Speaker 1: Hi, Happy New Year, Catherine, Happy New Year, Chelsea. It's
Speaker 1: the new year, you guys. It's the new year. Is
Speaker 1: I mean, are we allowed to like look forward to
Speaker 1: this new year if like we had a lot of
Speaker 1: kirkfuff the last couple of years when we were like twenty,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be so exciting. I saw something on Instagram
Speaker 1: where I saw somebody was saying like, walk into two
Speaker 1: with your eyes open and don't touch anything that you see,
Speaker 1: like you're walking into an antique store. And I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: that's uh apropos or apt I should say. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: is a new year. It's an exciting time to be alive.
Speaker 1: It can't be fucking like last year. That that much
Speaker 1: we know for sure. So there are vaccines. Yes, there's
Speaker 1: an omicron variant spreading, but there are vaccines people, and
Speaker 1: they're available to you. They are non discriminatory. You can
Speaker 1: get a vaccine. So if you can get one, do
Speaker 1: it please. That's amazing. And are you based in Whistler
Speaker 1: now you're just like hanging out skiing right now? Yes,
Speaker 1: I um hanging out skiing and I am basing myself
Speaker 1: out of Whistler so I can catch my breath from
Speaker 1: performing every weekend and I have a lighter schedule and
Speaker 1: I am excited. Yeah, I'm excited to get the party started,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, the skiing party. That is amazing.
Speaker 1: My guest for today you know her from Broad City
Speaker 1: and her stand up special The Planet Is Burning, which
Speaker 1: is available on Amazon, and from her voter empowerment work
Speaker 1: with her organization Generator, which is how she and I
Speaker 1: really got together. Actually, she is also the star, the
Speaker 1: creator and star a False Positive, which is a movie
Speaker 1: on Hulu. It is a thriller horror about childbirth, and
Speaker 1: they filmed it a couple of years ago, but this
Speaker 1: just came out this summer and while ironically she was
Speaker 1: pregnant with her first baby. So my guest today is
Speaker 1: a Lata Glazier. Yeah, welcome a Lana. I'm going to
Speaker 1: you and say it's Glazer. Oh fuck, that's a Lana.
Speaker 1: Glazers is like a sort of me who works with
Speaker 1: glass and Glazer is this guy? Okay, And I wanted
Speaker 1: you to know that my last name is actually hand
Speaker 1: Job and everyone's been pronouncing that role as well a
Speaker 1: lot of Glazer. That's it. I'm glad you corrected me.
Speaker 1: I do that with Charlie's Throne all the time, who's
Speaker 1: a very close friend of mine, and she gives me
Speaker 1: shit about mispronouncing her name all the time, first or last.
Speaker 1: I mean, they're both ex that's and I told her,
Speaker 1: I go, I don't even think you're pronouncing it right.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. That's how I feel about
Speaker 1: Australian accents. They exactly. That's how I feel about Australians.
Speaker 1: Where are we nerve? Yeah, Nai, I was trying to
Speaker 1: get that Australian knife for a long time because I
Speaker 1: was doing this imitation of an Australian pilot in my
Speaker 1: stand up, and then I had to toss it because
Speaker 1: I couldn't get the name because it's like night nine A.
Speaker 1: You are as how the youths are spelling it on
Speaker 1: the internet is that it's rough. Like my voice is
Speaker 1: so great, So well, yeah, I like your voice. It's soothing.
Speaker 1: You should do one of those meditation apps. Oh, I'd
Speaker 1: love it, just for Jews only. The last time I
Speaker 1: saw you, we were at my show in the Beacon.
Speaker 1: You came so kindly. I loved seeing you. I was
Speaker 1: just lit and so empowering. Of course, I missed the
Speaker 1: night before, Sarah Silverman and Amy Schumer and Sarah Cooper.
Speaker 1: You had a damn lineup girl. Oh yeah, that was fun.
Speaker 1: We were all on. The person we were missing was you,
Speaker 1: but you were sick and you were being responsible because
Speaker 1: it was one of those every time we get six sick,
Speaker 1: it's a COVID scare thing, so we have to be
Speaker 1: even just a little flair. I was thinking about an
Speaker 1: awesome fiftieth birthday party that I missed recently because I
Speaker 1: was like a little rundown, and I was like, fuck,
Speaker 1: but you gotta do it. It's always been gross to
Speaker 1: show up somewhere a little sick, but now it's disgusting.
Speaker 1: Now it is disgusting and wrong. And we were together
Speaker 1: on that night. We went out to dinner with Matteo
Speaker 1: Lane and yeah, I was on my thirty day alcohol light,
Speaker 1: so I got to break my thirty day alcohol light
Speaker 1: with a Lana Glazer and I had an Apperall sprits
Speaker 1: who knew that sentence would ever come out of my mouth? Hey,
Speaker 1: that I was on an alcohol clens and b that
Speaker 1: I broke it with an Apperall sprits so funny, I mean,
Speaker 1: not basically like a soccer mom at this point a
Speaker 1: mother though at this point, Yeah, I am a what
Speaker 1: is what are you in the city is a walk
Speaker 1: up mom? Just stairs and stars and stares. I'm just like,
Speaker 1: how long can this last? I don't know, Chelsea h Job,
Speaker 1: I don't know. The good thing is that, like, as
Speaker 1: long as my form is good, life is a hardcore
Speaker 1: workout in New York City with a baby. So I'm
Speaker 1: feeling fit and strong, but I'm also like, it's just
Speaker 1: insane here. It's just insane. I'm looking but I've been
Speaker 1: here sixteen years and uh what a crazy It's just changed.
Speaker 1: The city is so insane and it's like the microcosm
Speaker 1: of everything insanity. Do you think it's wearing you thin?
Speaker 1: Are you saying that you love it? How are you feeling?
Speaker 1: I mean if I love it and I hate it,
Speaker 1: I mean like I love it, but I'm also just
Speaker 1: like what you know? The high rises. The rats are
Speaker 1: are full citizens in New York. It's it's bunkers in
Speaker 1: l A. They're crazy. There are rats in l A.
Speaker 1: And they are possums. Yeah, they're large. That is scary
Speaker 1: ship they are. I was staying in l A for
Speaker 1: like five months last year, and whenever I'm in l A,
Speaker 1: I'm haunted by ghosts. I have like environmental issues and
Speaker 1: animal issues, and something always is like happening. And the
Speaker 1: rats were like full woodworking in the walls of the
Speaker 1: places I was staying. Oh my god, it was building furniture.
Speaker 1: It was insane. So staying at a hostel. I was
Speaker 1: staying at a totally lovely house in Laurel Canyon, but
Speaker 1: they were like, oh yeah, Laurel Canyon, the nicest place. Yeah,
Speaker 1: infested with rats. I was like, this place is I mean,
Speaker 1: l A is so itself and its contradictions, but in
Speaker 1: New York they're smaller and more cerebral. At least we
Speaker 1: rolled that's a good way to put it. Yeah, Yeah,
Speaker 1: Joe and I went to this morning. We're doing this
Speaker 1: out of New York City today. Joe and I went
Speaker 1: to because he had to get his tc A renewed
Speaker 1: t s A to move quicker at the airport. He
Speaker 1: didn't get his renewed so you could get pre check
Speaker 1: or whatever it is t s A, pre check, t
Speaker 1: c A or the Critics Choice Association. So that's exactly
Speaker 1: what I was talking about. Anyway, we had to go
Speaker 1: there and get that done. And we went in. Well,
Speaker 1: we had an appointment, but it was in the bronx,
Speaker 1: and I said, let's just walk in. We walk in,
Speaker 1: walk it some walk like a walk into some post
Speaker 1: office around the corner. We walk in, we put his
Speaker 1: name in, and then we go to check and see
Speaker 1: how long it is, and they say it's going to
Speaker 1: be two hours. And we were waiting in the room
Speaker 1: and the woman's like, okay, well you can't wait inside
Speaker 1: if you're a walking and like we had been waiting
Speaker 1: for thirty minutes. I go, but we've been here the
Speaker 1: whole time, and she goes, yeah, but no appointments only
Speaker 1: are allowed to wait inside. And we were masked up obviously,
Speaker 1: and I said, okay, so we have to now go
Speaker 1: outside because I asked you how long it was, and
Speaker 1: she goes yes, So we leave, we go get we
Speaker 1: go get Head of Cures together, one of my favorite
Speaker 1: activities to do with my boyfriend. And we came back
Speaker 1: and she's like, okay, appointments have been canceled. I was like,
Speaker 1: what the fucking kind of customer service is this? Oh
Speaker 1: my god. It's like not that I ever have intellectual references,
Speaker 1: but it's like Edward I'll be play, you know, like
Speaker 1: waiting for good Dough and no Exit. It's the two
Speaker 1: references I have from college. I don't know ship, but
Speaker 1: it's just like you're in a loop and it's like
Speaker 1: an absurdist play. And that's what bureaucracy in New yarpe. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and the logic behind it. It's like these people have
Speaker 1: an appointment, so they can wait in the waiting room,
Speaker 1: but you can't because you're a walking appointment. It's like, okay,
Speaker 1: little Dr Susie. Yeah, the logic is like really anyway, Okay,
Speaker 1: can I say two things T T C A S.
