Speaker 1: This is Conversations with Olivia Jade and my Heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 1: Hi everybody, welcome back to conversations. I'm actually really really
Speaker 1: excited about this special guest I have today because, as
Speaker 1: many of you don't know, and I have not made
Speaker 1: it clear on social media, I have been going through
Speaker 1: just a lot of stress and it's starting to show physically,
Speaker 1: which I'll get into once we bring in my special guest.
Speaker 1: But I just think that a lot of people can
Speaker 1: relate to this from COVID. For me, it was being
Speaker 1: on Dancing with the Stars and the pressure I felt.
Speaker 1: And um, so I have a very special guest who's
Speaker 1: also a life coach and hopefully we'll give me some
Speaker 1: insight so my hair grows back, which I just totally
Speaker 1: spoiled what's happening to me? But um, with that all
Speaker 1: being said, please welcome my amazing guest, Cherie. Hey, Hey,
Speaker 1: sure read Welcome to conversations. Oh it's so good to
Speaker 1: be with you woman. I've been looking forward to this.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited genuinely because I need your guidance and
Speaker 1: help right now. I think I'm desperate. I got you
Speaker 1: so desperate. Um, well, how are you? First of all,
Speaker 1: so good, good, Yeah. Okay, So basically, for those that
Speaker 1: don't know Shari is a life coach, can you please
Speaker 1: explain to me what the hell a life coaches? Because
Speaker 1: I have no idea. Okay, yes, And this is a
Speaker 1: great question because I even say before I tell people
Speaker 1: I'm a life coach that I'm a possibilitarian, so that
Speaker 1: people actually, yeah, but they get a hit of what
Speaker 1: that means. And I stand for all things possible. So
Speaker 1: a life coach is really here to help you have
Speaker 1: the sweet life, you know, the life you came here for. Okay,
Speaker 1: what type of stuff like do is that just kind
Speaker 1: of looking at life like glass half full sort of vibe? Well,
Speaker 1: for sure, it's you know, if you believe that you
Speaker 1: are alive for a reason, which I do, and that
Speaker 1: you want certain things in this lifetime. I've studied my
Speaker 1: face off in life to learn how to make all
Speaker 1: those things happen, how to overcome obstacles, how not to
Speaker 1: stay stuck, how not to like you know, be at
Speaker 1: the mercy of your fears and your beliefs so that
Speaker 1: you don't have the greatest life You're here to have.
Speaker 1: The thing that breaks my heart more than anything is
Speaker 1: to to see anyone not living the dream, not doing
Speaker 1: what they came here for, or to leave this planet
Speaker 1: with their music still in them, you know. And I
Speaker 1: feel like, especially with COVID, that's kind of what most
Speaker 1: have gone through recently of just feeling like so empty,
Speaker 1: just because it was such unprecedented times, like nobody really
Speaker 1: knew what to do with themselves. And I feel so
Speaker 1: lucky during COVID in such a hard time that I
Speaker 1: I'm very blessed, and I don't feel like I can
Speaker 1: relate and I can relate to feeling like I'm stuck
Speaker 1: inside and I don't have that social interaction that's so
Speaker 1: key for humans. But you know, some people really had
Speaker 1: it so difficult and hard, and I feel like it's
Speaker 1: so hard to like bounce back and kind of just
Speaker 1: feel like things are still possible. I know. I think
Speaker 1: people really lost hope in the last couple of years.
Speaker 1: And you know, when you think that you're just you
Speaker 1: can only do so much. You're stuck inside there all
Speaker 1: these rules and protocols, you know, it takes some creativity
Speaker 1: to really imagine more. And I think that that's where
Speaker 1: we are right now, is people are stressed and struggling
Speaker 1: to get back into the social scene, and it's it's rough,
Speaker 1: but I have a bigger understanding of why this all happened,
Speaker 1: and I think when you can put things in the
Speaker 1: right framework, it helps a lot. I want to hear
Speaker 1: about that, and I also want to touch on you
Speaker 1: said stress. How much do you know about stress? Because
Speaker 1: I need your help. I need your help. So recently,
Speaker 1: I was on Dancing with the Stars. We just got eliminated.
Speaker 1: When I was on the show, it wasn't even getting
Speaker 1: eliminated that caused the stress. It was from being on
Speaker 1: the show and rehearsing and learning all the new dances
Speaker 1: and the pressure of it. And I woke up one
Speaker 1: morning and I look in the mirror and I see
Speaker 1: a little little missing spot right in the center of
Speaker 1: my hairline, like right where my hair is parted. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's weird, Like whatever, it's not that noticeable.
