WEBVTT - The Pleasure Principles of Love

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<v Speaker 1>What's up family, It's your girl to mek A D.

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<v Speaker 1>Mallory and it's your boy, my son General, and we

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<v Speaker 1>are your host of street politicians, the place with the

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<v Speaker 1>streets and six meet. What's going on? My son Lennon

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<v Speaker 1>the General. We all hear, what's going on? How you

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<v Speaker 1>feel it? All is well? All is well? You know,

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<v Speaker 1>we are turning this episode around quickly. We would have

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<v Speaker 1>taped last week, UM, but we actually were spending the

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<v Speaker 1>weekend with Sabrina Fulton UM and Tracy Martin and Javars Fulton,

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<v Speaker 1>the family of Trayvon Martin. It was ten years this

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<v Speaker 1>weekend since trayvonn was killed, you know, And I had

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<v Speaker 1>no idea that he was killed around his birthday. That

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<v Speaker 1>somehow escaped me for the last ten years. It just

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<v Speaker 1>occurred to me or I just figured that out this

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<v Speaker 1>weekend because it was a birthday celebration and also the

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<v Speaker 1>commemoration of ten years since since he was murdered. And

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<v Speaker 1>I was just like wow, I mean, I already I

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<v Speaker 1>knew from being with Sabrina and Tracy and Javaris for

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<v Speaker 1>so for these last ten years, and I'm you know,

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<v Speaker 1>as you know, we're very close to them, and you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I've worked with Sabrina for a long time. I knew

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<v Speaker 1>that there was pain. Of course there's pain. I've watched

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<v Speaker 1>them go through excruciating pain. But to know that it

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<v Speaker 1>was also Trayvon's birthday in the same time period just intensifies,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, even more the struggle that they've been through,

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<v Speaker 1>that they can't even celebrate his birthday without also having

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<v Speaker 1>to consider what happened to him, um, you know that night.

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<v Speaker 1>So it's just that made it even worse for me. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that's you know, like you said, I didn't even realize that.

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<v Speaker 1>Actually I didn't realize that to just now, like you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I literally when you said that, I'm like, damn, it

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<v Speaker 1>is been you know I was. I was really just

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<v Speaker 1>focused on the celebration of his birthday and then realizing

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<v Speaker 1>it's been ten years since he's been going Oldso you know,

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<v Speaker 1>excuse me, that's like that has to be traumatic. You know.

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<v Speaker 1>I've seen as we were at the um the dinner,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, seeing them on stage, and Javarus got a

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<v Speaker 1>little choked up, you know, just so, and I watched

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<v Speaker 1>Sabrina just hold it together and at times I see

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<v Speaker 1>how you know, wiping back tears and holding back tears,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, and just to try to imagine that, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>having you know, having three sons and just just I

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<v Speaker 1>can't even imagine that feeling. So I just want to

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<v Speaker 1>send out my love as always to the you know,

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<v Speaker 1>the Martin and the and the Fulton family, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>and just tell him that we're here with you, man,

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<v Speaker 1>and ten years and they still standing. That was one

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<v Speaker 1>of the things they still standing still is handling herself

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<v Speaker 1>with such grace and honor, and she's still fighting for

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<v Speaker 1>justice for a son, and still giving refuge to other

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<v Speaker 1>mothers who've lost their children and giving them strength and

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<v Speaker 1>lending her strength. You know, I just I have to

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<v Speaker 1>commend to man I've just never seen. Also have to

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<v Speaker 1>come in you know, Tracy, just him being a father

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<v Speaker 1>and me being a father knowing how much it hurts is.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, he was telling a story you know, about

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<v Speaker 1>the you know, days before Trey Vonnes was born, and

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<v Speaker 1>it was kind of hilarious just looking at the different

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<v Speaker 1>personalities and him just giving that story and just knowing

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<v Speaker 1>that that was that was something for him, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>in the way that he grieves, in the way he

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<v Speaker 1>expresses itself. You know, it's like a proud father. I

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<v Speaker 1>just want to yeah, this is I'm proud of my kids,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm always there for my kids, you know. And

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<v Speaker 1>he's one of those those black men that dispel that

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<v Speaker 1>matter their narratives. You know about the absentee father and

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<v Speaker 1>the single mother even though they're not together, but you

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<v Speaker 1>can tell that he was very present and prevalent. Oh yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>well you know, and I think I'm just gonna call

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<v Speaker 1>it out because um, I think it needs to be

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<v Speaker 1>said that excuse me. Over time. You know, mothers, we

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<v Speaker 1>always are going to celebrate mothers. And Sabrina works really

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<v Speaker 1>hard to keep Trayvon's name alive. Tracy has to work,

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<v Speaker 1>he has, you know, his job, he has his family,

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<v Speaker 1>he has things that he also has to do every

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<v Speaker 1>day as a man, right and so sometimes he's out

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<v Speaker 1>of sight because he's at work. He can't travel around

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<v Speaker 1>the country speaking different places and showing up for all

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<v Speaker 1>the mothers. Sabrina shows up for all the mothers all

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<v Speaker 1>the time. Anyone that every time I'm work in with

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<v Speaker 1>the family and I called Sabrina and asked her can

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<v Speaker 1>she come? She shows up all the time, and she

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<v Speaker 1>builds her own relationship with these mothers. We go to

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<v Speaker 1>her Circle of Mothers event every year where she hosts

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<v Speaker 1>up Now it's growing beyond a hundred mothers around the

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<v Speaker 1>country who've lost their children either to gun violence, senseless

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<v Speaker 1>senseless violence, and uh certainly police um trauma. And so

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<v Speaker 1>people are you know, attracted to Sabrina. I mean she

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<v Speaker 1>she Sabrina, Sabrina strong, you know she is and and

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<v Speaker 1>I guess we keep saying she's strong, and she probably

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<v Speaker 1>feels like she doesn't want to be strong all the time,

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<v Speaker 1>but she is. And she's really a star wars in

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<v Speaker 1>this movement. UM. And so what happens is that Tracy

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<v Speaker 1>is often sort of missing from the conversation where people

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<v Speaker 1>will talk about oh, you know, and and Sabrina this

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<v Speaker 1>and the mom and the mom. And I think that

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<v Speaker 1>Tracy speaking in the way that he did, even though

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<v Speaker 1>he told old the story that Sabrina probably kicked his

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<v Speaker 1>butt for later, but nonetheless the fact that he spoke

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<v Speaker 1>about how much he loved his son, how he kissed

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<v Speaker 1>his boy, he kisses his boys, and encouraging men to

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<v Speaker 1>be closer to their sons. Now that he's coming out

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<v Speaker 1>of his shell and he's speaking I think that's important

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<v Speaker 1>because people need to know that, while, like you said,

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<v Speaker 1>they may not have been in the same household, there

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<v Speaker 1>was a mother and father who deeply loved Trayvonne, and

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<v Speaker 1>in fact, Trey vonn was with his father at his

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<v Speaker 1>father's house at the time that he was murdered. Um

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<v Speaker 1>And so you know, I'm I'm committed to that. I

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<v Speaker 1>always have had great respect to Tracy. But I think

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<v Speaker 1>that when we talk about these families and these situations

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<v Speaker 1>that happened, we cannot forget the father's you know, you

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<v Speaker 1>think about uh Ahmad Augury. While yes, every day, of

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<v Speaker 1>course we're gonna celebrate and make sure that we uplift

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<v Speaker 1>Wanda Cooper because that is a mod's mom who was

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<v Speaker 1>there and shepherding him through life, but his father was

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<v Speaker 1>also in court. He was in court all the time.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, he was he and he wasn't a man

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<v Speaker 1>of many words, but he did at times say, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I want justice for my son. And so you know,

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<v Speaker 1>we have to make sure that we we don't erase

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<v Speaker 1>the narrative or erase the fathers of these folks who

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<v Speaker 1>have been lost to violence from this situation. Now, there

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<v Speaker 1>are other stories where fathers weren't present, and then all

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<v Speaker 1>of a sudden, when there's either money on the table

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<v Speaker 1>and or fame, they show up. And I think the

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<v Speaker 1>truth just has to be told. Um. But but but

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<v Speaker 1>how we make sure that we focus our attention on um,

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<v Speaker 1>the truth of what is good rather than always looking

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<v Speaker 1>at what is negative. Um, I think it is really important.

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<v Speaker 1>So that's what for black his three months. I think

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<v Speaker 1>we need to highlight black fathers. High father we were matter,

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<v Speaker 1>Black father's, mack fathers mattered, daddish. Shout out to all

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<v Speaker 1>of the fathers that you know organizations and so many

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<v Speaker 1>organizations where they have you know, fathers that are doing

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<v Speaker 1>big things. Shout out to my brother Marcus, who is

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<v Speaker 1>part of an organization with fathers. Another black father, James Bond,

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<v Speaker 1>to our resident brand experts. Husband James Bond started his

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<v Speaker 1>organization Dadis, which focused on black fathers. So just salute

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<v Speaker 1>to all all of us black fathers out there that

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<v Speaker 1>represent properly. Yes, you know the dads. It's the dad's

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<v Speaker 1>for me, So let me see what else is going

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<v Speaker 1>on there. So much I wrote a bunch of notes.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I don't think we can um even go

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<v Speaker 1>forward in a show without talking about a mere lock. Um,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, this is a situation where, yet again, no

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<v Speaker 1>not warrants have are proven to be extremely dangerous, especially

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<v Speaker 1>when in the hands of and institution, because policing in

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<v Speaker 1>America is an institution, but it is an institution that

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<v Speaker 1>unfortunately access terrorists in our communities at times. Um, the

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<v Speaker 1>way in which no knock warrants are executed in the

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<v Speaker 1>black community is extremely dangerous. And the reason why we

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<v Speaker 1>want to see the George Floyd Justice and Policing Act

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<v Speaker 1>past is because one of the pieces within the legislative

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<v Speaker 1>bill is to ban no knock warrants. So when people

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<v Speaker 1>argue with us, oh, you know, who cares about voting,

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<v Speaker 1>who cares about this administration? Who cares about this? That?

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<v Speaker 1>And the third the reason why we're going so hard

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<v Speaker 1>is because we know that there are pieces of legislation

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<v Speaker 1>out there that it passed. Not to say that it

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<v Speaker 1>will stop them from killing us, but it will at

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<v Speaker 1>least make it a crime. Right now, it's not even

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<v Speaker 1>a crime to kick down somebody's door in a state

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<v Speaker 1>where they can have a firearm, where they actually can

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<v Speaker 1>have where it is legal to get a firearm, that

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<v Speaker 1>actually it is legal in every state to have a firearm,

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<v Speaker 1>but there are certain states where the protection of your

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<v Speaker 1>home um right. But I think, I think, I think

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<v Speaker 1>a mere lock was licensed to carry. I believe he

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<v Speaker 1>was licensed to carry. Um if he's not. If he wasn't,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sure our our viewers and listeners will correct me.

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<v Speaker 1>But I believe I heard somewhere that he was licensed

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<v Speaker 1>to carry. So the reason why we want to get

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<v Speaker 1>rid of no knock warrants, such as what happened the

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<v Speaker 1>work that happened in Kentucky where our sister Coulture Iran

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<v Speaker 1>was instrumental in getting no knock warrants banned there. The

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<v Speaker 1>reason why that's important is because ultimately the ways in

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<v Speaker 1>which the laws currently exist, it doesn't make sense. It

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't mean for either side. It just doesn't benefit either.

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<v Speaker 1>If you if you if you are officer and you're

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<v Speaker 1>doing your job and you're going there with a known

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<v Speaker 1>knock warrant, you put yourself at risk because someone has

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<v Speaker 1>can legally protect themselves. If they don't know who you

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<v Speaker 1>are and you run into a home, somebody can legally

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<v Speaker 1>shoot you because they trying to protect themselves. It doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>make sense for the individual who has a gun in

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<v Speaker 1>their house and they can legally shoot. And then you

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<v Speaker 1>a police officer and you walk in and you see

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<v Speaker 1>the gun and thinking you have to protect yourself, you

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<v Speaker 1>can of them. So it's it pretty much what it

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<v Speaker 1>does end in bandon On like Lawrence pretty much protects

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<v Speaker 1>everybody and it makes a clear this decisive situation. If

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<v Speaker 1>I if I knock and say open the door, boom,

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<v Speaker 1>we are the police. We acknowledge you acknowledge that the

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<v Speaker 1>police are at the door. We've given you the amount

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<v Speaker 1>of time to let us in, and we have a

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<v Speaker 1>warrant for your arrest, and we've done all of that.

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<v Speaker 1>At that point when the firearm is shown, we've done

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<v Speaker 1>our due diligence. If you still decide that you're gonna

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<v Speaker 1>shoot at the police, no one nat the police. Then

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<v Speaker 1>it's on the opposite siety. The police shoot you after

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<v Speaker 1>you say listen, I got my hands in the air.

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<v Speaker 1>You just have a firearm, this and that. Then they

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<v Speaker 1>held out. It shows clear liability to who and what

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<v Speaker 1>the situation is. Anything else is too much confusion. It's messy.

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<v Speaker 1>It's messy. It's messy. You have people being shot too quick.

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<v Speaker 1>First of all, a mirror was the wrong person. So

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<v Speaker 1>that's a whole other set of circumstances that policing is

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<v Speaker 1>not one hundred percent bulletproof. It's not like sometimes you're

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<v Speaker 1>at the wrong address, sometimes you have the wrong information

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<v Speaker 1>that when when there is a margin of error, it

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<v Speaker 1>can't be coupled with a no knock warrant. It can't

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<v Speaker 1>be you have to get rid of no knock warrant. So,

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<v Speaker 1>as you said, it is very clear and decisive what happened,

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<v Speaker 1>why it happened, and who's responsible if someone dies, and

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<v Speaker 1>so this is common sense. We're not even talking about

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<v Speaker 1>some big theoretical bubble that needs to be broke down,

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<v Speaker 1>and it has to be This is very very clear,

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<v Speaker 1>and this is why we fight for things like the

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<v Speaker 1>George Floyd Justice and Police and Act, which is very

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<v Speaker 1>very bare minimal, very bare minimal legislation that can help

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<v Speaker 1>with this. And of course there are cities around the

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<v Speaker 1>country who have started to introduce no knock warrant bands,

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<v Speaker 1>but that does not work because what happens is that

0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:09.520
<v Speaker 1>we're depending on a local government to make those decisions

0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:12.320
<v Speaker 1>that will be based upon you know, when when when

0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:15.120
<v Speaker 1>one government is in they may stick with it. Then

0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:18.240
<v Speaker 1>a new government comes in in two years four years,

0:14:18.480 --> 0:14:21.480
<v Speaker 1>then they change the rules. That is not what we want.

0:14:21.520 --> 0:14:25.640
<v Speaker 1>We want federal legislation that across the board would protect

0:14:25.680 --> 0:14:28.120
<v Speaker 1>someone like a me a lot. I sat and listened

0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:31.560
<v Speaker 1>to his family speak today on CNN, they did an

0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:37.360
<v Speaker 1>interview these people. It's like it's like groundhog Day. It's

0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:41.400
<v Speaker 1>almost like I'm watching for the last almost thirty years

0:14:41.400 --> 0:14:45.800
<v Speaker 1>of my life, the same ship, the parents sitting down

0:14:45.840 --> 0:14:50.120
<v Speaker 1>telling their story. So, you know, God blessing and a

0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:55.080
<v Speaker 1>mere Lock, his family and his memory. Um, what I

0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:59.600
<v Speaker 1>will say, I bang with the people of Minneapolis because

0:14:59.680 --> 0:15:04.280
<v Speaker 1>they the street. Those people winter spring, summer, fall. They

0:15:04.320 --> 0:15:07.240
<v Speaker 1>are no joke in terms of how they approach getting

0:15:07.280 --> 0:15:10.880
<v Speaker 1>out there and making sure that their voices are heard.

0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:14.040
<v Speaker 1>Shout out to our sister Leslie Redman who is on

0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:18.280
<v Speaker 1>the ground, other sister Tikima. I mean they are out

0:15:18.320 --> 0:15:22.320
<v Speaker 1>there and again once again Minneapolis is showing up. They're

0:15:22.320 --> 0:15:25.200
<v Speaker 1>showing up for a mere Lock, and um, you know,

0:15:25.280 --> 0:15:26.920
<v Speaker 1>we just want to send them my love and make

0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:29.840
<v Speaker 1>sure they know that the people of all around the

0:15:29.880 --> 0:15:32.120
<v Speaker 1>country are with them and with the mere Locks family.

0:15:32.760 --> 0:15:36.280
<v Speaker 1>Definitely we're with them and you know, very very tragic

0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:39.920
<v Speaker 1>situation man. And again we we just want to make

0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:44.120
<v Speaker 1>legislation clear so that we can avoid these situations. You know,

0:15:44.200 --> 0:15:47.560
<v Speaker 1>it's it's it's it's so tiring that we keep losing

0:15:47.600 --> 0:15:50.880
<v Speaker 1>lives the same way. And you know, we have a

0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:54.360
<v Speaker 1>government that for some reason does not want to do

0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:56.920
<v Speaker 1>the right thing, to just save lives and just do

0:15:57.000 --> 0:15:58.920
<v Speaker 1>the right thing. Like what's so hard about doing the

0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:02.640
<v Speaker 1>right thing? They want power? And you see, when you

0:16:02.680 --> 0:16:06.280
<v Speaker 1>are that's what I mean by terrorism, right there are

0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:08.240
<v Speaker 1>people who will hear me say that word and they'll

0:16:08.280 --> 0:16:11.440
<v Speaker 1>be like, oh, you know, how could you say that

0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:13.760
<v Speaker 1>when when you know police office? I know police, So

0:16:13.760 --> 0:16:16.200
<v Speaker 1>they're not terrorists. We think about terrorists. We think about

0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:21.960
<v Speaker 1>people overseas or people domestic terrorists that come here. But terrorism,

0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:25.000
<v Speaker 1>when you just think about what is in that word,

0:16:25.280 --> 0:16:28.080
<v Speaker 1>has a lot to do with people who want power

0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:31.240
<v Speaker 1>and they're willing to take it by any means necessary.

0:16:31.280 --> 0:16:34.000
<v Speaker 1>They don't care who gets hurt in the process. And

0:16:34.080 --> 0:16:38.480
<v Speaker 1>that's what too many police departments, and also people who

0:16:38.520 --> 0:16:42.240
<v Speaker 1>work within police departments, that's what they fight for. They

0:16:42.280 --> 0:16:47.080
<v Speaker 1>fight for the right to basically dominate communities and not

0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:50.800
<v Speaker 1>have checks and balances that will also keep them accountable.

0:16:51.280 --> 0:16:53.680
<v Speaker 1>Uh and and and and and and to speak about that,

0:16:53.840 --> 0:16:57.680
<v Speaker 1>we can go right to the next situation. Tunisia Chappelle here,

0:16:57.760 --> 0:17:01.600
<v Speaker 1>this young woman is now, I'm gonna go with their theory.

0:17:01.880 --> 0:17:04.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna go with their theory. And I'm saying this

0:17:04.400 --> 0:17:08.680
<v Speaker 1>as a as a what is the word that I'm

0:17:08.680 --> 0:17:12.880
<v Speaker 1>want to use? It is as it's basically, I'm just

0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:15.159
<v Speaker 1>making sure that people know that I don't know that

0:17:15.240 --> 0:17:18.919
<v Speaker 1>this theory is correct because Tinisia Chappelle never made it

0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:22.880
<v Speaker 1>to court to be tried for the crime that they

0:17:22.920 --> 0:17:27.720
<v Speaker 1>say she committed. Right she was detained in the city

0:17:27.800 --> 0:17:31.639
<v Speaker 1>jail waiting for her to go to court. So she

0:17:31.680 --> 0:17:34.240
<v Speaker 1>would have gone to court and been found guilty of something,

0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:36.399
<v Speaker 1>and then she would have been probably sent to a

0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:39.560
<v Speaker 1>state facility or whatever if she was found guilty, or

0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:42.120
<v Speaker 1>maybe released, and you know, and and have to deal

0:17:42.160 --> 0:17:45.119
<v Speaker 1>with her situation from in a different perspective. But the

0:17:45.160 --> 0:17:49.320
<v Speaker 1>story they tell is that she was a shoplift or

0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:52.720
<v Speaker 1>that she shoplifted this particular day, and that when she

0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:57.160
<v Speaker 1>left the store, a police officer was chasing her. So

0:17:57.200 --> 0:18:02.320
<v Speaker 1>now as she's being chased, I think she went into

0:18:02.440 --> 0:18:06.200
<v Speaker 1>Indiana or something like that, and they say they apprehended

0:18:06.200 --> 0:18:13.240
<v Speaker 1>her and they arrested her. Okay, fine, right, So now

0:18:13.280 --> 0:18:18.720
<v Speaker 1>she's in jail. And again the terrorism is that even

0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:22.560
<v Speaker 1>if you are you are you could have killed somebody,

0:18:22.960 --> 0:18:27.080
<v Speaker 1>which is the worst thing you could do, take someone's life. Right,

0:18:27.640 --> 0:18:31.000
<v Speaker 1>But if you're in prison, there are still rules that

0:18:31.080 --> 0:18:35.480
<v Speaker 1>apply to a person needing medical attention, to how the

0:18:35.600 --> 0:18:38.760
<v Speaker 1>jail should be kept clean, the food being you know,

0:18:39.040 --> 0:18:42.840
<v Speaker 1>humane conditions. That is what it is supposed to be.

0:18:43.359 --> 0:18:47.280
<v Speaker 1>If you watch the footage of what happened to Tunisia Chappelle,

0:18:47.720 --> 0:18:52.160
<v Speaker 1>there is no way on God's green earth that they

0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:56.359
<v Speaker 1>can sit back and say they found no wrongdoing and

0:18:56.359 --> 0:18:59.480
<v Speaker 1>that there would be no charges brought against anybody in

0:18:59.560 --> 0:19:02.320
<v Speaker 1>That's that reason. Now, that's just from the first footage

0:19:02.359 --> 0:19:04.560
<v Speaker 1>that everyone has seen, and we should make sure that

0:19:05.040 --> 0:19:08.360
<v Speaker 1>we play that today. That's the first set of footage.

0:19:08.560 --> 0:19:12.679
<v Speaker 1>But now we move on to the new footage that

0:19:12.720 --> 0:19:16.800
<v Speaker 1>has come out that shows her for hours and hours

0:19:16.960 --> 0:19:22.040
<v Speaker 1>and hours vomiting, begging, begging for help, laying on the

0:19:22.160 --> 0:19:27.840
<v Speaker 1>ground naked the inmates. The inmates were calling saying she

0:19:27.920 --> 0:19:34.800
<v Speaker 1>needs help, some of them huhms. Prison, the no, the

0:19:34.880 --> 0:19:40.000
<v Speaker 1>incarcerated individuals, the other incarcerated individuals, You are right, let

0:19:40.000 --> 0:19:43.879
<v Speaker 1>me correct that they were calling saying she needs help. Now,

0:19:44.000 --> 0:19:46.400
<v Speaker 1>there was some of them that you could hear that

0:19:46.480 --> 0:19:50.040
<v Speaker 1>they were down with with the police. Right in terms

0:19:50.119 --> 0:19:51.719
<v Speaker 1>of the way that they were speaking of her, they

0:19:51.720 --> 0:19:55.000
<v Speaker 1>were mocking her. She went through the most horrible situation

0:19:55.040 --> 0:19:58.919
<v Speaker 1>and over forty eight hours, this woman died. Again. People

0:19:59.160 --> 0:20:04.000
<v Speaker 1>who want their power and dominion over another individual and

0:20:04.040 --> 0:20:07.440
<v Speaker 1>they and they actually they get off on watching us die.

