Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazers. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's
Speaker 1: a Nicki Glazer podcast. I'm the problem. It's me. Um.
Speaker 1: Happy Tuesday. It's beautiful in Los Angeles. I resent it.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to be not nice one of these
Speaker 1: days so I can. I can't stay in bed all day,
Speaker 1: have a long day, but man, it is Um. I
Speaker 1: had a fantasy yesterday that I wish that I got
Speaker 1: hit by like an air conditioner unit or like a
Speaker 1: car and I didn't feel it, but I just woke
Speaker 1: up in a hospital bed and they're like, you can't
Speaker 1: move for the next three months. Um. That was like
Speaker 1: my fantasy, A whole blown fantasy I had of like
Speaker 1: I don't want to feel the pain, but I just
Speaker 1: want to open my eyes and like be Like the
Speaker 1: last thing I remember was walking down the street and
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden people are around me being
Speaker 1: and there's like beep beep beep, and like and see
Speaker 1: through gauze and someone's feeding me like peaches. And I
Speaker 1: get to just be in bed for three months and
Speaker 1: have people take care of me when I got my operations,
Speaker 1: said Mr Mr Lady two days ago. Maybe that's what
Speaker 1: it caused it. Remember in Adam Sandler's movie or no
Speaker 1: Ben Stiller, Oh no no? Or is it Adam Sandler
Speaker 1: who gets hit with the air conditioner falls? And oh
Speaker 1: maybe that was Billy Madison. I feel like because his mom,
Speaker 1: his mom, his grandma's in a nursing home. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: know your your fingers hurry, Well, your back's gonna hurt
Speaker 1: because you got Oh yeah, it's Ben Stiller's role in
Speaker 1: I'm really glad we went down this. I'm just saying
Speaker 1: it's probably what caused a dream of the air conditioner thing. No,
Speaker 1: I'm just like thinking of what what can make you
Speaker 1: like incapacitated really fast? Where people just that's what I want,
Speaker 1: is like I love when people are in car accidents
Speaker 1: and they wake up and they go, I didn't even
Speaker 1: remember it, because that's my biggest fear. It's like being
Speaker 1: in an accident and going no, no, no, no no,
Speaker 1: which is what happened when I almost got hit by car.
Speaker 1: I go no, no, no no, I did get hit
Speaker 1: my car, and I remember saying no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1: But I just wish I just I'm exhausted. I'm just
Speaker 1: like I am too. I just don't know what the
Speaker 1: people who can say every morning and go like, I'm
Speaker 1: so excited to be awake. What is that like? And
Speaker 1: what is that like? To want kids? Like my friends
Speaker 1: who want kids, Why would you want more responsibility in life?
Speaker 1: I just don't understand it. I feel so disconnected from
Speaker 1: my fellow American because I don't want kids. I want
Speaker 1: things to make my life easier. I just don't want.
Speaker 1: I don't want to. I don't want to do any
Speaker 1: more things. But I feel compelled to always say yes
Speaker 1: to everything because I feel like other people. I'm just
Speaker 1: jealous of people who don't need sleep as much as
Speaker 1: I do like I need. I slept eight hours last
Speaker 1: night and I want more. It's not enough. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: I want to I cancel the lunch I have today
Speaker 1: because I need more of an up today. And I
Speaker 1: can't even get that nap because I have to be
Speaker 1: on TV in two days and I don't have ear
Speaker 1: rings for it because I left my earrings the other
Speaker 1: day at this Jimmy fallon taping and I have to
Speaker 1: go buy ear rings and that is stressing me out
Speaker 1: so much. To get ear rings. I don't know what
Speaker 1: kind I want. I don't know where to go. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's just like one of those days. What what dumb
Speaker 1: problems to have? But like that is what is distressing me.
Speaker 1: I have to do a podcast later, and I feel
Speaker 1: like all their fans hate women, and I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: go on. And I don't even know how to act
Speaker 1: because if I act myself, then they won't like me.
Speaker 1: And if I try to act the way they want
Speaker 1: me to, then I have to give away a part
Speaker 1: of myself. It's just like I don't even know what
Speaker 1: to do. Like I feel like there's no winning. I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna make new enemies, like no one's gonna be one.
Speaker 1: It's like Trump voters or even Biden voters, like we're
Speaker 1: never gonna be swayed the other way. They already don't
Speaker 1: like me. Why am I even going on this podcast?
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna make more enemies. Um, what time did
Speaker 1: you go to about? Did you have spots last night? No?
Speaker 1: I didn't have these spots last night. You couldn't fall
Speaker 1: asleep early when you at at twelve and I woke
Speaker 1: up at eight. All right, I mean it's not bad.
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean there's no judgment, but it's like
Speaker 1: a judgment I'm saying I went to bed, I had
Speaker 1: eight hours of sleep, which is what people get, and
Speaker 1: I'm saying it's still not enough. I'm not saying I
Speaker 1: didn't get enough sleep already want more, when really most
Speaker 1: people needs six to nine hours of sleep. I mean
Speaker 1: eight is actually more sleep than most people get, and
Speaker 1: it's still not enough for me? What is wrong with me?
Speaker 1: Why does everyone, like everyone I know is like I
Speaker 1: had six hours last night, and I'm still going like
Speaker 1: there's this like mentality of as we know, the capitalistic,
Speaker 1: like American mentality of like less sleep more work, like
Speaker 1: if you work more, you're more worthy of love, and
Speaker 1: like I just I don't know. I'm just exhausted by
Speaker 1: Some people have no choice. They just have to get
Speaker 1: up and go to their S S d J. And
Speaker 1: they just need to keep that a S S DJ
Speaker 1: for now because everything has gone up so much and
Speaker 1: they just have to deal with it, I know. But
Speaker 1: they still go out on the weekends, like they still
Speaker 1: go to Halloween parties, whereas if I had an S
Speaker 1: S d J, I would not go to Halloween parts.
Speaker 1: People still want kids and they have an S S
Speaker 1: d J, like if I had that, which I do.
Speaker 1: I do have crazy hours that keep me sleepless, Like
Speaker 1: I'm not going to sleep from Wednesday and get a
Speaker 1: good night sleep from Wednesday until Tuesday, uh starting tomorrow
Speaker 1: because of all the travel and all the work I
Speaker 1: have to do. So I get it, but I don't
Speaker 1: want kids, Like I'm making choices that don't add more
Speaker 1: stress in my life, but I wish that I did
Speaker 1: want kids. That makes any sense? Why do people want
Speaker 1: kids when they already are exhausted. All my friends are exhausted,
Speaker 1: and they're still trying to have kids. What's wrong with me?
Speaker 1: It's still My point is that that you even on
Speaker 1: a non work day, stay up till twelve o'clock. A
Speaker 1: lot of these people are going to bed. Your saying,
Speaker 1: oh they're early morning riders. They go to fucking sleep
Speaker 1: at ten pm. The people that most people in America
Speaker 1: exists on six hours of sleep at night, and that
Speaker 1: is so little sleep. But most people do that regardless
Speaker 1: of it, no matter what time they're going to sleep.
Speaker 1: I'm saying, why do people like to add more stress
Speaker 1: to their lives? Like my friend, like Anya wants to
Speaker 1: go She's someone who likes leisure life. She was like,
Speaker 1: is dying to go stay at her parents house and
Speaker 1: like gut their house and like redo it so that
Speaker 1: they can like sell it. She's like so excited about
Speaker 1: the idea of that, and I'm like, why am I
Speaker 1: not a woman who wants to do stuff like that.
Speaker 1: I don't want to do any of this stuff, Like
Speaker 1: I just can't, Like I can't you fill you fill
Speaker 1: all your time with other ship. You're not just sitting
Speaker 1: there idle. If you were someone that goes I don't
Speaker 1: want to do any of this, and then you don't
Speaker 1: do anything and you're just sitting there. I don't do anything.
Speaker 1: I don't do anything. I do a podcast. I sit
Speaker 1: down at record a podcast, and then I just send
Speaker 1: files and then I go lay in bed and I
Speaker 1: read a book until I fall asleep. Then I wake up,
Speaker 1: I eat, I eat, I get a coffee, and then
Speaker 1: I go back into bed and read a book until
Speaker 1: I fall asleep, and then I eventually maybe do something
Speaker 1: because Chris is like, I'm getting off work, Let's go
Speaker 1: to dinner. So then I go to dinner and I'm
Speaker 1: still so tired. And then if I have sets, I'll
Speaker 1: go do them, but they just show up. It's not
Speaker 1: like I'm like, I don't know. It's not the same
Speaker 1: as like I want to go have a kid, Like,
Speaker 1: it's not It's not a choice for me, Like my
Speaker 1: sets are an s SDJ. They're not a choice. They
Speaker 1: have to be done in order for me to make
Speaker 1: money and make a living. I'm talking about adding other
Speaker 1: things to your life, like parties, socializing, dinners, fall pots,
Speaker 1: meal prep, cooking um, decorating your house, buying nuisconsins, buying
Speaker 1: bed linens, going shopping with your friends, going to buy
Speaker 1: new earrings, having kids, buying a new car, going to
Speaker 1: look at real estate, going um, like these are all
Speaker 1: things that I'm just like, why how does anyone have
Speaker 1: hob us and add to their life these stressful things?
Speaker 1: Or like go to the zoo with your niece and
Speaker 1: nephew go like everything feels like a chore to me.
Speaker 1: Everything as someone that is very similar to you in
Speaker 1: the sense of like if I lost something, or if
Speaker 1: I like have to go buy something, I overthink it,
Speaker 1: like funk, I gotta go to Target, I gotta go
Speaker 1: down the aisle, I gotta see people, I gotta be
Speaker 1: around people. I gotta find parking. Like all those thoughts
Speaker 1: go through my head and and then it paralyzes me
Speaker 1: and then I don't do ship. But lately, somehow, like
Speaker 1: last night, Brenna was like, I could really I really
Speaker 1: need tampons and drain Oh. I don't know if that
Speaker 1: goes together, but um, and I was like, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I'll just go. I'll just go drain O
Speaker 1: that kind of thing that you could drink and it
Speaker 1: would flush all your period out poured in straight. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and uh. And I was like, I just went to Target,
Speaker 1: and I realized these things they take fucking thirty minutes.
