WEBVTT - Conversations with... a Life Coach 0:00:02.160 --> 0:00:06.680 This is Conversations with Olivia Jade and my Heart Radio podcast. 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:14.880 Hi everybody, welcome back to conversations. I'm actually really really 0:00:15.000 --> 0:00:21.200 excited about this special guest I have today because, as 0:00:21.520 --> 0:00:24.079 many of you don't know, and I have not made 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:27.600 it clear on social media, I have been going through 0:00:28.000 --> 0:00:32.920 just a lot of stress and it's starting to show physically, 0:00:33.280 --> 0:00:36.080 which I'll get into once we bring in my special guest. 0:00:36.560 --> 0:00:38.519 But I just think that a lot of people can 0:00:38.560 --> 0:00:41.480 relate to this from COVID. For me, it was being 0:00:41.479 --> 0:00:43.720 on Dancing with the Stars and the pressure I felt. 0:00:44.280 --> 0:00:46.720 And um, so I have a very special guest who's 0:00:46.760 --> 0:00:50.440 also a life coach and hopefully we'll give me some 0:00:50.520 --> 0:00:53.520 insight so my hair grows back, which I just totally 0:00:53.560 --> 0:00:56.840 spoiled what's happening to me? But um, with that all 0:00:56.880 --> 0:01:01.080 being said, please welcome my amazing guest, Cherie. Hey, Hey, 0:01:01.440 --> 0:01:08.480 sure read Welcome to conversations. Oh it's so good to 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:10.680 be with you woman. I've been looking forward to this. 0:01:10.920 --> 0:01:14.520 I'm so excited genuinely because I need your guidance and 0:01:14.560 --> 0:01:18.240 help right now. I think I'm desperate. I got you 0:01:18.280 --> 0:01:23.160 so desperate. Um, well, how are you? First of all, 0:01:23.680 --> 0:01:29.160 so good, good, Yeah. Okay, So basically, for those that 0:01:29.360 --> 0:01:32.959 don't know Shari is a life coach, can you please 0:01:33.000 --> 0:01:35.919 explain to me what the hell a life coaches? Because 0:01:35.959 --> 0:01:39.320 I have no idea. Okay, yes, And this is a 0:01:39.319 --> 0:01:42.680 great question because I even say before I tell people 0:01:42.680 --> 0:01:45.759 I'm a life coach that I'm a possibilitarian, so that 0:01:45.800 --> 0:01:50.280 people actually, yeah, but they get a hit of what 0:01:50.320 --> 0:01:53.560 that means. And I stand for all things possible. So 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:56.680 a life coach is really here to help you have 0:01:57.000 --> 0:02:01.120 the sweet life, you know, the life you came here for. Okay, 0:02:01.480 --> 0:02:03.880 what type of stuff like do is that just kind 0:02:03.920 --> 0:02:08.360 of looking at life like glass half full sort of vibe? Well, 0:02:08.639 --> 0:02:12.840 for sure, it's you know, if you believe that you 0:02:12.919 --> 0:02:15.799 are alive for a reason, which I do, and that 0:02:15.840 --> 0:02:19.400 you want certain things in this lifetime. I've studied my 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:22.520 face off in life to learn how to make all 0:02:22.520 --> 0:02:25.840 those things happen, how to overcome obstacles, how not to 0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:29.639 stay stuck, how not to like you know, be at 0:02:29.680 --> 0:02:32.200 the mercy of your fears and your beliefs so that 0:02:32.320 --> 0:02:35.320 you don't have the greatest life You're here to have. 0:02:35.400 --> 0:02:37.520 The thing that breaks my heart more than anything is 0:02:37.560 --> 0:02:41.640 to to see anyone not living the dream, not doing 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:45.240 what they came here for, or to leave this planet 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:47.960 with their music still in them, you know. And I 0:02:47.960 --> 0:02:50.480 feel like, especially with COVID, that's kind of what most 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:53.200 have gone through recently of just feeling like so empty, 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:56.519 just because it was such unprecedented times, like nobody really 0:02:56.560 --> 0:02:59.400 knew what to do with themselves. And I feel so 0:02:59.520 --> 0:03:02.840 lucky during COVID in such a hard time that I 0:03:02.840 --> 0:03:04.919 I'm very blessed, and I don't feel