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Speaker 1: Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast.

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Speaker 2: I have a question for you before we get into

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Speaker 2: the topics. Terrified of heights yesterday at the zoo. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you went up in the zip line. What was the

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Speaker 2: defining moment for you to actually do it? Because you,

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Speaker 2: I mean, you were so afraid of heights that when

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Speaker 2: we walk the pedestrian bridge in Nashville, like you won't

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Speaker 2: even look over the side.

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Speaker 3: What was two things?

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Speaker 4: Because I think the first thing, Julie was really really

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Speaker 4: excited to go on it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I knew you weren't going to go on it.

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Speaker 2: Not a chance.

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Speaker 4: Now, I knew wasn't going to go on it. So

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Speaker 4: the first thing was not leaving hot disappointed. But also

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Speaker 4: the second.

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Speaker 2: Wait, that makes me sound like a bad mom.

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Speaker 1: Now no, no, no.

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Speaker 4: But the second thing was I wouldn't expect you to

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Speaker 4: go on like you were the head of panic attack.

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Speaker 2: Well yeah, without a doubt.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: The second thing was the choice was going on the

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Speaker 4: zipline or go to the playground section, which would have

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Speaker 4: taken a lot longer.

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Speaker 2: That was your thought process. I kind of figured that

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Speaker 2: was what it was.

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Speaker 4: But the first, like Joey was really excited and we

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Speaker 4: will walk and you you were going to have to

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Speaker 4: walk past it. I thought, strap a pair on And.

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Speaker 2: How scared were you?

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Speaker 3: Yes?

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Speaker 4: Scared, because the problem is, if we can get a

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Speaker 4: picture of these chairs, it would be good for the

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Speaker 4: viewers to see this. There is nothing on the side,

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Speaker 4: There's nothing like the chair doesn't come up here. The

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Speaker 4: chair ends at your ass cheek. So when you look

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Speaker 4: to the side, you can see straight down. There's nothing

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Speaker 4: keeping you on there apart from that strap. The seat's

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Speaker 4: not shaped into your body. It was just horrendous, and

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Speaker 4: Joey is.

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Speaker 3: Like, I can see the city.

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Speaker 4: I like, I'm not even looking up and keep my

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Speaker 4: eyes fixed in one place. My eyes were fixed on

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Speaker 4: the rhinos.

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Speaker 2: And the rhinos. Yeah, there's no I mean that feeling

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Speaker 2: brings me back to the Wondree Heal episode when I'm

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Speaker 2: up on the ski lift thing. I mean, it is

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Speaker 2: the most I mean, I almost plunged to the ground

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Speaker 2: in that one, just because I want That's how bad

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Speaker 2: I wanted to get off the ski lift.

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Speaker 4: Well, the problem is, yeah, well you go up back,

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Speaker 4: We'll get up to the highest point then you and

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Speaker 4: then you stole that from it. I honestly was about

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Speaker 4: a second away from shouting to the guy the fuck

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Speaker 4: up and get it back down the way and.

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Speaker 3: Let it go.

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Speaker 2: How long were you it was? It was paused for

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Speaker 2: a second half.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it with ten seconds.

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Speaker 2: Jason, I are just like you got it. Meanwhile, we're

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Speaker 2: like the most scaredy cats of all of it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, my boy, it was bruttal. Anyway, I did it

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Speaker 3: for Julie.

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Speaker 2: There you go topic around backgrounds and how we were raised.

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Speaker 2: So do you think think having well, I'll say this

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Speaker 2: because where we were raised obviously has different do you

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Speaker 2: think I mean, I mean, does it? Does it have

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Speaker 2: different upbringing? I mean I was thinking about that, like

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Speaker 2: a British upbringing, UK upbringing versus an American upbringing? I think,

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Speaker 2: what do you think the biggest differences there.

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Speaker 3: Are between UK and America upbringings?

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Speaker 2: Because I'm like, we both played outside we I think I.

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Speaker 4: Think for starters, I think our upbringings were really similar

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Speaker 4: in terms of working class family. The only the only

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Speaker 4: difference was you experienced divorce in your family when you

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Speaker 4: hit your when you hit your teens, which I didn't.