Speaker 1: Like there, we put them on a pedestal. They're so
Speaker 1: easy to do, and we're like, how can these people
Speaker 1: do them? That doesn't stress me out at all. Going
Speaker 1: to get draino and tampons for my girlfriend would not
Speaker 1: stress me out because that you know where to go.
Speaker 1: There's one place to get it, Target, Schnooks, deer Berg's, Walgreen,
Speaker 1: so you can get all that there. When I'm getting
Speaker 1: ear rings, it's like, do I get gold plated? Do
Speaker 1: I get gold? Do I spend a lot of money
Speaker 1: on that? Do I go to Forever twenty one and
Speaker 1: just get shitty ones? Do I go to Target and
Speaker 1: just get shitty ones. Do I order online? Do I
Speaker 1: order from posh Mark? Like, that's what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about when I walked down Montana Avenue and
Speaker 1: like fucking Santa Monica, and there's eighteen different skin places
Speaker 1: where I can go and make my skin better so
Speaker 1: that people like me more, and I just don't. There's
Speaker 1: there's four different pilate studios within five blocks. Which one
Speaker 1: do you go to? How does anyone make a choice? Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I get what you're saying to of like, just
Speaker 1: you know, you just do it, You just pick one.
Speaker 1: I don't even think that your thing is a chore.
Speaker 1: Your thing is like a thing you have to do.
Speaker 1: Brennan needs tampons, Brenda, you guys need drain No because
Speaker 1: you like ship a lot, but like because she's flushing
Speaker 1: her tampons, Like you guys need these things. I'm talking
Speaker 1: about when people are like I want to go like
Speaker 1: like I don't know redo landscape my yard. I want
Speaker 1: a new yard. I want to like my yard to
Speaker 1: look nice, or I want to redo my kitchen. I
Speaker 1: don't like this granite countertop. I in a million years
Speaker 1: would never give a fuck about New Granite Town or top.
Speaker 1: It would never occur to me that would require looking
Speaker 1: at new granite, having an expert come over, and having
Speaker 1: to be like, do you want some water? Oh, the
Speaker 1: weather outside is nice? All this bullshit small talk. How
Speaker 1: long have you been working for this business? They get
Speaker 1: out their big book, you flip through it, They have
Speaker 1: you to talk to them for like an hour, when
Speaker 1: I would just want to pick out things online and
Speaker 1: just guess. But like I have a boyfriend, like Chris,
Speaker 1: if we ever got a house, he would want to like,
Speaker 1: go to the store, look at the granite tile, take
Speaker 1: it back samples, hold them up. If we don't like
Speaker 1: that one, we can go get another one. We like
Speaker 1: these people that like to be meticulous and choose the
Speaker 1: right thing like and they enjoy that process. I again,
Speaker 1: it goes back to like Cris being like one time
Speaker 1: when I told him I wish I like to travel,
Speaker 1: He's like, why do you wish that you liked things
Speaker 1: you don't like? What is that about you? Like? Why
Speaker 1: are you someone who wants I just don't like the
Speaker 1: things I don't like, and I like the things I
Speaker 1: do like. I don't wish I liked things I don't
Speaker 1: like unless they're like, you know, working out or something
Speaker 1: that's going to give you something else, But I just
Speaker 1: I want to be normal. I guess that's the thing.
Speaker 1: I think. You wish for things that the majority of
Speaker 1: people are, so then you feel constantly like an outcast
Speaker 1: because most people like these things. Yeah, I mean, look
Speaker 1: at the kitchen. You fix the kitchen, then you can't
Speaker 1: even go in the kitchen for nine months. There's people
Speaker 1: in your house all the time. Things, you have to
Speaker 1: live in a hotel because you're redoing your house that
Speaker 1: you're just gonna move out of in two years because
Speaker 1: you're gonna have two more kids and it's not big
Speaker 1: enough for us. Like Chris's brother is like thinking about
Speaker 1: redoing their house, and I'm like, why are you going
Speaker 1: to do that? You can't even live in your house.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have construction workers you. Yeah, you have plast
Speaker 1: stick on the floor, there's sawdust everywhere, there's constantly trucks
Speaker 1: in your driveway. Like why. I mean, Chris and I
Speaker 1: went and looked at a place the other day and
Speaker 1: it's perfectly like redone, like everything's been done. And Chris
Speaker 1: even finds something that he's like, I would tear that
Speaker 1: out and redo that, and I'm like, I'm not taking
Speaker 1: this plate. Then I don't want to do reading. I
Speaker 1: want to walk into it's already done. I don't go
Speaker 1: to a restaurant, and that's why I hate table side guacamole.
Speaker 1: I go make it in the kitchen. I don't need
Speaker 1: to see you do this ship. I don't want to
Speaker 1: be a part of the process. I don't order. I
Speaker 1: don't order a salad and want to mix the dressing
Speaker 1: at my table. I don't want to chop the tomatoes.
Speaker 1: Like we went to a Greek restaurant on The Girl's Trip,
Speaker 1: Remember that Noah and the vegetables all came out like
Speaker 1: gigantic heads of broccoli, heads of cauliflower, an onion that
Speaker 1: is just a whole onion, and they serve it on
Speaker 1: this big plate. It's all cooked, but you have to
Speaker 1: like cut it yourself. And I go, what is this?
Speaker 1: This is like? This is Chris's dream. It's like a
Speaker 1: project like food. You like mixing appetizers together. That's a start,
Speaker 1: you like, And if I could buy it in together.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm just bitching about the same things over
Speaker 1: and over. It's like when I get depressed I just
Speaker 1: go into this tunnel of like what is wrong with
Speaker 1: me that I don't want these things that other people want?
Speaker 1: And the kid thing is really bothering me because I
Speaker 1: have literally two weeks to freeze my eggs before it's
Speaker 1: like not gonna work. Like I literally have like, uh
Speaker 1: six months before it's like this is pointless for you
Speaker 1: to do. And I just can't imag And I talked
Speaker 1: to someone recently. He was like, Nikki, freeze your eggs.
Speaker 1: She was like, when I was thirty eight, I did
Speaker 1: not want kids at all. I was positive I didn't
Speaker 1: want kids. And if you're even on the fence about it,
Speaker 1: when you get to be forty, like you're you're gonna
Speaker 1: be mad that you didn't freeze your eggs. And then
Speaker 1: talk to another friend who's like, I wish I would
Speaker 1: have frozen my eggs at thirty eight, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: but I can't see why I would want to add
Speaker 1: chaos to my life. I don't what's the process of
Speaker 1: freezing your eggs? Like how I don't even know. You
Speaker 1: have to inject your stomach. You have to watch rosebud
Speaker 1: Baker's story. You to inject your stomach. You get fat
Speaker 1: because your hormones go fucking crazy. You get crazy, you
Speaker 1: get pimples, your hair falls out. Probably like it's probably
Speaker 1: this long process. Then you have to go. Even two
Speaker 1: doctors appointments is too much for me. It's like it's
Speaker 1: it's so it's so much. Can do it? Maybe do
Speaker 1: a two for one, don't you wish like doctors did more?
Speaker 1: Like like why do you need a specialty? Just fucking
Speaker 1: freeze my eggs and freeze my volkes, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Free vokes. Tighten up my plus while you're
Speaker 1: down there, grab some eggs, throw them in the asshole. Yeah,
Speaker 1: drado my asshole sucking. It's just I just feel like
Speaker 1: people feel stagnant. If they don't if they're not changing
Speaker 1: their kitchen, they're just dying. Like I think it's a
Speaker 1: lot to do with death, Like you just feel like,
Speaker 1: what is my life if I'm not changing something, because
Speaker 1: then I just feel bored and then it's like nothing's
Speaker 1: changing and without change, I'm just dying. And I think
Speaker 1: that's what it comes down to. But you have like,
Speaker 1: for example, we have carpets in the house and I
Speaker 1: found like the listing for where I live, and I realized,
Speaker 1: like these carpets have been here for about twenty years,
Speaker 1: and the ship that's in them is probably making us
Speaker 1: have allergies. Yeah, so it's like practical stuff too, that
Speaker 1: makes sense. That makes sense. Or you're just scared of
Speaker 1: dying from the stuff in your carpets. Yeah, I just like.
Speaker 1: That's why I don't want to own a home is
Speaker 1: because I would not want to deal with I just
Speaker 1: want to buy something new. There you go. So that
Speaker 1: is a difference. That's fine, But like, do you you
Speaker 1: like the idea of removing those carpets and final floors
Speaker 1: and figuring it out? I have options paralysis, There's too
Speaker 1: many choices. I don't know who to go to, Like,
Speaker 1: how do you get your floor redone? I don't want
Speaker 1: to get ripped off because I don't know anything, and
Speaker 1: I don't want to start reading about it and learning
Speaker 1: how to change the floor by y. It's so much work.
Speaker 1: But I'll get you. Yeah, yeah, pressure, I guess you
Speaker 1: just hire someone to like do all this ship for you.
Speaker 1: You just go look, I don't know, Jeff, a guy
Speaker 1: named Jeff. Maybe if Chris loves doing it, let Chris
Speaker 1: do it and just you do your thing, you know,
Speaker 1: do you know why because I want my boyfriend to
Speaker 1: be present. I want my boyfriend to hang out with me.
Speaker 1: I don't want him because I know that he when
Speaker 1: he takes on a job, it is meticulous, it is perfectionism.
