Speaker 1: Hi, Katherine, Hello, Chelsea together, Oh my god, it's Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: It's raining, and the whole everything is sliding down the hill.
Speaker 1: I love the fucking rain, and I know it's not safe. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I fucking love when it rains. It's I love
Speaker 1: it too, But like this fourth week, I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm a little over it. I'm all done with us.
Speaker 1: I'm not, but I understand it's not good for Californians
Speaker 1: and that people are and obviously it's a serious dangerous situations.
Speaker 1: So I obviously don't love the rain. And if I
Speaker 1: had to choose to have the rain or not have
Speaker 1: the rain, I would have to choose to not have
Speaker 1: the rain. But then we're in a drought. Chelsea, I know,
Speaker 1: but I just enjoy the sound of the pitter patter
Speaker 1: and I just did so much moodier and it's like cozy.
Speaker 1: I love it so much. It makes me I just
Speaker 1: you know. Anyway, Hi, what's happening. What's new? Well, we
Speaker 1: got to see all of the gals from ma Yorka
Speaker 1: that we went to. God I couldn't go when was it?
Speaker 1: Because I was well, I had the Critics Choice Awards,
Speaker 1: so we had rehearsals Friday for that where I was
Speaker 1: so excited. How did that go? Was amazing? I loved it.
Speaker 1: I love dressing up like a little Barbie do you
Speaker 1: and that red dresses everything. Yeah, it was actually hot pink.
Speaker 1: It was like the color of your of your hair amazing,
Speaker 1: well parts of the color of your like this little
Speaker 1: strand up here. Yes. Um, yeah, it was really fun.
Speaker 1: We had such a good time, my writers and I
Speaker 1: that helped write the monologue or roll and everybody there
Speaker 1: and then we went out after and yeah, it was
Speaker 1: really fun. I had a great night. I'm so happy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was funny to do actually good Yea. Usually I
Speaker 1: don't like to do things like that because I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's gonna be a painting NAIs. Plus it was interrupting
Speaker 1: my you know, Christmas. But you know, I just understood
Speaker 1: that I'm I'm going to have to not and we
Speaker 1: have to say yes to work when I yea, when
Speaker 1: I have a snow way, I have to learn how
Speaker 1: to not take four months off. Yeah, well we'll send
Speaker 1: you back right, Yeah, I'm going back pretty. I'm actually
Speaker 1: marrying my makeup artist from New York Mia. I'm marrying
Speaker 1: her tomorrow to someone else, so to her fiance, and
Speaker 1: I am the officiant for their wedding. She's like, and
Speaker 1: I'm not sure how that happened exactly, but she told
Speaker 1: me this weekend. Last week, I was in New York
Speaker 1: doing some press. She told me that she assumed that
Speaker 1: I have married a bunch of people already. And I
Speaker 1: looked at her, and my sister was with us at
Speaker 1: dinner or Shoshana, and we both looked at her and thought,
Speaker 1: have you been listening to anything I've ever said? Why
Speaker 1: would you think that I marry a lot of people?
Speaker 1: You know? I can kind of see it as an
Speaker 1: extension of like you get a lot of gay couples
Speaker 1: engaged at your shows and things, right, and yeah, but
Speaker 1: like this is a bigger level of responsibility. So Casey,
Speaker 1: who is an assistant, he got me officiated online and
Speaker 1: now I'm an efficient I can marry people. So please
Speaker 1: don't put in request because it's not happening. I'm not
Speaker 1: doing this again. This is a one off. Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: are you Are you a reverend? Are you I'm an officiate? Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm a shaman. I'm a guy inecologist. I'm a shaman.
Speaker 1: I'm a reverend. A reverend is good. That's kind of
Speaker 1: like my speed great. I mean, I'm just fucking preaching
Speaker 1: gospel basically all the time, right, yes, so many gospels. So, Chelsea,
Speaker 1: we recorded this episode with our very fantastic guest a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago, and you were a little under
Speaker 1: the weather. So just so people know, that's why your
Speaker 1: voice sounds a little different. Before I introduced our guest today,
Speaker 1: I want to say that I was on a plane.
Speaker 1: I was flying back from Boston, and I spoked a
Speaker 1: lot of pop because I was tending to my sister
Speaker 1: who had surgery and I was being a nurse and
Speaker 1: that was stressful for Chelsea. So she smoked a lot
Speaker 1: of pot. And then I have a very sensitive throat,
Speaker 1: so I started coughing and I was like, okay, forget it.
Speaker 1: Then I had shows and on the East Coast I
Speaker 1: got on the plane Monday on Jet Blue. Thank god
Speaker 1: I had my own little cubby hole area, because I
Speaker 1: deteriorated on that plane ride like I had full blown aids.
Speaker 1: I mean I was shivering, my back was thumping, I
Speaker 1: was I was like hacking up a storm. Of course,
Speaker 1: I had a mask on because I'm not a Republican,
Speaker 1: and I just was like, oh my god, they may
Speaker 1: have to ground the plane and take me straight to
Speaker 1: the emergency room in Dubois or wherever we were flying over.
Speaker 1: And I got off the plane went straight My driver
Speaker 1: drove me straight to my doctor's office. He goes, don't
Speaker 1: come inside. Meet me in the alleyway because he's like,
Speaker 1: I have to test you for RSB, COVID and the
Speaker 1: flu that's going around. I'm like, I had the flu shot.
Speaker 1: He goes, it doesn't matter, everyone's got it anyway. I
Speaker 1: ended up having the flu. I'm on my fifth day
Speaker 1: of antibiotics, so I'm no longer infectious, which is upsetting
Speaker 1: for me because I wanted to give you something when
Speaker 1: you got here. Well, I have something, so I'm gonna
Speaker 1: give it to you. Okay, what do you have. I'm
Speaker 1: just kidding. I'm kidding. I actually got COVID for the
Speaker 1: first time the other week. Oh you did that after
Speaker 1: I saw you at that party. Yeah, yeah, I got
Speaker 1: it from you room. Your friend gave me the mushroom.
Speaker 1: She gave my boyfriend the mushroom. Okay, this is al
Speaker 1: sandraw Cooper. Everybody, Okay, you know her from Call Her Daddy,
Speaker 1: which is the number one podcast in all of the globe. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's probably more popular than Joe Rogan's podcast, Honey, hang
Speaker 1: Out with You More um, And she put herself on
Speaker 1: the map in a major, major way. Because you know
Speaker 1: what's so funny. The first time I met Alexandra, I
Speaker 1: didn't know who the funk she was and I should
Speaker 1: let me know it. Yeah, well, my publicists were like,
Speaker 1: you have to go do Alexandra Cooper's podcast. It's the
Speaker 1: biggest podcast in the world. She just got this huge
Speaker 1: podcast deal. Blah blah blah blah. I go, sure, whatever,
Speaker 1: and I go to her house and the whole time
Speaker 1: she's like, do you even know who I am? I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: I mean no, but stop saying that, Like, I can't lie.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to pretend it was like the awkward
Speaker 1: girl who was like fan girl in that Chelsea. I
Speaker 1: was stoned. I had my sunglasses on. I was like, listen, girl,
Speaker 1: we can't we don't have time for this fan girl, Like,
Speaker 1: let's get down to business. And then throughout the hour,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, okay, can see why this girl
Speaker 1: is popular and she's fun and then I've been able
Speaker 1: to watch your success and run into you a few
Speaker 1: times that I do really like you. Thank you. I
Speaker 1: like you too. You're in a very very solid relationship,
Speaker 1: you said the other day when I saw you at
Speaker 1: the Amphire of Them for two years. Right, it's shocking.
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of myself. It's been good because the
Speaker 1: toxicity was running through my veins in college and out
Speaker 1: of college in the New York City, like I was
Speaker 1: just trying to ruin guys live. And then I got
Speaker 1: over it and I was like, toxic is now actually
Speaker 1: boring to me because it's the same thing every time.
Speaker 1: And then I found healthy and it's good. How did
Speaker 1: you find that? I found that because I feel like
Speaker 1: I was just ready, Like I wouldn't have been ready
Speaker 1: if it I wouldn't have found healthy if I wasn't healthy.
Speaker 1: I got into therapy. Well there's the answer for all
Speaker 1: of us, right, And sometimes you don't want to be
Speaker 1: in therapy because you're like I want to keep spiraling,
Speaker 1: like this is better for content, this is better just
Speaker 1: for me, and generally keep living in the dark. And
Speaker 1: then I woke up and I was like, all right,
Speaker 1: I guess it's time I figured out, well, that's good.