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Speaker 4: But I think in terms of like culture and earlier

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Speaker 4: the time period was was really similar. I think there

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Speaker 4: was a lot of growing up in a family didn't

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Speaker 4: have loads of expendable income, so being out in the

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Speaker 4: streets playing with your friends.

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Speaker 3: We grew up in.

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Speaker 4: We both grew up in neighborhoods where you had your

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Speaker 4: mates around you and stuff, So I think there was

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Speaker 4: a lot of similarities to their upbring I think one

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Speaker 4: of the biggest differences between the UK and in the

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Speaker 4: US is I think, and this is not a slight

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Speaker 4: on the US, but I think growing up in the UK,

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Speaker 4: you're you're almost exposed to a rougher environment like that

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Speaker 4: where I grew up. Well, maybe I'm wrong, because there's

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Speaker 4: loads of parts of the US where people grow up

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Speaker 4: in rough environments.

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Speaker 2: But do you think I mean, you grew up in Glasgow,

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Speaker 2: so that would probably be equivalent maybe to someone growing

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Speaker 2: up in Detroit. I did grew up in I was

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Speaker 2: a suburb though.

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Speaker 4: And I was kind of a suburb, Like we were

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Speaker 4: like four or five miles from city center. It's a

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Speaker 4: lot closer to it's a lot closer, but it's still

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Speaker 4: it was still classed as kind of suburban. Really, I

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Speaker 4: don't I don't know what the defining differences would be

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Speaker 4: between growing up in the US and growing up in

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Speaker 4: the UK. I think you grow up in an environment

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Speaker 4: that's a certing class of family and earning capacity and

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Speaker 4: expendable income, and I think those were really similar to

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Speaker 4: that for our upbringings. Well I don't. I think that's worldwide.

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Speaker 4: I don't think that's between the UK and the US.

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Speaker 2: Do you ever hear your parents fight?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Not a lot by that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, there was one time on holiday and Jersey where

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Speaker 4: I heard them fighting that kind of stuck in my mind.

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Speaker 3: Nine or something.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's about the age. I mean, I remember

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Speaker 2: fight six on in my house. Those were the fights. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: but my my biggest ones were six and like yeah

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Speaker 2: around at like ten, eleven, twelve, Like when they were

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Speaker 2: nearing divorce. It was like constant. Yeah, I mean, which

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Speaker 2: is why I am so like, when we're about to

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Speaker 2: get in a little tiff, I'm like, nope, I go.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I I have such a a trigger. I

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Speaker 2: guess with growing up in that toxicity that I'm like,

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Speaker 2: I don't want my kids to feel what I felt

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Speaker 2: when I was a kid. I mean, my brother and

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Speaker 2: I would be in our room like just hearing it

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Speaker 2: shielding things being thrown, you know what I mean, Like, yeah, no,

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Speaker 2: I was never part of my And we took my

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Speaker 2: brother to college. They're in the hotel room and they

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Speaker 2: have a fan on and they're like screaming, and I'm like,

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Speaker 2: that's not doing anything. You know, I was supposed to

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Speaker 2: mask the noise. I'm like, this is not masking anything.

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Speaker 2: So it's like I think because of that, that's where

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Speaker 2: it's like, I mean, I'm sure you've noticed like if

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Speaker 2: we it's like I'm like, no, no, no, we're not. We're

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Speaker 2: not getting in any kind of conversation or And I

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Speaker 2: think there's a piece of conflict that I think is

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Speaker 2: good for kids to see, but not a not a

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Speaker 2: there's no I don't think any need. They can see

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Speaker 2: annoyances and they be like we've had annoyances, right, But

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Speaker 2: I think when it comes to like a fight, I

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Speaker 2: don't think that's ever good for a kid to see

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Speaker 2: that piece of it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely agree, I don't think.

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Speaker 2: But I've also seen the flip side of that, where

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Speaker 2: it's someone we know, someone who's had an upbringing where

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Speaker 2: everything was always so positive. They never saw any conflict

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Speaker 2: with parents who are being like Hey, I'm sorry, Mommy

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Speaker 2: raised her voice. I shouldn't have done that to you know,

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Speaker 2: to Alan or vice versa. Where people have a such

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Speaker 2: a perfect upbringing that when they fight then in their

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Speaker 2: relationship or marriage, they're like, we're headed for divorce. It's bad.

