Speaker 1: Now we can talk about your last question, getting your
Speaker 1: mind off of the pills, and that is going to
Speaker 1: come from a root knowledge, a foundation in your life
Speaker 1: of something that's better than pills. Hey, everybody, Welcome to
Speaker 1: the Grangersmith Podcast, the time when I get to sit
Speaker 1: down with y'all and just talk about life, answering your questions.
Speaker 1: If you have a question for me, email Grangersmith Podcast
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. I love doing this. We sit
Speaker 1: down like we're in the cab of a truck driving
Speaker 1: on a road trip, and you say, hey, man, could
Speaker 1: I run something past, Just something I've been thinking about,
Speaker 1: an idea I have, or a question I have, And
Speaker 1: I'm not always righting my answers, but I'll just feed
Speaker 1: it to you as if we're friends, and I would
Speaker 1: hope the same from you, and in fact, I know
Speaker 1: that I would get the same from you. My day
Speaker 1: gets so busy, you know, I'm do an after midnight
Speaker 1: radio show, doing the Smiths touring, making music, making a
Speaker 1: soundtrack for this movie I'm working on right now. So
Speaker 1: if all the moving parts that I have in my life,
Speaker 1: this is the time when I get to just stop
Speaker 1: and breathe for a second and go over these questions.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna pull up my inbox from this email.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna randomly pick them. I don't have any notes
Speaker 1: in front of me, so everything that you hear is
Speaker 1: going to be the top of my head. And like
Speaker 1: I said, it might not be right, but it's just
Speaker 1: two friends talking. Okay, here we go. First question, subject
Speaker 1: line is called my question. That's it. Hey Grangeer, my
Speaker 1: name is Dustin. I'd love to start off by saying
Speaker 1: I'm a huge fan of the podcast and your music.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. I've been I'll be seeing you
Speaker 1: May twentieth in Nebraska. Awesomebody. I saw you in Lincoln,
Speaker 1: Nebraska in December of twenty twenty one. My question is
Speaker 1: what are some good ways that you could move past
Speaker 1: a relationship. I was with someone for seven years that
Speaker 1: just came to an end. I'm looking for a little advice.
Speaker 1: Thanks again, love all you do. Yee Dustin. Okay, now
Speaker 1: I'm talking about heartbreak here, talking about moving on from
Speaker 1: a past relationship, and you're asking me my advice for
Speaker 1: practical ways to get past this. So we're not talking
Speaker 1: deep emotional theological answers. We're just going practical. I'm going
Speaker 1: to say this. I'm gonna say, let's see, you said
Speaker 1: you were with someone for seven years and just came
Speaker 1: to an end, so this is new. First of all,
Speaker 1: I want to say, Dustin, I don't recommend anyone anyone
Speaker 1: is in a relationship for seven years. The longest I
Speaker 1: was in before Amber was three years, and I don't
Speaker 1: recommend that either. I was lost back then. Okay, So
Speaker 1: I don't think it takes that long, guys. I think
Speaker 1: I think of a year is a good that's a
Speaker 1: good twelve month round number of deciding whether this is
Speaker 1: your the person you want to marry or not. And
Speaker 1: I say that in a way that I feel like
Speaker 1: you should start dating whenever you're in a place when
Speaker 1: you feel like you're ready to meet a spouse. So
Speaker 1: you don't really start seriously dating. And I'm not talking
Speaker 1: about going out and having a movie or a dinner
Speaker 1: with somebody and some friends and getting to know somebody.
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about a serious
Speaker 1: we're exclusive. It's been a long time. We're five months
Speaker 1: into this thing. We're not seeing anybody else. This is
Speaker 1: an exclusive, go and steady relationship. I don't think we
Speaker 1: should start that until we say, Okay, I am now
Speaker 1: looking for my spouse, for my future spouse. I'm on
Speaker 1: a mission to find my future spouse. And so when
Speaker 1: you're ready for that in your life, then you can
Speaker 1: systematically go through these the dating courting process and go Okay,
Speaker 1: this one seems good. This one seems like we have
Speaker 1: a lot going a lot in common, and we have
Speaker 1: we're aligned on a lot of different things. I'm very attracted.
Speaker 1: So I'm now I'm gonna I'm gonna get in this boat.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna sail it until I know that yes or no.
Speaker 1: And I don't think that's going to take longer than
Speaker 1: a year. So people these days, we extend it so long,
Speaker 1: and people live together and you even make babies together.