Speaker 1: It is like it requires all of his effort. It
Speaker 1: was it would I don't want Like Chris is like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'll learn how to do this thing for you, and
Speaker 1: I'll learn how to do that thing for you. He's
Speaker 1: so helpful, and I'm like, no, I want you to
Speaker 1: watch Love Is Blind with me on the couch. I
Speaker 1: don't want you to be in the next room taking
Speaker 1: social media classes, like I want as much as I
Speaker 1: want you to help me, like I just I don't
Speaker 1: want you to do the work. I just want us
Speaker 1: to have fun times together. Like I feel like so
Speaker 1: much of being a couple is just like you're both
Speaker 1: working all the time, and I just I value like
Speaker 1: just being in bed together and doing a crossword next
Speaker 1: to each other or watching Like the other night, he
Speaker 1: was on his phone like making a post and I
Speaker 1: was like, I paused love his mind. He's like, you
Speaker 1: can keep it going, and I'm like, no, I need
Speaker 1: you to be watching this with me. I need you
Speaker 1: be reacting to it with me. I don't need Like
Speaker 1: I can't stand someone on their phone, like and I
Speaker 1: do it to him all the time. I'm on my
Speaker 1: phone on the couch, so I'm like wanting to talk,
Speaker 1: but like I can't take it if I don't have
Speaker 1: his undivided attention for whatever like task we're doing. And
Speaker 1: I just know that him doing redoing our floors would
Speaker 1: take him from me. Yeah, if that makes sense. I
Speaker 1: hear what you're saying. I think there's a lot of
Speaker 1: time in the day too. I think he could still
Speaker 1: do both. But I get what you're saying, Like I
Speaker 1: want to get instead of him going to get my tampons,
Speaker 1: I would want to send a task grab it because
Speaker 1: I just don't want him to leave and I don't
Speaker 1: want to be alone, Like I can afford this. So
Speaker 1: like the other night, he was Like the other night,
Speaker 1: he's trying to order dinner, and I knew he like
Speaker 1: when he gets hungry. He you know, as we all do.
Speaker 1: You like your choice paralysis, You just like can't decide
Speaker 1: what you want. And I wanted to start love is
Speaker 1: blind so bad. So I just grabbed my phone while
Speaker 1: he's looking for his I pretended like I was doing
Speaker 1: something else and I ordered the pizza that I knew
Speaker 1: he would want, and I go, it's done, and he
Speaker 1: was like what. I was like, your pizzas on its way.
Speaker 1: It'll be here in fifteen minutes. It wasn't there in
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes. I paid extra for it to be expedited.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, let's just get this done fast, like
Speaker 1: I'm tired of just like toiling over options. Everything is
Speaker 1: just like so it takes so long. Everything just like fast, fast, fast.
Speaker 1: Like I think of how much time you wait to
Speaker 1: have a new kitchen because you're worried about what tile,
Speaker 1: and we gotta wait for this tile to be flown
Speaker 1: in from Morocco because I wanted to be perfect. Just
Speaker 1: have your life is short. Just have a kitchen that's functional.
Speaker 1: Stop waiting for all of these tiles and all these things.
Speaker 1: Like it's fast doesn't mean the result is bad, or
Speaker 1: if the result isn't, what you want isn't because you
Speaker 1: worked fast. I think people connect. Oh I didn't take
Speaker 1: enough time, and then that's why I don't like it.
Speaker 1: But if you take a lot of time, you might
Speaker 1: not like it too. So it's like I think the
Speaker 1: pot thing, like, do you make a pot every day
Speaker 1: that's shitty and decide what you want and like, make
Speaker 1: a fast kitchen. If you don't like it, redo it
Speaker 1: and it'll be fast again, as opposed to toiling over
Speaker 1: a kitchen that you think is going to be perfect
Speaker 1: and it takes months and months and months and then
Speaker 1: you get it and it's not perfect. Funk up a
Speaker 1: couple of times. With the kitchen that's a little bit
Speaker 1: faster to put together. And the saddest part is after
Speaker 1: two months, you're not even gonna notice the countertop at all,
Speaker 1: and you're going to start You're not coveting someone else's countertops.
Speaker 1: You're gonna start going I wish I had those. You're
Speaker 1: gonna start looking through architectural diges and be like, we
Speaker 1: should have gone this way, And you're gonna regret it
Speaker 1: so much more because of a like when you do
Speaker 1: something fast and you regret it, you can go, oh,
Speaker 1: well that was fast, we can just redo it. I
Speaker 1: didn't spend that much money, I didn't spend that much time.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to like punish myself when I spend
Speaker 1: a lot of time or money on something I regret
Speaker 1: it. It It is so much more painful than if I don't.
Speaker 1: So I think we've uncovered something here. Let's take a
Speaker 1: break and like process all of this and come back
Speaker 1: with an actual show right for this besties. I don't know,
Speaker 1: you know, but I have a new tour that is
Speaker 1: happening right now. It's called the Good Girl Tour. It
Speaker 1: is sweeping the nation, starting out in Iowa this weekend,
Speaker 1: and then I'm in Reno, I'm in um California. Have
Speaker 1: four different cities there. I am in Vermont, I am
Speaker 1: in Providence, Rhode Island, Memphis, Tennessee, Waterloo, New York, Quercy, Pennsylvania,
Speaker 1: Oklahoma City, Pulsa, St. Louis, Albany, Portland, Maine, New York, Hampton,
Speaker 1: New Hampshire, and then I hit Europe. So those are
Speaker 1: all the cities I'm gonna re reminding you. If you
Speaker 1: know anyone in those cities, let them know they have
Speaker 1: a fun night of comedy awaiting them just down the street.
Speaker 1: You can go to nikulaser dot com for tickets. I
Speaker 1: would love to see you there. As always, there are
Speaker 1: meet and greets available if you go alone, I will
Speaker 1: grant to a free meet and greet you just have
Speaker 1: to write me going alone in all caps, your name,
Speaker 1: and the city in which you're going to see me,
Speaker 1: nothing else. You don't even need the rite thing you.
Speaker 1: If you write anything else, they will actually make it
Speaker 1: so I don't see the message. But you must start
Speaker 1: the message with going alone, and don't follow it up
Speaker 1: with anything, because otherwise I won't see it. It's very
Speaker 1: weird how it works. So thank you so much, and
Speaker 1: I hope I get to meet you. And if you
Speaker 1: don't go alone, meet and greet tickets are available at
Speaker 1: the merch booth and I've got some sick merch this
Speaker 1: time around too. I can't wait to see you. I
Speaker 1: can't wait to perform for you. I can't wait to
Speaker 1: meet you. Come on out Iowa this weekend and California
Speaker 1: next weekend. Alright, we're back. Okay, So last night, Um
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift was on Jimmy Fallon the Well she announced
Speaker 1: that she's probably gonna go on tour someday. And I
Speaker 1: know she can't give us a date yet, like it's
Speaker 1: probably like legally she can't even say anything. But I
Speaker 1: cannot believe that. Jimmy Fallon, um who I was with
Speaker 1: on Thursday for many hours shooting a thing met Taylor's
Speaker 1: is like with Taylor Swift last night, so I was
Speaker 1: with someone that was like he like breathed the same
Speaker 1: air as her and me at the same time, which
Speaker 1: is very exciting to um. And also the other night
Speaker 1: I was the night that Midnight's got released. I was
Speaker 1: driving home looking at the where I was in the uber,
Speaker 1: looking at the trailer for the series of music videos
Speaker 1: she has coming out. She has two out already, and
Speaker 1: at the very end it said, like the credits of
Speaker 1: like Who's in Um, it said Mike Robigilia And I
Speaker 1: was like, what the fuck? And it was like four
Speaker 1: in the morning, New York time, But I wrote Mike
Speaker 1: being like you're in a Taylor Swift video. I'm freaking out,
Speaker 1: Mike and freaking out, And then he wrote me the
Speaker 1: next day He's like insane. And then I got as
Speaker 1: soon as I got up to watch the music video,
Speaker 1: he calls me and I'm watching his scene as he
Speaker 1: calls me, and I'm like, oh my god. He's like
Speaker 1: I couldn't say anything I've known since so this day,
Speaker 1: like I can't and he you know, he didn't give
Speaker 1: me any like juice or scoop, but he just said
Speaker 1: she was so talented, and because he's friends with Jack
Speaker 1: and his friends with Ja. Yeah, I think that's how
Speaker 1: it happened. I can't, I'm yeah, I I don't know,
Speaker 1: I'm so. I was just glad there wasn't a female
Speaker 1: stand up in that ensemble, because there was. John Early
Speaker 1: is also a friend of mine. He was in that,
Speaker 1: and Mike Probiculio, and then UM the Charlie's the waitress
Speaker 1: from UM Always Sunny who's was married to Charlie Day.
Speaker 1: Her name's Melissa something or other. She was also in it,
Speaker 1: but she's not a stand up. If there would have
Speaker 1: been a female stand up, that wasn't me in it,
Speaker 1: which there will be some day, because let me just say,
Speaker 1: Taylor doesn't care about me. She does, she knows that
Speaker 1: I exist. She does not want to be friends. I'm
Speaker 1: too try hard. If there's no way that they don't
Speaker 1: know about me, I'm sure she would have given me
Speaker 1: a press package of gifts that she sent to other celebrities,
Speaker 1: but her team is not going to acknowledge me, and
Speaker 1: I get it. I am such a try hard even
Speaker 1: though I never tag her anything, I only do it
Speaker 1: for the love of the game. I'm not trying to
Speaker 1: get anything. I was deeply, deeply sad on Friday when
Speaker 1: I saw someone with less followers than me, way less
Speaker 1: enthusiasm for Taylor Swift based on what I see on
Speaker 1: their social media, got a package from Taylor Swift with
Speaker 1: all this Midnight's merch being like, we all stay up
Speaker 1: at midnight and we all struggle sometimes. I hope you
Speaker 1: find in this album the strength to release your own
Speaker 1: midnight sparkle or something like that. I couldn't even read
Speaker 1: the letter because I was so mad, and I Taylor
Speaker 1: staying at my house, my friend Taylor, and I was
Speaker 1: getting alerts that I have packages, so it's like, maybe
Speaker 1: there's a package. So she was like, I go, can
Speaker 1: you go check my packages? And she's like, and I
Speaker 1: go open them immediately because I don't want to like
Speaker 1: get up. I like seriously was like falling into a
Speaker 1: sadness of like, what why can't I I think I'm
Speaker 1: the number one celebrity to Swift e me and Brie Larson,
Speaker 1: and Brie Larson is not as fanatical as I am.
