WEBVTT - #30 The Marshes 0:00:07.840 --> 0:00:10.639 As a doctor, would you write me a reference letter 0:00:10.680 --> 0:00:11.559 for medical school? 0:00:11.920 --> 0:00:13.240 Yes, I would write a reference letter. 0:00:13.320 --> 0:00:14.800 Yeah, what would it say in it? 0:00:15.960 --> 0:00:18.320 It wouldn't necessarily be favorable, Jonathan. 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:20.720 I'm sure a little bit favorable. 0:00:21.840 --> 0:00:22.000 Here. 0:00:22.040 --> 0:00:24.279 Let me get you started, Okay, to whom it may concern, 0:00:25.640 --> 0:00:28.360 go ahead, you take it over, Go ahead. 0:00:28.200 --> 0:00:33.800 John Yeah, you would be a terrible doctor, the worst ever. 0:00:34.560 --> 0:00:36.519 You don't listen, and you just keep going on and on. 0:00:36.560 --> 0:00:37.560 You'd be doing all the talking. 0:00:37.800 --> 0:00:39.880 Yeah, but a doctor has to ask questions to find 0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:40.800 out the symptoms. 0:00:40.920 --> 0:00:43.920 Yeah, but you wouldn't actually listen to the answer because 0:00:43.920 --> 0:00:47.280 you don't listen. You would be arguing with patients talking 0:00:47.280 --> 0:00:52.360 about yourself if you'd be thinking about something else, like whoa. 0:00:52.720 --> 0:01:01.600 Alex just liked one of my tweets from Gimblet Media. 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:08.840 I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this is Heavyweight today's episode The Marshes. 0:01:20.560 --> 0:01:23.440 I first met Steve marsh at my brother in law's wedding. 0:01:24.120 --> 0:01:27.800 In conversation that night, Steve was given to making soulful 0:01:27.840 --> 0:01:32.800 observations punctuated by the word man. Steve is a big guy, 0:01:33.200 --> 0:01:36.760 shaggy haired, and comfortable in his own skin. He's a 0:01:36.760 --> 0:01:39.679 little like the dude, no matter where he is or 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:42.839 what the occasion, he gives off the impression of wearing 0:01:42.840 --> 0:01:47.840 a comfy bathrobe flung open wide to the world. It's 0:01:47.880 --> 0:01:51.200 perhaps also worth mentioning, though, while Steve wasn't invited to 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:54.520 the wedding per se, all the guests were both happy 0:01:54.640 --> 0:01:58.160 and unsurprised to see him. Of course Steve would be there, 0:01:58.600 --> 0:02:01.680 and his entrance felt like a lovable Saint Bernard had 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:04.920 just wandered into the reception hall. Would you send a 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:08.840 wedding invitation to a Saint Bernard? Of course not, but 0:02:08.919 --> 0:02:13.120 would you be darned pleased to see one show up? Absolutely. 0:02:18.160 --> 0:02:20.520 The next time Steve and I crossed paths was at 0:02:20.560 --> 0:02:24.480 another wedding. While everyone was inside drinking and eating, I 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:29.120 found Steve outside, standing by the Hudson River, looking preoccupied. 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:33.600 It was there, smoking from his pack of Menthols, that 0:02:33.639 --> 0:02:37.000 Steve told me about his mom and a secret she'd 0:02:37.000 --> 0:02:41.680 been carrying around in shame for almost forty years. Steve 0:02:41.760 --> 0:02:44.760 said the only reason he even knew about it was 0:02:44.800 --> 0:02:47.800 because it had slipped out by accident, and now that 0:02:47.880 --> 0:02:50.400 it had he didn't know what to do about it. 