Speaker 1: I mean, listen, I didn't figure my ship out until
Speaker 1: I was like forty. But I think when you're an
Speaker 1: artist or a creative, you think all the bad ship
Speaker 1: is helpful for your material. Like I remember doing stand
Speaker 1: up and anytime I broke up with somebody's when I
Speaker 1: was just crushing it because I could just go off
Speaker 1: on that relationship. And then you've come to a point
Speaker 1: where you're like, well, no one's gonna date me anymore.
Speaker 1: And then you're like, but who gives a fund? Because
Speaker 1: I don't want to date anybody anyway. But then you know,
Speaker 1: you come to grips with the idea that like it's
Speaker 1: so exhausting to be in something that requires so much energy.
Speaker 1: You know, like you don't need drama or bad ship
Speaker 1: or toxicity in your life to create good stuff. You
Speaker 1: can do that. It's like when fat comedians lose weight
Speaker 1: and they're like, well are they still going to be funny?
Speaker 1: You're like, what you're talking about, Like that's our only bit,
Speaker 1: Like like you got funny because you're fat. That's not
Speaker 1: the way it works anyway. So tell us a little
Speaker 1: bit about your for lack of a better word journey
Speaker 1: into podcasting, into the situation that you're in, Like, how
Speaker 1: did everything start dapping? If you excuse me, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I just got the flu end COVID. At the same time,
Speaker 1: Chelsea just looked me dead in the eyes. We made
Speaker 1: eye contact and she just burped a cough on. Because
Speaker 1: I have to be completely honest, I'm wearing a Maxi
Speaker 1: shield right now because I cough. This cough I have
Speaker 1: is so bad that I said to my housekeeper, and
Speaker 1: we only speak Spanish, I'm like, tenemos Maxi shield. No,
Speaker 1: you know what she sounds like. It's when you have
Speaker 1: like a cough coming and you're holding your breath in
Speaker 1: your throat and you're trying to talk. It's been since
Speaker 1: I walked into the room, So why don't I just podcast?
Speaker 1: You sit over there, you just take a little break.
Speaker 1: I haven't, and I funcs. It's fucking disgusted. And every
Speaker 1: time I was out, I was getting my color done
Speaker 1: last night and I coughed so hard and then I
Speaker 1: got up. I was like, is that you're in tripping
Speaker 1: down my leg? And I got up. Luckily they're two
Speaker 1: gay men, so I didn't have to be ashamed and
Speaker 1: I said, you got I need you to get me
Speaker 1: my pea coat because I can't walk out of the
Speaker 1: salon like this because I've urinated all over myself. And
Speaker 1: they both looked at each other, got my coat and
Speaker 1: didn't even say goodbye to me. They were both like,
Speaker 1: fuck off, get out of here. But so now, because
Speaker 1: of this crazy cough, I have to wear a Maxi
Speaker 1: shield because urine is just going to come out. A
Speaker 1: Maxi shield that's shielding the rest of the world from
Speaker 1: my urine. I wouldn't judge you, but like behind your back,
Speaker 1: I would. Yeah, I'm judging me in front of us,
Speaker 1: both of us. Your pants, Well, that sounds like it's next.
Speaker 1: By the way, did you hear that putin shout his pants?
Speaker 1: I putin fell down the stairs, Good for you, your
Speaker 1: fucking asshole, and then shot his pants. Yes, I love
Speaker 1: I love stories about people shooting their pants, especially that guy.
Speaker 1: It's great. Okay, So back to you. The journey, the journey,
Speaker 1: the journey. Yeah, so I mean it's it's I can
Speaker 1: keep it quick. It was I was out of college.
Speaker 1: I was on unemployment, text trying to figure my did
Speaker 1: you go to Boston University? Was just a Boston, buss
Speaker 1: is my favorite city. I love it. It was so
Speaker 1: good for college too. I feel like New York you
Speaker 1: think you would want to go there, and then you're like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't want to be in college in New York City.
Speaker 1: So Boston was perfect because I had all of the colleges.
Speaker 1: And then that's where the professional athletes came in because
Speaker 1: they were like, oh the city, and it was great.
Speaker 1: It was just a perfect opportunity for me to really thrive.
Speaker 1: I got out of college and I had this awful job.
Speaker 1: I was in sales and it was for a magazine
Speaker 1: and printice sucking Dying. So my boss is always like,
Speaker 1: why can't you sell ship? I'm like, because who the
Speaker 1: funk wants to buy an advertisement in a magazine like bitch,
Speaker 1: this is dinosaur ages. So I was really unamused by
Speaker 1: my job, miserable, and I was just typing up scripts
Speaker 1: every day, like, wanted to start a YouTube channel, want
Speaker 1: to do something in the creative field. My dad's in
Speaker 1: sports television. I majored in film and television and then
Speaker 1: I'm at a fucking ad agency. But that's usually how
Speaker 1: it goes, Like you gotta get a job you hate
Speaker 1: and finally I got fired and it was incredible. Everyone
Speaker 1: was crying the day we all got laid off, and
Speaker 1: I was like crying tears of happiness, just be because
Speaker 1: I hated my job so much. But I didn't have
Speaker 1: the balls to leave because I couldn't financially just be
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna leave and go like I don't come
Speaker 1: from a trust fund, like I had to have a job,
Speaker 1: so I'm on unemployment checks. And I was going to
Speaker 1: start a YouTube channel for my in Boston in New
Speaker 1: York now in New York, and then I wanted to
Speaker 1: start a YouTube channel call her Daddy was now an
Speaker 1: idea and I was going to do it as YouTube channel.
Speaker 1: And then some people were like, you should do a podcast.
Speaker 1: It's not oversaturated like YouTube right now, especially with the
Speaker 1: way you talk. All right, listen to this. You should
Speaker 1: have been born with a podcast. I literally came out
Speaker 1: of the room and like, I I should have had
Speaker 1: a microphone in front of me because I could never
Speaker 1: stop talking. My mother's always like shut the funk up,
Speaker 1: like your other siblings speak absolutely not. So then I
Speaker 1: just started the podcast. And I had really no plan,
Speaker 1: like there was no business plan. I didn't know anything
Speaker 1: about the industry. And after the first episode was uploaded,
Speaker 1: Dave Portnoy from Barstool deemed me and was like, what
Speaker 1: is this thing? Like what is going on here? Like
Speaker 1: who made this promo? And I was like, oh, I
Speaker 1: edited it to other like I edited myself. I went
Speaker 1: to film school and then I went in for meeting.
Speaker 1: Dave Portnoy signed me and the show went like number
Speaker 1: one on episode four and it was wild and it's
Speaker 1: it was like very aggressive start where I wasn't prepared
Speaker 1: almost for the success. I understand. I'm so lucky. Sometimes
Speaker 1: you have to work something for a very long time.
Speaker 1: For me, it like it was uploaded and then it
Speaker 1: was like, what the funk do I do now? There
Speaker 1: was no plan, there was no vision, and so it
Speaker 1: was kind of like a makeshift moment where every week
Speaker 1: was just like trying to come up with a new
Speaker 1: episode and a new concept and and then it just
Speaker 1: got big and then I left Barstool, took my I
Speaker 1: P and went to Spotify. It was pretty wild And
Speaker 1: how long has that been? So I have a three
Speaker 1: year deal with Spotify and I'm halfway into my second year,
Speaker 1: so it's been pretty wild and it's been like a
Speaker 1: pretty amazing experience. And do you have any interest in
Speaker 1: like having a talk show? I don't even know what
Speaker 1: It's quite crazy because if you asked me, I never
Speaker 1: thought I would be a podcaster. Like I didn't know
Speaker 1: that was even a fucking thing back in the day.
Speaker 1: It'd be like my dad's hobby was to listen to
Speaker 1: podcast and now I'm a podcaster, and so I don't know,
Speaker 1: like I don't know if it'd be a talk show.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's going to continue. I think
Speaker 1: I'm just making my show what I wanted to be.