0:20:08.640 --> 0:20:12.359
<v Speaker 1>And it's so sad, it's and it's a two pronged situation,

0:20:12.480 --> 0:20:16.800
<v Speaker 1>right is that? And then there's this belief that because

0:20:16.880 --> 0:20:20.439
<v Speaker 1>you're incarcerated, that you're no longer human, right that whatever

0:20:20.520 --> 0:20:23.880
<v Speaker 1>comes with incarceration, if you die in jail, you shouldn't

0:20:23.920 --> 0:20:27.280
<v Speaker 1>be attended to, you shouldn't get fooled, you should be

0:20:27.560 --> 0:20:31.320
<v Speaker 1>you should be given the worst possible everything, no matter

0:20:31.359 --> 0:20:34.040
<v Speaker 1>what it is. And this is an ideology that people

0:20:34.080 --> 0:20:36.239
<v Speaker 1>have that you know, when you go to jail, if

0:20:36.240 --> 0:20:40.000
<v Speaker 1>you're incarcerated, that you pretty much have lost your humanity,

0:20:40.520 --> 0:20:43.120
<v Speaker 1>you know, and and and it's so crazy. People see

0:20:43.160 --> 0:20:47.320
<v Speaker 1>you as not even a person, as something you know,

0:20:47.400 --> 0:20:50.439
<v Speaker 1>and that's what happens, especially in those facilities, you know,

0:20:50.480 --> 0:20:54.280
<v Speaker 1>those those holding facilities, these are holding facilities. Like you said,

0:20:54.440 --> 0:20:56.960
<v Speaker 1>she she didn't even get her day at court for

0:20:57.080 --> 0:20:59.399
<v Speaker 1>something for you know, a petty crime that she was

0:20:59.480 --> 0:21:02.840
<v Speaker 1>being like she she was she was treated like someone

0:21:02.880 --> 0:21:05.080
<v Speaker 1>who had did the most the most worst things in

0:21:05.119 --> 0:21:07.719
<v Speaker 1>the world and she wasn't even attended to. And then

0:21:07.760 --> 0:21:11.240
<v Speaker 1>there are other you know, prisoners and there who who

0:21:11.280 --> 0:21:14.760
<v Speaker 1>have been dealing with this Stockholm syndrome and and they've

0:21:14.800 --> 0:21:18.000
<v Speaker 1>embraced this lifestyle. You know, there's certain people who were like,

0:21:18.000 --> 0:21:20.679
<v Speaker 1>well you and jail what you think, you know, and

0:21:20.720 --> 0:21:23.120
<v Speaker 1>it's like, no, in jail, I think that I should

0:21:23.160 --> 0:21:25.240
<v Speaker 1>be able to get medical attention. I think I should

0:21:25.240 --> 0:21:27.840
<v Speaker 1>eat food that's not spoiling that I think I should

0:21:27.880 --> 0:21:30.720
<v Speaker 1>have officers told to me like a human being and

0:21:30.840 --> 0:21:35.719
<v Speaker 1>not like trash. And absolutely I'm with you. Um. You know,

0:21:35.760 --> 0:21:39.280
<v Speaker 1>there's new footage of Tunisia coming out, and in fact,

0:21:39.320 --> 0:21:42.480
<v Speaker 1>her family is going to be on our show, um

0:21:42.920 --> 0:21:45.320
<v Speaker 1>and we'll be you know, talking to them about her.

0:21:45.400 --> 0:21:48.720
<v Speaker 1>She has a daughter, her sisters fighting for her. They're

0:21:48.720 --> 0:21:50.959
<v Speaker 1>so tired, they burnt out because it's been going on

0:21:51.080 --> 0:21:54.200
<v Speaker 1>for a while now, and they're just starting to get

0:21:54.240 --> 0:21:58.199
<v Speaker 1>the type of attention that they deserve. So that's another issue. UM.

0:21:58.440 --> 0:22:00.800
<v Speaker 1>And then you know, one of things that I think

0:22:01.160 --> 0:22:03.480
<v Speaker 1>is sort of like the last thing that I have

0:22:03.680 --> 0:22:11.520
<v Speaker 1>on my agenda of news to share today is um

0:22:11.560 --> 0:22:13.360
<v Speaker 1>and maybe I'll make it my thought of the day.

0:22:13.720 --> 0:22:15.399
<v Speaker 1>I had a different thought of the day today, and

0:22:15.440 --> 0:22:17.359
<v Speaker 1>I think we got to talk about it later. And

0:22:17.480 --> 0:22:19.800
<v Speaker 1>the thought of the day that I originally wanted to

0:22:19.840 --> 0:22:24.119
<v Speaker 1>talk about is asking the question when it's okay to

0:22:24.240 --> 0:22:29.720
<v Speaker 1>keep your children away from their parents, mother or father, right.

0:22:29.760 --> 0:22:33.600
<v Speaker 1>I really wanted to get into that in light of

0:22:33.640 --> 0:22:36.400
<v Speaker 1>what's been happening with him and Kanye right, which I'm

0:22:36.400 --> 0:22:38.800
<v Speaker 1>not sure that people are trying to keep him from

0:22:38.880 --> 0:22:42.680
<v Speaker 1>seeing the children, or maybe they are. I don't know

0:22:42.760 --> 0:22:45.800
<v Speaker 1>the facts, but it just brings up in me this

0:22:45.920 --> 0:22:48.800
<v Speaker 1>idea that at some point people may feel like they're

0:22:49.440 --> 0:22:54.359
<v Speaker 1>child's parents is dealing with a mental health issue and

0:22:54.400 --> 0:22:56.760
<v Speaker 1>therefore they feel like they shouldn't have the child around

0:22:56.760 --> 0:22:58.720
<v Speaker 1>the parents. But then there are people who say, hey,

0:22:58.760 --> 0:23:02.159
<v Speaker 1>you already knew that, And it's always I remember my

0:23:02.160 --> 0:23:04.760
<v Speaker 1>mother used to say, it doesn't matter if your daddy's

0:23:04.800 --> 0:23:08.080
<v Speaker 1>on drugs. He could be on the street corner, doesn't matter.

0:23:08.680 --> 0:23:11.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna always make sure, even if it's just a

0:23:11.040 --> 0:23:14.520
<v Speaker 1>few minutes, you see your parents, you know, because that's

0:23:14.560 --> 0:23:20.000
<v Speaker 1>just that that parent needs to or that that child

0:23:20.520 --> 0:23:25.760
<v Speaker 1>needs to see and understand the truth about their parents,

0:23:26.400 --> 0:23:29.400
<v Speaker 1>and they need to have the influence and the love

0:23:29.480 --> 0:23:32.800
<v Speaker 1>that it might only be for a second, right, especially

0:23:32.840 --> 0:23:36.600
<v Speaker 1>if there's some positivity there. But I'm gonna leave that

0:23:36.760 --> 0:23:40.560
<v Speaker 1>for another later in the conversation. On another time. My

0:23:40.680 --> 0:23:50.240
<v Speaker 1>thought of the day today, how do we help people

0:23:50.400 --> 0:23:54.840
<v Speaker 1>understand how serious things are with what is happening across

0:23:54.880 --> 0:23:59.080
<v Speaker 1>this country, because I feel like folks ain't really paying attention.

0:23:59.240 --> 0:24:04.720
<v Speaker 1>It's like our movement, you know, there's always laws, right,

0:24:04.840 --> 0:24:08.520
<v Speaker 1>movements are not gonna be all the same way all

0:24:08.560 --> 0:24:11.240
<v Speaker 1>the time where every day people are in the street,

0:24:11.320 --> 0:24:15.399
<v Speaker 1>and that's not the way movements work. They have laws,

0:24:15.480 --> 0:24:18.320
<v Speaker 1>they have moments that go up and down, and we're

0:24:18.400 --> 0:24:21.280
<v Speaker 1>in not so much a law, but we are in

0:24:21.359 --> 0:24:24.560
<v Speaker 1>a moment where I think folks are so frustrated that

0:24:24.640 --> 0:24:27.320
<v Speaker 1>they've checked out. And then there's another set of individuals

0:24:27.359 --> 0:24:29.199
<v Speaker 1>that as long as they got Trump out of office,

0:24:29.320 --> 0:24:33.120
<v Speaker 1>they've kind of moved on, and so I saw that

0:24:33.280 --> 0:24:39.359
<v Speaker 1>Alabana in Alabama. Just yesterday, the Supreme Court has allowed

0:24:39.600 --> 0:24:44.440
<v Speaker 1>Alabama to go forward with redrawing their congressional masks, which

0:24:44.440 --> 0:24:49.960
<v Speaker 1>will ultimately be a voter suppression method against black folks

0:24:50.000 --> 0:24:53.160
<v Speaker 1>in the state of Alabama. So the Supreme Court has

0:24:53.200 --> 0:24:57.880
<v Speaker 1>agreed that it is okay for them to redraw the mass.

0:24:57.920 --> 0:25:01.639
<v Speaker 1>And I'm just wondering if maybe people are not hearing

0:25:01.680 --> 0:25:04.639
<v Speaker 1>about it, maybe we're not doing good at enough of

0:25:04.640 --> 0:25:08.400
<v Speaker 1>a job telling folks what's happening. But I don't think

0:25:08.440 --> 0:25:12.760
<v Speaker 1>people know that if they keep doing this around the country,

0:25:12.800 --> 0:25:16.399
<v Speaker 1>along with the abortion laws and so many other things

0:25:16.480 --> 0:25:20.680
<v Speaker 1>that's happening in New York, bringing back stopping frisk, we're

0:25:20.680 --> 0:25:23.239
<v Speaker 1>gonna be living. I don't even know what kind of

0:25:23.280 --> 0:25:26.639
<v Speaker 1>country this is going to be. It's already bad, but

0:25:26.720 --> 0:25:31.199
<v Speaker 1>we're quickly headed towards this country being a place that

0:25:31.359 --> 0:25:36.280
<v Speaker 1>is unlivable literally, And I'm I just I don't know

0:25:36.320 --> 0:25:39.640
<v Speaker 1>what people are focused on. But sometimes I feel like,

0:25:40.359 --> 0:25:46.000
<v Speaker 1>wake up, wake up. I think I think there's I

0:25:46.000 --> 0:25:50.360
<v Speaker 1>think there's a level of jaded nous. I think there's

0:25:50.359 --> 0:25:58.720
<v Speaker 1>a level of misdirection yeah, misinformation, misinformation. There's so many

0:25:58.720 --> 0:26:01.560
<v Speaker 1>different elements that we deal with. Right we were in

0:26:01.560 --> 0:26:05.680
<v Speaker 1>a pandemic to where people are so focused on COVID

0:26:05.800 --> 0:26:08.680
<v Speaker 1>or what it is, what it's not. You know that

0:26:08.359 --> 0:26:13.920
<v Speaker 1>that has geared, you know, the energy in the mind

0:26:14.000 --> 0:26:17.000
<v Speaker 1>state away from things. And then there are people who

0:26:17.080 --> 0:26:19.679
<v Speaker 1>just don't even believe in government. Right. I think people

0:26:19.720 --> 0:26:23.480
<v Speaker 1>have lost faith in the system in general, and people

0:26:23.480 --> 0:26:25.560
<v Speaker 1>are trying to figure out, how do I navigate outside

0:26:25.560 --> 0:26:27.919
<v Speaker 1>of that and you know and do different things because

0:26:27.920 --> 0:26:29.600
<v Speaker 1>this system right here is just not for me. So

0:26:29.640 --> 0:26:31.919
<v Speaker 1>it's not really something I want to focus on. Right there.

0:26:31.960 --> 0:26:34.280
<v Speaker 1>People are saying, I'm not voting anyway, so how our

0:26:34.359 --> 0:26:37.000
<v Speaker 1>cave if they suppress my votes? Right, And so there's

0:26:37.040 --> 0:26:40.840
<v Speaker 1>so many different elements that there's not one thing. There's

0:26:40.840 --> 0:26:43.000
<v Speaker 1>so many different things that's putting us to sleep. People

0:26:43.000 --> 0:26:46.760
<v Speaker 1>are becoming numb to seeing us get killed, numb to

0:26:46.840 --> 0:26:49.880
<v Speaker 1>seeing injustice that happened with us. It's just like another

0:26:50.040 --> 0:26:53.239
<v Speaker 1>another body that's for them. It's another situation. You know,

0:26:53.280 --> 0:26:56.800
<v Speaker 1>we have an influx and the overflux of violence in

0:26:56.840 --> 0:26:58.920
<v Speaker 1>our communities right now where people are just killing. So

0:26:59.000 --> 0:27:01.720
<v Speaker 1>it's so many different things like that's why you look

0:27:01.760 --> 0:27:05.240
<v Speaker 1>at suicide at a high rate. Like every day we're

0:27:05.280 --> 0:27:08.880
<v Speaker 1>seeing people who we think have beautiful lives, who are

0:27:09.080 --> 0:27:11.919
<v Speaker 1>you know, wealthy or well to do, are just taking

0:27:11.920 --> 0:27:16.320
<v Speaker 1>their life because there's so much pain and trauma that

0:27:16.440 --> 0:27:20.280
<v Speaker 1>people are dealing. I pride myself on my strength, right,

0:27:20.320 --> 0:27:24.639
<v Speaker 1>I pride myself on I've been incarcerated setting seals who

0:27:24.720 --> 0:27:27.680
<v Speaker 1>crimes I didn't do. I've been through poverty, I've been

0:27:27.680 --> 0:27:30.359
<v Speaker 1>through drugs, I've been through just about everything, and I

0:27:30.359 --> 0:27:32.600
<v Speaker 1>believe that I have a level of resilience and strength

0:27:33.119 --> 0:27:36.600
<v Speaker 1>that the average person doesn't have. So when I when

0:27:36.600 --> 0:27:39.280
<v Speaker 1>I realized that it's times that in these times that

0:27:39.359 --> 0:27:42.760
<v Speaker 1>I feel overwhelmed. You know, I never think I've never

0:27:42.760 --> 0:27:44.919
<v Speaker 1>thought about taking my life. I never thought of But

0:27:45.000 --> 0:27:47.320
<v Speaker 1>there are times where I feel overwhelmed, like it's just

0:27:47.359 --> 0:27:50.240
<v Speaker 1>so many different elements in things, and I don't even

0:27:50.280 --> 0:27:52.359
<v Speaker 1>know what to attack. I don't know if this one

0:27:52.480 --> 0:27:54.640
<v Speaker 1>is worth it, I don't know all these things. If

0:27:54.720 --> 0:27:57.080
<v Speaker 1>I know that I feel like that, I know that

0:27:57.160 --> 0:28:01.160
<v Speaker 1>the average person is so overwhelmed, right, so that they

0:28:01.240 --> 0:28:04.560
<v Speaker 1>can't even see how to focus on that. Right, So

0:28:04.640 --> 0:28:07.560
<v Speaker 1>it's I think that's What our job is to do

0:28:07.720 --> 0:28:11.119
<v Speaker 1>is to understand that people don't even know how to

0:28:11.119 --> 0:28:14.960
<v Speaker 1>attack it. They don't They they're immediate issues and their

0:28:15.000 --> 0:28:18.160
<v Speaker 1>home that they're dealing with at that time, and their

0:28:18.160 --> 0:28:21.040
<v Speaker 1>minds supersedes those things, even though we know in the

0:28:21.080 --> 0:28:23.520
<v Speaker 1>next five or ten years that those things are gonna

0:28:23.520 --> 0:28:26.080
<v Speaker 1>come to your house. They're gonna knock on the door.

0:28:26.359 --> 0:28:28.960
<v Speaker 1>They're gonna affect their job, They're gonna everything that you have.

0:28:29.240 --> 0:28:31.960
<v Speaker 1>You're like, what, how much you gotta pay? I can't

0:28:31.960 --> 0:28:34.240
<v Speaker 1>even afford to live here? No more? What you can't

0:28:34.240 --> 0:28:36.720
<v Speaker 1>do this? That's a legal now here. We come talking

0:28:36.760 --> 0:28:40.480
<v Speaker 1>about Alabama voting this and that. They're like, man, I

0:28:40.520 --> 0:28:43.080
<v Speaker 1>don't have time but those things. But those things are

0:28:43.080 --> 0:28:47.040
<v Speaker 1>going to affect them. It's gonna affect them so much

0:28:47.280 --> 0:28:49.760
<v Speaker 1>that the checks is gonna be cut. You know, where

0:28:49.800 --> 0:28:52.200
<v Speaker 1>they where they could go, it's gonna be cut. Travel

0:28:52.280 --> 0:28:54.800
<v Speaker 1>is gonna be cut. The way they are, it's all

0:28:55.160 --> 0:29:00.440
<v Speaker 1>beta testing, right like they're they're passing it here, then

0:29:00.440 --> 0:29:04.320
<v Speaker 1>they're gonna work on here. I saw that forty black

0:29:04.360 --> 0:29:09.680
<v Speaker 1>Republicans are running for office in different places around the country,

0:29:09.800 --> 0:29:12.400
<v Speaker 1>and I started saying, okay, so white maybe one of

0:29:12.440 --> 0:29:16.160
<v Speaker 1>these black Republicans. I started looking in there, like, what

0:29:16.160 --> 0:29:19.160
<v Speaker 1>what are they? What is their ideology? Right? How would

0:29:19.160 --> 0:29:25.600
<v Speaker 1>they govern? Everything? Weird for there again, Yeah, that's the strategy.

0:29:25.640 --> 0:29:28.440
<v Speaker 1>You you you you painted a certain way. You know,

0:29:28.560 --> 0:29:31.320
<v Speaker 1>you don't change the ideology, don't change what you believe.

0:29:31.600 --> 0:29:33.560
<v Speaker 1>You just color it away so that they we have

0:29:33.920 --> 0:29:36.920
<v Speaker 1>identity politics and we deal with it. But the difference

0:29:37.040 --> 0:29:39.640
<v Speaker 1>is that and you know, and it's not this is

0:29:39.680 --> 0:29:41.680
<v Speaker 1>that's not new because they've done that, they did that

0:29:41.840 --> 0:29:45.400
<v Speaker 1>last cycle. Right. The differences is that white supremacy and

0:29:45.480 --> 0:29:48.880
<v Speaker 1>racism is so prevalent in America that the white people

0:29:48.880 --> 0:29:50.880
<v Speaker 1>ain't voting for you over their people. They're just not

0:29:50.920 --> 0:29:52.800
<v Speaker 1>gonna do it. You know what I'm saying. They vote

0:29:52.840 --> 0:29:55.320
<v Speaker 1>for you over if it's too if it's a white

0:29:55.360 --> 0:29:57.400
<v Speaker 1>person running against the black person for the seat, the

0:29:57.440 --> 0:30:01.280
<v Speaker 1>white person going in, they're just not more more more

0:30:01.360 --> 0:30:04.920
<v Speaker 1>often than not, less there's a lineage and you connected

0:30:05.000 --> 0:30:08.720
<v Speaker 1>to somebody that's within that space, they're just not voting.

0:30:08.840 --> 0:30:11.560
<v Speaker 1>It's more. It's more Daniel, camera's we gotta go do

0:30:11.680 --> 0:30:15.600
<v Speaker 1>our interview because I think our guests have joined. There'll

0:30:15.640 --> 0:30:21.080
<v Speaker 1>be more Daniel Cameron's in office around the nation, So listen,

0:30:21.640 --> 0:30:27.080
<v Speaker 1>it's the love time. Everybody's in love for Valentine's UM Day,

0:30:27.440 --> 0:30:31.960
<v Speaker 1>and last year, Realmy and Pat Poo's were one of

0:30:32.000 --> 0:30:35.880
<v Speaker 1>the like highest rated episodes that we had. And it's funny.

0:30:36.000 --> 0:30:40.520
<v Speaker 1>What I appreciate about Street Politician listeners and viewers is

0:30:40.560 --> 0:30:44.040
<v Speaker 1>that they really care more so about topics than they

0:30:44.120 --> 0:30:47.080
<v Speaker 1>do celebrities. We always said, yes, we have celebrity friends,

0:30:47.080 --> 0:30:49.280
<v Speaker 1>We're gonna have them on, but we want to focus

0:30:49.320 --> 0:30:53.880
<v Speaker 1>on everybody, our regular friends, people whoever, whoever we have

0:30:54.000 --> 0:30:56.280
<v Speaker 1>that we know it's out there doing good work. And

0:30:56.320 --> 0:31:00.920
<v Speaker 1>in this particular episode, our people really were struck by

0:31:01.040 --> 0:31:04.080
<v Speaker 1>Remy and papoos the story. Of course, they are celebrities,

0:31:04.120 --> 0:31:06.600
<v Speaker 1>but in addition to that, I think it is the

0:31:06.680 --> 0:31:11.120
<v Speaker 1>way in which people know Pappoo's has struggled with and

0:31:11.160 --> 0:31:14.680
<v Speaker 1>worked with and been there for Remy and vice versa

0:31:14.880 --> 0:31:19.400
<v Speaker 1>and so um people everybody loved the episode, they watched it,

0:31:19.440 --> 0:31:22.160
<v Speaker 1>and I think today we want to replay it because

0:31:22.200 --> 0:31:24.400
<v Speaker 1>when we look at them, in many ways, they are

0:31:24.440 --> 0:31:30.360
<v Speaker 1>sort of like a traditional marriage, traditional relationship, traditional love

0:31:30.840 --> 0:31:34.520
<v Speaker 1>and um and I love, I Love, I Love Remy

0:31:34.560 --> 0:31:36.959
<v Speaker 1>and Papoos is love. They've been through a lot, so

0:31:37.120 --> 0:31:40.840
<v Speaker 1>that may not be traditional, but in terms of the

0:31:40.840 --> 0:31:45.400
<v Speaker 1>the the idea of them being married and what they're doing, Um,

0:31:45.440 --> 0:31:49.560
<v Speaker 1>you know, I think that most of us, especially us girls,

0:31:49.560 --> 0:31:52.440
<v Speaker 1>who have the dream of what it would look like

0:31:52.600 --> 0:31:57.240
<v Speaker 1>to be in a strong marriage. They are two individuals that, um,

0:31:57.360 --> 0:31:59.480
<v Speaker 1>you know that that we want to model. And so

0:32:00.040 --> 0:32:02.560
<v Speaker 1>I think we should go back and replay it and

0:32:02.560 --> 0:32:06.520
<v Speaker 1>and and let folks be reminded of this great talk

0:32:06.600 --> 0:32:09.520
<v Speaker 1>that we had with Remy and Pat Poo's for Balantine's.

0:32:12.200 --> 0:32:14.640
<v Speaker 1>Black love means so many, so many different things. It

0:32:14.640 --> 0:32:18.360
<v Speaker 1>tastes on so many meanings, but um, it's about first

0:32:18.400 --> 0:32:20.600
<v Speaker 1>and foremost. I'm gonna just say, black out old negativity

0:32:20.640 --> 0:32:25.040
<v Speaker 1>and show love. Um. They write this narrative that we

0:32:25.120 --> 0:32:29.040
<v Speaker 1>can't have a strong family foundation, and that's not really true.

0:32:29.560 --> 0:32:31.640
<v Speaker 1>You know, a lot of the pictures that are painted

0:32:31.920 --> 0:32:34.200
<v Speaker 1>through movies and do music, do different things. They talk

0:32:34.240 --> 0:32:37.200
<v Speaker 1>about the hardships of the ghetto, but there are also

0:32:37.320 --> 0:32:40.600
<v Speaker 1>some good times growing up and you know, being very

0:32:40.640 --> 0:32:45.880
<v Speaker 1>family orientated and just showing that strong family foundation, that unity,

0:32:46.320 --> 0:32:48.800
<v Speaker 1>you know, being loyal to your family. And black love

0:32:48.920 --> 0:32:51.160
<v Speaker 1>it really does exist. So to me, black love just

0:32:51.200 --> 0:32:55.680
<v Speaker 1>means loyalty, you know, being faithful and um, showing and

0:32:55.960 --> 0:32:59.840
<v Speaker 1>love to your to your love most is a major

0:33:00.000 --> 0:33:02.520
<v Speaker 1>part of it to me, because you know, it's easy

0:33:02.600 --> 0:33:04.960
<v Speaker 1>to love somebody and to be there for them and

0:33:05.000 --> 0:33:07.960
<v Speaker 1>being part of it when everything is great and everything

0:33:08.080 --> 0:33:12.080
<v Speaker 1>is fine, and you know, unfortunately, you know when it

0:33:12.120 --> 0:33:15.960
<v Speaker 1>comes to the black family dynamic, that there seems to

0:33:15.960 --> 0:33:20.520
<v Speaker 1>be way more hardships and our structure than than other

0:33:20.840 --> 0:33:26.040
<v Speaker 1>um and other households. And we are able to endure that,

0:33:26.440 --> 0:33:33.280
<v Speaker 1>whether incarceration, UM, death, unemployment, you know, poverty, UM, single

0:33:33.360 --> 0:33:36.920
<v Speaker 1>family homes. All of these things that we've been has

0:33:36.960 --> 0:33:39.520
<v Speaker 1>been pretty much thrown at us and we've been born

0:33:39.600 --> 0:33:43.520
<v Speaker 1>into and we're still here and and just to to

0:33:43.680 --> 0:33:46.200
<v Speaker 1>thrive and and and love and be happy and have

0:33:46.360 --> 0:33:49.000
<v Speaker 1>good times like all the stuff we've been through. We

0:33:49.120 --> 0:33:52.040
<v Speaker 1>think we as a people who just walk around oppressed

0:33:52.120 --> 0:33:57.320
<v Speaker 1>all day. I'm here, what's going on, Queen queens? You're

0:33:57.360 --> 0:34:03.200
<v Speaker 1>feeling good today? Yes, man, thank you for coming. You know,

0:34:03.600 --> 0:34:06.920
<v Speaker 1>Derek has been you know, one of my inspirations. You know,

0:34:07.040 --> 0:34:10.040
<v Speaker 1>for a while. Man, your couple, your relationship is dope,

0:34:10.600 --> 0:34:13.439
<v Speaker 1>you know, it's not traditional, but it's just definitely dope, man.

