Speaker 1: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoured and we're the Ellises.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our
Speaker 1: boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,
Speaker 1: I'll make you need derby most days. Wow. Oh, and
Speaker 1: one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir,
Speaker 1: we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about
Speaker 1: some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't
Speaker 1: want to talk about through the lens of a millennial
Speaker 1: married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say
Speaker 1: every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually
Speaker 1: saying facts one hundred, the truth, the whole truth, and
Speaker 1: nothing but the truth. Were about to take Philows off
Speaker 1: to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 1: So much. What have you beautiful bunch in here tonight?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna look at people ahead. I see some familiar faces.
Speaker 1: I love that. So we had to stall real quick
Speaker 1: because I had just had ranch stressing spilled all over
Speaker 1: my pants? Are we good? Though? Who did that? Who
Speaker 1: did that? Shout out to the team, I'm like, you're
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not gonna snitch on nobody. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna snitch, but well I'm snitching. Let me tell you
Speaker 1: happened when I came out here. It was like it
Speaker 1: was like a big introduction DJ Executive. Whoa, I set
Speaker 1: two feet on the stage. I ard somebody, go where
Speaker 1: can from this area over here? Don't single them out?
Speaker 1: Don't single them out? Wow, oh my god, look at
Speaker 1: all these beautiful faces in here tonight. I just have
Speaker 1: to tell y'all, Um, since yesterday, Devo and I have
Speaker 1: been an emotional wreck. Okay yeah, and I just feel
Speaker 1: like we've been fighting back tears. You know. I have
Speaker 1: had a good cry. Yea, I need a good ugly cry. Um,
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna hold it down for y'all, so I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna do that. Um. But we're just so so
Speaker 1: grateful to all of you who are here tonight. Like
Speaker 1: I have to start by saying that I'm in such
Speaker 1: a space of of just gratitude and trying to be
Speaker 1: present in this moment and live in this moment. And
Speaker 1: we just thank y'all so much for coming out tonight. Um.
Speaker 1: Did y'all hear the news? Um? Yes, we are officially
Speaker 1: a New York Times bestselling authors, but we over me, yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: thank y'all. So um, literally still shaking over that. I
Speaker 1: can't when when we think about we over Me, we
Speaker 1: do honestly feel like it's we, as in all of
Speaker 1: us over me. Because I'm telling y'all right now, I
Speaker 1: know people say this, but this is the truth. There
Speaker 1: is no us without you. I remember the day I
Speaker 1: sat out there on the street venting about being left
Speaker 1: home by myself with the kids, but I had I
Speaker 1: had Cairo in my hand, and it was you guys
Speaker 1: who shared, commented and told people to watch this guy's
Speaker 1: funny watch it. So it was you. So this success
Speaker 1: is not ours, it's hours. So thank y'all so much.
Speaker 1: So in my moment of gratitude, going to step in
Speaker 1: the story time who were listening to that ass podcast? Ye,
Speaker 1: so y'all know. Story time is when I tell y'all
Speaker 1: some of the stuff we'll be going through, right, So
Speaker 1: we just the most recent one. I don't know what
Speaker 1: story time is today, so I didn't tell us. I
Speaker 1: didn't tell it because it just happened. So we wrote
Speaker 1: this book called We Over Me when we talk about
Speaker 1: how we've developed this communication style to be together right
Speaker 1: and be one right. So everybody feels like we don't
Speaker 1: argue no more. Right. Wrong. I was about to be
Speaker 1: in my petty bag yesterday. Let me tell you how
Speaker 1: God blocks you from the devil, because you know how
Speaker 1: they say, in your greatest moments, right, that's when the
Speaker 1: devil's coming. Right, the devil will be coming watching up
Speaker 1: on you. Right, yesterday, we're getting ready to leave, right,
Speaker 1: I go, hey, baby, where's your watch? You know that
Speaker 1: she ain't gotta watch on? Right, say where to watch
Speaker 1: the watch? I gotta watch on I gotta watch right.
Speaker 1: I bought a watch. I bought a watch for my
Speaker 1: baby too, right, I said, baby, hey, where's your watch?
Speaker 1: She goes, oh, we'll see your book bag. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I have my book bag. I put everything in my
Speaker 1: book bag. I am not aware of a Rolex in
Speaker 1: my bag. Diamond and crusted roles at them, and I said, no,
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure it's not in my bag. She goes, oh,
Speaker 1: that's fine, it must be in my bag. And she
Speaker 1: was like, doo do doo, doo doo walked over to
Speaker 1: her bag and I'm watching. I'm like, she's in her bag.
Speaker 1: I'm like this, look, no Rolex, she donna spill everything
Speaker 1: out everything out in the bag, all this stuff up
Speaker 1: from now I'm getting mad and we're getting ready to
Speaker 1: do the other show that we just left. We were
Speaker 1: in Houston, So now I'm getting pissed, right, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: in this moment, right, I don't want to say I
Speaker 1: told you so, but I have to say I told
Speaker 1: you so. And we had made a pack that we
Speaker 1: were not gonna be petty. Thank you, thank you. I
Speaker 1: have so this out. The petty war started in two
Speaker 1: thousand and nine. Can I tell my story? Up the dirt? Mine?
Speaker 1: Don't dig up the dirts. Two thousand and nine, we
Speaker 1: had a white Cadillac, right, We had two pair of
Speaker 1: car keys. One day there was only one car key
Speaker 1: in the drawer. I'm like, yo, that's my car key.
Speaker 1: She's like, no, this is my car key. I said, no,
Speaker 1: you always lose your car keys. No if I don't
Speaker 1: lose car keys out So we had a whole two
Speaker 1: week argument about who lost the car key. Since two
Speaker 1: thousand and nine, I have kept a log of all
Speaker 1: the things Conneine has lost, including a bracelet last November
Speaker 1: that I bought her that she lost. So this was
Speaker 1: gonna be peace. Number seventeen right. So I walked right
Speaker 1: over to my phone in my notes with all of
Speaker 1: the list of things that she has lost, and I
Speaker 1: was getting ready to walk right over to her and say, hey, babe,
Speaker 1: since you always claimed my loose stuff, let's go over
Speaker 1: these lists of things. And while I'm getting ready to
Speaker 1: be petty, the Nora comes over with her phone out
Speaker 1: and goes, guess what, guys, you I knew yours. I said,
Speaker 1: let's go. But that role literally, I swear I had
Speaker 1: a really good Valentine's date because that watch was left
Speaker 1: in my DC hotel room. I think I even offered
Speaker 1: a reward. I was like, I'll give y'all a reward.
