WEBVTT - Flipping The Script and Turning The Tables 0:00:03.000 --> 0:00:06.160 Hey, everybody, welcome to the podcast. Amen TJ. Here we 0:00:06.320 --> 0:00:09.440 are going to chance to interview each other. Robot sitting 0:00:09.920 --> 0:00:14.680 next to me now, and what I can't remember what 0:00:14.720 --> 0:00:17.079 your answer was when you interviewed me. Are you someone 0:00:17.079 --> 0:00:19.159 who prefers to ask the questions or do you like 0:00:19.239 --> 0:00:20.000 being interviewed? 0:00:20.280 --> 0:00:24.279 I always like asking the questions more than answering them. 0:00:24.400 --> 0:00:27.400 Okay, Well, with that said, I'm about to ask you 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:29.760 a series of questions and folks, just so you know, 0:00:29.880 --> 0:00:32.280 we have not so we didn't. She has no idea 0:00:32.320 --> 0:00:34.000 what I'm about to ask her, what direction any of 0:00:34.040 --> 0:00:38.360 this is going to go? And with that, here we go. 0:00:40.560 --> 0:00:44.839 Why haven't you done an interview before? Now, since all 0:00:44.840 --> 0:00:46.920 this went down, you haven't spoken? Haven't done an interview? 0:00:46.920 --> 0:00:47.199 Why not? 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:52.000 Because I know as a journalist, when you give your 0:00:52.040 --> 0:00:54.640 story to someone else, you then put your story in 0:00:54.720 --> 0:01:00.680 their hands. They can edit it, they can change meanings, 0:01:01.160 --> 0:01:06.760 they can change context. And after everything that I've experienced 0:01:06.920 --> 0:01:10.000 being on the other side of the headlines, instead of 0:01:10.040 --> 0:01:14.360 reporting them, I became them, I knew what can happen 0:01:15.280 --> 0:01:17.559 when you give your story or you give an interview 0:01:17.560 --> 0:01:19.840 to someone else. It can be misconstrued and I was 0:01:19.920 --> 0:01:24.080 not interested in doing that. I wanted to tell my 0:01:24.240 --> 0:01:24.919 own story. 0:01:25.240 --> 0:01:25.840 Was you do it live? 0:01:26.840 --> 0:01:29.640 Yes, I would have if I had been with someone 0:01:29.680 --> 0:01:33.200 who I trusted. The problem is, and I don't mind 0:01:33.240 --> 0:01:36.240 answering questions that I don't know ahead of time. Clearly 0:01:36.240 --> 0:01:40.559 here we are right now doing it. But I wanted 0:01:40.600 --> 0:01:42.320 it to be the right time, and it wasn't the 0:01:42.400 --> 0:01:44.480 right time yet. I wanted things to quiet down. I 0:01:44.520 --> 0:01:47.800 didn't want there to be all of the mayhem that 0:01:47.880 --> 0:01:49.280 was surrounding us be a part. 0:01:49.240 --> 0:01:51.040 Of the question do you think you're ready now? 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:54.040 I think that I would be ready. 0:01:54.120 --> 0:01:57.240 I still believe that with everything that you and I 0:01:57.280 --> 0:02:01.800 want to say, it's better to have our own platform 0:02:01.840 --> 0:02:06.840 in our own home, because I do still feel a 0:02:06.920 --> 0:02:11.680 massive distrust for the industry that I once worked. 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:14.120 You say everything you and you want to say it 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:17.560 was is you want to say. 0:02:17.280 --> 0:02:19.400 I've been saying it. I just want to set the 0:02:19.440 --> 0:02:21.839 record straight. I think our narrative, I know, I don't think. 0:02:21.919 --> 0:02:25.840 I know that our narrative was stolen from us, and 0:02:26.040 --> 0:02:31.640 unfortunately many people still believe what they read. And so yes, 0:02:31.680 --> 0:02:33.600 I would still and I'm going to and we're going 0:02:33.639 --> 0:02:34.560 to still speak out and. 0:02:34.480 --> 0:02:36.760 Speak up about it, but I'd prefer to do it 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:39.520 on this podcast. 0:02:39.639 --> 0:02:41.519 Do you have so you have at this point no 0:02:41.639 --> 0:02:42.720 plans were doing an interview. 0:02:42.840 --> 0:02:45.000 I don't have any plans right now, but I wouldn't. 0:02:46.240 --> 0:02:49.280 I wouldn't at this point. I wouldn't say no. If 0:02:49.280 --> 0:02:52.919 the right opportunity came up and the right person asked, 0:02:53.120 --> 0:02:54.440 I would likely say yes. 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:56.160 Pick someone. Who would it be the one person to 0:02:56.200 --> 0:02:57.160 do one interview with you? 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:02.239 Hoe to copy Savannah Go three. 