Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello here, I am
Speaker 1: Sniki Glaser Podcast. Welcome to the show. I am um
Speaker 1: coming to you from Los Angeles, California. Noah is here,
Speaker 1: Anya's here. I'm in LA for a little bit. I'm
Speaker 1: shooting a reality show that people know and love tomorrow
Speaker 1: an episode of that. I'm like going a guest star
Speaker 1: on it. Um. I'll give you details when I can
Speaker 1: talk about it, but it's very fun. Um. I'm kind
Speaker 1: of wondering, like, do I if I get hair and
Speaker 1: makeup done? It's seven hundred fifty dollars for a makeup person,
Speaker 1: five hundred five hundred for a hair person. I'm not
Speaker 1: getting paid because I'm thinking I'm getting paid like maybe
Speaker 1: exactly that to do the show. Do I just wing
Speaker 1: it and do it myself? Because I think I can.
Speaker 1: But it's like a Netflix show, this reality show. Everyone
Speaker 1: on the show is really pretty and looks like so beautiful.
Speaker 1: So part of me is like I should have it
Speaker 1: professionally done, but I also yeah, so only because I
Speaker 1: have access to your calendar and I know what show
Speaker 1: it is. I feel like there's a lot of makeup
Speaker 1: on it, and I like the way you do wild
Speaker 1: makeup ye drag race target Yeah, yeah, it's not drag race.
Speaker 1: I couldn't, but it's it's a show. Um yeah, it's
Speaker 1: probably just as much. Um. Yeah, it's very glam Probably
Speaker 1: get someone. Um yeah, treat myself. Okay, treat the show
Speaker 1: really because I'm paying to do the show. Then this
Speaker 1: is what that is. But you know what, this is
Speaker 1: what you do in this biz. Um, and it'll be fun. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't want to look like the ragamuffin of the group.
Speaker 1: And it's fun too. It's like this is part of
Speaker 1: what's fun about being famous and rich as you get
Speaker 1: to spend money on looking good and but seven hundred
Speaker 1: fifty dollars for someone to do your makeup that washes
Speaker 1: off that night. Yes, but you're on a reality show.
Speaker 1: I think this is your challenge for this year is
Speaker 1: really leaning into accepting yourself. You know your mantra, what
Speaker 1: is it? I love and accept myself? Um, I approve
Speaker 1: of myself. I approve of myself. I mean that would
Speaker 1: be I don't need to wear makeup on this show
Speaker 1: because I'm beautiful the way I am. I am going
Speaker 1: myself spending money on a makeup artist. Yeah, it's but
Speaker 1: it's tricky because it's I do think it's a listen.
Speaker 1: They have to charge that much because these makeup artists
Speaker 1: have agents who take a big cut, like everyone's getting
Speaker 1: a piece like it, and my friend who does my
Speaker 1: makeup deserves that much money. But sometimes I like to
Speaker 1: get a little wet and wild and maybe yeah, I
Speaker 1: get into my own stuff and I go like, I
Speaker 1: did my makeup this weekend for this UM the rock
Speaker 1: show I did with Sammy Hagar, Alice Cooper, Rick Springfield,
Speaker 1: Kevin Croton from Mario Speedwagon, Sam Moore McDonald, John Mayer, UM.
Speaker 1: But I did my makeup for that event and I
Speaker 1: walked in and some girl was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: you look amazing, because I went to rehearsal and I
Speaker 1: looked like hell. And then everyone I came back and
Speaker 1: everyone's like, whoa, you clean up and I'll get to
Speaker 1: just put on a tiny dress and kneehigh boots and
Speaker 1: people go like, oh my god. But this girl was
Speaker 1: like you did that. She was like you're good. So
Speaker 1: my only problem is I still suffer with lashes. My
Speaker 1: lashes like because if the glue gets a little like
Speaker 1: if the lash pulls a little bit like it lands
Speaker 1: on a way it can pull it. It's so strong
Speaker 1: it can pull your eyelid to like look a little
Speaker 1: like more open than the other one. Is that okay?
Speaker 1: So sometimes like I that's not even funny because you're
Speaker 1: so on the money. I was doing it this weekend.
Speaker 1: I go, I should come up with a type of
Speaker 1: eyelid glue for if you want to make a part
Speaker 1: of your eyeball bigger to show more eye because people
Speaker 1: always trying to show more eyeball or less eyeball, like
Speaker 1: it's all about and makeup gives you a u of Oh,
Speaker 1: I want makeup that makes my eyes look bigger. I
Speaker 1: want makeup that makes like eyeshadow always makes me look
Speaker 1: older I feel. And so now I'm getting off the
Speaker 1: eyeshadow train. But it was such a big deal forever,
Speaker 1: Like you can't not wear eyeshadow. I should have just
Speaker 1: like a lash person that you can bring him, like
Speaker 1: you like a Nascar where they just bring somebody in
Speaker 1: at the end. Just yeah, might show up and go
Speaker 1: I might just talk to my producer friend, who is
Speaker 1: the reason I'm doing this show, and say, can I
Speaker 1: just like borrow your lady's makeup? Girl for a touch up,
Speaker 1: because that's what you do. You set the foundation and
Speaker 1: then you go for a touch up, and then when
Speaker 1: you get there, they really just do your whole face over.
Speaker 1: And like, here's what you do. Pay for though, because
Speaker 1: you do perfect professional makeup already, because you've been doing
Speaker 1: it for years, you know how to do it. Do
Speaker 1: a hair person just higher because the hair is the
Speaker 1: hair is the key part. You're right, You're not wrong
Speaker 1: because you don't want to be like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: look at all my flyaways ahead and I go to
Speaker 1: dry bar down the street because my hair is pretty
Speaker 1: simple to do, like it, I like a blowout, like
Speaker 1: a soft curl. I do it myself, and it's not
Speaker 1: as good as when they do it, but like I
Speaker 1: feel like a dry bar person could do it instead
Speaker 1: of paying five hundred dollars. No offense to Christina, who
Speaker 1: I love, who does my hair. I just don't feel
Speaker 1: like spending money when I'm not making any I'm tired
Speaker 1: of it. Even though this weekend was amazing. It was
Speaker 1: a charity show, like and I got flown out and
Speaker 1: I got put up very nice things. It's been like
Speaker 1: I made some passive income. I'm listen to me becoming
Speaker 1: like a greedy person. I'm like, I want to make
Speaker 1: money when I'm not doing anything, Like I look at
Speaker 1: my schedule. I go unless I'm doing something, I'm not
Speaker 1: making money. And I want some of that that pi
Speaker 1: that people got. I I saw there in Vegas this weekend.
Speaker 1: I became obsessed with this pizza place called Piology where
Speaker 1: it's like chipotleate for pizza, you like, pick the topics
Speaker 1: you want. And I was obsessed with it. I told Chris,
Speaker 1: I was like, I want to, you know, study marine piology.
Speaker 1: I want to go back to school. I want to
Speaker 1: work with putting seaweed on pizza. Like we were. I was.
Speaker 1: It was really funny all weekend, Like I would just
Speaker 1: like slowly start walking over to pile Alogy, or we
Speaker 1: would be walking by it and I would just stop
Speaker 1: and stare at it and just go like and like
Speaker 1: get like tears in my eyes. And we were joking
Speaker 1: on weekend because and I was like, I want to
Speaker 1: open a franchise of Piology. And he was like, that's
Speaker 1: a way to make some passive income. So what's your
Speaker 1: favorite dish? They're just scraping stuff off the top, No,
Speaker 1: I ate the whole thing, because they like tell you
Speaker 1: how many calories and like what is inside the crust.
Speaker 1: So you pick a crust, and you can pick like
Speaker 1: a gluten free one, vegan, cauliflower regular, and then but
Speaker 1: they give you like the countdown of like what you're
Speaker 1: going to get in a crust. And so as long
Speaker 1: as I know it's in a crust, I'm down to
Speaker 1: eat the crust, even though I love eating the toppings
Speaker 1: off a pizza and I will never not do that.
Speaker 1: And I think it's a totally normal way if you're
Speaker 1: avoiding carbs to do that extra sauce. Art chokes peppers,
Speaker 1: but they were putting too much when you make a
Speaker 1: veggie pizza and you don't have a lot of cheese,
Speaker 1: and like I think things can't be wet, so like
Speaker 1: roast of peppers are always in that gooey wet stuff.
Speaker 1: So I if I trained at my piology, I was
Speaker 1: training them to like sive out the water and make
Speaker 1: them dryer. And then mushrooms red peppers um, which I
Speaker 1: found out in Australia they call it capsicum, so red
Speaker 1: capsicum um, which I love the word capsicum so much
Speaker 1: more than pepper. And then um, I would do the spinach,
Speaker 1: vegan cheese, and banana peppers. What else did I like?
Speaker 1: But I would add broccoli to our venue. I would
Speaker 1: add a cauliflower. I would add like more eggplant stuff.
Speaker 1: But that was my order this weekend. It was so
Speaker 1: freaking good. Umerus caps it comes. Yes. I don't want
Speaker 1: them to be cuciferous though, is that the word? I
Speaker 1: don't want them to beat with cerus or just cauliflower
Speaker 1: and broccoli, right anything? Farty? Oh you want to talk
Speaker 1: about farty? I got fucking prescribed these. They're called fontest
Speaker 1: Oh god, they are dry dry mouth laws lozenges. And
Speaker 1: it looks like it's a fartest, but it's fonteste fo
Speaker 1: n t us and therefore just like wetting your like
Speaker 1: keeping your mouth wet and like and for like just
Speaker 1: sore throat. And they were recommended by Christin Chenowith on
Speaker 1: this bloggeraid, you know the best singer ever, Christian Chennewith.
Speaker 1: She um was like, I'm addicted to these. I did
Speaker 1: them all the time, and so I got them and
Speaker 1: I love them. But you cannot eat more than four
Speaker 1: and your body turns into like when I used to
Speaker 1: chew a lot of gum and like sugar free gum.
Speaker 1: I was. I was toxic. My body was completely constantly
Speaker 1: dealing with some kind of like thing it had to
Speaker 1: get rid of because of fake sugar. And these have
Speaker 1: something fake in them because it's it's over here. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's really great. Yeah, but I guess I lizo zem.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's it. What's in these sorbital? That's it sorbital.