like I can 0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:07.280 relate and I can relate to feeling like I'm stuck 0:03:07.280 --> 0:03:09.800 inside and I don't have that social interaction that's so 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:13.119 key for humans. But you know, some people really had 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:15.320 it so difficult and hard, and I feel like it's 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:18.440 so hard to like bounce back and kind of just 0:03:18.880 --> 0:03:22.440 feel like things are still possible. I know. I think 0:03:22.480 --> 0:03:25.320 people really lost hope in the last couple of years. 0:03:25.840 --> 0:03:28.040 And you know, when you think that you're just you 0:03:28.080 --> 0:03:30.880 can only do so much. You're stuck inside there all 0:03:30.919 --> 0:03:34.320 these rules and protocols, you know, it takes some creativity 0:03:34.880 --> 0:03:37.760 to really imagine more. And I think that that's where 0:03:37.800 --> 0:03:40.960 we are right now, is people are stressed and struggling 0:03:41.000 --> 0:03:45.360 to get back into the social scene, and it's it's rough, 0:03:45.560 --> 0:03:48.680 but I have a bigger understanding of why this all happened, 0:03:48.720 --> 0:03:50.120 and I think when you can put things in the 0:03:50.200 --> 0:03:53.600 right framework, it helps a lot. I want to hear 0:03:53.640 --> 0:03:56.360 about that, and I also want to touch on you 0:03:56.400 --> 0:04:00.680 said stress. How much do you know about stress? Because 0:04:02.120 --> 0:04:06.280 I need your help. I need your help. So recently, 0:04:07.320 --> 0:04:10.760 I was on Dancing with the Stars. We just got eliminated. 0:04:10.960 --> 0:04:13.200 When I was on the show, it wasn't even getting 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:16.040 eliminated that caused the stress. It was from being on 0:04:16.080 --> 0:04:18.600 the show and rehearsing and learning all the new dances 0:04:18.640 --> 0:04:21.599 and the pressure of it. And I woke up one 0:04:21.600 --> 0:04:24.000 morning and I look in the mirror and I see 0:04:24.000 --> 0:04:27.080 a little little missing spot right in the center of 0:04:27.160 --> 0:04:30.400 my hairline, like right where my hair is parted. And 0:04:30.400 --> 0:04:33.360 I'm like, that's weird, Like whatever, it's not that noticeable. 0:04:33.480 --> 0:04:35.919 I still go out like it it's really tiny. I 0:04:36.000 --> 0:04:38.960 have lunch with my partner on the show VOW and 0:04:39.000 --> 0:04:41.200 he's like, what's going on right there? And I'm like, oh, 0:04:41.320 --> 0:04:42.960 you can notice that, Like I don't know it. Just 0:04:43.000 --> 0:04:44.480 like I woke up and a little patch of hair 0:04:44.560 --> 0:04:49.960 was missing. He's like, yeah, I don't know. The next day, Um, 0:04:50.000 --> 0:04:53.800 I wake up and it literally happened overnight, the like 0:04:54.120 --> 0:04:56.919 the size of a penny and a hole in my 0:04:57.120 --> 0:05:00.120 like the center of my head was missing. Um of 0:05:00.200 --> 0:05:03.159 my hair, not my head, but the hair was missing. 0:05:03.760 --> 0:05:06.840 And Um, I was so freaked out. I was like 0:05:06.960 --> 0:05:09.960 hysterical because it was so obvious, and I thought I 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:12.400 didn't know what it was. I was like, am I dying? Literally, 0:05:12.440 --> 0:05:14.960 I don't know what is happening. So then I went 0:05:15.000 --> 0:05:17.039 to the doctor. I went to the dermatologist, and he 0:05:17.120 --> 0:05:20.120 told me that I have an autoimmune disease from stress 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:25.840 called alopecia YEA, And I can understand that that definitely 0:05:25.880 --> 0:05:28.760 probably derived from doing the show and just the pressure 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:31.440 I felt. And then I thought back to two and 0:05:31.480 --> 0:05:34.000 a half years ago when I was going through some 0:05:34.040 --> 0:05:36.640 family stuff with everything that happened in the media and 0:05:36.760 --> 0:05:40.520 the whole college ordeal, and I had lost my eyebrow 0:05:40.600 --> 0:05:42.919 hair back then, and I never seen a doctor, Like 0:05:43.000 --> 0:05:45.640 just half my eyebrow was