Speaker 1: The Nicky Liser Podcast. Here's Nicky. Hello, here I am
Speaker 1: It's podcast. Welcome to the show. It's Monday, Tuesday. It
Speaker 1: feels like Monday because send the tape yesterday's episode on Friday.
Speaker 1: But thankfully nothing huge happened over the weekend that we,
Speaker 1: you know, failed to comment on yesterday because it was
Speaker 1: a pre tape. I'm always grateful for that. I'm thinking,
Speaker 1: was there any like crazy news happened over the weekend
Speaker 1: that we could person No. I mean, like, you know,
Speaker 1: people are like, you haven't commented on. Well, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of what happened in your life over the weekend.
Speaker 1: Now I want to know you go personal life. Andrew's
Speaker 1: a changed man. I got engaged. You didn't know. I
Speaker 1: don't do that anything. She said, no, she said that
Speaker 1: I almost got engaged. I got down on a knee
Speaker 1: and I couldn't get up, and she's like, I need someone.
Speaker 1: You saw a really cute um I guess thing on
Speaker 1: Reddit that's not a part of Reddit dump today, but
Speaker 1: a guy was um planning like getting engaged for a
Speaker 1: whole year, and so every time they took a picture,
Speaker 1: he would bend down a little bit more. And so
Speaker 1: the girl just didn't even notice anything because you know,
Speaker 1: every you know, six weeks and over, they'd be at
Speaker 1: dinner or something, are out and look nice. He would
Speaker 1: just take a picture where he's kind of falling over
Speaker 1: slowly and then eventually he like falls on the ground.
Speaker 1: Then he does a flip, and then he gets up
Speaker 1: and he's like on his knee, and then that's the
Speaker 1: final picture. And it was just like this long game
Speaker 1: you saw of him, which is cute because I like
Speaker 1: when someone has a long like when someone's not just
Speaker 1: they've wanted to marry you for a whole year. It
Speaker 1: wasn't like they just did it, like because they talked
Speaker 1: about it with their friends for a week. And we're
Speaker 1: like the effort. You like, A like a lot of effort.
Speaker 1: It's like the opposite of guy. But I also love Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're right. I like the idea of him, Like like
Speaker 1: they get in a fight, he starts standing back, you
Speaker 1: can always get out of it, and she can just
Speaker 1: show the pig to people and be like, good, I'm
Speaker 1: glad he loved you. He looked like he was having
Speaker 1: some kind of back scoliosis issues. Um no, you know
Speaker 1: what I like. I like a plan I like a surprise.
Speaker 1: I just like two different things, like planned surprise, but
Speaker 1: I also love a spur of the moment, like I
Speaker 1: always am very into those. Like we got engaged. It
Speaker 1: was just us alone in my bathroom and he just
Speaker 1: like new in that moment. I like that too, So
Speaker 1: I'm all over the place. But um, what would be
Speaker 1: your ideal engagement? Perfect engagement question? One that was not
Speaker 1: for anyone but us, Like it was an inside joke
Speaker 1: for us. So maybe it was a big surprise that
Speaker 1: leads to this big thing, but it's like something that
Speaker 1: isn't like if it ended up being like a viral
Speaker 1: video or like a story we told the rest of
Speaker 1: our lives, it would kind of not be my favorite
Speaker 1: because it feels like it was for other people that tattoos,
Speaker 1: Like I don't want a tattoo that it means something
Speaker 1: to everyone. What would that entail though, Like everyone can see,
Speaker 1: like like a twelve piece band comes out, your whole
Speaker 1: family's there, somehow he invited of your fans to come,
Speaker 1: or I would be furious. I would be furious. It
Speaker 1: could be one of those things where he's like, you're
Speaker 1: not really gonna be mad, you know, like when someone's like, oh,
Speaker 1: that means he wants that Sea World or whatever. I mean,
Speaker 1: I hate Sea World. But like there was like this,
Speaker 1: um what's it called when they have like ravens, like like, ah, god,
Speaker 1: the guys that have um, the eagles like that they
Speaker 1: do those shows. Falcon Er, thank you. I love that word.
Speaker 1: So they had falconer and this girl, you know, the
Speaker 1: falcon falcon, the falcon rest. The falcon rest was like,
Speaker 1: you know, does anyone in the crowd have five dollars?
Speaker 1: Henry here loves money, and so this girl instantly waves
Speaker 1: a five dollar note because I think it was an
Speaker 1: all Ustralia and she wives five pasa and she's waving
Speaker 1: in the AA and um. The falcon just goes straight
Speaker 1: to her and then comes back and gets and he
Speaker 1: she goes, okay, well, thank you for the he loves
Speaker 1: that five dollars, Thank you so much. He's gonna stand
Speaker 1: back your receipt. And so then the falcon sends back
Speaker 1: a receipt and the boyfriend's right next to the girl,
Speaker 1: and the girl like she's like make sure he got
Speaker 1: it right. It's five dollars. And then the receipt said
Speaker 1: will you marry me? And then she just goes and
Speaker 1: then she looks next to her in the guys on
Speaker 1: his knee. I thought that was that is nice to
Speaker 1: bring the bird into it. Yeah, you know, I mean,
Speaker 1: you're not gonna say no to that, Like the falcon
Speaker 1: is going to be upset. You're in front of the crowd,
Speaker 1: you know, the fucking I mean later, that's the thing.
Speaker 1: You can always break off. But that's what kind of
Speaker 1: annoys me when I have friends that get engaged and
Speaker 1: they're like, I don't know about it. I'm like, you
Speaker 1: can still get out. It doesn't mean anything. This means
Speaker 1: literally there's no contract. I guess the ring is the
Speaker 1: contract then at that, but keep the ring or give
Speaker 1: it back or who or like buy yourself a ring.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's just I think so many people
Speaker 1: think that they can't get out of things you want
Speaker 1: to love. Some point, I never understood the looking at
Speaker 1: the ring with the guy. I was just like, no,
Speaker 1: what you can get out of it? You know, like
Speaker 1: you're not you can leave your partner at your law firm.
Speaker 1: I mean, what are we talking about? Um? What when
Speaker 1: you look for the ring with the guys, like, you know,
Speaker 1: I just feel like that takes kind of the surprise
Speaker 1: out of it. Then it's like, okay, now we're just
Speaker 1: kind of well, this is a piece of jewelry you
Speaker 1: have to wear the rest of your fucking life. You
Speaker 1: on for your whole life. You didn't season finale. You
Speaker 1: should have picked it out with them. I know it's beautiful.
Speaker 1: It's still on, decrepit and like getting bent in certain areas.
Speaker 1: It's yeah, it's still on, but um, and people keep
Speaker 1: sending me ring things. Even my mom is sending me
Speaker 1: things because her friends are listening to the podcast, and
Speaker 1: she goes, you know, Nancy wanted me sending you this.
Speaker 1: I don't even know what it means. But like everyone
Speaker 1: saiding me rings up, I don't even want it off.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to try anything else unless that thing
Speaker 1: that you send me to get it off is right
Speaker 1: in front of me. I'm not doing it. I don't
Speaker 1: feel like going out and buying a kid. And it's
Speaker 1: not because I'm lazy. It's because I'm very lazy. Gets
Speaker 1: down to take that ring off. It is on my
Speaker 1: right hand. I think it's so stupid that you're not
Speaker 1: allowed to wear rings on your ring finger, which I
Speaker 1: do have on right now, um because it but it
Speaker 1: does tell people like you could be married. I mean,
Speaker 1: you are not smart enough to know that these rings
Speaker 1: are not a wedding band, right, You would think I
Speaker 1: was married if we didn't know what you got married
Speaker 1: five times? Yeah, exactly so. And I don't mean smart
Speaker 1: about I just mean like savvy, but like I wouldn't
Speaker 1: know this either. I don't know. Whenever a girl shows
Speaker 1: me a ring, I have never once been like whoo
Speaker 1: or like I It is the same reaction every time
Speaker 1: because they're either so big that you were forced to
Speaker 1: go whoa. But inside I'm like it's a little big,
Speaker 1: Like that's kind of like it's probably actually not that yeah,
Speaker 1: so big? You know, what do you think about a
Speaker 1: promise ring? Do you ever wear a promise ring? Like I,
Speaker 1: I'll promise, I'll oh. I like that. I like anything
Speaker 1: that's like I like it because that's the stage I'm
Speaker 1: at where I'm like, okay, I can maybe agree to
Speaker 1: get engaged someday. It's so funny that everyone thinks if
Speaker 1: you're a girl my age who isn't engaged in a relationship,
Speaker 1: that you just must be waiting and so frustrated and
Speaker 1: poor you when's he gonna do it? Can we all
Speaker 1: just dispel that? What am I going to wear? When
Speaker 1: is the next shoes? Say a photo with these shoes?
Speaker 1: You know that photo? Oh? Yeah, where you bend your wrist,
Speaker 1: your wrist to stick up. They look like h and
Speaker 1: cocaine and spring break two? Football one? You were were
Speaker 1: you in knowledge then? Yeah? And thousand one? Yeah? You
Speaker 1: graduated in two thousand right two? I graduated from college.
Speaker 1: From college. That's when I graduated from but oh too.
Speaker 1: It was an easy one to go, right. I guess
Speaker 1: you don't believe celebrate the year you graduate college because
Speaker 1: it's kind of like, well, I kind of graduated. I
Speaker 1: didn't know. I walked. I didn't have a diploma, do
Speaker 1: you know. I didn't know until they sent I hadn't
Speaker 1: re send it, so I walked. I still had four
Speaker 1: or five credits left. So my parents came. I had
Speaker 1: no diploma in there. I walked there. I oh, they
Speaker 1: gave you something. They gave me the binder. There was
Speaker 1: nothing in the bud would even let you do that.
Speaker 1: I have no idea. Get you to buy the cap
Speaker 1: and gown and make probably sweet sweet cash. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: diploma I wanted to walk. I guess to impress my parents,
Speaker 1: but I was lying. It was it was all of
Speaker 1: a farce. And then even your degree is a lie
Speaker 1: because you cheated so much. So even if you have
Speaker 1: the real degree, it doesn't really I shouldn't. Yeah I should, Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's no I never went to I should go, but
Speaker 1: I'd fail out. I couldn't get in today was on
Speaker 1: the way to That's so funny. You couldn't get if
Speaker 1: I had to take the A D s now, I
Speaker 1: could not get into the now. You probably have a
Speaker 1: high i Q. MYC is good. My i Q was tested.
Speaker 1: What was your i Q? We never had my i
Speaker 1: Q tested. That means it's low. Really believe that. Well,
Speaker 1: if no one ever forced it on you. No one
Speaker 1: was like, let's see what she is. You thought you
Speaker 1: were a genius or into that were doctor narcissists that
Speaker 1: wanted my children to follow One was yeah, both were right.
