1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:03,960 Speaker 1: Observing your thoughts and changing your relationship to them makes 2 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:06,440 Speaker 1: a huge difference, even before you're able to actually change 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:06,960 Speaker 1: the thoughts. 4 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:25,479 Speaker 2: Hey everyone, Emily Abadi here bringing you another installment of 5 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:29,560 Speaker 2: Hurdle Moment from Hurdle. On today's episode, I am chatting 6 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:33,840 Speaker 2: with Kara Lowenthiles. She is a mindset coach and host 7 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:38,400 Speaker 2: of the wildly popular Unfuck Your Brain podcast. 8 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,960 Speaker 3: You're welcome, It's explicit here today. 9 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:45,960 Speaker 2: I do want to say I'm wildly motivated by Kara. 10 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:49,960 Speaker 2: I love her show, and I have a feeling that you, 11 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:52,920 Speaker 2: if you're not already listening to it, are going to 12 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:57,480 Speaker 2: be adding it to your rotation asap after listening to 13 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:01,640 Speaker 2: us chat today. Today we are chatting about self confidence, 14 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:07,119 Speaker 2: how to up your strategies that you can use to encourage. 15 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,400 Speaker 3: Better self talk. 16 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:12,360 Speaker 2: What I loved about this was really just her no 17 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:19,280 Speaker 2: nonsense and manageable approach to having a better dialogue with yourself. 18 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 2: Kara admits that if she was flawless from day one, 19 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,280 Speaker 2: that she wouldn't be the person that she is today. 20 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:30,319 Speaker 2: She wouldn't be the person that is so overly qualified 21 00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:33,600 Speaker 2: to help us connect better with ourselves. 22 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,360 Speaker 3: If this is the pick. 23 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,320 Speaker 2: Me up that you have been looking for and I 24 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,600 Speaker 2: have a feeling it will be. Head on over to 25 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:43,600 Speaker 2: social media tag at Hurdle podcast at Emily Abadi and 26 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,399 Speaker 2: of course head on into the iTunes store to rate 27 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:49,480 Speaker 2: and review the show. A huge thanks to all the 28 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:55,360 Speaker 2: listeners that submitted a question for next week's Hurdle Listeners episode. 29 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:58,440 Speaker 3: I am so emped to bring you some goodness and 30 00:01:58,440 --> 00:01:59,280 Speaker 3: get a little. 31 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,880 Speaker 2: Extra real And again, a huge, huge thanks to Kara 32 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:06,680 Speaker 2: for her time and her knowledge and her good vibes. 33 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 3: With that, let's get to hurdling. 34 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:20,400 Speaker 2: Today. I am sitting down with Caara Lowenthile. She is 35 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:23,360 Speaker 2: a life coach. She's also the host of the wildly 36 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:27,919 Speaker 2: successful podcast Unfuck your Brain. How you doing today? 37 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:29,040 Speaker 1: I'm doing well. 38 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:29,200 Speaker 3: You know. 39 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:31,120 Speaker 1: It's funny. I get a lot of requests for people 40 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:32,720 Speaker 1: for me to do a version of the podcast where 41 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 1: I don't curse, which I obviously do not satisfy. 42 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:39,480 Speaker 2: Unfork your Brain. No, this is I'm totally game with 43 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 2: this being an explicit episode one hundred percent. Thank you 44 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:44,800 Speaker 2: so much for taking the time to come on Hurdle today. 45 00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:49,160 Speaker 2: I am actually really excited about this because I am 46 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 2: constantly seeking out really badass women to help spread the 47 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:59,760 Speaker 2: inspirational You got this vibes here on Hurdle and you 48 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,640 Speaker 2: are certainly a great candidate for the cause. 49 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,720 Speaker 1: Thank you. I like to think I've half got it 50 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:06,240 Speaker 1: at least. 51 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:09,080 Speaker 2: Ye. Well, that's a good place to start. So why 52 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,240 Speaker 2: don't we before we get into the nugget of today. Today, 53 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 2: we're going to be talking about strategies to really grow 54 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:18,320 Speaker 2: self confidence. I would love for you just to give 55 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,480 Speaker 2: me a little taste of who you are and how 56 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:23,640 Speaker 2: you got into what you're doing now. 57 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:28,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you know, typical career path. I was a 58 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:32,000 Speaker 1: women's rights lawyer and then I was supposed to become 59 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,520 Speaker 1: a law professor. So I was kind of on the 60 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,839 Speaker 1: track to doing that. I did a couple of fellowships, 61 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:38,840 Speaker 1: and then before I was supposed to go on the 62 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:42,080 Speaker 1: market as they call it, to get a law professor position, 63 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,920 Speaker 1: I was like, let's just you know, let's throw this 64 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:47,920 Speaker 1: last ten years of this career out the window and 65 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,920 Speaker 1: quit and become a life coach. So that's what I 66 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:55,480 Speaker 1: did every Jewish parents dream, but best decision I ever 67 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,280 Speaker 1: made for me. So I took that leap. I guess 68 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:02,520 Speaker 1: five years four or five years ago, and I coach 69 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:06,040 Speaker 1: feminist women, although I mean most of the women I coach, 70 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,240 Speaker 1: I would say identify as feminists, and if they didn't before, 71 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,920 Speaker 1: they do when I'm done with them. But I basically 72 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:15,200 Speaker 1: coach women on how to identify the ways that we've 73 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:18,120 Speaker 1: absorbed a lot of messages from society about women, what 74 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 1: women are supposed to be like, and how women are 75 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:23,480 Speaker 1: supposed to behave and you know, making everybody else happy 76 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:28,640 Speaker 1: and focusing on our appearances, and you know, being pleasing 77 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,040 Speaker 1: and pleasant and kind like all the things that so 78 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,800 Speaker 1: society teaches a woman she's supposed to be. We've internalized 79 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,680 Speaker 1: all that messaging, and so I teach women how to 80 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,279 Speaker 1: identify that messaging. It's not always obvious. A lot of 81 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,320 Speaker 1: our thoughts that we have that sound like they're just 82 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:46,920 Speaker 1: our own accurate thoughts about ourselves are actually produced by 83 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,840 Speaker 1: all of this socialization that we experience. So how to 84 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:53,159 Speaker 1: like identify those Decide whether you really want to believe 85 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,200 Speaker 1: that you're supposed to be this certain way or after 86 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,760 Speaker 1: a certain way, or do these certain things, and then 87 00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,960 Speaker 1: how if you don't want to, how to actually change 88 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:04,120 Speaker 1: your thought process so that you are living life for 89 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,279 Speaker 1: yourself on your own terms, and you are able to 90 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:11,080 Speaker 1: create authentic, true confidence because we're all taught that confidence 91 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:13,159 Speaker 1: comes from outside of us, and women in particular are 92 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 1: taught that confidence comes from everybody else approving