WEBVTT - The Fifth Hour: No Resolutions 0:00:00.840 --> 0:00:01.600 Kutbooms. 0:00:02.440 --> 0:00:05.520 If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes 0:00:05.559 --> 0:00:09.320 a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants 0:00:09.320 --> 0:00:12.600 of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He 0:00:12.720 --> 0:00:15.640 treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the 0:00:15.760 --> 0:00:17.599 rich pill poppers in the penthouse. 0:00:18.200 --> 0:00:18.520 Wow. 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:22.440 The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special. 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:30.840 The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now. 0:00:29.040 --> 0:00:34.960 And like that, it begins in the air of Rewhere 0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:39.280 The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Maler and Danny g Radio, 0:00:39.479 --> 0:00:44.160 our first podcast of the new year, the first time 0:00:44.200 --> 0:00:49.040 I've cracked a microphone in the new year, which sounds 0:00:49.159 --> 0:00:50.760 like it's been a long time. But this is the 0:00:50.800 --> 0:00:55.920 second day of January twenty twenty six, as we begin 0:00:56.280 --> 0:01:01.320 anew another year behind the powerful microphone of the premiere 0:01:01.360 --> 0:01:08.000 Networks and iHeart Fox Sports Radio the whole conglomerate. As 0:01:08.000 --> 0:01:10.600 we are back at it again here, excited to be back, 0:01:11.319 --> 0:01:14.679 and I've got podcasts with you all weekend. Daniel join 0:01:14.760 --> 0:01:18.280 us here at some point and then we'll have the 0:01:18.400 --> 0:01:22.360 radio show returns on Sunday night into Monday morning after 0:01:22.400 --> 0:01:28.120 the final regular season NFL games on Sunday, and then 0:01:28.240 --> 0:01:32.440 it's on to the radio show and the playoffs and 0:01:32.640 --> 0:01:35.880 the whole mgilla, the full mcgilla. We'll have the whole 0:01:35.920 --> 0:01:41.440 thing here on this podcast. We have blast furnace animniacs. 0:01:41.440 --> 0:01:45.600 But we're gonna begin with one of those dopey holidays. 0:01:45.920 --> 0:01:51.600 Today is National Buffet Day. That's right, National Buffet Day 0:01:51.720 --> 0:01:57.920 every January second, an opportunity to enjoy, to indulge, to 0:01:58.120 --> 0:02:03.520 pile high a massive plate of food, a tradition that 0:02:03.640 --> 0:02:09.120 goes back to the Swedes of the sixteenth century. The 0:02:09.160 --> 0:02:13.440 early origins of the buffet, and it carried on the 0:02:13.440 --> 0:02:18.080 word buffet actually originated from a type of French siteboard 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:23.160 used to serve food was used back in the seventeenth century, 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:30.560 and the modern buffet actually nineteen thirty nine, there were 0:02:30.680 --> 0:02:35.560 some Swedes who entered the New York World's Fair exhibition 0:02:35.639 --> 0:02:39.720 back when that was a big thing, and debuted and 0:02:39.840 --> 0:02:44.640 displayed a Smorgasborg talking about the great foods of Sweden. 0:02:45.160 --> 0:02:49.680 And then eventually that led in the nineteen forties, so 0:02:49.760 --> 0:02:53.560 that was nineteen thirty nine. In the early nineteen forties, 0:02:54.200 --> 0:02:59.240 the American buffet began in Viva Las Vegas. The first 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:06.079 ever buffet in Vegas, the Bukaroo buffet. That just sounds wonderful, 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:10.840 doesn't The Buckeroo Buffet, And that came from somebody named 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:14.840 HERB McDonald. I don't know much about HERB McDonald, but 0:03:15.240 --> 0:03:18.160 you could eat to your heart's content. And so that 0:03:18.320 --> 0:03:23.400 was in the mid nineteen forties in the Vegas. By 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:25.480 the nineteen sixties, so it took a little while, but 0:03:25.480 --> 0:03:29.400 by the nineteen sixties almost every casino in Vegas had 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:32.160 its own buffet. Now, the thing about this that I love. 0:03:32.200 --> 0:03:34.440 If you've heard this podcast at all over the years, 0:03:34.480 --> 0:03:36.920 you know, a couple of years back, and I don't 0:03:36.960 --> 0:03:39.880 know the exact date. Lucky Tony will likely give you 0:03:39.920 --> 0:03:42.440 the exact date, but it was a while ago. I 0:03:42.560 --> 0:03:46.320 did a deep dive on how buffets make money because 0:03:46.400 --> 0:03:49.080 it seems like they should lose money, right, they should 0:03:49.080 --> 0:03:53.080 lose a lot of money. You have low prices, unlimited food, 0:03:54.080 --> 0:04:01.280 and yet the business model is designed for high volume, 0:04:01.840 --> 0:04:05.560 low margin, and yet they're able to pull it off here. 