Speaker 1: Hello, my loves, welcome back and give them all a podcast.
Speaker 1: I am.
Speaker 2: It's early, it's early. It's early for me, it's nine
Speaker 2: to twenty five am.
Speaker 1: That for me to start podcasting and using my brain
Speaker 1: is definitely like I'm a ten o'clocker. Yeah, because you
Speaker 1: sit and go, okay, we're gonna start the podcast at
Speaker 1: nine thirty. Well, then I got to wake up and
Speaker 1: get ocean ready and do that whole shtick. Yeah, my
Speaker 1: mom took her this morning. I didn't take her. Okay,
Speaker 1: I do this well. Good.
Speaker 2: I saw a lot of activity again once again. You
Speaker 2: were out and about this weekend.
Speaker 1: I went to Palm Springs.
Speaker 2: Tell me about it.
Speaker 1: Well, it was much needed. Life is weird. Everyone's life
Speaker 1: gets weird at some point, right, So when you just
Speaker 1: like LA for my friends who don't live here, my
Speaker 1: people who don't live here, it can become suffocating, you know, Jess. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's little things that happen where you're like, I've got
Speaker 1: to get the fuck out of here.
Speaker 2: People in New York City know this feeling very well too,
Speaker 2: do they? Yes?
Speaker 1: Okay, well, my.
Speaker 2: Friends in New York are constantly talking about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is where I'm at you know when you say,
Speaker 1: like I want to crawl out of my own skin.
Speaker 1: I want to crawl out of Los Angeles. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: that's just what I want right now. Yeah, So Shina said,
Speaker 1: let's go to Palm Springs. I had you cancel most
Speaker 1: of Thursday all of Friday so that I could go
Speaker 1: and get my mind right. It was a very funky
Speaker 1: couple of days, Like Thursday was a little fucking weird,
Speaker 1: Friday was super fun. Saturday ocean came down with the cold.
Speaker 1: I asked Shena, do you prefer that we leave so
Speaker 1: we don't get summer moonsick? She was like, I think
Speaker 1: that ship has sailed already. They've literally been kissing, sharing cups.
Speaker 1: So it was it was great. It was easy. We
Speaker 1: stayed in most of the time because it was raining.
Speaker 2: But why do you think did something happen where you
Speaker 2: felt like I have to get out of here? Do
Speaker 2: you just think it just happens sometimes when you live
Speaker 2: in a city like LA.
Speaker 1: I think it just happens sometimes when you live in
Speaker 1: a place like La. But also just everything going on
Speaker 1: in my personal life, which I'm like sitting here like
Speaker 1: wanting a fucking just share like I want to get
Speaker 1: on this mic and be like, this is what I've
Speaker 1: been fucking dealing with for fourteen fucking months. These are
Speaker 1: the little things that I gotta fucking deal with, and
Speaker 1: I'm sick of it. And to watch someone constantly try
Speaker 1: to say that everyone around is lying, but he's the
Speaker 1: keeper of the truth. Everyone else is insane and lying
Speaker 1: trying to take him down, It's like beyond comprehension from an.
Speaker 2: Out just an outsider, even if I didn't know you,
Speaker 2: an outsider looking in you have been saying for a
Speaker 2: long time, like, hey, there's stuff going on no one
Speaker 2: knows about. I'm just trying to get through stuff going on,
Speaker 2: stuff going on. And slowly we have started to be
Speaker 2: we as the audience have become exposed to some of
Speaker 2: the things, maybe just the surface.
Speaker 1: Well, what if I always suggests from the very beginning,
Speaker 1: what is done in the dark will always come to
Speaker 1: the light, right and now people are somewhat somewhat seeing
Speaker 1: why I am fighting for my child right now. Right,
Speaker 1: So it's a day in, day out type of thing.
Speaker 1: And I still believe what is done in the dark
Speaker 1: will always come to the light, The truth will always
Speaker 1: find the light. That's just how shit works. So I'm
Speaker 1: doing whatever I can to prevent things from happening, to protect,
Speaker 1: you know, my offspring, my little cub. But it's a lot.
Speaker 1: And I will say this weekend I had moments of
Speaker 1: just we talked about this week last week, where I
Speaker 1: have moments of like, Okay, this is a moment where
Speaker 1: I may break, And I got to sit in a
Speaker 1: room and like regroup right and tell myself, this motherfucker
Speaker 1: is not gonna break me, bitch, I'll be damned.
Speaker 2: And it's incredible to watch, only because you know, you're
Speaker 2: starting to hear and see people going, oh my god,
Speaker 2: this is what Lala's been hinting at and talking about
Speaker 2: and and and you know me, I'm like, oh my,
Speaker 2: And people are like, no, wonder she's been fighting and
Speaker 2: this and that. I'm like, oh god, you don't even no, no, no,
Speaker 2: this is not it. This is not even we haven't
Speaker 2: even scratched the surface. So you are going through so
Speaker 2: much more than people know. And you don't, like, you're
Speaker 2: not the kind of person to sit there and say that,
Speaker 2: like if you guys only knew, like you're just not
Speaker 2: and to watch you are going through so much and
Speaker 2: I literally have said this honestly these past two years.
Speaker 2: To watch you get up every day and you have
Speaker 2: your moments, but then to soldier on is like extremely inspiring.
Speaker 2: And we always get dms that are like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: like Laala inspires me. She's killing it, which so true.
Speaker 2: But I think just one day, I think people may
Speaker 2: know the full story and it's it's incredible.
Speaker 1: Full story will come out. Yeah yeah, and I don't
Speaker 1: even have to be the one to say it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you're you're you're killing it. You're an amazing mother,
Speaker 2: You're an amazing just woman friend boss. So it's like amazing.
Speaker 2: It's just like bravo to you, you know.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Jess. Yeah. In brighter news, Yes, let's hear
Speaker 1: you had a really fun I love watching your Instagram
Speaker 1: so much. It brings me so much joy. Okay, let's
Speaker 1: talk about you micro needled your own.
Speaker 2: Face, micro needled my own face, which I didn't even know.
Speaker 2: I got a micro needling tool, which I'll link you guys.
Speaker 2: I got all of these. You know, it's funny. I
Speaker 2: got all of the stuff. Micro needling tool, led light mask.
Speaker 2: When the pandemic hit in twenty twenty because I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm going to be home time to do all of
Speaker 2: like the facial stuff and everything. And I probably used
Speaker 2: them all like twice and then forgot about them until
Speaker 2: this past weekend. I was looking in the mirror, and
Speaker 2: you know, I'm thirty one, and I've always you know,
Speaker 2: I look at my skin and I see the wrinkles forming,
Speaker 2: and I've I've said it on here before. I always
Speaker 2: go back and forth with like is it time for botox?
Speaker 2: Is it time? So I think it is, but haven't
Speaker 2: gotten it yet. But this past weekend I did some
Speaker 2: micro needling, did an led light mask. I don't know
Speaker 2: if it's going to help, because I've heard and read
Speaker 2: and watched that you have to be consistent, but it
Speaker 2: was just a fun little like.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It looked the red light mask, which,
Speaker 1: by the way, every time I go to a spaw
Speaker 1: and have that treatment done, I fall asleep out cold.
Speaker 1: The micro needling, I don't know if that's going to
Speaker 1: help with wrinkle wrinkles. I know it helps with like
Speaker 1: fine lines, but you know, just like the way we
Speaker 1: move our faces, I don't know that it's going to
Speaker 1: like really get it in there.
Speaker 2: What does it do oh collagen right it?
Speaker 1: Yeah, basically like resurfaces your your healthy skin. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: and that's why I do the micro needling with the
Speaker 1: PRP where they put basically your own blood, not really,
Speaker 1: they separate the platelets and then they put the plasma
Speaker 1: on and then they micro needle that into your face.
Speaker 2: See that it is your own blood. I would pass out,
Speaker 2: but I would. Do you remember that?
Speaker 1: Do you remember that video the blood blood what? Oh?
Speaker 2: That was like one of the first YouTube viral throw
Speaker 2: back same around the same time as the Charlie but
Speaker 2: my Finger Charlie Charlie out and it's still hurting throw
Speaker 2: I wonder if some people listening to this they're like,
Speaker 2: what are they talking about?