missing, But I was okay 0:05:45.640 --> 0:05:47.760 with it because I wasn't leaving my house anyway. I 0:05:47.800 --> 0:05:50.440 was like hiding, so I was fine with it. I 0:05:50.480 --> 0:05:51.760 was like, Okay, I'll just fill it in with a 0:05:51.800 --> 0:05:55.040 little pencil. It's all good. But now I'm looking at 0:05:55.080 --> 0:05:57.520 this and my head is balding, and I'm like, oh, okay. 0:05:57.560 --> 0:06:00.200 I think also my alopecia must have flip air it 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:02.599 up or something during that time too, and I just 0:06:02.640 --> 0:06:05.760 didn't know what it was. Yeah. So with all that 0:06:05.839 --> 0:06:08.800 being said, I have no idea what to do to 0:06:08.880 --> 0:06:11.719 calm my stress levels down, because even though I'm not 0:06:11.760 --> 0:06:14.039 on the show anymore, I think that I still carry 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:17.520 that stress and just that feeling of being overwhelmed in 0:06:17.560 --> 0:06:21.360 my day to day life anyway. And I really would 0:06:21.400 --> 0:06:24.200 like my hair to grow back. Yeah, And I'm sorry 0:06:24.279 --> 0:06:25.839 that you had to go through all of that. And 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:28.920 I'm sure so many people listening know exactly where you are. 0:06:29.080 --> 0:06:32.560 They are struggling with that too. And it's so my 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:36.840 belief that the body tells us everything. The body is 0:06:36.920 --> 0:06:39.680 the most intelligent part that we have, you know. I 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:43.680 think our culture really respects our minds, and I'm much 0:06:43.720 --> 0:06:45.920 more about the heart and the body. I think if 0:06:45.920 --> 0:06:48.680 you put all three together, you're going to be set 0:06:48.720 --> 0:06:51.520 for life. But the body is telling you something right, 0:06:51.560 --> 0:06:54.719 and the and the message is what Your hair is 0:06:54.760 --> 0:07:00.440 falling out and you're way too stressed. Yeah, it's it's 0:07:00.760 --> 0:07:03.760 your way too stressed, right, and it's telling you, can 0:07:03.800 --> 0:07:06.320 we please do something? Can we can we please do 0:07:06.400 --> 0:07:11.560 something to calm down, to have a sweeter existence? You know. 0:07:11.760 --> 0:07:14.720 It's it's like the body's intelligence is telling you, honey, 0:07:14.720 --> 0:07:17.360 this isn't what you're here for, right, So how do 0:07:17.840 --> 0:07:19.840 what do you? What are those next steps? Then to 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:23.440 be like, how do you fix that? Tell me this? 0:07:24.000 --> 0:07:27.520 What would you beyond just wanting to get the hair back? 0:07:27.960 --> 0:07:30.920 What would be the choice? Because I believe being calm 0:07:31.240 --> 0:07:35.680 or having a regulated nervous system is a choice. It's 0:07:35.720 --> 0:07:39.679 a practice, and I know I do it. I work 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:41.760 on this a lot myself because we all we all 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:44.600 have stress. Right. That's just this crazy modern world that 0:07:44.640 --> 0:07:48.440 we live in. That's it's it's an overactive primal system 0:07:48.480 --> 0:07:51.480 that's telling us there's a tiger everywhere, and we're supposed 0:07:51.480 --> 0:07:54.440 to fight or flight or freeze or fall in and 0:07:54.480 --> 0:07:57.920 do all those trauma responses. But there are no tigers. 0:07:58.120 --> 0:08:01.640 There's just all this other stuff that you've probably learned 0:08:01.680 --> 0:08:04.320 a way of being safe by just amping up your 0:08:04.320 --> 0:08:07.400 nervous system. You know, like I'll be really good, I'll 0:08:07.400 --> 0:08:10.480 perform really well if I get really stressed, and it's 0:08:10.520 --> 0:08:12.760 just something you've learned to do that you can you 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:15.040 can say, I don't want to do this anymore because 0:08:15.040 --> 0:08:17.960 what I'm always working on with people is flow, you know, 0:08:18.160 --> 0:08:21.520 and high performance and a way of I mean, that's 0:08:21.720 --> 0:08:23.440 that's what we would say in the corporate world, you know, 0:08:23.520 --> 0:08:26.120 or in in the leadership realm. But for you and me, 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:28.400 it's like, I just want to have a good life. 