Speaker 1: Hell I Suck at Dating with the Nongler and Dared
Speaker 1: Haven and I heard radio podcast What's going On Suck Army.
Speaker 1: We are back for an all new end of the
Speaker 1: year episode for help I Suck at Dating. We are
Speaker 1: so happy to have you here. Uh, so happy to
Speaker 1: be here speaking to you, with you guys, to you guys,
Speaker 1: whatever you want to say. Uh, Jared, what's going on? Man? Uh?
Speaker 1: You know it's a holiday season, brother, to be honest,
Speaker 1: you love being honest. We're recording this before Christmas. I
Speaker 1: can't ask you how your Christmas went? But Jared, how
Speaker 1: do you think your Christmas is gonna go? Let's go
Speaker 1: ahead and maybe like peer into the future a little bit,
Speaker 1: and how do you think it's gonna go? Hopefully well
Speaker 1: and healthy. Uh, it's a different Christmas everybody's experienced in
Speaker 1: this man. We're you know the family. Usually we get
Speaker 1: together with you know, a bunch of different people on Christmas.
Speaker 1: We go to my cousins for Christmas even usually there's
Speaker 1: like ten or fifteen people there. And then Christmas Day
Speaker 1: will come and my grandfather will come over, my parents,
Speaker 1: my sister, my brother in law. Uh, and then Christmas night,
Speaker 1: my cousins will come over, so we see Usually, you know,
Speaker 1: it's twenty to thirty people throughout the two days and
Speaker 1: then unfortunately we're just not doing that this year. So
Speaker 1: we are going to get together a very small group.
Speaker 1: It's just gonna be my parents, uh, me, Ashley, and
Speaker 1: my sister. My brother in law is actually in the
Speaker 1: Coast Guard and he's serving overseas right now. Um, so
Speaker 1: he just left a few weeks ago, so he's not
Speaker 1: gonna be back until next November. So it's just gonna
Speaker 1: be a small dinner, the five of us. But everybody's
Speaker 1: going through right now. Quarantine's quarantine birthdays all around. Did
Speaker 1: you brother get the vaccine? No? Um, So my dad
Speaker 1: is actually getting the vaccine soon because he works in
Speaker 1: the correctional facility and so he's actually getting vaccinated I
Speaker 1: think in like forty five minutes um, which is insane.
Speaker 1: So Ashley's dad is a doctor down in Virginia. He's
Speaker 1: an anesthe geologist and he's in his sixties, so he
Speaker 1: was one of the first to get vaccinated. He got
Speaker 1: vaccinated last week and uh, you know, he feels fine
Speaker 1: and he gets his second dose in a couple of
Speaker 1: weeks and then my dad gets vaccinated tonight. They both
Speaker 1: got the Fiser one, uh not the Maderner one. So
Speaker 1: it's crazy, man, it's crazy to think that, like, here
Speaker 1: we go, we have a COVID vaccine and it's being
Speaker 1: distributed and people are getting uh vaccinated. It's been it's
Speaker 1: just been a surreal, surreal ten months. And certainly, you know,
Speaker 1: social distancing and mass wearing isn't gonna be over for
Speaker 1: quite some time. But in terms of Christmas, that's our
Speaker 1: plans right now. What about you? Man, Well, let me
Speaker 1: check my Fiser stock real quick now that we're on
Speaker 1: the topic. It's our it's too late for that. He
Speaker 1: should have got into that bar april. May you have
Speaker 1: made something down since I first bought it. That's kind
Speaker 1: of a bummer. Um, well, that's good that they're getting
Speaker 1: their uh their vaccines. It's I mean, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I haven't been falling too closely, but I guess there's
Speaker 1: like a new strand or something that's coming out too.
Speaker 1: I mean they're saying there's a new strand over the UK.
Speaker 1: I mean, what are we gonna do? Like at this point,
Speaker 1: we're just everybody's trying to do the best we can.
Speaker 1: We don't know if it's going to affect the vaccine
Speaker 1: or not. It's still up in the air. How contagious
Speaker 1: this new strain is? What the new strain is? Is it?
Speaker 1: You know, is the vaccine not going to you know,
Speaker 1: work against it. It's just exhausting for everybody out there.
Speaker 1: So hopefully, dude, we just get out of this sooner
Speaker 1: rather than litter and we can all. I was thinking
Speaker 1: about it the other day because I was a the
Speaker 1: grocery store and you know, I'm still super nervous to
Speaker 1: just be within a few feet of anyone, So walking
Speaker 1: past people on aisles, I'm like trying to turn the
Speaker 1: other way, keep my distance, and I'm like, man, this
Speaker 1: is not the way life is supposed to be. It's
Speaker 1: so mentally draining and for everybody out there, just constantly
Speaker 1: being on and constantly trying to just be aware of
Speaker 1: your surroundings, and truthfully, for me, like being scared of everybody.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm scared to come within a few feet
Speaker 1: of anybody, even if they're wearing masks. It's like, damn,
Speaker 1: this is depressing. Yeah, you are a bit of a hypochondriac,
Speaker 1: though maybe a little bit, just just a tiny bit,
Speaker 1: but you know what I mean. Back in March and April,
Speaker 1: everybody was on my side when I was like washed
Speaker 1: down the groceries. Let's not converse with anybody. You know,
Speaker 1: things have changed since ing I watched this. I saw
Speaker 1: this TikTok today. That was like, what was something that
Speaker 1: you're doing pre COVID that you can't even imagine doing now?
Speaker 1: And this girl was like, think about how we when
Speaker 1: we used to go bowling, we would stick our fingers
Speaker 1: in these little holes and with multiple times that everyone
Speaker 1: else is touching, and then we would eat these this
Speaker 1: finger food and just like suck on our fingers, you know,
Speaker 1: like the chicken wings and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: Imagine doing that now, Like, that's just disgusting. It's eve.
Speaker 1: I went bowling in January, so I went bowling when
Speaker 1: COVID was in the state. That's pretty I mean, it's
Speaker 1: one of those obviously, right, It's one of those things
Speaker 1: that's already disgusting and you don't think about how discussing
Speaker 1: it is and then you know you kind of have
Speaker 1: some hinds. But I'm the type of guy. I always
Speaker 1: brought sanitizer with me or I would if like my thing,
Speaker 1: I was aware, you know, so if my fingers had
Speaker 1: been in a bowling ball, I would make sure I
Speaker 1: wash my hands before I ate something, which means I
Speaker 1: was the guy who would go to the bathroom like
Speaker 1: five or six times throughout the night, not because I
Speaker 1: had to take a pissed but because I just needed
Speaker 1: to wash my hands. Because, like you said, I'm a
Speaker 1: hypo contract. But you know what, how's your Christmas? Well,
Speaker 1: Calin and I are actually gonna go get tested here
Speaker 1: pretty soon because we are going to be getting on
Speaker 1: an airplane and flying to Bozeman, Montana to see my brother,
Speaker 1: my brother. Both my brothers are gonna be there and
Speaker 1: my sister, and we don't really get many opportunities to
Speaker 1: all get together and just kind of with I don't
Speaker 1: know why or how, but this year everyone is around,
Speaker 1: and I guess we have the ability to all get
Speaker 1: to the same location, which is Boseman, Montana. Uh, And
Speaker 1: so we're gonna take that opportunity to kind of see
Speaker 1: each other. But yeah, like I said, we're gonna get
Speaker 1: tested before we leave just to make sure everything checks out.
Speaker 1: Make sense, I got tested. I mean I haven't flown
Speaker 1: in a while, but I got tested on Sunday just
Speaker 1: for I mean it's free, and you know, if I'm
Speaker 1: going to be around even like a couple of people,
Speaker 1: it's like for peace of mind, I'd rather know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like the worst part about it is just waiting
Speaker 1: in line, which is not even that bad depending on
Speaker 1: where you go. I don't know if that would be
Speaker 1: the worst part. The worst part is when it goes
Speaker 1: all the way up to your brain. I'd say that's,
Speaker 1: you know, not the best I got. I got tested once, uh,
Speaker 1: and I think I had like too many Bookers in
Speaker 1: my nose or something because if they like shoved the
Speaker 1: Burger Bookers further up my nose. And it was because
Speaker 1: it was maybe my third time getting tested. The second
Speaker 1: time getting tested. The first time was fine, you know,
Speaker 1: like it's uncomfortable, but like whatever, it was a clean
Speaker 1: swap up into the brain. But the second time they
Speaker 1: like shoved all my Bookers up even further up into
Speaker 1: my nose. It was the worst possible experience. Um. When
Speaker 1: I went this last time, the doctor was like, do
Speaker 1: you want a self ad minister, And I was like no,
Speaker 1: if I do it, like I'm gonna barely go up
Speaker 1: in the nose before my nose hairs start tickling. Just
Speaker 1: do it, shove it up there, and then I'm such
Speaker 1: a drama queen, like I cough, So I have to
Speaker 1: keep my mask on because it's just involuntary obviously. So
Speaker 1: when it goes all the way up to the back
Speaker 1: of my nose, I'm like, yeah, there is zero posent
Speaker 1: chance I can self administer. I got I broke my
Speaker 1: nose once when I was in high school and they
Speaker 1: put these like big plastic extens up in my nose
Speaker 1: and then I don't know if you ever broke your nose,
Speaker 1: but when they then when they pull them out, it's
Speaker 1: like the most insane feeling like they feel like it
Speaker 1: literally feels like they're excavating your brain through your nose. Uh.
