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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha and welcome to Stuff

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Speaker 1: I've Never told you, production of Buy Heeart Radio, and

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Speaker 1: welcome to another edition of Happy Hour. As always, if

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Speaker 1: you are choosing to enjoy a beverage or whatever you're

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Speaker 1: choosing to do, please do so responsibly. Samantha, are you

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Speaker 1: sipping on anything?

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Speaker 2: Water?

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Speaker 3: Ice?

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Speaker 2: Cold water from our filter that was given to us

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Speaker 2: by a long time ago a sponsor.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, we'll miss them.

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Speaker 1: I do miss them. I won't say who they are

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Speaker 1: because they're not a current sponsor, but I actually have

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Speaker 1: red wine. It's been a minute since I've done this.

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Speaker 4: And since I got to sing that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's classic. You've got thank you, thank

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Speaker 1: you for letting me. It's kind of appropriate because this

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Speaker 1: is not an Unhappy Hour. I wouldn't say I would

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Speaker 1: say it. We always go off the rails a little bit, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but I don't think it is. But this one is.

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to talk about changes because I feel

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Speaker 1: like there's a lot of changes. That's what I call

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Speaker 1: the title of They all want to see. We're on

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Speaker 1: the same page, I think. But before we get into that,

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Speaker 1: we did want to mention if you've been listening to

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Speaker 1: our Sex and the City watch podcast. We are looking

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Speaker 1: to bring on a listener to come join us to

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Speaker 1: watch an episode, to have a conversation. It's really fun.

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Speaker 1: It's not difficult. You don't want to prepare anything.

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Speaker 3: Really.

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Speaker 1: All you need is an internet connection, preferably headphones and

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Speaker 1: our super producer Christina will walk you through it. We're

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Speaker 1: looking to do that kind of soon. So if you

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Speaker 1: want to enter, please do to everyone who already has,

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Speaker 1: we have collected your names. Ye, but yeah, if you

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Speaker 1: would like to hang out, you don't, You've never had to.

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Speaker 1: If you've never seen the show, I haven't either, So

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Speaker 1: with me. If you've only seen it a couple of times,

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Speaker 1: you're fine. If you've seen it a million times, Samantha

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Speaker 1: and you.

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Speaker 5: Company exactly company anyway, Yes, in company, Yes, But yeah,

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Speaker 5: I do want to talk about some changes because I

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Speaker 5: feel right now a lot of people in my life

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Speaker 5: are going through like significant changes and not bad, not

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Speaker 5: bad at all.

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Speaker 1: But I had a friend visit me recently who hadn't

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Speaker 1: seen in quite a while, and he was like, so,

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Speaker 1: what's up? And I was like, mm, same old, same old,

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Speaker 1: stressed with work, Like oh, it's the same story, Like

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Speaker 1: I always give, and it just gave me kind of

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Speaker 1: a moment of I feel like I'm staying in a

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Speaker 1: stagnant position where I have like so many friends who

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Speaker 1: are getting like new jobs, they're getting houses, they're moving,

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Speaker 1: like they're doing all of these things, and I don't think,

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Speaker 1: like I'm not sitting here miserable that I'm like where

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Speaker 1: I am. But I was wondering if you've ever experienced

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Speaker 1: a Samantha Sometimes when like everyone else around you is

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Speaker 1: making a change, I feel like I need to make

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Speaker 1: a change, right.

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Speaker 2: No, No, I feel that I've definitely felt that a lot,

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Speaker 2: because I feel like it's like something feels like I'm

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Speaker 2: being left behind. But on the other hand, some things

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Speaker 2: I feel like because it's other people are in chaotic

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Speaker 2: stages that I'm preparing for, so that feels just as

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Speaker 2: ominous because I'm like, if they're getting it, I'm going

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Speaker 2: to get it soon, like whatever it is. But like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I think either way that like anticipation or that feeling

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Speaker 2: left behind or like left out, both of those things

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Speaker 2: can be like really really unnerving. But also you may

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Speaker 2: be filling their vibe, which makes you feel like you

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Speaker 2: may be getting those changes to or you should be

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Speaker 2: experiencing this similar to this.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And it kind of harkens back to our very

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Speaker 1: first episode we did together officially as co host was

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Speaker 1: official official was are we failures? And you know, you

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Speaker 1: just have these like by this point, I should have

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Speaker 1: done this, By this point, I should have done this.

