Speaker 1: The Nikki Glazer PODCASTO.
Speaker 2: Nik Glazer posy.
Speaker 1: Hello here I am, It's Sticky Glazer podcast. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the show. It's Sticky Glazer. My voice is scratchy. I've
Speaker 1: been talking a lot. This is a busy week. But
Speaker 1: I got some sleep last night. Thank you Melatonin. Shout
Speaker 1: out to twenty milligrams of melatonin getting me through, calming
Speaker 1: me down at night, easing the thoughts in my head.
Speaker 1: I really recommend it. People always say melotonin doesn't work
Speaker 1: for me. I fall asleep and then I get up later,
Speaker 1: or it makes me have weird dreams. First of all,
Speaker 1: who doesn't want weird dreams? And second of all, stop
Speaker 1: telling yourself that story. I don't mean the doctor Phillipp,
Speaker 1: but like, if you keep telling yourself the story of
Speaker 1: the time eight years ago where you took melatonin and
Speaker 1: it woke you up and then you couldn't get back
Speaker 1: to sleep. If you tell yourself that's what's gonna happen,
Speaker 1: that's what's gonna happen. Because I know that when I
Speaker 1: have to wake up for something in the morning and
Speaker 1: I set my alarm for seven nine, I literally so
Speaker 1: often will wake up at seven o eight. Your body
Speaker 1: will like do what you tell it to do before
Speaker 1: you go to bed, Brian, do you relate?
Speaker 3: I can relate, well, I can partially relate. I know
Speaker 3: that I tried magnesium before bed, which is something that
Speaker 3: a lot of people also try to, Yeah, relax your muscles,
Speaker 3: and that thing made me fucking crazy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that didn't do shit for me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like an electrolyte. And I think if your
Speaker 3: electrolytes are balanced, then taking an electrolyte supplement just throws
Speaker 3: your electrolyte balance off. Like I felt, I felt jittery,
Speaker 3: and I was like, why do I feel so jittery
Speaker 3: after taking magnesium? And then I looked up online, you know,
Speaker 3: the internet, and it said that a side effect of
Speaker 3: having an electrolyte in balance is feeling jittery.
Speaker 1: That's so so great when your like symptoms are confirmed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: oh my god, it feels so good. Like I ram
Speaker 1: someone through a psychopath test the other day. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to say who, but they passed with flying colors.
Speaker 1: And I was with other people that I was like
Speaker 1: reading it too, and it was like lack of remorse
Speaker 1: doesn't share, doesn't It was like, let me just say.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't get to beat him.
Speaker 1: I did kim Wa yesterday and he just like was
Speaker 1: interviewed before me, and then we passed in the hallway
Speaker 1: and he was just like good luck out there, and
Speaker 1: I was like, thank you. He said the same thing
Speaker 1: to Tom Brady said to me, good luck.
Speaker 3: What's that all good about?
Speaker 2: Good luck?
Speaker 1: Isn't like when Tom said it to me? It felt like,
Speaker 1: you know, I said thank you so much.
Speaker 2: Tom.
Speaker 1: I just ran, you know into him the hallway and yeah,
Speaker 1: I said down the podcast before. It just felt like
Speaker 1: a take.
Speaker 3: Care, that's the end of this relationship.
Speaker 1: Have a nice life. It's that's really what it is.
Speaker 1: It's like I will never see you again. I hope
Speaker 1: you well in everything you do until the day your
Speaker 1: heart stops beating, but like we will never cross paths again,
Speaker 1: and that's okay.
Speaker 2: I don't think there.
Speaker 1: You know, there was a part of me in my
Speaker 1: mind that was like Tom Brady's gonna like love what
Speaker 1: I do so much that it's gonna like I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get pulled into his world and he's gonna want to
Speaker 1: do I don't. I don't even want to do tiktoks
Speaker 1: with him. Like I don't even like there was no
Speaker 1: goal in hand. But I think right as the roads started,
Speaker 1: when I saw his first reaction to Jeff Set, I
Speaker 1: was like, this isn't a guy who's.
Speaker 2: Going to be like whoa, you were so good at
Speaker 2: like tearing me.
Speaker 1: Down that I want to pull you in yeah to
Speaker 1: me and kiss your neck.
Speaker 2: No, I really I had to.
Speaker 3: I wasn't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm doing Edelman's podcast. He reached his his people
Speaker 1: reached out to me, and we're like, oh no. My
Speaker 1: publicist reached out and was like, there is a podcast
Speaker 1: hosted by Julian Edelman. He's a football player. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, and they're like, they're interested in having you on.
Speaker 1: I go, okay, yeah, we do.
Speaker 2: We know the connection to this.
Speaker 1: No. I think they just had to send it that
Speaker 1: way because that's the way they send things.
Speaker 2: But I was like, oh, yeah, I'm aware.
Speaker 1: So I'm so excited to do that squinty ed fuck
Speaker 1: Boys podcast.
Speaker 2: I think that's what they're renaming it too.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 1: We got Spade yesterday and we were like, I did
Speaker 1: David Spade and Dana Carvey's podcast Fly on the Wall,
Speaker 1: which is so fun. I love them both so much,
Speaker 1: and they're just it's so sweet. I just I love
Speaker 1: them and uh they were Oh. Spade was texting me
Speaker 1: afterwards kind of going over what we were just talking about,
Speaker 1: and he's like, yeah, the Rose jokes like they really
Speaker 1: stay with you. Like he was like, I bet you anything.
Speaker 1: He was like someone called Julian Edeman's squinty ad and
Speaker 1: I can't I bet you anything. He's like, wait, am
Speaker 1: I Like he had it like no one else was
Speaker 1: saying that. Whereas when we were working on jokes for this, Brian,
Speaker 1: you and I and others, we thought squinty id would
Speaker 1: be like I thought, there's there's so many I thought
Speaker 1: it would be a fabric of the roast, like I
Speaker 1: thought would be one of many people calling him squinty.
Speaker 1: I'd saying like like one of the jokes was why
Speaker 1: why do your eyes look like that? Are you trying
Speaker 1: to understand why Andrew Schultz is funny? Like there was
Speaker 1: stuff like that, are you trying to find out why
Speaker 1: I'm here tonight?
Speaker 2: Like whatever? It was, like I think there was a.
Speaker 1: Gilbert Godfrey joke of like something one year like Greg
Speaker 1: Giraldo said, are you why why are your eyes like that?
Speaker 1: Are you trying to see Jeff Ross Jeff Ross's dick
Speaker 1: or something like, you know, like squinting to look at something.
Speaker 2: So yeah, he was like in vein.
Speaker 1: So when I called him a squinty ed fuck boy,
Speaker 1: I thought it would be like in the air, but
Speaker 1: it was the only there were so many jokes like that.
Speaker 1: Do you relate to that that we wrote so many
Speaker 1: jokes that were like I thought would be treading on
Speaker 1: things that were so tread on already, And then there
Speaker 1: are a lot that we didn't tell that I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that could have been said and wasn't.
Speaker 2: Like I have so.
Speaker 1: Many more jokes about things that like and I think
Speaker 1: we did the perfect thing. We are all in agreement,
Speaker 1: me and my team that did a great job.
Speaker 3: Made was was the correct decision. It's almost remarkable that
Speaker 3: we didn't make an incorrect decision.
Speaker 1: It's I've been saying it like I ran that set
Speaker 1: so much and there was never once the time that
Speaker 1: I did it that it was as perfect as the
Speaker 1: time that I did. Like it's like one of those
Speaker 1: Olympic stories where it's like she never landed the triple
Speaker 1: sawcow and she did it once in practice, but she
Speaker 1: stumbled a little bit, but she's going for it tonight,
Speaker 1: and it's like, why would she go for it if
Speaker 1: she's never landed it? And the fact of the matter is,
Speaker 1: I you can't really land these sets. I can't land
Speaker 1: the Triple Souco at the Laugh Factory on eleven o'clock
Speaker 1: that night when that when Drew Bledsoe is not there
Speaker 1: to you know, there's no imprecedent for who that is,
Speaker 1: so my jokes about him will not ever work.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like what was great about the Kia Forum is
Speaker 3: not only were they there, but the audience knew who
Speaker 3: you were talking about.
Speaker 2: Where.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we would do shows that like the Store or
Speaker 3: the Belly Room or at the Store, and it's like, oh,
Speaker 3: you guys don't know even who Gronk is, Like what
Speaker 3: the fuck? And so it's hard to tell, like are
Speaker 3: these jokes gonna work? Are they not gonna work? You
Speaker 3: kind of have to just like take a cold like
Speaker 3: accumulative effect of all of the sets to see like
Speaker 3: what's like the percentage of how many times it's hit
Speaker 3: and not hit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was really it was so rewarding. But I
Speaker 1: just was so surprised at so many areas that I
Speaker 1: had written to or we had written to that were
Speaker 1: like I just thought would be, Oh, this is gonna
Speaker 1: be so well tread that we shouldn't even say this
Speaker 1: because it's just like we're gonna be Like even the
Speaker 1: Bridget moynihan joke that I did, which I was the
Speaker 1: I think, was the only one that referenced him leaving
Speaker 1: his pregnant girlfriend for Gizelle.
Speaker 3: Uh huh.
Speaker 1: I may be wrong, but I think I was the
Speaker 1: only one. And I thought that was gonna be like
Speaker 1: one of the top ten overdone.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I thought they would have mentioned her name by like
Speaker 1: the time I went up there. But did I talk
Speaker 1: about how Kevin Hart did the same joke as me?
Speaker 3: Yet? Well you talked about it on Stern I think.
Speaker 2: I know, but I didn't talk about it here. So
Speaker 2: everyone has.
Speaker 3: Struck and that when he said that, I was like,
Speaker 3: what the fuck are we I turned to what are
Speaker 3: we going to do?
Speaker 1: What are we gonna There's nothing anyone can do, literally nothing.