Speaker 1: It has sentimental value. They were like, fuck your sentimental value.
Speaker 1: Y'all said, ah, y'all on for her, on for me. Yes,
Speaker 1: But that moment changed very quickly because the tears that
Speaker 1: were about to flow sad tears because of the vow's
Speaker 1: list of the things that I've lost. Listen that you
Speaker 1: keep track of you and four boys, So if I
Speaker 1: lose it along the way, listen, I knew y'all was
Speaker 1: gonna cloud for that. One thing y'all gonna do is
Speaker 1: cloud for k Yes, stay well, she don't be making
Speaker 1: no time cage. Just fuck y'all, be like yes, yes,
Speaker 1: and it don't stink me do that? Who fireds? I
Speaker 1: don't even fine your clan, your clan. What nothing women
Speaker 1: gonna do is back each other up. Whatever. I was
Speaker 1: trying to stand ten toes down for the men last show. Right,
Speaker 1: we were having a little argument, right, and I was
Speaker 1: giving my points across and I was like, white gentlemen,
Speaker 1: And it was like, I was like, that's right, gentlemen.
Speaker 1: We can't say we had so many couples in the
Speaker 1: house two last night, so that's a valley. Are gonna
Speaker 1: agree with you? They're trying to go home and get laid.
Speaker 1: They're not about to agree with you to day after
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day. So you had to just quit while you
Speaker 1: weren't here. Stop what you mean, gentlemen. I know the struggle.
Speaker 1: I've seen all of them. I was like, all right,
Speaker 1: they was looking at that girl, like how many couples
Speaker 1: are we have in the house tonight? A lot of couples?
Speaker 1: How about single women? It's giving girls night? Single men
Speaker 1: seek never Yo, they got the game fucked up, y'all.
Speaker 1: They need to be here this ain't old women. Hello, Yo.
Speaker 1: When I realized that when we went to Essence Fence
Speaker 1: the twenty eighteen, I saw all these single women out there,
Speaker 1: beautiful single women, and I was just like, Yo, if
Speaker 1: I was a single guy right now, there'd be so
Speaker 1: many options. But I don't think sing guys know where
Speaker 1: to find single women who are not to put the
Speaker 1: word out. So what we will do is, my guys
Speaker 1: who are here tonight with their you know, partners, you
Speaker 1: gotta tell y'all single friends, this is where you gotta
Speaker 1: come to meet single women, right spread. So after story
Speaker 1: time on the podcast, what's typically next? What's next? Carry
Speaker 1: carryouke very night. We're gonna help y'all. You're gonna help
Speaker 1: us thing tonight, right because y'all already know I what's
Speaker 1: who here has questions for us? Yeah? Right here, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm playing. So if we like to turn it over
Speaker 1: to y'all and make this kind of like an interactive
Speaker 1: listener letters segment. So many people write into the portion
Speaker 1: of the show, and that's my favorite portion. So we
Speaker 1: love to hear from y'all. That way you can ask
Speaker 1: us about anything it could be related to the book.
Speaker 1: If y'all want to know about the book anyway, So
Speaker 1: go ahead, do your thing. Dribbles down front, dribble. What's hey,
Speaker 1: I love your glasses. It's first of all, stand up
Speaker 1: and let everybody see your outfit of your glasses because babies. Okay,
Speaker 1: flawing this okay, flaw vibe. It's a vibe. Yes, okay,
Speaker 1: that was air quotes. Why why has our air quotes
Speaker 1: any to the bathroom? He knew kind of question, so
Speaker 1: he did. Okay, shot man, he shot Okay. But I
Speaker 1: know y'all talked a lot about how y'all started off,
Speaker 1: and you know, your businesses and stuff like this. So
Speaker 1: we're at a point I'm trying to start our businesses,
Speaker 1: but we've just come out of like a depression stage.
Speaker 1: So how do you overcome that feel a failure and
Speaker 1: just allow your business to take off? This is a
Speaker 1: great question question. So this is gonna sound crazy, right,
Speaker 1: y'all got six kids? I feel you, Mama. She's contributing
Speaker 1: in the Black History Month right here, this table right here, yes, sir,
Speaker 1: in the middle, and wow, congratulations, congratulations. So this is
Speaker 1: gonna sound crazy, right, But I do not believe in failure.
Speaker 1: I don't I believe that the greatest lessons you learn
Speaker 1: are in quote unquote losses. So even when you fail, right,
Speaker 1: you really don't fail until you quit all together if
Speaker 1: you keep trying. Kay will tell you how many times
Speaker 1: I've tried to start businesses and started and started and started,
Speaker 1: and finally it was like bow, it works. Everybody sees
Speaker 1: when it works, but they didn't see the three four
Speaker 1: years when you were doing all other ship that didn't work.
Speaker 1: So I don't even think about failure. Just say, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna keep doing it until it gets done. That's a fact.
Speaker 1: Because the Valenkadeen. Go ahead, clap on my husband. Y'all clap.
Speaker 1: That's why I love this woman right here, you've got
Speaker 1: a clap for my I've seen a couple little field everyone,
Speaker 1: it's not that kind of show. But if y'all want
Speaker 1: the only fans, just say so shit. We got a
Speaker 1: lot of kids to feed too. Mag and the Blue
Speaker 1: Light you're right now about the Blue Light Special. But
Speaker 1: Devalichodeine that y'all see here today is literally twenty years
Speaker 1: in the making, right, and it's amazing when folks come
Speaker 1: to us and they admire, you know, the relationship that
Speaker 1: we have or even just us as individuals and we
Speaker 1: accept it and receive it and we love it. But
Speaker 1: we don't profess to be anybody's couple goals because on
Speaker 1: a day to day basis, Devalue are still trying to
Speaker 1: figure things out. Right the argument we was arguing on
Speaker 1: the way here and just be like that. Um, But
Speaker 1: I say that to say, the best part about the
Speaker 1: twenty year process for us is that we've had each other.
Speaker 1: Oh Hubbies back now, he was nervous that we was
Speaker 1: gonna congratulations, six kids, kids, your whole story. Yes for
Speaker 1: your contribution. No, no, you didn't have six kids. She
Speaker 1: had the six kids. Yes, yes, thank you for your contribution.