Speaker 1: As No, my demographic is, like I think mostly my
Speaker 1: age and older. Okay, I definitely know what we're talking.
Speaker 2: But because when I was talking about broad City, when
Speaker 2: we were talking about pegging, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: there's an episode on broad City, I got so many
Speaker 2: dms like shout out hell, yes, broad City.
Speaker 1: Can I tell you something really funny? And I hope
Speaker 1: they keep it in this season and Bravo, please don't
Speaker 1: email me. I don't want to live it ain't the day.
Speaker 1: Just let me say this. We we're filming and we're
Speaker 1: in like, we're in fight mode a group of us,
Speaker 1: and I said, I pegged you from the beginning, and
Speaker 1: the whole group likes to me, goes what And I
Speaker 1: was like, like, I I called your like I knew
Speaker 1: your card before your cars, before they were dealt. And
Speaker 1: they were like, pegging is putting something in your asshole.
Speaker 1: And I was like, are you serious pegging?
Speaker 2: Yes, more specifically no, but that is Kyle says it.
Speaker 2: He's like, well, I pegged him for a blah blah
Speaker 2: blah guy. And I'm like, oh, did you.
Speaker 1: Now that's what I thought.
Speaker 2: Were you talking to a man or a woman?
Speaker 1: Group of chicks? Oh, group of chicks.
Speaker 2: That is so funny. I hope they keep that in.
Speaker 1: I do too. There's my tea on vander Pump that
Speaker 1: there are times that are like really, really fucking funny,
Speaker 1: and I hope that some of them they keep in.
Speaker 2: You know what I loved last season. I don't know
Speaker 2: if this is the first season they did it, but
Speaker 2: it seemed like they kept those moments in. It was
Speaker 2: like the week after the episode aired, they had the
Speaker 2: I don't know if it was extended version of totally,
Speaker 2: well that extended.
Speaker 1: When they do that, it's like an like unseen unseen.
Speaker 2: Footage totally they have in the episodes. I don't know
Speaker 2: if they'll do it this season, but that seems to
Speaker 2: be when they put the funny stuff back in, like
Speaker 2: what you didn't see from the scene, and it's like
Speaker 2: a silly moment.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, But speaking of vander Pump, I'm curious because I
Speaker 2: saw a lot of news and stuff. I saw a
Speaker 2: lot of like tea spilled this past weekend on Bravo
Speaker 2: account and people questioning certain relationships you have in friendships.
Speaker 2: Do you have anything to say on that?
Speaker 1: So I did because today we don't have a guest,
Speaker 1: and I like when we have a guest, but I
Speaker 1: also have so much fun, just like shooting the shit
Speaker 1: with you guys, you know. So I asked my friends
Speaker 1: on Instagram we're recording a podcast, like what do you
Speaker 1: want to know? And so many people asked about this
Speaker 1: what you're referring to, So of course I was like,
Speaker 1: why are people asking this? Well, now I know that
Speaker 1: someone asked Katie this on her podcast and she said,
Speaker 1: quote unquote, the vibes are definitely off. So I guess
Speaker 1: the vibes are definitely off.
Speaker 2: Is that news to you?
Speaker 1: Well? After the DMS I got from her the other day,
Speaker 1: not so much. Not so much, I would say a
Speaker 1: little bit off. But just like I've said before, I
Speaker 1: got a lot going on. That is the least of
Speaker 1: my concern. And I hope she had a very happy birthday.
Speaker 1: It slipped my mind that it was her birthday because
Speaker 1: it was MLK Day.
Speaker 2: Oh oh, her birthday was yesterday.
Speaker 1: Monday, on Monday. Yeah, oh, I didn't know that. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I completely spaced it, you know, with MLK Day happening,
Speaker 1: and you know, I had ocean she was feeling sick.
Speaker 1: So there's that. Okay.
Speaker 2: Well, as someone who is a fan of your friendship,
Speaker 2: I hope that the vibes get back on. But I
Speaker 2: guess we'll see.
Speaker 1: We'll see, We'll see, yeah, you know, m hm, you know,
Speaker 1: we'll fucking see. There was another funny question that someone
Speaker 1: asked me on the gram. Did you ever sleep with Jack?
Speaker 2: For real?
Speaker 1: Answer?
Speaker 2: Tell the truth, Laala, No, I did not. I do
Speaker 2: not have even slept with him.
Speaker 1: I think season four, like before Brittany had come into
Speaker 1: vander Pump Rules. There was like flirting going on.
Speaker 2: I remember that, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: But nothing ever happened, like not even not even a kiss,
Speaker 1: Like nothing at all, Yeah happened. Ever.
Speaker 2: That's so funny because you I remember that scene where
Speaker 2: it was like, oh, she's flirting on whatever, And it
Speaker 2: makes me laugh because I just feel like I've only
Speaker 2: met Jackson a couple of times. You know, nice guy,
Speaker 2: but I feel like you two are so different, and
Speaker 2: I would be shook if I ever found out you
Speaker 2: guys slept together.
Speaker 1: I means, yeah, but weren't you shook when you found
Speaker 1: out that, like I hooked double jeens. Yeah, Alcohol's one
Speaker 1: hell of a drug, it really is. In fact, there
Speaker 1: was a scene season four at the very beginning where
Speaker 1: I went to have drinks with Jack's Sheena and Kristen,
Speaker 1: and I had my hand on Jackson's leg and everyone
Speaker 1: was like, she's doing something naughty and I wasn't. And
Speaker 1: then I had my like the person I was so
Speaker 1: in love with at the time pick me up from
Speaker 1: that bar. I was wasted. I do not recommend this.
Speaker 1: It was very fun, but I don't recommend it. I
Speaker 1: literally was having sex with him while he was driving
Speaker 1: like on his lap. Okay, like one wrong move, we
Speaker 1: were through the windshield. What's this someone that we saw
Speaker 1: on the show or no, no, okay, it wasn't someone
Speaker 1: you saw on the show, but it was talked about.
Speaker 1: We get to my apartment at the time, the famous
Speaker 1: or the infamous apartment on Olympic Okay, and that's when
Speaker 1: I ate someone's bum bum for the first time ever.
Speaker 1: And it was this up on the show. I was like,
Speaker 1: are you kidding me?
Speaker 2: Wait, hold on, hold on, I'm I want to make
Speaker 2: sure I'm understanding this correctly. You had sex with this
Speaker 2: guy in the car who picked you up. Yes, Then
Speaker 2: when you got home.
Speaker 1: Who I had been seeing since I was like twenty
Speaker 1: one and I was twenty.
Speaker 2: Four, did you eat his ass? And James's no, jamesus,
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 1: Man's the boys.
Speaker 2: The guy And then you told James about.
Speaker 1: It, and then I was like, oh my gosh, like
Speaker 1: do I think we're getting back together? This is awesome? Yes?
Speaker 1: What And guess what what we did get back together?
Speaker 1: You did?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: And then I kept having dreams that he was cheating
Speaker 1: on me, and I was like, this is called a
Speaker 1: gut feeling. So I broke up with him again betrayal.
Speaker 2: It took me a couple of years to stop taking
Speaker 2: out my dreams on Kyle be like, are you fucking?
Speaker 2: I would wake up and be like wake up.
Speaker 1: He'd be like, the fuck is.
Speaker 2: Wrong with you? Hear me out, Yeah, this is what
Speaker 2: you did to me my dream because I was also crazy,
Speaker 2: like the first two years I did him extremely insecure,
Speaker 2: a drunk, drinking every night like.
Speaker 1: Comic so don't picture you this way, Oh my.
Speaker 2: God, messy going out. He was a DJ in Nashville,
Speaker 2: so like he would DJ from nine to two and
Speaker 2: I would get free drinks right at like the rooftop clubs,
Speaker 2: and I would just drunk, messy, yucky, but more better now.
Speaker 1: You know, she feel like that happened.
Speaker 2: You know what's interesting too, I feel like if it
Speaker 2: weren't him, any other guy would have probably not stuck
Speaker 2: around like I think any.
Speaker 1: Other guy would have been like patient.