Speaker 1: You just want a critics word for evolution, right, I
Speaker 1: thank you. No, I won one for Best Comedy to
Speaker 1: our People's Choice Award. Yeah, but same thing, right, Well
Speaker 1: the people, I mean that's that's even better no offense
Speaker 1: than the critics. Well for me, and it's all about
Speaker 1: the people. Yeah. I can't be performing for critics. We
Speaker 1: know that. You know that, right, Yeah, but congratulations, thank you, honey,
Speaker 1: thank you. All of your winds is so inspiring. I
Speaker 1: love them. Well, I feel the same way about you,
Speaker 1: speaking of which, it was a little much I think
Speaker 1: to Joe. That was like Joe Joe Coy, Like, I'm
Speaker 1: just so excited about your guys love and nothing's too
Speaker 1: much for him. He is the king of enthusiasm. So
Speaker 1: don't even ever get it twisted. I want to talk
Speaker 1: more specifically about your movie False Positive Love It, So
Speaker 1: let's talk a little bit about that and why that
Speaker 1: was important for you to make, because I know that
Speaker 1: was close to your heart, right, Yeah, I mean that
Speaker 1: was like a I can't even believe it got made.
Speaker 1: It was such a like fucked up passion project from
Speaker 1: like my core. So I'm actually I'm stoked about it
Speaker 1: and I'm star if you want to talk about it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So you were involved obviously in the creative process from
Speaker 1: the outset. Yeah. I I wrote that with my writing
Speaker 1: partner for that film, John Lee, So we wrote that
Speaker 1: script and then I started it and he directed it.
Speaker 1: So it was like similar to Broad City in that
Speaker 1: it was like something that I saw from conception to birth,
Speaker 1: no pun intended, because it's all about birth and seating.
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's a very white punk and satirical and
Speaker 1: weird and unique. And what were the most important themes,
Speaker 1: like when you were very passionate how First of all,
Speaker 1: how long did it take you from the start of
Speaker 1: conceptualizing it to actually executing it? Gosh, what year is it?
Speaker 1: My brain is so broken Instagram? Well you have money brain.
Speaker 1: Now you can blame that and COVID and New York.
Speaker 1: Today I blame Instagram. Actually, um, I just played Instagram.
Speaker 1: My brain is leaking out my ears. Every time I
Speaker 1: open Instagram. It's just brain diarrhea out of my ears.
Speaker 1: What about when you mindlessly go on TikTok and then
Speaker 1: it plays it at full volume even when you have
Speaker 1: it down on Instagram. If you go on TikTok, everyone
Speaker 1: around you know that you're on TikTok a TikTok. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: I make them once in a while, but I don't
Speaker 1: have like a social media person. I have a coordinator
Speaker 1: and producer who helps me, but it's not like I,
Speaker 1: like have a dedicated social media person. If I did.
Speaker 1: They're fun, you know, it's fun to make little things
Speaker 1: and it's a fun creative outlet. But like, I can
Speaker 1: barely handle it on my own, so I make just
Speaker 1: stupid ones randomly. I'm not I haven't invested a whole
Speaker 1: thing in any Yeah, I have a social media team
Speaker 1: because I can't be I can't I feel that that
Speaker 1: way about you. I need somebody to get excited for me,
Speaker 1: and then I can produce the content. I'm not even
Speaker 1: produce it. I can show up and record it. That's
Speaker 1: like somewhere I want to get too is just have
Speaker 1: that because it's fun and it does reach people. You know,
Speaker 1: it feels good as a fan to like see your
Speaker 1: stuff and be like, hey, Chelsea, you know I want
Speaker 1: to get there, but yeah, my ship's leaking out my ears.
Speaker 1: So the question was how long did it take you
Speaker 1: from the inception a false positive to actually seeing it
Speaker 1: come to fruition. I would say five years from starting
Speaker 1: to talk about it with John Lee to three years
Speaker 1: from writing it to the point of putting it out.
Speaker 1: And it's about the power structures that run the world
Speaker 1: and how they fuck over women, and that happens in medicine.
Speaker 1: That happens, of course on a spectrum from black to
Speaker 1: Asian to white too queer. You know, there's this algorithm
Speaker 1: in the power structures that box people over to different degrees.
Speaker 1: So it's about this white woman in New York City
Speaker 1: who's trying to get pregnant in her husband are trying
Speaker 1: to get pregnant, and the medical system, specifically the reproductive
Speaker 1: medical system fox here over in a scary way that
Speaker 1: truly happens. Because the movie is out, I'm going to
Speaker 1: tell you about it. There is a phenomenon that is
Speaker 1: pretty rampant and increasingly being exposed where some fertility doctors
Speaker 1: put their own sperm in their unwitting patients. And because
Speaker 1: es Catherine, thank you for that look, I'm like horrified
Speaker 1: over here. Yes, because of the way the world works
Speaker 1: is that the policymakers protect people, and if the policymakers
Speaker 1: all look like Mitch McConnell, the only people protected or
Speaker 1: Mitch McConnell. So it's technically legal. So some lawsuits have
Speaker 1: happened or but it's been for other ship they have
Speaker 1: to name it as another thing. There's so little research
Speaker 1: about women and reproductive health, and they're so little legal
Speaker 1: protection obviously, so it's like a horror movie that's like
Speaker 1: a satire about like the whiteness and the New York nous.
Speaker 1: And here in New York we think we're so progressive,
Speaker 1: but damn are we pretty backwards in a lot of ways,
Speaker 1: you know, like income disparity alone tells you how backwards
Speaker 1: a places. And you know, there's the richest people here
Speaker 1: in the poorest people here. So New York can be
Speaker 1: whacked in that way too. So it's a pretty amazing cast.
Speaker 1: Pierce Brosnan is our villain. He's Pierce Prosden is awesome
Speaker 1: in this movie. First of all, I love Pierce Brosen.
Speaker 1: Isn't he just the sexiest man alive? Every year? Piers
Speaker 1: Brasson is the sexiest man alive, and he always has
Speaker 1: been and always has been because like the reason that
Speaker 1: he remains Pierce Prosdon is because he is a gentleman,
Speaker 1: like giggling and blushing, a gentleman and an artists and
Speaker 1: just a cool dude. He's like gone through a bunch
Speaker 1: of ships, survived it with immediately visible elegance, and is
Speaker 1: just awesome to work with. He is awesome to work with.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I'm going to tell you this this story.
Speaker 1: So there's this shot, Oh my goodness, I am giggling
Speaker 1: and blushing. There's this thing, I have a mask like
Speaker 1: any other school a crushed girls. There's this shot in
Speaker 1: the film where I'm like, it's this real like stylist
Speaker 1: shot and I'm covered in blood, buck naked, and I
Speaker 1: look at myself in the mirror clothed and buck naked
Speaker 1: and clothed and naked. And I talked to Pearce on
Speaker 1: the phone to like talk about getting him to do
Speaker 1: the movie and talking about the movie or whatever. But
Speaker 1: the first time that I met him in person was
Speaker 1: covered in blood, fully naked. Oh on set, Yes, I
Speaker 1: was like, bring him in, and that's how I met him.
Speaker 1: I was like, I think this will be the this
Speaker 1: is the closest I'll ever get, So here you go.
Speaker 1: I was just done. I was like, this is this
Speaker 1: is me? I was. I was covered in fake blood,
Speaker 1: which is almost like Cherry Sarah. So it was a
Speaker 1: little demure and probably very erotic for him. I hope.