Speaker 1: That Black History Month is what we're saying. Oh they
Speaker 1: dont here loving each other. I love that. But doing
Speaker 1: it together, doing it as a team has literally been
Speaker 1: the best part of the process. Right. In the book too,
Speaker 1: we discuss how we felt like at eighteen and nineteen
Speaker 1: years old when we met each other, we were so
Speaker 1: in love and we were so brought into each other
Speaker 1: that we didn't realize that the detriment that it could
Speaker 1: have caused to us as individuals, right, because I had
Speaker 1: my mom and other women around me saying like kadein,
Speaker 1: like you're so invested in this guy and you don't
Speaker 1: even know who you are yet, Like have you taken
Speaker 1: the time to figure out you so he can figure
Speaker 1: out him? And of course it was. It was daunting
Speaker 1: in the beginning because I'm trying to find myself as
Speaker 1: a young woman, but also trying to consider him and
Speaker 1: his feelings at the same time. So I was asking
Speaker 1: a different show. You know, if we would do things differently,
Speaker 1: you know, as individuals, and if we didn't get together,
Speaker 1: how do we think things would be. I think we'd
Speaker 1: both be successful in our own right, but nothing BEA's
Speaker 1: doing it together. So having the support and doing the
Speaker 1: businesses together, you know, it's definitely been a great process
Speaker 1: for us because in the failures or in those moments
Speaker 1: where you feel like they're dark times and you're trying
Speaker 1: to pull yourself out of something or trying to jump
Speaker 1: start something, having someone that you convent to or lean
Speaker 1: on or just kind of run something by without any
Speaker 1: kind of judgment or fear is the best part of
Speaker 1: this whole thing. So shout out to my husband. Yahout y'all, Yeah,
Speaker 1: shout out y'all. Interaction yes, that this is genuine right here.
Speaker 1: For sure. You grabbed that woman that you hugged to, Yes,
Speaker 1: when you came back, So there's something here. Yes, there
Speaker 1: you go. That's your best friend. I seen it and
Speaker 1: the dance and whole hand shake. I love it. I
Speaker 1: love you. Know what's funny though, you know how many
Speaker 1: uh dms I get from people who's saying like I didn't,
Speaker 1: they've never seen this before, And I try to explain
Speaker 1: to them that this is not an anomaly. It's just
Speaker 1: not seen. But this is not an anomaly. Like all
Speaker 1: of the all of my friends who I graduated college with,
Speaker 1: right they played in the NFL, Willie Cologne, Stephen Bowen,
Speaker 1: who else, Kyle Arrington, Marcus Colson are all married. He's
Speaker 1: a guys who played in the NFL, all married to
Speaker 1: beautiful black women and they have families and they they're
Speaker 1: doing it together. They'll never tell you that story, but
Speaker 1: it's out there. So I don't want anyone to ever
Speaker 1: feel like, oh, we're the only ones no this, and
Speaker 1: you look around and there's so many right here. So
Speaker 1: first of all, clop it up for yourselves. Yeah, yeah, sure.
Speaker 1: And one piece of advice that I do have for
Speaker 1: you if you go into business together. Because the Val
Speaker 1: and I do a lot of our businesses together. Even
Speaker 1: just writing this book with sometimes a struggle in a fight,
Speaker 1: and I was just like, we're supposed to be inspiring people,
Speaker 1: my guy, but we're over here fighting over writing a
Speaker 1: book that was like the craziest process ever. But no
Speaker 1: one to clock out, right, no one. You just want
Speaker 1: your best friend and not your business partner. Especially when
Speaker 1: your work ethic or your processes may be different. You
Speaker 1: have to respect that because Deval and I ran into
Speaker 1: that a lot um depending on what business venture came
Speaker 1: along our way. Um, he's you know, workaholic. He never
Speaker 1: puts it down till this done. Me. I gotta take
Speaker 1: time to let it marinate, come back, breastfeed, a couple
Speaker 1: of kids, come back, you know, do a change, a
Speaker 1: couple of diapers, come back. So our processes are different.
Speaker 1: So respect that, you know and and learn when you
Speaker 1: have to just get your best friend back and not
Speaker 1: have a business partner, keep in mind for balance if
Speaker 1: you will next, what's trouble at Tule tribble making her
Speaker 1: way around over here? I got first. I love both
Speaker 1: for you guys. I watch all his shows, and I
Speaker 1: watched all y'all kids. Thank you so much. You're gonna
Speaker 1: watch them for real? Though? Ye I watch because MEMI
Speaker 1: needs to break y'all. Okay, I watched the Grandparents all y'all.
Speaker 1: You can watch the Grandparents too. Yes, But I'm married
Speaker 1: for twenty three years. We've been together thirty two. Oh,
Speaker 1: there we go. What's I'm talking about. I'm in college
Speaker 1: and it's hard, and I just want to have some
Speaker 1: tips for him to understand that I'm working full time.
Speaker 1: I'm a wife full time. Um, I have kids, well
Speaker 1: grown kids, a grand baby, and I'm in school full time.
Speaker 1: And he doesn't understand I graduate in May. You right
Speaker 1: around the corner. Okay, the corner, go ahead. The finish
Speaker 1: line is right there. He's not understanding, and he didn't
Speaker 1: understand why I waited till I was turned forty something
Speaker 1: to go back to school. I get it. I get it.
Speaker 1: I get it, I get it. I get So is
Speaker 1: he feeling a little neglected now? Is that what it
Speaker 1: is he wants? He wants his best friend? Right? But
Speaker 1: I think you do deserve though, even at whatever age
Speaker 1: you are, to follow whatever that dream it is that
Speaker 1: you had. Um, so shout out to you for doing that, um,
Speaker 1: because I think it's ever too late to chase a
Speaker 1: dream or to achieve a goal. So I think that's amazing. Um.
Speaker 1: But do you carve out time for him him too,
Speaker 1: because I think that one thing I used to do
Speaker 1: with Devol is I used to expect him to just understand. Right,
Speaker 1: he knows that I have a career, he knows that
Speaker 1: I have children, or we have children. There's a lot
Speaker 1: of things happening, a lot of moving parts. So I
Speaker 1: always was expecting for him to just understand because he's
Speaker 1: the adult, Like I'm the adult in the house, right,
Speaker 1: the kids need something. But we even said it in
Speaker 1: our book. There's a chapter says that says the kids
Speaker 1: aren't first, And that's literally how we operate in our house.