Speaker 1: It's a fake sugar. It's gotta be because they're ten
Speaker 1: galories of pieces. Do you think they're just like taste
Speaker 1: really good. These are green apple. They just taste good
Speaker 1: and they do make your mouth feel like, um, we
Speaker 1: have Manuka honey, so they're like kind of honey fee
Speaker 1: feel like they're delicious. They just make your mouth so wet.
Speaker 1: They make it like slimy, not wet. Okay, So maybe
Speaker 1: I mean that's honestly, I'm so sick of having that
Speaker 1: does not respond to my body when it needs to. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I put a gummy warm in there. It's a well
Speaker 1: documented story from picking up a boyfriend at the airport
Speaker 1: and I knew it was gonna finger me, so I
Speaker 1: put his favorite candy inside. It's hilarious. It's my I
Speaker 1: love doing gross jokes like, UM, this weekend there was um,
Speaker 1: we checked in the hotel in Vegas and there was
Speaker 1: this like mural on the wall. Like it's like a
Speaker 1: sexy mural of a girl with like almost like um,
Speaker 1: what are the garter belt kind of thing and she's
Speaker 1: like sexy. It was just her torso and um, but
Speaker 1: it was on the wall and it was kind of aggressive,
Speaker 1: of like you know some of these hotels you check
Speaker 1: into and they're like you're gonna fuck here if you
Speaker 1: don't pussy, like, you don't get this hotel room unless
Speaker 1: you're gonna really like get into some shit. Because it
Speaker 1: was Vegas, So let me just show you what I did.
Speaker 1: So and I just air dropped this to Chris when
Speaker 1: he was like, we had there was an upstairs to
Speaker 1: our hotel room was the nicest place at the MGM
Speaker 1: Grand Where is this scam damn picture? Oh? Here is Oh?
Speaker 1: I took a million of them? Did we stay there once?
Speaker 1: When you end that sweet and then look like I
Speaker 1: was going down on her? So I just like started
Speaker 1: licking this wall and send it to him, so it
Speaker 1: looked like I was like going down on this girl.
Speaker 1: I mean literally there's like a hundred of these because
Speaker 1: I was trying to get the right angle. Look at
Speaker 1: now I'm trying to grab her tit. So I'm always
Speaker 1: doing like childish um sex pranks and fun all the time.
Speaker 1: I'm always just like I'm gonna get your dick, like
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get it, and he'll be like stop it.
Speaker 1: I'm like I'm gonna get it, and I just like
Speaker 1: I'm always like in the covers, I'll just like slowly
Speaker 1: sneak my hand and like a little snake that's going
Speaker 1: through and then I'll just like grab it. Not in
Speaker 1: a hurtful way, like I know how to not hurt him,
Speaker 1: but um, it's so fun. I'm a little I like
Speaker 1: being a little prank p Yeah, well looked real. Oh
Speaker 1: thank you. Yeah. I mean I eventually got there with
Speaker 1: the holding doing a selfie style. But the show this
Speaker 1: weekend was crazy. I mean I just did five minutes
Speaker 1: of comedy. It was a event for Keep Memory Alive,
Speaker 1: which is to fight like to pretty much. It's the
Speaker 1: one charity that finances the lou Ruvo Center for Brain
Speaker 1: Health at the Cleveland Clinic. And this guy I met,
Speaker 1: the guy that made this clinic and he named it
Speaker 1: after his dad, lou Ruvo, who died of Alzheimer's. Anyway,
Speaker 1: they did this huge benefit and he's been going on
Speaker 1: twenty six years. I think this is the twenty six year.
Speaker 1: And they always have like a big concert and in
Speaker 1: one night, in one room they do a silent auction
Speaker 1: and then they do a loud auction, I guess. And
Speaker 1: they raised like thirty million dollars in a night with
Speaker 1: the people that are here. These are the most rich
Speaker 1: people in Las Vegas, and a lot of people fly
Speaker 1: in for it. They were auctioning off yacht trips around
Speaker 1: the world m for like you and twenty of your friends.
Speaker 1: I'm like, who has twenty friends? I guess rich people
Speaker 1: probably had. There's like not a deficit of friends when
Speaker 1: you have that much money. Um watches uh tennis lessons
Speaker 1: with Andre Agassi and stephie Graff, Um dinner with Wolfgang
Speaker 1: Puck at his house with his wife, and then seven
Speaker 1: of your friends and with world class entertainment during it.
Speaker 1: So he's gonna have like someone performed during like all
Speaker 1: these crazy things to bid on. But before the auction
Speaker 1: was this dinner that was delicious and I was seated
Speaker 1: at a table with Michael McDonald and his family, and
Speaker 1: then Sam Moore, who's like this blues soul legend, yeah legend.
Speaker 1: He was in a wheelchair. He's like in his nineties.
Speaker 1: He's like so no, maybe maybe he's eighties, late eighties,
Speaker 1: but he was um and his daughter and like it
Speaker 1: was just like cool. Michael McDonald is his man, Michael
Speaker 1: McDonald from the Dubie Brothers who sings like this, and
Speaker 1: Chris and I are sitting next to this in this
Speaker 1: table and then I do um five minutes of comedy
Speaker 1: after the dinner, and I begged them to have like
Speaker 1: someone bring me up. So they had this guy come
Speaker 1: out for literally like two seconds to just be like
Speaker 1: everyone quiet down, okay this next comedian. I'm like what?
Speaker 1: And so I go out to kind of a rowdy
Speaker 1: room and I had five minutes to get them to
Speaker 1: shut up and listen and it was great. And then
Speaker 1: I left the stage and then I just went back
Speaker 1: to my table and got to enjoy the best show.
Speaker 1: So it was like, um, you know, and then oh
Speaker 1: I did I forgot to say Chad Kroger from Nickelback,
Speaker 1: who is amazing who I met the day before, because
Speaker 1: I got into Vegas the day before and ran into him.
Speaker 1: As soon as they brought me in this back way.
Speaker 1: I thought I was just gonna go to like the
Speaker 1: lobby and like have to check in and all this stuff.
Speaker 1: They bring me in this back way, they get me everything,
Speaker 1: and then they just lead me up with Chad Kroger's
Speaker 1: right there and his girlfriend who was like, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I love you and she was like, I'm got a
Speaker 1: stalker and I'm like, oh, that's so nice. And then
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, it's you hide and then he's
Speaker 1: so nice, so cool, so funny. UM loved him, and
Speaker 1: Alice Cooper was so freaking nice. I met him at
Speaker 1: the rehearsal because we all got the end we're singing
Speaker 1: taking It to the Street um together, and so at
Speaker 1: the rehearsal I met him and Alice Cooper, who was
Speaker 1: really nice and was familiar with me and told me
Speaker 1: he has a sister named Nicki, but she spells at
Speaker 1: nic k i E and that was I've never heard
Speaker 1: that spelling before actually, so that was actually kind of interesting.
Speaker 1: And then um, Michael McDonald is actually was high school
Speaker 1: friends with my He's from Saint Louis. He's high school
Speaker 1: friends with my voice teacher, Michael. So, how old is
Speaker 1: your voice teacher? Sixty something? Oh wow, sixties. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: he's pretty spry. I'm like kind of surprised he's that old. Um,
Speaker 1: and he actually might be coming to see us in
Speaker 1: Bloomington this week, and so I'm excited for you to
Speaker 1: meet him. But um, yeah, I'm trying to think of
Speaker 1: other things. It was just me. Yeah, that was just
Speaker 1: it was weird. It was right before we walked on
Speaker 1: stage age when she was like, I love you, and
Speaker 1: she hugged me and was like, hugged me really hard.
Speaker 1: She was like, I just think you were so great.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, Paula. And then we
Speaker 1: just like saying next to each other and then it
Speaker 1: was time to go. But I didn't get any pictures
Speaker 1: with anyone. I kind of was just like not even
Speaker 1: thinking to do that. I knew that there it would
Speaker 1: be well documented, so I wasn't like I wish I
Speaker 1: would have maybe gotten more selfies with someone like the
Speaker 1: legends like Michael McDonald And what were you chatting with
Speaker 1: people about? Like what was the dinner conversation? Like, um, well,
Speaker 1: I was sitting next to Michael McDonald's manager, Paul I
Speaker 1: believe his name was, and that he was interesting because
Speaker 1: he was talking about all the musicians he manages, Emmy,
Speaker 1: Lou Harris and this new guy out of Austin. Then
Speaker 1: he told me to look up for that. I forget
Speaker 1: his name. Who else kings of leon Like he's a
Speaker 1: big deal and started out in the record business. So
Speaker 1: I just ever after watching that Geffen documentary, I'm kind
Speaker 1: of I guess just I'm interested in how the music
Speaker 1: business works and how people and the Elvis movie. I
Speaker 1: know this is like why wouldn't you even be interested
Speaker 1: in before? There's something about it now that I'm like,
Speaker 1: I want to know how you got to managing musicians,
Speaker 1: like and even listening to Rick Um what's his names? No,
Speaker 1: he's the producer Rubin Ruben talk about Yeah, Rick Rubin,
Speaker 1: who has no musical talent, talking about like his and
Speaker 1: how important he's been in music. Like, I think that
Speaker 1: it's interesting to get to talk to people who aren't
Speaker 1: singers or musicians at all and like what their impacted
Speaker 1: in how they got into music. And then it was
Speaker 1: nice because he was like, well, when you're ready, I'm
Speaker 1: waiting for you, Like, so now I have someone to
Speaker 1: like give my demos if I ever want to do that.