Speaker 1: Like I'm doing video now that's not a podcast technically,
Speaker 1: but it is because I wanted to be, Like I'm
Speaker 1: very stimulated by the visual aspect. Audio was never like
Speaker 1: my passion, but it is how I got obviously. Well
Speaker 1: it's kind of funny because it all turns into the
Speaker 1: same thing anyway, you know, like podcasting was supposed to
Speaker 1: be so it wasn't on the air, and then all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, you're watching podcasts on YouTube and you're
Speaker 1: watching them and now it's a TV show and you're like,
Speaker 1: it's like all of media, you know, all these streaming
Speaker 1: platforms are basically turning back into the three major networks
Speaker 1: because they're all amalgamating. You know, Disney buys this, Warner
Speaker 1: buys this, blah blah blah blah, Viacom buys this, and
Speaker 1: we're basically getting right back to where we started. So
Speaker 1: we have all these streaming platforms that are now going
Speaker 1: to put commercials back on, so they're back to NBC,
Speaker 1: ABC and CBS. It's all really stupid. It's like cell
Speaker 1: phones came out. They were really small, then they got
Speaker 1: really big, and then they got small, and now they're
Speaker 1: like what the fuck. You know, I'm just waiting for
Speaker 1: them to like come up with bundles of streaming services
Speaker 1: and then it's just cable. Absolutely, you're right, it's a
Speaker 1: great point, so tell us about and then now you're
Speaker 1: in a normal relationship. I find that hard to believe.
Speaker 1: It's it's it's very hard to believe. And I know
Speaker 1: people on the internet which ship talk to me like
Speaker 1: he doesn't exist. It's not he exists, he exists, thank you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's really wild. I think that the reason it's so
Speaker 1: normal is because I actually don't know. I need to
Speaker 1: like think about this answer. I guess it's normal because
Speaker 1: he's very normal. He grew up in l A. He's
Speaker 1: very unaffected by just all of it because you grew
Speaker 1: up around it, and he has no interest in it.
Speaker 1: He's in the industry, but he's very private. So we
Speaker 1: keep things offline, which I think is nice because my
Speaker 1: relationship is not predicated on what other people think about us.
Speaker 1: And I'm not like making decisions because I'm seeing comments
Speaker 1: or I'm not using it to monetize my business. It's
Speaker 1: a real relationship. And so if I don't like him,
Speaker 1: I don't like him. Before I like him, I like him.
Speaker 1: It's not going to be based off of something I
Speaker 1: see on social media. And I don't even give a ship.
Speaker 1: If you have a platform, like when people have a
Speaker 1: hundred followers and you're posting your partner, it is affected,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like or how many comments
Speaker 1: do we get? We can get into many likes on that,
Speaker 1: like people are saying he's so hot, is are they
Speaker 1: going to d M him? Or he's so ugly? Should
Speaker 1: I dump him? Like? There's too much stimulation going on.
Speaker 1: And so I think the crux of why it's healthy
Speaker 1: is because it's as normal as I could humanly possibly
Speaker 1: make it, and the only people that are influencing my
Speaker 1: relationship is me and him. I like that. And what
Speaker 1: would you say? I mean, I'm gonna ask you probably
Speaker 1: a hard question to answer, but I think you probably
Speaker 1: can because you seem to have a good, strong sense
Speaker 1: of yourself, which I think is really admirable and I
Speaker 1: wish all women would have, especially in their twenties. What
Speaker 1: would you accredit your success and value in this podcast space?
Speaker 1: What are your attributes that have gotten you here? And
Speaker 1: why do you think you're so good at it? Thank you?
Speaker 1: First of all. I mean, I think I feel like
Speaker 1: I was very fortunate to be raised with a pretty
Speaker 1: like normal, stable family, which I recognize that makes me
Speaker 1: like not normal because most people's everyone's family ship is
Speaker 1: family ship. But my parents were so obsessed with making
Speaker 1: sure I was grounded, Like I think they knew I
Speaker 1: wanted to be an entertainment my whole life, and they
Speaker 1: kept being like, no, you're gonna go to college. No,
Speaker 1: we're not going to go to auditions for you to
Speaker 1: be an actress, like no, So they were making sure
Speaker 1: that I was not getting ahead of myself and that
Speaker 1: I was like focusing on what matter which was in
Speaker 1: their minds, like education and having normal life and being
Speaker 1: a good person and making me go to church every
Speaker 1: fucking Sunday, And it was just a very I live.
Speaker 1: Grew up in Pennsylvania, and so I feel like my
Speaker 1: parents instilled the values of just like not getting affected
Speaker 1: by all of the bullshit because they didn't let me
Speaker 1: do certain things when I wanted to do it. On
Speaker 1: top of that, I think sports honestly was like a
Speaker 1: huge help towards me having this drive and grit and tenacity.
Speaker 1: And also like the amount of people that say about
Speaker 1: me on the internet, I don't know why doesn't affect
Speaker 1: me as much as maybe it would other creators. I
Speaker 1: think because of the absolute annihilation I received at playing
Speaker 1: Division one soccer. It was like the hardest thing I've
Speaker 1: ever done in my life, and getting basically like verbally
Speaker 1: abused every single day by a coach and teammates and
Speaker 1: the whole thing, like it just made me a very
Speaker 1: strong person. So I when I came into this industry,
Speaker 1: I'm very passionate about what I do. I think is
Speaker 1: like why I'm able to stay grounded. I'm not doing
Speaker 1: it for wrong reasons. I'm not doing it for fame
Speaker 1: and money, Like I'm driven by the fact that, like
Speaker 1: I've been obsessed with creating since such a young age,
Speaker 1: and then just having support from my family and like
Speaker 1: them literally hip checking me every day of like, no,
Speaker 1: you sound fucking insane, like no, that you're being a brat,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I am, so I'm fortunate. I I
Speaker 1: credit it really to my family. So you grew up
Speaker 1: in Pennsylvania, And how many siblings do you have to
Speaker 1: I'm the youngest, Okay, I'm the youngest too. Do you
Speaker 1: have a boy and a girl, oldest sister and then
Speaker 1: middle brother? And I also like that because you made
Speaker 1: an announcement last year you were talking about becoming more
Speaker 1: politically active and taking a stand for things that you
Speaker 1: believe in. And I think with somebody with the size
Speaker 1: platform you have, I think the thing that kind of
Speaker 1: bugs me is when people, young people don't don't do that.
Speaker 1: It irks me because we you know, you have so
Speaker 1: much influence and so much power. So I just love
Speaker 1: that you're standing up for things, and you know, for
Speaker 1: human rights and for basic things that we should all
Speaker 1: be standing up for. And it's not necessarily political to
Speaker 1: stand up for human rights. It's kind of necessary. So
Speaker 1: that's also another great thing. So on this podcast we
Speaker 1: give advice to real people who call in, you know
Speaker 1: a little bit about I'm excited. I love giving advice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so do I I can't get enough of it. I'm
Speaker 1: just like, I overheard a conversation the other day. I'm like,
Speaker 1: can I just chime in here? Okay? I was like,
Speaker 1: you're not making any sense right now, and you're not
Speaker 1: helping her. I'll help you and you get out of
Speaker 1: this conversation. I was at the airport lounge in Well,
Speaker 1: we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back
Speaker 1: with Alex Cooper and Chelsea and we're back great. Well,
Speaker 1: our first email comes from Bella. She's eighteen, she's a student.
Speaker 1: The subject line is please help. He calls me mom
Speaker 1: and can't get it up. Dear Chelsea, I'm eighteen and
Speaker 1: in college and going out with this cool guy. For now.
Speaker 1: Things aren't that serious, but we do drop the album
Speaker 1: here and there. My problem is sometimes he says I
Speaker 1: love you, mom, or just accidentally calls me mom. What
Speaker 1: the hell am I supposed to think about that? I
Speaker 1: know it's subconscious and he can't help it, but it
Speaker 1: weirds me out. He has a really close relationship with
Speaker 1: his mom after his parents got divorced, But the fact
Speaker 1: that he calls his partner that on accident is strange. Right,
Speaker 1: it's by accident, It's not on accident. Stops saying that everybody,
Speaker 1: it's by things happen by accident. Nothing is on an accident.
