Speaker 1: Sometimes, like enabling some people's behavior ends up hurting them
Speaker 1: more than you think you're helping them.
Speaker 2: A lot of times people treat us the way that
Speaker 2: we've taught them they can treat us, and they take
Speaker 2: cues from what we've allowed.
Speaker 1: Pro con list sometimes bring things out of you that
Speaker 1: you don't even know. Like if at the end of
Speaker 1: it says paycheck, but on the other side it says depression.
Speaker 1: I want to rip my eyes out. I hate every
Speaker 1: morning food doesn't have taste. I feel like your answer
Speaker 1: is right there.
Speaker 2: Happiness isn't a treasure box. It's also not a destination.
Speaker 2: It's a choice, and it's a way of life. You
Speaker 2: choose to be happy.
Speaker 1: Forgiveness is for yourself, it's not for the other person,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: I think healthy communication is far more about listening than
Speaker 2: it is about speaking.
Speaker 3: Or how are your feet?
Speaker 1: There's always only fans? Oh right?
Speaker 3: Anyway, next fee.
Speaker 1: I mean money in there? You don't got to cut
Speaker 1: your face?
Speaker 2: There you go, la Hello, Beings of Earth am in
Speaker 2: gem here. We had such a good time with this
Speaker 2: episode topic, and you guys sent us such amazing questions
Speaker 2: that we absolutely had to have a part two. So kickback, relax,
Speaker 2: and enjoy are solicited advice.
Speaker 3: Here's the first question.
Speaker 1: My sister always borrows money but never pays me back.
Speaker 1: How do I say no? Okay? I feel like there's
Speaker 1: we have to dissect this question. So first of all,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say the same thing as a previous question,
Speaker 1: maybe stop giving your money number one. But I understand
Speaker 1: it's your sister.
Speaker 3: How do you say no? Right? How do you say no? Okay?
Speaker 1: So you say.
Speaker 3: No more money for you?
Speaker 1: No? Okay.
Speaker 3: This is a boundary setting. This is a boundary thing.
Speaker 3: But it's also tough because I don't have a sister.
Speaker 3: But boundaries are tough.
Speaker 1: Boundaries are tough, and I have boundary issues, That's what
Speaker 1: I mean. And depending on the person in my life,
Speaker 1: if they ask for money, doesn't matter. If I only
Speaker 1: had ten dollars in a bank account, I would give
Speaker 1: it to them until I was out of money, because.
Speaker 3: That's just the kind of people. Maybe you shouldn't give
Speaker 3: advice on this one.
Speaker 1: No, but yeah, you go ahead, but I will say
Speaker 1: I will say one thing. Sometimes, like enabling some people's
Speaker 1: behavior ends up hurting them more than you think you're
Speaker 1: helping them.
Speaker 3: Preach so that's what I'll say about that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I agree with everything you've said. It sounds
Speaker 2: simple to just say you just say no. But part
Speaker 2: of setting a boundary, I think first, and I'm learning
Speaker 2: how to set boundaries. We are really bad at those,
Speaker 2: I think as people in general, both setting the boundary
Speaker 2: and also respecting boundaries. But part of setting a boundary
Speaker 2: is understanding that it's in your best interest and it's
Speaker 2: also in your relationships best interests, because those are the
Speaker 2: things that make you feel confident, safe, and secure in
Speaker 2: your relationship, and that's how you'll be able to show
Speaker 2: up as your best self in that relationship. So if
Speaker 2: you've been lending your sister money, I hear you.
Speaker 3: I would.
Speaker 2: I would empty my bank account for my sister if
Speaker 2: she asked me to, but my sister would never not
Speaker 2: pay me back, so that's.
Speaker 3: Probably why I would do that.
Speaker 2: But if you've realized that there's a pattern here and
Speaker 2: she started to maybe take advantage of you, first of all,
Speaker 2: don't let it get out of hand, because it'll start
Speaker 2: to impact your perception of the relationship and even maybe
Speaker 2: of your sister if you do. And maybe it's not
Speaker 2: even so complex as in she's knowingly taking advantage of you.
Speaker 2: Maybe she's just gotten used to the pattern of being
Speaker 2: able to ask you and you never maybe asking her
Speaker 2: to pay you back, or you being lenient. And so
Speaker 2: a lot of times people treat us the way that
Speaker 2: we've taught them. They can treat us, and they take
Speaker 2: cues from what we've allowed. How do you say no kindly?