Speaker 1: And so ever since then, I've kind of like, I
Speaker 1: don't know, you can kind of I guess, But all right,
Speaker 1: enough nose talking. What did you get? Are you done
Speaker 1: Christmas shopping? You've got anything else? Did you get Caroling
Speaker 1: a gift? Um? Yeah I did. I'm not getting anyone
Speaker 1: else any gifts. I I think I've I've got my
Speaker 1: brothers and sister gifts so many times, and they always
Speaker 1: just seem so ungrateful. I know, I'm sure that they're
Speaker 1: not ungrateful, but I just they don't really ever seem
Speaker 1: very excited about the things that I get them, So
Speaker 1: I'm just kind of given up. Are they annoyed because
Speaker 1: they don't get anything in return? I've been yelled at
Speaker 1: numerous times throughout my adulthood because I'll get my cousins
Speaker 1: gifts without telling them that I'm getting them something, and
Speaker 1: then they get piste off at me because I give
Speaker 1: them the gift and they didn't give me a gift
Speaker 1: because they didn't think we were exchanging. So even though
Speaker 1: I'm the gift giver, I end up being the asshole
Speaker 1: in the case. Yeah, that's I don't know if they've
Speaker 1: never verbally expressed it, but they seem pretty content with
Speaker 1: the idea of me getting them something and them not
Speaker 1: giving me anything back in return. But also it's like, what, like,
Speaker 1: I don't need them to get me anything. What are
Speaker 1: they going to give me that I don't already like
Speaker 1: the same with Kaylin. It's like, Kylen can't really get
Speaker 1: me anything because I already have everything I already wants.
Speaker 1: For the most part mineus, like a like a muscle
Speaker 1: car or something like that. I don't know, you get
Speaker 1: a muscle car for Christmas? That's nice, it would be nice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what are you gonna get? I don't know. So Ash
Speaker 1: and I talked about how we don't want to exchange
Speaker 1: two months too much. Um. It is funny when you
Speaker 1: think about buying gifts for people as adults, because you
Speaker 1: know what the best gift of all is keeping your money. Um.
Speaker 1: So that's like, you know, cousins and and brothers and sisters,
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna get you a little knickknacks and stuff
Speaker 1: like that, but nothing too big. But Ash and I
Speaker 1: talked about what we're gonna get each other, how much
Speaker 1: we're gonna spend on each other. And so she got
Speaker 1: me two things and she said she didn't spend more
Speaker 1: than a couple hundred dollars, So I'm not spending more
Speaker 1: than a couple hundred dollars. Um. And I got her
Speaker 1: like some small, fun, thoughtful gifts. But I feel like
Speaker 1: I just I always underwhelmed with gifts. You know, you
Speaker 1: can tell us because this is an air until after Christmas.
Speaker 1: And she definitely doesn't listen to the podcast. I got
Speaker 1: her like so, I got our Harry Styles candle, uh,
Speaker 1: which I thought it was a cute gift because she's
Speaker 1: obsessed with Harry Styles, and I figured, you know, i'd
Speaker 1: give her a candle with the picture of a beautiful
Speaker 1: man on there to show my you know, security within
Speaker 1: this relationship and as a man, even though I feel
Speaker 1: quite inferior to Harry Styles obviously. Uh. What else? Oh,
Speaker 1: I got her a shirt with young Leonardo Dicapro and
Speaker 1: Mark wahlbark on there, because she's obsessed with both men,
Speaker 1: and it's a picture of them. I forget a movie
Speaker 1: they were in together, but they were in a movie
Speaker 1: when they were like teenagers, so it's a picture of
Speaker 1: them very young. I forget. That'd be cute. I got
Speaker 1: her so last year I got her Mickey and mini
Speaker 1: snow globe and it's a really nice snow globe and
Speaker 1: I gotta personalize with our wedding data on their August eleven,
Speaker 1: two thou nineteen. And of course, what happened a few
Speaker 1: months later she broke it. It was accidental, she was
Speaker 1: dusting off the top of the counter. It fell down,
Speaker 1: shattered it everywhere. So I ended up going back to
Speaker 1: the same store getting this name snow globe. But instead
Speaker 1: of getting just inscribed our wedding day, I saw a
Speaker 1: mug in there that says you are my favorite person.
Speaker 1: And I was like, huh, I don't want to get
Speaker 1: her a mug, but I really like that. So on
Speaker 1: the Mickey and Miney snow globe, I got it inscribed
Speaker 1: on the front saying you are my favorite person August eleventh,
Speaker 1: two thousand nineteen. Dean, don't get jealous, you're a close second.
Speaker 1: But I thought that'd be a nice gift. Uh. Then
Speaker 1: I got her. You know, I got some personal gifts
Speaker 1: after that. Then I'm not going to talk about on
Speaker 1: the podcast, but you know, talk about it. Why not
Speaker 1: some stuck army. Yeah, I guess that's a good point.
Speaker 1: I got a lingerie, you know. Yeah, you know, just
Speaker 1: you know, it's a little gift for both her and I.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say that more of a gift for
Speaker 1: her for you, a little bit of both, you know,
Speaker 1: keeping it by say you were trying to have a
Speaker 1: kid us more detail here. I'm a lace type guy.
Speaker 1: My favorite our thigh highs, as we've talked about in
Speaker 1: this podcast before. But I'm A big fan of black
Speaker 1: lace with THI highs because there's a few things better
Speaker 1: in this world than that. I'm not like sometimes, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know, Sometimes landre can get like a little
Speaker 1: too much. There's like holes in different places and and
Speaker 1: like like little secret trap doors, and I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't I don't know, I don't need all this, Like
Speaker 1: you like the basic Lingreie then, but yeah, yeah, but
Speaker 1: a basic good black lace with THI highs is my favorite.
Speaker 1: Multiple benny? What was that? Multile benny? Isn't that very good?
Speaker 1: At Italian? I don't know. I don't speak Italian. I
Speaker 1: went there once. That's that's nice, man, I'm sure she's
Speaker 1: gonna love it. I hope you got to choose some
Speaker 1: Lingrei too, so you guys can wear your lingdreds together.
Speaker 1: You know, when I did chipping Dale's, she bought me
Speaker 1: a pair of boxers with like a bow tie in
Speaker 1: the front, so it made it look like a tuxedo
Speaker 1: on where you know the man parts are. So that
Speaker 1: was nice. So I have yet, have you ever? I
Speaker 1: was gonna say, so you have not wanted them? For
Speaker 1: they're quite uncomfortable. They're very tight because they're meant to,
Speaker 1: you know, really emphasize that part of the party to
Speaker 1: make it like, you know, look, maybe a little bit
Speaker 1: bigger than it actually is, t m im. But whatever.
Speaker 1: Uh So they're really not the most comfortable boxers. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't say they're me Andy's. But I did try them once,
Speaker 1: but it was like it was too laughable. It couldn't
Speaker 1: get in the mood. And you know, you're like this,
Speaker 1: I just feel like a joke. What do you mean
Speaker 1: too laughable? Well, because like it's different when a girl
Speaker 1: dresses up, that's sexy, when a guy dresses up it's
Speaker 1: from I don't know, maybe it's just because I'm attracted
Speaker 1: to women. But like when I when like I put
Speaker 1: boxes on like that or like a bow tie, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I look like a jackass. Like nobody's sexually aroused by
Speaker 1: me wearing this. I mean, hey, have you never dressed
Speaker 1: you know? No, I've never dressed up. I would never.
Speaker 1: I would never do that. But listen, like you said,
Speaker 1: different strokes for different folks. Some people are in that
Speaker 1: kind of thing. Sounds like you are into it once
Speaker 1: you once you're alright, you'll you'll get used to it.
Speaker 1: We're trying to have a baby. You know, we're trying
Speaker 1: to figure out different different ways too. I thought you
Speaker 1: knew that I was already married. Wait wait wait, wait
Speaker 1: back up a second. I know you guys are I
Speaker 1: know Ashley is quote unquote off the pill for her
Speaker 1: instagram post um. But what's the update on the baby situation?
Speaker 1: Are you guys still trying to have a baby? What's
Speaker 1: going on? Uh? Yeah, so we're trying. We're actively trying.
Speaker 1: We're a couple of months in. Um. Yeah. It's still
Speaker 1: funny when you know you're you're trying to have a kid,
Speaker 1: and like every month it's like all right, we're like
Speaker 1: is there a baby in there? Is this the month? Um?