Speaker 1: I get these questions all the time on this podcast,
Speaker 1: and it typically just doesn't work. If you're with someone
Speaker 1: for seven years. I could have told you, Dustin, this
Speaker 1: is probably not gonna work. Man. You're you're six and
Speaker 1: a half seven years into this, and you haven't popped
Speaker 1: the question. For whatever reason. I don't know the reason,
Speaker 1: but for whatever reason you haven't popped the question, it's
Speaker 1: probably not gonna happen. Now, there's always exceptions to all this,
Speaker 1: like people will email me or they'll comment on TikTok
Speaker 1: and go, you're wrong. I dated my wife, my current wife,
Speaker 1: for twelve years and now we've been married for fifteen
Speaker 1: and we're happy. Okay, get it. There's always exceptions, But
Speaker 1: I'm saying in general, I think it takes about a
Speaker 1: year to find out. No more like if you're two
Speaker 1: years down the road, three years down the road in
Speaker 1: a relationship and you're still not sure if that's your spouse,
Speaker 1: And when I say not sure, how do you know, Well,
Speaker 1: you haven't popped the question yet, then you should probably
Speaker 1: get off get off the horse like it's not going anywhere,
Speaker 1: or pop the question. But one of the two things
Speaker 1: needs to happen. So that's what I think. First us
Speaker 1: into seven years is too long. That doesn't help you
Speaker 1: because this already happened. But secondly, I would say just
Speaker 1: practically systematically, stay in groups of people, don't spend too
Speaker 1: much time alone. Right now, alone is when you're gonna
Speaker 1: get caught in your thoughts and you're gonna get sad
Speaker 1: and depressed, and you're gonna think about her, and you're
Speaker 1: gonna think about what you could have done differently. So
Speaker 1: I would say stay in groups and stay busy. So
Speaker 1: call up your friends and go what are y'all doing
Speaker 1: Friday night? We're all hanging at so and so's house.
Speaker 1: I'm coming over there and get with those people, get
Speaker 1: in the middle of them, and get busy. You gotta
Speaker 1: get busy, get dig into whatever hobby you have. This
Speaker 1: is a good time to get into whatever you love
Speaker 1: to do. Maybe you love fishing, maybe you love riding
Speaker 1: four wheelers, maybe you love playing softball. I don't know
Speaker 1: what it is, but this is a good time to
Speaker 1: lean into a hobby. It's a good time to journal.
Speaker 1: If you don't do that yet, I would recommend that
Speaker 1: to anyone is grab a journal, and I have one
Speaker 1: on my phone, and some people like to write. I
Speaker 1: don't care whatever, I'll do it digital. But I have
Speaker 1: one called day one. It's an app on my phone,
Speaker 1: and so every morning I have a little routine in
Speaker 1: my morning. I get up before the sun comes up,
Speaker 1: get my cup of coffee, read my Bible, and usually write.
Speaker 1: After that, I'll go into my well. I'll post whatever
Speaker 1: scripture I read that I think is interesting on social media,
Speaker 1: and then I'll go to my daily journal, and I'm
Speaker 1: just talking to myself, so it's not it doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be formal. I'm talking to really my future self.
Speaker 1: And so I'll say, beautiful morning, drinking some coffee. Kids
Speaker 1: are getting ready for school today. I'm gonna I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go back into mixing on this movie. And then at
Speaker 1: four o'clock I'm headed to the airport. We're going to
Speaker 1: Seattle for a show. I'm feeling allergies, you know, like
Speaker 1: I like to put that, I'm feeling allergies right now.
Speaker 1: It's allergies are killing me. And then the next thing
Speaker 1: I do is I go back and read the last
Speaker 1: four years that I've been doing this on this particular
Speaker 1: app and I'll read four years of it and I'll go, Wow,
Speaker 1: three years ago, I was doing this. And what's important
Speaker 1: about that to me is I could read back and go,
Speaker 1: I was doing this and it didn't even matter three
Speaker 1: years later at all. It didn't matter. And so that
Speaker 1: helps me with the present moment, knowing what didn't matter
Speaker 1: when that I used to be doing that I was
Speaker 1: worried about or working hard on. And then there's other
Speaker 1: things I was doing that did end up mattering now
Speaker 1: and I could read that I had allergies three years ago,
Speaker 1: and go oh, I had allergies three years ago and
Speaker 1: I have allergies today. That must be something that happens
Speaker 1: in the middle of May. For me, it must be
Speaker 1: you know, so that helps me and for you, Dustin,
Speaker 1: you could write, I'm I'm in a deep place, a
Speaker 1: dark place right now with this relationship, and I'm struggling,
Speaker 1: and yesterday I had an all time low, and I'm noticing.
Speaker 1: I'm noticing the fluctuations of my highs and lows. And
Speaker 1: then next year you'll read that and you'll be like, man,
Speaker 1: I'm in a new relationship now, it's better, It's it's
Speaker 1: way easier. She's way more low maintenance for me. And
Speaker 1: look at me struggling back then. And that that little
Speaker 1: piece helps you so much, because then the next time
Speaker 1: something happens, you're gonna ask yourself when I journal this,
Speaker 1: is this gonna matter to me in a year or
Speaker 1: it's just gonna be one of those things that didn't matter.
Speaker 1: It's interesting, right talking to your future self. You could
Speaker 1: even ask your future self questions like, hey, future self,
Speaker 1: I'm really hurting over this girl. Are you still hurting
Speaker 1: or does it not matter at all? And then you
Speaker 1: could answer back two years later, you could answer back
Speaker 1: and go, hey, twenty twenty version of myself, No, it
Speaker 1: didn't matter, And it helps a lot. It helps understand yourself,
Speaker 1: understanding the way your brain works. I would say this
Speaker 1: destin too. I want you to notice something through this heartbreak.
Speaker 1: I want you to notice that you're going through It's
Speaker 1: like you're in the ocean and you're going through waves.
Speaker 1: So you're you're gonna notice when you're in the trough
Speaker 1: of the wave and when you're on the crest of
Speaker 1: the wave, right, And so we could say that the
Speaker 1: crest is when you're feeling pretty good, like I haven't
Speaker 1: even thought about it in the last five minutes, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, my heart is beating at a normal rate.
