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Speaker 1: Now here's a highlight from coast to coast am on iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 1: Gollye John, you were doing like Oprah and you were

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Speaker 1: on every show. I remember seeing you myself on every show.

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Speaker 1: Well and Connie right now you pretty much people who

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Speaker 1: do podcasts on relationship, they'll see me all over the place. Still, yeah,

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Speaker 1: get millions of people that listen. I see, You'll never

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Speaker 1: see me on national TV. The nineties when minefro Mars

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Speaker 1: was becoming known in the world and it became the

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Speaker 1: biggest selling book in the world at that time and

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Speaker 1: for the whole decade. At the end of the decade,

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Speaker 1: I became too well known. And because my message is

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Speaker 1: not the narrative. See, the narrative is to dissolve marriage.

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Speaker 1: There are people that want to end marriage. No what really? Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's what's going on. I mean we're not well half

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Speaker 1: the people are getting married today that used to get married.

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Speaker 1: This is not by accident. This is a propaganda campaign.

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Speaker 1: I mean, think about it. Do you see examples on

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Speaker 1: TV of happily married couples and family life? Do you

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Speaker 1: see culture encouraging women in their early stage of being

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Speaker 1: a mother to have children and stay at home no,

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Speaker 1: you know, that was family life. My mother was there

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Speaker 1: for us as children, and then when we got to school,

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Speaker 1: she said, okay, kids, I'm going to have my own business.

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Speaker 1: You know, there's a place where the government has created

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Speaker 1: all kinds of incentives for women to go to work

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Speaker 1: even when their children are young. And when children are young,

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Speaker 1: the most important thing they can have is mother at home. Now,

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Speaker 1: I know that's not possible for everybody, but handing them

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Speaker 1: off to some school teacher who doesn't even have her

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Speaker 1: own children, doesn't know what it's like to be a parent,

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Speaker 1: doesn't have a family life herself, doesn't have the values

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Speaker 1: that you want to give to your child. And so

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Speaker 1: this has been going on very consciously for quite a while.

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Speaker 1: You know, my whole lifetime. You just see the whole direction.

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Speaker 1: You know, what is it? When meniform mars came out

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Speaker 1: around ninety two, it was around nineteen seventy nine when

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Speaker 1: I started talking about the differences between men and women,

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Speaker 1: because in the universities they're saying the differences were insignificant, insignificant,

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Speaker 1: and we're really not that difference. And I was going,

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Speaker 1: are you crazy, I'm a counselor here many and women

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Speaker 1: completely misinterpret each other, They misunderstand each other, They take

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Speaker 1: things personally they don't need to. There's so many confusions

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Speaker 1: that go on between men and women. And if you

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Speaker 1: don't recognize that we are different, like from different planets,

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of misunderstanding that goes on. You know,

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy we are. I'm happy we are. Why

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Speaker 1: is there such a problem? Or I love it? The

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Speaker 1: friends had it right. People have differences, But if you

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Speaker 1: don't understand that the differences are God given, that they're normal,

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Speaker 1: that this is the way it is. And if you

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Speaker 1: try to change it and adapt yourself to be the

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Speaker 1: other sex, all you do is suffer, and the relationships

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Speaker 1: will suffer, and the attraction will go away. All of

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Speaker 1: these good things about marriage are no longer promoted anymore,

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Speaker 1: and ideas that ruin marriage and the possibility of marriage.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not saying everybody's supposed to get married, and

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Speaker 1: and we have our own journeys, but that used to

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Speaker 1: be the goal for everybody is you know, you grow up,

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Speaker 1: you get a job, you learn how to be an

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Speaker 1: independent person. Then you find someone to share your life with,

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Speaker 1: you know, sharing your life with somebody that you get

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Speaker 1: along with and you feel harmony with and you able

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Speaker 1: to nurture the love. But wonderful thing. Our culture no

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Speaker 1: longer nurtures it, so we have to sort of educate

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Speaker 1: ourselves to go against the flow. So I was giving

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Speaker 1: you the point back in the nineties, I was so

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Speaker 1: up there everywhere you are, everywhere, and one day I

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Speaker 1: was never allowed to be on national TV. And one day,

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Speaker 1: you see, people don't realize the networks are all controlled

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Speaker 1: by a few people at the top, and I know

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Speaker 1: the answer at the lower levels, the answer is, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: we've done enough of you. We've done enough of you.