of you 93 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,600 Speaker 1: all the time, which is impossible and is a very 94 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:21,479 Speaker 1: shaky foundation. And so learning how to have your confidence 95 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:25,320 Speaker 1: come from your opinion of and your relationship with yourself 96 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:28,360 Speaker 1: is I think the most kind of liberating work that 97 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,520 Speaker 1: any woman can do. And so that's what I teach 98 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:31,160 Speaker 1: women how to do. 99 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:35,919 Speaker 2: So much exciting things to unpack here. I'm feeling like 100 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,720 Speaker 2: amped and more like four minutes and twenty seconds into 101 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:41,760 Speaker 2: what's going on here, First I've got to ask. I 102 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:45,360 Speaker 2: know that you are a Master certified life coach. Unpacked 103 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:48,279 Speaker 2: that for me? Like, what does that mean? Yeah? 104 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,560 Speaker 1: Uh, it means, you know, life coaching as an industry 105 00:05:50,839 --> 00:05:55,119 Speaker 1: in the early stages, it's not highly regulated, and so 106 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,520 Speaker 1: for me, it means that I'm I was certified as 107 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:00,479 Speaker 1: a coach by my teacher, Brooke Ast with the Life 108 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:05,480 Speaker 1: Coach School that was a sort of group training program, 109 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:08,480 Speaker 1: and then I got Masters certified with her, which was 110 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:13,039 Speaker 1: meant like basically a year of intensive mentoring coaching and training. 111 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:17,200 Speaker 1: So you know what it really means is this person 112 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:22,000 Speaker 1: from this school of coaching gave me this certificate. I think, like, 113 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,920 Speaker 1: you know, licensing as a whole, that's a whole other 114 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:26,760 Speaker 1: interesting thing. But like, there's a lot of good reasons 115 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,480 Speaker 1: I have industries licensed, and then there's also a lot 116 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:32,000 Speaker 1: of ways that licensing just becomes a barrier to entry 117 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:35,320 Speaker 1: for people who don't have access to certain resources or education, 118 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,560 Speaker 1: and also becomes just a way of generating a lot 119 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:41,080 Speaker 1: of money for licensing organization. 120 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:44,360 Speaker 2: Definitely, definitely okay. And so what I love to also 121 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,120 Speaker 2: ask before we get into this, because I think a 122 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,560 Speaker 2: lot of the time when we have the opportunity to 123 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:52,760 Speaker 2: talk about these topics to a wide audience, people just assume, like, Wow, 124 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:55,040 Speaker 2: this person has their shit totally together and they must 125 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,680 Speaker 2: have always totally been like this. But I mean, I've 126 00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:00,679 Speaker 2: got to ask you. Growing up, you definitely and throughout 127 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:04,720 Speaker 2: life now certainly have times where your self confidence waivers. 128 00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:08,040 Speaker 1: Correct, Yeah, I don't think. First of all, my favorite 129 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,920 Speaker 1: my favorite saying is you'd be amazed what you can 130 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:13,840 Speaker 1: accomplish with a half managed mind. Like I really put 131 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,880 Speaker 1: a huge not priority. Does my brain work anymore? In 132 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,520 Speaker 1: twenty twenty only some of the time a huge premium 133 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:24,800 Speaker 1: there we go on authenticity and transparency. And so I 134 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:28,360 Speaker 1: am always talking on my podcast when I'm coaching my students, 135 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:31,240 Speaker 1: when I'm teaching about like the ways my brain is 136 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,800 Speaker 1: still crazy. And I definitely if I were naturally I mean, 137 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:35,560 Speaker 1: here's the thing, Like, if I were naturally like this, 138 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,280 Speaker 1: I wouldn't know how to teach anyone else how to 139 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:39,720 Speaker 1: do it right, because I would just be like, I 140 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,840 Speaker 1: don't know, You're just born, you wake up, you feel great. 141 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:46,600 Speaker 1: That was not my experience. Yes, So, like everything that 142 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 1: I teach has been hard earned and hard learned and 143 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 1: hard and hard fought for. So I grew up and 144 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 1: it's all the way through my twenties and through my 145 00:07:55,720 --> 00:08:00,200 Speaker 1: early thirties was a mess of insecurity and anxiety and 146 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:04,000 Speaker 1: stress and guilt and shame, like all the negative emotions. 147 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 1: Even though I had this sort of accomplished, prestigious life 148 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 1: on the outside, I just you know, it was a 149 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:15,920 Speaker 1: mess on the inside. And so whatever confidence and kind 150 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,400 Speaker 1: of relationship with myself I have now I've built. I 151 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,240 Speaker 1: mean in terms of like do I have times I 152 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 1: don't feel confident now it's like yes and no, because 153 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,720 Speaker 1: I think when you engage with yourself in this way 154 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 1: where you consciously choose what to believe, and you practice 155 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:33,880 Speaker 1: doing that, and I teach a very concrete like system 156 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:36,160 Speaker 1: for doing it bit by bit, it's not just like 157 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:39,360 Speaker 1: think positive. So when you've really dug in and done 158 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:42,160 Speaker 1: this work, which I have for several years now, your 159 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:45,200 Speaker 1: relationship with yourself changes. So of course, one hundred percent 160 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,120 Speaker 1: of my brain still says bullshit stuff to me all 161 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:51,560 Speaker 1: the time that about like what's wrong with me, But 162 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:54,240 Speaker 1: my relationship to it is so different. I don't believe 163 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:55,920 Speaker 1: it in the same way, and so it doesn't feel 164 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:58,280 Speaker 1: the same. Like I now have a relationship with myself 165 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 1: where I always have my own back. So I do 166 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 1: still have thoughts come up in my mind that are like, 167 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,600 Speaker 1: you know, you should lose weight and then this would 168 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,520 Speaker 1: be easier. That person doesn't like you or whatever, But 169 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:13,000 Speaker 1: my relationship to those thoughts is very different, So I 170 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,319 Speaker 1: do not feel the insecurity in the same way I 171 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:18,280 Speaker 1: used to, where I just one hundred percent believed those thoughts. 172 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,559 Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel that. I feel that I was listening 173 00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:23,440 Speaker 2: to an old episode that you had talking about self 174 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,960 Speaker 2: confidence and something a nugget that I took from that 175 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:29,400 Speaker 2: was something that you said, external circumstances don't create our feelings. 176 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,160 Speaker 2: Our thoughts create our feelings. 