Speaker 1: I'm feeling pretty good. And then you could fill the descent.
Speaker 1: And sometimes this could happen like every thirty seconds, or
Speaker 1: it could happen every other hour, or it could happen
Speaker 1: every other day or every other week. The length of
Speaker 1: the wave changes. But I want you to notice, I'm
Speaker 1: feeling like I'm going down right now, I'm feeling the descent,
Speaker 1: and you'll know pretty soon I'm going to be in
Speaker 1: the trough and it sucks down there, but I also
Speaker 1: know that I will recognize when I'm starting to go
Speaker 1: back up to the crest. And when you're in the trough,
Speaker 1: think about this, monitor yourself. Your brain is like a cpu,
Speaker 1: so you could monitor how these thoughts are fluctuating through
Speaker 1: and you could almost leave yourself for a second. And
Speaker 1: this sounds weird, but you could transcend yourself and look
Speaker 1: down at yourself just for a second and monitor the
Speaker 1: emotional state that you're in. And this is huge. This
Speaker 1: is huge when you could finally do this Dustin, because
Speaker 1: then you could recognize, I'm in the trough and this sucks,
Speaker 1: but I know that I will feel myself going back
Speaker 1: up and I'll be back on the crest. It could
Speaker 1: be in thirty seconds or it could be tomorrow, but
Speaker 1: I know when I'll start heading back up. And then
Speaker 1: and then you monitor yourself and you go I feel
Speaker 1: a little bit better than I was in the trough.
Speaker 1: I must be going up, and then you could recognize
Speaker 1: when you're going up. Pretty soon, I'm going to be
Speaker 1: back on the crest, and then you'll be on the crest.
Speaker 1: And the important thing about being on the crest is
Speaker 1: recognizing what that you will go back down again. So
Speaker 1: that helps you understand that you're floating in the ocean
Speaker 1: and you're going up and down on this in this
Speaker 1: heartbreak and this ocean of pain. Right that sounds like
Speaker 1: a nineteen nineties country album Ocean of pain, But you're
Speaker 1: going up and down. And as long as you could
Speaker 1: recognize that, you know that neither one of those positions
Speaker 1: up or down last forever, and eventually you will notice dustin.
Speaker 1: How do I know this Because personal experience and the
Speaker 1: rest of humanity has been through what you've gone through. Okay,
Speaker 1: you're not going through something alone, you're not going through
Speaker 1: something new. But what I'll tell you is these waves,
Speaker 1: the length between the waves gets wider and wider, and
Speaker 1: the distance between trough and cress gets shorter and shorter,
Speaker 1: until you eventually arrive back in calm water. Okay, all right,
Speaker 1: let's go to this. This is interesting. I don't think
Speaker 1: I've ever answered a question like I'm about to do
Speaker 1: right now. Subject line is grandparents house and says, hey,
Speaker 1: I would like to keep anonymous. I just moved into
Speaker 1: my grandparents house. It feels like there is an angry
Speaker 1: spirit around the house. I've been talking to God about
Speaker 1: it and reading scripture. I feel that the spirit is beginning.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, I feel the spirit and it is beginning
Speaker 1: to be hard to sleep at night. Interesting anonymous. Some
Speaker 1: people are listening going, that is just not true. Other
Speaker 1: people listening go, I know it's true. I've experienced it.
Speaker 1: I personally believe that it is true and that this
Speaker 1: is also biblical. It's very biblical. I mean, Jesus during
Speaker 1: his time on Earth, Jesus performed many miracles. He healed
Speaker 1: the sick, he provided food for thousands out of hardly anything.
Speaker 1: He turned, as we all know, water into wine. But
Speaker 1: what did he do more than any of that cast
Speaker 1: out demons. That's what he did on his work, during
Speaker 1: his work on earth. So why do we think that
Speaker 1: that doesn't exist anymore? Well, we know it does. We
Speaker 1: just call it different things. We give it different labels,
Speaker 1: demonic possession. We give it labels because that sounds like
Speaker 1: a science fiction movie demonic possession. So we give it
Speaker 1: other names like schizophrenia, mental health disorder, that person's just crazy,
Speaker 1: that person's strung out on drugs. We give it all
Speaker 1: kinds of names. But we need to call it for
Speaker 1: what it is, because when we call it for what
Speaker 1: it is, we reduce its power. Because as long as
Speaker 1: you're denying what it is, and you're giving it other
Speaker 1: names and denying that it exists, that gives it more
Speaker 1: power to roam free on this earth. And I believe
Speaker 1: that there's many spirits, thousands of them, and they all
Speaker 1: have names, and they all have specific jobs. This is biblical,
Speaker 1: and it's terrifying if you don't call it for what
Speaker 1: it is, and if you don't know the source of
Speaker 1: the only thing that can defeat it, So, Anonymous, if
Speaker 1: you are not capable of defeating this on your own,
Speaker 1: you could be in trouble. And this could be a
Speaker 1: scary thing. So you say, I'm talking to God about
Speaker 1: it and I'm reading scriptures. You got to do more
Speaker 1: than that, buddy, or ma'am Anonymous. You're gonna have to
Speaker 1: get specific with this thing. I'm talking You're gonna have
Speaker 1: to You're gonna have to walk in that house and
Speaker 1: rebuke this in the name of Jesus, and you're gonna
Speaker 1: have to be committed to this process. There's many times
Speaker 1: when demons were people tried to rebuke them but they weren't.