Speaker 1: If he and I are on the same page, if
Speaker 1: he and I are disconnected, then the whole shit falls apart. Right. So,
Speaker 1: I know you have a lot of things on your plate,
Speaker 1: but I want to encourage you to tap into that
Speaker 1: time that you're going to need with him, because he
Speaker 1: needs it and he's clearly begging for it, right, So
Speaker 1: that's my perspective. I can help you, know, just because
Speaker 1: I know what that feels like to feel like you
Speaker 1: have so many things going on, but your husband feels
Speaker 1: like like, damn, you should just know Amy's right around
Speaker 1: the corner. Just hold tight, you know I'm almost done. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a lot of time. That's like, well, shout out,
Speaker 1: shout out to you. That is a lot for a mom, grandma, wife.
Speaker 1: You still work full time job. And but this is
Speaker 1: the thing I want you to just understand from a
Speaker 1: man's perspective. Right, we grow up men and we're taught
Speaker 1: a happy wife, happy life. When you choose a wife,
Speaker 1: your purpose then is to make sure that you help
Speaker 1: your wife get whatever she needs or she wants. And
Speaker 1: a lot of times we're even told your wife is
Speaker 1: gonna give you what she can when she can, and
Speaker 1: just don't nag and accept whatever it is. And what
Speaker 1: happens is with both parties, we are expected to just
Speaker 1: be like, oh, he'll be fine, I'll do it tomorrow,
Speaker 1: until tomorrow becomes a week, and then the weeks becomes
Speaker 1: a month, and then it's what I got all these
Speaker 1: other things to do. It's like, well, when am I
Speaker 1: gonna stop being the last priority? And we had this
Speaker 1: conversation and also to him right, this is one thing
Speaker 1: I learned, gentleman. I'll speak to gentlemen. I am unafraid
Speaker 1: to tell my wife what I need, what I want,
Speaker 1: and what I desire. It's the same way in real time,
Speaker 1: because the same way I make it my purpose to
Speaker 1: make sure that my wife has everything she wants and
Speaker 1: needs and desires. I deserve for it to be reciprocated.
Speaker 1: And what I no longer do is sit back with
Speaker 1: my mouth shut and say she better figure this shot out.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be pissed. I don't do that no more. Now,
Speaker 1: y'all can clock for me now. But immature, young devout.
Speaker 1: We used to sit back like this and be like,
Speaker 1: it's been two days, tomorrow's Friday. If she don't touch
Speaker 1: this thing tomorrow, I'm being a bad mood. Then tomorrow
Speaker 1: around she'd been working, and I'll just be looking for
Speaker 1: any reason to start an argument. I hear that thing, God,
Speaker 1: do like you turned down the heat again? You know
Speaker 1: I like it? Then we arguing about the heat. When
Speaker 1: I know what it's about. It's about me, and I
Speaker 1: absolutely absolutely so. What I'll say to you is sit
Speaker 1: down with your husband and be like, baby, what exactly
Speaker 1: do you need? And you have twenty four hours? You
Speaker 1: can find thirty minutes to an hour to be like, baby,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make sure this time is your time because
Speaker 1: I can guarantee you y'all been married this long. He
Speaker 1: does that for you, doesn't he? Oh? Well, plot twist
Speaker 1: where he at? Is he here tonight? He's not here tonight?
Speaker 1: So listen? So you to here? And I told him, no, ok,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be okay. You need to sit down and
Speaker 1: have a conversation. Yes, that is the truth. If y'all
Speaker 1: have a conversation, talk about your needs and wants and
Speaker 1: get to that both of you, not just you. Tell
Speaker 1: him to do that too, and I'll call for Tima. No,
Speaker 1: I'm like for Tima, y'all to talk about that, but
Speaker 1: try to call about some time for you. For sure.
Speaker 1: It's not easy, especially being married that long. Yeah, it's not.
Speaker 1: You know. We talk about service a lot, being of
Speaker 1: service to each other. So if you look at the book,
Speaker 1: the title is we Over Me, but the subtitle is
Speaker 1: the counter intuitive approach to getting everything you want out
Speaker 1: of your relationship. And we say that because when you
Speaker 1: think of the approach, most people take to a relationship,
Speaker 1: maybe even newer relationships. It's finding someone who checks all
Speaker 1: the boxes on the list of things that you want
Speaker 1: your partner to have. Right, But how many people really
Speaker 1: think about, let me be a whole, complete, happy individual
Speaker 1: who is willing to be of service to someone in
Speaker 1: this relationship. Right, So that's what we went by, the
Speaker 1: counterintuitive approach. It's a different way to think about relationships
Speaker 1: where it's service based. So my reply to you with
Speaker 1: that double down on everything else that we've already said,
Speaker 1: is trying to find a way to be of service
Speaker 1: to him, maybe waking up one morning and saying, you
Speaker 1: know what, babe, what can I do today to take
Speaker 1: something off your plate? How can I make your day
Speaker 1: better today? And you'll be surprised. It may be something
Speaker 1: real simple that you can do where he feels the
Speaker 1: appreciation enough to say, you know what, I'm gonna reciprocate
Speaker 1: that and do something for you today because you thought
Speaker 1: about me, and it's little things. You can start there
Speaker 1: and see how he receives that, you know, and that
Speaker 1: can maybe open the door from more conversation later. All right, facts,
Speaker 1: hopefully that helps. All Right? You know, are we on you? Now,
Speaker 1: please don't throw nothing up here now on the last time. Hello, Hi,
Speaker 1: Oh what's up? What's up? This table too? Because his
Speaker 1: name is hard but okay, I named him after my
Speaker 1: best friend, the love of my life. Um, he is
Speaker 1: one raised in Harlem. So this past week and I
Speaker 1: actually went to visit and I do what every year?
Speaker 1: My question is, I want to move to New York,
Speaker 1: but I have three kids. So she said, what advice
Speaker 1: can you give raising three black children in New York
Speaker 1: and the move to New York when this is the
Speaker 1: first thing, cost of living thing six figures? Like, oh,
Speaker 1: so you're gonna move there with him? So he'll he
Speaker 1: will be your partner. So you're here by yourself to harm.
Speaker 1: His mom owns it, like, so, so you're here by
Speaker 1: yourself and you're gonna move with him. And this is
Speaker 1: your best friend, This is my best friend, love of
Speaker 1: my life, like he told me this weekend, I complete
Speaker 1: him complete. So you're going to take your love? Huh? Yes,
Speaker 1: why are you still here? You should be on a
Speaker 1: plane to haul them right now, right now. I came
Speaker 1: back crying this weekend. She can tell you. I came
Speaker 1: back crying because I do not belong here. I belong there,
Speaker 1: So why are you asking us? What are you doing? No?
