Speaker 1: Hey, Chris Fairbanks here with some show announcements coming up
Speaker 1: very soon. On March twenty third, I'll be at the
Speaker 1: Meyer Theater in Green Bay, Wisconsin. The next time I'm
Speaker 1: at the Laughing Tap in Milwaukee, and then I'm at
Speaker 1: City Winery in Chicago. I'm closing out all these shows
Speaker 1: with the haunted Renwick Mansion in Davenport, Iowa. Ooh, sounds scary.
Speaker 1: And then in May, starting on the tenth, I'll be
Speaker 1: in New York City the Apple that's big at the Bellhouse,
Speaker 1: followed then by Jam and Java in Vienna, Virginia that's
Speaker 1: very near DC. And then I'm closing out these shows
Speaker 1: with City Winery in Philly, Philadelphia. Thank you and you're welcome.
Speaker 1: I leave then I.
Speaker 2: You wanna way back either we wanna be there, doesn't
Speaker 2: matter how much baggage you clay than us. Time and
Speaker 2: la tourman al engaye. We you want to send you
Speaker 2: us in star We wanna welcome you back.
Speaker 3: Tell us all about it?
Speaker 4: We scared or was it fine?
Speaker 3: Malcoorn?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do
Speaker 1: you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 4: And this is Karen Kilgareth.
Speaker 1: Hi Karen. How are you my friend?
Speaker 4: Chris?
Speaker 1: How are you anything to report before we get started?
Speaker 4: On my side?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I always feel like I steam roll you.
Speaker 4: You don't. It's garbage day, right, and I do a
Speaker 4: passive aggressive thing where I leave my garbage cans outside
Speaker 4: because I know it bugs my neighbor. I think that's
Speaker 4: I just want to start with a little confession.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I think that that's okay. Yeah, yeah, they
Speaker 1: need to know. And I, uh, I feel guilty because
Speaker 1: I just realized just now. I guess it's crossed my
Speaker 1: mind in the past. I really don't. There's a community
Speaker 1: here that I live and we share the same garbage cans.
Speaker 1: I have never once put them in the alley. I'm
Speaker 1: taking advantage of the fact that someone was already doing it,
Speaker 1: so why should I.
Speaker 4: Maybe someone has the job of doing it and gets
Speaker 4: either money off their rents or paid for it.
Speaker 1: That's I don't want to assume that. But yeah, there's
Speaker 1: a guy that sweeps the leaves. He gets a discount.
Speaker 4: There's a lot of people seems like you are assuming
Speaker 4: I am.
Speaker 1: I am assuming that I don't get any breaks. I
Speaker 1: know more than everyone else. You put out the trash.
Speaker 1: See now we're defiantly against it.
Speaker 4: See it feels great to be defined about the garbage,
Speaker 4: doesn't it?
Speaker 1: I want to It does feel good. I last time
Speaker 1: we recorded, I was high on I expired daytime cold medicine,
Speaker 1: and I was like hallucinating, and I thought I could
Speaker 1: get away with it because I'm like, oh, there's a
Speaker 1: pep in my step. But Jimmy Pardo saw right through
Speaker 1: it immediately.
Speaker 3: I was.
Speaker 1: I think they call it roboen robotessen. You know, Lil
Speaker 1: Wayne did it my old neighbors?
Speaker 4: I remember, Yeah, I was. I experienced it before Jimmy did.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I was right there.
Speaker 1: You knew, you knew what was happening.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I wasn't sure it was happening. Here's the thing.
Speaker 4: You just went into a story without adding the beginning.
Speaker 4: And that's when I was like, this is not typical
Speaker 4: of your hosting behavior.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I did it out of order, like use your
Speaker 1: own adventure book. I just started in the middle of
Speaker 1: a story.
Speaker 4: I bet in your brain it was in order right now.
Speaker 1: I was having fun personally, it was just expired. Don't
Speaker 1: ever have cold medicine where all the label is rubbed off.
Speaker 1: I don't know how old it was, fifteen twenty years.
Speaker 4: So it's better over time, like a nice wine. It
Speaker 4: does fine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it doesn't lose potency, just gets more fermented. And
Speaker 1: I was a whack a doodle. So it's not going
Speaker 1: to happen this time.
Speaker 4: Do we have your assurance?
Speaker 1: Yes, I've had coffee, I've lived, I'm better now, I'm
Speaker 1: no longer sick. There's no reason for me to be
Speaker 1: habitually using expired cold medicine. My old neighbors when I
Speaker 1: lived in Bend, Oregon, they were seventeen years old. I
Speaker 1: maybe talked about them. They had a pet scorpion. They
Speaker 1: had a lot of black light posters. I'd go over there.
Speaker 1: One of them would request I pierce him on some
Speaker 1: part of his body because they looked up to us.
Speaker 1: We were a few years older. They were sweet kids,
Speaker 1: so they invited us over for dinner. It would just
Speaker 1: be frozen burritos. But they were constantly on cough syrup
Speaker 1: every single day. But they were such sweet kids, and
Speaker 1: I hope they're alive today. Shit. I was just they
Speaker 1: were like seventeen. I'm like, shouldn't you be in high school?
Speaker 1: Why aren't your parents calling you?
Speaker 4: The thing is, well, it sounded like there weren't a
Speaker 4: lot of parents involved. And also, I think I've told
Speaker 4: you this story. One of my earliest memories is drinking
Speaker 4: great flavored cough syrup and jumping on my bed alone
Speaker 4: in my room. And I was five years old, So
Speaker 4: I get it. I mean, I think that's like, that's
Speaker 4: kind of how like early addict test is like how
Speaker 4: much cost syrup did you voluntarily drink behind your parents?
Speaker 1: Back to me? Oh, you weren't asking me personally how
Speaker 1: much I drank with them?
Speaker 4: I mean, And so I think that's a great question
Speaker 4: that we should all ask ourselves every weekends, just when
Speaker 4: you get a little sniffles.
Speaker 1: I'm very excited for our guests today. They are one
Speaker 1: of my favorite comedians, I would say top five. A
Speaker 1: lot of people always ask you who's your favorite comic,
Speaker 1: and then you have to give this speech. It's like,
Speaker 1: I know you want me to list movie stars because
Speaker 1: we're on a plane and you don't follow stand up.
Speaker 1: But I now always include today's guest. She's done clubs
Speaker 1: and colleges across this great nation in Canada. That's right,
Speaker 1: everyone put your ears together for Beth Stelling.
Speaker 4: Hello everybody, Best Stelling, ladies and gentlemen, thanks for having me.
Speaker 3: I'm honored that you said those words about me, because
Speaker 3: I you know how I feel about you. I think
Speaker 3: you're so funny too.