Speaker 1: I mean that's all we can do, is hope. Now,
Speaker 1: when you sold this movie based on the subject matter
Speaker 1: and everything, was that difficult to sell or did you
Speaker 1: just sell it's on Hulu? Right? Yeah? We went straight too,
Speaker 1: and they dug it. They're like pretty, they're keen, right,
Speaker 1: So they dug it and they were like, okay, let's
Speaker 1: do this, and we we shaped the story with them
Speaker 1: too too. It became that style. We we always were
Speaker 1: aiming at that kind of satire and the tone that
Speaker 1: it evokes. Their great producers, they helped us like shape it,
Speaker 1: shape this world. And what has it and what has
Speaker 1: the feedback been. Have you heard from a lot of
Speaker 1: different women now about watching that movie and their own experiences? Yes,
Speaker 1: it is really eerie. How many people, like even just
Speaker 1: in talking about the movie, how they have had similar
Speaker 1: experiences discovered that this has happened to them. So many
Speaker 1: people have told me that this has happened to them.
Speaker 1: If that's who their father is, is there a doctor
Speaker 1: riffs with their mothers who didn't tell them? I think
Speaker 1: I am a to The mothers are like found in
Speaker 1: a way where they're like, did I do this? I
Speaker 1: kind of knew it afterwards. I kind of put the
Speaker 1: pieces together, you know. It's it's so so doctors opting
Speaker 1: to forego the semen that they've been supplied with and
Speaker 1: instead inseminate their own semen into their own patients. So
Speaker 1: this is a thing that is happening. Yes. Is it
Speaker 1: because they like ran out of college student semen or
Speaker 1: they're just like monsters? It's because their monster? Yeah, since
Speaker 1: when does a man, help when you run out of something,
Speaker 1: no college and it's free. So no, it's because they're monsters.
Speaker 1: And I guess the people in this position tend to
Speaker 1: be white males, but I can't help. But it feels
Speaker 1: connected to white supremacy to They're like, believe me, my
Speaker 1: sperm is primo. It's like, I don't think so, bro,
Speaker 1: I don't think so. I think the hardest thing for
Speaker 1: a lot of people to get around. And I'm sure
Speaker 1: all of our listeners are on the same page because
Speaker 1: we have such a loyal fan base, and I think
Speaker 1: the hardest thing to get around. It's like whenever I
Speaker 1: mentioned anything, like everything to me is goes right back
Speaker 1: to white supremacy, Like everything in society, even regular, common
Speaker 1: everyday things that happened. You're like, oh, there's white supremacy
Speaker 1: at work. And Joe is always like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: oh my god. I'm like, you are a victim of
Speaker 1: white supremacy, so you should actually be even more tuned
Speaker 1: to this. The thing is as white people, like the
Speaker 1: wool has been pulled over our eyes the most because
Speaker 1: we're the ones meant to uphold the whole system. So
Speaker 1: I find that like, as a white person, and as
Speaker 1: a white woman, it's like I'm like working on this
Speaker 1: bit of like I can't unsee the patriarchy. I see
Speaker 1: it everywhere. I see it in you know, utensils and
Speaker 1: tips and the way people. You know, it's like it
Speaker 1: is everywhere. But it's because we haven't been thrust upon
Speaker 1: the system hasn't been thrust upon us in a particular
Speaker 1: way to see it as kids, you know what I mean. Like, um,
Speaker 1: there's this awesome New York representative cho say in Brooklyn,
Speaker 1: whose third generation Brooklyn and he's like twenty three. He is, uh, amazing.
Speaker 1: This young person is filled with light, totally sees the
Speaker 1: whole system and how to navigate through it. Is a politician,
Speaker 1: he's he's he's amazing, an activist term politician. And I
Speaker 1: was like, Mr, Oh, say, how do you see the
Speaker 1: whole system this way? And he was like, it's because
Speaker 1: I'm black, Because at a young age I knew as
Speaker 1: a black person in a black family in a black
Speaker 1: community what the system was doing, you know. But for
Speaker 1: us to be like way and then and then it
Speaker 1: comes later now it's like I feel a delayed response
Speaker 1: where it started when I left home. Basically Smithtown. Phille
Speaker 1: lives in the town that I grew up in. Oh cute,
Speaker 1: which is a cute connection. I mean a real as
Speaker 1: authentic connection behind the scenes here at Chelsea hand Job,
Speaker 1: you know. But you come up against it everywhere, and
Speaker 1: we do need to be reminding ourselves or else it's
Speaker 1: harder to stay like fucking wilful against it. Yeah, yeah, especially,
Speaker 1: I mean it is hard because it becomes such as
Speaker 1: feel it feels like you're always arguing, you know, like
Speaker 1: you're always cantankerous, and you are arguing, and it's like
Speaker 1: and it's a necessary argument. To be constantly reminding. It's
Speaker 1: a bummer, But it's also necessary to be constantly reminding
Speaker 1: yourself and others around you to look and see like
Speaker 1: through this, through this lens of like the real reality
Speaker 1: of things, even growing up. You know, when I look
Speaker 1: back at the way how bombastic and arrogant I was
Speaker 1: at a young age, everyone just thought I had so
Speaker 1: much confidence and I was so fearless. It was like, no,
Speaker 1: I just had grown up in a structure where I
Speaker 1: knew I could be the loudest and there was we
Speaker 1: were going to be no repercussions. Did you grow up
Speaker 1: with Jews. Yeah, Jews and Italians, which are basically interchangeable,
Speaker 1: but it was very Jewish, very Italian where which they
Speaker 1: called Bagel Hill for short. On that note, we have
Speaker 1: this podcast is where we give advice. We have real
Speaker 1: people who call in and we're just going to give
Speaker 1: our advice and hopefully these are areas that you feel
Speaker 1: comfortable giving advice in which I know you will. And um, yeah,
Speaker 1: so Katherine, should we start with our callers. Yes, we'll
Speaker 1: have to take a quick break, but after that we'll
Speaker 1: get to some collars. Oh, yes, we always have to
Speaker 1: take a quick break. Don't forget about that. Okay, and
Speaker 1: we're back. We're back with a lot of glazer and
Speaker 1: we're going to take some callers, right, Katherine, Yes, we are.
Speaker 1: Our first submission is actually an email. We actually have
Speaker 1: two collars today, so our first email comes from Natalie.
Speaker 1: The subject is secret job. Dear Chelsea. I'm a forty
Speaker 1: six year old woman who has a great husband, two amazing, smart,
Speaker 1: well rounded kids, and I live a quiet, content life.
Speaker 1: My problem is, before I had kids, I had a
Speaker 1: very active work life, were filled with responsibilities and promise.
Speaker 1: We lived in a large city and I felt like
Speaker 1: I was going places career wise. When our first son
Speaker 1: was born, I never really went back to work because
Speaker 1: my husband's job was very demanding and unpredictable, and we
Speaker 1: had no easy childcare option. Fourteen years and a year
Speaker 1: of COVID later, I realized I wanted to start doing
Speaker 1: something outside of the house. Pre COVID I volunteered, so
Speaker 1: I decided to get a job as a school bus driver.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing, Chelsea, I've been doing it for a
Speaker 1: year and none of my family or friends know I
Speaker 1: have this job. I really enjoy it. I love the kids.
Speaker 1: Driving the bus is never boring, and it's only three
Speaker 1: hours a day. But I've kept it a secret because
Speaker 1: I feel that people will look down on me, like
Speaker 1: I couldn't get anything better, or that I'm lazy. All
Speaker 1: my friends have fast paced city jobs but no kids.
Speaker 1: I'm an educated woman, and I don't know why I
Speaker 1: care what people think. I guess I could go on
Speaker 1: and get a better job, but being out of the
Speaker 1: job market for so long, I feel I've been left behind. Also,
Speaker 1: my husband has a six week holiday every year, and
Speaker 1: my family's time off together is very important to us,
Speaker 1: so I guess I want your opinion. Am I being
Speaker 1: dishonest with myself about keeping this job a secret and
Speaker 1: pretending to still just be a stay at home mom? Atalie? Oh? God?
Speaker 1: First of all, you need to embrace the fact that
Speaker 1: you're driving a bus and you fucking love it. I
Speaker 1: love Natalie so loving it? Then? And also how to
Speaker 1: keep it a secret? Bitch, I'm loving it. I'm loving it.