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:31.960 So my choice in working with the nervous system and 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:34.760 in choosing calm is so that I can be my 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:38.680 best self, so I can have access to intuition and 0:08:38.960 --> 0:08:44.680 superpowers and you know, be better lover mom human. So 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:47.480 what would be the reason why, Like I imagine you're 0:08:47.520 --> 0:08:50.160 trying to become something I heard you talk a while 0:08:50.240 --> 0:08:53.480 back about wanting to give back. You know that there's 0:08:53.520 --> 0:08:55.960 passions that are coming up in you now that Dancing 0:08:55.960 --> 0:08:59.680 with the Stars is complete. So choose why you would 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:02.760 even want to learn a calmer way of being first, 0:09:03.559 --> 0:09:07.720 what's the big why? Well, I think for me specifically 0:09:07.760 --> 0:09:11.640 in terms of giving back, it's just it's just I 0:09:11.679 --> 0:09:14.360 had um. I think for me, it's always about like 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:16.320 it's always been, even since I was younger, and my 0:09:16.400 --> 0:09:18.800 family has always been very like charitable, So I grew 0:09:18.880 --> 0:09:21.480 up with that kind of influence and seeing that, so 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:24.400 I just always had that passion. But I think also 0:09:24.440 --> 0:09:26.800 I got lost as like a young teenager and just 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:30.000 was so consumed with my own life, which is embarrassing 0:09:30.040 --> 0:09:32.240 to admit because you don't want to be that person, 0:09:32.360 --> 0:09:35.880 especially when you have so many blessings. And so I 0:09:35.920 --> 0:09:37.640 think just I think it was just with age and 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:40.559 growing up and obviously certain situations that shaped me to 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:43.280 just I guess I didn't think of it as like 0:09:43.640 --> 0:09:46.439 I want a good response or good carm or I'm 0:09:46.559 --> 0:09:48.720 even doing this just for me, but it was more 0:09:48.760 --> 0:09:51.800 so I just want to help others for them. I 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:54.520 guess I didn't really think of myself during that, So 0:09:55.520 --> 0:09:58.520 I don't know what the big y would be. Well, 0:09:58.600 --> 0:10:00.319 I think there's something in this that you want to 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:03.040 be a better helper for sure. If you want to 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:05.880 cause impact, you got to do it from a really 0:10:05.880 --> 0:10:08.920 wise place, from a from a happy, joyful like I'll 0:10:08.920 --> 0:10:11.160 tell you my number one strategy and all the things 0:10:11.160 --> 0:10:13.440 that I do is joy because I think when that 0:10:13.559 --> 0:10:16.120 is that is the highest vibration. You know, when you're 0:10:16.120 --> 0:10:17.959 in fear, you're in the cheapest seat in the house, 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:20.160 and you don't have the kind of impact that you 0:10:20.160 --> 0:10:22.679 would want. You know, people will tune to joy before 0:10:22.679 --> 0:10:25.520 they'll tune to fear. Um, I think pleasure is a 0:10:25.520 --> 0:10:27.640 greater motivator in life, right, So if you want to 0:10:27.640 --> 0:10:30.200 have that impact, you want to be coming from that place. 0:10:30.520 --> 0:10:32.959 But before I go into stress strategies, because we could 0:10:33.000 --> 0:10:35.280 talk for days about all the ways that you can 0:10:35.320 --> 0:10:39.600 manage that, because I just I think that's what that's 0:10:39.600 --> 0:10:41.480 the core of what I've studied my whole life is 0:10:41.520 --> 0:10:43.720 because I want to have this great life, you know, 0:10:43.760 --> 0:10:46.199 like not miss a single beat. But I want to 0:10:46.200 --> 0:10:48.120 ask you one more question because it will help lock 0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:50.000 in why you're going to do this as a practice. 