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Speaker 2: I mean I do. One of our very close friends

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Speaker 2: had that upbringing where their parents never fought, and so

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Speaker 2: when he started fighting with his wife, he was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: we're headed for divorce. Clearly. It's like no, no, like,

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Speaker 2: it's okay that you guys have conflict, Just don't don't

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Speaker 2: do it in front of the kids, as as you know,

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Speaker 2: the big ones you know, or any of them. I

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Speaker 2: really I just don't like any I just don't like

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Speaker 2: any of it. Like I'm like, I don't And maybe

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Speaker 2: that's my again, my own, my own stuff. But that's

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Speaker 2: I'm glad you didn't like you said, like, you remember

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Speaker 2: the one that was yeah, yeah, I mean I think,

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Speaker 2: why fight in Jersey like you're on vacation.

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Speaker 4: It wasn't a fight like nothingnother physical, just verilable, But

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Speaker 4: that one always stuck in my always stuck in my mind,

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Speaker 4: I think because we were all in the same room.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, I think of upbringing similar, but you had

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Speaker 4: to get to deal with a lot more animosity and

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Speaker 4: things than I, that's for sure.

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Speaker 2: Was there anything that shocked you about my upbringing?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and I only held it a couple of weeks ago.

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Speaker 4: What that you got give in the belt?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's that actually shocked me?

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Speaker 2: Really it did. That shocked me even back then in

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Speaker 2: that age.

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Speaker 4: There's no way my dad, like my dad would have

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Speaker 4: given me the belt. And my dad's quite tough guy

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Speaker 4: and his father was tough. I know my dad got

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Speaker 4: the belt. Yeah, yeah, absolutely know that, but I didn't

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Speaker 4: think it was. And again this might be a us

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Speaker 4: UK thing. And I in my upbringing, in my year

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Speaker 4: of upbringing in the eighties, none of my mates get

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Speaker 4: hit with a belt. None of my other family members

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Speaker 4: got got the belt.

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Speaker 3: But it seems like.

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Speaker 2: Actually none of my girlfriends. I don't think that either.

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Speaker 3: In America like the belt.

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Speaker 4: Like one of your friends a couple of weeks ago

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Speaker 4: was talking about, like what did they call the stick?

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, wouldn't spin I think every well.

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Speaker 1: I would call it, oh what a touch or something? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: they were called they were called a spachelor like a stick.

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Speaker 1: See that doesn't really Yeah, not a UK think must

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Speaker 1: have been more of a US thing.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So then I'm going to guess that leads to

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Speaker 2: then you know we've we've already talked about the.

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Speaker 3: Waitman, it was and it shocked you about how I

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Speaker 3: was raised.

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Speaker 2: Uh, yeah, I thought that it would probably have been

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Speaker 2: a more disciplined house, just because I know you're dad,

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Speaker 2: and I what I make up of Scotland is just

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Speaker 2: like really tough people, and so I would assume that

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Speaker 2: he would have been more of the just like.

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Speaker 4: The Yeah, you could like when my dad's when my

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Speaker 4: dad spoke, you listened, right, and when my dad raised

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Speaker 4: his voice, you shit yourself right, Yeah, but you knew

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Speaker 4: how much you could push. You know, you knew when

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Speaker 4: he would lose Losey's temper, and you know it would

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Speaker 4: make him lose his temper.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, it was.

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Speaker 2: What do you think you're doing differently that with Roman

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Speaker 2: that you that your parents didn't do or that your

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Speaker 2: parents did do that You're just like, yeah, what is

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Speaker 2: something that you do that you're implementing different into your

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Speaker 2: parenting for Roman?

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Speaker 4: Well, if you take, if you like, you take my

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Speaker 4: dad who has always been there for me, but really

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Speaker 4: tough and stun and doesn't show his emotions. And then

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Speaker 4: you've got my mum, who has absolutely always been there,

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Speaker 4: but she's the softer one that will listen more and

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Speaker 4: provide a more sympathetic approach.

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Speaker 3: I think, I think there's.

