1 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:05,280 Speaker 1: I am a Yamla. I've been very open about the 2 00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:08,400 Speaker 1: fact that I was not always good at making my 3 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:12,760 Speaker 1: relationships perk. I have been divorced three times, twice from 4 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,680 Speaker 1: the same person. In other words, I have seen a 5 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:20,320 Speaker 1: lot and failed a lot in my relationships. So I 6 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:23,759 Speaker 1: am here to share with you what I learned along 7 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:27,159 Speaker 1: the way, because I did take copious notes. Welcome to 8 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:31,320 Speaker 1: the r Spot, a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership 9 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. When we get feedback from audio device sometime 10 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:51,000 Speaker 1: on our phone or on the computer, it's like a loud, 11 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:53,760 Speaker 1: screeching noise that we don't want to hear. That's the 12 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,960 Speaker 1: same thing we do when we get feedback in our relationships, 13 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:01,960 Speaker 1: and it usually comes to us in a very forceful, harmful, 14 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:06,640 Speaker 1: dysfunctional way, but it's still feedback, and feedback is purposeful. 15 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:11,800 Speaker 1: My next caller has some feedback and we're gonna dissect 16 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:18,959 Speaker 1: it together. Listen. Greetings, beloved, and welcome to the art Spot. 17 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:21,399 Speaker 1: Thank you for calling in today. And what is your 18 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:24,280 Speaker 1: relationship challenge, issue or dilemma? 19 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:29,520 Speaker 2: Oh boy? Okay, well, first, let me say thank you 20 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:33,920 Speaker 2: so much for taking my call. And my dilemma is 21 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:39,280 Speaker 2: I feel lost. I feel lost, and I don't know 22 00:01:39,319 --> 00:01:43,360 Speaker 2: what to do or feel or how to react to 23 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 2: the people that have decided to cut off ties with 24 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:53,080 Speaker 2: me but now have reached out in hopes to reconnect, 25 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 2: and I just don't know what to do. 26 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:59,920 Speaker 1: Okay, So you're lost because they left. 27 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 2: I was lost when they left originally. And it's it's 28 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:08,240 Speaker 2: been a couple of people, but majority like the one 29 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:11,480 Speaker 2: that's hit me the most, or two cases, like one 30 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 2: was my cousin and one was my best friend from 31 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:17,920 Speaker 2: like high school. 32 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:22,519 Speaker 1: So what does that mean? Cut off times? What does 33 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:24,440 Speaker 1: that mean? What did that look like? 34 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:32,000 Speaker 2: With my best friend, she had changed her phone number 35 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,080 Speaker 2: and didn't tell me any of that. She changed her 36 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:40,440 Speaker 2: phone number, blocked me on social media, and didn't bother 37 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 2: to call or text. And this was also around like 38 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,880 Speaker 2: my birthday, which I kind of took a little personal 39 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 2: because I mean she didn't even say happy birthday to me, 40 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:53,040 Speaker 2: and like this was also in the time that we 41 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:57,320 Speaker 2: were arguing to say And same with my cousin. Really 42 00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:02,880 Speaker 2: he he yelled at me, called me names and stuff 43 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:08,519 Speaker 2: like that and then also decided to block me. And 44 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:11,679 Speaker 2: as until recently, both of them actually have reached out, 45 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:15,280 Speaker 2: but I just haven't called them back or really texted 46 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:16,720 Speaker 2: them because I don't know what to say or do. 47 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:20,600 Speaker 1: Okay, what led up to that? Because I'm not gonna 48 00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:24,520 Speaker 1: believe that one morning both of them just or whatever 49 00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:28,200 Speaker 1: morning or day or Tuesday or Wednesday, they just woke 50 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,280 Speaker 1: up and changed their numbers and block you. So what 51 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:32,359 Speaker 1: led up to that? 52 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:38,520 Speaker 2: Well, Okay, with me and my best friend, we were 53 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:42,800 Speaker 2: kind of going through this growth period. We had a 54 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 2: lot of like I was holding a lot of secrets. 55 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,480 Speaker 2: I was holding a lot of secrets. I'll admit that 56 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:53,400 Speaker 2: I finally got the courage to talk to her, open 57 00:03:53,480 --> 00:04:00,120 Speaker 2: up about it, and we it seemedly we got pasted it. 58 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:04,240 Speaker 2: But then as it seems like I kept opening up 59 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:08,560 Speaker 2: to her, it seemed like the more I would open up, 60 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 2: the more judgmental it seemed like she would get towards me. 61 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 2: An example would be I, so. 62 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,599 Speaker 3: I okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, Wait a minute, 63 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,880 Speaker 3: wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait 64 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,440 Speaker 3: a minute, wait a minute, Because I can feel your 65 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:29,360 Speaker 3: nervous I can feel your nervousness. Yeah, so take a 66 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:34,599 Speaker 3: breath and just relax, Take a breath and just relax. 67 00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 1: I don't bite. You can't even see me, okay, and 68 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:42,080 Speaker 1: I'm not going to judge you. Let me ask you 69 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:42,599 Speaker 1: a question. 70 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:44,080 Speaker 2: Mm hmmm. 71 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,680 Speaker 1: What is it that you don't want me to know? 72 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:54,320 Speaker 1: M take a breath, Take a breath, Take a breath, 73 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:59,240 Speaker 1: Take a breath. What is it that you don't want 74 00:04:59,279 --> 00:04:59,719 Speaker 1: me to know? 75 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:03,600 Speaker 2: What? What? 76 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:08,599 Speaker 1: What I don't want you to know is just you 77 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:13,600 Speaker 1: know general. What I don't want you to know is what. 78 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:17,920 Speaker 2: What I don't want to know is Okay, I am 79 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:24,000 Speaker 2: bisexual and it's it is hard for me to showcase 80 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:24,760 Speaker 2: that to the world. 81 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,479 Speaker 1: Okay, take a breath, Take a breath. Let's wait a minute. 82 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:33,719 Speaker 1: Let's do this one step at a time. Okay, okay, 83 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:37,200 Speaker 1: calm calm down. So you don't want me to know 84 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:41,720 Speaker 1: that you're bisexual and that is difficult for you to 85 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:45,039 Speaker 1: to to show that to the world. Okay? What that 86 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 1: leads me to believe? And I could be wrong. I 87 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:51,200 Speaker 1: am more than willing to be wrong. That would say 88 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:54,880 Speaker 1: to me that either you were inauthentic with your best 89 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:57,960 Speaker 1: friend and your cousin, or you lied to your best 90 00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,839 Speaker 1: friend and your cousin, which one is? 91 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,680 Speaker 2: What was my best friend? I would say I was. 92 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:10,400 Speaker 1: Okay, all right, right there, right wait a minute, right there, 93 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:13,240 Speaker 1: right there, we want to we got you're taking on 94 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:16,160 Speaker 1: two munch you're trying to eat the belt elephant and 95 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:19,919 Speaker 1: one and one bite. Let's eat the elephant one bite 96 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,560 Speaker 1: at a time. And we're not gonna start at the butt. 97 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:25,239 Speaker 1: We're not gonna start at the nasty part of the elephant. 