WEBVTT - The Fifth Hour: Benny the Burrito Baller 0:00:00.680 --> 0:00:01.440 Cutbooms. 0:00:02.279 --> 0:00:05.360 If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes 0:00:05.400 --> 0:00:09.200 a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:12.480 of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He 0:00:12.560 --> 0:00:15.480 treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:19.560 rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to Clearinghouse of 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:23.479 hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour 0:00:23.600 --> 0:00:30.840 with Ben Mahler starts right now. 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:31.920 In the air everywhere. 0:00:32.200 --> 0:00:35.720 The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Mahler and Danny g Radio, 0:00:35.760 --> 0:00:37.640 who will join us at some point over the weekend. 0:00:37.640 --> 0:00:40.120 I hope you're doing well. We thank you for listening. 0:00:40.760 --> 0:00:44.520 All of my shameless promotion on the radio show has 0:00:44.560 --> 0:00:48.400 inspired you to come over here to the podcast world, 0:00:48.400 --> 0:00:51.040 where I can say bad words. I've chosen not to 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:53.360 do that. If you go back, I know Lucky Tony 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:56.360 listens to a lot of the older stuff that's available. 0:00:56.400 --> 0:00:59.640 I think the farthest back you can listen is twenty seventeen, 0:01:00.800 --> 0:01:05.800 and you'll hear me cursing somewhat on those podcasts. Now, 0:01:05.840 --> 0:01:10.000 I don't curse very much at all on the Fifth 0:01:10.000 --> 0:01:13.840 Hour podcast anymore. It's a long story, but if you 0:01:13.840 --> 0:01:15.800 want to know why, I'll let you know, but I'm 0:01:15.800 --> 0:01:16.920 not going to get to that right now. 0:01:17.120 --> 0:01:18.640 So it's a good sporting day to day. 0:01:19.600 --> 0:01:21.560 We had a good show last night on the Overnight 0:01:21.800 --> 0:01:28.640 talking about a lot of the action, Joe Flacco outperforming expectations, 0:01:28.640 --> 0:01:33.039 and the Bengals getting it done against Aaron Rogers and 0:01:33.120 --> 0:01:36.920 the Pittsburgh Steelers, which was shockingly entertaining for a consumer 0:01:37.000 --> 0:01:38.160 of athletic competition. 0:01:38.760 --> 0:01:39.320 So we had that. 0:01:39.680 --> 0:01:42.559 In the baseball games, I'm a baseball guy. I loved 0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:46.480 the playoffs. Not a great game between Toronto and Seattle, 0:01:46.560 --> 0:01:49.360 the Dodgers competitive, but still. 0:01:49.120 --> 0:01:50.640 You knew the Dodgers were going to win in the end. 0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:55.240 And now, as bad as the Dodgers play, as terrible 0:01:55.280 --> 0:01:58.200 as the Dodgers were for much of the regular season 0:01:58.240 --> 0:02:02.960 in terms of underachieving not meeting expectations, they are one 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:04.720 win away and likely by the end of the day 0:02:04.760 --> 0:02:08.959 today will end up in the World Series yet again. 0:02:09.360 --> 0:02:12.360 So the lesson there is that you don't need to 0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:15.240 work hard every day. The lesson is that you just 0:02:15.320 --> 0:02:18.480 kind of show up and coast along and then it's 0:02:18.560 --> 0:02:21.480 kind of like college where in college, you know it's 0:02:21.560 --> 0:02:22.440 kind of haveav. 0:02:22.120 --> 0:02:24.320 A good time and all that, and then make sure 0:02:24.360 --> 0:02:26.519 you do well in the finals and you're fine, You're good. 0:02:27.000 --> 0:02:30.200 So there you go on this podcast today you and 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:33.400 I will explore put me in coach, I think I 0:02:33.400 --> 0:02:36.800 can play, and soggy croissants. 0:02:37.840 --> 0:02:38.799 We'll begin with this though. 