177 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: Oh oh my god. When I heard that first time, 178 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,959 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm sorry, Why didn't no one tell 179 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,800 Speaker 1: me this before? Like we were a meeting about the 180 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,960 Speaker 1: secret to life and I just did not get the memo. 181 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,160 Speaker 1: Like it truly just blew my whole life wide open, 182 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:47,320 Speaker 1: and I could not believe that, Like, why do we 183 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:49,920 Speaker 1: not teach this to four year olds? My whole life 184 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,960 Speaker 1: would have been different? Yeah, that was like if we 185 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,320 Speaker 1: have some up in one line, what completely changed my life? 186 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:57,240 Speaker 2: It was learning that you mentioned before, the concept that 187 00:09:57,320 --> 00:10:01,319 Speaker 2: women are often seeking to external validation to grow their 188 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:04,480 Speaker 2: inner self confidence, probably a lot more than men. Why 189 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:05,640 Speaker 2: do you think that that is? 190 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,600 Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, I mean I think you know, I always 191 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:11,000 Speaker 1: think of it as like layers. So it's like layer 192 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:13,440 Speaker 1: number one, we're all taught the wrong things about what 193 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,880 Speaker 1: causes our feelings and confidence, but then women get this 194 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:20,280 Speaker 1: extra layer of socialization, and then there's layers on top 195 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 1: of that, Like if you are a woman of color, 196 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,400 Speaker 1: you get this extra layer. If you live in a 197 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,560 Speaker 1: fat body, you get this extra layer, right, So there's like, 198 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,720 Speaker 1: depending on what identity you have, you may get like 199 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:32,200 Speaker 1: multiple layers of this kind of messaging. So I think 200 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 1: women are you know, if we like take it back 201 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 1: to the kind of basics of feminist theory, It's like 202 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:43,920 Speaker 1: women are taught that they are more objects than subjects, 203 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:49,320 Speaker 1: meaning like their value comes from what other people get 204 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:53,160 Speaker 1: from them, or how they look right, or what utility 205 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:56,480 Speaker 1: they have to other people, or what pleasure other people 206 00:10:56,559 --> 00:10:59,200 Speaker 1: get from them or from looking at them right, Whereas 207 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,640 Speaker 1: men are really tough that they're the subjects, like they're 208 00:11:01,679 --> 00:11:05,800 Speaker 1: the hero of their own story. They are the kind 209 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 1: of point of view that matters. They're like the self 210 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:12,880 Speaker 1: that matters. And women are taught that what matters is 211 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:16,280 Speaker 1: do other people like how I look? Do other people 212 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 1: think that I'm nice? Am I helping everybody else? Do 213 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:23,320 Speaker 1: I put everybody else's interests in front of my own? Right? 214 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:25,120 Speaker 1: Those are the kinds of things that women are taught 215 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:27,920 Speaker 1: their value comes from. And historically, you know, if you 216 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,800 Speaker 1: look back one hundred, two hundred and three hundreds, then 217 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,679 Speaker 1: thousands of years, right, women are taught like your value 218 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,880 Speaker 1: is the services you provide to a household, Like, this 219 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,040 Speaker 1: stuff goes very deep. And so even though we've made 220 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:42,720 Speaker 1: social progress externally in a lot of ways, you don't 221 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:46,360 Speaker 1: undo thousands of years of social messaging, you know, with 222 00:11:46,559 --> 00:11:49,800 Speaker 1: like an equal opportunity employment law. There's that stuff is 223 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,200 Speaker 1: really deep and still continues to get taught to us 224 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:56,000 Speaker 1: implicitly and explicitly. And then I think what my work 225 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:59,000 Speaker 1: really identifies as the problem that we haven't spent enough 226 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:02,160 Speaker 1: time on in the movement, either in psychology or the 227 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,440 Speaker 1: feminist movement in both, is that you know, it'd be 228 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:07,280 Speaker 1: one thing if what you heard in your voice was 229 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:10,360 Speaker 1: like some male announcer voice being like, if you don't 230 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:13,120 Speaker 1: lose ten pounds, no one will ever love you like that, 231 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:16,280 Speaker 1: that would be easy to dismiss. More right, that's not 232 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:18,480 Speaker 1: what you hear. What you hear is your own voice 233 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,600 Speaker 1: saying things like, you know, you like should really lose 234 00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:23,360 Speaker 1: some weight. I mean, if you're going to be getting 235 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,640 Speaker 1: back into dating, like there's a lot of younger, thinner 236 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:28,320 Speaker 1: women out there, right, it just like sounds like it's 237 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:31,040 Speaker 1: just an observation you're that your brain is making, and 238 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,199 Speaker 1: it's in your own voice, and it seems so reasonable. 239 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:36,559 Speaker 1: And that's why it's so insidious and why we have 240 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:39,560 Speaker 1: such a hard time if we don't learn how to 241 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,480 Speaker 1: do it on purpose, changing our thought patterns. And it's 242 00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:44,600 Speaker 1: why you can have all these you know, beliefs about 243 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:48,679 Speaker 1: women's value and independence and women loving themselves and then 244 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:51,119 Speaker 1: be not actually experiencing any of that emotionally. 245 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 2: Oh, not actually experiencing it, depriving ourselves of such goodness 246 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:59,680 Speaker 2: here that can just be established by having better self talk. 247 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,560 Speaker 2: So so then let's dive into that even more. Now 248 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:06,920 Speaker 2: we want to talk about strategies for creating a better 249 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:10,160 Speaker 2: inner dialogue, for creating that self confidence. Where is one 250 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:10,800 Speaker 2: to start? 251 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, so this is I think a big thing that 252 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 1: distinguishes my work and was so important to me in 253 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:19,320 Speaker 1: doing this work is that I don't know if they're 254 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,320 Speaker 1: the people who teach just like believe you're an amazing goddess, Like, 255 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,880 Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe that worked for them, that shit 256 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,199 Speaker 1: did not work for me. I'm like a Jewish lawyer 257 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,200 Speaker 1: from New York, Like that is not You're like, that's 258 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:33,040 Speaker 1: not how my brain works. So the big, first, big 259 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:34,600 Speaker 1: area in my life I did this work on was 260 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,760 Speaker 1: my body image, which was really a great place to start, 261 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:41,160 Speaker 1: because I really saw how, you know, sure I could 262 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 1: identify what I wanted to believe, like all bodies are beautiful, 263 00:13:44,679 --> 00:13:48,000 Speaker 1: that was so far from what I believed right that 264 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,520 Speaker 1: it was just like impossible. There was no way to 265 00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:53,040 Speaker 1: cross that chasm. I had no idea how to. First 266 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,600 Speaker 1: of all, I didn't know how to believe something new 267 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,800 Speaker 1: on purpose yet, because that's literally a skill that no 268 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:59,880 Speaker 1: one had taught me. So I didn't have the skill yet, 269 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,040 Speaker 1: and I was being told to try to use it 270 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:05,520 Speaker 1: on like a completely impossible seeming belief at the time. 271 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:08,560 Speaker 1: So it was like both the goal was too big 272 00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:11,680 Speaker 1: and I didn't have the skill yet. And so what 273 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:14,680 Speaker 1: I really did was I started breaking it down into 274 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,400 Speaker 1: smaller and smaller pieces. And I found, like for me 275 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:21,120 Speaker 1: especially and a lot of my clients have brains like mine, 276 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:26,080 Speaker 1: what was so helpful was focusing on neutral baby step thoughts, 277 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,400 Speaker 1: and I'll give you an example in a minute, and 278 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:31,680 Speaker 1: understanding that if we're if I'm practicing a neutral baby 279 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:35,160 Speaker 1: step thought, all I should expect is a baby step 280 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,960 Speaker 1: and feeling a little less terrible, right, Because like one 281 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,440 Speaker 1: of the things that happens is we try to make 282 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,080 Speaker 1: these meant we try to do these cognitive reframing strategies. 