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Speaker 1: And of course what they would say, I'd go a

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Speaker 1: little deeper and they would say, oh, he's now considered

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Speaker 1: a sexist, and we have the alternative media. So I continue.

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Speaker 1: I'm out there, I continue teaching. I love doing it,

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Speaker 1: you know, people love it. But ironically, I just got

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Speaker 1: that from China, and I'm so big in China. You know,

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Speaker 1: everywhere I went there was one or two thousand people

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Speaker 1: in the audience, and it was it's so much fun

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Speaker 1: to have people like it used to be in America,

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Speaker 1: where people wanted to hear, they wanted to learn about

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Speaker 1: their relationships, they wanted to understand how many understand our

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Speaker 1: differences in a positive way. And what's interesting is that

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Speaker 1: the Chinese government is really pro relationship right now. I

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Speaker 1: won't always be that way, but right now their population

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Speaker 1: is going down so quickly, and we're seeing that as well.

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Speaker 1: In America, population going down as it continues on this

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Speaker 1: trend because we're not supporting the family. Our government doesn't

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Speaker 1: even give you incentives to stay married. They give you

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Speaker 1: incentives to get it divorce, to give women incentives. And

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Speaker 1: in the future, absolutely, absolutely we're moving in the right

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Speaker 1: direction here. You know what happens, yes, you know it

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Speaker 1: is life going to be so terrible typically, at least

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Speaker 1: my opinion, if people will tend to go the wrong

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Speaker 1: direction until they suffer enough and they tend to self correct,

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Speaker 1: that's God's grace. That's what suffering is. That's what pain is.

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Speaker 1: Pain is when we're going off off course, and when people,

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Speaker 1: you know, they medicate themselves not to feel the pain.

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Speaker 1: They have all of the distractions. We have Netflix all

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Speaker 1: the time, for example, you know, is a way to

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Speaker 1: avoid the suffering. If you just turn off all your addictions,

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Speaker 1: you'd realize that you're suffering and then you'd ask what

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Speaker 1: am I feeling inside emotionally, and you'd be feeling sad

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Speaker 1: or disappointed, or afraid or frustrated. And I guess I

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Speaker 1: started out the show just saying, here we are the

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Speaker 1: holiday season, the Christmas season, and the Thanksgiving season. Things

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Speaker 1: push our button. Okay, it's we're living in a world

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Speaker 1: of so much illusion that we're disconnected from our full

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Speaker 1: ability to be loving and get along and accept differences.

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Speaker 1: Here another point of view. So when you start noticing

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Speaker 1: yourself getting triggered, one of the best things people can

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Speaker 1: do is get out, go into another room, Just get

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Speaker 1: out a piece of paper and write out all of

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Speaker 1: your crazy emotions. I just hate what that person said.

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Speaker 1: I'm so angry he said that, and oh, I'm stuck

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Speaker 1: in this family. I'm so disappointed, I feel sad, I've

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Speaker 1: never felt heard, I've never supported, and there's stupid ideas

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Speaker 1: that person is saying. And then you just vent. But

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Speaker 1: when you vent, you use the phrase I feel an emotion.

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Speaker 1: The emotions would be anger and sadness and fear and

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Speaker 1: sorry and regret and shame and bad And you know,

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Speaker 1: if you feel your emotions and write them out, what

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Speaker 1: you're doing. See, this is a real simple concept. You're

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Speaker 1: connecting your higher intelligence, which is knows to do language.

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Speaker 1: The emotions is a primitive intelligence inside of us. But

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Speaker 1: it's what all children start out with. That's the soul

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Speaker 1: connection is just emotional, raw emotion. So if you use

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Speaker 1: your higher intelligence, what you're doing is not being a child,

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Speaker 1: but you're connecting to the childlike part of you, which

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Speaker 1: is connected to heaven. You know, we come from the divine,

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Speaker 1: We come into this world and we want to remember

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Speaker 1: the heaven. Well, you have to remember the emotions. You're

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Speaker 1: connecting the pre funnel cortex by giving it language to

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Speaker 1: an emotion. That's called giving a name to an emotion

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Speaker 1: and exploring what the thoughts are that are causing that

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Speaker 1: negative emotion. You're literally connecting your higher self to this

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Speaker 1: lower self inside of you, and that becomes consciousness, conscious

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Speaker 1: of what I'm feeling the emotion inside and then if

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Speaker 1: it's a negative emotion, the consciousness gives you now the

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Speaker 1: information of how automatically how to let go of that emotion.