0:10:51.120 --> 0:10:54.280 If I gave you the world's biggest megaphone, like you 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:56.840 have a super powerful microphone right now, you have an 0:10:56.840 --> 0:10:59.000 audience that is far and wide. But let's say we 0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:02.360 put you on the top of Everest and you could 0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:06.000 say to the whole world one thing that would would 0:11:06.040 --> 0:11:08.800 help them, something that you know that they would need 0:11:08.840 --> 0:11:10.760 to know. What would you say and don't overthink it. 0:11:12.320 --> 0:11:15.880 I'm totally overthinking it. Just what the first because I 0:11:15.880 --> 0:11:18.040 know the first thing came to you. I think I 0:11:18.080 --> 0:11:20.840 would just I think this sounds so stupid, but I 0:11:20.880 --> 0:11:24.240 think I would say, like, you know, try and smile, 0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:28.760 like just try and be. Yeah, like try and find joy. 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:32.160 I know, like times are tough, but like try and smile. 0:11:32.280 --> 0:11:34.680 And I guess that's kind of how I what I 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:37.040 try and do. But sometimes it doesn't work. In your 0:11:37.040 --> 0:11:40.480 hair falls out. I know, I know. But here's the 0:11:40.480 --> 0:11:42.960 cool thing is that's why apparently we found each other 0:11:42.960 --> 0:11:44.960 because I'm a joy expert and i'm and that's my 0:11:45.040 --> 0:11:47.600 number one strategy. If you're if your big message to 0:11:47.640 --> 0:11:52.360 the world is find joy, try and smile. That's who 0:11:52.440 --> 0:11:55.360 you are at your essence. That's the quickest way I 0:11:55.360 --> 0:11:58.880 can get to like who Olivia is at the heart 0:11:59.640 --> 0:12:01.960 that you are here to experience joy and you want 0:12:01.960 --> 0:12:06.800 that for others. So that's why your body is responding, 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:10.719 maybe even more obviously than others, because that's what you're 0:12:10.720 --> 0:12:14.200 here for. That's what I'm here for. So for that reason, 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:18.040 you have to practice not going to stress. It's no 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:22.400 longer your strategy. Your strategy for performance, for giving for 0:12:22.520 --> 0:12:25.480 life is now joy. And when you feel the stress, 0:12:26.120 --> 0:12:28.000 let's go through a few things because this will really 0:12:28.040 --> 0:12:32.800 help people. Have you heard of heart math? Okay, so 0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:35.040 check this out. You can put your hand on your heart. Okay. 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:37.559 Everybody do this with us. Everybody do it with us, 0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:40.040 and I think we just keep doing it because here's 0:12:40.080 --> 0:12:42.680 what happens. You rub your heart in a circle. So 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:44.760 Olivia and I are both doing this, and it's just 0:12:44.800 --> 0:12:48.760 like a soft circular emotion over the heart. This is 0:12:48.960 --> 0:12:54.360 biochemically proven, scientifically evidence based. Two in three minutes, completely 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:58.240 calm your nervous system. What uh huh? I wish I 0:12:58.320 --> 0:13:00.360 met you when I was on the show. I know, 0:13:00.880 --> 0:13:03.120 I know I have people doing this in like board meetings, 0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:05.640 you know, just like sorry, I'm not sorry, I'm just 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:09.080 gonna rub my heart for a second, you know. But 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:11.680 you do this and you don't even have to. You 0:13:11.679 --> 0:13:14.240 could have all the thinking and all the stress and 0:13:14.280 --> 0:13:17.240 