283 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,080 Speaker 1: Maybe even if we get taught a good one, and 284 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,960 Speaker 1: then we think we're supposed to feel blissful immediately right 285 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,400 Speaker 1: right like, and that's no. If we can only take 286 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,520 Speaker 1: a tiny step in the thought, then we should only 287 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,880 Speaker 1: be expecting a tiny step in the emotion. It's going 288 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,320 Speaker 1: to build up over time. So, for instance, when I 289 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,280 Speaker 1: started doing this work, I had a lot of thoughts 290 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 1: about my stomach, and you know, my my general thought 291 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:03,040 Speaker 1: was like, my stomach is disgusting, Like that's what I 292 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:06,520 Speaker 1: really thought. So going to like I'm a beautiful fertility 293 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:12,080 Speaker 1: goddess was not working. So I practice thinking thoughts like 294 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:16,880 Speaker 1: this is a human stomach. Some other people have stomachs 295 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:20,360 Speaker 1: that look like this. My worth as a human is 296 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,800 Speaker 1: not entirely created by my stomach. And then what you're 297 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:25,040 Speaker 1: going for is you may not even feel good yet, 298 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,040 Speaker 1: you just want it to feel a little less terrible 299 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:31,360 Speaker 1: than the original thought. And when you practice that technique 300 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,720 Speaker 1: of like, I'm here's a small baby step neutral thought 301 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:37,160 Speaker 1: I'm gonna practice, I feel a tiny bit less terrible. 302 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:40,320 Speaker 1: You can build from that. It's literally a skill you're 303 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,640 Speaker 1: developing and you're helping your brain by picking something that 304 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,760 Speaker 1: is easier for you to believe, so you get a 305 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:49,080 Speaker 1: little payoff. You know, your brain works in reward loops, 306 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,560 Speaker 1: like so when you try to do positive thinking, you 307 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:53,880 Speaker 1: can't believe you don't get any emotional payoff, and your 308 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:55,800 Speaker 1: brain's like, well fuck this, I don't want to do this. 309 00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:58,840 Speaker 1: Whereas when you do get a tiny bit of payoff, 310 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,800 Speaker 1: then your brain's like, oh, it's like giving. It's like 311 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:04,040 Speaker 1: training a dog with a cookie. You know, it's like, Okay, 312 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,480 Speaker 1: it's a little bit worth it. I feel a little 313 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,120 Speaker 1: bit better. Okay, I'm willing to do it again. 314 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:09,120 Speaker 2: And I think also with this, it's like when you're 315 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:12,200 Speaker 2: establishing like goals for your productivity and a lot of 316 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,880 Speaker 2: the time on the pod I chat about those smart goals, 317 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:17,800 Speaker 2: you know, like making things small and manageable, and if 318 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:21,520 Speaker 2: you're not, if you're setting some huge goal, like some massive, 319 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,720 Speaker 2: insane thing like I'm going to lose one hundred pounds 320 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:26,280 Speaker 2: in two months, Like, no, it doesn't work like that. 321 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:27,760 Speaker 2: It doesn't work like that at all. But if you 322 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 2: say to yourself, Okay, maybe I'm not going to eat 323 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:34,400 Speaker 2: like eighteen chocolate chip cookies, every single day. Okay, small win. 324 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. And I mean the truth is, especially with 325 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,040 Speaker 1: that example, that losing weight is not what's going to 326 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 1: make you confident, and if you try to do it 327 00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:44,600 Speaker 1: from not liking your body, it will never work. 328 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,560 Speaker 2: Definitely if you are. 329 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,200 Speaker 1: Eating eighteen cookies because you don't know how to deal 330 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:52,240 Speaker 1: with your thoughts and feelings, all you're doing when you 331 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 1: tell yourself to only eat twelve is just you're just 332 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:57,680 Speaker 1: you're just like hoping that your stress level won't take over. 333 00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:01,160 Speaker 1: Kind of right, You're not. You have resolve the problem. 334 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:04,000 Speaker 1: The problem isn't that you lack willpower or that cookies 335 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,520 Speaker 1: are addictive. They're not. The problem is that you're eating 336 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,840 Speaker 1: to solve a non hunger problem, which is emotional. And 337 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:13,600 Speaker 1: so until you learn how to deal with your emotions, 338 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:16,359 Speaker 1: you're never going to stop using that tool. Humans are 339 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,840 Speaker 1: built to use coping tools, and food is one of 340 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:22,879 Speaker 1: the earliest. I mean, babies cry they get food, right, Like, 341 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:26,800 Speaker 1: this is very ingrained. So I think you always have to, 342 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,480 Speaker 1: like I am always coaching people to get out of 343 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,760 Speaker 1: their action line of like what they're gonna do and 344 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,239 Speaker 1: get back up into their focusing on like how they 345 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,240 Speaker 1: what do they want to think that they can believe? 346 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:39,439 Speaker 1: And how do they want to feel? Because that's what 347 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:40,760 Speaker 1: drives all of our actions. 348 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:45,080 Speaker 2: Okay, so we start with having the right thoughts, which 349 00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:47,240 Speaker 2: can feel like everest within itself. 350 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,160 Speaker 1: Right, That's why we have to start small and understand 351 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,720 Speaker 1: that there's no such thing as like a right or 352 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,360 Speaker 1: wrong one. Everybody's thoughts are going to be different. It's 353 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,800 Speaker 1: all very like, how does it feel when I think 354 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:58,800 Speaker 1: this thought? So if my thought is like, I can't 355 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,040 Speaker 1: believe I eat eighteen cookies. I'm such a disgusting pig, 356 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,000 Speaker 1: I have no self control. I have to do better tomorrow. 