Speaker 1: Because he was really nice and like really encouraging and
Speaker 1: um was cool. And they represent some comedians too, so
Speaker 1: he's he's savvy with comedy. He was really nice though,
Speaker 1: and and yeah it was just and then h And
Speaker 1: it was nice because the night before I got into town,
Speaker 1: I look at the I'm just like on Instagram and
Speaker 1: they must have known where I was and where I
Speaker 1: was going, because all of a sudden was like Bill
Speaker 1: Maher at the MGM Grand and I'm like, I'm staying there,
Speaker 1: you're here, And so I text him so I get
Speaker 1: to go to his show, which was awesome and really
Speaker 1: like me up about some stuff like all this weekend
Speaker 1: I've been having like kind of Bill Marsh Like I've
Speaker 1: been like anti woke all weekend and I've been like
Speaker 1: just more like fuck PC and like just say what's
Speaker 1: true like these I need. I need guys that are
Speaker 1: so far out like that to sometimes jolt me into
Speaker 1: the right way of thinking. Like this weekend, I just
Speaker 1: like I don't know, I've had no tolerance for people's feelings,
Speaker 1: which I you know, I do love feelings, and I do,
Speaker 1: but I do hate this new thing of like the
Speaker 1: you know, which is not the new thing. We've all
Speaker 1: called it out, but haven't. Your personality is being offended
Speaker 1: about something. It's just I don't care if I hurt
Speaker 1: those people's feelings. I used to say I care about
Speaker 1: I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't care
Speaker 1: if I hurt your feelings because you're not really You're
Speaker 1: feelings aren't hurt. That's not what's going on there. And
Speaker 1: I think I had that misconstrued with like, well, you
Speaker 1: might not agree with their feelings being hurt, and they might,
Speaker 1: you know, And I do have empathy for them, because
Speaker 1: if you have nothing else going on for you except
Speaker 1: to get offended at a vagina joke or whatever, the fuck,
Speaker 1: your life must be like so sad and that I
Speaker 1: do feel bad for you, and I don't mean to
Speaker 1: make your life worse, but I think I make your
Speaker 1: life better because you're getting excited about how much you
Speaker 1: hate something. So I actually think I'm contributing. So this weekend,
Speaker 1: though right after like my show was great, my five
Speaker 1: minutes set like, which is not ideal to do that
Speaker 1: little of time in a cold room. It went amazing
Speaker 1: and amazingly I did. It was so funny. I was
Speaker 1: just telling Matt because we did an interview. Me and
Speaker 1: Matt just did an interview for Spin together, and he
Speaker 1: was talking to me about stuff, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I wrote to Anya this weekend to remind me of
Speaker 1: like what bits to do for this set I had,
Speaker 1: because she watches my show like every night and so
Speaker 1: does Matt, and she's sent me this list. It was
Speaker 1: like pedophiles, crowd interaction involving wheelchairs, like this is that's
Speaker 1: five minutes and it's cool that most people don't probably
Speaker 1: don't know comedy is even happening in this room. She's
Speaker 1: like the story about John Body Ramsey murder. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I can't. It was so cute. I loved I love
Speaker 1: the list of it because it was it made me
Speaker 1: realize how un able I am to do so many
Speaker 1: of my jokes like in that amount of time, which
Speaker 1: is fine and is the way it should be. But
Speaker 1: I just stuck to like the I pretty much was like, um, oh,
Speaker 1: we ate this, like we ate this delicious vegan starter
Speaker 1: which were these like beat cakes wolf all right. It
Speaker 1: was the people who do Crossroads in LA. It's one
Speaker 1: of my favorite vegan restaurants. And this this beat cake
Speaker 1: that was so good, and so I go, how we
Speaker 1: had just eaten dinner and I'm walking out stage and
Speaker 1: I go, how good were those damn beat cakes? I
Speaker 1: was like, if you ate the beat cake tomorrow, your
Speaker 1: peat tonight or tomorrow, your peat is going to be
Speaker 1: pink or reddish, You're not dying. You ate beats people,
Speaker 1: because it was in the dark, and it was valuable
Speaker 1: to know because everyone in that room was old. Everyone
Speaker 1: there it's not yes. And then so and then um
Speaker 1: who gave me the tag Kevin Neilan, who I saw
Speaker 1: later on, gave me the tag of like, and you
Speaker 1: should have said and if you'r and if your shit
Speaker 1: is diarrhea, it's because you ate that like and then
Speaker 1: just say something else, like about some gross part of
Speaker 1: the food. It's because you ate the and the make
Speaker 1: fun of something. So I wish I would have done that,
Speaker 1: but I started out that way. So I called out
Speaker 1: something that everyone had experienced the room. And then Kevin
Speaker 1: was the Kevin was working at them, so Bill was
Speaker 1: at the theater there, I was at the MGM Grand
Speaker 1: which is where they have like you know, boxing matches
Speaker 1: and you have c fights and Joe Rogan sells it out.
Speaker 1: It's like I was backstage, it's like Billy Joel, Paul McCartney,
Speaker 1: like it was so like but they had closed off
Speaker 1: like it was a fourth of it used, but it
Speaker 1: was this huge stage. It was so cool. Um And
Speaker 1: so yeah, Bill Maherr was at MGM Grand. Inside the
Speaker 1: MGM Grand is the Brad Garrett Comedy Club. Kevin Neilan
Speaker 1: was there, so I went to see Bill maher that night.
Speaker 1: Hung out with Bill backstage age. I fucking love Bill
Speaker 1: so much. I love him so much. It was so fun.
Speaker 1: He's just such a he's so different than he is
Speaker 1: on his show, Like he's just a dear friend. I
Speaker 1: love him. Good hang And then after that they were
Speaker 1: going to strip club. So then I was like, now
Speaker 1: I'm too tired. And then I was texting with Kevin.
Speaker 1: I was like, just like, let's meet in this little
Speaker 1: like lounge area and we just sat down and meet
Speaker 1: him and Chris hung out and then got to hang
Speaker 1: out with Kevin a bunch and just talk about you know,
Speaker 1: Chris is producing the Sandler Special, so we talked to
Speaker 1: him about like s and l stories. It was just
Speaker 1: so fun. And then the next night I had the
Speaker 1: big show and then we had you know, lunch with Kevin,
Speaker 1: and then afterwards we also hung out with Kevin again.
Speaker 1: Like it was just a really good weekend of hangs
Speaker 1: with friends. And then but I want to tell you
Speaker 1: the thing that the hot take I have after doing
Speaker 1: this that was inspired I think by Bill Maher. It
Speaker 1: might be a little harsh, but I have a take
Speaker 1: on something in the news that I want to give
Speaker 1: and you're gonna hear it here first, So stay with us.
Speaker 1: We'll be right back. So did you guys see the
Speaker 1: Tiger Woods thing or hear about it a couple of
Speaker 1: years ago? Under No, this week, what happened? No, he
Speaker 1: got in trouble. He like had to apologize already because
Speaker 1: he over the weekend. I guess he hit a shot
Speaker 1: and then like a newer, like young promising golfer hit
Speaker 1: a shot and it was either it was before him
Speaker 1: or after him, but the Tiger hit like ten yards further. Okay,
Speaker 1: Then this guy and Tiger came up to him and
Speaker 1: and this was caught on camera. Tiger like went up
Speaker 1: to like shake his hand and the guy puts out
Speaker 1: his hand and Tiger puts a tampon in his hand
Speaker 1: to be like, did you see this? I heard about it.
Speaker 1: I was so confused by it. Why did he put
Speaker 1: a tampon in there? Like, okay, why do you think
Speaker 1: because he's a little bit oh to dry his hand
Speaker 1: out because it was huggy. Oh my god, are we
Speaker 1: just having football? What's happening to imply like you hit
Speaker 1: like a girl? Yeah, he's a little bit yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1: First of all, I saw it and I thought that's
Speaker 1: kind of funny. First of all, it's funny because Tiger
Speaker 1: had to find a tampon keep it in his pocket
Speaker 1: all day, Like there's not tampons like around like everything
Speaker 1: premeditated tampon, meaning before the match, he knew he was
Speaker 1: going to hand this off. Yes, um, he had to
Speaker 1: find a tampon, which is hilarious. And then he had
Speaker 1: to like just the guy, just the act of like
Speaker 1: the guy being like Tiger Woods is his kid's hero.
Speaker 1: I'm guessing whoever he did it. I don't know the
Speaker 1: age of difference, but Tiger is definitely one of the
Speaker 1: older golfers. Now, this guy is a being approached by Tiger.
Speaker 1: He's playing against him, so he's probably like used to it.
Speaker 1: But there's a little bit of like Tiger's gonna shake
Speaker 1: my hand, you know, like yes, and then a tampon's
Speaker 1: in it. That's funny. Now everyone's upset because this is
Speaker 1: discouraging women. This is saying that women are or like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that's an insult to dry like a woman.
Speaker 1: Drive as a hit a ball, drive right, or drive
Speaker 1: a car like a woman. We're bad at that too,
Speaker 1: but how insulting. My take is that we do drive
Speaker 1: worse than men, not drive cars. We cannot hit balls
Speaker 1: as far as men. If you look at the statistics,
Speaker 1: women are weaker golfers in terms of distance. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: just the way it is. Let me just pull up
Speaker 1: this fact. The average distance for men who are on
Speaker 1: the PGA is to hit with a driver is two
Speaker 1: hundred and eighty nine to three hundred and twenty three feet.
Speaker 1: The average distance for women in the LPGA is two
Speaker 1: hundred and forty six to two hundred and fifty eight feet.
Speaker 1: So the furthest we could possibly hit it on average
Speaker 1: is not is still thirty yards short of a man.
Speaker 1: So Tiger saying this guy hits like a girl. He
Speaker 1: doesn't hit like a girl. He actually hits better than
Speaker 1: a girl. Like it's he was wrong even in that
Speaker 1: girls could Girls would love to be able to hit
Speaker 1: ten yards short of or whatever, ten feet. I don't
Speaker 1: even know what the measurement is. My point is like,
Speaker 1: what's so bad? I know that it was negative connotation
Speaker 1: of like, oh, it's bad to be a girl. Women
Speaker 1: are worse at sports than men. That's why people watch
Speaker 1: less women's sports. It's true. It's like the Bill Birr
Speaker 1: thing of like if you like the if you love
Speaker 1: women's basketball so much, name one fucking team women? Where
Speaker 1: why aren't women watching it? It's just we we all? So,
Speaker 1: I just I don't get what this is discouraging women?
Speaker 1: How about what you'll how about look at the stats
Speaker 1: of how far you could drive if you work your
Speaker 1: harness as a woman and know that it will never
Speaker 1: be as close to a man. Does that discourage women?