Speaker 1: I mean, and maybe that's so annoying to her and
Speaker 1: their team, but like I just I don't know what
Speaker 1: I'm doing wrong. Um, But Taylor opened the gifts and
Speaker 1: it was not a Taylor Swift package. You know what
Speaker 1: it was. It was a package of Taylor Swift shirts.
Speaker 1: I had ordered myself with my own money, so it
Speaker 1: was Taylor Swift stuff, but it was my own. It
Speaker 1: was so much of t shirts that I bought for
Speaker 1: posh Mark and like eBay And also, don't worry, Taylor,
Speaker 1: I did order from your website and I bought your
Speaker 1: own shirts that as your own merch. But sometimes I
Speaker 1: just want more than you can even give me. So
Speaker 1: it's like I just can't really made me sad. I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know if I can listen to
Speaker 1: this album the rest of the day. And then I
Speaker 1: journaled about it. I talked to Chris about it, like
Speaker 1: I really felt like my friend didn't invite me to
Speaker 1: her birthday party or something like my best friend forgot
Speaker 1: to send me an invite or you know, that's how
Speaker 1: it felt. I feel like, yeah, you wanted to meet
Speaker 1: Wilco your whole life, like or whatever, you wanted to
Speaker 1: meet Dave Matthews, Like these things happen, it will happen
Speaker 1: in that Taylor. Well, yeah, but you've had closer relationship
Speaker 1: with Wilco. You've liked them right on, like a more
Speaker 1: professional level. I think, I just think. I don't even
Speaker 1: think that. I don't even want to meet her. I
Speaker 1: don't want to be friends with her because I don't
Speaker 1: think she wants to be friends with me, because I
Speaker 1: I don't even know that if I were her, i'd
Speaker 1: want to be friends with me. It's too much, there's
Speaker 1: too much of a pedestal. She'll never live up to it.
Speaker 1: Like I wouldn't want to be friends with people who
Speaker 1: are that fanatical about me, no way, Like it just
Speaker 1: would not be work. I'm not asking for that. I'm
Speaker 1: asking for you to send me a card again. I'm
Speaker 1: asking for you to send me the gift, like a
Speaker 1: gift package that the other celebrities get, so I can
Speaker 1: feel like you see me like I keep me as
Speaker 1: a fan, keep me as a distance, don't invite me backstage,
Speaker 1: don't give me free tickets. I'll always support you, but
Speaker 1: give me a little nod that you like see me.
Speaker 1: And this isn't even her, this is her, this is
Speaker 1: Tree that her publicist, and like the whole team, I'm like, come,
Speaker 1: on I'm out here, but I get it. I bet
Speaker 1: they're all like they are so embarrassed for me. I
Speaker 1: bet they're all like she tries she But the truth is,
Speaker 1: Anya was like because I was crying to any about it.
Speaker 1: I was literally like crying, like I just can't believe
Speaker 1: Keelty got a package and I didn't, Like it's just
Speaker 1: not like it's not even like I need that stuff.
Speaker 1: I just want to be acknowledged that like this, I
Speaker 1: my identity is Taylor Swift. I spent this entire podcast
Speaker 1: talking about her today, and like I'm getting tarried thinking
Speaker 1: about it right now because it's okay, I devote so
Speaker 1: much of my time and so much energy, it's so
Speaker 1: stupid to cry about this, but it really does upset
Speaker 1: me that, Like it's so stupid. This is the headline
Speaker 1: is like Nikki Glazer cries because she doesn't get a
Speaker 1: package from Taylor Swift, but it's like I just be seen. Well,
Speaker 1: I I don't even want like I would be happy
Speaker 1: for her to not see me if she didn't see
Speaker 1: other people that care so much less about her, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like I don't I'm not even
Speaker 1: wanting anything from her. She gives enough. That's why I've
Speaker 1: always said I don't even want to meet her because
Speaker 1: it would be too much of an energy suck for
Speaker 1: her to deal with my emotions. And I need her
Speaker 1: to save that to make music. I want her to
Speaker 1: be happy. If I saw her in the street, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't go up to her and go like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't bother her like I want her to be.
Speaker 1: Someone sent me a clip of her getting bombarded on
Speaker 1: the street by someone, and I was just like, leave
Speaker 1: her alone, Like I was just so I just I
Speaker 1: don't even want to bother her, but it just it
Speaker 1: really hurt me. It's so stupid. I sent you that clip.
Speaker 1: And the point of the clip was it wasn't her.
Speaker 1: Who is Ashley? I don't know? Oh well, I didn't
Speaker 1: watch it because it was so annoying to me. I
Speaker 1: was just like, I didn't watch it. I just heard
Speaker 1: screaming and I saw a person that kind of vuey
Speaker 1: looked like her, and I didn't watch it. A bunch
Speaker 1: of people sent me that and I was just like,
Speaker 1: stop sending me this. It was like watching a whale
Speaker 1: being people like people stepping on a whale. And I'll
Speaker 1: like a whale watching thing where I'm just like leave
Speaker 1: it alone. Like that's the way I felt about whale
Speaker 1: sharks when we went out to see them in Cambo. Remember,
Speaker 1: we were like stalking them and annoying them, and I
Speaker 1: was I don't even want to get in the water.
Speaker 1: These are my favorite animals, and I don't want to
Speaker 1: get in the water even though I have a chance
Speaker 1: to take a picture with them, because they don't want to.
Speaker 1: They I want them to be peaceful and to live.
Speaker 1: But I do want those whales to send me a
Speaker 1: gift package. And it's not even the whale, it's their team.
Speaker 1: It's the little algae that like sucks on them. There's
Speaker 1: little sharks that go, Yeah, doesn't know, but I do
Speaker 1: think that they think I'm a loser. Um, I wanted
Speaker 1: to play a game. Okay, So Taylor's what was on
Speaker 1: Jimmy Fallon last night? And I'm so impressed by this
Speaker 1: until I think, maybe I'll tell you why. Maybe it's
Speaker 1: not as impressive as I think, but I also do
Speaker 1: believe it's impressive. So let's just listen to it real quick,
Speaker 1: and then I want to play a little game. Okay,
Speaker 1: So he asked Taylor to name as many cat breeds
Speaker 1: as she can in like thirty seconds. So listen to
Speaker 1: this Scottish fold rag doll rag, a muffin, Maine coon,
Speaker 1: British short hair, exotic short hair, American short hair, Devin rex,
Speaker 1: Cornish rex, sphinx cat, Abyssinian, Persian, Siberian Burmese, a Norwegian
Speaker 1: forest cat, ausa cat, Bengal um um, bombay cat, Russian blue?
Speaker 1: Is there a British blue, um um, lunchkin cat um um,
Speaker 1: a black cat, a Calico cat, a cat natch comes
Speaker 1: off of desk? Okay, so impressive. I mean, like I
Speaker 1: didn't know. I didn't even when I saw the clip,
Speaker 1: I go, what is she even listing? It sounded like
Speaker 1: racial slurs, British race, like it just it's I was like,
Speaker 1: what's going on here? And then um, she said Maine
Speaker 1: coon and I remember that was a cat type. So
Speaker 1: and I read the thing the caption, Um, that was
Speaker 1: a lot of cats. I was impressed until I go, oh,
Speaker 1: they told her they were going to do this beforehand,
Speaker 1: so she probably looked at a list really quick and
Speaker 1: like it wasn't the top it was. She had that
Speaker 1: written on her hand orchestrate. But um, but how do
Speaker 1: you know how many times I have pretended? I just
Speaker 1: want to say there's no shade on Taylor for having
Speaker 1: looked at a list before she did the thing. But
Speaker 1: I wanted to play this game with Andrew. Um in
Speaker 1: thirty seconds, how many um, I'm gonna set the clock,
Speaker 1: hold on, how many pro anything golf or no? No,
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? Anything? Golf, golf, ball, grass,
Speaker 1: sand wedge. I mean that's not stop um because I'm
Speaker 1: trying to find my stopwatch. Okay, here we go. So
Speaker 1: you're gonna do as many pro golfers as you can
Speaker 1: starting now. Tiger Woods, Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicholson, Um Brooks,
Speaker 1: cop um, Rory McRory, Tommy Fleetwood, uh A, Xander something
Speaker 1: um uh, Greg Norman, ch Rodriguez, um Moon, black Cat,
Speaker 1: um up, Phil Nicholson. Okay, no, uh, you have to
Speaker 1: name as many metal bands as you can in thirty
Speaker 1: seconds and three to what go? Amorphous, Black Dollar, Murder, Cannibal, Corpse,
Speaker 1: um uh, um, the Yattering, uh Vomitory, Queens, ryche Judas, Priest, Metallica, Megadeth, Anthrax,
Speaker 1: um uh sabotan uh twelve Sorry what are you doing?
Speaker 1: What are you gonna do? Um? Uh? And these are
Speaker 1: not all equal. This is just fun and nineties nineties
Speaker 1: alternative rock bands. But that's not a thing. I know
Speaker 1: a lot of rom coms. Rom coms, okay, alright, one
Speaker 1: to three? How to Lose a guy in ten days?
Speaker 1: You've got male Sleepless in Seattle, Uh, picture perfect, Sweet
Speaker 1: Home Alabama? The FCE know that ten seconds, the guy
Speaker 1: that um u um just friends, um best friends? Uh.