Speaker 2: I always you can say, listen, I've decided I'm not
Speaker 2: going to lend money anymore.
Speaker 3: It's not working for me.
Speaker 2: And sometimes you don't have to give an explanation of fact.
Speaker 2: I think you actually reserve your power when you don't
Speaker 2: over explain yourself. And maybe she'll have a hard time
Speaker 2: with that. That's okay, let her have her hard time.
Speaker 2: You don't owe her money, you don't owe her anything.
Speaker 3: You just owe her your sisterhood.
Speaker 2: That's it, not even not even if you really want
Speaker 2: to think about it. Yeah, we don't ownly want anything.
Speaker 2: My dad is in and out of my life constantly,
Speaker 2: and I'm tired of it.
Speaker 3: I don't know what to do anymore.
Speaker 2: I'll let you guys into a personal aspect. So I've
Speaker 2: had a pretty.
Speaker 3: Turbulent relationship with my father. My whole life. I don't
Speaker 3: have the.
Speaker 2: Answers when it comes to a healthy daddy daughter relationship
Speaker 2: because I unfortunately have never had the opportunity to have one.
Speaker 2: I will say this, we're raised to believe a lot
Speaker 2: of times that we should give passes out or make
Speaker 2: unbelievable exceptions for our family just because they are our family.
Speaker 2: And I really resent that sometimes mothers drown their babies,
Speaker 2: sometimes fathers shoot their wives, And just because you have
Speaker 2: a blood aligne or a blood relationship to somebody doesn't
Speaker 2: mean that you should give them a free pass to
Speaker 2: bulldoze your life. If you've seen and I don't know
Speaker 2: how old you are, but if you've seen that there's
Speaker 2: a pattern that's come up in your life and you've
Speaker 2: already tried to address it, this is the caveat You've
Speaker 2: already tried to address it with your father, and there's
Speaker 2: nothing you can do. You're at the point where you've
Speaker 2: just sort of accepted that this is how it is,
Speaker 2: and this is the relationship you're going to have with
Speaker 2: your dad. The best thing that you can do for yourself.
Speaker 3: Is accept it.
Speaker 2: It's really just facing the situation head on from a
Speaker 2: place of understanding and knowing that you did what you
Speaker 2: could at the end of the day. I'm a firm
Speaker 2: believer that it's the adult's responsibility to carry the relationship forward.
Speaker 2: And I think as a father, it is his job
Speaker 2: to be involved in your life. And if it feels
Speaker 2: like he's in a revolving door, if you're in a
Speaker 2: revolving door situation with him, akin to like you know,
Speaker 2: a toxic X that just shows up whenever he wants
Speaker 2: to and then leaves when you're no longer needed or
Speaker 2: relevant anymore. Maybe next time you close the door, lock it.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Maybe you lock it for a year, Maybe you feel terrible.
Speaker 2: Maybe you lock it for a year and you start
Speaker 2: going to therapy and you start healing the loss of
Speaker 2: the father you wish that you would have had the
Speaker 2: relationship that you wish you would have had, and maybe
Speaker 2: you feel incredible afterwards. I will say this, do not
Speaker 2: make exceptions. If you wouldn't accept a certain kind of
Speaker 2: treatment from a friend or a lover or somebody who
Speaker 2: isn't your father, don't accept it from your father.
Speaker 3: Oh baby, all right.
Speaker 1: I think every man should get a e sseectomy and
Speaker 1: then when they want to have kids. They have to
Speaker 1: go to trial because you know you can reverse right,
Speaker 1: So yeah, every when they you know.
Speaker 3: If you just to say you look at you not like,
Speaker 3: do not do I have your list? I'm just I
Speaker 3: love it.
Speaker 1: Penus experts are right out side of the room. Okay,
Speaker 1: So next, I hate my job.
Speaker 3: Oof.
Speaker 1: This kind of was what we were talking about before.