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:41.960 The day the coaches ran up the score and the 0:02:42.000 --> 0:02:45.400 whistle blew on me the guy you're listening to, so 0:02:45.680 --> 0:02:46.919 they say, I don't know who they are. 0:02:47.000 --> 0:02:48.919 They say that scoreboards don't. 0:02:48.639 --> 0:02:50.840 Matter in these kind of games, right, They just it's 0:02:50.880 --> 0:02:53.079 a friendly, as they say in soccer, that is. 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:55.600 A lie lie lie, lie, lie lie. 0:02:55.680 --> 0:02:58.959 They matter very much when one side leads twenty two 0:02:59.000 --> 0:03:01.800 to nothing and the other is looking like a group 0:03:01.840 --> 0:03:05.519 of bystanders trying to catch the five fifteen train out 0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:08.400 of town. So I bring this up because earlier this week, 0:03:08.960 --> 0:03:13.160 the coaching staff of the Boston Celtics, led by the 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:16.360 coach known as let him Play Joe Joe Missoula, a 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:19.320 man who looks like he could guard a baseline the 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:26.120 way Paul Blart mall cop guards a mall. So listen, 0:03:26.600 --> 0:03:30.800 demolished this group, demolished the assembled media in what was 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:34.000 advertised as a friendly game of basketball at the r 0:03:34.080 --> 0:03:35.760 Box Center, and I've been by there a few times 0:03:35.760 --> 0:03:38.800 in my trips to Boston. That's the training facility of 0:03:38.840 --> 0:03:41.640 the Celtics, and right across the way there was the 0:03:41.640 --> 0:03:42.920 facility where the Bruins train. 0:03:43.000 --> 0:03:44.440 I don't know if that's still the case or not. 0:03:44.760 --> 0:03:49.600 But friendly is a way to describe it as friendly. 0:03:49.760 --> 0:03:54.360 I guess, as you might say a bear will smile 0:03:54.480 --> 0:03:59.520 at a salmon. You see those videos from Alaska and 0:03:59.560 --> 0:04:03.320 the Bears eating a salmon, just standing there, just enjoying it. 0:04:03.680 --> 0:04:06.360 Final score of that media basketball game was fifty seven 0:04:06.360 --> 0:04:09.240 to four. Now you know a game has gone sideways 0:04:09.240 --> 0:04:13.120 when the only thing anyone on the losing team can 0:04:13.160 --> 0:04:16.800 agree on is who gets to keep the one made 0:04:16.920 --> 0:04:20.040 basket as a highlight right now. The Celtic coaches were 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:21.160 not just coaches. 0:04:21.640 --> 0:04:22.799 They were not They were ringers. 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:27.200 They had Emil Jefferson, who I'm told as a former 0:04:27.760 --> 0:04:28.960 McDonald's All American. 0:04:29.000 --> 0:04:31.920 He played at Duke. They don't let trumps play at Duke. 0:04:32.200 --> 0:04:35.240 Phil Presley, who I remember when he was playing for 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:39.280 the Celtics and other teams. He was running the offense 0:04:39.320 --> 0:04:41.080 with the Celtics. Now, they weren't great at that time. 0:04:41.600 --> 0:04:44.720 God sham God, one of the great names, who was 0:04:45.080 --> 0:04:47.160 a literal basketball royalty. It's in it. 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:48.920 It's his bloodline right there. 0:04:49.440 --> 0:04:51.960 And then you had Joe Missoula, who once dragged West 0:04:52.040 --> 0:04:55.560 Virginia deep in the NCAACH. I think they made the 0:04:55.560 --> 0:04:57.440 final four. It's like the first time they had made 0:04:57.440 --> 0:05:00.600 it since nineteen fifty nine. And then there was the media, 0:05:01.200 --> 0:05:05.320 a hodgepodge of flotsam and jetsam, A couple of riders 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:10.160 over there, a fat radio guy, a hipster podcaster, some 0:05:10.240 --> 0:05:17.040 camera people, collection of elbows and sneakers and beard bellies. 0:05:17.360 --> 0:05:21.039 Now, why did I bring this up? Because it reminded me. 0:05:21.279 --> 0:05:24.479 It triggered a memory that I wanted to share with 0:05:24.520 --> 0:05:27.320 you on the podcast. So it reminded me of my 0:05:27.520 --> 0:05:31.400 own humbling at the altar of basketball mediocrity. 