Speaker 1: The god I'm trying to uh sweet sixteen that um
Speaker 1: candles sixteen candles? God? Um live thinking of anything? I'm
Speaker 1: thinking of. All I can fixture is how to lose
Speaker 1: a guy ten days? And I fucking have never even
Speaker 1: seen that movie. It's just I hate that movie. By
Speaker 1: the way, Oh my god, Kings Tale Made in Manhattan. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I didn't even think. I was trying to think of, like, um,
Speaker 1: you guys, and I had like four, um no, how
Speaker 1: to lose a guy in ten days? I've never seen
Speaker 1: the movie. I've never seen Sweet Home Alabama. I've never
Speaker 1: seen uh six you know, sixteen going on thirty or
Speaker 1: whatever that movie is. I don't know. I haven't really
Speaker 1: seen that many rom coms. I have like three that
Speaker 1: I love. But have you seen How to Lose a
Speaker 1: Guy In Ten Days? Yeah? I remember, I told him
Speaker 1: that that was Heath Ledger. I told him that was
Speaker 1: my favorite movie in person. Ten Things I hate about you?
Speaker 1: What did you say in ten Days? I bet you
Speaker 1: didn't tell the Ledger that you love How to Lose
Speaker 1: a Guy ten Days? I bet you did. And you
Speaker 1: and no idea how what you fucked it up would
Speaker 1: kill him? Oh my god? So good. All right, let's
Speaker 1: get to the news. That was fun. Oh boys, you
Speaker 1: know what that means. It's Tuesday. I hope you have
Speaker 1: all the swells out there. Apparently we are back, do
Speaker 1: you know in the studio in the Phoenix? Apparently we
Speaker 1: are Phoenix, Tucson. Alright, well, Nikki, we're talking a lot
Speaker 1: about stranger danger, right. A twenty two year old Brooklyn
Speaker 1: woman who was randomly punched and pushed onto the subway
Speaker 1: tracks said she was able to scramble to safety thanks
Speaker 1: to her experience climbing up on the stage at Gwen
Speaker 1: Stefani concerts. She says, it's because's called me on stage
Speaker 1: so many times. That's why my body knew what to do.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I mean that it's like, no bot
Speaker 1: could have put that sentence together. No, there's no way old.
Speaker 1: And by the way, what twenty two year old likes
Speaker 1: Gwen Stefani, I don't feel like two year old And
Speaker 1: Gwen Sefani her last hit was probably when that girl
Speaker 1: was in middle school. I mean her last hit was
Speaker 1: like b A N A N A y s and
Speaker 1: that was probably two, which was that girl was ten
Speaker 1: years old. Um. And does Squenze Fanny even tour anymore? Okay?
Speaker 1: And also if you climb up on stage, don't you
Speaker 1: get kicked out right away? Um? I love it? Um.
Speaker 1: Speaking of climbing, there is a man that just climbed
Speaker 1: a wall to get over a locked gate that I
Speaker 1: just saw. That was so weird. I just saw a
Speaker 1: man do exactly what that girl did over a rick wall.
Speaker 1: That's like, that is hello, training just getting ready. I mean,
Speaker 1: I feel like if she did it young enough, it's
Speaker 1: like learning how to throw a baseball, maybe you can
Speaker 1: like like if she like climbed so many stages, I
Speaker 1: mean I couldn't even assume that she'd maybe climbed five
Speaker 1: in her life. And that's a lot. That's a lot
Speaker 1: of stages. You know what, I mean to bring that back,
Speaker 1: but I can't believe she was superhuman stre calling oh
Speaker 1: especially if a train is coming down. But this is
Speaker 1: happening so much in New York, I you know, on Reddit,
Speaker 1: and I always see at the NYC supred It's like
Speaker 1: someone gets pushed on the train every day. I never
Speaker 1: hung out by the edge of the train, like always
Speaker 1: aware why. I would always stand like against a pole,
Speaker 1: like or like a beam, so that there was no
Speaker 1: way for anyone to put shove me behind, like you know,
Speaker 1: like I would stand with my back flushed to it.
Speaker 1: I rare and I was always aware of my surroundings.
Speaker 1: If you go to New York, do not be scared
Speaker 1: of the subway system, but do not stand. Don't be
Speaker 1: one of those strap hangers that stands on the very
Speaker 1: cusp because you're even the wind from the subway itself
Speaker 1: is sometimes so strong it could like suck you into it.
Speaker 1: It's like it's nothing to be really scared of. If
Speaker 1: you're a scared person, you're like, oh my god, is
Speaker 1: the subway system scary? Like it's not. You'll be okay,
Speaker 1: But just stand in the middle of the platform, like
Speaker 1: why tempt any crazy person who might be just having
Speaker 1: a psychotic break just to shove you, like Noah Andrew,
Speaker 1: did you guys ever stay stand on the side. Oh,
Speaker 1: I mean I I think you just you become so
Speaker 1: like so numb to the fact that this is a
Speaker 1: moving locomotive, like a train in the middle of the woods.
Speaker 1: You know, when a train comes through and Taylor is
Speaker 1: probably on it. After it's so scary, like it's a
Speaker 1: fucking train, and that's what you forget. You become numb
Speaker 1: to it. So you get so close. Like I've seen
Speaker 1: people like their hat gets hit and they're like like
Speaker 1: they laughed, my hat went sideways. I've done it. I've
Speaker 1: looked down on my phone and looked up and be
Speaker 1: like I'm like in the middle of the turn, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean from the train. Yes, I've done
Speaker 1: that before too, but it's like and drunk down there,
Speaker 1: like I can't believe there's not more train accidents and
Speaker 1: train conductors need like you know, they go through trauma
Speaker 1: therapy after they because they often like hit people and
Speaker 1: it's just so traumatic and it's a guy got hit
Speaker 1: the other. A couple of weeks ago in Queens, they
Speaker 1: were waiting on. The guy walked briskly past another guy
Speaker 1: who's on his phone. His phone flew out of his
Speaker 1: hand because he got bumped, and then the phone went
Speaker 1: into the tracks. They got into a scuffle. The guy
Speaker 1: whose phone got knocked by this other guy threw that
Speaker 1: guy into the train tracks. He never got home that
Speaker 1: day because he died and his wife was waiting for
Speaker 1: him to come home to take her to her her dialysis.
Speaker 1: And so now she's like, there was I donated to
Speaker 1: their go fund me. I think you could. It's still
Speaker 1: available to do it. But it was just like the
Speaker 1: saddest story of just this one guy, like over a
Speaker 1: fucking phone and he's like, you go down the tracks
Speaker 1: and get it, and the guy was like, I'm not
Speaker 1: going down to the tracks to get your phone that
Speaker 1: I accidentally hit, And the guy just took him and
Speaker 1: shoved him and down into the tracks. I know, and
Speaker 1: be fine. If he just mosh more vomitory, he would
Speaker 1: have been fine. Yeah, yeah, if he would have just
Speaker 1: gone to more Maroon five shows and mashed so hard
Speaker 1: could hand don't believe She's side squad Stefan and man,
Speaker 1: I love now that people are going to try to
Speaker 1: climb up on stage and be like, I'm just preparing
Speaker 1: in case I go to New York and get knocked
Speaker 1: into the tracks. Why are you preventing that, Fergie. It's
Speaker 1: like Iglesias cheated, but to be ready for a plane crash.
Speaker 1: Glezias like makes out with you if you were on stage.
Speaker 1: I am dying to go to one of those answers. Babe,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry I had to. He pulled me on stage.
Speaker 1: I didn't have a choice. It's like, what you do,
Speaker 1: Drake does that to Drake will like fuck you on
Speaker 1: stage only if you're I know I was. I'm glad
Speaker 1: you said. I'm glad you said. I say, got cancel.
Speaker 1: Damn it. Okay, next news story. All right, there are
Speaker 1: six facial expressions that mean someone is lying. Oh wait,
Speaker 1: that is so weird that you just sent this. Hold on,
Speaker 1: I'm getting a showed out of the frigerator, but I'm
Speaker 1: gonna still talk. So yesterday on our girls chat, we
Speaker 1: were talking about how you can tell if someone's lying
Speaker 1: or not, and we sent this to each other and
Speaker 1: I and they were sending like facial They were sending
Speaker 1: some of the stuff that they had googled and found
Speaker 1: and I because I know this. Wait, where is my drink?
Speaker 1: One second? You guys, I'm sorry touching your face. Well yeah,
Speaker 1: but I know that on a lie detector test, if
Speaker 1: you want to beat it, you clench your asshole the
Speaker 1: entire time that you're taking it, because your sphincter will
Speaker 1: contract when you lie, and then as soon as you lie,
Speaker 1: relax your sphincter because the contraction will be then, um,
Speaker 1: you know the that you won't be They won't if
Speaker 1: they have, because sometimes they have, Like because your spinster contracts,
Speaker 1: maybe it reads on the lie detector machine. But if
Speaker 1: you're contracted the whole time and then you relax when
Speaker 1: you're lying, the contraction that you would have gets counteracted
Speaker 1: by you relaxing. So that's just a tip. So I
Speaker 1: told Anya, like, if you guys wanna I told my
Speaker 1: group chat, if you want to really know someone's lying,
Speaker 1: stick your finger up their asshole and if it just
Speaker 1: gets a little tight, you know they're lying about enjoying this.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, you don't, you relax so much
Speaker 1: your asshole. At the time, He's like, Okay, you told
Speaker 1: too much of the truth, Like I could tell you
Speaker 1: everywhere you're like I didn't kill my wife, I'll tell
Speaker 1: the chair. Okay, Well, a tightened asshole is not on
Speaker 1: this list, But what are signs that you're lying? Okay?