Speaker 1: Oh, thank you. Yes, I've told you when we chat
Speaker 1: we're pen pals online. I've told you how much, and
Speaker 1: I've seen you get better and better at this. But
Speaker 1: then you made me feel good because a couple of
Speaker 1: years ago, or early or this year, I think I
Speaker 1: was like, your new special is great, and you're like, hey,
Speaker 1: it's from twenty twenty. I don't even know if I
Speaker 1: can do this anymore. You were having the same insecurities
Speaker 1: about feeling rusty as I still have.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it doesn't it comes, and.
Speaker 1: Good made me feel better.
Speaker 3: It's like life. I mean, you think you're okay and
Speaker 3: you've been to therapy and all of a sudden it's
Speaker 3: falling apart.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you're like.
Speaker 3: Didn't I fix this? Isn't that over? I thought I
Speaker 3: went to like a ton of therapy for a while here,
Speaker 3: I am back on my bullshit.
Speaker 1: You can always get broken again, That's what we learned.
Speaker 1: But yeah, you are one of these comics where I
Speaker 1: can watch your bits, like I'll watch it and then
Speaker 1: I'll watch it again just to look at the subtle
Speaker 1: you're timing. Just the way you're not just the joke writing,
Speaker 1: but the way you deliver is right up my alley.
Speaker 3: I think we have similar sensibilities, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a lot of people that really you can
Speaker 1: see while they're performing, they're like trying very hard, even
Speaker 1: some very well known comics. You can tell they really
Speaker 1: want to be funny. And with you, it's like, I don't.
Speaker 1: This is just how I am. It's just like without effort,
Speaker 1: but of course it is with effort, but you make
Speaker 1: it look like it isn't. That's my favorite trait in
Speaker 1: a performer.
Speaker 3: Thanks Chris. Yeah, it's one of those things too where
Speaker 3: sometimes you know too much, you know, like after a while,
Speaker 3: like I can't even enjoy people because I'm like, you're
Speaker 3: so fucking fake, you fake fuck?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, because you've had actual human interaction.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just it's just obviously it's like you know,
Speaker 3: When I first started, I was like, I'll never repeat
Speaker 3: a joke and I'll never take a set list on stage,
Speaker 3: you know. And I really thought that's how it worked.
Speaker 3: And of course stand up's a magic trick. You know.
Speaker 3: You you do the same material for sure. It's just
Speaker 3: sometimes it can be so put on it makes me cringe.
Speaker 3: Have the self awareness to deliver this like they've heard
Speaker 3: it before, right, you guys know this.
Speaker 4: I think you should name names. I mean, like we'd
Speaker 4: just say it.
Speaker 3: They know this.
Speaker 4: Who's the fakest of the mall?
Speaker 1: You don't have to do that. We have a lot
Speaker 1: of not bragging, a lot of listeners.
Speaker 3: I mean I was picturing three people.
Speaker 1: At like one collective monster that is a three headed person.
Speaker 3: It was a man and two women's.
Speaker 4: What's going on these days? Beth? Are you just on
Speaker 4: the off the road? Are you on the road? What's
Speaker 4: what's your story?
Speaker 3: I'm popping in and out booking things myself and just
Speaker 3: trying to go where the wind takes me and connect
Speaker 3: with friends and I reinvest so my friend relationships.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was something that was Karen and I both
Speaker 1: are like, boy, when things get back to normal, we
Speaker 1: are going to party. We're going to go to the
Speaker 1: most any invite, it could be a game night, any
Speaker 1: boring thing. I'm going to be there and I'm going
Speaker 1: to be excited and I'm going to dress up, and
Speaker 1: I really haven't done that yet.
Speaker 4: I'm still Actually I flaked on a facial appointment that
Speaker 4: I made myself, So I'm so not doing the thing
Speaker 4: that we talked about doing a barely doing it.
Speaker 3: That's not fun for me.
Speaker 1: No, they can get I mean the level where they're
Speaker 1: at now, where I just see friends and their skin
Speaker 1: is growing back and it's red underneath but flaky, like
Speaker 1: like a second degree burn. But the results I've seen
Speaker 1: at work. I followed the Instagram accounts, I see the progression.
Speaker 4: The peels, pels.
Speaker 3: I just get a facial and it still fucking hurts.
Speaker 3: I don't look forward to it. I just do it
Speaker 3: because I've struggled with acne for so long that I
Speaker 3: just keep it regular. And that's the one thing that
Speaker 3: has helped. I never did before, but now it does.
Speaker 3: It's good for you.
Speaker 4: I mean, it's good practice or good habitually, but I
Speaker 4: haven't done it in so long. But it's just that
Speaker 4: thing where I feel like forty five minutes before I
Speaker 4: have to leave for any appointment, voluntary or not. I'm
Speaker 4: just like, mm, yeah, this isn't gonna work out, and
Speaker 4: then I just don't go.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I get that it's hard for me to get outside. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's weird, it's pretty crazy. I did it twice today
Speaker 3: and I was like, wow, twice good, that's good. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Usually don't leave until the nighttime when I have a show,
Speaker 3: if I have one.
Speaker 4: Did you have any interesting exchanges with strangers.
Speaker 3: On my bike? No crazy interactions.
Speaker 1: It's hard of note.
Speaker 3: But when I got into the cafe and then I
Speaker 3: walked my bike a little bit on my way back,
Speaker 3: I did see someone walking their tortoise. Huge tortoise.
Speaker 4: No, yeah, and in what neighborhood.
Speaker 3: I guess you could call it Hollywood.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, like a big one.
Speaker 3: The kind of too. It looked like the tortoise needed
Speaker 3: sun and needed some greens.
Speaker 1: Oh, they love both equally.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I needed that.
Speaker 4: How big was it?
Speaker 3: Like, I would say, a really big pumpkin.
Speaker 1: Really big so a child could ride it.
Speaker 3: They would have to be like six months or something
Speaker 3: for it to look proportionate.
Speaker 1: I remember sitting on a very large one in a backyard,
Speaker 1: and I believe Arizona. I can't remember. Yeah, a huge
Speaker 1: prehistoric like we're talking four foot long shot.
Speaker 3: Did it hold you?
Speaker 1: Oh? Yes, I think it enjoyed it. I don't know
Speaker 1: what we would really get a lot of feedback. But
Speaker 1: the backyard was a series of caves and it started
Speaker 1: running into one of his caves and I had to
Speaker 1: take a dive. But yeah, that was clearly I talked
Speaker 1: about how I love turtles all the time just because
Speaker 1: they'll but tortoise is a full on that's entirely different.
Speaker 1: They grow to the size, Am I right?