Speaker 1: Or am I overreacting? She's am I overreacting? Yes, it's
Speaker 1: a fucking bad grammar. I can't take it. In addition,
Speaker 1: he also has this problem with getting it up, and
Speaker 1: he's eighteen too. I don't judge him, and I've always
Speaker 1: made it clear that when it's us, he's safe and
Speaker 1: in a safe space, but he seems young to be
Speaker 1: facing this type of issue, right, I can't help but
Speaker 1: overthink it. He smokes a ship ton of weed on
Speaker 1: a daily basis, so maybe that's a contributor. But this
Speaker 1: entire situation makes me feel unattractive, even though all my
Speaker 1: friends tell me it's not my fault. Kindly, Bella, would
Speaker 1: you like to take this from the time take this
Speaker 1: number one? You're eighteen years old and all I heard
Speaker 1: was you feel unattractive and this guy is calling you
Speaker 1: his mom. Get the funk out. I don't I feel
Speaker 1: like when you're at that point in your life, if
Speaker 1: there's any doubt in your mind that something's off, leave,
Speaker 1: You're too young, You've too much to do, you have
Speaker 1: so many opportunities. It's so fucking weird. He's calling you
Speaker 1: his mom. Sorry to anyone that refers to their partner
Speaker 1: as their mother, he either wants to funck his mom.
Speaker 1: There's something weird that went not like. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just don't think that's for you to uncover. I
Speaker 1: think it's time for you to pack your stuff, find
Speaker 1: someone that makes you feel attractive, and don't be called
Speaker 1: someone's mom when you're trying to suck them. And unfortunately
Speaker 1: you can't even suck him because he can't get hard.
Speaker 1: We don't even need to judge him on that. But
Speaker 1: you want to have some good sex in college, Like,
Speaker 1: let's find someone that can suck and doesn't refer to
Speaker 1: you as mommy. Yeah, there's plenty of guys who can
Speaker 1: fuck that won't get it up, that won't call you mom,
Speaker 1: you know. I mean, first of all, Bella, get out
Speaker 1: of there. This is a waste of your time. This
Speaker 1: is your prime, prime learning to have sex time in
Speaker 1: your life. This is where you lay the foundation of
Speaker 1: what you like, what you don't like. And you don't
Speaker 1: like this. He's not getting it up. Calling you mom
Speaker 1: is fucking weird. And you just exactly what you said.
Speaker 1: You just said that you don't feel attractive. That's it,
Speaker 1: You're done, goodbye. Find somebody who makes you feel hot, yes,
Speaker 1: and and that can fuck you. I remember being a
Speaker 1: kid and like once a year I would accidentally call
Speaker 1: a teacher mom. That ended in sixth grade. He shouldn't
Speaker 1: be eighteen and still called. But a teacher is different
Speaker 1: because they're an authoritative figure. They're they're helping you learn,
Speaker 1: they're giving you an education. Although teachers, whatever the point
Speaker 1: is is your teacher is not sucking you, hopefully, And
Speaker 1: I do feel as though there's nothing beneficial in this relationship.
Speaker 1: You're not getting fucked and you're his mommy. You're not
Speaker 1: a mom yet, you know what I mean? Those days
Speaker 1: may come at one point, like leave them for later
Speaker 1: on and for your children. Yeah yeah, And it's not
Speaker 1: your job to fix him, no, no, no, no, learn yeah,
Speaker 1: nip that in the bud, because listen, if you don't
Speaker 1: learn this lesson now. Unfortunately, you'll have to learn it
Speaker 1: over and over again, so let this be the first
Speaker 1: and the last time. Yes. Well, our next question comes
Speaker 1: from Rochelle, who is maybe one of the most angelic
Speaker 1: sweet people I've ever talked to. She's twenty two and
Speaker 1: she has kind of the opposite question. Dear Chelsea, I
Speaker 1: hope all is well. I'm here reaching out for advice
Speaker 1: on my boyfriend and I was sex life, My boyfriend
Speaker 1: and my sex life. My boyfriend and my sex life. Yes,
Speaker 1: we're both twenty two years old and have been together
Speaker 1: for four years now. Last year we lived together in
Speaker 1: Philly for over a year. It was amazing. We both
Speaker 1: moved back home to our parents so we could save
Speaker 1: some money, and eventually moved to a better location. We
Speaker 1: live a couple hours apart. Our dilemma has been how
Speaker 1: horny he often gets, and then many times a day
Speaker 1: he attempts to initiate sex. Yes, I'm aware this is
Speaker 1: not the worst problem to have. I've enjoyed our time
Speaker 1: apart because of this. I want so badly to live
Speaker 1: with him, but the thought of once again being asked
Speaker 1: for sex every day infuriates me. It makes me feel
Speaker 1: like I'm just a bunch of holes. I thought a
Speaker 1: sex drive would lower after some time, but it's been
Speaker 1: four years. We're planning our life together, and sometimes all
Speaker 1: I can dream about is the happiness I'll feel when
Speaker 1: we get old and he gets e ed. We spoke
Speaker 1: to a therapist about this a couple of months ago,
Speaker 1: and she mentioned giving me space to initiate it myself. However,
Speaker 1: I've found that my sex drive seems to be much
Speaker 1: lower and he does not have the patience to wait
Speaker 1: for me to initiate. This makes me feel like a
Speaker 1: shitty girlfriend for an not wanting sex as much as
Speaker 1: he does, but I also feel like I'm dealing with
Speaker 1: a desperate sixteen year old. This is our biggest issue
Speaker 1: in our relationship. We've communicated so much and tried so
Speaker 1: many different things. It's the only thing that makes me
Speaker 1: wonder if we should actually be together and pursue a
Speaker 1: life with one another, if we got married someday. Isn't
Speaker 1: this something that could kill a marriage? Thank you for
Speaker 1: reading Rochelle. Okay, first of all, can he go funck Bella?
Speaker 1: Because Bella needs to get fucked and this guy's got
Speaker 1: extra juice going right, right for Bella. We had a
Speaker 1: previous caller before you and her boyfriend can't get it
Speaker 1: up and calls her mom. So maybe we could just
Speaker 1: do a swap. I think I could solve the problem.
Speaker 1: Is this the person who was just asking a question.
Speaker 1: I've never been on this show, Ladies, It's a pleasure
Speaker 1: to meet you. I'm so sorry for your predicament. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Do you want some advice? Yeah? Should I go first
Speaker 1: for it? Okay? So I think this is the classic,
Speaker 1: which I think is like, this will make you feel better.
Speaker 1: No one has the same sex drive in a relationship,
Speaker 1: and this is like a very common issue where two
Speaker 1: people are on a different page with their sex life.
Speaker 1: The issue is the person that wants sex more is
Speaker 1: made to feel like the needy one is made to
Speaker 1: feel like I want you all the time and feels
Speaker 1: rejected because the person that doesn't have as high as
Speaker 1: a sex drive is rejecting them. You, however, are like,
Speaker 1: my vagina is going to fall off if we have
Speaker 1: sex one more goddamn time. Please go jack off in
Speaker 1: the bathroom. So I think it all comes down, in
Speaker 1: my opinion, to communication. I don't feel like you should
Speaker 1: be having sex in moments that you're not turned on
Speaker 1: and you're not in the mood and you're just doing
Speaker 1: it to appease him. But I also understand on his
Speaker 1: his point of view is like, I'm attracted to my partner,
Speaker 1: I want to have sex with my girlfriend, so I
Speaker 1: would actually set a time. It's not after sex, it's
Speaker 1: not before sex. It's at dinner, it's at breakfast, it's
Speaker 1: at lunch, and you actually have a sit down conversation
Speaker 1: and you start with a compliment of how much you
Speaker 1: appreciate the relationship you have and all the things you
Speaker 1: love about it. But then with regard to your sex life,
Speaker 1: you come from the point of view of saying, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm really struggling because when we have sex, I love it.
Speaker 1: I'm having great sex with you, like there is no
Speaker 1: denying the dick game is great. But I think that
Speaker 1: for me, there's just certain things where I'm maybe not
Speaker 1: in the mood and you are, and I want to
Speaker 1: just find a happy medium so that you feel satisfied
Speaker 1: and I feel satisfied because it's not fair to you.