Speaker 1: And also like her self awareness. I hate the stigmas
Speaker 1: and ship that's like weighing her down. But I'm like,
Speaker 1: I get it, but oh I'm loving it. Yeah. First
Speaker 1: of all, you need to embrace the fact that you
Speaker 1: got that job and that you love it, and that
Speaker 1: first of all, you're having a great impact on children.
Speaker 1: Is you like what you're doing? Be And then the
Speaker 1: third thing is you're it's part time, so you're able
Speaker 1: to do everything else that you feel like you need
Speaker 1: to do, which is parent you know, not as much
Speaker 1: as you were doing when they were younger, it's not
Speaker 1: as intensive, and you're earning a living like this is
Speaker 1: a home run. All of this. Yeah, I'm like, I'm like,
Speaker 1: you are not keeping this from your family, You're keeping
Speaker 1: this for yourself. Is yours? Get Natalie? Yes? Also dare
Speaker 1: I say, if you'd like you sent money for therapy
Speaker 1: to look at why you have the shame because therapy
Speaker 1: is fun. That's just I just love therapy. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I don't think driving a bus is beneath anybody. I
Speaker 1: think if you look at it, first of all, you
Speaker 1: don't even need this job, so that that it's not
Speaker 1: like it's the only job you could get. You chose
Speaker 1: this job, and you're doing something that is having a
Speaker 1: positive impact on your community, which is a number one
Speaker 1: the most important thing any of us can do as individuals,
Speaker 1: especially in this fucking country, you know, where people are
Speaker 1: all over the map and so divisive and hate each other.
Speaker 1: You know, this is a great use of your time
Speaker 1: and you should own it and embrace it, and when
Speaker 1: you want to share it with everybody, do it proudly. Yes,
Speaker 1: everyone loves a bus driver as a kid, Like I
Speaker 1: was obsessed with my bus driver. That's amazing. I love that,
Speaker 1: Like a brilliant mom is like taking care of these kids.
Speaker 1: And you're like these days a frontline worker. Really that
Speaker 1: you're that's so important to get these kids to school.
Speaker 1: That's so fun. And you also don't know, Natalie, how
Speaker 1: many people you're going to inspire by telling telling the
Speaker 1: world how much fun you're having and and owning it
Speaker 1: instead of being shameful about it. Flip the script on that.
Speaker 1: Just be like, yeah, I'm cool enough to do this
Speaker 1: and be confident and secure enough that I don't have
Speaker 1: to make excuses for having a job that only you,
Speaker 1: in your mind are judging as not good enough or
Speaker 1: not making enough money. This is a great way to
Speaker 1: contribute while also making a living. So good on you.
Speaker 1: And yeah, spread the word when when you feel comfortable.
Speaker 1: I think you should have done it yesterday, but that's
Speaker 1: my opinion. You know, just spread it. Spread the gospel
Speaker 1: to other people so they can know that, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not all about how much money you're making, and
Speaker 1: especially when you don't need that kind of income to
Speaker 1: supplement your household. I know, I don't think it's lovely
Speaker 1: and a lot of retirees do bust driving. You know,
Speaker 1: it's just fun to get your own kids. She's having
Speaker 1: a great time. I think when it's time for you
Speaker 1: to tell your personal community about it, it's interesting that
Speaker 1: you wanted to keep it from them. That's what I
Speaker 1: mean about the therapy, just because it's it doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be therapy, but just looking at that is interesting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: problem solved. It sounds like Natalie, So I guess there
Speaker 1: was no problem to begin with. And we love these
Speaker 1: kinds of calls. It's just positive affirmations and then schedattle. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I could see you driving a bus. That sounds fun.
Speaker 1: I I can't. Sorry, I don't know that I would
Speaker 1: operate a vehicle. A lot of that I would trust myself,
Speaker 1: but I feel like, WHOA, it would be like a
Speaker 1: little too anxious for it. So prop Tonatalie also on
Speaker 1: operating an enormous like what seven ton piece of machinery
Speaker 1: screenery that's important for a woman and a mom to do.
Speaker 1: That's a pretty specific ton of reference, seven tons right
Speaker 1: off the bat, she knows how much a bus ways.
Speaker 1: Pretty interesting, just just throwing it out there. So many talents. Well,
Speaker 1: our next email comes from Bryson and he is calling in.
Speaker 1: He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a twenty nine year old
Speaker 1: medical student from South Carolina. I've been in a relationship
Speaker 1: up with an amazing man for a year and a
Speaker 1: half now. He's the sweetest, most caring person I've ever met,
Speaker 1: and I'm so thankful for him. However, my boyfriend and
Speaker 1: best friend of ten years have become enemies. When meeting
Speaker 1: her for the first time in Orlando over New Year's,
Speaker 1: boyfriend said something negative about her and she overheard it.
Speaker 1: A horrible argument broke out and made the rest of
Speaker 1: the trip incredibly awkward. A couple of weeks later, I
Speaker 1: found out that she had uninvited him to her wedding.
Speaker 1: I was supposed to be the man of honor, but
Speaker 1: my boyfriend was not allowed to attend. I ended up
Speaker 1: going to the wedding, but since then things have not
Speaker 1: been the same. We've been through therapy over this situation,
Speaker 1: and I've not been able to salvage the relationship between
Speaker 1: the two of them. My boyfriend absolutely wants nothing to
Speaker 1: do with her and has threatened to end our relationship
Speaker 1: if she remains a part of my life. My best
Speaker 1: friend thinks he's controlling and quote horrible. Is it possible
Speaker 1: to fix this so I can have both my boyfriend
Speaker 1: and my best friend Bryson? What I love friendship triangle?
Speaker 1: Oh that's hard? Hi bright Sondi, Hi, Hi, how are you?
Speaker 1: I'm good? So excited for you guys. Thanks, We're happy
Speaker 1: to be here to help you navigate. Yes, okay, so
Speaker 1: tell us what happened. So it's your best friend and
Speaker 1: your boyfriend exactly. Yeah. So we get there and she
Speaker 1: starts making some like kind of racist comments at the beginning, unfortunately,
Speaker 1: and he's biracial, so like really sensitive to any kind
Speaker 1: of stuff like that. So, like we're going into a Walmart,
Speaker 1: and she talked about how like, oh, there's always these
Speaker 1: black people hanging out outside of the Walmart and it
Speaker 1: makes her nervous, so like already that's not a great
Speaker 1: way to start. And then like this is New Year's Eve,
Speaker 1: so like we're all having this party at her house
Speaker 1: and we're talking about relationships, and she says something like, well,
Speaker 1: you guys have only been together for like twenty minutes.
Speaker 1: We've been together for almost a year at that point.
Speaker 1: And then like as a night got on, he and
Speaker 1: I were having what we thought was a private conversation.
Speaker 1: He shared with me like I can't believe how rude
Speaker 1: she is, Like somebody needs to put her in her place,
Speaker 1: and I'm glad we don't live near her. And turns
Speaker 1: out she was in the bedroom and heard everything that
Speaker 1: we said. So she comes like storming out of the
Speaker 1: house and you know, blows up at him like I
Speaker 1: heard everything you said. Just it errupts. Then they have
Speaker 1: this like amazing conversation. She's crying, saying like, you know,
Speaker 1: she's not a racist person. You know, she and him
Speaker 1: don't have to necessarily be friends, but because she loves
Speaker 1: me and he loves me, like they need to get along.
Speaker 1: Everything's fine. The next like three days of our trip
Speaker 1: are great. A couple of weeks later is her bachelorette party,
Speaker 1: and she tells me on the trip he's not invite
Speaker 1: to the wedding anymore, which came like a completely like
Speaker 1: out of nowhere, like why you guys just have this
Speaker 1: awesome you know you made up, Like why would you
Speaker 1: do this? So she blamed it on COVID, said that
Speaker 1: when her bridal party is having their partners or whatever,
Speaker 1: AND's like, okay, we'll fine, Like I can get that.