Speaker 1: So I wrote a joke that I masturbated so hard
Speaker 1: to Tom Brady. He's on my fantasy team. My clit
Speaker 1: has CT now. So Kevin Hart, you know, three people
Speaker 1: before me goes up and he does a joke that
Speaker 1: Tom is fucking so much after his divorce that his
Speaker 1: dick has ct and when he said it, I wish
Speaker 1: if you can find footage you can just see. I
Speaker 1: would love to see what my face did in that moment,
Speaker 1: because I just don't.
Speaker 3: I did not see.
Speaker 1: I really I had gronk face. I just started just
Speaker 1: so confused, looking around, like considering all the options because
Speaker 1: I cannot talk to a producer because the show is live,
Speaker 1: there's no one to call up to help me.
Speaker 2: There's no one to talk to.
Speaker 1: Jeff comes back after his set because it's Kevin opened.
Speaker 1: Then Jeff comes out, Jeff after his set, sits down.
Speaker 1: I go, they did Kevin did a joke I have
Speaker 1: in the prompter saying it like this, like Jeff, Kevin
Speaker 1: did a joke I have? And he goes which one?
Speaker 1: And I go, like, Clint has CTE. He said his
Speaker 1: dick has ct and he goes, just do it, and
Speaker 1: I go, yeah, I'm then I'm like, yeah, I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna do it like I did the math already that
Speaker 1: it was enough time in between me and or Kevin
Speaker 1: and me him telling that joke in me was enough
Speaker 1: time for the audience to forget the specifics of the joke.
Speaker 1: It was never gonna kill his heart because they subconsciously
Speaker 1: know that they've heard it before, but they don't consciously
Speaker 1: know it. But it was enough to build that sub
Speaker 1: that's only the subconscious would really understand that they'd heard
Speaker 1: it before. It was enough time that maybe like probably
Speaker 1: a tenth of the room was like, wait, that good
Speaker 1: joke hasn't done.
Speaker 2: I would say, nine tenths of the room would be.
Speaker 1: Like, that's I guess it's not that funny, and it's
Speaker 1: kind of funny.
Speaker 2: It's not as funny as it would have crushed so hard.
Speaker 2: I mean it was.
Speaker 1: That was one of my best lines, and it became
Speaker 1: it went from a ten to a five and a
Speaker 1: half because it had been said before in a different way.
Speaker 2: But then I had the tag of I would.
Speaker 3: Show the reason why it was saved because it had
Speaker 3: three jokes, three parts do joke.
Speaker 1: What if I didn't have that tag that that was
Speaker 1: you know my clip has CT now and the NFL
Speaker 1: is making me I would show you, but the NFL
Speaker 1: is making me cover it up. If I didn't have
Speaker 1: that tag, I would because it used to not have
Speaker 1: that tag and it was working well enough, just like
Speaker 1: my clid has CT now, Like it was a big
Speaker 1: enough line that it would have stood on its own,
Speaker 1: I would have. I couldn't have skipped it in the prompter.
Speaker 1: There was no like communication, like I couldn't have at
Speaker 1: any point gone prompter guy like can we go through?
Speaker 2: And I didn't.
Speaker 1: Really I couldn't remember what was after that joke because
Speaker 1: we had changed the order so much. So. Kim Congdon,
Speaker 1: who worked with us as well, and brilliant comedic writer roaster,
Speaker 1: she's on Kill Tony all the time. She fucking destroys.
Speaker 1: But she was in the front row, thank god. And
Speaker 1: I looked at her face and she is as shell
Speaker 1: shocked as I am. She knows exactly what's going through
Speaker 1: my head. And I go, what do I do? I
Speaker 1: don't even have to say like did you hear? I
Speaker 1: just go what do I do? And she goes and
Speaker 1: she's looking at the ground and her foot's shaking, like
Speaker 1: I can see she's in this beautiful dress, but she's
Speaker 1: just like we're both writing, like I'm trying to figure
Speaker 1: out another line that I can say, you are on
Speaker 1: my fantasy team last night, like what else? And she
Speaker 1: just looks up and she goes, just do it. She
Speaker 1: said that she's mouthed that just do it. I could
Speaker 1: see her mouth.
Speaker 2: She was so.
Speaker 3: Thank god for Yeah. I think I love her.
Speaker 2: I think I do too.
Speaker 3: She said she's moving to Austin. I'm very sad, but
Speaker 3: she's awesome.
Speaker 1: Kim congdon cog d wait co o ng d e
Speaker 1: n c o n g d e n kim d
Speaker 1: o n sorry d o N. I don't know why
Speaker 1: I was saying it like a bear den, but she
Speaker 1: is so funny. And she has a podcast with.
Speaker 2: Why am I not? I'm so sorry, I'm.
Speaker 3: So Sarah, Yes, duh because that Sarah Sarah.
Speaker 1: I love Sarah so much too. I'm so sorry blanked
Speaker 1: on your name. That is not because I don't like
Speaker 1: you and know you so much. I really can't remember
Speaker 1: my own middle name today. Yeah, they have a podcast.
Speaker 1: It's so funny. I watch any clips that they have up.
Speaker 1: There's only so many podcasts that I like. Anytime a
Speaker 1: clip comes up, I watch it and there's just one
Speaker 1: of them.
Speaker 2: They're so cool. But she was amazing and hermo's was amazing. Rashidi.
Speaker 1: We had so many good people, Bob kas Strone, Sean O'Connor,
Speaker 1: shout out to my team, Dan Saint Germain, Mike Lawrence,
Speaker 1: Ari Findling. These are all the people that if I
Speaker 1: was to win an award, Brian Franjie over and over again,
Speaker 1: Chris conn Andrew Colin, duh Andrew Colin. It was so
Speaker 1: fun We like, you know, last week Monday through Friday,
Speaker 1: no Monday through Saturday, we met every single day as
Speaker 1: like a group with at least three or four of
Speaker 1: us and would hang out for two hours and just
Speaker 1: talk about it's funny, if it's funnier to say retard
Speaker 1: or retarded, if we should call him a date rapist
Speaker 1: or say he looks like a date rapist. Like these
Speaker 1: were the really intellectual discussions we were getting out about,
Speaker 1: like is it funnier to say gronkuts puts the tard
Speaker 1: and retarded or is it funnier to say gronk puts
Speaker 1: the tard and retard?
Speaker 2: And I think I went with retarded.
Speaker 3: That was the correct answer. Yes, you know, correct answer.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean we we just had to. You just
Speaker 2: don't know.
Speaker 1: But these are like the these are the discussions comedians
Speaker 1: get into really seriously, and like these really, we're not
Speaker 1: at all aware of how ridiculous it is until after
Speaker 1: the until someone walks in and goes, is this really
Speaker 1: what I'm walking into?
Speaker 3: Is this like, yeah, heated.
Speaker 1: Discussion about the word retard or retarded, But that's what
Speaker 1: comedy is. It's very I was learning, like in the
Speaker 1: aftermath of this, I really always hate when people talk
Speaker 1: about comedy ist like it's an art, Like, I mean,
Speaker 1: I know that it is, but I just I'm always like,
Speaker 1: get off your high horse. But it felt like putting
Speaker 1: this performance together felt like an an Olympic ice skating
Speaker 1: routine m hm, or a gymnastics beam routine.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, well because it was live especially, it
Speaker 3: felt like a sporting event. It felt like. And also,
Speaker 3: roasts are inherently competitive, even if you're not battling, everyone
Speaker 3: in the audience is comparing your sets, which.
Speaker 2: Is everyone's ranking everyone.
Speaker 3: It's on like a showcase show, even where you just
Speaker 3: have maybe people talk about who is your favorite, but
Speaker 3: in a roast, it's like who's number one, two and three,
Speaker 3: who was the worst? And that's what the internet did
Speaker 3: and NICKI was overwhelmingly number one.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's been nice. My life has changed. I haven't
Speaker 1: been out enough to really sense it. But it's just like,
Speaker 1: you know, even being at the comedy store last night
Speaker 1: and Netflix's a joke as festivals happening in town, and
Speaker 1: there's so many comedians in town, and it's.
Speaker 2: Just like it's been so sweet. Everyone is just so.
Speaker 1: I've never done something where when someone sees me they
Speaker 1: just start going and they like, come on, bring it
Speaker 1: in for a hug, and they just start get they
Speaker 1: go amazing, amazing, like we don't even know, we're not
Speaker 1: even they don't even have to say what it is.
Speaker 1: It's literally every single person and they're even going, I
Speaker 1: don't have to tell you, You've heard it a million times.
Speaker 1: I've gotten more text messages than I've ever had anything
Speaker 1: in my life. I mean, I mean, this is unprecedented.
Speaker 1: I'm the luckiest woman in the world. I really, I
Speaker 1: think I'm the luckiest person in the world this week
Speaker 1: because everyone is an agreement that I did great. No,
Speaker 1: there's no criticism there, which is usually whenever there's like
Speaker 1: even Taylor Swift released her album, She's on top of
Speaker 1: the world, but there's like so many critics, Like no
Speaker 1: one's weighing negatively on this yet, there is just it's
Speaker 1: only trace now one point is it too?
Speaker 3: One point too? Oh?
Speaker 2: I just got to one point two.
Speaker 1: Yeah, after two hundred thousand followers in.
Speaker 3: Two days happened, It'll happen to two Mandelas is coming.
Speaker 3: Holy shit, we got to scratch the surface of the
Speaker 3: whatever is going to come out of this. I mean,
Speaker 3: who knows you might get an HBO special after this?
Speaker 1: Well, who knows I might be having an HBO special
Speaker 1: come out this Saturday, which is like.
Speaker 3: That fast, that's how successful.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well dude, everyone, even Kimmel last night was like
Speaker 1: did you plan this? And I'm like, no, it is coincidental. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like I remember HBO not being that thrilled that I
Speaker 1: was going to be doing the roast this week when
Speaker 1: they found out, and vice versa. Netflix is like, really,
Speaker 1: you have an HBO special? Like both were kind of
Speaker 1: like yeah, I said on a podcast it was like.
Speaker 2: This week was like I'm.
Speaker 1: Fucking two different guys and it's fine because it's like
Speaker 1: all legal that I'm doing it, Like we're not exclusive
Speaker 1: with each other. But they went to the same party
Speaker 1: and now I have to like dance with both of them.
