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Speaker 1: An immortality impact that we saw with social disconnection was

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Speaker 1: comparable to smoking and obesity.

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Speaker 2: As Surgeon General under two presidents, Doctor Vivik Murphy made

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Speaker 2: history by bringing mental health to the center of our

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Speaker 2: national conversation, warning that loneliness is a public health crisis.

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Speaker 1: That there was this mail of shame that kept those

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Speaker 1: experiences hidden and increased the suffering.

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Speaker 2: And to sound the alarm on social media's impact.

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Speaker 1: Three and a half hours were more per day on

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Speaker 1: social media, faced double the risk of anxiety and depression symptoms,

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Speaker 1: and turns out the average amount of use per day

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Speaker 1: among kids.

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Speaker 2: Was Joint hosts Martin Luther King the Third Andrea Waters, King,

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Speaker 2: Mark Kilberger, and Craig Kilberger, as doctor Murphy shares the

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Speaker 2: urgent truth that could save lives.

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Speaker 3: So many of our listeners or viewers are terrified about

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Speaker 3: our kids growing up in this world of unchecked social media.

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Speaker 4: In a world that is now more divided than ever.

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Speaker 5: Well, can we what are you seeing in your own patience?

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Speaker 6: What's the prescription of solving disconnection?

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Speaker 2: Need a second opinion? He's brought along with doctor he

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Speaker 2: trusts most his wife, Doctor Alice Chen.

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Speaker 1: Why are so many the people that I meet struggling

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Speaker 1: with this sense of unhappiness and emptiness. Why do so

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Speaker 1: many of them feel like something is missing in their lives?

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Speaker 1: And I realized that.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to my Legacy. Today's guest is doctor Vivic Murphy.

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Speaker 3: His mission isn't just policy, it's deeply personal, and as

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Speaker 3: always in the show, he's not here alone. He's brought

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Speaker 3: someone who sees a side of him that the world

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Speaker 3: rarely does. Vivic, we'd love for you to introduce your

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Speaker 3: plus one, your partner in purpose and in life, doctor

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Speaker 3: Alice Chen.

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Speaker 1: Well, Thank you so much, Craigan. What an honor to

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Speaker 1: be with you and Mark, and with Andrea and with

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Speaker 1: Martin today. I'm really excited to introduce you both and

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Speaker 1: to everyone who's listening to Alice. My wife, Alice is

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Speaker 1: incredible human being. We are about to celebrate our tenure

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Speaker 1: wedding anniversary, and she is so many things. Most importantly,

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Speaker 1: she's a mom who are a wonderful two kids who

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Speaker 1: are seven and eight. We actually met working together and

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Speaker 1: building a national movement of doctors to advocate for better

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Speaker 1: access to healthcare and more affordable health care for every American.

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Speaker 1: So it was doing that work that brought us together,

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Speaker 1: and we've been partners in every sense of the words

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Speaker 1: since then. Every important speech I give, every project I

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Speaker 1: work on that matters to me, like I always run

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Speaker 1: it by Alice first to get a gut check on it.

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Speaker 1: And we've worked together like that ever since the beginning.

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Speaker 1: Alice is also a doctor by training. She's an internal

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Speaker 1: medicine physician. She's very passionate about climate change. I will

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Speaker 1: be clear that Alice is the reason that I compost

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Speaker 1: and recycle. She's the one who inspired me to do

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Speaker 1: that back in the day and keeps reminding me to

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Speaker 1: do that even when the composting and recycling rules get

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Speaker 1: really complicated.

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Speaker 4: So how magnificent, And let me just say a seven

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Speaker 4: and an eight year old we can do a full

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Speaker 4: podcast just on that. You all get medals just for

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Speaker 4: that along and of course we're going to get into

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Speaker 4: the Surgeon General and the incredible work in medicine that

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Speaker 4: you both are doing and have done for, particularly for

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Speaker 4: our country. But before that, let's go back to the beginning. So, Vic,

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Speaker 4: I know that your father was also a doctor who

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Speaker 4: also did house calls, coming actually going directly to his patients.

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Speaker 4: And I'm really curious is how did that shape the

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Speaker 4: type of doctor and the type of care that you provide,

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Speaker 4: And what was the biggest lesson that you learned from him?

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Speaker 1: Well, he has been an inspiration and my mother as

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Speaker 1: well in my desire to pursue medicine. My father did

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Speaker 1: make house calls from the earliest days, and in fact,

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Speaker 1: when my parents lived in Newfoundland many years ago, he

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Speaker 1: would make house calls and weather that was incredibly cold,

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Speaker 1: sometimes minus seventy degrees outside, and he would trudge to

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Speaker 1: different homes, put on his snowshoes, snowshoe into their houses,

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Speaker 1: and then see them to make sure folks were okay.

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Speaker 1: So would He taught me early on, and my mother

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Speaker 1: also modeled as somebody who built and ran the medical

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Speaker 1: practice that he worked in. They taught me something powerful

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Speaker 1: about medicine that went beyond biology and prescriptions and diagnoses.

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Speaker 1: They taught me that medicine was fundamentally about relationships and

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Speaker 1: it was through those relationships that you could help people heal.

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Speaker 1: I would see people coming in to the clinic who

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Speaker 1: were stressed and worried and feeling alone, and they would

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Speaker 1: leave knowing that they had a partner in their healing.

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Speaker 1: And so long before I was old enough to understand

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Speaker 1: what was happening inside the body at a biological level,

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Speaker 1: I could see that there was something powerful that was happening,

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Speaker 1: this bond that was being built between my parents and

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Speaker 1: the they cared for.

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Speaker 3: It's such a powerful idea to your point that so

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Speaker 3: many are struggling alone. And I you know, one of

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Speaker 3: the memories I treasure was when we were sitting with you.

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Speaker 3: Was Martin and I with you in the basement of

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Speaker 3: a restaurant in DC and were you were working on

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Speaker 3: your final prescription for America, your final letter, And I

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Speaker 3: remember how you know, of course people think that a

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Speaker 3: surgeon general is going to write about seat belts or nicotine.

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Speaker 3: You know, it's all the images we have in our mind.

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Speaker 3: And you were so open and so honest and so vulnerable,

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Speaker 3: if I can phrase it that way, during your time

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Speaker 3: as surgeon General, where you talked about the importance of

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Speaker 3: social connection and how alone people feel, and you very

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Speaker 3: famously of course, spoke about the connection. You know, being

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Speaker 3: alone was equivalent to smoking cigarettes and just shaped the

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Speaker 3: public dialogue. I asked you the question why, and you

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Speaker 3: were incredibly kind and being so open with Martin and

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Speaker 3: I talking about how personal it was for you your

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Speaker 3: own experiences that you had felt of loneliness, and I

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Speaker 3: wonder if we could, and if I could ask you

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Speaker 3: to actually share it with our listeners and our viewers,

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Speaker 3: because I think what you have done is shift the

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Speaker 3: topic of social connection and loneliness into the public discord

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Speaker 3: through year own lived experience and your platform. Unlike anyone else.