Speaker 3: I mean I do have the big ones. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: I have video of it if you need.
Speaker 4: Can you describe the leash how a person would be
Speaker 4: Was it walking next to a free tortoise?
Speaker 3: Or was there there was really only one person I
Speaker 3: could deduce that it belonged to. Do you guys want
Speaker 3: to guess their genetic makeup and background and look? Or
Speaker 3: is that too controversial?
Speaker 1: Was I'm just gonna say a Frenchman? It seems exotic
Speaker 1: and I've never been to.
Speaker 3: France, Karen, are you wanting to weigh in?
Speaker 4: Or like I immediately pictured the guy from Tiger King
Speaker 4: like somebody that had a little bit of a mullet
Speaker 4: and maybe was wearing performatively interesting clothing.
Speaker 1: Right, because it is adjacent to having a snake and
Speaker 1: being in a park and you're juggling and it's right, yeah,
Speaker 1: like one.
Speaker 4: Of those park snakes, like maybe a run fair type
Speaker 4: of participant.
Speaker 1: Were they a larp?
Speaker 3: It was a five to ten Finnish white boy. Oh,
Speaker 3: and that makes sense to me. I just was like, yeah.
Speaker 3: He was like, I get what I want. It's my
Speaker 3: world and I'm gonna get a tortoise. I'll do it
Speaker 3: if I want to. Yeah, Mom, get me one. Well,
Speaker 3: and he was blonde and he looked like he played tennis.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm worried about that. The turtle tortoise is getting
Speaker 1: enough sun now, because certainly.
Speaker 3: I'll tell you that I didn't say anything. You could
Speaker 3: tell he wished it was walking faster, right.
Speaker 4: Rolling his eyes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, why half these long athletic Nordic legs. I just
Speaker 1: made him athletic. I don't know why.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he wasn't he you play tennis? So like obviously
Speaker 3: some tennis wayers are built like Pete Sampras Andrea. I
Speaker 3: guess he sure that's the last time I watched tennis.
Speaker 1: But so he did have a mullet. No mullet do
Speaker 1: you think of the eighties tennis, I think of a mullet.
Speaker 4: I'm just thinking, what if this guy thought he adopted
Speaker 4: a dog and he's just he has either new sighted
Speaker 4: or has some sort of an issue.
Speaker 3: My guess is that he was like, I don't even know,
Speaker 3: just felt like he simultaneously wanted him to keep up
Speaker 3: and was also like didn't care that he was in
Speaker 3: the way of people entering the cafe.
Speaker 1: Oh, he was out. It was an outside a cafe
Speaker 1: toward a situation.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And if you're looking to do another sighting, I
Speaker 3: would try Syglass on Willoughby, Okay, yeah, because I bet
Speaker 3: it's not as I'm guessing it doesn't live too far away.
Speaker 1: I rarely go into Hollywood, even if it's for a show.
Speaker 1: I find a reason not to. But I'll go for
Speaker 1: turtle business.
Speaker 3: Yeah, why not, especially because I had decent coffee and
Speaker 3: pastries and that's really all I'm looking for in a cafe.
Speaker 4: Also, he's probably still walking home right now. Exactly if
Speaker 4: you leave now, I mean you could get over there,
Speaker 4: you can think it.
Speaker 1: I worry because it is a whole lifestyle. I mean,
Speaker 1: even the smaller Yeah, that's this whole turtle life. Having
Speaker 1: a shelled friend gotta have at least even the ones
Speaker 1: where people have made an effort and there's like a
Speaker 1: box with a red lamp and plenty of leafy greens
Speaker 1: in the box. They're like an indoor turtle. It seems
Speaker 1: like they're imprisoned. I mean, I worry. I think it's maybe.
Speaker 3: About all pets, if I'm honest, Like we don't even
Speaker 3: need to be having them, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: I think if they're in the Midwest, Like, there's just
Speaker 3: such a difference to me between my mom's dog and
Speaker 3: any dog I meet out here. I'm like, my mom
Speaker 3: lives in Ohio. He's got a yard. They love each other,
Speaker 3: they sleep in the same bed. I'll let that dog
Speaker 3: do anything at once, like jump on me. You know,
Speaker 3: I'd kiss it its head and hug it and let
Speaker 3: it be on my lap and run around the house.
Speaker 3: Dogs out here, I'm like, I feel bad for you.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I mean, I get that you're keeping
Speaker 3: that person company, but that's like it, you know, and
Speaker 3: you don't have much unless a person's taking it out
Speaker 3: every day a lot to the dog park. And even
Speaker 3: still they're like covered in dust and if they walk
Speaker 3: trown la human feces, right, and I don't meant that
Speaker 3: dog in my house and.
Speaker 4: La dog parks are pretty not great, like they're pretty
Speaker 4: like you're saying, dusty, shitty. There's weird people let them.
Speaker 4: It's pretty rough.
Speaker 1: And the ones here it's airborne dust and the dust
Speaker 1: itself is coated in urine. So even if you don't
Speaker 1: touch any of the animals, I just go to the watch.
Speaker 1: I don't even have a dog, but I leave smelling.
Speaker 3: There to pe pe Pe, right.
Speaker 1: I just find a nice dust pile and I kick
Speaker 1: out the jams and yeah, I always leave an You.
Speaker 3: Ever turn water into mud?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know I do. Oh I love making having
Speaker 1: a good one man mud party and inviting dogs ignore
Speaker 1: make some mud. But yeah, it always. I do not
Speaker 1: like that feeling that I smell like pee And it's
Speaker 1: not feeling, it's actually happened. It's a fact. It's actually
Speaker 1: a fact, and it's.
Speaker 4: Dirks don't care about your peeing.
Speaker 1: No, no, but it's so good for the skin. That pistern.
Speaker 4: Dog park spot, that's where the officials should really be
Speaker 4: taking place.
Speaker 3: Yeah, man, I don't know. Again, obviously I get it.
Speaker 3: I love pets. Yeah, I love pets so much. I'd
Speaker 3: love to have a dog or a cat if they
Speaker 3: didn't eat or poop or peete.
Speaker 1: Is your mom I believe her name's Diane. Is your
Speaker 1: mom on a farm?
Speaker 3: No, she's just a southwest Ohio But and it's not
Speaker 3: even we didn't like the house is, you know, modest
Speaker 3: in the backyard's not huge, but he runs around the backyard.
Speaker 3: There's a good chunk of grass.
Speaker 1: Remember when we talked briefly about your mother possibly going
Speaker 1: on a date with my father. There was, of course
Speaker 1: some issues, logistic location being the main one, my dad
Speaker 1: being happily married the second main issue. But I did
Speaker 1: like that those talks, or I like that you asked
Speaker 1: on your mother's behalf of my father was available.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I felt like it could be a good match.