Speaker 2: Yeah he was patient. So if any men are out
Speaker 2: there listening to this and you have a gut feeling
Speaker 2: like this is my lady, but she's acting a fool
Speaker 2: right now, maybe hang in there, have some talks with her.
Speaker 2: It might be just her thing, her insecurities, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but also consider her age.
Speaker 2: Consider her age. I was twenty five, Yeah I was.
Speaker 2: I think I feel like anything.
Speaker 1: If she's in her early to mid twenties, Yeah, she
Speaker 1: can be acting crazy once she starts stepping into like
Speaker 1: the twenty seven twenty eight zone, she should really be
Speaker 1: like kind of figuring it out. Still maybe a little
Speaker 1: up and down, but you know we're getting a grip. Yes,
Speaker 1: once they hit thirty, yes I should mellow out. I
Speaker 1: don't know who the fuck am I to judge.
Speaker 2: And also, yes, I know a lot of my friends
Speaker 2: who didn't drink until they were like twenty five, and
Speaker 2: then they get to be thirty and that's their wild days.
Speaker 2: So who knows. But can we go back to you
Speaker 2: eating ass really quick?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Always did you enjoy it?
Speaker 2: Number one? Because I've never done it. I never will.
Speaker 2: That is a garbage area to me.
Speaker 1: I am like, again, I was drinking.
Speaker 2: Okay, I would assume it's like smelly and gross and terrible.
Speaker 1: It wasn't smelly and gross and terrible. But I literally
Speaker 1: like I would have let this man do anything to me,
Speaker 1: like I was like in love.
Speaker 2: Do you still talk to this No?
Speaker 1: Okay, No, no, No, he's like married with children, Okay,
Speaker 1: fine as fuck. His wife's fine as fuck. Okay, taking
Speaker 1: hot kids, love that, you know. Okay.
Speaker 2: So it was nice. It was a good experience.
Speaker 1: That's good. It was a great experience. It was sad
Speaker 1: because by the time we were both like, I had
Speaker 1: moved out here, he was ready to commit, which is
Speaker 1: what I had been wanting since I was like twenty
Speaker 1: one and he was younger than me, and I met
Speaker 1: him when he was in college and I chose that
Speaker 1: thing to be with.
Speaker 2: Oh it was around this time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, you know what, You've really taken
Speaker 1: my heart on a wild fucking ride, and I just
Speaker 1: I could go for security and knowing that I'm going
Speaker 1: to be taken care of in my emotional areas. Right,
Speaker 1: He's present, and I just can't take the chance on
Speaker 1: you doing to me what you've done for the past
Speaker 1: however many years.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you wanted what you thought was stability, which makes
Speaker 2: sense when you get to a mature age as a woman.
Speaker 2: I think a lot of women search for that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Breg mistake, BG brigm shteak.
Speaker 1: But then I would to have Ocean Kent exactly. The Angel,
Speaker 1: The Angel Okay, this person is asking how to be
Speaker 1: okay with being single. I've been single for four years
Speaker 1: and still on struggle street. That's such a tough one
Speaker 1: because I want to say, like, I feel like you
Speaker 1: feel comfortable being single once you feel one hundred percent
Speaker 1: with yourself. But I also have met many men, not
Speaker 1: many women, but a lot of men who have been
Speaker 1: single for a really long time who seem to be very,
Speaker 1: very okay with themselves. They're one hundred percent on their own,
Speaker 1: but they're like, I want a partner, like I'm ready.
Speaker 1: The men, the men. I've met a lot of men
Speaker 1: who are looking for that. Yeah, no, I agree with you.
Speaker 2: I think that, Like I said, I met I had
Speaker 2: I've told you this before, Lalla, and I think I've
Speaker 2: said it on here. I met Kyle literally two days after.
Speaker 2: I was like my entire family, like, here's my plan.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be single forever when I'm thirty five, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna get a sperm donor. I had my entire life plan,
Speaker 2: and I was like excited for it. I'm like, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna be the baddest bitch. And then I met Kyle
Speaker 2: and I'm still that bitch, but like it was one
Speaker 2: of those things where I was like finally happy and
Speaker 2: secure with myself. I mean ended up being insecure for
Speaker 2: a couple more years after that. But I think you're right.
Speaker 2: I think that being happy with yourself and a lot
Speaker 2: of people say this, but it comes when you're not looking.
Speaker 2: Do you agree with that?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think when you start like you're on the
Speaker 1: move searching to find a dude, it's like they're nowhere
Speaker 1: to be found. It's same with when you're in a
Speaker 1: relationship and for some reason you got all these options
Speaker 1: and you can't even do anything about it because you're like,
Speaker 1: I found my person, but so why do you want me?
Speaker 1: And then you break up with them and you're like
Speaker 1: where the dude is at?
Speaker 2: Because it's an energy, people have said, yeah, it's like
Speaker 2: an energy when you're happy and fulfilled with yourself, and yeah,
Speaker 2: give or take a man or a woman, that's sort
Speaker 2: of an attractive energy to a lot of people.
Speaker 1: It's interesting. So I wouldn't even know how to answer
Speaker 1: that because I've been single now for over a year,
Speaker 1: and granted my situation is different, and we won't harp
Speaker 1: on my situation because we've been doing it for an eternity,
Speaker 1: it feels like. But I just think, as corny as
Speaker 1: it sounds, timing is everything.
Speaker 2: Timing is everything for everything. I feel like for everything, jobs, work, relationships,
Speaker 2: so many things are timing.
Speaker 1: I also think you have to like really sit down
Speaker 1: and create an incredible bond with the universe. Is that
Speaker 1: so weird? You guys can all think that I'm a
Speaker 1: nut job, But I just find that when you have
Speaker 1: a profound relationship with the universe, it just works in
Speaker 1: your favor. And it could be just a mental thing
Speaker 1: where you're like, oh, it is making sense, you know,
Speaker 1: like almost like a placebo effect for the mind.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's it is placebo effect, like thinking, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm doing this, so things are gonna get better, and
Speaker 2: then things do get better. Right, No, I one hundred
Speaker 2: percent agree. It's the whole manifesting, which people, by the way,
Speaker 2: were like, I'm getting into it this year, tons of
Speaker 2: people manifesting and doing gonna try your holy work.
Speaker 1: I just fucking do it. I'm not even fucking around
Speaker 1: with you right now. What are the Okay, let's just
Speaker 1: put it in perspective for the one thing that okay,
Speaker 1: I've been manifesting from the time I was a child, right,
Speaker 1: I've always said I'm gonna grow up and be an
Speaker 1: entertainment dam There was no one who could tell me otherwise.
Speaker 1: There's a small percent chance la la great, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be a part of that. Yeah, I always told myself.
Speaker 1: I was like, one day, I'm dreaming big. I want
Speaker 1: I want to be in a range Rover.
Speaker 2: You're in the nicest one I've seen.
Speaker 1: You. Just keep manifesting. I feel like I'm going insane today.
Speaker 1: So if anyone's sitting here being like, what's going on
Speaker 1: with her? Mentally, just no role with me today. I
Speaker 1: need y'all on my train. Please.
Speaker 2: I'm eating this up. No, this is like you the manifesting.
Speaker 2: I read something this weekend. It was like ten life tips.
Speaker 2: It was a TikTok or something, but number one was
Speaker 2: and take this as you will because some of us
Speaker 2: just need work. We need to make money, but never
Speaker 2: work for someone who you don't want to become. And
Speaker 2: I was like, I've got that down because I look
Speaker 2: at you and I'm like, yes, that's goals, And I'm
Speaker 2: like that's a great tip.
Speaker 1: And you know this isn't our forever, right, Jess. But
Speaker 1: there's gonna be a day where you come to work
Speaker 1: and we're free, like we've broken the chains.
Speaker 2: I love that you say that because I feel free.
Speaker 2: But I get what you're saying, Like best job I've
Speaker 2: ever had, just because like it's you. I mean, I've
Speaker 2: said it over and over. But I love what we're doing.
Speaker 2: We're making moves, we're taking meetings, we got things going
Speaker 2: on behind the scenes, we've got schedules filled up. I
Speaker 2: love it.
Speaker 1: I love it too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but manifesting back to pie, I sat here and
Speaker 2: I found out a shit ton of things.