Speaker 3: And it's somehow each one of their dicks has made
Speaker 3: them like, I can't think of a good analogy, like
Speaker 3: they're they're coming more because you suck them both.
Speaker 1: Yes, somehow HBO is gonna come more and Netflix, and
Speaker 1: I think HBO is coming more off of the hbos.
Speaker 3: HBO is your husband and Netflix was the fuck boy
Speaker 3: that you you plowed on the weekend.
Speaker 1: That made me feel like a woman again and like
Speaker 1: made me really feel like confident and hot leading into
Speaker 1: it and back to your husband him up so hard,
Speaker 1: so hard. Yeah, all eyes are going to be on
Speaker 1: the HBO special U this Saturday.
Speaker 2: I hope yours are on it as well. You guys.
Speaker 1: Someday You'll Die And then my title track, Someday You'll
Speaker 1: Die will be on Spotify. I think tomorrow, maybe today
Speaker 1: because this episode comes out Thursday, so check on Spotify iTunes.
Speaker 1: Someday You'll Die my first single ever, which is so
Speaker 1: exciting and fun and and you, guys, I talk to
Speaker 1: you about the process of writing it, so you you're
Speaker 1: all squared in on that, but it really is. I can't.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm living a dream. I am Taylor
Speaker 1: Swift for a couple days. My face is literally everywhere
Speaker 1: people are this sounds like I'm bragging, but it's just
Speaker 1: the truth.
Speaker 2: I'm not, I promise I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'm I really am not letting it get to my
Speaker 1: head at all, in fact, and I feel really proud
Speaker 1: of myself for not being like I'm just I like it.
Speaker 1: It's gonna go away at some point. I know that,
Speaker 1: so I'm not letting in too much. But you couldn't
Speaker 1: open your phone without my face popping up. I felt
Speaker 1: like Taylor Swift, Like that's what Taylor Swift's life is like.
Speaker 1: She's not safe anywhere without someone with an earshot talking
Speaker 1: about her. Like I'm passing by people in the street
Speaker 1: they're talking about the roast. I'm everywhere. I'm getting so
Speaker 1: many texts about I was at the hairdresser today. They
Speaker 1: were talking about it. I heard a guy on his
Speaker 1: phone talking about it. They were talking about on the
Speaker 1: radio show. My therapist, I was with you I had
Speaker 1: a obsession with yesterday and she was like, I don't
Speaker 1: usually say this, but I couldn't avoid it. I was
Speaker 1: in the car with my husband. He was listening to
Speaker 1: the Dan Patrick Show or whatever. Some kind of a
Speaker 1: part in the eruption, not part of the rich one
Speaker 1: of those shows, and she was like and they were talking,
Speaker 1: they said your name, and he has no idea I
Speaker 1: even am your therapist. And I had to just like
Speaker 1: keep my mouth shut. And I'm like, no, tell him.
Speaker 2: Like, that's that's my girl.
Speaker 3: I do that all the time today. Huh what your
Speaker 3: old therapist would do? I wonder what she would do.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's not that big of a deal, No, Nikki's
Speaker 1: it's just oh, it'll come and go. It's like, this
Speaker 1: isn't She's no different than anyone else. She's not better
Speaker 1: than anyone else. She's not you're You're not worse than
Speaker 1: anyone else. You're the same as the homelest man on
Speaker 1: the street. Like she would just like diminish it as
Speaker 1: like it'll go away. Like she would be like the
Speaker 1: person you know, my inner critic.
Speaker 2: That is a voice.
Speaker 3: You do not need to amplify that voice. You have
Speaker 3: enough of that in your own head.
Speaker 2: I really do. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: Maybe she put it there, I don't know, but but yeah,
Speaker 1: it was like, it's just I'm just going to the
Speaker 1: store last night. There is a vibe, I will say,
Speaker 1: of people that were never nice to me being nice
Speaker 1: to me now that kind of like would not me
Speaker 1: and now.
Speaker 2: They're like girl rubbing my arm gently?
Speaker 3: Do I you can't say who they are. You can't
Speaker 3: say who they are.
Speaker 2: No, I wouldn't say who they are.
Speaker 1: But it's but it's not a ton of that, like
Speaker 1: I will say, it's just what I'm really touched by
Speaker 1: more than anything is the female empowerment that I'm feeling.
Speaker 1: Like I feel like women are not jealous, Like there
Speaker 1: is a vibe when you kill it and women are
Speaker 1: you know, just they're like good job, Like there's like
Speaker 1: this like like yeah, girl, you said what we want
Speaker 1: to fuck? It's like you there was like a women
Speaker 1: empowerment thing to it that I didn't plan on, and
Speaker 1: that has felt really special that women are just like
Speaker 1: psyched for me, like there's not a jealousy about it,
Speaker 1: which I don't know that if I could, I think
Speaker 1: I would be very jealous of me this week if
Speaker 1: I was, of.
Speaker 3: Course, because I mean if it's something else maybe, but
Speaker 3: if it was a roast and.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's true, I don't know. I just was.
Speaker 1: I just feel I feel so like special and like
Speaker 1: like and you know what a lot of people have
Speaker 1: just acknowledged the whole hard work that went into it,
Speaker 1: which is really what I am proud of as well,
Speaker 1: Like I just did the I made the right decisions,
Speaker 1: I had the right delivery, did the right timing, I
Speaker 1: hired the right people to help me. Like it was just, uh,
Speaker 1: I'm taking I'm taking credit for that.
Speaker 3: I am, And I also want you to take credit
Speaker 3: for your performance, because yeah, the same person, a different person,
Speaker 3: with the same exact jokes would not have crushed as
Speaker 3: hard as you did. You delivered those jokes x professionally expertly.
Speaker 3: It wasn't just even if like Tony Hinchcliffe, who had
Speaker 3: an amazing set made see if he had the same
Speaker 3: jokes as you, it wouldn't have gotten the same pop
Speaker 3: because you added this like emotional response to each of
Speaker 3: your jokes, like you would smile, Like when Kevin stood
Speaker 3: up and gave you a standing elevation after you said
Speaker 3: he got five pounds of common him, you paused, then
Speaker 3: you said, oh, thank you for you know, laughing at that,
Speaker 3: and you smiled and laughed at him. And uh, there
Speaker 3: were a few times where you would have these like
Speaker 3: after you would tell your joke, you would have just
Speaker 3: a line of like, oh my god, I can't believe
Speaker 3: I said that, or it's true. And that's that's why
Speaker 3: you were so successful, is because of that delivery really
Speaker 3: connected with the audience on like more than just you
Speaker 3: were a true star performing this piece and it connected
Speaker 3: with us on an emotional level. Whereas Tony's stuff was
Speaker 3: I think just as good writing wise, but he's like
Speaker 3: a deadpan delivery and so that on an emotional level totally.
Speaker 2: So it's just a different style. But yeah, I ran
Speaker 2: into him last night.
Speaker 1: He's also we're both like we will said to each other,
Speaker 1: like we are the only two people that understand what
Speaker 1: this is, what we're going through right now, because he's
Speaker 1: having a big pop too this week, Like it's his
Speaker 1: name is on the fucking map after what he did,
Speaker 1: and so he was.
Speaker 3: Already on the map, but now even more.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, like even like you, he was on a
Speaker 1: map in a way, and now it's it's a more
Speaker 1: that's a bigger wrap, a bigger map. I just saw
Speaker 1: the word wrap and speaking of rap, let's go to
Speaker 1: let's wrap this up and go to commercial and we'll
Speaker 1: be back right up with this with just more of everything.
Speaker 2: All right, we're back.
Speaker 1: I woke up this morning to Andrew Collins sent me
Speaker 1: a clip from New Heights, you know, the Travis Kelsey
Speaker 1: Jason Kelse podcast. Yeah, and they said, Travis Kelsey said,
Speaker 1: Nicki Glazers fucking hilarious. If I ever do a roast,
Speaker 1: Nicky's gotta be there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I couldn't have.
Speaker 1: If I would have written a script for him to read,
Speaker 1: it couldn't have been better. Like there was like some
Speaker 1: mention about him doing the roast, like we were just
Speaker 1: kind of all riffing. Some people involved with the roast
Speaker 1: were riffing like oh my god, if he would be next,
Speaker 1: that would be amazing, And I.
Speaker 2: Go, please, please, God, I have to do that one.
Speaker 1: And everyone's just like yeah, of course. Like I'm like, really,
Speaker 1: you will let me. I would be so sad to not.
Speaker 3: But no, there cannot be a roast without Nicki Glazer
Speaker 3: in it.
Speaker 2: I helped that go so fun. It was so fun
Speaker 2: this time. It did not kill me.
Speaker 3: No, you said time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had the best time preparing for it. There
Speaker 1: were there was maybe like maybe a twenty minute altogether
Speaker 1: chunk of me feeling like, oh my god, is this
Speaker 1: gonna be okay? But I didn't really like have a
Speaker 1: breakdown like I've had in the past where I was
Speaker 1: really like I just remember being spraytnd and dripping like
Speaker 1: sweat and spraytand naked, being like I need to go
Speaker 1: to this event, but I'm not ready for the roast,
Speaker 1: like I remember, just like having meltdowns all the time
Speaker 1: leading up to the Rose, feeling it wasn't gonna be
Speaker 1: good enough, it's not tight enough. And this time I
Speaker 1: was just like, it's gonna it's gonna work, It's gonna
Speaker 1: be okay, and it was, and really just not letting
Speaker 1: Oh there was Oh, there was a thing that happened.
Speaker 2: What had happened?
Speaker 1: Oh okay, So I did this weird OCD superstitious thing
Speaker 1: that I'm so glad didn't happen. But I was trying
Speaker 1: to remember the lyrics to this new tailor So song
Speaker 1: Guilty as Sin, and I said, if you can't remember
Speaker 1: this one lyric, that's just like on the it's like
Speaker 1: on the tip of your tongue. If you can't remember
Speaker 1: it before you're gonna play the song. If you can't
Speaker 1: remember the lyric before she gets the lyric, then you
Speaker 1: will not do great at.
