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Speaker 1: As a doctor, would you write me a reference letter

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Speaker 1: for medical school?

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Speaker 2: Yes, I would write a reference letter.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what would it say in it?

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Speaker 2: It wouldn't necessarily be favorable, Jonathan.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure a little bit favorable.

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Speaker 3: Here.

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Speaker 1: Let me get you started, Okay, to whom it may concern,

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Speaker 1: go ahead, you take it over, Go ahead.

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Speaker 2: John Yeah, you would be a terrible doctor, the worst ever.

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Speaker 2: You don't listen, and you just keep going on and on.

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Speaker 2: You'd be doing all the talking.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but a doctor has to ask questions to find

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Speaker 1: out the symptoms.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but you wouldn't actually listen to the answer because

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Speaker 2: you don't listen. You would be arguing with patients talking

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Speaker 2: about yourself if you'd be thinking about something else, like whoa.

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Speaker 1: Alex just liked one of my tweets from Gimblet Media.

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Speaker 1: I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this is Heavyweight today's episode The Marshes.

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Speaker 1: I first met Steve marsh at my brother in law's wedding.

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Speaker 1: In conversation that night, Steve was given to making soulful

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Speaker 1: observations punctuated by the word man. Steve is a big guy,

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Speaker 1: shaggy haired, and comfortable in his own skin. He's a

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Speaker 1: little like the dude, no matter where he is or

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Speaker 1: what the occasion, he gives off the impression of wearing

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Speaker 1: a comfy bathrobe flung open wide to the world. It's

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Speaker 1: perhaps also worth mentioning, though, while Steve wasn't invited to

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Speaker 1: the wedding per se, all the guests were both happy

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Speaker 1: and unsurprised to see him. Of course Steve would be there,

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Speaker 1: and his entrance felt like a lovable Saint Bernard had

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Speaker 1: just wandered into the reception hall. Would you send a

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Speaker 1: wedding invitation to a Saint Bernard? Of course not, but

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Speaker 1: would you be darned pleased to see one show up? Absolutely.

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Speaker 1: The next time Steve and I crossed paths was at

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Speaker 1: another wedding. While everyone was inside drinking and eating, I

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Speaker 1: found Steve outside, standing by the Hudson River, looking preoccupied.

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Speaker 1: It was there, smoking from his pack of Menthols, that

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Speaker 1: Steve told me about his mom and a secret she'd

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Speaker 1: been carrying around in shame for almost forty years. Steve

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Speaker 1: said the only reason he even knew about it was

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Speaker 1: because it had slipped out by accident, and now that

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Speaker 1: it had he didn't know what to do about it.

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Speaker 1: So after the wedding. We set aside some time to talk.

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Speaker 3: How's father had gone.

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Speaker 1: Man, it's great, it's really great. Before getting into it,

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Speaker 1: I catch up. He's just gotten engaged, and because he's Steve,

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Speaker 1: their proposal he made was an elaborate production, involving a

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Speaker 1: ring baked into a cake and an entire restaurant of

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Speaker 1: people cheering. His fiancee crying makes regular guys like me

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Speaker 1: look real bad.

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Speaker 3: I know, man, her brothers are pissed at me too.

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Speaker 3: They're like, great, job, dude.

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Speaker 1: With the pleasantries out of the way, we get to

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Speaker 1: the unpleasantry. His mom's secret. Steve says he first learned

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Speaker 1: of it in two thousand and eight on the fourth

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Speaker 1: of July.

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Speaker 3: I was riding my bike and my phone was going

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Speaker 3: off like NonStop, and I thought it was like a

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Speaker 3: girl or a drug dealer. It was like late, you know,

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Speaker 3: it's like two in the morning. So finally I pulled

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Speaker 3: my bike over and I saw I was my sister.

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Speaker 3: My sister had called like fifteen or sixteen times, you know.

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Speaker 1: Steve's sister, Megan Marsh, was up at the family sprawling

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Speaker 1: trailer lot in rural Minnesota, a place they marshland on

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Speaker 1: summer holiday weekends, it's tradition for the entire Marsh clan

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Speaker 1: to head to Marshland to drink, hang out and just

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Speaker 1: be the Marshes. Seeing all the calls from Megan, Steve

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Speaker 1: worried there was trouble up at Marshland.

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Speaker 3: As I called, and I was like, what's going on?

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Speaker 3: And she was hysterical, you know, like if you knew

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Speaker 3: that we had And I was like, wait.

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Speaker 4: Hold on, I'm trying to get all this out, and

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Speaker 4: I'm crying and hysterical.

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Speaker 1: This is Steve's sister.

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Speaker 3: Megan.

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Speaker 1: Between violent sobs, she explained to Steve what had happened

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Speaker 1: up at Marshland. Steve's parents had gone to bed, but

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Speaker 1: Megan continued to hang out with a handful of people

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Speaker 1: around the bonfire.

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Speaker 4: There's highly five seven of us sitting around the fire

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Speaker 4: and we start talking about Weedi Bords.

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Speaker 1: So to keep up her end of the conver Megan

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Speaker 1: tells the group an anecdote about her mom, how a

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Speaker 1: Ouiji board had accurately predicted the main facts of her

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Speaker 1: mom's life. It had prophesied her future husband's initials p

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Speaker 1: M for Pete Marsh, as well as the amount of

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Speaker 1: kids or mom would have three.

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Speaker 4: And my aunt is sitting, you know, all three feet

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Speaker 4: away from me, and my aunt said, well, she had

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Speaker 4: four kids. And initially I'm confused. You know, I've been

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Speaker 4: drinking a little bit, so it's slowly coming into my brain.

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Speaker 4: What's happening. I looked down at my fingers and Cony, Stephen, me, Kevin,

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Speaker 4: what what are you talking about? And then I look

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Speaker 4: up around the fire. Everybody stopped. Everybody's silent, and they're

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Speaker 4: all staring at me.

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Speaker 3: So standing in this park talking to my sister on

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Speaker 3: the fourth of July, she told me that my parents

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Speaker 3: had another child, that we had another sibling that they

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Speaker 3: gave up for adoption years before they married.

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Speaker 1: The Marsh kids were full grown adults when they learned

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Speaker 1: of their full sibling, a little girl one hundred percent

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Speaker 1: Marsh that their mom had named Lisha. When Steve's parents,

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Speaker 1: Geene and Pete, started dating, it was just a fling,

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Speaker 1: and when Jeane became pregnant, they decided to put the

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Speaker 1: baby up for adoption. The unusual thing, though, is that

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Speaker 1: after that Jeane and Pete ended up staying together. Seven

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Speaker 1: years later they had Steve, and now they've been married

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Speaker 1: for almost fifty years, but all the while, neither of

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Speaker 1: Steve's parents ever spoke of their eldest child.