0:34:14.000 --> 0:34:17.479
<v Speaker 1>You know, it's definitely not traditional. So we we're doing

0:34:17.480 --> 0:34:21.759
<v Speaker 1>this this um Valentine's Day episode, and we last year

0:34:21.840 --> 0:34:24.279
<v Speaker 1>we did Remy and pet Poods was a condition, you know,

0:34:24.400 --> 0:34:29.000
<v Speaker 1>conventional relationship and everybody loves it. But I liked y'all

0:34:29.040 --> 0:34:31.359
<v Speaker 1>done there, you know, and I wanted y'all to give us,

0:34:31.920 --> 0:34:35.920
<v Speaker 1>you know, some ideologies of how y'all move forward, what

0:34:36.040 --> 0:34:39.600
<v Speaker 1>you're thinking, the pros, the cons, the benefits, all the

0:34:39.680 --> 0:34:42.640
<v Speaker 1>things in your relationship. So you know, we get everybody

0:34:42.719 --> 0:34:45.600
<v Speaker 1>gets to see different relationships because we live in an

0:34:45.680 --> 0:34:49.080
<v Speaker 1>era which there's so many different types and cons of relationships.

0:34:49.880 --> 0:34:52.319
<v Speaker 1>You know. You know, one of the things for me,

0:34:52.800 --> 0:34:54.759
<v Speaker 1>Um is that, you know, I was, first of all,

0:34:54.760 --> 0:34:58.000
<v Speaker 1>I was watching the shy Um over the weekend, just

0:34:58.000 --> 0:35:01.880
<v Speaker 1>trying to catch up. And there's this part where I

0:35:01.920 --> 0:35:03.560
<v Speaker 1>don't I forget his name because I don't really know

0:35:03.600 --> 0:35:06.200
<v Speaker 1>all the character's names, but it's like he owns the restaurant.

0:35:06.280 --> 0:35:10.359
<v Speaker 1>Now his uncle left the restaurant, and he's married to

0:35:10.400 --> 0:35:13.800
<v Speaker 1>another young lady, and you know, he keeps on getting

0:35:14.200 --> 0:35:18.200
<v Speaker 1>into trouble cheating. Here this happened. He messed around with

0:35:18.239 --> 0:35:21.320
<v Speaker 1>this girl. This that in the third and so the

0:35:21.320 --> 0:35:26.680
<v Speaker 1>woman is upset about the situation and how he keeps

0:35:26.920 --> 0:35:30.920
<v Speaker 1>messing up, and she says to him, so she's talking

0:35:30.960 --> 0:35:33.719
<v Speaker 1>to a friend. She's telling actually a gay couple that

0:35:33.760 --> 0:35:37.920
<v Speaker 1>are her friends, about the issues with fidelity infidelity that

0:35:37.960 --> 0:35:41.600
<v Speaker 1>they're having in their marriage. And the couple says to her, well,

0:35:41.760 --> 0:35:45.040
<v Speaker 1>the only way we've been able to maintain being together

0:35:45.400 --> 0:35:48.319
<v Speaker 1>is that we have sort of like an open relationship

0:35:48.400 --> 0:35:53.239
<v Speaker 1>where we know who the other individuals maybe that are,

0:35:54.120 --> 0:35:57.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, being introduced into our life. And she she

0:35:57.960 --> 0:35:59.640
<v Speaker 1>looked at him and she said, she said, oh, is

0:35:59.640 --> 0:36:01.440
<v Speaker 1>that really? Like does that work for you? And to

0:36:01.440 --> 0:36:04.960
<v Speaker 1>see us? So she decides that she's gonna have an

0:36:04.960 --> 0:36:08.120
<v Speaker 1>open relationship with her husband, and so she and says

0:36:08.200 --> 0:36:11.360
<v Speaker 1>this to him, and he's like, really, you know, okay, cool.

0:36:11.400 --> 0:36:13.759
<v Speaker 1>So they agreed that they're going to do this, and

0:36:13.800 --> 0:36:16.920
<v Speaker 1>then of course he at that point starts having sex

0:36:16.960 --> 0:36:19.120
<v Speaker 1>with another woman and doesn't want to do it. He

0:36:19.160 --> 0:36:22.600
<v Speaker 1>doesn't feel comfortable because now he's like he just exactly

0:36:22.600 --> 0:36:26.000
<v Speaker 1>you see, Chelsea's already laughing because she already know he's

0:36:26.200 --> 0:36:30.040
<v Speaker 1>he's He's all, he's uncomfortable, he ain't feeling it. But

0:36:30.120 --> 0:36:33.480
<v Speaker 1>this is what you wanted the other day when you

0:36:33.640 --> 0:36:36.919
<v Speaker 1>was out with Trixie behind the scenes. Now that I'm

0:36:36.960 --> 0:36:40.319
<v Speaker 1>telling you that, I'm open to us having this relationship

0:36:40.680 --> 0:36:43.000
<v Speaker 1>if you don't want it. So I'm trying to figure

0:36:43.000 --> 0:36:44.919
<v Speaker 1>out because I'm a single woman who's trying to figure

0:36:44.960 --> 0:36:47.480
<v Speaker 1>out what I'm doing here. Okay, so I'm trying to

0:36:47.520 --> 0:36:51.440
<v Speaker 1>figure out what happened. You was with it, now you're not.

0:36:51.760 --> 0:36:56.160
<v Speaker 1>Chelsea looked like she got something to say. Just from experience.

0:36:56.200 --> 0:36:59.520
<v Speaker 1>I really think it's a psychological thing. I honestly do

0:36:59.719 --> 0:37:02.880
<v Speaker 1>because us I know me and Derek have that same situation.

0:37:03.280 --> 0:37:06.239
<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't necessarily say we have an open relationship, but

0:37:06.440 --> 0:37:09.760
<v Speaker 1>I am what you call too cool sort of speak.

0:37:09.960 --> 0:37:14.320
<v Speaker 1>So I like transparency. I like honestly I genuinely accept

0:37:14.440 --> 0:37:16.359
<v Speaker 1>him for who he is. I know he's a man

0:37:16.440 --> 0:37:19.480
<v Speaker 1>who has, you know, a high stage drive. So it's

0:37:19.560 --> 0:37:21.560
<v Speaker 1>like day, as long as you tell me, let me

0:37:21.600 --> 0:37:24.240
<v Speaker 1>know what's going on. Like, I'm cool, and I genuinely

0:37:24.320 --> 0:37:27.440
<v Speaker 1>am attracted to women myself, So of course, if I

0:37:27.640 --> 0:37:29.520
<v Speaker 1>you know, I think she looked good, then you know

0:37:29.560 --> 0:37:31.640
<v Speaker 1>we could tag team or do our broth thing and

0:37:32.080 --> 0:37:34.759
<v Speaker 1>you know, just let that be another experience that we

0:37:34.800 --> 0:37:37.000
<v Speaker 1>have to talk about at a later date. But I

0:37:37.040 --> 0:37:39.960
<v Speaker 1>noticed him he does the same thing. He's not interested.

0:37:40.600 --> 0:37:43.560
<v Speaker 1>I mean, he has his moments, but it's it's usually

0:37:44.000 --> 0:37:46.879
<v Speaker 1>when I bring it to the table. He's never had

0:37:46.880 --> 0:37:49.440
<v Speaker 1>a situation to where it's like they I want to

0:37:49.480 --> 0:37:51.600
<v Speaker 1>go out. And I'll still tell him like, day, you know,

0:37:51.640 --> 0:37:53.520
<v Speaker 1>if you ever want to, cause like we're going through

0:37:53.520 --> 0:37:55.680
<v Speaker 1>a whole I v of journey and so our sex

0:37:56.040 --> 0:37:58.920
<v Speaker 1>been kind of on the you know, on the shelf lately,

0:37:59.080 --> 0:38:01.320
<v Speaker 1>and so I'll be telling him like they let me

0:38:01.360 --> 0:38:03.359
<v Speaker 1>know if you ever want me to bring a bitch

0:38:03.400 --> 0:38:05.200
<v Speaker 1>in and get you right, you know, I got you

0:38:05.200 --> 0:38:07.359
<v Speaker 1>to stay the word and it's done, and he's like,

0:38:07.920 --> 0:38:12.080
<v Speaker 1>I want you. And it's just like, let me know

0:38:13.040 --> 0:38:15.120
<v Speaker 1>from a male perspective, and I think it is psych

0:38:15.160 --> 0:38:18.800
<v Speaker 1>a logical uh. I think men do have needs that

0:38:18.880 --> 0:38:21.800
<v Speaker 1>they often step outside of the relationship forward after a while.

0:38:22.840 --> 0:38:26.040
<v Speaker 1>Either it's like it becomes greed and once you get

0:38:26.040 --> 0:38:28.799
<v Speaker 1>agreed and you can acknowledge that, I think you could

0:38:28.800 --> 0:38:31.200
<v Speaker 1>tailor it way better when you know, like all right, bro,

0:38:31.239 --> 0:38:33.319
<v Speaker 1>you don't. It's not really like it's not like you're

0:38:33.360 --> 0:38:36.440
<v Speaker 1>lacking something at home. You just like the chase. You

0:38:36.600 --> 0:38:39.279
<v Speaker 1>like the the suspense of doing something you know you

0:38:39.360 --> 0:38:43.239
<v Speaker 1>ain't got no business doing. So for me, like, I'm not, Yeah,

0:38:43.280 --> 0:38:45.600
<v Speaker 1>it don't interest me, Like what like I mean, we've

0:38:45.640 --> 0:38:48.000
<v Speaker 1>had two girlfriends, well one of them don't count but us,

0:38:48.320 --> 0:38:50.440
<v Speaker 1>so basically one don't count. But we've had a real

0:38:50.520 --> 0:38:56.200
<v Speaker 1>living girlfriend. And yeah, I don't know if it wasn't

0:38:57.320 --> 0:39:01.399
<v Speaker 1>like the sexiness that social media and the world el gives.

0:39:01.440 --> 0:39:04.600
<v Speaker 1>Not really that. And I know for me, like I've

0:39:04.600 --> 0:39:06.839
<v Speaker 1>always been vocal at I'm not. I don't even want

0:39:06.840 --> 0:39:09.840
<v Speaker 1>to make myself emotionally available for another woman. I'm just

0:39:10.000 --> 0:39:12.799
<v Speaker 1>to be honest, I'm here for the fun. I'll teach them,

0:39:12.880 --> 0:39:14.600
<v Speaker 1>I'll build with him, I'll invest in them at it.

0:39:14.719 --> 0:39:17.280
<v Speaker 1>But I'm not Like the way I worked on myself

0:39:17.320 --> 0:39:19.200
<v Speaker 1>for her, I'm not doing that for nobody else in

0:39:19.239 --> 0:39:21.719
<v Speaker 1>this lifetime. Just it took a long time and I'm

0:39:21.719 --> 0:39:23.520
<v Speaker 1>still working on style. I go to therapy and off

0:39:23.600 --> 0:39:27.399
<v Speaker 1>this stuff. I'm not doing that for another woman. So yeah,

0:39:27.440 --> 0:39:29.680
<v Speaker 1>like we can have fun, but for me, to me

0:39:29.920 --> 0:39:33.440
<v Speaker 1>like being emotionally responsible. No, So for me, it just

0:39:33.480 --> 0:39:35.520
<v Speaker 1>served me best, like to just kind of sit at

0:39:35.560 --> 0:39:37.920
<v Speaker 1>home and like do my home thing because I'm a

0:39:37.960 --> 0:39:39.680
<v Speaker 1>busy man anyway, and I don't have time to be

0:39:39.760 --> 0:39:45.680
<v Speaker 1>juggling all those responsibilities, personalities and whatnot. Mm hmmm. So basically,

0:39:45.680 --> 0:39:48.680
<v Speaker 1>based on what you're saying, it seems like she pretty

0:39:48.760 --> 0:39:53.879
<v Speaker 1>much invites and you just get the benefits of the situation.

0:39:54.239 --> 0:39:56.719
<v Speaker 1>That's like just being real because most people look at

0:39:56.719 --> 0:40:01.560
<v Speaker 1>it opposite. She she introduced that element to our relationship

0:40:01.600 --> 0:40:03.960
<v Speaker 1>because she likes women. She felt like it would be

0:40:04.040 --> 0:40:06.520
<v Speaker 1>unfair for her to be able to step out and

0:40:06.520 --> 0:40:08.520
<v Speaker 1>have a ball with a young lady and I just like,

0:40:08.520 --> 0:40:10.880
<v Speaker 1>I gotta sit in the other room. But yeah, bro,

0:40:11.120 --> 0:40:14.400
<v Speaker 1>I've had my stant with you know, three songs and

0:40:14.400 --> 0:40:16.719
<v Speaker 1>all that good stuff years ago, and it's it's still

0:40:16.719 --> 0:40:18.480
<v Speaker 1>didn't incite me. Back then. It was just like, oh,

0:40:18.560 --> 0:40:20.839
<v Speaker 1>like this look cool on on the internet and what

0:40:20.880 --> 0:40:24.520
<v Speaker 1>people say, but it really ain't all that. So the

0:40:24.560 --> 0:40:27.839
<v Speaker 1>emotional side, see, that's where the problem comes in for me.

0:40:28.480 --> 0:40:30.840
<v Speaker 1>The reason why all of this is even of interest

0:40:30.920 --> 0:40:33.520
<v Speaker 1>to me is because I have a lot of male

0:40:33.640 --> 0:40:38.239
<v Speaker 1>friends that I'm around all the time and there and

0:40:38.360 --> 0:40:40.919
<v Speaker 1>the conversation because that none of them are dating me.

0:40:41.239 --> 0:40:44.839
<v Speaker 1>They're honest. They're very brutally honest with me, and I'm like,

0:40:44.880 --> 0:40:49.399
<v Speaker 1>you know, the cool sister and you're laughing. But they

0:40:49.480 --> 0:40:51.600
<v Speaker 1>tell me everything, and I don't really want to hear it,

0:40:51.800 --> 0:40:55.120
<v Speaker 1>you know, because I take it real personal when I

0:40:55.160 --> 0:40:58.840
<v Speaker 1>hear them saying certain things. But one of the common

0:40:58.880 --> 0:41:03.000
<v Speaker 1>threads is that a lot of our a lot of

0:41:03.040 --> 0:41:06.719
<v Speaker 1>my brothers, kind of feel like we as women don't

0:41:06.719 --> 0:41:10.400
<v Speaker 1>really understand men's needs and why they do things that

0:41:10.480 --> 0:41:13.440
<v Speaker 1>they do. And then you know, I'm always on them

0:41:13.440 --> 0:41:16.000
<v Speaker 1>about the lies, like why do you lie? Why do you?

0:41:16.239 --> 0:41:18.320
<v Speaker 1>And they and they always say because we as women

0:41:18.640 --> 0:41:22.400
<v Speaker 1>were not really open to the truth. So as I

0:41:22.440 --> 0:41:27.320
<v Speaker 1>try to navigate how I'm going to land in a relationship,

0:41:27.640 --> 0:41:29.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to figure out how do I be my

0:41:29.600 --> 0:41:33.160
<v Speaker 1>best me to make sure that my husband doesn't feel

0:41:33.160 --> 0:41:35.440
<v Speaker 1>he has to go out and you know, lie and

0:41:35.480 --> 0:41:38.000
<v Speaker 1>sneak and do whatever. But then what if I also

0:41:38.080 --> 0:41:43.279
<v Speaker 1>don't want to share? Mhm. So yeah, I'm I'm sure

0:41:43.280 --> 0:41:44.719
<v Speaker 1>I beg got to answer. I got one too, So

0:41:44.760 --> 0:41:47.960
<v Speaker 1>I would say, from a man's perspective, The biggest thing

0:41:48.000 --> 0:41:52.239
<v Speaker 1>that made me feel secure with her is we overcommunicated,

0:41:52.320 --> 0:41:55.560
<v Speaker 1>like in the very begating our relationship, so like I

0:41:55.640 --> 0:41:58.279
<v Speaker 1>was able to disclose, like this is a real thing,

0:41:58.320 --> 0:42:00.839
<v Speaker 1>and I dare anybody to try. But we we came

0:42:00.920 --> 0:42:02.440
<v Speaker 1>up with a game in Philly one day and we

0:42:02.480 --> 0:42:04.399
<v Speaker 1>was like, let's tell each other stuff that we said

0:42:04.440 --> 0:42:07.000
<v Speaker 1>we was gonna take it to the grave. And that

0:42:07.080 --> 0:42:10.520
<v Speaker 1>was like one of the most biggest build trust building

0:42:10.600 --> 0:42:14.040
<v Speaker 1>conversations I've ever had in my life because she disclosed

0:42:14.040 --> 0:42:16.640
<v Speaker 1>things to me that I know, like I know she

0:42:16.640 --> 0:42:18.680
<v Speaker 1>won't tell anybody. I know her character, she wouldn't even

0:42:18.680 --> 0:42:21.600
<v Speaker 1>want people to know these things I did too, So

0:42:21.640 --> 0:42:24.440
<v Speaker 1>that built the trust off top, Like alright, cool, I

0:42:24.480 --> 0:42:27.319
<v Speaker 1>got somebody that I can actually like beat myself because

0:42:27.320 --> 0:42:30.200
<v Speaker 1>I feel like most men lie to avoid isolation, to

0:42:30.239 --> 0:42:33.680
<v Speaker 1>avoid ridicule, and to avoid disappointing their partner. But when

0:42:33.719 --> 0:42:38.200
<v Speaker 1>you're dealing with somebody who like they're like, the biggest

0:42:38.200 --> 0:42:40.840
<v Speaker 1>mistake I think women make is they project their version

0:42:40.880 --> 0:42:43.319
<v Speaker 1>of happiness on what a man's happiness should be. Like

0:42:43.440 --> 0:42:46.000
<v Speaker 1>it's like he'll say what he wants, but then she'll

0:42:46.040 --> 0:42:48.040
<v Speaker 1>debate it and be like with Noll instead of just

0:42:48.080 --> 0:42:50.399
<v Speaker 1>being like, oh, I respect that, that's you, that's your thing,

0:42:50.440 --> 0:42:52.840
<v Speaker 1>that's your world. Let me see if our words can intertwine.

0:42:53.239 --> 0:42:55.279
<v Speaker 1>Most people want to tell you what your version of

0:42:55.320 --> 0:42:57.839
<v Speaker 1>happiness should be in their opinion. So I know that's

0:42:57.840 --> 0:43:00.600
<v Speaker 1>what made me trust her off the up more than

0:43:00.640 --> 0:43:03.600
<v Speaker 1>I ever trusted anybody in life, any woman in life,

0:43:03.600 --> 0:43:06.080
<v Speaker 1>because I was just like, damn, like I really told

0:43:06.080 --> 0:43:08.799
<v Speaker 1>her something that I know anybody else would ran from

0:43:08.840 --> 0:43:11.440
<v Speaker 1>anybody else with a judge that isolated, a ridicule, or

0:43:11.520 --> 0:43:13.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm able to say, I'm able to share like my

0:43:13.600 --> 0:43:16.280
<v Speaker 1>true desires and things that I'm into, things that piqued

0:43:16.280 --> 0:43:20.680
<v Speaker 1>my interests, and like, I remember one thing I shared

0:43:20.719 --> 0:43:22.839
<v Speaker 1>with her that I like never share with anybody else

0:43:22.880 --> 0:43:25.440
<v Speaker 1>in life, and then she took me probably like a

0:43:25.480 --> 0:43:27.880
<v Speaker 1>couple of months later to actually like live out that

0:43:27.920 --> 0:43:30.600
<v Speaker 1>thing in which I shared. So I knew then like

0:43:30.680 --> 0:43:32.879
<v Speaker 1>I had somebody that not only would hear me out,

0:43:32.920 --> 0:43:34.600
<v Speaker 1>but would like hold my hand and be like, we're

0:43:34.680 --> 0:43:37.319
<v Speaker 1>partners in this ship. So if you win, if you're

0:43:37.360 --> 0:43:39.240
<v Speaker 1>in it, and that's what you win, I'm with it too,

0:43:39.320 --> 0:43:41.359
<v Speaker 1>and we're gonna take your head on. So a lot

0:43:41.400 --> 0:43:46.160
<v Speaker 1>of people don't walk into their relationships as friends, and

0:43:46.200 --> 0:43:48.600
<v Speaker 1>they don't be their true self. They're not able to

0:43:48.640 --> 0:43:51.560
<v Speaker 1>have real conversation with their partners, like out of fear,

0:43:52.000 --> 0:43:56.799
<v Speaker 1>you know. So people are mainly first beginning of relationships

0:43:56.800 --> 0:44:01.360
<v Speaker 1>are dating everybody's representative, saying y'all want this, I want you,

0:44:01.480 --> 0:44:03.160
<v Speaker 1>and I just want this and that, and I'm gonna

0:44:03.200 --> 0:44:05.480
<v Speaker 1>be the best version. I'm trying to be this person

0:44:05.560 --> 0:44:08.000
<v Speaker 1>you need me to be. And then after a while

0:44:08.080 --> 0:44:10.920
<v Speaker 1>you start realizing, who don't that's not really who I am.

0:44:10.960 --> 0:44:12.719
<v Speaker 1>You know, I want you, I'm trying to be that

0:44:12.840 --> 0:44:14.640
<v Speaker 1>for you, but that's not really who I am. So

0:44:14.880 --> 0:44:17.560
<v Speaker 1>when you start sharing away those pieces, then you start

0:44:17.600 --> 0:44:19.520
<v Speaker 1>realizing what you don't even really like me, and you

0:44:19.640 --> 0:44:21.719
<v Speaker 1>just like what you think I could be or you

0:44:21.760 --> 0:44:23.799
<v Speaker 1>thought I was, but you don't even really like me,

0:44:24.400 --> 0:44:29.319
<v Speaker 1>you know. So we've even had that phase where we

0:44:29.360 --> 0:44:32.440
<v Speaker 1>had to like hit reset because we fell so in

0:44:32.480 --> 0:44:35.480
<v Speaker 1>love with the perfectionists of one another that one the

0:44:35.560 --> 0:44:38.440
<v Speaker 1>false head. We was like, ah, but I remember him

0:44:38.480 --> 0:44:41.080
<v Speaker 1>saying that, like you love the parts of me that

0:44:41.239 --> 0:44:43.360
<v Speaker 1>like you love basically like you love the highs. But

0:44:43.800 --> 0:44:45.920
<v Speaker 1>then I came to the realization like if I'm rocking

0:44:45.960 --> 0:44:47.759
<v Speaker 1>with you and we're really on something to the end

0:44:47.800 --> 0:44:50.360
<v Speaker 1>of time ship, i may not love those other parts,

0:44:50.360 --> 0:44:52.080
<v Speaker 1>but I'm gonna learn how to pivot with them. I'm

0:44:52.080 --> 0:44:53.960
<v Speaker 1>gonna learn how to adjust, and I'm gonna learn how

0:44:54.000 --> 0:44:56.560
<v Speaker 1>to adjust myself to deal with you when you and

0:44:56.640 --> 0:44:59.560
<v Speaker 1>your lord extremely and not just love you for the hiring.