Speaker 1: Like that? No? Or maybe I have a question for
Speaker 1: you because when I first saw as Bill Burr Special
Speaker 1: and I was like, I love this one part and
Speaker 1: you were like I hate that argument. Though I want
Speaker 1: to hear what your argument then was that I never
Speaker 1: hated that argument. Well, you were like, it's such a
Speaker 1: it doesn't have weight what he's trying to prove, And
Speaker 1: and I know other people that have said that too,
Speaker 1: So do you remember what you meant at the time,
Speaker 1: because you were like, because he says women watch the Kardashians,
Speaker 1: that's where they put their focus and energy rather than
Speaker 1: I always loved this joke. I don't remember ever hating
Speaker 1: this or disagreeing with this joke, because it is true.
Speaker 1: It's I don't remember not saying it doesn't have weight,
Speaker 1: but maybe I did. But you were like, it's a
Speaker 1: fallacious argument. And other people have told me that too,
Speaker 1: that they're like the premise is weak, that like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: the reason women don't make as much as in the
Speaker 1: w NBA's because you guys aren't buying tickets. It's like
Speaker 1: that doesn't take into account the patriarchy, like the much
Speaker 1: bigger system. That's flawed, right, And but this is why,
Speaker 1: like Bill Burr is because it doesn't it's not about feelings.
Speaker 1: It's I get that women's feelings are hurt by being
Speaker 1: connotated with Tampon's equal girl girl equals bad at sports,
Speaker 1: but we are worse at sports than men, so you can't.
Speaker 1: That's why I like Bill Burr. You can have your
Speaker 1: feelings hurt by this all you want, but it's true.
Speaker 1: And I was talking to Mad about it just now,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I think that's why I don't like
Speaker 1: sports is because I was never gonna be better than men,
Speaker 1: and I want to be able to compete against men
Speaker 1: at the same level. Out Yeah, comedy, there's no I
Speaker 1: can drive just as far as a man can't. I mean,
Speaker 1: the world is stacked against me in a way that
Speaker 1: hinders it a little bit, because I do believe that
Speaker 1: women are socialized to be less funny than men. They
Speaker 1: are encouraged to be less funny. They're not the class clowns,
Speaker 1: they're you know, all of that. So I I understand
Speaker 1: why people got upset about this. I'm not playing dumb
Speaker 1: like oh that that he's implying girls are bad at sports,
Speaker 1: but they are compared to men. That's why we don't
Speaker 1: compete against them at the same level because we would
Speaker 1: get smashed. So it's like he's and let me argue this.
Speaker 1: There was all this thing of like Tiger Woods should
Speaker 1: he is the father of a daughter, which leave that
Speaker 1: fucking thing at when people say, as the father of
Speaker 1: a daughter, why don't you just care about women before
Speaker 1: you have a daughter? How about that you shouldn't care
Speaker 1: more about women because you have a daughter. Shut up,
Speaker 1: you should just care about women. But everyone's so selfish
Speaker 1: that unless it's your thing, you don't care about it.
Speaker 1: So that's another argument. But also he was doing this
Speaker 1: as a private joke. It was just one guy to
Speaker 1: another guy being like immature college level frat humor. That
Speaker 1: because that's where he stunted. He stopped socializing at the
Speaker 1: age of seven and started he's he's stunted. Of course
Speaker 1: he's gonna make dumb jokes like this. I'm sure he
Speaker 1: left at the words boobies. I mean, I'm still I'm
Speaker 1: sure he still says boobies Tiger Woods because he wasn't
Speaker 1: socialized because he grew up on a golf course where
Speaker 1: his dad was fucking you know, you know, prostitutes on
Speaker 1: the green next to him. What I'm saying is that
Speaker 1: it was a private joke between two men that was
Speaker 1: locker room talk type thing, which I'm not excusing that
Speaker 1: because Chris last night I was giving him this argument
Speaker 1: He goes, well, you're you're acting like it's like locker
Speaker 1: room talk. We should let it go, and he goes,
Speaker 1: that would be like the Trump locker room talking. I go,
Speaker 1: Trump was grabbing, was ragging about grabbing a woman by
Speaker 1: the pussy without consent. That is different than palming a
Speaker 1: guy a tampon and implying that he hits like a girl.
Speaker 1: And Tiger wasn't wanting this to go. He wasn't trying,
Speaker 1: he wasn't doing a comedy special based upon me palming.
Speaker 1: He wasn't trying to get this out of the ether
Speaker 1: to know it was guess who did that? The fucking media.
Speaker 1: So if you want to blame anyone for making women
Speaker 1: feel like they can't get into golf because they'll be
Speaker 1: made fun of, blame the media for letting us know
Speaker 1: about this intimate moment that happened, and and writing all
Speaker 1: the thing pieces about it and making him apologize like
Speaker 1: he shouldn't apologize. Yes, of course he did. This guy
Speaker 1: is scared to death of anything else that will do
Speaker 1: what he has PTSD. I'm sure from what happened to
Speaker 1: him originally. But I just this idea that men and
Speaker 1: women are equal at sports but it also goes to
Speaker 1: what you were saying earlier about not wanting to hurt anyone,
Speaker 1: you know, like changing your perspective on I don't want
Speaker 1: to hurt anyone's feelings, so I'm not going to say
Speaker 1: or do something. This wasn't intended for everyone. This was
Speaker 1: just between Tiger and this other guy, and your feelings
Speaker 1: might get hurt. As a young girl who would want
Speaker 1: to play golf and someone applied it was period just
Speaker 1: started this week, and I'm like, oh, I'm using tampons,
Speaker 1: and he made it seem like if you use tampons,
Speaker 1: you're a bad golf like it might maybe it would,
Speaker 1: it would hurt my feelings and discourage me from golfing,
Speaker 1: But I don't think that many women are being discouraged
Speaker 1: this week from pursuing to show him like hey, I
Speaker 1: could you know, be the best at my league or this,
Speaker 1: Like he has to apologize now, and like, I just
Speaker 1: it's just so do you think it's K? I think
Speaker 1: the joke was K, even though at first I was like,
Speaker 1: it's kind of funny, but just picturing him like getting
Speaker 1: a tampon is hilarious. Where do you think it procuring
Speaker 1: one like I bet he like asked his assistant to
Speaker 1: go get one, and I bet he just went to
Speaker 1: the women's restroom and like grab or like had someone
Speaker 1: got a woman to go in the women's restroom and
Speaker 1: grab them, because I'm guessing at these country clubs, they
Speaker 1: like have tampons everywhere, like in the dressing rooms are
Speaker 1: fully decked out, even though women weren't allowed there to
Speaker 1: like nineteen eighty six or something. But um and they're
Speaker 1: still working on getting black women able to go in.
Speaker 1: But we'll get there. Um No. I've always had a
Speaker 1: problem with like like and these people are like everyone's
Speaker 1: just such a moralist and like, you know, tiptoeing around
Speaker 1: people's feelings while they're consuming things that were made by children,
Speaker 1: you know in foreign countries where they're they watch porn.
Speaker 1: Everyone who's a goddamn moralist and pointing a finger like
Speaker 1: it's they're doing something corrupt. Everyone as a fucking hypocrite,
Speaker 1: including myself. When I get hurt about things, it's always
Speaker 1: I always find a win in which I'm doing the
Speaker 1: exact same thing and wanting to get away with it.
Speaker 1: All the men that say, as the father of a daughter,
Speaker 1: that's the biggest red flag for a guy that's doing
Speaker 1: some creepy stuff. I didn't know not to rape until
Speaker 1: I brought a life in this world that had a vagina.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that you shouldn't rape people like yass.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Speaking of Seven Wives, I just got
Speaker 1: into Keep Sweet, Prey and Obey. Oh Jeff's documentary that
Speaker 1: was on that talk about it. I'm about that was
Speaker 1: that was. I mean those hairstyles weekend. That is a
Speaker 1: pressing women. I know those hairstyles what took hours and
Speaker 1: the men made them wear it like as they all
Speaker 1: look like um yeah, like in the background in the
Speaker 1: back of them, they look like yeah, it's it's like
Speaker 1: a strange wave. Once Nikki did it to imitate Taylor
Speaker 1: Swift's bangs. If he did that Taylor Swift bang, but
Speaker 1: up it's like a buffont kind of like amish. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then they in the back of these intricate braids,
Speaker 1: which would make them they would have to work on
Speaker 1: their here for hours a day, and it was always
Speaker 1: just to like control women. You have to wear it
Speaker 1: like this. Now you have to wear long John's and
Speaker 1: like this this guy Warren Jeffs, I thought I knew
Speaker 1: about what happened down there in Texas when there was
Speaker 1: a raid. I kind of saw stuff. But it's way
Speaker 1: more interesting than you think and disturbing and he's still
Speaker 1: in control. Spoiler alert, so it's really fucked up. Before
Speaker 1: Reddit dump, can we play the video? Because I've been
Speaker 1: thinking about getting a pet recently. I've like I'm looking
Speaker 1: at dogs while I'm out here test driving some you know,
Speaker 1: broken animals. I want an old dog that's small, that
Speaker 1: can travel, and that's just kind of like I want
Speaker 1: to marry in pretty much that just like is easygoing
Speaker 1: and no one else wants them because they're like kind
Speaker 1: of like ugly looking and they're small and they can
Speaker 1: travel and I can help, like, you know, we can
Speaker 1: be together for their last years of their life. Like
Speaker 1: I'm looking for a senior but it's a lot of asks,
Speaker 1: so I don't know if I'll find it. But what
Speaker 1: animal asks? Oh, and I want to dog with a
Speaker 1: lot of asks, So it's like Corgy a lot. I
Speaker 1: know I have Billy as a sex slave. Yeah, they
Speaker 1: get old, it gets That's what I'm I gotta realize,
Speaker 1: Like I gotta be ready to take this dog to
Speaker 1: the doctor a lot, like I'm signing up for like
Speaker 1: a lot of work, and that stresses me out because
Speaker 1: even if I think about having kids, I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't know how I'm going to get them to lessons
Speaker 1: and like sign them up for vaccines and like I
Speaker 1: don't even know. Like that all stressed me out. I
Speaker 1: just would never be able to do it. I just
Speaker 1: know that I wouldn't be able to get them shuttle
Speaker 1: them to lessons and practices, and oh, I don't want
Speaker 1: to deal with their schedules. So I have to really
Speaker 1: wrap my head around like either getting an assistant to
Speaker 1: do this with my dog or like having because I
Speaker 1: want them to have the utmost care, obviously in their
Speaker 1: senior year. So I just got to be ready for
Speaker 1: all that it entails, and I don't. I don't know
Speaker 1: if I am. But I also know that every day
Speaker 1: that I don't have a little dog in my life
Speaker 1: is a day that a dog is out there that
Speaker 1: could have love that I'm not giving it love. And
Speaker 1: it's like I'm wasting time. That's so nice. You and
Speaker 1: my other best friend, China, you guys are both motivated
Speaker 1: by the same thing. China only adopts senior dogs. She's
Speaker 1: constantly like we lost her. She's always weeping and grieving
Speaker 1: and always spending six thousand dollars at the vet. But
Speaker 1: she's saved so many dogs lives. Yes, I don't the
Speaker 1: idea that a little dog that like his owner died
Speaker 1: or they were abandoned because the family moved ran out
Speaker 1: of money, that like just spends their their senior years
Speaker 1: as senior citizen dogs alone. It just breaks my heart.
