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Speaker 1: People over post their babies. There is such a thing

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Speaker 1: as over posting your babies. Now. I know you're excited

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Speaker 1: you had a baby. You're the first person that's ever

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Speaker 1: had a baby. It's super exciting. Of course, it's wonderful.

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Speaker 1: I love posting gifts from my daughter and with my daughter,

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Speaker 1: and I do it fairly, sparingly, more than I used to.

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Speaker 1: But what's happening now is social media posting of babies

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Speaker 1: is becoming what used to be showing pictures in your

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Speaker 1: wallet of your baby, which people also don't give a

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Speaker 1: shit about. Like, you had a baby, We are so excited,

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Speaker 1: that is so adorable. Your baby does something so ridiculous

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Speaker 1: and funny, is in some funny video spit all over

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Speaker 1: its father, or is snuggling with the dog. We love it.

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Speaker 1: But like, the daily posting of the baby is too much.

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Speaker 1: We know we got it. We've had babies, we've seen baby,

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Speaker 1: we've seen pictures of babies. It becomes a lot. And listen,

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Speaker 1: I'm an overposter of the dogs and I have to

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Speaker 1: stop myself, Like I'll post the dogs literally just for me,

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Speaker 1: ten times in a row, and it's like stop. The

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Speaker 1: dogs are on the bed, the dog you're cuddling. They

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Speaker 1: made a hard formation, like you're fucking annoying. It's annoying,

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Speaker 1: so I have to intervene. I get it, but like

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Speaker 1: the babies are even more annoying. A it's annoying people

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Speaker 1: who don't have babies. They don't have babies. You're not like, yes,

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Speaker 1: you're special, you're a miracle. You had a baby. A

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Speaker 1: lot of people had babies. It happened. We get it, Basta.

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Speaker 1: It's not every minute, all day, every day, and so

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Speaker 1: some celebrities like never stop with the baby. So we

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Speaker 1: get it. We're happy for you, we love it. But

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Speaker 1: just remember it used to be pulling out the big

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Speaker 1: like wallet with all the pictures in it that like

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Speaker 1: we're in like this accordion, and you'd show people would

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Speaker 1: be like, nobody gives a fuck, we saw it. We

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Speaker 1: know you're a baby. I'm almost about to be there,

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Speaker 1: and you're gonna hate me because we passed this season.

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Speaker 1: And I don't want to be a hater, but you

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Speaker 1: can call me one the Christmas cards, the wasting of

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Speaker 1: the trees for all the Christmas card. I don't even

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Speaker 1: know who these people are. Some people show up. It's

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Speaker 1: like a waspy blonde family and all these sweaters and

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Speaker 1: I'm just seeing like Christmas sweaters and trees in the back,

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Speaker 1: and it's a blonde family. I don't know which family

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Speaker 1: this is. It could literally sometimes it's my doctor. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: it's the landscaper, the dog walkers, your fucking bank. I

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Speaker 1: don't know. It's too many trees. I don't care. I'm

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Speaker 1: sorry it may seem cold. I don't care. I don't

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Speaker 1: even care. And if it's my best friends, I fucking

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Speaker 1: see you. I know who you are. I don't need

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Speaker 1: the picture. I could, I could look at you. You could

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Speaker 1: send me a picture for don't even pay for it.

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Speaker 1: Just send it to me and I'll see it on

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Speaker 1: Instagram if I want to, or you could like just

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Speaker 1: text it to me. Leave me alone. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to see any of it. I'm not interested. It's a

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Speaker 1: waste of the opening with my gorgeous nails. It's the

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Speaker 1: fucking envelope. We didn't need the goddamn twenty nine cents

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Speaker 1: or however much a stamp costs in twenty twenty four,

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Speaker 1: and it's the paper and the trees. At the very least,

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Speaker 1: fucking put it on evite, send me an evite Christmas

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Speaker 1: card and if I want to open, if I don't,

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Speaker 1: I won't, then you could do some and find out

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Speaker 1: how many fucking people opened it. But I've had it.

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Speaker 1: It's enough. I'm just now finishing and just like that.

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Speaker 1: And I've noticed some things in it that I wanted

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Speaker 1: to discuss, but one of them and Darren Star made it.

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Speaker 1: So it's been produced by a man and I've met

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Speaker 1: him and he's lovely. In the show I thought was good.

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Speaker 1: A lot of people criticize that show, and I know

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Speaker 1: I'm late to the party, but I don't care. I

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Speaker 1: liked it because it dealt with a lot of like

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Speaker 1: real issues from like not just you know, gender and sexuality,

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Speaker 1: but like menopause and like a lot of things, and

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Speaker 1: like it's necessary. There's got to be a place for

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Speaker 1: women to watch that stuff. Not everybody's young. And you

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Speaker 1: saw the plastic surgery and you saw the filler and

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Speaker 1: you saw all that stuff, and that was great. But

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Speaker 1: I'm most concerned about Carry Bradshaw's hangers. Carrie Bradshaw's hangers

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Speaker 1: are just not the hangers that she would have. They're

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Speaker 1: like those plastic hangers that are loosely clear that have

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Speaker 1: those little like openings on the top where you'd like

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Speaker 1: put a little came saw string in and they'd sort

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Speaker 1: of get hooked in and stuck, and they're like clunky,

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Speaker 1: and they make that sound when they hit each other

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Speaker 1: and they get entangled, and they have that little wire

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Speaker 1: hook on the top, and I was just like absol

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Speaker 1: fuckingely not. She would definitely have either the flat looseight

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Speaker 1: version of the huggable hanger, which is a lead and

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Speaker 1: they do break. I have them. You don't need to

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Speaker 1: do it. They don't twist on the top and they

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Speaker 1: do break. But she would at least have a huggable

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Speaker 1: hanger for at least volume in that closet. Like do better.