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Speaker 1: If you keep going a little deeper until you get

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Speaker 1: in touch with what it is you're wanting. At that point,

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Speaker 1: you know which it's a pure desire, it's a soul desire.

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Speaker 1: What I want is harmony and peace. What I want

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Speaker 1: is to be understood. What I want is to have

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Speaker 1: a wonderful, wonderful experience tonight. And what I'm grateful for.

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Speaker 1: So you get in touch what you're wanting your you

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Speaker 1: listen in your heart. What I want and what we

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Speaker 1: want is always good. I want happiness, I enjoy, I

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Speaker 1: want to get along, I want to be heard, I

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Speaker 1: want to be understood, and I'm grateful that. And what

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Speaker 1: gratitude does. After you focus on a want, then you

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Speaker 1: can the gratitude reveals your consciousness becomes aware of, yes,

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Speaker 1: I want this, and look at all the places where

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Speaker 1: I can get that are the intelligence will come through

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Speaker 1: and say, well how do I get that? At that point,

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Speaker 1: So what I'm wanting, what I'm grateful for, what I'm

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Speaker 1: happy about. You know, just as we want to identify

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Speaker 1: the negative emotions, we want to identify the positive emotions

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Speaker 1: as well. We're actually designed to do this. And the

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Speaker 1: design of the body is amazing. The prefernal cortex of

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Speaker 1: the brain. It's the forehead. Look at the forehead and

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Speaker 1: the left forehead. Whenever blood flows there it's always optimistic

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Speaker 1: and it's grateful, and it's positive and it's happy and

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Speaker 1: whatever blood flows to the right prefernal cortex. It's gloomy,

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Speaker 1: it's doom, it's fraid, it's negative, it's looking. Are we

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Speaker 1: to think that way though? Do we get? It seems

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Speaker 1: like the world is more doom and gloom. It's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: look at the bad, look at the bad. Well that's

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Speaker 1: exactly right. But we're designed to be that way. Without

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Speaker 1: intelligent guidance, we learn how to shift back to the positive.

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Speaker 1: What we're designed to do is always to be able

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Speaker 1: to see the negative and then see the positive. How

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Speaker 1: can we have evolution? How can we have a progress

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Speaker 1: or development, or how can we personally grow? But to see, oh,

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Speaker 1: that's a problem, and now what is the solution to that?

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Speaker 1: And in Christian terms, that's a sin? In those terms,

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Speaker 1: and this is repentance. Okay, what can I do differently

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Speaker 1: and to then make your life change is you realize

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Speaker 1: I made a mistake. You come back to okay, my commitment.

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Speaker 1: What I really want is to do it differently. And

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Speaker 1: then when you take action on doing it differently, the

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Speaker 1: universe rewards you. Whatever you give out comes back to

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Speaker 1: you and are God rewards however you want to look

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Speaker 1: at it, But most importantly, you feel good. You know

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Speaker 1: every you know, I've been homeless, I've had relative you know,

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Speaker 1: my wife died of cancer, Bonnie. Forty years my father died.

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Speaker 1: He was, yeah, a horrible thing there. He was on

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Speaker 1: my honeymoon with my wife, Bonnie. Okay, my last conversation

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Speaker 1: with my dad, I said, don't pick up hitchhikers. And

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Speaker 1: then I get a call on the honeymoon. He was

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Speaker 1: found dead in the trunk of his car, having picked

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Speaker 1: up a hitchhiker. It was just a traumatic experience, but

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Speaker 1: I turned it into a beautiful, beautiful memory of my

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Speaker 1: dad because when I went and gotten that trunk, I

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Speaker 1: saw where he pulled back the back window of the

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Speaker 1: back light and he had reached his hand out just

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Speaker 1: for air. He died a heat of fixiation in the

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Speaker 1: trunk and he reached his hand out, And as I'm

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Speaker 1: pulling my hand, I was reaching my hand out just

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Speaker 1: to see what he might have gone through. And the

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Speaker 1: lid was closed. All my six brothers or my family

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Speaker 1: was outside, five brothers and sister and my mother all

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Speaker 1: outside the car, and I'm inside I reached my hand

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Speaker 1: out and as I'm pulling it back, my brother on

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Speaker 1: the outside said, John, see if you can reach around

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Speaker 1: and push the button. And I reached around and pushed

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Speaker 1: the button in the middle. You know, it was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, if only somebody and only he thought about

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Speaker 1: how to get in rather than how to get out.