all the everything, but this will actually tell your nervous 0:13:17.240 --> 0:13:23.360 system there's no tiger. It's so cool. Wow, Why it's 0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:26.640 I think you know the we could look it up 0:13:26.679 --> 0:13:29.800 all the details and the evidence behind it show that 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:33.360 somehow this is a soothing message to the nervous system 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:35.800 in the same way that we use the breath. Right, 0:13:35.840 --> 0:13:37.959 so people can continue to do this. I mean, if 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:42.000 we do layer on this plus you know box breathing. No, 0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:45.080 I don't. Okay, let's do this with everybody. So we're 0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:49.840 gonna breathe in for four, hold for four, breathe out 0:13:49.880 --> 0:13:53.040 for four, and hold for four. And let's just do 0:13:53.120 --> 0:13:58.480 that one time. We'll go in one two three four, 0:13:58.840 --> 0:14:07.079 hold one two three four. Exhale one two three four, 0:14:07.640 --> 0:14:13.440 hold one two three four. Right, you would just do 0:14:13.520 --> 0:14:15.960 that for a series of reps. Maybe do it for 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:18.160 the three minutes that you're doing this hard thing. I 0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:21.080 don't know if this is placebo? Is this placebo? Or 0:14:21.120 --> 0:14:24.120 do I feel calmer? It works? I'm not kidding. I 0:14:24.200 --> 0:14:27.840 don't do anything that doesn't work. It's proven, silly me, 0:14:28.640 --> 0:14:31.240 It's totally proven. But doesn't it feel like, Oh my god, 0:14:31.240 --> 0:14:33.800 why isn't everybody doing this? Why aren't we teaching this 0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:37.560 in school? Wow? I hope that if anybody else just 0:14:37.640 --> 0:14:39.480 tried this, I wonder if you guys feel the same 0:14:39.520 --> 0:14:43.000 as me right now? This is really weird. Yeah, there's 0:14:43.040 --> 0:14:45.720 another thing where you could say you know what. I 0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:48.360 want to go out there and dance like nobody's business. 0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:50.280 I want to do it from a really calm place. 0:14:50.320 --> 0:14:52.560 So let's say I do this before I even get 0:14:52.600 --> 0:14:57.480 on any of these calls podcasts. I take these deep 0:14:57.520 --> 0:15:00.240 breaths right where if you're in hell is shut than 0:15:00.280 --> 0:15:03.240 your exhale. Let's say you forget the four counts. If 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:07.560 you just exhale longer than your inhale, and you do 0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:11.000 that a number of times. With the longer exhale, it 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:14.440 actually also tells your body that you're good. And then 0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:16.640 what you do is you scan your body from head 0:15:16.680 --> 0:15:19.800 to toe because the body doesn't lie, and you can 0:15:19.840 --> 0:15:22.520 go body check in, right. I want to I want 0:15:22.520 --> 0:15:24.120 to be safe. I want to tell my body that 0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:27.640 I'm safe. WHOA, I have a really fast heart beat 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:30.960 right now. You know, my stomach is tight, my shoulders 0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:33.680 are up. You just notice. You notice what's going on, 0:15:34.360 --> 0:15:36.560 and then you know when we were stuck inside and 0:15:36.600 --> 0:15:41.040 we didn't have this social connection, social distancing. It's like 0:15:41.080 --> 0:15:43.040 the worst thing for our nervous system in the entire 0:15:43.080 --> 0:15:46.120 world because for you to do that quick body check 0:15:46.160 --> 0:15:49.680 in and then turn to val or a friend, anybody 0:15:49.720 --> 0:15:52.920 that you love even get on the phone and say, wow, 0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:55.600 I just noticed that I'm really tight in my chest. 