Speaker 1: So we get to the wedding. Of course everyone in
Speaker 1: the bridal party has a partner. So she lied to
Speaker 1: me about that, so I was hurt immediately. It was
Speaker 1: her man of honor, so like I had an amazing speech,
Speaker 1: you know, and I was there standing right next to
Speaker 1: her throughout the whole wedding and afterwards, I just kind
Speaker 1: of cut ties. More and more time went by, and
Speaker 1: like we started therapy over this, and what we decided
Speaker 1: through therapy was that I need to start pulling away
Speaker 1: from this relationship, like I need to cut contact in
Speaker 1: order to salvage what I have with him. And I
Speaker 1: have a really hard time with that. I really struggle
Speaker 1: cutting ties with people. And and so we went about
Speaker 1: two months without speaking, and then she finally reached out,
Speaker 1: and I guess because I had, you know, wanted to
Speaker 1: talk to her for so long, Like when she reached out,
Speaker 1: I kind of reverted back, like it was just like
Speaker 1: nothing had changed, you know, but still had him over here,
Speaker 1: who was hurting really badly knowing that I was having
Speaker 1: these conversations with her, because in his eyes, it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, you're you don't have my back. So we're
Speaker 1: at staying now. We haven't spoken since September. We've been
Speaker 1: best friends for ten years. We used to speaking like
Speaker 1: every day, and it's been really hard because like I'm
Speaker 1: at a really great point in my life. I'm going
Speaker 1: to graduate medical school, Like I'm interviewing out all these
Speaker 1: programs and I want to share all these experiences with her,
Speaker 1: and she just bought a house, and I want to
Speaker 1: hear about her married life and the Survivor Finaleeston and
Speaker 1: we love that, so that's something we always talk about. So,
Speaker 1: you know, just not having that in my life has
Speaker 1: been really hard. So I'm just not sure how to
Speaker 1: have both of those. Yeah, you're not the only person.
Speaker 1: A lot of people have a problem cutting off ties,
Speaker 1: have a problem with complex confrontation, so that's not uncommon.
Speaker 1: But can I just ask you about your relationship with
Speaker 1: your your partner. Would you describe it as a healthy relationship?
Speaker 1: Does he treat you well? Does he respect you? All
Speaker 1: of those things? He's the most amazing person I've ever met. Like,
Speaker 1: I've dated some scumbags in the past few years, and
Speaker 1: once he came into the picture, everyone's like, finally, my
Speaker 1: family loves him. You know, everybody in my life loves
Speaker 1: him except for her. Yeah, so I'll go first. I
Speaker 1: think that your friend sounds like she's got some a
Speaker 1: jealousy issues about your relationship with him, and then be
Speaker 1: she's got her own issues if she's making comments like
Speaker 1: that walking into Walgreens or you know, commenting about black
Speaker 1: people like. For you to have a tolerance of that
Speaker 1: is kind of what you have to just that's your baseline, right,
Speaker 1: are you going to be tolerant of that kind of behavior?
Speaker 1: That's the perfect reasoning for you to give somebody the
Speaker 1: room they need with a nice like email as your
Speaker 1: last outreach to her, saying, this is a person in
Speaker 1: my life that is so important to me. This is
Speaker 1: the best relationship, the healthiest relationship I've ever been in.
Speaker 1: I hope that at a certain point in your life
Speaker 1: that you will come around to recognize how valuable he
Speaker 1: is to me and how valuable your your friendship is too.
Speaker 1: But I'm being forced now to make a choice between
Speaker 1: the two of you because of her behavior. It doesn't
Speaker 1: sound like your partner did anything to warrant her acting
Speaker 1: like this. She through it, and you're not only did
Speaker 1: she make that comment walking in with somebody who's bi racial,
Speaker 1: That comments not except acceptable if you're around a bunch
Speaker 1: of white people, never mind if you're around somebody who's
Speaker 1: not white, you know what I mean. And then also
Speaker 1: what she did to you at her wedding by disinviting
Speaker 1: him and then showing up, that's a real fuck you
Speaker 1: that's a fuck you to you, you know, And so
Speaker 1: you're hesitancy about having a confrontation or losing someone when
Speaker 1: somebody like like that is in your life and kind
Speaker 1: of just attracting so much negativity. You're used to that.
Speaker 1: That's a habit for you that you're okay with, and
Speaker 1: you shouldn't be. Really, you should have a higher standard
Speaker 1: of operation between your friends and what's acceptable to say
Speaker 1: and what's not because regardless of whether you're with this
Speaker 1: guy or not, she shouldn't be talking about black people
Speaker 1: like that. I mean, are you okay with that? No?
Speaker 1: Certainly not. You've gotten away with it for so long,
Speaker 1: like saying he's off the cuff comments and you know,
Speaker 1: I don't think she's a racist person, but you know
Speaker 1: it's not even okay to like say joking things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you can put that in the letter. You can
Speaker 1: write her this email and saying all of the things
Speaker 1: that you value you about your relationship. And here's where
Speaker 1: you've crossed the line. And I would be willing to
Speaker 1: forgive you if you would be able to come to
Speaker 1: the table and actually say I've done some work on myself.
Speaker 1: I'm ready to actually act like in concert in this relationship,
Speaker 1: so it's not uneven and one sided, and where she's
Speaker 1: willing to embrace your partner and also owe him a
Speaker 1: heartfelt apology. She owes him a heartfelt apology, not not
Speaker 1: just saying oh yeah whatever, she has to actually say
Speaker 1: from her heart, because I'm sure your partner, if he's
Speaker 1: a well rounded individual, would accept an apology if it
Speaker 1: were heartfelt. The problem is that it sounded like the
Speaker 1: initial one wasn't, and then her behavior after that negated
Speaker 1: any apology anyway. So I just am completely behind everything
Speaker 1: that Chelsea's saying. And I don't mean to just straight
Speaker 1: up alienate her, but I'm like, that's nuts. To say
Speaker 1: that in a group of white people is like what,
Speaker 1: But to say that with a biracial person is nuts.
Speaker 1: That's just wild to me, you know, and not cool.
Speaker 1: And the wedding thing is so hurtful. I just for
Speaker 1: a second one to reflect that is so hurtful, manipulative
Speaker 1: and like gaslighting. I'm like, if I were there, I'd
Speaker 1: be like, am I crazy? That is so gaslighting. So
Speaker 1: there's a couple levels I'm looking at here where it
Speaker 1: is so mean to your partner and so mean to
Speaker 1: you you're her best friend of ten years that she's
Speaker 1: like fighting for. That is so I mean, honestly low
Speaker 1: key violent to both of you. That's a lot to process.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited by the way you're talking about him
Speaker 1: and that the rest of your community is so into him.
Speaker 1: Look at she smile. I mean, that's like, dude, that's
Speaker 1: I've chills, Like there's nothing better why I'm obsessed with
Speaker 1: I just like Doe Koy. I mean, it's like, dude, like, also,
Speaker 1: you're becoming a doctor. You need support in order to
Speaker 1: care for all these people that you're about to care for.
Speaker 1: So as we get older, the different ears and decades
Speaker 1: that we go through, our priorities shift. And you know,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking, maybe she was the type of person who
Speaker 1: who was the correct best friend for when you were
Speaker 1: dating scumbags. Maybe she's not the right person for when
Speaker 1: you're dating a gem. And I really like Chelsea's idea
Speaker 1: of an email, just because it gives written boundaries almost
Speaker 1: like legally, it's like, but I said this, you know,
Speaker 1: it's you can't always hold people to you said this.
Speaker 1: People change, things change, But I like that in an email,
Speaker 1: and I'm what I like about it actually is that
Speaker 1: it provides distance. I don't think that being close to
Speaker 1: this person is healthy. I don't think that you have
Speaker 1: to be like, I'll never talk to her again because
Speaker 1: you know, if she feels like family or something. We
Speaker 1: all have racist family and it's not like, you know,
Speaker 1: you can never talk to them again, and you can
Speaker 1: also interact with them in a way that is health
Speaker 1: through exercising healthy boundaries. But I'm like, yeah, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: want her at my wedding if I were you or
Speaker 1: your partner, because that's just not chill and relaxing and joyful.
Speaker 1: There's like something to keep your eye on in mind
Speaker 1: on there, like you don't want any you don't need
Speaker 1: any stains, you know, like you don't need any stains
Speaker 1: on the day to day. Yeah. And I would also
Speaker 1: remind you that, you know, sometimes when you cut off
Speaker 1: a friendship, I know you're viewing it as a loss,
Speaker 1: but it can be a gain, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: When you set your standards to be higher, you're gaining
Speaker 1: because you're saying this is no longer acceptable to me.