0:03:03.000 --> 0:03:06.040 I've known them, I love them, I worked with them. 0:03:06.200 --> 0:03:10.160 I trust them probably more than any other two journalists 0:03:10.160 --> 0:03:12.480 because I know them. 0:03:12.760 --> 0:03:14.600 You might you're gonna do that on solo? 0:03:16.360 --> 0:03:19.560 Well, you were just asking who I would pick. We 0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:21.760 would obviously have to have a larger conversation about that. 0:03:22.000 --> 0:03:26.960 I mean, I'm cool. I mean, Savannah's fine with that. Oda, 0:03:27.520 --> 0:03:30.960 that's sus I don't know. I'm kidding Oda. You know 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:36.840 I love you. What do you think the general consensus is? 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:38.680 What do you think people think of you? 0:03:41.240 --> 0:03:45.440 Wow? The people who know me, That's not what. 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:47.480 I'm talking about. The people who general in general, general 0:03:47.480 --> 0:03:49.240 consensus from the public. What do you think people think 0:03:49.280 --> 0:03:52.520 of you? Wow? 0:03:53.440 --> 0:03:57.240 I don't know the answer to that, I think that 0:04:00.200 --> 0:04:02.440 I mean, if they believe the tabloids, they think I'm 0:04:03.160 --> 0:04:04.960 a cheater and a home wrecker. 0:04:06.280 --> 0:04:07.640 And all these awful things. 0:04:07.680 --> 0:04:11.280 And I think if they actually have followed my career 0:04:12.080 --> 0:04:15.760 and have followed me in whatever I've chosen to share 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:17.919 on social media, I think that they get a fuller 0:04:17.960 --> 0:04:21.520 picture and they know that I love my daughters, I 0:04:21.560 --> 0:04:26.560 love running. I am a passionate person who lives life 0:04:26.560 --> 0:04:34.599 to the fullest and uses her time to pursue joy. 0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:38.520 Call comes from Disney today. They want you back in 0:04:38.560 --> 0:04:42.680 the same capacity that you were in previously. How long 0:04:43.520 --> 0:04:45.640 do you need to decide and call them back? 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:51.440 The first person I would call would be you, and 0:04:51.480 --> 0:04:54.080 it would Matt. It would I would need to know 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:56.120 what the job. 0:04:56.080 --> 0:04:59.159 Was, same same thing, coming back to the exact same role. 0:04:59.240 --> 0:05:02.279 But would you be there with me? No, then the 0:05:02.279 --> 0:05:05.760 answer would be no. That wouldn't take me long at all. 0:05:06.360 --> 0:05:08.400 I am with you. It's a different answer. 0:05:10.080 --> 0:05:12.479 I would need to discuss it with you, and I 0:05:12.480 --> 0:05:14.800 would need we would need at least twenty four hours 0:05:14.839 --> 0:05:15.479 to think about that. 0:05:16.480 --> 0:05:19.160 Would you have ever left that job? 0:05:20.080 --> 0:05:24.200 I would almost certainly have not chosen to leave the 0:05:24.279 --> 0:05:27.800 job that I had because it was a dream job. 0:05:28.200 --> 0:05:30.960 Did you ever, at any point your ABC career get 0:05:31.000 --> 0:05:33.280 close to leaving voluntarily? 0:05:34.120 --> 0:05:39.040 I considered it after the hot mic incident where I 0:05:39.080 --> 0:05:42.279 was talking about my frustrations about not getting to air 0:05:44.200 --> 0:05:47.800 a piece I had had and had worked on about 0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:52.960 Jeffrey Epstein, and when I was taken off the air 0:05:53.000 --> 0:05:56.760 for a bit or at least just not asked to 0:05:56.760 --> 0:06:01.240 be on the show for a month, I considered leaving. 0:06:01.480 --> 0:06:05.279 Yes, who is someone that stands out to you that 0:06:05.400 --> 0:06:09.760 you are actually shocked that you have not heard from 0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:11.320 still since all this happened. 0:06:19.160 --> 0:06:19.960 That's a tough one. 0:06:20.000 --> 0:06:23.200 Who have I not heard from since this all happened 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:26.400 that I'm shocked by? I don't know if I want 0:06:26.440 --> 0:06:27.000 to say. 0:06:27.080 --> 0:06:30.800 But you do have something in mine? Yes, but you I. 