0:45:00.000 --> 0:45:01.040
<v Speaker 1>And one of the thing I want to ask you

0:45:01.080 --> 0:45:05.040
<v Speaker 1>before she goes. When people sign on for relationships, they

0:45:05.120 --> 0:45:08.600
<v Speaker 1>generally got to ask themselves, can you wear twelve different hats?

0:45:08.880 --> 0:45:11.080
<v Speaker 1>Because people want you to be in a monogamous and

0:45:11.120 --> 0:45:15.040
<v Speaker 1>the committed relationship, but they're really not. They really they

0:45:15.080 --> 0:45:17.200
<v Speaker 1>really don't even have it in them to evolve or

0:45:17.239 --> 0:45:20.479
<v Speaker 1>move on a fly because your mind'swit or your mood change,

0:45:20.520 --> 0:45:22.600
<v Speaker 1>or you're on something new. So I know, like for

0:45:22.640 --> 0:45:26.359
<v Speaker 1>her life, she really and sometimes it's good and bad,

0:45:26.400 --> 0:45:29.279
<v Speaker 1>but she really do have like seven personalities. So like

0:45:29.480 --> 0:45:31.880
<v Speaker 1>some days she's gonna be my nurturer, She's gonna be

0:45:31.920 --> 0:45:34.640
<v Speaker 1>in the garden. The other day I want to like

0:45:34.760 --> 0:45:36.560
<v Speaker 1>beat up my employees for me because she's like, oh,

0:45:36.600 --> 0:45:39.040
<v Speaker 1>they tried you. I don't like that. Other days she

0:45:39.200 --> 0:45:42.800
<v Speaker 1>coaching me on being a better dad. Other days it's threesomes.

0:45:42.800 --> 0:45:44.880
<v Speaker 1>She she used to dance, so she's stripping from me

0:45:45.000 --> 0:45:47.600
<v Speaker 1>running around the room dancing. And then some days we're

0:45:47.640 --> 0:45:49.399
<v Speaker 1>just on our old people stuff and we're watching We've

0:45:49.400 --> 0:45:52.840
<v Speaker 1>been watching old Ozark and I'm rubbing her belly, you know,

0:45:52.880 --> 0:45:55.439
<v Speaker 1>in preparation for this baby that's coming. So people really

0:45:55.480 --> 0:45:58.279
<v Speaker 1>got to ask themselves when you want somebody to stick

0:45:58.320 --> 0:46:00.279
<v Speaker 1>with just you, do you even have it in you

0:46:00.360 --> 0:46:03.279
<v Speaker 1>to adjust to their movements and their pivots through our life?

0:46:03.280 --> 0:46:05.799
<v Speaker 1>Because who you were to them in December may not

0:46:05.920 --> 0:46:08.160
<v Speaker 1>be what they need in February to live their best

0:46:08.200 --> 0:46:10.160
<v Speaker 1>life and be a great partner. And I think a

0:46:10.160 --> 0:46:13.000
<v Speaker 1>lot of times to be selfish or people be unrealistic life.

0:46:13.080 --> 0:46:15.760
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, baby, just just count on me. I'm everything

0:46:15.800 --> 0:46:18.279
<v Speaker 1>you need, alright. Cool. I might go through a mid

0:46:18.400 --> 0:46:20.480
<v Speaker 1>life crisis at thirty eight. Are you willing to take

0:46:20.520 --> 0:46:22.480
<v Speaker 1>that on and hold my hand through that and adjust

0:46:22.480 --> 0:46:24.319
<v Speaker 1>to who I need you to be for the age

0:46:24.320 --> 0:46:27.120
<v Speaker 1>of thirty eight? Go ahead? Yeah, No, I was just

0:46:27.160 --> 0:46:28.839
<v Speaker 1>gonna stay At the end of the day. It just

0:46:28.880 --> 0:46:32.640
<v Speaker 1>boils down to being realistic and being willing to accept

0:46:32.680 --> 0:46:37.400
<v Speaker 1>somebody for who they genuinely are instead of who you

0:46:37.560 --> 0:46:40.759
<v Speaker 1>want them to be. Yeah, because I feel like a

0:46:40.800 --> 0:46:44.239
<v Speaker 1>lot of people go in relationships with their own perception

0:46:44.440 --> 0:46:47.240
<v Speaker 1>of how they want things to be, which is cool,

0:46:47.320 --> 0:46:51.000
<v Speaker 1>but that's not realistic because you're human, you're one way

0:46:51.040 --> 0:46:53.640
<v Speaker 1>and you're growing. This person that you're gonna share your

0:46:53.640 --> 0:46:56.319
<v Speaker 1>life with is a human their their own way, and

0:46:56.360 --> 0:47:00.000
<v Speaker 1>they're grown as well. We're all humans having a human experience.

0:47:00.000 --> 0:47:01.920
<v Speaker 1>It's for the first time. We're gonna make mistakes, we're

0:47:01.920 --> 0:47:04.359
<v Speaker 1>gonna learn new things about ourselves. We're gonna grow, we're

0:47:04.360 --> 0:47:07.759
<v Speaker 1>gonna change. And it's like if you're not growing or

0:47:07.840 --> 0:47:10.479
<v Speaker 1>changing with them or willing to accept the fact that

0:47:10.800 --> 0:47:13.239
<v Speaker 1>they're human, they're gonna make mistakes, they're gonna grow, they

0:47:13.320 --> 0:47:15.440
<v Speaker 1>might wake up one day and want something totally different.

0:47:15.800 --> 0:47:18.320
<v Speaker 1>You're not being realistic and you're doing yourself a disservice.

0:47:18.400 --> 0:47:20.480
<v Speaker 1>And then it's like you're trying to force this narrative

0:47:20.680 --> 0:47:23.279
<v Speaker 1>of I don't know if it's based off of society

0:47:23.440 --> 0:47:26.279
<v Speaker 1>or movies or while we create this perfect image of

0:47:26.320 --> 0:47:29.239
<v Speaker 1>what a relationship to be, or like we come up

0:47:29.280 --> 0:47:32.280
<v Speaker 1>with like our own perception of like what we want,

0:47:32.360 --> 0:47:34.960
<v Speaker 1>you know, and then it's like when this person we put,

0:47:35.239 --> 0:47:37.319
<v Speaker 1>we put, and I feel like it's selfish to put

0:47:37.320 --> 0:47:40.239
<v Speaker 1>our perception of what we want from a relationship on

0:47:40.360 --> 0:47:42.960
<v Speaker 1>somebody that didn't even know you. When you came up

0:47:43.000 --> 0:47:45.240
<v Speaker 1>with this, they had a whole plan and any found

0:47:45.239 --> 0:47:50.759
<v Speaker 1>a partners. We talked about it. We talked about that

0:47:51.040 --> 0:47:54.880
<v Speaker 1>because I'm the guys. They keep telling me when I

0:47:54.920 --> 0:47:58.120
<v Speaker 1>say the guys, you know, my son and Angelo are

0:47:58.160 --> 0:48:00.400
<v Speaker 1>the two co founders of Until Free Him, and so

0:48:00.520 --> 0:48:04.640
<v Speaker 1>the four of us, Linda, who was my Muslim Palestinian sister,

0:48:05.320 --> 0:48:08.240
<v Speaker 1>um and all four of us. We travel everywhere together,

0:48:08.280 --> 0:48:13.959
<v Speaker 1>so we're always talking. And our drivers are generally men

0:48:14.400 --> 0:48:16.759
<v Speaker 1>who come from a perspective as well. So we're in

0:48:16.800 --> 0:48:19.080
<v Speaker 1>the car and we go almost we're at the point

0:48:19.080 --> 0:48:22.800
<v Speaker 1>of almost blows, like fighting because I don't want to

0:48:22.840 --> 0:48:26.279
<v Speaker 1>hear ship. She's married and she's got her perspective. My

0:48:26.320 --> 0:48:29.600
<v Speaker 1>son is married, he's got his perspective. Andrew, it's just crazy.

0:48:30.040 --> 0:48:33.359
<v Speaker 1>But they keep telling me that My problem is that

0:48:33.520 --> 0:48:37.080
<v Speaker 1>I am in love with a fantasy world. And also

0:48:37.320 --> 0:48:39.719
<v Speaker 1>I have in my mind a thing that I want,

0:48:39.719 --> 0:48:43.399
<v Speaker 1>and I'm looking for a person to fulfill the thing

0:48:43.600 --> 0:48:45.920
<v Speaker 1>rather than me looking for a person that I actually

0:48:45.920 --> 0:48:47.719
<v Speaker 1>can fall in love with and figure it out. And

0:48:47.760 --> 0:48:52.399
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, okay, maybe my parents said, you know, first

0:48:52.440 --> 0:48:55.560
<v Speaker 1>of all, he's got to marry too, you know, so

0:48:55.640 --> 0:48:58.759
<v Speaker 1>you need his last name. Also, we're supposed to have

0:48:59.160 --> 0:49:03.080
<v Speaker 1>a why house with a picket fence, and I'm supposed

0:49:03.080 --> 0:49:06.240
<v Speaker 1>to have a dog, two children, a boy and a girl,

0:49:06.600 --> 0:49:10.000
<v Speaker 1>two cars in our lives. Right, of course we're not.

0:49:10.160 --> 0:49:13.440
<v Speaker 1>We there's variations of that because I'm not even that

0:49:13.440 --> 0:49:15.920
<v Speaker 1>that's not even who I am, and I'm way cooler

0:49:16.400 --> 0:49:20.040
<v Speaker 1>than what I'm expressing, but there are there is a

0:49:20.080 --> 0:49:23.480
<v Speaker 1>certain construct that I believe it's supposed to be my life,

0:49:23.560 --> 0:49:27.200
<v Speaker 1>and every day that's being like torn not torn down.

0:49:27.239 --> 0:49:29.680
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to be negative, you know what I'm saying.

0:49:30.120 --> 0:49:31.759
<v Speaker 1>I would say this, I don't want to cut you off,

0:49:31.840 --> 0:49:35.759
<v Speaker 1>but I would definitely advise you to be and do

0:49:35.960 --> 0:49:38.520
<v Speaker 1>all of that for yourself. So even when you do

0:49:38.760 --> 0:49:42.120
<v Speaker 1>find someone else, if they don't amount to that, it

0:49:42.160 --> 0:49:44.720
<v Speaker 1>don't even matter because you you do it for yourself

0:49:44.760 --> 0:49:46.879
<v Speaker 1>as is. So it's not even like you're gonna miss

0:49:46.920 --> 0:49:49.160
<v Speaker 1>out on that part, you know what I'm saying, and

0:49:49.239 --> 0:49:52.000
<v Speaker 1>so whenever, when whenever you do find your significant other,

0:49:52.040 --> 0:49:55.120
<v Speaker 1>whatever they bring to the table is completely extra, even

0:49:55.160 --> 0:49:57.239
<v Speaker 1>down to the way they make you feel to the

0:49:57.360 --> 0:50:00.320
<v Speaker 1>sex likes. It's all extra because you do it for

0:50:00.320 --> 0:50:03.560
<v Speaker 1>yourself as is, and you're not putting what you generally

0:50:03.600 --> 0:50:05.560
<v Speaker 1>want in the hands of somebody else, which is doing

0:50:05.600 --> 0:50:08.480
<v Speaker 1>yourself a disservice, because it's like, if they can't rise

0:50:08.520 --> 0:50:11.080
<v Speaker 1>to that occasion, you're gonna be disappointed. But if you're

0:50:11.080 --> 0:50:13.080
<v Speaker 1>doing it for yourself, it wouldn't even matter if they

0:50:13.200 --> 0:50:16.680
<v Speaker 1>rose that occasion or not because you're already content. That

0:50:16.719 --> 0:50:21.080
<v Speaker 1>makes sense, Yeah, But so can we talk about honesty

0:50:21.080 --> 0:50:25.359
<v Speaker 1>for a minute and that communication process, right, because I

0:50:25.440 --> 0:50:28.840
<v Speaker 1>don't for me in past relationships when people try to

0:50:28.880 --> 0:50:32.680
<v Speaker 1>be honest, I did get upset about, you know, whatever

0:50:32.719 --> 0:50:35.200
<v Speaker 1>it is. I'm getting much better in life beginning to

0:50:35.280 --> 0:50:37.239
<v Speaker 1>understand truth is truth and you just kind of gotta

0:50:37.280 --> 0:50:40.480
<v Speaker 1>deal with it. But what does that process look like

0:50:40.560 --> 0:50:43.239
<v Speaker 1>for y'all outside of the game in Philly? But other

0:50:43.360 --> 0:50:47.879
<v Speaker 1>things like how do you express when you're having urges? Right?

0:50:48.200 --> 0:50:50.480
<v Speaker 1>You know, man, I want to do these things today,

0:50:50.719 --> 0:50:53.600
<v Speaker 1>or when you're feeling certain things that need to be

0:50:53.640 --> 0:50:57.160
<v Speaker 1>communicated and have you either one of you ever found

0:50:57.200 --> 0:51:00.000
<v Speaker 1>the other person to not be honest, which is made

0:51:00.320 --> 0:51:04.360
<v Speaker 1>you know, the relationship more difficult. Absolutely, when we first

0:51:04.400 --> 0:51:08.000
<v Speaker 1>got together, I had a daughter on the way and

0:51:08.520 --> 0:51:12.839
<v Speaker 1>at that I was I didn't disclose that and like

0:51:13.719 --> 0:51:17.920
<v Speaker 1>I still didn't like fully give clarity and come clean

0:51:18.120 --> 0:51:21.800
<v Speaker 1>till last summer. So them there two years went by,

0:51:22.200 --> 0:51:24.120
<v Speaker 1>like and my daughter was around and all, like she

0:51:24.200 --> 0:51:26.520
<v Speaker 1>had her mom and I split with my daughter had

0:51:26.520 --> 0:51:27.879
<v Speaker 1>I got well, I got a bunch of daughters body,

0:51:27.920 --> 0:51:30.680
<v Speaker 1>I got five dollars on something. But this particular daughter

0:51:31.200 --> 0:51:33.600
<v Speaker 1>she was she had like she's around and all, but

0:51:33.680 --> 0:51:36.360
<v Speaker 1>I still was just moving like well, I ain't know

0:51:36.440 --> 0:51:38.799
<v Speaker 1>she was pregnant. It just happened. It happened. But I

0:51:38.840 --> 0:51:42.960
<v Speaker 1>definitely knew because my mom made me aware, Like literally,

0:51:43.400 --> 0:51:46.480
<v Speaker 1>as I'm courting her full blown relationship because she from Georgia,

0:51:46.600 --> 0:51:48.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm convincing her to come to town and come live

0:51:48.600 --> 0:51:50.319
<v Speaker 1>with me, like my mom break the news to me,

0:51:50.920 --> 0:51:53.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, at the same time. So yeah, we definitely

0:51:53.160 --> 0:51:56.800
<v Speaker 1>have had She's had lives, but it's been like white lives,

0:51:56.880 --> 0:51:59.759
<v Speaker 1>like Hetty, I'm gonna be really there, so white I

0:51:59.800 --> 0:52:01.440
<v Speaker 1>can't even remember him. I remember one of them, but

0:52:01.480 --> 0:52:04.040
<v Speaker 1>it was just like petty stuff. But I know for me,

0:52:04.080 --> 0:52:07.240
<v Speaker 1>that was like one of the the most defining lives.

0:52:07.440 --> 0:52:09.640
<v Speaker 1>And that's why I said a lot of times men lie,

0:52:10.400 --> 0:52:12.560
<v Speaker 1>you know, afraid of isolation, like my son is saying

0:52:12.560 --> 0:52:14.319
<v Speaker 1>the fear. So like my whole thing when I when

0:52:14.320 --> 0:52:16.680
<v Speaker 1>I stole across, I was like, damn, I really want

0:52:16.719 --> 0:52:18.520
<v Speaker 1>to be with her, like like it was something that

0:52:18.600 --> 0:52:21.200
<v Speaker 1>drew me to her immediately, and I'm like, damn, I

0:52:21.200 --> 0:52:25.840
<v Speaker 1>got this whole like I got this whole world in Tampa,

0:52:25.880 --> 0:52:27.920
<v Speaker 1>which I did really well with all the other women,

0:52:27.960 --> 0:52:32.000
<v Speaker 1>like I like, I don't know if you'll remember, um uh,

0:52:32.320 --> 0:52:34.520
<v Speaker 1>I can't then between love and hate. When Martin started

0:52:34.520 --> 0:52:36.280
<v Speaker 1>breaking up all his women and he was getting slapped

0:52:36.280 --> 0:52:38.040
<v Speaker 1>it all, like I had a whole face like that.

0:52:38.640 --> 0:52:40.279
<v Speaker 1>Like because I had women all over the nation I

0:52:40.320 --> 0:52:42.000
<v Speaker 1>would deal with in different states, I had to tell

0:52:42.040 --> 0:52:44.399
<v Speaker 1>everybody like hey, this that in the third but that

0:52:44.440 --> 0:52:47.560
<v Speaker 1>one detail I left out completely, So yeah, I had

0:52:47.560 --> 0:52:50.080
<v Speaker 1>to live with that one. Any caught up to me, well,

0:52:50.120 --> 0:52:52.440
<v Speaker 1>I just finally like came clean. This past summer was

0:52:52.480 --> 0:52:54.480
<v Speaker 1>like so look, that's why I did it blah blah blah,

0:52:54.560 --> 0:52:56.160
<v Speaker 1>and we went from that, but it definitely had a

0:52:56.200 --> 0:52:59.160
<v Speaker 1>black cloud old the relationship for a great deal of

0:52:59.160 --> 0:53:02.120
<v Speaker 1>time because she's not crazy and the baby is walking

0:53:02.160 --> 0:53:07.840
<v Speaker 1>around the house and I'm just like, yeah, I did that, Lord, yeah,

0:53:07.880 --> 0:53:12.560
<v Speaker 1>I think I don't know. Okay, are you gonna go now?

0:53:12.600 --> 0:53:14.160
<v Speaker 1>I was just gonna say I felt like it was

0:53:14.239 --> 0:53:18.560
<v Speaker 1>unfair because we were so transparent and I've shared like

0:53:18.719 --> 0:53:22.000
<v Speaker 1>a situation like that happening before, and how I dealt

0:53:22.040 --> 0:53:23.839
<v Speaker 1>with it and what I thought and like he saw

0:53:23.960 --> 0:53:27.279
<v Speaker 1>firstand how I would move in a situation like that

0:53:27.360 --> 0:53:31.359
<v Speaker 1>because I've dealt with it before. I didn't um, I

0:53:31.400 --> 0:53:34.000
<v Speaker 1>wasn't upset in the previous situation when it happened. I

0:53:34.040 --> 0:53:37.120
<v Speaker 1>just didn't like the fact that you're forcing me into

0:53:37.160 --> 0:53:40.640
<v Speaker 1>a situation without giving me a choice to even say, like, oh,

0:53:40.680 --> 0:53:42.720
<v Speaker 1>that happened before me, Like I get that ship happens,

0:53:42.719 --> 0:53:45.560
<v Speaker 1>Like I'm extremely realistic. So I just felt like it

0:53:45.600 --> 0:53:48.600
<v Speaker 1>was completely unfair and like I have trust issues as this,

0:53:48.800 --> 0:53:52.080
<v Speaker 1>So him doing that after like I'm under the impression

0:53:52.120 --> 0:53:54.719
<v Speaker 1>that we're being completely transparent. We honest, I got a

0:53:54.760 --> 0:53:57.040
<v Speaker 1>man that tell me everything and to kind to find

0:53:57.080 --> 0:54:01.440
<v Speaker 1>out like he lying about something that's like completely unfair

0:54:01.480 --> 0:54:04.640
<v Speaker 1>to even lie about. And it's like, yeah, so it

0:54:04.760 --> 0:54:07.040
<v Speaker 1>definitely took a toll, But like I said, like you

0:54:07.120 --> 0:54:10.719
<v Speaker 1>have to because I'm realistic, I understood. The reason why

0:54:10.760 --> 0:54:13.640
<v Speaker 1>I wasn't even upset as I probably should have been

0:54:13.680 --> 0:54:17.080
<v Speaker 1>because he lied is because I was realistic and I knew,

0:54:17.120 --> 0:54:19.319
<v Speaker 1>like it happened before me, you know. And I know

0:54:20.080 --> 0:54:22.520
<v Speaker 1>it looks one way on Instagram and everybody's like, oh,

0:54:22.560 --> 0:54:24.240
<v Speaker 1>he had a baby on you, how can we take advice,

0:54:24.280 --> 0:54:26.239
<v Speaker 1>blahlah blah, But it's like he didn't have a baby

0:54:26.239 --> 0:54:28.399
<v Speaker 1>on me. That was before we even became a thing.

0:54:28.800 --> 0:54:31.400
<v Speaker 1>It just you know, it happens like when you're having sex,

0:54:31.760 --> 0:54:34.239
<v Speaker 1>you know, and protected sex with that you're either gonna

0:54:34.280 --> 0:54:36.360
<v Speaker 1>catch STD or you're gonna have a baby, or you

0:54:36.440 --> 0:54:38.479
<v Speaker 1>dodge the bullet, you know what I'm saying. And that's

0:54:38.520 --> 0:54:42.000
<v Speaker 1>just that's just what it is. So because I'm realistic

0:54:42.040 --> 0:54:45.279
<v Speaker 1>and I understand that, and it was before we even

0:54:45.320 --> 0:54:48.319
<v Speaker 1>made anything official, I can't be too upset. Yeah, I'm

0:54:48.400 --> 0:54:50.200
<v Speaker 1>upset because you felt the need to a lot of

0:54:50.239 --> 0:54:53.360
<v Speaker 1>me about it when we've been so transparent. You know

0:54:53.400 --> 0:55:00.880
<v Speaker 1>what I'm saying. So that was, like she said about

0:55:00.960 --> 0:55:03.880
<v Speaker 1>five times, like because you know, but I think what

0:55:03.920 --> 0:55:06.439
<v Speaker 1>it is like when I'm listening to Derek, like, men

0:55:06.640 --> 0:55:09.120
<v Speaker 1>have a fear of disappointing, especially when you when you

0:55:09.160 --> 0:55:12.399
<v Speaker 1>care about somebody, right, you don't want to disappoint them,

0:55:12.400 --> 0:55:14.520
<v Speaker 1>And I would and I would neate nature just trying

0:55:14.520 --> 0:55:16.840
<v Speaker 1>to protect you from ship that can harm you or

0:55:16.880 --> 0:55:19.640
<v Speaker 1>disappoint you. And we and we don't want to disappoint you.

0:55:19.680 --> 0:55:22.040
<v Speaker 1>And sometimes when we when we were weak and we

0:55:22.080 --> 0:55:25.040
<v Speaker 1>do ship that's against us, we think, like them, let

0:55:25.040 --> 0:55:27.400
<v Speaker 1>me just not say this. I'm I'm never doing it again.

0:55:27.480 --> 0:55:29.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna move past it. But I just don't want

0:55:29.160 --> 0:55:30.759
<v Speaker 1>to let me just not say this. And that's a

0:55:30.840 --> 0:55:33.759
<v Speaker 1>mistake that we make, right. And I think, I think

0:55:33.760 --> 0:55:37.120
<v Speaker 1>what y'all established as a level of unconditional love and

0:55:37.239 --> 0:55:41.359
<v Speaker 1>friendship that supersedes that. I think at some point when

0:55:41.400 --> 0:55:45.680
<v Speaker 1>he's seen that at his worst, you know that he

0:55:45.680 --> 0:55:47.480
<v Speaker 1>could tell you the ship that was at his worst,

0:55:47.719 --> 0:55:50.200
<v Speaker 1>and you still embrace him and you still loved him

0:55:50.200 --> 0:55:52.200
<v Speaker 1>and you didn't make him feel like damn. I should

0:55:52.200 --> 0:55:54.200
<v Speaker 1>have never told her because I knew this was gonna happen.