Speaker 1: They weren't faithful enough to do it, and so the
Speaker 1: demon just mocks them and it stays. Now, the scary
Speaker 1: thing about it is, you are at risk here if
Speaker 1: you're not careful, if you're not grounded in the right
Speaker 1: thing foundation of Christ, you're at risk for being influenced
Speaker 1: or taken over at some point by this spirit. So
Speaker 1: long story short, believe it. Believe this gut feeling, Trust
Speaker 1: this gut feeling that there's something wrong in that there
Speaker 1: is something going on here, and then I would seek
Speaker 1: help from the church. I would go to go to
Speaker 1: a local church. If you're not plugged into the local church,
Speaker 1: that's a huge red flag already. So regardless of the grandparents'
Speaker 1: house thing, get yourself plugged in at a local church.
Speaker 1: Everybody listening, get plugged in to the church. That's what
Speaker 1: we need to do. That's the body of Christ. So
Speaker 1: get plugged into the church. You can't just say I'm
Speaker 1: talking to God about this, what are you doing? Faith
Speaker 1: is an action, It's a verb. What are you doing?
Speaker 1: Christ says, why do you call me by name? But
Speaker 1: you don't do what I say? Right, Hey, Lord Lord,
Speaker 1: but you don't call me I mean, but you don't
Speaker 1: do what I say. So go to go get yourself
Speaker 1: in the body with other people and tell them about
Speaker 1: this house. See, I need some help, can you have?
Speaker 1: I have personally heard many stories of this kind of house,
Speaker 1: and I've heard many stories of so many pastor friends
Speaker 1: that have gone out and successfully rebuked a demon in
Speaker 1: a house and it left forever it's gone, and they
Speaker 1: felt it leave, and they heard it leave, and they
Speaker 1: smelled it leave. This is terrifying stuff, like straight out
Speaker 1: of Hollywood. But it's real and you got to deal
Speaker 1: with it. And I wouldn't recommend doing it alone. I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't. Something tells me that this is something you
Speaker 1: can't do alone. You need to go to a local
Speaker 1: church that you trust, with the group that you trust
Speaker 1: and bring them to the house. Otherwise you might have
Speaker 1: to leave yourself. Let's hit another one here, step Cline
Speaker 1: says pre deployment troubles. Hey Granger, my name is Caleb.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty three from Ohio. I want to get to
Speaker 1: the point because that has a lot of details and
Speaker 1: it could be confusing, but I want to know what
Speaker 1: you could think because you are a huge spiritual mentor
Speaker 1: for me. I've been with my fiance for four and
Speaker 1: a half years and we're having big issues. Let me
Speaker 1: pause right there, first question, I said, Remember what I said,
Speaker 1: I don't think. I don't think we should be in
Speaker 1: four and a half year relationships without being married. Okay,
Speaker 1: continuing on, We've been arguing a lot the past two months,
Speaker 1: sparking from small issues. It's been so hard for me
Speaker 1: to love her for the quirks that I always have.
Speaker 1: She grew up Catholic, I grew up non denominational. She
Speaker 1: is now trying to figure out what she and I
Speaker 1: can agree with. In the past, we discussed beliefs and
Speaker 1: we seem to be closer to being on the same
Speaker 1: page two years ago with faith, but now she seems
Speaker 1: too worried about being Catholic and change things that we've
Speaker 1: talked about. At the end of the day, I truly
Speaker 1: want us both to be happy and need my spouse
Speaker 1: to be on the same page with me on future
Speaker 1: life endeavors and faith based choices like kids in church.
Speaker 1: My apologies on the link of this message, but I
Speaker 1: would love my mentor's input. There are some other details,
Speaker 1: but I'm trying to make this as short as I can.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much, Caleb, Caleb, thanks man. Thanks for the email.
Speaker 1: And on a side note, thank you for being aware
Speaker 1: that we need to keep these emails shorter. So when
Speaker 1: y'all are writing emails, keep them about a page link.
Speaker 1: So thanks for doing that. Caleb. Let's dig in. I
Speaker 1: told you that I don't agree with a four and
Speaker 1: a half year old relationship. I think it's too long.
Speaker 1: I think you should already know by now. Now there's
Speaker 1: a key thing that you said here at the end
Speaker 1: of the day. I want us both to be happy,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna suggest that it sounds like right off
Speaker 1: the bat, it sounds like if you truly want each
Speaker 1: other to be happy, it's probably a part and not together.
Speaker 1: These are deep issues. This Catholic issue that you're dealing
Speaker 1: with is not just going to go away. This is
Speaker 1: so embedded in her. This is how this is her.
Speaker 1: It's become so much embedded in her that it's part
Speaker 1: of her family, and it's part of her and it's
Speaker 1: her heritage, and it's I hate the word religion because
Speaker 1: it's religion is man made. We've made this up and truly,
Speaker 1: all we need is a relationship with Christ. That's all
Speaker 1: we need. And religion is not all bad because it
Speaker 1: helps collect that idea of relationship with Christ and put
Speaker 1: it in humanistic terms, and it makes us be able
Speaker 1: to to worship in a constructive environment that helps put
Speaker 1: parameters on what we do. Does that make sense? But
Speaker 1: having having a deep problem with her Catholicism is going
Speaker 1: to affect your kids. And if you think it's bad
Speaker 1: now with no kids, can you imagine can you imagine
Speaker 1: how much worse this is going to get with kids.