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Speaker 1: For me, I realized the experiences I was having struggling

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Speaker 1: with loneliness were actually not unique. A lot of people

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Speaker 1: were having these experiences, but we weren't able to really

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Speaker 1: talk about them. That there was this veil of shame

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Speaker 1: that kept those experiences hidden and increased the suffering that

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Speaker 1: many of us were experiencing. And that's what I had

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Speaker 1: felt as a child, when I was having a tough

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Speaker 1: time making friends as as really shy, introverted kid, and

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Speaker 1: where I worried about walking into the lunch room every

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Speaker 1: day and not having someone to sit next to. But

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Speaker 1: that whole time, I not only felt ashamed about it

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Speaker 1: and never mentioned it as a result of that to

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Speaker 1: anyone else, but I also thought I was the only

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Speaker 1: one dealing with that, and because everyone else looked like

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Speaker 1: they were having a good time. And by the way,

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Speaker 1: that distortion of reality that tells us we're the only

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Speaker 1: ones struggling is even more heightened today, thing for young

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Speaker 1: people who are because of the experience of social media,

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Speaker 1: where people are constantly posting their highlights, not their low lights,

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Speaker 1: and so the experience we have is that, oh, my god,

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Speaker 1: everyone is living this great life and I'm the only

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Speaker 1: one struggling. So that's how I felt even back then,

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Speaker 1: but it sensitized me to the issue. But I saw

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Speaker 1: a lot of it around me when I was a

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Speaker 1: doctor and I have patients would come in, maybe for

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Speaker 1: an infection or for complications of a medication they took,

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Speaker 1: or because they had cancer or heart attack or a

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Speaker 1: clot but often as I sat and talked to them,

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Speaker 1: I'd realized that they were struggling with loneliness. And then

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Speaker 1: I came to see that at scale when I was

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Speaker 1: searching general traveling across the country. So that was the

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Speaker 1: reason I decided I wanted to do something about this,

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Speaker 1: and to me, it was in fact a health issue.

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Speaker 1: When you dug into the data as I did on

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Speaker 1: loneliness and isolation, it became very clear that this is

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Speaker 1: so much more than a bad feeling, and that people

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Speaker 1: who actually experienced loneliness and isolation, they had higher risk

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Speaker 1: of not only depression and anxiety and suicide, but also

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Speaker 1: heart disease and dementia and premature death. And that's where

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Speaker 1: the data point we shared that I think became quite

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Speaker 1: striking for people was that the immortality impact that we

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Speaker 1: saw with social disconnection was comparable to smoking and obesity.

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Speaker 1: And we think about smoking obysia's classic public health issues,

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Speaker 1: but stories and statistics were telling us that social connection

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Speaker 1: was just as important a public health issue for the

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Speaker 1: country and really for the world.

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Speaker 5: Alice as a primary care doctor, a national healthcare advocate,

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Speaker 5: what are you seeing in your own patience and the

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Speaker 5: effect loneliness and disconnection is having on their health.

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Speaker 7: It's so multifaceted, the way loneliness impacts people's health. I see,

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Speaker 7: you know, I take care of people who are largely

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Speaker 7: kind of working class, low income, and people are just struggling.

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Speaker 7: They're trying to make sure, you know, their kids go

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Speaker 7: to school, that they're able to get from one job

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Speaker 7: to the next job. I ask them, have you exercised?

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Speaker 7: They're like, how when I have? I don't have time

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Speaker 7: to sleep or make a meal, when am I supposed

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Speaker 7: to exercise? I see it in and people who are

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Speaker 7: struggling with with like with with with whether it's obesity

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Speaker 7: or depression, they're struggling with something that's sort of like

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Speaker 7: part of their day to day life, and they don't

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Speaker 7: feel like they have a partner a community that somebody

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Speaker 7: that will, you know, drag them out of the house

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Speaker 7: and go on a walk with them every day. I

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Speaker 7: always ask my patients do you have Do you have

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Speaker 7: somebody that you can call upon? Do you have somebody

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Speaker 7: you know? Do you have people to lean on a

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Speaker 7: lot of times they say yes. But then when you

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Speaker 7: dig a little bit deeper, have you talked about this

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Speaker 7: issue that you're talking to me about this anxiety about

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Speaker 7: your job, about your your diagnosis? Have you talked to

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Speaker 7: people about them? They're like, no, no, I don't want

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Speaker 7: to bother anybody. And so I think it's it's not

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Speaker 7: only it's it's both the structures around us where people

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Speaker 7: are struggling so much that they just have to sort

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Speaker 7: of put their heads down and go, go, go. And

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Speaker 7: then it's also there's a bit of sort of like

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Speaker 7: ingrained people feel like oh, I shouldn't bother others. I

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Speaker 7: should I should be able to deal with all my

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Speaker 7: issues on my own. But on the flip side, I

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Speaker 7: do have patients who are very connected to their community

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Speaker 7: where they do you know, they always come with a

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Speaker 7: member of their family, where they they have people, They're

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Speaker 7: always around other people, and it just makes everything they're

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Speaker 7: just they're just lighter. It feels like no matter what

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Speaker 7: their diagnosis is, no matter why they're coming in, their

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Speaker 7: arm hurts, their knee hurts, it's just a totally different

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Speaker 7: flavor of the human experience when they have.

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Speaker 2: People coming up. The former Surgeon General's remedy for the

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Speaker 2: loneliness epidemic and what he wants you to know about

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Speaker 2: the hidden risks of social media.

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Speaker 4: Now back to my legacy, Alice, do you find that

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Speaker 4: when you talk about some of your patients that are like, Okay, now,

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Speaker 4: I don't want to bother anyone. And do you find

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Speaker 4: that that's more with your female with women patients, that

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Speaker 4: you know that it's kind of shouldering everything or do

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Speaker 4: you find that with both male and female.

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Speaker 7: I think it's both. It's it's very it's it's different

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Speaker 7: between the men and the women. I think the the men,

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Speaker 7: there's more of a sort of macho don't talk to

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Speaker 7: people about my issues, don't show vulnerability, And with the women,

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Speaker 7: it's more of a like, I just have to get

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Speaker 7: it all done. It's it's on my shoulders. I just

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Speaker 7: have to get it done. So it's it's there for both,

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Speaker 7: but a little bit different.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely, Yeah, we have to work on that superwoman cape

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Speaker 4: right as women all the time and receiving and also

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Speaker 4: being able to share more our sorrows and our joys together,

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Speaker 4: And which brings me back to the idea of relationships.

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Speaker 4: So and I know Vivik that you said that relationships

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Speaker 4: are the foundation of health and fulfillment. In a world

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Speaker 4: that is now more divided than ever, how can we

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Speaker 4: build relationships out in the world. What can we do

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Speaker 4: to overcome so much of this division that we all

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Speaker 4: are feeling right now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's such a timely question. And I think there's

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Speaker 1: a lot that's telling us in the world right now

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Speaker 1: to define ourselves based on political differences or differences and

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Speaker 1: how we feel on policy issues. But the reality is

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Speaker 1: that obscures so much of what we do in fact

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Speaker 1: share in common, Like we have common concerns as parents,

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Speaker 1: as community members, as caregivers for aging parents, for people

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Speaker 1: who are contending with a lot of common challenges, but

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Speaker 1: a lot of that those common challenges get obscured. So

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Speaker 1: we found that one of the things that's important to

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Speaker 1: do now is one to be able to create spaces

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Speaker 1: where people can come together and talk about shared challenges.