Speaker 1: I a doctor to get into this school. In public school,
Speaker 1: there was a gifted program, and what I was told
Speaker 1: is you needed one thirty or higher for gifted. And
Speaker 1: my older brother achieved this. So they used to iQue
Speaker 1: was like a very antiquated way to show intelligence. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't think it, but I think that's a number.
Speaker 1: That's like getting a twenty nine on a c T,
Speaker 1: which is what I got three times in a row.
Speaker 1: That's good though, Yeah, but I wanted that thirty because
Speaker 1: if you get a thirty, you get to go to
Speaker 1: school in Missouri for for read. Here's the thing. I
Speaker 1: think you're twenty nine was really I think my one
Speaker 1: was told to me about my mother for me to
Speaker 1: feel like I got I'm really six four yea and
Speaker 1: a million and had big hands and all my teeth.
Speaker 1: I'll say I went to the baseball game this weekend
Speaker 1: and one of the players went said, and I was
Speaker 1: right at home plate, like right behind home plate, uh
Speaker 1: second row green seats, which are these special seats at
Speaker 1: Bush Stadium where you go beforehand and there is a
Speaker 1: gigantic buffet, gigantic like you're at a casino, like a
Speaker 1: nice one. He is so good. They had broccolini. That's
Speaker 1: all I needed. I love it so much. Did you
Speaker 1: know broccolini is? Because I looked like, what is the
Speaker 1: difference between broccoli and broccolini? Do you want to know?
Speaker 1: Delia your mind? It kind of does. One is like
Speaker 1: one is for models, teeth and the others. For fact,
Speaker 1: broccoli asparagus, it is that. Yes, it is a cross
Speaker 1: breed between asparagus and broccoli. You're going to say, like asparagus,
Speaker 1: was that the yes, I had no idea. Yeah, look,
Speaker 1: I mean looking up. I think I'm right. I looked
Speaker 1: it up a really long time ago, and that feels
Speaker 1: like it's right to me. But the thing is, it
Speaker 1: doesn't taste like asparagus. It's so it's so good. I
Speaker 1: loved it so much. And for some reason, Broccleni always
Speaker 1: has those little like red garnishes all over it. There's
Speaker 1: always like little maybe at their lapenos, they always have
Speaker 1: a garnish that's red. People love to spring. Don't say
Speaker 1: pet or like that. Every Yeah, that's how I say.
Speaker 1: He so correction, Nicki. According to the Chicago Tribune, broccoli
Speaker 1: ne fake news, liberal agenda. Okay, what else? Kanye anti somatic?
Speaker 1: So uh, it's a hybrid of broccoli and Chinese kale.
Speaker 1: It's not related to asparagus, damn it. Okay, I thought
Speaker 1: it was asparagus. Exciting for a second that you almost
Speaker 1: got it was dumb for that. I don't know, well,
Speaker 1: I couldn't retain that information, and I really looked it up,
Speaker 1: like a couple of months ago. It was an interesting
Speaker 1: vegetable that it was fucked with. Man, I really hope
Speaker 1: there was a bestie out there being like, that's not
Speaker 1: really screaming, they're listening. It was we do, but it's
Speaker 1: you know, it's hard to look up things and do
Speaker 1: a show. And I that's the same thing that happened
Speaker 1: on Wheel of Fortune. I want everyone to know if
Speaker 1: you watch me on Wheel of forgun and I did,
Speaker 1: I have to say I did really good, better than
Speaker 1: you would have done. But if you are out there,
Speaker 1: not you like anyone better than I thought I would
Speaker 1: have done. I was shocked. Yeah, I won um the
Speaker 1: first game, and I would have won the second game,
Speaker 1: but I I'm not saying I would have, but it
Speaker 1: was a good chance I would have. But I messed
Speaker 1: up this one thing. It was the clue was it
Speaker 1: was like, where is the metaverse? And how do we
Speaker 1: how do I get there? And I said how do
Speaker 1: we get there? And I was just because usually that's
Speaker 1: saying is like, and how do we get there? It's
Speaker 1: not how do I get there? So I just said
Speaker 1: and wrong. The whole thing I said we instead of I,
Speaker 1: but it was on the board. But the board said I, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying and said, oh my god, yes yeah,
Speaker 1: but I was just because I knew the first so easily. Well,
Speaker 1: I just knew the phrase, like it's like I'm in
Speaker 1: the and how to Like I just thought it was we,
Speaker 1: you know, I just said it, but I knew I
Speaker 1: know the difference between well, it's the same as Jeopardy
Speaker 1: and you don't go, what is the Aleutian Islands? You know?
Speaker 1: But are um? And so it went to Tig and
Speaker 1: Tig was so confused because she thought I said the
Speaker 1: right thing. So she's like, where is the metaverse? And
Speaker 1: how do I get there? And they're like correct, and
Speaker 1: she's like, what did I do differently? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: I said we, But I will say that it is
Speaker 1: so hard. I wouldn't have thought this. It's so hard
Speaker 1: to try to guess the puzzle, while it's so easy
Speaker 1: when you play at home because you don't have to
Speaker 1: worry about the puzzle, you don't have to worry about
Speaker 1: talking to Pat, you don't have to worry about the
Speaker 1: time limit, you don't have to like or spinning the
Speaker 1: spinning the wheel is a huge effort. You have looked
Speaker 1: at very heavy. You do not It does not go
Speaker 1: around one whole spin unless you are like gonna, you know,
Speaker 1: twirl it off its access I wonder then you can't. No,
Speaker 1: there's no, Like it doesn't seem I mean maybe, but
Speaker 1: if there's no, there's probably one guy has one in
Speaker 1: his garage. He's like one day this perfectly well, it
Speaker 1: just it's that was the annoying part was like you
Speaker 1: never had any time to actually work on the clue.
Speaker 1: When you're at home, you just stare at the clue
Speaker 1: and you don't have to go Pat, I think I'll
Speaker 1: buy a date, like you just are watching and I
Speaker 1: just realized so many people are probably at home being
Speaker 1: like why would she not come? And it really is
Speaker 1: because you just and and there's no like actual time
Speaker 1: limit to guess. But you you know, I hate dead
Speaker 1: air and so if you're just going, can I buy it? Uh?
Speaker 1: What do you have a D? And then there's Vana
Speaker 1: goes d D and there's three and then two seconds
Speaker 1: of me going and I'm like I'll just spin and
Speaker 1: then I get a bankrupt you know whatever. It is like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't want to have any dead air on this show.
Speaker 1: That's like nice enough to have me on as a celebrity,
Speaker 1: and I want to prove that, like I'm not a
Speaker 1: waste of space. So it just felt like a lot
Speaker 1: of similar to who be in air flow? Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: if you screamed, I wonder if they would they barely
Speaker 1: even no one even cared that. Literally, take solved it
Speaker 1: and no one goes, why did you say we? It's
Speaker 1: such a common thing that happens on that show. It's
Speaker 1: you know, not even remarkable. But what is the puzzle
Speaker 1: really far? Okay, great question it is. I've been wondering
Speaker 1: this my whole life. I am someone who just thought
Speaker 1: that broccoli and asparagus made broccolini. So take this for
Speaker 1: what it is, and we got I got a twenty
Speaker 1: nine on the A C G. But um, I believe
Speaker 1: what if we're talking feet? Because I don't know football
Speaker 1: like football fields, I don't spend enough time on them.
Speaker 1: I don't like to give that as an example. I'll
Speaker 1: do it like a swimming pool, a fifty meter swimming pool. Okay, wait,
Speaker 1: though that's twenty in the swimming pool because the fifty
Speaker 1: would be two laps okay, So I would say it's
Speaker 1: I would say it's away at least it's a it's
Speaker 1: a far. It's a far, like you're like Vana, if
Speaker 1: you're looking at her, she's a little tiny army man
Speaker 1: like you could like pinch her with your fingers if
Speaker 1: you put it in front of your face, Like that's
Speaker 1: how tiny she is away from you. What, yeah's is
Speaker 1: so big. I could not throw a ball to Vannah.
Speaker 1: I know that that's how Why so far away? I
Speaker 1: don't know. It's very cold in there too, like studio.
Speaker 1: That's another thing about TV that six day or like
Speaker 1: something crazy, don't think. Yeah, I think that was the thing.
Speaker 1: I used to actually feel like I couldn't watch Wheel
Speaker 1: Fortunate because I heard somewhere that Pat say Jack like
Speaker 1: was kind of like bored with his job. He's been
Speaker 1: doing it for longer than I've been alive, I think,
Speaker 1: you know, and they do it so many times a day.
Speaker 1: So I used to feel like I can't enjoy the
Speaker 1: show anymore because I know Pat doesn't like it. But
Speaker 1: then I got there and Pat was having a great time.
Speaker 1: Pat likes this job. Pat's good at it. Um Yeah,
Speaker 1: But I, uh, what else was I was saying, Oh,
Speaker 1: I got to do my makeup in the Jeopardy room,
Speaker 1: which was right next door the Celebrity Jeopardy Room, which
Speaker 1: I'm a little bit there was a part of me
Speaker 1: that once I saw that Celebrity Jeper and Celebrity Wheel
Speaker 1: of Fortune were paired as a prime time block of shows, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, they put me on the dumb celebt
Speaker 1: one where we just spind the wheel and we'll fill
Speaker 1: in the letters. Celebrity Checkers as opposed to check You
Speaker 1: got the Checkers of games. Yeah, so I don't know
Speaker 1: I've got And then they saw you say we and
Speaker 1: they're like, you know what, we made the right choice.
Speaker 1: You would do great dumb stuff on jepardy. Yeah. That's
Speaker 1: my next goal is to go on slub jup. You
Speaker 1: would be great at slub jep sounds racist. Okay, let's
Speaker 1: go to break. We'll be right back after this. It
Speaker 1: O all right, Welcome back to the show. Um Andrew
Speaker 1: got engaged this weekend? Um No, did you have any
Speaker 1: big news happened to this weekend? No? But we both
Speaker 1: did that fun show on Saturday, Tom Sigura, um Andrew
Speaker 1: did the early show at the Fox. I did the
Speaker 1: late one. It was so on to perform in front
Speaker 1: of that many people. I mean it was like, I
Speaker 1: don't know about you, but like my like we've you've
Speaker 1: done very big rooms, like I'm not trying to keep that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that felt very fast because I feel like
Speaker 1: the balcony was very far away from the stage. It
Speaker 1: just like when they say the laughter comes in waves
Speaker 1: or whatever. It did feel like a ha ha ha,
Speaker 1: like you almost had the time in a little bit.
Speaker 1: There was a conductory the other word, an orchestrator, and
Speaker 1: a conductor the guy that goes like the conductor. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a train guy. I don't know. I think I
Speaker 1: messed with your mind. Thank you. Um yeah, it felt
Speaker 1: like just such a people in that place. So um.