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:54.320 So after the wedding. We set aside some time to talk. 0:02:55.000 --> 0:02:56.000 How's father had gone. 0:02:56.000 --> 0:02:59.359 Man, it's great, it's really great. Before getting into it, 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:04.000 I catch up. He's just gotten engaged, and because he's Steve, 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:07.960 their proposal he made was an elaborate production, involving a 0:03:08.040 --> 0:03:11.560 ring baked into a cake and an entire restaurant of 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:16.320 people cheering. His fiancee crying makes regular guys like me 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:17.200 look real bad. 0:03:17.400 --> 0:03:19.600 I know, man, her brothers are pissed at me too. 0:03:19.639 --> 0:03:22.960 They're like, great, job, dude. 0:03:22.040 --> 0:03:24.360 With the pleasantries out of the way, we get to 0:03:24.400 --> 0:03:29.040 the unpleasantry. His mom's secret. Steve says he first learned 0:03:29.040 --> 0:03:31.360 of it in two thousand and eight on the fourth 0:03:31.400 --> 0:03:31.840 of July. 0:03:32.400 --> 0:03:37.200 I was riding my bike and my phone was going 0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:41.040 off like NonStop, and I thought it was like a 0:03:41.080 --> 0:03:43.400 girl or a drug dealer. It was like late, you know, 0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:46.640 it's like two in the morning. So finally I pulled 0:03:46.640 --> 0:03:49.200 my bike over and I saw I was my sister. 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:52.520 My sister had called like fifteen or sixteen times, you know. 0:03:53.560 --> 0:03:57.000 Steve's sister, Megan Marsh, was up at the family sprawling 0:03:57.040 --> 0:04:01.840 trailer lot in rural Minnesota, a place they marshland on 0:04:01.920 --> 0:04:05.680 summer holiday weekends, it's tradition for the entire Marsh clan 0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:09.280 to head to Marshland to drink, hang out and just 0:04:09.360 --> 0:04:12.960 be the Marshes. Seeing all the calls from Megan, Steve 0:04:13.040 --> 0:04:15.040 worried there was trouble up at Marshland. 0:04:15.600 --> 0:04:17.640 As I called, and I was like, what's going on? 0:04:18.240 --> 0:04:24.960 And she was hysterical, you know, like if you knew 0:04:25.000 --> 0:04:28.640 that we had And I was like, wait. 0:04:28.560 --> 0:04:33.640 Hold on, I'm trying to get all this out, and 0:04:33.680 --> 0:04:35.320 I'm crying and hysterical. 0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:37.400 This is Steve's sister. 0:04:37.520 --> 0:04:37.880 Megan. 0:04:38.560 --> 0:04:41.839 Between violent sobs, she explained to Steve what had happened 0:04:42.720 --> 0:04:45.600 up at Marshland. Steve's parents had gone to bed, but 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:48.360 Megan continued to hang out with a handful of people 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:49.640 around the bonfire. 0:04:50.120 --> 0:04:54.240 There's highly five seven of us sitting around the fire 0:04:55.080 --> 0:04:57.720 and we start talking about Weedi Bords. 0:04:58.120 --> 0:05:01.120 So to keep up her end of the conver Megan 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:03.760 tells the group an anecdote about her mom, how a 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:07.160 Ouiji board had accurately predicted the main facts of her 0:05:07.160 --> 0:05:11.640 mom's life. It had prophesied her future husband's initials p 0:05:12.080 --> 0:05:15.160 M for Pete Marsh, as well as the amount of 0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:17.520 kids or mom would have three. 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:20.600 And my aunt is sitting, you know, all three feet 0:05:20.600 --> 0:05:24.920 away from me, and my aunt said, well, she had 0:05:24.960 --> 0:05:35.200 four kids. And initially I'm confused. You know, I've been 0:05:35.279 --> 0:05:38.279 drinking a little bit, so it's slowly coming into my brain. 0:05:38.360 --> 0:05:43.760 What's happening. I looked down at my fingers and Cony, Stephen, me, Kevin, 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:48.120 what what are you talking about? And then I look 0:05:48.240 --> 0:05:52.920 up around the fire. Everybody stopped. Everybody's silent, and they're 0:05:52.920 --> 0:05:53.960 all staring at me. 0:05:55.200 --> 0:05:58.840 So standing in this park talking to my sister on 0:05:58.880 --> 0:06:03.440 the fourth of July, she told me that my parents 0:06:03.680 --> 0:06:08.560 had another child, that we had another sibling that they 0:06:08.600 --> 0:06:12.440 gave up for adoption years before they married. 