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Speaker 3: In my family is like shockingly open, so that the

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Speaker 3: fact that they sat on this secret it was wild.

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Speaker 1: It's now been years since the truth came out, and

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Speaker 1: the Marshes want to do something with that truth. But

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Speaker 1: Steve says, procrastination is a family trait, and in this case,

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Speaker 1: decades of his mother's shame has turned that procrastination into

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Speaker 1: total inertia. But Lisha is never far from any of

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Speaker 1: their thoughts. Megan wonders what it would be like to

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Speaker 1: finally have a sister, and Steve's younger brother, Kevin, wonders

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Speaker 1: if Lesha's a redhead like him. Kevin scans every room

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Speaker 1: for red hair. And then there's Steve's dad. A few

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Speaker 1: days after the secret slipped out, Steve met up with him,

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Speaker 1: as he does every week.

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Speaker 3: My dad is a retired truck driver and kind of

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Speaker 3: a tough guy, and every Monday night we shoot shotguns

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Speaker 3: together in the summertime.

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Speaker 1: In the car on the way to go shooting, Steve

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Speaker 1: asked his dad how often he thought about Lisha, and.

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Speaker 3: He said every day. And we drive it's like a

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Speaker 3: half hour drive on the freeway, and about halfway there,

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Speaker 3: I no, shit, man, this is like a short story thing.

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Speaker 3: It's almost too corny. But there was two ducks, like

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Speaker 3: two adult ducks and three little baby ducks crossing the

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Speaker 3: freeway and my dad dipped like deep into the shoulder

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Speaker 3: of the freeway and then recover the car and like

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Speaker 3: we waited a while, and he's like, did you see

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Speaker 3: me miss those ducks? And I was like, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: And it's one of the few times I've seen my

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Speaker 3: dad cry.

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Speaker 1: But as much as the Marshes think about Lisha, when

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Speaker 1: it comes to actually trying to find her, they're all

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Speaker 1: waiting on Steve's mom.

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Speaker 3: I think my dad for as much of an alpha

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Speaker 3: tough guy. I think my mom runs his shit, you know. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: So it's kind of up to her, and I think

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Speaker 3: she is scared about what maybe she'll find out, like

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Speaker 3: if Licia has hard feelings about this, or if Alicia's

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Speaker 3: life didn't go as well as it could have, or

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Speaker 3: how Lesha will feel to meet her family that's intact

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Speaker 3: and went on to have three more kids, like and

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Speaker 3: wouldn't that be weird?

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Speaker 1: Sure, the family's intact, and as Steve explains, the Marsh

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Speaker 1: kids are all close and doing well now. Megan has

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Speaker 1: a career as a nurse, Steve writes, and Kevin repairs

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Speaker 1: home appliances. But growing up there were a lot of

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Speaker 1: drugs and a lot of trouble. Kevin had a serious

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Speaker 1: meth problem, and Steve and Megan drank too much. Steve

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Speaker 1: almost flunked out of high school, and Kevin and Megan

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Speaker 1: both dropped out. There was one Christmas the Marshas spent

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Speaker 1: visiting Kevin in treatment, and one weekend Steve spent in

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Speaker 1: jail because he and Kevin got into a brawl over

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Speaker 1: a Beastie boy CD.

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Speaker 3: And I'm just like Leisha, who was raised in a

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Speaker 3: totally separate environment. I just wonder what she's like. You know,

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Speaker 3: our house was so loud when growing up, and uh like,

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Speaker 3: I always thought my family's kind of weird. Like they

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Speaker 3: drink windsor seven up, like it's gonna be vanishing from

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Speaker 3: the face of the earth.

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Speaker 1: So what what is windsor seven up?

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Speaker 3: That's a that's the Marsh family drink man.

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Speaker 1: I pardon my ignorance.

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Speaker 3: Seven and seven man, it could be seagrams too. Canadian

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Speaker 3: whiskey and lemon lime soda.

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Speaker 1: But finding out whether Lesha is like a Marsh steeped

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Speaker 1: in windsor and chaos isn't so simple.

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Speaker 3: So the hospital no longer exists.

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Speaker 1: The hospital where your mom had her.

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Speaker 3: Right and it was a close Catholic adoption, like my

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Speaker 3: parents never met the couple that adopted Lesha.

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Speaker 1: Steve has no information about where Lisha ended up. He

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Speaker 1: had a friend with connections run the name Lesha Marsh

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Speaker 1: through an FBI database but found nothing. It's almost certain

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Speaker 1: Lisha's name isn't even Lisha anymore. Because it was a

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Speaker 1: closed adoption, the only way to reach her is through

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Speaker 1: the adoption agency. Steve's mom has to write Lisha a

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Speaker 1: letter asking to make contact, but whenever she's trying to

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Speaker 1: write in the past, her sense of shame gets the

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Speaker 1: better of her, Like.

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Speaker 3: She wants to do it, she said she would do it,

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Speaker 3: Like what do I do you know? Like how do

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Speaker 3: we make this happen?

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Speaker 1: And this is why Steve has come to me. He

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Speaker 1: needs a spur to action, someone who isn't a Marsh

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Speaker 1: to make sure the letter gets written.

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Speaker 3: We could use some help. It's almost like when you

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Speaker 3: want to like go to the gym or something, just

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Speaker 3: like have somebody else who's going with you, like some

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Speaker 3: kind of account of ability. Because when we talk about

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Speaker 3: it as a family, and we do whenever we get together,

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Speaker 3: like my parents are all game for it, but then

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Speaker 3: it just doesn't happen, and it hasn't happened.

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Speaker 1: Do you need to really kind of show up with

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Speaker 1: a pad of paper and a pen and you know,

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Speaker 1: place it on the table in front.

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Speaker 3: Of her, right, like, let's do this now.

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Speaker 1: And so, in a bid to do this now, I

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Speaker 1: tell Steve to phone his mom and tell her to

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Speaker 1: clear her schedule because his wedding friend Jonathan is boarding

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Speaker 1: a plane to Minnesota and heading straight to their house

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Speaker 1: to make sure she writes that letter.

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Speaker 3: I just think we need a little help, you know.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, Wow, what you need is your mother to get

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Speaker 5: off her aff.

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Speaker 6: So who is this guy?

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Speaker 7: Just tell me again.

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Speaker 1: After the break, if this guy pays a visit to

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Speaker 1: the marshes Hi in Minneapolis. I picked Steve up in

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Speaker 1: my airport rental and we head to his parents' house

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Speaker 1: for some letter writing. He's nervous, which is not helped

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Speaker 1: by my economy sized car. Do you have a you

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Speaker 1: have an up room. How tall a man are you?

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Speaker 3: Six?

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Speaker 1: Steve struggles to shoehorn his body into the passenger seat.

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Speaker 1: Do you want to set the back seat?

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Speaker 3: You could?