0:55:54.440 --> 0:55:55.960
<v Speaker 1>I knew she was gonna act like that. When you

0:55:56.120 --> 0:55:59.319
<v Speaker 1>gave him that energy to continue to speak to you,

0:55:59.719 --> 0:56:02.719
<v Speaker 1>then it gives you more. It makes you want to

0:56:02.719 --> 0:56:05.080
<v Speaker 1>be more transparent, It makes you want a communication. I

0:56:05.120 --> 0:56:09.359
<v Speaker 1>think in relationships was lacking. Is that grace? Right? It's

0:56:09.400 --> 0:56:11.400
<v Speaker 1>like when you say, all right, you want the truth,

0:56:11.440 --> 0:56:13.880
<v Speaker 1>and you tell somebody the truth and they react exactly

0:56:13.880 --> 0:56:15.799
<v Speaker 1>how you thought they was gonna react. So that's why

0:56:15.840 --> 0:56:17.400
<v Speaker 1>you didn't want to tell them in the first place,

0:56:17.680 --> 0:56:19.799
<v Speaker 1>right when you when when you're here, so when you

0:56:19.840 --> 0:56:22.560
<v Speaker 1>see somebody do the opposite of what you thought and

0:56:22.600 --> 0:56:24.719
<v Speaker 1>they're like, all right, I'm really not happy with it,

0:56:24.760 --> 0:56:26.960
<v Speaker 1>but I love you and we're gonna move past this

0:56:27.360 --> 0:56:29.360
<v Speaker 1>and this and that and you and we're moving past that.

0:56:29.440 --> 0:56:32.120
<v Speaker 1>It's it's like, you know what, I could tell this person,

0:56:32.719 --> 0:56:34.440
<v Speaker 1>I could be honest. I want and I want to

0:56:34.440 --> 0:56:36.799
<v Speaker 1>be better for this person because I know that they

0:56:36.840 --> 0:56:38.719
<v Speaker 1>love me in a different manner. It's a level of

0:56:38.760 --> 0:56:42.200
<v Speaker 1>unconditional love that I think that a lot of traditional

0:56:42.239 --> 0:56:46.279
<v Speaker 1>relationships don't believe it exists. They believe, no, I'm not

0:56:46.320 --> 0:56:48.040
<v Speaker 1>gonna stay if you're doing this and that or not

0:56:48.640 --> 0:56:52.040
<v Speaker 1>after and if that, there has to be some level

0:56:52.920 --> 0:56:55.279
<v Speaker 1>I think as as men, I think, and I think

0:56:55.320 --> 0:56:59.640
<v Speaker 1>Derek agreed. There has to be something that you showed

0:56:59.719 --> 0:57:03.920
<v Speaker 1>me that I need to be better for you, right

0:57:03.960 --> 0:57:05.840
<v Speaker 1>because we were dealing with so many were dealing with

0:57:05.880 --> 0:57:08.680
<v Speaker 1>so many different women, so many different things, and there

0:57:08.719 --> 0:57:11.239
<v Speaker 1>has to be some point that you show me that

0:57:11.360 --> 0:57:13.719
<v Speaker 1>you you trust me, you get over some ship, you

0:57:13.840 --> 0:57:16.040
<v Speaker 1>ride for me a certain way that I look at

0:57:16.080 --> 0:57:18.439
<v Speaker 1>you and say, you know what, the way I've been,

0:57:18.840 --> 0:57:21.360
<v Speaker 1>this woman loves me so much that I have to

0:57:21.400 --> 0:57:24.160
<v Speaker 1>do better for her. I gotta be a better version

0:57:24.160 --> 0:57:27.440
<v Speaker 1>of me for her because she deserves that. I gotta disagree. Bro,

0:57:27.520 --> 0:57:33.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry, Sorry, Yes, I understand, I can understand you.

0:57:33.960 --> 0:57:37.880
<v Speaker 1>Let me tell you how men think. Why exhibit a

0:57:40.000 --> 0:57:43.120
<v Speaker 1>that we go through, why we I have to put

0:57:43.200 --> 0:57:47.640
<v Speaker 1>Chelsea Well, let us say explanation I want to hear.

0:57:48.200 --> 0:57:54.480
<v Speaker 1>I am go ahead, Yeah, No, I just I feel like, um, nobody, um,

0:57:54.520 --> 0:57:57.360
<v Speaker 1>both men or women should be put in a situation

0:57:57.440 --> 0:58:00.920
<v Speaker 1>so where they have to show you multiple times why

0:58:01.080 --> 0:58:03.560
<v Speaker 1>you should be honest or why you should be comfortable.

0:58:04.000 --> 0:58:06.480
<v Speaker 1>I feel like, if you're gonna be in a relationship

0:58:06.600 --> 0:58:08.880
<v Speaker 1>or the moment you decide to be with somebody, even

0:58:08.920 --> 0:58:11.160
<v Speaker 1>though it's hard because like we all got shaped. Like

0:58:11.200 --> 0:58:13.520
<v Speaker 1>I told you, I have trust issues, right, but I

0:58:13.680 --> 0:58:16.360
<v Speaker 1>still like went out and went out of my way,

0:58:16.480 --> 0:58:19.720
<v Speaker 1>stepped beyond my comfort level, and was transparent with this

0:58:19.800 --> 0:58:22.280
<v Speaker 1>man about something that I would have never told nobody else,

0:58:22.640 --> 0:58:24.920
<v Speaker 1>just because I was dead as serious about being in

0:58:24.960 --> 0:58:26.760
<v Speaker 1>a relationship with him. You know what I'm saying. So

0:58:27.240 --> 0:58:30.439
<v Speaker 1>I feel like you just answered the question. What I'm

0:58:30.440 --> 0:58:32.320
<v Speaker 1>not saying what it is that you have to do.

0:58:32.400 --> 0:58:34.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm not saying that you gotta take him cheating with

0:58:34.840 --> 0:58:37.760
<v Speaker 1>a hundred thousand girls. I'm saying there was something that

0:58:37.840 --> 0:58:39.840
<v Speaker 1>you did. Whatever you told him, the way you was

0:58:39.880 --> 0:58:42.680
<v Speaker 1>transparent with him that day, it made him feel like,

0:58:42.760 --> 0:58:45.720
<v Speaker 1>you know what, I know she wouldn't have told nobody

0:58:45.760 --> 0:58:48.040
<v Speaker 1>else that I know just the fact that she told

0:58:48.080 --> 0:58:51.000
<v Speaker 1>me that, I feel that she loved me awake. So

0:58:51.040 --> 0:58:53.720
<v Speaker 1>he went around the world and his toy and said, listen, babe,

0:58:53.800 --> 0:58:55.680
<v Speaker 1>you know I ain't gonna be able to come back

0:58:55.720 --> 0:58:58.120
<v Speaker 1>to you. I'm moving on it. You made him feel

0:58:58.120 --> 0:59:00.080
<v Speaker 1>like he had to do that there was something that

0:59:00.320 --> 0:59:02.720
<v Speaker 1>didn't just do that because she was cute when you

0:59:02.800 --> 0:59:05.959
<v Speaker 1>identify somebody who worked it, you, you know you're gonna

0:59:05.960 --> 0:59:08.920
<v Speaker 1>play the game totally different. And I know that's I agree, bro,

0:59:09.000 --> 0:59:11.120
<v Speaker 1>so it He's not necessarily saying like you gotta be

0:59:11.120 --> 0:59:13.600
<v Speaker 1>a punching bag. He's saying like, when there's things about

0:59:13.640 --> 0:59:17.800
<v Speaker 1>you where somebody can identify like this is a worthy situation,

0:59:17.880 --> 0:59:19.680
<v Speaker 1>they're gonna go all out because I mean, it's no

0:59:19.720 --> 0:59:22.440
<v Speaker 1>different than me going to therapy, like anybody would have. Bro.

0:59:22.560 --> 0:59:24.320
<v Speaker 1>David Benner was telling me to go to therapist in

0:59:24.320 --> 0:59:26.840
<v Speaker 1>the two thousand seventeen and I blew him my every time, like, Bro,

0:59:26.880 --> 0:59:29.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm not going to see therapy. But I got with

0:59:29.680 --> 0:59:31.960
<v Speaker 1>her and we had no conversation. I was like, Okay,

0:59:32.080 --> 0:59:35.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna go to therapy to figure my ship. Now know,

0:59:36.000 --> 0:59:39.160
<v Speaker 1>somebody who worked it, A man gonna like he el,

0:59:39.200 --> 0:59:41.120
<v Speaker 1>he's gonna butterfly, He's gonna turn into a whole new

0:59:41.200 --> 0:59:43.560
<v Speaker 1>human around here trying to make sure like he's the

0:59:43.560 --> 0:59:45.400
<v Speaker 1>best version of himself. So he could have bet he

0:59:45.440 --> 0:59:47.400
<v Speaker 1>could be the best version of himself for you ASO.

0:59:48.080 --> 0:59:51.360
<v Speaker 1>And I think it's the reason why I in in

0:59:51.440 --> 0:59:55.160
<v Speaker 1>some ways kind of reject that whole theory and I know, Chelsea,

0:59:55.280 --> 0:59:57.480
<v Speaker 1>the same thing that happens for me when I hear

0:59:57.560 --> 1:00:01.120
<v Speaker 1>them saying it. It's saw it come up in you,

1:00:01.600 --> 1:00:05.080
<v Speaker 1>and you you pinpointed it correctly. We should not have

1:00:05.200 --> 1:00:07.560
<v Speaker 1>to be a punching bag or have to be hurt

1:00:08.120 --> 1:00:11.440
<v Speaker 1>in order to prove that we are the right person

1:00:11.640 --> 1:00:14.840
<v Speaker 1>for someone to love. We should not. It should be

1:00:14.880 --> 1:00:18.640
<v Speaker 1>the goal of every person in every relationship to goal.

1:00:18.720 --> 1:00:21.600
<v Speaker 1>We don't always succeed to try their best to never

1:00:21.720 --> 1:00:24.560
<v Speaker 1>hurt someone that you love. Of course you might, but

1:00:24.880 --> 1:00:29.280
<v Speaker 1>you you're supposed to be trying that that person doesn't

1:00:29.280 --> 1:00:34.720
<v Speaker 1>have to experience pain as proof to prove to you

1:00:34.880 --> 1:00:36.320
<v Speaker 1>that you should do the right thing. And the other

1:00:36.360 --> 1:00:39.240
<v Speaker 1>thing that you said, Chelsea, that I always say, and

1:00:39.320 --> 1:00:41.680
<v Speaker 1>I think we all agree with this because we've discussed it.

1:00:42.200 --> 1:00:45.520
<v Speaker 1>Being honest should not be contingent upon whether or not

1:00:45.640 --> 1:00:49.280
<v Speaker 1>you're gonna be mad, sad, or whatever. Being honest is

1:00:49.360 --> 1:00:52.600
<v Speaker 1>something that should be a part of your moral compass period.

1:00:52.960 --> 1:00:56.440
<v Speaker 1>So because regardless of what we still gonna have, we

1:00:56.560 --> 1:00:59.960
<v Speaker 1>might have that fight tomorrow or we might have it tonight.

1:01:00.720 --> 1:01:04.600
<v Speaker 1>You can't change how someone else is going to respond.

1:01:04.840 --> 1:01:07.240
<v Speaker 1>The only thing you can do is control that you

1:01:07.400 --> 1:01:10.120
<v Speaker 1>did the right thing right and so and I get

1:01:10.120 --> 1:01:14.600
<v Speaker 1>and I understand. I understand that we as women and

1:01:14.640 --> 1:01:18.240
<v Speaker 1>we as people, because you know, whatever, we as people

1:01:18.680 --> 1:01:22.240
<v Speaker 1>have to be careful that we don't create a situation

1:01:22.240 --> 1:01:25.360
<v Speaker 1>where people don't feel comfortable talking to us that agree

1:01:25.440 --> 1:01:29.919
<v Speaker 1>with a thousand percent. And I don't actually I've done

1:01:29.920 --> 1:01:36.560
<v Speaker 1>that like issues yet well not even that, just because I, um,

1:01:36.600 --> 1:01:38.560
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I'm still human. You know. I have my

1:01:38.680 --> 1:01:42.000
<v Speaker 1>moments where I don't like being told about myself, you know,

1:01:42.240 --> 1:01:44.440
<v Speaker 1>especially depending on the time. You know, if you get

1:01:44.480 --> 1:01:47.000
<v Speaker 1>my time wrong, it's like hold on, I get defensive

1:01:47.320 --> 1:01:49.000
<v Speaker 1>and then it will come off it's like, oh, well,

1:01:49.000 --> 1:01:52.680
<v Speaker 1>I shouldn't have said anything. And we had a conversation.

1:01:53.440 --> 1:01:57.840
<v Speaker 1>Was it the day before yesterday? It was yesterday yesterday morning. Um,

1:01:57.920 --> 1:02:00.200
<v Speaker 1>I was having a conversation with someone and I see

1:02:00.240 --> 1:02:02.720
<v Speaker 1>him the springshot of the message, and because I'll genuinely

1:02:02.760 --> 1:02:04.920
<v Speaker 1>value his OPI and I asked him, I was like,

1:02:05.000 --> 1:02:07.560
<v Speaker 1>do you feel like I was wrong? And so he

1:02:07.600 --> 1:02:10.640
<v Speaker 1>told me how he felt, and I disagreed with how

1:02:10.680 --> 1:02:14.040
<v Speaker 1>he felt because he was basically said it was true

1:02:14.040 --> 1:02:16.080
<v Speaker 1>what he said, but I didn't like it. At the moment,

1:02:16.120 --> 1:02:18.760
<v Speaker 1>and I was like, this is where it was something

1:02:18.760 --> 1:02:20.880
<v Speaker 1>that came over me, where the self awareness was just

1:02:20.960 --> 1:02:23.960
<v Speaker 1>on a thousand. I was like, I wanted to my

1:02:24.080 --> 1:02:27.439
<v Speaker 1>first response is to defend what he said. And it's

1:02:27.480 --> 1:02:30.680
<v Speaker 1>like that's not fair. You can't ask somebody how they

1:02:30.760 --> 1:02:33.280
<v Speaker 1>feel or what you think about something. Then when they

1:02:33.320 --> 1:02:35.760
<v Speaker 1>tell you what you think, you want to defend their thoughts.

1:02:35.800 --> 1:02:39.600
<v Speaker 1>And it's like that's that's the issue, and so right

1:02:42.480 --> 1:02:47.880
<v Speaker 1>right exactly, And so I I peeped right in and

1:02:47.920 --> 1:02:51.360
<v Speaker 1>there what he's always complained to me about, like he

1:02:51.400 --> 1:02:53.760
<v Speaker 1>feels comfortable talking to me about things, but he don't

1:02:53.800 --> 1:02:57.360
<v Speaker 1>feel comfortable talking to me about me because I'll get

1:02:57.360 --> 1:03:00.520
<v Speaker 1>defensive and it's like I want to justify every little thing.

1:03:00.640 --> 1:03:02.800
<v Speaker 1>And I noticed that yesterday I started to do that,

1:03:02.840 --> 1:03:05.680
<v Speaker 1>and I was like, no, I agree, I agree, and

1:03:05.720 --> 1:03:08.000
<v Speaker 1>I respect exactly what you're saying. So instead of like

1:03:08.120 --> 1:03:10.840
<v Speaker 1>defending it, I was like, I totally understand. So give

1:03:10.880 --> 1:03:14.440
<v Speaker 1>me some insight on like how you would move you know,

1:03:14.480 --> 1:03:17.160
<v Speaker 1>what I'm saying, or how to like rectify the situation,

1:03:17.240 --> 1:03:20.120
<v Speaker 1>because I do understand his point of view, even though

1:03:20.160 --> 1:03:22.960
<v Speaker 1>that's not what I was doing or that wasn't my intention,

1:03:23.000 --> 1:03:25.520
<v Speaker 1>but that's how it looks. And once I took my

1:03:25.560 --> 1:03:28.160
<v Speaker 1>feelings out of the situation, I was able to really

1:03:28.200 --> 1:03:30.840
<v Speaker 1>see exactly where he was coming from. And it was

1:03:30.880 --> 1:03:34.640
<v Speaker 1>easy for us to have a disagreeing conversation without us

1:03:34.640 --> 1:03:37.520
<v Speaker 1>bumping as usually we like because I I have like

1:03:37.640 --> 1:03:40.640
<v Speaker 1>this outphar terrior so does heat and like we're both like,

1:03:40.840 --> 1:03:43.960
<v Speaker 1>just we can go and it's like we didn't do that.

1:03:44.040 --> 1:03:46.840
<v Speaker 1>We both had a gamuine conversation. Um, it was a

1:03:46.920 --> 1:03:49.400
<v Speaker 1>disagreeing one. Um, but at the end of the day,

1:03:49.480 --> 1:03:51.160
<v Speaker 1>it was it was peace. At the end, it was

1:03:51.200 --> 1:03:53.600
<v Speaker 1>still love. No weird energy, no bad blood, no none

1:03:53.640 --> 1:03:59.200
<v Speaker 1>of that. So, um, it's a process. Yeah, yeah, yeah

1:03:59.360 --> 1:04:03.600
<v Speaker 1>for sure up And because yeah, you know, and it's

1:04:03.640 --> 1:04:06.440
<v Speaker 1>like when this stuff when it's when we accidentally scarred

1:04:06.480 --> 1:04:09.000
<v Speaker 1>each other, which is gonna happen, because like I said,

1:04:09.280 --> 1:04:12.280
<v Speaker 1>we both have to realize that we're humans having in

1:04:12.320 --> 1:04:15.320
<v Speaker 1>a human experience for the first time, We're gonna accidentally

1:04:15.360 --> 1:04:18.640
<v Speaker 1>hurt one another. It's there's no way around that. We'll

1:04:18.640 --> 1:04:23.040
<v Speaker 1>be trying to like steer away from the pain, but

1:04:23.360 --> 1:04:26.080
<v Speaker 1>it's inevitable. So it's gross, you know what I'm saying.

1:04:26.080 --> 1:04:28.680
<v Speaker 1>So it's changed. A lot of people don't like change,

1:04:28.720 --> 1:04:31.480
<v Speaker 1>but change is inevitable. Nothing said. Everything is temporary and

1:04:31.520 --> 1:04:34.360
<v Speaker 1>nothing stays the same all the time. You understand what

1:04:34.400 --> 1:04:37.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm saying. So, like with that being the case, change hurt.

1:04:37.560 --> 1:04:40.560
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes it's uncomfortable, you know what I'm saying. We don't

1:04:40.560 --> 1:04:43.240
<v Speaker 1>like it, but once we get through that, it's a

1:04:43.680 --> 1:04:46.360
<v Speaker 1>you know, it's a it's a broader world. It's a

1:04:46.360 --> 1:04:49.440
<v Speaker 1>better version of how we wore was before the change.

1:04:49.840 --> 1:04:53.120
<v Speaker 1>So to sit there and try to like avoid the pain,

1:04:53.480 --> 1:04:56.040
<v Speaker 1>you're doing yourself a disservice because it's gonna happen. What

1:04:56.160 --> 1:04:58.480
<v Speaker 1>you can do is embrace it, learn from it, and

1:04:58.520 --> 1:05:02.440
<v Speaker 1>figure out how to you're a better person. So we

1:05:02.520 --> 1:05:05.920
<v Speaker 1>gotta flip to another side of this conversation, which is

1:05:05.960 --> 1:05:08.880
<v Speaker 1>the business aspect, like you know, having a busy man

1:05:09.160 --> 1:05:12.160
<v Speaker 1>and all the things, and you know how you how

1:05:12.240 --> 1:05:16.040
<v Speaker 1>you intertwined with that, Chelsea. But the one thing I

1:05:16.080 --> 1:05:19.400
<v Speaker 1>want to ask just flat out because I think there

1:05:19.600 --> 1:05:25.160
<v Speaker 1>is a misconception that open and you said it's not

1:05:25.200 --> 1:05:28.640
<v Speaker 1>really open, but the fact that you invite other partners,

1:05:28.960 --> 1:05:34.760
<v Speaker 1>women into your marriage, um, and whatever other things you

1:05:34.800 --> 1:05:38.320
<v Speaker 1>do Does that make it easier? Does that make it perfect?

1:05:38.520 --> 1:05:41.520
<v Speaker 1>Is it just you know everything is perfect now because

1:05:41.920 --> 1:05:44.560
<v Speaker 1>you Derek feel like, Okay, you know she's perfect because

1:05:44.600 --> 1:05:46.520
<v Speaker 1>I get to have sex with other women from time

1:05:46.560 --> 1:05:49.360
<v Speaker 1>to time. Or would you say it's still a struggle

1:05:49.400 --> 1:05:51.280
<v Speaker 1>because some people try to sell you that, oh all

1:05:51.320 --> 1:05:53.320
<v Speaker 1>you gotta do is give your man some you know,

1:05:53.400 --> 1:05:58.960
<v Speaker 1>another woman, and then he's good etiquette to it for sure,

1:05:59.040 --> 1:06:01.960
<v Speaker 1>Like just some ones, I thought that anybody that's interested

1:06:01.960 --> 1:06:05.120
<v Speaker 1>in that type of lifestyle communicate with those women in

1:06:05.120 --> 1:06:07.600
<v Speaker 1>the group chat feel me, so it's always clarity on

1:06:07.600 --> 1:06:10.160
<v Speaker 1>the conversation to the best of their abilities. I know,

1:06:10.240 --> 1:06:13.320
<v Speaker 1>for me, I always let her lead, so I'm not

1:06:13.520 --> 1:06:16.760
<v Speaker 1>She's never gonna be put uh times out of ten,

1:06:16.880 --> 1:06:19.080
<v Speaker 1>she's never gonna be put in an uncomfortable spot because

1:06:19.080 --> 1:06:21.760
<v Speaker 1>she's gonna be the hint they hints me. Anyway, I'm

1:06:21.800 --> 1:06:24.000
<v Speaker 1>just gonna sit back and when she bringing homes then

1:06:24.000 --> 1:06:25.760
<v Speaker 1>we go. We go what we do, what we do.

1:06:26.160 --> 1:06:29.480
<v Speaker 1>But I would say for me, it definitely has made

1:06:29.480 --> 1:06:31.320
<v Speaker 1>it better. And I'm gonna say the biggest thing that

1:06:31.360 --> 1:06:34.000
<v Speaker 1>I checked from our experiences with other women is the bonding,

1:06:34.920 --> 1:06:37.360
<v Speaker 1>uh She She mentioned that we first got on him.

1:06:37.400 --> 1:06:39.320
<v Speaker 1>But we like have bro moments. So that's why I say,

1:06:39.360 --> 1:06:41.680
<v Speaker 1>when people say they want you to be committed to them,

1:06:41.680 --> 1:06:45.120
<v Speaker 1>can they really wear those hats? Because like we we

1:06:45.120 --> 1:06:47.960
<v Speaker 1>we be bros sometimes and we function like bros. So

1:06:48.600 --> 1:06:52.439
<v Speaker 1>we'll go out and we'll like, well, she do because

1:06:52.520 --> 1:06:54.040
<v Speaker 1>I've never had that a woman in my life. But

1:06:54.160 --> 1:06:57.600
<v Speaker 1>she'll bag women like bros do, and then we literally

1:06:57.760 --> 1:07:00.760
<v Speaker 1>bring them home man like in the midst of a

1:07:00.760 --> 1:07:03.400
<v Speaker 1>whole recently, looking up at each other, laughing and just

1:07:03.520 --> 1:07:06.560
<v Speaker 1>clowning like bros do when they when they got them

1:07:06.920 --> 1:07:11.360
<v Speaker 1>or you know whatever whatever. So for me, Um, for me,

1:07:11.440 --> 1:07:14.120
<v Speaker 1>it's it's the bonding, Like that's my favorite part about it,

1:07:14.160 --> 1:07:17.120
<v Speaker 1>is just the bonding and having those stories and us

1:07:17.120 --> 1:07:21.800
<v Speaker 1>getting like pound fist and clown how we's being honest? Yeah, yeah,

1:07:21.800 --> 1:07:24.880
<v Speaker 1>how we dog somebody. Now. It's not perfect though, Like

1:07:25.240 --> 1:07:29.480
<v Speaker 1>it's putting your man in a situation to where he

1:07:29.520 --> 1:07:31.960
<v Speaker 1>could have another woman does not stop him from lying.