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:16.440 The Marsh kids were full grown adults when they learned 0:06:16.440 --> 0:06:20.239 of their full sibling, a little girl one hundred percent 0:06:20.360 --> 0:06:30.320 Marsh that their mom had named Lisha. When Steve's parents, 0:06:30.440 --> 0:06:33.560 Geene and Pete, started dating, it was just a fling, 0:06:34.240 --> 0:06:37.000 and when Jeane became pregnant, they decided to put the 0:06:37.000 --> 0:06:40.839 baby up for adoption. The unusual thing, though, is that 0:06:40.920 --> 0:06:44.800 after that Jeane and Pete ended up staying together. Seven 0:06:44.880 --> 0:06:48.640 years later they had Steve, and now they've been married 0:06:48.680 --> 0:06:52.680 for almost fifty years, but all the while, neither of 0:06:52.680 --> 0:06:55.880 Steve's parents ever spoke of their eldest child. 0:06:56.640 --> 0:07:00.320 In my family is like shockingly open, so that the 0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:05.840 fact that they sat on this secret it was wild. 0:07:06.720 --> 0:07:09.279 It's now been years since the truth came out, and 0:07:09.320 --> 0:07:12.160 the Marshes want to do something with that truth. But 0:07:12.200 --> 0:07:16.600 Steve says, procrastination is a family trait, and in this case, 0:07:16.920 --> 0:07:20.680 decades of his mother's shame has turned that procrastination into 0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:24.720 total inertia. But Lisha is never far from any of 0:07:24.760 --> 0:07:27.600 their thoughts. Megan wonders what it would be like to 0:07:27.640 --> 0:07:31.080 finally have a sister, and Steve's younger brother, Kevin, wonders 0:07:31.080 --> 0:07:34.520 if Lesha's a redhead like him. Kevin scans every room 0:07:34.560 --> 0:07:39.040 for red hair. And then there's Steve's dad. A few 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:42.000 days after the secret slipped out, Steve met up with him, 0:07:42.320 --> 0:07:43.440 as he does every week. 0:07:43.960 --> 0:07:47.360 My dad is a retired truck driver and kind of 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:50.640 a tough guy, and every Monday night we shoot shotguns 0:07:50.720 --> 0:07:51.840 together in the summertime. 0:07:52.800 --> 0:07:55.320 In the car on the way to go shooting, Steve 0:07:55.400 --> 0:07:58.240 asked his dad how often he thought about Lisha, and. 0:07:58.160 --> 0:08:02.360 He said every day. And we drive it's like a 0:08:02.400 --> 0:08:07.000 half hour drive on the freeway, and about halfway there, 0:08:07.520 --> 0:08:11.240 I no, shit, man, this is like a short story thing. 0:08:11.280 --> 0:08:16.480 It's almost too corny. But there was two ducks, like 0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:20.920 two adult ducks and three little baby ducks crossing the 0:08:20.960 --> 0:08:24.840 freeway and my dad dipped like deep into the shoulder 0:08:25.000 --> 0:08:29.480 of the freeway and then recover the car and like 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:32.480 we waited a while, and he's like, did you see 0:08:32.520 --> 0:08:36.120 me miss those ducks? And I was like, yeah, yeah, 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:39.920 And it's one of the few times I've seen my 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:40.560 dad cry. 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:46.880 But as much as the Marshes think about Lisha, when 0:08:46.880 --> 0:08:49.280 it comes to actually trying to find her, they're all 0:08:49.320 --> 0:08:50.440 waiting on Steve's mom. 0:08:51.120 --> 0:08:54.319 I think my dad for as much of an alpha 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:59.640 tough guy. I think my mom runs his shit, you know. Yeah. Yeah, 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:03.000 So it's kind of up to her, and I think 0:09:03.080 --> 0:09:06.960 she is scared about what maybe she'll find out, like 0:09:07.600 --> 0:09:12.440 if Licia has hard feelings about this, or if Alicia's 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:16.319 life didn't go as well as it could have, or 0:09:16.920 --> 0:09:20.840 how Lesha will feel to meet her family that's intact 0:09:20.880 --> 0:09:23.120 and went on to have three more kids, like and 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:24.120 wouldn't that be weird? 