0:15:56.560 --> 0:15:58.440 And if you know the body, when you're tight in 0:15:58.480 --> 0:16:02.760 the chest, there's like there's responsibility and there's stress. Right, 0:16:02.800 --> 0:16:05.200 if you're tied in the belly, you've got fear. There's 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:07.440 all kinds of notes in the body that you can 0:16:07.760 --> 0:16:10.000 tune into what's going on for you. And then if 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:13.680 you tell somebody even more so, it's going to calm 0:16:13.720 --> 0:16:16.320 you down. That's why we talk, right, It's why we talk, 0:16:16.480 --> 0:16:18.720 especially as girls, like we just get together and we 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:21.840 talk it all out. We feel great. You tell somebody 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:27.360 like I'm really nervous right now, and it makes it okay. Yeah, 0:16:28.080 --> 0:16:30.400 I feel that actually I do. Like, yeah, a good 0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:34.560 venting session never hurts, it always helps. It's the best. 0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:36.560 I tell people. You should have a listening partner that 0:16:36.640 --> 0:16:38.920 every day for five minutes, you set the timer and 0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:43.280 you just vent. You just rant. That's like my sister, yeah, 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:45.600 and then at the end, Sissy just goes, what do 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:48.600 you need, babe, and you're good and then you take 0:16:48.640 --> 0:16:51.880 turns and that's like the most wonderful way to keep 0:16:51.880 --> 0:17:15.280 the stress moving. So you know how you were just 0:17:15.320 --> 0:17:17.800 telling me like, let's say, like my natural instinct is 0:17:17.840 --> 0:17:20.240 to feel stressed out, and that's like something I need 0:17:20.280 --> 0:17:23.320 to change my perspective on. How do you is it 0:17:23.359 --> 0:17:26.920 doing stuff like rubbing my heart and breathing that puts 0:17:26.920 --> 0:17:29.080 me in that different mindset or what is one supposed 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:33.240 to actually physically do to like calm themselves. Well, those 0:17:33.280 --> 0:17:35.480 are some of the techniques, but we really I mean, 0:17:35.520 --> 0:17:38.760 I could give you lists and lists and lists, because 0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:42.359 I know there are so many different doorways to being 0:17:42.480 --> 0:17:47.920 this calmer force in the world which will really tune others. 0:17:47.960 --> 0:17:50.360 You'll become somebody who actually can walk into the room 0:17:50.400 --> 0:17:54.399 and you calm everybody around you. It's called coregulation, and 0:17:54.440 --> 0:17:57.359 there's a whole theory of polyvagel theory around it. You know, 0:17:57.400 --> 0:18:00.400 where you can actually become a safe place forever everybody 0:18:00.400 --> 0:18:03.119 around you, which is a great way to help you 0:18:03.160 --> 0:18:05.879 know when you say you want to give back. So 0:18:06.920 --> 0:18:10.639 it's it looks like like when I'm doing my work, 0:18:11.000 --> 0:18:13.280 I could easily go to stress. It's such a quick, 0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:17.159 you know, primal instinctual thing for us to do, but 0:18:17.359 --> 0:18:19.960 I don't want to. I chose not to. If I'm 0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:22.200 supposed to be a force of joy on the planet. 0:18:22.240 --> 0:18:24.080 It doesn't make a lot of sense for my brand 0:18:24.200 --> 0:18:27.880 to be showing up super stress to everything. So I'll 0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:30.240 pull myself out of the chair and I'll do a 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:33.359 practice that would lead me back to a place of 0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:36.159 more piece and ease. Now I could be having the 0:18:36.200 --> 0:18:39.000 worst day I still have like people think me as 0:18:39.040 --> 0:18:41.200 like I have all this great energy that it's just 0:18:41.440 --> 0:18:43.919 easy for me. But it's a