Speaker 1: And if your partner is like I can't do that,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, then maybe this is someone that has a
Speaker 1: lack of respect in a greater aspect that's outside of
Speaker 1: the bedroom. That's a problem. If you're telling your partner
Speaker 1: that you're not enjoying something and they want to continue
Speaker 1: to do it, that's selfish. So hopefully your partners like, okay, babe,
Speaker 1: how can we work on this? And it's almost like
Speaker 1: you start like a regiment of every time that we
Speaker 1: want to have sex. I get to initiate once a week,
Speaker 1: and you get to initiate once a week, and like,
Speaker 1: let's start with that and then go from there. But
Speaker 1: I think it's actually like building in which sounds kind
Speaker 1: of corny, but almost a communication that allows you to
Speaker 1: tell him how you're feeling and then tell him you
Speaker 1: don't get the opportunity to initiate because he's always fucking
Speaker 1: a horny little dog. So on weekends, we're not having
Speaker 1: sex unless I initiate it. And then hopefully you get
Speaker 1: in the mood and you're like, wait what, So it's
Speaker 1: like you can pick two days a week we're gonna
Speaker 1: have sex during the week, but on the weekend it's
Speaker 1: my time, or like come up with a rhythm. I
Speaker 1: don't know's I like that idea because I understand. I
Speaker 1: can totally relate to being felt like you're being attacked
Speaker 1: all the time sexually, when a guy's on you and
Speaker 1: they want to have sex all the time, and you're like,
Speaker 1: give me some space to come to you. If I
Speaker 1: could hit on you and initiate that would be sexier
Speaker 1: for me. Then constantly feel like if I take my
Speaker 1: shirt off in front of you, I'm gonna get pummeled.
Speaker 1: I understand where you're coming from. I also think Alex's
Speaker 1: advice is good and you should start with that, But
Speaker 1: I think it is a big issue if you don't
Speaker 1: resolve it now, because you do not want to just
Speaker 1: be spending your life avoiding your partner and avoiding sex.
Speaker 1: I mean, like a sex therapist, someone you couldn't sit
Speaker 1: down with and actually have an honest, open conversation so
Speaker 1: that this is a more even playing field because you're
Speaker 1: just going to play the avoidance game. You're gonna try
Speaker 1: and be asleep before he gets in the room. You're
Speaker 1: gonna do all of thee And I agree with you, Chelsea,
Speaker 1: because I feel like what happens is you're going to
Speaker 1: start to resent him for something that could actually be managed,
Speaker 1: and so I think What it really comes down to
Speaker 1: is you need to figure out how many times a
Speaker 1: week would you want to have sex, and then you
Speaker 1: need to go from there. Of like, if you number one,
Speaker 1: are enjoying your sex life, that's great. Also you don't
Speaker 1: have to tell us, But like, if you're not, that's
Speaker 1: also another whole thing. When you're having sex, if he's
Speaker 1: actually pleasuring you, Also, how is the sex Like is
Speaker 1: he doing any for play? Are you having an orgasm
Speaker 1: when you're actually having sex? Like is it just about
Speaker 1: him going to poundtown and then like splooging in four
Speaker 1: seconds and you're like, well that wasn't fun. Like I
Speaker 1: think you need to look inward and figure out what
Speaker 1: ways are you being pleasured in the actual moment, And
Speaker 1: also is it at all exciting? Is it, like now
Speaker 1: just a chore. If it's just a chore, I agree,
Speaker 1: you got you gotta switch it up, and you have
Speaker 1: to talk to him about it, honestly, tell him to masturbate,
Speaker 1: Like jack Off, we've been there. His quote now is
Speaker 1: like is this for a two or for one? There
Speaker 1: was a period when I was like, hey, if you
Speaker 1: feel that you need to and I clearly am doing
Speaker 1: my own thing. Just go and he'll be like, is
Speaker 1: this for tour? For one? And I actually thought that
Speaker 1: was sweet, and sometimes I'd say for two. Yes, definitely
Speaker 1: have tried that for sure and it kind of worked
Speaker 1: for a while. Okay, and do you enjoy the sex
Speaker 1: when you have it? Yes? But that's I think that's
Speaker 1: actually what led to him maybe taking different approaches in
Speaker 1: the same evening, let's say, because he knows that it's
Speaker 1: always the best time, and I, you know, afterwards, you're
Speaker 1: so google Gaga and I have been in the spot
Speaker 1: where I almost felt bad, like why didn't I want
Speaker 1: to do this? When I end up enjoying it so much?
Speaker 1: But it's because prior I don't really feel that I
Speaker 1: need it, you know. Afterwards, I'm like, why wouldn't you?
Speaker 1: You're in love with this man. It's the best time.
Speaker 1: He knows what you like. I'm kind of fighting myself here,
Speaker 1: and then he's like trying all these different ways. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I think that when you're talking about this,
Speaker 1: it makes me think that you have to hold strong
Speaker 1: for yourself in moments. Of course, maybe you're going to
Speaker 1: enjoy it in the moment, but it started out with
Speaker 1: you were not in the mood you did not want
Speaker 1: to have sex, and so I think that what you
Speaker 1: can do, even though it may be very un sexy,
Speaker 1: like if it's a Monday, you had a hard day
Speaker 1: of work, whatever reason it is, you should literally say, babe,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest, not in the mood today, not
Speaker 1: in the mood. And so when he tries to pressure
Speaker 1: you and be like come on, like whatever, just be like, hey,
Speaker 1: not today, maybe tomorrow. So it's almost like say no
Speaker 1: and then whether you have to literally remove yourself and
Speaker 1: move to the other side of the couch or the bed.
Speaker 1: But I think it's it's starting with yourself and creating
Speaker 1: boundaries for yourself that will allow you then to feel
Speaker 1: better about your decision when you actually do have sex,
Speaker 1: because it was on your turf. Right now, it's all
Speaker 1: on his time and he's just kind of put wishing
Speaker 1: to see if you'll you'll be down. And I think
Speaker 1: if you start saying absolutely not like not in the mood,
Speaker 1: love you, nothing wrong with you, just not in the mood,
Speaker 1: not tonight, maybe tomorrow, I think it will allow you
Speaker 1: to feel better that you actually stopped it instead of
Speaker 1: it being like this wishwashy in between, like maybe it'll
Speaker 1: happen tonight if I like get her in the mood enough,
Speaker 1: like just create a hard line, yeah, and explain it
Speaker 1: to him in terms that he can understand that it's
Speaker 1: not so much fun to be chased all the time.
Speaker 1: You sometimes want to be the initiator, and he's gonna
Speaker 1: respect that, and he's gonna like that. I mean, how
Speaker 1: sexy is it if he gives you enough space that
Speaker 1: you are the one initiating, going and sitting on his
Speaker 1: lap at night and being like all over him, like
Speaker 1: let's go. He's gonna love that. What if you literally
Speaker 1: do this? What if you say, whoever initiated last, can't
Speaker 1: initiate next? I love that? You know what I did
Speaker 1: last weekend? I told him. I was like, hey, can
Speaker 1: you when I'm going to initiate, can you just tell
Speaker 1: me like, hey, baby, not right now? Can you give
Speaker 1: me a couple of minutes? Like I wanted to feel
Speaker 1: like just because I initiated, he didn't bounce, And when
Speaker 1: I tell you that got made hot and bothered. He
Speaker 1: was like, can you wait a moment? Okay? So I
Speaker 1: think that's it. It's you literally almost implemented games. So
Speaker 1: it's like sorry, hot and I'm sorry. I'm getting she
Speaker 1: haskey came in here today with monkey pox. I not
Speaker 1: do that, and she has no respect for you. I
Speaker 1: think this is it. I think this is it. You
Speaker 1: like the game, you want the chase, you want to
Speaker 1: feel like you sometimes can be in control. I think
Speaker 1: that's the end of it, is that you have an
Speaker 1: initiating game. Whoever initiated last now can initiate. I'm up.
Speaker 1: I love it. You're gonna be great. Yeah, this is good.
Speaker 1: This is good. One thing that I'll say as well,
Speaker 1: like looking farther down the road, because you know, you've
Speaker 1: been with this guy for four years, you love him,
Speaker 1: you're looking for a future with him. I don't think
Speaker 1: it's something that will destroy your marriage if you guys
Speaker 1: get married one day. I've been in a long marriage.
Speaker 1: We have had fluctuating like who wants it more? When
Speaker 1: I used to be the one who wanted it way
Speaker 1: more than he did, and I would get super hurt
Speaker 1: when he didn't want it when I wanted it. So like,
Speaker 1: I get that perspective as well. But you know, and
Speaker 1: it's like you're always being chased down. I will say,
Speaker 1: as you get closer to your thirties and he does
Speaker 1: as well. You may find that, like his levels come
Speaker 1: down a little bit and yours go up, and you
Speaker 1: meet kind of in the middle because you know, there's
Speaker 1: great to look forward to. Yeah, I know, you guys,
Speaker 1: just yeah, you gave me something to look forward to.