1:07:32.400 --> 1:07:34.720
<v Speaker 1>It does not stop him from feeling like, you know,

1:07:34.800 --> 1:07:38.040
<v Speaker 1>he doesn't have to be transparent or you know, like

1:07:38.320 --> 1:07:42.040
<v Speaker 1>that he's gonna just magically have like this emotional telligence

1:07:42.160 --> 1:07:45.560
<v Speaker 1>or no when and wood or how not or anything.

1:07:45.680 --> 1:07:48.880
<v Speaker 1>So I just want to say, um, no, that's not

1:07:49.040 --> 1:07:52.280
<v Speaker 1>the answer to a relationship. I generally feel like what

1:07:52.320 --> 1:07:54.920
<v Speaker 1>I've learned, everybody has to do their own self work.

1:07:55.040 --> 1:07:58.880
<v Speaker 1>You know, like you can give a man and a woman.

1:07:58.920 --> 1:08:01.520
<v Speaker 1>You can give a woman don't moon the stars, the world,

1:08:01.680 --> 1:08:04.320
<v Speaker 1>the other world, the universe. If she's not happy within

1:08:04.400 --> 1:08:07.200
<v Speaker 1>herself or secure within herself, it's never gonna be enough.

1:08:07.320 --> 1:08:09.320
<v Speaker 1>You know, it's still you. You're still gonna find some ship.

1:08:09.720 --> 1:08:12.479
<v Speaker 1>So I just feel like, um, it's all about self

1:08:12.520 --> 1:08:13.880
<v Speaker 1>work at the end of the day. And that's why

1:08:13.920 --> 1:08:16.439
<v Speaker 1>I was telling you, like if when you do it

1:08:16.520 --> 1:08:20.160
<v Speaker 1>for self, do work on self. Everything else is extra.

1:08:20.320 --> 1:08:23.439
<v Speaker 1>So like the the extra women when we do you know,

1:08:23.600 --> 1:08:27.880
<v Speaker 1>parts participating that it's extra. It's not like that's the

1:08:27.920 --> 1:08:31.600
<v Speaker 1>answer to our relationship as a whole, because it's not.

1:08:31.800 --> 1:08:34.400
<v Speaker 1>We've been in a situation where we, like I said,

1:08:34.400 --> 1:08:36.760
<v Speaker 1>we've had a girlfriend that ship did not go how

1:08:36.840 --> 1:08:39.400
<v Speaker 1>we thought it was gonna go. It was definitely moments

1:08:39.439 --> 1:08:41.080
<v Speaker 1>where I was like, Nigga, you got me sucked up?

1:08:41.080 --> 1:08:43.280
<v Speaker 1>What is this? You know what I'm saying. And it's like,

1:08:43.439 --> 1:08:46.360
<v Speaker 1>you know, but I mean, we're just gonna be honest.

1:08:46.479 --> 1:08:49.120
<v Speaker 1>Like but like I said, it's like a learning curve.

1:08:49.200 --> 1:08:51.200
<v Speaker 1>Like we all human, we don't know what we're doing

1:08:51.320 --> 1:08:53.600
<v Speaker 1>until we do. And it's like okay, yeah, no, we

1:08:53.680 --> 1:08:55.360
<v Speaker 1>gotta take this a little bit because that ain't there.

1:08:55.439 --> 1:08:57.639
<v Speaker 1>I do like this. This is cool, This is fun,

1:08:58.000 --> 1:09:01.679
<v Speaker 1>but it has boundaries limitations, you know what I'm saying.

1:09:01.760 --> 1:09:05.360
<v Speaker 1>Knowing when you're like at your I don't even know

1:09:05.400 --> 1:09:08.080
<v Speaker 1>like when you've reached your your limit, you know what

1:09:08.120 --> 1:09:10.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm saying, And so you're not gonna know that though

1:09:10.760 --> 1:09:12.439
<v Speaker 1>you're not gonna know your boundaries. You're not gonna know

1:09:12.479 --> 1:09:15.519
<v Speaker 1>your limits if you haven't done that self work, you know.

1:09:15.840 --> 1:09:19.760
<v Speaker 1>And even if you I don't know it like I

1:09:19.960 --> 1:09:22.960
<v Speaker 1>like I said, I feel like it boils down to self.

1:09:23.040 --> 1:09:24.760
<v Speaker 1>You have to work on self. I have to work

1:09:24.800 --> 1:09:26.840
<v Speaker 1>on self. He has to work on self. And like

1:09:27.040 --> 1:09:30.559
<v Speaker 1>when we're both whole, we meet up and then you know,

1:09:30.680 --> 1:09:34.320
<v Speaker 1>it's easier to fight the both things together, you know

1:09:34.320 --> 1:09:37.719
<v Speaker 1>what I'm saying. Versus me having my bullshit, he having

1:09:37.760 --> 1:09:40.599
<v Speaker 1>his bullshit. We come together. Now we got bullshit together

1:09:40.640 --> 1:09:43.240
<v Speaker 1>on top of our personal bullshit. And it's just like

1:09:43.240 --> 1:09:47.560
<v Speaker 1>shit everywhere. Yeah, I think. I think just listening to you,

1:09:47.640 --> 1:09:51.240
<v Speaker 1>Chelsea's like a lot and not saying, oh, there are

1:09:51.240 --> 1:09:54.679
<v Speaker 1>a lot of women that don't put any emphasis on them.

1:09:54.800 --> 1:09:59.599
<v Speaker 1>Right when I have conversations a lot of women like, well,

1:09:59.640 --> 1:10:01.800
<v Speaker 1>men doing this, and y'all need to do this better,

1:10:01.840 --> 1:10:04.200
<v Speaker 1>and now I need to do this, and i's you,

1:10:04.640 --> 1:10:07.760
<v Speaker 1>and it's so dope because you have your own self reflection,

1:10:07.840 --> 1:10:10.080
<v Speaker 1>like you're not sitting there just pointing out the things

1:10:10.120 --> 1:10:12.240
<v Speaker 1>you do wrong, like you really say, I got my

1:10:12.280 --> 1:10:14.320
<v Speaker 1>own bullshit. I've been doing this and I needed to

1:10:14.320 --> 1:10:16.200
<v Speaker 1>do this and I realized I was wrong, Like you

1:10:16.280 --> 1:10:20.200
<v Speaker 1>bring in that right. There is a communication method that

1:10:20.360 --> 1:10:23.120
<v Speaker 1>is effective because when people see that you're willing to

1:10:23.160 --> 1:10:25.640
<v Speaker 1>take on something to be like, okay, you know what,

1:10:25.920 --> 1:10:28.559
<v Speaker 1>now now let me do my self assessment. Let me

1:10:28.600 --> 1:10:30.720
<v Speaker 1>see how I can be sure a better because she's

1:10:30.760 --> 1:10:32.439
<v Speaker 1>willing to do this, you know. So I want to

1:10:32.760 --> 1:10:35.080
<v Speaker 1>just commend you on that because I have a lot

1:10:35.120 --> 1:10:38.720
<v Speaker 1>of conversation with women, and I have been attacked. I've

1:10:38.720 --> 1:10:41.599
<v Speaker 1>been a tables with four or five women was telling me,

1:10:41.840 --> 1:10:44.120
<v Speaker 1>don't tell me about me, don't tell me about what

1:10:44.160 --> 1:10:45.960
<v Speaker 1>women do. Y'all need to do, and I'll be like,

1:10:46.040 --> 1:10:48.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm not really telling you about you. I'm just telling

1:10:48.200 --> 1:10:51.120
<v Speaker 1>you how we receive what you're doing. It's not about

1:10:51.439 --> 1:10:54.640
<v Speaker 1>you or anything. So I think that you've become reception

1:10:55.000 --> 1:10:57.400
<v Speaker 1>receptive to a message. I think yet the way that

1:10:57.439 --> 1:11:00.920
<v Speaker 1>you'll communicate is dope because you're both keeping on eye,

1:11:01.000 --> 1:11:04.920
<v Speaker 1>you're both self reflective, and y'all understand that you're old human,

1:11:05.280 --> 1:11:07.759
<v Speaker 1>that everything is a learning process. That you don't expect

1:11:07.840 --> 1:11:10.800
<v Speaker 1>him to be perfect. You don't expect you to be perfect. Y'all,

1:11:11.080 --> 1:11:13.680
<v Speaker 1>y'all understand that you're both got your own bullshit, And

1:11:13.760 --> 1:11:15.400
<v Speaker 1>y'all figure out how do we meet? You know, how

1:11:15.400 --> 1:11:18.519
<v Speaker 1>do we grow together? You know it's because as humans,

1:11:18.520 --> 1:11:21.040
<v Speaker 1>we are constantly evolving. Like the ship that you wanted

1:11:21.240 --> 1:11:23.880
<v Speaker 1>five years ago, you ain't gonna one five years later.

1:11:23.920 --> 1:11:26.040
<v Speaker 1>The ship that you think right now, you ain't gonna

1:11:26.040 --> 1:11:28.519
<v Speaker 1>think tomorrow. We we all, you know, we're human beings.

1:11:28.600 --> 1:11:32.280
<v Speaker 1>So people hold you to who you was ten years ago. Well,

1:11:32.320 --> 1:11:34.360
<v Speaker 1>you told me this, and you were supposed to be that. Well,

1:11:34.400 --> 1:11:36.320
<v Speaker 1>I didn't even know I was gonna think what I'm

1:11:36.320 --> 1:11:38.720
<v Speaker 1>thinking right now ten years ago. So how do you

1:11:38.920 --> 1:11:41.439
<v Speaker 1>think that I'm gonna be that same person, so you know,

1:11:41.560 --> 1:11:45.559
<v Speaker 1>I applaud you know. I just want to ask this question, though, business,

1:11:46.240 --> 1:11:48.240
<v Speaker 1>how do you how do y'all work as business? Do

1:11:48.320 --> 1:11:51.200
<v Speaker 1>you feel like you know the way that you'll communicating

1:11:51.240 --> 1:11:54.320
<v Speaker 1>your relationship helps your business or y'all do y'all do

1:11:54.400 --> 1:11:56.920
<v Speaker 1>good business together? Do your side like y'all I can't

1:11:56.960 --> 1:11:59.840
<v Speaker 1>do business well? Like we're gonna separate that, Like, how

1:11:59.840 --> 1:12:03.400
<v Speaker 1>do how do you think that works? Uh? Real quick?

1:12:03.479 --> 1:12:06.759
<v Speaker 1>So perfect example of this situation right here. I'm pregnant

1:12:06.880 --> 1:12:10.840
<v Speaker 1>and I'm sleepy and I'm thirsty, and he was like,

1:12:10.960 --> 1:12:13.920
<v Speaker 1>I didn't even know about this interview. Um, And I've

1:12:13.920 --> 1:12:15.680
<v Speaker 1>been telling him, like day, I don't like when you

1:12:15.680 --> 1:12:17.519
<v Speaker 1>tell me stuff at the last minute, But like I said,

1:12:17.680 --> 1:12:20.120
<v Speaker 1>how to its up somebody for who they are. He's

1:12:20.120 --> 1:12:24.200
<v Speaker 1>been doing it, and I'm gonna drop myself crazy. And

1:12:24.240 --> 1:12:27.759
<v Speaker 1>I understand that, you know, And I'm gonna drop myself

1:12:27.760 --> 1:12:30.800
<v Speaker 1>crazy by continuing to try to beat something his head

1:12:30.840 --> 1:12:33.240
<v Speaker 1>Like days, I'm telling me stuff at the last minute. Anyway,

1:12:33.320 --> 1:12:34.559
<v Speaker 1>So he tells me, He's like, Bay, I need a

1:12:34.600 --> 1:12:37.680
<v Speaker 1>huge favor. We got this interview, blah blah blah. When

1:12:37.720 --> 1:12:39.519
<v Speaker 1>I was just talking about I'm gonna lay down and

1:12:39.520 --> 1:12:42.880
<v Speaker 1>take me another nap. Girls Jazz, they's gonna go, you know.

1:12:42.920 --> 1:12:45.760
<v Speaker 1>So it's like, alright, cool, I'm you know, we're gonna

1:12:45.800 --> 1:12:47.679
<v Speaker 1>do this interview, but when I get done, I'm taking

1:12:47.680 --> 1:12:50.040
<v Speaker 1>my nap. Um. He we actually have to go some

1:12:50.200 --> 1:12:51.960
<v Speaker 1>we have to go to our other house because we're

1:12:52.000 --> 1:12:54.160
<v Speaker 1>like turning in some production studio. That's the whole other thing.

1:12:54.520 --> 1:12:56.840
<v Speaker 1>But he works over there. So I'm like, okay, well,

1:12:56.840 --> 1:12:58.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna go with you over there, um if you

1:12:58.800 --> 1:13:01.120
<v Speaker 1>need anything for me and between you know, by the

1:13:01.160 --> 1:13:03.599
<v Speaker 1>time we get over there, asked me. Because when I

1:13:03.640 --> 1:13:05.760
<v Speaker 1>get there, I'm going to sleep and I want my

1:13:05.840 --> 1:13:08.519
<v Speaker 1>sleep until you know, the girls get home and that's that.

1:13:08.760 --> 1:13:11.800
<v Speaker 1>So I think we jugglate pretty well for the most part.

1:13:12.080 --> 1:13:13.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm the type of person it's easy for me to

1:13:14.040 --> 1:13:16.960
<v Speaker 1>like roll with the countries, um, and I feel like

1:13:17.040 --> 1:13:21.080
<v Speaker 1>he um, you know, he he'd be throwing them puncious

1:13:22.280 --> 1:13:24.800
<v Speaker 1>not of stuff happening all the time. But you feel like,

1:13:25.520 --> 1:13:28.400
<v Speaker 1>do you feel, Derek like a helpmate is important in

1:13:28.520 --> 1:13:31.360
<v Speaker 1>order for you to be Do you feel like you

1:13:31.400 --> 1:13:33.120
<v Speaker 1>could do it just by yourself? You know, A lot

1:13:33.120 --> 1:13:35.080
<v Speaker 1>of men. They do their work and then they go home,

1:13:35.680 --> 1:13:38.679
<v Speaker 1>but it seems like you have your home intertwined. Yeah,

1:13:38.840 --> 1:13:42.440
<v Speaker 1>I mean I did it. I did it by myself

1:13:42.439 --> 1:13:45.880
<v Speaker 1>for like seven years. But I will say having a

1:13:46.000 --> 1:13:49.519
<v Speaker 1>helpmate is an absolute added of the way I conduct

1:13:49.560 --> 1:13:52.519
<v Speaker 1>business has evolved. The amount of money I make has evolved,

1:13:53.000 --> 1:13:55.160
<v Speaker 1>even the way that our view money has involved. Like

1:13:55.200 --> 1:13:58.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm actually in the process right now or putting all

1:13:58.320 --> 1:14:03.160
<v Speaker 1>my businesses on auto college and as an April fifteen, Uh,

1:14:03.200 --> 1:14:05.599
<v Speaker 1>we're going on like a nomadic journey where I bought

1:14:05.600 --> 1:14:08.400
<v Speaker 1>an RV, so we're just gonna travel for the duration

1:14:08.439 --> 1:14:10.720
<v Speaker 1>of her pregnancy. And really just like because we're big

1:14:10.760 --> 1:14:12.360
<v Speaker 1>on like living off the land, we draw a lot

1:14:12.360 --> 1:14:14.040
<v Speaker 1>of fruit veggies, but I really want to do it

1:14:14.040 --> 1:14:18.160
<v Speaker 1>on another level. So like having that helpmate helped me

1:14:18.200 --> 1:14:20.920
<v Speaker 1>to go from Remember like my best money business prior

1:14:20.960 --> 1:14:24.320
<v Speaker 1>to her was like two. The month she came around,

1:14:24.360 --> 1:14:26.439
<v Speaker 1>best month of business went other like, and shout out

1:14:26.439 --> 1:14:29.400
<v Speaker 1>the tip too for putting me on the Expedition podcast

1:14:29.400 --> 1:14:32.679
<v Speaker 1>because that definitely changed my career. But I went from

1:14:32.920 --> 1:14:35.080
<v Speaker 1>to nineties something at one point six to five in

1:14:35.080 --> 1:14:37.880
<v Speaker 1>the month. Then I just kept evolving, whether it be fatherhood,

1:14:38.000 --> 1:14:40.920
<v Speaker 1>business blah blah. Then I even evolved to the place

1:14:40.960 --> 1:14:43.560
<v Speaker 1>current day where it's like money isn't my priority, or

1:14:43.720 --> 1:14:46.400
<v Speaker 1>being a good dad, being a better partner blas blows

1:14:46.479 --> 1:14:49.760
<v Speaker 1>my party. So absolutely having a helpmate, having having that,

1:14:49.880 --> 1:14:52.120
<v Speaker 1>having that extra set of eyes when you're moving around,

1:14:52.840 --> 1:14:55.839
<v Speaker 1>having a woman's intuition when you grinding and handling business,

1:14:56.400 --> 1:14:59.479
<v Speaker 1>it's absolutely helpful. That's for me, Like I focused on

1:14:59.560 --> 1:15:02.120
<v Speaker 1>big in big game when I'm doing business, so I

1:15:02.160 --> 1:15:04.160
<v Speaker 1>miss a lot of the small things because I'm trying

1:15:04.200 --> 1:15:06.600
<v Speaker 1>to see like how we get that bad, how we

1:15:06.640 --> 1:15:08.240
<v Speaker 1>get that house so, how we get that built, and

1:15:08.280 --> 1:15:10.880
<v Speaker 1>how we launched this and launched that, and then too

1:15:10.920 --> 1:15:14.679
<v Speaker 1>we practice inclusion. So I'm really big from her down

1:15:14.680 --> 1:15:17.240
<v Speaker 1>to my children. I try to keep them in the

1:15:17.240 --> 1:15:20.880
<v Speaker 1>loop business wise on every scale. I'm very very much

1:15:20.920 --> 1:15:24.400
<v Speaker 1>aware that, like everybody, life has an exploration day and

1:15:24.400 --> 1:15:25.840
<v Speaker 1>the last thing I want to do is just like

1:15:25.920 --> 1:15:28.360
<v Speaker 1>leave them a bunch of businesses to inherit with money,

1:15:28.360 --> 1:15:31.040
<v Speaker 1>but they have no idea on financial literacy, how to

1:15:31.080 --> 1:15:33.000
<v Speaker 1>run the business to ends and out chain to command

1:15:33.040 --> 1:15:35.439
<v Speaker 1>this that the third So for me, like I love

1:15:36.200 --> 1:15:41.040
<v Speaker 1>my winds, my lessons, the acquisitions, the down months, the

1:15:41.080 --> 1:15:43.200
<v Speaker 1>good months. I love that had a family front and

1:15:43.200 --> 1:15:47.120
<v Speaker 1>in our family oriented anyway. Like my payroll, it's predominantly family.

1:15:47.280 --> 1:15:49.200
<v Speaker 1>And only people don't ever see me with is my

1:15:49.360 --> 1:15:52.760
<v Speaker 1>children or her. Seldom it would be another adult in

1:15:52.800 --> 1:15:54.920
<v Speaker 1>my frame. But inclusion to me is the biggest thing.

1:15:55.479 --> 1:15:58.120
<v Speaker 1>Finally gives talents and purpose within your family and then

1:15:58.160 --> 1:16:00.720
<v Speaker 1>monetizing them so we can have like a family full

1:16:00.760 --> 1:16:03.120
<v Speaker 1>of people who get money, not just a family lying

1:16:03.160 --> 1:16:06.200
<v Speaker 1>on this one individual that get us some money. M

1:16:06.479 --> 1:16:09.600
<v Speaker 1>M wow. It's and it's hard because I feel I

1:16:09.640 --> 1:16:11.920
<v Speaker 1>guess you know, when you talk about all the relationships

1:16:11.960 --> 1:16:15.559
<v Speaker 1>stuff and how people are feeling emotionally and then it

1:16:15.640 --> 1:16:18.360
<v Speaker 1>comes time to do business together, sometimes if you don't

1:16:18.360 --> 1:16:23.280
<v Speaker 1>have emotional intelligence, Chelsea, you'll be like, I'm not doing

1:16:23.360 --> 1:16:26.439
<v Speaker 1>ship for your ass today. You know. You know we've

1:16:26.520 --> 1:16:28.400
<v Speaker 1>had that. She didn't be like, and I had to

1:16:28.439 --> 1:16:30.800
<v Speaker 1>put it to the side and be like, listen, when

1:16:30.840 --> 1:16:33.280
<v Speaker 1>you do stuff like that, it makes me not feel

1:16:33.320 --> 1:16:35.960
<v Speaker 1>like I could trust you on business. Like I get it.

1:16:36.000 --> 1:16:38.880
<v Speaker 1>We could bump heirs personally, but the family still has

1:16:38.920 --> 1:16:42.519
<v Speaker 1>to financially progress and cover ground because America is against us.

1:16:42.560 --> 1:16:45.559
<v Speaker 1>We can't we can't allow our internal battles to throw

1:16:45.760 --> 1:16:48.720
<v Speaker 1>to divert the whole fucking plan. And she like took

1:16:48.720 --> 1:16:51.920
<v Speaker 1>her accountability. Was like, you're right, I'm gonna start making shot.

1:16:51.960 --> 1:16:54.200
<v Speaker 1>I come through regardless because that is a And she

1:16:54.320 --> 1:16:55.960
<v Speaker 1>know like I don't have friends, I don't have a

1:16:55.960 --> 1:16:58.120
<v Speaker 1>big circule, Like she really the only person I count

1:16:58.120 --> 1:17:01.120
<v Speaker 1>on in my pops outside of my children. So she

1:17:01.280 --> 1:17:05.120
<v Speaker 1>know like she played a large role and she didn't

1:17:05.120 --> 1:17:06.639
<v Speaker 1>ask for it, but I have given her a lot

1:17:06.640 --> 1:17:09.320
<v Speaker 1>of responsibility, Like it's gonna be her job if I

1:17:09.600 --> 1:17:12.439
<v Speaker 1>leave before her, Like you gotta giving out my estate,

1:17:12.560 --> 1:17:15.240
<v Speaker 1>you gotta make sure the trust is handled in this manner,

1:17:15.320 --> 1:17:17.559
<v Speaker 1>this and that. So it's important to try to get

1:17:18.120 --> 1:17:21.840
<v Speaker 1>But you know, the thing is that oftentimes we as

1:17:21.880 --> 1:17:25.519
<v Speaker 1>women or the person because I've also experienced this being

1:17:25.600 --> 1:17:30.360
<v Speaker 1>the busier person with more resources. I have experienced being

1:17:30.439 --> 1:17:33.400
<v Speaker 1>in a relationship where a man felt like he was

1:17:33.479 --> 1:17:36.880
<v Speaker 1>doing it for me. This is not for me, bro,

1:17:37.280 --> 1:17:41.200
<v Speaker 1>this is for you, me, our kids, our family legacy

1:17:41.320 --> 1:17:44.080
<v Speaker 1>or whatever. And people often have in their mind like, oh,

1:17:44.320 --> 1:17:46.000
<v Speaker 1>you know, I'm not gonna be I'm not you're not

1:17:46.000 --> 1:17:47.840
<v Speaker 1>gonna tell me, you know, to do this stuff for

1:17:47.880 --> 1:17:50.559
<v Speaker 1>you while you also you know, didn't speak to me

1:17:50.640 --> 1:17:53.080
<v Speaker 1>well last night or you ain't screw me in two

1:17:53.160 --> 1:17:55.799
<v Speaker 1>days or whatever. And I think we have to own

1:17:55.920 --> 1:17:58.360
<v Speaker 1>the fact that when we're talking about people who are

1:17:58.360 --> 1:18:02.960
<v Speaker 1>in a relationship with business, also you are equally valuable

1:18:03.000 --> 1:18:05.839
<v Speaker 1>because this is about your life. You're not just working

1:18:06.000 --> 1:18:09.760
<v Speaker 1>for another individual and people. It's hard though, because you'd

1:18:09.760 --> 1:18:11.720
<v Speaker 1>be like you could kiss my ask like I'm not

1:18:11.840 --> 1:18:14.599
<v Speaker 1>even talking to you, so why would I sit down

1:18:14.680 --> 1:18:18.840
<v Speaker 1>and do whatever else with you? So, you know, emotional intelligence,

1:18:18.880 --> 1:18:21.800
<v Speaker 1>I think is probably key to all relationships, but we

1:18:21.840 --> 1:18:24.760
<v Speaker 1>don't always have it right now. That's just I got

1:18:24.800 --> 1:18:26.639
<v Speaker 1>a partner who got a business and he's going through

1:18:26.680 --> 1:18:29.479
<v Speaker 1>some things with his partner, and she took it upon

1:18:29.560 --> 1:18:33.160
<v Speaker 1>herself to like smear his name and situations and I

1:18:33.160 --> 1:18:34.920
<v Speaker 1>had I mean, he was talking to his like bro ship.