Speaker 1: And like, I don't know, I guess you're never ready
Speaker 1: for to have kids. I feel like I'm ready to
Speaker 1: be a father. I feel like Ashley is ready to
Speaker 1: be a mom. I want to have kids. But it's crazy.
Speaker 1: I always get, you know, when she's like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: taking the test today, it's like, oh Jesus, are we
Speaker 1: ready for this? Is this actually happened? Are we bad parents?
Speaker 1: How does this work? Do you keep track of? Like
Speaker 1: the ovulation cycle? So she she has like the Ava bracelet.
Speaker 1: She's got apps and books. She's you know, one of
Speaker 1: the best traits of Ashley is that when she does something,
Speaker 1: she does a hundred and ten percent, no matter what
Speaker 1: it is in life. Uh, and trying to have kids
Speaker 1: is no different. She's she's she's really good about it.
Speaker 1: It's not like, all right, let's just do it and
Speaker 1: see what happens. She's like, we need to do it
Speaker 1: on this day, on this hour. This is my peak.
Speaker 1: So we need to you know, two days before, two
Speaker 1: days afterwards, and then you know, I drink this or
Speaker 1: do that or eat that. And she just like got
Speaker 1: it down to a science. Are you doing anything specific
Speaker 1: to help increase your chances? Yeah, that's a negative. You
Speaker 1: know sometimes I uh uh, you know, after she's pregnant,
Speaker 1: that's when my big you know, I'll be the support
Speaker 1: of the supportive guy. Now, like, what am I gonna do?
Speaker 1: I just I need to like, you know, I literally
Speaker 1: have like forty five seconds of work into this, that's
Speaker 1: all I have to do. It's so funny because she's
Speaker 1: we talk about it and she's like, you know, all
Speaker 1: the pressures on you because you need to you know,
Speaker 1: deliver in the moment just to you know, because but like,
Speaker 1: let's be honest, if if they were married, forty five
Speaker 1: seconds listen the reason I bring up forty five seconds.
Speaker 1: Here we go. So if you're married, or if you've
Speaker 1: been with someone for quite some quite a while, you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's you know, it's not like every five minutes.
Speaker 1: You guys can just make love and it's as easy
Speaker 1: as possible. And especially when you're trying to have kids,
Speaker 1: sometimes it's like, Okay, we need to have sex now,
Speaker 1: and you're like, like, I just we just had a
Speaker 1: big prime rib and I just said it's like a
Speaker 1: brownie and I am not in the mood. So you
Speaker 1: just need to like be like, all right, I'll just
Speaker 1: get in the mood because this is like her prime
Speaker 1: and so let's do it. And so sometimes it's you know,
Speaker 1: it's I don't want to call it work because it's great,
Speaker 1: but like sometimes you want to get it done as
Speaker 1: quickly as possible. So it's like, you know, it's a
Speaker 1: numbers game at this point. You guys are just trying
Speaker 1: to play the odds exactly. You know, we're just throwing
Speaker 1: as much as we can against the wall and just
Speaker 1: hopefully one of them sticks. Uh So that was a
Speaker 1: bad choice of words right there, within the context of
Speaker 1: the conversation. But you know, so sometimes it's like all right, Jared,
Speaker 1: come on now, like you can do this, like focus,
Speaker 1: you got you know, you can get this in your prime.
Speaker 1: It took you like fifteen seconds. You know, you can
Speaker 1: just channel that energy. I think that there are things
Speaker 1: that men can do to increase their sperm count, like
Speaker 1: I know for a lot, not for a fact, but
Speaker 1: I remember, uh, like cowboys have a higher sperm count
Speaker 1: because they don't wear boxers. Like the folder. The further
Speaker 1: away from your body, you can keep the you know,
Speaker 1: the thing where the seaman are stored because he kills them.
Speaker 1: And so if they're like not hugged up against your body,
Speaker 1: they they perform better, I guess. But so that's all
Speaker 1: stuff that I'm sure you already know. Yes, but that
Speaker 1: makes me nervous. And do you have you always worn
Speaker 1: boxer breeze? No? I hate I hate boxers, so I
Speaker 1: don't wear boxers. So you're at your commando, right, I'm
Speaker 1: a command I'm a cowboy. Yeah, So what do you
Speaker 1: do when you have jeans on? Just just just grip
Speaker 1: my teeth and get through it. That's terrible, that seems
Speaker 1: so painful. That's why you're hard pressed to find me
Speaker 1: wearing a pair of jeans, I think is why. Um
Speaker 1: but Jared, listen, man, good luck. I think it's gonna
Speaker 1: happen when it's supposed to happen, right, Like, that's all
Speaker 1: we can really say. And I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's God's hands now. And you and you want to
Speaker 1: know what I want to say something. I appreciate you
Speaker 1: being so open and forth right about this too. I
Speaker 1: know it's a sensitive topic. I know sometimes it can
Speaker 1: be hard to talk about, but I just appreciate your
Speaker 1: fourth right nows there. So I appreciate especially like maybe
Speaker 1: like three or four years ago, I would have been
Speaker 1: more uh close to the chest about it. But now
Speaker 1: that I've married Ashley and she just puts everything out there,
Speaker 1: I've I've become more and more like her as we've
Speaker 1: been together longer and longer, where I'm just like, screw it,
Speaker 1: let's just talk about it. I love it. I love it. Well,
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break. We have a great
Speaker 1: guest coming up for you guys. His name is Garrett Mercantile.
Speaker 1: He is from Twelve Dates of Christmas, airing on HBO
Speaker 1: Max Uh. He is one of the three leads of
Speaker 1: the show, and we're excited to hear from him and
Speaker 1: jump into a little bit more about the show because
Speaker 1: there's some uh, some similarities to The Bachelor. There's some
Speaker 1: nuance is that we're familiar with and something that we
Speaker 1: aren't with familiar with. So we're gonna take one quick
Speaker 1: break and then we're going to jump right into speaking
Speaker 1: with Garretts of Stay tuned for that. We have Robin
Speaker 1: Rain's VP of matchmaking at three Day Rule, which is
Speaker 1: a matchmaking website. So Robin, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: joining us. Hi, thank you for having me. Yeah, so,
Speaker 1: can you explain what Three Day Rule is and how
Speaker 1: it differs from traditional dating apps and websites because I
Speaker 1: know a lot of my friends and even back in
Speaker 1: the day, I was always on Tinder and now we
Speaker 1: have Bumble and we have so many different things going
Speaker 1: on right now, it's hard to keep up with what
Speaker 1: to do and what's best. Three Day Rule is a
Speaker 1: modern matchmaking company, so we work with clients all over
Speaker 1: the US who basically come to us because they are
Speaker 1: too busy to waste times wiping and going on bad dates.
Speaker 1: So it's a lot of guys who, you know, maybe
Speaker 1: they don't have any troubled getting dates. They probably could
Speaker 1: go on dates every night of the week if they
Speaker 1: wanted to. But they get there and very often they
Speaker 1: know within five minutes that this date is not for them,
Speaker 1: and so we want to save them a lot of
Speaker 1: that time, a lot of that frustration. So they sort
Speaker 1: of outsource their love lives to us, so we can
Speaker 1: just queue up the best of the best for them.
Speaker 1: I'm sure Tory will probably sign up a might maker.
Speaker 1: We'd love to match you. So where can everyone find you?
Speaker 1: And also can people request for you to be their matchmaker?
Speaker 1: How does that work? Yeah, so I am one of
Speaker 1: those matchmaker of matchmakers, So I do am one of
Speaker 1: the people that meets everybody who comes through our door.
Speaker 1: So there's a few of me on the team. So
Speaker 1: if you go to our website and sign up, it's
Speaker 1: just three day rule dot com. Um you create that
Speaker 1: private profile, it takes like two minutes and then um
Speaker 1: you will be assigned to one of the matchmaker of
Speaker 1: matchmakers on our team and they'll schedule the meeting with
Speaker 1: you and then if you end up deciding that this
Speaker 1: is something you want to do, she'll pair you with
Speaker 1: one of the matchmakers on our team. So again, guys,
Speaker 1: if you are interested in the matchmaking service, go to
Speaker 1: three Day Rule dot com slash page spur Rannick. Hey,
Speaker 1: welcome back to help I Suck a Dating. We have
Speaker 1: a very special guests on the line right now. You
Speaker 1: have seen him from the brand new HBO MAC series
Speaker 1: Twelve Dates of Christmas. It is Garrett Mark. And Tell Garrett,
Speaker 1: thanks for joining us. Man, welcome to help I Suck
Speaker 1: a Dating. Thank you. I'm I'm excited to hear what
Speaker 1: questions you guys have for a gay man. Listen. We're
Speaker 1: excited to ask you some questions too. I want to
Speaker 1: point out so before before we had Garrett call in
Speaker 1: to join us on Help by Second Dating, I creep
Speaker 1: his Instagram a little bit, and the listeners, I'm sure
Speaker 1: you can tell in his voice, but Garrett is an
Speaker 1: incredibly attractive man. Uh. And I've got a lot of
Speaker 1: questions for you for this show because I think there
Speaker 1: has been a lot of talks in the past about uh,
Speaker 1: you know, obviously very informal talks like what would happened
Speaker 1: if there was a gay bachelor bachelorrette or something along
Speaker 1: those lines, and that's kind of what we have here.