Speaker 1: I still go out like it it's really tiny. I
Speaker 1: have lunch with my partner on the show VOW and
Speaker 1: he's like, what's going on right there? And I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: you can notice that, Like I don't know it. Just
Speaker 1: like I woke up and a little patch of hair
Speaker 1: was missing. He's like, yeah, I don't know. The next day, Um,
Speaker 1: I wake up and it literally happened overnight, the like
Speaker 1: the size of a penny and a hole in my
Speaker 1: like the center of my head was missing. Um of
Speaker 1: my hair, not my head, but the hair was missing.
Speaker 1: And Um, I was so freaked out. I was like
Speaker 1: hysterical because it was so obvious, and I thought I
Speaker 1: didn't know what it was. I was like, am I dying? Literally,
Speaker 1: I don't know what is happening. So then I went
Speaker 1: to the doctor. I went to the dermatologist, and he
Speaker 1: told me that I have an autoimmune disease from stress
Speaker 1: called alopecia YEA, And I can understand that that definitely
Speaker 1: probably derived from doing the show and just the pressure
Speaker 1: I felt. And then I thought back to two and
Speaker 1: a half years ago when I was going through some
Speaker 1: family stuff with everything that happened in the media and
Speaker 1: the whole college ordeal, and I had lost my eyebrow
Speaker 1: hair back then, and I never seen a doctor, Like
Speaker 1: just half my eyebrow was missing, But I was okay
Speaker 1: with it because I wasn't leaving my house anyway. I
Speaker 1: was like hiding, so I was fine with it. I
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, I'll just fill it in with a
Speaker 1: little pencil. It's all good. But now I'm looking at
Speaker 1: this and my head is balding, and I'm like, oh, okay.
Speaker 1: I think also my alopecia must have flip air it
Speaker 1: up or something during that time too, and I just
Speaker 1: didn't know what it was. Yeah. So with all that
Speaker 1: being said, I have no idea what to do to
Speaker 1: calm my stress levels down, because even though I'm not
Speaker 1: on the show anymore, I think that I still carry
Speaker 1: that stress and just that feeling of being overwhelmed in
Speaker 1: my day to day life anyway. And I really would
Speaker 1: like my hair to grow back. Yeah, And I'm sorry
Speaker 1: that you had to go through all of that. And
Speaker 1: I'm sure so many people listening know exactly where you are.
Speaker 1: They are struggling with that too. And it's so my
Speaker 1: belief that the body tells us everything. The body is
Speaker 1: the most intelligent part that we have, you know. I
Speaker 1: think our culture really respects our minds, and I'm much
Speaker 1: more about the heart and the body. I think if
Speaker 1: you put all three together, you're going to be set
Speaker 1: for life. But the body is telling you something right,
Speaker 1: and the and the message is what Your hair is
Speaker 1: falling out and you're way too stressed. Yeah, it's it's
Speaker 1: your way too stressed, right, and it's telling you, can
Speaker 1: we please do something? Can we can we please do
Speaker 1: something to calm down, to have a sweeter existence? You know.
Speaker 1: It's it's like the body's intelligence is telling you, honey,
Speaker 1: this isn't what you're here for, right, So how do
Speaker 1: what do you? What are those next steps? Then to
Speaker 1: be like, how do you fix that? Tell me this?
Speaker 1: What would you beyond just wanting to get the hair back?
Speaker 1: What would be the choice? Because I believe being calm
Speaker 1: or having a regulated nervous system is a choice. It's
Speaker 1: a practice, and I know I do it. I work
Speaker 1: on this a lot myself because we all we all
Speaker 1: have stress. Right. That's just this crazy modern world that
Speaker 1: we live in. That's it's it's an overactive primal system
Speaker 1: that's telling us there's a tiger everywhere, and we're supposed
Speaker 1: to fight or flight or freeze or fall in and
Speaker 1: do all those trauma responses. But there are no tigers.
Speaker 1: There's just all this other stuff that you've probably learned
Speaker 1: a way of being safe by just amping up your
Speaker 1: nervous system. You know, like I'll be really good, I'll
Speaker 1: perform really well if I get really stressed, and it's
Speaker 1: just something you've learned to do that you can you
Speaker 1: can say, I don't want to do this anymore because
Speaker 1: what I'm always working on with people is flow, you know,
Speaker 1: and high performance and a way of I mean, that's
Speaker 1: that's what we would say in the corporate world, you know,
Speaker 1: or in in the leadership realm. But for you and me,
Speaker 1: it's like, I just want to have a good life.