98 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:26,520 Speaker 1: We're gonna start at the ear. 99 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:31,239 Speaker 2: Okay, I can do that, Okay. 100 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:36,479 Speaker 1: So what I don't want you to know is that 101 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:40,599 Speaker 1: I'm bisexual and I have some judgments about that. Is 102 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:47,520 Speaker 1: that accurate judgments, judgments or fears? Okay, Shane, guilt? I 103 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:49,960 Speaker 1: don't know one of those, all of them, all of 104 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:53,640 Speaker 1: the buds or some of the bud Okay, So you've 105 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,880 Speaker 1: got some fear about that, all right. So what I 106 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:59,040 Speaker 1: don't want you to know is that I'm bisexual. And 107 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,000 Speaker 1: what I don't want you to know is that I 108 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:04,839 Speaker 1: have some fear attached to my bisexuality. What I don't 109 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,000 Speaker 1: want you to know is that I lied to my 110 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:07,880 Speaker 1: best friend. 111 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:08,560 Speaker 2: Mm hmm. 112 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,160 Speaker 1: Okay, all right, so there we go. Now I know 113 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:17,160 Speaker 1: now I know what's next, Okay, So what one of 114 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,840 Speaker 1: one of the things that led up to the breakdown 115 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 1: between you and your best friend is that you weren't honest. 116 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:27,360 Speaker 1: One of the things that led up to the breakdown 117 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,360 Speaker 1: between you and your cousin is that either you weren't 118 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:33,240 Speaker 1: honest or you were inauthentic. Would that be accurate? 119 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 2: No, not with my cousin. Not with my cousin. No, 120 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:39,440 Speaker 2: but with my friend that is one hundred accurate. 121 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:42,840 Speaker 1: Okay, So what led up to the breakdown between you 122 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 1: and your cousin? What is it that you didn't want 123 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,240 Speaker 1: her to know? What is it that you didn't want 124 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:48,920 Speaker 1: her to know? 125 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 2: So it's interesting because my cousin, his name is Tyler. 126 00:07:56,400 --> 00:08:03,320 Speaker 2: We are we're close knit family because his father is 127 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 2: my dad's brother and his mother is my mother's sister, 128 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 2: and so we're like like and I don't have any 129 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:14,640 Speaker 2: I didn't have any brothers, and so I was we 130 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:19,400 Speaker 2: were really close and now growing up it seems like 131 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:23,920 Speaker 2: it's been like a competition almost has a better life. 132 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:28,400 Speaker 2: And as of recently, and what the breakdown was is 133 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:33,680 Speaker 2: his mother sent a family group chat basically like slandering me, 134 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:37,080 Speaker 2: saying that it's my fault that she has a bad 135 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 2: life and and can't afford to get a car loan, 136 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:48,120 Speaker 2: and my cousin defended her, and he had said, oh, 137 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:51,240 Speaker 2: I'm going to knock him off his high horse, and 138 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:55,440 Speaker 2: I'm like, where is this coming from? I it was 139 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:58,120 Speaker 2: this one was completely a blind side for me. And 140 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,360 Speaker 2: so that's kind of what happened with my and then 141 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,400 Speaker 2: they all kind of like jumped against me, like and 142 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:05,959 Speaker 2: it was me against the world at that point. 143 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,800 Speaker 1: Why would she say it's your fault that she can't 144 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:09,640 Speaker 1: get a car loan. 145 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:16,640 Speaker 2: So being the only kid really in my family and 146 00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 2: I have a couple of sisters and three other cousins, 147 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,200 Speaker 2: I've been the only one that went to college, and 148 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,600 Speaker 2: I had no other way of paying for college. You know, 149 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 2: my mom had bad credit, my dad had bad credit. 150 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:31,080 Speaker 2: I didn't have no credit at the time. So my 151 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:37,560 Speaker 2: aunt was able to sign off on a student loan 152 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:44,440 Speaker 2: as a co signer with me. And and you didn't 153 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,880 Speaker 2: pay it. Well, I mean, we were in a pandemic. 154 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:49,840 Speaker 2: I have to at the time, and this is whatever 155 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:54,680 Speaker 2: the breakdown was going on like this, And they didn't 156 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,320 Speaker 2: quite understand that part either. And I'm also like trying 157 00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,959 Speaker 2: to make it myself, like I just got out of 158 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:03,080 Speaker 2: house like I was finding into my own car that 159 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:05,920 Speaker 2: I had bought, and so I was living on one 160 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:08,960 Speaker 2: pay or income for myself to pay back all this 161 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:13,600 Speaker 2: and living in America. It's hard, and I understand their point, 162 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 2: But it's not like I don't didn't want to or 163 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,240 Speaker 2: it wasn't going to ever. It's just I didn't have 164 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:21,560 Speaker 2: it to do yet. It wasn't my time, you know, 165 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:23,959 Speaker 2: trying to get my life together. 166 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,280 Speaker 1: At the same time, your behavior had an impact on 167 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:31,200 Speaker 1: her credit. Is that accurate without all the story, without 168 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:35,199 Speaker 1: the pandemic and the loans and whatever she co signed 169 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,600 Speaker 1: for a loan with you. That means you had an 170 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 1: agreement or a commitment to do something that you didn't do. 171 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:47,080 Speaker 1: And the way she experiences that is because you didn't 172 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,640 Speaker 1: do what you committed to do, it had a negative 173 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:55,320 Speaker 1: impact on her period. HM. Would that be accurate? 174 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:56,960 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, it would be. 175 00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:00,600 Speaker 1: So sit right there for a moment, not with all 176 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:04,120 Speaker 1: the story, because some people think, oh, I can borrow 177 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 1: money if I don't pay the bank, it's okay. If 178 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,280 Speaker 1: I don't pay my mother, it's okay. That's my mom. 179 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:15,080 Speaker 1: She knows my story. Make believe your aunt is Bank 180 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 1: of America. They don't really give to snits about why 181 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:24,160 Speaker 1: you're not honoring the agreement you made. Do you think 182 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:24,680 Speaker 1: they care? 183 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:25,360 Speaker 2: No? 184 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, so Auntie Bank of America now has a bad 185 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:35,000 Speaker 1: debt on her books because you didn't honor your commitment. 