357 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:06,000 Speaker 1: Let me vow now to be perfect tomorrow. Right. I 358 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,760 Speaker 1: mean that feels good in that little moment because you're 359 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:10,840 Speaker 1: pretending you're gonna be a whole different person tomorrow. But 360 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:13,720 Speaker 1: then tomorrow comes and you never are right. So right, 361 00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:17,640 Speaker 1: But if your thought is you know, and under that 362 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 1: you why did you eat agent cookies? Because your thought was, 363 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,679 Speaker 1: you know, I'm like, I don't have any willpower, my 364 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:25,560 Speaker 1: body's disgusting, and no one's ever gonna love me when 365 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,200 Speaker 1: I look like this. Okay, that's what we need to 366 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:30,040 Speaker 1: work on, is that thought, that thought is what's driving 367 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,960 Speaker 1: this behavior. And so even if you just move to 368 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:37,800 Speaker 1: a neutral thought, like it's possible that there are things 369 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,600 Speaker 1: other than my body that people might appreciate about me. 370 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:43,160 Speaker 1: It's like that. I always say, like your first kind 371 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:45,440 Speaker 1: of neutral thought, it's not gonna look like it would 372 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,919 Speaker 1: be a great pinterest graphic, you know, like it's not 373 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:51,600 Speaker 1: gonna be inspirational, right, Like, here's a way I could 374 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:55,080 Speaker 1: hate myself a little less and that and then when 375 00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:56,800 Speaker 1: we think that's not enough, but that's how you have 376 00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:59,080 Speaker 1: to start and build up. And then as you start 377 00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:00,960 Speaker 1: learning how to deal with your thoughts, you will find 378 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:04,160 Speaker 1: you have less desire to eat eighteen cookies because you're 379 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,760 Speaker 1: not trying to solve an emotional problem with something that 380 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:11,760 Speaker 1: won't work anymore. 381 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,800 Speaker 2: Taking a break from today's episode to bring you something really, 382 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:25,800 Speaker 2: really exciting, y'all, Hurdle has a new sponsor. Welcome Gooder 383 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:30,200 Speaker 2: to the fam. 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Head on over to 403 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:42,200 Speaker 2: Gooder dot com slash Hurdle or enter the code Hurdle 404 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:46,560 Speaker 2: at checkout to get ten dollars off your order today. 405 00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:50,439 Speaker 3: Look good, Move Gooder. Let's get back to it. 406 00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:01,200 Speaker 2: Okay, so we start to solve the problem with something 407 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:05,320 Speaker 2: that will work over time. Then what happens? 408 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,560 Speaker 1: Yeah? And then you know, I still think cookies are delicious, 409 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,600 Speaker 1: but I just don't want to make you of them 410 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:12,399 Speaker 1: because it doesn' actually feel it. Right. That's the thing 411 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,800 Speaker 1: when you are using and you know food is it's 412 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:18,080 Speaker 1: not all always food. It's like Netflix or booze or 413 00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:21,560 Speaker 1: shopping or whatever. Right. I am a huge proponent of 414 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:25,520 Speaker 1: women embracing and owning pleasure, including with food, and not 415 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:30,359 Speaker 1: trying to demonstrate their like moral superiority through restraint and 416 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,280 Speaker 1: you know, non enjoyment of life. But there's a big 417 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,520 Speaker 1: difference between like a false pleasure and a real pleasure. 418 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,560 Speaker 1: A real pleasure is like eating one cookie, maybe two cookies, 419 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:40,800 Speaker 1: maybe three, because they just taste so delicious and you 420 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,200 Speaker 1: love them. False pleasure is you know, when you eat 421 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:47,600 Speaker 1: eighteen cookies, you don't actually feel physically good, right, You're 422 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,440 Speaker 1: not even paying attention your your taste buds shut off 423 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:54,800 Speaker 1: after cookie four, like you're not actually experiencing that. And 424 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,119 Speaker 1: so what happens when you learn to deal with your 425 00:21:57,119 --> 00:21:59,679 Speaker 1: own emotional state is that you just you are not 426 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:03,199 Speaker 1: motive to seek that false pleasure anymore because you can 427 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,080 Speaker 1: think about it like that false pleasure is like trying 428 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:09,720 Speaker 1: to drown out your thoughts, right with dopamine from some substance, 429 00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:14,040 Speaker 1: whether it's food, or booze or Netflix or shopping or whatever. 430 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,600 Speaker 1: Right like sex, people use drugs, people use all sorts 431 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:19,359 Speaker 1: of things. You're trying to like you've got this, like 432 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:21,359 Speaker 1: you've got this voice in your brain saying mean things 433 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,080 Speaker 1: that you may or may not be consciously aware of, 434 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,240 Speaker 1: and you're trying to drown it out with a flood 435 00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:28,080 Speaker 1: of dopamine. When you stop saying mean shift to yourself, 436 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,920 Speaker 1: there's just no need to have a flood. You don't 437 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:32,240 Speaker 1: have that desire to flood. 438 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:34,879 Speaker 2: In the same way, I also think it's important to 439 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,960 Speaker 2: touch on that, like you have to want to shift 440 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,240 Speaker 2: the dialogue right, Like it's not just like you're like, 441 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,440 Speaker 2: oh well I heard on Hurdle and then I listened 442 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,879 Speaker 2: to cars podcast, and it's like if I start talking 443 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,919 Speaker 2: to myself like this, like I'll be better for it. 444 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,480 Speaker 2: But like if you don't want to do that, and 445 00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,560 Speaker 2: you're just doing it because you feel as though you 446 00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,280 Speaker 2: should doing it, going back to this idea of like 447 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:54,760 Speaker 2: the should thing, like. 448 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:56,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, you're not getting to Heaven any faster because you 449 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,879 Speaker 1: did thought work. It's not a moral issue, right to me, 450 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,320 Speaker 1: It's really just like when I discovered this work, I 451 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:05,320 Speaker 1: just feel like oh, there actually is a user manual 452 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:09,160 Speaker 1: to the human experience and this is what it is, right, 453 00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:11,679 Speaker 1: It's like but without this awareness, it just felt like 454 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,800 Speaker 1: I couldn't. Had like I was on this emotional roller 455 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,439 Speaker 1: coaster all the time. I had like kind of no 456 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,720 Speaker 1: control over how I felt. It just depended on like 457 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,359 Speaker 1: who said what to me that day? Right, like what 458 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,639 Speaker 1: happened at work? And did I get an annoying email 459 00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:26,199 Speaker 1: from you know, a family member, and like did that 460 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:27,800 Speaker 1: guy text me back? And it just I was like 461 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:30,280 Speaker 1: all up and down right, because that's the problem with 462 00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:32,719 Speaker 1: relying on validation is like you live by their praise, 463 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,280 Speaker 1: you'd die by the criticism. So I just felt like 464 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:37,160 Speaker 1: I was emotional all over the place. I had all 465 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:40,119 Speaker 1: of these goals. I was constantly setting these like whatever 466 00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:42,960 Speaker 1: food and movement and professional. I was like set goals, 467 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:45,679 Speaker 1: not achieve them. Had that experience a lot of people have, 468 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:49,479 