Speaker 1: It just feels so um that that little extra hundreds,
Speaker 1: like because I'm doing like hundred caters too. I mean
Speaker 1: the most I've done is like on my own, that
Speaker 1: extra thousand in thousand and a half two thousand. It's
Speaker 1: like it's I never am someone who's like, whoa, this
Speaker 1: is awesome. But the first thing I said when I
Speaker 1: got I know, I got like one laugh and I
Speaker 1: was just turned to the side and I was like, Tom,
Speaker 1: I cannot wait to be this famous, Like it feels
Speaker 1: so good. I was like, please, we mislike me and
Speaker 1: they're queen of my shows. That's all I'm gonna be.
Speaker 1: I want to be Cedar to Show Night famous, which
Speaker 1: is a lot to ask. I have to say, those
Speaker 1: are That's a huge feat for any comedian to be
Speaker 1: able to sell that many tickets. Like Tom is killing
Speaker 1: it in ways that you know probably comics out there
Speaker 1: killing it. I filmed him going out and he got
Speaker 1: a complete standing note to just go out. And it's
Speaker 1: just like my parents were like, he is very famous,
Speaker 1: he's very popular. He didn't know your dad was so funny.
Speaker 1: You didn't get to see them because they came to
Speaker 1: the here and they missed the set because I told
Speaker 1: him it was at seven thirty and it was at seven,
Speaker 1: so I didn't know. Oh, your mom is so funny.
Speaker 1: Your mom is She's the funniest person alive. She was
Speaker 1: making us laugh so hard on Friday night too. What
Speaker 1: did she stay inside? There were so many things, but
Speaker 1: the one I do remember is they go you live
Speaker 1: in someone like it was a great set. After him
Speaker 1: to show, I was like, you live in St. Louis,
Speaker 1: Why did you come to St. Louis? And your mom
Speaker 1: dis goes, he came to walk my daughters, because here's
Speaker 1: what happened to parents. My parents saw the story too,
Speaker 1: because you do this thing where you don't like to
Speaker 1: admit you came here to work for me. So I've
Speaker 1: heard many people talking about on podcast where they've heard you,
Speaker 1: and they go, Andrew will like Dodge, He'll be like,
Speaker 1: I have a podcast on I Heart. You don't like
Speaker 1: to say my name? What are you about? Care? I
Speaker 1: get it, that's not true though the story a million
Speaker 1: times she said that. You go, someone goes, why did
Speaker 1: you end up in St. Louis And you go, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, I just um New York getting and then
Speaker 1: she just goes, you came here and walk my daughters,
Speaker 1: which is a true might daughter's dog. So I know,
Speaker 1: but I just I kind of want. I feel like
Speaker 1: that was like an attack, like I don't do I do.
Speaker 1: I've told our story thirty d times. I believe you.
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm not saying I don't understand. Every time
Speaker 1: I get asked to do any interview, they say your
Speaker 1: name thirty five times before they even mentioned my name.
Speaker 1: Everything you've been in my name. I understand. I'm not
Speaker 1: mad at just the same thing with Amy Schumer would
Speaker 1: be like she's from train Wreck, she's from inside Amy Schumer,
Speaker 1: and I have to use. Everyone would think Amy Shumer
Speaker 1: was about to walk on stage because all of my
Speaker 1: credits involved someone's name that was in the show. So
Speaker 1: I listen, I get it, and she just goes dog
Speaker 1: Walker and which isn't true, but it was funny. I
Speaker 1: just thought it was. It was a funny thing because
Speaker 1: it's like, all right, thanks, all right, thanks, uh and
Speaker 1: then uh, and then your dad found out Tom was
Speaker 1: born in Cincinnati. Just kept going, he just kept going on.
Speaker 1: Now he's from Cincinnati. Came were talking about Cincinnati. Ohati
Speaker 1: Tom was born in Cincinnati. Well yeah, And so your
Speaker 1: dad finally went up to him, like after mentioned Cincinnati
Speaker 1: time he goes, you're born in Cincinnati, like he's been
Speaker 1: waiting like this whole time, and Tom goes, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: born in like Fairfield or some someplace by. Yes, and
Speaker 1: your dad right away on Cincinnati, like like the whole
Speaker 1: build up with Cincinnati. My dad is so bad about
Speaker 1: that stuff. It really bothers me. And the thing is
Speaker 1: he'll he won't. I don't even want to get into
Speaker 1: it because it's so everything is about Cincinnati with my dad.
Speaker 1: If someone he could have been like saying that if
Speaker 1: he found out Tom eight in Cincinnati, if he found
Speaker 1: out like Tom has been to Cincinnati before, he would
Speaker 1: still be like it's been My parents annoyed me so
Speaker 1: much this weekend. They're into the Bengals now and they've
Speaker 1: never been into football. I was going to say, I
Speaker 1: was like, this is probably why you're annoyed by team pride. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because these people aren't from Cincinnati. I think every city
Speaker 1: should have to have your players from the team from
Speaker 1: the city, and then you can have some sort of
Speaker 1: pride your your city bought these people. I mean, this
Speaker 1: isn't like a new thought to anyone that I'm having
Speaker 1: right now. It just it just shows me that I
Speaker 1: think it's just I get jealous, I guess of people
Speaker 1: being so excited about something that to me is so empty.
Speaker 1: But I mean I have the same kind of thing,
Speaker 1: but my parents are just suddenly like, oh god, oh
Speaker 1: he sucks, And I'm like, you are making the dog stress,
Speaker 1: You're making me stress all because of this team that
Speaker 1: you don't even live in the city. You didn't like
Speaker 1: them two years ago, you only like them now because
Speaker 1: network television is playing them and so you can watch it.
Speaker 1: But if they were cheering on and being happy, I
Speaker 1: go they some guy you know, didn't throw the ball
Speaker 1: the right way that my dad would have. And my
Speaker 1: Dad's like, they can't throw, he can't throw. And I
Speaker 1: was like, if the other team made that mistake, you'd
Speaker 1: be cheering right now, So what does this even matter?
Speaker 1: Who gives? He goes? But the other team didn't make
Speaker 1: the mistake, So I'm mad, and I'm like, but you
Speaker 1: act like it's just so stupid. And I've never seen
Speaker 1: my family. It almost like watching my family slip into dementia.
Speaker 1: I got like that much sadness from watching my family
Speaker 1: become these football fanatics that scream at the TV in
Speaker 1: a way that the dogs start hiding under tables. Why
Speaker 1: no one can hear you. No one can hear you.
Speaker 1: And my dad can't throw a football for the fucking
Speaker 1: life of him, So what do you yell? Many football
Speaker 1: fans cannot throw a football. The bigger to fan usually
Speaker 1: yelling really triggers me. It sounds like an angry, drunk dad,
Speaker 1: And I don't have one of those, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: suddenly I just got one because the Bengals got Joe
Speaker 1: Burrows or whatever, like it just annoys me. The same
Speaker 1: thing with the Panthers. Oh how could my heart rate go?
Speaker 1: Thinkin there's probably trauma and families from hearing dad's scream
Speaker 1: about football. It cannot be good for your health. I've
Speaker 1: never heard you yell at my game, and I always
Speaker 1: want to. I just want to follow up with people
Speaker 1: a year later and go, remember that game, what happened?
Speaker 1: It was a tough one, Like how did that did?
Speaker 1: I want to do? The five five five rule? What
Speaker 1: did this matter to you in five hours? What did
Speaker 1: it matter to you in five days? What does it
Speaker 1: matter to you in five months? What does it matter
Speaker 1: to you in five years? Like? Is this really that important?
Speaker 1: But then again, there are things that I I'm watching
Speaker 1: Bachelor in Paradise right now, and I'm reminded of you're
Speaker 1: yelling at the TV. No, I don't yell TV. I
Speaker 1: have fun with it. I don't go oh my god,
Speaker 1: I don't scream like this. I've never even heard my
Speaker 1: dad have this kind of anger, and it's like it's
Speaker 1: so it hurts my heart to hear him get that
Speaker 1: like upset, and I feel like I did realize what
Speaker 1: the Love is Blind reunion that they just had. I
Speaker 1: loved Love is Blind. I watched every episode and then
Speaker 1: the reunion came back, and I realized, Oh, I forgot
Speaker 1: all of these idiots. Literally they were flushed from my life,
Speaker 1: like like from my brain like on an airplane, like
Speaker 1: down and just gone instantly. Because it was also fleeting.
Speaker 1: It was fun for that couple of months and then
Speaker 1: it was all gone. So it was just as stupid
Speaker 1: as sports. But I guess I didn't get a hernia
Speaker 1: screaming about you know what's her name? The blonde that
Speaker 1: goes after the other blonde that's constantly on coke. I
Speaker 1: guess it's just it's a way to get out your
Speaker 1: emotions as a guy, especially if you go to the
Speaker 1: game and you just get you finally get to yell.
Speaker 1: It's like you're you're only able to yell at a
Speaker 1: sports game or in the woods, or into a pillow,
Speaker 1: or when your wife or when your wife overcooks the turkeys. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's four ways, but you know what I mean, It's
Speaker 1: a way to get out this tension. That's definitely inside
Speaker 1: of you, and it's like it's almost accepted in a way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: men have a lot more anger and like just that
Speaker 1: that that kind of feeling than I guess women do.
Speaker 1: My friends on that how do you get it out? Well,
Speaker 1: my group chat and I have been talking about we've
Speaker 1: been figuring out how many times we cry and orgasm
Speaker 1: in like a week. I asked my friends that, like,
Speaker 1: how many times do you have an orgasm? How many
Speaker 1: times you cry? And on you guess some low number
Speaker 1: for crying and I know that, bitch. I was like,
Speaker 1: there's no way you cry once a week because I
Speaker 1: realized that I did not cry it all during my
Speaker 1: silence because I was kind of tracking that was that
Speaker 1: was something I was worried about, like what if I
Speaker 1: have to go like, uh, you know that's a sound
Speaker 1: I wouldn't I would have to cry silently, so I
Speaker 1: never even close to cry during it. And I go,
Speaker 1: that's a long time to not cry as a woman
Speaker 1: for three weeks, not even close to it. And so
Speaker 1: then after that, I was like, I think I have
Speaker 1: a problem, Like why am I not crying more? And
Speaker 1: um my friends all were like I think that's pretty
Speaker 1: normal who cries more than like once every three weeks,
Speaker 1: and then all of them cry. Oh. Then now that
Speaker 1: they're tracking it, they're like, oh, I cried four times
Speaker 1: this week, came three times crying about how much you
Speaker 1: are crying? Yeah, do you count crying as I do
Speaker 1: not count crying as tearing up? Like a TV thing
Speaker 1: can make me tear up, But unless there's like tears
Speaker 1: coming down and me kind of going like it just
Speaker 1: like feel I just don't even that's crying. So be
Speaker 1: them yelling at the TV is crying for a man,
Speaker 1: Like that's your dad crying, crying for help. But it
Speaker 1: just comes out like fuck you, bro, I am sad.