186 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,520 Speaker 1: Period m. 187 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:37,920 Speaker 2: Yeah. 188 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 1: Now if Auntie Bank of America, if it was Bank 189 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,280 Speaker 1: of America, what would they do? 190 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:48,120 Speaker 2: Harass me until I guess I'd work over keep. 191 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:52,000 Speaker 1: It simple, they would. Yeah, they would come after you 192 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:56,680 Speaker 1: for the money. And what Auntie did to come after 193 00:11:56,720 --> 00:12:00,439 Speaker 1: you was she put it in the group chat. Period y. 194 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,880 Speaker 1: But your thinking is, Auntie shouldn't have done that because 195 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,880 Speaker 1: she knows I'm trying to make it. Bank of America 196 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:10,640 Speaker 1: don't care that you're trying to make it. They trying 197 00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:15,240 Speaker 1: to make it too. Auntie shouldn't have said that about me. Well, 198 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,480 Speaker 1: Bank of America now has a bad debt on their 199 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,640 Speaker 1: books because of you. And yeah, it was the pandemic, 200 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:23,920 Speaker 1: and yeah, it took the president a minute to cancel 201 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,800 Speaker 1: all student debts and yeah, yeah, yeah, but Auntie Bank 202 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:30,559 Speaker 1: of America has a bad debt on her records in 203 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,679 Speaker 1: her books because you didn't do what you said you 204 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:38,720 Speaker 1: would do. Period. It ain't personal, it's real. Right, we'll 205 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:47,719 Speaker 1: talk more about it when we come back. Welcome back 206 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,400 Speaker 1: to the R spot. Let's pick up where we left off. 207 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:56,640 Speaker 1: Take a breath. Okay, what's going on? What's that? Tell 208 00:12:56,679 --> 00:12:57,440 Speaker 1: me what's happening. 209 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:06,000 Speaker 2: I'm just thinking about so I guess I know the 210 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,120 Speaker 2: wrong that it's not. 211 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,040 Speaker 1: Wrong, Beloved, It's not wrong, because that's going to lead 212 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:14,480 Speaker 1: to blame and shame and guilt. It's not wrong. I 213 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:19,160 Speaker 1: understand the choice I made, and I understand the consequence 214 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:20,280 Speaker 1: of that choice. 215 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:21,520 Speaker 2: Mm hmm. 216 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:25,840 Speaker 1: Do you understand the choice that you made? 217 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:27,320 Speaker 2: Yes? Yes? 218 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:31,679 Speaker 1: And do you understand that choice had a consequence that 219 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,280 Speaker 1: had a negative impact on somebody else? 220 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,120 Speaker 2: I do yes. 221 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:42,280 Speaker 1: Okay. Have you asked? Have you asked for forgiveness? Or 222 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,840 Speaker 1: did you just freak out because Auntie Bank of America 223 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:46,240 Speaker 1: shouldn't have put that in the chat. 224 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:55,520 Speaker 2: I didn't ask for forgiveness. No, okay, okay, I think okay. 225 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,959 Speaker 2: It was so much to other things that came along 226 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:03,000 Speaker 2: with it that kind of derailed from me trying to apologize. 227 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:07,280 Speaker 2: I did ask for patients. It was so much like 228 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:11,000 Speaker 2: the name calling that it kind of went to And 229 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,800 Speaker 2: why did he even have to go to the family 230 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:13,640 Speaker 2: group chat. 231 00:14:13,679 --> 00:14:17,560 Speaker 1: Because Auntie Bank of America didn't know what else to do. 232 00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:20,920 Speaker 1: She didn't she did. She could have called the collection agency. 233 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:25,240 Speaker 1: She could have sent you harassing letters. She could have, 234 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:32,440 Speaker 1: but the same way that you responded emotionally, she responded emotionally, 235 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:38,119 Speaker 1: and anti Bank of America hactually gone to a collection agency. 236 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:40,480 Speaker 1: It would have ruined your credit. They would have been 237 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,800 Speaker 1: calling you at eight o'clock in the morning, eight o'clock 238 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,960 Speaker 1: at night. They would have been sending you letters in 239 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,440 Speaker 1: pink envelopes. She did not know how to do all 240 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,680 Speaker 1: of that, so she did what She went to the 241 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 1: other collection agents in the family. She put it in 242 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,520 Speaker 1: the chat, hoping that one of the collection agents would 243 00:14:56,560 --> 00:15:00,280 Speaker 1: support her and getting what she needed, which was you 244 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:04,000 Speaker 1: to do what you committed to do. Yeah, it wasn't 245 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,760 Speaker 1: the best choice, but oh well, what you put out 246 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:07,720 Speaker 1: comes back. 247 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 2: That's true. 248 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:14,160 Speaker 1: So when Auntie Bank of America's son, who happens to 249 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:17,600 Speaker 1: be your cousin and your best friend, heard about that, 250 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,280 Speaker 1: he wasn't going to jump to your defense. He was 251 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,800 Speaker 1: going to jump to his mother's defense. And he probably 252 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,000 Speaker 1: didn't do that well either. 253 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:32,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, he was the one that was very trigger happy 254 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:37,000 Speaker 2: when it came to calling out the names and so 255 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:43,560 Speaker 2: much the I guess the muscle and getting the me 256 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:46,520 Speaker 2: to move quicker with paying back the debt. 257 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,520 Speaker 1: And it is one of the names that he called you. 258 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,440 Speaker 1: Did it have something to do with you being a bisexual? 259 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:55,960 Speaker 2: No, he didn't, but he did say a lot of 260 00:15:56,200 --> 00:16:00,320 Speaker 2: like I think that I'm better than them, and and 261 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,720 Speaker 2: I don't think that's the case. And I think those 262 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,880 Speaker 2: with those words coming, it kind of feels like I 263 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:10,960 Speaker 2: should those are like thoughts that they had prior to 264 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:15,640 Speaker 2: even the argument, And should I believe the words that 265 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:20,240 Speaker 2: they were saying in the argument, because now it's like, no, 266 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:24,440 Speaker 2: nothing holding them back. And that's the part that I'm 267 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:28,400 Speaker 2: struggling on if I should move past because now that 268 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,040 Speaker 2: I know, I feel like I know your real thoughts 269 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 2: about me, Do I accept your apology or is it 270 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:37,320 Speaker 2: a cover until the next argument or whatever comes up? 271 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,680 Speaker 1: Well? Are you open to the possibility that that's a 272 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,440 Speaker 1: totally different approach? 273 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:46,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I will take anything to get clarity as. 274 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:54,560 Speaker 1: Okay, is your relationship with your cousin an important relationship 275 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:57,160 Speaker 1: in your life? I mean does it bring you joy? 276 00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,520 Speaker 1: Does it fill your heart? Does it make you want 277 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:03,160 Speaker 1: to be a better person. Does it serve as a 278 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:07,440 Speaker 1: part of your foundation? Is it that kind of relationship? 