Speaker 1: So my choice in working with the nervous system and
Speaker 1: in choosing calm is so that I can be my
Speaker 1: best self, so I can have access to intuition and
Speaker 1: superpowers and you know, be better lover mom human. So
Speaker 1: what would be the reason why, Like I imagine you're
Speaker 1: trying to become something I heard you talk a while
Speaker 1: back about wanting to give back. You know that there's
Speaker 1: passions that are coming up in you now that Dancing
Speaker 1: with the Stars is complete. So choose why you would
Speaker 1: even want to learn a calmer way of being first,
Speaker 1: what's the big why? Well, I think for me specifically
Speaker 1: in terms of giving back, it's just it's just I
Speaker 1: had um. I think for me, it's always about like
Speaker 1: it's always been, even since I was younger, and my
Speaker 1: family has always been very like charitable, So I grew
Speaker 1: up with that kind of influence and seeing that, so
Speaker 1: I just always had that passion. But I think also
Speaker 1: I got lost as like a young teenager and just
Speaker 1: was so consumed with my own life, which is embarrassing
Speaker 1: to admit because you don't want to be that person,
Speaker 1: especially when you have so many blessings. And so I
Speaker 1: think just I think it was just with age and
Speaker 1: growing up and obviously certain situations that shaped me to
Speaker 1: just I guess I didn't think of it as like
Speaker 1: I want a good response or good carm or I'm
Speaker 1: even doing this just for me, but it was more
Speaker 1: so I just want to help others for them. I
Speaker 1: guess I didn't really think of myself during that, So
Speaker 1: I don't know what the big y would be. Well,
Speaker 1: I think there's something in this that you want to
Speaker 1: be a better helper for sure. If you want to
Speaker 1: cause impact, you got to do it from a really
Speaker 1: wise place, from a from a happy, joyful like I'll
Speaker 1: tell you my number one strategy and all the things
Speaker 1: that I do is joy because I think when that
Speaker 1: is that is the highest vibration. You know, when you're
Speaker 1: in fear, you're in the cheapest seat in the house,
Speaker 1: and you don't have the kind of impact that you
Speaker 1: would want. You know, people will tune to joy before
Speaker 1: they'll tune to fear. Um, I think pleasure is a
Speaker 1: greater motivator in life, right, So if you want to
Speaker 1: have that impact, you want to be coming from that place.
Speaker 1: But before I go into stress strategies, because we could
Speaker 1: talk for days about all the ways that you can
Speaker 1: manage that, because I just I think that's what that's
Speaker 1: the core of what I've studied my whole life is
Speaker 1: because I want to have this great life, you know,
Speaker 1: like not miss a single beat. But I want to
Speaker 1: ask you one more question because it will help lock
Speaker 1: in why you're going to do this as a practice.
Speaker 1: If I gave you the world's biggest megaphone, like you
Speaker 1: have a super powerful microphone right now, you have an
Speaker 1: audience that is far and wide. But let's say we
Speaker 1: put you on the top of Everest and you could
Speaker 1: say to the whole world one thing that would would
Speaker 1: help them, something that you know that they would need
Speaker 1: to know. What would you say and don't overthink it.
Speaker 1: I'm totally overthinking it. Just what the first because I
Speaker 1: know the first thing came to you. I think I
Speaker 1: would just I think this sounds so stupid, but I
Speaker 1: think I would say, like, you know, try and smile,
Speaker 1: like just try and be. Yeah, like try and find joy.
Speaker 1: I know, like times are tough, but like try and smile.
Speaker 1: And I guess that's kind of how I what I
Speaker 1: try and do. But sometimes it doesn't work. In your
Speaker 1: hair falls out. I know, I know. But here's the
Speaker 1: cool thing is that's why apparently we found each other
Speaker 1: because I'm a joy expert and i'm and that's my
Speaker 1: number one strategy. If you're if your big message to
Speaker 1: the world is find joy, try and smile. That's who
Speaker 1: you are at your essence. That's the quickest way I
Speaker 1: can get to like who Olivia is at the heart
Speaker 1: that you are here to experience joy and you want
Speaker 1: that for others. So that's why your body is responding,
Speaker 1: maybe even more obviously than others, because that's what you're
Speaker 1: here for. That's what I'm here for. So for that reason,
Speaker 1: you have to practice not going to stress. It's no
Speaker 1: longer your strategy. Your strategy for performance, for giving for
Speaker 1: life is now joy. And when you feel the stress,
Speaker 1: let's go through a few things because this will really
Speaker 1: help people. Have you heard of heart math? Okay, so
Speaker 1: check this out. You can put your hand on your heart. Okay.