Speaker 1: I let it out in like on here. I'll just
Speaker 1: like complain about something, but I just I'll raise my
Speaker 1: voice a little bit, maybe get a tone or um.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I usually just sleep it away, like
Speaker 1: I'll just abuse myself with sleep to the point where
Speaker 1: we'll like, let's just not I don't know, I don't
Speaker 1: know where it singing. But because that's kind of like
Speaker 1: a crying thing, get it out. But do you feel
Speaker 1: like sports for you for your five class? Do you? Guys?
Speaker 1: They don't. It's actually very quiet. It's like awkwardly quiet,
Speaker 1: like I'm used to some gyms. No, there is music
Speaker 1: very loud and probably too loud of music. I don't
Speaker 1: know what kind of music you like to work out too.
Speaker 1: They play a lot of they'll play like techno ship
Speaker 1: where it sounds like a chainsaws, like getting like molested,
Speaker 1: and it's just terrible and it's just like so bad,
Speaker 1: such a sad picture because they're so talk that's so
Speaker 1: and uh I like hip hop and so but no
Speaker 1: one like goes whoa, no one, it's so bad, dude.
Speaker 1: I love the first so after at the first, at
Speaker 1: the first, at the beginning of each class, they have
Speaker 1: to do like um stations and they show each stations
Speaker 1: and they're like here you're gonna and they have to
Speaker 1: like show what the station is, like here's a try
Speaker 1: some extension at this point, add new things that you
Speaker 1: haven't seen yet a little bit every once in a while.
Speaker 1: But every day is different, more stations, different kind of
Speaker 1: body part, different kind of workout. But the people, it's
Speaker 1: so quiet in there and and no one laughs. No
Speaker 1: one laughed, but they'll like try to throw a joke
Speaker 1: in or and everyone's so every audience is just terror
Speaker 1: and I feel so bad. There could be up to
Speaker 1: twenty five people, So imagine you're talking in front of
Speaker 1: them and they get really nervous and they're like, I
Speaker 1: don't know how you do it in front of And
Speaker 1: I just feels for them so much because we talk
Speaker 1: in front of people you've either used to maybe they
Speaker 1: don't need it, or do you feel like they need it,
Speaker 1: because wouldn't they stop trying if no one ever you
Speaker 1: can tell that they were maybe taught to be a
Speaker 1: little bit funny, but just like cheerful. I have a question.
Speaker 1: By the end of a class, do you want to die? No? No,
Speaker 1: it's not to that point because I'm just going to
Speaker 1: yoga classes for two weeks. And I have always like
Speaker 1: been like I don't want to go to yoga. It's
Speaker 1: just like I'm not very bendy. It always makes you
Speaker 1: feel insecure that I'm not as bendy as the girl
Speaker 1: next to me. And she's like fifty eight and she's
Speaker 1: just like on her just doing a headstand and doing
Speaker 1: a you know, pigeon toes what I don't know, like
Speaker 1: an inverted downward dog, and um, I was going and
Speaker 1: I was really liking it, but it was so slow
Speaker 1: and so gentle that by the end of I was
Speaker 1: just like, this is hell. And I went to I
Speaker 1: went to two different three different class Yeah, three different ones,
Speaker 1: because I was like, maybe this one is just like
Speaker 1: four like I would say, Queen Elizabeth could have done
Speaker 1: this class in the last week of her life and
Speaker 1: been completely fine. Um with every single there was no
Speaker 1: And then there was one that Chris and I would
Speaker 1: do that was so funny we could not we could
Speaker 1: not believe it. It was at his gym and it
Speaker 1: was called Surrender, and it was all the po We
Speaker 1: did eight poses. I'm not kidding you, guys. I counted
Speaker 1: eight poses in one hour with each side, so sixteen total,
Speaker 1: and that might actually be exaggerating. It was some low
Speaker 1: number like that. We would hold each pose on each
Speaker 1: side like it was literally all of them were on
Speaker 1: our back. All of them were horizontal, so there was
Speaker 1: nothing ever that was they were stretches. You would just
Speaker 1: like put your arm over to the side. And I
Speaker 1: thought the instructor fell asleep for the first hold because
Speaker 1: it was I started counting at three minutes and I
Speaker 1: started counting just because I was like, this is hilarious.
Speaker 1: How long is this gonna go before someone says something?
Speaker 1: It's a room of like forty people in the dark,
Speaker 1: and it was five and a half minutes for each hold,
Speaker 1: so five half minutes on this side, then switch five
Speaker 1: and a half minutes on this side, five and a
Speaker 1: half minutes anyone. It was so bored. It was like
Speaker 1: it was honestly about the amount I moved during a sleep,
Speaker 1: like tossing in turn. That's how many difference, And that's
Speaker 1: about how strenuous it was as well. Chris and I
Speaker 1: got so bored we started just kind of like fondling
Speaker 1: each other like we were in the dark in the
Speaker 1: back lead. Not fondling, but we started just kind of
Speaker 1: like messing with each other and laughing and like doing
Speaker 1: bits because it was it was it was a class
Speaker 1: to teach you how to nap. It was really a sexy,
Speaker 1: sexy yoga. But then the teacher afterwards, I I wasn't
Speaker 1: wasn't talking at the time, and this teacher is lucky
Speaker 1: that I couldn't, because I was going to say something.
Speaker 1: I was literally going to walk out. If I would
Speaker 1: have been alone, I would walk to the class and
Speaker 1: immediately to send a message because this was not okay,
Speaker 1: but everyone's just like that was so restorative, thank you
Speaker 1: so much. And this guy is waiting by the door
Speaker 1: just staring us down, like how do you like that?
Speaker 1: And he almost looked at me to ask me, and
Speaker 1: I almost got on my phone to type something just
Speaker 1: to be like, uh, you really nailed the name of
Speaker 1: the class, like surrender. I had to surrender every every
Speaker 1: impulse to be like this is so it was such
Speaker 1: a waste of time and I was just confused at
Speaker 1: what yoga is meant to. I don't know. I did
Speaker 1: like the other yoga classes, kind of not enough to
Speaker 1: go back. I'm so glad because during my three weeks
Speaker 1: of not talking, I wasn't able to work out at
Speaker 1: all because you there's some kind of like thing you
Speaker 1: do with your throat when you work out, where you
Speaker 1: go like look like and it makes your vocal courts hit.
Speaker 1: So I couldn't work out. But now I'm back to running,
Speaker 1: and thank god, I just want things to be fast.
Speaker 1: I think the cardio days for the other than being
Speaker 1: a class and like that's kind of annoying, you would
Speaker 1: enjoy because it's a lot of just like hit kind
Speaker 1: of movements. It's not overly weight. A lot of like
Speaker 1: planks stuff like that. What you're very good at. You
Speaker 1: did a plank I think four minutes and thirty second. Know,
Speaker 1: I was like six to eight minutes. I think it
Speaker 1: was something like that. Yeah, I mean I can't do
Speaker 1: one now for even twenty seconds. So it's amazing how
Speaker 1: it degrades so quickly. It's crazy. Yeah, it's but yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you would enjoy it. It's the opposite whatever
Speaker 1: you just said. It's the complete opposite of that. I know.
Speaker 1: But I just like to do my run. Now. I
Speaker 1: can do four miles in like eight to eight to
Speaker 1: nine minutes per mile, and it just is done so quickly.
Speaker 1: I can listen to seven songs or whatever. It's just
Speaker 1: like a perfect yesterday and now after a week of running,
Speaker 1: I have stamina and I'm able to talk on the
Speaker 1: phone the entire time. And so yesterday I called on
Speaker 1: you yesterday and I I was like, we got to
Speaker 1: the end of it, and I go, I can't believe
Speaker 1: I'm done. This is usually such a slog. I mean,
Speaker 1: I just started running a week and a half ago,
Speaker 1: so it's been like a lot to get back up
Speaker 1: that stamina, and so every run has felt like, oh God,
Speaker 1: another mile. But then talking to on yesterday, I was
Speaker 1: just like, oh my god, does this even count because
Speaker 1: I don't feel like my body went through I don't
Speaker 1: even remember working out because we were just talking on
Speaker 1: the phone. And made me think like there must be
Speaker 1: something about working out that if you aren't mindful of
Speaker 1: what you're doing, your muscles might not use it as
Speaker 1: much like it felt like I was doing washing the
Speaker 1: dishes talking to her, and so I wonder if it
Speaker 1: counted because my body didn't register it. I forgot it.
Speaker 1: Did it? Yeah? I think it's amazing that your brain
Speaker 1: can can shut that off, that feeling of like I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna make it, I'm running so long, all that
Speaker 1: like extra, I'm you're you're listening to your own breath
Speaker 1: and all that. You're just on the phone and you
Speaker 1: talk for thirty minutes. I used to do it all
Speaker 1: the time, um and because Petelee, when we were really close,
Speaker 1: we used to just talk on the phone all the time,
Speaker 1: and I'd be like, can you just like talk to me?
Speaker 1: And that's when I started doing it, and I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: this is great because it actually makes me talk less,
Speaker 1: so then I listened more, a better friend. And also
Speaker 1: I have someone. When you're running as a girl, you
Speaker 1: kind feel like I could be raped in any second
Speaker 1: to especially when it gets a little bit darker at night.
Speaker 1: So this way you have a witness to it. Someone
Speaker 1: here's hearing it. Yeah, go why would he drop that? Wow?
Speaker 1: Nicki's listening so much. Now she's dead. She's dead. But class,
Speaker 1: I just wonder. I love you want to be completely exhausted. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And if I'm going to a class, I want to
Speaker 1: feel like, oh my god, like at the end of it,
Speaker 1: I love a class where I don't love it because
Speaker 1: I would go to those classes if I did. But
Speaker 1: if I do go to those classes, I want at
Speaker 1: the end to be like gonna die. Come with me.
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to. I can't because I'm out of
Speaker 1: shape in that way and I'm too competitive. I would
Speaker 1: just I would feel like such a loser because I
Speaker 1: wouldn't be I would have to go on my own
Speaker 1: for months and getting really good shape then I could go.
Speaker 1: Otherwise I couldn't do it. I'm so much more competitive
Speaker 1: than I thought. I realized I'm real of fortune because
Speaker 1: the other day Chris's radio show is talking about my
Speaker 1: run on Wheel Fortune and they're like, we think she
Speaker 1: kind of threw she was killing so hard. We think
Speaker 1: she's through the second game to be nice, speak to
Speaker 1: Tig and Thomas because they weren't doing as well. And
Speaker 1: I was like, I would never ever ease up on
Speaker 1: a game like that, especially it's money for charity to
Speaker 1: make someone else feel better, like I genuinely, But does
Speaker 1: the competitiveness come from your own pushing yourself or how
Speaker 1: other people are gonna view you not being able to
Speaker 1: do the workout. I just hate being bad at things.
Speaker 1: I hate it and I and I hate when other
Speaker 1: people feel sorry for me or like that's why I
Speaker 1: struggle with guitar lessons, Like I My guitar teacher now
Speaker 1: is has I can just tell he has no judgment.