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Speaker 1: Right and because where our kids are school age, and

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Speaker 1: we think about the parent community in our school. Alice

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Speaker 1: Is is the co president of our Parents Association in

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Speaker 1: school and really helps create these opportunities for parents in

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Speaker 1: the community to come together and talk about shared concerns.

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Speaker 1: And that's very powerful because a lot of parents just

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Speaker 1: feel like they're struggling alone. I think the other thing

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Speaker 1: that we can do is to create experiences of shared joy.

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Speaker 1: So there is so much it feels heavy in the

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Speaker 1: world right now, but when we can experience joy together,

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Speaker 1: whether that's coming together as we have so often in

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Speaker 1: our school to see our kids all perform, you know,

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Speaker 1: for a holiday or just for an end of the

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Speaker 1: year's show, or whether it's coming together for music. We

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Speaker 1: recently had the pleasure of taking our kids and my

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Speaker 1: sister and brother in law to a music concert. We

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Speaker 1: all experienced that together, and it was one of those

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Speaker 1: things where were initially hesitant, it's late, it's going to

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Speaker 1: be far away that the kids are going to fall asleep,

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Speaker 1: is it really worth it? But it was so beautiful

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Speaker 1: to be with thousands of other people just uplifted and

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Speaker 1: just invigorated and inspired by this powerful music we were

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Speaker 1: all hearing. That was an experience of joy and upliftment

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Speaker 1: and we need more of those. But having those experiences

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Speaker 1: Andriya means that we have to actually come out of

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Speaker 1: our homes and be physically together. These experiences are very

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Speaker 1: different online versus when you're physically in the presence of

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Speaker 1: other people. And it's one of the reasons why I

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Speaker 1: think it's especially important for young people that we model

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Speaker 1: how to do that, that we create opportunities to do that,

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Speaker 1: because I think that we have, maybe in prior generations,

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Speaker 1: assumed that everybody just develops robust social skills as they

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Speaker 1: get older because pre sort of digital era, you had

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Speaker 1: to go and just talk to people find out how to, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, if you make things work with your roommate

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Speaker 1: in college or if you went to college, or figure

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Speaker 1: out how to talk to somebody in middle school and

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Speaker 1: the lunch room. You know, the middle school is hard

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Speaker 1: for everybody, myself included. But these days, actually there's an

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Speaker 1: off ramp. If you feel distress of isolation or social anxiety.

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Speaker 1: That off ramp is your phone. Right So, and this

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Speaker 1: is what young people would tell me all the time

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Speaker 1: when I traveled around the country and spoke to high

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Speaker 1: school students and college students, as they would say, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's when things are stressful. We don't necessarily have to

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Speaker 1: interact with each other. So maybe there's a mixer or

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Speaker 1: an orientation, but if we get uncomfortable, we just pull

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Speaker 1: out our phones. Right. So, I think it's especially important

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Speaker 1: for us to cultivate these skills and these opportunities for

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Speaker 1: in person interaction. I want to just share one quote

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Speaker 1: with you what I actually just came across which moved

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Speaker 1: me very deeply. It was written by a college students

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Speaker 1: about thirteen years ago, in twenty twelve, who had when

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Speaker 1: she was just about to graduate from college, and her

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Speaker 1: essay that she wrote was called the Opposite of Loneliness,

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Speaker 1: And this is the quote that really stuck with me.

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Speaker 1: Her name is Marina Keegan, and tragically, she died five

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Speaker 1: days after a graduation in a car accident, She says,

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Speaker 1: we don't have a word for the opposite of loneliness.

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Speaker 1: It's not quite love, it's not quite community. It's just

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Speaker 1: this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people

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Speaker 1: who are in this together, who are on your team.

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Speaker 1: When the check is paid and you stay at the

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Speaker 1: table when it's four am, and no one goes to

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Speaker 1: bed that night with the guitar. That night, we can't

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Speaker 1: remember that time. We did, we went, we saw, we laughed,

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Speaker 1: we felt. I think about that quote all the time

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Speaker 1: because what it reminds me of is that this belonging

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Speaker 1: that we all need, that's part of our just basic

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Speaker 1: huven requirement to be alive and thrive. That sense of

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Speaker 1: belonging can come through these powerful shared experiences. It can

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Speaker 1: come from knowing that we're in it together, that we're

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Speaker 1: not alone. During the pandemic, in those early days when

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Speaker 1: everybody was staying at home, many of us realized that

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Speaker 1: it meant something to us to be in a coffee

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Speaker 1: shop with other people, even if we weren't there with

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Speaker 1: all of our best friends. It meant something to be

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Speaker 1: in a grocery store and to be passing other people

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Speaker 1: and seeing, Ah, there's a fellow parent who's shopping for

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Speaker 1: her child, and I can relate to that. All of

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Speaker 1: these moments of connection, whether it's with a best friend

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Speaker 1: or with somebody in our kids school or somebody in

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Speaker 1: a coffee shop, that contribute to our sense of belonging.

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Speaker 1: And this is what we need to now intentionally build

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Speaker 1: in our lives and in the world, because it's a

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Speaker 1: foundation on which build everything else, from our health, to

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Speaker 1: our economy to our education. And that's why I think

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Speaker 1: it has to be such a priority at this moment.

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Speaker 7: I feel like so much of this is about these

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Speaker 7: like individual acts and like and just like like small

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Speaker 7: decision points like do I reach out to this friend,

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Speaker 7: do I invite somebody over for dinner? I have nothing

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Speaker 7: to do this afternoon. Do I spend it with people

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Speaker 7: or do I spend it but with myself? And I

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Speaker 7: feel like we all just have to Like it's like

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Speaker 7: a million of these acts and it's and it's all

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Speaker 7: of us working that muscle of I will have people

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Speaker 7: over for dinner today, I will go on a walk

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Speaker 7: with a friend instead of by myself. I mean, it's

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Speaker 7: wonderful to have solitude, but it's also it's choosing to

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Speaker 7: make those make those putting yourself out there a little

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Speaker 7: bit and having the discomfort of being with another person

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Speaker 7: who has different thoughts and how do you navigate that.

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Speaker 7: We had this experience we started this social committee in

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Speaker 7: our in our condo building, and there was event that

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Speaker 7: we were going to do on the roof and it

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Speaker 7: was raining, so we just had everybody over to our

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Speaker 7: house and everybody kind of just hung out at our

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Speaker 7: house for hours, and as people were leaving, we had

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Speaker 7: a strange experience where people said thank you for being

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Speaker 7: so brave and having us all over, and it just

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Speaker 7: felt like we're all we've all been living in this

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Speaker 7: building together for years. We passed each other in the

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Speaker 7: hallways like like I hear your noise upstairs, Like how

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Speaker 7: is it brave to have people over? But I think

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Speaker 7: we want to work toward a world where that is

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Speaker 7: no longer strange And oh my goodness, wow they did that,

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Speaker 7: but something that's just normal.