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm so good. Although Steve says it's all

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Speaker 1: good thanks to my Minnesotan to American translator, app, I

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Speaker 1: know that he's in fact, deeply resentful.

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Speaker 8: You're gonna have to direct me because I don't know

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Speaker 8: where your parents live, But wouldn't.

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Speaker 1: It be weird if they did. We arrive at Steve's

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Speaker 1: parents place. It's a one story rambler, cluttered and cozy.

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Speaker 8: Hi, I'm Jean.

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Speaker 1: We settle in around the kitchen table. Pete makes his

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Speaker 1: way through his daily two pots of coffee, and Jeane

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Speaker 1: quietly stares down at a blank piece of paper to

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Speaker 1: help spur her letter writing. I asked how she and

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Speaker 1: Pete first met, and Jeane becomes animated, telling me about

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Speaker 1: a party at which Pete stumbled in late with a

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Speaker 1: group of friends.

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Speaker 8: They were all drunk. I can't remember if he kissed

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Speaker 8: me on the knee and bit me in the ankle,

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Speaker 8: or vice versa.

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Speaker 1: That's like what the serpent did in the biblical story.

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Speaker 8: So and I should have never eaten that apple.

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Speaker 1: Soon after, Jeane moved into a new apartment building, where,

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Speaker 1: in a delightful sitcom twist, Pete was living right down

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Speaker 1: the hall. That Thanksgiving, Pete stopped by Jean's place, drank

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Speaker 1: her entire bottle of Windsor, then drunkenly proceeded to show

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Speaker 1: the dinner guests as gun.

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Speaker 4: Guns are no big thing for me, because I got

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Speaker 4: them laying all.

252
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:10,480
Speaker 3: Over the place.

253
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Speaker 1: To illustrate, Pete reaches on top of the kitchen cupboard

254
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:17,920
Speaker 1: and pulls down a forty five automatic. He places it

255
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Speaker 1: on the table next to the pie that Steve brought.

256
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Speaker 1: How many guns do you have hitten around the house.

257
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Speaker 9: There's one over on the fireplace downstairs.

258
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Speaker 1: The party, the bottle of windsor the gun. These are

259
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,400
Speaker 1: all parts of the marsh family origin story that Steve

260
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,280
Speaker 1: knows well. But the part of the story that Steve

261
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,040
Speaker 1: has never heard is house parents went from a casual

262
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Speaker 1: fling to a decade's long marriage.

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Speaker 8: I'm pregnant. I went home and told my mother, and

264
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Speaker 8: she flipped out on me. I remember leaving and I

265
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Speaker 8: was down the basement with my mother in the laundry room.

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Speaker 8: I just remember running up the stairs and crying and

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Speaker 8: getting in the car and driving back to my apartment

268
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Speaker 8: because I was trash in her mind.

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Speaker 1: Jeane came from a strict Catholic family. When she got pregnant,

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Speaker 1: her mother told her she could only visit home after dark,

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Speaker 1: carrying a coat in front of her stomach. At one

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00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:26,840
Speaker 1: point during the pregnancy, Jean slipped on the ice and

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Speaker 1: had to go to the hospital for hemorrhaging.

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Speaker 8: And my mother came into the hospital and said, you

275
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Speaker 8: can't even have a baby, right. I mean, she was

276
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:45,200
Speaker 8: so disappointed in me. I don't think she ever forgave

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Speaker 8: me for that. That's the one thing I said to

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00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,800
Speaker 8: her before she died, is I am sorry for disappointing you.

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00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:58,680
Speaker 1: Lisia was born premature, so the doctors kept her at

280
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Speaker 1: the hospital for a week. This meant Jean ended up

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00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,680
Speaker 1: spending a week with her newborn daughter.

282
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Speaker 8: I remember holding her and crying and telling her, you

283
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,239
Speaker 8: know that I hoped she'd have a good life, and

284
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Speaker 8: said I'm sorry that I couldn't keep her.

285
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:23,040
Speaker 1: After that week, Jean signed away her parental rights.

286
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Speaker 8: I didn't think I could raise a child by myself.

287
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:33,000
Speaker 8: But she never said what he never said hey, let's

288
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:36,000
Speaker 8: get married and raise this baby or and I never

289
00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:40,600
Speaker 8: said it either, but his mother, Alice, just took me

290
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,760
Speaker 8: in as this. You know, I felt like I was

291
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:47,560
Speaker 8: part of the family. So I felt this family loved

292
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:50,240
Speaker 8: that I wasn't getting from my own family.

293
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:51,399
Speaker 3: You know.

294
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,520
Speaker 1: Pete's mom told Jean how much the whole family liked her,

295
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,399
Speaker 1: how they hoped she would be the one, and that

296
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,919
Speaker 1: painful time brought Geene and Pete closer. They ended up

297
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:06,760
Speaker 1: really falling in love, and eventually they did get married,

298
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Speaker 1: and all this time, Lesha, responsible for them growing into

299
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,960
Speaker 1: love together, having three more kids, being a family for

300
00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:18,960
Speaker 1: going on fifty years, was out there somewhere living a

301
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:21,160
Speaker 1: different life with a different family.

302
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,840
Speaker 8: And I don't know that, Dad, and we've never sat

303
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:28,800
Speaker 8: down like this and talked about it. It's just kind

304
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:31,880
Speaker 8: of something that happened forty eight years ago.

305
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,320
Speaker 1: For forty eight years, Gene is quietly marked Alesha's birthday

306
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:47,080
Speaker 1: by repeating the same silent prayer. I hope she's having

307
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:51,160
Speaker 1: a good life. And it's that hope that ironically made

308
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:54,680
Speaker 1: Jeane think twice about ever searching for Lesia. She told

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Speaker 1: herself that if Flicia was happy, she didn't need to

310
00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:00,760
Speaker 1: disrupt that happiness by introducing her to the Marshes. And

311
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:01,760
Speaker 1: they're chaos.

312
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:07,399
Speaker 8: Our family was so loud and so you know, drug

313
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:11,359
Speaker 8: use and you know, not going to school, and it

314
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:15,600
Speaker 8: seems like there was always so much going on. Did

315
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:19,960
Speaker 8: I really want to bring somebody else into that? It

316
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:24,760
Speaker 8: was problems that I was bringing her into more problems.

317
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:26,360
Speaker 3: It was hectic.

318
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:32,280
Speaker 8: Yeah, it was more than hectic. See, and I'd go

319
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:35,800
Speaker 8: do my avon door to door and somebody would say,

320
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:37,879
Speaker 8: would you like to come in for a minute, And

321
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,760
Speaker 8: I'd sit down, And I always said it was like

322
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:44,119
Speaker 8: I was sitting down in their beige. You know, they

323
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:49,040
Speaker 8: had this peaceful house, neet, nothing out of place, and

324
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:53,359
Speaker 8: then I'd walk in here and it'd be like jangled.