Speaker 1: He does not care at all, he has seen it all.
Speaker 1: It's like it doesn't even register to him that I'm bad.
Speaker 1: In fact, he shows me so many things and teaches
Speaker 1: me so fast, and sometimes I'm like, he must think
Speaker 1: I'm good because this is really hard and he has
Speaker 1: no idea that I already knew the song and that's
Speaker 1: why I'm good at this other way to be fucked
Speaker 1: right now, But like that being bad unless i'm is
Speaker 1: it being bad or is it being like a starter
Speaker 1: at something being a novice. Well, I understand being a
Speaker 1: novice and being bad in that way, but there are
Speaker 1: things like I'm not a natural athlete, so I'm never
Speaker 1: gonna my novice is gonna look worse than everyone else's
Speaker 1: novice unless I have unless I get really good at
Speaker 1: it on my own. I just don't want to debut things.
Speaker 1: It's too embarrassing. And it's just and Andrew has this
Speaker 1: thing where you like giggle in a weird way when
Speaker 1: because you're happy I'm there doing this thing that you love.
Speaker 1: But I take that giggle like you do it with
Speaker 1: golf too, And that's why I've never wanted to play
Speaker 1: golf with you. But it is because it's my insecurity giggle.
Speaker 1: Because you're happy that someone you're sharing this with someone
Speaker 1: You're like, yeah, she's doing it, but no, your kiddle
Speaker 1: makes me think you're making it. Triggers my I'm getting
Speaker 1: made fun of thing. But like because boys laughing at
Speaker 1: how I throw or how like I take laughing. My
Speaker 1: dad does it too. My dad will laugh at how
Speaker 1: bad I am at things a lot, so I take
Speaker 1: laughter as like you're mocking me, and I think that's
Speaker 1: where I get the wires crossed of like I'm being
Speaker 1: made fun of when Andrews really just happy. But I
Speaker 1: can't let it go, and it just makes my blood
Speaker 1: pressure go up and I just want to throw down
Speaker 1: the racket or whatever. I'm practicing playing golf with the
Speaker 1: place we're going at golf, I was probably giggling. I
Speaker 1: just thought, I mean, it was awesome. And there was
Speaker 1: a conversation with my with my coach about going on
Speaker 1: a date, like I love that guy. What is his
Speaker 1: name again, j R? Yeah he was a sweetheart. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it's ah. Yeah. I think like some people
Speaker 1: like I was going to try to do jiu jitsu
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm not in shape enough to
Speaker 1: do jiu jitsu, and their answer usually is, well, that's
Speaker 1: how you get in shape, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like you get in shape by doing that thing. I
Speaker 1: want to be a novice around around teachers, good teachers.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be a novice around people who
Speaker 1: are good at the thing who aren't used to teaching,
Speaker 1: because teachers have empathy for beginners they don't judge, but
Speaker 1: people who are just like this is my domain, welcome
Speaker 1: to where there's just this like thing like that there
Speaker 1: though there are a lot of beginners for real, I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to like plug this thing, but it's like,
Speaker 1: you won't feel I wouldn't put you in a situation
Speaker 1: where I would be like, dude, she's gonna look like
Speaker 1: a fucking idiot. I know, but I just would. It's
Speaker 1: about me feeling like an idiot. And my dad has
Speaker 1: no sense of And I've talked about this before, but
Speaker 1: learning guitar from him was just held me back in
Speaker 1: my life so much. It was the biggest mistake to
Speaker 1: ever thing to ever play in front of him, just
Speaker 1: him being like, why don't you know that you can't
Speaker 1: bar that G? And it's like, yeah, because I'm in
Speaker 1: fourth grade, I can't bar a G. Like that's really hard.
Speaker 1: I'm not like a little um. I don't know what savant,
Speaker 1: but just that he and I'm the same way sometimes
Speaker 1: where I show someone I'm much better about it because
Speaker 1: I practice empathy and have had to teach it to myself.
Speaker 1: But getting frustrated with someone that's learning something that you
Speaker 1: already know and You're just like, how do you not
Speaker 1: know that? And it's like, well, because I didn't read
Speaker 1: that article where you found that out. Dad. Like the
Speaker 1: other night, I was so mad when I when I
Speaker 1: was at the baseball game with Chris, He's teaching me
Speaker 1: about baseball like slowly and he goes and he's so
Speaker 1: nice because he knows my level of comprehension and isn't
Speaker 1: surprised when I don't know something like there will be
Speaker 1: times where he's like, now that's second base. Do you
Speaker 1: know what second basis? And I'm like, I'm not that dumb,
Speaker 1: But it's nice that he's like he's not judging any
Speaker 1: of it. But I didn't know that when you are
Speaker 1: on a base that when the batter is up and
Speaker 1: they hit it, that you have to tag back if
Speaker 1: they catch it. They you know, you know, if the
Speaker 1: batter is out, then you have to tag back. Where
Speaker 1: do you learn that? Who teaches you that? But do
Speaker 1: you remember the day someone because that would be a
Speaker 1: formative moment in my life if someone was like, hey,
Speaker 1: there's this weird rule where you have to tag back.
Speaker 1: I've never even heard of that. I didn't know that
Speaker 1: the catcher could block the person coming on home. But
Speaker 1: who learns this? Where do you learn this? Where the
Speaker 1: where's the class was born with this knowledge? No, it
Speaker 1: does not get to us. It's not fair. We taught
Speaker 1: the rules in a structured way where it's like chapters
Speaker 1: and broken down. I don't want to just like absorb
Speaker 1: it from like watching my dad talk about the game
Speaker 1: on the couch, Like I just feel like, I'm do
Speaker 1: you think you know? But I just feel like I
Speaker 1: should know about tagging in before I'm thirty eight years old,
Speaker 1: or like tagging out or whatever the hell it's called.
Speaker 1: I think I should know that the picture can block
Speaker 1: the homeplate? Why and why is that a thing? Why
Speaker 1: can they block it? Yeah, well that seems crazy to me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean they can. They can kind of if if
Speaker 1: it's like a play at the play. I don't know
Speaker 1: the exact rule on when they can and when they
Speaker 1: can't just stand there and like try to fight you
Speaker 1: away from the plate. But if it's like a play
Speaker 1: at the point, so the exact rule if you're watching
Speaker 1: a baseball game, Like That's the thing that bothers me
Speaker 1: is that people are like, yeah, I think I just
Speaker 1: figured that out eventually. I'm like, but I would want
Speaker 1: to know if I cared about this, I'd want to
Speaker 1: know every detail, and everyone just seems very casual about it. Well,
Speaker 1: I think I just like, so you either want to
Speaker 1: know everything or nothing or nothing. But I want to
Speaker 1: understand where people learn these things because I and I
Speaker 1: know that there are some girls that are like to
Speaker 1: put on makeup and it's like, oh, I just absorbed
Speaker 1: it over the years, literally, I mean every every almost.
Speaker 1: I don't know how many percentage of boys have played
Speaker 1: Little League? Did you know about tagging out? No? I
Speaker 1: just learned about it at my nephew's Little league game.
Speaker 1: So you saw it happen and go, what is going on?
Speaker 1: They have to go back to the base. Then I
Speaker 1: asked on the weirdness of it, Okay, I was like,
Speaker 1: that's my problem. I'm not ever watching the games enough
Speaker 1: to go, well, that's a peculiar thing that young gentleman
Speaker 1: just did. I just don't. I can't follow a goddamn
Speaker 1: ball for the life of me. I don't know how
Speaker 1: people know how to follow balls, especially on a football.
Speaker 1: But do you really if you really wanted to learn,
Speaker 1: we could do. We could I could, Chris, you don't
Speaker 1: want to care. I've tried to teach you. It's the
Speaker 1: same as music theory when I'm learning guitar, and he's like,
Speaker 1: and this is a half step up, and this is
Speaker 1: the root note and then this, and it all is
Speaker 1: kind of like, no, I don't really want to But
Speaker 1: you learn through You learned through plane, so I'm learning
Speaker 1: through plane. So if you would know a tag out hey,
Speaker 1: you can't leave the base until that outfielder catches it.
Speaker 1: I don't even think about all. You left too soon.
Speaker 1: And that's why he said, I go so little leaguers,
Speaker 1: just little four year old boys know about tagging out there?
Speaker 1: What do you mean at their age at four? Like
Speaker 1: tags and stuff starts happening closer to so they don't
Speaker 1: enforce that rule. It is enforced. But I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of balls. If it's hid in the
Speaker 1: air and t ball out to the outfield, there's a
Speaker 1: strong chance it's not being caught, right, So it doesn't matter. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so but around And that's why he said there is
Speaker 1: a second and third base coach or the first and
Speaker 1: third base coach. Why is there no second base coach?
Speaker 1: I don't know, just out of the way, just get
Speaker 1: out the way. But that's the thing. The first and
Speaker 1: the third day out of the way, they're not. They're
Speaker 1: kind of in the action. That's they're they're literally outside
Speaker 1: the foul. Funny those coaches, I just go, who is
Speaker 1: that incredibly out of shape? Older cardinal play and it's
Speaker 1: so funny. They're the best. I love a third base coach.
Speaker 1: They always have a like a either mullet or they
Speaker 1: have a food man chew. They have dip in their
Speaker 1: back pocket. They probably sleep in their cleats like they are.
Speaker 1: They used to play like that. The goal is to
Speaker 1: become that because you think you look at these baseball
Speaker 1: players and you go, what's he going to do? Start
Speaker 1: a podcast, become an announcer, coach, I'd be you still
Speaker 1: get to suit up hey with the boys. Yeah. Did
Speaker 1: you ever want to be a bat boy? I wanted
Speaker 1: to be a bad boy because I grew up in
Speaker 1: Port St. Lucy, Florida, where the met spring training training. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so there was a little bit of that. I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: I wish how do you get that? You just got
Speaker 1: a rich dad? Yeah you gottah you had one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but he was who pays attention to Yeah, he was
Speaker 1: too busy saving lives like a jerk, you know, like
Speaker 1: it's like, you can't have me to be a bad boy.
Speaker 1: Oh someone with cancer. Cool, My dad's a cancer doctor
Speaker 1: by the way, for context, Yeah, I was a cancer
Speaker 1: doctor called oncologist. He was a hematologist oncologist, which so
Speaker 1: blood cancer. Yeah, I thought, okay, got it. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: isn't lukemia blood cancer. I just found that note today
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, I'm so glad I found that
Speaker 1: out before I'm learning about baseball. Yeah, Luke, Luke cave
Speaker 1: me a disease. I mean, I think I could have
Speaker 1: gotten there eventually. I don't think I've known that, But
Speaker 1: today I was heard it on the radio that was like,
Speaker 1: we need to fight blood cancer, lukem and I was like, oh, Luke,
Speaker 1: these blood cancer And I'm like, I'm really glad I
Speaker 1: didn't learn that before I get leukemia, because I'm guessing
Speaker 1: something like that will befall me. And that would be
Speaker 1: funny if I was just like, and what's that that?