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Speaker 3: Because I think it's so easy to your point, and

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Speaker 3: you know, Vacu made this comment just to reach for

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Speaker 3: our phones, to zone out, to accept things how they are,

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Speaker 3: to let us become more disconnected, even the act of

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Speaker 3: just reaching for our phones. My my wife, actually I'm

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Speaker 3: gonna say it on air, although she told me to

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Speaker 3: originally stay it off air, wanted me to actually thank

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Speaker 3: you for the work that you have done on social media.

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Speaker 3: We got three boys, and I am yes. Now you're

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Speaker 3: not in your head like, ah, that's why, because like

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Speaker 3: so many of our listeners or reviewers are terrified about our

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Speaker 3: kids growing up in this world of unchecked social media

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Speaker 3: and the thing we just accept and I'm we know

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Speaker 3: it as parents, but the two of you know this

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Speaker 3: as doctors. So I'm so curious to hear from you.

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Speaker 7: Recently, I told our kids, mommy's going to start using

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Speaker 7: my phone less, and I'm gonna I want you to

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Speaker 7: call me out on it when I'm picking up my

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Speaker 7: phone and being on the phone instead of like talking

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Speaker 7: to you, and it's it's shocking how many times that happens.

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Speaker 7: Why are you on your phone?

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Speaker 4: I'm impressed that you had to give them permission to

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Speaker 4: check you, she automatically checks.

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Speaker 3: I love the tangibility that for all of our listeners

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Speaker 3: viewers like, what a great action as parents to not

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Speaker 3: just harp on their kids like listen, I have on

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Speaker 3: my kids a bit on this. So to actually tell

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Speaker 3: our kids you can have permission to call us out.

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Speaker 3: It's a powerful suggestion. I love that, Thank you, Alice.

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Speaker 3: It's very silent. Right now, do they call him out?

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Speaker 3: Has he given permission? Also?

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Speaker 1: You know I haven't given them permission, but they call

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Speaker 1: me out.

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Speaker 4: Welcome to our world.

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Speaker 7: It's telling them don't take my example because I'm not

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Speaker 7: doing a good thing. And that's kind of the reason

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Speaker 7: of doing it, is to say, like, I'm working on this, like,

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Speaker 7: don't become like me. Because they're young enough that they

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Speaker 7: don't have their own phones, they don't really know what

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Speaker 7: social media is, and so it's really like trying to

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Speaker 7: like start now of saying this is not this is

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Speaker 7: not good even though you see me doing it.

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Speaker 1: I think this is really important for as a topic.

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Speaker 1: And I'll tell you, like Craig, one of the reasons

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Speaker 1: that like I did that advisory on social media and

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Speaker 1: youth mental health was because this is the most common

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Speaker 1: question that parents were asking me when I traveled around

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Speaker 1: the country. They were saying, is social media really okay

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Speaker 1: for my kids? And they were worried that it wasn't

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Speaker 1: and they were wondering like, why aren't we hearing more

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Speaker 1: about it from medicine or public health authorities if it

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Speaker 1: indeed there are harms here. What we were seeing in

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Speaker 1: the data is that kids who were spending on average

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Speaker 1: three and a half hours were more per day on

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Speaker 1: social media faced double the risk of anxiety and depression symptoms.

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Speaker 1: And turns out the average amount of use per day

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Speaker 1: among kids was four point eight hours, so it was

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Speaker 1: nearly five hours significantly higher than that three and a

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Speaker 1: half hour threshold. But even if you go beyond those

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Speaker 1: studies and you look at what are kids telling us

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Speaker 1: themselves adolescents about how social media is making them feel?

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Speaker 1: Nearly half were saying that social media made them feel

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Speaker 1: worse about their body image. Many were saying that it

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Speaker 1: detracted from their sleep. And also students would tell me

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Speaker 1: all the time when I traveled, because they would bring

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Speaker 1: up social media first. Actually in conversations around mental health,

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Speaker 1: they would most commonly say social media made them feel

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Speaker 1: worse about themselves as they constantly compared themselves to others.

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Speaker 1: It made them feel worse about their friendships as they

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Speaker 1: saw people doing things without them, but they couldn't get

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Speaker 1: off it, and they felt worse about themselves, and many

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Speaker 1: of them said that they noticed after those initial years

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Speaker 1: of the pandem that their friends became glued to their

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Speaker 1: devices in a way that they hadn't even seen before then,

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Speaker 1: that it significantly increased because when kids were out of

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Speaker 1: school in those for early months of the pandemic, they

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Speaker 1: had their devices and that's what kept them going to

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Speaker 1: some extent or connected. But now we've come out of that,

438
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:21,160
Speaker 1: but still the addiction to our devices is still there.

439
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:25,040
Speaker 1: So people sometimes have said, is it really accurate or

440
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:28,240
Speaker 1: okay to talk about this as an addiction? And if

441
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,040
Speaker 1: you look at the patterns, and I've actually talked to

442
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,080
Speaker 1: the normal valcow who's in the head of the National

443
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:37,200
Speaker 1: Institute for Drug Abuse, one of our nation's foremost authorities

444
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:40,040
Speaker 1: on addiction, and to others as well, the patterns that

445
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 1: you see of behavior in people who have problematic use

446
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 1: of social media and their phones is very similar to

447
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,760
Speaker 1: what you see in people who are addicted to other substances.

448
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,520
Speaker 1: And anyone who's been a parent, you know, as it

449
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:55,760
Speaker 1: sounds like most of us have here and who have

450
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 1: ever given a device to your child early on or

451
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:00,719
Speaker 1: seen them just take the device and then try to

452
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:04,080
Speaker 1: take it away from them. You know that there is

453
00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:06,600
Speaker 1: a reaction that is triggered that is often quite unusual.

454
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:08,400
Speaker 1: Our child, the first time that happened with our son,

455
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 1: he's incredibly good nature, like very kind. But when he

456
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:13,960
Speaker 1: was early on, when he was like maybe I don't know,

457
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,040
Speaker 1: a couple of years old, he like found a phone

458
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 1: and he was like looking at him and we took

459
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 1: it away. Like the screech and anger from him was

460
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:24,720
Speaker 1: like something we had never experienced before. Who is this

461
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 1: child inside our kid's body? But it is the key

462
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:33,959
Speaker 1: thing to understand here, though, is that is not a fluke.

463
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,960
Speaker 1: These were designed to maximize how much time we spend

464
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,119
Speaker 1: on them. The entire business model of social media is

465
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:45,040
Speaker 1: based on maximizing your time spent because that translates to

466
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:49,280
Speaker 1: advertising dollars. Right. So you've got the best product engineers

467
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:53,240
Speaker 1: in the world figuring out how to use cutting engineuroscience

468
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:56,280
Speaker 1: to design the features that will keep you on for

469
00:24:56,400 --> 00:25:00,359
Speaker 1: longer clicking more, reading more, scrolling more, right, And so

470
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:02,959
Speaker 1: it's one thing to do that to a forty or

471
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 1: fifty year old adult. It's another thing when a child

472
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:10,760
Speaker 1: early in adolescence is at a critical phase of brain development,

473
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:14,919
Speaker 1: when they're more susceptible to social suggestion and social cues

474
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:18,120
Speaker 1: or impulse control has been developed, and you subject them

475
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:22,400
Speaker 1: to that kind of environment, and it's no surprise that

476
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 1: we've seen this sort of addictive behavior. And we have

477
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,600
Speaker 1: so many kids who say they want to reduce how

478
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:29,880
Speaker 1: much they use social media but are having a hard

479
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 1: time doing so.