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Speaker 1: And generally I feel pretty I've shaken off a lot

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Speaker 1: of that. Sometimes it comes back like a specter, but

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Speaker 1: generally I feel like, no, that's not for me. I

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Speaker 1: don't need to do that. But I don't know. There

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Speaker 1: was something about like having someone I haven't seen in

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Speaker 1: a while and just being like, O, yeah, same same place,

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Speaker 1: same job, yeah, same, just the.

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Speaker 2: Same, which just talks about your reliability being at the

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Speaker 2: same job, because that's rare a b. I think that's

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Speaker 2: the part of me is like I just feel boring.

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Speaker 2: And so because I went to a party or get

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Speaker 2: together with people that I haven't seen in a while,

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Speaker 2: like it's been a long time and I just don't

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Speaker 2: hang out with people ever.

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Speaker 4: And then so they were like, what have you been

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Speaker 4: up to?

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Speaker 2: After they're telling me their dramatic field whatever, and I'm

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Speaker 2: like nothing, you know, that's that's kind.

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Speaker 4: Of the end.

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Speaker 2: And then they're like waiting, and because I don't have

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Speaker 2: the extroverted uh like effort to want to give you

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Speaker 2: more details and make up something or make it out,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, like it's just end notewhere. It just

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Speaker 2: becomes awkward and they're like, are you okay? Are you depressed?

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Speaker 2: Because of whatever you're doing is really on its own,

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Speaker 2: but yeah, like I'm like a really, And then I

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Speaker 2: had to end up with a joke with like not seriously,

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Speaker 2: I have no wife, Like that's that's kind of like

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Speaker 2: the way it goes for me. And but I'm also

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Speaker 2: not a great storyteller, and I'm also sometimes so quiet spoken.

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Speaker 2: I don't think I'm not quite spoken, but I guess

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Speaker 2: I am that I get interrupted a lot where people

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Speaker 2: are like, oh my god, yeah, let me tell you,

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Speaker 2: and then their story is better.

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Speaker 4: So I just quit talking.

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Speaker 2: To the point that I made a comment to someone

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Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, I guess I'm done well.

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Speaker 4: So those moments in.

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Speaker 2: Social settings make me feel like, yeah, there's nothing, like

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Speaker 2: my story's not going to top that. So I'm just

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Speaker 2: gonna sit here to stare at you because I don't

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Speaker 2: want to talk to you about my like invasion of

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Speaker 2: ants that just happened that I just sit there with

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Speaker 2: my windex and spray on like I don't but that's

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Speaker 2: my story.

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Speaker 1: I would watch that Olympic event. Oh yeah, I mean

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Speaker 1: that's actually that's a really great point in terms of

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Speaker 1: what I'm going through because I'm actually usually and I

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Speaker 1: apologize because I know I've done it. I'm that person

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Speaker 1: and that person that comes in it's like, what just happened, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you got a good story. Yeah, I usually have a

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Speaker 1: good story. So I feel like maybe I'm just not

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Speaker 1: used to being the one that's like, no, I'm nothing.

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Speaker 2: This is what happens when you don't leave the house

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Speaker 2: anymore and you do what I do, which is like

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Speaker 2: I watched a new K drama or I watched the

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Speaker 2: same K drama that I like from like the fifth time.

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Speaker 4: So that's cool, right Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. For me, it's like, well, I write fan fiction

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Speaker 1: now and they're like, oh.

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Speaker 4: I have more anxiety you will be telling you about.

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Speaker 1: I'm really anxious. That's gained a lot of ways.

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Speaker 2: My mind goes back and forth of like I'm starting

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Speaker 2: to look old. What can I do to No? No,

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Speaker 2: I have to be body positive, but oh, my god,

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Speaker 2: is that the story that you want?

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Speaker 4: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: I mean a part of it was I was like,

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Speaker 1: maybe I'm just getting older. I don't know. I think

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Speaker 1: I had and I've talked about this at lengths several podcasts.