Speaker 2: The tomb reef Roast. It just would. It just entered
Speaker 2: my head.
Speaker 1: And once it enters my head, I lock into that
Speaker 1: agreement with God, like I can't go no, that's a
Speaker 1: dumb one and you can't live up to that. And
Speaker 1: You're like, it just was what that was written in stone.
Speaker 1: And so I'm in the shower. It's playing and it
Speaker 1: was like uh and I got to h top lip
Speaker 1: kiss slip in them, like I kept saying, like the
Speaker 1: sloppy the top slip kiss. I couldn't think of the
Speaker 1: dun dun dun dun dud duh. I couldn't remember it.
Speaker 1: But it's like how I long for artists and I
Speaker 1: couldn't figure it out. So I'm in the shower and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, no, it's done. I had to learn
Speaker 1: the lyric from Taylor that means that is said in Stone,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do as well as I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: on the roast. And then I just said to myself,
Speaker 1: this is so dumb and this is not true.
Speaker 2: It's just not true.
Speaker 1: That was like a dumb little thing that I did,
Speaker 1: a little that was only me that has no power
Speaker 1: in the world. Like I was able to overcome this,
Speaker 1: like OCD set in stone. Now because you didn't do
Speaker 1: the thing that you said you were gonna do, the
Speaker 1: world things are gonna fall apart and you failed yourself,
Speaker 1: and that I so often follow and it worked out
Speaker 1: fine and it wasn't true. So if you are someone
Speaker 1: that has OCD that thinks if I don't touch this
Speaker 1: door knob, if I don't knock on this thing, if
Speaker 1: I like, it's very possible that that has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with how your life's going to go at all,
Speaker 1: because I proved it to myself because this was one
Speaker 1: of those one hundred percent If you don't come up
Speaker 1: with this lyric in time, things aren't gonna go well
Speaker 1: and they couldn't have gone better. So I'm I'm proof
Speaker 1: positive that OCD is in It's not real, yes, and
Speaker 1: not that that helps anyone, but like, just try to
Speaker 1: get through the pain of thinking, maybe this is set
Speaker 1: in stone, but also maybe that is just so make
Speaker 1: believe and not a real thing.
Speaker 2: I think people can.
Speaker 1: Relate to that of like making these little I think
Speaker 1: it's OCD challenges for yourself.
Speaker 3: You know, it's an aspect of it, probably.
Speaker 1: But I think it's I've been doing it since I
Speaker 1: was a kid of like, if you can't get to
Speaker 1: the porch, run to the porch from the mailbox in
Speaker 1: point in three seconds, yep, then your.
Speaker 2: Mom will die. Yeah, kind of things. And then I
Speaker 2: just start walking.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't even go home. I have. I just
Speaker 3: wanted to show people, for the YouTube viewers who can
Speaker 3: see that, I have the cookies from the roast, right
Speaker 3: from the after party, and I thought it would be
Speaker 3: good to show them. You know, we were talking about
Speaker 3: the cookies yesterday.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there was one with his head on it too.
Speaker 3: They have to make these by hand. This was not
Speaker 3: a machine. This. Can you imagine how many having to
Speaker 3: do that?
Speaker 2: Do you think one person did it?
Speaker 1: Or someone was like I got the top, I'm the white,
Speaker 1: the white frosting, I'm the red frosting, and you pass
Speaker 1: it down.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that one's pretty interest.
Speaker 3: My favorite one, the goat with the twelve on it.
Speaker 1: Oh it's a goat. I thought it was a jersey
Speaker 1: because mine. We're all crumbled and I don't pay attention
Speaker 1: to detail.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then this one's just a little odd.
Speaker 2: The oh yeah, his face.
Speaker 3: No eyes, no nose, What the hell?
Speaker 1: I think the those the eye frosting person took off
Speaker 1: that day called in sick. Yeah, that was a little
Speaker 1: like the fact that they didn't have ice. I bet
Speaker 1: they tried with eyes and they were like it's too
Speaker 1: creepy or they were like, it looks more human than
Speaker 1: he does, and so we can't have Yeah, yeah, but
Speaker 1: uh yeah, some thought.
Speaker 3: That Julian Edelman, Uh the joke we had a funny
Speaker 3: discussion about. We were just we wanted to call we
Speaker 3: wanted to point out a squinty eyes. And at first
Speaker 3: it kind of went in waves where at first we
Speaker 3: were like, we he doesn't even have squinty eyes, and
Speaker 3: then we look at pictures of him and you'd have
Speaker 3: squinty eyes like when he was outside, and we're like,
Speaker 3: maybe he's just squinting because he's in the sun, but
Speaker 3: whenever he's inside. But no, at the roast, his eyes
Speaker 3: are fu I saw him in person, his eyes are squinty.
Speaker 2: He's a beautiful man.
Speaker 3: He's a beautiful man, and so Randy Moss is a man.
Speaker 2: There were so many beautiful men.
Speaker 1: Yes, I thought I thought Zach Effron was supposed to
Speaker 1: be there and dropped out of the last second.
Speaker 2: And then and I love Zac Effron.
Speaker 1: And it's been like a funny joke between me and
Speaker 1: Chris that I have this like crush on zac Effron,
Speaker 1: and you know, so when I found out he was
Speaker 1: gonna be on the roast, I held up the sign.
Speaker 1: Chris was at my rehearsal and I held up this.
Speaker 1: I turned, I saw it out in the chair and
Speaker 1: I go Chris, like it's gonna be here, and we
Speaker 1: were laughing about it, but then he dropped out. I'm
Speaker 1: like and Chris was like, oh, so good to me,
Speaker 1: and I was like, damn it. And then we're backstage
Speaker 1: and I saw who I saw, Danny Amandola Ya.
Speaker 2: I didn't know like I didn't. I don't know who
Speaker 2: that is.
Speaker 1: I know that name very well, and I remember being like, oh,
Speaker 1: he's a hot guy. Like I remember clocking that, but
Speaker 1: I didn't.
Speaker 2: I thought he was Zach.
Speaker 1: I go, zac Effron is here, and I said to Chris.
Speaker 1: I was like, he's right over there, and Chris is like,
Speaker 1: I don't see him. I'm like, he's the guy over there.
Speaker 1: He's kind of like kind of your I was like,
Speaker 1: he's like your height, babe, but he looked he looked
Speaker 1: like him. And then and then Chris, I don't want
Speaker 1: to Chris and Danny Amadola dated the same person, and
Speaker 1: then afterwards after the show, they both had a moment
Speaker 1: where they talked about it, and I think Danny and
Speaker 1: Amadola told Chris that they were Eskimo brothers.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that's and.
Speaker 2: I was like, do you want to be Eskimo brothers again?
Speaker 3: Hey, he's great.
Speaker 1: Do you want to be Eskimo twins? Add another brother?
Speaker 1: Yeah he is.
Speaker 2: He great.
Speaker 3: He's the same position as Julian Edelman. It's just a
Speaker 3: funny coincidence. There's not a lot of white wide receivers
Speaker 3: that are successful in the NFL, and Tom Brady has
Speaker 3: thrown to three of the most successful white wide receivers
Speaker 3: in NFL history, probably at least in the That's.
Speaker 2: A good area for us to go to for this rest.
Speaker 1: Like, oh, I didn't really understand that, Like that was
Speaker 1: touched on a lot that there's no like the Brandy
Speaker 1: Mussel is the only black guy there on the day,
Speaker 1: or like the black football player. But yeah, I just uh,
Speaker 1: doing so many I had already booked so many podcasts
Speaker 1: and pressed things this week because of the special, but
Speaker 1: now they're like piling up even more because of the
Speaker 1: roast and like things are coming in again. It's good
Speaker 1: for these special but I'm talking it's so funny. They're like,
Speaker 1: let's talk about the rostro shows. Okay, now, let's get
Speaker 1: to your special when we have one second left, which
Speaker 1: is fine because it will all.
Speaker 3: Be okay, all feed into each other, it do. I
Speaker 3: do want to point out two things that you were
Speaker 3: mentioned on that were really like, really made me happy.
Speaker 3: One of them was the Pat McAfee show. They talked
Speaker 3: about you. We saw Pat McAfee when we were at
Speaker 3: the Super Bowl radio row and I tried to get
Speaker 3: a picture with him in the background. Across the board
Speaker 3: all agree that you were the best one. And Pat
Speaker 3: McAfee punter of the Colts. He's, you know, probably the
Speaker 3: most famous sports broadcaster right now, and they also punter.
Speaker 3: He was a punter, the coolest position I think nowadays.
Speaker 2: Oh cool. I didn't know he played I'm this how out.
Speaker 3: Of it punter for the Colts. Pat mcas you.
Speaker 2: Know him as a broadcaster, Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and yeah they were. It was just cool to
Speaker 3: hear them talk about you. It was just like, oh my,
Speaker 3: It's like it would be like if you know Peyton
Speaker 3: and Eli on the Monday night football broadcast mentioned dude,
Speaker 3: it's like so cool for me to hear, and then
Speaker 3: I really loved that clip that you shared on the
Speaker 3: Rich Eisen Show with Todd Bowles, the coach of the Bucks.
Speaker 3: Now why this was so cool was because Todd Bowles,
Speaker 3: who's the coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, hadn't yet watched.
Speaker 2: The roast, hadn't seen it.
Speaker 3: Unbelievable, and rich Eisen had the pleasure of saying, well,
Speaker 3: you're in for a treat because she stole the show.
Speaker 1: I just like, I feel like my life is a
Speaker 1: simulation because everything that could happen is happening. Everything good,
Speaker 1: everything good that someone could say Kevin Hart coming up
Speaker 1: afterwards and telling everyone, I got a standing ovation, like
Speaker 1: people just like Travis Kelsey saying exactly the words that
Speaker 1: I would want him to say. That it's not too
Speaker 1: effusive or over the top. It's just like a perfect,
Speaker 1: like just mention that that that rich Eieson thing of like,
Speaker 1: well you're in for a treat, because she had the
Speaker 1: like these just things keep happening where I've just never
Speaker 1: done anything where it's just everyone is just saying the
Speaker 1: nicest things over and over. It's just it's just wild,
Speaker 1: and I'm so sad. It will never I'm like having
Speaker 1: this thing of like it. This won't ever happen again.