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:32.520 Don't want to call this person out. 0:06:32.120 --> 0:06:35.560 I give us Obviously you would be able to say 0:06:35.560 --> 0:06:38.679 it to me but in private. But is there nothing 0:06:38.720 --> 0:06:42.320 you can say about who this person was or where 0:06:42.320 --> 0:06:46.039 they were in your life without actually given giving away 0:06:46.040 --> 0:06:46.800 whould Actually I. 0:06:46.760 --> 0:06:51.280 Would just say there are people who I worked with 0:06:51.480 --> 0:06:56.440 every single day, who I thought I was close to, 0:06:58.760 --> 0:07:00.680 who then showed me who they really were When They 0:07:00.720 --> 0:07:03.600 didn't check in ever, not. 0:07:03.600 --> 0:07:12.720 Once outside of me. What relationship in your life is 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:17.960 better after all this happened than it was before all 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:18.520 this happened? 0:07:19.280 --> 0:07:20.360 My mom and dad? 0:07:21.680 --> 0:07:27.280 What relationship is worse after all this happened than it was? 0:07:27.280 --> 0:07:28.080 Two friendships? 0:07:29.360 --> 0:07:30.920 But those two friendships still exist? 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:32.440 No, they're gone, so. 0:07:32.520 --> 0:07:35.040 That doesn't count. 0:07:35.640 --> 0:07:37.480 It was because of all of this. 0:07:37.400 --> 0:07:40.200 Okay, But that relationship is not worse, is non existent. 0:07:40.280 --> 0:07:43.480 So what relationship do you still have that still exists 0:07:44.320 --> 0:07:48.600 that is a struggle now versus what it was before? 0:07:48.760 --> 0:07:52.440 Right now, in this moment, a relationship that is worse 0:07:52.520 --> 0:07:57.920 because of all of this? I believe right now there 0:07:57.920 --> 0:08:00.720 were ones that took hits along the way, But right now, 0:08:00.760 --> 0:08:03.680 in this moment, there's no relationship that I currently have 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:06.520 that is worse because of what happened. I think, well, 0:08:06.560 --> 0:08:10.320 I know all of them are now currently better than 0:08:10.360 --> 0:08:10.680 they were. 0:08:11.040 --> 0:08:15.440 You spoke a moment ago about what people think. How 0:08:15.520 --> 0:08:20.720 important is it to you what people think of you? 0:08:21.440 --> 0:08:25.720 Not privately but on a larger public way. 0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:26.560 It matters to me. 0:08:28.520 --> 0:08:33.880 I have always and I wish that it didn't, but 0:08:33.960 --> 0:08:36.839 it does. I have always wanted to. 0:08:38.400 --> 0:08:44.880 Be liked, to be respected, to be someone that someone 0:08:44.880 --> 0:08:46.920 looks up to. Yes, so it does. 0:08:46.880 --> 0:08:48.720 Matter a lot. That's in all of us. I guess 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:51.480 you're not alone in that. I'm saying. Is there something 0:08:51.600 --> 0:08:57.200 you can think of that you should or could say? 0:08:57.400 --> 0:09:01.800 I am sorry to your pan parents about for your 0:09:01.880 --> 0:09:06.160 behavior from birth through college graduation, so essentially when you 0:09:06.160 --> 0:09:10.440 were still under their care. There anything you would okay, 0:09:10.559 --> 0:09:12.360 I'm sorry or apologize to them for. 0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:14.240 Sure, Mom and dad. 0:09:14.360 --> 0:09:19.880 I am sorry for my selfish attitude as a teenager. 0:09:20.960 --> 0:09:25.880 I am sorry for sneaking out almost every weekend when 0:09:25.880 --> 0:09:33.079 you grounded me. I am sorry for not understanding how 0:09:33.080 --> 0:09:37.000 hard it is to be a parent and to not 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:42.440 give them. I didn't give them the grace to just 0:09:42.480 --> 0:09:44.840 be humans. I wanted them to be perfect, and I 0:09:44.880 --> 0:09:49.800 was angry when they weren't. I am sorry for. 0:09:50.960 --> 0:09:53.360 This is up until college, you said, Oh. 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:58.120 Yeah, I am sorry for all the back talking I did. 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:00.080 I think that doesn't come as a surprise to you. 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:03.440 And I'm sorry for all the doors I slammed. I 0:10:03.440 --> 0:10:05.480 think we're good. 0:10:06.120 --> 0:10:11.760 It was absolutely the most, the funniest and most tragic 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:14.960 story I've heard from anyone's childhood is that your dad 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:17.760 told me the story of it sounds crazy, all the 0:10:17.800 --> 0:10:21.839 doors I slammed, but her dad actually, to punish her, 0:10:22.080 --> 0:10:24.440 removed her door from the hinges and she did not 0:10:24.559 --> 0:10:26.439 have a door your entire senior year of high school? 