Speaker 1: I didn't have to do shit. I knew why I
Speaker 1: was fighting and what I was in two weeks ago. Bam, Wow,
Speaker 1: I didn't have to say one thing. And here it is.
Speaker 1: Everyone knows now without me saying a word, without me confirming, denying,
Speaker 1: just sitting back and doing what I need to do
Speaker 1: behind the scenes. It's right in front of everyone. Oh oh,
Speaker 1: let's put the pieces of the puzzle together on why
Speaker 1: Lalla's been fighting for over a year now. All right,
Speaker 1: So you sit your ass down and you call whatever
Speaker 1: it is you want into your life, and you know
Speaker 1: the universe has your back, and you say anything that
Speaker 1: is true, bring it to the light. And by the way,
Speaker 1: sometimes I live like straight live right now, living on
Speaker 1: a prayer. Yeah, the only thing that keeps me going
Speaker 1: on a day to day where I can get out
Speaker 1: of bed and function, even though I might go to
Speaker 1: sleep and night and be like, wow, we did a lot,
Speaker 1: but I don't remember much because I'm so just occupied
Speaker 1: by what is my life. But you wake up in
Speaker 1: the morning and you're straight living on trust in something
Speaker 1: greater than you.
Speaker 2: Well, what you just said about getting I wake up
Speaker 2: in the morning and the only thing that gets me
Speaker 2: out of bed. I read this this past weekend. A
Speaker 2: lot of us grew up hearing like choices have consequences,
Speaker 2: and we just sort of associate that with negativity. Like
Speaker 2: I always thought, like my parents told me that forever
Speaker 2: and to me it always meant like if I make
Speaker 2: a bad choice, I'm gonna pay for it somehow, which
Speaker 2: I totally agree. But I was reading something it was
Speaker 2: called like Unholy and Holy Choices this week and my
Speaker 2: Grandma's a doll she sent me a book, but it
Speaker 2: was saying choices have consequences. Think of that as well
Speaker 2: as like the not negative thing. So if you make
Speaker 2: a good choice, there's gonna be a good consequence. So
Speaker 2: just you getting out of your laying in bed and
Speaker 2: you're like, I'm gonna choose to get out of bed
Speaker 2: this morning and you get up, there's going to be
Speaker 2: a positive consequence for that choice. Just a choice as
Speaker 2: simple as I'm going to get out of bed, next thing,
Speaker 2: I'm going to journal, there's going to be a positive
Speaker 2: consequence that comes from that. And I like it kind
Speaker 2: of changed my mindset because I'm like, oh, true, if
Speaker 2: even the smallest choices are going to have consequences, and
Speaker 2: it goes the other way too. You choose a tiny
Speaker 2: choice to make a bad decision, that's gonna have a
Speaker 2: consequence that you're gonna have to live with. So it's
Speaker 2: kind of like it kind of has just like formed
Speaker 2: my mindset a little, Like harder things. I'm choosing to
Speaker 2: go to the gym for twenty minutes, that's gonna have
Speaker 2: a positive consequence for me on my mental stability. So
Speaker 2: I just like you just saying something as simple as
Speaker 2: I'm choosing to get out of bed this morning is
Speaker 2: going to just have a positive consequence, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I remember like at the very beginning of all
Speaker 1: of this. There was a lawyer who said to me,
Speaker 1: I need you to keep your head where your feet are.
Speaker 1: And so many times I've noticed when I'm like laying
Speaker 1: in bed, because that's really like at night when my
Speaker 1: anxiety kicks in, and in the morning, when I see
Speaker 1: the sun come up, I'm like, oh fuck, we got it.
Speaker 1: Like I got to start the day and it starts
Speaker 1: all over again, and what am I gonna have to
Speaker 1: deal with today? But when I and I realized the disconnect,
Speaker 1: my head is like up in the clouds going a
Speaker 1: million miles an hour, and I have to, like, literally
Speaker 1: it feels literally put my head back onto my body
Speaker 1: where my feet are. And I immediately when I can
Speaker 1: connect my head to my feet, calmness. Yeah, right now
Speaker 1: we're laying in the bed. You ain't got to think
Speaker 1: about shit right now, we're podcasting. Just think about that. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And that's a lot.
Speaker 2: And yeah. And that's the thing we talked about last
Speaker 2: week too, is like why worry about something that hasn't
Speaker 2: happened yet. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen, and
Speaker 2: you're gonna have to feel the negative emotions when it happens,
Speaker 2: but you worrying about it is like you're gonna have
Speaker 2: to feel those negative emotions twice.
Speaker 1: You know, Well, this is my teachable moment. And I
Speaker 1: think all of us go through this where we every
Speaker 1: experience in life is teaching us something. And I've never
Speaker 1: believed in your strength is being tested. I feel I
Speaker 1: feel like your strength is being shown rather than tested.
Speaker 1: But these are teachable moments, and for me, I have
Speaker 1: to remember I don't need to cross bridges that we're
Speaker 1: not at yet. Yeah, I'm thinking about bridges that I
Speaker 1: may never even have to cross at all.
Speaker 2: And you're feeling the feelings probably of oh shit in yeah,
Speaker 2: if you're feeling the feelings of what you would feel
Speaker 2: approaching those bridges when you may never approach them, So
Speaker 2: why put yourself through that?
Speaker 1: Yeah? But I think that most people relate to that.
Speaker 1: We all live on a what if we got to
Speaker 1: stop living on a what if? I'm all about it, B,
Speaker 1: but let's not. Let's take the plan B, put it
Speaker 1: in a box and visit it when it needs to
Speaker 1: be visited.
Speaker 2: Right, it's there if it needs to be right. Yeah, Wow,
Speaker 2: I love I love these episodes.
Speaker 1: Here we go. We go from eating nast to manifestation
Speaker 1: bitch drinks you go to now being sober? Perier, where
Speaker 1: are you at? I'm gonna need you to be like, hey, Lalla,
Speaker 1: we would love to sponsor you. I mean, I literally
Speaker 1: how many dress how many bitches filled to the brim?
Speaker 1: I have Perier's coming out of my ears and they're
Speaker 1: wiped out as quickly as they're put in the fridge.
Speaker 2: Some might say too many, We are all. We always
Speaker 2: have them stocked at the office. We've got to have
Speaker 2: them stocked at Lala's house. Perier, the amount of ideas
Speaker 2: Lalla has to just creatively push your brand. If you
Speaker 2: sponsor her or this podcast, it's gonna when you finally
Speaker 2: we're manifesting that. And when you finally sponsor Lalla, we're
Speaker 2: gonna have a little Perier celebration.
Speaker 1: That's my go to drink. Yeah, and it makes me
Speaker 1: happy when I say to a waiter, do you have
Speaker 1: sparkling water, preferably Perier, and they say we do it.
Speaker 1: Like the joy that it brings me, Yeah, it makes
Speaker 1: me sad. It's almost like like you being gone on
Speaker 1: a long trip and you're finally home. That's what Perry
Speaker 1: makes me feel Oh, my God, makes me feel like
Speaker 1: I'm at home. I'm not kidding. I have a profound
Speaker 1: love for it, you really do.
Speaker 2: I want to love anything as much as you love Perier,
Speaker 2: to be honest.
Speaker 1: So people ask me what's your drink of choice when
Speaker 1: you go out of Perier? A Perier that's it, Perier
Speaker 1: in a champagne glass, periy and a short glass perio
Speaker 1: camp Perier at the bottle. I don't care, or just
Speaker 1: get it in my body.
Speaker 2: That's true. And when you are looking for something a
Speaker 2: little sweeter you you do? Do you still go with
Speaker 2: Starla or no?
Speaker 1: Oh, Starla's we want to get real. When I'm having
Speaker 1: a rough day, starless sparkling rose done a champagne glass
Speaker 1: takes all my cares away.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and these are sponsored, my friends, These are just
Speaker 2: her loves Placibo effect.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2: You know how people have the like like diamond encrusted
Speaker 2: like McDonald's bags, and I want to get you or
Speaker 2: find a could you imagine a diamond encrusted like Perier purse?
Speaker 1: Okay, so there's a a designer named Judith Lieber. If
Speaker 1: you've ever seen like the Kardashians with their super sparkly,
Speaker 1: like one hundred dollar bill purses that they take around.