0:09:25.360 --> 0:09:28.640 Sure, the family's intact, and as Steve explains, the Marsh 0:09:28.679 --> 0:09:31.720 kids are all close and doing well now. Megan has 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:34.960 a career as a nurse, Steve writes, and Kevin repairs 0:09:35.000 --> 0:09:38.120 home appliances. But growing up there were a lot of 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:41.440 drugs and a lot of trouble. Kevin had a serious 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:45.079 meth problem, and Steve and Megan drank too much. Steve 0:09:45.120 --> 0:09:47.840 almost flunked out of high school, and Kevin and Megan 0:09:47.880 --> 0:09:51.200 both dropped out. There was one Christmas the Marshas spent 0:09:51.320 --> 0:09:54.680 visiting Kevin in treatment, and one weekend Steve spent in 0:09:54.760 --> 0:09:57.600 jail because he and Kevin got into a brawl over 0:09:57.640 --> 0:09:59.200 a Beastie boy CD. 0:09:59.440 --> 0:10:04.000 And I'm just like Leisha, who was raised in a 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:09.240 totally separate environment. I just wonder what she's like. You know, 0:10:10.280 --> 0:10:15.000 our house was so loud when growing up, and uh like, 0:10:15.280 --> 0:10:17.719 I always thought my family's kind of weird. Like they 0:10:17.880 --> 0:10:22.320 drink windsor seven up, like it's gonna be vanishing from 0:10:22.360 --> 0:10:23.160 the face of the earth. 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:25.280 So what what is windsor seven up? 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:28.080 That's a that's the Marsh family drink man. 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:30.600 I pardon my ignorance. 0:10:30.800 --> 0:10:33.640 Seven and seven man, it could be seagrams too. Canadian 0:10:33.720 --> 0:10:36.360 whiskey and lemon lime soda. 0:10:37.480 --> 0:10:40.600 But finding out whether Lesha is like a Marsh steeped 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:43.160 in windsor and chaos isn't so simple. 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:46.679 So the hospital no longer exists. 0:10:46.600 --> 0:10:48.840 The hospital where your mom had her. 0:10:49.200 --> 0:10:52.160 Right and it was a close Catholic adoption, like my 0:10:52.280 --> 0:10:55.520 parents never met the couple that adopted Lesha. 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:03.720 Steve has no information about where Lisha ended up. He 0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:06.840 had a friend with connections run the name Lesha Marsh 0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:11.000 through an FBI database but found nothing. It's almost certain 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:14.800 Lisha's name isn't even Lisha anymore. Because it was a 0:11:14.840 --> 0:11:17.400 closed adoption, the only way to reach her is through 0:11:17.400 --> 0:11:20.800 the adoption agency. Steve's mom has to write Lisha a 0:11:20.880 --> 0:11:24.440 letter asking to make contact, but whenever she's trying to 0:11:24.440 --> 0:11:27.040 write in the past, her sense of shame gets the 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:28.319 better of her, Like. 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:30.160 She wants to do it, she said she would do it, 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:34.480 Like what do I do you know? Like how do 0:11:34.520 --> 0:11:35.400 we make this happen? 0:11:41.600 --> 0:11:44.320 And this is why Steve has come to me. He 0:11:44.400 --> 0:11:47.680 needs a spur to action, someone who isn't a Marsh 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:49.440 to make sure the letter gets written. 