Speaker 1: It sounds like, right, Garrett. So for the for the
Speaker 1: listeners that aren't familiar with the show, and even honestly
Speaker 1: for me and Jared, because I haven't seen this show yet,
Speaker 1: but can you kind of fill us in on the
Speaker 1: show and how it works? Definitely? Okay, so you have
Speaker 1: three bachelors here, you have a street female, street male,
Speaker 1: and a gay mail and the three of us are
Speaker 1: plucked out of our normal lives and we're sent to
Speaker 1: a magical Christmas castle that's set in Austria and the Alps.
Speaker 1: And while we're there, we have six blind dates and
Speaker 1: we don't know the structure, so all we just know
Speaker 1: is we're going to be meeting people. We didn't even
Speaker 1: know how many people we could meet, and then we
Speaker 1: had to just really go with the flow. And it
Speaker 1: was just like a very unique reality dating show set up,
Speaker 1: I would say, And it was stunning. Everything was just Christmas.
Speaker 1: So how many? Okay, so it was you a straight
Speaker 1: man in a straight woman and you guys were all
Speaker 1: looking for partners where they're I guess I guess the
Speaker 1: nice thing about that would be that everyone's contestants quote unquote,
Speaker 1: right would be there for it's pretty clear who they're
Speaker 1: there for. But so, so I have a question because
Speaker 1: I think one of the reasons why I've always kind
Speaker 1: of assumed a gay Bachelor Bachelorrette season wouldn't work is
Speaker 1: because sometimes I feel like the contestants could develop feelings
Speaker 1: for each other. Right. Well, so, so it's the gay
Speaker 1: world is very different than the straight world. I'll say that, um,
Speaker 1: and I I was curious too to see how this
Speaker 1: would play out. Um, And I mean, first and foremost,
Speaker 1: like I really live in this bubble in New York City, where,
Speaker 1: like I mean, New York is pretty gay, and so
Speaker 1: like you can kind of just like have your friend
Speaker 1: group that that you choose, and I think that's one
Speaker 1: of the great things about New York City is everyone
Speaker 1: can kind of find their bubble um. But going in,
Speaker 1: you're all living together in this castle. And so I
Speaker 1: didn't know like if at first I would arry and
Speaker 1: I would have like six people there and then like
Speaker 1: everyone would have like all the equal amount of time
Speaker 1: to get to know each other. But there didn't really
Speaker 1: work that way, and I think that probably was best
Speaker 1: for me. Um, maybe not for the contestants, but it
Speaker 1: definitely kind of like mitigated that opportunity for those other
Speaker 1: individuals to be able to link up, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1: So what made you want to go on the show? Okay,
Speaker 1: so the single and I was like, honestly, I I
Speaker 1: feel like if there was a time of life to
Speaker 1: capture something like a romance on camera, it's now, like
Speaker 1: while I'm still young, and I'm a pretty adventurous type
Speaker 1: of person, so I don't know anything about television, and
Speaker 1: so this was kind of like one of those things
Speaker 1: that I felt if I was thrown into this, then
Speaker 1: the person that I was like getting thrown into it with,
Speaker 1: if if we like could do this ride together, then
Speaker 1: it would probably be something that we would hold us
Speaker 1: this like special bond and we would always have it
Speaker 1: recorded and um, you know, and we like learned all
Speaker 1: these lessons together, and so I just thought it could
Speaker 1: be like a really cool like love journey to have. So,
Speaker 1: so tell us more about the journey, because you said
Speaker 1: you had a mansion or not in the Austrian Alps,
Speaker 1: which sounds freaking amazing, right, So tell us a little
Speaker 1: bit more about maybe like the dates that you guys
Speaker 1: would go on, or or how you would spend your days.
Speaker 1: Because if you're living with everyone, right, are you spending
Speaker 1: every waking moment with each other or is it kind
Speaker 1: of like you're only spending times with them when you're
Speaker 1: on dates. How did that a whole work? So I
Speaker 1: had in my own room. Um so we I mean
Speaker 1: everyone had their own room. I think some of the
Speaker 1: cast were sharing. Some of the gay cast had like
Speaker 1: female roommates. Um, but me chat and Faith um so
Speaker 1: chatting Faith to the other two leads. We all got
Speaker 1: there like like I think it was thanks uh sorry
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day February fourteen when we man so we're like,
Speaker 1: it's super excited for love. Um. And so we each
Speaker 1: had like our own corner at the top of the castle.
Speaker 1: And so the top floor of the castle had like
Speaker 1: like the bigger bedrooms and we had these like stunning views.
Speaker 1: And then um, Faith was lucky because she had a
Speaker 1: room next to Anthony. I won't say anything more than that. Um,
Speaker 1: but all of my dates they were two floors below me.
Speaker 1: So I didn't actually get to interact with anyone unless
Speaker 1: I was on camera. So it was like first it
Speaker 1: was me, Faith and Chad. We got to know each other,
Speaker 1: and then I didn't know who was coming and when,
Speaker 1: and then once we had the first day, it was
Speaker 1: just on camera interaction and then I wouldn't see them
Speaker 1: again until the next opportunity that we're filming. So tell
Speaker 1: us what a date, Like what was the date? Would
Speaker 1: you guys go skiing? Would you go like dog sled
Speaker 1: racing or yeah, so it's like dog sledding, ski biking, snowboarding, skiing, snowshoeing,
Speaker 1: like any type of winter activity that you can imagine.
Speaker 1: It would be like a cute dates it up like
Speaker 1: this is what we did, Like what Corey and I
Speaker 1: mo went on a date where we literally just played
Speaker 1: in the snow and just like look down some wishing
Speaker 1: well and like made a wish. I mean, it's just
Speaker 1: like silly stuff, but it's really cute. No, but that's
Speaker 1: like the best way to get to know someone, you know,
Speaker 1: to like related to bachelors. Sometimes when people go on dates,
Speaker 1: they do these activities, and while they're fun and entertaining,
Speaker 1: there's not really a way to get to know someone
Speaker 1: or talk to them or get to know them better.
Speaker 1: So like a date playing in the snow. I feel
Speaker 1: like it's the best way to just chill and talk
Speaker 1: to someone. Yeah, it's it's hard because like, okay, so
Speaker 1: you have you have things you have to capture on camera,
Speaker 1: but then you also really want to get to know
Speaker 1: the person, right, so you know, it's kind of like
Speaker 1: the I I think my favorite dates were probably the
Speaker 1: ones where it's like, you know, just me and jose
Speaker 1: we were snowshoeing, We're walking in the snow and talking
Speaker 1: and getting to know each other right, And it's nothing
Speaker 1: where it's like super technical, like where I was on
Speaker 1: a snowboarding date with Dominic and I'm bossing my ass
Speaker 1: the entire time. So it's just like a little bit
Speaker 1: more difficult. But yeah, I mean I definitely agree. And
Speaker 1: you're trying to find those like organic moments as quick
Speaker 1: as possible. Um, And I think too that, I mean,
Speaker 1: that's really kind of the piece that I think speaks
Speaker 1: speaks more than than the process, you know, because you
Speaker 1: have to have those like chemistry bonds like start to form.
Speaker 1: M Yeah, what is it about the snow that makes
Speaker 1: it so much more romantic? Yeah, there's like something about
Speaker 1: snowfall that for me personally at least. Maybe it's because
Speaker 1: I grew up in the Northeast, but it's like so
Speaker 1: majestic and it's just like I see Christmas lights and
Speaker 1: I immediately feel like butterflies. Yeah, and this place was
Speaker 1: in the Alps, so it's like just stunning, and it's
Speaker 1: it's like these this Austrian Alp villages. So it's like
Speaker 1: all these like German inspired towns everywhere, and everyone has
Speaker 1: a cute little accent and they're really excited because you're
Speaker 1: filming something in their town that does get like a
Speaker 1: lot of like film stuff. So it was an experience
Speaker 1: for everyone. I will say of I've been a few
Speaker 1: countries in Eastern Europe and Vienna was one of my
Speaker 1: absolute favorites. Austria, I haven't have the chance to explore
Speaker 1: the Alps quite as much, but but yeah, I've heard
Speaker 1: very good things. And to Jared to your question, I
Speaker 1: think the thing about snow is it's like it encourages
Speaker 1: people to like a bundle up but then be like
Speaker 1: just be closer together and like you know kind of
Speaker 1: you know, you get like the warm, hot coco, the
Speaker 1: cozy fires, like all that kind of stuff. You get
Speaker 1: some like you get some marshmallows in there with some
Speaker 1: whipped cream and then you drizzle some caramel on top.