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:09.800 And the way they do it is trickeration. It's trickeration, 0:04:10.840 --> 0:04:17.400 and they do it with inexpensive filler foods and they 0:04:17.480 --> 0:04:19.040 crunch the numbers and so that I don't want to 0:04:19.040 --> 0:04:20.760 get too much into the minutia of it. But the 0:04:20.800 --> 0:04:26.720 buffets keep the costs about thirty to forty percent of revenue. 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:31.800 So they use a lot of rices, pastas, potatoes, breads, 0:04:32.960 --> 0:04:37.200 essentially trying to stuff your gut bult purchasing. So they 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:40.120 don't spend as much on food, the price per ounce 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:44.400 is lower. They reuse a lot of the ingredients across 0:04:44.560 --> 0:04:48.159 many of the dishes, the same stuffs in the Italian food, 0:04:48.200 --> 0:04:50.960 that's in the American food, that's in the Chinese food, 0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:53.400 and the Mexican food, and they just use all the 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:57.760 same stuff. And then there's also the mental aspect of it, 0:04:58.400 --> 0:05:02.840 where they use psychology to control what one eats. It's 0:05:02.920 --> 0:05:05.840 much like when you go into a casino and there's 0:05:05.839 --> 0:05:09.359 no clocks in a casino, and they they like the 0:05:09.400 --> 0:05:13.240 penny slots. They make more money in veguas via the 0:05:13.240 --> 0:05:16.719 penny slots, which are not really a penny, but they 0:05:16.839 --> 0:05:20.160 use the mind hack to get in there. So what 0:05:20.200 --> 0:05:24.400 do buffets do They place the food they make the 0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:27.960 biggest profit off of, meaning it's the cheap filler food, 0:05:27.960 --> 0:05:31.720 the rise to pasta potato, the bread, the filling foods 0:05:31.839 --> 0:05:36.880 at the very front, the very expensive items, the ones 0:05:36.920 --> 0:05:39.560 that you actually would get your money's worth at the buffet, 0:05:39.720 --> 0:05:43.840 right the carving station. The expensive seafood, which is not 0:05:44.040 --> 0:05:47.479 my thing, you might like it. Those things are at 0:05:47.520 --> 0:05:50.720 the very back, and you're going to the buffet. You 0:05:50.760 --> 0:05:52.400 want to get started, so you're let me get a 0:05:52.400 --> 0:05:55.400 big plate of rice, of the potatoes, of some of those, 0:05:55.480 --> 0:05:58.320 of some pasta, and then you eat that. You get 0:05:58.320 --> 0:06:00.359 a little full. Yeah, you might go back to the 0:06:00.360 --> 0:06:02.800 carving station, but you're not going to load up on 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:05.080 it the way you would if it was right in front. 0:06:05.480 --> 0:06:09.080 They also have small plates. They limit the portions they'll 0:06:09.080 --> 0:06:12.600 put on the plates. Lately, in the last couple of years, 0:06:12.720 --> 0:06:15.800 they've added time limits. A lot of the buffets have 0:06:15.839 --> 0:06:21.480 had time limits. And they also make these exotic displays 0:06:21.680 --> 0:06:24.080 for food that makes the food look amazing, but it's 0:06:24.080 --> 0:06:28.520 really low cost food and they'll put that there. And 0:06:28.640 --> 0:06:34.880 so a buffet on average, they any typical standard buffet 0:06:35.279 --> 0:06:37.800 will have one hundred and twenty to two hundred customers. 