Speaker 1: And I want a dog that's like and senior dogs.
Speaker 1: They like move slower, they don't need as much exercise.
Speaker 1: They're kind of just like they're they're down to be
Speaker 1: carried around all the time, and that's what I want.
Speaker 1: They love Florida, Yeah, and I go there a lot
Speaker 1: for shows. Yeah yeah, okay, So but I don't think
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get a bird. And it's so funny because
Speaker 1: I was looking into getting a Quaker parrot because they're
Speaker 1: the cutest. They're type of parrots. They have really fat
Speaker 1: and typebraids. Get a fundamentalist parrot, they turn their own
Speaker 1: butter um. They were persecuted for their religious beliefs in
Speaker 1: the early fourteen hundreds. I don't know what the please
Speaker 1: don't this is. We know nothing territory, but I wanted
Speaker 1: to get a quaker parrot because there's just an easy
Speaker 1: like if you want to get a parrot like not
Speaker 1: a parakeet cockatil and you want to ease up to
Speaker 1: like actual like parrot parrot, a quaker is a what
Speaker 1: I've been told a good option. There's lots of them
Speaker 1: in bird rescue that need home. So I was about
Speaker 1: to get a parrot, a quaker parrot at one point
Speaker 1: a couple of months ago. Didn't do it, and I'm
Speaker 1: almost glad I didn't because a couple besties sent this
Speaker 1: video and it's so funny and it really discouraged me.
Speaker 1: But I don't want to discourage people who are interested
Speaker 1: in bird rescue. I just don't have the life to
Speaker 1: devote to this. So just watch this. It's so it's
Speaker 1: so funny or listening about me. That is, when I
Speaker 1: was ten, my mom said I could pick out out
Speaker 1: any pet, and so I picked this bird without no
Speaker 1: wing that it can never die. Additionally, realize that quake
Speaker 1: per parrots were undomesticatable, which means they're vicious to everyone
Speaker 1: but me. And now I'm legal in the state of Colorado.
Speaker 1: Don't come for us. Anyway, if you're considering getting a bird,
Speaker 1: specifically a Quaker parrot, just don't. They're like, they're great.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have this bird in my entire life. It's
Speaker 1: like my sibling. But they're terrible pets. Just get a
Speaker 1: fucking just get a fucking cat. She says she noticed.
Speaker 1: She said they're like a sibling, not like a like
Speaker 1: a son. Like She's just like, I don't want to
Speaker 1: my pet that feels like a sibling. I'll tell you that.
Speaker 1: How long do these fuckers live? Like thirty years? I
Speaker 1: think Quakers are just domestically like thirty years. And she
Speaker 1: seemed to be when she was ten. She said she
Speaker 1: got the birds, so I don't know it's gonna be. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she literally in her thirties, so the parrots got a
Speaker 1: little bit longer to go. No, My my voice teacher
Speaker 1: had a Amazon parrot in like the seventies that he
Speaker 1: just you know, was moving and had this big cage,
Speaker 1: couldn't take care of it. His friend was like, I'll
Speaker 1: have him. And his friend who he lost touch with,
Speaker 1: just got in touch with him on LinkedIn like five
Speaker 1: years ago, and he was like, Rodney is still alive.
Speaker 1: And then they put his voice on speakerphone and he
Speaker 1: was like Rodney, and the bird was going crazy, and
Speaker 1: he was like he's probably being like where does that
Speaker 1: motherfucker off find him? Because they're they want to kill you.
Speaker 1: Like a lot of birds, like they're not meant to
Speaker 1: be in cages, none of them. They're completely undomesticatable. Like
Speaker 1: that's we haven't gotten to that point yet. I think,
Speaker 1: you know, budgies are a little bit more like chill
Speaker 1: being you know, domesticated meaning owned by humans and told
Speaker 1: when to do. Slaves to humans. Is that what domesticated
Speaker 1: is essentially, is that like a nice word for like
Speaker 1: animals who are slaves. That's what I was going to
Speaker 1: ask is maybe you know the answer to this, why
Speaker 1: are their parrot rescues? Like why don't I just let
Speaker 1: them go? Because they can't they don't know how to
Speaker 1: fend for themselves. Yeah, And the only reason pair rescues
Speaker 1: exist are too the ideal a parrot rescue would love
Speaker 1: to not exist. They would love to never have people
Speaker 1: buy parrots ever again. But they only exist because people
Speaker 1: are breeding parrots. And the same with breeding dogs. It's
Speaker 1: like you don't need to breed anymore. We just we
Speaker 1: have enough dogs. Like, if you took all the parrots
Speaker 1: that are rescued, and you took them, let's say, to
Speaker 1: Peru or wherever they're supposed to be somewhere in the
Speaker 1: tropics and you know, someplace livable, would they not be
Speaker 1: able to survive there? I don't think so, no, because
Speaker 1: that would be obviously the solution. Yeah, they're they lived
Speaker 1: in cages for decades, you know, these birds, And I
Speaker 1: think that and yet another thing. Yeah, and you know what,
Speaker 1: they're continuing to do it. There's there's a man right
Speaker 1: now somewhere in a rainforest stealing eggs out of a
Speaker 1: mast to sell on the black market. I mean, it
Speaker 1: happens all the time. You see those videos of people
Speaker 1: getting stopped at the border and they have a bunch
Speaker 1: of birds in their belt, like little birds that are
Speaker 1: like rolled up in little paper towels, and they're like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: it happens all the people. They're smuggling exotic animals all
Speaker 1: the time because rich people love to buy to own
Speaker 1: things that they can't take care of. It's just it's tragic.
Speaker 1: And yeah, so I'm not gonna get a Quaker parro
Speaker 1: at anytime soon. But let's do reddit dump and see
Speaker 1: what else we learned today. Karaoke mode. This is your
Speaker 1: reddit dump. This is from me I r L. And
Speaker 1: it's a tweet that says, imagine falling in love with
Speaker 1: Imagine falling in love with someone just to find out
Speaker 1: they watch Netflix with subtitles. And then someone replied to
Speaker 1: that and said, I'm convinced people who don't like subtitles
Speaker 1: can't read fast. What are your thoughts on both of
Speaker 1: these things? I don't. I don't don't have this discrimination
Speaker 1: because I just started using subtitle titles once in a
Speaker 1: while because I have trouble hearing stuff. Yeah, because of
Speaker 1: all the years blasting music, and so I don't mind them.
Speaker 1: I don't like it when I can hear. But also
Speaker 1: our system is weird because Matt has like these big
Speaker 1: speakers and there's like too much base echo. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: I'm just liked. I can't stand my tooth. I chip
Speaker 1: my tooth and I just keep looking at it, and
Speaker 1: I like, crazy, you chip it on a mango of
Speaker 1: I mean a fucking mango. Yeah, like a mango slice,
Speaker 1: like a drive. I was slicing it and I was
Speaker 1: thinking about how I have a dentist appointment on Tuesday,
Speaker 1: and I was scraping the mango and all my sins
Speaker 1: were getting stuck in my teeth, and then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, my tooth was gone, chip, Oh well good,
Speaker 1: you get it fixed tomorrow. Tomorrow. I've looked like, um,
Speaker 1: it's weird how you look poor if you have a
Speaker 1: piece of your tooth. Yeah, it's like having green bubbles
Speaker 1: on your iPhone. Yeah. I like that there's a gap,
Speaker 1: like in the mild I feel like Madonna, a little Madonna,
Speaker 1: but in the middle. Yeah, you don't look poor the
Speaker 1: gap in them. As long as it's symmetrical. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm either Italian looking like you're a British singer. Yeah. Yeah, um.
Speaker 1: But anyway, I don't mind subtitles so much. If I
Speaker 1: can hear, I prefer them gone so I can focus
Speaker 1: on the acting. But yeah, I don't have like anger
Speaker 1: about it. I turned them off. Like last night, I
Speaker 1: was taking Chris through like my favorite Julia Louis Dreyfust
Speaker 1: moments in like Seinfeld and Veep, and we were just
Speaker 1: like he kind of like, lets me just go through
Speaker 1: and be like, oh now this clip, wait, hold on,
Speaker 1: she's so amazing in this, and I was noticing that
Speaker 1: the jokes were coming up before the dialogue or before
Speaker 1: her delivery, so it was bothering me, so I turned them.
Speaker 1: I would I go, I flicker in and off. I
Speaker 1: am on and off. But I like I like a
Speaker 1: subtitle because I like to know every I want to
Speaker 1: know everything. I don't want to miss anything, and I
Speaker 1: stay focus shows where you can miss a great joke
Speaker 1: because they're so fast, and then you can appreciate that
Speaker 1: way it can be rue. And because so much comedy
Speaker 1: is one hundred percent about surprise and not seeing it coming,
Speaker 1: and not one hundred percent, but I would say fifty
Speaker 1: percent about it. So if you watch comedy things with subtitles,
Speaker 1: you're not having the true experience I believe, So I
Speaker 1: would watch, I would definitely take them off. If you're
Speaker 1: someone who uses subtitles, I think you'll enjoy comedy things
Speaker 1: a lot more and you don't even realize that you're
Speaker 1: having it ruined for you by seeing it. But I
Speaker 1: do believe that people can't read fast, and that is
Speaker 1: a thing that like that and it makes me, you know,
Speaker 1: that slightly makes me feel superior because I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm a pretty fast reader. But I'm just fast at general.