Speaker 3: But at this point I think she's just she's called it.
Speaker 1: Well. I think we were talking about that because I said,
Speaker 1: my father and I are watching your stand up. My
Speaker 1: dad's a fan of your stand up as well.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm glad my dad and my sister both are fans.
Speaker 1: Of stand up and they picked the right ones. A
Speaker 1: lot of these families they got to go home. You
Speaker 1: gotta go home, busy your parents, and then they just
Speaker 1: they don't talk about the right comedy or they don't
Speaker 1: appreciate comedy at all. I'm very cory.
Speaker 3: How about when you meet like somebody you're dating's friends
Speaker 3: and they're like, do you like fish person? And you're like,
Speaker 3: oh no.
Speaker 4: Do you guys? Remember there was a comic and she
Speaker 4: used to wear this outfit. Her skirt was plastic and
Speaker 4: it would stick straight out like a ballerina, and she
Speaker 4: had a bunch of audio cues so it would be
Speaker 4: like a joke where then she'd be acting out like
Speaker 4: a car accident. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Speaker 1: Oh? Oh oh?
Speaker 4: She was like it was she was huge. She was
Speaker 4: like one of the comics that were on TV when
Speaker 4: I started. And I played a college one time that
Speaker 4: was like an upstate New York and I barely had
Speaker 4: an hour, like I just scraped it together. So it
Speaker 4: was really stressful because I just knew I was showing
Speaker 4: up to eat shit for probably what would be thirty
Speaker 4: eight minutes and then I'd leave. But I get that
Speaker 4: and uh, it so nasty. But this one school I
Speaker 4: showed up at, they kept saying, give me audio cues,
Speaker 4: and they kept asking the question. I was like, I know,
Speaker 4: I don't know why you're asking me that. And then
Speaker 4: finally it was because that woman was the comic that
Speaker 4: was there like the month before, and so it was
Speaker 4: almost like, well, do you have audio cues? Because she
Speaker 4: did because she has a female comic. Yeah. I was
Speaker 4: just like, I wish I did.
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 4: I don't have a CD for you to play during
Speaker 4: my act.
Speaker 3: Sorry I wish.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I'm amazed at still to this day, how many
Speaker 1: tech people come in barging into the green room and
Speaker 1: they're like, this is I gotta know what song do
Speaker 1: you want me to play? For the ten seconds of
Speaker 1: you coming out of the greenroom and grabbing the mic stand.
Speaker 1: It's very important. And I'm always like, I really, I'm
Speaker 1: no offense to you and your passion, but I don't
Speaker 1: I do not care. And then inevitably they play a
Speaker 1: house of pain jump around or something, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I probably should have come out.
Speaker 3: I probably should have given you any iggestion.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know, anything isn't a fine.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I usually say similarly like, yeah, it doesn't matter because
Speaker 3: the truth is as long as it's like upbeat, I
Speaker 3: think that's fine. But I do prefer music. I was.
Speaker 3: I was doing punchline. You guys do punchline San Francisco.
Speaker 3: You know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: Yeah, used to dabble there anyway.
Speaker 3: That was just it reminded me of a time where
Speaker 3: I guess music didn't play that that we start on
Speaker 3: Wednesday or whatever, right, And I didn't really say anything,
Speaker 3: and I didn't really plan to say anything because I
Speaker 3: was sort of like, gad, it'll work itself out. And
Speaker 3: then the person manager at the time came up to
Speaker 3: me while I was selling merch, like in the middle
Speaker 3: of merch and was like, hey, like so it's something
Speaker 3: about referencing my writer and the walk Off song, and
Speaker 3: I was like, oh yeah, I mean, I say fifteen
Speaker 3: seconds in because that's kind of when it, you know,
Speaker 3: gets going, but nobody Do'll just like music is great,
Speaker 3: I said. I realized it didn't play when I came
Speaker 3: out either, So yeah, just pump music when I'm coming on,
Speaker 3: and she's like, I think goodness. Robbie Hoffman was there
Speaker 3: with me because I was like I'm being punked. I'm
Speaker 3: being condescended too. It was like, she goes, well, because
Speaker 3: this is such a small venue, we don't normally do
Speaker 3: walk up music. Does that make sense? And I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: it doesn't make any sense to me at all. She's like, well,
Speaker 3: because this walk is so small in the venue so small,
Speaker 3: And I'm like, are you nagging me in in your
Speaker 3: own venue? And she's like, so does that make sense?
Speaker 3: And then ask me if it made sense? Yeah, kidding
Speaker 3: minimum three times and I finally go, I'm telling you
Speaker 3: it doesn't make sense. I've had music bring me on
Speaker 3: in a bookstore that is four by four feet in
Speaker 3: Los Angeles, like just anything it helps, yea, yeah, it's
Speaker 3: not the end of the world. Anyway, it got worked out,
Speaker 3: but I was just like, also, I was taking Gaba
Speaker 3: penton at the time, which several friends told me their
Speaker 3: dog was on as well, and I was so irritable.
Speaker 3: It made me really angry. So and I was on
Speaker 3: my period. But Robbie was like, yeah, that was that
Speaker 3: was wild. We've never had music here. I was like, well,
Speaker 3: then I must be dreaming what I.
Speaker 1: Can't stop thinking about my experience or I guess when
Speaker 1: I recorded my album at the punch Line in two
Speaker 1: thousand and ten. I guess, yeah, there was no I
Speaker 1: do now remember there just being a smattering of applause
Speaker 1: until I rushed to the mic and started talking.
Speaker 3: Are you serious?
Speaker 4: And it is quite yeah, what are you seriously?
Speaker 3: Didn't play music for you?
Speaker 1: I don't believe so would have had to have been cleared,
Speaker 1: because of course I would have chose House of Pain.
Speaker 1: I just revealed that.
Speaker 3: I'm telling you I've never I've never felt like music
Speaker 3: wasn't playing there.
Speaker 1: Oh like that was a personal choice for you. Yeah, no, just.
Speaker 3: In general, like there were new managers. I was like,
Speaker 3: do you always play music?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I guess I wouldn't even notice it was missing
Speaker 1: till it was.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, oh, that one, And that's kind of
Speaker 3: what I mean, Like I didn't. She's just just making
Speaker 3: me second guess. Everything was like, we never play music here.
Speaker 3: I was like, well, I've been coming here forever and
Speaker 3: I think you do.
Speaker 1: It just became a weird argument.
Speaker 3: Does that make sense because it's so small because you
Speaker 3: don't sell a lot, so it's small.