0:06:38.600 --> 0:06:43.600 They will generate profit from forty to one hundred and 0:06:43.600 --> 0:06:47.760 eighty thousand per month, so it's like five to fifteen 0:06:47.800 --> 0:06:51.000 percent net profit margin essentially, so the margins are thin 0:06:51.680 --> 0:06:53.320 and all that. I can go on and on, but 0:06:53.520 --> 0:06:57.560 there you go. So it's National buffet Day. Celebrate appropriately. 0:06:58.400 --> 0:07:02.039 In terms of other stuff, I finally did it. I 0:07:02.080 --> 0:07:05.760 opened my email, Big News here on the Fifth Hour podcast. 0:07:06.120 --> 0:07:08.479 Opened the email. That does not mean I wrote back 0:07:08.480 --> 0:07:11.120 to you. I opened the email. And this is what 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:14.600 happens when you hit the pause button over the holidays, 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:19.080 when the red light goes dark, the microphones cool off, 0:07:19.320 --> 0:07:24.360 and the over night the vampire schedule loosens its grip, 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:28.320 and you realize rather suddenly that you have this thing 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:31.600 called time on your hands, something that you don't have 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:35.280 a lot of. It's dangerous time. You have time to think, 0:07:35.360 --> 0:07:38.520 you have time to scroll, you have time to click 0:07:38.560 --> 0:07:42.880 open your email. And these things have been stacking up 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:47.520 like unopened Christmas cards from distant relatives who still think 0:07:48.600 --> 0:07:52.320 that you live in your parents' house and that whole thing. Now, 0:07:52.480 --> 0:07:57.040 several of you wrote for some odd reason asking about 0:07:57.560 --> 0:08:01.920 New Year's resolutions, today being the second day of January, 0:08:02.240 --> 0:08:08.239 which tells me no offense, which means offense. You must 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:11.400 be relatively new to the radio show, because I know, 0:08:11.560 --> 0:08:15.920 right now Alf and ferg Dog and some of the 0:08:15.960 --> 0:08:19.000 old guard are rolling their eyes right now. They're like, 0:08:19.040 --> 0:08:24.240 what is wrong with these people? Yes, so again no offense, 0:08:25.160 --> 0:08:28.120 but which means I have offense. You've got to be 0:08:28.200 --> 0:08:32.640 near the show. If you're looking to me yours truly 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:39.240 for New Year's resolution inspiration, you have wandered into the 0:08:39.280 --> 0:08:42.480 wrong aisle at the grocery store. You might want to 0:08:42.520 --> 0:08:48.440 go to another supermarket somewhere. I've never been a resolution's guy. 0:08:49.600 --> 0:08:54.280 I've never trusted them, never needed January first to tell 0:08:54.280 --> 0:08:57.960 me what to do, like today's January sec. I don't 0:08:57.960 --> 0:09:02.679 need that. I don't have a fancy explanation. I'm not 0:09:02.720 --> 0:09:05.280 gonna sit here and give you a ten minute ted 0:09:05.400 --> 0:09:10.520 talk on that. That's not my deal. This is not 0:09:10.600 --> 0:09:14.360 a self help podcast. I don't have any kind of 0:09:14.400 --> 0:09:18.360 odd inspirational background music that I'm gonna play, at least 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:23.360 not intentionally. Simply put, I like to follow as much 0:09:23.400 --> 0:09:25.760 as I can the code of the West bunch of 0:09:25.800 --> 0:09:30.280 old school stuff. Take pride in your work. It's pretty important. 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:33.560 Always finish what you start. That's something that's been lost 0:09:33.559 --> 0:09:36.600 over time. Do what has to be done. Another thing 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:39.800 that doesn't really stand the test of time. And when 0:09:39.800 --> 0:09:43.040 you make a promise, keep it. You ride for the brand. 