Speaker 1: Hasn't been a dating, so that's like winter based yet
Speaker 1: you know, here we go. I was gonna say, it's
Speaker 1: it's perfect timing for it too, And it's funny too
Speaker 1: that you guys filmed it in spring and so it's
Speaker 1: finally out on HBO Max. Now is that right? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: so we started yea, we started in February, so that's
Speaker 1: what like ten months? How long did filming? How open
Speaker 1: we were in Austria for the leads were there for
Speaker 1: like a little over a month. I think so you
Speaker 1: like just made it before quarantine. Oh yeah, no, we
Speaker 1: flew back and I think it was like days after
Speaker 1: they shut all the borders down in Europe. What was
Speaker 1: it like, just for my own curiosity when you were
Speaker 1: on on set, you know, February March was when everybody
Speaker 1: started getting a little nervous like, Okay, is this gonna
Speaker 1: be something? Is it's not gonna be something? But you
Speaker 1: guys were secluded filming. But was it like producers like
Speaker 1: freaking out there, like hey, we might have to cut
Speaker 1: filming short because of Corona. They were very professional and
Speaker 1: they like wanted to like keep the process true, and
Speaker 1: we didn't really know what was going on. Okay, But however,
Speaker 1: I have a little like confession. I they unplugged like
Speaker 1: our TVs and like took all the like equipments. You
Speaker 1: can't like plug it back in. And I found line
Speaker 1: and I like plugged it up, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I feel like, what's going on in the world. And
Speaker 1: I actually saw that that you know, COVID had a
Speaker 1: breakout in northern Italy, which was like right at the
Speaker 1: where we're at, and I was like, oh, like this
Speaker 1: is getting really close. Um, And so I did ask
Speaker 1: my producer. I was like, hey, like is there a
Speaker 1: game plan in place? And they're like, we're good right now,
Speaker 1: like we only have like three days left. And then
Speaker 1: it was like we wrapped up shops right at that's
Speaker 1: I mean, everything got finished. Um. So we just got
Speaker 1: super lucky. And it's cool because honestly that was that
Speaker 1: was the last bit of like pre COVID culture captured
Speaker 1: and my world. And so I mean I look at
Speaker 1: the person who I am today and look at that
Speaker 1: person and it's like the amount of growth that all
Speaker 1: of us have gone through the world is a different place. Um.
Speaker 1: So it's cool to have just like, oh, this was
Speaker 1: Scarrett at this time pre COVID captured like days before
Speaker 1: it unraveled, especially you because you're in New York City too,
Speaker 1: which is obviously seen quite a bit of the worst
Speaker 1: of it. I feel like, at least in the US day.
Speaker 1: But how has it been watching yourself back on television?
Speaker 1: Has it been like weird for you? Weird? Okay? So
Speaker 1: it's like you go in and it's a simulation in
Speaker 1: a way where it's like, Okay, you don't know what's
Speaker 1: going to happen. You're thrown into this world that's created
Speaker 1: for you, and you know you're you're going and you're
Speaker 1: you're being open to to everyone around you, you know,
Speaker 1: opening up yourself to all these like people, cameraman and
Speaker 1: lights and everything. Just everyone hears everything, right, so you
Speaker 1: no longer have like a private journey. Um. And so
Speaker 1: like that was an experience that was this like weird
Speaker 1: social experiment and then watching it again on the other
Speaker 1: side and you're like, you're you're seeing a lot more
Speaker 1: of like TV then versus like what I had personal experienced,
Speaker 1: And that's a whole another simulation in itself. So it's cool.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm I'm learning a lot about all of
Speaker 1: television and media throughout this whole thing. It. Um, I
Speaker 1: think it's important the ultimate story that was told, um,
Speaker 1: and you know it, there's a lot of questions. So
Speaker 1: I'm like here to answer the questions because there's a
Speaker 1: lot that went down and a lot that happened. And
Speaker 1: I think that it being in the first time that
Speaker 1: this is like a gay narrative really played out on
Speaker 1: a major network, people are like not everyone is like
Speaker 1: happy with the full to be honest, Yeah, I was
Speaker 1: gonna ask you about that because you know, Bachelor most
Speaker 1: recently has gotten flak about, you know, not being diverse enough,
Speaker 1: and so obviously Matt James. So Matt James is the
Speaker 1: Bachelor coming up in January, and he's the first black bachelor.
Speaker 1: We also we've had a black bachelor in New York.
Speaker 1: He is he lives in New York? Does he live
Speaker 1: with Tyler? Yeah? Okay, yeah, so I used to sell
Speaker 1: the tower wo Manhattan Square that they will have an
Speaker 1: apartment in. Okay, Well, is he nice? Oh for sure?
Speaker 1: Oh my, both of them are incredible guys. Okay, before UM,
Speaker 1: I had to let my work know like that I
Speaker 1: was leaving UM for like a month to film this
Speaker 1: reality show. And so someone from from my work was
Speaker 1: really good friends with Tyler, and Tyler and I had
Speaker 1: like a quick sit down chat. So that's awesome. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Matt seems like a super nice guy. I'm excited to
Speaker 1: meet him. Actually, my wife met him and said just
Speaker 1: the nicest things. I'm super excited for him. But I
Speaker 1: wanted to ask you this question because you know, we've
Speaker 1: so we've also seen within the Bachelor franchise, uh Demi,
Speaker 1: who is bisexual, and she was dating a guy and
Speaker 1: a girl on Bachelor in Paradise. So I wanted to
Speaker 1: ask you what it means to be a gay man
Speaker 1: who is going on national television to date other men,
Speaker 1: because you know, it's very It's it's much more acceptable
Speaker 1: today than it was many years ago, but still it's
Speaker 1: it's a little groundbreaking. Yeah, I mean, I'm shocked it
Speaker 1: took this long. So it's still like again, I've I've
Speaker 1: kind of lived like in New York City, which is
Speaker 1: a bubble in itself, so I get it it's not
Speaker 1: like the rest of America. But still I mean, like,
Speaker 1: I I feel like I live a pretty normal life, right,
Speaker 1: so I don't feel like I'm treated differently than anyone else,
Speaker 1: and so for for me to have that be represented
Speaker 1: in media as well, like, I'm not different really than
Speaker 1: anyone else. Like I have a longing for love and
Speaker 1: I want to spend someone, um, spend the holidays with someone.
Speaker 1: And I think, you know, the fact that we can
Speaker 1: finally capture that, you know, love goes beyond a person's
Speaker 1: sexual orientation. I think it's awesome, um, And I'm excited
Speaker 1: that dating shows are like actually moving into this direction
Speaker 1: because that's real life representation. I do, I do want
Speaker 1: to point out there, but I do want to point
Speaker 1: out there was a show a while back called A
Speaker 1: Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you guys ever watched that one, but Garrett just promised
Speaker 1: me you do not have a downward spiral like she did,
Speaker 1: because well, she's just she's got a little cuckoo. I
Speaker 1: don't foresee that happening. I don't I don't obviously foresee
Speaker 1: that we're happening with you. But good things for you, Gary,
Speaker 1: But you definitely, I mean, you definitely are a pioneer,
Speaker 1: there's no question. Uh, you know, it's it's it seems
Speaker 1: like it's been a long time coming, and obviously it's
Speaker 1: good to start to see these these things happen, uh,
Speaker 1: very very much. Still a long time coming. But as
Speaker 1: a gay man, you you kind of you go through
Speaker 1: like a weird journey. You know, you have to come out,
Speaker 1: you know, you have to like start dating, and you're
Speaker 1: like dating ten years later than what you would have
Speaker 1: started dating if you were like straight and dating in
Speaker 1: high school. You know. And on that note, I guess
Speaker 1: I guess I have a question for you too, because
Speaker 1: according to what I see here, you came out just
Speaker 1: five years ago and you were twenty four. So that's
Speaker 1: uh uh you know, I I I guess every every
Speaker 1: journey is different for every person, but uh, five years
Speaker 1: after coming out for the first time now to be on,
Speaker 1: like you said, a major network, pursuing love and finding
Speaker 1: a relationship, that's I mean, that's huge, and you're definitely
Speaker 1: a pioneer. It's just it seems like, uh, a lot,
Speaker 1: you know, just I don't know, you know, it's definitely
Speaker 1: a lot. Uh. And and I love that my family
Speaker 1: has been able to keep up with me too, because
Speaker 1: it's like here's one bomb boom, here's another bomb. Um.
Speaker 1: And I was like super busy um the last couple
Speaker 1: of years, and I wasn't able to go home for
Speaker 1: the holidays just because I was like kind of low
Speaker 1: in the totem pole at my my company. So I
Speaker 1: was like working the holidays and stuff. Um. And so
Speaker 1: like my first time back home was with like a
Speaker 1: whole production crew and I'm like surprised, like here all
Speaker 1: these gay men. Um. So it definitely was on this
Speaker 1: like fast track, uh to becoming like a I don't know,
Speaker 1: a gay man that has that shares his like public life. UM.