Speaker 1: I take the micromlet hell go now no, just kidding, no,
Speaker 1: just kidding, No, go do your thing. And then the
Speaker 1: other part of your question, raising three black boys in
Speaker 1: New York? Yes, I mean for us in New York,
Speaker 1: the biggest thing was, of course, cost of living as
Speaker 1: our family grew. But the good thing about New York
Speaker 1: is that it's so diverse, right, So it's a great
Speaker 1: place to raised children for that reason, because they're not
Speaker 1: just going to be the only ones versus some places
Speaker 1: that you go to that are outside of New York
Speaker 1: where it's not as diverse, and you find that your
Speaker 1: child is the one or the only in a classroom.
Speaker 1: So that's a benefit of being in New York. But
Speaker 1: I'm for sure with black children, the public school system
Speaker 1: in New York is trash trash, and there are so
Speaker 1: many schools. Like you you could be on one block
Speaker 1: and there'll be four schools in that area, and depending
Speaker 1: on where you zoned, you can end up on the
Speaker 1: school that's overcrowded. Yes, may have issues, you know, with
Speaker 1: poor teaching, Like there's a lot of issues in New
Speaker 1: York of course, especially if you live in Harlem. Harlem
Speaker 1: has a lot of buildings, so you're gonna deal with
Speaker 1: overcrowding already, you know, and then you're gonna have to
Speaker 1: deal with transportation. How old are your boys? Real quick?
Speaker 1: Oh so you have seven, so they will never be
Speaker 1: taking the transition by themselves anyway. All right, My only
Speaker 1: concern for you would be the public school system. Work
Speaker 1: your hardest to get them in the best school possible.
Speaker 1: And if you can find out all the raid things
Speaker 1: for all the schools, get your kids tested for gifted
Speaker 1: and talented. That's what we did with Cairo and Jackson.
Speaker 1: And once you get those scores, you get an opportunity
Speaker 1: to pick which school depending on how many residents live
Speaker 1: in that zip code. So even so, there's still more
Speaker 1: to go into it as far as picking in schools.
Speaker 1: But I will also say this, if you supplement their
Speaker 1: education with tutoring like we did, I don't let no
Speaker 1: school systems train our kids. I'm just not doing that.
Speaker 1: We teach them about everything from black history to a
Speaker 1: higher level of mathematics to entrepreneurship. There are just things
Speaker 1: that they have to learn that they'll never learn in
Speaker 1: the school system. So if you're the type of parent
Speaker 1: that is on top of that, then they can go
Speaker 1: to school anywhere and then you just supplement at home
Speaker 1: and you have your best friend doing it with you.
Speaker 1: I mean that. Good luck to you, sis, good luck.
Speaker 1: Thank you for the question. We have one over here, bro,
Speaker 1: familiar face out there. My question is simple. Curry chicken
Speaker 1: or chicken. Curry curry chicken. It's cury chicken, curry chicken chicken. Yeah.
Speaker 1: A lot of people who are not West Indian, they're like,
Speaker 1: what is that? What is that? Any West Indian in
Speaker 1: the house. It's scary chicken? Yes, thank you? Where we
Speaker 1: got guyana? Where else? It's not not my best friend,
Speaker 1: best friend. I'm surprised it's you. They're gonna fight, y'all.
Speaker 1: It's a whole it's a whole different. It tastes good,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you that. Yeah. My father, my father can
Speaker 1: throw down chicken. Yes, shout out to my island massive
Speaker 1: on this side. H here we are. I'm sorry, how
Speaker 1: everyone hip? Okay? I just wanted to say hello to y'all.
Speaker 1: What's up, hey girl? Well that's all good? Hey friends. Hi.
Speaker 1: So my question is more so for um I hear
Speaker 1: a lot as a single woman that I have a
Speaker 1: lot of masculine energy. Cater to that or get out
Speaker 1: of that terror? How do you cater out of that? Like?
Speaker 1: Did take getting that vibe out of me? So this
Speaker 1: is this is my thing with the whole masculine energy thing. Right,
Speaker 1: if you understand once again Black history and what Black
Speaker 1: women have had to endure in this country, right, let's
Speaker 1: be honest, there has been no point in the black
Speaker 1: family unit since sixteen nineteen where the black woman has
Speaker 1: been a stay at home mom has been able to
Speaker 1: sit in her feminine energy. Right, Black women have always
Speaker 1: had to work. Even when they was done with slavery,
Speaker 1: slavery was done, reconstruction happened, black women still had to
Speaker 1: earn in order to help the household make money. So
Speaker 1: black women have always been accused of being the more
Speaker 1: masculine of all of the women in the world. Find
Speaker 1: you a man that understands history and understands you, and
Speaker 1: that won't be a problem. Because she got a lot
Speaker 1: of masculine energy. She does, she talked a lot, she'd
Speaker 1: be doing everything. She don't like to listen, she likes
Speaker 1: to lead, she likes to be in control. And I
Speaker 1: love it. You want to know why I love it
Speaker 1: because I knew I'm married a boss. When I'm not around.
Speaker 1: This is the woman that's gonna be helping raise my
Speaker 1: kids when I'm not around. I'm not concerned because if
Speaker 1: somebody stepped to my wife or my kids the wrong way,
Speaker 1: my wife got it until I get there. You saying
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. But I'm secure in my manhood to
Speaker 1: know that if I'm approaching a black woman and she
Speaker 1: may be a little more voiceous or quote unquote aggressive, aggressive,
Speaker 1: I don't call it aggressive. I grew up in New York.
Speaker 1: In New York, you can walk by and a check
Speaker 1: will be like, what's good my nigga? That's the women,
Speaker 1: and like, what's something? What's something? My language? Y'all going
Speaker 1: back and forth? What's good with you? Let me get
Speaker 1: that number? What's something like? That's how y'all talk to me,
Speaker 1: pretty much. How I bagged the valle y'all she listen.
Speaker 1: I bagged damn girl. You didn't know. Y'all didn't know that.
Speaker 1: Read the boxes, yo. I tell the whole story. Masculine
Speaker 1: energy don't mean nothing to me as a man. It
Speaker 1: was like, this is something I'm about to conquer here.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. She walked right up on me.
Speaker 1: I was standing in minding my business. I was eighteen.