commitment. And so if 0:18:43.920 --> 0:18:48.160 I'm having a really rough day, you know, the quickest 0:18:48.280 --> 0:18:50.320 point from A to B for me to get back 0:18:50.320 --> 0:18:53.399 to a place of feeling good is laughter. And I 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:57.280 will also underscore this with science. There are two great 0:18:57.400 --> 0:19:01.000 humans at Stanford where I do work that just wrote 0:19:01.000 --> 0:19:04.560 a book called Humor Seriously, and they said, we are 0:19:04.680 --> 0:19:07.960 missing out on the power of laughter because as kids 0:19:08.000 --> 0:19:11.359 we laugh like, you know, hundreds of times a day, 0:19:11.480 --> 0:19:14.640 but as adults, like three or four is the average. 0:19:15.240 --> 0:19:18.959 And they found in their studies that about of laughter, 0:19:19.440 --> 0:19:23.879 get this is equal to the same biochemical effects of 0:19:23.920 --> 0:19:27.880 having meditated, slept, and had sex all at the same time. Stop, 0:19:28.480 --> 0:19:32.640 no joke, no joke. What why are we not using 0:19:32.720 --> 0:19:35.520 humor as a strategy? I go on to TikTok to 0:19:36.080 --> 0:19:39.680 make my life work, you know what I'm saying. Wow, 0:19:40.200 --> 0:19:42.000 And I have the kids. I have a sixteen year 0:19:42.000 --> 0:19:43.879 old and eighteen year old. I'm like, send Mama some 0:19:44.040 --> 0:19:48.360 things like in charge of my laughter because I want 0:19:48.400 --> 0:19:52.080 to do great things in the world. Wow. I know, 0:19:52.520 --> 0:19:56.760 so fascinating, right. And I also heard once like when 0:19:56.800 --> 0:19:58.399 I was younger. I don't know if this is true, 0:19:58.440 --> 0:20:04.480 but like laughing makes you live longer, to which problem somehow? Yeah. Well, 0:20:04.520 --> 0:20:06.760 and you've got to look into the blue zones because 0:20:06.760 --> 0:20:09.400 the blue zones are these places around the planet. They're 0:20:09.480 --> 0:20:12.920 like six of them, I think where people go um 0:20:13.000 --> 0:20:16.280 to forget to die. They live into their hundreds. And 0:20:16.320 --> 0:20:18.480 so they've been studying these blue zones to say why 0:20:18.480 --> 0:20:20.800 in the world. You know, they don't lose their hair, 0:20:20.920 --> 0:20:25.159 they're they're super healthy. Is this like a mental blue zone? No, 0:20:25.359 --> 0:20:29.000 they're physical blue zones in Grease and California and Italy. 0:20:29.160 --> 0:20:31.520 It's like mind blowing. And so you know what their 0:20:31.560 --> 0:20:35.760 secret is. They it's diet. They definitely eat plant based 0:20:35.840 --> 0:20:38.080 so you don't take on the stress of animals, or 0:20:38.080 --> 0:20:41.440 they eat some fish. But there's like this very simple, 0:20:41.880 --> 0:20:44.800 you know, healthy way of life, they drink wine, all 0:20:44.840 --> 0:20:47.800 these ways that you could sort of break down why 0:20:47.840 --> 0:20:49.280 they do so well, But you know what they say 0:20:49.359 --> 0:20:52.720 is the ultimate reason because of who they eat with. 0:20:53.560 --> 0:20:57.480 Mm hmm, you know, like the people you keep. Yeah, 0:20:57.480 --> 0:21:00.520 it's so key. I used to talk about that a 0:21:00.600 --> 0:21:03.920 lot on my YouTube channel when I was a little 0:21:03.920 --> 0:21:07.640 bit younger, like, it's so much more effective to think 0:21:07.640 --> 0:21:10.359 of it like quality over quantity, especially when you're thinking 0:21:10.359 --> 0:21:12.720 of friends, or when even when I was younger and 0:21:12.720 --> 0:21:14.760 I'd be talking to girls around my age, so we're 0:21:14.800 --> 0:21:16.480 just like, I feel so left out or I want 0:21:16.480 --> 0:21:17.919 to be a part of this group, and I'm like 0:21:18.400 --> 0:21:20.439 I don't have that many friends, but the friends I 0:21:20.520 --> 0:21:24.919 do have, like they are such quality friends, and I 0:21:24.960 --> 0:21:28.960 feel like that definitely affects how I live my life daily. 0:21:29.359 --> 0:21:32.439 If I had people around that were like, it's just 0:21:32.640 --> 0:21:35.080 it's the matter of that they give me energy instead 0:21:35.119 --> 0:21:38.960 of like draining energy. I think you failed at how 0:21:38.960 --> 0:21:41.240 many people are walking around in life doing all these 0:21:41.280 --> 0:21:44.600