom cared more about her curio cabinet

1285
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:35,560
Speaker 1: display than about my feelings. I said, I didn't like

1286
01:01:35,720 --> 01:01:38,400
Speaker 1: arguing with her either, but she often made decisions with

1287
01:01:38,440 --> 01:01:41,000
Speaker 1: her head that affected both of us and then expected

1288
01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:43,360
Speaker 1: me to honor them for whatever reason she had. It

1289
01:01:43,400 --> 01:01:46,880
Speaker 1: didn't create a healthy dynamic between us. My dad replied

1290
01:01:46,880 --> 01:01:49,000
Speaker 1: that Mom had bought the necklace and given it to Grandma,

1291
01:01:49,320 --> 01:01:52,160
Speaker 1: and Grandma was just passing it on. I said that

1292
01:01:52,240 --> 01:01:54,560
Speaker 1: did not make it mom's and it didn't make it

1293
01:01:54,600 --> 01:01:56,840
Speaker 1: okay for her to withhold it, But I told him

1294
01:01:56,840 --> 01:01:59,560
Speaker 1: I wouldn't fight about it anymore. Then he said Mom

1295
01:01:59,640 --> 01:02:02,760
Speaker 1: was hoping to give the necklace to my firstborn daughter

1296
01:02:03,400 --> 01:02:04,919
Speaker 1: for her wedding day.

1297
01:02:05,720 --> 01:02:06,960
Speaker 2: Just give it to Opie.

1298
01:02:08,080 --> 01:02:09,000
Speaker 1: Just give me the necklace.

1299
01:02:09,200 --> 01:02:12,600
Speaker 2: I'll give it to her. Let's cut out, cut out you.

1300
01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:16,320
Speaker 1: I told my dad that was really messed up. Mom

1301
01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:19,160
Speaker 1: was withholding the necklace from me so she could give

1302
01:02:19,200 --> 01:02:21,680
Speaker 1: it to my child later, which meant I would never

1303
01:02:21,720 --> 01:02:24,320
Speaker 1: get to have the necklace my grandma gave me. This

1304
01:02:24,360 --> 01:02:26,800
Speaker 1: heirloom was going to skip me completely just because Mom

1305
01:02:26,840 --> 01:02:29,080
Speaker 1: wanted to display it like a trophy and then have

1306
01:02:29,160 --> 01:02:31,840
Speaker 1: a moment with her grandkids someday. At that point, my

1307
01:02:31,920 --> 01:02:34,360
Speaker 1: dad shut me down and he told me arnough wasn't

1308
01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:36,240
Speaker 1: enough and that I shouldn't worry about it, and that

1309
01:02:36,320 --> 01:02:39,560
Speaker 1: I obviously didn't understand or care about Mom's feelings. Then

1310
01:02:39,560 --> 01:02:41,560
Speaker 1: he ended it by saying they would bring the necklace.

1311
01:02:41,760 --> 01:02:44,000
Speaker 1: So now I have a very awkward week long visit

1312
01:02:44,000 --> 01:02:47,000
Speaker 1: from my parents to look forward to starting tomorrow. I

1313
01:02:47,040 --> 01:02:49,040
Speaker 1: low key wish I hadn't asked this time and just

1314
01:02:49,120 --> 01:02:51,240
Speaker 1: taken them when we were planning to see them next

1315
01:02:51,560 --> 01:02:54,320
Speaker 1: at Christmas. All that's happened is now I've made the

1316
01:02:54,360 --> 01:02:56,800
Speaker 1: whole trip awkward and it's going to feed into Christmas too.

1317
01:02:57,160 --> 01:03:01,120
Speaker 1: But at the same time, conflict blade is conflick magnified.

1318
01:03:01,760 --> 01:03:03,480
Speaker 1: My parents have a lot of beef with me and

1319
01:03:03,520 --> 01:03:06,680
Speaker 1: the choices I've made as an adult for myself and

1320
01:03:06,720 --> 01:03:09,800
Speaker 1: my kids. I'm just not doing things the way they

1321
01:03:09,840 --> 01:03:12,440
Speaker 1: had thought I would, and I understand that must be

1322
01:03:12,520 --> 01:03:15,600
Speaker 1: hard when the things you imagine for years don't actually

1323
01:03:15,600 --> 01:03:19,000
Speaker 1: work out in reality. We have a little bit more

1324
01:03:19,040 --> 01:03:22,640
Speaker 1: story left. I don't think it's really you that have

1325
01:03:22,680 --> 01:03:23,400
Speaker 1: made things all now.

1326
01:03:23,720 --> 01:03:27,320
Speaker 2: They literally refuse to give you your necklace and then made

1327
01:03:27,320 --> 01:03:29,840
Speaker 2: a whole fuss back and they were like, fine, if

1328
01:03:29,880 --> 01:03:32,760
Speaker 2: you really if this necklace is such a big deal,

1329
01:03:33,800 --> 01:03:36,320
Speaker 2: it's their fault. They're the a holes.

1330
01:03:37,000 --> 01:03:39,240
Speaker 1: And why is it? Why is all this happening like

1331
01:03:39,280 --> 01:03:43,080
Speaker 1: through dad instead of mom? That's yeah, where is she

1332
01:03:43,160 --> 01:03:47,400
Speaker 1: to take accountability? I think if they bring the necklace

1333
01:03:47,440 --> 01:03:51,520
Speaker 1: and give it back to you, just be like extra thankful,

1334
01:03:51,640 --> 01:03:53,919
Speaker 1: being like, oh, like, I'm so glad that you gave

1335
01:03:53,960 --> 01:03:55,880
Speaker 1: this back. After all this time, it's so great, thank

1336
01:03:55,920 --> 01:03:58,080
Speaker 1: you so much, Like you know, I'm so glad. Like

1337
01:03:58,200 --> 01:04:01,720
Speaker 1: just like you know, use the like to go high

1338
01:04:01,800 --> 01:04:03,919
Speaker 1: when they're trying to go low and be like, wow,

1339
01:04:04,640 --> 01:04:06,560
Speaker 1: just all you care about is the necklace. You don't

1340
01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:09,920
Speaker 1: even care about your mother's feelings. Be like I'm so sorry,

1341
01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:12,720
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah, just

1342
01:04:13,240 --> 01:04:16,920
Speaker 1: do that. And you know, because it's ridiculous for them

1343
01:04:16,960 --> 01:04:19,080
Speaker 1: to try to paint you as like the.