Speaker 1: I hate my job, but I love the paycheck. How
Speaker 1: do I figure out if it's worth quitting? Okay, First
Speaker 1: of all, i'd say there's nothing wrong with a good
Speaker 1: pro con list. Yeah, Like pro con lists sometimes bring
Speaker 1: things out of you that you don't even know, Like
Speaker 1: if at the end of it it says paycheck, but
Speaker 1: on the other side it says depression. I want to
Speaker 1: rip my eyes out. I hate every morning food doesn't
Speaker 1: have taste. I feel like your answer is right there.
Speaker 3: Paycheck can mean a lot of things.
Speaker 1: Yes, but I'm saying, like if financial security, but.
Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Sure, I'm saying like that list is you know, depending
Speaker 1: on what comes out from that list, if the negatives
Speaker 1: are really really bad, I would say that maybe it's
Speaker 1: not worth it. Another thing is like maybe I don't
Speaker 1: know if there's a way that you can start exploring
Speaker 1: the potential of what what other jobs you would be
Speaker 1: qualified for and if that maybe has maybe although it
Speaker 1: might have a pay cut, maybe it has a life increase,
Speaker 1: and maybe it's a paycut that you can handle. Maybe
Speaker 1: there's a way that you can start, you know, doing
Speaker 1: research into the realities before leaving your job of what
Speaker 1: would be your options.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I.
Speaker 2: Also think that, like we the grass isn't always greener
Speaker 2: on the other side, and sometimes we're in certain situations
Speaker 2: and a slight reframe would really adjust the way that
Speaker 2: we experience those situations. You hated your job, Yeah, I
Speaker 2: hate I hated my job, but the paycheck wasn't worth it,
Speaker 2: I know, but literally, But I will say this, if
Speaker 2: I had a job that I didn't necessarily love, like
Speaker 2: the profession perhaps, or or what it is that I
Speaker 2: was doing in those hours of work. But if it
Speaker 2: in this scenario, you know, maybe I still had a
Speaker 2: free time and I was making a certain amount of
Speaker 2: money that I was happy with, I would probably view
Speaker 2: it as like a transition. Or sometimes it's just you
Speaker 2: need you Hey, you have bills to pay. You have
Speaker 2: to pay your bills. If you have a job that's
Speaker 2: that's not consuming your life, that you have essentially a
Speaker 2: healthy work life balance, even if it's not your favorite
Speaker 2: or what you wish you were doing with your life.
Speaker 2: Either find a way to get to where you wish
Speaker 2: you were or find a way to reframe your perspective
Speaker 2: on it. And sometimes you can just it's just a
Speaker 2: matter of looking at it as you know. This is
Speaker 2: the thing that I don't necessarily love doing, but I
Speaker 2: love what it brings me, and I love the freedom
Speaker 2: that it gives me, and I love you know the
Speaker 2: fact that you know, maybe I don't wake up every
Speaker 2: morning and I'm not excited to sit at a desk,
Speaker 2: but I only have to sit at this desk three
Speaker 2: days a week, or I only have to sit at
Speaker 2: this desk for so long, and then I have the
Speaker 2: money that I need to travel or do all the
Speaker 2: other things.
Speaker 3: Or how are your feet? There's always only fans?
Speaker 1: Oh right?
Speaker 3: Anyway, next use money in there?
Speaker 1: You don't got to your face?
Speaker 3: There you go?
Speaker 2: Okay, So it says I found out my friend friend
Speaker 2: is in quotes has been secretly talking behind my back.
Speaker 3: What do I do? Yikes?
Speaker 1: Okay, give them put them on the phone with the
Speaker 1: girl who's stealing the other girl's ideas.
Speaker 2: Okay, So first of all, some people would say, if
Speaker 2: she's talking behind your back, she's not your friend. Some people,
Speaker 2: I think it really depends what the relationship means to you.
Speaker 2: And again, like what you were saying earlier, context matters
Speaker 2: for this one. If this is somebody that that really
Speaker 2: matters to you, and this is you know, perhaps the
Speaker 2: first time that this has happened, then you've just found
Speaker 2: yourself at a crossroads and you have a conversation pending.
Speaker 2: You need to address it with your friend. Let them
Speaker 2: know what you've heard, let them know how it made
Speaker 2: you feel. Set boundaries in place of where it is
Speaker 2: that you want to move or don't want to move
Speaker 2: in your relationship. If they can't commit to the loyalty
Speaker 2: and discretion of the things that you share with them,
Speaker 2: or if they're saying something nasty about you behind your back,
Speaker 2: maybe you need to address if that's how they actually
Speaker 2: feel about you. And if they do feel that way
Speaker 2: about you, then that's perhaps not a friend that you
Speaker 2: should have in your life.