Speaker 1: She walked right up on me and said de Val
Speaker 1: and Brian Ellis said me and my brother's name. I
Speaker 1: was like, ain't you fine? I didn't say that. I
Speaker 1: was eighteen, so I was trying to be cool. So
Speaker 1: I was like, who's up? And she was just like,
Speaker 1: you don't know me, do you. I was just like,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to get to know you. And then she
Speaker 1: followed me around the whole banquet and talked to me
Speaker 1: the whole time. Ain't nobody was following nobody, but I
Speaker 1: was keeping my eye on you. You didn't follow me around.
Speaker 1: I mean you were in the distance. Oh, she capping,
Speaker 1: y'all capping. I was prepared for him. I was prepared.
Speaker 1: She came and came and got me buckets. We did that.
Speaker 1: We say all that. All of my friends who married women,
Speaker 1: all of them women are like that, multiple multiple degrees,
Speaker 1: super educated. They all make their own money. They are
Speaker 1: all just like that, and they all have relationships where
Speaker 1: they can talk and at certain times, she knows when
Speaker 1: to just chill and let daddy, do daddy. That's a fact,
Speaker 1: because that's part of it. I let her be a
Speaker 1: queen when when she needs to be or wants to
Speaker 1: be a queen. But when it's time to do things
Speaker 1: and it's time for me to lead, she'll sit back
Speaker 1: because you know I got her. Yeah, there's no power shows, understanding, understanding.
Speaker 1: Whoever's equipped in that moment to do whatever the task
Speaker 1: is is gonna get it done. But don't dim your
Speaker 1: light because because you you'll never bestable them in your light. No,
Speaker 1: you will dim your light. Find a guy who likes you, demmed,
Speaker 1: and every time you try to shine, he gonna be like,
Speaker 1: what are you doing? I don't need you to shine.
Speaker 1: Don't let me stay who you are to find somebody
Speaker 1: for you, That's what I'm saying. Hope that helps. Yes,
Speaker 1: we're here. Yes, love that. Hey girl, Hey, what's up?
Speaker 1: My name is Tamara, So I'm a twin mom as well.
Speaker 1: I'm married to this fine doctor myself. Okaya, triple, I
Speaker 1: can't see fine doctor slide over, okay, doctor, a light
Speaker 1: on them, shine a light on them for me, doctor,
Speaker 1: love baby coming doctor yall y'all Q no, no, seriously,
Speaker 1: So we have four kids as well. We've been married. Actually,
Speaker 1: we have been together since I was eighteen. I'm wow
Speaker 1: about to be thirty eight. But I love you so much. Game.
Speaker 1: I feel like we have so much in common. But
Speaker 1: our kids are a little bit older. I have a
Speaker 1: daughter now that's about to go to a mu I
Speaker 1: saw somebody in here with that. Congratulations, let's go committed
Speaker 1: for volleyball. So my question to y'all is, four kids deep,
Speaker 1: we've been in this years, how do we just keep
Speaker 1: the spark alive? Like I know now y'all are business oriented,
Speaker 1: which I have my own business. He's doing his executive
Speaker 1: thing and his business. How do y'all keep the spark alive?
Speaker 1: Because that's where I feel like it's like a love
Speaker 1: connection thing when it comes to the kids, the business,
Speaker 1: the lots of things. Oh baby, I know it's loaded,
Speaker 1: but let's just get to the nitty grit. Consort. Yes,
Speaker 1: for sure, it's funny because we literally are like mirror images, right,
Speaker 1: the four kids and the thirty eight and all that stuff.
Speaker 1: For Devaleni, we realize that we just don't function well
Speaker 1: where we're disconnected. So we had to start taking things
Speaker 1: back to the basics, right, we think about the times
Speaker 1: that and I think what spark this recently for us
Speaker 1: was writing the book because we had to call on
Speaker 1: so many moments and so many memories over the years,
Speaker 1: and we too have struggled with the whole keeping the
Speaker 1: spark or feeling like we're in love one one and like,
Speaker 1: you know, because tenuously loving each other, but are we
Speaker 1: in love in that moment or not? And it's because
Speaker 1: of the load of just life. So we realized that
Speaker 1: in writing the book, there were certain moments and times
Speaker 1: and places in our life where we realized, Wow, we
Speaker 1: didn't have shit, like we had nothing, Like we were broke,
Speaker 1: we were starting over, you know, we were in college.
Speaker 1: We all had meal points, that's all we had. But
Speaker 1: what were the basic things that we enjoyed doing? Because
Speaker 1: this was my homie and my best friend. So I
Speaker 1: started taking it back to nostalgic moments that we used
Speaker 1: to have. Right, So re instituting date night because we
Speaker 1: had a busy year last year and that was kind
Speaker 1: of falling by the wayside. So it's letting Mimi and
Speaker 1: Papata all right, y'all is going down to night date night,
Speaker 1: holdly kids down for us real quick and I mean
Speaker 1: one night, it was just a matter of putting on
Speaker 1: New York Undercover because we used to watch that all
Speaker 1: the time in college. And I put on these little
Speaker 1: boy shorts that he likes with a crop top because
Speaker 1: I used to wear it around doing room in college.
Speaker 1: And we sat down, I made dinner, we played cards
Speaker 1: while we watched New York Undercover. That was something that
Speaker 1: we did in college when we had nothing and we
Speaker 1: just had each other in good time. So little moments
Speaker 1: like that was calling on him to be like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, like you actually thought of something that we
Speaker 1: did when we really just had nothing but each other
Speaker 1: in good times. So those little moments over the years
Speaker 1: have helped to kind of reinstitute that spark, to to
Speaker 1: reignite it. Rather, So what I did was asked her
Speaker 1: exactly what she wanted and gave her what she wanted.
Speaker 1: And I told her exactly what I wanted and said,
Speaker 1: if you don't get me what I want, then we're
Speaker 1: gonna have a problem. Bottom line, I'm not gonna make
Speaker 1: it all glamorous. It was like that was my approach.
Speaker 1: His approach was this. My approach was to tell her, like, yo,
Speaker 1: if I come in the house and you have one
Speaker 1: robe and your head look crazy, and you got on
Speaker 1: flip flops and you won't take a shower all day.
Speaker 1: Don't roll over next to me late night too, Dave.
Speaker 1: Let's have sex. I that that I would like for
Speaker 1: you to put on the shorts that I liked that
Speaker 1: you wear. I would like for you to put that
Speaker 1: crop top on, and I would like that earlier enough
Speaker 1: in the night where I can enjoy that. So it's
Speaker 1: not a thing where you dress up me. Just get
Speaker 1: right into bed like that's my love language. I'm a
Speaker 1: visual learner. I'm a visual lover. Know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Let this be visual. And he's a full time, all
Speaker 1: the time student. I'm always learning, always learning, always something
Speaker 1: new to discover. But but for me, it was us
Speaker 1: getting to a point where no longer saying, let's figure
Speaker 1: out what each other wants. Tell me what you want.