0:10:26.440 --> 0:10:27.320 Do I have that story right? 0:10:27.480 --> 0:10:29.480 That is correct? And I will give you the lead 0:10:29.600 --> 0:10:32.920 up to that. So when I have a. 0:10:32.840 --> 0:10:36.199 Temper and when I get angry, I slammed doors when 0:10:36.200 --> 0:10:38.200 I was younger. I don't do that anymore, obviously, but 0:10:38.240 --> 0:10:39.880 when I was younger, it was my one thing I 0:10:39.880 --> 0:10:42.120 could do, and I would just get upstairs and slam 0:10:42.160 --> 0:10:44.480 my door. So my parents, as a punishment would make 0:10:44.480 --> 0:10:49.400 me open and close the door nicely, quietly, fifty times 0:10:49.600 --> 0:10:53.120 fifty This happened a couple of times, and on forty nine, 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:56.160 when I got to fifty, on my fiftieth one, I 0:10:56.160 --> 0:10:59.360 would slam it. And so I did that, I believe twice. 0:10:59.559 --> 0:11:01.880 And that is it for my dad. He removed my door. 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:07.560 True story, And my dad told you it so, oh 0:11:07.640 --> 0:11:09.680 yeah earlier. 0:11:09.760 --> 0:11:11.000 He's actually really proud of it. 0:11:11.920 --> 0:11:13.679 So many things start to make sense, don't they. Amn 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:20.600 Are you were you nervous about the impression you were 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:21.880 going to make on my parents? 0:11:22.160 --> 0:11:25.280 Oh? Absolutely, yes, I was nervous. 0:11:26.440 --> 0:11:30.400 I was very nervous about what they would think of me, 0:11:31.240 --> 0:11:34.440 And yeah, I definitely was. 0:11:34.559 --> 0:11:36.280 Did you prepare in some way for it? 0:11:38.080 --> 0:11:44.160 No, I just I just leaned into my like, I 0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:46.080 am who I am. I can't be anything other than 0:11:46.080 --> 0:11:47.920 who I am, and so I'm just gonna be me. 0:11:48.120 --> 0:11:51.520 You didn't ask for advice from anyone. You didn't read 0:11:51.600 --> 0:11:53.400 up on the civil rights movement or anything like that. 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:56.240 Wait, you made fun of me. I was watching a 0:11:56.240 --> 0:11:59.280 movie on a plane. I was coming back from something 0:11:59.600 --> 0:12:03.040 right before I met them, this thing you made fun 0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:03.280 of me. 0:12:03.400 --> 0:12:05.720 Yet, Wait, it was something. It was a really black movie. 0:12:05.800 --> 0:12:09.000 You were with your parents already and I happened to watch. 0:12:11.440 --> 0:12:14.240 It was some black movie that I hadn't seen before, 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:16.520 and I just saw it on the plane. It was 0:12:16.559 --> 0:12:20.320 not timed in any way to meeting your parents, and 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:23.480 you called me out on it and were making fun 0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:25.880 of me, as if I was doing that to prepare 0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:26.840 to meet your parents. 0:12:26.840 --> 0:12:27.080 It is. 0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:28.800 I wish I can remember which movie it was. 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:30.959 And I'm joking. It wasn't as bad as soul playing, y'all. 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:33.200 I'm kidding something it was. 0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:35.200 It wasn't Boomerang because I've already seen that, but it 0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:36.280 was something like that. 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:41.800 It was like a heavy movie like it was. It 0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:48.080 was a Spike Lee movie. I knew I was going 0:12:48.080 --> 0:12:49.839 to come up with it. It was Do the Right Thing, 0:12:49.880 --> 0:12:53.480 you know what. I had never seen it, and I got. 0:12:53.320 --> 0:12:56.800 Worried, well, because you hadn't seen Do the Right Thing. 