1:18:35.040 --> 1:18:38.280
<v Speaker 1>Aware of that that affects your children. You can't take

1:18:38.400 --> 1:18:42.040
<v Speaker 1>y'all disagreement in the bedroom, smear his business name in

1:18:42.080 --> 1:18:44.479
<v Speaker 1>the streets and then be like the babies ain't eating ship.

1:18:44.560 --> 1:18:46.760
<v Speaker 1>You're sucking up his name like it's a it's a

1:18:46.800 --> 1:18:49.760
<v Speaker 1>domino effect. So yeah, something she's always told me. It's

1:18:49.840 --> 1:18:52.599
<v Speaker 1>just like her focus be the bigger pictures. And I've

1:18:52.600 --> 1:18:54.280
<v Speaker 1>always been away too, Like I have, I have a

1:18:54.280 --> 1:18:57.000
<v Speaker 1>great deal of wisdom and foresight. So like why most

1:18:57.040 --> 1:19:00.519
<v Speaker 1>people are gonna have a breakdown that caused him into fallout.

1:19:00.600 --> 1:19:03.080
<v Speaker 1>Next month, I'm going to start thinking, like above all,

1:19:03.120 --> 1:19:04.680
<v Speaker 1>we don't want our grand children to work for their

1:19:04.720 --> 1:19:07.800
<v Speaker 1>oppressive So despite this ship, we beef him by right now,

1:19:07.880 --> 1:19:09.599
<v Speaker 1>like what we're gonna do tomorrow to make sure there's

1:19:09.640 --> 1:19:13.360
<v Speaker 1>business is still intent. That's that's that's a dope perspective.

1:19:13.400 --> 1:19:15.120
<v Speaker 1>And I say that all the time, and it comes

1:19:15.160 --> 1:19:17.559
<v Speaker 1>from friendship, right, And I said that all the time.

1:19:17.680 --> 1:19:20.479
<v Speaker 1>If when you when you when you value somebody and

1:19:20.479 --> 1:19:22.880
<v Speaker 1>you're your friend, even when you're not on the right page,

1:19:22.880 --> 1:19:25.160
<v Speaker 1>you don't want to see him loose, right, You're not

1:19:25.160 --> 1:19:27.360
<v Speaker 1>gonna try to do something harm him. All right, we're

1:19:27.360 --> 1:19:29.799
<v Speaker 1>not in the right page. But if I got a situation,

1:19:29.840 --> 1:19:32.599
<v Speaker 1>I know it's gonna benefit you cool because you're somebody

1:19:32.600 --> 1:19:35.559
<v Speaker 1>that I care about you, somebody I understand that you

1:19:35.640 --> 1:19:37.240
<v Speaker 1>have a level of value and I have a level

1:19:37.280 --> 1:19:40.200
<v Speaker 1>of value to you. Despite I would disagreement. I never

1:19:40.240 --> 1:19:42.160
<v Speaker 1>want to see you at your worst, you know. And

1:19:42.200 --> 1:19:44.880
<v Speaker 1>I think that's what a lot of relationships lack. People

1:19:44.880 --> 1:19:49.400
<v Speaker 1>get into relationships without having friendship, without having real unconditional love,

1:19:49.880 --> 1:19:52.840
<v Speaker 1>you know, and they and the emotional intelligence starts to

1:19:52.880 --> 1:19:56.280
<v Speaker 1>supersede their minds, you know, it starts to the emotions

1:19:56.320 --> 1:20:00.600
<v Speaker 1>start to supersede their intelligence. I that down to just

1:20:00.600 --> 1:20:02.760
<v Speaker 1>give you a quick example. I remember, I know, the

1:20:02.800 --> 1:20:04.960
<v Speaker 1>biggest amount of money I've ever given her at one

1:20:05.000 --> 1:20:09.519
<v Speaker 1>time was a hundred K. And that hundred k what's

1:20:09.600 --> 1:20:12.240
<v Speaker 1>for her to go by her own plot of land?

1:20:12.280 --> 1:20:16.200
<v Speaker 1>Plots of land during an actual breakup for me in

1:20:16.200 --> 1:20:18.559
<v Speaker 1>a break because like I do on her to win,

1:20:18.720 --> 1:20:20.800
<v Speaker 1>like whether I'm dead or alive, like I care about

1:20:20.840 --> 1:20:22.160
<v Speaker 1>her that I still want her to be on her

1:20:22.200 --> 1:20:25.479
<v Speaker 1>big dogship whether she win the next man woman whatever

1:20:25.960 --> 1:20:28.040
<v Speaker 1>or even like most recently, I had a business that

1:20:28.120 --> 1:20:30.360
<v Speaker 1>we had joint but I stepped out of the business

1:20:30.479 --> 1:20:33.320
<v Speaker 1>and just solely sent it her way so she can

1:20:33.800 --> 1:20:37.080
<v Speaker 1>keep the revenue. And just you know, she she wanted

1:20:37.080 --> 1:20:38.960
<v Speaker 1>to be in a certain position on her own, and

1:20:39.000 --> 1:20:41.559
<v Speaker 1>I totally respect that. I get it. Like I'm a businessman.

1:20:41.600 --> 1:20:43.920
<v Speaker 1>I understand business. So no, bro, I agree with that,

1:20:44.040 --> 1:20:46.160
<v Speaker 1>Like down to the mothers of my children. One is

1:20:46.200 --> 1:20:50.479
<v Speaker 1>on my payroll, one I do really well for in

1:20:50.600 --> 1:20:53.120
<v Speaker 1>terms of like making sure she cool every month, like

1:20:54.000 --> 1:20:56.240
<v Speaker 1>she's more than cool. And then the other one not

1:20:56.320 --> 1:20:58.439
<v Speaker 1>so much. She she's in a who relationship and on

1:20:58.479 --> 1:21:00.479
<v Speaker 1>the other side of the country. We still got a relationship.

1:21:00.560 --> 1:21:02.760
<v Speaker 1>But the point is, like whether they with me or not,

1:21:02.840 --> 1:21:04.720
<v Speaker 1>it's a trigger gun. In fact, I have children with

1:21:04.760 --> 1:21:07.120
<v Speaker 1>these women. Why they funk when I watch I not

1:21:07.200 --> 1:21:09.559
<v Speaker 1>want them to ball and live their best life because

1:21:10.000 --> 1:21:13.000
<v Speaker 1>if they depressed or financially oppressed, whatever the case is,

1:21:13.320 --> 1:21:16.599
<v Speaker 1>my children are gonna fail that. So yeah, bro, I agree.

1:21:16.600 --> 1:21:19.200
<v Speaker 1>A hunter for thing. That's right. Well, listen, I know

1:21:19.320 --> 1:21:21.439
<v Speaker 1>you've got a lot to do. You know, this has

1:21:21.479 --> 1:21:24.880
<v Speaker 1>been a dope interview. You know. It sounds like people

1:21:24.880 --> 1:21:27.400
<v Speaker 1>can learn a lot from just the way that you're communicate,

1:21:27.520 --> 1:21:30.200
<v Speaker 1>the way that you're identify, the way that you're self

1:21:30.240 --> 1:21:33.680
<v Speaker 1>reflect you know, and and it's not a conventional relationship,

1:21:33.760 --> 1:21:39.080
<v Speaker 1>but it's definitely working. It's benefits you, beneficial for your financially, mentally, emotionally,

1:21:39.400 --> 1:21:43.000
<v Speaker 1>you're learning about yourself. You've got somebody that makes you

1:21:43.040 --> 1:21:45.519
<v Speaker 1>want to learn more about yourself and makes you get

1:21:45.560 --> 1:21:48.120
<v Speaker 1>in tune with yourself. And I think for me, that's

1:21:48.240 --> 1:21:50.760
<v Speaker 1>that's what a relationship is, you know. So I just

1:21:50.760 --> 1:21:53.960
<v Speaker 1>want to commend y'all. Continue, continue to do the great work, Derek.

1:21:54.040 --> 1:21:56.639
<v Speaker 1>You know, I'm always watching. I'm always here for you,

1:21:57.160 --> 1:22:00.320
<v Speaker 1>you know, just watching you continue to just be one

1:22:00.320 --> 1:22:03.600
<v Speaker 1>of the dopest business people in the dopest business minds

1:22:03.640 --> 1:22:06.599
<v Speaker 1>of our error and our culture. Man, it's just phenomenal, man,

1:22:06.600 --> 1:22:09.680
<v Speaker 1>So keep doing Chelsea. I remember when Devid brought me

1:22:09.680 --> 1:22:11.400
<v Speaker 1>to his birthday and the first time I've seen you

1:22:11.439 --> 1:22:14.559
<v Speaker 1>and just watching you move and navigate the room, and

1:22:14.560 --> 1:22:17.080
<v Speaker 1>and I was like he got him a ride, you

1:22:17.080 --> 1:22:19.320
<v Speaker 1>know what I'm saying. And that was like about five

1:22:19.439 --> 1:22:21.639
<v Speaker 1>or six years ago. And just to see how continue

1:22:21.680 --> 1:22:25.599
<v Speaker 1>to just grow. Man, it's just dope. Man. Appreciate appreciate it.

1:22:26.520 --> 1:22:28.840
<v Speaker 1>Love to y'all so much. Listen, I can do this

1:22:28.920 --> 1:22:31.160
<v Speaker 1>all day, but I'm coming to visit so I could

1:22:31.200 --> 1:22:35.439
<v Speaker 1>really understand the mechanics of how this thing works. Because

1:22:35.439 --> 1:22:40.880
<v Speaker 1>I think I'm definitely not a conventional person. And I

1:22:41.080 --> 1:22:43.719
<v Speaker 1>and but but you know, but I'm but I'm also

1:22:44.640 --> 1:22:48.120
<v Speaker 1>I've been I've learned, I've been taught certain things. So

1:22:48.160 --> 1:22:50.519
<v Speaker 1>I have to figure out how to make how to

1:22:50.640 --> 1:22:53.760
<v Speaker 1>balance what I've been taught with who I really am

1:22:54.040 --> 1:22:56.800
<v Speaker 1>and allowing you know, my true self to shine through,

1:22:56.840 --> 1:22:59.519
<v Speaker 1>because maybe that's what has been in the way of

1:22:59.600 --> 1:23:03.080
<v Speaker 1>me being able to find the person that is for me,

1:23:03.240 --> 1:23:06.920
<v Speaker 1>my person. So can I ask one question? Yeah, I

1:23:06.960 --> 1:23:12.240
<v Speaker 1>got one for you. How hard is it too actually

1:23:13.280 --> 1:23:15.760
<v Speaker 1>figure out who's bullish it and who's not with the

1:23:15.840 --> 1:23:18.920
<v Speaker 1>position that you're in, because I'm sure like these well

1:23:18.960 --> 1:23:22.720
<v Speaker 1>as stupent men quote unquote probably slotting your DM every

1:23:22.800 --> 1:23:25.639
<v Speaker 1>chance they get. You know what, It's funny, my son

1:23:25.680 --> 1:23:27.280
<v Speaker 1>did I talked about this whole time. I was just

1:23:27.320 --> 1:23:31.080
<v Speaker 1>telling him and Angelo the other day, I'm cute. I know,

1:23:31.160 --> 1:23:35.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm cute, and yeah, and still it's very rare that

1:23:35.240 --> 1:23:39.439
<v Speaker 1>men come on to me like, you know, it's very

1:23:39.600 --> 1:23:47.000
<v Speaker 1>very cheats intimidate And I said, it's two reasons for

1:23:47.200 --> 1:23:50.559
<v Speaker 1>you or they realize you ain't gonna bullshit and they

1:23:50.600 --> 1:23:55.280
<v Speaker 1>can't give you what you want. Yeah, No, they're intimidated.

1:23:55.320 --> 1:24:02.800
<v Speaker 1>She's not intimidating, they're just intimidated. And I do and

1:24:02.840 --> 1:24:05.959
<v Speaker 1>I and sometimes I'd be like damn, and then like, okay,

1:24:06.080 --> 1:24:09.320
<v Speaker 1>if I post a picture. I posted a picture this weekend,

1:24:09.840 --> 1:24:12.559
<v Speaker 1>and you know, and my and my breast are out,

1:24:12.720 --> 1:24:14.679
<v Speaker 1>you know, because I'm like, I'm all the way sexy.

1:24:14.720 --> 1:24:18.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm not letting anybody tell me that at forty one

1:24:18.160 --> 1:24:21.040
<v Speaker 1>years old, that I have to cover up or live

1:24:21.160 --> 1:24:24.400
<v Speaker 1>my life a certain type of way to please them,

1:24:24.800 --> 1:24:26.960
<v Speaker 1>because I know that I'm only gonna be forty one

1:24:27.120 --> 1:24:29.360
<v Speaker 1>at one time, and after I'm never gonna be able

1:24:29.400 --> 1:24:31.719
<v Speaker 1>to go back and get my sexy back. And and

1:24:31.720 --> 1:24:33.639
<v Speaker 1>and you know, feel the way that I feel about

1:24:33.680 --> 1:24:36.639
<v Speaker 1>myself in this moment, I'm actually at the sexiest point

1:24:36.920 --> 1:24:39.000
<v Speaker 1>that I've ever been at in my life because it's

1:24:39.000 --> 1:24:41.800
<v Speaker 1>not just on the outside. I feel it shining from

1:24:41.800 --> 1:24:44.559
<v Speaker 1>within it, you know what I'm saying. And so I

1:24:44.560 --> 1:24:46.280
<v Speaker 1>had my breast out. And then all of a sudden,

1:24:46.360 --> 1:24:48.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, you started getting text messages from people who

1:24:48.960 --> 1:24:52.479
<v Speaker 1>are contacting you about business or other things. But you know,

1:24:52.600 --> 1:24:54.719
<v Speaker 1>like you didn't call me last week, so I get

1:24:54.800 --> 1:24:58.920
<v Speaker 1>what's happening, which means that it's it's it's sexual and

1:24:58.960 --> 1:25:01.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm not interested in that. So I'm trying I'm like,

1:25:02.200 --> 1:25:05.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to figure out where we're trying to say.

1:25:05.439 --> 1:25:07.599
<v Speaker 1>That's what they know. They know you're not really interested

1:25:07.600 --> 1:25:09.600
<v Speaker 1>in that. Every now and then they're gonna try to

1:25:09.760 --> 1:25:11.960
<v Speaker 1>hand and then when they don't get the response back,

1:25:12.000 --> 1:25:16.000
<v Speaker 1>they're like, it ain't really interested in that. I know

1:25:16.120 --> 1:25:18.639
<v Speaker 1>I gotta go out not so much find my man,

1:25:18.760 --> 1:25:21.200
<v Speaker 1>but I have to make sure people know I'm available.

1:25:21.760 --> 1:25:24.960
<v Speaker 1>And because I have trust issues, because I have other

1:25:25.040 --> 1:25:29.040
<v Speaker 1>things going on, I'm I am I'm anti getting hurt,

1:25:29.120 --> 1:25:30.640
<v Speaker 1>like I don't want to deal with that. You know

1:25:30.680 --> 1:25:32.840
<v Speaker 1>what I'm saying Right now, I'm peaceful. I wake up

1:25:32.840 --> 1:25:34.479
<v Speaker 1>in the morning, I worried about whether or not I'm

1:25:34.720 --> 1:25:37.519
<v Speaker 1>a call back, didn't call text this that I ain't

1:25:37.520 --> 1:25:39.240
<v Speaker 1>worrying about it. If he's saying he coming, if he

1:25:39.280 --> 1:25:41.679
<v Speaker 1>ain't saying he's coming, I wake up and I'm good

1:25:41.720 --> 1:25:45.120
<v Speaker 1>all day. I'm traveling. I'm not I can go by myself,

1:25:45.560 --> 1:25:48.160
<v Speaker 1>and I know that once I let go and become

1:25:48.200 --> 1:25:50.880
<v Speaker 1>more vulnerable, then I gotta deal with all the ship

1:25:51.320 --> 1:25:54.000
<v Speaker 1>that goes along with that. No, I just want to say,

1:25:54.040 --> 1:25:56.600
<v Speaker 1>I want you when you do attract your man, I

1:25:56.640 --> 1:26:00.000
<v Speaker 1>want you to keep that same mentality that same or

1:26:00.080 --> 1:26:02.240
<v Speaker 1>or that same. I don't care. I'm not gonna be worried.

1:26:02.320 --> 1:26:04.400
<v Speaker 1>Keep that piece. I'm not gonna be worried. If you

1:26:04.439 --> 1:26:07.280
<v Speaker 1>call me back, it don't even matter. You good, stay good,

1:26:07.360 --> 1:26:10.519
<v Speaker 1>even when you get your man, stay good, stay at peace,

1:26:10.560 --> 1:26:17.160
<v Speaker 1>stay comfortable withself. Don't know I'm talking to your house.

1:26:17.320 --> 1:26:19.519
<v Speaker 1>I'm coming to your house. I will be calling back

1:26:19.800 --> 1:26:23.160
<v Speaker 1>so I could coachee your house. Funny one, you look

1:26:23.200 --> 1:26:26.040
<v Speaker 1>damn good. Thank you, and listen. I just want to

1:26:26.040 --> 1:26:29.479
<v Speaker 1>close this one thing that you said, because I hope

1:26:29.560 --> 1:26:32.479
<v Speaker 1>people did not miss it. Derek. If you're gonna have

1:26:32.760 --> 1:26:37.120
<v Speaker 1>multiple women and friends communicate on the group text, that

1:26:37.320 --> 1:26:44.080
<v Speaker 1>it does so everybody is going to say thing, look

1:26:44.160 --> 1:26:46.799
<v Speaker 1>like like he felt that out the hardway. He felt

1:26:46.960 --> 1:26:50.320
<v Speaker 1>up the hardway. No, no, no, no, Brook, I'm passive,

1:26:50.360 --> 1:26:53.960
<v Speaker 1>bro like I'm the I'm the yeah she she she

1:26:54.120 --> 1:26:57.840
<v Speaker 1>do all sit in the room way the comfortable though,

1:26:57.880 --> 1:27:03.479
<v Speaker 1>I'm chilling. Thank you black black love. Man. It a

1:27:03.520 --> 1:27:06.320
<v Speaker 1>little different, but it's definitely love and we appreciate you'all. Man,

1:27:07.800 --> 1:27:18.160
<v Speaker 1>thank you, super super super cool. I mean man, there.

1:27:18.280 --> 1:27:22.240
<v Speaker 1>I met Derek about on his thirtieth birthday. Man um

1:27:22.360 --> 1:27:25.519
<v Speaker 1>Derek flew me out to Atlanta to um speak at

1:27:25.520 --> 1:27:28.880
<v Speaker 1>his birthday party. Was me, Derek Banner. That's when I

1:27:28.920 --> 1:27:32.880
<v Speaker 1>met nineteen Keys, I mean David Benn. I'm sorry, David Bend.

1:27:32.920 --> 1:27:38.080
<v Speaker 1>The nineteen Keys um Nipsey Hustles um Man was there

1:27:38.280 --> 1:27:41.599
<v Speaker 1>and he presented us with awards. He did it big.

1:27:41.640 --> 1:27:46.080
<v Speaker 1>He came into his birthday on a on an elephant.

1:27:47.479 --> 1:27:49.360
<v Speaker 1>He had a keen thing. He had an elephant that

1:27:49.439 --> 1:27:52.240
<v Speaker 1>Chelsea was in the navigating. And at that time, you know,

1:27:52.280 --> 1:27:54.240
<v Speaker 1>I don't know how deep the relationship was with his

1:27:54.280 --> 1:27:57.320
<v Speaker 1>other baby mothers was dead and everybody was just moving

1:27:57.320 --> 1:27:59.599
<v Speaker 1>in the union while it was there me and while

1:27:59.640 --> 1:28:02.040
<v Speaker 1>it was like this dude, I don't know what he's doing,

1:28:02.120 --> 1:28:05.200
<v Speaker 1>but he worked, you know what I'm saying. And he's

1:28:05.240 --> 1:28:07.439
<v Speaker 1>been always. If you if you look up Derrik grace Man,

1:28:07.479 --> 1:28:11.280
<v Speaker 1>he's a serial entrepreneur, you know he and he empowers

1:28:11.280 --> 1:28:14.040
<v Speaker 1>his kids. I meant, the first time I've seen him,

1:28:14.040 --> 1:28:18.640
<v Speaker 1>he had his daughter loading the gun blind phoned it

1:28:19.280 --> 1:28:22.799
<v Speaker 1>loading and telling you what what bullet it was, putting

1:28:22.800 --> 1:28:24.760
<v Speaker 1>it in, what's the name of the bullet, what's the

1:28:24.800 --> 1:28:27.320
<v Speaker 1>name of the gun. Like he was educating his kids

1:28:27.320 --> 1:28:30.360
<v Speaker 1>and he's he basically broke down, and I remember his

1:28:30.439 --> 1:28:33.759
<v Speaker 1>theme was, I looked like everything they taught you was wrong.

1:28:34.960 --> 1:28:36.880
<v Speaker 1>You know, everything they told you about me. I had

1:28:36.880 --> 1:28:39.559
<v Speaker 1>a gun, I got tattoos on my favor I got dreads,

1:28:39.640 --> 1:28:41.600
<v Speaker 1>I got big jewelry on. But I'm one of the

1:28:41.640 --> 1:28:43.920
<v Speaker 1>most educating. He was educating you, and he was telling

1:28:43.920 --> 1:28:46.160
<v Speaker 1>you about wealth, and he was telling you all these

1:28:46.160 --> 1:28:49.160
<v Speaker 1>different things, you know, and he continued to just continue

1:28:49.200 --> 1:28:52.000
<v Speaker 1>to evolve. So just watching them evolved together and just

1:28:52.040 --> 1:28:53.800
<v Speaker 1>being able to talk to him, somebody that I can

1:28:54.120 --> 1:28:57.240
<v Speaker 1>call whenever I need advice or information is just dope.