0:09:43.520 --> 0:09:48.440 And those are not New Year's resolutions, they're not. Those 0:09:48.440 --> 0:09:52.200 are load bearing beams, is what those are. If you 0:09:52.360 --> 0:09:57.120 need a calendar reminder to start being serious about your life, 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:01.680 you're already behind the chains you buy the chase. Think 0:10:01.720 --> 0:10:04.319 of it like the myth. One of the great myths 0:10:04.360 --> 0:10:08.320 in sports is halftime adjustments. It's one of these dopey 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:13.520 phrases that sportscasters like to say because it sounds really cool. So, coach, 0:10:13.600 --> 0:10:16.160 what adjustments are you going to make at halftime? Said 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:24.240 the meathead or brainless sideline reporter. What halftime adjustments are 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:27.640 you going to make? Coach? It's the great marvel of 0:10:27.720 --> 0:10:31.000 the modern NFL and NBA. Of course, it's also poppycock. 0:10:31.800 --> 0:10:36.480 I was attracted to the giant metalcock. Many have pointed out, 0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:41.600 whether it's Peyton Manning, Bill Belichick, or endless others, if 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:47.920 something is broken in the first quarter, your protection is leaking. 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:53.480 If you're a basketball team, your shot selections thinks. Your 0:10:53.720 --> 0:10:56.960 defense if you're an NFL team is like traffic cones 0:10:57.000 --> 0:11:00.280 and a windstorm. You're supposed to sit there and wait 0:11:00.360 --> 0:11:03.760 until halftime to fix it, because, of course the modern 0:11:03.840 --> 0:11:07.200 marble is halftime adjustment. Of course, not you make the 0:11:07.240 --> 0:11:11.480 adjustment right then you rip up whatever game plan you had. 0:11:11.679 --> 0:11:15.080 You grab the grease board, and you start changing things 0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:16.800 around the what you might call it the think of 0:11:16.840 --> 0:11:20.480 a jigs the dow hickeyes. You change the things around 0:11:20.559 --> 0:11:22.920 before the problem snowballs, and then by the time you 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:25.120 get the halftime it doesn't matter, and then you're just 0:11:25.120 --> 0:11:28.200 doing a postgame apology tour. Waiting for some kind of 0:11:28.320 --> 0:11:33.520 arbitrary date to address a problem is like noticing your 0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:36.520 houses on fire and say, well, let's circle back after 0:11:36.559 --> 0:11:39.760 the holidays. I'll get the hose on it, but I'm 0:11:39.760 --> 0:11:42.200 gonna wait a little bit after. Well, no, you don't wait. 0:11:42.679 --> 0:11:45.120 There'd be nothing to put the hose on at that point. 0:11:45.640 --> 0:11:49.320 Smart people don't wait, they act. And that's always been 0:11:49.600 --> 0:11:52.920 my approach, not that I'm right, absolutely not smart, but 0:11:53.000 --> 0:11:56.160 my approach to radio or life or everything in between. 0:11:56.800 --> 0:12:01.600 If something's off, if the out go rhythm is not right, 0:12:02.840 --> 0:12:06.559 you don't put it on the vision board. You put 0:12:06.640 --> 0:12:12.800 your head down and fix it. Stupid and procrastination. Listen, 0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:14.600 we've all been there at one point or another, We've 0:12:14.600 --> 0:12:19.280 all done the procrastination thing. Procrastination is like a credit card. 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:22.760 It's a lot of fun, a lot of fun until 0:12:22.760 --> 0:12:25.959 you realize that the bill's coming at some point. Now, 0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:30.480 on a positive note, procrastination always gives you something to 0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:33.840 look forward to. And I have a lot of people 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:37.560 in my circle that are like, hey, I'll get to 0:12:37.640 --> 0:12:42.720 it someday. And I looked and like, today's Friday. Right, 0:12:42.720 --> 0:12:46.720 we're recording this on a Friday. So you have Friday, 0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:50.520 you have Saturday, have Sunday, of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:54.720 There is no day called someday that is not it. 0:12:54.800 --> 0:12:56.600 Meanwhile, a few. 0:12:56.520 --> 0:13:01.640 Of you also asked about the most memory moments from 0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:05.520 the radio show during the twenty twenty five campaign. Keep 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:09.360 in mind that none of these messages were from Terry 0:13:09.440 --> 0:13:12.560 in England. And am I about to give you a 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:16.360 list of the greatest moments? No, I'm not going to 0:13:16.440 --> 0:13:19.560 give you a list of the greatest moments. No matter 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:21.960 how much moving man Matt wants that, I'm not going 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:25.920 to do it. I wish I had a neat answer 0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:31.560 with a bow. I don't. I don't have that. And 0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:34.880 I've really been the same year after year. When you're 0:13:34.880 --> 0:13:38.959 in the middle of it, you don't stop to take inventory. 0:13:39.240 --> 0:13:40.600 There's no inventory here. 0:13:41.200 --> 0:13:41.440 I know. 0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:44.400 If you work at Costco or Walmart, you have to 0:13:44.400 --> 0:13:49.240 do inventory every month. We don't do that. We don't. 0:13:49.280 --> 0:13:53.360 We don't stop to take inventory. You're in the forest. 0:13:53.760 --> 0:14:01.320 That chains saw is buzzings, there's sawdust flying, no idea 0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:04.880 what the trees even look like from a distance. It's 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:08.839 the day to day grind. It's the rat race, the 0:14:08.880 --> 0:14:14.520 industrial complex of the hot sports. Take the overnight shift 0:14:14.720 --> 0:14:18.920 where the hot takes are forged like steel in a 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:23.480 blast furnace on a nightly basis. It puts hair on 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:27.440 your chest. It's not for everybody, certainly not for the 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:33.320 fan of heart. And still a few moments linger. The 0:14:33.400 --> 0:14:38.760 monologues always do. The monologues always do. That's the soul 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:41.640 of this thing, whatever this thing is, that we have 0:14:42.240 --> 0:14:46.560 the purest form of radio, just a man, a darkened studio, 0:14:46.960 --> 0:14:52.320 a microphone, a thought, and no safety net. And I 0:14:52.360 --> 0:14:55.600 say a darkened studio. The show is now recorded, part 0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:59.040 of it for YouTube. So that is a lie. That 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:01.840 is a lie. A lot of lights. There's way too 0:15:01.840 --> 0:15:05.480 many lights in the studio now The most positive feedback 0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:12.040 I have received all year came from a euge. I 0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:16.560 can't stand doing eulogies. I despise doing eugees. I want 0:15:16.600 --> 0:15:20.640 to do happy goofy, I want to do ripping people. 0:15:20.720 --> 0:15:23.120 I don't want to do eulogies. And yet here we 0:15:23.160 --> 0:15:28.440 are again looking back over the last five years or so, 0:15:28.760 --> 0:15:31.160 the things that are the most popular are the eulogies. 0:15:31.360 --> 0:15:35.120 When Kobe Bryant was killed in the helicopter crash, that 0:15:35.360 --> 0:15:38.560 was the most listened to show that we did that year. 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:41.640 We've done a number of these over the years. When 0:15:41.640 --> 0:15:45.920 people die in sports, A Hulk Hogan this year did 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:52.520 a twenty minute monologue on Hulk Hogan, no gimmicks, no catchphrases, 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:57.680 just a major tip of the headphone person that impacted 0:15:57.760 --> 0:16:00.600 my youth growing up as a sports fan. I was 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:03.880 a haulk of maniac and I just a bunch of 0:16:03.920 --> 0:16:07.520 respect for a larger than life figure. As I said 0:16:07.520 --> 0:16:11.480 in the monologue, it's like a cartoon character on Saturday 0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:15.480 Morning came to life. You'd watch he Man and the 0:16:15.520 --> 0:16:19.000 Cartoons on Saturday morning, and then after that they had wrestling, 0:16:19.800 --> 0:16:22.120 and here's hal Cogan is like, wait a minute. That's 0:16:22.200 --> 0:16:25.640 that's he man's it's what the characters coming to life. 0:16:26.440 --> 0:16:29.680 And it wasn't just for my generation. Haul Cogan loomed 0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:34.840 over multiple generations. It was like a bright sign on 0:16:34.880 --> 0:16:38.960 the highway there neon sign and so that one clearly 0:16:39.000 --> 0:16:42.680 struck a nerve and you could feel it through the wires. 