0:11:50.000 --> 0:11:52.840 We could use some help. It's almost like when you 0:11:52.880 --> 0:11:56.080 want to like go to the gym or something, just 0:11:56.200 --> 0:11:59.200 like have somebody else who's going with you, like some 0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:03.240 kind of account of ability. Because when we talk about 0:12:03.240 --> 0:12:05.440 it as a family, and we do whenever we get together, 0:12:05.679 --> 0:12:09.640 like my parents are all game for it, but then 0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:12.240 it just doesn't happen, and it hasn't happened. 0:12:12.720 --> 0:12:16.760 Do you need to really kind of show up with 0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:19.840 a pad of paper and a pen and you know, 0:12:20.000 --> 0:12:22.520 place it on the table in front. 0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:24.559 Of her, right, like, let's do this now. 0:12:25.640 --> 0:12:28.080 And so, in a bid to do this now, I 0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:30.680 tell Steve to phone his mom and tell her to 0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:34.640 clear her schedule because his wedding friend Jonathan is boarding 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:38.040 a plane to Minnesota and heading straight to their house 0:12:38.480 --> 0:12:40.319 to make sure she writes that letter. 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:44.280 I just think we need a little help, you know. 0:12:45.200 --> 0:12:48.400 Yeah, Wow, what you need is your mother to get 0:12:48.440 --> 0:12:52.920 off her aff. 0:12:51.880 --> 0:12:54.000 So who is this guy? 0:12:54.320 --> 0:12:56.160 Just tell me again. 0:12:58.400 --> 0:13:01.440 After the break, if this guy pays a visit to 0:13:01.480 --> 0:13:16.559 the marshes Hi in Minneapolis. I picked Steve up in 0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:19.400 my airport rental and we head to his parents' house 0:13:19.440 --> 0:13:23.240 for some letter writing. He's nervous, which is not helped 0:13:23.280 --> 0:13:26.280 by my economy sized car. Do you have a you 0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:30.320 have an up room. How tall a man are you? 0:13:30.600 --> 0:13:30.760 Six? 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:35.120 Steve struggles to shoehorn his body into the passenger seat. 0:13:35.559 --> 0:13:36.640 Do you want to set the back seat? 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:37.600 You could? 0:13:39.760 --> 0:13:44.320 I'm sorry, I'm so good. Although Steve says it's all 0:13:44.400 --> 0:13:48.560 good thanks to my Minnesotan to American translator, app, I 0:13:48.640 --> 0:13:51.080 know that he's in fact, deeply resentful. 0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:54.439 You're gonna have to direct me because I don't know 0:13:54.480 --> 0:13:56.240 where your parents live, But wouldn't. 0:13:55.880 --> 0:14:01.840 It be weird if they did. We arrive at Steve's 0:14:01.840 --> 0:14:06.120 parents place. It's a one story rambler, cluttered and cozy. 0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:09.600 Hi, I'm Jean. 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:17.400 We settle in around the kitchen table. Pete makes his 0:14:17.440 --> 0:14:20.240 way through his daily two pots of coffee, and Jeane 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:23.760 quietly stares down at a blank piece of paper to 0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:26.320 help spur her letter writing. I asked how she and 0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:30.320 Pete first met, and Jeane becomes animated, telling me about 0:14:30.320 --> 0:14:33.000 a party at which Pete stumbled in late with a 0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:33.800 group of friends. 0:14:34.320 --> 0:14:38.200 They were all drunk. I can't remember if he kissed 0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:40.080 me on the knee and bit me in the ankle, 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:41.160 or vice versa. 