0:12:56.960 --> 0:13:00.480 And I've interviewed Spike before, and I was so nervous, 0:13:00.520 --> 0:13:03.880 and I remember being mad at myself that I hadn't 0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:06.440 watched it beforehand. I wasn't talking to him about that movie, 0:13:06.720 --> 0:13:08.360 but I thought, my god, how can I interview Spike 0:13:08.400 --> 0:13:10.440 Lee and not have seen that. So it was always 0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:11.600 in the back of my mind. And when I was 0:13:11.600 --> 0:13:13.840 on a plane, I saw it was not timing it 0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:16.720 out with meeting her parents, and I happened to watch 0:13:16.720 --> 0:13:17.959 it and I loved it. 0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:21.439 I'm okay, I'm going off my list here a little bit. 0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:23.240 Have you seen Roots? 0:13:23.720 --> 0:13:28.319 No, I was young when it came out. What year 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:28.959 did that come out? 0:13:29.120 --> 0:13:30.160 I was a young girl? 0:13:30.400 --> 0:13:32.640 Yeah, yeah, we know, we know. 0:13:33.679 --> 0:13:37.160 Okay, on my list, you know, I'm I'm gonna stop there, 0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:41.559 but up next we are going to get a little 0:13:41.559 --> 0:13:46.520 more personal, including about our relationship and the questioning is 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:50.120 going to start with a spelling bee. Stay here. Great, 0:13:59.360 --> 0:14:01.160 all right, we are back here with the Q and 0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:07.520 a TJ interviewing Roebock. Right now, we left off talking 0:14:07.520 --> 0:14:13.359 about roots, soul plaining, do the right thing, and some 0:14:13.880 --> 0:14:17.080 watching we need to do over the weekend. Yes, but 0:14:17.240 --> 0:14:20.160 I'll continue with the line of questioning here. Next question 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:22.400 is can you spell lutilius? 0:14:26.000 --> 0:14:27.440 I'm going to write it out as I say it. 0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:33.040 L o U t E l I o U s 0:14:33.200 --> 0:14:34.160 what you had to spell it out? 0:14:34.280 --> 0:14:35.720 I mean you had to write it. 0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:37.160 That made me feel more comfortable. 0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:40.600 Okay, I do that with Roebock as well. 0:14:40.720 --> 0:14:41.720 I'm a visual person. 0:14:42.960 --> 0:14:45.200 When was the first time you looked at me in 0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:47.480 a non friend zone way? 0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:58.040 I believe that we were walking back. 0:14:59.480 --> 0:15:05.800 From have dinner with friends, and on the walk back 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:10.680 you walk me back. I felt something different in the 0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:11.880 way we were looking at each other. 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:16.280 I know that exact time you're talking about. I know 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:17.320 exactly what you're talking about. 0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:19.240 We didn't say anything. I didn't say anything, you didn't 0:15:19.240 --> 0:15:21.040 say anything, but I felt something. 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:23.880 We had That was a fun night. That was I 0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:31.280 remember that. Okay, we made a stop. Yes, given your experience, 0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:34.320 your life experience, your love experience. What advice would you 0:15:34.360 --> 0:15:38.840 give to someone regarding the reasons to get married again. 0:15:38.920 --> 0:15:40.560 I don't want you to say, hey, don't get not 0:15:40.920 --> 0:15:43.560 reasons not to reasons to get married. 0:15:45.720 --> 0:15:52.960 The reasons to get married when someone enhances your life, 0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:58.120 you come to the union as a full, fully formed person. 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:01.240 I don't think people can plead each other. I think 0:16:01.320 --> 0:16:03.400 they enhance each other. And so if you can find 0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:06.840 that person. If you're looking for someone to complete you, 0:16:06.920 --> 0:16:11.720 I think it's the expectations end up killing so much 0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:15.440 so if you can actually find someone who enhances who 0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:18.800 you are, who brings out the best in you, and 0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:20.720 who makes you want to be a better person, those 0:16:20.760 --> 0:16:23.480 are all really good reasons to get married. And then 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:26.440 finding that person, of course, it's not going to be perfect. 