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Speaker 1: I mean, there's no fucking way. These were like weird

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Speaker 1: like department store hangers, like in a department store in

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Speaker 1: the eighties. Like even the department stores have probably gotten better.

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Speaker 1: It's just like a hanger that comes into my house

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Speaker 1: with a garment that gets sandwich you water online and

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Speaker 1: when you order online, it gets sent and you just

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Speaker 1: take it off and throw it away, Like we just

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Speaker 1: waste the fucking plastic of that hanger. I don't need that.

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Speaker 1: It's just like do better, she would never have those hangers. Never. God,

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Speaker 1: I don't think I'm gonna be okay. I'd like to

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Speaker 1: just do a shout out to Gwyneth Paltrow and the

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Speaker 1: Beckhams on starting the weird name trend. Just in general.

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Speaker 1: I just want to say, you can name your child anything,

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Speaker 1: Like you can name your child Corkscrew, Grommet. My child

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Speaker 1: is named Grommet, my child is named felt Like, there's

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Speaker 1: just nothing you can't name your child. And I'm just

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Speaker 1: gonna say that Gwyneth and the Beckhams started it. That's it.

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Speaker 1: Just a public service announcement about when the crazy name started.

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Speaker 1: Because the names I'm hearing from miss school my daughter's

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Speaker 1: I don't even understand, Like I don't know what they're

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Speaker 1: talking about. Like I want to name my daughter ring Light,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. Can name your daughter anything, and you

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Speaker 1: want like Suction have My daughter's name is ring Light,

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Speaker 1: Suction Fritter, that's her name. It's insane, Like the names

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Speaker 1: have gotten so fucking crazy and it's a free for all. Now. Oh,

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Speaker 1: during the Christmas holiday, you all missed that I have

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Speaker 1: a platinum vagina. I have a plata puss yep going

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Speaker 1: through security with brin sweats like but not sweats that

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Speaker 1: have like metal on the end of drawstring like it

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Speaker 1: was leggings. It was a nice top that was like

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Speaker 1: cashmere with a T shirt under it. Not one thing

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Speaker 1: had anything, No underwear had anything, no metal, not a

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Speaker 1: thing not metallic through the underwear. I've heard it all.

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Speaker 1: Not the bracelet, not the jewelry. Nothing. Okay, go through security, beep,

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Speaker 1: I have all the bracelets on. Go back. They're like,

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Speaker 1: it's not the bracelets. Go back through. Then behind me

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Speaker 1: is the security like the X ray TV screen. And

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Speaker 1: I look behind me and I'm not exaggerating, and the

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Speaker 1: woman says to me, I didn't see the screen. Sorry.

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Speaker 1: The woman says to me, I'm gonna have to search

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Speaker 1: you there. I'm like what. I look over to the screen.

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Speaker 1: She points to the screen and it's that like body

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Speaker 1: like the Cheerios person, the X ray person, And there's

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Speaker 1: just a giant square you one side of you and

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Speaker 1: then the other side of you, a giant square, perfect

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Speaker 1: square over my vagina and the other square over my crack.

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Speaker 1: And so I look over to my brin because this

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Speaker 1: is main and Maine for her humor, and she comes over.

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Speaker 1: She's laughing. I'm like, please take a picture. So I

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Speaker 1: posted about it because the woman was like, I have to.

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Speaker 1: I have to, like, you know, whatever, search you I'm like, nope, okay, great,

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Speaker 1: there's nothing there's like she's like just letting you know,

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Speaker 1: I have to search. I'm like just letting you know.

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Speaker 1: There's nothing up there, Like what would be up there,

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Speaker 1: like a metal rod at my wazoo. Brin's crying and

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Speaker 1: she's like, with something up there. I'm like, yeah, Brian,

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Speaker 1: I put a metal dildo up my pussy before we

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Speaker 1: went to the airport. How's eighth grade going? Yeah? No, Like,

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Speaker 1: there's nothing up there, but I and I posted it

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Speaker 1: as just like something funny and it went viral. It

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Speaker 1: was like easily over a million views, people talking about it.

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Speaker 1: Oh International Platypus News, by the way, it was everywhere.

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Speaker 1: It was all over the place, and I'm like, my

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Speaker 1: I don't I feel different now? Like so I went

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Speaker 1: into twenty four with a platinum pussy. If that's interesting

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Speaker 1: to you. It's a special, special, special pussy made of platinum,

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Speaker 1: and I'm getting it insured. Why wouldn't I went through

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Speaker 1: security Square Square search search. They thought I had fucking

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Speaker 1: a mule for you know, platinum smuggling engagement rings into

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Speaker 1: Aspen up by the way, no better place to smuggle

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Speaker 1: engagement rings up your pussy than into Aspen. I know

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna lose a lot of listeners today, and I

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Speaker 1: apologize for that, but there's no better place. So many

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Speaker 1: gold diggers in Aspen needing engagement rings. I'm giving a

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Speaker 1: discount cents on the dollar up the Wazoo