Speaker 1: This is one of these things, Buddy, that ends up
Speaker 1: being a deal breaker, And that's hard to hear. It's
Speaker 1: hard for you to hear it from me, especially since
Speaker 1: you trust this podcast. But that and I'm not always right,
Speaker 1: But this is my advice to If you were my
Speaker 1: friend Caleb, which I feel like you are, if you're
Speaker 1: sitting in this room with me right now, I would say, Buddy,
Speaker 1: I think this is time to break it off. If
Speaker 1: you have it known by four and a half years,
Speaker 1: yet you're still wondering and you're having these arguments, it's
Speaker 1: time to say, Babe, you know I love you, you
Speaker 1: know I want I want what's best for you. And
Speaker 1: from the bottom of my heart as much as it
Speaker 1: breaks it. I feel like what's best for you is
Speaker 1: to not be with me, but be with somebody else,
Speaker 1: somebody else that aligns with what you think, especially when
Speaker 1: it comes to faith. Your subjecline was pre deployment, but
Speaker 1: you didn't mention that if you're about to go deployed,
Speaker 1: this is something that has to happen right now, and
Speaker 1: it's gonna your deployment will help in the healing process
Speaker 1: of the heartbreak. But I wouldn't. I wouldn't just keep
Speaker 1: plowing through this just we're gonna make it work. We're
Speaker 1: gonna make it work. We're gonna make it work. Because
Speaker 1: you don't want to be saying that when you're married
Speaker 1: and you have kids seven eight years down the road.
Speaker 1: You don't want to be looking at your wife life
Speaker 1: in counseling saying we're gonna make it work. We're gonna
Speaker 1: make it work. You don't want to say that, but
Speaker 1: you can right now because you're not married. I would say,
Speaker 1: break it off. We're gonna take a break. Beerer back, Okay,
Speaker 1: getting back into these questions. A subject line here says
Speaker 1: stage fright, Hey, grangeer, my name is Natalie I'm fifteen.
Speaker 1: I'm from West Melbourne, Florida, and I'm really leaning towards
Speaker 1: music as being a career for me one day. But
Speaker 1: I get really nervous singing in front of people. I've
Speaker 1: written so many amazing songs. I play electric, guitar, piano, drums, ukulele,
Speaker 1: and acoustic. My problem is I could sing great, and
Speaker 1: I could play great, and I could write great songs,
Speaker 1: but that's only when I'm by myself and when I'm
Speaker 1: with close friends. But when I play for other people
Speaker 1: that I don't know, I'm always worried about what people
Speaker 1: are gonna say. Whenever I play and sing for people,
Speaker 1: my voice starts to shake and I get dizzy. I
Speaker 1: really want to be an artist one day, but I
Speaker 1: don't know how to get over this fear. I would
Speaker 1: love to know how you handle your pre performance Jitters,
Speaker 1: and I would love some advice on how you overcome
Speaker 1: on how to overcome mine. I love your music and
Speaker 1: all you stand for. Thanks for you and Amber being
Speaker 1: such an inspiration. PS. It would be awesome if you
Speaker 1: read this on the podcast. Well guess what, Natalie, I'm
Speaker 1: reading it on the podcast right now, and I have
Speaker 1: some answers for you, because I know where you're coming from,
Speaker 1: the only way for you to get over stage fright
Speaker 1: is to get on the stage over and over and
Speaker 1: over and over again. I could tell you a lot
Speaker 1: of other things, like make sure you're controlling your breathing
Speaker 1: before you walk on stage, because you're getting dizzy. And
Speaker 1: why are you getting dizzy. You're getting dizzy because you're
Speaker 1: not getting oxygen. That's a simple thing. You're not getting
Speaker 1: oxygen because you're taking quick breaths, and you're taking quick
Speaker 1: breaths because your mind is taken over and you're getting nervous.
Speaker 1: So control your breathing. Be so present right before you
Speaker 1: go up that you remember a couple of minutes before
Speaker 1: you walk on stage. Breathe practice in hell slowly Exhale
Speaker 1: slowly all the way out from your diaphragm, not from
Speaker 1: your top of your chest to your neck. Breathe all
Speaker 1: the way out, and then take a breath at the
Speaker 1: bottom of your diaphragm. Hold it, breathe it in, let
Speaker 1: it out, breathe it in, over and over and over.
Speaker 1: This is part of your exercises as you're warming up
Speaker 1: your vocal cords, which we should all do anyway, because
Speaker 1: it's like a muscle. It's like you don't just go
Speaker 1: out in the yard and sprint. You warm up your legs.
Speaker 1: The same thing with your voice. You gotta warm up
Speaker 1: your voice. It's a muscle. So on top of warming
Speaker 1: up your voice, control your breathing. I mean, this is
Speaker 1: a good practice whether or not you're you have stage
Speaker 1: fright or not. But I could tell you all that,
Speaker 1: and I could tell you different techniques like stay away
Speaker 1: from caffeine and alcohol and things like that. You should
Speaker 1: because you're fifteen anyway. But ultimately, what's gonna get you
Speaker 1: over this is getting confidence in those kind of environments.