Speaker 1: Ye've seen cupcakes. So I have the hammer Okay, a
Speaker 1: hamburger purse. Oh my. I bought it for myself because
Speaker 1: I was so obsessed. She does it in like hot dogs.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, these are amazing aliens.
Speaker 1: So it's sold out, but I spent just shy of
Speaker 1: six thousand dollars on it. I'm looking right here, six
Speaker 1: grand Okay.
Speaker 2: Is it like swar Off skik Yes, okay.
Speaker 1: You can't fit shit in it. It's literally all about looks.
Speaker 1: I've taken it out all of one time, and when
Speaker 1: I take it out, there's nothing in it except maybe
Speaker 1: a chapstick, okay, and then the rest of the stuff
Speaker 1: I give to my husband. I'm like, hold my wallet,
Speaker 1: here's my lipliner. Actually, if I have like a little
Speaker 1: tiny nub of a lipliner, I can put that in
Speaker 1: it too, like if I've shaved it down to the
Speaker 1: point where it's just like a tiny little guy. So
Speaker 1: it's an accessory, total accessory. It's just meant to be like,
Speaker 1: oh that's weird. Yeah, I'm oddly fucking awesome because it's
Speaker 1: a hamber her purse. I mean, look at this shit, Jess.
Speaker 1: We got to post this on the ground, and I
Speaker 1: really expect how you look at that? Am I lying?
Speaker 1: Five six hundred and ninety five dollars?
Speaker 2: Oh that's beautiful though.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I deserve this. I don't know
Speaker 1: what belt I deserved it, but I bought it. Well
Speaker 1: you do.
Speaker 2: And I wonder if she makes for they the brand
Speaker 2: Judith Lieber may would make an actual.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. We should reach out. I mean, look,
Speaker 1: she has a croissant, she has a Wilbur, the pig Wilbur.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, these are there?
Speaker 1: I mean yeah, a hot dog, the hot dog sold out, a.
Speaker 2: Rainbow basketball French fries?
Speaker 1: Are you kidding? I know how much is that one? Same? Same?
Speaker 2: Six thousand?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 2: Five six nine?
Speaker 1: All right, let's reach out to her. Let's see if
Speaker 1: she can make me a perryer Perth. That'd be fucking awesome, right.
Speaker 2: No, that'd be incredible. I've been thinking about it, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, but where would I get one made?
Speaker 1: Judith Leber leb yours for six gees?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Easy? Good god? So there's that. Yes, I love Perry.
Speaker 1: That's my go to when it comes to non alcoholic beverages,
Speaker 1: I wish I had something more fun for you guys.
Speaker 1: There's also I used to love this at the very
Speaker 1: beginning of sobriety, where it was like I need something
Speaker 1: in a short glass. Have them do sparkling water and
Speaker 1: then mostly pineapple juice, so like pineapple juice, splash of
Speaker 1: the sparkling water, lime, and then if they can do
Speaker 1: it to heen rim. That's like a.
Speaker 2: Skinny margarita vibe, isn't it. No, maybe not, but I mean,
Speaker 2: I mean it sounds great. It sounds like.
Speaker 1: Take out the juice. I think of the skinny margarita
Speaker 1: is literally just tequila and like a lot of lime juice, right,
Speaker 1: and maybe a splash of sparkling water.
Speaker 2: I don't know there is because all the things you're
Speaker 2: saying seem like they wouldn't be a sugar overload either,
Speaker 2: which I love. But if you are looking for a
Speaker 2: sugar not a sugar overload, but like a simple syrup,
Speaker 2: which is just sugar and water heated until the sugar dissolves.
Speaker 2: A simple syrup with like grapefruit, ginger, beer, sparkling water,
Speaker 2: it's basically a mule like a moscow. Mule, but just
Speaker 2: take out the alcohol and that's really good too, Like
Speaker 2: Kyle and I. If I'm feeling like Cocktailey but don't
Speaker 2: want alcohol, I'll make like a sweet sugary drink like that.
Speaker 1: You know what. I like more like sour over sweet. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And you said you were never when you did drink.
Speaker 2: You were never a big sweet drink person, were you?
Speaker 2: You were just like vodka vodka soda, Yeah, with no fruit.
Speaker 1: I didn't want lime, lemon, nothing really.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no margarita's ever, or did you?
Speaker 1: When I went to a Mexican jokay, I would get
Speaker 1: a margarita, but it wasn't like that was my go
Speaker 1: doo too, and I would usually only have one of
Speaker 1: a fun drink. And then it was like all vodka sodas.
Speaker 1: Smart love mes vodka sodas. I love the best. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Like when I watch someone order a drink and it's
Speaker 1: a vodka soda, I'm like, the first sip you're about
Speaker 1: to have, Oh lifetime ever?
Speaker 2: Really? I hate vodka.
Speaker 1: What do you like? Tequila? Yeah?
Speaker 2: But even tequila, it's been like giving me rash, just
Speaker 2: like I just don't really drink, you know that, Kaya,
Speaker 2: I don't either yeah, or.
Speaker 1: Like Rose, Okay, that's nice. There was another funny part
Speaker 1: season four where Brittany I think we're in Hawaii. We
Speaker 1: are in Hawaii, and I'm like wanting to bond with
Speaker 1: the group. I had my little black thonged bikini on
Speaker 1: because everyone was like she went took her top off
Speaker 1: at the waterfall. So I was like, tomorrow, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: bring my ass out. Then you guys want to call
Speaker 1: me a ho, I'm gonna show you a ho bitch.
Speaker 1: And we're sitting on these floaties and Brittany wants to
Speaker 1: play a game called baseball bat and we're like, okay,
Speaker 1: what is in She was like, you literally passed the
Speaker 1: bottle and drink it, and I'm like, this is not
Speaker 1: a game, this is just us passing. I'm for drinking.
Speaker 1: I take a sip and I know it's tequila. I
Speaker 1: hate tequila, but like, I want to fit in and
Speaker 1: I want this could be a Bonnie experience. We're on
Speaker 1: this big floaty together. I take a sip, it's warm,
Speaker 1: and I vomit into the water. There's a vomit floating around.
Speaker 2: Is this on the show.
Speaker 1: I don't know that it made the cut, but it
Speaker 1: was definitely on the show. I don't know that they
Speaker 1: showed me. I do know that they showed me bending over.
Speaker 1: I was throwing up, But I think they were like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is a great time to show that Lalla's ass
Speaker 1: and vagina are hanging out. They had to blur it
Speaker 1: because I had on a skippy bikini.
Speaker 2: Wait, so you threw up. There's vomit floating. Do people
Speaker 2: all like run out or is it not even that traumatic?
Speaker 1: No? They were gross. Just like if I hated it's
Speaker 1: some dumb bitch who took her top off in front
Speaker 1: of my dude and then had her ass out and
Speaker 1: she threw up, I'd be like, bitch, you a rookie,
Speaker 1: get off this raft.
Speaker 2: It's so funny to think about if you would. Do
Speaker 2: you think you would get along with a U?
Speaker 1: No, because I've met bitches like me and I can't
Speaker 1: stand him. Really Yeah, I'm like, oh, you're annoying, And
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, it's because you're looking in a mirror.
Speaker 2: Basically, that is so interesting.
Speaker 1: I do not connect with people who are like me,
Speaker 1: not one bit. Really, No, I think I think I'd
Speaker 1: be annoyed by me back then. Yeah, well, you know
Speaker 1: what it is what it is. I was young, I
Speaker 1: was like on a television show and I was like,
Speaker 1: bring the dogs out.
Speaker 2: Well, they say that the things you hate most about
Speaker 2: people is like your deepest insecurity. So I hate I
Speaker 2: really can't connect with people who come off as desperate
Speaker 2: to me, and so deep down I must be like desperate.
Speaker 1: I don't know, You're not.
Speaker 2: I'm not desperate, but like when I've had a lot
Speaker 2: of women in my life who like, I love them,
Speaker 2: but they're they're just there's some sort of desperation, whether
Speaker 2: or not it's for a man or for like a
Speaker 2: a job or for and it like triggers me for
Speaker 2: some reason. And we've had I've had a lot of
Speaker 2: arguments with women in my life about it, and desperation
Speaker 2: triggers me. And like I've read so many times, what
Speaker 2: triggers you and other people? You have some sort of
Speaker 2: thing in yourself. I don't know who knows that you know?