Speaker 1: That waste so much time. Y'all got time to waste. Yes,
Speaker 1: and it goes both ways, she said to me. I
Speaker 1: get more in the mood when I travel and i'm outside.
Speaker 1: Bad boom, Mimi, you got the babies. We're gonna here
Speaker 1: this month. You know, it's just being deliberate about it
Speaker 1: and not trying to figure it out, because nobody got
Speaker 1: time for that, you know. And we're at a point
Speaker 1: now in our relationship where when I tell you what
Speaker 1: I need or what I want, don't judge me for it.
Speaker 1: Make a choice to do to do it, or we
Speaker 1: cannot be together. But you staying in a relationship together.
Speaker 1: Can I finish my thought that we're not gonna be together?
Speaker 1: Was remember remember when I told you she had mad
Speaker 1: masculine and just tell you that was a little glimpse
Speaker 1: of it. She she'd be getting a twitch. She'd be like,
Speaker 1: what you mean, we're not gonna be together? I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I was finishing my statement that Texas call got to him.
Speaker 1: I'm not going nowhere. I'm not going nowhere. I'm right here.
Speaker 1: Let me just sit right here, blink two times, and
Speaker 1: I'm okay, guys, but no, But seriously, it's really that simple,
Speaker 1: and people don't ever want to hear it because especially
Speaker 1: in social media. Right you tell your wife on social media,
Speaker 1: I like when you wear the shorts, then the argument says,
Speaker 1: why she gotta wear shorts? Why you can't like her?
Speaker 1: I'm listen, I'm telling her what I like when she
Speaker 1: says to me she wanted to travel, I don't hear
Speaker 1: nobody saying why. We gotta know she gonna tell me
Speaker 1: what she liked. That's my wife. I'm gonna give her
Speaker 1: what she liked. I'm gonna tell her what I like.
Speaker 1: I'm a husband. She gonna give me what I like.
Speaker 1: If we can't do that, then we just shouldn't be
Speaker 1: together period. And that's that's what keeps you are right
Speaker 1: over here. I just don't like that jargon. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna say it, but you understand, right the choice is
Speaker 1: what the choices are. And once you choose to be here,
Speaker 1: you choose to oblige your partner because you want to
Speaker 1: be of service. You can't act like it's moving mountains
Speaker 1: every time your partners say they want to do something.
Speaker 1: And here's the thing, I'm gonna say this, sorry. When
Speaker 1: you want to be in a relationship and you want
Speaker 1: to be in a monogamous relationship and now your husband says, baby,
Speaker 1: you know what I like? When you do this and
Speaker 1: they want to be up on you and share that
Speaker 1: monogamy with you, When you suck your teeth and do
Speaker 1: something like come on, we don't like that ship. Bro.
Speaker 1: Clearly he's married to a West India who was always
Speaker 1: chips and all day like it ain't fair. Like I'm
Speaker 1: just being real, Like if we're talking about in intimacy
Speaker 1: and stuff like that, one partner is always gonna have
Speaker 1: a higher sex drive than the other. It's not always
Speaker 1: the man, Sometimes it's the woman. Sometimes women have higher
Speaker 1: sex drives. You know what I'm saying. Any women don't
Speaker 1: have high sexuals. So boom, So this is my thing.
Speaker 1: And I and I spoke to I got a homeboy.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna I'm not gonna out him. But his
Speaker 1: girl turned forty and she like on him like, yo,
Speaker 1: my man's where it sat, and he'd be he'd be
Speaker 1: with us. Be like bro, man, it's like every day
Speaker 1: I'll come home and I say to him, you asked
Speaker 1: that woman to marry you, right, you have an obligation
Speaker 1: to make sure that her wants and needs need have
Speaker 1: to be met. Fact, are you gonna say now, I'm
Speaker 1: not in the mood and then leave her to her
Speaker 1: own devices? It's not fair for you to do that
Speaker 1: to that woman. You hear that in it's not fair
Speaker 1: for these women to do that to these men. You right. Oh,
Speaker 1: you gave me to you right, oh, because we did
Speaker 1: this yesterday in Houston. And when I did that, the
Speaker 1: woman said, wow, wow, do we have any women over
Speaker 1: forty here that can can vouch for the sex drive
Speaker 1: going up after forty? Yeah, I don't clock when you
Speaker 1: turn forty in December? I sure down we're gonna wish
Speaker 1: the clock up. I'll celebrate your birthday tomorrow. Yeah, a
Speaker 1: couple more months. Bro. Oh No, it's just fun. We've
Speaker 1: been we've been doing right. But but in full full transparency.
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is a little bit too
Speaker 1: much to ship, but in full transp bad. We can't
Speaker 1: get the worse than that. In full transparency, I take
Speaker 1: care of my wife. My wife take takes care of me,
Speaker 1: like that's just that's just it. I'm not gonna give
Speaker 1: y'all the details, but my wife takes care of me.
Speaker 1: That's the reason why I'd be up here happy and
Speaker 1: smiling with Jean, because I've been taking care of you.
Speaker 1: Know what I'm saying, you can take care of me
Speaker 1: so and we we reciprocate, you know, when that American
Speaker 1: Express bill come around. I know what your love language is,
Speaker 1: Shapaya embrace yourself. God name. Let me just hit that
Speaker 1: button God. So let's take care of each other. Man,
Speaker 1: y'all gotta do that. Y'all got it. Y'all been into
Speaker 1: this deep, keep going. I love that for you, for
Speaker 1: your time. For maybe one or two more questions. I
Speaker 1: just want to say, Hi, my name is Pasha. Hi, Pasha. Okay,
Speaker 1: scream your wife. Let's go chare for his wife. Yeah,
Speaker 1: chair for him to wife. That's what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: That's egna get some pussy where he get home. Let's go,
Speaker 1: let's go pussy. That's the motivation. That's my wife. That's
Speaker 1: your question. Baby. As soon as we get in the call,
Speaker 1: you better than a fall asleep in a call. You
Speaker 1: better stay your ass. Don't give her too many drinks.
Speaker 1: Now he's gonna be driving like this. Hey, hey, hey,
Speaker 1: we right here. We wake up. That's how I be bro.