Speaker 1: You ask me how I handle my pre performance jitters,
Speaker 1: I don't get them. I don't get pre performance jitters anymore.
Speaker 1: But it's also because I've just been My first album
Speaker 1: came out twenty two years ago, so I've just been
Speaker 1: doing it for two decades, and I've seen all kinds
Speaker 1: of stages and all kinds of sizes of crowds, and
Speaker 1: all kinds of TV performances and live on the radio
Speaker 1: performances and small intimate coffee shops and stadiums. I've seen
Speaker 1: all of them, and every time that I hit a
Speaker 1: new environment thing that's very different, or a new song
Speaker 1: or a new something I haven't done. Each Each of
Speaker 1: those times I got jitters, and I could breathe, and
Speaker 1: I could do all these different things. But ultimately I
Speaker 1: just had to walk out there and do it, and
Speaker 1: then walk off the stage and think to myself, well,
Speaker 1: I screwed that one up, or I did okay on
Speaker 1: that one. Either way, got back in the saddle and
Speaker 1: did it again as soon as I could. So I
Speaker 1: think this goes with anything if you're if you're an
Speaker 1: race car driver and you you haven't raced very much,
Speaker 1: you're gonna be nervous behind the wheel, But if you
Speaker 1: have nine hundred races under your belt, you're not as
Speaker 1: nervous as the first time. That's easy, right, public speaking,
Speaker 1: same thing if any maybe you're doing a presentation at work.
Speaker 1: The first time you do it, you're gonna have jitters,
Speaker 1: but the eight hundredth time you do it, you're not.
Speaker 1: It's just a matter of getting back in the saddle
Speaker 1: and doing it. Natalie, over and over and over. You're fifteen,
Speaker 1: so I don't expect you to have a whole lot
Speaker 1: under your belt. I started at fourteen, and so I
Speaker 1: was nervous, so nervous I still in fact, in fact,
Speaker 1: I used to sing in these North Texas oprreys and
Speaker 1: I sang on Saturday nights and I would sing two songs,
Speaker 1: and it was a list of you know, like twelve singers,
Speaker 1: and I would look at the list and see what
Speaker 1: time I was going to go on. So I'd be
Speaker 1: like number eight on the list, and number five would
Speaker 1: get on there, and I'd start feeling nervous, and then
Speaker 1: number six would get on there and getting more nervous.
Speaker 1: By the time number seven's up there and I'm next,
Speaker 1: I'm just shaking in my boots, you know. And then
Speaker 1: they started announcing my name and I'm just out of
Speaker 1: losing my mind. I'm so nervous. And in all those
Speaker 1: oprys they cooked popcorn. And the other day we were
Speaker 1: playing in i think West Virginia, and in the arena
Speaker 1: we were playing in, they were cooking popcorn. And I
Speaker 1: looked at my tour manager, Chris, and I said, man,
Speaker 1: that smell makes me nervous because it reminds me of
Speaker 1: the opry's before I was gonna sing. So it's like
Speaker 1: that triggered that old feeling of those those jitters. So, Natalie,
Speaker 1: you just got to do it. You got to do it,
Speaker 1: and if you love it, and if you're good like
Speaker 1: you say you are, then just keep doing it. And
Speaker 1: something that might help is when you get to the mic,
Speaker 1: when you start, right before you start, tell the audience
Speaker 1: i'm nervous, let it out, like, don't let it be
Speaker 1: a secret. It's worse if it's a secret. Just tell them.
Speaker 1: I'm so nervous. If you could see that my hands
Speaker 1: are shaking, look show them your hands. Look see my hands.
Speaker 1: If you could see my hands shaking right now, they are,
Speaker 1: I'm nervous. I'm just I love this so much, but
Speaker 1: i want to do the best I can for y'all tonight,
Speaker 1: and I'm nervous about it. Let them know, and they'll smile,
Speaker 1: and it makes everyone vulnerable and they'll all go They'll
Speaker 1: think to themselves, I would be too if I were you, Natalie.
Speaker 1: And then you just go about it. And if your
Speaker 1: voice shakes, so be it. It won't shake as much
Speaker 1: the next time. Keep doing it. Next question subject line
Speaker 1: has hard decision. Hey Grangeur, I'd like to stay anonymous.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty six years old. I'm from Northeast Texas. I'm
Speaker 1: currently in a four year relationship with the mother of
Speaker 1: my son. She got pregnant shortly after we got together.
Speaker 1: I love her because she's the mother of my son,
Speaker 1: but I'm not in love with her. I stay because
Speaker 1: of my son. I don't see myself marrying her. Looking
Speaker 1: for some advice, love your music in your podcast. Thanks Anonymous.
Speaker 1: I actually read your question on After Midnight, partly because
Speaker 1: it was short and partly because I think it's an
Speaker 1: interesting question and I have a direct answer for you.