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:46.800 You know there's something there. The biggest download spike came 0:16:46.920 --> 0:16:52.600 from an NBA story a trade, the Luka Doncik situation. 0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:54.480 I want to say, I want to say trade. I'm 0:16:54.520 --> 0:16:57.600 gonna say a situation. You can't really call it a 0:16:57.680 --> 0:17:01.080 trade between the mav Rex and the historians of purple 0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:03.080 and gold. It was not. It was a giveaway. It 0:17:03.120 --> 0:17:05.879 was a clear and sale. It was a garage sale 0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:09.600 when the homeowner doesn't realize they have a picasso and 0:17:09.840 --> 0:17:13.120 they're selling the picasso for five bucks and a handshake. 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:20.959 Whether this was incompetence, panic, or interference from the shadowy 0:17:21.760 --> 0:17:26.600 cabal that governs basketball, whatever it was, it was radio 0:17:26.800 --> 0:17:30.840 catnip is what it was. The phones lit up, everyone 0:17:30.880 --> 0:17:33.879 was all fired up social media. We just did a 0:17:33.880 --> 0:17:38.800 lot of traffic, had good sales, good sales on that 0:17:39.720 --> 0:17:43.040 particular show which happened over the weekend. It happened on 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:45.359 a Saturday, I believe, and then we came in on 0:17:45.520 --> 0:17:49.880 Sunday and worked our magic. And then you've got the callers. 0:17:49.960 --> 0:17:53.000 Like radio does not belong just to the host overnight 0:17:53.040 --> 0:17:55.160 talk radio. During the day, they don't take calls. They're 0:17:55.200 --> 0:17:57.440 better than you, they don't like you, they don't want 0:17:57.480 --> 0:17:59.960 you on their shows. But at night we take calls. 0:18:00.119 --> 0:18:02.959 And radio does not belong just to me. It belongs 0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:07.479 to the weirdos, legends like Lucky, Tony, Jed who Fled, 0:18:08.000 --> 0:18:10.159 the kind of names that you do not forget, that 0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:12.960 you get only on late night radio. They feel like 0:18:13.160 --> 0:18:17.919 characters from some kind of dusty paperback novel that you 0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:20.320 were forced to read when you were in junior high school. 0:18:20.480 --> 0:18:24.520 Weed man, hippie, drifting in and out like static on 0:18:24.560 --> 0:18:29.000 the AM radio dial. But it's the human form. The 0:18:29.200 --> 0:18:33.359 awkward encounters that we have with e Dog from Long 0:18:33.440 --> 0:18:40.000 Island and Steve O in Manhattan, Marcel in Brooklyn, the 0:18:40.520 --> 0:18:45.040 gambling conversations with a man who happens to have the 0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:49.600 same name as a famous actor, Danny DeVito out of Boston. 0:18:50.720 --> 0:18:54.960 Some of this feels like just performance art. You didn't 0:18:55.000 --> 0:18:59.200 ask for you can't not listen to. And there's some 0:18:59.240 --> 0:19:03.000 regulars that couldn't handle the grind. It happens, they faded 0:19:03.119 --> 0:19:06.200 back to the shadows. This year marked the full name guy, 0:19:06.840 --> 0:19:11.120 Sir scratch Off in Arkansas. That's the rhythm, the yin 0:19:11.200 --> 0:19:14.840 and the yang of the overnight radio. People come, people go. 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:19.560 And I often look at this like graduating classes of 0:19:20.400 --> 0:19:23.080 a college. Like if you were a football coach, you think, 0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:26.720 remember that team we had in eight that was pretty good. 0:19:26.720 --> 0:19:29.360 We had Pete and Pittsburgh, we had Genie and Medford. 