Speaker 1: People over post their babies. There is such a thing
Speaker 1: as over posting your babies. Now. I know you're excited
Speaker 1: you had a baby. You're the first person that's ever
Speaker 1: had a baby. It's super exciting. Of course, it's wonderful.
Speaker 1: I love posting gifts from my daughter and with my daughter,
Speaker 1: and I do it fairly, sparingly, more than I used to.
Speaker 1: But what's happening now is social media posting of babies
Speaker 1: is becoming what used to be showing pictures in your
Speaker 1: wallet of your baby, which people also don't give a
Speaker 1: shit about. Like, you had a baby, We are so excited,
Speaker 1: that is so adorable. Your baby does something so ridiculous
Speaker 1: and funny, is in some funny video spit all over
Speaker 1: its father, or is snuggling with the dog. We love it.
Speaker 1: But like, the daily posting of the baby is too much.
Speaker 1: We know we got it. We've had babies, we've seen baby,
Speaker 1: we've seen pictures of babies. It becomes a lot. And listen,
Speaker 1: I'm an overposter of the dogs and I have to
Speaker 1: stop myself, Like I'll post the dogs literally just for me,
Speaker 1: ten times in a row, and it's like stop. The
Speaker 1: dogs are on the bed, the dog you're cuddling. They
Speaker 1: made a hard formation, like you're fucking annoying. It's annoying,
Speaker 1: so I have to intervene. I get it, but like
Speaker 1: the babies are even more annoying. A it's annoying people
Speaker 1: who don't have babies. They don't have babies. You're not like, yes,
Speaker 1: you're special, you're a miracle. You had a baby. A
Speaker 1: lot of people had babies. It happened. We get it, Basta.
Speaker 1: It's not every minute, all day, every day, and so
Speaker 1: some celebrities like never stop with the baby. So we
Speaker 1: get it. We're happy for you, we love it. But
Speaker 1: just remember it used to be pulling out the big
Speaker 1: like wallet with all the pictures in it that like
Speaker 1: we're in like this accordion, and you'd show people would
Speaker 1: be like, nobody gives a fuck, we saw it. We
Speaker 1: know you're a baby. I'm almost about to be there,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna hate me because we passed this season.
Speaker 1: And I don't want to be a hater, but you
Speaker 1: can call me one the Christmas cards, the wasting of
Speaker 1: the trees for all the Christmas card. I don't even
Speaker 1: know who these people are. Some people show up. It's
Speaker 1: like a waspy blonde family and all these sweaters and
Speaker 1: I'm just seeing like Christmas sweaters and trees in the back,
Speaker 1: and it's a blonde family. I don't know which family
Speaker 1: this is. It could literally sometimes it's my doctor. Sometimes
Speaker 1: it's the landscaper, the dog walkers, your fucking bank. I
Speaker 1: don't know. It's too many trees. I don't care. I'm
Speaker 1: sorry it may seem cold. I don't care. I don't
Speaker 1: even care. And if it's my best friends, I fucking
Speaker 1: see you. I know who you are. I don't need
Speaker 1: the picture. I could, I could look at you. You could
Speaker 1: send me a picture for don't even pay for it.
Speaker 1: Just send it to me and I'll see it on
Speaker 1: Instagram if I want to, or you could like just
Speaker 1: text it to me. Leave me alone. I don't want
Speaker 1: to see any of it. I'm not interested. It's a
Speaker 1: waste of the opening with my gorgeous nails. It's the
Speaker 1: fucking envelope. We didn't need the goddamn twenty nine cents
Speaker 1: or however much a stamp costs in twenty twenty four,
Speaker 1: and it's the paper and the trees. At the very least,
Speaker 1: fucking put it on evite, send me an evite Christmas
Speaker 1: card and if I want to open, if I don't,
Speaker 1: I won't, then you could do some and find out
Speaker 1: how many fucking people opened it. But I've had it.
Speaker 1: It's enough. I'm just now finishing and just like that.
Speaker 1: And I've noticed some things in it that I wanted
Speaker 1: to discuss, but one of them and Darren Star made it.
Speaker 1: So it's been produced by a man and I've met
Speaker 1: him and he's lovely. In the show I thought was good.
Speaker 1: A lot of people criticize that show, and I know
Speaker 1: I'm late to the party, but I don't care. I
Speaker 1: liked it because it dealt with a lot of like
Speaker 1: real issues from like not just you know, gender and sexuality,
Speaker 1: but like menopause and like a lot of things, and
Speaker 1: like it's necessary. There's got to be a place for
Speaker 1: women to watch that stuff. Not everybody's young. And you
Speaker 1: saw the plastic surgery and you saw the filler and
Speaker 1: you saw all that stuff, and that was great. But
Speaker 1: I'm most concerned about Carry Bradshaw's hangers. Carrie Bradshaw's hangers
Speaker 1: are just not the hangers that she would have. They're
Speaker 1: like those plastic hangers that are loosely clear that have
Speaker 1: those little like openings on the top where you'd like
Speaker 1: put a little came saw string in and they'd sort
Speaker 1: of get hooked in and stuck, and they're like clunky,
Speaker 1: and they make that sound when they hit each other
Speaker 1: and they get entangled, and they have that little wire
Speaker 1: hook on the top, and I was just like absol
Speaker 1: fuckingely not. She would definitely have either the flat looseight
Speaker 1: version of the huggable hanger, which is a lead and
Speaker 1: they do break. I have them. You don't need to
Speaker 1: do it. They don't twist on the top and they
Speaker 1: do break. But she would at least have a huggable
Speaker 1: hanger for at least volume in that closet. Like do better.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's no fucking way. These were like weird
Speaker 1: like department store hangers, like in a department store in
Speaker 1: the eighties. Like even the department stores have probably gotten better.