Speaker 1: And I know he even just the idea that that
Speaker 1: could be to be a potential. He will love that
Speaker 1: and give me time. Don't worry. Yeah, your thirties will
Speaker 1: be great for sex. I promise that's awesome. Thank you,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, thank you so much. I can't wait
Speaker 1: to talk to him about this. To you, you're so cute.
Speaker 1: I love it. Bye bye, bye bye. She's the cutest
Speaker 1: person who ever laid your eyes on. Yeah, that was
Speaker 1: really good advice. Yeah, that's up our fay to go well.
Speaker 1: Our next colar is Sandra Sandra. Sandra Sandy usually very private,
Speaker 1: so you guys, let's keep this one under wraps. She says.
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty year old female and I've
Speaker 1: been dating my forty five year old boyfriend for almost
Speaker 1: a year. I recently found out that he has visited
Speaker 1: escorts in the not so distant past. I found this
Speaker 1: out because I looked at his text messages. I know
Speaker 1: this isn't a good habit, and I'm likely just looking
Speaker 1: for ways to feel betrayed. But I'm working on this
Speaker 1: with my therapist. I've looked once before and was honest
Speaker 1: with him about it, and it definitely affected our trust
Speaker 1: with each other. Our trust has since recovered, I guess,
Speaker 1: until I chose to look again this time. I found
Speaker 1: text messages of him making appointments to hire an escort,
Speaker 1: and I should mention this is before they were together.
Speaker 1: He was also specifically asking for certain women, so I
Speaker 1: think that it was not a one time thing. The
Speaker 1: most recent text was seven months before we started dating.
Speaker 1: A little context, he's divorced man who was married for
Speaker 1: thirteen years and says that they would go years at
Speaker 1: a time without having sex and this was a big
Speaker 1: factor in their separation. He also disclosed to me in
Speaker 1: the first month we were dating that he had cheated
Speaker 1: on his ex wife with a stripper while he was
Speaker 1: really drunk. He said he told his ex wife right
Speaker 1: away and felt horrible and thought I should know upfront.
Speaker 1: He has now been divorced for three years, but when
Speaker 1: he hired these most recent escorts. He was in and
Speaker 1: out of casual and more serious relationships, so I don't
Speaker 1: think it was out of a lack of intimacy like
Speaker 1: he'd previously felt in his marriage. He's also sober now,
Speaker 1: so he can't blame being a drunk either. Our relationship
Speaker 1: has honestly been great so far. Any hard conversation we've
Speaker 1: had has made us stronger, and he's been a loving
Speaker 1: and supportive partner. Now I don't know what I should
Speaker 1: do with this information, or even how to feel about it.
Speaker 1: I worried that there are some fucked up power dynamics
Speaker 1: involved in why he chose to sleep with those escorts,
Speaker 1: but I also recognized it was in his past before
Speaker 1: me and I found out this information by looking through
Speaker 1: his things. Update from Sandra her boyfriend is soon going
Speaker 1: to be visiting Thailand, so there's some time sensitivity here.
Speaker 1: Hi Sandra, Hey, Hi guys. How are you Hi? Good? Good?
Speaker 1: How are you doing? This is a deep one I
Speaker 1: think reading that, I I feel a couple of things.
Speaker 1: I think number one, you can find some solace in
Speaker 1: the fact that everything you found predated your relationship. I
Speaker 1: actually appreciated that you also noted that he had told
Speaker 1: his ex wife immediately after something had happened. So it
Speaker 1: feels like the first step is that he is has
Speaker 1: no issue being very open and honest in communication, even
Speaker 1: if it means he sucked up. So we're we're already
Speaker 1: operating on a good playing field. Because when you have
Speaker 1: a compulsive liar or someone that's going to constantly be
Speaker 1: hiding things, that's where it gets really tricky. The issue
Speaker 1: is is if he was doing this in his past,
Speaker 1: there's no saying that he wasn't going to be doing
Speaker 1: it now in your relationship. And the issue again is
Speaker 1: that you found this by snooping, and so you can't
Speaker 1: be like, hey, like I found this, I'm wondering if
Speaker 1: you're doing it to me, because then he can be like,
Speaker 1: you invaded my privacy and I have never done that
Speaker 1: with you because we're in a committed relationship. So I
Speaker 1: see why you're kind of in a pickle. I think
Speaker 1: what it comes down to is if you can't trust
Speaker 1: your partner, you have a huge issue. And I don't
Speaker 1: know if I would personally be in a relationship where
Speaker 1: I constantly was wondering and stressing out. I've been in
Speaker 1: those relationships, so I think that if I were you,
Speaker 1: I would nip it in the butt so that you're
Speaker 1: not wasting time and you may have to throw yourself
Speaker 1: under the bus a little bit. Because wait, let me
Speaker 1: actually ask you. How did you know he told his
Speaker 1: ex wife He told me perfect, Yeah, first month that
Speaker 1: we were dating, he immediately told me that information without
Speaker 1: me having to ask. Perfect I did actually, because I
Speaker 1: had said in my letter that I have trouble keeping
Speaker 1: anything inside. I'm very easy to read. He would know
Speaker 1: something was wrong. I told him two days ago that
Speaker 1: I looked through his stuff because he's he's currently in
Speaker 1: Thailand right now. And what did he say? He basically said,
Speaker 1: I didn't really ask all the questions that I feel
Speaker 1: like maybe I wanted to, because I wasn't really sure
Speaker 1: even what my questions were because I don't know how
Speaker 1: I'm feeling about it. But he just said, yes, he
Speaker 1: had done that in the past before me, and he
Speaker 1: just wishes that I hadn't looked through his stuff and
Speaker 1: that he hopes that it doesn't change my perception of him.
Speaker 1: But I didn't ask too much more. He didn't give
Speaker 1: any opinions or feelings or have you done this in
Speaker 1: previous relationships look through your partner's phone. Not no, not really.
Speaker 1: I mean I guess I had before in my last
Speaker 1: serious relationship, and that's where I think a lot of
Speaker 1: these trust issues came from to these struggles with drug addictions.
Speaker 1: So there was also a lot of that too, where
Speaker 1: I was trying to see, like is he lying to
Speaker 1: me about currently using too? So it was its whole
Speaker 1: other or like monster in itself. Yeah, but our biggest
Speaker 1: mistakes are bringing our old relationships into our new relationships
Speaker 1: because there's always going to be somebody that did something
Speaker 1: disrespectful or they lied, or they cheated or whatever they did.
Speaker 1: But it is your job, as part of your evolutionary
Speaker 1: growth into becoming more of the person that you're meant
Speaker 1: to become, is to stop those patterns. You looking through
Speaker 1: his phone has garnered you no knowledge at all because
Speaker 1: he volunteered some of this information to you. The fact
Speaker 1: that he went and got escorts, who gives a ship.
Speaker 1: That's he's a single guy, He's allowed to do whatever
Speaker 1: the funk he wants. Those are sex workers that you know.
Speaker 1: It's that doesn't have any impact on your relationship. I
Speaker 1: would really beseech you to not look through your partner's
Speaker 1: phone unless you have a real fucking reason. It is
Speaker 1: a very toxic thing to do, and it will completely
Speaker 1: disassemble a relationship when you do that, because you're going
Speaker 1: to find something to bring up. You're going to find something,
Speaker 1: and without that trust, it's almost like you have no
Speaker 1: foundation when you pick up someone else's phone to look
Speaker 1: through their stuff, you know, without a real reason, without
Speaker 1: something really concrete to go Wait a second, something fishy
Speaker 1: is happening here. You know, it's none of your business
Speaker 1: what's in his phone. It's not And in order to
Speaker 1: have a real, loving relationship, there has to be respect
Speaker 1: and trust, and you have to stop doing that. I agree,
Speaker 1: and I think, listen, you can't go back. So let's
Speaker 1: just stay. You went went through his phone, and I
Speaker 1: think clearly whether it was from your past relationship, that's
Speaker 1: why you did it, because you've trust issues, or you
Speaker 1: also had a weird feeling about your partner. Now number one,
Speaker 1: that's an indicator you're not in a healthy relationship if
Speaker 1: you don't trust your partner. But let's say, now, okay,
Speaker 1: you look through the phone, you brought it up to him.