Speaker 1: It's not because I'm smarter everything. Okay. So the person
Speaker 1: was mad at people that don't like subtitles because it
Speaker 1: means that they can't read fast. No, he wasn't mad
Speaker 1: at them. He's just like he's responding to this girl
Speaker 1: who's like if you have, like, imagine being in love
Speaker 1: with someone and then you find out that use subtitles,
Speaker 1: like she was judging people use subtitles, and he goes
Speaker 1: my thought as anyone who doesn't like subtitles just can't
Speaker 1: read fast. And so he was just you know, you know,
Speaker 1: getting back at our dissoner. Okay, And this is another
Speaker 1: tweet from me. I r L between me and real life.
Speaker 1: Why do people insist on surviving the apocalypse when you
Speaker 1: can just die? And I relate to that so much.
Speaker 1: I was talking to Chris last night about The Last
Speaker 1: of Us. We watched the new episode and I was like, so,
Speaker 1: you know, if there's this is a spoiler alert for
Speaker 1: the first episode, but like this guy is like very
Speaker 1: affected by his daughter's death. He didn't save his daughter
Speaker 1: in the first episode, Okay, and that's like the whole
Speaker 1: series is like his struggling with that. And I made
Speaker 1: the point last night to Chris that if I were him,
Speaker 1: I would kind of be glad my daughter didn't survive
Speaker 1: past that first day because life became hell or hell
Speaker 1: Fedra took over. They had to live in Quzi camps
Speaker 1: like it was bad life, So like, in a way,
Speaker 1: it was good she died. I would have been like, Dad,
Speaker 1: thank you. I know, I don't have to eat camps.
Speaker 1: First of all, died from someone shooting me as opposed
Speaker 1: to like a weird mushroom man showing on my neck,
Speaker 1: Like this is way better. So I'm like he, I
Speaker 1: feel like his daughter. They should have had his killed
Speaker 1: in the beginning by up by a mushroom man, because
Speaker 1: there's that would have been a more disturbing thing for
Speaker 1: him to recover from, even though losing your daughter is
Speaker 1: sad enough and I shouldn't make it worse. But um,
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with the show. Obsessed with the show, love love,
Speaker 1: love everything about it. I am so into their relationship.
Speaker 1: This will they won't they? I'm just kidding this, Like,
Speaker 1: but I mean she didn't like drink alcohol the other night,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, so that's gonna happen. Um, she's fourteen,
Speaker 1: so but I'm you know, she's nineteen in real life. Um,
Speaker 1: she's wearing a million sports bras, which you can see
Speaker 1: sometimes and scenes like you can see the outline of
Speaker 1: the top of the sports bras in her shirt, especially
Speaker 1: when she's getting your hair in the last episode, she's
Speaker 1: so Hilary swanking it. Yeah, because she's trying to be
Speaker 1: fourteen like so like, if you layer enough sports bras,
Speaker 1: it will be flat. But she's wearing a ton of
Speaker 1: sports bras. But she is incredible, and just I feel
Speaker 1: like I wish I would have had a influence like that.
Speaker 1: I think Harriet the Spot I was the closest thing
Speaker 1: I got to like that kind of precocious. I'm not stunning,
Speaker 1: Like I'm not like a stunning little child actor like
Speaker 1: John Bennet. Gorgeous, cool, scrappy, funny, loves comedy, kind of
Speaker 1: likes boys. Stuff like a good influence for young women.
Speaker 1: So I just love the show. And he is so
Speaker 1: fucking hot. I can't it's it feels again. It feels
Speaker 1: thankfully Chris is on board with how hot he is
Speaker 1: and I'm not like swooning like theo James levels of
Speaker 1: like I gotta be alone for this. But he is
Speaker 1: very the guy Joel in this Pedro. Yeah, he's he's hot,
Speaker 1: he's he's Um, he's such a good actor. Everyone in
Speaker 1: the show is a good actor. But um, just his
Speaker 1: love for this girl. But I like that. It's not
Speaker 1: like I'm not compelled by like a romance. There's no
Speaker 1: romance in this that's like getting me on board. Um.
Speaker 1: It's just such a good show and I think people
Speaker 1: should get into it. Okay, um uh oh Okay. So
Speaker 1: this is kind of a long one, but it's good.
Speaker 1: So this one was from made Me Smile, and I'll
Speaker 1: paraphrase it. This is the subreddit made me smile. Also
Speaker 1: at the end, I want to go over my subreddits
Speaker 1: because people have been asking me I just joined Reddit,
Speaker 1: and I want to know what subredate's joined. So I'll
Speaker 1: give some people sum at the end. But made me
Speaker 1: smile as a good one, this said Curb Your Enthusiasm
Speaker 1: director Robert B. Weedy, w e I d obituary for
Speaker 1: his wife. Okay, so he says, Linda Weedy, my remarkable wife.
Speaker 1: Will believed everybody's age was nobody's business. Let's just say
Speaker 1: she was ageless and timeless. She had a kind of
Speaker 1: elegance from another era. She started acting Da da Da
Speaker 1: Da da. She did all this stuff. Her bravery and
Speaker 1: dignity in the face of this illness were on inspiring,
Speaker 1: but unfortunately the house always wins. She died on Christmas Day,
Speaker 1: twenty twenty two, peacefully at home and in my arms.
Speaker 1: If you must die, tried to do it in the
Speaker 1: arms of someone who loves you. It helps, and he
Speaker 1: goes into her education. She lived for a time in Boston,
Speaker 1: then Manhattan, and at nineteen eighty nine she moved to
Speaker 1: Los Angeles. Thank God for the last move, because on
Speaker 1: September thirtieth, nineteen ninety four, I walked into Cafe Aroma
Speaker 1: in Studio City, which I know, and there she was.
Speaker 1: She had it all, beauty, style, grace, intelligence, wit and
Speaker 1: great a great laugh, a blinding smile and can I
Speaker 1: say this into twenty twenty three legs that demanded to
Speaker 1: be shown off and were that night, I wrote in
Speaker 1: my journal, I think I may be in big trouble.
Speaker 1: We were married on July eleventh, ninety eight. She was
Speaker 1: remarkably low maintenance. We both appreciated the occasional meal in
Speaker 1: a fine restaurant and traveling abroad. But some years I'd
Speaker 1: ask what she wanted for her birthday and she would
Speaker 1: answer a grilled cheese sandwich. Typical. She was generous to
Speaker 1: a fault, always putting others needs before her own. Her
Speaker 1: soft softest spot was reserved for animals, especially those in need. Okay,
Speaker 1: all their animals were rescued, but da da da da.
Speaker 1: She donated many charities. She understandably would become disenchanted with acting,
Speaker 1: but two memorable roles were that of Penelope in the
Speaker 1: two thousand and one stage revival of Kurt Vonneget's Happy
Speaker 1: Birthday Wanda June. And then she played the role of
Speaker 1: Mindy Riiser in Curb Enthusiasm episode The Terrorist Tacked and
Speaker 1: then he talks about then this is the part what
Speaker 1: a team we made. She was Gracie to my George.
Speaker 1: After we purchased side by side cemetery plots years ago,
Speaker 1: I asked her what she wanted her marker to say.
Speaker 1: She answered, I'm with stupid and rode in parentheses that
Speaker 1: request would not be honored. Oh dear, what am I
Speaker 1: ever supposed to do without her? They say? Nothing less forever,
Speaker 1: but they didn't know about my love for her. Twenty
Speaker 1: eight years wasn't nearly long enough. Still, I may be
Speaker 1: just the luckiest s ob who ever lived. Rest well, Bunny.
Speaker 1: I hope we'll be together again. For those Oh, this
Speaker 1: is the part for those who never knew her, I'm
Speaker 1: sorry for your loss. How good is that? For those
Speaker 1: who never knew her, I'm sorry for your loss as
Speaker 1: opposed to like, it's like we got something. It's not
Speaker 1: our loss. We knew her. It's so sweet and like
Speaker 1: if you just gotta have that's what you need is
Speaker 1: someone who thinks about you like that. Like, what a beautiful,
Speaker 1: um tribute. I just loved. I loved it so so
Speaker 1: so much. Um. Okay that is a sad one. Um god,
Speaker 1: damn it. Okay, this is a good one. I know
Speaker 1: you're crying. Does your vagina hurt? Oh yeah, oh my god,
Speaker 1: that's right. Vagina vaginal wink? Thanks to the best sea
Speaker 1: that wrote in about that. I thought I was alone
Speaker 1: in my weird So what is it? It's called a
Speaker 1: vaginal wink with the thing that I get, which is
Speaker 1: if anyone describes someone that I care about getting hurt
Speaker 1: or doing anything scary, or if I see them, I
Speaker 1: don't have to. It can happen with almost anything, but
Speaker 1: it's only talk about like a paper cut they got
Speaker 1: or something like that, maybe like in the last five years.
Speaker 1: And then it just feels like I'm on a roller
Speaker 1: coaster really quick, but a bad feeling almost like not
Speaker 1: good roller coaster. Yeah, one, you're not strapped one of
Speaker 1: the you know, decapitated a kid in twenty eleven in
Speaker 1: Kansas City. That one is probably the worst. Oh my god, Yes,
Speaker 1: what is everything bad? And treasury of morbid stories in
Speaker 1: my brain like this weekend the Murdock murders. I think
Speaker 1: on the Girls Chat Taylor reference the Murdock murders. There's
Speaker 1: a new documentary coming up. I don't I don't remember
Speaker 1: their last name. I should, but it is the crisliest
Speaker 1: crime ever. And I don't even want to watch a
Speaker 1: documentary because it's so sad. But look for that soon. Okay,
Speaker 1: here's um right before we go to break me I
Speaker 1: r L tip for newlyweds listening on you that ye
Speaker 1: send a wedding invite to every billionaire who's address you
Speaker 1: can find, because it's a fifty fifty chance their assistants
Speaker 1: just put you send you a perfunctory gift without ever
Speaker 1: wondering who the hell you are? How many billionaires do
Speaker 1: I know? Or I just send it to any like
Speaker 1: and he's coming to the wedding. We have a friend
Speaker 1: who's married to a billionaire. He just gives me a
Speaker 1: grilled cheese sandwich. Okay, we gotta go a break more.