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:34.880 We go way way, way, way, way way. 0:05:34.680 --> 0:05:37.160 Way back in the hot tub time machine the day 0:05:37.320 --> 0:05:41.239 Bill Fitch blew the whistle on me. You don't forget 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:44.599 the sound of that whistle. It was a special was 0:05:44.640 --> 0:05:47.080 a cut through the gym, It cut through the noise. 0:05:47.120 --> 0:05:50.760 It cut right through your heart, right through your self esteem, 0:05:51.120 --> 0:05:54.919 like a butter knife through those discount sheet cakes that 0:05:54.960 --> 0:05:56.640 you get right. I mean, this thing was big, and 0:05:56.680 --> 0:05:58.479 I was like, put me in, coach, I think I 0:05:58.520 --> 0:06:03.640 can play, and let yes, I can't. Long before, long 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:08.960 before yours truly became the self proclaimed General of Degenerates, 0:06:09.680 --> 0:06:14.520 the Tycoon of teas, the master of disaster, Long before 0:06:14.680 --> 0:06:18.720 Overnight Radio, long before the Malord Militia was even a thing, 0:06:20.080 --> 0:06:24.720 there was a little bit of a a day that 0:06:25.040 --> 0:06:25.920 changed a lot. 0:06:25.960 --> 0:06:26.880 I don't know how to describe it. 0:06:27.160 --> 0:06:31.000 I was just a young radio dork and I was 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:35.839 assigned to cover the LA Clippers at training camp. And 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:40.039 training camp was down at uc Irvine, a gymnasium called 0:06:40.080 --> 0:06:43.080 at the time the Brent Events Center because the Brand 0:06:43.200 --> 0:06:46.000 family donated a lot of money. It was the home 0:06:46.040 --> 0:06:48.440 of the ant Eaters. Yes, if you're not familiar, the 0:06:48.480 --> 0:06:52.000 ant Eaters, the only mascot in college sports that sounds 0:06:52.000 --> 0:06:55.920 like it came from the rejected episode of Sesame Street 0:06:55.960 --> 0:07:00.560 after Dark the ant Eaters, and that day it was 0:07:00.600 --> 0:07:03.200 also that gymnasium. The Brenavan Center was also home to 0:07:03.279 --> 0:07:06.360 probably the slowest fast break in recorded history. 0:07:07.360 --> 0:07:08.680 But let's get to the point, please. 0:07:08.920 --> 0:07:13.000 When the whistle blew, So we're playing the media basketball game, 0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:15.840 which is code for a collection of people who write 0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:18.440 and talk about sports trying to remember how knees work 0:07:19.080 --> 0:07:23.160 and how to dribble a basketball and not carry it like. 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:24.000 It's a football. 0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:26.360 So we didn't play against the coaches, I want to 0:07:26.400 --> 0:07:30.120 be very clear, which was probably a good thing, because 0:07:30.120 --> 0:07:31.720 this was the era of the Clippers. 0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:35.200 Were the Clippers a national punch line. They didn't win anything. 0:07:35.240 --> 0:07:35.960 They were a joke. 0:07:36.320 --> 0:07:38.200 They were in the draft lottery every year. They were 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:41.120 going to rename the Draft Lottery presented by the Clippers. 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:45.440 But we were coached that day by Bill Fitch, Hall 0:07:45.520 --> 0:07:50.320 of famer NBA lifer, the man who led the Boston 0:07:50.440 --> 0:07:53.560 Celtics to a championship with Larry Bird and coach Taquima 0:07:53.600 --> 0:07:56.760 lai Jahwan and got to the NBA Finals on this 0:07:57.080 --> 0:08:01.320 fateful day. He also coached my fat ass. Now this 0:08:01.520 --> 0:08:04.080 is the part of the story where I should tell 0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:07.840 you that in my head I was an elite pre 0:08:07.920 --> 0:08:11.160 point shooter, a young sniper, and I went into that 0:08:11.320 --> 0:08:14.000 day thinking I'm going to impress these guys so much 0:08:14.080 --> 0:08:16.640 They're going to offer me a ten day contract. It 0:08:16.680 --> 0:08:19.360 turns out I wasn't. I was not at that point. 