Speaker 1: But I think to like, I learned some really amazing lessons,
Speaker 1: still learning them as I'm going along. And I think
Speaker 1: the thing is that one thing about me is is
Speaker 1: I'm quick to own up to my mistakes because like
Speaker 1: that's how we learned. And I think to being a pioneer,
Speaker 1: like it's kind of a lonely road in a way
Speaker 1: you don't know like really necessarily how to to navigate it,
Speaker 1: and um, I don't. I'm just trying to my best,
Speaker 1: but ultimately I'm just trying to stay teachable along the way, Hey,
Speaker 1: doing trying your best is all any of us can do,
Speaker 1: my friend. Uh So, I'm gonna say a spoiler alert
Speaker 1: for here. Anybody who wants to watch the eight episodes
Speaker 1: on hbom X twelve Dates of Christmas uh and doesn't
Speaker 1: want to be spoiled anything, turn it off right now.
Speaker 1: But Garrett, you love the show single, I did ya?
Speaker 1: So what's going on with you now? Are you dating?
Speaker 1: What has happened post show? Do you suck at dating?
Speaker 1: I may suck at dating? Um, okay, so like it's
Speaker 1: just so weird. I mean I didn't Okay, I went
Speaker 1: and I didn't know what to expect as far as
Speaker 1: like if I was going to meet someone. I was
Speaker 1: hoping of course I would fall in love. And then
Speaker 1: I go back, um to the States, and the world's
Speaker 1: like ending, and um, I'm in my Brocomon apartment and
Speaker 1: I'm like looking out over like the view of Manhattan,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, like, what am I supposed to do? Like?
Speaker 1: Am I just gonna like be up in my apartment
Speaker 1: all alone like while like everything's happening here And I
Speaker 1: just got heat from my my family and everyone on
Speaker 1: national television for not really being home for for so long.
Speaker 1: So I went home to be with my family in Louisiana.
Speaker 1: And there's not many options for gay dating in Louisiana
Speaker 1: in that part like Charles where I'm from. Well, I'd
Speaker 1: say certainly not as much in Louisiana as there is
Speaker 1: in New York City. Definitely not. Yeah, So, so I
Speaker 1: spent that time with my family. Uh, So I moved
Speaker 1: away right after high school. I was young. My little
Speaker 1: brother who's five and so now he's nineteen, so I
Speaker 1: was able to like just spend that time with him,
Speaker 1: with my sister, my nephews, my mom, my dad, so
Speaker 1: like that was super important for me. And then I
Speaker 1: decided to um kind of like pick up, like I
Speaker 1: didn't just like a big question mark with New York.
Speaker 1: So I also knew that I wanted to put some
Speaker 1: roots in l A too, So I moved to l
Speaker 1: A and I started to kind of like put myself
Speaker 1: to be by coastal within real estate in both cities.
Speaker 1: So I've just been kind of like a bit all
Speaker 1: over the place. We were also filming more episodes of
Speaker 1: Twelve Dates in l A over the summer um which
Speaker 1: you can see episode eight. Sorry yeah, Episode eight is
Speaker 1: um and we did some like studio shoots. Um. So yeah,
Speaker 1: so I have just been kind of a little bit
Speaker 1: like back between New York and l A and trying
Speaker 1: to figure out And also I can't really like date
Speaker 1: anyone until this is like this show, because until you
Speaker 1: can get within six ft of someone, it's difficult six Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, okay, well, after remind myself here, it's
Speaker 1: not really your fault that you're still single, like um,
Speaker 1: and and it's funny because now that like this shows
Speaker 1: out and my friends who have known me for years
Speaker 1: are like seeing this thing that I went through. Um,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm definitely some guys that in the past
Speaker 1: have have may have wanted to try to go on
Speaker 1: a date with me, and obviously that I'm single, Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: they're definitely pursuing again. So this is interesting time. It's
Speaker 1: definitely it's definitely going to continue to happen that way too,
Speaker 1: for better or for worse, I guess. Um. But it's
Speaker 1: it's fun, it's exciting, and hopefully as things continue to
Speaker 1: roll out with COVID and things become you know, more
Speaker 1: under control, you'll be able to at least experience some
Speaker 1: of the pros and the benefits of uh, you know,
Speaker 1: putting yourself out there and being vulnerable and letting people
Speaker 1: see you in this new light too. And I heard
Speaker 1: HBO Max just said that they were doing a season two.
Speaker 1: So Garrett, are we gonna see you on season two?
Speaker 1: Is it gonna be like thirteen Dates of Christmas? I
Speaker 1: don't know anything about season two. I did see that
Speaker 1: piece come out and there was something on my face
Speaker 1: that said to be continued about my journey on the
Speaker 1: last um. I don't. I don't know what HBO has planned,
Speaker 1: but well, hopefully you find love before that, but if not,
Speaker 1: I would love to see you back on twelve Dates
Speaker 1: of Christmas season two. Garrett, Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: joining us. Everybody out there, make sure you guys go
Speaker 1: check out the eight episodes streaming right now on HBO
Speaker 1: Max Twelve Dates of Christmas, Garrett. Of course, everybody can
Speaker 1: go follow you on Instagram. Garrett, Mark can tell, so
Speaker 1: make sure you guys check out what he's going on
Speaker 1: in there. Garrett, thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 1: Man appreciate you guys. It's a pleasure to meet you both.
Speaker 1: All right, everyone, welcome back to help I suck at
Speaker 1: dating and if you haven't already gone to check out
Speaker 1: Twelve Days of Christmas on HBO, Max, I can't blame
Speaker 1: you because listen, it's only been a couple of minutes anyways,
Speaker 1: but be sure to check that out later. Anyways, Jared,
Speaker 1: we have a couple of emailers, uh that I think
Speaker 1: we should get to here. I wonder if Mark is
Speaker 1: listening in and was willing to give us a read
Speaker 1: through of these emails. He is, He just admitted himself
Speaker 1: things are looking up. We have an email from Marita.
Speaker 1: First of all, Mark, Hello, Well, okay, thank you. Here's
Speaker 1: a Rita I have to say. I'm a twenty three
Speaker 1: year old girl from south of Denver, Broncos fan, bachelor's
Speaker 1: degree in philosophy, and serial relationship sabotager. My friends kept
Speaker 1: a joke going for a while about me being the
Speaker 1: female Dean Unglert, which is how I found your podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm in a weird relationship position where I think my
Speaker 1: partner might be the one, but it seems like the
Speaker 1: more serious we get, the more freaked out I get,
Speaker 1: and I keep doing stupid. I'm absolutely going to lose
Speaker 1: him if I don't grow up a little bit but
Speaker 1: for some reason I can't. I was wondering if you
Speaker 1: had any advice for the transition between flings to a
Speaker 1: serious relationship and how to practice being a good partner. Oh, good,
Speaker 1: good stuff, Jared, I feel like this is kind of
Speaker 1: right in your wheelhouse. What do you think she just said,
Speaker 1: she's the female Deanungler. You should know this, I would say, honestly, though, um,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, listen, we're all afraid of commitment.
Speaker 1: This is kind of the way life is. You know,
Speaker 1: you never feel like you're ready. The grass is always greener.
Speaker 1: On the other side, you're always fearful that you're making
Speaker 1: a mistake and that's something better could be out there.
Speaker 1: But at some point, I think you just have to
Speaker 1: come to accept uh, you know the I don't want
Speaker 1: to say that like nothing better can come, but like,
Speaker 1: and I also don't want to make it sound like
Speaker 1: you're settling, but like, sometimes I think you just have
Speaker 1: to accept, you know, the responsibility of making a decision
Speaker 1: and the consequences that come with that, but also the
Speaker 1: wonderfulness that comes with that. Like, for me personally, all
Speaker 1: I could speak about is my own experience and with Ashley,
Speaker 1: for so long I was confused and indecisive and and
Speaker 1: afraid of making a commitment because what if I was
Speaker 1: making a mistake? What if getting together with ruin our friendship?
Speaker 1: And you know, there's so many things that we we
Speaker 1: love about each other, but there's some other things that
Speaker 1: make me nervous about being in a relationship with Ashley.