Speaker 1: I will not tolerate this behavior from you. I love you,
Speaker 1: and you can say that would love you know, sometimes
Speaker 1: friendships do exhaust themselves or they have a expiration date,
Speaker 1: and that can be depressing. But you don't have to
Speaker 1: look at it that way. You have to look at
Speaker 1: it as you're growing, you're becoming less tolerant of any
Speaker 1: kind of that of that behavior also in service to
Speaker 1: your partner, like you respect him, and that's showing him respect,
Speaker 1: like I'm not going to allow you to be treated
Speaker 1: this way, you know, and that's going to have to
Speaker 1: make you feel good. You know, there's no reason it shouldn't.
Speaker 1: Like you're standing up for yourself and you should stand
Speaker 1: up for yourself. Protecting him and protecting your relationship is
Speaker 1: protecting yourself. Like that just sounds like such a great situation.
Speaker 1: At first, when you said ultimatum, I was like a
Speaker 1: But then to hear the actual details, it's like that's
Speaker 1: that's your partner protecting himself and your relationship. He's he's
Speaker 1: seeing what's healthy. Yeah, And I don't see it as
Speaker 1: an ultimatum. I just see it as like a letter,
Speaker 1: like a missive of saying, hey, I understand we're in
Speaker 1: different places right now, so we're going to take a
Speaker 1: time out from our relationship. I'm always here I'm always
Speaker 1: here for you if you want to come back, and
Speaker 1: you know you feel like you know you've changed or
Speaker 1: your your behave you know, you'll find the right words
Speaker 1: to describe the situation for what it's worth. Don't over
Speaker 1: like describe the details and the minut ship that's irrelevant.
Speaker 1: It's more broad strokes. You know. It's like we've been
Speaker 1: friends for a long time. That means a lot to me.
Speaker 1: And I would never disrespect you in this way, or
Speaker 1: I would want to be available for you, Like if
Speaker 1: I said something that would ever hurt your partner, your husband,
Speaker 1: I would always want to be you know, aware of that,
Speaker 1: and I would want to amend or change my behavior
Speaker 1: become a little bit more clued into what's acceptable these days.
Speaker 1: But as a gay man and as a partner of
Speaker 1: somebody that you love that it sounds like you're going
Speaker 1: to be with for quite some time. Yeah, you owe
Speaker 1: that relationship more respect than you owe your previous relationship.
Speaker 1: And at the end of the day, you're coming home
Speaker 1: to him, not to her. You know, it's like you
Speaker 1: define these two people, and when you talked about him,
Speaker 1: it's like lovely, amazing. The thing I've been looking for
Speaker 1: and when you talked about her, it was difficult overreacting
Speaker 1: kind of racist. And I think when you look at
Speaker 1: it in those basic terms, like like Alana and Chelsea said,
Speaker 1: there's a reason we start to outgrow some of those
Speaker 1: relationships at I do feel like it's definitely a growing experience,
Speaker 1: like it's time to it's time to grow up and
Speaker 1: kind of make some of the harder decisions that I've
Speaker 1: been avoiding for a long time. This relationship is super
Speaker 1: important to me and definitely one that I see going
Speaker 1: long term. So yeah, I think it's time to put
Speaker 1: on the big boy pants and make a decision like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And it's going to bring you and your partner even
Speaker 1: closer together because he's going to understand that you're going
Speaker 1: to up up to the plate for him and he
Speaker 1: should know that. You know, that's what a partnership is about.
Speaker 1: That she he's got your back. She doesn't have your back.
Speaker 1: She's shown you that a few times, so you don't
Speaker 1: need to find that out again. Yeah. It's definitely, um,
Speaker 1: you know, not easy for me, but I'm excited for
Speaker 1: what the future has with us. Yeah, exactly. And I
Speaker 1: think once you do that, Bryson and your your avoidance
Speaker 1: of conflict will actually diminish. You know, once you get
Speaker 1: the ball rolling and you do it once, all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, you're like, oh wait, this is good, this
Speaker 1: is empowering. This is what I should be able to
Speaker 1: do to stand up for myself, my loved ones, my family,
Speaker 1: the people that are important. Perfect to meet you. Thank you,
Speaker 1: congrats on about to be graduating medical school. That is
Speaker 1: a huge difficult accomplishment. Good job, Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Take care. Thanks by Bryson. I was just about to
Speaker 1: add I'm glad that he's going to be graduating medical
Speaker 1: school without her ruining the graduation. It's not that she
Speaker 1: would show up for it, because she sounds like she's
Speaker 1: so wrapped up at her own stuff. But imagine doing that,
Speaker 1: Like you give you know, your friend comes down, you
Speaker 1: have this whole thing with his friend. I mean, what's
Speaker 1: your defense? Like she hears them talking about her, But
Speaker 1: what's her defense. I didn't say those things. She's he's
Speaker 1: basically talking about what he heard her say, you mean
Speaker 1: in the bedroom, and she abuse but and she's like
Speaker 1: it sounds like the person that you get super drunk with,
Speaker 1: and she's messy and it's funny. And now he's growing
Speaker 1: up and it's like, sorry, girl, and she's gonna have
Speaker 1: a challenging um, you know, good luck to her. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when you're described as abrasive, I mean I I remember
Speaker 1: times and when I was younger that being described as that,
Speaker 1: and I was like, what people are totally misreading me,
Speaker 1: And it's like no, no, no, you are abrasive. And
Speaker 1: then you have to come to terms with that and
Speaker 1: understand your abrasiveness and how that affects you know, like
Speaker 1: your intention or what you're saying isn't always how things
Speaker 1: are digested, and you have to be self aware enough
Speaker 1: to get to get that, and sometimes people don't want
Speaker 1: to ever hear that. And actually to that point, it's like,
Speaker 1: so maybe she can change, but it's not going to
Speaker 1: happen through repeating the behavior or level of relationship that
Speaker 1: they've had thus far. This change that Bryson is about
Speaker 1: to invoke will probably help her as well. Yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: because showing up to a wedding and finding out that
Speaker 1: everyone else had the plus one there, it's such a
Speaker 1: funk you. That is such a fuck you. I would
Speaker 1: have ended that relationship that day and never spoken to
Speaker 1: that person. I'm like, I can't stay here COVID. I'm like, no, no, no, yeah,
Speaker 1: nearly nearly. Anyway, we wrapped that up with a nice
Speaker 1: little bow. Yeah, this is a tricky one. Our next
Speaker 1: email comes from Liza. She says, my son's best friend
Speaker 1: is an eleven year old girl who is an open
Speaker 1: and proud lesbian, and she's the daughter of my best
Speaker 1: friend of almost twenty years. Our children have been friends
Speaker 1: for their entire lives. They both were over for Thanksgiving
Speaker 1: and spent the night as they had done many times before,
Speaker 1: and it was all okay until I got an urgent
Speaker 1: phone call Sunday night on Thanksgiving. My son had forcefully
Speaker 1: kissed her honor with tongue after being told no on
Speaker 1: a failed attempt. Her daughter is saying he sexually assaulted her.
Speaker 1: Her mom says she is traumatized and never wants to
Speaker 1: see him again. I have so much guilt. My friendship
Speaker 1: with my best friend is now in a very weird place,
Speaker 1: and I feel like shit. Other than therapy for my son,
Speaker 1: which he is about to start on Tuesday, signed up
Speaker 1: initially because of school behavioral issues, I don't know what
Speaker 1: to do. What do I do to teach my son
Speaker 1: consent and mend my friendship. Liza. Okay, Liza, that's really difficult,
Speaker 1: I do. I mean, that is a very difficult situation.
Speaker 1: I think first you have to give your friends some space,
Speaker 1: like and her child some space, and not bombard her,
Speaker 1: not that that's what you're doing, but make sure you're
Speaker 1: giving her the amount of space that it takes you
Speaker 1: to address the situation, you know, because if you go
Speaker 1: back and you're like, let's fix our friendship, she's not
Speaker 1: there yet. And she and she sounds like you guys
Speaker 1: have been friends for a long time. You know, this
Speaker 1: is really unfortunate. Obviously, your son does have some behavioral issues.
Speaker 1: If she had told him no before and he did
Speaker 1: that to her, even if you did that to her
Speaker 1: without her telling him no, that's not acceptable. So you're
Speaker 1: addressing those. You should also get yourself into therapy, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, because your parenting obviously can help
Speaker 1: be helped by any sort of child family like an
Speaker 1: MFCC will help you understand what you can be doing
Speaker 1: to better help your son understand the boundaries and the rules,
Speaker 1: like a Marriage Family Child counsel um, and they can
Speaker 1: help you, you know, like or a psychologist or so
Speaker 1: you know, you know, a psychiatrist. Whatever you choose to do,
Speaker 1: m f ccs tend to be more affordable, so you can, like,
Speaker 1: you know, you just have to understand how you're supposed
Speaker 1: to direct your child, because that's the responsibility you have
Speaker 1: to take. Putting him in therapy is great, but you
Speaker 1: also need to understand what your role is, what your
Speaker 1: husband or partner's role is in this dynamic as well.