Speaker 1: I think, what's that? Happens a lot when you get
Speaker 1: a disease and you go, what is what is that?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's gotta yeah it's gotta suck to
Speaker 1: hear it. And it doesn't sound that bad. And they're like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: this is like really bad. I'm reading a book about
Speaker 1: the AIDS epidemic. Um, it's it's a fiction. It's called
Speaker 1: The Great Believers. It's so good. It's about, you know,
Speaker 1: AIDS in the eighties. And this woman goes to Paris
Speaker 1: and in Paris it's called SEDA s I d A
Speaker 1: instead of AIDS. And she's like, it sounds so much better.
Speaker 1: It's interesting. Sounds like like a a nice like you're
Speaker 1: in like a bode in Venice or something. It sounds
Speaker 1: like it's kind of tea with my coffee. Okay, we
Speaker 1: gotta go to break. We'll come back with Redditum, alright,
Speaker 1: we're back. It's time for Reddit. This is your Reddit.
Speaker 1: Do my golf giggle check you away from being the champion.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, No, it's not your fault, straight face. Just
Speaker 1: you get the giggles when you're excited. It's a it's
Speaker 1: a nice thing, but I boys laughing when I'm doing
Speaker 1: sports ain't a good combo. If I start pointing, I
Speaker 1: think that's where's the problem. Surreptitiously, where's my phone. Oh no,
Speaker 1: one second, I think he's going to get her phone
Speaker 1: on a second. This is your red Do you go
Speaker 1: and redd it a lot? Noah, not really, because you
Speaker 1: have to have the app and stuff, and I'm just
Speaker 1: trying to have less apps to distract me. Wow. So no, Reddit,
Speaker 1: do you do? Do you have TikTok? No you have
Speaker 1: no app? No? No, I have apps. I just don't
Speaker 1: have TikTok. I don't want to get all right, Reddit?
Speaker 1: I mean wait, so no, you don't do read it
Speaker 1: as What are your apps? What are your top three
Speaker 1: apps that you use? I do read it on the web,
Speaker 1: like when you're on the or whatever when I'm on
Speaker 1: the computer. Um, I guess like Instagram. So you're not
Speaker 1: bad and you can't sleep? Do you have your phone
Speaker 1: with you? Yes? And it's what do you do? What
Speaker 1: do you go to? What's your first thing to go do? Um?
Speaker 1: I guess like Instagram? I check Instagram and then when
Speaker 1: that gets boring, what do you switch to? What's your order?
Speaker 1: Do you have an order to right Andrew walk when
Speaker 1: you're bored? Okay? Too much time? Really? Yeah? That seems weird. Okay,
Speaker 1: first you started Instagram, then you go to Pinterest and
Speaker 1: then do you go back to Instagram or do you
Speaker 1: have another one that you talkle to. I usually just
Speaker 1: fall asleep because I scroll so much through Pinterest, but
Speaker 1: my eyes just rolled to the back of my head
Speaker 1: and then I fall asleep. Do you fall asleep to
Speaker 1: a scroll or do you have to know? But I
Speaker 1: love Chris does. My favorite thing is when we're laying
Speaker 1: in but and I can just hear him. His phone
Speaker 1: is go like like thump, like reread on the duck's back.
Speaker 1: It's just the gentlest thump and I'm like, oh, someone's out.
Speaker 1: And I always it's always read it. He's a Reddit
Speaker 1: guy too. I do. I go Reddit because you're reading,
Speaker 1: but I always save it because I'm so excited to
Speaker 1: go to it that I save it. I don't go
Speaker 1: to it at any point during the day. And then
Speaker 1: once I get bored of Reddit, I go to Instagram,
Speaker 1: and then I go back to Reddit because red it's endless.
Speaker 1: And then I'll go to um mail Online, which is
Speaker 1: the Daily Mail, which I'm about to stop going to
Speaker 1: again because it's just so it's turning into Fox News,
Speaker 1: the headlines. It's just everything is like liberal, you know,
Speaker 1: Emily Rodowski, you slam like everyone is liberal. They just
Speaker 1: like it's it's bad. It's not a good it's not
Speaker 1: a good source of news. But they have the best
Speaker 1: paparazzi shots I know. And then I'll go to Like
Speaker 1: and then I'll read my book a little bit, and
Speaker 1: then I'll go back to Reddit and then um, Instagram,
Speaker 1: but um, I think that's it. Actually, what about you? Twitter? Instagram?
Speaker 1: So I go to Twitter to like feel somewhat connected
Speaker 1: and learn about some kind of news, then Instagram to
Speaker 1: see like what five people are doing, and that makes
Speaker 1: me upset, and then I'll go to TikTok to wash
Speaker 1: that out. Like TikTok is a very like flushing. You
Speaker 1: don't think TikTok makes me so TikTok makes me sadder
Speaker 1: because I can't make TikTok videos. It's almost like baseball.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, there's too many rules. I'm gonna every
Speaker 1: TikTok I see is like people on TikTok over thirty
Speaker 1: and it's just some woman doing a lame dance and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not going to be mocked on here.
Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna try and your tail like people
Speaker 1: that have to post on TikTok. Do you get jealous
Speaker 1: on TikTok of like people's post doing well and like
Speaker 1: people looking hot and like doing work out whatever it
Speaker 1: is for you. I get jealous of skin girls like
Speaker 1: doing skincare, girls with perfect but girls that with just
Speaker 1: like clean houses, girls just like doing soft like skincare
Speaker 1: is really the triggering thing like twenty year olds telling
Speaker 1: me that what they do for their wrinkles. Girls fun yourself.
Speaker 1: I hope you die young, I really do. I always
Speaker 1: reason whenever I get jealous of young girls is like
Speaker 1: they could die young, and then I would. Then I
Speaker 1: will in that casket they You know I have a
Speaker 1: long erul like. I know that's a sick thought, but
Speaker 1: I know a lot of women out there get jealous
Speaker 1: of young girls. Just remember they could die young. Something
Speaker 1: terrible could happen to someone. I don't want it to,
Speaker 1: but it could someone showing off how much money they have.
Speaker 1: It might be a triggering thing of like because I
Speaker 1: just think it's just so like, that's so interesting. Some
Speaker 1: guy will be like, so I don't care if million
Speaker 1: or a billion, I'm never gonna buy my car. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna lease my car. That's what you gotta do, lease it,
Speaker 1: and then you have to have money. Things bother me
Speaker 1: as well, just fucking blows up. Everyone's like, wow, you're
Speaker 1: so rich, like, and it's just I don't know. That's
Speaker 1: the difference between men and women that there are comments
Speaker 1: on TikTok. Yeah, that's yeah, that's really why I'm like
Speaker 1: trying to get away from social media as much as possible. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and like because I just feel like comments and stuff,
Speaker 1: like I look at the content and then something in
Speaker 1: me like really wants to see what other people are saying,
Speaker 1: and it makes me saying that's my own comments are
Speaker 1: people go, don't read comments and I go, or don't
Speaker 1: let that comment upset you. I'm not upset about that
Speaker 1: one person. I'm upset about how many people they're influencing
Speaker 1: and tipping towards she sucks. Just giving a little push
Speaker 1: in that direction when that person is walking a fine
Speaker 1: line because we are all susceptible to it, and like
Speaker 1: you're saying, no, you can feel it. You care about
Speaker 1: what other people think. I just wanted to know these people.
Speaker 1: Does it change my perception of reality? That's interesting. I
Speaker 1: think it's very of note that I don't think I
Speaker 1: would ever get jealous of girls bragging about being rich,
Speaker 1: no matter how rich they were. But I would get
Speaker 1: so jealous of if they were mixing of face mask
Speaker 1: in like a clean like porcelain bowl with like a
Speaker 1: you know, a mortar and pestle in their clean bathroom,
Speaker 1: and they had like enough hair to have like a
Speaker 1: substantial amount of bangs that they put up in like
Speaker 1: a sensible clip, and that clip is like always their
Speaker 1: clip for their bangs, that they keep right in this
Speaker 1: little area where their clip for their banks is always there,
Speaker 1: every single night, every night I washed my face. My
Speaker 1: hair is long enough, and this is the way I
Speaker 1: like it. To me, I just twirl it behind my
Speaker 1: head and I stick it into my collar. I do
Speaker 1: not because I never have hairclip. I never have a hairclip.
Speaker 1: Whenever I do, I go and my Jessica Alba, like,
Speaker 1: I seriously think I am like I should start a
Speaker 1: goop because I found a scrunchy in a drawer, Like
Speaker 1: I feel so together, and I have a million hair things.
Speaker 1: I buy them all the time, so many clips, and
Speaker 1: I can never find them. And I think that's the thing.
Speaker 1: It's so interesting to me. I would love to not
Speaker 1: ever feel that way. When I see young in shape people,
Speaker 1: that doesn't really trigger me. I almost feel if I
Speaker 1: see someone vary in shape showing working out, I do
Speaker 1: think it's a little cheesy, like how much like love
Speaker 1: they get from just showing them benchprint? Like it doesn't,
Speaker 1: but it actually either. I just look at what I feel. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you look at the comments. I don't. I thought
Speaker 1: you said, you do know. I don't really look at
Speaker 1: the comments on girls videos that I get jealous of.
Speaker 1: I just look at how pretty they are, and it
Speaker 1: can literally to the girls that i've that you know,
Speaker 1: show up my explore page. This is usually an Instagram
Speaker 1: Explore because I don't go on TikTok, but I they
Speaker 1: usually have like twenty three views and it's in like
Speaker 1: slavic like I don't even know. I couldn't read the
Speaker 1: comments even if I wanted to. Um, yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: think about aging as much as I think when or whatever.
Speaker 1: Like I if I did, I think I would overthink it.
Speaker 1: I would think about my back here, I would think
Speaker 1: about receding hairline. I was thinking about aging. I'm thinking
Speaker 1: about these clean, perfect, smooth women, and some of them
Speaker 1: are older but they just have like bright bathrooms that
Speaker 1: are clean, I think, and they just like they make
Speaker 1: even that girl that I didn't impressive of, like making
Speaker 1: much as and like having a little stirring thing that
Speaker 1: they have and then they have a little tray that
Speaker 1: has goes perfectly for the stirring thing, like having a
Speaker 1: place for everything. I just will never be a woman
Speaker 1: that does that. And I've talked about it a million times,
Speaker 1: but it's just I just don't relate. And then sometimes
Speaker 1: I see really messy women that then I get it.
Speaker 1: I get um angry that I can't be like that
Speaker 1: free with how gross I am? Or is funny about it?