1344
01:04:19,400 --> 01:04:21,520
Speaker 2: Bad guy in wanting your own necklace.

1345
01:04:22,160 --> 01:04:25,400
Speaker 1: So I just can't keep up this dynamic with them.

1346
01:04:25,840 --> 01:04:29,160
Speaker 1: It's exhausting and unfair to everyone, including my kids. I

1347
01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:31,960
Speaker 1: just don't know what to do. Really, there are lots

1348
01:04:31,960 --> 01:04:34,240
Speaker 1: of conversations that need to be had, but I think

1349
01:04:34,280 --> 01:04:37,000
Speaker 1: my parents don't want to talk about it because they

1350
01:04:37,040 --> 01:04:40,080
Speaker 1: think I will remove them from my life, where they're

1351
01:04:40,080 --> 01:04:43,840
Speaker 1: bummed that reconciliation won't include me rolling back my choices

1352
01:04:43,880 --> 01:04:47,000
Speaker 1: and boundaries, which aren't even insane by the way, Like

1353
01:04:47,040 --> 01:04:50,120
Speaker 1: my only big ones are don't kiss my kids and

1354
01:04:50,160 --> 01:04:53,680
Speaker 1: don't feed them a ton of sugar and dies seems

1355
01:04:53,680 --> 01:04:54,400
Speaker 1: pretty reasonable.

1356
01:04:54,400 --> 01:04:56,520
Speaker 2: It seems reasonable. And don't steal my.

1357
01:04:56,560 --> 01:05:00,240
Speaker 1: Jewelry and don't steal them the pearls. It's just us.

1358
01:05:00,320 --> 01:05:03,919
Speaker 1: Been a long road with my folks, and I had

1359
01:05:04,040 --> 01:05:05,880
Speaker 1: a lot of issues when I left the house and

1360
01:05:05,880 --> 01:05:08,439
Speaker 1: got married. I guess we'll just see if they bring

1361
01:05:08,480 --> 01:05:12,240
Speaker 1: the necklace. If they do, they're gonna be very misalty

1362
01:05:12,320 --> 01:05:15,200
Speaker 1: about it, and it'll ruin this visit and probably Christmas.

1363
01:05:15,600 --> 01:05:18,080
Speaker 1: If they don't bring it, I'll just be taking it

1364
01:05:18,120 --> 01:05:21,560
Speaker 1: in December and that trip will be ruined too. Hooray

1365
01:05:21,760 --> 01:05:24,680
Speaker 1: for navigating relationships with your parents as an adult. And

1366
01:05:24,720 --> 01:05:27,080
Speaker 1: that's the end of that story. However, I would just

1367
01:05:27,160 --> 01:05:29,560
Speaker 1: like to say I don't think it has to ruin

1368
01:05:29,600 --> 01:05:34,120
Speaker 1: both of the trips. I think if you just brute

1369
01:05:34,200 --> 01:05:39,440
Speaker 1: force happiness over them, they will just give up. Like

1370
01:05:39,560 --> 01:05:43,280
Speaker 1: if they're pity party and like raining on your parade

1371
01:05:43,440 --> 01:05:45,880
Speaker 1: or whatever you want to call it, like just doesn't

1372
01:05:45,920 --> 01:05:48,120
Speaker 1: get to you. I think that they'll just give up.

1373
01:05:48,560 --> 01:05:50,320
Speaker 2: Every time you, yeah, every time you see them, you're like,

1374
01:05:50,320 --> 01:05:53,120
Speaker 2: oh my god, you're ranging the necklace, the like thank

1375
01:05:53,160 --> 01:05:55,720
Speaker 2: you so much. I know it was such a I

1376
01:05:55,800 --> 01:05:57,440
Speaker 2: know it's really hard for you to give it up,

1377
01:05:57,480 --> 01:05:58,200
Speaker 2: but I just.

1378
01:05:58,240 --> 01:06:00,160
Speaker 1: Write it and I'm so glad I love it so

1379
01:06:00,200 --> 01:06:04,280
Speaker 1: much on a necklace. All this time, I finally can

1380
01:06:04,320 --> 01:06:06,440
Speaker 1: wear the necklace. I love it so much. Thank you.

1381
01:06:06,480 --> 01:06:08,080
Speaker 1: And I will be passing it down to my child

1382
01:06:08,520 --> 01:06:10,240
Speaker 1: and I'll tell them that I got it from that

1383
01:06:10,280 --> 01:06:13,160
Speaker 1: it's from their grandma and my grandma, their great grandma, Like,

1384
01:06:14,160 --> 01:06:17,360
Speaker 1: thank you so much for passing this, I really appreciate blah.

1385
01:06:17,720 --> 01:06:20,400
Speaker 1: And if they're still salty, then you just be like, Hey,

1386
01:06:20,440 --> 01:06:23,040
Speaker 1: is there something else besides the necklace that we should

1387
01:06:23,040 --> 01:06:23,480
Speaker 1: talk about.

1388
01:06:23,680 --> 01:06:24,160
Speaker 2: Yeah,