1:28:57.280 --> 1:29:00.360
<v Speaker 1>And so shout out to him and her and now

1:29:00.439 --> 1:29:03.640
<v Speaker 1>I I appreciate you know, we may not No, no

1:29:03.760 --> 1:29:06.800
<v Speaker 1>relationship is gonna look a hundred present the same. So

1:29:06.920 --> 1:29:09.439
<v Speaker 1>there may be things that they've said that I'm like, Okay,

1:29:09.479 --> 1:29:11.800
<v Speaker 1>that's a hundred percent something I agreeve, and and there

1:29:11.840 --> 1:29:14.080
<v Speaker 1>other things that maybe not. And I'm sure it would

1:29:14.080 --> 1:29:16.760
<v Speaker 1>be vice versa if we had the time to examine

1:29:16.760 --> 1:29:19.760
<v Speaker 1>all of our personal lives. But what I will say

1:29:19.840 --> 1:29:22.679
<v Speaker 1>is I appreciate that they're willing to be honest before

1:29:22.720 --> 1:29:26.920
<v Speaker 1>the world about the ups, downs and in between, because

1:29:26.960 --> 1:29:29.960
<v Speaker 1>there is a fetish, if you will, that I think

1:29:30.000 --> 1:29:33.400
<v Speaker 1>people are dealing with right now with this idea that

1:29:33.680 --> 1:29:37.599
<v Speaker 1>just because we have either polyamorous relationship and or open

1:29:37.920 --> 1:29:41.360
<v Speaker 1>marriage or open relationship, that that's going to get rid

1:29:41.439 --> 1:29:44.240
<v Speaker 1>of all the ills and the problems and now everybody's

1:29:44.280 --> 1:29:47.800
<v Speaker 1>gonna be on the same page. But they they talked

1:29:47.840 --> 1:29:51.200
<v Speaker 1>a lot about the honesty that that takes, the commitment

1:29:51.320 --> 1:29:53.880
<v Speaker 1>that it takes, the work that they are putting in

1:29:54.280 --> 1:29:57.760
<v Speaker 1>to make their relationship, you know, go. And I think

1:29:57.800 --> 1:30:00.559
<v Speaker 1>those things are are just so important. I feel like

1:30:00.600 --> 1:30:06.160
<v Speaker 1>I learned and I also experience them through Chelsea versus

1:30:06.200 --> 1:30:10.200
<v Speaker 1>through him. Um, I like I think I think one

1:30:10.240 --> 1:30:13.000
<v Speaker 1>of the things that probably works for them is his

1:30:13.160 --> 1:30:16.840
<v Speaker 1>mindset that he is being more of the cool one,

1:30:17.200 --> 1:30:19.599
<v Speaker 1>right and you know, and and and that puts not

1:30:19.640 --> 1:30:22.880
<v Speaker 1>so much pressure. But the responsibility. She knows what a

1:30:22.960 --> 1:30:26.760
<v Speaker 1>man likes, she knows what he wants, and the responsibility

1:30:27.000 --> 1:30:29.720
<v Speaker 1>is therefore on her. But in something in a lot

1:30:29.720 --> 1:30:33.080
<v Speaker 1>of ways, but I'm sure that she feels comfortable doing

1:30:33.400 --> 1:30:35.879
<v Speaker 1>the different things, whatever it is, working in the business,

1:30:36.200 --> 1:30:40.080
<v Speaker 1>taking care of him. Um. The women, whatever it is

1:30:40.120 --> 1:30:42.479
<v Speaker 1>that that they do to make it work. She feels

1:30:42.520 --> 1:30:45.120
<v Speaker 1>comfortable because she feels like she can trust him. At

1:30:45.160 --> 1:30:48.559
<v Speaker 1>the point that that trust breaks down, it stops people

1:30:48.600 --> 1:30:52.240
<v Speaker 1>from functioning in their best self. So I am, you know,

1:30:52.280 --> 1:30:54.360
<v Speaker 1>And that doesn't mean it's perfect, because like they said,

1:30:54.600 --> 1:30:57.760
<v Speaker 1>we we accidentally hurt one another all the time. That's

1:30:57.800 --> 1:31:00.280
<v Speaker 1>just the way life goes. So I think I learned.

1:31:00.520 --> 1:31:03.240
<v Speaker 1>I feel like it's people are going to be really

1:31:03.600 --> 1:31:07.680
<v Speaker 1>you know, tomorrow when folks get to actually hear this episode, Um,

1:31:07.760 --> 1:31:11.000
<v Speaker 1>they're gonna be enlightened and probably want to know more

1:31:11.080 --> 1:31:14.679
<v Speaker 1>from miss Chelsea about how she's making the great Derek

1:31:15.760 --> 1:31:20.000
<v Speaker 1>a great name. That's right, man. So and that brings

1:31:20.080 --> 1:31:28.040
<v Speaker 1>me to my I don't get it. You know, we

1:31:28.400 --> 1:31:32.479
<v Speaker 1>talked about relationships, you know, and you you pretty much

1:31:32.479 --> 1:31:34.599
<v Speaker 1>tested on a little bit, so I didn't really bring

1:31:34.640 --> 1:31:38.719
<v Speaker 1>it in. And we're talking about Kanye and Kim mm hmmm,

1:31:39.320 --> 1:31:42.840
<v Speaker 1>and I and you know and Derek and um, and

1:31:42.920 --> 1:31:46.320
<v Speaker 1>Chelsea said something that that pretty much touched on. You know,

1:31:47.400 --> 1:31:50.360
<v Speaker 1>when we do these things publicly and you're trying to defame,

1:31:50.720 --> 1:31:54.400
<v Speaker 1>it hurts your children, you know it like you you

1:31:54.520 --> 1:31:57.280
<v Speaker 1>hurt your children, right, And and I don't know who's

1:31:57.280 --> 1:31:59.519
<v Speaker 1>at fault. You know, I don't know who's at fault,

1:31:59.560 --> 1:32:03.519
<v Speaker 1>but I want to know. I don't get why people

1:32:03.680 --> 1:32:10.599
<v Speaker 1>think disrespecting talking bad about someone that you once said

1:32:10.600 --> 1:32:13.200
<v Speaker 1>that you had loved, for someone that you will embrace

1:32:13.320 --> 1:32:17.000
<v Speaker 1>with publicly, it's even acceptable. I don't even know why

1:32:17.080 --> 1:32:19.559
<v Speaker 1>you would want to do that. You know. I watched

1:32:21.400 --> 1:32:24.000
<v Speaker 1>men a lot of times or women who feel like

1:32:24.000 --> 1:32:27.680
<v Speaker 1>there's going publicly come out and say negative things that

1:32:27.760 --> 1:32:30.479
<v Speaker 1>your children gotta see, you know what I'm saying. I've

1:32:30.479 --> 1:32:36.679
<v Speaker 1>watched Kanye say things about Kim publicly that the children

1:32:36.680 --> 1:32:38.320
<v Speaker 1>has to see. And there was a dispute that they

1:32:38.400 --> 1:32:41.880
<v Speaker 1>was having about her being on TikTok or whatever, and

1:32:41.960 --> 1:32:44.600
<v Speaker 1>he had an issue with it. And you know, and

1:32:44.640 --> 1:32:47.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm not like the biggest Kim Kardashi. I'm not the

1:32:47.240 --> 1:32:51.240
<v Speaker 1>biggest Kardashian fans. You know. There's a lot of things

1:32:51.280 --> 1:32:53.559
<v Speaker 1>that I can say that I take issue with the

1:32:53.560 --> 1:32:55.920
<v Speaker 1>way they've conducted themselves, and you know, just the way

1:32:55.960 --> 1:32:58.200
<v Speaker 1>that they you know, done with the culture a lot

1:32:58.200 --> 1:33:00.280
<v Speaker 1>of different things. And there's the good things they've done.

1:33:01.200 --> 1:33:05.720
<v Speaker 1>But when she responded, you know, and said, you know,

1:33:06.120 --> 1:33:08.760
<v Speaker 1>things that you said about me publicly and the way

1:33:08.760 --> 1:33:13.000
<v Speaker 1>that you you do humiliate me publicly is doing way

1:33:13.040 --> 1:33:17.599
<v Speaker 1>more harm than any TikTok could do. And and and

1:33:17.600 --> 1:33:20.360
<v Speaker 1>that was real for me, you know. And so I

1:33:20.439 --> 1:33:24.680
<v Speaker 1>just don't get why as adults, you know, we we

1:33:24.840 --> 1:33:28.760
<v Speaker 1>utilize these platforms and we utilize our voices to try

1:33:28.800 --> 1:33:33.479
<v Speaker 1>to dismantle, discredit the fame and break down people that

1:33:33.600 --> 1:33:37.200
<v Speaker 1>we once lived our lives for, you know. And I

1:33:37.280 --> 1:33:39.120
<v Speaker 1>just don't get that. I think, for me, if there's

1:33:39.120 --> 1:33:41.960
<v Speaker 1>a Morald thing for me, there's a moral compass that

1:33:42.000 --> 1:33:45.599
<v Speaker 1>I have that I don't care how much we beef.

1:33:45.640 --> 1:33:47.680
<v Speaker 1>If I want if you were somebody I loved and

1:33:47.800 --> 1:33:50.160
<v Speaker 1>I called a friend and and I'm racing you was

1:33:50.200 --> 1:33:52.479
<v Speaker 1>in my house and you know, my mother, and and

1:33:52.840 --> 1:33:55.280
<v Speaker 1>I slept with whatever it is, I don't want to

1:33:55.320 --> 1:33:58.439
<v Speaker 1>harm you in front of publicly. We beefing behind I

1:33:58.479 --> 1:34:01.439
<v Speaker 1>don't want to publicly. I don't understand how people get

1:34:01.479 --> 1:34:05.599
<v Speaker 1>to that level. I just don't get. Well, I think

1:34:05.640 --> 1:34:11.800
<v Speaker 1>that there are levels to the situation. Number One, just

1:34:11.960 --> 1:34:16.839
<v Speaker 1>because something that you've done isn't in front of the world,

1:34:18.320 --> 1:34:21.840
<v Speaker 1>that does not mean that it does not hurt another individual, right,

1:34:22.360 --> 1:34:25.240
<v Speaker 1>So it might be private pain but it hurts just

1:34:25.320 --> 1:34:29.640
<v Speaker 1>this bad. And sometimes people feel their only power is

1:34:29.680 --> 1:34:33.200
<v Speaker 1>in being able to tell the world what you're doing

1:34:33.240 --> 1:34:36.280
<v Speaker 1>to them. So I think in Kanye situation, while you know,

1:34:36.640 --> 1:34:39.960
<v Speaker 1>I am not a Kardashian fan, I you know, I

1:34:40.000 --> 1:34:42.720
<v Speaker 1>think I do appreciate what Kim has been trying to do,

1:34:42.760 --> 1:34:46.120
<v Speaker 1>and I support it. I don't give ship. If you

1:34:46.240 --> 1:34:49.080
<v Speaker 1>got fifty people working on a case, if she's able

1:34:49.080 --> 1:34:51.439
<v Speaker 1>to come in and help to bring it to that

1:34:51.520 --> 1:34:55.759
<v Speaker 1>final stage, that's her job. You're a closer, do that job.

1:34:56.080 --> 1:34:58.000
<v Speaker 1>So I'm you know, I'm all for that, but I

1:34:58.000 --> 1:35:02.280
<v Speaker 1>still feel she has a responsibility to acknowledge those who

1:35:02.320 --> 1:35:05.000
<v Speaker 1>were involved before she got there and make sure that

1:35:05.040 --> 1:35:06.600
<v Speaker 1>they are part of the process. So I had to

1:35:06.680 --> 1:35:13.200
<v Speaker 1>say that. But I I understand though, that every single

1:35:13.320 --> 1:35:17.800
<v Speaker 1>black man that goes through that Kardashian family, in the end,

1:35:18.560 --> 1:35:24.559
<v Speaker 1>there is some real significant trauma, significant trauma, and the

1:35:24.600 --> 1:35:28.800
<v Speaker 1>man does not They always come out super scaped, right.

1:35:30.520 --> 1:35:34.439
<v Speaker 1>That's that's that's on the exterior. Now we can't you know,

1:35:34.560 --> 1:35:37.479
<v Speaker 1>you start going down the list looking at Chloe and

1:35:37.520 --> 1:35:39.960
<v Speaker 1>how she has tried her best to be with Tristan

1:35:40.040 --> 1:35:42.479
<v Speaker 1>and he's not you one of y'all said, I think

1:35:42.479 --> 1:35:44.280
<v Speaker 1>it might have been I don't know. Somebody said, there's

1:35:44.280 --> 1:35:48.360
<v Speaker 1>a young guy who's probably not ready for the relationship

1:35:48.479 --> 1:35:51.479
<v Speaker 1>that is being sort of like he's being pushed into. Right,

1:35:51.880 --> 1:35:53.880
<v Speaker 1>But at the end of the day, the way in

1:35:53.920 --> 1:35:58.120
<v Speaker 1>which Tristan has conducted himself is not cool. It's not cool,

1:35:58.160 --> 1:36:00.200
<v Speaker 1>And I don't see Chloe doing anything to try to hurt.

1:36:00.840 --> 1:36:03.240
<v Speaker 1>So I'm saying that they're you know, one one hand,

1:36:03.280 --> 1:36:05.360
<v Speaker 1>we can feel like all the black men are scathed,

1:36:05.640 --> 1:36:08.880
<v Speaker 1>but on the other hand, we see situations where people

1:36:08.920 --> 1:36:11.360
<v Speaker 1>are able to walk away and and and I guess

1:36:11.400 --> 1:36:14.120
<v Speaker 1>I forget the guy's name that was married to Kim

1:36:14.320 --> 1:36:18.439
<v Speaker 1>or he was with Kim, not not necessarily, and then

1:36:18.479 --> 1:36:20.680
<v Speaker 1>the other the other than it was the other. I

1:36:20.720 --> 1:36:24.640
<v Speaker 1>forgot that the basketball players to play for the nets, right,

1:36:24.720 --> 1:36:27.920
<v Speaker 1>So I'm just saying it's been Chris Humphreys. It's been

1:36:27.960 --> 1:36:30.519
<v Speaker 1>a mixture of things that we have seen, and I

1:36:30.560 --> 1:36:38.080
<v Speaker 1>think because they're such megastars, everything plays out publicly. However, Kanye,

1:36:38.160 --> 1:36:40.000
<v Speaker 1>I don't give a damn what anybody says. You can

1:36:40.080 --> 1:36:42.680
<v Speaker 1>fight me, and I get it, well, he knows the

1:36:42.720 --> 1:36:46.559
<v Speaker 1>machine they had and he's gotta What Kanye is doing

1:36:47.000 --> 1:36:51.320
<v Speaker 1>is wrong to me. It's wrong because at the end

1:36:51.320 --> 1:36:56.120
<v Speaker 1>of the day, Kanye has as much power and money

1:36:56.680 --> 1:37:01.120
<v Speaker 1>and resources or whatever, as though as that Emily and

1:37:01.880 --> 1:37:05.080
<v Speaker 1>Kim is not. Seemingly I don't see where she's doing

1:37:05.120 --> 1:37:10.439
<v Speaker 1>anything to him that is so publicly awful. I just

1:37:10.520 --> 1:37:13.720
<v Speaker 1>see a person, a woman who tried her best to

1:37:13.880 --> 1:37:17.000
<v Speaker 1>be in a relationship with this man, that followed him

1:37:17.040 --> 1:37:20.800
<v Speaker 1>with his dreams, promoted him, and was all about him.

1:37:21.240 --> 1:37:24.759
<v Speaker 1>And then when she decided enough is enough and I'm done,

1:37:25.439 --> 1:37:29.439
<v Speaker 1>he lost it. He was cool with her when she

1:37:29.560 --> 1:37:32.240
<v Speaker 1>was crying and chasing behind him, when he moved to

1:37:32.280 --> 1:37:35.320
<v Speaker 1>Wyoming and she couldn't find him and she was stressing.

1:37:35.720 --> 1:37:37.640
<v Speaker 1>He was cool with all of that. But when she

1:37:37.800 --> 1:37:40.799
<v Speaker 1>decided that she was done, now, all of a sudden,

1:37:41.120 --> 1:37:45.040
<v Speaker 1>he here. She is a public spectacle. And I also

1:37:45.160 --> 1:37:47.920
<v Speaker 1>can see how which which at the end of the day,

1:37:47.920 --> 1:37:50.040
<v Speaker 1>I don't agree with keeping people's kids away from them

1:37:50.040 --> 1:37:52.760
<v Speaker 1>because you're mad at them, doesn't matter. You cannot do

1:37:52.840 --> 1:37:56.760
<v Speaker 1>that all everybody you have kids with somebody, no matter

1:37:56.840 --> 1:37:58.920
<v Speaker 1>what it is that they are doing, unless they are

1:37:59.080 --> 1:38:02.800
<v Speaker 1>harmful hard mean the child, like physically harming the child

1:38:03.040 --> 1:38:08.240
<v Speaker 1>or doing something that you definitely absolutely don't agree with

1:38:08.439 --> 1:38:10.599
<v Speaker 1>or don't think it's right or helpy for the child.

1:38:10.920 --> 1:38:12.840
<v Speaker 1>I don't believe that people should be keeping their kids

1:38:12.840 --> 1:38:15.040
<v Speaker 1>because if the person is crazy, they was crazy when

1:38:15.080 --> 1:38:17.120
<v Speaker 1>you laid down with them and had a child, so

1:38:17.200 --> 1:38:19.760
<v Speaker 1>you just now the kids just got a crazy parent.

1:38:20.040 --> 1:38:23.160
<v Speaker 1>That's it. You gotta let these kids be with their fathers,

1:38:23.280 --> 1:38:25.280
<v Speaker 1>and it has to be some level of supervision and

1:38:25.320 --> 1:38:29.040
<v Speaker 1>protection because if you if you my my baby mother

1:38:29.560 --> 1:38:32.040
<v Speaker 1>and you was a little crazy, and then you start

1:38:32.160 --> 1:38:34.000
<v Speaker 1>saying and doing ship, that makes me feel like my

1:38:34.120 --> 1:38:38.000
<v Speaker 1>kid is not safe around you, right, And I hear

1:38:38.040 --> 1:38:41.160
<v Speaker 1>what you're saying, but I'm not We don't know because

1:38:41.160 --> 1:38:43.080
<v Speaker 1>I want to say that I don't know. I'm just

1:38:43.160 --> 1:38:45.720
<v Speaker 1>I don't know about anything. But I'm just I'm and

1:38:45.760 --> 1:38:49.559
<v Speaker 1>I'm just saying this in full transparency, right and in love. Right.

1:38:50.320 --> 1:38:53.200
<v Speaker 1>I think that there's a level of genius that Kanye

1:38:53.280 --> 1:38:56.840
<v Speaker 1>has that nobody can even deny. But I do see

1:38:56.880 --> 1:39:01.479
<v Speaker 1>a level of mental breakdown that he's supposed right, and

1:39:01.520 --> 1:39:04.519
<v Speaker 1>I think and I think if we're able to see

1:39:04.560 --> 1:39:06.639
<v Speaker 1>that publicly, right, and we just get able to see

1:39:06.680 --> 1:39:11.160
<v Speaker 1>that through tweets or an occasional um camera that he's

1:39:11.240 --> 1:39:14.080
<v Speaker 1>quote on. Somebody who's living with him every day is

1:39:14.080 --> 1:39:17.360
<v Speaker 1>seeing it in do a different spectrum. Right, they have

1:39:17.479 --> 1:39:19.519
<v Speaker 1>to be seeing him more because we if we if

1:39:19.520 --> 1:39:21.920
<v Speaker 1>we're able to detect that, because he wrote four or

1:39:21.960 --> 1:39:24.720
<v Speaker 1>five tweets and somebody quote him on the Cameron, we're like, yo,

1:39:24.800 --> 1:39:28.920
<v Speaker 1>this thing, it's literally breaking down. We have to say

1:39:28.920 --> 1:39:31.479
<v Speaker 1>that there might be other people who know more that

1:39:31.600 --> 1:39:34.439
<v Speaker 1>have been with him every day. So I'm not saying

1:39:34.479 --> 1:39:36.439
<v Speaker 1>this right, I'm not saying this wrong. I'm just saying

1:39:36.439 --> 1:39:40.200
<v Speaker 1>we don't know. The only the reason why I'm saying

1:39:40.240 --> 1:39:44.920
<v Speaker 1>that is because I'm just drawing a very hard line

1:39:45.439 --> 1:39:51.360
<v Speaker 1>on us as women, particularly who use children as the

1:39:51.400 --> 1:39:55.120
<v Speaker 1>only defense mechanism we have to try to fight back

1:39:55.160 --> 1:39:58.320
<v Speaker 1>against somebody that is doing us wrong or heard us

1:39:58.520 --> 1:40:02.200
<v Speaker 1>or whatever. That's it's not cool. It's not cool. But

1:40:02.320 --> 1:40:05.400
<v Speaker 1>to circle back to my original point and your whole

1:40:05.439 --> 1:40:11.840
<v Speaker 1>thing about the the public destruction of another person's name,

1:40:12.000 --> 1:40:15.759
<v Speaker 1>indoor image, or whatever the case may be, I think

1:40:15.800 --> 1:40:19.480
<v Speaker 1>that Kanye and the way in which he is approaching

1:40:19.479 --> 1:40:23.879
<v Speaker 1>this situation with Kim is all about narcissism and ego,

1:40:24.479 --> 1:40:28.799
<v Speaker 1>and oftentimes that is why people run to the public,

1:40:28.960 --> 1:40:33.400
<v Speaker 1>because their ego tells them that because a person either

1:40:33.479 --> 1:40:36.080
<v Speaker 1>doesn't want them or has turned them down, or has

1:40:36.120 --> 1:40:38.880
<v Speaker 1>harmed them or hurt them. Now, I need to go

1:40:39.040 --> 1:40:42.120
<v Speaker 1>make sure that I have people on my bandwagon that's

1:40:42.200 --> 1:40:46.600
<v Speaker 1>with me about whatever this is. And it's problematic, is

1:40:46.640 --> 1:40:49.840
<v Speaker 1>deeply problematic. But I've been there, so I know, I

1:40:49.960 --> 1:40:52.000
<v Speaker 1>know what it feels like. What I wanted to make

1:40:52.040 --> 1:40:54.479
<v Speaker 1>sure that the world knew knew that I have been

1:40:54.479 --> 1:40:56.439
<v Speaker 1>done wrong. And I'm not talking about justin relationships and

1:40:56.520 --> 1:40:59.880
<v Speaker 1>talking about in general. I wanted people to know that

1:41:00.080 --> 1:41:02.960
<v Speaker 1>this person that I worked with hurt me or this.

1:41:03.600 --> 1:41:06.559
<v Speaker 1>I wanted that. And now as I'm now beginning to

1:41:06.600 --> 1:41:09.400
<v Speaker 1>get old and understanding the world, the thing that I've

1:41:09.400 --> 1:41:13.759
<v Speaker 1>realized is that nobody gives a ship about your issues

1:41:13.840 --> 1:41:17.040
<v Speaker 1>and what's going All they want is gossip and something

1:41:17.080 --> 1:41:19.519
<v Speaker 1>that they can use, and in the end they'll be

1:41:19.600 --> 1:41:22.200
<v Speaker 1>they'll toss you to the side, they'll be onto the

1:41:22.280 --> 1:41:24.800
<v Speaker 1>next person story, and then you have to pick up

1:41:24.800 --> 1:41:28.880
<v Speaker 1>the pieces of whatever fallout exists as a result of

1:41:28.920 --> 1:41:31.800
<v Speaker 1>you bringing your public life, you know, your private life

1:41:32.080 --> 1:41:36.479
<v Speaker 1>into the world. That's my opinion. And with that said,

1:41:38.439 --> 1:41:41.639
<v Speaker 1>ain't nothing else to say, man, you know, ain't really

1:41:41.720 --> 1:41:43.519
<v Speaker 1>much else to say. Man, we had a dope show.

1:41:43.880 --> 1:41:46.479
<v Speaker 1>Shoutout to demon Grade, Shout out to Chelsea, you know,

1:41:46.560 --> 1:41:49.920
<v Speaker 1>for their perspectives, their honesty, just being open so it's

1:41:49.960 --> 1:41:55.400
<v Speaker 1>open and explaining their polyamor polyamorous. I didn't hear them,

1:41:55.439 --> 1:41:57.240
<v Speaker 1>you know, but we've never asked them straight up and

1:41:57.280 --> 1:42:01.120
<v Speaker 1>down if they have a polyamorous relationship, if they saying

1:42:01.120 --> 1:42:06.719
<v Speaker 1>they had a girlfriend. They yeah, yeah, okay, okay, alright. Well,

1:42:06.920 --> 1:42:09.280
<v Speaker 1>shout out to them, Yeah, shout out to them for

1:42:09.360 --> 1:42:11.559
<v Speaker 1>the bring being open and just giving us a little

1:42:11.600 --> 1:42:16.080
<v Speaker 1>bit of insight, you know, the pros, the cons, the benefits,

1:42:16.680 --> 1:42:18.400
<v Speaker 1>you know, the work that needs to go into and

1:42:18.400 --> 1:42:21.320
<v Speaker 1>it sounds like just pretty much any relationship, you know,

1:42:21.360 --> 1:42:24.160
<v Speaker 1>there has to be trust, has to be communication, has

1:42:24.200 --> 1:42:27.479
<v Speaker 1>to be self reflection, has to be friendship, you know.

1:42:27.600 --> 1:42:32.040
<v Speaker 1>So thank them for coming on and have a wonderful,

1:42:32.640 --> 1:42:37.840
<v Speaker 1>wonderful Valentine's Day. Enjoy yourself. Love yourself though, that's what

1:42:37.920 --> 1:42:43.120
<v Speaker 1>Chelsea said, pretty much, you got to love yourself. With

1:42:43.280 --> 1:42:46.439
<v Speaker 1>that said, I'm not gonna always be right. Tamika mattery

1:42:46.520 --> 1:42:50.600
<v Speaker 1>is not gonna always be wrong to both always and

1:42:50.640 --> 1:42:52.480
<v Speaker 1>I mean always, be authentic