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Speaker 1: I am a big people pleaser. I try not to

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Speaker 1: do it, but I'm a big people pleaser. But I

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Speaker 1: also was somebody that like show up at the party

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, Oh, I got this story. We're gonna

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Speaker 1: do this, We're gonna do this. And this was a

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Speaker 1: real Oh no, I'm tired. Tell me about you. You

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Speaker 1: do it.

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Speaker 4: You tell me about you, tell me what you're going through.

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Speaker 2: That's the thing, is, like I think because I you

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Speaker 2: included have great storytelling like incident happening friends that I

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Speaker 2: don't have to. I can be the listener and I'm

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Speaker 2: the one that's got the questions, Like I will ask

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Speaker 2: you the questions and keep that story going. But for

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Speaker 2: me on my own is really doesn't go well. Even

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Speaker 2: to the fact when I was having a melodramatic incident

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Speaker 2: and I say melodramatic where I had a lot of

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Speaker 2: deaths and sickness is in the family.

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Speaker 4: I saw that same group of.

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Speaker 2: Friends and like I finally told them what was happening

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Speaker 2: about back to back to back the incidents, and then

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Speaker 2: as I was sitting with them, I got a text

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Speaker 2: about another family member dying and passing on and I

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Speaker 2: had to joke. I was like, welp, that was another whatever,

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Speaker 2: and they totally ignore me because they were uncomfortable by

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Speaker 2: the fact that I added on to that story. And

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Speaker 2: then I said, y'all hear me, and they were like, oh,

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Speaker 2: we heard you.

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Speaker 1: And then we did.

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Speaker 2: So even when I do have something, I get that

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Speaker 2: response and maybe I'm really bad about the delivery, which

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Speaker 2: could be the case like, which could be the case

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Speaker 2: like which is not voting well as a podcaster, I

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Speaker 2: guess since we are actually kind of in that field,

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Speaker 2: y'all tell me.

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Speaker 4: But like that kind.

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Speaker 2: Of happened in that realm and that I was like,

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Speaker 2: but the way they responded it wasn't mean. It was

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Speaker 2: like it matched my energy and we kind of laughed.

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Speaker 2: But it's a still way.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's about right, right.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if that's just like the roles that

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Speaker 2: we change into or become or whatever whatnot, because like

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Speaker 2: what as you do less literally less going out I'm

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Speaker 2: not dating anyone new, We're not moving into a different

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Speaker 2: stage in our relationship, which I've been kind of like

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Speaker 2: low key offended that nobody's asking you don't like people like,

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Speaker 2: you know, bother you about those next stage, like, well,

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Speaker 2: you've been together for this long.

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Speaker 4: Nobody, even though I.

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Speaker 2: Don't want to in my answer, would like I've had

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Speaker 2: my answer ready. I'm like, oh no, no, I don't,

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Speaker 2: like I'm not an interest in making Maybe I've said

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Speaker 2: it for so long that people already know and don't

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Speaker 2: even bother to ask, even though because I was saying

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Speaker 2: it before I was even in a relationship, and like

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Speaker 2: it's just like stand stay true throughout. But I'm like,

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Speaker 2: now I'm starting to getting low key. IFNDA, then nobody's.

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Speaker 1: Asking I catch you, Like, there's like an annoyance that

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Speaker 1: people constantly ask that if there's someone that knows you,

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Speaker 1: there's annoyance that they're like, well, what.

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Speaker 2: Do you think do you think I'm not good enough

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Speaker 2: for a wedding?

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Speaker 4: Do you think I don't need to be a bride?

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Speaker 2: Not really all right, just kidding it, but like there's

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Speaker 2: movie because I'm like that that would be that that's

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Speaker 2: that level of like technicity, is that a word that

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Speaker 2: made it word in which I've done that for me.

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Speaker 4: I've done the house buying thing.

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Speaker 2: So everything's somewhat normal now, though I'm very scared because

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Speaker 2: I'm like, as the job market keeps getting worse and worse,

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Speaker 2: and as like the economy is getting worse and worse,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, Oh God, what's gonna happen to us?

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Speaker 4: That's kind of a little bit scary.

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Speaker 2: The panic of the election and like what if our

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Speaker 2: rights are terminated to what the hell's going to happen

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Speaker 2: all of those things? What if they do take it

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Speaker 2: back to the nineteen fifties and they're like, you're a woman,

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Speaker 2: you can't have property, you're not born in the US,

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Speaker 2: you can't own property, like any of those things. Which

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Speaker 2: I say that partially sarcastic, but like with things like that,

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Speaker 2: but the level of like, Okay, I'm not necessarily I

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Speaker 2: don't have kids, that's not a priority in my life.