Speaker 2: It can't. This isn't a repeatable thing in the It just.
Speaker 3: Even if you do the next roast and you crush
Speaker 3: just as hard, people will just be like, yeah, that's NICKI.
Speaker 1: Of course that's what she does best. It will not
Speaker 1: be the same ever. Again, I've said it already. Unless
Speaker 1: I get slapped at the Oscars is the only way
Speaker 1: comedian will ever get talked about on this scale.
Speaker 2: Ever, I'm not joking you there.
Speaker 1: Slide in my DMS and tell me another way and
Speaker 1: don't be joking about it unless I die tragically, in
Speaker 1: which case I'll never be around to read it, or
Speaker 1: unless I get assaulted at the Oscars on stage. I'lla
Speaker 1: Chris Rock there. That's the only other time a comedian's
Speaker 1: talked about this much. Even Chris Rocks Lives Special wasn't
Speaker 1: talked about this much. The next day SNL, If I
Speaker 1: host SNL and have the most amazing monologue that's ever
Speaker 1: been had on the SNL, it will not get Can
Speaker 1: you think of a most amazing monologue that's been talked
Speaker 1: about the next day. I mean, there have been monologues
Speaker 1: that are the you know, incredible that aren't being discussed
Speaker 1: on this level.
Speaker 2: There isn't there isn't this much attention on comedy.
Speaker 3: Problem a few people. You probably have to murder a
Speaker 3: few people.
Speaker 2: I have to.
Speaker 1: Bob Saget was talked about this much the day he died, like,
Speaker 1: if you die tragically young, you will get talked about.
Speaker 1: Your face will be everywhere in this way. Or if
Speaker 1: you get something horrible happens to you.
Speaker 3: The good news is someday you'll die.
Speaker 2: So oh my god, it all comes back around.
Speaker 3: I'm doing a boom thing with my hand.
Speaker 2: If you're not watching, that's so true.
Speaker 3: So I do want to talk about your on Kimmel
Speaker 3: and I watched that and you're on Stern, Yeah, and
Speaker 3: I thought it was I love that your tradition is
Speaker 3: to go on Stern after a roast and then reveal
Speaker 3: the jokes that you did not tell.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wish I would have told more.
Speaker 1: Document was so jumbled that I didn't put the best
Speaker 1: ones at top, and so I was kind of just
Speaker 1: I thought I would have time to scroll, but I just.
Speaker 2: Didn't, So I'm to be honest.
Speaker 1: With you, I'm very upset with myself and not really
Speaker 1: letting myself off the hook for like all the jokes
Speaker 1: that I didn't tell him that I should have.
Speaker 3: Well, it was still good. It was still good to
Speaker 3: see you on there, and and and what I appreciated
Speaker 3: about the Stern stuff was online with all the clips
Speaker 3: that were posted, the comments. You know, his his audience
Speaker 3: is probably like fifty year old men, right, yeah, and women, yeah,
Speaker 3: and women. The comments were all like, so happy to
Speaker 3: see you know, Nicki Glazer is a Stern product or whatever.
Speaker 3: They take away the ship over you, and they all
Speaker 3: love they should yes, and they all love that Nikki
Speaker 3: is just watching watching you crushes another.
Speaker 2: That's so cute.
Speaker 1: Yes, God, because I you know, Stern is my favorite
Speaker 1: thing that I do up there with Conan Kimmel is
Speaker 1: up there now too, because he's just iconic and so
Speaker 1: nice and but there are certain things you do in
Speaker 1: your career that you're like, I always want to do
Speaker 1: that in Stern, I think is like, you know, always
Speaker 1: been my favorite person. I moved to New York to
Speaker 1: even be to do my serious show in New York,
Speaker 1: so I could be in the same building as Stern.
Speaker 1: I didn't have to do it there. I was supposed
Speaker 1: to do it in LA And I was like, guys,
Speaker 1: can I move to New York? Would I still be
Speaker 1: able to.
Speaker 2: Do it there?
Speaker 1: And they were like okay, And but I was It
Speaker 1: was really all to just get close to Stern and
Speaker 1: to get in that world. And I was able to
Speaker 1: get in that world, not by like being manipulative or
Speaker 1: like doing any I just was like I became friends
Speaker 1: with people from his show, and I never you guys
Speaker 1: know me. I never want someone to have me who
Speaker 1: doesn't actually want me. So like I wasn't like you
Speaker 1: need to have me on Can I be on? They
Speaker 1: just like it naturally led to that it over the
Speaker 1: course of a really long time and then and I
Speaker 1: still like will do anything for them, Like yes, they've
Speaker 1: had me on it for these kind of serious interviews twice.
Speaker 1: But I also judge Penis competitions. I will like simulate
Speaker 1: a blowjob with one of their whack packers. They call
Speaker 1: me up sometimes and they're like, can you just do
Speaker 1: this voiceover where you're like giving fillatio to Mark the Bagger,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, sure, you know I'm doing I'm doing
Speaker 1: Conan's podcast in a second.
Speaker 2: But let me just step off into.
Speaker 1: This alley and be like, oh, Mark, like I will
Speaker 1: give them anything, Like I'm a whore for Howard Stern,
Speaker 1: much like I was a write a sippy and I
Speaker 1: would do anything.
Speaker 2: So that was really nice too. That's nice. I don't
Speaker 2: read any comments, so that's nice to hear that they
Speaker 2: were saying that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And then on Kimmel, I really like that you
Speaker 3: got to say the artificial intelligence joke, yeah, which we
Speaker 3: cut mirror seconds set before you went out there. Yes,
Speaker 3: it was like that was the last one out, and.
Speaker 1: Our decision to cut that was that Tom Brady wasn't
Speaker 1: being set up as like an idiot, you know, like
Speaker 1: we weren't proving that thesis like a lot of these jokes,
Speaker 1: Like I think a lot of people who don't get it,
Speaker 1: and I've worked with some like you know, writers who
Speaker 1: are just not who just write amazing jokes, but they
Speaker 1: don't understand the structure of a set. Will be like,
Speaker 1: well this is the best joke, and I go, well,
Speaker 1: that is the best joke, but you don't understand. We
Speaker 1: haven't set up that he is dumb. And so it
Speaker 1: isn't the best joke. We need in order for a
Speaker 1: joke about his you know, him being like AI, but
Speaker 1: without the intelligence for that to work, we need to
Speaker 1: give some kind of and I know you think that
Speaker 1: they that you don't need that, but it would work
Speaker 1: so much better if you just lay the foundation. There's
Speaker 1: there is an art to it, like of setting the
Speaker 1: stage subconsciously so people are ready for that joke to
Speaker 1: hit in a different way. And you can't just like
Speaker 1: shoot just because a joke is just great, Nikki, just
Speaker 1: do a joke about like I think some people proatroth
Speaker 1: set where they're just like, let me just stack the
Speaker 1: best jokes. Just grab all the best jokes and just
Speaker 1: stack them. That does not work. That will not even
Speaker 1: if you have jokes that are all better than mine.
Speaker 1: Let's say all of my jokes are nines, and you
Speaker 1: get a bunch of tens in there, and you just
Speaker 1: stack them on top of each other and buy each individually.
Speaker 1: They are better than each other than all of my jokes,
Speaker 1: literally better. Anyone would rate them better. It will not
Speaker 1: be a better set than one that I've used with
Speaker 1: less good jokes that I have structured in order for
Speaker 1: those jokes to actually sing as it will never be
Speaker 1: as good. It's a and you wouldn't you wouldn't think
Speaker 1: that way, And I didn't think that way. If you
Speaker 1: look back earlier Rose sets of mine, there was the
Speaker 1: glimmer of me trying to pull a narrative into it
Speaker 1: and find a perspective. But I was more a back
Speaker 1: stacking jokes earlier on. And now it's like, what do
Speaker 1: I want to say? How do I actually feel about
Speaker 1: this person? How do I get the audience to understand
Speaker 1: how I feel about this person? Okay, yeah, I want
Speaker 1: to say that Tom was on my fantasy team and
Speaker 1: I my clip has CT now and that I would
Speaker 1: shoot my boyfriend in the fucking face to you know,
Speaker 1: have him. I need to set up though, that he's
Speaker 1: so hot that it's not a doesn't make sense. How
Speaker 1: do we communicate that, Well, there's not really a joke
Speaker 1: to do that. Why don't you just say he's hot?
Speaker 1: Why don't you just literally have a real moment of
Speaker 1: you're so hot. I shouldn't even be talking to you
Speaker 1: like that really will convey that. It doesn't take a
Speaker 1: lot of time. It's okay that it's not a punchline
Speaker 1: that will set the stage for all this.
Speaker 2: Boom boom boom boom boom.
Speaker 1: Without that, it's out of the fucking blue that you
Speaker 1: want to fuck him. And yes, it's still funny, but
Speaker 1: it doesn't have precedent like you need it needs for play,
Speaker 1: and I think people don't understand that sometimes for play
Speaker 1: for a joke is is it's subconscious stuff Like I
Speaker 1: talked about it before with the seat to E joke,
Speaker 1: Like subconsciously you lay a foundation and then you build
Speaker 1: upon that, and that's why stuff can be so much
Speaker 1: funnier than you would think it ever would be.
Speaker 2: There is an art to it, and I.
Speaker 1: Just I just know, though I don't know if I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry if I'm repeating myself on this. I know
Speaker 1: that I am because I've done so many different podcasts
Speaker 1: and you guys know that I love you the most,
Speaker 1: But that I was thinking about, how you know, did
Speaker 1: I talk about that it took a month of it
Speaker 1: took two weeks of extreme hard foot laser focus work
Speaker 1: to perfect this, and then let's add on a month
Speaker 1: before that of.
Speaker 3: Still just collect for that month of yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: But that's how long it took to get six minutes.
Speaker 1: Right, So if I want to do an hour special
Speaker 1: that has this much precision, I have to work ten.