Speaker 1: My advice would be that you have a follow up
Speaker 1: phone call like FaceTime him and be like, Hey, I've
Speaker 1: been thinking and I want to first apologize because I
Speaker 1: feel really shitty that I went through your phone, and
Speaker 1: I will admit part of that is on me and
Speaker 1: my baggage and my trust issues of I I did
Speaker 1: that in a past relationship and I found ship that
Speaker 1: I didn't want to see, and so it almost like
Speaker 1: reinforced that I should look through because I'm going to
Speaker 1: find the hurt and I'm gonna find out the truth
Speaker 1: that you're lying to me. What I want to say
Speaker 1: is this, I want this relationship to work, and I
Speaker 1: want to better myself, and I want to be honest
Speaker 1: with you. I promise to never look through your stuff again.
Speaker 1: I think all I can ask though from you, because
Speaker 1: it did make me a little insecure to see what
Speaker 1: you've may be done in the past, that if you're
Speaker 1: having any type of feelings or desires or your feel
Speaker 1: like anything, just talk to me, because I would rather
Speaker 1: you be honest with me than me regret now trusting
Speaker 1: you and telling you I'm not going to ever look
Speaker 1: through your stuff again and then you go and cheat.
Speaker 1: So I think if we can just have an open communication,
Speaker 1: but I'll be honest, it made me insecure and I
Speaker 1: want to own it because I hate how I'm feeling
Speaker 1: right now, and I just want to tell you that
Speaker 1: I think he'll really respect that you're owning your ship.
Speaker 1: But you're also asking, like, hey, meet me a little
Speaker 1: bit in the middle, because I've got some trust issues
Speaker 1: and I want this to work, but I also don't
Speaker 1: want to feel out like I'm going to get sucked
Speaker 1: over for trusting you. And hopefully, if it's a good relationship,
Speaker 1: he'll reassure you and be like, I haven't done this
Speaker 1: because I'm in love with you, and I don't need
Speaker 1: an escort right now because I'm with you, And so
Speaker 1: I think hopefully you'll get the answer you want. But
Speaker 1: I will say if he doesn't give you a reassuring
Speaker 1: answer and he's like, yeah, sure, I get like, then
Speaker 1: you also have to look internally of what do you
Speaker 1: need in a relationship to feel fulfilled and maybe he
Speaker 1: doesn't have the same type of attachment styles, etcetera to
Speaker 1: make you feel secure in a relationship. Yeah, and this
Speaker 1: guy went out of his way, you know, a month
Speaker 1: in when you guys are just getting to know each
Speaker 1: other to like spill all his ship to you, Like
Speaker 1: he was super upfront with that stuff, So like this
Speaker 1: isn't even the guy. I think you need to be
Speaker 1: looking at his phone right like he's he's giving it
Speaker 1: all to you already. Something that might help shift your
Speaker 1: perspective a little bit on just like maybe feeling kind
Speaker 1: of weird about like his hired sex workers. Private Parts
Speaker 1: Unknown as a podcast and they did an episode. It's
Speaker 1: two women who host it, and they did an EPI
Speaker 1: said where they were out of the country somewhere where
Speaker 1: it's legal, and they visited messours who did happy endings.
Speaker 1: They both got happy endings. They have gotten approval from
Speaker 1: their partners to do this, and it really shifted my
Speaker 1: perspective on like what that experience is really like. But
Speaker 1: it might be worth a lesson just to help you
Speaker 1: serve some clarity. Yeah, good advice. Yeah yeah yeah, because
Speaker 1: that's definitely I'm happy with the direction that the call went.
Speaker 1: That it's keeping myself in check and and looking like
Speaker 1: inward at at the mistakes I've made in this. But
Speaker 1: that's definitely also one of the reasons I had written
Speaker 1: into it is just like my general feelings and like
Speaker 1: confusion over how I'm feeling, and I've definitely been trying
Speaker 1: to do more research into it and ask people who
Speaker 1: have maybe experienced this before and how they chose to
Speaker 1: see it. I think, listen, I think it really does
Speaker 1: come down to insecurity, and I I can relate. It's
Speaker 1: almost the same as when you see the current boyfriend
Speaker 1: you have or your partner whoever you see their X
Speaker 1: and you're like pairing yourself and you're stressing out and
Speaker 1: oh my god, am I not enough? And am I
Speaker 1: as good in the bedroom? All that stuff. You have
Speaker 1: to find a lot of this could be fixed by
Speaker 1: you actually focusing on yourself and taking the focus off
Speaker 1: of him, work on yourself. Are you insecure about yourself?
Speaker 1: What do you think is triggering you so much about this?
Speaker 1: And that actually should give you some power back of like,
Speaker 1: if you feel good, if you are reading the signs correctly,
Speaker 1: if you are not being shady, if you're being honest
Speaker 1: in this relationship and you feel like it's being given
Speaker 1: back to you, that's all you have to worry about.
Speaker 1: And then your own baggage you should deal with on
Speaker 1: the side and not let it affect your new relationship. Yeah, totally,
Speaker 1: thank you, but no more looking through his phone. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: it's a bad habit. I need to stop. Yeah, I'll
Speaker 1: call him probably, And also I'm going to Thailand with
Speaker 1: him in a week. I'm hoping. Yeah, some good conversations there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: good conversations give him the benefit of the doubt. And
Speaker 1: also when you operate out of like a higher level
Speaker 1: of existence by not reducing yourself to going through his phone,
Speaker 1: you're going to get a different energetic reaction from him
Speaker 1: as well. It's not hot when somebody's paranoid, that's not sexy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you got a good dude, So let us know how
Speaker 1: it goes. And if you have a deeper conversation with him,
Speaker 1: and maybe this can lead to and maybe you can
Speaker 1: enjoy your own escort. And I know, honestly, I started
Speaker 1: like looking at I just wanted to look up profiles online.
Speaker 1: Keep an open mind. Maybe you guys can thrickle up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like who's doing this and who are these people available?
Speaker 1: The world is your oyster? All right? Thanks Sandra guy,
Speaker 1: Bye bye bye. She's gonna enjoy her happy ending massage
Speaker 1: in Thailand. I might just go to Thailand for that
Speaker 1: massage because I wouldn't mind. I mean, I was had
Speaker 1: a friend who told us some MASSU said Bicara went
Speaker 1: down on her and I was like what, I'm like,
Speaker 1: that happens to women, and she's like yeah, yeah. All
Speaker 1: of a sudden was just like fiddling with me. And
Speaker 1: then he asked if it was okay for him to
Speaker 1: go down on me, and I was like, I want
Speaker 1: that mosture. I'm open to any sort of that kind
Speaker 1: of action during a massage, like if you want to
Speaker 1: go down, I mean, I have no fucking problem with that.
Speaker 1: F y I for all the messiuses that are out here. Well,
Speaker 1: our last question comes from a She says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 1: I need your help finding the right way to exit
Speaker 1: a group chat. This chat consists of nine of my
Speaker 1: college friends were now in our mid thirties. The chat
Speaker 1: started a few years ago and used to be fun,
Speaker 1: but has devolved into mostly a few people going back
Speaker 1: and forth about their own personal circumstances. What one husband
Speaker 1: did that's annoying, what one person's kid made at camp,
Speaker 1: or what kind of cosmetics someone tried out. There's never
Speaker 1: anything substantial or frankly interesting. I should add that I
Speaker 1: don't think I've been personally addressed in the chat for
Speaker 1: at least a year. Most of the banter that takes
Speaker 1: place will happen in the middle of the work day,
Speaker 1: and I work full time, so the messages are very disruptive.