Speaker 1: And then once I got past that fear, because I
Speaker 1: you know, saw a possible life without her, and I
Speaker 1: made me like take action, it was the best decision
Speaker 1: I ever made. So sometimes, you know, you just kind
Speaker 1: of have to like take a leap of faith. And
Speaker 1: that would be my suggestion for you, Rita, because I
Speaker 1: think sometimes you gotta take a leap of faith. And
Speaker 1: I feel like if you keep being indecisive about this person,
Speaker 1: you might be really uh kicking yourself down the road
Speaker 1: if you end up losing them, um due to your indecisiveness. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree with all of that stuff. I think that
Speaker 1: like the slight irony here is that she's a philosophy major,
Speaker 1: uh and now she's worried about whether her partner is
Speaker 1: or is not the one. And I think that maybe
Speaker 1: some of that stems from like the constant consideration of
Speaker 1: like our our impermanence or whatever. You know. It's like, well,
Speaker 1: if she want to wants to make sure she finds
Speaker 1: the one that she's meant to be with, like her
Speaker 1: soulmate for lack of a better phrase, because she realizes,
Speaker 1: you know, she's only got so much time on this
Speaker 1: world and she wants to make sure she does it
Speaker 1: right the first time. I think that's very natural and
Speaker 1: a very human thing, and I think we all kind
Speaker 1: of experienced that. Uh. I think that we kind of
Speaker 1: get Jared. I think we've maybe talked about this on
Speaker 1: the podcast before. We kind of have like a bad
Speaker 1: role model for relationships ingrained in our brains ever since
Speaker 1: we're young kids, Like all these freaking romance movies about
Speaker 1: how there's love at first sight and no matter what
Speaker 1: they do at the universe always brings them back to
Speaker 1: each other. And then we start to think that like
Speaker 1: that's how love should be, and that we have to
Speaker 1: find our soul mate that way, and like there's these
Speaker 1: these criteria as to what your life partners supposed to be.
Speaker 1: But we only and we only exacerbated the problem by
Speaker 1: being a bachelor. We're a part of the problem. We
Speaker 1: are a part of the problem. But I think as
Speaker 1: I've gotten older, I attend or I've started to realize
Speaker 1: that that's not necessarily the case. And read Read is
Speaker 1: only twenty three, so you know she's so he's obviously
Speaker 1: pretty young. She just graduated college. It sounds like and like,
Speaker 1: don't worry about marriage right now as well, Like I mean,
Speaker 1: unless he's you know, about to propose tomorrow, Like you
Speaker 1: got plenty of time. You're twenty three, you're super young.
Speaker 1: I don't know how old he is, Um, but just
Speaker 1: taking one day at a time, enjoy your life. Definitely,
Speaker 1: it definitely is a one day at a time thing.
Speaker 1: I think you need to not put the pressure on
Speaker 1: yourself of him being or out being the one, because
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, all that's gonna do is,
Speaker 1: like you said, self, sabotage the relationship. Stop thinking about
Speaker 1: it that way, uh, and just start, like Jared said,
Speaker 1: ticket day by day, one day at a time. You're
Speaker 1: a philosophy and you're supposed to be good of that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff, you know, Um, Mark, Mark, what kind
Speaker 1: of advice do you have for Rea day? I think
Speaker 1: you've got something insightful here similar But I do I
Speaker 1: do sympathize with her, empathize with her that it's hard
Speaker 1: to grow up instantly. You know, she's doing all these
Speaker 1: things that she knows what's stupid. She knows maybe sabotaging
Speaker 1: the relationship because she's twenty three and she wants to
Speaker 1: grow up, and so I feel like wanting to grow
Speaker 1: up is the first step to actually growing up. But
Speaker 1: the phrase I was gonna say, you guys beat me
Speaker 1: to and it's one day at a time. I think
Speaker 1: that's all you can do is just live in the
Speaker 1: moment and enjoy him each day. And if it was
Speaker 1: a good day, you know you didn't sabotage the relationship, well,
Speaker 1: then good for you, and let's work on tomorrow. Yeah,
Speaker 1: here's the question. Do you think reader should talk to
Speaker 1: her significant other about her concerns. I think that'd be great.
Speaker 1: I think I think being as open and honest as
Speaker 1: possible and say, look, I do stupid stuff some times,
Speaker 1: I'm trying. I really want to be what you want
Speaker 1: me to be. I think he'd be very open to that.
Speaker 1: I agree in the sense and for the simple fact
Speaker 1: that it's it's one thing to not say anything and
Speaker 1: do something stupid, but another thing to say, hey, I
Speaker 1: might do something stupid and then do something stupid, because
Speaker 1: then when you do that stupid thing, that other person
Speaker 1: is gonna be like, oh, this is exactly what she
Speaker 1: was telling me that she's gonna do. It doesn't necessarily
Speaker 1: reflect anything about me personally. It's just that she's like
Speaker 1: getting fearful of a long term relationship exactly exactly. You
Speaker 1: gotta like laugh about at that point. You could be like,
Speaker 1: ha ha, you said you were going to do this
Speaker 1: and now you're doing it, Like this is stupid. Let's
Speaker 1: just carry on and continue to do what we've been doing.
Speaker 1: So I definitely think that they should have a conversation too,
Speaker 1: as tricky as it might be, and especially like at
Speaker 1: that age. You know, obviously everyone is different, but when
Speaker 1: I always twenty three, I was always fearful of having
Speaker 1: that conversation. Hopefully Rita is a little bit more advanced
Speaker 1: than I was at that age, but um, yeah, communication
Speaker 1: and take it day by day and I'm sure it
Speaker 1: will work itself out. And if it doesn't work itself out, uh,
Speaker 1: don't need through life. Don't go through life thinking about
Speaker 1: how you might have missed out on the perfect person,
Speaker 1: because I think that is not the way to do it.
Speaker 1: There's right, Well, the perfect person does exist, it's you
Speaker 1: yourself the perfect person. Yeah, yeah, there he is. But
Speaker 1: I guess my point is is Rita is the perfect
Speaker 1: person and she just has to make herself happy and
Speaker 1: then everything else will fall in mine from there. Uh.
Speaker 1: That seems to be enough of an answer for that one, Mark,
Speaker 1: Do you want to get into the next one? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm a little confused by this one. And also we
Speaker 1: missed our window on this one, so sorry, Lauren, we're
Speaker 1: a little late. I've been seeing a guy for four
Speaker 1: months now. We met and started talking during quarantine. Well,
Speaker 1: we spent a lot of time together since then. I'm
Speaker 1: twenty six, she just durned thirty one, so we're both
Speaker 1: looking for a lifetime partner. At least I think he is,
Speaker 1: and I hope he is. He works from home, and
Speaker 1: it spent a lot of time with his family, who
Speaker 1: lived about six hours away from us. He's planning on
Speaker 1: being there for a few weeks. You're on the holidays,
Speaker 1: and I'm not sure how to approach a relationship before
Speaker 1: he leaves. What's a guy's opinion? Is it too soon
Speaker 1: for that conversation, So she is wondering whether or not
Speaker 1: she I think she wants to find a relationship before
Speaker 1: he goes home for the holidays. She wants the d
Speaker 1: t R. Yeah, d TR nice dating term, dean, thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you. I've been brushing up and trying to prepare
Speaker 1: myself for anything that you could throw at me. Uh,
Speaker 1: she wants to d t R before the holidays. I, uh,
Speaker 1: you know that's a I don't think she necessarily has to.
Speaker 1: I don't think that you should ever uh maybe wait,
Speaker 1: But in this case, it's like he's going home to
Speaker 1: the hall for the holidays to see his family. Um,
Speaker 1: I guess the question is she going to go down
Speaker 1: to visit him? Well, it sounds like she's not going to.
Speaker 1: So it's my point that solid of a foundation, would
Speaker 1: you have brought a girl to see your family after
Speaker 1: four months? Months? Don't four months is quite a long time.
Speaker 1: If he's leaving for a few weeks, that means he's
Speaker 1: going to be gone for about him. I think that
Speaker 1: you're looking at this through the lens of a normal
Speaker 1: year and mid pandemic. I don't think it's very strange
Speaker 1: at all for them not to be spending the holidays
Speaker 1: together for only dating for four months. Like it's even, um,
Speaker 1: you know, we're Calin and I have been dating for
Speaker 1: over a year and a half, and I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: well I think we should go see my siblings for
Speaker 1: Christmas this year, like even like we're pretty hesitant on that.
Speaker 1: So the fact that they're you know, only four months
Speaker 1: into a relationship, I don't think it matters too much. Um,
Speaker 1: I think you can kind of. It's kind of you
Speaker 1: have the luxury of like sitting back and seeing how
Speaker 1: it plays out over the next you know, three to
Speaker 1: four weeks and hopefully guys talk every day and you
Speaker 1: you get exactly what you need to out of it,
Speaker 1: and you can kind of carry on the relationship once
Speaker 1: he gets back. But like let's say, you know, a
Speaker 1: week or two goes by, he's at home celebrating Christmas
Speaker 1: to this family and you don't hear from him. Then
Speaker 1: it's kind of like, in a weird way, you're getting
Speaker 1: the answer that you didn't have to ask for because
Speaker 1: he's giving it to you, you know. And that's my
Speaker 1: gut too, is to kind of see how this plays out.
Speaker 1: I mean, I want everyone to be proactive and everything,
Speaker 1: But let's just kind of see how it goes. Let's
Speaker 1: be texting, let's be in touch, and let's be in
Speaker 1: contact and and see how responsive he is and go
Speaker 1: from there. For Jared, what do you think. I'm torn?