325
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:59,600
Speaker 1: So while Steve's motivation for seeking out Lesha is pretty simple.

326
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,160
Speaker 1: He has a sister and he wants to meet her,

327
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:06,600
Speaker 1: for Jean, it's more complicated. Her greatest hope is that

328
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,360
Speaker 1: Lesha is happy and well, that she did the right

329
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:12,440
Speaker 1: thing in giving her up. But if Lisha is good,

330
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,800
Speaker 1: didn't fall into drugs, did do well in school, and

331
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,840
Speaker 1: had a good life in the Beige, then trouble wasn't

332
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:21,879
Speaker 1: something genetic, a fate that runs through the marsh blood.

333
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:27,520
Speaker 1: It was the Jean's thinking something in the parenting, her parenting.

334
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:40,040
Speaker 8: I just want I want the kids more or less,

335
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:44,000
Speaker 8: to be prepared that she may not want anything.

336
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:44,680
Speaker 3: To do with us.

337
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,240
Speaker 8: I'm open to meeting her. I'm open to just pictures,

338
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,800
Speaker 8: open to having her tell me I'm a piece of shit.

339
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:57,720
Speaker 8: That's fine. I'm willing to do whatever she wants because

340
00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:03,359
Speaker 8: I feel the ball is in her court. Worst case

341
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,600
Speaker 8: scenario would be if sh had passed away and I never.

342
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:08,240
Speaker 1: Tried.

343
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,240
Speaker 9: Did you want to have pie?

344
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:14,520
Speaker 10: Now?

345
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:15,000
Speaker 8: Oh?

346
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,080
Speaker 9: Should I get the ice cream?

347
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:16,440
Speaker 11: You want?

348
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:16,920
Speaker 9: Ice cream?

349
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,399
Speaker 1: Steve serves the mixed berry pie that he brought and

350
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:21,960
Speaker 1: turns us to the matter at hand.

351
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:26,000
Speaker 3: So do you want to try the writing the letter?

352
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,880
Speaker 8: Yeah?

353
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:29,119
Speaker 3: We should do it now.

354
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:34,000
Speaker 8: So yes, because your mother is a procrastinator. Oh, I

355
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,879
Speaker 8: am too, but you probably got it from me.

356
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,560
Speaker 3: If Lisha's the procassionaire too, that's the only way we'll know.

357
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,880
Speaker 1: Jeane finds it easier to talk than to write, so

358
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:49,040
Speaker 1: Steve offers to type the letter as Jane speaks it aloud.

359
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:52,679
Speaker 1: Then you can copy it down by hand. Jean stares

360
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,840
Speaker 1: down at the table, trying to get started.

361
00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:02,160
Speaker 8: I don't know what to say. I feel bad because

362
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:07,240
Speaker 8: we stayed together, right, and I feel like it's been

363
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:11,399
Speaker 8: forty eight years now, Why you're coming around now, is

364
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:12,479
Speaker 8: what she'll be thinking.

365
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,359
Speaker 3: Oh, just say I, how are you?

366
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:26,440
Speaker 8: I remember your name, I remember your birthday. I remember

367
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:32,399
Speaker 8: holding you and telling you that I wanted you to

368
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 8: have a good life. Lisha, I'm stumbling for words, wondering

369
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 8: how to, probably because it's been so many years, but

370
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:56,200
Speaker 8: wondering how to, I mean, how to explain the fact

371
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:59,720
Speaker 8: that I haven't tried to contact you all this.

372
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,000
Speaker 3: I don't think we need to get that heavy mer mom,

373
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:05,560
Speaker 3: give me a call. But also you do want to.

374
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,919
Speaker 3: You want to acknowledge why this was meaningful to you.

375
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:12,879
Speaker 3: You know, you're like, it's tough.

376
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:22,080
Speaker 8: God, three years after you were born, your father and

377
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:27,440
Speaker 8: I were married or got back together, while we got

378
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:34,440
Speaker 8: back together right after. Oh god, see now it all

379
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 8: seems so stupid.

380
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:44,879
Speaker 3: But like you can't change the past, and you needed

381
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:48,440
Speaker 3: to live through this in order to have respective on it. Yeah,

382
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:52,800
Speaker 3: so three years after you're born, your father and I

383
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 3: were married.

384
00:23:55,200 --> 00:24:01,160
Speaker 8: And now have two sons and a daughter. Who are

385
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:05,199
Speaker 8: open to make a contact or it does open.

386
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,440
Speaker 3: So I think all of us would like to meet

387
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:12,600
Speaker 3: you if when you're ready. I don't think maybe it

388
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,240
Speaker 3: needs to be any more than that. That's good.

389
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:17,720
Speaker 8: And then just put our names and.

390
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,880
Speaker 1: We all watch as Gene copies the letter over by hand.

391
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 3: He did good.

392
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,000
Speaker 9: Gee, thank you.

393
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,520
Speaker 1: Steve and I head back to the rental for a while.

394
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 1: We just sit there. I think that they're going to

395
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,160
Speaker 1: get those forms off.

396
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,560
Speaker 3: It's going to happen this week, for sure.

397
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:46,199
Speaker 1: You really think so?

398
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think so.

399
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 1: It doesn't happen. It doesn't happen in the next month

400
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 1: or the one after that. Partly because Steve hasn't been

401
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:02,560
Speaker 1: spurring his mom. Since we all sat down in Jean's kitchen,

402
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,719
Speaker 1: Steve has developed second thoughts about contacting Lisha.

403
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 12: I'm just nervous that she's like angry about the way

404
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:14,800
Speaker 12: things turned out, and I'm nervous, so, like, what kind

405
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 12: of impact y'all have with my mom. I've had some

406
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,159
Speaker 12: conversations with friends It's like, what are you doing this for?

407
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:27,920
Speaker 12: I don't know, like there's real potential for sadness.

408
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 1: Two more months pass and I'm having trouble being a

409
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:39,080
Speaker 1: spur to Steve's spurring. Hey Steve, it's Jonathan speaking, just

410
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:42,400
Speaker 1: calling to check in. I can't get a hold of anyone,

411
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:49,200
Speaker 1: mister and missus marsh This is the man who came

412
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:52,440
Speaker 1: over to your home some time ago. Another two months

413
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 1: go by and still no movement, and so I decide

414
00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 1: that maybe it's better to just leave them be. Maybe

415
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,639
Speaker 1: the Marshes would rather just forget the whole thing and

416
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,280
Speaker 1: go back to being the same Marshes they always were.

417
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 7: Hello Jeene, Yes, high Jonathan.