0:08:19.400 --> 0:08:23.040 Moneyball Maller that would come later. I learned my ability 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:26.000 to shoot much later in life. I was not exactly 0:08:26.040 --> 0:08:28.560 in game shape. I did not realize that this was 0:08:28.600 --> 0:08:32.559 a thing. I look like the before photo when you 0:08:32.640 --> 0:08:34.800 go to the gym. You know, they sign up for 0:08:34.840 --> 0:08:36.840 memberships at the gym. They signed you up and they said, well, 0:08:36.880 --> 0:08:40.000 here's like the wall, and here's the people before and after, 0:08:40.040 --> 0:08:42.720 and they look really fat and disgusting, and the next 0:08:42.720 --> 0:08:45.880 photo they're totally ripped. I was built at that time 0:08:45.880 --> 0:08:49.360 in my life more like a breakfast burrito than a 0:08:49.400 --> 0:08:55.479 shooting guard. Fleet of foot was not a phrase anyone 0:08:56.400 --> 0:09:00.560 was using. So midway through this media game and quotes 0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:04.120 Coach Fitch blew the whistle. Now keep in mind, I'm 0:09:04.160 --> 0:09:07.240 just trying to stay alive at this point. It wasn't 0:09:07.320 --> 0:09:09.880 a little too as I said, This was a full throated, 0:09:10.000 --> 0:09:14.360 gym stopping sound of the whistle. And you know how 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:17.800 sound just bounces off a gymnasium, the sound of a 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:20.199 basketball dribbling or a whistle, it just echoes to the 0:09:20.200 --> 0:09:25.200 whole thing. So everyone froze, and Coach is staring at me. 0:09:27.040 --> 0:09:30.120 He then paused for a second, trying to collect his thoughts, 0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:32.640 and he continued to look at me. He said, in 0:09:32.679 --> 0:09:38.320 my entire coaching career, you are the worst player I 0:09:38.360 --> 0:09:41.840 have ever coached. Now, this is a man who coached 0:09:41.920 --> 0:09:45.840 teams that went fifteen and sixty seven. He coached the 0:09:45.880 --> 0:09:48.120 Clippers and the New Jersey Nets when they were in 0:09:48.160 --> 0:09:54.000 the sewer, and somehow, some way, I was rock bottom. 0:09:55.000 --> 0:09:57.720 That is how he described me. Now, my friends in 0:09:57.800 --> 0:10:02.480 the media, guys like Alex norm and Lee, you don't 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:06.480 know who they are. They're all either retired now or dead, 0:10:06.679 --> 0:10:09.079 unfortunately because time has passed. They were older than me, 0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:13.960 and they were my eyewitnesses who reminded me of that 0:10:14.080 --> 0:10:18.320 particular moment to bust my balls for years. 0:10:19.080 --> 0:10:19.800 Now, here's the thing. 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:24.200 Bill Fitch didn't just humiliate me and move on. He 0:10:24.240 --> 0:10:28.760 actually befriended me. Now we weren't great friends, but around 0:10:28.800 --> 0:10:31.360 media sessions, I saw him a couple times a week. 0:10:31.400 --> 0:10:35.520 We taught coops and he'd also talk about life, and 0:10:35.559 --> 0:10:38.079 he'd pull me aside and give me little nuggets about 0:10:38.080 --> 0:10:40.679 how the NBA really worked and what really goes on 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:43.520 behind the scenes. And I had been there since the 0:10:43.640 --> 0:10:46.240 early days. For me, it was like this guy's a dinosaur, 0:10:46.800 --> 0:10:50.160 and he didn't call it the industrial complex of sports. 