Speaker 1: I agree with both of you. But what if my
Speaker 1: only nerve, my only hesitation would be if Lauren lets
Speaker 1: it play out and then she waits for him to
Speaker 1: see how much he'll communicate with her. I guess my
Speaker 1: only hesitation would be, what if he's doing the exact
Speaker 1: same thing. What if he's waiting for her to see
Speaker 1: if she makes the initial move. I know, like old school,
Speaker 1: the guys are the one who are supposed to text
Speaker 1: and call and reach out, but like it's not all
Speaker 1: guys do that anymore. So I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1: You're welcome to text them. You can certainly initiate. Let's
Speaker 1: just see how he responds. But like, my gun agrees
Speaker 1: with you guys, but my head is like, well, what
Speaker 1: if what if he's waiting for the same thing from her?
Speaker 1: I don't know. Well, here's the thing is, if she
Speaker 1: has to try and force something over these holiday weeks,
Speaker 1: if she's the one that's constantly having a text, having
Speaker 1: to call, having a check for updates, then it's probably
Speaker 1: not a good sign, right, But like if it just
Speaker 1: continues to carry on and be like a natural, flowing dynamic,
Speaker 1: then that's obviously a good thing. The point is, it's like,
Speaker 1: I don't think you have to really define anything at
Speaker 1: the moment, because, like I said, you kind of just
Speaker 1: got to sit back, relax and see what Maybe not relax,
Speaker 1: but you get to sit back and see what happens.
Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, I agree with you, guys, don't define
Speaker 1: anything right now. Let it play out and because then
Speaker 1: you'll get your answer over the next month. But before
Speaker 1: he leaves, or if he already did leave, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: but just like make sure he knows that, like, hey,
Speaker 1: I miss you, I really like you. I were I
Speaker 1: like where this is headed. Let's keep talking so that
Speaker 1: like you know, it's easy going so it doesn't scare
Speaker 1: him away, but also lets him know, Hey, I want
Speaker 1: to continue what this is. Well, we need to follow
Speaker 1: up email because really, by the time this episode hits
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to podcasts, this I've already worked itself out.
Speaker 1: So yeah, so Lauren, if you're listening, which we hope
Speaker 1: you are. Please give us an update. You can email us.
Speaker 1: I suck at dating at iHeart media dot com. Uh.
Speaker 1: You know that obviously because you already emailed us. But
Speaker 1: for the other listeners out there that might have some
Speaker 1: questions or concerns about their dating or romance, I suck
Speaker 1: a dating at iHeart media dot com. Please please email us.
Speaker 1: We want to hear it from everyone. Um, Jared, you
Speaker 1: have a dating term for us? This? I do a
Speaker 1: twenty dating term. This one, Uh is pretty obvious in
Speaker 1: my estimation. But you know, there's only so many dating
Speaker 1: terms out there, so hopefully brings us more because I'm
Speaker 1: running out of them. But here we go dating term today,
Speaker 1: the last one? Is it? Holy crap? Holy moly? Wow,
Speaker 1: this year flew by alright, so the last dating term
Speaker 1: of God, let's get this year over with bird boxing?
Speaker 1: What could bird boxing mean in the realm of dating? Uh,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pass on this one because I never saw
Speaker 1: the movie. Oh no, well that makes it even That
Speaker 1: makes it so much better. Now you can't pass mark.
Speaker 1: Will you go first? And or Eastern or Becky anywhere else?
Speaker 1: Bird Box was a movie where you couldn't look at anything.
Speaker 1: You couldn't make eye contact with anything. You have to
Speaker 1: blindfold yourself because if you saw the creatures, do you
Speaker 1: want to lose your mind? So I think it's someone
Speaker 1: who denies reality, who refuses to see the problems in
Speaker 1: a relationship people when they're right in front of their face.
Speaker 1: They are living with blinders on. Okay, Yeah, I completely agree.
Speaker 1: Where it's just like you're not even seeing the red flags.
Speaker 1: You're like making excuses and it's just like their perfection.
Speaker 1: It's like I can't can't and see all the potential.
Speaker 1: I feel like bird boxing is like every girl at
Speaker 1: a bar, the poor things, like they're like, I can't
Speaker 1: make eye contact with any of these creepy guys because
Speaker 1: if I do, they're just gonna It's like if I
Speaker 1: open my eyes, the creatures are gonna prey upon me.
Speaker 1: It's good. That's a good one. Yeah, tunnel vision, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that's that's what That's what I was gonna say.
Speaker 1: Like if you if you look upon you're the type
Speaker 1: of person where if someone looks upon you, they just
Speaker 1: lose their minds. They they they lose their grip on reality.
Speaker 1: I live down the street from the house from bird Box,
Speaker 1: so bird Box is a big, big movie in our town. Still. Oh,
Speaker 1: talk to the talk of the neighborhood. That's right, everyone
Speaker 1: Stolly goes up there and takes pictures of blindfolds on
Speaker 1: years later, It's been a lot of fun. Why have
Speaker 1: I not seen you with the picture of a blindfold
Speaker 1: in front of this house? I have a picture. I'll
Speaker 1: send it to you. Oh did you post it on
Speaker 1: the Graham and I just missed out on it? Yeah,
Speaker 1: some friend you are. I'm an asking some friend you are, Jared.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take a shot and say bird boxing is
Speaker 1: actually more similar to cat fishing someone. Uh, you are
Speaker 1: hiding your true physical appearance while dating virtually, and uh,
Speaker 1: that's what bird boxing. Jar. I love the guests. I
Speaker 1: love you taking outside the box. No pun intended, But
Speaker 1: unfortunately Dean everybody else is right, of course. Bird boxing
Speaker 1: made famous by the Netflix Sandra Bullock starring recent post
Speaker 1: apocalyptic thriller. Bird Boxing is officially defined by Tinder as
Speaker 1: quote being blind to just how bad your partner the
Speaker 1: person you're seeing really is. When you are denial that
Speaker 1: your partner is a ding bat, you get the honor
Speaker 1: of calling yourself bird boxed. The last dating term of
Speaker 1: here on, Help I Suck at Dating? Bird Boxing? Very
Speaker 1: nicely done, everybody, Thank you for your effort all year.
Speaker 1: Rondo applause to all you for putting in the effort.
Speaker 1: All I had to do was look it up. You
Speaker 1: guys are the one who had to actually take a guess.
Speaker 1: Poor Kle And hopefully she doesn't listen to this and
Speaker 1: start thinking that she's bird boxing herself, but you never know.
Speaker 1: All Right, well, I think that's gonna do it for
Speaker 1: this week's and this year's final episode of Help I
Speaker 1: Suck at Dating? We made it through another year. Holy crap.
Speaker 1: I gotta say I think this year we've all become
Speaker 1: slightly better daters. Uh, it's been a grind, it's been
Speaker 1: a struggle, but I can confidently say that I can
Speaker 1: look back, that Chaired can look back, and hopefully you,
Speaker 1: as a listener, can look back to where we were
Speaker 1: this time last year and say that now we are
Speaker 1: slightly better at dating. Right, for instance, i'd like to
Speaker 1: think so, I mean, we're both married, so if we're
Speaker 1: not better at dating, we're really doing something wrong. We
Speaker 1: got freaking Becky a boyfriend. Mark and Easton haven't filed
Speaker 1: for divorce yet so, like I said, things like only
Speaker 1: getting better, we're betting a hundreds pretty bad. You should
Speaker 1: know that that's great. I I honestly don't know what
Speaker 1: to say. You know, it's at the end of a year.
Speaker 1: I hope everyone has a great New Year's and it
Speaker 1: is safe. You know, it's crazy, Dean. You know, the
Speaker 1: last time I saw you in person was back in
Speaker 1: early March, like March, whenever we recorded at we had
Speaker 1: she was from the Netflix showed the huge Love Is Blind.
Speaker 1: I think the one that gave me a lot of crap. Yes,
Speaker 1: well she was the therapist. We can do so much crap.
Speaker 1: But yeah, dude, that was back in March. So I'm
Speaker 1: not going to see you for a full year because
Speaker 1: I'm probably not gonna see you before March. Who the
Speaker 1: hell knows. Hopefully, here's my resolution that we get back
Speaker 1: into the Help I Suck at Dating studio at I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio and record an episode in person in studio.
Speaker 1: That's resolution. That's great. I would actually really appreciate if
Speaker 1: you would come up with another person more personal in
Speaker 1: the year's resolution for yourself, maybe your family, and we
Speaker 1: can talk about that next week on Help I suck
Speaker 1: at Dating because that will be the first episode of one.
Speaker 1: I'll come with a resolution for myself, hopefully Becky's mark.
Speaker 1: Everyone else can come with one as well. Maybe the
Speaker 1: email or some of the listeners can email us and
Speaker 1: say I suck a dating at iHeart media dot com
Speaker 1: and tell us what their resolutions for dating might be. UM,
Speaker 1: because listen, we all suck. We could all suck a
Speaker 1: little bit less, hopefully guys soon in next year, so
Speaker 1: we can all make that happen. Follow help by Suck
Speaker 1: at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen
Speaker 1: to podcast m HM