Speaker 1: I muted it a long time ago, but of course
Speaker 1: when I opened my messages and say there's eighty nine
Speaker 1: on red texts, I either feel guilty or mean by
Speaker 1: clicking open and just clear the inbox, or I end
Speaker 1: up reading the messages out of guilt and regret doing
Speaker 1: so once I've wasted my time and brain space to
Speaker 1: do so. I'm currently only close with one girl in
Speaker 1: the chat. By the way, she hates it too. I
Speaker 1: really want to leave the chat. No one will miss
Speaker 1: my presence because I barely reply as it is, But
Speaker 1: I know that by leaving it comes off as rude
Speaker 1: and mean. How do I do this? I don't dislike anyone,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to offend anyone. Thanks A Oh,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I would say, I was going to
Speaker 1: say mute them, but then you have still have it
Speaker 1: in your in box. I think when you have something
Speaker 1: that's annoying you in your life, and the fact that
Speaker 1: you said no one's going to miss you leave that ship,
Speaker 1: and the fact that you also had the one person
Speaker 1: that you care about also hates it. The two of
Speaker 1: you leave together, be like five, six, seven eight, pressed
Speaker 1: the button and get the funk out of there. I
Speaker 1: just feel like when you get to a certain point
Speaker 1: in your life, esp actually, if you're not in college
Speaker 1: and you're surrounded by like groups of people that you
Speaker 1: have to see every day, who if something is not
Speaker 1: making you happy and it's annoying you and it actually
Speaker 1: makes you feel worse about yourself, goodbye. Yeah, And you
Speaker 1: can also just preface it if you really want to
Speaker 1: like feel good about it, being like, hey, guys, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm going to exit this chat now. I have so
Speaker 1: much work to do during the day. It's become kind
Speaker 1: of a distraction. Just make up some bullshit. If you
Speaker 1: don't want to, just say so and so, you know,
Speaker 1: because it comes up so and so exited the group.
Speaker 1: From my personal experience, I've exited so many groups and
Speaker 1: just said I'm leaving now goodbye without any explanation, and
Speaker 1: I have to tell you it is and own us
Speaker 1: off your back. I don't want to deal with all
Speaker 1: that ship. So I mean, you're you should just get
Speaker 1: out of it. And if you want to do it nicely,
Speaker 1: do it nicely. And if you want to just leave it,
Speaker 1: leave it. Who cares. It's not a huge life decision,
Speaker 1: just you know, make your life a little bit more simpler.
Speaker 1: I also think that if you're feeling this way, a
Speaker 1: lot of people in that group chat are feeling this way.
Speaker 1: The fact that it's been lingering for years and people
Speaker 1: are like, it's like dusty comments of like hey, guys,
Speaker 1: like got back from walking the kid and like me
Speaker 1: and my husband haven't had sex in three months, like
Speaker 1: any like get the funk out of here. Just I
Speaker 1: think you should leave or I agree, just like leave
Speaker 1: a little note like super busy, wish you all the best,
Speaker 1: like love you, guys. This line is for work. Calls
Speaker 1: love you by pizza, and then your other friend can
Speaker 1: leave and the other six girls who are not the
Speaker 1: three girls who keep totally totally well, there you go.
Speaker 1: A it is Alexandra. You're not your full name. It
Speaker 1: is Alexander. Would be so funny if it wasn't, and
Speaker 1: I just kept calling you know it is Okay, We're
Speaker 1: gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back
Speaker 1: and we're back. All right, Well we're here to wrap up.
Speaker 1: But Alex, do you have any advice you'd like from Chelsea? Oh,
Speaker 1: my gosh, I actually think we can expand a little
Speaker 1: bit on I know you started Chelsea Lately and it
Speaker 1: was gossip and celebrities and obviously comedy, and then as
Speaker 1: your career progressed, you started getting vocal about things that
Speaker 1: mattered and that you can aired about. And I can
Speaker 1: assume that there were some people probably that were like,
Speaker 1: stay in your lane, bitch, just make us laugh and
Speaker 1: shut the funk up. I love say that's so casually.
Speaker 1: I like, that's the exact quotes that I've been getting lately.
Speaker 1: How did you handle that? And like did it? Did it?
Speaker 1: Do you think it affected your career in any way? Well,
Speaker 1: when I got really political, yeah, I'm sure it had
Speaker 1: a negative impact on my career because people I was
Speaker 1: when when Trump got elected, I just could not I
Speaker 1: was just at my I just lost it, Like I mean,
Speaker 1: I was so angry that this country could elect such
Speaker 1: a buffoon that I couldn't deal with it. And I'm
Speaker 1: sure that it did have a negative impact on my
Speaker 1: career because my manager told me, you're ruining your career,
Speaker 1: but I didn't care because you know, I I believe
Speaker 1: in myself and I knew that this was more important
Speaker 1: to me. That was the most paramount thing. People still
Speaker 1: say that to me today, People still say, oh, you
Speaker 1: used to be funny before you got into politics. It's like, bitch,
Speaker 1: I have a special coming out in December. It's fucking
Speaker 1: and I just got nominated for a Grammy for my
Speaker 1: last special, So I'm still fucking funny. How So, I
Speaker 1: actually am multidimensional and I can care about a million
Speaker 1: different things at the same time, and I would challenge
Speaker 1: you to do the fucking same thing. Instead of thinking
Speaker 1: that people are here for one purpose and one purpose only,
Speaker 1: we have a multitude of things to offer, and everybody's multidimensional.
Speaker 1: And whenever I see comments like that now, it just
Speaker 1: makes me want to be louder about the things. Negative
Speaker 1: comments about me are irrelevant. They're just irrelevant. I've spent
Speaker 1: too much time in the public eye to let that
Speaker 1: affect me. I'm not here for the people that don't
Speaker 1: like me. I'm here for the people that do. I
Speaker 1: love that because I obviously look up to you so much,
Speaker 1: and I have been obviously lightly stepping into just talking
Speaker 1: about things that matter. My first thing was literally human rights,
Speaker 1: and everyone's like, what the fucky little slut you're getting political?
Speaker 1: Tell us how to funk a dick, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, like relax. It's so frustrating to see
Speaker 1: how angry people get when you step out of your lane.
Speaker 1: And it doesn't fully bother me, but it's more just
Speaker 1: frustrating to see how closed minded people are and how
Speaker 1: unable they are to listen to something that actually will
Speaker 1: fucking affect them. Like the amount of women that were like,
Speaker 1: why are you getting political? I'm like, do you not
Speaker 1: want to have an abortion? If you get I don't
Speaker 1: want the baby? Like, like, what are we up to
Speaker 1: over here, ladies. It's also such bullshit to be like
Speaker 1: that's your lane. Your lane is you only get to
Speaker 1: talk about sex stuff. I don't like that when your
Speaker 1: lane no one has one lane. That's so limiting. We're
Speaker 1: not here for one lane. We're swerving. Yeah, yeah, we're swerving.
Speaker 1: Some of us are on the shoulder, some of us
Speaker 1: are getting pulled over. You know. We have ton of tones,
Speaker 1: so many lanes, and that I feel like it's limiting too.
Speaker 1: I remember Dax and Christen. We were talking about that
Speaker 1: because Dax is like, just stay in your lane, and
Speaker 1: I could understand the validity of that because she was
Speaker 1: comparing herself to other actresses writing different opportunities. But at
Speaker 1: the same time, I'm like, well, no, that's limiting. None
Speaker 1: of us have one lane. We all have things to
Speaker 1: offer and let people. It's important to care about other
Speaker 1: people than yourself, and I think when you're outspoken about
Speaker 1: anything political or anything that's happening in society, you are.
Speaker 1: I feel very responsible and like it's mandatory. I feel
Speaker 1: that way. So yeah, I just don't Yeah, well, father Cooper,
Speaker 1: you did a great job today and you're a real
Speaker 1: solid addition to this PODT Yeah guys, yeah, back. I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're gonna call you when we have a cancelation and
Speaker 1: we're just gonna come over to your house. Are you
Speaker 1: still living in that house that I came to you?
Speaker 1: I'm not good I'm doing. You came when I hadn't
Speaker 1: have a pocket spot. I was like, do you have
Speaker 1: a driveway? She's like not really, Like what I had nothing?
Speaker 1: I was mortified. And you would sit on the couch
Speaker 1: and you couldn't get comfortable and you were in your
Speaker 1: dress the whole thing. No, I'm I have a different place.
Speaker 1: Now you should come over, you should come on, call
Speaker 1: her daddy. Let's do it. Let's do it. Be so fun.
Speaker 1: Everyone loves you. When you came on, it was, it
Speaker 1: was amazing. Well, this will be an even better interview
Speaker 1: now that I know who you are. You will high
Speaker 1: or you will together. Yeah, let's do it it Okay,
Speaker 1: thank you Alex Cooper. We love you. Thank you guys,
Speaker 1: Thanks Catherine. Thanks, don't forget to watch my special on Netflix.
Speaker 1: You guys revolution. It's a revolution. So if you'd like
Speaker 1: advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at Dear
Speaker 1: Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a
Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stuff,
Speaker 1: produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.