279 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,119 Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say so. 280 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:13,679 Speaker 1: All right, fine, is your relationship with your best friend 281 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:17,080 Speaker 1: and important relationship in your life? 282 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:21,240 Speaker 2: Wow, that's a good one. I mean at one point 283 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:24,640 Speaker 2: it was. Yeah. I feel like since I got over it, 284 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,800 Speaker 2: I did the work to get over it. It maybe 285 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:32,600 Speaker 2: doesn't ring so much of the importance, but it was, 286 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:38,280 Speaker 2: I know, because it really hurt me whenever she distanced 287 00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:41,600 Speaker 2: herself from me, because I chose her as like a family. 288 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,360 Speaker 2: We chose each other as family. You know, you don't 289 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:48,879 Speaker 2: choose like your birth family. But friendships, you know, that's all. 290 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,560 Speaker 2: That's all me And well, I mean picked two. 291 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:55,200 Speaker 1: But so it is an important relationship in your life 292 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:59,320 Speaker 1: because you chose it. Yeah, and you trusted her and 293 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:03,120 Speaker 1: she trusts. Okay, So are you willing to do whatever 294 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:09,160 Speaker 1: is required to heal those relationships and recreate them because 295 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:12,400 Speaker 1: they may be different going forward, But if they are 296 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:16,720 Speaker 1: important relationships to you, if they are of value to you, 297 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,959 Speaker 1: then are you willing to do what is required to 298 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:21,520 Speaker 1: heal them? 299 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:26,119 Speaker 2: Yeah? I am, I am. 300 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,040 Speaker 1: Okay, Why the hesitation. 301 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,440 Speaker 2: Because it's coming back to that fear of I don't 302 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 2: want to end up in the same spot, or like, 303 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:38,160 Speaker 2: maybe not the same argument, but another argument that leads 304 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:43,240 Speaker 2: to another spiral, a downhill spiral, a down word. 305 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,600 Speaker 1: Well, see, this is what I can tell you about relationships, 306 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:52,920 Speaker 1: important relationships in your life. Some relationships are just placeholders, 307 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:57,680 Speaker 1: meaning they're there, they're there for a minute. They're reasonal relationships, 308 00:18:57,680 --> 00:18:59,760 Speaker 1: they're going to go away. But when you have an 309 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:05,000 Speaker 1: important relationship that you chose to be in, whatever happens 310 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:10,520 Speaker 1: in that relationship is feedback. That is an opportunity and 311 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:14,920 Speaker 1: a possibility for you to grow something, heal something, or 312 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:22,760 Speaker 1: learn something. Important relationships in your life give you feed back. 313 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:27,280 Speaker 1: And what happens is when there's a breakdown and an 314 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:32,320 Speaker 1: important relationship, instead of us looking at the feedback we're receiving, 315 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:35,440 Speaker 1: we look at the other person. Look what they did. 316 00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:38,480 Speaker 1: This is what they did. No, no, no, no, no no. 317 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:42,679 Speaker 1: This is happening in the relationship where you are an 318 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:47,400 Speaker 1: active participant and there's something here that you need to grow, 319 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,720 Speaker 1: need to learn, or need to heal. And in order 320 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:54,320 Speaker 1: to do that growing, learning or healing, you have to 321 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,919 Speaker 1: humble yourself. You have to be vulnerable you have to 322 00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:02,680 Speaker 1: be willing to listen. So your best friend, because she's 323 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:06,000 Speaker 1: a human like the rest of us, and human beings 324 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,959 Speaker 1: are crazy as hell? Did you know that? Did you 325 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 1: know human beings? Human beings are crazy as hell? And 326 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,080 Speaker 1: would you would you happen to be human? 327 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:20,400 Speaker 2: I suppose? 328 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:27,879 Speaker 1: So does that mean that you're crazy as hell like 329 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:38,760 Speaker 1: the rest of us? That's crazy. If you're human, you 330 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:44,080 Speaker 1: are crazy as hell like the rest of us. Okay, 331 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:48,080 Speaker 1: so some of this says you're crazy hooking up what 332 00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:53,840 Speaker 1: they crazy? But there's still something the feedback. There's something 333 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:57,199 Speaker 1: for you to learn, something for you to grow, something 334 00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:01,160 Speaker 1: for you to heal. But in order to do that, 335 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:05,280 Speaker 1: you've got to be willing to suspend your crazy long 336 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:11,920 Speaker 1: enough to hear the feedback to receive the feedback. So 337 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,760 Speaker 1: the feedback your I guess that your best friend gave 338 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:20,879 Speaker 1: you is I'm done. I'm done with this, I'm cutting 339 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:23,600 Speaker 1: you off, I'm changing my number. I don't want to 340 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,240 Speaker 1: talk to you. Not as crazy as hell. When you're 341 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:29,159 Speaker 1: in a relationship with somebody that you love and care about, 342 00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:32,520 Speaker 1: and an important relationship, because if it's important to you, 343 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:37,480 Speaker 1: it's important to her. That's the law. One person can't 344 00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:42,080 Speaker 1: be experiencing something that the other person isn't experiencing unless 345 00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:45,479 Speaker 1: they're in there crazy. So you must have been in 346 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:49,160 Speaker 1: your crazy when she cuts you off. If you want 347 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,160 Speaker 1: to heal the relationship, go back to her and say, 348 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:57,680 Speaker 1: tell me about my crazy. Tell me what you were thinking, feeling, 349 00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:01,399 Speaker 1: experiencing when you change your number and block me on 350 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:04,439 Speaker 1: social media. And the only thing you're going there to 351 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:10,080 Speaker 1: do is get information. Get the feedback. Not if she's right, 352 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:13,840 Speaker 1: not if she's wrong. She's going to tell you. She's 353 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:19,000 Speaker 1: going to give you feedback about how she was experiencing you, 354 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:23,240 Speaker 1: and in that feedback there's something for you to learn, 355 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,280 Speaker 1: something for you to grow, or something for you to heal. 356 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,639 Speaker 1: So has she reached out to you your best friend? 357 00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:34,919 Speaker 2: Yeah, she did. It took a year, a long. 358 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,600 Speaker 1: Year, okay, And how did you respond? 