0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:45.960 That's like what the serpent did in the biblical story. 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:48.760 So and I should have never eaten that apple. 0:14:50.440 --> 0:14:53.640 Soon after, Jeane moved into a new apartment building, where, 0:14:53.680 --> 0:14:56.960 in a delightful sitcom twist, Pete was living right down 0:14:56.960 --> 0:15:01.400 the hall. That Thanksgiving, Pete stopped by Jean's place, drank 0:15:01.400 --> 0:15:04.800 her entire bottle of Windsor, then drunkenly proceeded to show 0:15:04.800 --> 0:15:06.160 the dinner guests as gun. 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:09.400 Guns are no big thing for me, because I got 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:10.040 them laying all. 0:15:09.960 --> 0:15:10.480 Over the place. 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:14.200 To illustrate, Pete reaches on top of the kitchen cupboard 0:15:14.320 --> 0:15:17.920 and pulls down a forty five automatic. He places it 0:15:17.960 --> 0:15:20.760 on the table next to the pie that Steve brought. 0:15:21.640 --> 0:15:23.480 How many guns do you have hitten around the house. 0:15:24.240 --> 0:15:27.479 There's one over on the fireplace downstairs. 0:15:33.640 --> 0:15:36.520 The party, the bottle of windsor the gun. These are 0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:39.400 all parts of the marsh family origin story that Steve 0:15:39.480 --> 0:15:42.280 knows well. But the part of the story that Steve 0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:45.040 has never heard is house parents went from a casual 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:47.480 fling to a decade's long marriage. 0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:54.520 I'm pregnant. I went home and told my mother, and 0:15:54.720 --> 0:15:58.240 she flipped out on me. I remember leaving and I 0:15:58.520 --> 0:16:01.160 was down the basement with my mother in the laundry room. 0:16:01.640 --> 0:16:04.760 I just remember running up the stairs and crying and 0:16:04.800 --> 0:16:07.640 getting in the car and driving back to my apartment 0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:12.320 because I was trash in her mind. 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:17.240 Jeane came from a strict Catholic family. When she got pregnant, 0:16:17.440 --> 0:16:20.200 her mother told her she could only visit home after dark, 0:16:20.600 --> 0:16:23.640 carrying a coat in front of her stomach. At one 0:16:23.680 --> 0:16:26.840 point during the pregnancy, Jean slipped on the ice and 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:28.840 had to go to the hospital for hemorrhaging. 0:16:29.640 --> 0:16:33.800 And my mother came into the hospital and said, you 0:16:33.920 --> 0:16:40.040 can't even have a baby, right. I mean, she was 0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:45.200 so disappointed in me. I don't think she ever forgave 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:49.280 me for that. That's the one thing I said to 0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:52.800 her before she died, is I am sorry for disappointing you. 0:16:55.680 --> 0:16:58.680 Lisia was born premature, so the doctors kept her at 0:16:58.720 --> 0:17:01.680 the hospital for a week. This meant Jean ended up 0:17:01.720 --> 0:17:03.680 spending a week with her newborn daughter. 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:11.040 I remember holding her and crying and telling her, you 0:17:11.080 --> 0:17:13.239 know that I hoped she'd have a good life, and 0:17:14.480 --> 0:17:17.600 said I'm sorry that I couldn't keep her. 0:17:19.400 --> 0:17:23.040 After that week, Jean signed away her parental rights. 0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:26.240 I didn't think I could raise a child by myself. 