Speaker 1: We'll come back with more after this. Um yike, all right,
Speaker 1: we're back a couple more Reddit things. This is from
Speaker 1: life hacks, and this one is so good. Okay. It
Speaker 1: says after using and rinsing the plunger, which is like, yeah,
Speaker 1: the plunger. For some reason, the plunger sounded like the
Speaker 1: wood that they call the Brits call it or something
Speaker 1: the plonga, but that's what we call it. I don't
Speaker 1: know why. I was like, which is what we call
Speaker 1: the poopsucker is probably like a shovel like you probably
Speaker 1: is something. Yes, do you have the water shovel? Okay? Um,
Speaker 1: After using and rinsing the plunga, rest it under the
Speaker 1: seat to dry. Avoid dripping commode water. That's where they
Speaker 1: got me, commode avoid dripping toilet water on the floor. Okay,
Speaker 1: so look at what they're doing interesting. So you take
Speaker 1: the toilet seat and you put the handle between the
Speaker 1: toilet seat and the toilet the porcelain itself, and then
Speaker 1: it hangs in there and drips dry. And then because
Speaker 1: that is a disgusting thing when you use the brush
Speaker 1: or the plunger, and you kind of like knock it
Speaker 1: around to get it all off, and then you just
Speaker 1: take a chance to like quickly move it to its
Speaker 1: little home. Day goost. What do you say, day goost?
Speaker 1: Day day day goot. We we say dagoutte was disgusting
Speaker 1: in French and we shortened it to day goot. Me
Speaker 1: and my friends, Um, it's tred goot. If I can,
Speaker 1: I'll run, I'll run the plunger brush or whatever. It's
Speaker 1: not a plunger, it's a brush, that's oh we're talking
Speaker 1: about a plunger. I'll try to run it. Let me
Speaker 1: say it with yeah, yeah, say it all right. So
Speaker 1: if you go, if you're taken a big look like
Speaker 1: a chimney sweep with that fucking or couldn't I be
Speaker 1: like some of your mouth like cockney style so? Or
Speaker 1: couldn't I be a lady in white lotus Italy? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, like front desk, like like in Paris. No,
Speaker 1: it does look it can look chic, depending on what
Speaker 1: accent you give it or what angle the camera looks like.
Speaker 1: If you've taken a good big crap in the loop
Speaker 1: and you've got to get the toilet plunger of the brush,
Speaker 1: I'll just ask me dead, what do you guys do
Speaker 1: to do you knock it off? Do you let it sit?
Speaker 1: I run it under the bath, or I'll run it
Speaker 1: under the sink. But even on its way from the
Speaker 1: toilet to the bath, there's a chance a droplet might fall.
Speaker 1: If that happens, then I will Sometimes I'll take toilet
Speaker 1: paper under it to sort of like make sure I
Speaker 1: couldn't do it. Put it in a bag. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: put it in a bag because I don't just touched
Speaker 1: the floor. And then from the bag you put it
Speaker 1: like next because it has a little case next to
Speaker 1: the right, like, oh, that's the that's like a little plunger.
Speaker 1: I would put in a bag the brush and then
Speaker 1: you put the but then you put it in the
Speaker 1: bag like away in a closet or something. She burns it. Oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: the plunger doesn't stay next to the brush, is what
Speaker 1: goes in its little cubby. Yeah, goddamn it. Can you
Speaker 1: think of anything grosser than drinking something out of that cubby?
Speaker 1: Like putting in some liquid and then drink. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: did that make your vagina a wink? If you just
Speaker 1: jumped off a building or did a bungee jump, it would.
Speaker 1: I noticed that rich people never have toilet blenders around,
Speaker 1: Like you just don't see it. It's not in the
Speaker 1: bed because are doing it. I have the help put
Speaker 1: their hands into the toilet thing. Um Okay, I think
Speaker 1: that's that's all I have for my reddits today. I
Speaker 1: need to save more, but I've been. Um, I've just
Speaker 1: been saving a lot of it. Like I have a
Speaker 1: lot of stuff saved that is just Oh, there's this
Speaker 1: one of this baby sloth being reunited with his mom,
Speaker 1: and I said, and I said it to the girl's tattoo.
Speaker 1: It's so good and so sweet, and like, I just
Speaker 1: hate all the noise that's happening around it. I don't
Speaker 1: think those two are gonna like survive long after this
Speaker 1: video is taken. Like I don't trust humans around these things.
Speaker 1: Like I'm like, stop reding your engines when there's like
Speaker 1: a baby, a traumatized baby and its mom next to
Speaker 1: each other. But you could see that video somewhere, I
Speaker 1: mean just google it. But um, yeah, I U. We
Speaker 1: have a girl's trip actually coming up that we're very
Speaker 1: excited about. And um, don't forget vacation before you get
Speaker 1: into that. Why don't share your sudddits. Okay, yes, that's
Speaker 1: a good point, think you know, for keeping me on
Speaker 1: track add today. Okay, If I were you, I would
Speaker 1: join Reddit and I would follow are you ready get
Speaker 1: out your pen and paper? Um, depending on what decade
Speaker 1: you grew up in, Uh, it's the nineties or eighties,
Speaker 1: like the nine zero or eight zero, s seventies, whatever
Speaker 1: it is. Um, I would say, age like milk is
Speaker 1: funny because those are things that like there was like
Speaker 1: people be making bold statements and then the opposite happened.
Speaker 1: An example of that would be, um, oh, it's like
Speaker 1: Andrew Tate saying this, you're a man. If the police
Speaker 1: forensically analyze your life, you've done something pretty much as
Speaker 1: Andrew Tait saying if if you're being investigated, you've done
Speaker 1: something wrong, and it aged like milk, because yes, okay,
Speaker 1: So then um, there's amateur room porn. That's just really
Speaker 1: nice rooms. Animals being bros, animals being jerks. Um, a
Speaker 1: normal day in Russia, and we'll just have some video
Speaker 1: of some bizarre shit happening in Russia that you're just like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck? Like a dog, like a guy walking
Speaker 1: his dog and his bear down the street and no
Speaker 1: one's making a big deal of it. Like that's normal
Speaker 1: day in Russia. Ask women, Ask redditum at bge which
Speaker 1: is awful taste but great execution. So it's like design
Speaker 1: things that are like, oh my god, that's so tacky,
Speaker 1: but it like obviously a lot of work went into it. Um.
Speaker 1: Then there's one the black people Twitter is always funny.
Speaker 1: It's not I don't even know it's there's not tweets
Speaker 1: about being black. It's just like the funny black people's tweets. Um,
Speaker 1: White people Twitter isn't that bad either, um, Ask women,
Speaker 1: ah aw ww, be amazed. That's just shows like crazy
Speaker 1: amazing things. Better every loop that'll be like a jif
Speaker 1: that just goes on repeat, and like any every time
Speaker 1: you watch it over and over, it gets better and
Speaker 1: funnier and weirder, And then people in the comments like argue,
Speaker 1: like why it gets funnier? Like this, the idea that
Speaker 1: this repeats it makes this video better, like, and people
Speaker 1: are really like, get this video off. It doesn't get
Speaker 1: better every loop. Like. People are very like staunch about
Speaker 1: what makes it books? Oh my god, I get so.
Speaker 1: I'm not even a voracious reader, but I get so
Speaker 1: many good recommendations on books because people are constantly asking
Speaker 1: questions like what book would I like if I like
Speaker 1: this stuff? Or like what or like, what are the
Speaker 1: best books you've ever read in your life? It's a
Speaker 1: good place to start for things like that. I've finished Spare,
Speaker 1: oh yeay, and by the Prince Harry. I've finished Spare
Speaker 1: by Prince Harry, and I get it what you're talking about.
Speaker 1: I cannot believe how much the royal family lied and
Speaker 1: threw him under the bus to have protect him. I
Speaker 1: can't believe all the stuff they went through. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's insane. He really exposes a lot of stuff, which
Speaker 1: I think that book was the only way he could
Speaker 1: get his true word out because they would sign, they
Speaker 1: would plagiarize documents that he made, supposed statements. He never made,
Speaker 1: ye say that it was from him. No, we don't.
Speaker 1: We don't know so much of what went on and
Speaker 1: if you have like a cursory understanding and you think
Speaker 1: you know, you just don't know. And I think you
Speaker 1: just need to read that book to fully understand that
Speaker 1: they were were victims. They didn't want any of this.
Speaker 1: They were trying to do good. Megan Markle is not
Speaker 1: a little like conniving bad person. You know, you all
Speaker 1: know my feelings. But I'm glad that you liked it,
Speaker 1: and thanks for reading it. On your final thought listening
Speaker 1: to Spare, was it good to like? How is his
Speaker 1: audio version? ASMR like such a soft force? Can I
Speaker 1: say so? Fall asleep to it? Yeah? Quick? So we
Speaker 1: were talking about captions before, and I wanted to let
Speaker 1: you know that I like captions because one they keep
Speaker 1: me focused and paying attention, and two I have to
Speaker 1: have captions because it's hard for me to understand British accents.
Speaker 1: So I would watch a lot of Horses, which is
Speaker 1: a great show. You absolutely have to have captions because
Speaker 1: there's so much weird slang you've never heard of. They're
Speaker 1: like plunge pa, I would it's constant, like the Welsh
Speaker 1: accent also is hard for me. Yeah, accents are hard. Um.
Speaker 1: The one show that really paid off for me was um,
Speaker 1: normal people remember that one? That one was really good?
Speaker 1: What other TV have you guys been watching that's been great?
Speaker 1: Anything we should wreck? I want? I can't wait for
Speaker 1: the New Succession to come out. I was just thinking
Speaker 1: that was into that show. Yeah, I would rewatch that
Speaker 1: whole thing and we'd watch all of Veep. I've been
Speaker 1: watching Jason Sudeikis. What is it called shrinking? Um? That's
Speaker 1: not Seagull? Yes? I have you watched how many episodes
Speaker 1: are out out? Because I watched the first two. I
Speaker 1: know that they're more, but I gotta get back into
Speaker 1: it because I did like the first two so far. Nice.
Speaker 1: If you like Ted Lasso, you'll like it. It's the same,
Speaker 1: it's so it's the same Bill Lawrence created it. It's
Speaker 1: the same vibe it said Lasso. For sure. It's heartwarming.