0:16:26.520 --> 0:16:29.520 You have to be willing to recognize that you're not 0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:31.240 always going to get along and not always you can't 0:16:31.280 --> 0:16:34.840 have this rom com version of what you think a 0:16:34.880 --> 0:16:36.320 marriage should look like. You have to go in with 0:16:36.400 --> 0:16:39.720 real expectations. But once you realize that you want to 0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:42.760 be with that person through the good times and through 0:16:42.800 --> 0:16:44.720 the really tough times, is that the person you want 0:16:44.720 --> 0:16:46.280 in the foxhole with you, is that the person you 0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:48.920 can lean on when things aren't going well. And I 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:51.560 think when you can find a partnership like that, I 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:56.640 want a partner in life. I have always wanted that. 0:16:56.680 --> 0:17:01.200 I think that's why I've kept trying. And I do 0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:06.560 believe there is something so beautiful about coming together with 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:10.840 someone and choosing to be with someone and loving someone. 0:17:11.040 --> 0:17:12.760 I think, I think I've heard this. 0:17:12.840 --> 0:17:15.040 If you like someone, it's because if you love someone, 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:18.600 it's in spite of But that idea of loving someone 0:17:19.000 --> 0:17:22.080 as much as you love yourself, perhaps even greater than 0:17:22.080 --> 0:17:24.680 you love yourself. That idea of sacrifice, that idea of 0:17:25.440 --> 0:17:28.640 giving instead of getting, I love that, and it enhances 0:17:28.640 --> 0:17:32.240 your life to have a partner. I mean, there's nothing 0:17:32.480 --> 0:17:34.720 I want more, I think than that. I want that 0:17:34.760 --> 0:17:36.879 for my children. I want that for my daughters. 0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:39.560 All right, So, again, giving your experience, what advice would 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:43.119 you now give to someone regarding reasons to stay or 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:45.080 not stay in a relationship. 0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:54.840 Who you stay in a relationship, it's worth fighting for 0:17:57.480 --> 0:18:01.640 if you have mutual respect for each other. I do 0:18:01.680 --> 0:18:04.639 believe that love becomes a choice. It's not always just 0:18:04.640 --> 0:18:06.399 this feeling where you're like, oh my god, I'm so 0:18:06.440 --> 0:18:08.920 in love with him. And it's that that comes and goes, 0:18:08.960 --> 0:18:13.520 that that's cyclical. It's when you find someone who you 0:18:13.520 --> 0:18:17.600 can respect and like and are friends with. If you 0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:20.879 can go through life laughing with someone, friends with someone, 0:18:20.920 --> 0:18:22.760 even if you're angry at them and you're mad at them, 0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:26.760 and things may go and events may happen, and they 0:18:26.760 --> 0:18:28.760 may do things that really upset you and anger you. 0:18:28.840 --> 0:18:31.960 But I think if you have that mutual respect, you 0:18:32.080 --> 0:18:40.400 stay and you go if I think it's a really tough, tough, 0:18:40.440 --> 0:18:44.960 tough call to make, But when there are more I 0:18:45.280 --> 0:18:47.160 really think it comes down to when you lose respect 0:18:47.200 --> 0:18:49.920 for someone, I don't know that you can get it back. 0:18:50.520 --> 0:18:55.720 And if you don't like doing basic things with him, 0:18:55.920 --> 0:18:59.040 I think those are big red flags. But respect would 0:18:59.040 --> 0:19:01.920 be the number one thing. When you lose respect for someone, 0:19:02.080 --> 0:19:04.000 I think it's really hard to stay in a marriage. 0:19:04.240 --> 0:19:06.520 Can you tell me a bad health habit that you 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:08.480 have right now that you'd like to break. 