418
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:21,280
Speaker 1: And then, after a half a year of foot dragging,

419
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 1: I unexpectedly get word that Gene has mailed the letter

420
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 1: and the application. From there, a social worker was assigned

421
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:32,800
Speaker 1: to the case. Her job to find Lisha and ask

422
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 1: if she's open to receiving Jane's letter. And not long

423
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:39,200
Speaker 1: after that, the social worker gave Jane an update.

424
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:47,200
Speaker 5: She got a call from Alesia and she said she

425
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,879
Speaker 5: was very open to seeing my letters.

426
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 13: Okay, that's coffee, Yeah, I have a coffee, mom.

427
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,119
Speaker 9: I brought Canoley's and.

428
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,679
Speaker 1: Back at the Marshes to catch up. Oncelicia said she

429
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,720
Speaker 1: was open to seeing Jeane's letter, the social worker mailed

430
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:26,919
Speaker 1: it onto her, but after that Jean heard nothing for months.

431
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:31,120
Speaker 1: Then one afternoon at work, Jean got an email from

432
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:35,480
Speaker 1: the social worker, the subject, having read the letter you've

433
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:39,399
Speaker 1: been waiting for. Attached was a scanned copy of a

434
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:40,560
Speaker 1: letter from Lesia.

435
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:46,399
Speaker 8: Dear Jean and Pete, thank you for your patience while

436
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:51,400
Speaker 8: I formulate my first response to your letter. My name

437
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:54,480
Speaker 8: is Natalie and I grew up in a suburb of Minneapolis.

438
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:58,120
Speaker 1: Lesha is now Natalie, and it turns out she grew

439
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,199
Speaker 1: up just twenty miles from where the marshal left. Her

440
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 1: adoptive parents are even graduates of the same high school

441
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:07,840
Speaker 1: as Jeanne. Growing up, Natalie always knew she was adopted,

442
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 1: and she loved the parents who raised her. Natalie is

443
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:12,359
Speaker 1: now married with two kids.

444
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,800
Speaker 8: The best advice I've received since I opened your letter

445
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:19,160
Speaker 8: was to take it slow. And then she sent a

446
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:21,600
Speaker 8: picture when she was a little girl.

447
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:23,679
Speaker 1: Do you see a resemblance.

448
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:25,680
Speaker 3: Oh, she's definitely a marsh Man.

449
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 8: Yeah, Dear Natalie. Pete and I were so happy to

450
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:37,520
Speaker 8: receive your letter and picture. It was truly an answer

451
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 8: to my prayers. Let me know if you have any questions,

452
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:43,200
Speaker 8: I will try to answer them to the best of

453
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 8: my ability.

454
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,480
Speaker 1: And so a correspondence begins.

455
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 8: You're Gene and Pete. Dear Natalie, who did I get

456
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,320
Speaker 8: my auburn hair from? Heete was a redhead? Can I

457
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:56,440
Speaker 8: thank for my uni brow? When I was young? Grandfather

458
00:28:56,520 --> 00:29:00,160
Speaker 8: had very bushy eyebrows, so he's probably the call for

459
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 8: love love Jeane and Pete.

460
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:13,840
Speaker 1: Natalie is taking it s low. She's cautious and Gene

461
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 1: is following her lead, but sometimes it can get overwhelming.

462
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:21,680
Speaker 8: Dear Natalie, we want to wish you the happiest of

463
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:25,720
Speaker 8: birthdays on the seventeenth. I've wished it every year since

464
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 8: you were born, and I'm so happy I can finally

465
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 8: tell you. I hope someday we can meet, but until then, no,

466
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 8: You've been loved Pete and Jean.

467
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:41,560
Speaker 1: Natalie's responses are gracious.

468
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,560
Speaker 8: Dear Gene and Pete. My kids constantly asked me about

469
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 8: the day they were born. We moms think about those

470
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 8: moments always. Someday you will have to tell me about

471
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 8: our day.

472
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 1: But there are a lot of some days no specific plans.

473
00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:01,400
Speaker 1: Even after months of correspondence, Jean and Natalie are still

474
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:05,000
Speaker 1: going through Stacy, the social worker. They don't exchange phone

475
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:08,000
Speaker 1: numbers they don't even know each other's email addresses.

476
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:13,760
Speaker 8: It's tendative. Yeah, I mean I've had a relationship with

477
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 8: these three kids for forty years, you know, and I

478
00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 8: haven't had that with her. And sometimes that's sad, you

479
00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 8: know that we don't have that. But I think we'll

480
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:26,720
Speaker 8: get there.

481
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 9: You want to get there?

482
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:29,560
Speaker 8: Yeah, I would like to get there.

483
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:35,240
Speaker 1: Jane finds herself staring at Natalie's picture while she's at work,

484
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 1: idly thinking about what the little girl in the photos

485
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 1: childhood was like, and then comes the guilt and not

486
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:44,760
Speaker 1: having been able to give her what she needed. And

487
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 1: all the while Natalie is so close, why.

488
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 3: Don't you call her up and say come out or no?

489
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:51,800
Speaker 8: Because she doesn't want that.

490
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:55,960
Speaker 9: Then we all don't live to be able one hundred

491
00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:56,520
Speaker 9: years old?

492
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 13: Is dam time?

493
00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:58,000
Speaker 3: That's true?

494
00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 9: You're you are getting run out of time pretty soon.

495
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:05,920
Speaker 1: Well for Pete, it's pretty straight ahead. For Jane, it's

496
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:10,240
Speaker 1: more complicated. Jane wants Natalie to enter her life, but

497
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 1: at the same time she worries about what Natalie will

498
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 1: make of that life. How will Jeane be able to

499
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:19,120
Speaker 1: have Natalie over to her home. In Jeane's mind, the

500
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 1: place is always so untidy, the grouting in the bathroom unfinished,

501
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 1: the tiles in the entryway in need of repair. So

502
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 1: while Jeane's wait for Natalie is filled with hope, it's

503
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 1: also filled with fear. Time ticks by. Natalie and Jane

504
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:44,120
Speaker 1: continue to exchange letters, and eventually Natalie decides they don't

505
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 1: have to go through Stacy the social worker anymore. They

506
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 1: can email each other directly, and a few months after that,

507
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:55,080
Speaker 1: Gene asks Natalie for her phone number. I just want

508
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,760
Speaker 1: to be able to hear your voice sometimes, Gene says,

509
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 1: and Natalie says yes. Steve's wedding is a month away.

510
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:12,360
Speaker 1: It's been a full year since Natalie received that first letter,

511
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:15,360
Speaker 1: and Steve wants to invite her to the wedding, but

512
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 1: Jeane doesn't think a big family event is the right

513
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:20,520
Speaker 1: setting for everyone to meet for the first time, so

514
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:22,959
Speaker 1: Gene asks Natalie if they can all go out for dinner.

515
00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:26,760
Speaker 1: Natalie writes back and says, I think we can make

516
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:27,360
Speaker 1: that happen.

517
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 13: Hi, how are you?