Speaker 1: I would I would.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: The only way of getting around that is if the
Speaker 1: person bringing you up. Actually said please clap until they
Speaker 1: grabbed the microphone and stopped talking. This is very important.
Speaker 1: Continue the applause.
Speaker 4: Crow a little bit right as right as they hit
Speaker 4: that mic. Don't be afraid to let it out right
Speaker 4: at the last second.
Speaker 1: Then I wouldn't notice. Then I'd be like, well that
Speaker 1: was better than music. Constant clapping, right, And so I
Speaker 1: tart and still like Tart talking, Oh boy, Tart. It's
Speaker 1: I can't remember what it's called where you reverse those,
Speaker 1: but I definitely have it. You, you know, when I
Speaker 1: started putting it in my act because it actually is
Speaker 1: something I do, like when I had my old classic
Speaker 1: shambles kunky soup bit. I actually do that. It's not dyslexia,
Speaker 1: but I towards.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thicket pencs.
Speaker 1: Is that what it's called? Starring Scalm Tarot Tom Scaret
Speaker 1: of course in the TV show picket Fences and deep
Speaker 1: cut unnecessary, but we all like to think of Tom
Speaker 1: and his work as the pastor in River runs through.
Speaker 4: It just everyone slowly backs away.
Speaker 1: Just put it down. Chris put down the thought it
Speaker 1: was important to me that he was the pastor of
Speaker 1: the church. I actually went to eat for free at
Speaker 1: on Wednesday. I'm not going to say I was a member.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to eat there. My mother was not
Speaker 1: a passionate chef, and it was the Tom Scarett was
Speaker 1: the pastor of that. They even showed my church, my
Speaker 1: childhood church in a river runs through it, so I
Speaker 1: felt connected to that movie.
Speaker 3: I love that movie with Rory the little Kid.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, he's know. This is about fishing, a thing
Speaker 1: I've never had an interest in but grew up surrounded by.
Speaker 1: And then you know, brother family, brotherhood. There's no bacon
Speaker 1: in theres.
Speaker 3: River wild or something. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think you are the rafting one. It's very intense.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like a hijacking of a raft. Yeah, my
Speaker 3: mother was not a passionate chef. Is that what you said?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Is that what it was true? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Okay that really made me laugh. And it was a
Speaker 3: beautiful way to put it because my mine wasn't either.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's okay.
Speaker 1: It is okay. I don't know why I expected food
Speaker 1: every day as a kid.
Speaker 3: Me neither.
Speaker 1: That's what neighbors and friends are for. And the schwan's
Speaker 1: man who never came to our holy Yeah yeah, I uh,
Speaker 1: but later I.
Speaker 3: Church foods for spaghetti and a little.
Speaker 1: Oh it was always spaghetti, and so I would just
Speaker 1: eat it and pretend, oh, yeah, First Corinthians, it's my
Speaker 1: favorite verse or whatever.
Speaker 3: But I just wanted to eat same and I was
Speaker 3: there to try to fuck as well.
Speaker 1: Right, Oddly, I realized this place was riddled with non virgins.
Speaker 3: Yeah, a lot of people are getting freaky or at
Speaker 3: least pretending like they want to in leading me on, right,
Speaker 3: And that's Jarrett.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was It was mostly that I didn't know
Speaker 1: until I went to church how many people in high
Speaker 1: school were having sex. I actually had ended up being
Speaker 1: a really good time. I enjoyed it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I made some friends. Some of them even recently
Speaker 3: came out to my show in December, so I guess
Speaker 3: they were lasting.
Speaker 1: The strangest thing that pastor not Tom Scarrett, the real
Speaker 1: life pastor. His name was Wayne. I ran into him
Speaker 1: on the beach once. He's just walking in the sand,
Speaker 1: which seemed symbolic like one of those posters.
Speaker 3: But there was only one footprints.
Speaker 1: Yes, and they were his. And I was states away
Speaker 1: from where I grew up, and I'm like, wait, and
Speaker 1: no one was on the beach. It was me and
Speaker 1: my friend Ross, and we just ran into our old
Speaker 1: church pastor. It's like, what are you doing here? And
Speaker 1: he's like, I live here in this small Oregon town.
Speaker 1: It's like there's a church here. He's like, no, I'm
Speaker 1: doing a marriage counseling.
Speaker 3: He's like, I'm going to stand up comedy.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I wasn't yet. I was there just surfing. No,
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, yeah, I came. I do a regular
Speaker 1: open mic night at this uh nautically themed pub come out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's all I remember from that trip. And then catching
Speaker 1: kids that were trying to feed seagulls alka Seltzer and
Speaker 1: I got really upset with them. Yeah, that was a
Speaker 1: They were bad kids.
Speaker 3: What did you do?
Speaker 1: They were just salty beach kids. You know, they're probably
Speaker 1: raised by some sort of a fishmonger, and they didn't
Speaker 1: respect the bird. I just said, what are you doing?
Speaker 1: I knew what that would do to a bird. I
Speaker 1: felt like maybe these kids didn't.
Speaker 3: No, they had to know. They wanted to see it.
Speaker 1: Yes, they wanted. It's like the Mentos thing, except it's
Speaker 1: death in a bird. Yeah, it's terrible. They were bad kids.
Speaker 3: Jesus. One time I went to the beach. Left my
Speaker 3: bag with some food in it, and boy did they
Speaker 3: get into it. They ripped it. Those kids.
Speaker 4: Just think sells just going up and down the coast,
Speaker 4: harassing people, those fishmonger kids.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I like the behavior of seagulls at the beach. I
Speaker 1: like that they fuck with people. That's their spot and
Speaker 1: when they land on someone's head momentarily or I think
Speaker 1: I just like birds. I think I do, and like
Speaker 1: when they are being smart asses. I like when you're
Speaker 1: on a boat and they fly next to it, just
Speaker 1: like I don't want to be near you on land,
Speaker 1: but I will fly next to the boat and kind
Speaker 1: of make eye contact. I enjoy that.
Speaker 4: It's kind of like they're commuting when they go by
Speaker 4: the when they're near the boat and they're like gliding
Speaker 4: along where they're like, yeah, we all have to get
Speaker 4: over there, like yeah, just cross and over, yeah, fairy style.
Speaker 1: Yeah. They know that the boat has navigation, let's just
Speaker 1: use it. Yeah, you've each been on a boat where
Speaker 1: dolphins end up hanging out and getting all excited about people.
Speaker 1: We got to figure out this how to get dolphins
Speaker 1: and people to hang out because clearly they like us. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and they get very excited when there's a boat. They're like, hey,
Speaker 1: look at me, and we're very excited to meet them,
Speaker 1: but we just can't because of the you know, we
Speaker 1: would drown. Yeah, very dangerous friendship.