Speaker 1: Or you know, it's it's weird, it's you never it's
Speaker 1: never good enough. There's always going to be a way
Speaker 1: to go. Man, why can't I Why can't I not
Speaker 1: care like that girl? Or why can't I care more
Speaker 1: like that girl? So let's start off reddit. This is
Speaker 1: talking about a girl who does not care. This was
Speaker 1: in the subreddit funny and I guess this happened in
Speaker 1: two thousand fifteen. I'm only seeing it now. It's from
Speaker 1: inside Um Edition, which is one of those like Hollywood
Speaker 1: news shows, and it's a clip of it. This girl
Speaker 1: got a d U I on campus at Texas State.
Speaker 1: That's how you get in. Oh god, she blew it under.
Speaker 1: I don't know what is a breathalyzer does have a
Speaker 1: three letters? Um, so she this isn't. You're gonna laugh
Speaker 1: so hard at the same I think you're gonna love this.
Speaker 1: She got do I lost her license. Did not want
Speaker 1: to ride a bike because she's too lazy for a bike,
Speaker 1: even though her dad bought her one. She lives close
Speaker 1: to campus, so she thought, what about my Barbie car
Speaker 1: from when I was a little girl. Let me pull
Speaker 1: that out of the garage and drive it around campus.
Speaker 1: And I honestly, this girl is kind of like a hero. Um,
Speaker 1: can we play it from the beginning? I see it's
Speaker 1: kind of going a little bit. Monroe is getting a
Speaker 1: lot of attention because of the way she's eating her
Speaker 1: around campus. The twenty year old Texas State junior is
Speaker 1: driving a Barbie car to get to class, just like
Speaker 1: she used to do with a real car. So she
Speaker 1: has one like sticking out of the car. She can't
Speaker 1: fit in it for the time being. It's terrorist mode
Speaker 1: of transportation. Why because of big guy She's a police
Speaker 1: mug shot taking for drunk driving smiling, but Terra didn't
Speaker 1: want to use it. I had a perfectly goodbye she
Speaker 1: off the campus, so UH thought that was the right
Speaker 1: action to take. I'm kind of a diva. I'll admitted
Speaker 1: I don't like the slat I don't like to work out.
Speaker 1: Then she remembered her Barbie car when she was a
Speaker 1: little kid. She loved that car, so she bought one online.
Speaker 1: I got now and I told out to test driving.
Speaker 1: She's like, where's the little girl now? I was like,
Speaker 1: I am a little girl. No speeding in this vehicle.
Speaker 1: This five three gears, there's a reverse, there's turtle, and
Speaker 1: then there's like rabbit because it goes from my being
Speaker 1: so fast. Has been criticized by some who think she's
Speaker 1: making light of a series this is a driving offense,
Speaker 1: but this engineering major who is on the Dean's List
Speaker 1: says that's just not true. I'm not at all trying
Speaker 1: to make a joke out of that, and really me
Speaker 1: getting the jeep had nothing to do with that. I
Speaker 1: just didn't want to walk a class. And guess what,
Speaker 1: Terra is not alone. My roommate actually just bought one too.
Speaker 1: It's more because it's a fun thing. It's so funny.
Speaker 1: And at first I hated her. I go, oh, this
Speaker 1: is a stunt, this is annoying, but she truly Ba's
Speaker 1: someone who's so lazy that they don't want to ride
Speaker 1: a bike or walk and they drive around this car
Speaker 1: and they do not because that's embarrassing. I don't think
Speaker 1: I could go a block on that thing. Like the
Speaker 1: beautiful thing about that is like a vest, but you
Speaker 1: gotta get off. She can pull this right into class,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? That did you say? But
Speaker 1: the one she was indoors? I mean, it's a scooter.
Speaker 1: It's so funny, man, what a genius. I love to
Speaker 1: see her d u I tape. I mean, it's got
Speaker 1: to be fantastic. This was ten years ago. I tried
Speaker 1: to find her. I like to see where she is now.
Speaker 1: I guess it was, you know, eight years ago, and
Speaker 1: so I typed in her name. She's from Texas and
Speaker 1: she's of course married by now you saw how much
Speaker 1: fucking you know, lipstick she had on and shadow blush
Speaker 1: and contouring. I was like that this girl got maror
Speaker 1: engaged fresh out of college. And now her name is
Speaker 1: gone and I'm just tired of every woman changing their
Speaker 1: last name and they all become missing persons. I'm really
Speaker 1: disgusted by every single person I want to get in
Speaker 1: contact with from high school is a missing woman. You
Speaker 1: cannot find her because she married some idiot and she
Speaker 1: I'm just tired of it. To be friends with people
Speaker 1: the rest of their lives, you can find them forever,
Speaker 1: and women just disappear into their husband's last names. And
Speaker 1: unless your friend is a spinster or a lesbian, you
Speaker 1: are never going to find her. Yeah, I mean, I
Speaker 1: think the only way is that some of these women
Speaker 1: are now keeping their name is middle names, Like you
Speaker 1: know what, That is a step in the right direction,
Speaker 1: all right, Um, So this next one is to me
Speaker 1: I r L. For me, I r L is the subredit.
Speaker 1: It's just a tweet that says my toxic trade is
Speaker 1: that I don't feel any sense of accomplishment after achieving something,
Speaker 1: just a mild sense of relief that it's done. Relatable.
Speaker 1: You know, I want to I want to feel more
Speaker 1: like I did it, but it's always because anything that's
Speaker 1: worth celebrating being over is something that you probably were dreading.
Speaker 1: And we're like at the workout class. I love the
Speaker 1: feeling of being like it was hard and I did
Speaker 1: it and it's over and now I get to reward
Speaker 1: myself with laziness. What's hard, too, is I just think
Speaker 1: about what I could have done differently better, or like
Speaker 1: what I could have done better, like a workout class.
Speaker 1: I don't think I didn't do that third set right,
Speaker 1: but like something that I really cared about the whole
Speaker 1: time I'm done, I'm just like, oh, that that's interesting
Speaker 1: because I I was talking about the difference, but there's
Speaker 1: so many talented people out there, especially comedians, that just
Speaker 1: don't make it. And I, you know, Chris and I
Speaker 1: are talking about this so often because we watch people's specialism.
Speaker 1: We're like, how does this person have a special? And
Speaker 1: then this person that we know is so funny does it.
Speaker 1: And I think the difference, or one of the things,
Speaker 1: is that there are a lot of my friends who
Speaker 1: have self doubt before something I don't. I don't really
Speaker 1: have that like I will I will go oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I can do that, and I will set a goal
Speaker 1: or I will say yes to something that I go yeah,
Speaker 1: and a year I can definitely do a special And
Speaker 1: then it gets to the special the night before and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I cannot do this, but it's already too late.
Speaker 1: So it's better to be someone who has self doubt
Speaker 1: on the back end, because afterwards, I go, I don't
Speaker 1: want to promote this. I'm embarrassed. I didn't deserve this.
Speaker 1: But guess what, it's already out of the gate and
Speaker 1: I can't control it anymore. So if you can, if
Speaker 1: you can somehow put yourself doubt after the thing and
Speaker 1: switch it, I think you can be a lot more successful.
Speaker 1: I'm just lucky that I don't have that before of like, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't deserve that. I don't want that. It's like, no,
Speaker 1: I want everything, and there is a sneaking suspicion that
Speaker 1: I don't deserve it now. But in a year when
Speaker 1: that thing is, you know, I have to show up
Speaker 1: for that thing, I'll be ready. Never am, But then
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Yeah, no, I know exactly
Speaker 1: what you're saying. I think a lot of people don't
Speaker 1: ever have that before they go yeah, I don't even
Speaker 1: want to think I'm one of those people. I think
Speaker 1: I'm one of those stuff. I'm one of those people
Speaker 1: that will be like I'll never have a special on Netflix.
Speaker 1: I'll never like I have that thought, and it's getting
Speaker 1: a little bit less and less. I do feel more
Speaker 1: and more confident that I can do it, especially now
Speaker 1: that I've been doing an hour and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I could actually I can do this. I can't, but
Speaker 1: you have to do that to get to like, did
Speaker 1: you think even before you hadn't ever did an hour
Speaker 1: that you could just have an hour special? No, I
Speaker 1: will say that. I'm just saying for things like, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know when when know when the hours there.
Speaker 1: I have friends that will go like I was a
Speaker 1: friend that I heard about has this new hour of
Speaker 1: material that um, they're feeling a little bit like should
Speaker 1: I even talk about this thing? It feels like I'm
Speaker 1: exploiting this thing in my life. And I'm like, there
Speaker 1: would if I had a knew our material, I would
Speaker 1: be so psyched after it was out. I would go, oh,
Speaker 1: that seems like I just exploited that thing. But not
Speaker 1: before get the special. You already have the time. So
Speaker 1: that's where I kind of feel like I'm singing the
Speaker 1: national anthem at Thanksgiving Day. I'm I'm the ambassador for
Speaker 1: or what's it called I'm the Grand Marshal of the St.
Speaker 1: Louis Thanksgiving Day Parade. I got asked to do. It's
Speaker 1: the first gig I've ever booked singing that wasn't like
Speaker 1: where it's like, we know she wanted to do this
Speaker 1: at the ball game she didn't get a chance to
Speaker 1: do and so they were like, you want to do it?
Speaker 1: And so um. I think I got asked like four
Speaker 1: weeks ago and I was like, let me just consider
Speaker 1: this for a week. And then I talked to my
Speaker 1: vocal coach and I was like, can I be ready
Speaker 1: for this by Thanksgiving? And she was like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: and sold be so weird. No, I'm just gonna sing
Speaker 1: the national anthem like someone would sing like I guess
Speaker 1: I'm on a float, you know. So I think to
Speaker 1: kick off the parade, I'll sing the national anthem and
Speaker 1: you know it's just it's a it's it is a
Speaker 1: hard song, but it's not that hard when you break
Speaker 1: it down, And do you really think you know all
Speaker 1: the words right now? Like second yesterday and I did
Speaker 1: it off the top off the try it. I don't
Speaker 1: think I can, oh say, can you see by the
Speaker 1: Don's early light? Wait? Oh say? By the dawn early, like,
Speaker 1: oh man, what's so glad? Proudly we stand at the
Speaker 1: twilight's last gleaming who's brought stripes and bright stars through
Speaker 1: the parallelists? Fight yea? Or or like it's over or
Speaker 1: the or the ramparts we watch we're so gallantly streaming.
Speaker 1: It's wait, rod glair, great, that's what I'm glaring at
Speaker 1: you right now. Rockets, rockets, red glare, red glare. The
Speaker 1: bombs bursting in there gave proved through the night that
Speaker 1: the flag will flag still there, like you're getting nervous
Speaker 1: about it. But it's like, it's not I don't know
Speaker 1: the words. It's okay, that's they're weird words, and I
Speaker 1: think most people would not, oh say, does that star
Speaker 1: spangled yet? Wave? Or for the Home of the It's
Speaker 1: like one of those songs that you you kind of
Speaker 1: like when you say I don't know if and let
Speaker 1: hear it you're not alone. I had to look at
Speaker 1: the lyrics yesterday just to make sure I had it right,
Speaker 1: and some of them were like, you know, things like oh, er,
Speaker 1: you don't know you you just kind of say you
Speaker 1: might say four. I think if you were singing it,
Speaker 1: I could go I could like, you know, yes, oh
Speaker 1: my god. Um okay, so moving on, um reddit tump.