518
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 9: Doggie?

519
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 1: And today's the day I arrived At Steve's house as

520
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:44,520
Speaker 1: he gets ready to meet Natalie for dinner, his fiance Maggie,

521
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 1: and his brother Kevin are there too, Nice.

522
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 9: To see you. I'm Jona, Kevin, how are you good.

523
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:56,080
Speaker 1: Steve has lent Kevin a pair of jeans because Kevin

524
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:59,120
Speaker 1: was wearing shorts and feared they might not be appropriate

525
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:02,240
Speaker 1: for meeting your sister for the first time. Steve is

526
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 1: still getting dressed.

527
00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:06,240
Speaker 3: This is my only pair of clean pants at the moment.

528
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 3: I don't want my new sister to smell me, you

529
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:12,640
Speaker 3: know what I mean. That'd be awful, right, So I

530
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:13,880
Speaker 3: want to appear to be clean.

531
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 1: Since the Marshes are worried about making a good impression,

532
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 1: they've barred me and my microphone from the dinner. This

533
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 1: in spite of my important work documenting and interloping. Instead

534
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:35,840
Speaker 1: of saying all of you rotten folks, I tell Steve

535
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:39,920
Speaker 1: that it's all good. Hey, I'm getting pretty good at

536
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 1: this Minnesota talk.

537
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:46,120
Speaker 4: I think we should leave in five or ten minutes, okay,

538
00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:50,120
Speaker 4: and we should not spoke we earlier.

539
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:52,480
Speaker 3: I took zen.

540
00:33:52,640 --> 00:34:03,920
Speaker 9: I'm fine.

541
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 3: Turn out radio off.

542
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 1: Steve has made a reservation at a pizza restaurant. On

543
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:13,120
Speaker 1: the drive there, he worries, but as usual, it isn't

544
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:13,720
Speaker 1: for himself.

545
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:16,399
Speaker 3: I worry about my mom.

546
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 1: The worry has always been twofold. Firstly, what if Natalie's

547
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:24,320
Speaker 1: life hasn't turned out well and it's all Jane's fault

548
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:27,279
Speaker 1: for having given her up. But based on Gene and

549
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:31,319
Speaker 1: Natalie's correspondence, Natalie has a nice husband, sweet kids, and

550
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,200
Speaker 1: a career that keeps her busy flying to far off

551
00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 1: places like Mexico City and Singapore. So now, with that

552
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 1: first worry allayed, the second worry rears its head. What

553
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:45,279
Speaker 1: if Natalie is not only not in bad shape, but

554
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:48,880
Speaker 1: in great shape, all due to Jane's lack of parenting.

555
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:53,239
Speaker 1: In other words, Steve's now worried that, as far as

556
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:57,760
Speaker 1: Jeane might believe, it isn't the Jeans, it's Gene.

557
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:00,440
Speaker 3: A person with the same genetic make up as your

558
00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:07,919
Speaker 3: three kids. Who did I get all these things? So yeah,

559
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:10,879
Speaker 3: there's I think there's some pain there, man, Like there's

560
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:14,120
Speaker 3: some pain with my mom, like that she failed us

561
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:21,279
Speaker 3: or something, or that we failed her. Oh shit, it's

562
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:22,759
Speaker 3: six eighteen? Are we gonna make it?

563
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 8: Yeah? Whatday?

564
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:25,160
Speaker 1: Isn't it supposed to be six forty five that you

565
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:27,359
Speaker 1: guys are reading thirty six thirty? Oh but your folks

566
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 1: will be there, are they?

567
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:31,600
Speaker 3: Our family is free disclosed towards.

568
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 11: Kanelead all the time.

569
00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 1: A few blocks from the restaurant, Steve drops me off

570
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:38,319
Speaker 1: at the side of the road. He says, they'll let

571
00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:41,000
Speaker 1: me know how it goes. Okay, by you guys have fun.

572
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 1: Later I'll learn that Pete, Jean, and Megan were uncharacteristically

573
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:57,520
Speaker 1: on time and are there to greet Natalie and her husband.

574
00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:01,840
Speaker 1: When they arrive, Geena hugs Now and introduces her to Megan.

575
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:05,960
Speaker 1: Natalie and Megan stare at each other. They look so similar.

576
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:09,720
Speaker 1: I wish I could wear my hair like that, Natalie says,

577
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 1: and Megan smiles. Steve, Maggie, and Kevin arrive as the

578
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 1: table is being prepared. While they wait, they all make

579
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:21,280
Speaker 1: nervous small talk. Pete fills the silence by talking about

580
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:25,040
Speaker 1: how old his shoes are, about fishing. The others join in,

581
00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:28,439
Speaker 1: talking about goldfish they've owned, the relative merits of pac

582
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:41,239
Speaker 1: Man versus misspac Man restaurants they like, They compare their heights. Eventually,

583
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,800
Speaker 1: the host leads them outside to a round wooden table

584
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:47,280
Speaker 1: built around a tree. The group orders pizza and wine.

585
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:52,439
Speaker 1: They all cheers. Everyone has questions for Natalie. They don't

586
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:55,280
Speaker 1: totally understand what her job is, but it has something

587
00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 1: to do with selling accounting software all over the world.

588
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:01,160
Speaker 1: They get the impression that she's in charge of things.

589
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:05,680
Speaker 1: Natalie has a confidence. She sits beside Kevin, who shows

590
00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:07,840
Speaker 1: her a photo of himself coming in second in a

591
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:13,440
Speaker 1: hot dog eating contest. Natalie seems impressed. During the salad course,

592
00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:16,160
Speaker 1: Gene tells the story of how when Steve first found

593
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:20,160
Speaker 1: out about Natalie, he joked, thanks for keeping me, Mom.

594
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:24,320
Speaker 1: It's not too late. Natalie interjects, you could still be abandoned.

595
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:29,840
Speaker 1: Everyone laughs. Natalie shares the martial's dark sense of humor.

596
00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 1: It looks like Natalie is coming to Steve's wedding. It's

597
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 1: the kind of night where it seems like it could

598
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 1: rain at any minute, so Jeane grabs the check. Steve

599
00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:47,239
Speaker 1: sees the look on her face as she glances it

600
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 1: over Mom. He says quietly, so Natalie won't hear. We'll

601
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 1: help you. The kids all go home that night and

602
00:37:56,160 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 1: request Natalie's friendship on Facebook. Geene and Pete drive with

603
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:02,359
Speaker 1: Jeanne smiling all the way.

604
00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:06,840
Speaker 6: When we came home that night, Pete was opening the

605
00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:09,160
Speaker 6: door and I just put my hand on his shoulder.

606
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:12,480
Speaker 6: And I said, you know, God looked out for her

607
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:17,680
Speaker 6: all these years, and so we've been blessed. We truly have.