Speaker 3: I wonder what they would do with us down there.
Speaker 1: It is my favorite relationship.
Speaker 3: I love dolphins growing up so much.
Speaker 1: And then you hear about all the masturbating they do. Really, Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're like one of the only animals that likes pleasures themselves.
Speaker 3: How rubbing on stuff.
Speaker 4: That I even look at on a seashell. It's it's
Speaker 4: really painful. They for massochists and enemies. I don't know
Speaker 4: if they're one of the only ones, because you've seen
Speaker 4: that clip of the kangaroo that's jerking off while people
Speaker 4: are like next to a pond and they're like trying
Speaker 4: to have like a romantic picnic, and then just like
Speaker 4: right behind them is this kangaroo just lounging like an
Speaker 4: adult man and jerking off. You've never seen that? No, Oh,
Speaker 4: it's yeah, that'll put that on the list of the
Speaker 4: YouTube things you're gonna look up after the show. It's
Speaker 4: pretty delightful.
Speaker 1: I will actually watch that because they have a way
Speaker 1: about the kangaroos with their shoulders. They're always inexplicably muscular,
Speaker 1: and they do have they have no choice but to
Speaker 1: kind of rest their arms pterodactyl style, slightly folded.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: But my first concern is don't they have claws, Like,
Speaker 1: don't they have like talons?
Speaker 4: I don't think so.
Speaker 1: I'm yeah, well, it's.
Speaker 3: Kind of like otters, like they're still the Oh you
Speaker 3: did a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 4: Let's hear about it.
Speaker 1: Were they masturbating?
Speaker 3: They weren't.
Speaker 4: They were so soft, they nice.
Speaker 3: Yeah, book Three of them got in my shirt and
Speaker 3: they were rubbing toys on my back. I was like,
Speaker 3: I was submerged in the water and I wore a
Speaker 3: big shirt because they tell you to do that to like,
Speaker 3: because they like climbing in they like things within things,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 1: And this was of course at Sea World.
Speaker 4: At the Monterey Back.
Speaker 3: I jumped right in the tank.
Speaker 4: Man, please, man, weeks she's here.
Speaker 1: I lat otters watching them, I mean, just down dating.
Speaker 1: I did not know. This is the first I've heard
Speaker 1: that you can touch them.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, it was. It was excellent.
Speaker 4: Did you have to pay a ton of money?
Speaker 1: Yeah to do it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's something I wanted to do for eight years.
Speaker 1: And they are soft.
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. Yeah, like they tell you to please
Speaker 3: not touch their face and stuff because you know, we're
Speaker 3: not trying to make them pets. It's all about whatever
Speaker 3: they want to do. And they like being around humans enough,
Speaker 3: you know, like yeah, they like messing with you, exploring
Speaker 3: and all that kind of thing. So and we had
Speaker 3: masks on because they're still COVID susceptible, so we wore
Speaker 3: snorkel masks and that way you can like also look
Speaker 3: under the water too. But they come out, these little pups.
Speaker 3: They're called a ROMP, a group of otters. Oh yeah,
Speaker 3: and they're pretty exclusive, like like not everyone can join,
Speaker 3: and if they don't accept you, you have to find another
Speaker 3: ROMP to go to. Honestly, hm hmm.
Speaker 4: So they like, what does otter of rejection look like?
Speaker 4: Sorry didn't I didn't see it.
Speaker 3: But because there they only brought one romp over, we're
Speaker 3: not having a duel here, you know, in front of them.
Speaker 4: Imagine fans otters being like no thanks with her yea.
Speaker 3: Kind of like probably all yeah, I want to hag
Speaker 3: hat a little shell and it's not like this, and
Speaker 3: you've running around, you know, diving to three of them
Speaker 3: got in my shirt. One of them was rubbing a
Speaker 3: toy on my back like this wow. And then they
Speaker 3: like they drop kind of little gems around, like you know,
Speaker 3: sort of like gemstone type things, and they'll dive down
Speaker 3: reaching climbing your shirt and tuck it in your brawl.
Speaker 3: They like hiding things around.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I can't handle it.
Speaker 3: And one of them, like, I have a video of
Speaker 3: one of them holding a like a bubbles container obviously
Speaker 3: no bubbles, and they had put a bunch of gems
Speaker 3: in there, like shaky shaky, like a Morocco that because
Speaker 3: they again aforementioned. So one of them is just sitting
Speaker 3: there like this, yeah, trying to get it out forever.
Speaker 3: And and they're yeah, they're just diving around and your shirt,
Speaker 3: rubbing it on you, and you can pet. They say
Speaker 3: that you're allowed to put their backs and tails, so
Speaker 3: I'm like, you know, just touching their backs and tails
Speaker 3: and they're so soft, and obviously I want to kiss
Speaker 3: some on the.
Speaker 1: Lips, but yeah, yeah, you want to, ma account with.
Speaker 3: Them, Yeah, but I didn't, and I just love them
Speaker 3: and they're so cute. Obviously I didn't hug them or anything,
Speaker 3: and they were using my thighs like springboards to jump
Speaker 3: off of there was pounce off like underwater. They pounce
Speaker 3: off my thighs to get to the other side.
Speaker 1: Who So, yeah, dolphins aren't the only sexual ocean beasts. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they'll pounce off your thighs like a diving board. Talks slower,
Speaker 1: I do. I have seen them. Now that I think about,
Speaker 1: they do have a thing. I want to give otters
Speaker 1: marbles because they I have seen them when they're not
Speaker 1: breaking open an abalone to have a snack, which, by
Speaker 1: the way, they're always doing on their own. Yes, I
Speaker 1: always wish they had help with that breaking like slamming
Speaker 1: things on their chest just to get the whatever oyster
Speaker 1: like meat. But I've seen them with rocks like pebbles,
Speaker 1: just batting them around on their chests like six or
Speaker 1: some and like like they're juggling and it's like a
Speaker 1: fun game. I think you're right. I think otters love
Speaker 1: juggling tiny little rocks, which makes me so happy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and things within things, No wonder they like oysters
Speaker 3: and yeah, yeah, you know, trying to get in there.
Speaker 3: We should leave all the oysters for them.
Speaker 1: Where can I do exactly what you did and have
Speaker 1: these guys pounce off my legs.