480
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,560
Speaker 6: I'm blown away. I think we're all blown away. We're

481
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:37,639
Speaker 6: all parents here, and I think many parents are probably listening.

482
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,560
Speaker 6: But the fact that the pattern of behavior of social

483
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:43,240
Speaker 6: media is the same or equivalent, as you just eloquently said,

484
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 6: to the patterned behavior of other substances, and that's just

485
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 6: that's shocking, and of course that creates greater disconnection. So

486
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:51,400
Speaker 6: if that's the challenge, my question to you, and you've

487
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 6: touched upon it, but put your doctor hat on, take

488
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:57,119
Speaker 6: out your your prescription pad, take out a pen, and

489
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,440
Speaker 6: what's the prescription of solving disconnection?

490
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 1: Well, since you asked for a prescription, it turns out the

491
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,840
Speaker 1: final document that I issued when I was search in

492
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:08,399
Speaker 1: general was actually called a parting prescription to America. It

493
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,840
Speaker 1: was about what you're getting at, which is there was

494
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 1: this deeper question that had been bothering me for years

495
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 1: when I was in office, meeting people talking to them,

496
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:21,920
Speaker 1: which was this, The question is why are so many

497
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,680
Speaker 1: of the people that I meet struggling with a sense

498
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 1: of unhappiness and emptiness? Why do so many of them

499
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,040
Speaker 1: feel like something is missing in their lives? And I

500
00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:33,719
Speaker 1: realized that many of the narratives that were told that

501
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:38,960
Speaker 1: it's due to economic challenges, security challenges, These are real. Actually,

502
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:42,920
Speaker 1: these really contribute to the unhappiness and anxiety and pain

503
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,880
Speaker 1: that people feel. But even when those needs were met,

504
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 1: I was finding there was something else that was missing,

505
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,760
Speaker 1: that people were still feeling that sense of unhappiness, they

506
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,880
Speaker 1: were still suffering. And what I came to understand through

507
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:59,080
Speaker 1: many conversations and research and data, etc. Was that there

508
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 1: is a story that we have told ourselves, and young

509
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,760
Speaker 1: people in particular, a narrative that society has created about

510
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:11,680
Speaker 1: what constitutes success. And young people would often say this

511
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 1: to me most eloquently and clearly, because when I would

512
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 1: travel I would always ask the same question, how do

513
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:19,560
Speaker 1: you define success? And they would say, well, society is

514
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:23,320
Speaker 1: defining for it. Is it for us as money, power,

515
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:26,760
Speaker 1: and fame, And if we can achieve those three things.

516
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 1: Then we will really have made it. People make documentaries

517
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:31,200
Speaker 1: about us or our books about us, it'll be great.

518
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 1: It's why I met so many people who were saying

519
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,359
Speaker 1: that there what I would say, what are you focus

520
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:37,879
Speaker 1: on right now? They would say, I'm focused on building

521
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:40,679
Speaker 1: my brand right and there's a small part of me

522
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 1: which you know, died every time. Like somebody said that

523
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:47,120
Speaker 1: because it's I think it's emblematic of a broader problem.

524
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,200
Speaker 1: But when you look at what really leads to fulfillment,

525
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:56,520
Speaker 1: it's actually remarkably consistent in research in life experience and

526
00:27:56,640 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 1: history and in scripture across faiths, which is that it's

527
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,920
Speaker 1: a different triad that try to modern day success maybe wealth,

528
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:09,560
Speaker 1: power and fame, but the triad of lifelong fulfillment is

529
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:14,120
Speaker 1: actually relationships, purpose, and service. It's the people we love,

530
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,640
Speaker 1: the people we help, and it's how we find purpose

531
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:19,760
Speaker 1: in our lives and lifting each other up and being

532
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:23,560
Speaker 1: a part of something bigger than ourselves. That's actually how

533
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:27,399
Speaker 1: we find fulfillment. The core though, the key about the

534
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 1: try to fulfillment is it has to be rooted in

535
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:32,720
Speaker 1: a core virtue, and that virtue is love. Love and

536
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:36,919
Speaker 1: all its manifestations of generosity, kindness, but also hope and

537
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:40,360
Speaker 1: courage those come from love as well. And in writing

538
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:45,160
Speaker 1: this parting prescription, I was deeply inspired by Reverend Martin

539
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,959
Speaker 1: Luther King, by your father and father in law, and

540
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:51,240
Speaker 1: he is call for the beloved community because I saw

541
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:53,200
Speaker 1: the beloved community, and Alison I we'd spend a lot

542
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,720
Speaker 1: of time talking about this, because we talk about this

543
00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 1: in the context of what when you become a parent,

544
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:00,840
Speaker 1: you start realizing that child is going to need a

545
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 1: lot more than you can provide to live a fulfilling life.

546
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 1: They're going to depend on the world around them, and

547
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:07,160
Speaker 1: the question for us is what can we do to

548
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 1: help make sure that that world is going to be

549
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 1: there for our kids and for all kids, that it's

550
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:14,520
Speaker 1: going to be a nurturing world where if they fall down,

551
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 1: somebody is going to be there to help them up,

552
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:18,240
Speaker 1: if they make a mistake, somebody is not going to

553
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 1: judge them in the worst possible bay way, but give

554
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:23,480
Speaker 1: them the benefit of the doubt and where they will

555
00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 1: do the same for others. And to me, that beloved

556
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 1: community is about belonging. It's about making love the ethic

557
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:34,719
Speaker 1: and the compass through which we are guided in our lives.

558
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:39,240
Speaker 1: It's about building a life rooted in relationships, purpose and service.

559
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 1: We want to also build out this narrative and conversation

560
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:47,040
Speaker 1: around how to live a better life right because people

561
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:48,880
Speaker 1: want to live a better Many people in their gut

562
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:52,560
Speaker 1: are saying, right now, is this all like? Isn't there

563
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:56,000
Speaker 1: something more? There is something more right, and we can

564
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 1: find it together, But only if we talk about it,

565
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:00,440
Speaker 1: only if we are open about it, Only if we

566
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:03,960
Speaker 1: come together and start creating opportunities for ourselves and for

567
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:07,920
Speaker 1: our children to engage in a life that's rooted in relationships,

568
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 1: in service, and in a sense of purpose. And when

569
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 1: you keep in mind the fact that right now, more

570
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 1: than half of eighteen to twenty four year olds say

571
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:17,719
Speaker 1: they have little to no sense of meaning or purpose

572
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:20,960
Speaker 1: in their lives, that tells us that we've got some

573
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:23,960
Speaker 1: work to do to make the future brighter for current

574
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:25,400
Speaker 1: and future generations.