Speaker 1: I think, where you feel like you're kind of whatever 469 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:52,480 Speaker 1: your habit is, eating, drinking, shopping, nail body, whatever it is, 470 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:55,160 Speaker 1: it's like you're doing it against your own will, right 471 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:57,160 Speaker 1: Like I just felt like I was like I can't. 472 00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,000 Speaker 1: I just did not feel in control of what was 473 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,960 Speaker 1: going on or it's just like I'm living in this body, 474 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,879 Speaker 1: in this mind, but I don't know who's in charge 475 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:07,160 Speaker 1: here because it doesn't seem to be me. And then 476 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:10,120 Speaker 1: when I learn this work, it was like, oh, now 477 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,960 Speaker 1: I understand, Like this shows me why am I doing 478 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,880 Speaker 1: when I do something that seems against my will? Quote unquote, 479 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,080 Speaker 1: Now I have a way of understanding why. It's like 480 00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,680 Speaker 1: what am I thinking? What am I feeling? How does 481 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,240 Speaker 1: that make me take this action? Like it was it 482 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:26,399 Speaker 1: really felt like getting the manual to like, you know, 483 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:29,800 Speaker 1: how the dishwasher works, like to how the whole system works, 484 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,320 Speaker 1: like why do I feel elated and then despondent? Oh, 485 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,680 Speaker 1: because of what thoughts I'm thinking about the feedback on 486 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:37,920 Speaker 1: that memo or not getting this text and what I'm 487 00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:41,199 Speaker 1: making it mean about myself and is It was just 488 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:43,800 Speaker 1: sort of like okay, like now I understand shit. So 489 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:45,880 Speaker 1: of course I'm still a human. My brain still does 490 00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:49,119 Speaker 1: this kind of thing sometimes, right, But I just never 491 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,080 Speaker 1: have that like, oh my god, my life is just 492 00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:53,960 Speaker 1: like happening to me and I don't understand what's I 493 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,800 Speaker 1: can't control my experience anymore. 494 00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:58,760 Speaker 2: Right, right, And that's so valuable. I mean when it 495 00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:01,720 Speaker 2: comes to like kind of an everyday execution sense. Do 496 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:05,600 Speaker 2: you have any small hacks that you utilize to help 497 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:08,720 Speaker 2: you better your self confidence if you're going into either 498 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:11,000 Speaker 2: a big meeting or you're showing up to record with someone, 499 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,160 Speaker 2: or whatever the case may be. 500 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean for me personally, like those things don't 501 00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:17,440 Speaker 1: freak me out anymore. But really that, like doing those 502 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:19,960 Speaker 1: small neutral thoughts is what I always recommend. You know, 503 00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:22,440 Speaker 1: the kind of people who need thought work the most 504 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:26,400 Speaker 1: are the kind of perfectionists who want to do everything perfectly, amazingly, 505 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:30,080 Speaker 1: all at once right, And so our brains immediately are like, well, 506 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,200 Speaker 1: it's not worth it to just feel a little less bad, 507 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,680 Speaker 1: or to just believe like this baby step thought right, 508 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,120 Speaker 1: Like that's not going to help me, but it actually 509 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,439 Speaker 1: will help you more than you realize. So, you know, 510 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,800 Speaker 1: when people listen to the podcast or work with me 511 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,919 Speaker 1: in the Clutch, which is my feminist coaching community, I 512 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,439 Speaker 1: teach them like a five step process you can go 513 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:51,119 Speaker 1: through to figure out what you're thinking and then shift it. 514 00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,080 Speaker 1: But even if you just listen to this podcast and 515 00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:56,439 Speaker 1: you are nervous about going into an interview or a 516 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:59,800 Speaker 1: meeting or whatever, just stopping for five minutes, write down 517 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:02,720 Speaker 1: what you thinking, right, which is like, what if I 518 00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,000 Speaker 1: mess up, They're gonna think I'm stupid, I don't deserve 519 00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:06,800 Speaker 1: this race. They're gonna think I'm greedy. Right, It's like 520 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:08,480 Speaker 1: you're gonna find out there's all those thoughts in there 521 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:12,000 Speaker 1: and then just picking even one neutral thought that you 522 00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:16,399 Speaker 1: can practice, Like, you know, I'm allowed to ask for 523 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 1: what I want even if someone else doesn't want to 524 00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:20,880 Speaker 1: give it to me. Or I've done good work here 525 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,800 Speaker 1: and it's normal and appropriate to ask for a raise 526 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:25,840 Speaker 1: or whatever. Right, It's like we're not going to like 527 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,879 Speaker 1: I'm the queen of the universe. Just a little baby 528 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:31,719 Speaker 1: step that, or even sometimes you just have to go 529 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,480 Speaker 1: to like if they say no and I cry, it's 530 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:39,760 Speaker 1: still okay, right, Like just baby step thought. 531 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:42,879 Speaker 2: Baby step thought. If someone comes to you and they say, like, 532 00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,199 Speaker 2: I really just need to get my shit together, is 533 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,480 Speaker 2: that just the first piece of advice that you offer them, 534 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:49,399 Speaker 2: baby step thought? 535 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:51,760 Speaker 1: Well, if I'm coaching someone, I would dig into what 536 00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:53,159 Speaker 1: does that mean? What does it mean that you say 537 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:54,520 Speaker 1: you have to get your shit together? We all say 538 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,280 Speaker 1: that to ourselves. We like my brain, I'll like you know, 539 00:26:57,359 --> 00:26:59,240 Speaker 1: I don't know, try to throw a piece of paper 540 00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:00,960 Speaker 1: in the trash can, and my brain will like, you've 541 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,880 Speaker 1: got to get your shit together. That seems a little 542 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:07,479 Speaker 1: out of proportion brain, you know, So like generally, it's like, actually, 543 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:10,120 Speaker 1: probably that's not a useful thought in general, because it's 544 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:12,840 Speaker 1: anytime we have a thought about ourselves, it's like I'm 545 00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,880 Speaker 1: not doing well enough in this vague, unspecified, all consuming way, 546 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:19,600 Speaker 1: like not having my shit together, Like what does that mean? Right? 547 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:22,520 Speaker 1: Usually the person like has a job, has a relationship 548 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:24,680 Speaker 1: or friends, has an apartment, they keep clean, like most 549 00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,040 Speaker 1: of their shit is together. Right, There's just actually some 550 00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:28,440 Speaker 1: one little thing you're thinking. 