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:51.439 That's what we call it now. 0:10:51.840 --> 0:10:54.480 It really wasn't like that because in that era, even 0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:56.720 in the nineties, the NBA was still run mostly as 0:10:56.720 --> 0:10:58.680 a mom and pop operation. It was really the two 0:10:58.720 --> 0:11:03.480 thousands it became completely corporate. But among the things that 0:11:03.679 --> 0:11:06.440 we chatted about, he told me about how perception always 0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:08.800 beats reality, you know, the things that are kind of 0:11:08.880 --> 0:11:12.160 normal for me now, but at that time I was like, oh, 0:11:12.200 --> 0:11:14.560 this is interesting. He told me how the narrative matters 0:11:14.600 --> 0:11:17.439 more than the box score, and how the machine choose 0:11:17.559 --> 0:11:20.760 up players, how politics are involved, and who gets the 0:11:20.760 --> 0:11:23.360 good coaching jobs, and you know, he said, even in 0:11:23.400 --> 0:11:26.240 your business as a media guy, you know, it's it's 0:11:26.480 --> 0:11:28.160 you know who you know, not what you know, and 0:11:28.200 --> 0:11:31.400 all this stuff, and so it's just things that I 0:11:32.000 --> 0:11:33.520 take for granted now, but at. 0:11:33.360 --> 0:11:34.400 That time I didn't. 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:37.920 And he pointed out that the league doesn't run on basketball, 0:11:37.960 --> 0:11:39.600 it runs on power and spin. 0:11:39.679 --> 0:11:40.720 And he also mentioned how. 0:11:40.640 --> 0:11:44.240 The talent gap from the top team and he coached 0:11:44.240 --> 0:11:46.240 the Celtics and the Rockets, who are very good teams, 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:47.440 down to the worst team. 0:11:47.440 --> 0:11:49.600 He said, and this is thirty years ago. 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:52.240 I guess almost now, but he said it's it wasn't 0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:54.720 that big. And if you are disciplined, if you're focused, 0:11:54.720 --> 0:11:57.760 you play fundamentally sound basketball, you will have a chance 0:11:57.760 --> 0:12:00.240 in every game with about two minutes ago. The thing 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:02.920 that separates the teams often is the star players are 0:12:02.960 --> 0:12:05.839 better on the good teams as opposed to the bad teams. 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:10.120 They make plays in crunch time. So I mean things 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:13.880 like that, And it really stuck with me when he 0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:16.800 said that teams that get blown out on a regular 0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:22.200 basis are lazy, they're not well coached, they're undisciplined. And 0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:26.079 it's true in all sports. Yeah, defense and effort can 0:12:26.120 --> 0:12:30.960 close the gap on talent deficiency, a sense of urgency, 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:35.840 the ripple effect. I've carried that with me for over 0:12:35.920 --> 0:12:40.040 twenty five years since that conversation, and it was a 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:43.199 badge of honor. Bill Fitch passed away a couple of 0:12:43.240 --> 0:12:47.040 years ago, a gruff, rough man to most, an acquired 0:12:47.080 --> 0:12:49.800 taste to some of his players. He was a kind 0:12:49.880 --> 0:12:52.280 man to me. And this is not a eulogy because 0:12:52.280 --> 0:12:53.640 he's been gone for a while. 0:12:53.840 --> 0:12:57.000 But the man made a career. 0:12:57.040 --> 0:13:00.480 He was in a military, he was younger, the NBA. 0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:02.600 The man had an NBA title, he was Coach of 0:13:02.600 --> 0:13:04.679 the Year. I think he won it more than once. 0:13:04.720 --> 0:13:06.800 He might have only won it once. And he had 0:13:06.800 --> 0:13:09.840 more basketball stories than most of us have hair. Certainly 0:13:09.880 --> 0:13:12.199 I don't have that much air now. And to me, though, 0:13:12.440 --> 0:13:14.840 he's the guy who looked me dead in the eye 0:13:15.000 --> 0:13:17.280 and declared in front of all of my colleagues in 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:18.880 the media that I. 0:13:18.840 --> 0:13:22.720 Was the worst player he'd ever coached. Hell yeah, And 0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:23.240 I thought of that. 0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:25.440 Listen, this guy, coach Larry Bird, who was the greatest 0:13:25.440 --> 0:13:28.200 player he ever coached, And I here I am, and 0:13:28.240 --> 0:13:30.520 I'm the worst. And you always remember the best, you 0:13:30.559 --> 0:13:33.440 always remember the worst. And somehow that became a big thing. 