Speaker 1: But here we go. This is you know, this is
Speaker 1: becoming the theme of today's episode. I don't agree with
Speaker 1: four year relationships. I think it's too long. I think
Speaker 1: you could know after a year. But she got pregnant
Speaker 1: and that changes things. So, Anonymous, at some point in
Speaker 1: your relationship, probably at the beginning, in fact, you said
Speaker 1: that shortly after we got together, she got pregnant. At
Speaker 1: some point you're gonna have to own up to a
Speaker 1: mistake that you made, and that was getting physical with
Speaker 1: this girl too early before you were married. And the reason,
Speaker 1: the reason that the Bible says no sex before marriage,
Speaker 1: it's not so that we don't have fun. It's not
Speaker 1: to put some weird handcuff on us so that we
Speaker 1: we feel like we're, you know, bound in some prison
Speaker 1: and where our manhood is taken away womanhood. The reason
Speaker 1: is for this and many others, but this is one
Speaker 1: of the reasons, Like there's things set up that if
Speaker 1: you hold off from getting physical, then when you are married,
Speaker 1: not only is it a bigger gift that you give
Speaker 1: to your spouse, but you also get to share in
Speaker 1: the joy of child bearing and raising kids together and
Speaker 1: teaching them life lessons together because you waited. And it's
Speaker 1: hard for me to tell you that from where I
Speaker 1: sit because I'm twelve years into a marriage and we
Speaker 1: have kids. But from your perspective, you have to understand
Speaker 1: that the more important thing right now than your feelings
Speaker 1: is your kid. I say so many times on this
Speaker 1: podcast that I'm not always right, but I know where
Speaker 1: right comes from. My personal opinions are not always right,
Speaker 1: but when I'm pulling from biblical foundations, those are always right.
Speaker 1: And you have to choose in your brain, not your heart,
Speaker 1: not your gut, not your feeling. You have to choose
Speaker 1: with your brain. I'm gonna stay here and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: love this girl. And it's not that bad because at
Speaker 1: one point she was good enough for you to sleep
Speaker 1: with her. So she's got she's got something going on
Speaker 1: that was good enough at that time in your life.
Speaker 1: So it's not like it's not like this is someone
Speaker 1: I could never see myself with. Well you did one night.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to look at her and just go,
Speaker 1: I'm making a commitment to you because I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna jeopardize trauma with this kid dealing with
Speaker 1: separation of birth parents. And I know that you guys
Speaker 1: could think of a million exceptions of times when this worked,
Speaker 1: but more often than not, it hurts the child. It
Speaker 1: leaves them with some kind of baggage, some kind of damage.
Speaker 1: Is that what you want? Do you want to leave
Speaker 1: them with some kind of baggage. I know this is
Speaker 1: tough love, and I seem to do this a lot
Speaker 1: on this podcast, but I'm telling you that you got
Speaker 1: to look at her, baby mama and say, I'm going
Speaker 1: to marry you, and I'm choosing to love you, and
Speaker 1: I'm choosing to put my feelings aside. My feelings are
Speaker 1: not number one in my life. They're actually number three.
Speaker 1: You and our child are number one and two. Not
Speaker 1: didn't even mention God, but we all know how I
Speaker 1: feel about that. I hope that makes sense, and I
Speaker 1: hope that this is tough love, and I hope that
Speaker 1: you hear me. And I don't think that's what you
Speaker 1: want to hear. But you are asking me the question
Speaker 1: looking for some advice. You're there, man, It's time to
Speaker 1: man up. That's my thought. Next question, subject line says,
Speaker 1: I have an addiction. Hey Grant, your my name is
Speaker 1: Kyle from Marylyn. Been watching you for a while now
Speaker 1: and I watch your stuff and it makes me happy,
Speaker 1: and it makes me want to change my life. I
Speaker 1: have an opuh opioid addiction going on ten years now,
Speaker 1: and I want to make my life better. I've done
Speaker 1: rehab and it hasn't helped me, but I think it's
Speaker 1: to the point where I want to be clean and
Speaker 1: not dependent on the pills. I was just hoping you
Speaker 1: could lift my spirits and give me some advice on
Speaker 1: what I could be doing to get my mind off
Speaker 1: thinking about the pills all day every day. Thanks for
Speaker 1: everything and anything, Kyle, Thanks for listening, buddy, Thanks for
Speaker 1: the thanks for the question. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry
Speaker 1: for this struggle. It's real that you're in a ten
Speaker 1: year Opioid addiction is a real thing, man, and you
Speaker 1: are I got to tell you that this is it's
Speaker 1: more than me telling you how to get your mind
Speaker 1: off of it, because it's a chemical addiction. So you're
Speaker 1: dealing with something more than I gotta get my mind
Speaker 1: off fried chicken because I love fried chicken, and I
Speaker 1: gotta stop eating and I want to try to lose weight,
Speaker 1: and I got to think of ways to get my
Speaker 1: mind off of it. Well, this is more than that,
Speaker 1: because you're chemically addicted, so you're gonna have the need.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to get medical help to help downgrade
Speaker 1: you off of the opioids with lower and lower doses,
Speaker 1: which is what what a rehab will do with a
Speaker 1: chemical addiction, is that they're gonna take you and they're
Speaker 1: going to just downgrade you. They're gonna still give you
Speaker 1: the pills, but in less and less doses, because if
Speaker 1: you quit cold turkey, that could actually be worse damage
Speaker 1: than you're experiencing right now. So that's the first step
Speaker 1: is to pull you down with slower and slower doses.