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Speaker 2: I'm not getting married, so that's not a priority. I

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Speaker 2: don't go out to parties unless I absolutely have to,

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Speaker 2: and there's no way in hell I do more than

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Speaker 2: one event per every two weeks. Like I've definitely gotten

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Speaker 2: that to the size, like and my social out Like

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Speaker 2: my social outing is doing my cardio jam class with

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Speaker 2: my workout friends and that's it. Like that is my

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Speaker 2: and going to the grocery store, which I travel and

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Speaker 2: do a whole adventure too, Like I got a two

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Speaker 2: or three because I need to get things as specific places.

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Speaker 2: I figured out that's an odd thing anyway. All that

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Speaker 2: to say is like, that's kind of the life I lead.

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Speaker 2: So when you ask people who haven't seen you in

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Speaker 2: a while and you just sit.

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Speaker 4: There with the I've been at home with my dog

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Speaker 4: and my partner.

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Speaker 1: M yep, yep. Well, And it was also like I'm

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Speaker 1: going to talk about this at the end, but this

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Speaker 1: was an interesting situation because it was someone who knew

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Speaker 1: me at a certain time in my life and I

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Speaker 1: think had this certain idea of me, and I played

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Speaker 1: into that idea for a while. And I my dad

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Speaker 1: was someone who was a big storyteller, like he was

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Speaker 1: a big personality, and I do that too. But I

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Speaker 1: think the difference is like going back to your story

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Speaker 1: where you're like, here's this sad thing. I'm like, here's

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Speaker 1: the happiest thing. Like I'm trying to like because of

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Speaker 1: that people pleasing, I'm giving you the most ridiculous story.

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Speaker 1: Now have I gotten called out and been like you

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Speaker 1: could have died there in that story.

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Speaker 4: Yes, it's usually my comment, Hell Annie, that's not normal.

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Speaker 1: Like this wasn't a fun story at all. But it's

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Speaker 1: like more of a like, I'm doing this thing to

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Speaker 1: I do like telling stories. I don't want to say

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Speaker 1: that that's not true, but I'm doing it to make people.

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Speaker 4: Happy, entertain people.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and so if the sad thing comes out, that's

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Speaker 1: usually I just am crying in the middle of the

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Speaker 1: night and someone finds me, Like if that usually doesn't

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Speaker 1: come out. Ye, But that was like my whole thing

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Speaker 1: was for a while it was, Oh, she's going to

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Speaker 1: have a really wild story, go talk to her. And

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Speaker 1: so it's interesting because again I'm not I'm good, I'm happy.

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Speaker 1: I'm not interested in impressing dudes anymore. Generally sometimes it

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Speaker 1: really weird said, but generally good. I don't know. It

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Speaker 1: was just like a it was a strange feeling to

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Speaker 1: be like, oh, yeah, no story, I'm good.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, right, And I wonder, like again, like

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Speaker 2: the level of change that we have through COVID until

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Speaker 2: today and like the narrative and the environment has changed,

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Speaker 2: like our outlook on what is happening. I'm going to

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Speaker 2: stop being too saded a minute, I problem shall but

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Speaker 2: like the reality is, it has become really really unpredictable.

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Speaker 2: So when things are unpredictable and we are living in

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Speaker 2: constant stress mood. And we've talked about this in so

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Speaker 2: several different ways where we talked about different diagnosis or

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Speaker 2: different things that are like rearing its ugly head as

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Speaker 2: it's coming out with like, yeah, I might suffer from that,

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Speaker 2: but like the fact is, like with that, I think

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Speaker 2: that changes our perspective on what we want to interact

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Speaker 2: with and how we want to relate that. And for me,

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Speaker 2: I thought about this too recently.

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Speaker 4: It was like I don't care about entertaining people anymore.

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Speaker 2: I don't care about having friends that I don't really like,

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Speaker 2: Like I am very, very tired of doing superficial and

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Speaker 2: I've always been that way anyway, but typically that didn't

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Speaker 2: stop me from trying to make something like more more meaningful.