Speaker 1: That could be very true. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't feel desperate, but I'm like, well, it triggers
Speaker 2: me in other people, Like I don't know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Just because you don't connect with someone doesn't mean that
Speaker 1: person is you Yeah, yeah, yeah's true, Like you don't
Speaker 1: like people who are desperate, doesn't mean that I were desperate.
Speaker 1: This person asked, if you could give your younger self
Speaker 1: any advice, what would you say? I like this because
Speaker 1: of the topic we're on. Yes, what would you say
Speaker 1: to your younger self? I don't even know.
Speaker 2: Honestly, I would say, like, really stick, I know we
Speaker 2: just said it, but full circle, I would say, your
Speaker 2: choices and actions have consequences, because when I was younger,
Speaker 2: I was making bad choices. Yeah, I'm talking like I
Speaker 2: mean this is when I was, you know, twenty two,
Speaker 2: but like drinking and driving, like really terrible, terrible, nasty
Speaker 2: decisions like that. Kyle almost broke when the first year
Speaker 2: we dated, he almost broke up with me because I
Speaker 2: were drinking. Well, he found out that I drank drove
Speaker 2: and he's like I don't stand for that, Like that's
Speaker 2: like that's the one that he was like, I'm you
Speaker 2: can go do that with someone else, but not me,
Speaker 2: And I didn't since then, but I would basically just
Speaker 2: tell myself like I was like an asshole to certain
Speaker 2: people I'm talking to, like men are like used people.
Speaker 2: This was before Kyle but like used men and then
Speaker 2: like when they showed some sort of emotion, I made
Speaker 2: them feel like, Okay, no, this was just a hookup,
Speaker 2: like and like I hurt people's feelings, And I would
Speaker 2: just say, like, your actions have your actions and choices
Speaker 2: have consequences, and you need to think about that.
Speaker 1: That's what I would say, Okay, oh yeah that. I
Speaker 1: don't even know what I would tell my younger self
Speaker 1: because I feel like there's so much that has been
Speaker 1: positive that's come out of my life, and I don't
Speaker 1: think that i'd be where I am without every move
Speaker 1: that I made. I think I would just tell her
Speaker 1: to like give herself some grace and show yourself some
Speaker 1: compassion and don't beat yourself up, because like I don't
Speaker 1: even need people to beat me up. Like I'll do
Speaker 1: that enough for the both of us. You know, if
Speaker 1: you think I say things and like every post that
Speaker 1: I do, I will sit and think about for hours,
Speaker 1: like why did I post? Like I hate social media?
Speaker 1: Every story I post, every photo, video, whatever it may be,
Speaker 1: Like I sit there and obsess over it for hours,
Speaker 1: going you know, what are people going to think? What
Speaker 1: are people going to say? And I have to talk
Speaker 1: myself through it, and then you know, so when people
Speaker 1: say like you're a badass and don't care about certain things, No,
Speaker 1: I care a lot. I've just tried my best to
Speaker 1: put the tools that I have to good use on
Speaker 1: getting over it so that it doesn't it doesn't become debilitating. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it doesn't keep me from living life and being outspoken.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I almost feel like, am I too hyper sensitive to things?
Speaker 1: Am I seeing things for what they are? Like? Is
Speaker 1: the world really getting to a place where it's evil
Speaker 1: and I can't understand it? Am I making this up?
Speaker 1: In my mind? I spiral over these things. Do I
Speaker 1: share my thoughts or do I just shut the fuck up?
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people appreciate you sharing your thoughts.
Speaker 2: Question off of that, around this time two years ago,
Speaker 2: what would you tell yourself and what do you hope
Speaker 2: yourself a year from now will feel?
Speaker 1: I think when this all happened, what I would have
Speaker 1: told myself? Just I don't think I would have told
Speaker 1: myself anything.
Speaker 2: Two years ago. No, you would let yourself just experience
Speaker 2: what's coming.
Speaker 1: I had to. I experienced everything. I mean, there's going
Speaker 1: to be a day where I'm going to have to
Speaker 1: do intense therapy to like not have trust issues anymore.
Speaker 1: But as far as like just the hand that I
Speaker 1: was dealt in this situation, it was like I did everything.
Speaker 1: I was in survival mode and to think about the
Speaker 1: things that I and having to go through, and you
Speaker 1: have to remember this is not if it just affected me,
Speaker 1: we would be in a very different situation. I can
Speaker 1: get over things, I really can. But when you have
Speaker 1: a little innocent human that you brought into the world
Speaker 1: who had no say in the matter at all, and
Speaker 1: you're you giving up because it's easier for you, the
Speaker 1: child is going to suffer those consequences. So there's nothing
Speaker 1: I could have told myself back then except for reminding
Speaker 1: myself every day that everything is temporary, nothing is forever.
Speaker 1: You know, like this will come to an end. I
Speaker 1: don't know what the end is going to look like,
Speaker 1: but I have to just have faith that whoever is
Speaker 1: looking out for Ocean, her wellbeing will be protected in
Speaker 1: the end period. So I have to believe that something
Speaker 1: greater than myself, something greater than Ocean, is looking out
Speaker 1: for her. I'm going to be just fine. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: a bigger thing happening here, and it's not just about me,
Speaker 1: and it's not just about ocean. It's about what's wrong.
Speaker 1: This is about what is broken in the system. And
Speaker 1: I'm a privileged person. I can't imagine what some people
Speaker 1: go through in this system. It is beyond heartbreaking. So
Speaker 1: I would just tell myself that things are temporary and
Speaker 1: then moving forward, a year from now, I'll be free.
Speaker 2: Yeah you will. And not to confuse anyone, Sorry I
Speaker 2: said two years ago. It was only a year and
Speaker 2: a few months ago. I didn't want to confuse. I
Speaker 2: don't know why I thought it was two years ago.
Speaker 1: You're fine. I also want to say I know that
Speaker 1: it's been a year and some change of podcasts that
Speaker 1: are all over the place, and I want to thank
Speaker 1: everyone for allowing me to go from like really funny
Speaker 1: talk about sex and all of these things, to going
Speaker 1: deep and sobbing to ending on a high note. I
Speaker 1: know this podcast is very intense. I just just roll
Speaker 1: with me. Guys. I'm praying that it ends soon, but
Speaker 1: like I'm in it. This is my life.
Speaker 2: You're giving them Lalla, which when we asked a few
Speaker 2: months ago, what do you guys want? So many messages
Speaker 2: said more Lalla more her life more her, this, more
Speaker 2: her that, and this is your life.
Speaker 1: This is my teachable moment. Lala, We're gonna see if
Speaker 1: you do know how to shut the fuck up. Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's hard though, because allala that shut the fuck shuts
Speaker 2: the fuck up. It's not a world I want to
Speaker 2: live in.
Speaker 1: I don't want to live in that world either.
Speaker 2: It's like, that's not you. You give your opinion and
Speaker 2: it helps people. It's not like you give your opinion
Speaker 2: on a lot of things and people are like, this
Speaker 2: just ruined my day. Thanks a lot. We get dms
Speaker 2: that are like, thank you so much, I've gone through
Speaker 2: this blah blah blah blah blah. She keeps me going,
Speaker 2: so all.
Speaker 1: Right, I love that. Mm hmmm. This person wants to know,
Speaker 1: did you experience physical withdrawal when you stop drinking? Ooh ooh,
Speaker 1: good question. Yes you did. Oh yeah, like the cold
Speaker 1: sweats and jitters and like not. I mean, luckily I
Speaker 1: didn't have to go to a treatment center. I did
Speaker 1: tell my sober coach, the first person I reached out
Speaker 1: to when I got sober. She said, with what you're
Speaker 1: telling me because I shared my story, She said, I
Speaker 1: would highly recommend that you go to a treatment center.