Speaker 1: And then you know, once you've learned and gleaned some
Speaker 1: valid information and valuable information and you started to see
Speaker 1: a change in your son and he is as sorry
Speaker 1: as he's going to get about this, then you can
Speaker 1: reach out to your friend and offer an apology. And
Speaker 1: and you know, understand that the little girl may not
Speaker 1: be interested in seeing him anytime soon, but that you're
Speaker 1: available if and when she does become ready, that you
Speaker 1: and your son are available to go there, whether it's
Speaker 1: in person, whether it's via email, you know, zoom, whatever
Speaker 1: is appropriate and in the moment to actually have a
Speaker 1: conversation when you have information about why he did act
Speaker 1: like that and why he has started to change. You know,
Speaker 1: I don't think like apologies have that much merit until
Speaker 1: somebody's actually done a little bit of work on their
Speaker 1: side of things. I have very little, just like only
Speaker 1: an underline that's that's right, And that's like a that's
Speaker 1: a hard situation. It's kind of like I've been thinking
Speaker 1: of I just had a baby five and a half
Speaker 1: months ago, and I've been thinking about families as like onions,
Speaker 1: where it's like the baby and the mother, I mean,
Speaker 1: at least in the very beginning, are one, and the
Speaker 1: next layer is the partner, you know, around that that layer,
Speaker 1: and then the next layer is whoever the next support
Speaker 1: layer is. And for your son to get hell, you
Speaker 1: probably need some support also in supporting him. And it
Speaker 1: is your job to support him first and foremost, and
Speaker 1: then to understand yourself. And I guess that's probably what
Speaker 1: your best friend is doing with their child too, is
Speaker 1: supporting their child, and that's going to take time and space. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it might be worth just, you know, just to
Speaker 1: make yourself feel better, you know, to send her an
Speaker 1: email saying that these are my points of action, and
Speaker 1: this is what I'm gonna do, and I'm going to
Speaker 1: give you the space that you need. Obviously, I'm going
Speaker 1: to try to fix this situation. But I'm going to
Speaker 1: come back to you when I have something to fix
Speaker 1: it with, so that she knows that you're on the road.
Speaker 1: I'm sure she's devastated as well, of course. I mean,
Speaker 1: nobody wants their little girl to go through that, and
Speaker 1: nobody wants to lose their best friend. You guys have
Speaker 1: a friendship. But remember they are kids. These are little kids.
Speaker 1: They're eleven years old, right, that's what she said. Their
Speaker 1: age was, So like, this isn't the end of the world,
Speaker 1: This isn't define your son. This is a great opportunity
Speaker 1: for learning and growth, huge opportunity so that this doesn't
Speaker 1: happen again, and that you raise a son that understands
Speaker 1: and respects boundaries. Because also, like teaching your son consent
Speaker 1: is a new concept in the mainstream discourse. Of course
Speaker 1: that's always there, but it's like it's just at a
Speaker 1: new level right now. So I love Chelsea's point of
Speaker 1: it being a great opportunity, and they are kids, I think,
Speaker 1: just something that if you can be gentle with yourself, yeah, yes,
Speaker 1: and please keep us posted, let us know what happens
Speaker 1: and how it goes with therapy with your son and
Speaker 1: with your friend when you do reach out to her
Speaker 1: and hear back from her. It's really like so generous
Speaker 1: to share this anecdote and let it be in the conversation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're going to take a break and then we'll be
Speaker 1: really back. Well. Our last call of the day is
Speaker 1: from Sarah. Sarah says, Dear Chelsea, how do you gracefully
Speaker 1: take compliments? I'm somewhat of a self conscious person who's
Speaker 1: always had trouble knowing what to do when someone gives
Speaker 1: me praise, specifically compliments regarding my son and soon to
Speaker 1: be second son. I adopted my fourteen year old when
Speaker 1: he was young because his parents were not able to
Speaker 1: take care of him. I was with his dad for
Speaker 1: a time and that didn't work out, but my kiddo
Speaker 1: stayed with me. When people find this out, they fall
Speaker 1: all over themselves giving me praise, and I never know
Speaker 1: what to say. I want to show I'm thankful, but
Speaker 1: also that that's not really necessary. I take care of
Speaker 1: my son because it was a need I could fill,
Speaker 1: and it brings me joy. My fiance and I are
Speaker 1: now adopting another little one in a similar situation of need,
Speaker 1: and I feel so uncomfortable when people pour on the admiration,
Speaker 1: and I just don't know what to say. As you
Speaker 1: are someone who helps many more people than me, I
Speaker 1: thought you might have some expertise in this area. Sarah Hi,
Speaker 1: Sarah Hi, Chelsea, Hi, how are you? This is a
Speaker 1: Laana Sarah Hi, Alana. I know who you are. I'm
Speaker 1: a fan. Thank you so much for having me today.
Speaker 1: So nice to meet you. Oh, it's nice to see you. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's very nice to see you. So you just have
Speaker 1: a problem with people heaping praise on you because you're
Speaker 1: a great mom when you put it like that, No,
Speaker 1: I just think sometimes like I want to be really
Speaker 1: accepting of the admiration, but it feels uncomfortable to just
Speaker 1: be like, oh, well, thank you, I know I'm so great,
Speaker 1: Like I really appreciate you noticing. I feel like there's
Speaker 1: got to be something that's like makes people understand that
Speaker 1: I really am grateful for them saying that and maybe
Speaker 1: more acknowledging that it is something a little bit different
Speaker 1: and their praise really does mean that extra bit. I
Speaker 1: feel like there's gotta be more something to show how
Speaker 1: much I care that they're taking the time to show
Speaker 1: that to me. Yeah, well, I think This is so easy.
Speaker 1: First of all, I'm not great at taking compliments either,
Speaker 1: but I'm getting different kinds of compliments and you're getting
Speaker 1: so that's my own issue. But you just have to
Speaker 1: flip that little narrative in your head and every time
Speaker 1: somebody gives you that compliment, it's an opportunity for you
Speaker 1: to express to them how grateful you are a to
Speaker 1: be in the position that you are, that you're able
Speaker 1: to do this right, that you're able to be joyful
Speaker 1: while doing this, that you're able to have a good time.
Speaker 1: That it's like, this is your purpose in a sense,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, It's one of your purposes
Speaker 1: for sure. And oh my gosh, I love that so
Speaker 1: much that just in itself is the best answer that
Speaker 1: I could ask to give when that someone says this
Speaker 1: to me, that to me sounds so much more than
Speaker 1: oh well, thank you, like, oh, this is my purpose.
Speaker 1: That actually feels like when people are coming from this
Speaker 1: heartfelt place that they would feel heard by me repeating
Speaker 1: something like that to them. Yeah, it's that simple, and
Speaker 1: just start saying that. You know, you can write down
Speaker 1: three different variations and responses you have and just rotate
Speaker 1: them like it's great to be able to be good
Speaker 1: at something, you know, it's great to me, and so
Speaker 1: good at being a mother. Like these kids are my
Speaker 1: life and they're a gift to me, so I'm able
Speaker 1: to give them the gift back of being a present parent.
Speaker 1: You bet, I'm a psyched to do this. Thank you
Speaker 1: for noticing you know, all of those things. That's amazing.
Speaker 1: I love those answers, all of them, and you deserve
Speaker 1: all of the credit and congratulations on your people's choice.
Speaker 1: The word that is so awesome. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Definitely earned it. You're making people smile and making a
Speaker 1: difference all the time to oh, well, thank you, thank
Speaker 1: you for that compliment. Yeah, that means a lot to me.
Speaker 1: By the way, that's another thing you can say when
Speaker 1: people compliment you, that means a lot to me. You know,
Speaker 1: that's true. That's awesome. Actually, yeah, I tried never to say.