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Speaker 4: A bad between in the way that I parent or

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Speaker 4: the way that i'd like to paint. I think there's

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Speaker 4: a balance between both of how my mom raised me

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Speaker 4: and how my dad raised me. I think there's a

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Speaker 4: discipline balance there, but also there's a there's got to

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Speaker 4: be an empathetic software side. So I think I try

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Speaker 4: and kind of split that and split that in half.

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Speaker 2: That makes sense, I think. I mean, obviously there's like

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Speaker 2: a million different things that I'm trying to do and

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Speaker 2: every day I'm trying to I think it just you know,

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Speaker 2: showing up being the best parents that we can be

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Speaker 2: while learning, and is except what how I may be

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Speaker 2: discipline again, I have to disciplining. All three of them

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Speaker 2: are very different and look very different because of the

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Speaker 2: different ages they're at. What works for Jase doesn't work

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Speaker 2: for Jolie, and what works for Jolie well, you know,

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Speaker 2: and then there's just Roman.

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Speaker 4: So do you feel you're more patient with the Roman

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Speaker 4: than what you were with with Jolie and Jase. Now

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Speaker 4: that you're nearly ten years down the lane, you've got

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Speaker 4: ten years experience in parentcy.

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Speaker 2: I do think I'm more patient with Roman, yeah, because

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Speaker 2: I'm kind of used to. And we talked about this

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Speaker 2: on wine down this week where it was like, I'm

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Speaker 2: I get the where he's at in the stages, Like

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Speaker 2: I know what's coming. I'm scared of what's coming age wise,

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Speaker 2: But you're scared with Roman, No, Like well at times, yes,

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Speaker 2: but the no, I'm not scared of them, but you know,

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Speaker 2: I know kind of what's what's to come, and I'm

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Speaker 2: trying to enjoy each stage of it. But sometimes it

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Speaker 2: can be challenging, right, But I do. I do find

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Speaker 2: that I have more patients with Roman for sure.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Either yeah, well, I think that just also comes with

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Speaker 2: age too, And I think that's same thing like with

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Speaker 2: my dad. Again, I'd say this, I've said this before,

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Speaker 2: like how he was to me, Like I know for

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Speaker 2: a fact, he's never did the belt or anything else

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Speaker 2: like to my other two sisters, you know, like his

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Speaker 2: patients with them like he had they we have, we have,

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Speaker 2: we had two different dads essentially growing up, I had

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Speaker 2: the angrier you know man that was like in his affairs,

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Speaker 2: and they had a very patient, a more patient father. Like, Yes,

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Speaker 2: he still has that like peace in him at times.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure, I don't. I don't know, I'm not there,

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Speaker 2: but I'm sure it was there at times, But there

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Speaker 2: are It's a two different and as I'm sure with you,

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Speaker 2: it's like you as you get older, as you learn

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Speaker 2: and grow and get older, I think that patient's piece

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Speaker 2: is just different. And where you would have have been

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Speaker 2: different with your son back in the day to Roman now, like,

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Speaker 2: I'm sure you're more patient with him, either because of

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Speaker 2: the things that you've done in the past or because

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Speaker 2: of just I think there is a patience that comes

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Speaker 2: with age.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, there's also a wisdom, Yeah, that comes with the

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Speaker 4: that you gain more clarity on your own self awareness

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Speaker 4: and how you should behave Like a few days for example,

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Speaker 4: a few days ago, Roman scratched my nose and my

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Speaker 4: face and then slapped me.

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Speaker 2: And we talked to them, and.

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Speaker 4: It took every ounce of my patients to not react

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Speaker 4: in a way that I would regret at five minutes later.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I was said to you. I was like,

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Speaker 2: he's two, he's almost two, you know, like deep breaths

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Speaker 2: and through your nose out through your mouth. You know,

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Speaker 2: he doesn't. The thing's like they don't know. They're trying

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Speaker 2: to communicate, and I think now knowing that, like it's

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Speaker 2: you know, they don't know, they don't know what they

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Speaker 2: don't know? Right like this poor sweet soul has been

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Speaker 2: on this planet for only nineteen months, like not knowing

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Speaker 2: what to do or how to do, Like we are

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Speaker 2: teaching him what to do, and you know, it's it

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Speaker 2: can be maddening at times, but there is patience to go.