Speaker 3: I always say, try to talk.
Speaker 2: About it first, But depending on what they're saying and
Speaker 2: depending what the context is maybe this is not a
Speaker 2: friend for you, and maybe it's just a matter of
Speaker 2: again learning something new, seeing people for who they truly are,
Speaker 2: and moving on.
Speaker 1: And by the way, if you have that conversation and
Speaker 1: it doesn't go well, that doesn't mean that it needs
Speaker 1: to be a distasteful ending or you need to now
Speaker 1: carry these feelings for that person, because that's only going
Speaker 1: to hurt you. Forgiveness is for yourself, out for the
Speaker 1: other person.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what I mean, Yeah for sure.
Speaker 1: Okay, what's the best way to find happiness in twenty
Speaker 1: twenty five? Ooh, man, I know, find a time machine.
Speaker 3: Now this is going to be this is what I feel.
Speaker 1: I feel like the world we need to collectively realize
Speaker 1: that the energy and the vibration everything is so heightened
Speaker 1: right now and as a result, like all of the
Speaker 1: little universes inside of us are kind of in disarray,
Speaker 1: whether that be depressed or anxious this or like. And
Speaker 1: you know, I don't speak for everybody, because I know
Speaker 1: there are people that maybe aren't as connected to this feeling,
Speaker 1: but it feels like an overarching feeling. What I would
Speaker 1: say is to really connect to the things in life
Speaker 1: that bring you joy, even if that means going back
Speaker 1: into the things when you were a child, or when
Speaker 1: you were a kid, or when you were growing up,
Speaker 1: or when you were in high school or in college,
Speaker 1: like things that make you feel alive, that make you
Speaker 1: feel happy, maybe a hobby that you've always wanted to
Speaker 1: pick up that you can't, you know, like nurture your
Speaker 1: self love.
Speaker 3: That's what I feel.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's at least how I'm trying to find
Speaker 1: my happiness in twenty twenty five, because everything is just
Speaker 1: so loud. So yeah, and I'd say, like, you know,
Speaker 1: keep your head down and focus on the things that
Speaker 1: are really important to you and water those gardens. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, whether that be spend more time with somebody
Speaker 1: who you didn't spend time with last year, or actively
Speaker 1: seek a new friendship, or start a new class, or
Speaker 1: do pottery naked, whatever you want to do.
Speaker 3: I love that that's on my list. I just want
Speaker 3: to say this thing when I read something.
Speaker 2: Like how do I find happiness? Happiness isn't a treasure box.
Speaker 2: It's also not a destination. It's a choice, and it's
Speaker 2: a way of life. You choose to be happy. Cannot
Speaker 2: go outside and control back to mail, robins. You cannot
Speaker 2: go outside and control the weather, or whether you're going
Speaker 2: to enter your find yourself in a traffic jam, or
Speaker 2: whether your phone is going to fall and shatter. There's
Speaker 2: gonna be so many triggers throughout our days, and we're
Speaker 2: not Patrick Starr. We can't live under a rock that
Speaker 2: are absolutely inevitable and unavoidable. It's all about how you
Speaker 2: respond and react.
Speaker 3: To those situations.
Speaker 2: There is beauty and absolute absolutely everything, even a rain
Speaker 2: shower has its benefits. So I think that if you're
Speaker 2: still searching for happiness or trying to create your happiness,
Speaker 2: it starts with you.
Speaker 3: It's internal. There you go. Okay, that was amazing. Am
Speaker 3: I agreed with everything you've said? Wow, you've never said that.
Speaker 3: So maybe we should take a little break. Yeah, I
Speaker 3: can rest so I can enjoy this moment. Well, we'll
Speaker 3: be right back. Okay, earth things, How about a few more.
Speaker 3: I'm down.
Speaker 1: My friend keeps asking me how cute her baby is,
Speaker 1: But her baby is not cute.
Speaker 3: What do I do? You say nothing? You say nothing,
Speaker 3: You say the baby's cute. By the way, how old
Speaker 3: is the baby?