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:33.000 But she never said what he never said hey, let's 0:17:33.040 --> 0:17:36.000 get married and raise this baby or and I never 0:17:36.119 --> 0:17:40.600 said it either, but his mother, Alice, just took me 0:17:40.760 --> 0:17:43.760 in as this. You know, I felt like I was 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:47.560 part of the family. So I felt this family loved 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:50.240 that I wasn't getting from my own family. 0:17:51.160 --> 0:17:51.399 You know. 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:56.520 Pete's mom told Jean how much the whole family liked her, 0:17:56.840 --> 0:17:59.399 how they hoped she would be the one, and that 0:17:59.480 --> 0:18:02.919 painful time brought Geene and Pete closer. They ended up 0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:06.760 really falling in love, and eventually they did get married, 0:18:07.800 --> 0:18:11.280 and all this time, Lesha, responsible for them growing into 0:18:11.280 --> 0:18:14.960 love together, having three more kids, being a family for 0:18:15.040 --> 0:18:18.960 going on fifty years, was out there somewhere living a 0:18:18.960 --> 0:18:21.160 different life with a different family. 0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:24.840 And I don't know that, Dad, and we've never sat 0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:28.800 down like this and talked about it. It's just kind 0:18:28.840 --> 0:18:31.880 of something that happened forty eight years ago. 0:18:40.000 --> 0:18:43.320 For forty eight years, Gene is quietly marked Alesha's birthday 0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:47.080 by repeating the same silent prayer. I hope she's having 0:18:47.160 --> 0:18:51.160 a good life. And it's that hope that ironically made 0:18:51.240 --> 0:18:54.680 Jeane think twice about ever searching for Lesia. She told 0:18:54.680 --> 0:18:57.560 herself that if Flicia was happy, she didn't need to 0:18:57.560 --> 0:19:00.760 disrupt that happiness by introducing her to the Marshes. And 0:19:00.800 --> 0:19:01.760 they're chaos. 0:19:02.240 --> 0:19:07.399 Our family was so loud and so you know, drug 0:19:07.520 --> 0:19:11.359 use and you know, not going to school, and it 0:19:11.440 --> 0:19:15.600 seems like there was always so much going on. Did 0:19:15.640 --> 0:19:19.960 I really want to bring somebody else into that? It 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:24.760 was problems that I was bringing her into more problems. 0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:26.360 It was hectic. 0:19:26.640 --> 0:19:32.280 Yeah, it was more than hectic. See, and I'd go 0:19:32.560 --> 0:19:35.800 do my avon door to door and somebody would say, 0:19:35.960 --> 0:19:37.879 would you like to come in for a minute, And 0:19:37.920 --> 0:19:40.760 I'd sit down, And I always said it was like 0:19:40.800 --> 0:19:44.119 I was sitting down in their beige. You know, they 0:19:44.160 --> 0:19:49.040 had this peaceful house, neet, nothing out of place, and 0:19:49.480 --> 0:19:53.359 then I'd walk in here and it'd be like jangled. 0:19:55.920 --> 0:19:59.600 So while Steve's motivation for seeking out Lesha is pretty simple. 0:20:00.160 --> 0:20:02.160 He has a sister and he wants to meet her, 0:20:02.760 --> 0:20:06.600 for Jean, it's more complicated. Her greatest hope is that 0:20:06.720 --> 0:20:09.360 Lesha is happy and well, that she did the right 0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:12.440 thing in giving her up. But if Lisha is good, 0:20:12.800 --> 0:20:15.800 didn't fall into drugs, did do well in school, and 0:20:15.880 --> 0:20:18.840 had a good life in the Beige, then trouble wasn't 0:20:18.840 --> 0:20:21.879 something genetic, a fate that runs through the marsh blood. 0:20:22.720 --> 0:20:27.520 It was the Jean's thinking something in the parenting, her parenting. 0:20:36.320 --> 0:20:40.040 I just want I want the kids more or less, 0:20:40.080 --> 0:20:44.000 to be prepared that she may not want anything. 0:20:43.520 --> 0:20:44.680 To do with us. 0:20:45.200 --> 0:20:48.240 I'm open to meeting her. I'm open to just pictures, 0:20:49.480 --> 0:20:51.800 open to having her tell me I'm a piece of shit. 0:20:52.680 --> 0:20:57.720 That's fine. I'm willing to do whatever she wants because 0:20:57.720 --> 0:21:03.359 I feel the ball is in her court. Worst case 0:21:03.400 --> 0:21:06.600 scenario would be if sh had passed away and I never. 