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:37.280 I'm badge of honor because that whistle was not just 0:13:37.720 --> 0:13:41.600 about a bad screen or a my ass not getting 0:13:41.679 --> 0:13:45.559 back in transition defense, or blowing a layup or whatever. 0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:48.240 It was a moment I learned how all of the 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:52.800 sporting world really works. It began that gym, the machine, 0:13:52.880 --> 0:13:57.680 the mythology, all of it. And so when I see 0:13:57.760 --> 0:14:00.880 something like the Celtics media game this week fifty seven 0:14:00.960 --> 0:14:04.480 to four, again, coaches dunking on writers like they're trying 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:07.880 to settle a grudge from nineteen eighty six or something 0:14:07.960 --> 0:14:10.040 like that. I laugh because I've been there, right, I've 0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:12.040 been there. I've been in that situation. I didn't just 0:14:12.120 --> 0:14:15.200 cover a blowout. I was the blowout. But here's the thing. 0:14:15.960 --> 0:14:19.520 When the dust settled, I walked out of that gym 0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:24.000 with something better than a box score. I walked out 0:14:24.000 --> 0:14:26.400 with again a casual friendship with a guy that was 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:30.600 a Hall of Fame coach, and that gave me those days. 0:14:30.640 --> 0:14:33.320 I have so many members about covering sports. In those days, 0:14:33.560 --> 0:14:36.040 it was much different than it is now. It was 0:14:36.080 --> 0:14:41.040 a fraternity and my education from I learned from Tommy 0:14:41.080 --> 0:14:45.000 Disorda with the Dodgers, learned from Bill Fitch. These are 0:14:45.000 --> 0:14:46.680 two of the big coaches that kind of as a 0:14:46.720 --> 0:14:50.040 young kid taught me the ways of the world in 0:14:50.120 --> 0:14:52.280 covering sports. And there were some others along the way, 0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:54.480 but those were two of the big ones. And so 0:14:55.440 --> 0:14:58.600 it was pretty cool. I get this education and a 0:14:58.680 --> 0:14:59.840 story that still. 0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:01.040 Lands all these years later. 0:15:01.240 --> 0:15:03.560 I just popped right back into my head. I was 0:15:03.600 --> 0:15:06.880 like I was, that's probably twenty years old at the time. 0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:08.520 It's just craziness. 0:15:08.560 --> 0:15:11.640 Crazy. Now some guys get their basketball. 0:15:11.400 --> 0:15:16.320 Epiphanies with Larry Bird or Michael Jordan or Magic. 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:17.120 Johnson or something like that. 0:15:17.160 --> 0:15:20.760 I got mine with Bill Fitch's whistle, and honestly I 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:24.280 would not trade that for anything. I wouldn't It was 0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:27.840 an amazing, amazing time. So I want to thank Joe 0:15:27.880 --> 0:15:30.760 Mizoula and the Celtics for bringing that memory back, which 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:32.320 I know was in my head. It was buried in 0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:33.960 the back of my head. So it's kind of cool 0:15:34.320 --> 0:15:37.800 now turning the page on that. You've likely heard the 0:15:37.800 --> 0:15:41.600 phrase it never rains in Los Angeles unless it does, 0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:46.120 so when it does, it's not a sprinkle, it's not 0:15:46.200 --> 0:15:49.040 a drizzle. It's not light rain. When it rains in 0:15:49.160 --> 0:15:54.040 LA it's as if someone upstairs found the unleashed chaos 0:15:54.360 --> 0:15:59.600 button and pressed it. Because no matter what level of 0:15:59.720 --> 0:16:02.080 rain I say, it doesn't sprinkle or drizzle, they'll often 0:16:02.120 --> 0:16:02.640 say light. 