359 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:44,440 Speaker 2: I tried to be very cough, cool and collected, so 360 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,879 Speaker 2: I tried not to like just like throw myself back 361 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:52,960 Speaker 2: into her arms. But I just was like, yeah, we 362 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:57,719 Speaker 2: could talk soon. But like months went by and I 363 00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,800 Speaker 2: still haven't called, and I said I. 364 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:05,840 Speaker 1: Would ask her for the feedback. Mm hm, you want 365 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:12,600 Speaker 1: to know, tell me what you were experiencing that made 366 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:15,560 Speaker 1: it okay for you to change your number and not 367 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:20,040 Speaker 1: tell me and block me on social media? How was 368 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,800 Speaker 1: I being? What were you experiencing? And keep your mouth 369 00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:27,480 Speaker 1: shut and listen. I hear you, and then you tell 370 00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,680 Speaker 1: her thank you for sharing. Can I be with this 371 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:33,560 Speaker 1: for three days and get back to you? And then 372 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:37,440 Speaker 1: you take her feedback and the same way we dissected, 373 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,399 Speaker 1: what is it that you didn't want me to know? 374 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:46,160 Speaker 1: You dissect that feedback not for right or wrong, but 375 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:50,199 Speaker 1: for okay, I can see this now, I'm like that, 376 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,560 Speaker 1: or I said this or I did this because we 377 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,720 Speaker 1: got no no, no, drop the story. What is the 378 00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:59,760 Speaker 1: feedback she's giving you? And what can you learn from it? 379 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,080 Speaker 1: What can you grow from it? What can you heal 380 00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:07,480 Speaker 1: from it? The universe is giving you feedback, that's all 381 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,600 Speaker 1: it is. And it's probably because it's your time to 382 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 1: grow heal alarone. You don't have to worry about what 383 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,320 Speaker 1: she's growing, healing and learning. You have to worry about 384 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:20,360 Speaker 1: what you're growing, healing and learning. I have a solution 385 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:24,320 Speaker 1: for you, and you are probably not going to like it. 386 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:26,200 Speaker 1: Are you ready? 387 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:27,560 Speaker 2: Yeah? 388 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:37,320 Speaker 1: Okay, we'll do it right after this break Welcome back 389 00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:40,160 Speaker 1: to the R spot. Let's get back to the conversation 390 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:47,240 Speaker 1: with your cousin, because his motivation was to support or 391 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:51,640 Speaker 1: protect his mom, Auntie Bank of America. I think with him, 392 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,680 Speaker 1: you got to start with please forgive me. I'm asking 393 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:59,720 Speaker 1: for your forgiveness, and I forgive myself for not honoring 394 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:04,119 Speaker 1: my commitment with your mother. I forgive myself for not 395 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:08,600 Speaker 1: understanding why she was upset. I forgive myself for thinking 396 00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:11,560 Speaker 1: I was right and she was wrong. I forgive myself. 397 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,880 Speaker 1: Please forgive me. And what matters is you are a man. 398 00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:18,880 Speaker 1: You got masculine energy. When a man has a wrongdoing 399 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:23,880 Speaker 1: or a misstep or bad behavior, he has to make amends. 400 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:28,080 Speaker 1: That is the only way he's going to rebuild his integrity. Yeah, 401 00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:32,360 Speaker 1: you had a misstep here, beloved. Wasn't your fault. You're 402 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:36,960 Speaker 1: not to blame their circumstances, but the misstep was yours. 403 00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:42,719 Speaker 1: And to correct the misstep you have to make amends. 404 00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:46,040 Speaker 1: And the only amends you can make right now are 405 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:50,760 Speaker 1: asking for forgiveness and find that what you need to 406 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,760 Speaker 1: do to set this right. I mean not with your auntie, 407 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,000 Speaker 1: but with your cousin, And eventually you're gonna have to 408 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:56,960 Speaker 1: go to your auntie. 409 00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:03,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, I forget that function yet. 410 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:09,440 Speaker 1: Listen, I'll tell you a story so you don't feel bad, okay, 411 00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:12,639 Speaker 1: because I don't want you to hear that I'm making 412 00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,440 Speaker 1: you wrong and making them right. I'm trying to balance 413 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:20,600 Speaker 1: the scales. So my grandson. I raised my grandson, and 414 00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,280 Speaker 1: one day he wanted something I don't I think this 415 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,520 Speaker 1: was in the day of the games they used to 416 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:28,760 Speaker 1: play in their hands. I don't remember what they're called. 417 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:31,520 Speaker 1: And he kept asking me for this game. Can you 418 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:34,720 Speaker 1: buy this game? Can you get me or whatever? I 419 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:37,200 Speaker 1: don't I don't remember what the thing was called, but anyway, 420 00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:39,959 Speaker 1: he kept saying it, can you Can you tell me 421 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:42,240 Speaker 1: this and get it? Get to get it? And I 422 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,720 Speaker 1: finally I said, I've told you fifty two times I'm 423 00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:49,760 Speaker 1: not buying that. I'm not And he looked me in 424 00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:53,200 Speaker 1: my eye and he said, yay, yay, you are mean 425 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:57,359 Speaker 1: Wait a minute, hold up, this is my brain thinking. Okay, 426 00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:00,040 Speaker 1: in my brain, I'm raising you because your mother I 427 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,960 Speaker 1: ain't raising you. You're living in the lap of luxury. 428 00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,840 Speaker 1: You got your own room, a TV, your own bed, 429 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,159 Speaker 1: you got an all pair. You get driven to the 430 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,040 Speaker 1: bottom of the driveway so you can get on the 431 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:12,280 Speaker 1: school bus and ride the school and picked up at 432 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:14,040 Speaker 1: the bottom of the driveway so you don't have to 433 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:19,359 Speaker 1: walk up the hill. And I'm mean, but because I 434 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,719 Speaker 1: was a wise woman, I'd looked at him and instead 435 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:26,960 Speaker 1: of saying you being disrespectful, whatever I said to him, 436 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:32,320 Speaker 1: really tell me more. That's the wrong thing to say 437 00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:34,800 Speaker 1: to a nine or ten year old boy who ain't 438 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,920 Speaker 1: getting his xbox or whatever the heck it is. He wanted, well, 439 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:42,680 Speaker 1: let me tell you something, baby. He let me have it. Okay, 440 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:47,360 Speaker 1: he let me have it. He outlined everything I had 441 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:51,720 Speaker 1: done from the time he exited the womb, everything he 442 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,760 Speaker 1: thought about me, everything he felt about me, everything he 443 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:57,359 Speaker 1: remembered that I had said and not said and done. 444 00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:00,520 Speaker 1: And this is what you're saying when you say the 445 00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,000 Speaker 1: things that came out, These were the thoughts that they 446 00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:07,840 Speaker 1: had about me all along. Okay. So with me and 447 00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:11,760 Speaker 1: my grandson, it was around the xbox. But when I 448 00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:15,480 Speaker 1: said to him, tell me more, he just everything. And 449 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:18,000 Speaker 1: he was only nine, and he went on for like 450 00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:25,400 Speaker 1: fourteen minutes about how horrible I was. So these are 451 00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:27,600 Speaker 1: all the things he had been holding in his mind 452 00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,919 Speaker 1: all along. Right, and I listened. I let him and 453 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,560 Speaker 1: he and then when he finished, he must have thought 454 00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:37,399 Speaker 1: to himself, oh my god, what have I said? And 455 00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:39,960 Speaker 1: you know what I said to him, thank you, thank 456 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:43,000 Speaker 1: you for sharing, Thank you for sharing, thank you for 457 00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:46,400 Speaker 1: letting me know that I didn't know that I didn't know. 458 00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:49,200 Speaker 1: That's how you feel. How can I make it better? 