575
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:27,920
Speaker 4: And one of the things that the four of us

576
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 4: are working on together. You talked about shared joy and

577
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:35,800
Speaker 4: shared experiences and is this the project realized the dream

578
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 4: which I know that you all both also are participating in.

579
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:42,200
Speaker 4: And you know we certainly encourage you know, anyone listening

580
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:45,360
Speaker 4: in as well. It's really about how we can come together,

581
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:49,200
Speaker 4: stand together and heal some of this device that we're

582
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:54,160
Speaker 4: talking about through serving, so finding service projects and being

583
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 4: involved and building the world that you want to be

584
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:58,600
Speaker 4: a part in. So is something that I know the

585
00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:01,440
Speaker 4: four of us are very exc and honored to be

586
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:04,239
Speaker 4: working on together, and we're so happy that you all

587
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:07,640
Speaker 4: are joining us in that endeavor as well. Now, Alice,

588
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:11,360
Speaker 4: you're at the White House when the Affordable Care Act

589
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:11,960
Speaker 4: was signed.

590
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 5: Yay you.

591
00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:17,920
Speaker 4: But most importantly, you really helped rally doctors across the country.

592
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 4: You really helped to organize to support the act. So

593
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 4: as we're looking at a time now when more and

594
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 4: more people are losing their health care or in danger

595
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 4: of losing their health care, what do you think it

596
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:35,480
Speaker 4: will take for this country to finally decide that healthcare

597
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:37,959
Speaker 4: is a right and not a privilege.

598
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,520
Speaker 7: I think this actually goes back to the conversation we're

599
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:45,600
Speaker 7: just having about being feeling connected to one another. I

600
00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:48,040
Speaker 7: feel like we're in a moment when there are a

601
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 7: lot of forces telling us to otherwise others that there

602
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:58,360
Speaker 7: are many people who are worthless, who don't deserve food, shelter,

603
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 7: they don't they don't deserve healthcare, they don't deserve the

604
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 7: basic building blocks of life, And I think that we

605
00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 7: need to just have a much better understanding that we're

606
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:16,320
Speaker 7: all actually very connected. I think there are there are

607
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:18,479
Speaker 7: very very few of us in the modern world who

608
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:22,400
Speaker 7: can survive on their own. I we couldn't. We couldn't,

609
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:24,520
Speaker 7: We couldn't survive a couple of days on our on

610
00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 7: our own. But feeling connected to when we eat a meal,

611
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,760
Speaker 7: who are the Who are the farmers who put those

612
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 7: seas in the ground, Who are the truck drivers who

613
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 7: drove that to the grocery store? Who are the people

614
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 7: picking your food? Who are all those people? And shouldn't

615
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 7: we make sure that they are all taken care of?

616
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:45,920
Speaker 7: For the reasons of just shared humanity and very practical

617
00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 7: reasons of like we need all of those people. I

618
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 7: think we need to start with that basic understanding that

619
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:56,720
Speaker 7: if we all do well, we all do well, and

620
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:59,360
Speaker 7: that's what leads to us being able to decide, okay,

621
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 7: healthcare should be a right that it doesn't matter who

622
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:07,560
Speaker 7: you are and what choices you've made in your life.

623
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 7: If you have strep throat, you ought to be able

624
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 7: to go to the doctor and get some antibiotics. If

625
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:13,280
Speaker 7: you have appendicitis, you ought to be able to go

626
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,680
Speaker 7: to the hospital, get your appendix taken out, and not

627
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 7: feel like you're going to lose your house and everything

628
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:21,320
Speaker 7: you own because of it. I think we just have

629
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 7: to see each other as our brothers, as our sisters

630
00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 7: in order to make sure that we're all taken care of.

631
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,920
Speaker 5: We're building something real here, one episode at a time.

632
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:34,600
Speaker 5: If you want to be part of it, to subscribe,

633
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 5: It's free, it matters and weird. Yes, getting started.

634
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:43,040
Speaker 4: Now back to my legacy.

635
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:48,280
Speaker 3: We moved to my wife's families farm to reconnect with nature,

636
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,520
Speaker 3: to let our kids run outside. Because I don't think

637
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 3: these things that you're describing here happen by accident. We

638
00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:59,480
Speaker 3: have to put an environment around ourselves, in rituals and

639
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:04,600
Speaker 3: traditions around ourselves to facilitate connection, to facilitate friendship, to

640
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:07,840
Speaker 3: facilitate family rituals. So can we take a peek into

641
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 3: your family? Forgive me, but give me a little personal here.

642
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:13,040
Speaker 3: What are some of the rituals that you have that

643
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:16,319
Speaker 3: as a couple, or with your children or in your

644
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:19,560
Speaker 3: water extended family that help anchor you.

645
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:22,160
Speaker 7: Like rituals are some of the like goofy things that

646
00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:22,400
Speaker 7: we do.

647
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 4: Tell us that's what we want to hear. Okay, let's

648
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:28,040
Speaker 4: not okay, don't tell us the family rituals. Please tell

649
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:29,000
Speaker 4: us the goofy things.

650
00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:34,080
Speaker 6: Yes, I just want to say, just it was really endearing.

651
00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:36,800
Speaker 6: Just for a moment, you were like such a powerful

652
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:39,200
Speaker 6: force of good everybody knows you are, and you just

653
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:41,880
Speaker 6: took a sip of water with a Hello Kitty cup

654
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 6: and you put that Hello Kitty cup back up. Because

655
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:47,120
Speaker 6: I thought that was so enduring. I wanted to give

656
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,720
Speaker 6: you a hot and mean like I love you because

657
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:52,120
Speaker 6: you're using a Hello Kiddy cup and my girls will

658
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:52,759
Speaker 6: think you're cool.

659
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 7: Now. I did not think you're actually going to take

660
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:04,520
Speaker 7: a simp of that. Vic is an amazing storyteller. I

661
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 7: mean of stories like in life generally, but also making

662
00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 7: up stories for our children. So that's part of our

663
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:13,399
Speaker 7: like bedtime when if the kids go to bed on time,

664
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:18,000
Speaker 7: which doesn't happen that often, but when they do, we

665
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:20,840
Speaker 7: all lie down in bed together, turn off the lights

666
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:24,759
Speaker 7: and Vic spins these like crazy tales and they're like

667
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 7: favorite characters that we all have when we get really

668
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:29,319
Speaker 7: excited when they when they show up on the scene.

669
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:32,560
Speaker 7: Oh my gosh, So and so is back. So that's

670
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 7: definitely one of my one of my favorites.

671
00:35:35,239 --> 00:35:35,640
Speaker 3: Yeah.

672
00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 1: One of the trisions we have which we love is

673
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:40,680
Speaker 1: in this summer. We always try to split the summers

674
00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:45,200
Speaker 1: between our grandparents, between our kids grandparents, so our parents,

675
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:47,680
Speaker 1: so it's half the time in California, half in Miami

676
00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:52,200
Speaker 1: and that, you know, it's interesting because that means that

677
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:55,239
Speaker 1: like our kids aren't like you know, taking classes or

678
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:57,960
Speaker 1: in like you know, summer camps for the whole like

679
00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 1: duration you know, with other kids and d see. But

680
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:02,600
Speaker 1: for us, we're like, you know what, even if they

681
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:05,880
Speaker 1: miss those things, like being with family is important, so

682
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:06,839
Speaker 1: we want to do that.