Speaker 1: This sounds very intense, and I said, I am so
Speaker 1: in this that I don't feel like I need a
Speaker 1: treatment center, which, by the way, if you need one, go,
Speaker 1: but I knew mentally I'm fucking done like it ends
Speaker 1: to like it ended, We're done now. I just need
Speaker 1: you to help me stay here, I said. If I relapse,
Speaker 1: then I'll check in same day, no problem. But I
Speaker 1: did have the withdrawals.
Speaker 2: You're dead, Yeah, is that like nausea, shay sweating?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was just like the cold sweats and like
Speaker 1: a deep depression. But it was like it was a definite,
Speaker 1: like physical reaction to not I mean, my body had
Speaker 1: been used to it for a really long time and
Speaker 1: super heavily. After my dad died. It was like morning
Speaker 1: until I passed out. Wow.
Speaker 2: Is there anything that you could do, just in case
Speaker 2: anyone's going through this that helps? Is it like or
Speaker 2: is it like? No, you just gotta get through it.
Speaker 1: That's the thing is everyone's addiction looks different. So I
Speaker 1: don't want to see Because I'm no doctor, I just
Speaker 1: can speak from my personal experience. So if you told
Speaker 1: me that you were exactly like me, then I would say,
Speaker 1: like you got this. But I do, like I've always said,
Speaker 1: take advantage of people who are experts in fields, like
Speaker 1: reach out to them. They're here for us when we
Speaker 1: need them, like take advantage of it. And but rehab
Speaker 1: is expensive. I know, it's beyond expensive. And that's why
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for the program that I'm in, because it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter where you come from, what your financial situation is,
Speaker 1: You're welcome at any point in time to come here
Speaker 1: for free.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's amazing. It's like everything costs money nowadays, and
Speaker 2: one of the most incredible programs that has helped millions
Speaker 2: of people is free.
Speaker 1: I know, and I always feel guilty because when I'm
Speaker 1: in my meetings, you know, we talk about how the
Speaker 1: program should not be brought into radio television, and I
Speaker 1: talk about the program a lot. Obviously, I would never
Speaker 1: share anyone else's experience because it's anonymous, but I just
Speaker 1: feel this need to share that, like this program has
Speaker 1: saved my life in not just drinking in many areas
Speaker 1: where like I'm having a rough day and I'm not
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna drink. I don't need a meeting because
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm gonna drink. I'm just having a
Speaker 1: rough day. I step in that meeting and I leave
Speaker 1: feeling like I could take on the world. I'm revived.
Speaker 2: I think it's beautiful sharing it. I mean, I understand,
Speaker 2: I don't understand, like I've never been in it, but
Speaker 2: normalizing being able to say, if you want to, yeah,
Speaker 2: I go to aa ar. I because on another podcast
Speaker 2: I listened to armtare Expert. He always talks about his program,
Speaker 2: being in the program in sobriety, you talk about it.
Speaker 2: I think it's.
Speaker 1: Incredible, the fears you have raising a little girl in
Speaker 1: a world like we have right now. Oh well, I
Speaker 1: watched twenty twenty on the Idaho University murders last night,
Speaker 1: and I was like, that's it. Ocean's not going to
Speaker 1: college anywhere. Yeah, she can go to college where I live.
Speaker 1: This is where she'll be staying. I will drop her
Speaker 1: off at school, I will wait for her to be done,
Speaker 1: I will walk her to her next class, and then
Speaker 1: I'll take her home. This couple who was madly in
Speaker 1: love and all of a sudden, you know, he's they've
Speaker 1: got children, and then they get divorced and he's put
Speaker 1: a hit out on his wife. Okay, you're never getting married.
Speaker 1: I had a lot of fears. My biggest one though,
Speaker 1: was social media at a young age, because Ocean really
Speaker 1: isn't into like electronics right now. I had this I
Speaker 1: have an ancient iPad and I just cleared off last
Speaker 1: night and I'm like, and Mom's like, you need to
Speaker 1: order a case. And I'm like, I don't even know
Speaker 1: what decade my bad is from how I was supposed to
Speaker 1: order a case. I don't even think they make cases.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to eBay that shit. But she like
Speaker 1: had no interest in it. I was showing her all
Speaker 1: of these things that she can do on the iPad,
Speaker 1: and she was like, she had no interest. She wanted
Speaker 1: to go and play with her, like cleaning supplies that
Speaker 1: I got her. She loves cleaning the house and my
Speaker 1: mom last met yesterday. She was like, Okay, now get
Speaker 1: because my housekeeper who you know her? I love her
Speaker 1: so much. So she says, God, bless you, La Lah,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. And I'm like, why are you
Speaker 1: thinking me like you're you are you keep your energy,
Speaker 1: keeps my life together. She's amazing. She's amazing. Unfortunately, she
Speaker 1: was in a car accident so she can't work for
Speaker 1: the next month, and she was like, I hope my
Speaker 1: job is still there. I was like, girl, don't worry
Speaker 1: about the job, Like, I just want to make sure
Speaker 1: you're okay. Yeah, and my mother, I'm watching her and
Speaker 1: she's telling Ocean to clean underneath this table and I
Speaker 1: was like, yo, you really are putting her to work.
Speaker 2: She but I've seen her with like that little broom.
Speaker 2: She loves it.
Speaker 1: She loves it.
Speaker 2: That's really cute.
Speaker 1: So she would rather do that than like be on electronics.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's going to be it for everything.
Speaker 1: She's only you know, twenty two months, so the phone
Speaker 1: scares me. I'm worried that she's gonna go to school,
Speaker 1: come home. Tell me that Elizabeth has a new iPhone
Speaker 1: and she wants it. And Elizabeth has Instagram. Why can
Speaker 1: I have Instagram? It's like, you ain't have an Instagram.
Speaker 2: Kate Winslet, she was the one in the Titanic, right, Yeah,
Speaker 2: made a video the other day and she was like,
Speaker 2: and I loved it, but she was like, yeah, my
Speaker 2: kids don't have It's not exactly this, so don't quote me,
Speaker 2: but she was basically saying it's okay to I tell
Speaker 2: your kids no my kids don't have social media. My
Speaker 2: kids don't use iPhones all the time. Like She's like,
Speaker 2: it's okay, Like they're gonna be pissed at you, and
Speaker 2: that's okay. You're just gonna have to tell them like
Speaker 2: this is why, this is how I feel, and life
Speaker 2: goes on. And I was like, yeah, that's a great,
Speaker 2: that's a good thing. I mean, I'm gonna be a
Speaker 2: helicopter parent. I don't like all the things you just said,
Speaker 2: like I'm gonna walk you to school. You're not going
Speaker 2: to college. I'm like, yes, that's but like they gotta live.
Speaker 1: They do have to bill rebellry. Yeah, no, they will rebel.
Speaker 1: I watched friends in high school rebel like the strict
Speaker 1: Mormon kids giving blowies behind the bleachers and me I
Speaker 1: was like, no, that is naughty.
Speaker 2: And you had a very open family. I was a
Speaker 2: rebeller because I had a very drink you know, drinking
Speaker 2: at fifteen. Like let's because I had a family who
Speaker 2: was like no alcohol, no sex, know this.
Speaker 1: But then again, I didn't have my first drink until
Speaker 1: I had graduated from high school. And I'm in a
Speaker 1: so I don't know. Yeah, we just come how we
Speaker 1: are like Ocean. Because there's a group of moms, it's
Speaker 1: natural for us to be like, oh, so and so
Speaker 1: is doing this that Ocean's not doing, or Ocean's doing
Speaker 1: something that so and so is not doing. Like we
Speaker 1: have these conversations and I tell people they come exactly
Speaker 1: how they are. I haven't done anything specific with Ocean
Speaker 1: that has made her into.
Speaker 2: A genius, perfect child that she is. No, she's so sweet,
Speaker 2: like the video we posted on the podcast Instagram last
Speaker 2: week of her holding Summer Moon's hand.
Speaker 1: She's sweet. She's very sweet.
Speaker 2: And I think they're like good friends now, aren't they
Speaker 2: Ocean's Summer Moon. Oh yeah, that is so cute that
Speaker 2: it's so cute, and.
Speaker 1: Says someer Moon Moon, and so goes.
Speaker 2: Oh Sin, Ohsin, and they give each other hugs and
Speaker 2: they like sit on the couch and watch TV together.
Speaker 1: And then we have to teach them how to share.