608
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:23,400
Speaker 6: It was joyous. All the kids are so comfortable. Everybody

609
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:26,960
Speaker 6: was asking questions. There was a lot of laughter. There

610
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 6: was a lot of you know, joking.

611
00:38:29,320 --> 00:38:35,520
Speaker 7: And talking, and it was very emotional. And there's still

612
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:39,440
Speaker 7: a lot of thought process there that's gonna maybe be

613
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 7: with me all my life. But I know that she

614
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:47,439
Speaker 7: had a good life and she's got a wonderful life now.

615
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:52,799
Speaker 7: I couldn't have asked for anything more. I really couldn't have.

616
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: You felt like you wanted Natalie to have a good life,

617
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 1: but that was complicated because you felt like it might

618
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:08,080
Speaker 1: reflect on your parenting in some way. So I'm wondering,

619
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:10,440
Speaker 1: how do you feel about that now?

620
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:19,520
Speaker 10: You still have guilt, But I think I just realized

621
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 10: that no matter what I did or didn't do, they've

622
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 10: all grown up to be wonderful human beings.

623
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:32,080
Speaker 8: And we can move on.

624
00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:36,839
Speaker 1: All the things Jean had worried about, that Natalie might

625
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:39,399
Speaker 1: resent her, that the family might be too much for her.

626
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 1: In the end didn't matter. That night at the restaurant,

627
00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 1: things were simple. They were all just happy to be together,

628
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:56,359
Speaker 1: but there's still one thing. For months, Steve's priority has

629
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 1: been his mom's feelings, the effect all of this is

630
00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:02,520
Speaker 1: having on her. All the while, though a feeling of

631
00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:06,480
Speaker 1: his own was slowly taking shape. At the pizza restaurant,

632
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:09,600
Speaker 1: Steven wanted to say something to Natalie all night, but

633
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:10,720
Speaker 1: he couldn't find the words.

634
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:14,359
Speaker 11: Well, I really wish I would have told her is

635
00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 11: thank you man, thank you for you you existing, like

636
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 11: your miracle of coming into the world and the way

637
00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:23,560
Speaker 11: it happened, like brought my parents back together.

638
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 1: But then, how do you thank someone a stranger forgiving

639
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:30,920
Speaker 1: your family life, for giving you life?

640
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:33,399
Speaker 9: Hey, how are you good?

641
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:38,240
Speaker 1: In my role as loyal spur, I've invited Stephen Natalie

642
00:40:38,239 --> 00:40:40,440
Speaker 1: to my office so Steve can at least give it

643
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:43,480
Speaker 1: a try. It's the first time Steve and Natalie have

644
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:46,080
Speaker 1: gotten to talk one on one since this all began.

645
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:52,080
Speaker 14: I never thought I never thought someone would search for me.

646
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:55,240
Speaker 1: This is Natalie.

647
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:58,960
Speaker 3: Wow, He's never he never even considered that.

648
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:04,360
Speaker 1: Steve explains that during the search, the marsh is worried

649
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:06,960
Speaker 1: that they might not live up to Natalie's expectations.

650
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:09,720
Speaker 3: You know you're you're such an accomplished person.

651
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:14,839
Speaker 14: Well, gosh, my LinkedIn profile is really doing its job

652
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:17,560
Speaker 14: of a pr major.

653
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:22,680
Speaker 3: I mean, honestly, like you seem like such a funny,

654
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:27,680
Speaker 3: like even keel person. You know, like like you have

655
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:32,080
Speaker 3: a wicked sense of humor. It's just it's cool. It's cool,

656
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:36,640
Speaker 3: Like you're funny. You know, you're wearing you have an

657
00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:38,399
Speaker 3: iPhone watch and you're killing it.

658
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:39,080
Speaker 15: You know what I mean?

659
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:42,560
Speaker 14: That was a gift. Everything's a gift my husband, that's all. No,

660
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:45,839
Speaker 14: but don't put me on a pedestal. I don't deserve it.

661
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 1: Natalie's uncomfortable with her life being held up as a

662
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,480
Speaker 1: success story. She tries to explain that her house had

663
00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:55,319
Speaker 1: its own share of chaos. Her brother faced some of

664
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:58,200
Speaker 1: the same challenges with drugs and other troubles that the

665
00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:01,319
Speaker 1: Marsh kids faced. It feels like what she's trying to

666
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:05,319
Speaker 1: say is blood parenting. I don't know why things turned

667
00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:12,839
Speaker 1: out the way they have. But Steve is undeterred in

668
00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:17,840
Speaker 1: his effort to offer Natalie credit, and so tentatively he

669
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 1: gets to the thing he's been trying to say for

670
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:20,799
Speaker 1: a while.

671
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 3: Now, I mean, I feel like it's weird to thank

672
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:34,720
Speaker 3: somebody who didn't elect to be adopted. But like, maybe

673
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:39,359
Speaker 3: my parents would have never gotten back together if it

674
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:44,719
Speaker 3: wasn't for you. You brought them together. Like I think it

675
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:48,400
Speaker 3: was kind of a fling kind of situation and we

676
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 3: turned into a like a forty five year marriage. You know,

677
00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:57,200
Speaker 3: I don't know the exact stats, but.

678
00:42:58,760 --> 00:43:02,080
Speaker 1: Natalie can see that Steve's struggling. But she's struggling to

679
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:05,600
Speaker 1: if Steve is trying to say thanks for my life,

680
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:10,720
Speaker 1: how does she simply say you're welcome. So instead, Natalie

681
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:13,360
Speaker 1: offers thanks of her own in the way of a

682
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 1: story about Steve's mom.

683
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:19,040
Speaker 14: In her mom when my mom was around, she and

684
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 14: I were really really close. She wanted to think, you

685
00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:27,399
Speaker 14: know what, you know, I wish I could think her.

686
00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:32,160
Speaker 14: She kept saying, I just wish I could thank her, right,

687
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:35,879
Speaker 14: And when she passed away in two thousand and four,

688
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 14: she couldn't. Yeah, so the first thing I wanted to

689
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:50,319
Speaker 14: do was do the thinking. That decision set the trajectory

690
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:55,360
Speaker 14: of my life. I'm so I'm so lucky to be

691
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:55,960
Speaker 14: where I'm at.

692
00:43:57,719 --> 00:44:00,360
Speaker 1: In the end, Steve and Natalie are both great for

693
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 1: the same thing, the family that they ended up with.

694
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:12,959
Speaker 14: Everyone always asked well, have you ever thought of reaching out?

695
00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 14: I always had the answer. I'm like, no, I'm good.

696
00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:20,280
Speaker 14: I have a great family.

697
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:21,279
Speaker 3: You know.

698
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:23,120
Speaker 14: Once I open that door, I can never close it.