Speaker 1: It's funny. Um, it's funny though, because that show and
Speaker 1: The Last of Us are about like someone who has
Speaker 1: like a daughter that they're trying to like win over
Speaker 1: and like protect and like it's a lot there's a
Speaker 1: lot of daughter stuff going on and death looming, just
Speaker 1: like there's a death looming in that show. Oh yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: I'm guessing. I don't know about that part yet, but
Speaker 1: I'm guessing who it is. Um, you can follow jifts.
Speaker 1: You can follow Goodwill fines. That's a good one. Goodwill
Speaker 1: underscore fines. It's really good for Julie. Yeah. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: sometimes the center things. She's like, oh, I've seen that before,
Speaker 1: not a big deal. Um, you can follow Codependency Columbine
Speaker 1: Columbine Killers. Oh wait, don't do that. That's comedy Cemetery
Speaker 1: is like really lame comp like jokes that you know,
Speaker 1: aunts and uncles are posting on Facebook, just like where
Speaker 1: comedy goes to die is. It's like, you know, a
Speaker 1: little interruption. Yesterday we watched Okay, so I mean and
Speaker 1: I We've been going to this place called Bookman's and
Speaker 1: they have a lot of like used old DVD so
Speaker 1: we've just been buying a bunch of stuff, and we
Speaker 1: bought the movie Freddie Got Fingered. And I remember were
Speaker 1: like that movie being like the thing that everyone talked about,
Speaker 1: everyone quoted from it, and I watched I was like,
Speaker 1: this is so stupid. I just don't understand. Wait a second, no,
Speaker 1: I never saw it either. They so they changed it.
Speaker 1: Freddy gofffingered is with Tom Green. It's like I don't
Speaker 1: know from early two thy late nineties, yes, and I
Speaker 1: just like watching it today, I was just like, I
Speaker 1: don't this is this was comedy. That was a really
Speaker 1: bad movie, I think even then, and I think that
Speaker 1: it was going to be a cult classic and like
Speaker 1: people liked it for them. But it's that is the
Speaker 1: interesting thing about like movies like that, like things that
Speaker 1: you go back and you go even Chris has been saying, like,
Speaker 1: in preparation for his Adam Sandler show, he's been watching
Speaker 1: a lot of SNL clips and they have like a
Speaker 1: bunch of Australians on their team who are working on
Speaker 1: or like a guy a South African guy who didn't
Speaker 1: grow up with Sandler stuff. So he's trying to educate
Speaker 1: everyone who's working on this event like this is who
Speaker 1: Sandler was. So they're going back and watching you know what,
Speaker 1: we might as well put on this clip. It's all
Speaker 1: let's go for like watch SNL. And he told me,
Speaker 1: he's like, none of this is really hidden the way
Speaker 1: it did that I remember it did. It's all so long.
Speaker 1: He's like, and the things you remember as a kid
Speaker 1: being like that was the best. It was like one
Speaker 1: line from that sketch and the rest is like brutal.
Speaker 1: We were so deprived of entertainment at the time. But
Speaker 1: it's like, but even now, I mean, I look back
Speaker 1: at my old stand up and I'm like, that wouldn't
Speaker 1: like we have a large In some ways, I think
Speaker 1: the bar is so low. I mean, I saw a
Speaker 1: movie not too long ago that I wanted to walk
Speaker 1: out of the theater but I couldn't because I didn't
Speaker 1: want to get canceled because it was so comedically not
Speaker 1: giving me what I thought like. I was just I
Speaker 1: was insulted. It was like what Fox would give you
Speaker 1: for comedy on like, you know, it's like the mass
Speaker 1: singer levels of comedy. I thought, like, this is just like,
Speaker 1: you know, family style. It was just not like which
Speaker 1: is fine and that has a place like not everything
Speaker 1: needs to be like sharp cutting comedy. But I was
Speaker 1: just like, so sometimes I can be so disappointed and
Speaker 1: then I go see Adam Sandler live and I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: comedy is alive, and well like this is so fucking
Speaker 1: like nothing's funnier than this right now. But then also
Speaker 1: I just I've said it before. I just watch watching
Speaker 1: even some Chris and I are watching Seinfeld's again Seinfeld
Speaker 1: and Veep, Like Seinfeld holds up Veep, you can't. How
Speaker 1: can you make a comedy and compare it to those
Speaker 1: two things and be okay with yourself if it doesn't
Speaker 1: even come close. It just I don't even people's confidence
Speaker 1: in making movies. People that make movies and they like
Speaker 1: if they aren't as good. I understand being a novice
Speaker 1: at something and being like, it's not going to be
Speaker 1: as good as this I'm trying. But people who confidently
Speaker 1: put out things that are going to be tried in
Speaker 1: a court of public opinion on the same level. That's
Speaker 1: why HBO you can count on them. They're not fucking
Speaker 1: around on HBO. They're not letting in riff raff. They
Speaker 1: have they have taste, they have a level of that
Speaker 1: you say what you want about all the streamers, HBO
Speaker 1: has a level of taste comedically, I believe, and just
Speaker 1: with their quality of shows. They're they're spending the money,
Speaker 1: they're they're taking wide swings, but it's always quality and
Speaker 1: um and I just feel like and even I, you know,
Speaker 1: comedically take an easy way out when I could go
Speaker 1: you know, I don't do the hard work to get
Speaker 1: at the best joke, and I take I do a
Speaker 1: lesser version. But I don't know. I just um, Yeah,
Speaker 1: stuff doesn't hold up as much anymore because there is
Speaker 1: so much good stuff now. To compare yourself to Freddy
Speaker 1: got Finger doesn't stand a chance. You know what other
Speaker 1: movie always gets that's so funny? You try to be nostalgic,
Speaker 1: And it was just like, oh, maybe we should watch
Speaker 1: it just for kicks. What about step Brothers? People are
Speaker 1: always like quoting stuff that's that's that probably holds up.
Speaker 1: I gotta say, I've tried watching it twice, and every
Speaker 1: time I'm like, it's not for me. I don't know
Speaker 1: why I cannot. I want to get the joke so bad,
Speaker 1: but it just doesn't really get the joke. They're just
Speaker 1: not make and you laugh. You're not like, what's the
Speaker 1: joke there? I mean, the joke is that these two
Speaker 1: adult men are behaving like seven year olds. Yeah. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's the same thing with Super Bad. When I saw that,
Speaker 1: I was like, I could easily take I could leave this,
Speaker 1: I could be interesting. Yeah, well, I get I love
Speaker 1: those two that you just said, but I people love
Speaker 1: Horrible Bosses people love And when I saw that movie,
Speaker 1: I was disgusted. That is that Anniston and Sandler, Yeah,
Speaker 1: none of those Anniston, Charlie Day. Yeah, I mean I
Speaker 1: would kill to be in that movie or be associated
Speaker 1: with it in any way. And I don't know, disrespect
Speaker 1: to the people who made it, but it was unwatched.
Speaker 1: It was insulting, insulting. But the thing is, if I
Speaker 1: made those movies, those movies probably started out fucking hilarious.
Speaker 1: The scripts were probably top tier jokes every second. But
Speaker 1: people are dumb and studios want to make money, and
Speaker 1: if you don't want to alienate, not everyone's gonna watch Veep.
Speaker 1: It's too fast, it's two, it's too I don't want
Speaker 1: to say intellectual, because I don't want to pat myself
Speaker 1: on the back. But it's like, if you want to
Speaker 1: make if you want to make a lot of money,
Speaker 1: make things easy to consume. Slow slow, My mom cannot
Speaker 1: get through me. She's slow down, Please rewind. What did
Speaker 1: she say? It's like, forget it. This shows not for
Speaker 1: Russian moms that are eighty Yeah. I mean there's a
Speaker 1: time and a place U. Yeah, whenever your parents have
Speaker 1: to come to my show. I'm boys like do they
Speaker 1: have can they leave? Like this isn't says my dad's
Speaker 1: still just at lunch the other day is like, man,
Speaker 1: Nicky Glazer is fucking genius. Man, Well that's mind. He
Speaker 1: swears a lot whenever he's talking about you. Well, I'm
Speaker 1: not for everyone, and that's okay. Like, I think I
Speaker 1: have to get okay with that, because someone this weekend
Speaker 1: was like, you were so great. One of the caterers
Speaker 1: or one of the waiters were like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I love you so much. I'm such a big fan
Speaker 1: of he goes, oh my god. The mayor and her
Speaker 1: and her husband walked out and discussed like as soon
Speaker 1: as you got on stage, and I was like, my
Speaker 1: first joke was about like having a dry pussy like that.
Speaker 1: I think that was about it. And I'm like, no
Speaker 1: one has a dryer pussy than that. Mare Like she
Speaker 1: was so triggered by that, and especially she's the fucking
Speaker 1: mayor of Las Vegas. She is the dry I mean,
Speaker 1: is it's it's just it's it's hell there. I I
Speaker 1: don't there has to be some kind of like lotion
Speaker 1: bath that you can go and get on every corner
Speaker 1: there because I was so scaly when I was there.
Speaker 1: Lube was just like nice, dry like it was start
Speaker 1: that make money while you're sleeping, I think. And and
Speaker 1: you know the eye eyebrow, our eyelashes that pull up
Speaker 1: your eyelid and make you look like you've that you
Speaker 1: just got some horrible news. All right, guys, thank you
Speaker 1: for listening to the show. We will be here for
Speaker 1: you tomorrow. Don't even think we won't um on tour
Speaker 1: this weekend in Bloomington, Indiana, Newport, Kentucky, and uh Lex,
Speaker 1: Kentucky all this weekend. So if you in the since
Speaker 1: Cincinnati area, the Newport show is the one you're gonna
Speaker 1: want to go do. You can get tickets at the
Speaker 1: gi Glazer dot com. I'll see you out there. New Merch.
Speaker 1: Anya's wearing it right now. Check it out on YouTube
Speaker 1: if you want to see my new merch shirt. I
Speaker 1: love that shirt so much. Looks like I'm having an
Speaker 1: orgasm kind of, but I don't mind it. And we'll
Speaker 1: see Anya in her new smile tomorrow. I guess yeah,
Speaker 1: I can't wait. We'll see that, all right, guys, Thanks
Speaker 1: for listening. Don't be kitt Area Plungja Ja Plung ja