Speaker 1: So Andrew mentioned one, which is looking away, moving the
Speaker 1: eyes around, because it means that someone is thinking about
Speaker 1: their next thought, like they're pondering what to say next.
Speaker 1: I also feel like when I lie, I don't I'm
Speaker 1: so ashamed of it. I don't want to make eye
Speaker 1: contact with the person I'm lying to. Okay, sense I
Speaker 1: look away to just be like, I can't look at you.
Speaker 1: I'm so embarrassed that I'm doing this. But yeah, it
Speaker 1: could be like searching what am I going to say next?
Speaker 1: What am I going to come up with? Okay, what's
Speaker 1: another thing? Titan jaw and forehead Liars also tend to
Speaker 1: tense up when they're not being truthful, and this could
Speaker 1: include tightening the john forehead. Okay, your asshole is tough.
Speaker 1: Two things, patting your head in revenue, So yeah, so
Speaker 1: loosen your face. Um, that makes sense, i'd be touching
Speaker 1: your face to touching your hair fidgeting? Would that be what? Uh? Not?
Speaker 1: In this list? Pursed or dry lips lying triggers your
Speaker 1: body's automatic nervous system ends up drying up the lips
Speaker 1: so crazy that lying makes us do all of these things,
Speaker 1: like what is it? Because what what is cave people?
Speaker 1: Or like you know when we were Neanderthals, Like why
Speaker 1: would lying be something that makes all these things happen?
Speaker 1: You know, like it has to be for a reason,
Speaker 1: And I guess it's for the benefit of other Like
Speaker 1: if we want if someone's like found a food source
Speaker 1: and we're like, did you find food over there? And
Speaker 1: we asked and they're like no, and they'd say no,
Speaker 1: they didn't because they wanted all to themselves. We should
Speaker 1: be able to tell if their lying, so that we
Speaker 1: could actually get the food. Maybe it's something like that. Well,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of stories of history of like when
Speaker 1: people came over and with the Indians, they would lie
Speaker 1: to them, but like they did in a way where
Speaker 1: they were believable, like it was believable that they were
Speaker 1: actually like the son of God or something. I don't know.
Speaker 1: They would do ship and they wouldn't even have enough
Speaker 1: time for evolution to take We can't look back at
Speaker 1: the time of the Native Americans as when like for evolution,
Speaker 1: don't you know, it's like millions of years. Okay, a
Speaker 1: couple of us system, but we developed the ability to
Speaker 1: breathe because when we settled our lung capacity, like millions
Speaker 1: of years, it's Indians. Then they became wolves, and then
Speaker 1: they became dolphins, and then that was a monkey. You know.
Speaker 1: Then we really are bad at telling liars, so like
Speaker 1: really really bad at it. Yeah, have you ever told
Speaker 1: the story? Have you ever done that? Thing? Was like
Speaker 1: in a class person. Yeah, it's so it's almost impossible
Speaker 1: to know. Well, I was on that show to tell
Speaker 1: the truth, and you would think it would be so easy.
Speaker 1: These just normal people who have been coached to tell
Speaker 1: a lie. These aren't like professional actors. They're just like,
Speaker 1: you know, random people they found in Burbank trying to
Speaker 1: pretend like they are a secret ops agent and you
Speaker 1: do not know it. I was so bad at the game,
Speaker 1: and I watch telling the truth right, Okay, Case licking
Speaker 1: his lips a lot twelve inch penis. Um, Oh he
Speaker 1: can tack it looks like blink at my lips are wet.
Speaker 1: That's true. Was your asshole tight? Was your twelve inch
Speaker 1: penis wrapped inside it? You got to go to break?
Speaker 1: Would you want it's twelve inch penis. Yeah, when my
Speaker 1: legs are streets like Tigger, just bouncing on around down. Okay,
Speaker 1: we gotta go to break. We'll come back in one
Speaker 1: more after that. All Right, it's time for my favorite
Speaker 1: time of the week gets Reddit dump karaoke mode. This
Speaker 1: is your Reddit dum Okay. This one is from Asked Women.
Speaker 1: It fits uh the subject that I was going off
Speaker 1: on on the first part of the show. Um, it said,
Speaker 1: And this is where they asked them and things, why
Speaker 1: do you regret having kids? Not in the context of
Speaker 1: loving your kids, but do you think you'd be happier
Speaker 1: if you didn't have kids? And um one person said,
Speaker 1: Sometimes sometimes I look at my children. All I can
Speaker 1: say is this, I'm sorry that I brought you into
Speaker 1: this messy world where I teach you the importance of communication,
Speaker 1: boundaries and safety, and yet all we hear our and
Speaker 1: c our wars, violence, sadness. I'm also not going to
Speaker 1: pretend that I don't miss my pre motherhood life. I do.
Speaker 1: I miss my freedom, and I'm not ashamed of admitting this.
Speaker 1: Then I sent this to Anya and because we were
Speaker 1: kind of look lamenting, like I don't think we're gonna
Speaker 1: have kids, like we need more, We need more messaging,
Speaker 1: like that's the right thing to do. I can't just
Speaker 1: rely on Chelsea Handler's Instagram to keep reminding me that
Speaker 1: being single and not having kids is the best thing,
Speaker 1: even though hers really does help me. Someone said, everyone
Speaker 1: always tells me how extroverted I am. I believe that
Speaker 1: was true until I had children. I realized that I'm
Speaker 1: actually an extroverted introvert. My husband is an introvert, and
Speaker 1: before children, it was easy for us to recharge and
Speaker 1: be alone. Now that kids are in the mix, I'm
Speaker 1: never alone. I extrovert all day at work and come
Speaker 1: home to noise and chatter. It's so exhausting. They're good kids,
Speaker 1: they don't do anything wrong. I just wish they could
Speaker 1: move out sometimes and come visit regularly instead of living
Speaker 1: with me. I miss solitude. Oh that is it. I'm
Speaker 1: so scared that I'll never be able to just have quiet.
Speaker 1: And I know people are like, but then your kids
Speaker 1: go to bed, but then you want to sleep, Like
Speaker 1: at a time I went quiet on a time of
Speaker 1: day where I don't want to sleep. Um be okay,
Speaker 1: Someone says, because I should have done the trauma healing
Speaker 1: work before having them, I didn't, so they triggered me
Speaker 1: all the time, and I have to navigate good enough
Speaker 1: parenting with dealing with my past issues, which is so
Speaker 1: hard and take so much energy. My younger self thought
Speaker 1: that having kids would fix me. She was right, but
Speaker 1: not in the way she thought. I think that's pretty good.
Speaker 1: People said, I missed sleeping kids, being able to do
Speaker 1: what I want when I want without having them to
Speaker 1: having to worry, being able to dream and adventure. Not
Speaker 1: that it would have happened before, but it ain't no way.
Speaker 1: I'm bicycling through the French countryside now. Someone said, because
Speaker 1: I was led to believe I was in a partnership
Speaker 1: but then proceeded to do of the work. This is
Speaker 1: why do I regret having kids? Um uh? Someone said, no,
Speaker 1: I don't. My only regret is having her at twenty four,
Speaker 1: which I had waited. Now that I'm in my forties,
Speaker 1: I realized is way too young to have kids. Someone said,
Speaker 1: my three year olds. Oh well, that's too sad. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to read that. Sometimes I feel like I
Speaker 1: should have known better than to have a child with
Speaker 1: an abusive partner. So good reminders that maybe a couple
Speaker 1: in there where I'm like, well, I don't think I
Speaker 1: would do that. I wouldn't think a child would fix
Speaker 1: my life. I don't if anything, I think, I know
Speaker 1: a child would make my life a lot harder. I
Speaker 1: I guess I don't understand someone thinking a child it's
Speaker 1: gone their life easier to expectations to put on a kid.
Speaker 1: But people do it all the time. Noah. People say
Speaker 1: people who are smart enough to know that kids won't
Speaker 1: save your relationship, that marriage isn't going to save your relationship,
Speaker 1: that getting engaged isn't going to save your relationship, that
Speaker 1: moving in together isn't gonna save your relationship, that getting
Speaker 1: a dog together isn't gonna They still do it because
Speaker 1: we are We just think that it will. That like
Speaker 1: doubling down. I know so many couples that get engaged
Speaker 1: and then get break up right after it because they
Speaker 1: did it as a last ditch attempt to like this
Speaker 1: will make us work, and of course it doesn't. Um.
Speaker 1: This next one is catch up from ask credit ketchup
Speaker 1: doesn't exist. What sauce do you use to eat fries with? Easy?
Speaker 1: That was pretty good. Really, it's going to choose does
Speaker 1: not existing barbecue b b Q. Um shit, honey mustard.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, honey mustard. Honestly, I used to love dipping
Speaker 1: them in honey when I would go to McDonald's. A
Speaker 1: one sauce is too runny. I want a thicker, gloppier thing.
Speaker 1: I'm going to go with the dressing at a lattin
Speaker 1: cafe and Lawrence, Kansas, I just want that on everything.
Speaker 1: Or I want like barbecue sauce, though Barbara McDonald's barbecue
Speaker 1: is probably the number one sauce I'm gonna use. But
Speaker 1: if you're ever in Lawrence, Kansas or Kansas City, go
Speaker 1: to Latin Cafe and get their Greek salad dressing and
Speaker 1: it's it's vinegary, it's like green. It's so good, and
Speaker 1: I it's I want to put it on everything. Um okay, um.
Speaker 1: Worst lyrics you've ever heard. This is in the Subpreddit
Speaker 1: music and then people just submitted a bunch. I thought
Speaker 1: they were funny. Um. This is from a This is
Speaker 1: a Rick Ross lyric. It says I put Molly All
Speaker 1: in her champagne. She ain't even know it. I went
Speaker 1: home and enjoyed that she ain't even it. Jus and
Speaker 1: then This is his apology statement after he was called
Speaker 1: out another reditor put this. Ross said there had been
Speaker 1: a misunderstanding and misinterpretation. He said the term rape wasn't used.