Speaker 3: It's called nurtured by nature. And your money goes to
Speaker 3: fund the Make a Wish program, so you pay for
Speaker 3: the experience and then kid I mean obviously that I'm
Speaker 3: sure they would still do the program, but it sholps
Speaker 3: fund it so they can have even more. And again
Speaker 3: there are animals first, you can tell you know, it's
Speaker 3: very much like they keep the visitations low so that
Speaker 3: the animals aren't worn out or you know, sick or
Speaker 3: whatever all those things. And they have a couple of
Speaker 3: different romps and different species as well, so it's not
Speaker 3: like the same orders have to see people every day
Speaker 3: or anything like that. It's like they rotate romps and
Speaker 3: don't do them that often. Where is it like monerais
Speaker 3: like Escndido area?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 3: But yes, so then you know you're contributing to something good.
Speaker 3: And it's a whole day. And I met a sloth,
Speaker 3: some armadillo's I fed lemurs, banana, I fed a kapy bura,
Speaker 3: some taro I think, and squash and fenex foxes. I
Speaker 3: fed them some hibiscus flowers. H yeah, and some other
Speaker 3: animals too. They just got a snow leopard and a
Speaker 3: two can who an exotic animal collector didn't want it
Speaker 3: because its beak was crooked.
Speaker 1: Because they kept trying to chase fruit flavors.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it wasn't into the flavors that he liked.
Speaker 1: The fruit loops follow my nose. I think that that
Speaker 1: sounds super legit. And there was like all these shady
Speaker 1: ones when I lived in Austin where they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is a we take you know, abandoned tigers or whatever,
Speaker 1: and you can drive through and feed these animals, and
Speaker 1: then you quickly realize like, oh, this is a tiger
Speaker 1: king place and they're like making babies here, and these
Speaker 1: people are a living off of exploiting these animals. It
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, this is actually we're helping a very
Speaker 1: bad thing, even though the people working there are there
Speaker 1: because they love animals. But it's like, oh, man, I
Speaker 1: think you mean and it's makeup. It helps kids.
Speaker 3: Yeah exactly, So there are definitely good parts about it,
Speaker 3: but yeah, I hear what you mean, and where you're like,
Speaker 3: I don't know what to make of this, And like
Speaker 3: I told you, I've been wanting to go for like
Speaker 3: eight years, but I finally did it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm I just realized I love otters. I've watched
Speaker 1: enough of them and gone down that wormhole, and I'm
Speaker 1: so happy to hear their soft because when they're wet,
Speaker 1: their hair looks a little bit like porcupine quills, and
Speaker 1: I was getting the wrong impression.
Speaker 3: I'll text you the video. I mean it's I'm so happy.
Speaker 1: Hopefully it's in my price range. I don't want to
Speaker 1: ask how much it is. I'll look. I'll send me
Speaker 1: the link.
Speaker 3: I bee like, you know, there's an option to donate more,
Speaker 3: but it's expensive. Do you want me to tell you?
Speaker 1: Sure? I do want to go back. I don't know
Speaker 1: what the statistics. Someone will of course send me a
Speaker 1: message saying what the about the dolphins? I think maybe
Speaker 1: they're the only mammal that has other than humans. I
Speaker 1: think this is it, the only mammal other than humans
Speaker 1: that have sex for fun and not for breeding. Oh,
Speaker 1: I see it's humans and dolphins. I think that statistic.
Speaker 3: But you look, if you look at it, it's almost
Speaker 3: like your donation for the AAR. Depending on if you're
Speaker 3: somebody that likes to donate, you know, like to save
Speaker 3: up for that. It's worth it.
Speaker 4: It's for a really good cause. Chris Well.
Speaker 1: Today at Walgreens they said, do you want to give
Speaker 1: one dollar? And there was a hole and I know
Speaker 1: the usually do it, but suddenly I was like, you
Speaker 1: know what, not today? And it's been.
Speaker 3: Bothering me because you said no.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I said no to one.
Speaker 3: They know every freaking time. Who that's you know? It's
Speaker 3: like I've done some. Don't even get me started. You
Speaker 3: can make your own donations with your own money. The
Speaker 3: reason they do that they get that tax break, right.
Speaker 3: Don't ever give them money and don't ever feel bad
Speaker 3: about it.
Speaker 1: Can I have a receipt for my one dollar and
Speaker 1: I bring it to my I can't.
Speaker 3: I don't even know if it goes to the people.
Speaker 3: You know what I mean? How do I know?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I don't trust them. No, They've got expired chocolate on
Speaker 3: their shelves. You know how long that takes.
Speaker 1: Do you have any events coming up? Be they charitable
Speaker 1: or for personal gain?
Speaker 3: M mostly personal thing.
Speaker 4: Personal gains then charity.
Speaker 3: I'm doing a festival and tell your ride this weekend?
Speaker 3: Oh hell, then I'm San Diego Febuary twenty first, Tuesday
Speaker 3: after that I've headed to ann Arbor March third Friday
Speaker 3: for a festival there. I think it might be it's
Speaker 3: a first year first. I could be wrong.
Speaker 4: An Arbor's cool. That's a good city.
Speaker 1: Yeah, are you intel a ride? Are you going to escape?
Speaker 1: Why is it? Did you water ski?
Speaker 3: No? Oh? Remember my my Ohio boyfriend he had that
Speaker 3: wakeboarding park.
Speaker 1: Oh that's it and I really wanted to go.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Probably I was gonna ask for his number and then
Speaker 1: I will never know him. Okay, Yeah, that's one of
Speaker 1: the first things when we first met you told me
Speaker 1: about Yeah, okay, you yourself are not a skier then
Speaker 1: personally No.
Speaker 3: I ski for the first time in my life last
Speaker 3: year at the same festival.
Speaker 1: I wonder, Yeah, that's why I ask. I bet they'll
Speaker 1: let you.
Speaker 3: I don't want to.
Speaker 1: You don't want to?
Speaker 3: I did. I tried it once and I'm okay, I'm good.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Snowskiing not water skiing right either, but yeah, snowskiing.
Speaker 1: It just used to be such a big part of
Speaker 1: my life and now it isn't. It's uh, it's kind
Speaker 1: of funny.
Speaker 3: I felt proud of myself that I did try something
Speaker 3: new as an adult, and I was I did it,
Speaker 3: you know, Yeah, but I don't need to do it again.
Speaker 3: It's not fun. There's too much regamaroule.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's also if you get hurt, you're like messing
Speaker 1: with your I mean, I don't worry about that too much,
Speaker 1: but I do think about it when snowboarding, because you
Speaker 1: can actually die and that would affect my comedy career.
Speaker 3: Yeah. My friend she invited me to Mammoth on the
Speaker 3: first weekend of this month, and I went knowing I
Speaker 3: wasn't going to be skiing at all and just hang
Speaker 3: and I also signed up to snowshoe. She separated her shoulder.