0:19:29.400 --> 0:19:32.000 That was an all time great team. And then there's 0:19:32.040 --> 0:19:35.080 a new recruiting class and they come in and they 0:19:35.200 --> 0:19:38.080 make their mark, and so people come, people go. It's 0:19:38.080 --> 0:19:41.120 like it is like ships passing in the night, except 0:19:41.119 --> 0:19:45.359 the ships are the unhinged, the unstable, many of them 0:19:45.400 --> 0:19:49.879 with their Obama phones hollering James, people along those lines, 0:19:50.880 --> 0:19:55.639 Blind Scott. And you have the social media gumbas, the 0:19:55.760 --> 0:19:59.040 legends like Alf and Fergdog, Late Night Drug Tester, Eke 0:19:59.119 --> 0:20:03.200 and Roseville, Minis, Stevie, Meatball's Mister nice Guy, screwged all 0:20:03.240 --> 0:20:06.800 the regulars, and I'm leaving out a bunch. I'm leaving 0:20:06.800 --> 0:20:10.320 out of Ohio with the music, all these characters that 0:20:10.400 --> 0:20:12.280 are part of the show, and through it all, the 0:20:12.280 --> 0:20:15.280 show keeps moving on, and we have no time to 0:20:15.400 --> 0:20:19.720 sit there and celebrate, and not a lot of time 0:20:19.760 --> 0:20:23.520 to mourn. The clock does not stop. It rocks the 0:20:23.600 --> 0:20:27.439 Fox box and just another night, another take, another caller 0:20:27.720 --> 0:20:31.120 waiting on hold with some kind of theory that'll change 0:20:31.160 --> 0:20:35.800 the sporting world forever, or at least at least make 0:20:35.880 --> 0:20:41.200 it slightly awkward and uncomfortable for ninety seconds to three 0:20:41.280 --> 0:20:45.199 or four minutes. So when you email me and you 0:20:45.280 --> 0:20:52.720 ask about resolutions, about reflections, about lists which I loathe, 0:20:53.320 --> 0:20:57.879 or accomplishments, you have to understand going into this, that's 0:20:58.000 --> 0:21:02.320 not how the sausage gets made. This thing is built, 0:21:02.359 --> 0:21:05.200 whatever this is, is built in real time, call by call, 0:21:05.359 --> 0:21:08.320 monologue by monologue, mistake by mistake, and there are plenty 0:21:08.320 --> 0:21:09.320 of mallad mistakes. 0:21:10.040 --> 0:21:10.600 They happen. 0:21:11.080 --> 0:21:15.119 It's a live radio show, and there's no January reset button. 0:21:16.200 --> 0:21:19.560 There's no ceremonial fresh start. We're not going to cut 0:21:19.560 --> 0:21:23.679 the ribbon and begin anew. This is not like the 0:21:23.800 --> 0:21:27.640 NFL or the NBA where they have seasons. Is none 0:21:27.680 --> 0:21:31.080 of that. We are a year round shop. We are 0:21:31.240 --> 0:21:36.399 open pretty much all the time, and that's just the work. 0:21:36.440 --> 0:21:39.760 And so on Sunday night into Monday morning, the red 0:21:39.880 --> 0:21:43.920 light will come back on and the blabbing will commence 0:21:44.040 --> 0:21:48.400 once again, and away we go, off to the races, 0:21:49.000 --> 0:21:51.919 now turning the page, having been away for a minute, 0:21:51.960 --> 0:21:55.280 having been away for a minute, the rare and appropriate 0:21:55.480 --> 0:22:00.240 end of year tradition, trying to unpluck, trying to unplug 0:22:00.600 --> 0:22:03.720 for one brief moment. Not only did I open the email, 0:22:04.720 --> 0:22:07.840 I made the mistake of going on the interweb. And 0:22:07.920 --> 0:22:15.080 what did I see? Big bold, self important headline something 0:22:15.720 --> 0:22:19.720 dot dot dot us soccer growing the Game, one hundred 0:22:19.840 --> 0:22:28.400 million dollars World Cup, windfall Soccer boom times developing hot 0:22:28.560 --> 0:22:32.960 dot dot dot. And right there I start laughing, and 0:22:33.040 --> 0:22:38.159 I mean like real laughter, like you just told me 0:22:38.320 --> 0:22:42.639 that the Jets are one quarterback away from winning in 0:22:42.840 --> 0:22:46.400 one coach away. It's my favorite genre. 