0:16:02.560 --> 0:16:03.800 Rain bull crap. 0:16:04.160 --> 0:16:08.480 It's bull crap because whatever rain comes down in LA 0:16:08.680 --> 0:16:10.920 in the La basin, the city isn't ready. 0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:11.800 It never is. 0:16:11.920 --> 0:16:17.040 The storm rolls in like a substitute teacher walking into 0:16:17.040 --> 0:16:21.000 a junior high school eighth grade class five minutes before 0:16:21.040 --> 0:16:24.520 the bell, and immediately the kids are throwing spitballs at him. 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:25.560 Nobody knows what to do. 0:16:26.240 --> 0:16:28.800 So the other night I went into the mother Ship. 0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:33.520 From the remote studio, I shade my way into the 0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:36.280 Fox Sports Radio studios and beautiful Sherman Oaks just down 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:39.080 the hill from bell Air, and so there I was 0:16:39.520 --> 0:16:40.120 doing my show. 0:16:40.160 --> 0:16:40.560 Whatever. 0:16:41.120 --> 0:16:43.000 Now I had heard it was going to rain, but 0:16:43.160 --> 0:16:45.520 when you live in La you don't normally look at 0:16:45.560 --> 0:16:47.920 the weather. I don't really worry about it. I don't 0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:50.560 watch the local news anymore. So I would usually get 0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:53.920 the weather from the local news. And normally I find 0:16:53.960 --> 0:16:55.640 out about the weather because someone will says, Hey, it's 0:16:55.640 --> 0:16:58.560 gonna rain so and so, and somebody had said that. 0:16:58.600 --> 0:17:02.120 So I did have some vague reference to rain, and 0:17:03.640 --> 0:17:05.840 so I went in. I normally tried to avoid going 0:17:05.840 --> 0:17:07.119 in on the rain. And I'll tell you why in 0:17:07.160 --> 0:17:11.040 a minute, as I explained this story. So I showed up. 0:17:11.040 --> 0:17:13.000 It was perfectly fine. On my drive in there was 0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:15.800 no rain. And then at some point when I was 0:17:15.800 --> 0:17:21.000 getting my steps in and ching around the Fox Sports 0:17:21.080 --> 0:17:24.560 Radio studios the hallways there I saw I looked out 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:26.680 the window and I was like, oh, it's raining. Oh man, 0:17:26.680 --> 0:17:30.159 it looks like it's raining DC amount and so I 0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:33.000 meant to listen. Nobody knows what to do here, so 0:17:33.080 --> 0:17:34.920 I'm doing the overnight show. I'm insuing with Oaks. It 0:17:35.320 --> 0:17:38.440 starts pouring, and now not the polite you know, I 0:17:38.840 --> 0:17:40.840 go to the East Coast, visit my brothers in New York, 0:17:40.920 --> 0:17:44.040 and sometimes you visit him and the rain it's just 0:17:44.080 --> 0:17:47.960 a casual, light rain and it's fine. You know, you 0:17:47.960 --> 0:17:50.560 show up, you get a trench coat. Gently taps her umbrella. 0:17:50.920 --> 0:17:54.960 Now this was la downpour, the kind that turns freeways 0:17:55.040 --> 0:17:58.560 into an audition tape for The Deadliest Catch four h 0:17:58.680 --> 0:18:02.399 five edition or one edition. So you know how people 0:18:02.400 --> 0:18:06.200 always say, well, Californians can't drive on the rain. I 0:18:06.240 --> 0:18:09.080 would say they're wrong. Now, I would also say everywhere 0:18:09.080 --> 0:18:12.920 I've been, and I've been in Boston, New York, Minnesota, 0:18:13.160 --> 0:18:16.840 I've been to Florida, nobody knows how to drive in 0:18:16.880 --> 0:18:19.399 the rain. But people like the goof on California, so 0:18:19.400 --> 0:18:21.399 they don't know how to drive in the rain. So 0:18:21.760 --> 0:18:23.639 it's like, yeah, they don't know how to drive. Nobody 0:18:23.640 --> 0:18:26.040 knows how to drive the way, but California don't drive 0:18:26.080 --> 0:18:29.960 in the rain. That's my argument. They actually are doing 0:18:29.960 --> 0:18:31.960 an audition because everyone's trying to be in the movies. 