Speaker 2: That's time six times ten. I have to work ten.
Speaker 1: I have to work probably a year and a month,
Speaker 1: thirteen months.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would add just because.
Speaker 1: A year and a half of like every chunk being that,
Speaker 1: And it's I don't know if I'd have that in
Speaker 1: me because I am so tired at the end of this,
Speaker 1: like it really is. It's you can't compare the six
Speaker 1: minute set to a special like because it's just it
Speaker 1: would almost be I'm going to attempt it at some
Speaker 1: point to do a special that is that tight. But
Speaker 1: also it's not the nature of a special special. It
Speaker 1: is more conversation. It has more ebbs and flows. There's
Speaker 1: more time for it to breathe that you're telling a
Speaker 1: you're weaving.
Speaker 2: A narrative that is like longer. But I've been perfecting
Speaker 2: this style.
Speaker 1: I realized from the get go, Like I my first
Speaker 1: Tonight show out of the gate was like, I've always
Speaker 1: been good at late night sets. I've always been good
Speaker 1: at putting together tiny tight sets, always been good at
Speaker 1: doing panel and panels a little differently. Panel is when
Speaker 1: you sit on a couch on a talk show like
Speaker 1: with Jimmy Kimmel, Like I had so many jokes prepared,
Speaker 1: but then the conversation can steer away. It's not like
Speaker 1: I have control over I'm going to do this joke,
Speaker 1: and then this joke and this show, this conversation goes
Speaker 1: different places. So you know, obviously I was spial spiling
Speaker 1: out last night, being like, oh my god, I didn't
Speaker 1: do this or this. I had so many plans, Like
Speaker 1: I printed up a bunch of jokes that were written
Speaker 1: about me that I paid people to write for me,
Speaker 1: because I thought it'd be funny to go like, okay,
Speaker 1: you know, I went hard on Tom and everyone. But
Speaker 1: it didn't really. I didn't get the brunt of many jokes.
Speaker 1: So actually, why don't we take a break right now,
Speaker 1: and then when we come back, I'll read to you, Brian,
Speaker 1: some of the jokes that were written about me, and
Speaker 1: we'll talk about how they make me feel inside.
Speaker 2: Oh, it looks like I just got asked to do
Speaker 2: a some panel.
Speaker 1: I just said that I was good at panel, and
Speaker 1: another panel opportunity came up. I don't want to say
Speaker 1: who it is, but it's on the East coast and
Speaker 1: that'll be very fun.
Speaker 2: Okay, so these are some of the jokes that can
Speaker 2: Oh you got it?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 1: I wrote to the head writer, Mike Gibbons Yester I
Speaker 1: was doing Kimmel and I was like, oh, that's a
Speaker 1: funny ideas. Just instead of reading roast jokes that I
Speaker 1: didn't do, I'll read jokes that weren't that weren't done
Speaker 1: about me. And I kind of regret asking for them
Speaker 1: because it was just so it was a little some
Speaker 1: of them hurt my feelings and I really am not
Speaker 1: gonna read the ones that are really really mean because
Speaker 1: I don't even want people to think these things about me,
Speaker 1: because some of them were like, oh I see in
Speaker 1: my this in myself. Uh okay, so this is this
Speaker 1: is like jokes that Kevin Hart could have done. Hey, Nikki,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna mess with you, girl, because you've worked
Speaker 1: hard and you deserve to be here. Plus how many
Speaker 1: she's a beaky blonde who wrote a parade of dicks
Speaker 1: to get to the middle jokes?
Speaker 2: Are there?
Speaker 1: I like, beaky blonde? That would have been fun for
Speaker 1: whoever wrote that. Shout out to the Writer's Roast Writer's
Speaker 1: Room there were so many great comics on it. I
Speaker 1: can't even begin to list you all. Benji Aflalo, Nicole Buchannan,
Speaker 1: Ben Hoffman Sorry he had used to have a showing
Speaker 1: conge Central.
Speaker 2: He's so funny, Mike.
Speaker 1: Lawrence, Kevin sheeney mm hmm, Sarah Tiana, and there's so
Speaker 1: many more.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm forgetting all of you. I really apologize.
Speaker 1: If you hear this and you're like, why didn't she
Speaker 1: say me, I'm fucking sorry.
Speaker 3: And these are the writers for the roast. So they
Speaker 3: were riding this stuff for all the football players. They
Speaker 3: were making sure for the.
Speaker 1: For the comedians as well, Like they they gave me up.
Speaker 1: They were definitely handing me jokes. When I would ask
Speaker 1: for him, I'd be like, oh, I need let's let's
Speaker 1: look at this angle. And then they would send a
Speaker 1: sheet of stuff, so they were yes. So every roast
Speaker 1: hires a team of writers for the show. So they're
Speaker 1: writing Kevin's, they're writing everyone's stuff. So if you go,
Speaker 1: you can literally show up empty handed and they will
Speaker 1: have great jokes for you. But you know that's not
Speaker 1: how the comedians approach it. The comedians all also write
Speaker 1: their own jokes and have their own kind of groups
Speaker 1: of people if you're doing it right. In my opinion,
Speaker 1: Kevin is still sore from riding Nikki here tonight. That's
Speaker 1: like me looking like a horse. Okay, Nikki, I'm not
Speaker 1: saying you look like a horse, but clearly you are broken.
Speaker 2: I like that because you break in horses. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I kind of didn't get them for a second. Nicki
Speaker 1: is Jewish, that's just the joke.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 1: They did think I was Jewish, though, which is always
Speaker 1: a compliment. I'm not, though, Nicki's Jewish, which means Palestinians
Speaker 1: can hate her as much as Hollywood does. I couldn't
Speaker 1: decide whether Hollywood likes me, and everyone's mad about it
Speaker 1: because Tony Hinchcliff had a joke where like shoving Nicky,
Speaker 1: yeah they're Nikki is Hollywood shoving Nikki down our throats
Speaker 1: like she does her hand after every meal, And.
Speaker 3: So I couldn't.
Speaker 1: I was flattered by that. I was like, oh, Tony
Speaker 1: thinks that, Like I'm in a lot of stuff.
Speaker 3: That's not. One of my My favorite Tony Hinchcliff joke,
Speaker 3: which there were many, was Jeff Ross is such a
Speaker 3: big jew that he watches football just for the coin toss.
Speaker 2: Incredible.
Speaker 3: I love that one.
Speaker 2: Incredible.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he had so many great ones. Ye well,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of one on my wait, what
Speaker 1: is what was one of he said that I fucking
Speaker 1: loved so much.
Speaker 2: I don't have it listed here, but some more were.
Speaker 1: NICKI think you were taking time off making the breisas
Speaker 1: at Starbucks. Miserable to be here tonight? You know a
Speaker 1: Karen joke?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll take it, sure, guilty. And I actually am
Speaker 3: very nice of an enigma here in these days, because
Speaker 3: you know, back when you were in your twenties or whatever,
Speaker 3: whenever you did your first roast, it was like easy
Speaker 3: to say slut or whatever, and now you're you're like
Speaker 3: a little bit more nebulous than that. Like it's kind
Speaker 3: of like a lot of the stuff that was said
Speaker 3: was not correct, and the stuff that wasn't correct that
Speaker 3: doesn't ring true doesn't get as big of a laugh.
Speaker 3: And so it's like, what do you make fun of, Nicky?
Speaker 2: For you look like Brittany mahome wrecker?
Speaker 1: I thought maybe Brittany Homely would be better. Showtime is
Speaker 1: paying Nikki to do a special on HBO.
Speaker 3: That's pretty funny.
Speaker 1: As a true beat to Taylor Swift. Here is a
Speaker 1: blonde to take attention away from football.
Speaker 2: That's good.
Speaker 1: I really liked that one ever Ever, being compared to
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift, I'll take it. Nobody could have sex as
Speaker 1: much as Nicky claims, especially not with her.
Speaker 2: Oh man, that makes me sad.
Speaker 1: NICKI looks like a trophy wife in the xfl Uh huh,
Speaker 1: let's see, NICKI looks like Nicole Brown sim Simpson. Thank
Speaker 1: you very much with an unlimited Sephora budget. Okay, I
Speaker 1: think that means like I'm not as pretty as her,
Speaker 1: so I've stepped it up with makeup, which I'll listen.
Speaker 2: I agree with you. Sam j and Nicki Glazer are here.
Speaker 1: It's so nice to see two totally different eating disorders
Speaker 1: come together.
Speaker 2: I like that I got a lot of eating.
Speaker 1: Disorder jokes, which was really I was flattered by, Thank
Speaker 1: you so much. But then I did I talk about
Speaker 1: how I questioned whether or not it was like, does
Speaker 1: it mean that I fluctuate too much? And people have
Speaker 1: noticed like I go up and down? So I even
Speaker 1: took it as a fat joke, even though I think
Speaker 1: it was because they were saying I was so skinny.
Speaker 1: I was like, maybe it's a fat joke of saying
Speaker 1: I'm too fat.
Speaker 3: Sometimes, what you've talked about having an eating disorder, you know.
Speaker 2: All the time everywhere.
Speaker 3: Yeh.
Speaker 1: The problem is is like I know that I'm going
Speaker 1: to people are gonna start making fun of me for like,
Speaker 1: we get it, you had an eating disorder.
Speaker 2: But when people ask me how I got.
Speaker 1: Into stand up, I can't not It's like it would
Speaker 1: be like saying, it's just part of the story. It's
Speaker 1: it's I don't even want to talk about it, but
Speaker 1: it is the only reason I did stand up. It
Speaker 1: is part of my origin story. So I just I
Speaker 1: don't know how to stop. I'm just trying to say
Speaker 1: more flippantly, like, oh, I was dying of anorexia, so
Speaker 1: I did. Like I'm not trying to be like, this
Speaker 1: is my story. I think I'm so cool because I
Speaker 1: have this tragic story. It just is the story. So
Speaker 1: it's it's I know that I'm going to get roasted
Speaker 1: for uh in certain circles for like we get it, Nikki.
Speaker 3: Marvel Superhero, You're right, syphilis and there, Nikki.