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Speaker 2: So I will like invest in you, I will try

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Speaker 2: to figure out what you're up to. And I still

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Speaker 2: do that partially, but more for people that I know

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Speaker 2: will reciprocate that to me, and like I will check

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Speaker 2: up on you. I like, as an adult in my

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Speaker 2: forties now, I don't talk to people every day. That's

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Speaker 2: not a narrative, but that's not a structure I've ever had.

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Speaker 2: Like I don't typically contact you, text you, call you

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Speaker 2: every day. I don't do that that sort of thing,

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Speaker 2: and maybe two weeks before you hear from me unless

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Speaker 2: there's a reason. Like for you and I, we cannot

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Speaker 2: and talk every day during the week essentially, but the weekend,

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Speaker 2: like unless we're together or planning something together. I'm like,

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Speaker 2: she doesn't need any questions about work because it inevitably

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Speaker 2: leads to work. We're like, this should be a podcast

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Speaker 2: idea or whatever whatnot, So like leaving that alone. Even

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Speaker 2: though I still send you text me like hey, look

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Speaker 2: at this, or do you think about this? Or if

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Speaker 2: it's you know, Last of Us or Star Wars related,

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Speaker 2: we definitely have those conversations, but like, I don't typically

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Speaker 2: do that even for my closest friends, people that I

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Speaker 2: call my best friends. I don't talk to my family

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Speaker 2: but once every two or three weeks. Like that is

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Speaker 2: kind of the way I communicate, which may not be great.

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Speaker 2: But if I haven't heard from you within like with

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Speaker 2: a month or so, I'll give you a which, how

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Speaker 2: are you just checking in? If I know you are

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Speaker 2: in a stressful position, then I will check in on

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Speaker 2: you almost every week for sure. But I don't always

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Speaker 2: get that from people, like I'm usually the one that

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Speaker 2: starts the communication. Even with my closest friends. There's only

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Speaker 2: a couple of friends who do that to me, and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, oh uh, But then I don't tell them

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Speaker 2: if something is wrong weirdly, and I never I definitely

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Speaker 2: will not reach out during my crisis moment unless it's

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Speaker 2: because I have to, like work related weirdly, even though

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Speaker 2: I would be mad at other people. And you've talked

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Speaker 2: about this too, Yeah, when they don't do that to me,

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Speaker 2: like if you don't tell me you're going through something,

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Speaker 2: I would be upset with you, right, But I don't

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Speaker 2: do that either because it's to my in my head,

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Speaker 2: you're not going to care as much and it's not

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Speaker 2: your responsibility, like it's such a weird like dichotomy for me.

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Speaker 4: But again, with.

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Speaker 2: All of that, that also means I'm putting in less

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Speaker 2: effort to entertain random people or even my friends.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I used to have what I probably terribly called the

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Speaker 1: list of neglect, and it just had my friends on there,

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Speaker 1: and I would go through and I would be like,

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Speaker 1: when was the last time you checked in on them?

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Speaker 1: It was a long list.

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Speaker 4: You called it the list of me.

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Speaker 1: I called it the list of neglect.

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Speaker 2: Be on that list would make me sad just just

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Speaker 2: being on it, like what does that mean?

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Speaker 1: It was more of a way of tracking, like you

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Speaker 1: haven't talked to this person in forever, you need to

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Speaker 1: check in on them.

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Speaker 2: Which I understand, still hers my feelings a little bit

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Speaker 2: to be on that. Don't put me on that list?

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Speaker 1: Well I don't. It doesn't exist anymore because at a

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Speaker 1: certain point I was like, I don't know that these

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Speaker 1: people really cared that I checked in on them, Like

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Speaker 1: I was doing all the work, as you're saying, and

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Speaker 1: maybe they maybe they never had noticed that I hadn't

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Speaker 1: checked in on them. It wasn't that they were mad

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Speaker 1: that I hadn't, And I was doing it more to

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Speaker 1: make myself feel better and make myself to validate myself

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Speaker 1: because see, people like me right because I do this.

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Speaker 1: So the list of neglect is no more.

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Speaker 5: Uh, I will all be traumatic.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what I do. You know what I do?

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Speaker 3: Oh man.