Speaker 1: Because sometimes they come out a little puffy. Yeah, sometimes
Speaker 1: they're not cute at first, but they cut a couple
Speaker 1: of years to you say nothing, so hear you, we
Speaker 1: feel you, we see you. We have all seen a
Speaker 1: baby that looks like a gremlin, and we have to
Speaker 1: say it's cue. That's all.
Speaker 3: You say nothing to say.
Speaker 1: You don't say you don't see to anybody else exactly,
Speaker 1: or you say I'm so happy that that you're happy.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Oh, and and you find the cute things in the baby, so.
Speaker 3: You say, oh my god, that baby's so cute. You
Speaker 3: say the letter cue that way, you're not technically lying.
Speaker 2: But maybe they're cute and their mannerism is not necessarily
Speaker 2: like aesthetic.
Speaker 1: Okay, oh, what did you find one thing that you
Speaker 1: actually think the baby, the.
Speaker 3: Little pinky toe's so cute. Yeah, come on, babies on cute,
Speaker 3: even ugly babies cute. They're cute. What's wrong with you? Okay?
Speaker 3: Maybe is not cute?
Speaker 1: Okay, go ahead, Okay, let's oh I can answer this.
Speaker 3: I've been thinking about dyeing my hair. Should I Yes?
Speaker 3: The answer is yes, it depends.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: You're gonna bleach your whole hair.
Speaker 3: Bleach to fry it, fry it, it'll go back. Bleach
Speaker 3: it fry, it'll go back.
Speaker 2: I did wanted to do something to my hair for years,
Speaker 2: and it took me being twenty six, not even twenty seven, No,
Speaker 2: twenty eight years old. I was twenty eight years old
Speaker 2: the first time I did anything to my hair. It's
Speaker 2: the only thing I regret is not doing good, suitor.
Speaker 2: I love my half purple. I think I'll die half purple.
Speaker 2: I don't know, who knows. Maybe next year I'll take
Speaker 2: my mind. But if you are thinking about dyeing your hair,
Speaker 2: do it.
Speaker 3: Do it. Worst case you hate it, you could always
Speaker 3: die it back. If it fries off, it'll grow back.
Speaker 3: I don't know. You go rock the bald for yeah,
Speaker 3: shave your eyebrows, Okay, do it all right?
Speaker 2: How do you handle differences in communication styles?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: Can I come back to you on that? Okay, I'll
Speaker 3: say this.
Speaker 1: I think first you need to learn each other's communication
Speaker 1: styles because they're not your own. And this is something
Speaker 1: that happened, This is something that happens too with like
Speaker 1: love languages and relationships. Like we're so consumed by how
Speaker 1: we communicate, how we love, how we whatever. That it's
Speaker 1: also a difficult exercise to now pretend to not be
Speaker 1: that and learn about this whole other world and the
Speaker 1: whole other way the person sees and perceives and acts
Speaker 1: in this world. So I think step one is learning that.
Speaker 3: I think step two is listening. It waste.
Speaker 1: Step one is really listening because you're step one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess, so you have to listen to even know
Speaker 1: communication style is I think that communicy.
Speaker 2: I think healthy communication is far more about listening than
Speaker 2: it is about speaking. If you are looking for like
Speaker 2: a concrete advice I can give you, Emily, And I
Speaker 2: learned this actually with a couple's therapists one time. And
Speaker 2: if you're having a conversation with somebody, sometimes it's really
Speaker 2: easy to get worked up. And sometimes your partner or
Speaker 2: your friend, or your siblings or your family member says
Speaker 2: something in a moment of conflict or when they're expressing
Speaker 2: conflict with you that you don't agree with, or maybe
Speaker 2: it doesn't ring true for you or is a representative
Speaker 2: of your experience.
Speaker 3: The first thing you need to do is be quiet.
Speaker 2: Let the person speak when they're done speaking. The best
Speaker 2: thing you can do for your communication before you even
Speaker 2: think about replying or adding your what is it your
Speaker 2: footnote or sharing your perspective. You need to the moment
Speaker 2: that you feel that you're about to respond with your emotions,
Speaker 2: you need to stop. You need to pull the brakes,
Speaker 2: resenter yourself, become mindful and aware of the conversation again
Speaker 2: and repeat if you have to internally, and if you
Speaker 2: have to out loud what the person has just said
Speaker 2: to you, make sure that you understood you said you say.