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Speaker 2: We are molding and helping create this you know, little

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Speaker 2: nineteen month old to you know, to know what's right

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Speaker 2: and wrong and eventually it'll click. It hasn't, but it will,

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Speaker 2: you know. And it's just it's that patience and that repeat, repetitness,

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Speaker 2: repeat to repeat that because I always say, you know,

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Speaker 2: why why retaliate with anger or or physical because then

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Speaker 2: that just shows them? What does that show them?

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Speaker 3: Yes, you can give some the wrong message.

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Speaker 2: Yeah like what like that? That that that that's okay.

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Speaker 2: And again I'm not saying I fell into abusive situations

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Speaker 2: because of that like my path. I'm not saying that.

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Speaker 2: I'm not saying my dad abused me, but that was

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Speaker 2: just like what he knew that he knew them passed

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Speaker 2: down and it's like then you learn and it's like,

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Speaker 2: what did that teach me? Like, oh, okay, that was okay,

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Speaker 2: it's not it was it's like the whole, the whole

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Speaker 2: like spectrum with it, my mom watching it, that showed

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Speaker 2: that that was okay, that she stay. It's like the

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Speaker 2: all of it, the fighting, it was okay, it's not okay.

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Speaker 4: And it's it's strange because Roman is and this goes

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Speaker 4: back to your dad's situation. Well some love, but Roman

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Speaker 4: is getting a more patient version of me with more

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Speaker 4: wisdom on and life and experiences and stuff, whereas Troy

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Speaker 4: got the twenty six year old professional football that was

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Speaker 4: really focused on his career and probably was a bit

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Speaker 4: too selfish and and parented at that point pretty probably

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Speaker 4: a little bit like my dad mhm. But then now

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Speaker 4: Roman's getting a balance of probably my my mom and

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Speaker 4: my dad within within my parent thing, but more so

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Speaker 4: my dad.

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Speaker 2: But I think though too, like it's to give yourself

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Speaker 2: like you only knew what you knew then yeah, like

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Speaker 2: I only knew what I knew when I was you know,

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Speaker 2: raising Joli and then and then having too, like that's

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Speaker 2: something new too, and so I had to adjust like

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Speaker 2: my patients with having too. And it's like I think

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Speaker 2: in every stage, you just you know more and it's okay,

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Speaker 2: like you're you're learning, just as we're learning how to

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Speaker 2: do three in a new marriage and any like different

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Speaker 2: careers and it's all just a piece of having patients

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Speaker 2: for everything around and going back to what you know

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Speaker 2: you've implemented in your mornings. What's Yes, things are crazy,

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Speaker 2: there's a lot going on, you know, moss from bowls

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Speaker 2: are flying all over the place. Like there's a lot

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Speaker 2: going on in the house with the three kids and

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Speaker 2: you and the me and the careers all the things.

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Speaker 2: But there's a where does it go back to, like

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Speaker 2: what's the you know, the grateful stuff that you're doing

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Speaker 2: in the morning and going all right, this is this

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Speaker 2: is this is the good and this is like this

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Speaker 2: is the beautiful chaos of it all, like I love this,

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Speaker 2: We're not going to have this and.

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Speaker 4: Other I want to be said a couple of years yeah,

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Speaker 4: other one I was saying, setting on us swinging chairs

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Speaker 4: on the porch in the lake house and barely time regretting.

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Speaker 4: How we manage this stage? Yeah, with joy, you, with warm,

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Speaker 4: the joely of Jason, and with our marriage. Yeah so yeah,

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Speaker 4: but again we are in different phase of a life,

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Speaker 4: so we're managing the marriage differently. Moved the marriage, manage

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Speaker 4: the other managers when we're paying anything different because of experience.

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Speaker 2: So to all, the mama's data is relationship. Y'all are

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Speaker 2: doing great. Yeah, keep on going and send in your topics.

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Speaker 2: Go to the wind down page. Any topics you want

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Speaker 2: Alan and I to discuss, send them on over and

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Speaker 2: it'll be on your next adult education