Speaker 1: This one's from the subreddit sex and this made me
Speaker 1: laugh so hard I couldn't wait to share it with Andrew. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is I'm I apology. No, you're not I Andrew.
Speaker 1: I swear to God, I know I'm not. You think
Speaker 1: if he will judge you, and I know they're not
Speaker 1: going to go ask someone that you think is really
Speaker 1: smart to recite it. And because right now you're not
Speaker 1: a good judge of it because you just heard it,
Speaker 1: so you're not allowed to do it. But as someone
Speaker 1: you think it's smart and I but they do worse
Speaker 1: than Andrew, if not the same. It's hard, it really is.
Speaker 1: And someone actually said to me, they found out I
Speaker 1: was doing it, and they go have the lyrics in
Speaker 1: front of you. You don't know how many how much
Speaker 1: footage there is out there of people's celebrities whatever singing
Speaker 1: nation anthem and forgetting it in the middle of it.
Speaker 1: And I thought, no way, but it's true. So okay,
Speaker 1: this isn't our sex um like subreddit are slash sex. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is so gross and I'm sorry. I apologize ahead
Speaker 1: of time, but it made me laugh. When I fuck
Speaker 1: my girlfriend, I sometimes feel the poop on the other
Speaker 1: side of her vaginal walls, whether it's my fingers or
Speaker 1: my dick. When she has to go, I can feel
Speaker 1: it on the other side. Should I just ignore or
Speaker 1: tell her? Um? Someone he wrote another thing, I don't
Speaker 1: give a funk about it. Obviously, I still love my girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I'm just wondering as anyone else face this, And he said,
Speaker 1: y'all were totally weird about this one, but I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna lie. Some of these comments had me cracking up.
Speaker 1: Some of the comments are I've been in the guy
Speaker 1: no exam. I've been in for a guy no exam
Speaker 1: and she was pressing on my poop and told me
Speaker 1: I was constipated. Uh, yeah, I know I am. And
Speaker 1: then someone said, I gotta say, after seventeen years, I
Speaker 1: can't say I've ever noticed. Now I'm going to check
Speaker 1: and see. My wife will probably be wondering why I'm
Speaker 1: saying what I'm doing, or say this new technique you
Speaker 1: have isn't really working for me. Um, And he goes, Babe,
Speaker 1: I'm checking for your poop. And so I said, I
Speaker 1: am a woman and I've felt it in myself before.
Speaker 1: How embarrassing of a thought it is that men can too. Um,
Speaker 1: have you ever felt it? Have you ever thought about considered?
Speaker 1: I mean maybe it would Yeah, I don't even know
Speaker 1: what you would actually feel for where it would actually be.
Speaker 1: Would it be like right, would it be deep? Wouldn't it?
Speaker 1: I mean yeah, it's kind of right there. There's different
Speaker 1: chambers for your poop. Yeah, so if your rectum is
Speaker 1: full of stool, you will likely be able to feel
Speaker 1: that it's full by touching the wall between the vagina
Speaker 1: and the rectum wall. Interesting. You know how many women
Speaker 1: have sex when they have to like know, coming I
Speaker 1: say that sometimes you're constipated and your boyfriend wants to
Speaker 1: have sex and you don't want to say I'm full
Speaker 1: of poop and the headache thing isn't working anymore. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's actually very common. I know that I
Speaker 1: I I will put aside my like bought like unless
Speaker 1: it's like painful or something or like and I'm not
Speaker 1: talking about anything that. I'm just like, I don't really
Speaker 1: feel like this, like you just go oh, but he
Speaker 1: needs this and wants this, and it's nice to do
Speaker 1: for him it's giving a massage to your lover where
Speaker 1: you're like, I'm not only getting anything out of this,
Speaker 1: but they love it. How quickly it can go from
Speaker 1: like you know, mask like fingering your girl like nice
Speaker 1: and like sexual to an examle Like all it takes
Speaker 1: is like such a little movement to feel like, wait,
Speaker 1: are you just dissecting my vagina? Like that's what so
Speaker 1: many doing get away with they go the other way.
Speaker 1: And I will say I definitely searched those porn videos
Speaker 1: of like creep gynos. It's so weird. I don't know
Speaker 1: what's wrong with men. There'll be times where Brennan touches
Speaker 1: my penis. I go, are you just like you're just
Speaker 1: analyzing my penis? There's no sex sexual thing going on here?
Speaker 1: Oh whoa yeah, which is just kind of like there's
Speaker 1: just a penis and you're just like playing like it's
Speaker 1: I don't know, might as well just be like a
Speaker 1: stress ball, like yes, it's interesting. It's like love flaccid penises.
Speaker 1: I love them. I just think they're so fun. I
Speaker 1: like to hold them when I'm watching TV. I like
Speaker 1: to just I like to I'm grateful to not have
Speaker 1: a boyfriend. Who's like uneasy about it. I'll tell you what.
Speaker 1: Being in a relationship along one is my longest one. Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: makes you much more comfortable with your penis. Oh my god, anyone,
Speaker 1: any guy out there who's not comfortable with their dick,
Speaker 1: get in a long relationship, and you will love your
Speaker 1: penis morning you've ever loved it, no matter what your
Speaker 1: penis is. That's what I had from my vagina and
Speaker 1: when I used to be so insecure about it and
Speaker 1: I thought that it will never I will never get
Speaker 1: over this. Every time I hooked up with a guy,
Speaker 1: I would hold my breath like, oh my god, they're
Speaker 1: gonna finger me and just be so grossed out. And
Speaker 1: then my first relationship just it's almost exposure therapy, you know,
Speaker 1: if you just if it happens enough, you just stop caring.
Speaker 1: And that's I remember, like the day I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I think that this will not be
Speaker 1: a thing for me anymore, because it's so not a
Speaker 1: thing now it's nice. I will literally laugh about off
Speaker 1: my penis. It's like I'm laying in a way it's
Speaker 1: like inside my body, like I'll be like my dig's gone,
Speaker 1: like like that's like where I've gotten to maybe it's
Speaker 1: too like calm or like, uh, like I'm too comfortable. Really,
Speaker 1: I mean, no relationship is perfect, but it is so
Speaker 1: nice to be in a relationship where I never feel
Speaker 1: like he's judging my body or my face or is
Speaker 1: disappointed in how I look in some way. And I
Speaker 1: know that that's not everyone's scenario. I know that there
Speaker 1: are women that feel like their husband's disappointed. I mean
Speaker 1: he does not. He does not like I will say
Speaker 1: when I like do an ugly face or do something
Speaker 1: that's like gross, or like stick my stomach out and
Speaker 1: be like, oh the baby is coming, Like he doesn't
Speaker 1: want to see me accentuate things. But I've never felt
Speaker 1: ever like in the comments he makes about older women
Speaker 1: on TV are always like, oh my god, I can't
Speaker 1: wait to get older because he seems very into that.
Speaker 1: Which it just that I have to you know, sometimes
Speaker 1: relationships are hard and you go, oh, this this isn't
Speaker 1: like I try. I'm I've been on the Girl's Chat
Speaker 1: recently and we've all been like celebrating the things we
Speaker 1: like about our partners and like trying to focus on
Speaker 1: like why we're in this. Because I was the other
Speaker 1: day like, why do we like men? Like because we're
Speaker 1: we all get so much out of this girl's chat.
Speaker 1: We're all sharing, we're all emotional, we're all saying things
Speaker 1: we really can't say to our partners, even though they're
Speaker 1: the person we're supposed to be able to share everything with.
Speaker 1: Not really, But and I go the other day, I go,
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to do a bit, honestly, why are
Speaker 1: women attracted to men? Like? I don't get it? Do
Speaker 1: you think that why you're attracted to a man because
Speaker 1: the masculinity of being like protected during wartime and famine,
Speaker 1: Like I really think there's something about he is more
Speaker 1: body mass, muscle muscle, body mass, so it can protect
Speaker 1: you and there's something so there's something arousing about that.
Speaker 1: And um, I and I don't know the other thing
Speaker 1: because I don't understand why all my friends are friend
Speaker 1: marrying men who don't talk about their feelings, let alone talk.
Speaker 1: I'm just talking was talking of bitches I've ever known,
Speaker 1: And you're all with men who don't like that's the
Speaker 1: number one thing is like, you know, my husband doesn't
Speaker 1: really like to talk. And I'm like, but you're the
Speaker 1: chattiest personal life, Like why would you marry someone? And
Speaker 1: I go, why are we attracted to people who don't
Speaker 1: do the thing that we like to do more than anything?
Speaker 1: I guess I guess that's the only way to think
Speaker 1: about it. Balance doesn't make sense to me because I
Speaker 1: don't seek out friends that don't talk. I seek out
Speaker 1: friends who give me what I need, which is someone
Speaker 1: who like helps me process my feelings. And I'm not
Speaker 1: talking about my boyfriend. My boyfriend is actually on like
Speaker 1: the higher scale of like liking to talk about things.
Speaker 1: I thought he was like maybe somewhere on like when
Speaker 1: it comes to boyfriends, like lower emotional EQ. But turns
Speaker 1: out when I compare and contrast, he's pretty good, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I haven't really good men just don't
Speaker 1: do that. Why do we like them? And a lot
Speaker 1: of them can't really provide daring war time either, Like
Speaker 1: your only thing that you like about them, they'll probably
Speaker 1: be like, I don't even know how to fun. They
Speaker 1: are strong, and they they do have muscles that make
Speaker 1: you feel protected, and they're hot. I mean, like I'm
Speaker 1: physically attracted, and they've got those penises that feel good.
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is, I really it boggles
Speaker 1: my mind. But like I mean that, I just don't
Speaker 1: understand why women aren't more lesbians more often, but I
Speaker 1: think they are. I think this is a common thing
Speaker 1: that happens is once women divorced later in life, they're like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't really want that much dick. My vagina is
Speaker 1: like about to fall off anyway. Why don't I just
Speaker 1: hook up with a woman who we can just hang out?
Speaker 1: I think about that with women, like why do you
Speaker 1: guys like women sometimes? Because it's like you don't you
Speaker 1: don't want you don't know what a tag is? Why
Speaker 1: do I want to talk deep? But I think we
Speaker 1: have like wet plusy because in war time we could
Speaker 1: give up your body so we could live, I don't know,
Speaker 1: because we could have a baby, an you guys, let's
Speaker 1: make it more be it's wild. We figured it out though.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to the show. We will see you
Speaker 1: tomorrow on the show Wednesday, we'll be here. You'll be here.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening. Uh, don't be cool and Jack,
Speaker 1: oh Jack, I wasn't. Oh yeah Jack buck good, that's good.
Speaker 1: Why it's such a struggle every day