683
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 7: And the morning on the way to school, will often

684
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:12,319
Speaker 7: ask them to say one thing they're grateful for, and

685
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 7: it's so fun to hear from the kids what that

686
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:17,799
Speaker 7: thing is, and same at the end of the night,

687
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 7: like you know, what's you know, what's your rose, what's

688
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:22,560
Speaker 7: your bud, what's your thorn? What the nice thing that

689
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:24,480
Speaker 7: happened to when we look forward to it was a

690
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 7: bad thing. Sometimes the thorn really surprises you, like I

691
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:30,839
Speaker 7: didn't get that, Like I didn't get to eat that

692
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:32,839
Speaker 7: orange and you're like, that was a that was your

693
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:37,640
Speaker 7: biggest path that It's a fun little insight.

694
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:41,040
Speaker 1: We also we want them. We know that there's such

695
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:46,120
Speaker 1: a big emphasis on science and you know, stem learning, science, technology, engineering,

696
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 1: math stuff. But we actually it's really important to us

697
00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 1: that our kids are creative, that they have like I feel,

698
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 1: they have the liberty to to just express that and

699
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:58,120
Speaker 1: cultivate that side in them. So we just recently started

700
00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 1: doing this fun thing where we'll give them three words

701
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:04,640
Speaker 1: and we'll ask them to make up his story with

702
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:06,840
Speaker 1: his three words, right, so they could be three and

703
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:11,440
Speaker 1: they're often very unrelated, like caterpillar, like orange and New Jersey,

704
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:13,880
Speaker 1: you know, something like that, and then they'll they'll have

705
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:17,880
Speaker 1: to like spin a story with those. And I just

706
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:21,560
Speaker 1: the other thing I actually really love doing with them

707
00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:24,000
Speaker 1: is and we do this often when Alice is on

708
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:25,920
Speaker 1: a conference call and she needs quiet, so I'll take

709
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:29,600
Speaker 1: the kids to another room and then we'll just play

710
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:33,600
Speaker 1: these music videos and then dance together, you know, and

711
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 1: and that'll just it's just us just like dancing together,

712
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:40,120
Speaker 1: and it's fun. And so it's, uh, yeah, we have

713
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:43,440
Speaker 1: all kinds of there's a lot of goofiness at our house.

714
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:47,720
Speaker 1: This is like, it's yeah, like and I'm probably the

715
00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:50,000
Speaker 1: the goofiest person and that's what the kids say.

716
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:52,720
Speaker 7: So very few people know that one of the Biggs

717
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:54,080
Speaker 7: core traits is goofiness.

718
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,800
Speaker 4: Well now the world knows, so thank you.

719
00:37:58,040 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 6: I just want to put your parenting hat on, I

720
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:03,080
Speaker 6: mean a pharmaceut to general. You've obviously impacted so many parents,

721
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:05,480
Speaker 6: But put your dad hat on, and then NOALYSI if

722
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:07,320
Speaker 6: youre going to put your mum hat on. We recently

723
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:10,120
Speaker 6: helped launch a platform called This Way Up that helps

724
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 6: to empower girls and their moms around the issue of

725
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 6: mental health. What's the pep talk? What's the words of

726
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 6: advice you're going to tell to your own kids?

727
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,760
Speaker 7: Keep an eye out for ways that you can help people,

728
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 7: even if they're like teeny tiny, or like holding a

729
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:28,680
Speaker 7: door for somebody who's coming in with some groceries. But

730
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:31,879
Speaker 7: to do that, to not only keep an eye out,

731
00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:34,719
Speaker 7: but to choose to oh should I should not? Is

732
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:38,560
Speaker 7: it intrusive to hold the door? Just do it? I

733
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:41,200
Speaker 7: think making that a part of what you do in

734
00:38:41,239 --> 00:38:44,040
Speaker 7: the world is I think it will be really important

735
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:46,200
Speaker 7: for them.

736
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:49,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, I completely agree, and I think we would also

737
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 1: want to tell them that it's normal to feel ups

738
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:55,720
Speaker 1: and downs, that they're not bad or doing something wrong

739
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:57,799
Speaker 1: or broken, because they feel that, but all of us

740
00:38:57,800 --> 00:38:59,680
Speaker 1: feel it, even if we don't always talk about it.

741
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,399
Speaker 1: I'd also want them to know it's okay to ask

742
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 1: for help, it's okay to share what you're going through.

743
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:08,239
Speaker 1: And I think the worst feeling for a parent is

744
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:12,640
Speaker 1: to see your child suffering, and even worse to know

745
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:15,799
Speaker 1: that they're suffering in silence and alone. And I think

746
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:18,799
Speaker 1: being able to help our kids know that it's okay

747
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:20,600
Speaker 1: for them to talk to us and then to others

748
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:24,440
Speaker 1: about how they're feeling is really important. One of the

749
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:27,720
Speaker 1: things I'll just share with you, this is actually a ritual,

750
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:31,600
Speaker 1: if you will, that we do with our kids, is

751
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:34,480
Speaker 1: we also want them to know, in a world that's

752
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:38,640
Speaker 1: constantly telling them who they should be and why they

753
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:41,520
Speaker 1: are not enough, we want our kids to know that

754
00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:43,879
Speaker 1: they are enough, that their worth is intrinsic, that it's

755
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:48,799
Speaker 1: not extrinsic. So like we will often like you know,

756
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:52,400
Speaker 1: whisper to our children, you know at the you know,

757
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:55,759
Speaker 1: before they go to bed at night, is something to

758
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:58,239
Speaker 1: that effect. So like I'll often tell my son, as

759
00:39:58,239 --> 00:40:03,600
Speaker 1: I did last night, that always remind him that just

760
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,560
Speaker 1: always remember that doesn't matter what other people think, that

761
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:09,600
Speaker 1: what matters is that he believes in himself. And I'll

762
00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:11,520
Speaker 1: tell him that we believe in him, that we always

763
00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 1: believe in him, and to remember that he's strong and

764
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,880
Speaker 1: that he's brave and that he's kind. And that's what

765
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:20,080
Speaker 1: we tell our daughter too, So those are the words

766
00:40:20,120 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 1: that we wish rich of them before they fall asleep

767
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:23,480
Speaker 1: at night.

768
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 4: Do you intentionally choose that time? Because one of the

769
00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:30,560
Speaker 4: things that I know is that the two most potent

770
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:33,240
Speaker 4: times are when we first wake up in the morning,

771
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:37,120
Speaker 4: but even more powerful of a seed planting time, if

772
00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:41,480
Speaker 4: you will, is what thoughts, visions, prayers, what's in your

773
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:44,520
Speaker 4: mind right before you go to sleep, because you literally

774
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:50,400
Speaker 4: are programming yourself for the next eight plus hours. So

775
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,360
Speaker 4: is that do you intentionally choose that time with that knowledge?

776
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:53,759
Speaker 7: So?