Speaker 1: I didn't like all those jokes about you being a slut.
Speaker 1: I heard enough of them in your first four specials.
Speaker 3: That is so good.
Speaker 2: Don't get excited.
Speaker 1: I didn't actually watch your specials, but I got the
Speaker 1: gist from the comments section. That one hurt because I
Speaker 1: know what the comment section is on it. Literally until
Speaker 1: this roast, I have any any clip with my face
Speaker 1: in it is going to have the meanest comments and
Speaker 1: you will see how people feel about me. Please never
Speaker 1: read it, busties, if you like me, I doubt Nicky
Speaker 1: would have lasted long with me as her coach.
Speaker 2: Oh this is for Belichick.
Speaker 1: She'd be smiling on the outside, but just like every
Speaker 1: time a man doesn't like her, she would cut herself. Wow,
Speaker 1: I'm glad he didn't do that. I don't think that
Speaker 1: would have gone well. But it's not wrong. And whoever
Speaker 1: wrote that joke definitely like did their research on me,
Speaker 1: because definitely feel that way when boys don't like me.
Speaker 3: It was a good thing because Bill Bill Belichick shouldn't
Speaker 3: have said a joke about really any comedian. He should
Speaker 3: have just focused on the football players. That's why he
Speaker 3: was there.
Speaker 1: Final thought, Bill Belichick. The joke was made by Gronk
Speaker 1: that Bill belit should be dating someone his age, Picky Glazer,
Speaker 1: that's pretty good.
Speaker 2: It's so fucked up, man, it was.
Speaker 1: It's like that really got me because first of all,
Speaker 1: I'm forty Bill Belichick.
Speaker 2: Is how old is he?
Speaker 3: Like seventy nine or something?
Speaker 1: Yeah, And but the truth is like that is probably
Speaker 1: the age rage. Like if he was dating me, people
Speaker 1: wouldn't mind. I think the girl that he was hooking
Speaker 1: up with was much younger than me. Yeah, and so
Speaker 1: I am age appropriate for him. Yeah, seventy two and
Speaker 1: nearly forty three weeks away from being forty is a
Speaker 1: normal age gap in Hollywood for a man to woman.
Speaker 2: It is fucking insane.
Speaker 3: YEA.
Speaker 1: I really remember turning thirty five. I wanted to work
Speaker 1: on a bit about it turning thirty five, and suddenly
Speaker 1: I went to go see a matchmaker that like had
Speaker 1: written to me. This was when I was living in
Speaker 1: New York. It was twenty eighteen nineteen. A matchmaker wrote
Speaker 1: to me and said that we have like a celebrity client,
Speaker 1: or like not a celebrity client, like one of our
Speaker 1: millionaire billionaire clients that like wants to meet you. And
Speaker 1: I was like, this would be good as story for
Speaker 1: the radio. I was doing the radio show every day,
Speaker 1: and I'm not like opposed to a matchmaker situation. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's go, So we go. I just talked to the girl.
Speaker 1: He's not there. She's just like telling me about him,
Speaker 1: won't show me a picture. And I'm like, Okay, this
Speaker 1: guy seems nice enough, probably not gonna be anything, but
Speaker 1: I'll go on the date. And at the very end,
Speaker 1: I was like, how old is he? And she was
Speaker 1: like fifty seven and I was thirty four at the time,
Speaker 1: and I go no, yeah, and she goes what and
Speaker 1: I go no, like that's too old, and she was shocked,
Speaker 1: like it was as if I was saying thirty six
Speaker 1: was too old, Like that's how she was reacting.
Speaker 2: I'm like what and I go.
Speaker 1: I'm thirty four, maybe thirty five. And she goes, well,
Speaker 1: how old was your ex boyfriend? And I go, I
Speaker 1: think he's thirty nine and she goes, m young, and I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, he's still older than me, bitch, And you're acting
Speaker 2: like I'm grobbing the cradle. Ye.
Speaker 1: But it's like when you reach a certain age as
Speaker 1: a woman, as a there are people. My joke was
Speaker 1: that people when you're thirty four, people are like, you
Speaker 1: should meet my brother's roommate. He's great, and you go, okay, great,
Speaker 1: and he's like of your age. And then you turn
Speaker 1: thirty five and people are like, I have someone for you,
Speaker 1: and you go awesome, and they're like, it's my great
Speaker 1: uncle Lucas. And you're like, why is this And they're like,
Speaker 1: but you're thirty five, so you should lower your standards.
Speaker 1: And suddenly this is okay for you to date very
Speaker 1: old men. And I will say that I would be
Speaker 1: open to it if I was a single girl, like
Speaker 1: I don't really care about an age gap, because but
Speaker 1: I was. Even we were making a joke about how
Speaker 1: Bill Belichick isn't old enough for me, because if I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go old, I want them closer to death so
Speaker 1: I can have like a second life after.
Speaker 2: Them with all of their money I wanted.
Speaker 1: I want it to be like I want to be
Speaker 1: hospice side at our wedd Like I want our wedding
Speaker 1: to happen in a hospital room. I want when they
Speaker 1: say to you, you can now kiss the bride, I
Speaker 1: want them to have to take out his ventilator, like
Speaker 1: that's how old I want him to be if I
Speaker 1: really go go old.
Speaker 3: If you go that old, though, then you're gonna have
Speaker 3: to deal with his original children, who are going to
Speaker 3: contest your claim.
Speaker 1: I don't need his money. I really would not be
Speaker 1: in it for the money. I would be in it for,
Speaker 1: like just see what would I be in it for,
Speaker 1: Like just to say I had married this really old guy,
Speaker 1: just be funny.
Speaker 2: Maybe I don't know. I think I would do things
Speaker 2: for the joke.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's see a couple more jokes. The most impressive
Speaker 1: stat here tonight is Nicki's monastat. It's working very hard.
Speaker 2: Let's see. Uh.
Speaker 1: People call Niki ugly, but she Oh, this fucking hurt.
Speaker 2: Dude, are you ready for this one? This hurt?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: And this is such a good joke.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much to the writers who gave me
Speaker 1: these jokes or like to read these jokes about myself
Speaker 1: that make me want to cut myself, even though that
Speaker 1: was part of the joke. But this joke fucking hurt
Speaker 1: and is so funny. But wouldn't work, And we'll talk
Speaker 1: about why it wouldn't work on a dais. People called
Speaker 1: Nikki ugly, but she has some really great features. Unfortunately
Speaker 1: she can't follow them on stage. So features meaning my
Speaker 1: feature act, which is the middle act, which is the
Speaker 1: person I bring on the before me. So that joke
Speaker 1: wouldn't work on this kind of platform. It would work
Speaker 1: in like a roast battle at a comedy club, because
Speaker 1: everyone talks in that language, but no one knows what
Speaker 1: like outside of the comedy world. If you know what
Speaker 1: a feature act is, you are a savvy person. If
Speaker 1: you're not a comedian, you're very comedy savvy. And it
Speaker 1: was also follow her like people don't know that either.
Speaker 3: Really right, There was another great joke we had with
Speaker 3: a similar reasoning why we cut it even though it
Speaker 3: felt so great.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, okay, it was Bert and Tom the only
Speaker 1: comedy duo without a straight man.
Speaker 3: Yeah, great joke, but.
Speaker 2: It was it was in my act.
Speaker 1: It was in the like ready to send in the
Speaker 1: script because it was a last minute edition. I forget
Speaker 1: who wrote it someone. I think it was Douglas Fager,
Speaker 1: I think wrote it. I'm sorry if I got maybe
Speaker 1: Nathan Orton, but the last minute line, and I was like,
Speaker 1: that's perfect because we were looking for just something that
Speaker 1: brought Tom in a little bit, addressed them both. I
Speaker 1: ended up going with like Burt and Tom. You know,
Speaker 1: you guys are presenting together later like two peas in
Speaker 1: each other's mouth. But I did think thet one was
Speaker 1: a better joke, but couldn't be used because my makeup
Speaker 1: artist right before I'm like with my laptop in hand
Speaker 1: backstage at the Kia Forum, and I said to my
Speaker 1: makeup artist, I go, do you know that there's a
Speaker 1: thing called a straight man in a comedy duo? And
Speaker 1: she goes, no, I'm sorry, I don't know that. And
Speaker 1: I go, well, then it's like you're a person that
Speaker 1: I want to appeal to. That is like you're not dumb.
Speaker 1: I know you're paying attention. If you don't know that,
Speaker 1: it's it's not looking good for other people. And she goes,
Speaker 1: I'm really sorry, I don't know what. I go, don't
Speaker 1: be sorry. That's not like I'm not like, how do
Speaker 1: you not know that? It's like that was just me
Speaker 1: testing how many people kind of know that idea? And
Speaker 1: I think most people that listen to this podcast would
Speaker 1: probably know that thing. But if you don't know it,
Speaker 1: you're the reason I didn't tell it, and you need
Speaker 1: to fucking do your research. Okay, Like there's a straight man,
Speaker 1: and then there is a what's the other person? And
Speaker 1: I'm kidding when I say crazy person, there's not a
Speaker 1: name for it, like the straight.
Speaker 3: Man, though, well, no, crazy, it really is.
Speaker 2: It's crazy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, at least an improv and sketch it is.
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, I didn't know that. Okay, So there's a
Speaker 1: crazy person, there's a straight person. But the straight person
Speaker 1: is always the one that's confused by the crazy person,
Speaker 1: you know, like who's on first? That classic bit, like
Speaker 1: the guy that's saying, well, who's on first, and the
Speaker 1: other person's.
Speaker 2: Like, no, who I'm saying who is on first?
Speaker 1: That's that sounds really it might be a scrazy person,
Speaker 1: but that's a straight man.
Speaker 3: You know what's a straight man because the last thing
Speaker 3: they always say is something in the realm of I
Speaker 3: can't believe this guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Jerry Seinfeld.
Speaker 1: Seinfeld is the straight man for most of the Sometimes
Speaker 1: he is the crazy person when he's when there's a
Speaker 1: straighter man than he is, But he's mostly the straight
Speaker 1: person that's like observing the chaos around him.