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Speaker 1: I will also say, like another part of this, and

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Speaker 1: I feel a lot of people listening are going to

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Speaker 1: real late is I feel like I'm constantly waiting. When

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Speaker 1: I started this job, I felt like I was waiting

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Speaker 1: to be fired. I still kind of feel that way,

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Speaker 1: to be honest, I feel like I'm waiting for the election.

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Speaker 1: I'm waiting to hear about this house market. I'm waiting.

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Speaker 1: I'm waiting, I'm waiting. I'm waiting. And so like the

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Speaker 1: fact that my friends have are like buying houses, are

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Speaker 1: getting new jobs, it just makes me question this waiting.

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Speaker 1: And it could be I could just say, like, you

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Speaker 1: know what, I'm not waiting for anything. I'm good here

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Speaker 1: or I'm good here for now. But I feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm in a constant state of like waiting on something

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Speaker 1: to give me a sign or to like clarify things

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Speaker 1: or I don't know. And the fact that I live

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Speaker 1: in Atlanta. I didn't want to live in Atlanta. The

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Speaker 1: whole reason I do is because I was waiting for

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Speaker 1: a different job and eventually I just ended up here

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Speaker 1: and I'm happy here. But it's just like I've been

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Speaker 1: thinking about that. I've also been thinking about I have

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Speaker 1: a lot of instances in my life where I did

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Speaker 1: something because a friend did it, and it's not that

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Speaker 1: it was bad, but I don't know that that's the

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Speaker 1: best way to make big decisions. So I'm just grappling

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Speaker 1: with that. And I did have I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: go into it now. I probably will do it in

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Speaker 1: another happy hour soon. It's not bad. It's actually it

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Speaker 1: was really nice. I had a like, really tough introspective

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Speaker 1: moment recently and it wasn't easy. I'm glad I did it.

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Speaker 1: I questioned a lot of things about myself and a

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Speaker 1: lot of choices I've made, and I'm really glad I

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Speaker 1: did it, and I did it in part because of

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Speaker 1: this show. And I came out the other side of this, which,

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Speaker 1: by the way, I did not mean to do. I

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Speaker 1: should have. It's better if it's more mindful. I think

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Speaker 1: it just sort of happened, but but I came out

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Speaker 1: the other side more or less like, No, I agree

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Speaker 1: with the choices I made here and here and here,

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Speaker 1: but it felt better to have questioned them and really

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Speaker 1: interrogated them. So I don't know. I'm glad I did it.

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Speaker 1: There's still I'm you know, I love writing my essays,

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Speaker 1: so I've been writing a lot of essays lately, but

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to work through some stuff. But it's just

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Speaker 1: sometimes you got to check in and see what am

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Speaker 1: I doing? Is the stagnation? Is it stagnation? Or am

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Speaker 1: I good? What is this? And also a part of

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Speaker 1: that was accepting that not everything is for me. Not

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Speaker 1: everything is for me, and that's okay. Even if I

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Speaker 1: want it to be for me, it's okay, it's not.

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Speaker 2: No.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, that's where where I am right now. And

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Speaker 1: if my friend is listening inspired this whole thing, it

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Speaker 1: was good to see you. It was good to see you, truly,

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Speaker 1: and all my friends here are moving who have made changes.

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy for you and I'm wishing for the

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Speaker 1: best and I'm glad to be here Atlanta friend because yeah,

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Speaker 1: as of now, I'm the Atlanta Friend. But yes, listeners,

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Speaker 1: if you feel anything about this, if this resonated with you,

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Speaker 1: we would love to hear from you, please write in.

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Speaker 1: You can emails a Steffanie and mom Stuff at iHeartMedia

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00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 1: dot com. You can find us on Twitter at mom

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00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 1: Stuff podcast or heart on Instagram and TikTok at stuff

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Speaker 1: one never Told You. We're on YouTube, we have a

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Speaker 1: tea public store, and we have a book you can

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Speaker 1: get wherever you get your books. Thanks as always to

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Speaker 1: our super produced Christina, our executive producer Maya, and our

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Speaker 1: contrbuter Joey. Thank you, and thanks to you for listening.

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Speaker 1: Stuff Never Told You is the production of iHeart Radio.

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Speaker 1: For more podcast from my heart Radio, you can check

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Speaker 1: out the I heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever

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Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite show.