459 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:49,480 Speaker 2: Now? 460 00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:53,040 Speaker 1: Know what he said? Tell me what you think he said, 461 00:28:54,480 --> 00:29:01,960 Speaker 1: that's right. That was his sole purpose was to get 462 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:05,480 Speaker 1: me to the store to get the Xbox. He didn't 463 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:08,360 Speaker 1: care about how he had hurt my feelings, how he 464 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:11,800 Speaker 1: was ungrateful for everything I had done. He didn't care 465 00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:14,760 Speaker 1: about none of that. He was trying to get his Xbox. 466 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:19,480 Speaker 1: So whatever they said to you, beloved, it was bringing 467 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,520 Speaker 1: up all of the stuff that they didn't say before 468 00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:24,960 Speaker 1: because they're trying to get you to where they want 469 00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,920 Speaker 1: you to be right now. But like with my grant, 470 00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:33,840 Speaker 1: what my grandson did was give me feedback. And instead 471 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:36,840 Speaker 1: of looking at how he said it, why he said 472 00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:39,400 Speaker 1: it the way he said it, I said, Okay, what 473 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:41,960 Speaker 1: is in here that I need to work on? What 474 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:44,440 Speaker 1: is in here that I need to grow or learn 475 00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:48,520 Speaker 1: or heal? And he made some valid points he really did, 476 00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:53,280 Speaker 1: and I had to make some shifts and changes. Now 477 00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:56,200 Speaker 1: if I had fifty sixty years old, I even he's 478 00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:59,760 Speaker 1: thirty now, if I could make the shifts of changes 479 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:03,840 Speaker 1: based on the feedback, you can make some shifts and 480 00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:07,520 Speaker 1: changes based on the feedback, and don't get caught up 481 00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:09,280 Speaker 1: in how they said it, or why they said it, 482 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,800 Speaker 1: or the way they said it. What is in the 483 00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,240 Speaker 1: feedback that you can use. 484 00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:17,200 Speaker 2: I hear you, and it makes sense. 485 00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:22,960 Speaker 1: It's just it's just feedback. When important relationships break down, 486 00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:27,360 Speaker 1: you're getting feedback. So there may be some adjustments you 487 00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:30,400 Speaker 1: need to make. There may be something that you need 488 00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:33,640 Speaker 1: to grow or learn or heal. You think you're being you, 489 00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:37,560 Speaker 1: but we already know that there's some inauthenticity in there, 490 00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:40,520 Speaker 1: some lies in there. You gotta look at that, and 491 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:44,760 Speaker 1: my love, Yeah, it's gonna be hard to hear. Get 492 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:51,680 Speaker 1: you some Get you some popcorn. Make believe you're watching 493 00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:55,680 Speaker 1: a movie and ask them what were you experiencing, what 494 00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:57,760 Speaker 1: were you seeing, what were you hearing? How was I 495 00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:01,080 Speaker 1: being that made you think that was so okay? Ask 496 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:03,959 Speaker 1: for the feedback. If these are important relationships, and if 497 00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:06,480 Speaker 1: they're not, move on. It's cutting off the ties and 498 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,280 Speaker 1: not speaking. That's not going to heal and you're not 499 00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:11,120 Speaker 1: going to grow and you're not going to learn. 500 00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:15,680 Speaker 2: Yeah. I have been feeling stuck for a moment now, 501 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,560 Speaker 2: and I think a lot of it is because I 502 00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:22,720 Speaker 2: always allow in mine to revert back to you know, 503 00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:26,480 Speaker 2: what if this happened or what if like just trying 504 00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:30,560 Speaker 2: to find ways of communicating that. But yeah, I hear, 505 00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:34,200 Speaker 2: I hear now that I need to listen instead of 506 00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:38,480 Speaker 2: being the one to talk or rebuttal a lot of 507 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 2: the things that they're saying, Yeah. 508 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:48,640 Speaker 1: Good and listen without crafting your response to what you're hearing. 509 00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:53,000 Speaker 1: You're going in to get feedback, so you don't have 510 00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:58,239 Speaker 1: a response. You want information that you can learn that 511 00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:01,880 Speaker 1: you can use to learn or heal or grow. So 512 00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:05,520 Speaker 1: once they finish their sharing to you up some popcorn 513 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:08,840 Speaker 1: and say thank you. Can I sit with this for 514 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:10,960 Speaker 1: a few days and get back to you and then 515 00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:13,080 Speaker 1: you look at the feedback, even if you have to 516 00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:16,320 Speaker 1: write it down and say Okay, when I think I'm 517 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:19,800 Speaker 1: making a point, people hear me as being a bully. 518 00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:22,640 Speaker 1: I'm just making that up. I don't know, but I'm 519 00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:25,920 Speaker 1: saying okay. So when I think that I have to 520 00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:30,000 Speaker 1: say something and get people to agree with me. They 521 00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:33,239 Speaker 1: hear this as me not being willing to listen. You know, 522 00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:36,240 Speaker 1: I don't know what the feedback will be. But take 523 00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:40,360 Speaker 1: the points of the feedback and see what can I 524 00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:43,080 Speaker 1: learn here? What can I heal here? How can I 525 00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:43,680 Speaker 1: grow here? 526 00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:48,480 Speaker 2: Can I ask? How should I approach this? Like? Should 527 00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:51,720 Speaker 2: this be something that I do face a face in person? 528 00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:54,800 Speaker 2: Something that could be over the phone? Video chat? 529 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:58,320 Speaker 1: Can you handle over the phone? Can you handle a 530 00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:01,920 Speaker 1: video chat? Can you hand in person? What feels right 531 00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:02,600 Speaker 1: in your heart? 