Speaker 1: Until you lose the chemical addiction. Then when you lose
Speaker 1: the chemical addiction, now we can talk about your last question,
Speaker 1: getting your mind off of the pills, and that is
Speaker 1: going to come from a root knowledge, a foundation in
Speaker 1: your life of something that's better than pills, something that's
Speaker 1: better at easing the pain or lowering the anxiety in
Speaker 1: your life, something that can actually give you rest, long lasting,
Speaker 1: something that could satisfy a craving long lasting, not a
Speaker 1: short time. And you know what I'm talking about it
Speaker 1: an opioid. Why can I not say that word on
Speaker 1: this podcast today? An opioid is going to give you
Speaker 1: temporary relief of pain or anxiety or stress or whatever
Speaker 1: you're going through, but it wears off. So you're going
Speaker 1: to need to replace this. After you fix the chemical addiction,
Speaker 1: you're going to need to replace that with something that
Speaker 1: doesn't wear off. That, my friend, Kyle, is where we
Speaker 1: find Jesus. And you've heard me say this before, but
Speaker 1: this is where we go to find rest, a water
Speaker 1: that we can go to and drink and never be
Speaker 1: thirsty again. It's a living water, it's a forever food.
Speaker 1: You never crave anything else. And you could find that
Speaker 1: in many ways, but understanding that two thousand years ago
Speaker 1: God sent his only son to earth as a man
Speaker 1: in the flesh, born of a woman, a virgin woman
Speaker 1: who lived a perfect life as an example for us. Suffered,
Speaker 1: was persecuted, healed the sick, cast out, demon, made the
Speaker 1: blind see again. He died as he predicted, was resurrected
Speaker 1: three days later, came out of the tomb. He was
Speaker 1: killed in the most terrible way of dying. Your crucifixion
Speaker 1: is the most terrible way, the most evil conceptual idea
Speaker 1: of execution ever. Crucifixion nails through the feet and through
Speaker 1: the hands, holding up on a cross, dying of suffocation
Speaker 1: because you could the pain is so bad you can
Speaker 1: no longer hold your chest over your rib cage enough
Speaker 1: to breathe. And it takes days. It took Jesus hours,
Speaker 1: but it takes most men days to die. And that
Speaker 1: kind of suffocation, it is terrible. He went through that
Speaker 1: pain and that suffering to take it away from you
Speaker 1: so that you could find rest and him, so that
Speaker 1: you ultimately can have eternal life through him. It's an
Speaker 1: amazing story, and some people will hear it and not
Speaker 1: believe it. But Jesus said, some will hear it and
Speaker 1: believe it's like a magic switch that goes off. Some
Speaker 1: people hear that story and they go, I want to
Speaker 1: know more about that. What's crazy about this, too, is
Speaker 1: it's not somebody's dream. It's not like some mystical myth.
Speaker 1: This is something that was eyewitnessed by over five hundred people,
Speaker 1: three different continents, hundreds of eyewitnesses that wrote this account,
Speaker 1: and that men and women have preserved this message all
Speaker 1: the way through persecution for us to hear why so
Speaker 1: that we could be healed of our addictions, so that
Speaker 1: we could be cleansed of our sin, because we're all
Speaker 1: born sinners. It's something we're born with. Can help it.
Speaker 1: And he says, you're forgiven and all you got to
Speaker 1: do is have faith in that. And there's steps to
Speaker 1: come after that, but that's the first one. When he
Speaker 1: was on that cross, there there was a thief next
Speaker 1: to him all life, his whole life, he'd been a
Speaker 1: sinner like all of us. And he looked at Jesus
Speaker 1: that day and he said, will you remember me when
Speaker 1: you go into your kingdom. Jesus looked back at him
Speaker 1: and said, today you will be with me in paradise.
Speaker 1: That's it. That's it. He didn't have to live a
Speaker 1: life of righteousness, he didn't have to live a life
Speaker 1: of good works. He just believed right then at the
Speaker 1: end of his life, and he went eternally to paradise.
Speaker 1: It's incredible. It's incredible story. Man. There is no story
Speaker 1: greater than that He defeated death. It's the answer to
Speaker 1: the death problem. We all have death coming. We all
Speaker 1: have addictions of some sort, like you, Kyle, we all
Speaker 1: I'll have problems. But Jesus defeated the death and gave
Speaker 1: us an answer to it. No other religion offers an
Speaker 1: answer to death. Here's your answer. You will no longer
Speaker 1: fear death. It has no sting anymore. It has no
Speaker 1: victory over us anymore. Death. No, that doesn't mean that
Speaker 1: we don't have problems. We're still gonna have problems. We're
Speaker 1: still gonna have suffering, We're still gonna have grieving, but
Speaker 1: we grieve with hope. Now, we don't grieve with no hope.
Speaker 1: We grieve, we cry, we have pain, we have suffering,
Speaker 1: but it's all for a purpose, and we have hope
Speaker 1: in that. That's my answer. Call. I appreciate y'all. I
Speaker 1: love you. We'll see you next Monday. IgE. Thanks for
Speaker 1: joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of
Speaker 1: you guys. You could help me out by rating this
Speaker 1: podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel.
Speaker 1: Hit that little like button and notification spell so that
Speaker 1: you never miss any time I upload a video. If
Speaker 1: you have a question for me that you would like
Speaker 1: me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Ye