777
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:56,360
Speaker 1: Yes, Actually, when I was growing up, my mother was

778
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:59,399
Speaker 1: a strong believer in the idea that what you are

779
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:02,319
Speaker 1: exposed to before you go to sleep just percolates through

780
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 1: your head throughout the night, and so she always used

781
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:08,200
Speaker 1: to tell us like, don't watch like scary things on TV.

782
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:09,839
Speaker 1: Like when we were kids, she was tell us at

783
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,160
Speaker 1: or don't read books that are disturbing or whatever. Like

784
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:14,920
Speaker 1: read something that's going to commune center. You make you

785
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:18,719
Speaker 1: feel peaceful and so thankfully, like our kids aren't on devices,

786
00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:20,839
Speaker 1: so they're not you know, looking at their devices right

787
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:22,920
Speaker 1: before they go to bed, and so that's good. But

788
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:25,279
Speaker 1: we wanted to fill their head with something positive. So

789
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:27,880
Speaker 1: we always actually do we have a prayer ritual. We

790
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 1: always do prayers together, you know, before they go to sleep,

791
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:32,760
Speaker 1: and then once the lights are out and the sheets

792
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,720
Speaker 1: are over them. This is what will whisper into their ears,

793
00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:38,640
Speaker 1: the reminder for them to believe in themselves, and we

794
00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 1: tell them that they're kind, they're brave, and they're strong.

795
00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 4: Well, we've talked a lot about loneliness and disconnection. I'm

796
00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:49,680
Speaker 4: very curious because if any of our listeners are experiencing

797
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:53,880
Speaker 4: that or their children, what are things that any of

798
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:56,719
Speaker 4: us that are feeling lonely or loneliness? What can we

799
00:41:56,840 --> 00:42:00,959
Speaker 4: do to overcome that? What are some suggestions?

800
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 1: The first thing I'd say anyone who's experiencing loneliness is

801
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:07,040
Speaker 1: it's important to know that you are not broken. This

802
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:09,839
Speaker 1: is a common experience a lot of us have. It's

803
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:13,640
Speaker 1: our body's way of telling us that something we need

804
00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:17,160
Speaker 1: that's essential for survival. In this case, social connection is missing,

805
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:19,279
Speaker 1: and it's just like hunger or thirst in that way.

806
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:22,560
Speaker 1: I think what's also important is to recognize that the

807
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:27,120
Speaker 1: path toward connection actually starts with simple and small steps.

808
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:30,080
Speaker 1: That we don't have to overhaul our entire life or

809
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:32,719
Speaker 1: uproot ourselves, quit our job, move to a different city

810
00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:34,839
Speaker 1: in order to build connection. And here are a few

811
00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:37,200
Speaker 1: simple things that I would offer. One is that we

812
00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:40,239
Speaker 1: can start by just taking five minutes a day to

813
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:43,160
Speaker 1: reach out to someone we care about. That could be

814
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:45,000
Speaker 1: a friend, just to check in and say, hey, I

815
00:42:45,040 --> 00:42:47,319
Speaker 1: was thinking about you, wanted to know how you're doing.

816
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:50,399
Speaker 1: It could be to a family member, but those five

817
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:53,200
Speaker 1: minutes make a difference. The second thing we can do

818
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,040
Speaker 1: is we can make sure that when we're with other people,

819
00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:58,480
Speaker 1: whether it's talking on the phone or visiting with them

820
00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 1: in person, that we're fully present, that we're not on

821
00:43:01,160 --> 00:43:05,080
Speaker 1: our devices all the time, because five minutes of uninterrupted,

822
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:08,320
Speaker 1: focused conversation with somebody is often more powerful than a

823
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:12,120
Speaker 1: half hour of distracted conversation. But the last thing that

824
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:14,640
Speaker 1: we can do is find one small thing each day

825
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:17,040
Speaker 1: that we can do to help someone. It could be

826
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:20,080
Speaker 1: something very simple, like we see somebody in the grocery

827
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:22,719
Speaker 1: store who's spilled their groceries on the ground and we

828
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:25,040
Speaker 1: lean over to help pick them up. Or we're see

829
00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:27,080
Speaker 1: somebody who's lost in the street or co work who's

830
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 1: having a hard time at school, or a classmate who

831
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:31,840
Speaker 1: looks like they're struggling and we just pause and say, hey,

832
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 1: you wanted to check on you. Are you doing okay?

833
00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:38,640
Speaker 1: These small moments of service are really important, not just

834
00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:41,320
Speaker 1: for the other person, but for us as a person

835
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:44,239
Speaker 1: rendering the service, because service turns out to be one

836
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:46,880
Speaker 1: of the most powerful antidotes to loneliness. It connects us

837
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 1: to somebody but reminds us that we have value to

838
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:52,759
Speaker 1: give to the world. And that's so important because one

839
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 1: of the corrosive effects of loneliness over time is it

840
00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:59,399
Speaker 1: can erode our self esteem. It can make us feel

841
00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:02,320
Speaker 1: that the reason we're lonely is because we're not likable,

842
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:05,880
Speaker 1: that something is wrong with us. Fundamentally, the moments of

843
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:08,400
Speaker 1: service remind us that that's in fact not the case.

844
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:11,279
Speaker 1: So these small things five minutes a day to reach

845
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:14,080
Speaker 1: out to someone we care about, being present when we're

846
00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:16,960
Speaker 1: with other people and off our devices, and one small

847
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:19,080
Speaker 1: thing to help someone each day. These can help us

848
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:21,960
Speaker 1: build a stronger and stronger sense of connection.

849
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:25,520
Speaker 3: I love the prescription that you have given for all

850
00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 3: of us and our listeners. I love the fact that

851
00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:32,120
Speaker 3: you have dedicated yourselves to showing up. You may not

852
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 3: do house calls nutritional sense, but you've been in our lives.

853
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:38,200
Speaker 3: You've been in the lives of Americans. And for speaking

854
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:45,120
Speaker 3: about service purpose connection, for talking about the goofy family

855
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 3: rituals that you so kindly shared with us today that

856
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:53,359
Speaker 3: I loved, For being so open with us in such

857
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:57,080
Speaker 3: a beautiful and moving conversation on behalf of all of us,

858
00:44:57,120 --> 00:44:59,720
Speaker 3: but on behalf of so many whose lives you've touched.

859
00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:03,280
Speaker 3: Thank you both so much, Thank.

860
00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 1: You so much.

861
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:09,840
Speaker 2: Thank you for joining us. If you enjoyed today's conversation, subscribe, share,

862
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:13,040
Speaker 2: and follow us on at my Legacy Movement on social

863
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:17,920
Speaker 2: media and YouTube. New episodes drop every Tuesday, with bonus

864
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:22,600
Speaker 2: content every Thursday. At its core, this podcast honors doctor

865
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 2: King's vision of the beloved community and the power of connection.

866
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:31,640
Speaker 2: A Legacy plus Studio Production, distributed by iHeartMedia. Creator and

867
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:36,120
Speaker 2: executive producer Susanne Hayward, co executive producer Lisa Lyle. Listen

868
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:39,080
Speaker 2: on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.