551 00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:30,760 Speaker 2: About so often, And this is really important. It comes 552 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:33,960 Speaker 2: to self confidence. There's like one thing that's totally off 553 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,119 Speaker 2: that you feel like your entire world is rocked. But 554 00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:38,640 Speaker 2: when you can separate and distinguish that one thing from 555 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:40,560 Speaker 2: the fact that you have, as you mentioned, like all 556 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,840 Speaker 2: this other important stuff going on around you, like this 557 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:45,960 Speaker 2: life that you have maybe at one point or another 558 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:49,240 Speaker 2: like literally dreamed of you are living, but you also 559 00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:51,679 Speaker 2: happen to be in the middle of a breakup or 560 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,879 Speaker 2: dealing with a job thing, and that thing feels like everest, 561 00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:57,960 Speaker 2: like that isn't the only thing going on in your life. 562 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,679 Speaker 2: And it takes a big person to be able to 563 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:03,040 Speaker 2: take a step back and be like I can see 564 00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:03,720 Speaker 2: that now. 565 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:07,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, and your brain, like brains are so dramatic. My 566 00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:10,760 Speaker 1: brain is like constantly throwing itself on the fainting couch 567 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,480 Speaker 1: and having a fit. So a lot of the work 568 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:16,240 Speaker 1: that I do is just really helping women change their 569 00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:20,560 Speaker 1: relationship with their own minds, with their own thoughts. Right, 570 00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:22,760 Speaker 1: I just don't believe my brain all the time anymore, 571 00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:26,399 Speaker 1: and especially anytime my brain is like all is lost, 572 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:31,280 Speaker 1: woe as me, we are ruined, It's like that's you know, actually, 573 00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:33,600 Speaker 1: probably what happened is you skipped lunch. You know, Like 574 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:36,080 Speaker 1: any the more dramatic my brain is being the less 575 00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:39,400 Speaker 1: I usually have an actual problem. So it's like also 576 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:44,760 Speaker 1: just learning some you know, perspective on your relationship with 577 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:46,520 Speaker 1: your own experience. Like a lot of this, I mean 578 00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:49,440 Speaker 1: then a lot of this comes from awareness traditions that 579 00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:52,480 Speaker 1: you know, some people get through meditation. I really need 580 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:55,000 Speaker 1: an analytical version of it, and so to my kind 581 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:58,040 Speaker 1: of students and clients. But it's like observing your thoughts 582 00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:01,360 Speaker 1: and changing your relationship to them makes a huge difference 583 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:05,280 Speaker 1: even before you're able to actually change the thoughts. That's why, 584 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:09,120 Speaker 1: just in that moment when I heard, oh, your thoughts 585 00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:13,160 Speaker 1: cause your feelings and your thoughts aren't always true, even 586 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:17,600 Speaker 1: before I changed any specific thought, that alone changed everything 587 00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:19,760 Speaker 1: for me, because it meant that I went from from 588 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,240 Speaker 1: just anything I think must be true, which is like 589 00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:26,000 Speaker 1: our default state, right, we're just like, well, I thought it, 590 00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:27,960 Speaker 1: Why would I think it if it wasn't true? Seems 591 00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:31,280 Speaker 1: true must be true? Like going from that unconscious belief 592 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:34,080 Speaker 1: to consciously being like, oh, the fact that a sentence 593 00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:36,120 Speaker 1: went through my mind actually kind of means nothing about 594 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,120 Speaker 1: whether it's true or useful or I should keep thinking 595 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:41,120 Speaker 1: it or whatever. Even just that like metas shift in 596 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:44,240 Speaker 1: my relationship to my own thinking made a huge difference 597 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:46,440 Speaker 1: before I ever successfully changed a single thought. 598 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:50,240 Speaker 2: I'm curious, are you a believer of either positive affirmations 599 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:51,400 Speaker 2: or a mantras situation? 600 00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:55,320 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't thingse are all just different terms 601 00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,400 Speaker 1: for like thinking on purpose. I don't tend to call 602 00:29:57,440 --> 00:30:01,040 Speaker 1: them positive affirmations because usually in my I experience, when 603 00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:03,840 Speaker 1: people somebody teaches you a positive affirmation, it is often 604 00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:05,760 Speaker 1: an example of like a thought that's too hard to 605 00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:08,840 Speaker 1: believe for you, that's kind of that's why I don't 606 00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:12,680 Speaker 1: teach it that way, because that's like a positive affirmation 607 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,800 Speaker 1: is like I am beautiful and amazing, and like when 608 00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:17,480 Speaker 1: you think you're disgusting and terrible, that's just too far. 609 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:19,800 Speaker 1: And a part of what goes on is we judge 610 00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:21,920 Speaker 1: ourselves and shame ourselves so much that we don't even 611 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:23,800 Speaker 1: want to be honest with ourselves about what our true 612 00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:28,080 Speaker 1: thoughts are. Right. So, like most women will say that 613 00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:30,240 Speaker 1: they basically like themselves, but then when you actually get 614 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:32,840 Speaker 1: them to download their thoughts onto paper without editing them, 615 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,680 Speaker 1: it's a shit show in there. And people are thinking 616 00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,400 Speaker 1: things that are incredibly meaning cruel to themselves that they 617 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,160 Speaker 1: would never say to anyone else, and they don't even 618 00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:43,920 Speaker 1: want to admit to because they think that that means 619 00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:47,120 Speaker 1: then something bad about them, or that they really those 620 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:49,080 Speaker 1: thoughts are true or there's something wrong with them, when 621 00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:50,680 Speaker 1: I'm just like, no, you just have a human brain. 622 00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:54,680 Speaker 1: That's like evolutionary biology kind of fucked you. Now. The 623 00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:58,560 Speaker 1: patriarchy has fucked you also, and white supremacy and everything else. 624 00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:02,720 Speaker 1: So you know this is normal, and we just need 625 00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:05,080 Speaker 1: to be willing to be aware of what we're truly 626 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:08,000 Speaker 1: thinking about ourselves without judging it, and then we can 627 00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,840 Speaker 1: focus on these baby step thoughts when you don't want 628 00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:12,920 Speaker 1: to be truthful with yourself about what you really think 629 00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:15,280 Speaker 1: about yourself, or you just don't even know, and then 630 00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:17,800 Speaker 1: you try to layer on this super positive affirmation that 631 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:20,360 Speaker 1: you don't believe. I don't believe you. You don't get 632 00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:22,720 Speaker 1: any change, You don't get any emotional payoff to create 633 00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:25,080 Speaker 1: a reward loop to keep doing it. I don't think 634 00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:29,000 Speaker 1: that you get any really neural rewiring happening, because neurons 635 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:32,120 Speaker 1: that fire together wired together. It takes repetition to change 636 00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:34,600 Speaker 1: a thought pattern, and you won't get repetition if you 637 00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:37,160 Speaker 1: don't have any emotional payoff. And when you think something 638 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:39,040 Speaker 1: you one hundred percent don't believe, you don't get any 639 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:41,280 Speaker 1: emotional payoff. I do think part of what happens is 640 00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:43,600 Speaker 1: once you are you know, learning to believe something you 641 00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:46,760 Speaker 1: don't believe on some level is a skill. So when 642 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:49,760 Speaker 1: you start, you really can't do it yet. And that's 643 00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:51,800 Speaker 1: why you really need to only pick thoughts that are 644 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:54,920 Speaker 1: like very baby step that you can believe. As you 645 00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:58,320 Speaker 1: get better at believing things you haven't believed before, to 646 00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:00,720 Speaker 1: some extent, you're able to make bigger I still don't 647 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:02,480 Speaker 1: think you can just pick anything and believe it one 648 00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,120 Speaker 1: hundred percent immediately, but you can make bigger jumps. So 649 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:07,120 Speaker 1: I would say the most charitable explanation is that the 650 00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:09,480 Speaker 1: people who are teaching that kind of thing like don't 651 00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:11,440 Speaker 1: remember what it was like at the beginning, or they 652 00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:13,160 Speaker 1: just didn't have as crazy a brain as I did. 653 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:14,680 Speaker 1: I don't know, like it worked. 