0:18:32.000 --> 0:18:36.800 They're doing an audition for Evil caneval stunt School is 0:18:37.200 --> 0:18:42.439 what they're doing. I'm telling you every lane, every lane 0:18:42.640 --> 0:18:47.800 is a Roulette wheel. It just is the moment the 0:18:47.840 --> 0:18:50.440 first rain drop hits that asphalt. The one on one 0:18:50.680 --> 0:18:54.560 Freeway in southern California becomes a slipping slide, the four 0:18:54.680 --> 0:18:58.520 oh five, depending on what part you're in, a demolition derby. 0:18:58.560 --> 0:19:03.840 And every Prius driver a philosopher pondering why me, whymy 0:19:03.880 --> 0:19:05.600 Now I don't drive a Prius, so I'm not in 0:19:05.640 --> 0:19:06.040 that crowd. 0:19:06.160 --> 0:19:06.240 Now. 0:19:06.359 --> 0:19:09.240 Normally not to give you my exact root or route 0:19:09.280 --> 0:19:11.480 on my way home, but I normally start out taking 0:19:11.480 --> 0:19:14.240 the one oh one, which goes out near Sherman Oaks, 0:19:14.840 --> 0:19:19.440 and I circle around the mountains and the Hollywood Freeway, 0:19:19.480 --> 0:19:22.600 the ribbon of pavement that snakes its way past these 0:19:22.800 --> 0:19:27.960 iconic landmarks, the Hollywood Bowl, Hollywood Boulevard, Sunset, Melrose. 0:19:28.000 --> 0:19:30.800 These are iconic places in LA and. 0:19:30.680 --> 0:19:33.520 I get a great view of the Capitol Records Building, 0:19:34.400 --> 0:19:38.199 the building, the house that Nat King Cole built, the 0:19:38.280 --> 0:19:42.040 spot where legends like Sinatra and Dean Martin, the Beatles, 0:19:42.440 --> 0:19:46.760 the Beach Boys all etched themselves into the soundtrack. 0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:51.920 Of America Immortal Musical Acts. They recorded songs in that building. 0:19:52.280 --> 0:19:53.119 I know the building. 0:19:53.200 --> 0:19:56.680 Years ago, my fat ass did a radio remote from 0:19:56.720 --> 0:19:59.600 the roof of the Capitol Records building during a rainstorm. 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:02.480 Floated kind of in my head. 0:20:02.520 --> 0:20:04.959 At footed it flooded, I felt like I was floating 0:20:04.960 --> 0:20:07.119 because the roof was covered in water. 0:20:07.520 --> 0:20:09.960 So it flooded. The roof of. 0:20:10.040 --> 0:20:15.080 The most famous building in that part of Hollywood, and 0:20:15.119 --> 0:20:17.439 one of the most famous buildings in the world, was 0:20:17.480 --> 0:20:22.640 like a puddle foreshadowing, possibly because this time the Hollywood 0:20:22.640 --> 0:20:26.400 Freeway was an actual river and I, without a paddle, 0:20:26.960 --> 0:20:30.399 had to find another way home. The freeway was not closed, 0:20:30.960 --> 0:20:34.639 however it should have been, so I determined not to 0:20:34.680 --> 0:20:36.520 go that way because I've taken it in the past 0:20:36.560 --> 0:20:37.600 and thought I was going to die. 0:20:37.600 --> 0:20:40.159 I almost did die multiple times. I said, I know 0:20:40.200 --> 0:20:40.880 I'm going to die. 0:20:40.920 --> 0:20:43.320 I don't want to die today. Maybe tomorrow or the 0:20:43.359 --> 0:20:45.679 next day, but not today. So I detoured past Dodger 0:20:45.760 --> 0:20:49.280 Stadium because nothing says life choice is like doing a 0:20:49.400 --> 0:20:54.679 late night drive, which is really like a you know, 0:20:54.760 --> 0:20:59.000 some kind of Olympic event around stalled cars. You know, 0:20:59.000 --> 0:21:02.280 you see sunset levart over their big rigs, creeping like 0:21:02.320 --> 0:21:07.720 they're hauling nitroglycerine. Bunch of wannabe bunch of wannabe Vin 0:21:07.760 --> 0:21:11.280 Diesel's treating wet pavement like it's a racetrack, and they're 0:21:11.320 --> 0:21:13.920