Speaker 3: I took her to the er, and I was the
Speaker 3: only one in our group who could drive stick shift,
Speaker 3: which she alway god so, and a snowstorm was coming,
Speaker 3: so I spent like Friday there a little bit, and
Speaker 3: then drove her back Saturday in the stick shift because
Speaker 3: she hurt herself skiing.
Speaker 1: That's I When I first moved to La Dave Wrath
Speaker 1: was my manager for a little while, and Morgan Murphy
Speaker 1: invited me to go to Mammoth. I separated my shoulder
Speaker 1: and no one could drive my car because it was
Speaker 1: a stick shift, and so I drove it. I with
Speaker 1: one arm and a sling. I was steering and shifting,
Speaker 1: like letting go the fucking steering wheel shifting, And I'm like,
Speaker 1: my point is what adult?
Speaker 3: I mean?
Speaker 1: I understand now they don't even make shift your cars
Speaker 1: as readily available as they used to do. But no
Speaker 1: one knew how to drive a stick I'm like, I did.
Speaker 1: There's got to be a solution here other than me
Speaker 1: driving home one handed.
Speaker 3: No, I know she was about to drive home one handed.
Speaker 3: And the only benefit for me is that I wasn't
Speaker 3: skiing anyway, and I wanted to make it home for
Speaker 3: my field hockey games. So and there was like it
Speaker 3: all was well, perfect storm, Literally the storm is coming.
Speaker 3: I was like, let's just go. We've been in the er.
Speaker 3: You're gonna wake up in a world of pain tomorrow.
Speaker 3: And so drove her stick shift the five hours home,
Speaker 3: so tired. It's still it's still in my place right
Speaker 3: now because she can't drive it. And I made it
Speaker 3: to hockey on Sunday morning.
Speaker 1: Oh this just happened.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, this was like it's been there that this
Speaker 3: was February fourth.
Speaker 1: Well, do tell her in this, I mean, it's very
Speaker 1: specific but I could not my arm up after several months,
Speaker 1: and I went to a reiki massage person that I
Speaker 1: was laughing at how there literally were slapping and rubbing
Speaker 1: their hands together and only, as she's called it, transferring
Speaker 1: energy from my good shoulder. She never touched my separated shoulder.
Speaker 1: And there was a big buck like it was an
Speaker 1: awful mess, and she was transferring energy and there was
Speaker 1: a soundtrack of birds playing. I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm not getting this fifty dollars back. The next day
Speaker 1: I could do chin ups. I was just fixed. I
Speaker 1: could not believe it. So tell your friend if she
Speaker 1: has trouble mobility wise, go reki. Wow, go reiki.
Speaker 3: Fifty bucks is cheap. Is she still around?
Speaker 1: This was I was on the road. Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: like I separated my shoulder and had to go to
Speaker 1: Canada for a gig and I just went with my
Speaker 1: sling and it got wear and wears.
Speaker 3: But yeah, yeah, I fell in this one and I
Speaker 3: have trouble still. I still feel pain, but I think
Speaker 3: it was I flew over my bike handlebars.
Speaker 1: See, we just got to stay home. As much as
Speaker 1: I enjoyed doing outdoor things, I worked at a snowboard
Speaker 1: camp and Harrison Ford's kid was I think he has
Speaker 1: a restaurant in Clover City. He's like, owns that Ford's
Speaker 1: filling station.
Speaker 3: Wow, I wonder where you get the money for that? Yea.
Speaker 1: And he looks just he's like obviously like, oh, there's
Speaker 1: a handsome Harrison Ford looking dude. But when I was
Speaker 1: like seventeen, he was twelve or something, and yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: he was a baby. He had a passion for chef,
Speaker 1: for Jeffery. He's a passionate. But he was a good
Speaker 1: little snowboarder. And Harrison Ford came to pick him up
Speaker 1: and everyone was freaking out, you know, because he was
Speaker 1: in Star Wars and stuff that board.
Speaker 3: Yeah I would have said the fugitive, but we're all different.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I love the Fugitive. He didn't kill his wife,
Speaker 1: by the way. But one of the one of the
Speaker 1: coaches was like, you know, we have an adult camp
Speaker 1: if you want to uh learned to snowboard, And he
Speaker 1: was like, why would I do if I break my hand?
Speaker 1: I can't be in a movie impression. That wasn't the
Speaker 1: reason I told this story, but every once in a while,
Speaker 1: it's like one of my five impressions. I got Harrison,
Speaker 1: Howard Kramer, Brody Stevens, but he uh, he said that,
Speaker 1: He's like, it would ruin my career if I broke
Speaker 1: my hand or something. Meanwhile, cut to years later, he
Speaker 1: keeps crashing his airplane. It's like, wait a minute, you
Speaker 1: could have gone to snowboard camp.
Speaker 3: That was an excuse.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's scared. He's scared of.
Speaker 3: Connecting with his son.
Speaker 1: I should have dug deeper. Pardon me, serious, it's about
Speaker 1: you and your son.
Speaker 3: Is about connecting with your son.
Speaker 1: Just pay for his future restaurant.
Speaker 3: Okay, that'll make up for all of this if we're
Speaker 3: being real.
Speaker 1: Well, but go to bed. What's your go to bed?
Speaker 1: Stelling dot com is imagine.
Speaker 3: Tell me to go to bed? And I was like, I.
Speaker 4: Actually like lights out?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Beth Stelling dot com And uh yeah, you can
Speaker 3: watch my hour special on HBO Mexico Girl Daddy or
Speaker 3: half hour. Yeah. I'm editing a special right now that
Speaker 3: I shot in December that you know, I hate it
Speaker 3: and maybe I'll.
Speaker 1: Just not release it. Oh really, Now this.
Speaker 3: Is how I feel. I'm very hard on myself.
Speaker 1: I bet it's great. Yeah, you are seriously one of
Speaker 1: my favorite comics to watch, So anyone gets the chance
Speaker 1: to see that spelling very much, don't hesitate to do it.
Speaker 4: Thank you and thanks for being on the show.
Speaker 1: Thank you for being on the program.
Speaker 3: Thank you for having me. Are you kidding?
Speaker 1: I'm being fucking dead.
Speaker 3: Serious, serious right now. It's a fucking.
Speaker 1: Blast you've been listening to. Do you need a ride?
Speaker 1: D y n her? This has been an exactly Right.
Speaker 4: Production produced by Analise Nelson.
Speaker 1: Mixed by Edson Choi.
Speaker 4: Our talent booker is Patrick Kottner.
Speaker 1: Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.
Speaker 4: Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter,
Speaker 4: and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y nar Podcast.
Speaker 1: For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.
Speaker 4: Thank you both.
Speaker 1: You're welcome.