654 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:17,680 Speaker 2: I feel that I think I think for me and 655 00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:20,400 Speaker 2: my experience, like it really is going back to this 656 00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:23,200 Speaker 2: idea of like the rewiring doesn't happen immediately, and sometimes 657 00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:27,320 Speaker 2: it's like that power of repetition. Obviously not like today 658 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:30,080 Speaker 2: I'm going to keep like using this Everest example, but 659 00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:32,520 Speaker 2: today I'm gonna climb Mount Everest. Like no, that's not 660 00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:34,720 Speaker 2: a reasonable like positive affirmation and to like put on 661 00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:36,280 Speaker 2: my front door to see before I walk out in 662 00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:38,640 Speaker 2: the morning. But if it's like today is going to 663 00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:40,600 Speaker 2: be a good day, then like maybe today's going to 664 00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:43,080 Speaker 2: be a good day, especially if you like really believe 665 00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:45,120 Speaker 2: to yourself, like I think, you start to believe it 666 00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:46,880 Speaker 2: at least that's how I like to think about it. 667 00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:49,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think part of this comes down to, like, 668 00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:53,040 Speaker 1: some people are capable or willing or whatever to practice 669 00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:55,240 Speaker 1: thoughts they don't believe for a very long time until 670 00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:56,880 Speaker 1: they finally start to believe them. I guess what I'm 671 00:32:56,920 --> 00:32:58,960 Speaker 1: saying is like for people for whom affirmations like some 672 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:01,040 Speaker 1: people are like, well, I didn't believe I love myself 673 00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,160 Speaker 1: at all, and then I just repeated it for six 674 00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:05,640 Speaker 1: hundred days and then I did. It's like, and that's fine. 675 00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:08,040 Speaker 1: I'm sure that works for some people. But my concern 676 00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:09,920 Speaker 1: is all the people who give up along the way. 677 00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:14,040 Speaker 1: Right that baby step, neutral step thought process, which I did, 678 00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:16,840 Speaker 1: I needed to see some like results a little bit faster, 679 00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,880 Speaker 1: like I wasn't, you know, I just wasn't committed enough, 680 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:21,960 Speaker 1: Like I just wasn't gonna be able to get up 681 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,600 Speaker 1: the three hundred and sixty second day say it again, 682 00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:27,560 Speaker 1: still not believing it. And mantras, I think, you know, 683 00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:29,520 Speaker 1: one of the reasons mantras are powerful is from that 684 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:33,320 Speaker 1: repetition neural rewiring. So you know, I think I obviously 685 00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:34,920 Speaker 1: I don't have a problem with them, and I think 686 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:37,320 Speaker 1: I don't think there's not much difference between a mantra 687 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:39,360 Speaker 1: and picking a thought you want to believe in practicing 688 00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:39,800 Speaker 1: it a lot. 689 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:44,720 Speaker 2: I feel that, okay, So aside from last question, the 690 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:48,800 Speaker 2: external circumstances don't create our feelings. Our thoughts create our feelings. 691 00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:52,280 Speaker 2: If you had to identify, like one other earth shattering, 692 00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:55,560 Speaker 2: foundation shattering kind of tidbit that you have picked up 693 00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,200 Speaker 2: over the last couple of years of this work, hit 694 00:33:58,240 --> 00:33:58,680 Speaker 2: me with it. 695 00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:01,480 Speaker 1: I think. The thing that I love to remember that 696 00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:04,280 Speaker 1: blows my mind is that you are one hundred percent 697 00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:07,160 Speaker 1: wrong about how much you can change, and the you 698 00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:09,759 Speaker 1: you are now can't even imagine what's possible for you. 699 00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,840 Speaker 1: But I mean that quite literally, like the you that 700 00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:16,480 Speaker 1: has the set of thoughts that you have now is 701 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:20,279 Speaker 1: incapable of truly imagining where you can end up. It's 702 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,239 Speaker 1: like you have to go through it in phases. But 703 00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:25,960 Speaker 1: like the me that started this work could never have 704 00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:29,840 Speaker 1: imagined who I would be now, And so the idea 705 00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:32,279 Speaker 1: that I have no idea what my own potential is 706 00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:35,040 Speaker 1: I find kind of always mind blowing. 707 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:36,680 Speaker 3: I love that. 708 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,120 Speaker 2: I love that. Thank you so much for like literally 709 00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:42,000 Speaker 2: blowing my mind over the last thirty minutes I'm like, 710 00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:45,200 Speaker 2: holy shit, I need to like wind down after this 711 00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:47,120 Speaker 2: and like maybe have a glass of wine. 712 00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:47,759 Speaker 1: I don't even know. 713 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:50,840 Speaker 2: It's definitely not a happy hour yet, Kara, how do 714 00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:53,400 Speaker 2: they keep up with you? Give me all the details. 715 00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:57,480 Speaker 1: Yes, you can find my podcast unfuck your Brain wherever 716 00:34:57,560 --> 00:35:01,000 Speaker 1: you find your podcast or at on fuckrbrain dot and 717 00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:04,120 Speaker 1: you can come join the Clutch, which is my feminist 718 00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:07,440 Speaker 1: coaching community where we take these general concepts. We really, 719 00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:09,600 Speaker 1: as you can tell from the way I teach, we 720 00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:11,759 Speaker 1: drill them down. I teach you a whole process for 721 00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:14,640 Speaker 1: identifying what you're thinking, deciding if you want to keep it, 722 00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:19,000 Speaker 1: changing your thoughts one by one, piece by piece live coaching. 723 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:22,040 Speaker 1: I do a private podcast. You can get written support 724 00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:24,080 Speaker 1: at any time. We have an amazing Facebook group. It's 725 00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:26,160 Speaker 1: just I like created the place that I wanted to 726 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:29,160 Speaker 1: hang out and now there's tons of other amazing women 727 00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:29,960 Speaker 1: hang out there with me. 728 00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,759 Speaker 2: I love it. It sounds awesome and I can't wait 729 00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,280 Speaker 2: to check it out myself. I am over at Emily 730 00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:39,879 Speaker 2: Abadi at Hurdle Podcast Another Hurdle Conquered. Catch you guys 731 00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:40,319 Speaker 2: next time.