Speaker 1: It's just like a hanger that comes into my house
Speaker 1: with a garment that gets sandwich you water online and
Speaker 1: when you order online, it gets sent and you just
Speaker 1: take it off and throw it away, Like we just
Speaker 1: waste the fucking plastic of that hanger. I don't need that.
Speaker 1: It's just like do better, she would never have those hangers. Never. God,
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm gonna be okay. I'd like to
Speaker 1: just do a shout out to Gwyneth Paltrow and the
Speaker 1: Beckhams on starting the weird name trend. Just in general.
Speaker 1: I just want to say, you can name your child anything,
Speaker 1: Like you can name your child Corkscrew, Grommet. My child
Speaker 1: is named Grommet, my child is named felt Like, there's
Speaker 1: just nothing you can't name your child. And I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna say that Gwyneth and the Beckhams started it. That's it.
Speaker 1: Just a public service announcement about when the crazy name started.
Speaker 1: Because the names I'm hearing from miss school my daughter's
Speaker 1: I don't even understand, Like I don't know what they're
Speaker 1: talking about. Like I want to name my daughter ring Light,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. Can name your daughter anything, and you
Speaker 1: want like Suction have My daughter's name is ring Light,
Speaker 1: Suction Fritter, that's her name. It's insane, Like the names
Speaker 1: have gotten so fucking crazy and it's a free for all. Now. Oh,
Speaker 1: during the Christmas holiday, you all missed that I have
Speaker 1: a platinum vagina. I have a plata puss yep going
Speaker 1: through security with brin sweats like but not sweats that
Speaker 1: have like metal on the end of drawstring like it
Speaker 1: was leggings. It was a nice top that was like
Speaker 1: cashmere with a T shirt under it. Not one thing
Speaker 1: had anything, No underwear had anything, no metal, not a
Speaker 1: thing not metallic through the underwear. I've heard it all.
Speaker 1: Not the bracelet, not the jewelry. Nothing. Okay, go through security, beep,
Speaker 1: I have all the bracelets on. Go back. They're like,
Speaker 1: it's not the bracelets. Go back through. Then behind me
Speaker 1: is the security like the X ray TV screen. And
Speaker 1: I look behind me and I'm not exaggerating, and the
Speaker 1: woman says to me, I didn't see the screen. Sorry.
Speaker 1: The woman says to me, I'm gonna have to search
Speaker 1: you there. I'm like what. I look over to the screen.
Speaker 1: She points to the screen and it's that like body
Speaker 1: like the Cheerios person, the X ray person, And there's
Speaker 1: just a giant square you one side of you and
Speaker 1: then the other side of you, a giant square, perfect
Speaker 1: square over my vagina and the other square over my crack.
Speaker 1: And so I look over to my brin because this
Speaker 1: is main and Maine for her humor, and she comes over.
Speaker 1: She's laughing. I'm like, please take a picture. So I
Speaker 1: posted about it because the woman was like, I have to.
Speaker 1: I have to, like, you know, whatever, search you I'm like, nope, okay, great,
Speaker 1: there's nothing there's like she's like just letting you know,
Speaker 1: I have to search. I'm like just letting you know.
Speaker 1: There's nothing up there, Like what would be up there,
Speaker 1: like a metal rod at my wazoo. Brin's crying and
Speaker 1: she's like, with something up there. I'm like, yeah, Brian,
Speaker 1: I put a metal dildo up my pussy before we
Speaker 1: went to the airport. How's eighth grade going? Yeah? No, Like,
Speaker 1: there's nothing up there, but I and I posted it
Speaker 1: as just like something funny and it went viral. It
Speaker 1: was like easily over a million views, people talking about it.
Speaker 1: Oh International Platypus News, by the way, it was everywhere.
Speaker 1: It was all over the place, and I'm like, my
Speaker 1: I don't I feel different now? Like so I went
Speaker 1: into twenty four with a platinum pussy. If that's interesting
Speaker 1: to you. It's a special, special, special pussy made of platinum,
Speaker 1: and I'm getting it insured. Why wouldn't I went through
Speaker 1: security Square Square search search. They thought I had fucking
Speaker 1: a mule for you know, platinum smuggling engagement rings into
Speaker 1: Aspen up by the way, no better place to smuggle
Speaker 1: engagement rings up your pussy than into Aspen. I know
Speaker 1: I'm gonna lose a lot of listeners today, and I
Speaker 1: apologize for that, but there's no better place. So many
Speaker 1: gold diggers in Aspen needing engagement rings. I'm giving a
Speaker 1: discount cents on the dollar up the Wazoo