Speaker 2: For example, EM says I don't like your socks. I
Speaker 2: can paw, I can react, I can fight back. I
Speaker 2: can tell her, how can you like my socks? Well,
Speaker 2: you don't know what socks are and you know what.
Speaker 2: Or I can stop and I can say, I can
Speaker 2: rephrase what she just said to make sure first I
Speaker 2: understood what I heard you say, EM is that you
Speaker 2: don't like my socks, And she can say yes or no.
Speaker 2: And then after you're sure that you've understood what the
Speaker 2: person has said, you validate what they've said. It doesn't
Speaker 2: matter what you're talking about.
Speaker 1: It doesn't invalidate your emotions, does how you feel. That's
Speaker 1: something that's hard for me in that moment when you're saying, Oh,
Speaker 1: what I'm hearing you say is is that you don't
Speaker 1: like the socks and then being like, I could see
Speaker 1: how you know you you not liking the socks is
Speaker 1: causing you to have a shitty day, because that's not
Speaker 1: me disrespecting the fact that I don't give a fuck
Speaker 1: about the socks, and she's pissing you off.
Speaker 3: Off she's talking about the socks. It's honoring that the
Speaker 3: person cares.
Speaker 1: It's just listening, and then also hoping that that that
Speaker 1: post person also hoping that that person will then give
Speaker 1: you the same respect to hold space for.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't even think it's like that. I don't
Speaker 2: think it's like a tid for tat because.
Speaker 1: No, no, I mean and if you have something you need
Speaker 1: to address, you need to find a moment to address it.
Speaker 3: But in that moment, it's not the moment to try
Speaker 3: to put your footnote of your feelings.
Speaker 1: It's your moment to validate, certainly, But that person is
Speaker 1: trying to say to you, if you feel like you
Speaker 1: want to talk about how you feel, find another time
Speaker 1: for that.
Speaker 3: Clarity is key.
Speaker 2: Some people like to take a break in the middle
Speaker 2: of a conversation to kind of recenter themselves. I think
Speaker 2: a timeline is like imperative if you like to take breaks.
Speaker 2: If you're somebody like that who's like needs to take
Speaker 2: a five. You can't just like pause a conversation that's
Speaker 2: important to two people indefinitely. You need to agree on
Speaker 2: a time and then go back to it and do
Speaker 2: whatever you need to do right because we're all responsible
Speaker 2: for ourselves to come back at that time as your
Speaker 2: best self, as your most prepared self, even keeled like
Speaker 2: solutions oriented self. We all communicate differently, and sometimes it's
Speaker 2: just about even just checking in with the person and
Speaker 2: asking them for clarity. Hey, you know you said this
Speaker 2: or you did this thing, or you made this face.
Speaker 2: Am I misinterpreting it? And you know what, half of
Speaker 2: the time you are. Half of the time the person
Speaker 2: has no idea what the what their impact of their
Speaker 2: actions were, or maybe it was intentional or or you know,
Speaker 2: they weren't aware or or maybe you know there was
Speaker 2: something else going on with them at that moment. Curiosity,
Speaker 2: I think should be like number three, you know, listening,
Speaker 2: learn about the person that you're interested in or you're
Speaker 2: invested in.
Speaker 3: Number one, listen.
Speaker 2: Number two communication is about understanding, it's not about vomiting.
Speaker 3: And number three become curious and number.
Speaker 1: Four if you don't want to hear nothing, you just
Speaker 1: glaze over your eyes and go I not speaking English.
Speaker 3: Thank you, let's just kid.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, babe, Well this is this has been amazing.
Speaker 1: I think we have one question left. Yeah. Again, can't
Speaker 1: thank you guys enough for all of your contributions. I
Speaker 1: love learning about you, even though anonymously.
Speaker 3: And again, you.
Speaker 1: Know, please don't take our advice as it comes like
Speaker 1: from two girls who genuinely care about you guys, and
Speaker 1: based on our life experience and things that we've learned
Speaker 1: so far in our short lives because we're very young,
Speaker 1: but you know, we've been through at least enough stuff
Speaker 1: by this, at least three decades, at least three decades
Speaker 1: enough to share ourtive, our perspective and things that have
Speaker 1: helped us, especially like with this communication styles question.