Speaker 3: That's his whole stand up personas to be the straight
Speaker 3: man in life and observed, Yeah things.
Speaker 2: Is Larry David the straight man on.
Speaker 3: Curb No No, no No.
Speaker 2: I think sometimes he is when he's dealing with Lea Himes,
Speaker 2: but he's or Susie.
Speaker 3: He is a crazy person. It's like that's a show.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you're right, there are all the straight people.
Speaker 3: You're right, there's so many crazy people on that show
Speaker 3: at times, but Larry David is almost always the crazy person.
Speaker 2: And Tom and Bert, Tom is the straight man.
Speaker 3: Tom seems like, yeah, taking off his shirt. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Liked.
Speaker 3: Occasionally Larry David interacts with someone who's so brutally mean
Speaker 3: for no reason that Larry becomes the straight man, but
Speaker 3: that happens only every once in a while, and the
Speaker 3: joke there is almost like, can you believe someone's acting
Speaker 3: even crazier Larry.
Speaker 2: David and I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: Just the joke I really liked about Tom and Bert
Speaker 1: is that if you know Tom and Burt, which it
Speaker 1: was like, you have to really explain their dynamic for
Speaker 1: this to work. But I felt like, I feel like
Speaker 1: when I watched Tom and Bert, sometimes Tom seems so
Speaker 1: exhausted by Bert and almost like, what's he pulling me into?
Speaker 1: Because that's there, that's their dynamic he's the straight man
Speaker 1: and Bert's the crazy one, and he's like Bert, what
Speaker 1: are you doing?
Speaker 2: What are you saying?
Speaker 1: Where are we going? Like why is Bert taking off
Speaker 1: a shirt and running up on stage? I guess I
Speaker 1: have to go. And I said that sometimes Tom looks
Speaker 1: like like the conjoined twins that just got married, the
Speaker 1: one that didn't get married, who's just hanging off and
Speaker 1: as they're like slow dancing, and it's like Tom in
Speaker 1: most of their scenarios of like why am I.
Speaker 2: Here right now? This is not this is so uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: And I thought that was like a funny visual.
Speaker 1: But again, like there's so many factors you have to
Speaker 1: like consider when writing these things that like should we
Speaker 1: even address Burton and Burt and Tom?
Speaker 2: They haven't been up yet.
Speaker 1: Like if you noticed the first joke about Sam Jay
Speaker 1: did not work because she had not been introduced. Yep,
Speaker 1: you forget what the first line someone said about her.
Speaker 2: I didn't say anything about her.
Speaker 1: I had jokes about her, but I decided to cut
Speaker 1: them because I knew that I would have to set
Speaker 1: up who she was so much at that point that
Speaker 1: the first time someone referenced her, no one really understood it.
Speaker 1: Even for me, Like before I got brought to stage
Speaker 1: and had my moment, the jokes about me were not
Speaker 1: doing well because people are like, who is that? Like
Speaker 1: we don't know what to feel about.
Speaker 3: Her, and you were still on twenty sixteen Comedy Central.
Speaker 3: That's the token whore, you know, Yes, and that's not
Speaker 3: the case anymore.
Speaker 2: But it was.
Speaker 1: Funny that I got up there and I said, I'd
Speaker 1: shoot my boyfriend in the fucking face, have a lottery
Speaker 1: ticket to suck Tom Brady's dick. So I kind of
Speaker 1: was the tokenhore. I mean, I don't mind that, but
Speaker 1: I do.
Speaker 3: You want to talk about like nitpicking your set? You
Speaker 3: know how after your set you watched it and you're like,
Speaker 3: that's a mistake. That's a mistake. That's a mistake. That
Speaker 3: was the one moment where I felt like this little
Speaker 3: tiny change would have made it five percent funnier.
Speaker 2: No, don't do this, what are you doing? It was great,
Speaker 2: I do What could I have done?
Speaker 3: It's just so small that it probably would, but it's
Speaker 3: just like this, you can't help. But it was I
Speaker 3: would whatever, I would pay this amount of money to
Speaker 3: suck this guy's dick. I think it would have been
Speaker 3: slightly funnier to say this man's dick.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad I disagree with you, because that would
Speaker 1: be devastating if I agreed with you, Like I couldn't
Speaker 1: handle the regret this guy I think calling him a
Speaker 1: guy is.
Speaker 3: So we might have actually discussed that anyway.
Speaker 1: No, I don't think we did, but I don't think
Speaker 1: you're wrong, and that is truly like, and you don't
Speaker 1: even listeners might go like, who cares about that? It's like,
Speaker 1: what's the difference between those A five percent on that joke?
Speaker 1: Would have like I would have done anything to get
Speaker 1: five percent harder on that joke, you know, like I
Speaker 1: would have literally done anything I could to get even
Speaker 1: to like I would have well, you know what I
Speaker 1: was the next day when I was freaking out about
Speaker 1: my makeup, Chris was like, would you have done like
Speaker 1: would you have sacrificed your beauty that night to make
Speaker 1: your set funnier? And I was like one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: He was like, then that's what happened here, okay. So
Speaker 1: like if you would have been focused on having your
Speaker 1: eye look as perfect as you wanted it to your
Speaker 1: eye makeup, your jokes would have suffered to just consider that,
Speaker 1: like you, they didn't look as good because they was
Speaker 1: going into the comedy and like it was no other
Speaker 1: way it could be. Yeah, so that is, but that's
Speaker 1: I'm so glad I disagree with you. And don't you
Speaker 1: ever do that to me again? Did you ever say that?
Speaker 3: Can I just say though, that that joke particularly high
Speaker 3: bar for delivery. The delivery on that joke was perfect.
Speaker 1: I practiced it so much and we only wrote that
Speaker 1: jo the day before, right, like Jimmy Carr was the
Speaker 1: one that wrote that joke and convinced me that I
Speaker 1: should say it. He said it at the Netflix brunch
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm not gonna say.
Speaker 2: I can't say that.
Speaker 1: I just was laughing at it, as like that would
Speaker 1: be the funniest thing to say, but like it's horrifying.
Speaker 1: First of all, it's throwing Chris under the bus in
Speaker 1: a way that I'm just not comfortable with, even though
Speaker 1: it's totally a joke.
Speaker 2: But Chris was just like do it, and.
Speaker 1: I was like really, And then it was like starting
Speaker 1: to be like, Okay, if I did do it, what
Speaker 1: would it look like? And I wrote you I was like,
Speaker 1: I think we have a new closer, So it didn't
Speaker 1: quite be the It didn't end up being the closer,
Speaker 1: but I was. I saw Jimmy Carr last night and
Speaker 1: gave him like the deepest hug of my life because
Speaker 1: of that lot, Like, there were so many people that
Speaker 1: just like came in last minute with amazing ideas, and it.
Speaker 2: Just I loved.
Speaker 1: I loved the collab of it, Like I really want
Speaker 1: to do something that I can just hire all of
Speaker 1: my friends and we just work on something, and then
Speaker 1: I go out and I do my little routine and
Speaker 1: everyone feels like they they were a part of it.
Speaker 1: Like it feels really good to perform and have everyone
Speaker 1: feel like, oh, she did that joke that I wrote,
Speaker 1: or like she nailed she like I I cause I
Speaker 1: know what it feels like when someone tells your joke
Speaker 1: or something like I didn't. There's usually so much pride
Speaker 1: on my part of like I have to write all
Speaker 1: the jokes. But I liked nailing jokes that other people
Speaker 1: wrote in ways that like made them feel so good
Speaker 1: because I also know what it's like to write a
Speaker 1: joke and have someone deliver it and they fucking blow
Speaker 1: this joke so far that could have been.
Speaker 3: I have to have faith in the and you know,
Speaker 3: we have faith in Nikki to deliver the joke, and
Speaker 3: like everything it felt like it felt like at points
Speaker 3: I felt just as good as if I was up
Speaker 3: there doing this. And that's why I felt I felt
Speaker 3: much better than if I was up there, because I
Speaker 3: know if I was up there, I wouldn't have done
Speaker 3: as well because.
Speaker 1: I can't relate to that because I want to be men.
Speaker 1: The only person I want to be in this process
Speaker 1: is me, and I have been other people before coming up,
Speaker 1: but like, I'm so glad that people really did feel
Speaker 1: as if they were like me, Like people were so
Speaker 1: our team. Those people I listened before were so happy
Speaker 1: for me. We were all in a group chat like
Speaker 1: it felt it was the best feeling in the world.
Speaker 1: Like the pride that I felt for you guys in
Speaker 1: my performance that was like I'm not trying to be
Speaker 1: like humble of like it was about making you guys happy,
Speaker 1: but it was it feels what is what's the point
Speaker 1: of doing any of this if you aren't like like
Speaker 1: for me, it gave me a solution to like, when
Speaker 1: my parents die, I feel very scared about, like what
Speaker 1: will keep me going what's going to give me motivation
Speaker 1: to impress people? And now I just have the answers
Speaker 1: like you assemble a team that are all very invested
Speaker 1: in this. They're not just like writing on a show
Speaker 1: for a paycheck. They are like they They are mostly
Speaker 1: here because they just want they they feel like it
Speaker 1: is them too, and that is what it felt like
Speaker 1: that night. And I'm like, Okay, now I have something
Speaker 1: in place for when my parents do pass away, and
Speaker 1: that will still motivate me to really perform and do
Speaker 1: a good job for that like satisfaction.
Speaker 2: So that was a good feeling.
Speaker 1: So now my parents can die and someday you'll die
Speaker 1: out on this Saturday. Watch it when it comes out.
Speaker 1: If you could watch it live, that would be the best,
Speaker 1: but definitely stream it within the first twenty four hours
Speaker 1: would be amazing for ratings and for me. And I
Speaker 1: appreciate your support, Bussies so much. I'll never forget you.
Speaker 1: I'll never get too big for you. I love you
Speaker 1: so much. You're my ogs, You're my number ones and
Speaker 1: you know that. So let's just all have a great weekend.
Speaker 1: Don't be Kit, and I will see you. We'll see
Speaker 1: you next week.
Speaker 2: Bie guys,