Speaker 1: I ain't roll up. But I just want to say
Speaker 1: thank y'all so much for coming here. Like I put
Speaker 1: in on y'all, um, I was like you did we
Speaker 1: here were here. I watched this team up. I listened
Speaker 1: to your podcast. Thank you so much. Sisters, like yes,
Speaker 1: talk about it. You all have definitely inspired me to
Speaker 1: like go for my dreams, my aspirations, listen to my
Speaker 1: husband a little bit more. A little bit goes a
Speaker 1: long way. We've been together since high school. So it's like,
Speaker 1: congrats to that. Thank you to read a book and
Speaker 1: be inspired through like listeners to some positive words and affirmations.
Speaker 1: It really does a lot to me. And I'm pursuing
Speaker 1: my master's in early literacy. There you go, get you
Speaker 1: my academy. It's called Nurturing Minds Preparatory Academy. That's gonna
Speaker 1: be opening it up in June. As I'm talking about
Speaker 1: it turned into a real quick your kids right now,
Speaker 1: we take cashup. I'm ready at the front door. The
Speaker 1: question kids, how do you all balance everything? Because we
Speaker 1: also have kids, Like we have one son that's three
Speaker 1: years old, said like it takes a village to help
Speaker 1: race nobody. You can't even make that joke no more,
Speaker 1: and been like, you all bring people around to influence
Speaker 1: your children as well. And I know that you all
Speaker 1: have Crystal as your you know, Dakota's got mother, yes,
Speaker 1: and Andora one of okay, make sure yeah, yeah, we're
Speaker 1: not from here. He's from Michiana. I'm from Chicago. We
Speaker 1: a family out here, So how do you create that
Speaker 1: type of community, that type of bomb. Okay, yeah, I um,
Speaker 1: thank you for your question, and good luck to everything
Speaker 1: you have going on. It's amazing. You know what's funny
Speaker 1: When we first moved to Georgia, although I didn't have
Speaker 1: my mom and dad, I went to Jackson's a sneak
Speaker 1: peak at school, right snepeg events. It is like the
Speaker 1: first day, open night whatever. And I was about seven
Speaker 1: ische months pregnant with Dakota, So I was like, listen,
Speaker 1: I'm about to find me some nice black people up
Speaker 1: in the school that I can be friends with. So
Speaker 1: I literally went in there scoping out the scene, like, oh,
Speaker 1: can I approach to be friends with? Because I understand
Speaker 1: the value of if I didn't have my parents, for example,
Speaker 1: or they're in New York, or they're somewhere, who can
Speaker 1: I help? Who can I rely on to help us
Speaker 1: in those moments, right because we can't trust everybody. So
Speaker 1: I literally found the cutest couple with their son who
Speaker 1: happened to be in a class opposite Jackson's same grade,
Speaker 1: and I went up to them and I introduced myself,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like Hey, y'all, we're new to Georgia.
Speaker 1: This is my son, Jackson. Jackson introduced yourself to his general.
Speaker 1: Jackson came home piss pits walthing the door. She said, mom,
Speaker 1: what happened? Know the kid in his name Grayling, and
Speaker 1: she's gonna talk about some y'all introduced each other. Then
Speaker 1: she's staring at us like this whole tough. So I
Speaker 1: was like, what's up? And he was like, he was like,
Speaker 1: you know, you told me to be from Brooklyn. You
Speaker 1: gotta size people up. I couldn't even size him up
Speaker 1: first because Mommy's staring at me in my face. Then
Speaker 1: he was like, can you just come next time? Don't know,
Speaker 1: come by herself? Think I got you. But guess who
Speaker 1: Jackson's best friend is now? Ye, Mamma, being knowing, I said,
Speaker 1: these are some decent folks, hard working black people, just
Speaker 1: like us. Okay, and if I'm trying to expand my village,
Speaker 1: because what we're not gonna do is have my friends,
Speaker 1: my kid, my kid friends with people we don't know,
Speaker 1: because you know, you got to know the parents too.
Speaker 1: I want to know your grandmother and auntie, your uncle,
Speaker 1: all of them. So Jackson became friends with him, and
Speaker 1: that was an extension of the village. So now Jackson
Speaker 1: on the debate team with Raylan, and here we are
Speaker 1: in Dallas. Jackson had debate team practice today and we
Speaker 1: had nobody to pick him up. Who brought him home
Speaker 1: Graylan's dad, right, So it's just about scouting out the area,
Speaker 1: just being in the circles where your kids are, see
Speaker 1: who they kind of naturally gravitate to with friendships even
Speaker 1: and see if you can kind of rely on that,
Speaker 1: because it's hard to leave your children with people that
Speaker 1: you don't really know. I'd rather keep them. How old
Speaker 1: your kids, Oh, or you'll live one and he's three,
Speaker 1: because I'm about to say leave him home by himself,
Speaker 1: but you can't do that. Or if you have older kids,
Speaker 1: like there's a sixteen year old the house, it's like
Speaker 1: you're gonna babysit tonight. You didn't even know it. But yeah,
Speaker 1: the village does definitely help in terms of balance. I mean,
Speaker 1: balance is really hard to find. A lot of times,
Speaker 1: the chips have to fall where they fall, and it's
Speaker 1: necessary sometimes to recalibrate and reprioritize what needs to get done,
Speaker 1: but lean on each other man lean on each other.
Speaker 1: Sometimes Devot has to tap me out if we don't
Speaker 1: have Mimi and Popping nearby or you know, a god
Speaker 1: parent nearby that we can trust. Um, Devot can see
Speaker 1: in my eyes sometimes that I'm just like I just
Speaker 1: need help, I need to move me. I need an hour. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I need an hour, you know, and just tag team
Speaker 1: with each other because that's also necessary to have your
Speaker 1: individual time as well. So, um, good luck to y'all
Speaker 1: with that, with everything you have going on, absolutely we
Speaker 1: got time for one more question or that's it. Say,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I feel like we can talk all night,
Speaker 1: but y'all, did y'all have a good time time? This
Speaker 1: is what I want you to do. This is out
Speaker 1: of exercise work. It's very simple. I want you to
Speaker 1: close your eyes, close your eyes, and I want you
Speaker 1: to envision your biggest, greatest, most unimaginable dream in your life.
Speaker 1: Do you see it? Can you smell it? Can you
Speaker 1: feel it? Open your eyes? It's yours Because if you've
Speaker 1: seen it, that means it's already happened. And since it's
Speaker 1: already happened, all you have to do is find a
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