Speaker 1: There were many meltdowns in Palm Springs this weekend over
Speaker 1: this fucking like block thing, and Sena sees so she
Speaker 1: is the type where she goes, I have another one.
Speaker 1: I'm the type where if you can't share, ain't no
Speaker 1: one playing with it? Right? So pick either sit down
Speaker 1: and share it or it's being taken away.
Speaker 2: That's a great question. And I know we're like running
Speaker 2: low on time, but as two mothers who are friends
Speaker 2: who parent differently, every mother parents differently, does that get harder?
Speaker 2: Do you guys kind of figure out ways around it?
Speaker 2: Like the sharing, Like you kind of like, okay, well
Speaker 2: I would take the toy away, but if you have
Speaker 2: another one.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm kind of laid back if she wants
Speaker 1: to give summer. If they has another one, she wants
Speaker 1: to give it, great. Yeah it I'm more of like,
Speaker 1: you know, take the toy. I don't care if you
Speaker 1: have a meltdown. Yeah, you're not playing with it. You
Speaker 1: either share or no one gets it. Like they were
Speaker 1: also fighting over this drawn and my mom goes, well,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna order one on Amazon so the
Speaker 1: next time we come they both have the same one
Speaker 1: and they don't have to fight over it. I said, no,
Speaker 1: I'm not teaching Ocean that if she has a meltdown
Speaker 1: that means that we just go buy her one of
Speaker 1: her own. No, it's I said, she has a drawing pad,
Speaker 1: but it's not like that. My mom says, I don't
Speaker 1: give a damn.
Speaker 2: Do you realize this is so funny what you just
Speaker 2: did because you said, Ocean comes how she is, it's
Speaker 2: nothing I've done to make her so sweet, And then
Speaker 2: you literally proceeded to say all the things that would
Speaker 2: make a child sweet and so it is your parenting.
Speaker 1: Okay, I guess it is. I don't know.
Speaker 2: Those are like, yes, those are the things that would
Speaker 2: make a child sweet and share and not you know.
Speaker 1: That's true because Ocean now counts to ten and we
Speaker 1: like put on that Miss Rachel, which has like, well
Speaker 1: you're gonna know, you're gonna know. My mom and I
Speaker 1: look at each other and go like, I fucking hate this?
Speaker 1: Is it a YouTube all moms do?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: And it has like fifty minutes views just this woman who,
Speaker 1: by the way, you can just tell she's just her
Speaker 1: life calling was to teach children because Ocean's in her,
Speaker 1: in her covered in food, in her high chair with
Speaker 1: her arms in the air. One do three. That's so cute,
Speaker 1: loving every second of it, which is like, Okay, this
Speaker 1: is totally worth it just watching you.
Speaker 2: But this is some you're gonna know, Miss Rachel.
Speaker 1: Miss Rachel on YouTube.
Speaker 2: See now, maybe if I could go back in life,
Speaker 2: I would make YouTube kids videos because.
Speaker 1: My god, I mean in the YouTube with Miss Rachel. Yeah,
Speaker 1: someone plays the guitar and teaches them how to crawl
Speaker 1: like a crab.
Speaker 2: That's so cute. Are they is this like good production
Speaker 2: or are they just like in their living.
Speaker 1: Room not at all? Not good? Like a green screen
Speaker 1: that's awesome and with horrible lighting.
Speaker 2: Good because the kids don't care.
Speaker 1: No, the kids don't care. And ocean yeah is a
Speaker 1: learning from miss Rachel. I will tell you what.
Speaker 2: Yes, counting colors. She's so smart. Yeah, I was like,
Speaker 2: this is I like, picked up a marker the other
Speaker 2: day and went to tell Oshan it was a blue
Speaker 2: marker and went to say, this is blue. And before
Speaker 2: I could get anything out, she goes blue. I was like, well, okay,
Speaker 2: I can't teach you any I can't teach you nothing she.
Speaker 1: Got Miss Rachel. So you're right, there are things. But
Speaker 1: what's interesting is Brock and I kind of parent the
Speaker 1: same way.
Speaker 2: I could see that. I could see that, yeah, from.
Speaker 1: Marion will go down for a nap and Sina will
Speaker 1: you know Summer's crying? Yeah, and she is so cute.
Speaker 1: She's like, I don't want her to be traumatized. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, Sina, she's in a beautiful home in Palm Springs,
Speaker 1: in a fabulous she is not going to be traumatized
Speaker 1: by this, Okay, She's gonna be just fine. Where Like
Speaker 1: Ocean was down for a nap, she wakes up literally
Speaker 1: cries for two seconds, and she was like, Ocean's crying,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I hear her. She's fine, she'll
Speaker 1: figure it out. She's still going. Ifive ten minutes past,
Speaker 1: she's still going, I'll go in there. But right now
Speaker 1: she's just maybe searching for her bottle. Yeah, I know
Speaker 1: the cry.
Speaker 2: You know the cry if there was something wrong, you
Speaker 2: would know. That's the kind of mom I want to be.
Speaker 2: And I don't think I'm gonna be that way. And
Speaker 2: that's okay. It's gonna take work. But even now, I
Speaker 2: could tell I'm helicopter, and like even when you're I'm
Speaker 2: sitting in the office with like you and Lisa, and
Speaker 2: we'll be eating lunch, and like I'll walk to the
Speaker 2: kitchen and bring Ocean with me and get a snack
Speaker 2: for myself. Yeah, like trail mix and I'll pour it
Speaker 2: like little pieces or whatever, get whatever for myself and
Speaker 2: I'll pour it in my hand. And I know Ocean
Speaker 2: has to eat lunch. And I know that you and
Speaker 2: Lisa are like Ocean has to eat lunch. But if
Speaker 2: she like points to an eminem, I can't not give
Speaker 2: it to her. And like the other day I brought
Speaker 2: her back in here and she like pointed to an
Speaker 2: eminem I was eating, and I was like, okay, you
Speaker 2: could have it, and I like broke it and gave
Speaker 2: her a piece. And then I heard Lisa go like, no, Ocean,
Speaker 2: you have to eat your lunch. And I'm like, damn it.
Speaker 2: I know, but it's so hard for me, Like I
Speaker 2: want to give them everything they want, I know, and
Speaker 2: that's like not the way you mother. I just want
Speaker 2: to like you want it, you got it totally. It's hard,
Speaker 2: and I think I'm not I'm just gonna have to
Speaker 2: be thank god I have Kyle because I'm just gonna
Speaker 2: like have to work because even with Margot, he's like
Speaker 2: you let her. When I met Kyle, Margot was a
Speaker 2: perfect dog. And now she like begs and does all
Speaker 2: the things.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but isn't she getting older?
Speaker 2: She's getting older.
Speaker 1: She's just's Yeah, Lily begs eats things off the table now,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you know what, you deserve it.
Speaker 2: And they have short lives. They don't live to fifty.
Speaker 1: Eat off the table, eat off the table again. I
Speaker 1: got much bigger things to worry about than Lily eating
Speaker 1: all of Ocean's lunch off the table when she's finished
Speaker 1: with it.
Speaker 2: But it's good to see you as a mom because
Speaker 2: I'm like clocking it and like, Okay, you can be
Speaker 2: chill and your child can cry and it's not going
Speaker 2: to like be traumatized.
Speaker 1: She's not gonna shouldn't live the dream.
Speaker 2: I know that what I'm saying. She's like the most
Speaker 2: sweet the sweetest child. And I'm like, okay, I need
Speaker 2: to learn.
Speaker 1: I will tell you something. Even when you put your
Speaker 1: kid in check, they're still running. Shit. Imagine if you don't, oh,
Speaker 1: they're running. I've never I'm like, how am I in
Speaker 1: negotiation with a chick who can't even put a full
Speaker 1: sentence together.
Speaker 2: In negotiatation? That's so true, that's so funny.
Speaker 1: It's awesome. It really is awesome wild, you know. So
Speaker 1: that's what parent is like. There's my concerns, my life story.
Speaker 1: I love you guys so much thank you for tuning
Speaker 1: into another chaotic episode of To Give Them La La Podcast,
Speaker 1: and I can't wait to talk to you guys next
Speaker 1: week