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Speaker 1: And I took that as a life lesson for me,

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Speaker 1: a pledge which is always, when I'm helping people and

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Speaker 1: things aren't working, let me look at the opposite point

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Speaker 1: of view. And that became the birth of men and

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Speaker 1: from Mars women from Venus. Is so many times when

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Speaker 1: men and women don't understand each other, it's because we're

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Speaker 1: in that moment. It's like we're the opposite of each other.

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Speaker 1: Here's an example of that, which is often. One of

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Speaker 1: the unique things about men, is that in research shows

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Speaker 1: that when a man relaxes, he can actually stop thinking

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Speaker 1: to a great degree, or at least not be aware

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Speaker 1: of his thinking. You say, to a man, what are

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Speaker 1: you thinking? Is nothing that's actually true? True? Harvard did

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Speaker 1: these studies and they had women sit down and put

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Speaker 1: electrodes in their brain, and they said, just relax. And

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Speaker 1: when women tried to relax, their brain activity increased. What

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Speaker 1: are you thinking about? And she said all the things

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Speaker 1: I should be doing when I'm sitting here on the

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Speaker 1: couch that I'm not doing, so that it speeds up.

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Speaker 1: And then they had demands the men would do the

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Speaker 1: same thing. This was after a day of work. The

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Speaker 1: men would sit down and they saw brain activity immediately dropped,

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Speaker 1: I mean significantly dropped, almost nothing. And you asked the men,

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Speaker 1: so what are you thinking? And they all will say nothing, Okay,

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Speaker 1: it's nothing. And so when a woman says to her husband,

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Speaker 1: you know, what are you feeling there? What are you thinking?

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Speaker 1: What's going on inside? He says nothing, she immediately assumes

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Speaker 1: he's lying. He's not lying. And then she has another assumption,

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Speaker 1: which is because often when women don't want to talk

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Speaker 1: to you, it's because they're mad at you. And so

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Speaker 1: then she says, well, you must be mad at me

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Speaker 1: because you don't have anything to talk about. So many

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Speaker 1: times men don't have anything to talk about unless there's

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Speaker 1: a problem. If there's a problem and you wanted to

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Speaker 1: solve it, he has energy to act on it, he

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Speaker 1: has motivation, he has ideas. He'll talk about like I

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Speaker 1: can talk for four hours tonight. But the problem I

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Speaker 1: just want him to listen. That's right. Well, you're the

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Speaker 1: wise woman he used to be in the nineties whom

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Speaker 1: we would complain. And this is where the origins of

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Speaker 1: men are from Mars, which is, you know, one of

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Speaker 1: the big issues it was easy to talk about is

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Speaker 1: women would say men don't listen. Now many modern women

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Speaker 1: they're in another world where they don't even know they

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Speaker 1: need somebody to talk to. They're too busy, their brain

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Speaker 1: is too busy. And also men don't know how to listen.

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Speaker 1: It is true, So she just you know, I think

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Speaker 1: so their complaint is no longer my husband doesn't listen.

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Speaker 1: Often their complain is my husband talks too much and

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Speaker 1: I don't want to listen to him. And this is

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Speaker 1: again where there's been a misdirection that we're treating men

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Speaker 1: and women as the same. One of the best things

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Speaker 1: for women when they're stressed, and women should keep noting

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Speaker 1: this is to be able to talk without having to

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Speaker 1: edit what you're feeling. Right, and as I mentioned before,

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Speaker 1: even more superior is to bring in your emotion to

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Speaker 1: it and talk to somebody who's not going to get defensive,

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Speaker 1: listen to more Coast to Coast AM every weeknight at

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Speaker 1: one am Eastern and go to Coast to coastam dot

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Speaker 1: com for more