Speaker 1: You know, I would never use the term rape in
Speaker 1: my records. I just wanted to reach out to all
Speaker 1: the sexy ladies, all the beautiful ladies that had been
Speaker 1: reaching out to me with the misunderstanding. We don't condone rape,
Speaker 1: and I'm not with that. Well, good to know, Wow
Speaker 1: that actual? Thanks? So what else? Wrote? Just to be clear,
Speaker 1: I did not use the word rape when describing the
Speaker 1: rape I committed. Just wanted to be clear about that.
Speaker 1: If you don't call it rape, then it's not rape.
Speaker 1: He doesn't believe in labels. That's his I always believe
Speaker 1: that with Rick Uh did any lyrics came to come
Speaker 1: to mind for you guys as I continue, remember that
Speaker 1: one song I played for you about the guy like
Speaker 1: wanting to bang the young girl, but his parents got
Speaker 1: into way all the time, young girl, Run girl, you're
Speaker 1: much too young girl girl, Get out of maman all
Speaker 1: love his way out of land. Run girl. Much to apology,
Speaker 1: he goes, Look, I don't believe in pedophilia. I didn't
Speaker 1: say pedophilia. I don't let me look at the first
Speaker 1: lyrics of that, because I only know that because Bob
Speaker 1: Saget sang it on full house, because he was dating
Speaker 1: a younger woman and she broke up with him, and
Speaker 1: or he broke up with her and he was like
Speaker 1: lamenting it. So it's it goes, young girl, Get out
Speaker 1: of my mind. My love for you is way out
Speaker 1: of line. Better run, girl, you're much too young. Girl,
Speaker 1: with all the charms of a woman, you've kept the
Speaker 1: secret of your youth. You led me to believe you're
Speaker 1: old enough to give me love, and now it hurts
Speaker 1: to know the truth. Who young girl, get out of
Speaker 1: my mind. Okay, Beneath your perfume and makeup, you're just
Speaker 1: a baby in disguise. And though you know that it's
Speaker 1: wrong to be alone with me, that come on look
Speaker 1: is in your eyes. So hurry home to your mama.
Speaker 1: I'm sure she wonders where you are. Get out of
Speaker 1: here before I have the time to change my mind,
Speaker 1: because I'm afraid we'll go too far. And then it
Speaker 1: just then in her bottle, I think I put luds
Speaker 1: in your bottle. It's not what you think, though, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, dude, that song is so creepy. Dude, Andrew.
Speaker 1: Andrew like told me one day he was like, I
Speaker 1: heard this song the other day. Were you at a
Speaker 1: golf course or something. I was, and I'm like, this
Speaker 1: song is a nice old school song. And then I'm
Speaker 1: like by the second verse, I couldn't even hit the
Speaker 1: balls anymore because I was literally like, I was like,
Speaker 1: is this You were like, Nikki, you don't understand this
Speaker 1: fucking song. And then I was like, wait a second,
Speaker 1: I think I know that song because Danny Tanner sang
Speaker 1: it on Full House Guitar. I almost went to see
Speaker 1: that guy, by the way, the guy that sang that song.
Speaker 1: I almost need to go see him with Chris. He's
Speaker 1: on tour right now with a bunch of ways and
Speaker 1: guys from like the nineteen fifties. That is Gary Puckett,
Speaker 1: Gary Poker in the Union gap. Um, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of songs back there. You you want to know a
Speaker 1: song the Beatles song, um, run for your Life? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that one that Run for your Life. Um. The other actually,
Speaker 1: the other day, I was singing a song on a
Speaker 1: TV show that's like, um, I saw him dancing there
Speaker 1: by the wreck of Machine. I knew he must have
Speaker 1: been about seventeen, said, he said, can I take you home?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, well that's problematic, okay, so okay, Well
Speaker 1: this is the Beatles song. Well, I'd rather see you dead,
Speaker 1: little girl, than to be with another man. You better
Speaker 1: keep your head, little girl, or you won't know where
Speaker 1: I am. You better run for your life if you can,
Speaker 1: little girl, hide your head in the sand. Little girl,
Speaker 1: I kill you with another man. That's the end, little girl.
Speaker 1: We'll let you know that I'm a wicked guy and
Speaker 1: I was born with a jealous mind, and I can't
Speaker 1: spend my whole life trying to to make you toe
Speaker 1: the line. You better run for your life if you can,
Speaker 1: a little girl, and it goes. Let this be a sermon.
Speaker 1: I mean everything. Let this be a sermon, honey, I
Speaker 1: mean everything I've said. Baby, I'm determined and I'd rather
Speaker 1: see you dead. That is a Beatles song. Everyone insane.
Speaker 1: Who which one wrote it? Though? Like that's the funny thing.
Speaker 1: The McCartney, well, you know, Lennon McCartney. They agreed the
Speaker 1: rest of their lives as they ever wrote a song.
Speaker 1: I think Paul is like, let it go now that
Speaker 1: John is dead because it's impossible to write a song
Speaker 1: with him except with the Luigi board. But they agreed
Speaker 1: when they were in the Beatles that they would split
Speaker 1: every song they either wrote, like if John wrote one,
Speaker 1: it would always be Lennon and Paul was like, you didn't,
Speaker 1: please take it. I have a feeling it was Paul
Speaker 1: because or Lennon because of the jealous part and how
Speaker 1: he eventually does that song. I'm just elis guy love it.
Speaker 1: It is the most sexual song I've ever heard a
Speaker 1: man admitting he's jealous. I feel like if you win
Speaker 1: after like Lenin or someone would be like, no, that's
Speaker 1: just a story of the big bad wolf, like you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like like I feel like in
Speaker 1: songs could get away with it be like no, that
Speaker 1: was like they have gone after him. He's been like
Speaker 1: post canceled. Yeah, for being a womanizer and like beating.
Speaker 1: I think he beat Yogo. Maybe he beat his wife
Speaker 1: before her Um, yeah, had he definitely roughed up some ladies.
Speaker 1: But musical genius, let's excuse it. Um, I'm obviously being facetious,
Speaker 1: But am I I don't know? Um? Okay, so cut
Speaker 1: it canceled. Nicky's a let an apologist. Oh you mean
Speaker 1: like the whole fucking world. Um, then there's okay. So
Speaker 1: in this lyric thing, there's some other good ones that
Speaker 1: aren'tst problematic. They're just like the worst lyrics, and by
Speaker 1: far the people who have the worst lyrics, the band
Speaker 1: that has quoted the most is Train. Um. One of
Speaker 1: those is You're So Gangster, I'm so thug, You're so gangster,
Speaker 1: I'm so thug. Remember that song. Um. Another one is,
Speaker 1: Oh I swear to you, I'll be there for you.
Speaker 1: This is not a drive by, Just a shy guy
Speaker 1: looking for a to ply hefty looking for I didn't
Speaker 1: know this was a lyric, Just a shy guy looking
Speaker 1: for a to ply hefty bag to hold my love.
Speaker 1: He like hefty, Yes, Um yeah. The songs you can
Speaker 1: put any words in them. They're so catchy you could
Speaker 1: literally do anything, like you could I stabbed or in
Speaker 1: the neck. I'm a fun guy. You're bleeding all over
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like, they're so lyrically fun,
Speaker 1: you don't even you could say anything. It's like, well,
Speaker 1: thinking about Taylor Swift's new song is My Boyfriend comment
Speaker 1: is a god Comma is the with Breeze in My
Speaker 1: Hair on the weekend, karmas a relaxing thought, aren't you
Speaker 1: jealous that for you? It's not Karma is a cat
Speaker 1: pern in my lap because it loves me. It's like,
Speaker 1: that's camp though Taylor's trying to be silly, like if
Speaker 1: you hate that lyric, you're doing exactly what she wanted to.
Speaker 1: Did you see the guy in Italy that he wrote
Speaker 1: a song and he's like, that's the best song that
Speaker 1: has ever been played it on the podcast once I
Speaker 1: forgot Yeah, I listen to that song all the time.
Speaker 1: It's so good. I forget the name of it because
Speaker 1: it's gibberish. So this guy in Italy, he was so
Speaker 1: frustrated and like the seventies eighties that every single Italian
Speaker 1: pop song that would made the chance was American, and
Speaker 1: he was like, they literally Italians will listen to anything
Speaker 1: if it sounds like American. They don't even speak English,
Speaker 1: you know, English, but they just love it. So he goes,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make a song that sounds American, but it's
Speaker 1: not just to prove it. And of course the song
Speaker 1: went number one immediately and it is complete jip wish,
Speaker 1: but it sounds American, and even as an American, so
Speaker 1: you know someone who speaks English, it sounds to us like, wait,
Speaker 1: he's got to be saying something, but he's saying nothing.
Speaker 1: It's almost like it's it's so good because I don't know. Um,
Speaker 1: if you just type in Italian song that sounds American,
Speaker 1: you'll find it. Um. This one was a good one,
Speaker 1: and I cannot believe it's true because I remember this
Speaker 1: lyric and thinking there's no way he rhymed Kodak with Kodak,
Speaker 1: but he does. It's pit bull me not working hard. Yeah, right,
Speaker 1: picture that with a Kodak, or better yet, go to
Speaker 1: Times Square take a take a picture of me with
Speaker 1: a Kodak that I understand if both were like two
Speaker 1: different meanings of Kodak. But he's using and it turns out,
Speaker 1: um that uh, he was paid. He was a spokesman
Speaker 1: for Kodak at the time, and so he was paid
Speaker 1: to put that in the song twice, I guess. Um.
Speaker 1: And then there was one about these lyrics someone were
Speaker 1: making me laugh so hard, one of the ones where
Speaker 1: it's like one of my favorite songs ever and if
Speaker 1: you really break down I mean it's creepy. It's just
Speaker 1: a creepy guy out the standing outside the window watching her.