Speaker 1: The one thing I try to always remember is never
Speaker 1: to say thank you mindlessly, Like, you know, even if
Speaker 1: it's like I'm at an event and they're all my
Speaker 1: fans are there and they're saying something, you know, it's
Speaker 1: over and over again. Like I don't want to project
Speaker 1: any sort of getting used to that. Ever, it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter how long you've been doing this. You want to
Speaker 1: just be present for each person so you can receive
Speaker 1: their compliments and look them in the eye and be
Speaker 1: like really appreciative, you know. So that's also something Just
Speaker 1: as long as you're connecting with the person who's giving
Speaker 1: you the compliment and being heartfelt, then it lands. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I totally agree. I feel like you're completely understanding where
Speaker 1: I'm coming from when I say that, just saying thank
Speaker 1: you kind of feels like there's there's something just below
Speaker 1: the surface more that you can make sure that they're
Speaker 1: hearing you. So do you do you have trouble accepting compliments? Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1: And I was just thinking, Sarah, like, I mean, I
Speaker 1: get why people like vell for you. You're so sweet
Speaker 1: and also like you have such a caring nature about you.
Speaker 1: And I was even just thinking just the like feeling
Speaker 1: it in your body, like really, all you need to
Speaker 1: say is thank you. Although it helps to have like
Speaker 1: a stable of things that you do actually mean, but
Speaker 1: it is hard to like feel it. It feels like electricity,
Speaker 1: right because it's exciting and you do feel seen and
Speaker 1: then to be like thank you it's it does take. Um.
Speaker 1: It's kind of a skill actually to hold that energy
Speaker 1: of someone else's so uh, I totally get it. And
Speaker 1: you're right though, to be like thank you, thank you,
Speaker 1: it's like you don't want that either, So yeah, it's
Speaker 1: kind of seems like a practice for you in presence
Speaker 1: that you're looking for. Yeah, you keep practicing that, and then,
Speaker 1: like you know, after the first three or four weeks,
Speaker 1: it's going to be second hat to you. And that's
Speaker 1: when you get into good habits. It's so easy to
Speaker 1: rehabituate yourself, definitely, And I do want to make space
Speaker 1: for people just like you're saying to acknowledge that. I
Speaker 1: really appreciate them taking that minute to be like, hey,
Speaker 1: what you're doing is kind of different, and so I
Speaker 1: just love those answers and I really appreciate that. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much practicing Yeah, oh there there you
Speaker 1: know God, And I missed it because I was busy
Speaker 1: saying thank you, but thank you for calling in. That
Speaker 1: was a very upbeat way for us to wrap up
Speaker 1: our episode today. So we love that always. Thanks to me.
Speaker 1: You n keep killing it, Thanks Sarah, thank you. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was a good That was a good last call Katherine,
Speaker 1: because yeah, I know what talk about upbeat. I'm calling
Speaker 1: into figure out how to say thank you more and
Speaker 1: more sincerely. I like it was about to faun and
Speaker 1: I was like no, no, no, like stop, um, I
Speaker 1: actually like give compliments. That's like part of like one
Speaker 1: issue I have. I give compliments a lot. I mean
Speaker 1: them all, I really do. But it's like it's it's
Speaker 1: also like I need to hold the thing, like I
Speaker 1: just love you and could I could veil, but it's
Speaker 1: actually important for me to just hold how much I
Speaker 1: love you. So like I was feeling that about Sarah
Speaker 1: and it's like it's it's funny holding energy is like
Speaker 1: I don't know, we kind of spill over and it's
Speaker 1: like Instagram you like and you like and you know,
Speaker 1: I know what you mean. I'm like not in Instagram today,
Speaker 1: but um, you know, just our world is designed for
Speaker 1: like these like little compulsion check boxes. And I get
Speaker 1: where she's coming from. Yeah, but I think that makes
Speaker 1: you unique, you know what I mean. It's a nice quality,
Speaker 1: like holding back your affection or being effusive about somebody
Speaker 1: is when it's sincere, which it always is with you.
Speaker 1: I think people can also read that, and I think
Speaker 1: that you know, you don't want to like monitor your
Speaker 1: personality in that way. You may think you're over doing it,
Speaker 1: but like even you mentioning Joe, I was like, I
Speaker 1: didn't see that at all, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So that's our own personal thing. That's like me always
Speaker 1: I always had that with inserting myself. That's something I
Speaker 1: should hold back on because it's not necessary all the time.
Speaker 1: But when you're bringing joy and giving somebody props that
Speaker 1: there's nothing ever wrong with that, right, Well, it's like
Speaker 1: I'm measuring the balance between I mean, it is always sincere,
Speaker 1: but it's like I don't want it to be a compulsion.
Speaker 1: It's a little bit like you know, just like coming
Speaker 1: all over somebody where it's like you know, like it
Speaker 1: also like puts this spotlight on people that as Sara said,
Speaker 1: it is like there's a balance there. You know. It's
Speaker 1: a little bit for me to let them know how
Speaker 1: I feel where it's like for me to walk away
Speaker 1: today like oh, Chelseie, you know there's part there's part
Speaker 1: of it for me to hold and just enjoy. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying. Yeah, we're always I know
Speaker 1: it's a constant of self examination, especially if you're you know,
Speaker 1: like to be enlightened or like to think of yourself
Speaker 1: in the process of being enlightened, because we can't say
Speaker 1: enlightened because then we're cooked, and then there would be
Speaker 1: no reason to be here. That's right, at least that's
Speaker 1: what I keep telling myself. It's true. It's a climb. Well,
Speaker 1: one last thing, Alanna, do you have a piece of
Speaker 1: advice you'd like to ask Chelsea about? Yes, you know
Speaker 1: these days as stand up is an amorphous process compared
Speaker 1: to what it used to be, which was so clear
Speaker 1: you just get out and do it and try. I
Speaker 1: am curious how you are dealing with COVID on tour.
Speaker 1: I'm curious how you know? Are you like you know,
Speaker 1: are you vaxed all the way such that you're like
Speaker 1: I did all that I can do. I gotta live
Speaker 1: my life. Are you you know? Here I am with
Speaker 1: this mask? What what? How are you dealing with it? Well?
Speaker 1: I have maccination vaccination requirements at the venues, so if
Speaker 1: they're not vaccinated, then they have to get a PCR
Speaker 1: test at the venue. Like in Detroit, that was a
Speaker 1: city I remember we had to start in an hour
Speaker 1: and a half late because there were two hundred people
Speaker 1: online getting getting their PCR tests because they were not
Speaker 1: bad because they were not vaccinated. And is that can
Speaker 1: you do that no matter what the state? I don't
Speaker 1: know the rules behind that because my my tours with
Speaker 1: Live Nation, so there are a lot of Live Nation venues,
Speaker 1: all Live Nation venues. It's mandatory vaccination. I'm vaxed, boosted
Speaker 1: and I do meet great though with with people they
Speaker 1: have to have proof of vaccination to come back there.
Speaker 1: We all wear masks. There's no like taking off the masks.
Speaker 1: You know, if we say hello, we take a picture
Speaker 1: of blah blah blah. So you know, you have to
Speaker 1: obviously be a little bit safer than you would be
Speaker 1: in your own like home. But it's doable and it's
Speaker 1: worth it. For me, it's totally worthwhile. And once you
Speaker 1: start getting out there, you're going to feel like the
Speaker 1: energy now you know, the stand up, having live performances
Speaker 1: and live crowds, and you are doing a service for
Speaker 1: people like you are coming to their city and you
Speaker 1: are showing up for them, and they value that. I'm
Speaker 1: so ready for it. I miss I miss everybody. I know, well,
Speaker 1: I'm ready. I can't wait for your next one hour.
Speaker 1: I just can't wait. Yeah, her last hours on Amazon,
Speaker 1: that's right, right, called the Planet is burning. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: planet is burning. Yeah. If you If you guys want
Speaker 1: to tune into that too, and don't forget to check
Speaker 1: out False Positive if you haven't seen that, that's on Hulu,
Speaker 1: you guys, Okay, so check that out too, and follow
Speaker 1: a lot of Glazer on Instagram. I can't say it
Speaker 1: anymore because sweep and bad mothing at all, so I'm
Speaker 1: just calling an instrument crown instat Glazier. Thanks so much
Speaker 1: for having me. This is so much fun. Thank you Allana.
Speaker 1: I always love seeing you. You're always learning always I'm
Speaker 1: always learning from you. I love you, Chelsea hand Job,
Speaker 1: I really love you. And if you'd like to get
Speaker 1: advice from Chelsea and one of her guests, please write
Speaker 1: into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com