Speaker 3: You know that's something that we struggle with.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're always learning, always learning, and always finding new
Speaker 1: ways to improve. It's never too late in your life
Speaker 1: to change things about your stuff, yourself, or your environment
Speaker 1: that aren't working for you. And there are many different
Speaker 1: ways to do that.
Speaker 3: But honor how you feel.
Speaker 1: All right, Last question, my mom still talks to my
Speaker 1: toxic X because she always liked them.
Speaker 3: How do I set boundaries? That's a really tough one.
Speaker 1: I mean John can answer this one, but all I
Speaker 1: will say because boundaries are a big thing for me.
Speaker 1: You know, your toxic X is your toxic X, but
Speaker 1: your mom is your mom. So I would say that
Speaker 1: not to expect your ex to change their behavior or
Speaker 1: try to open a door that is going to be
Speaker 1: dangerous for you, but hopefully expect that your mom will
Speaker 1: understand how it's inappropriate for her to continue or.
Speaker 2: How it makes you. First of all, again try a conversation.
Speaker 2: Maybe your mom doesn't really understand why it is that
Speaker 2: you've gotten no contact with this person, or why they're
Speaker 2: triggering for you, or why you don't want them around.
Speaker 2: You can't control other people's relationships. The fact that your
Speaker 2: mom has a relationship with your ex, even though it
Speaker 2: happened through you, is essentially independent of you. I would
Speaker 2: hope that if you were to express to your ex
Speaker 2: that you wanted a stern break or separation, that they
Speaker 2: would respect that. But if they're not respecting that and
Speaker 2: your mom is continuing the relationship, then perhaps express to
Speaker 2: your mom how it's making you feel, and if she persists. Unfortunately,
Speaker 2: you can't control her. You can't control them. The only
Speaker 2: thing you do is just control how you engage. If
Speaker 2: it's something like, you know, really bad where your ex
Speaker 2: was toxic and you're healing from the relationship, and that
Speaker 2: means that you need to establish a certain distance with
Speaker 2: your mom so that you're not confronted by that reality constantly,
Speaker 2: then maybe that's what you have to do. I would
Speaker 2: hope that once you let your mom know the severity
Speaker 2: of the situation that she would absolutely understand and welcome
Speaker 2: your experience with open arms.
Speaker 3: But that's not guaranteed. How do you set the boundary?
Speaker 3: You just said it.
Speaker 2: You just said it, and it can't be you know, mom,
Speaker 2: My boundary is you can't talk to my ex. The
Speaker 2: boundary is, Mom, if you you can't respect or you
Speaker 2: can't honor my wishes, then that means that maybe I
Speaker 2: won't be able to share with you in this way,
Speaker 2: or maybe in the future I won't feel comfortable or
Speaker 2: safe to discuss or share in my romantic relationships with you,
Speaker 2: or or whatever it is.
Speaker 3: It's not easy. It's really not easy. It's a crappy situation.
Speaker 2: Because I've been there, I've been there where it's not
Speaker 2: even because the person's a bad person. I've just wanted
Speaker 2: to like erase, like clean cut. And you know, my
Speaker 2: mom has held on it, so you know, I know
Speaker 2: that it's It's not an easy situation to be in.
Speaker 2: But chances are if you bring it up at another moment,
Speaker 2: not in a moment of combat, not like you just
Speaker 2: found out that they're talking, and you just share how
Speaker 2: you feel, maybe your mom, you know, can resonate.
Speaker 1: And chances are, chances are that your mom has an X.
Speaker 1: So you go findex and you go on a cruise
Speaker 1: with them, and you send them a calendar.
Speaker 3: Love it. Even baby has the best advice.
Speaker 1: You see, I'm saying, start advice, Colin, love it.
Speaker 3: We're gonna get myself sued, or don't get sued. We
Speaker 3: don't need any of that.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, whatever it is, it's worth it because I've
Speaker 1: enjoyed listening to your guys questions and interacting with you' all.
Speaker 1: So thank you for being on these two amazing flights
Speaker 1: with us. We love you and that's what.
Speaker 3: We get into next week.
Speaker 1: Love you, hey, follow us on in our world, Pard Launch.
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