Speaker 1: You've got your chain tied to me, tired to have
Speaker 1: me up again? Who's got you? My friend into your heart? Okay,
Speaker 1: sweet like Handley to my soul, sweete rock and sweet roll.
Speaker 1: Lost for you. I'm so lost for you for me,
Speaker 1: Come crash into me. Yeah us uh touch your lists
Speaker 1: just so I know. Oh and your eyes love it
Speaker 1: glows so I'm begging you to forgive me for you.
Speaker 1: And then it's like, hike up your skirt a little
Speaker 1: more and show your world to me. That is so
Speaker 1: fucking hot. I can't even stand it. I guess he
Speaker 1: dis peering through the window at one point, but I
Speaker 1: think he's like almost longing for a girl across the way.
Speaker 1: Like I don't know. For me, it didn't come off creep,
Speaker 1: but I get it. Final thought, Um, I like that
Speaker 1: you games is not so much that you're like He
Speaker 1: could literally say like, I, you know, put like a
Speaker 1: tire iron in her ask, and you're like, I think
Speaker 1: what he means is like it's like a majestic like
Speaker 1: ride in the river or something. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: You don't drink the water. Is him dragging a woman
Speaker 1: and he's he's was telling her not to drink it,
Speaker 1: and then he went home and took advantage of her,
Speaker 1: but she chose to drink it. He told her, don't
Speaker 1: drink the water. Yeah, that's that's Dave. I will say that.
Speaker 1: When I was at the Dave show, was Sarahly not
Speaker 1: that um Hollywood Bowl. He was talking about a song
Speaker 1: called that he played called Sister, and it's, oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's like giving me chills just even thinking about it.
Speaker 1: I have literal goose bump chills. Um, it's a beautiful
Speaker 1: song called Sister, and I wish busties would listen to it.
Speaker 1: But he told the story before it. He was like
Speaker 1: he was talking about like he gave a little speech
Speaker 1: about women's right to choose and how we need to
Speaker 1: support women and also and I ran with the like
Speaker 1: women are just so special and how you know we
Speaker 1: just need to look out for them. And he's so
Speaker 1: sad about like he has daughters and he was like
Speaker 1: he said this song when I wrote it, the first
Speaker 1: time I ever played it, like for my family. We
Speaker 1: were in the car and my two daughters, my twin
Speaker 1: daughters were like two years old or one, one or two,
Speaker 1: you know, babies in the back seat, you know, sitting
Speaker 1: in their little chairs in the back seat. And he
Speaker 1: put it on, he put the CD in and played
Speaker 1: it because this was like twenty years ago. And he
Speaker 1: played it and it's like this beautiful song and he said,
Speaker 1: and I turned around and I looked and they were
Speaker 1: holding hands and it's called Sisters and its little two
Speaker 1: twin daughters. And he was like, and it was the
Speaker 1: most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And I just feel
Speaker 1: like we need to do that more, like we all
Speaker 1: need to just hold hands more. And then he played
Speaker 1: the song and it was like, if you listen to
Speaker 1: that song with that story, it was just likely. And
Speaker 1: I were like crying, and we were like, we're sisters.
Speaker 1: Everyone's sisters. Is just beautiful line when he tells them
Speaker 1: to hike up their skirt, Yeah it's cool. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: really cool. Um So when point the one of the
Speaker 1: worst lyrics is thunder the thunder, thunder, thunderer for the
Speaker 1: thunder lightning and thunder, feel the thunder lightning and thunder.
Speaker 1: That's the thunder. By the way, I once did a
Speaker 1: five K or No, I did a ten k or
Speaker 1: something and it was a race, and I listened to
Speaker 1: that song the whole time, and I got the best
Speaker 1: time I've ever gotten when I've been running a race.
Speaker 1: Was the other best time I ever got was I
Speaker 1: listened to Kesha's Die Young. I don't know if you
Speaker 1: know that song. Yeah, I forget hold on. Let me
Speaker 1: just pull it up really quick, young, young, young Young.
Speaker 1: I think it's just repeating that. I think that helps you.
Speaker 1: It's just like it's like, dude until we out at nine,
Speaker 1: donner get it wild running like we at dude, But
Speaker 1: like there's just certain songs that are great running songs.
Speaker 1: But that Thunder song, it was just like, oh, I
Speaker 1: was so into it. That was probably two thousand when
Speaker 1: I did that. Um okay uh. And then I always
Speaker 1: loved the little Yaddi lyric that gets brought up a lot,
Speaker 1: and it says she blow that dick like a cello
Speaker 1: because he didn't know that a cello was not a trumpet.
Speaker 1: He thought a cello was like a trumpet. And um.
Speaker 1: It also says that like there's like five people were
Speaker 1: credited on writing that song, and none of them. Uh,
Speaker 1: I love it. Um and then um, let's play that
Speaker 1: one video Noah, that um that you were sent that
Speaker 1: was about the the guy yelling I like this this
Speaker 1: This is a girl at TikTok who was like making
Speaker 1: a video off of someone else's videos. So at first
Speaker 1: you see the guy and he's it's one of these
Speaker 1: motivational guys that like Andrew follows for like a David
Speaker 1: Against type. It's just like, man, you get up and
Speaker 1: do it. I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. And then
Speaker 1: this girl at the end of it, you'll see the
Speaker 1: girl does changes this fucking guy Yeah, fucking Jim, fucking Jim,
Speaker 1: go to the fucking Jim. Wait does this Does this
Speaker 1: work on the girl? Hold on, she puts on a
Speaker 1: stash like the guy. Go to fucking therapy. She just
Speaker 1: paces around like the guy. Know the gym doesn't count,
Speaker 1: go to therapy. That work. I love it. There's someone
Speaker 1: there's a nerdy guy. You told me you used to
Speaker 1: like be motivated by those things, like you said that
Speaker 1: Chila bo like yesterday, yesterday, this morning. Those things get you.
Speaker 1: They work, they really do. There's a video of that
Speaker 1: guy going go to the fucking gym, and then there's
Speaker 1: a nerd that like clips it back and he goes,
Speaker 1: you got it at gym. I do love when people
Speaker 1: like clip back. Someone didn't wind with that guy where
Speaker 1: he spits and it hits him in the face like
Speaker 1: the water like they do that whole thing. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: get motivated. I do there, but it comes in waves
Speaker 1: like you catch me on a Tuesday morning and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. So Andrew sent me a thing yesterday
Speaker 1: because we were talking about how like TikTok videos are
Speaker 1: fake and how the couples will like coordinate together to
Speaker 1: make a fake TikTok, and Andrew send a perfect example
Speaker 1: of one, and uh, I just want to play it
Speaker 1: really quick, and then I want to play something else
Speaker 1: right after this. Hold on. So this is what I
Speaker 1: told him. Sorry, Okay. So it says I was trying
Speaker 1: to record a scenic video of me on this uh
Speaker 1: lake to send to my mom. So it's a guy
Speaker 1: that it said in writing. It says trying to record
Speaker 1: a scenic video to send to my mother of this
Speaker 1: beautiful lake. And at the end of it you'll hear
Speaker 1: why the video was fucked up and how this is
Speaker 1: probably my hurts your last night. So it's just the
Speaker 1: girl is like you've ever been recording something and then
Speaker 1: the person next you starts talking. You're like, you funked
Speaker 1: up my video? Like they totally like I would not
Speaker 1: have thought that that was planned until you sent that.
Speaker 1: I probably didn't know. It's got to be fake. I
Speaker 1: think so too. I think now when I listened to it,
Speaker 1: especially then, like her tone at the end felt fake,
Speaker 1: like you can almost hear just like who says my
Speaker 1: asshole hurts from last night? Like it's just such it's
Speaker 1: such a classic thing that if you were making a video,
Speaker 1: get interrupted by the most inappropriate thing. So last night
Speaker 1: I did not even show Chris that, by the way, okay,
Speaker 1: and not shown Chris that I was trying to secretly
Speaker 1: record him as I was watching Love Is Blind to
Speaker 1: put on my Instagram, just because he kept saying funny
Speaker 1: things and I was like, it's so funny to get
Speaker 1: a guy's perspective of the show, like what he's commenting on.
Speaker 1: So I'm recording him. He knows I'm recording him. I
Speaker 1: don't know that he knows I'm recording him, right, Okay,
Speaker 1: does that make sense? Yes? Like I don't know that
Speaker 1: he knows but he does know. So this is what
Speaker 1: he did. So I'm on the couch raist stuff. Earlier
Speaker 1: on the ship, I was like fuck because I was
Speaker 1: I was being so secretive and I didn't think he
Speaker 1: could because he kept catching me. And then there were
Speaker 1: times when he did it, and so I really was sneaking.
Speaker 1: That one. It was like fifteen minutes after the last
Speaker 1: time I tried. I thought he was relaxed, he wasn't
Speaker 1: gonna catch me, and then he just busts out. Remember
Speaker 1: all the races you were saying. It completely ruins my video.
Speaker 1: It was so funny. Second you're like, did I say
Speaker 1: anything bad? Maybe no, there wasn't even a second. I
Speaker 1: was just like, I know what you're doing, but it
Speaker 1: made me. It was really really funny. Okay, that is
Speaker 1: all we have for today. UM, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for listening everyone, Thanks for listening to my tirade. At
Speaker 1: the top of the show, I feel feeling that off
Speaker 1: my chest. I feel better. I feel better. I am
Speaker 1: going to go take a nap and still dread this podcast.
Speaker 1: I have to do later today where I think everyone
Speaker 1: hates me, but you know what, that's life and I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna say because then people will go on it
Speaker 1: and go, we love you, and then they'll really get
Speaker 1: a lot of hate because it's too positive. But you'll
Speaker 1: see I'll promote it in some way if it goes well.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys for listening. Don't be cool and Jack mcfrayer, Okay,
Speaker 1: back to back to basics. Then going back I'm starting