0:21:07.960 --> 0:21:08.240 Tried. 0:21:12.800 --> 0:21:14.240 Did you want to have pie? 0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:14.520 Now? 0:21:14.840 --> 0:21:15.000 Oh? 0:21:15.040 --> 0:21:16.080 Should I get the ice cream? 0:21:16.160 --> 0:21:16.440 You want? 0:21:16.480 --> 0:21:16.920 Ice cream? 0:21:17.480 --> 0:21:20.399 Steve serves the mixed berry pie that he brought and 0:21:20.480 --> 0:21:21.960 turns us to the matter at hand. 0:21:23.160 --> 0:21:26.000 So do you want to try the writing the letter? 0:21:26.160 --> 0:21:27.880 Yeah? 0:21:28.119 --> 0:21:29.119 We should do it now. 0:21:29.200 --> 0:21:34.000 So yes, because your mother is a procrastinator. Oh, I 0:21:34.040 --> 0:21:36.879 am too, but you probably got it from me. 0:21:39.000 --> 0:21:41.560 If Lisha's the procassionaire too, that's the only way we'll know. 0:21:43.160 --> 0:21:45.880 Jeane finds it easier to talk than to write, so 0:21:45.920 --> 0:21:49.040 Steve offers to type the letter as Jane speaks it aloud. 0:21:49.640 --> 0:21:52.679 Then you can copy it down by hand. Jean stares 0:21:52.720 --> 0:21:54.840 down at the table, trying to get started. 0:21:57.880 --> 0:22:02.160 I don't know what to say. I feel bad because 0:22:02.200 --> 0:22:07.240 we stayed together, right, and I feel like it's been 0:22:07.320 --> 0:22:11.399 forty eight years now, Why you're coming around now, is 0:22:11.440 --> 0:22:12.479 what she'll be thinking. 0:22:13.680 --> 0:22:15.359 Oh, just say I, how are you? 0:22:21.880 --> 0:22:26.440 I remember your name, I remember your birthday. I remember 0:22:26.520 --> 0:22:32.399 holding you and telling you that I wanted you to 0:22:32.480 --> 0:22:45.720 have a good life. Lisha, I'm stumbling for words, wondering 0:22:45.880 --> 0:22:53.040 how to, probably because it's been so many years, but 0:22:53.280 --> 0:22:56.200 wondering how to, I mean, how to explain the fact 0:22:56.200 --> 0:22:59.720 that I haven't tried to contact you all this. 0:23:00.520 --> 0:23:03.000 I don't think we need to get that heavy mer mom, 0:23:03.200 --> 0:23:05.560 give me a call. But also you do want to. 0:23:05.680 --> 0:23:08.919 You want to acknowledge why this was meaningful to you. 0:23:08.920 --> 0:23:12.879 You know, you're like, it's tough. 0:23:13.200 --> 0:23:22.080 God, three years after you were born, your father and 0:23:22.160 --> 0:23:27.440 I were married or got back together, while we got 0:23:27.480 --> 0:23:34.440 back together right after. Oh god, see now it all 0:23:34.520 --> 0:23:37.240 seems so stupid. 0:23:39.160 --> 0:23:44.879 But like you can't change the past, and you needed 0:23:44.920 --> 0:23:48.440 to live through this in order to have respective on it. Yeah, 0:23:48.480 --> 0:23:52.800 so three years after you're born, your father and I 0:23:52.880 --> 0:23:53.800 were married. 0:23:55.200 --> 0:24:01.160 And now have two sons and a daughter. Who are 0:24:01.240 --> 0:24:05.199 open to make a contact or it does open. 0:24:05.400 --> 0:24:07.440 So I think all of us would like to meet 0:24:07.480 --> 0:24:12.600 you if when you're ready. I don't think maybe it 0:24:12.680 --> 0:24:14.240 needs to be any more than that. That's good. 0:24:15.080 --> 0:24:17.720 And then just put our names and. 0:24:20.600 --> 0:24:23.880 We all watch as Gene copies the letter over by hand. 0:24:25.040 --> 0:24:25.600 He did good. 0:24:25.680 --> 0:24:28.000 Gee, thank you. 0:24:32.400 --> 0:24:35.520 Steve and I head back to the rental for a while. 0:24:36.000 --> 0:24:40.840 We just sit there. I think that they're going to 0:24:41.000 --> 0:24:42.160 get those forms off. 0:24:42.520 --> 0:24:44.560 It's going to happen this week, for sure. 0:24:45.359 --> 0:24:46.199 You really think so? 0:24:46.440 --> 0:24:47.000 Yeah, I think so. 0:24:48.600 --> 0:24:55.760 It doesn't happen. It doesn't happen in the next month 0:24:55.840 --> 0:24:59.000 or the one after that. Partly because Steve hasn't been 0:24:59.000 --> 0:25:02.560