532 00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:05,880 Speaker 2: Like? I don't know. I like to like see emotion 533 00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:08,120 Speaker 2: in the face other than just words, and I like 534 00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:12,960 Speaker 2: to hug afterwards if I can. So it's something I 535 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:16,560 Speaker 2: guess in person would be something that I would desire more. 536 00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:21,080 Speaker 1: There are two approaches here. You can have the initial conversation, 537 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:27,600 Speaker 1: get the initial feedback over the phone, let's say, and 538 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:29,760 Speaker 1: then sit with it for three or four days, and 539 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:32,960 Speaker 1: then go to lunch, go to dinner. I don't know 540 00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,320 Speaker 1: if you want to get the initial feedback over. 541 00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:42,240 Speaker 2: Food, Yeah, it doesn't help. Well, I don't know. 542 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,360 Speaker 1: It's also easy to hit somebody in the head with 543 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:52,760 Speaker 1: a dinner roll. I would say, you know, you have 544 00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:54,920 Speaker 1: to do what feels right for you. But this is 545 00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:57,080 Speaker 1: a lot, and it's been a year and it's been 546 00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:01,760 Speaker 1: going on. Maybe have the initial conversation, even by phone. 547 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,960 Speaker 1: Maybe you don't need to see their face. Maybe you 548 00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:08,360 Speaker 1: don't need to. They don't need to see your face 549 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,480 Speaker 1: on the phone. You can mute the phone and weep 550 00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:12,239 Speaker 1: if you have to. 551 00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:14,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true. 552 00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:17,399 Speaker 1: They don't want to hurt you. They don't maybe get 553 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:21,560 Speaker 1: the initial feedback by phone, ask for however long you need. 554 00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:25,600 Speaker 1: And you're not looking for rebuttal right and wrong. You're 555 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:29,920 Speaker 1: looking for how you can be better in the relationship. 556 00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:33,799 Speaker 1: That's the feedback that you're looking for. So they're going 557 00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:36,160 Speaker 1: to tell you when you did this, you said that, 558 00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:38,879 Speaker 1: when you did this, when you did that, Okay, then 559 00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:41,880 Speaker 1: you look at it as okay, I thought I was, 560 00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:44,880 Speaker 1: you know, just sharing what was all my heart, and 561 00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:48,680 Speaker 1: maybe that wasn't the best way to do it. You 562 00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:52,239 Speaker 1: got to go in vulnerable and humble. Yeah, they want 563 00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:55,400 Speaker 1: to repair the relationship, that's why they reached out. But 564 00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:58,520 Speaker 1: now you have to go in vulnerable and humble and 565 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,480 Speaker 1: hear from their pace and everything they say is not 566 00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:04,600 Speaker 1: going to be accurate. It's their perception and their human 567 00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:08,520 Speaker 1: and they're crazy as hell, but so are you right? 568 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:14,360 Speaker 1: So that would be my recommendation. Okay, do that first 569 00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:18,319 Speaker 1: contact by phone, get the feedback, and then do in 570 00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:22,120 Speaker 1: person to see where do I need to make amends? 571 00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:24,839 Speaker 1: Can you help me with this? 572 00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:26,359 Speaker 2: You know? 573 00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:29,160 Speaker 1: And how do we move forward? How do we move forward? 574 00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:33,120 Speaker 2: Is that something that I should be a collaborative effort 575 00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:36,759 Speaker 2: then whenever if I after I was sitting with it 576 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:40,080 Speaker 2: and I come back to it and say, how do 577 00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:42,360 Speaker 2: I move how do we move forward? Is that something 578 00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:46,200 Speaker 2: that then I could kind of talk or is it 579 00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:48,359 Speaker 2: something that I should also just allow them to tell me, 580 00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:51,000 Speaker 2: tell me how I can with them? 581 00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:54,919 Speaker 1: Or once you assess the feedback, you have a right 582 00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:58,799 Speaker 1: to share. You know. I get this is how you 583 00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:02,160 Speaker 1: experienced it, but this is what I was trying to convey. 584 00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:05,520 Speaker 1: I get that I talk loud and you feel like 585 00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:08,480 Speaker 1: I was yelling, but I'm really not tell me how 586 00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:11,200 Speaker 1: I can do it better next time. Okay, you get 587 00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:13,000 Speaker 1: to give feedback on the feedback. 588 00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:16,160 Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, I thought I was just take it. The 589 00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:20,000 Speaker 2: taking the hits nothing right, Okay, Okay. 590 00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:22,160 Speaker 1: You get to give feedback. You get to say, you know, 591 00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:27,240 Speaker 1: when when I yell, it's because or I'm just saying 592 00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:30,120 Speaker 1: I don't know what it is. I'm just saying when 593 00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:33,359 Speaker 1: I yell, it's because it feels to me like you're 594 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:37,839 Speaker 1: not hearing me. You're not hearing me. And when when 595 00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:41,920 Speaker 1: I'm not being heard feeling heard, I just get louder. 596 00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:47,120 Speaker 1: So maybe we can implement the five second rule. You share, 597 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:51,319 Speaker 1: I wait five seconds before I respond. I share you 598 00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:54,480 Speaker 1: wait five seconds before you respond, so that we're not 599 00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:57,160 Speaker 1: screaming and yelling over top of each other. That's just 600 00:36:57,560 --> 00:36:58,440 Speaker 1: you know, I'm making that. 601 00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:00,440 Speaker 2: Up, but make sense. Yeah. 602 00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:02,480 Speaker 1: No, you don't just take the feedback and take their 603 00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:06,440 Speaker 1: word as gospel. You get to give feedback on the 604 00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:09,320 Speaker 1: feedback and share your experience. 605 00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:11,760 Speaker 2: Okay, So when. 606 00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:16,439 Speaker 1: You called the cousin, first thing is apologized, ask for forgiveness, 607 00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:18,760 Speaker 1: not I'm sorry, you are not sorry? 608 00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:19,840 Speaker 2: Oh okay. 609 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:24,000 Speaker 1: Asking for forgiveness as a higher vibration than being sorry. 610 00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:25,040 Speaker 2: Asking for. 611 00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:31,080 Speaker 1: I'm sorry says you know I'm weak and dumb, and no, 612 00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:35,480 Speaker 1: don't bow your head, have your spiny wreck, but acknowledge 613 00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:39,560 Speaker 1: the wrongdoing. That's what forgiveness does. Okay, I'm going to 614 00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:43,359 Speaker 1: ask you to forgive me. I understand that you were 615 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:46,800 Speaker 1: taking up for your mother. I understand that I didn't 616 00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:50,760 Speaker 1: honor my agreement with her. I understand that the choice 617 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:54,880 Speaker 1: I made had a negative impact on her, and I 618 00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:58,279 Speaker 1: felt like you were taking up for her and abandoning me. 619 00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:03,120 Speaker 1: Please forgive me, And I want to know, in terms 620 00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:07,120 Speaker 1: of our relationship, your experience that made you think it 621 00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:10,080 Speaker 1: was okay to put those things about me and chatt 622 00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:14,319 Speaker 1: or call me names. What what was your experience? Why 623 00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:15,720 Speaker 1: did you think that was okay? 624 00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:20,840 Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, those are some of the questions I would 625 00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:24,960 Speaker 2: like to know or be answered for sure. There are 626 00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:26,919 Speaker 2: the ones that constantly come to my head. 627 00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:31,240 Speaker 1: Well, I guarantee you he thought that was okay because 628 00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:35,200 Speaker 1: they were things he felt that he didn't want you 629 00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:40,520 Speaker 1: to know. Back to our original question, what are you 630 00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:45,520 Speaker 1: acting like you don't know? Mm hmm, oh, baby, you 631 00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:46,759 Speaker 1: got a lot of work to do. 632 00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:51,680 Speaker 2: I know, I know my family's crazy. I tell that 633 00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,480 Speaker 2: to everyone all the time. They're crazy. 