0:22:46.720 --> 0:22:47.040 It is. 0:22:47.640 --> 0:22:53.879 It's sports propaganda. I can't not notice it once I 0:22:53.960 --> 0:22:56.200 see it. I love the yell about it. It's triple 0:22:56.480 --> 0:23:01.359 X rated it is. I call it soccer optimism, porn 0:23:01.680 --> 0:23:09.159 sop soccer optimism porn, soft lighting, cheesy music, everyone's smiling, 0:23:09.840 --> 0:23:14.919 nobody asking hard questions. So, according to the story, thanks 0:23:14.920 --> 0:23:19.400 to the upcoming twenty twenty six World Cup, US soccer 0:23:19.600 --> 0:23:24.840 is expecting about one hundred million bucks. That's going to 0:23:24.880 --> 0:23:29.080 be their share nine figures. So some CEO you've never 0:23:29.119 --> 0:23:32.320 heard of, I don't know who this person is comes 0:23:32.359 --> 0:23:34.720 out and says, the goal is to make soccer the 0:23:34.720 --> 0:23:39.480 most played sport in America. Drop the mic, most played, 0:23:40.000 --> 0:23:46.680 not grow participation, not incremental gains, not close the gap 0:23:46.760 --> 0:23:49.960 on the other sports. No, no, no, no, right to the moon, 0:23:50.280 --> 0:23:53.960 straight to the moon. It's like me saying my goal 0:23:54.160 --> 0:24:00.359 is to deliver a hammered dunk by next Tuesday. Well 0:24:00.400 --> 0:24:03.680 that's great. I'm tall enough, got some weight on me 0:24:03.760 --> 0:24:06.280 and get a little older here. Now, keep in mind 0:24:06.400 --> 0:24:12.200 I am closer to dunking than soccer. Is the passing football, basketball, 0:24:12.320 --> 0:24:16.200 or baseball buy in terms of popularity in this country. 0:24:17.240 --> 0:24:19.600 And let me tell you something. This story gets written 0:24:19.760 --> 0:24:24.040 every couple of years, every few years, the same font, 0:24:24.359 --> 0:24:29.280 same tone, new names. It's mad libs. Journalism is what 0:24:29.320 --> 0:24:35.880 it is. Right insert tournament, insert executive's name, all caps, 0:24:35.920 --> 0:24:41.320 insert vague hope about youth participation, global. 0:24:40.960 --> 0:24:44.760 Game blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah 0:24:44.800 --> 0:24:51.320 blah blah blah, publish, repeat. It's the reboote nobody has 0:24:51.520 --> 0:24:55.000 for It's like a bad superhero movie that keeps getting 0:24:55.040 --> 0:24:59.639 remade because this time they swear they've figured it out. 0:25:00.640 --> 0:25:04.359 Now here's the reality they never want to address. They 0:25:04.400 --> 0:25:08.359 do not want to address the reality. Soccer in America 0:25:09.280 --> 0:25:14.160 has a ceiling, and that ceiling is made reinforced concrete. 0:25:14.600 --> 0:25:17.840 It's not made of paper mache. It's made out of 0:25:17.920 --> 0:25:22.120 reinforced concrete. That's the ceiling. Now, keep in mind eye 0:25:22.240 --> 0:25:26.320 of all people. My fat ass played soccer back in 0:25:26.359 --> 0:25:30.200 the Bronze Age, and today I go drive around on 0:25:30.200 --> 0:25:33.760 a Saturday morning or a Sunday, kids are out playing soccer. 0:25:34.520 --> 0:25:37.520 They've got these club team things. Now, back when I 0:25:37.560 --> 0:25:39.600 played it with the Ayso, but they've got these club 0:25:39.680 --> 0:25:42.560 team deals and they're off there playing. It's true. I'm 0:25:42.600 --> 0:25:45.520 not making it up. Little kids, cute little kids, six 0:25:45.680 --> 0:25:49.040 seven eight year old kids, shintguards on orange slices. You 0:25:49.200 --> 0:25:52.520 got dad screaming, you got mom yelling right from their 0:25:52.560 --> 0:25:55.000 folding chairs off on the side. They got their tent 0:25:55.080 --> 0:25:58.320 with the team name on it. And then something happens, 0:25:59.320 --> 0:26:01.600 and it happens around the age of twelve or thirteen. 0:26:01.680 --> 0:26:06.240 It's called this thing called puberty. And it's a mix 0:26:06.280 --> 0:26:12.960 of puberty, video games, social media, highlights on demand, the 0:26:13.480 --> 0:26:19.119 allure of nil money, AAU basketball, seven on seven football, 0:26:19.240 --> 0:26:23.000 and then you've got soccer. So soccer becomes the sport 0:26:23.080 --> 0:26:28.520 that you used to play, capitol you used to play. 0:26:28.680 --> 0:26:34.320 It's a graduation ceremony. You don't quit soccer. See that's 0:26:34.359 --> 0:26:34.600 the thing. 0:26:34.640 --> 0:26:34.840 You do. 0:26:34.920 --> 0:26:38.000 Not quit soccer. I didn't quit soccer. I didn't. You 0:26:38.040 --> 0:26:41.919 didn't quit soccer. You age out of it. Soccer is 0:26:42.000 --> 0:26:48.160 America's training wheels sport. It is You're being made. I'm 0:26:48.160 --> 0:26:51.800 not being made. I'm being real. Nobody keeps the training 0:26:51.800 --> 0:26:56.680 wheels on forever. You don't. You have them on. They 0:26:56.840 --> 0:27:01.000 serve a purpose and that's it. And then you move on. 0:27:01.800 --> 0:27:05.480 And here's the part nobody in these glowing think pieces 0:27:05.560 --> 0:27:10.560