0:19:09.280 --> 0:19:12.200 Bad health habit that I would like to break. I'm 0:19:12.240 --> 0:19:17.879 working on it. French fries. I love French fries and 0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:20.200 eating French fries and fried food, fried food. 0:19:20.240 --> 0:19:21.120 I'm gonna go the whole thing. 0:19:21.320 --> 0:19:27.119 That is one of my biggest health habits that I 0:19:27.160 --> 0:19:31.040 am working on getting rid of. There's nothing good that 0:19:31.160 --> 0:19:32.480 comes from eating fried food. 0:19:32.680 --> 0:19:34.240 Is there a bad health habit that I have that 0:19:34.240 --> 0:19:35.280 you would like for me to break? 0:19:36.400 --> 0:19:43.280 M well, sleeping, lack thereof acting. 0:19:45.520 --> 0:19:48.040 I think you recognized it now, and you've come a 0:19:48.080 --> 0:19:51.080 long way from when I first we're friends with you. 0:19:51.119 --> 0:19:53.960 I think you I don't know. I feel like you 0:19:54.200 --> 0:19:58.400 did not prioritize sleep, and so the more sleep you get, 0:19:58.760 --> 0:20:01.520 the healthier you are. I want you to live as 0:20:01.560 --> 0:20:04.639 long as possible, and so I would like you to 0:20:04.720 --> 0:20:06.320 sleep even more than you do. 0:20:06.480 --> 0:20:10.359 When do you think race has shown up in our relationship? 0:20:11.960 --> 0:20:16.399 It doesn't show up that often, but I'm trying to 0:20:16.400 --> 0:20:19.760 think when it has. It In a recent fight, it has, 0:20:22.119 --> 0:20:23.639 and we're still working through that. 0:20:24.920 --> 0:20:27.200 We've talked about how. 0:20:26.960 --> 0:20:29.719 I react, how you react differently to things and people 0:20:30.760 --> 0:20:36.800 based on experiences, and I think I have learned even 0:20:36.880 --> 0:20:41.760 more than I ever could have seeing the world through 0:20:42.600 --> 0:20:43.720 as much as you can show me. 0:20:43.800 --> 0:20:44.120 You can't. 0:20:44.200 --> 0:20:46.320 Obviously, I can't walk into your body and know what 0:20:46.359 --> 0:20:51.080 it's like. But I have seen seen things and heard 0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:55.280 things differently because you've experienced them, and I'm standing by 0:20:55.280 --> 0:20:58.119 your side. So in a week we've had these conversations 0:20:58.200 --> 0:21:01.840 and it's been incredibly I opening to me in a 0:21:01.880 --> 0:21:04.760 lot of ways. So it's been a part of our relationship. 0:21:04.800 --> 0:21:07.920 It doesn't take center stage, but it's something I think 0:21:07.920 --> 0:21:12.679 we mostly I don't think we want to laugh at it, 0:21:12.760 --> 0:21:16.080 but we keep it lighter. But there have been heavy moments. 0:21:16.480 --> 0:21:19.399 Can you tell one You've said things you've learned, but 0:21:19.440 --> 0:21:23.399 can you think of something you have learned regarding black 0:21:23.440 --> 0:21:25.879 folks black experience dating a black man that you did 0:21:25.920 --> 0:21:28.960 not know until you got into this with me. 0:21:29.640 --> 0:21:35.120 I hear things that friends or family might say that 0:21:35.560 --> 0:21:38.800 before I was dating you, I wouldn't have considered offensive 0:21:40.240 --> 0:21:44.560 that Now I see r when people are trying to 0:21:44.840 --> 0:21:48.480 when white people and I know who they are, and 0:21:48.560 --> 0:21:51.080 I know they're not bad people, but are kind of 0:21:51.960 --> 0:21:58.280 desperate to connect make bad choices in making everything that 0:21:58.320 --> 0:22:03.280 they say to you about black things, and it's embarrassing 0:22:03.359 --> 0:22:06.199 now to hear it. I think you know most of 0:22:06.200 --> 0:22:07.800 the time it comes from a good place, but it's 0:22:07.840 --> 0:22:12.000 still so hard to listen to now that I know 0:22:12.240 --> 0:22:15.000 how you experience that where you're singled out and you're 0:22:15.040 --> 0:22:15.720 treated differently. 0:22:16.440 --> 0:22:19.119 Do you think it matters to your family whether or 0:22:19.119 --> 0:22:20.119 not we get married. 0:22:21.280 --> 0:22:23.280 I think they would like us to get married. That's 0:22:24.160 --> 0:22:31.680 they are religious people. They are Catholic. And here's the thing. 0:22:31.800 --> 0:22:34.960 My parents have an amazing marriage fifty five no, sorry, 0:22:35.119 --> 0:22:40.280 fifty years, whoops, fifty years and because they have seen 0:22:40.480 --> 0:22:44.199 all the good that comes out of that type of 0:22:44.200 --> 0:22:47.879 commitment and weathering storms, they want that from me. 0:22:48.200 --> 0:22:49.760 So, yes, they do want us to get married. 0:22:50.119 --> 0:22:53.320 But you said you think so, but they've stated so, 0:22:53.400 --> 0:22:54.440 and not just a matter. 0:22:54.280 --> 0:22:58.520