634 00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:57,560 Speaker 1: Well, they're human, they're human, just like you. 635 00:38:57,840 --> 00:38:59,040 Speaker 2: Yeah. 636 00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:03,879 Speaker 1: Yeah, And if your family is crazy, you are related 637 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:14,000 Speaker 1: to them allegedly, And do you know that these are 638 00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:15,680 Speaker 1: important relationships to you. 639 00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:20,040 Speaker 2: I do. I do. Sometimes it gets hard where I 640 00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:24,439 Speaker 2: feel like they shouldn't be, but I mean they are. 641 00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:28,520 Speaker 1: And do you know that everything that happened is simply 642 00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:32,840 Speaker 1: a form of feedback coming to you to help you 643 00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:34,919 Speaker 1: learn grow a heel. Do you know that? 644 00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:40,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, they were just being human, They're being themselves, They're 645 00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:41,360 Speaker 2: being crazy. 646 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, and they were doing what they thought was appropriate 647 00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:50,440 Speaker 1: at a moment in the moment as a human being. Yeah, 648 00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:54,000 Speaker 1: they didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. 649 00:39:54,719 --> 00:40:00,160 Speaker 1: And then important relationships sometimes how crazy takes precedent, and 650 00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:02,399 Speaker 1: so what would better serve us? 651 00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:06,759 Speaker 2: I feel like I have to release that fear of 652 00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:12,200 Speaker 2: being vulnerable. Yeah, I think that's holding me back from 653 00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:14,680 Speaker 2: a lot of a lot of the things like starting 654 00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:16,799 Speaker 2: the conversation and hearing the conversation. 655 00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:21,759 Speaker 1: If you go in humble, help me understand. I want 656 00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:26,880 Speaker 1: to understand how you were experiencing me that led you 657 00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:29,959 Speaker 1: to believe it was okay to block me, not talk 658 00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:35,600 Speaker 1: to me. How was I being Go in humble, don't 659 00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:39,799 Speaker 1: go in trying to prove right. Make them wrong? Yeah, 660 00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:45,000 Speaker 1: get the information, no reaction, no response. I mean, you 661 00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:48,360 Speaker 1: may eat ten pounds of popcorn and weep into your underwear. 662 00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:50,280 Speaker 1: But that's okay, that's okay. 663 00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:57,359 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm learning learning that the hard way, but you're right. 664 00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:02,000 Speaker 1: Yeah. Because we're crazy as human beings, we usually call 665 00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:06,120 Speaker 1: our lessons in with great depth of pain and dysfunction 666 00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:14,759 Speaker 1: because we're crazy as hell. Yeah, it's one final thing. 667 00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:16,640 Speaker 1: Don't do anything until you're ready. 668 00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:17,080 Speaker 2: Okay. 669 00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:20,400 Speaker 1: You don't have to do this today or tomorrow. You know, 670 00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:23,320 Speaker 1: if you pray, or if you get still, or however 671 00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:27,560 Speaker 1: you strengthen yourself, ask your higher self to tell you 672 00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:31,320 Speaker 1: when is the right time, and don't move until you're ready, 673 00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:34,080 Speaker 1: because if you're not ready, you're gonna make a mess. 674 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,120 Speaker 2: Yeah. I definitely want to get over them. 675 00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:39,279 Speaker 1: And you're not stuck. You're exactly where you need to be. 676 00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:44,640 Speaker 1: All things come when they're supposed to come. You'll know 677 00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:47,399 Speaker 1: exactly when to call and exactly what to do. 678 00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:48,719 Speaker 2: Okay, thank you. 679 00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:51,759 Speaker 1: Thank you, my love, good luck to you. Give me 680 00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:53,960 Speaker 1: a call maybe after it's all over, and let me 681 00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:54,879 Speaker 1: know how you made out. 682 00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:55,959 Speaker 2: Okay for sure? 683 00:41:56,280 --> 00:42:03,120 Speaker 1: Okay, all right, love, bye, bye, bye bye. There is 684 00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:06,840 Speaker 1: an important tool that we can use to make all 685 00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:14,400 Speaker 1: of our relationships better, and it's called feedback. Feedback is 686 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:20,320 Speaker 1: the information we receive from what people do, what people say, 687 00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:26,360 Speaker 1: and how people be in relationship with us. And what happens, unfortunately, 688 00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:30,120 Speaker 1: is when people are giving us feedback, or when we're 689 00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:34,560 Speaker 1: getting feedback from a relationship, we get stuck in how 690 00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:36,759 Speaker 1: they said it, why they said it, the way they 691 00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:40,440 Speaker 1: said it, when they said it, as opposed to HM, 692 00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:45,120 Speaker 1: what is here that I need to learn to heal, 693 00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:50,560 Speaker 1: to grow If you're receiving feedback by people's behavior, feedback 694 00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:54,520 Speaker 1: by what they say, feedback by what they do. Instead 695 00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:58,200 Speaker 1: of formulating the response to make yourself right and make 696 00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:00,799 Speaker 1: them wrong, or make yourself wrong and make them right, 697 00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:06,319 Speaker 1: stop and get the feedback and ask yourself, what am 698 00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:10,239 Speaker 1: I growing here? What am I learning here? What am 699 00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:13,839 Speaker 1: I healing here? Because if this person loves me, they 700 00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:16,960 Speaker 1: don't really want to hurt me, They're just giving me feedback. 701 00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:20,000 Speaker 1: I hope this has been helpful to someone, and if 702 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:24,800 Speaker 1: you have a question about this or any other relationship issue, 703 00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:28,239 Speaker 1: you can call me live at seven seven five three 704 00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:31,520 Speaker 1: zero seven seven seven six eight. Now be sure to 705 00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:35,040 Speaker 1: follow me on social media for all of the calling times, 706 00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:40,319 Speaker 1: and until then, stay in peace and not pieces where 707 00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:48,160 Speaker 1: the r Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in 708 00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:53,920 Speaker 1: partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit 709 00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:58,279 Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to 710 00:43:58,640 --> 00:43:59,720 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.