699
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:30,000
Speaker 14: When I received the letter, I can honestly say I

700
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:34,799
Speaker 14: didn't have this figured out, and I thought about what

701
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:38,160
Speaker 14: my path would be if I'm on a crossroad of

702
00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:42,799
Speaker 14: do I pursue this or do I let it go.

703
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:47,400
Speaker 1: As Natalie speaks, you can see a thought flash across

704
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:50,839
Speaker 1: Steve's face. All this time, he's been trying to thank

705
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 1: Natalie for something she didn't even decide, rather than for

706
00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:56,000
Speaker 1: the thing that she did decide.

707
00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:58,440
Speaker 3: When you put it like that way, when you put

708
00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 3: it like that, like you did have a choice here

709
00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:06,080
Speaker 3: whether to even talk to us, you know, like like

710
00:45:06,239 --> 00:45:09,080
Speaker 3: you could have been like, no, you risk you open

711
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:12,280
Speaker 3: the door, like and and so yeah, I guess Natalie,

712
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:14,880
Speaker 3: I do thank you for that, man. Like the way

713
00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:19,879
Speaker 3: that you've been with my mom has been super cool. Man.

714
00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:28,680
Speaker 3: And I I think you for that. Oh well, I

715
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:33,600
Speaker 3: like she'd kind of deserves like, uh, I think like

716
00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:38,200
Speaker 3: cool stuff in life, you know, and like you've been

717
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:41,240
Speaker 3: really cool man. That's choice.

718
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:51,560
Speaker 4: Ah.

719
00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:56,040
Speaker 1: It's been two and a half years since the search

720
00:45:56,120 --> 00:46:00,200
Speaker 1: for Natalie began, and in that time, Natalie's interaction with

721
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:04,760
Speaker 1: the Marshes have been based around occasions Jean's birthday, Steve's wedding,

722
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:09,120
Speaker 1: But today they're all just hanging out. Steve and his

723
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:11,759
Speaker 1: new wife, Maggie wanted to have everyone over for a

724
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:16,120
Speaker 1: backyard barbecue, even me. On our way to the yard,

725
00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:18,880
Speaker 1: Steve gives me a quick tour of the house, his

726
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:26,560
Speaker 1: shelves loaded with books, his plans. Uh is that indigenous

727
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:27,280
Speaker 1: to this area?

728
00:46:29,280 --> 00:46:30,880
Speaker 3: Oh?

729
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:34,720
Speaker 1: Natalie shows up with her husband and two kids. Pete,

730
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:37,719
Speaker 1: the tough guy who thought about Natalie every day for

731
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:40,319
Speaker 1: almost fifty years, is there to greet them.

732
00:46:40,719 --> 00:46:41,839
Speaker 13: Well, how you guys been?

733
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:42,680
Speaker 5: Oh?

734
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 13: Good over here? I gotta have a hog absolutely oh.

735
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:54,640
Speaker 1: Shortly after, Kevin shows up with a bottle of vodka

736
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:56,279
Speaker 1: and a big bag of Frisbees.

737
00:46:56,760 --> 00:46:57,960
Speaker 3: Who hasn't played Frisbee?

738
00:46:58,239 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 13: Hey?

739
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:06,839
Speaker 1: And then Megan, who heads straight for Natalie. But there's

740
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 1: one person who's running late.

741
00:47:08,719 --> 00:47:10,719
Speaker 4: Should I call your mom and see what she is, sir?

742
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:15,200
Speaker 1: As it turns out, Jane is still stuck at the

743
00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:18,360
Speaker 1: grocery store buying some last minute stuff for the party.

744
00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:24,799
Speaker 1: Classic Steve says the Marshes are unorganized, chronically late, and

745
00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:29,880
Speaker 1: maybe that's true. Or maybe Jeane is pacing the aisles, procrastinating,

746
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:33,040
Speaker 1: nervous about what Natalie might make of how the Marshes

747
00:47:33,080 --> 00:47:42,000
Speaker 1: live with their ayahuasca plants and vodka Frisbees. But in

748
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:46,320
Speaker 1: the end, Jeane doesn't wait years, weeks, days, or hours.

749
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:55,680
Speaker 1: She's only late by fifteen minutes. Maybe Jane wasn't procrastinating

750
00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:59,360
Speaker 1: at all. Maybe she wanted to show up late, to

751
00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:02,880
Speaker 1: be the last one to walk into the backyard with

752
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:07,279
Speaker 1: everyone already there and see the whole family hanging out,

753
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:11,720
Speaker 1: joking and talking, everyone just happy to be together.

754
00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:45,320
Speaker 13: Oh my God, now.

755
00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:54,359
Speaker 16: That the fernitures rip turned to its goodwill home, now

756
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:59,239
Speaker 16: that the last month's rent is scheming with the damage,

757
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:01,759
Speaker 16: God take this moment.

758
00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:02,200
Speaker 4: To do so.

759
00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:07,000
Speaker 8: If we imagine, if we too.

760
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:14,879
Speaker 16: Felt from the things.

761
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:16,000
Speaker 8: At accident lead.

762
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:23,759
Speaker 1: This episode of Heavyweight was produced by Khalila Holt and

763
00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 1: me Jonathan Goldstein, along with Ba Parker and Stevie Lane.

764
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:30,759
Speaker 1: The show is edited by Jorge just Special thanks to

765
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:35,600
Speaker 1: Emily Condon, Lulu Miller Hans butto Domiano Marquetti, Alex Bloomberg,

766
00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:39,240
Speaker 1: and Jackie Cohen. Bobby Lord mixed the episode with original

767
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:42,680
Speaker 1: music by Christine Fellows, John K. Sampson, Blue Dot Sessions,

768
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:45,920
Speaker 1: and Bobby Lord. Additional music credits can be found on

769
00:49:45,920 --> 00:49:50,279
Speaker 1: our website, Gimletmedia dot com slash Heavyweight. Our theme song

770
00:49:50,360 --> 00:49:52,840
Speaker 1: is by The Weaker Thans courtesy of Epitaph Records, and

771
00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:55,759
Speaker 1: our ad music is by Hailey Shaw. Follow us on

772
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:59,400
Speaker 1: Twitter at Heavyweight or email us at Heavyweight at gimletmedia

773
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 1: dot com. You can listen for free on Spotify or

774
00:50:02,719 --> 00:50:06,040
Speaker 1: wherever you get your podcasts. We'll have our last episode

775
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:08,719
Speaker 1: of the season next week, so.

776
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:12,120
Speaker 15: Don't be tweeting us after that, Agata saying where's the

777
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:15,000
Speaker 15: episode because that's it, that we'd had the last one

778
00:50:15,040 --> 00:50:17,440
Speaker 15: and there's not going to be anymore. It's the last

779
00:50:17,440 --> 00:50:19,120
Speaker 15: one of the season is next week.

780
00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:21,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, what she said