Speaker 1: Everybody do this with us. Everybody do it with us,
Speaker 1: and I think we just keep doing it because here's
Speaker 1: what happens. You rub your heart in a circle. So
Speaker 1: Olivia and I are both doing this, and it's just
Speaker 1: like a soft circular emotion over the heart. This is
Speaker 1: biochemically proven, scientifically evidence based. Two in three minutes, completely
Speaker 1: calm your nervous system. What uh huh? I wish I
Speaker 1: met you when I was on the show. I know,
Speaker 1: I know I have people doing this in like board meetings,
Speaker 1: you know, just like sorry, I'm not sorry, I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna rub my heart for a second, you know. But
Speaker 1: you do this and you don't even have to. You
Speaker 1: could have all the thinking and all the stress and
Speaker 1: all the everything, but this will actually tell your nervous
Speaker 1: system there's no tiger. It's so cool. Wow, Why it's
Speaker 1: I think you know the we could look it up
Speaker 1: all the details and the evidence behind it show that
Speaker 1: somehow this is a soothing message to the nervous system
Speaker 1: in the same way that we use the breath. Right,
Speaker 1: so people can continue to do this. I mean, if
Speaker 1: we do layer on this plus you know box breathing. No,
Speaker 1: I don't. Okay, let's do this with everybody. So we're
Speaker 1: gonna breathe in for four, hold for four, breathe out
Speaker 1: for four, and hold for four. And let's just do
Speaker 1: that one time. We'll go in one two three four,
Speaker 1: hold one two three four. Exhale one two three four,
Speaker 1: hold one two three four. Right, you would just do
Speaker 1: that for a series of reps. Maybe do it for
Speaker 1: the three minutes that you're doing this hard thing. I
Speaker 1: don't know if this is placebo? Is this placebo? Or
Speaker 1: do I feel calmer? It works? I'm not kidding. I
Speaker 1: don't do anything that doesn't work. It's proven, silly me,
Speaker 1: It's totally proven. But doesn't it feel like, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: why isn't everybody doing this? Why aren't we teaching this
Speaker 1: in school? Wow? I hope that if anybody else just
Speaker 1: tried this, I wonder if you guys feel the same
Speaker 1: as me right now? This is really weird. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: another thing where you could say you know what. I
Speaker 1: want to go out there and dance like nobody's business.
Speaker 1: I want to do it from a really calm place.
Speaker 1: So let's say I do this before I even get
Speaker 1: on any of these calls podcasts. I take these deep
Speaker 1: breaths right where if you're in hell is shut than
Speaker 1: your exhale. Let's say you forget the four counts. If
Speaker 1: you just exhale longer than your inhale, and you do
Speaker 1: that a number of times. With the longer exhale, it
Speaker 1: actually also tells your body that you're good. And then
Speaker 1: what you do is you scan your body from head
Speaker 1: to toe because the body doesn't lie, and you can
Speaker 1: go body check in, right. I want to I want
Speaker 1: to be safe. I want to tell my body that
Speaker 1: I'm safe. WHOA, I have a really fast heart beat
Speaker 1: right now. You know, my stomach is tight, my shoulders
Speaker 1: are up. You just notice. You notice what's going on,
Speaker 1: and then you know when we were stuck inside and
Speaker 1: we didn't have this social connection, social distancing. It's like
Speaker 1: the worst thing for our nervous system in the entire
Speaker 1: world because for you to do that quick body check
Speaker 1: in and then turn to val or a friend, anybody
Speaker 1: that you love even get on the phone and say, wow,
Speaker 1: I just noticed that I'm really tight in my chest.
Speaker 1: And if you know the body, when you're tight in
Speaker 1: the chest, there's like there's responsibility and there's stress. Right,
Speaker 1: if you're tied in the belly, you've got fear. There's
Speaker 1: all kinds of notes in the body that you can
Speaker 1: tune into what's going on for you. And then if
Speaker 1: you tell somebody even more so, it's going to calm
Speaker 1: you down. That's why we talk, right, It's why we talk,
Speaker 1: especially as girls, like we just get together and we
Speaker 1: talk it all out. We feel great. You tell somebody
Speaker 1: like I'm really nervous right now, and it makes it okay. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel that actually I do. Like, yeah, a good
Speaker 1: venting session never hurts, it always helps. It's the best.
Speaker 1: I tell people. You should have a listening partner that
Speaker 1: every day for five minutes, you set the timer and
Speaker 1: you just vent. You just rant. That's like my sister, yeah,
Speaker 1: and then at the end, Sissy just goes, what do
Speaker 1: you need, babe, and you're good and then you take
Speaker 1: turns and that's like the most wonderful way to keep
Speaker 1: the stress moving. So you know how you were just
Speaker 1: telling me like, let's say, like my natural instinct is
Speaker 1: to feel stressed out, and that's like something I need
Speaker 1: to change my perspective on. How do you is it
Speaker 1: doing stuff like rubbing my heart and breathing that puts
Speaker 1: me in that different mindset or what is one supposed
Speaker 1: to actually physically do to like calm themselves. Well, those
Speaker 1: are some of the techniques, but we really I mean,
Speaker 1: I could give you lists and lists and lists, because
Speaker 1: I know there are so many different doorways to being
Speaker 1: this calmer force in the world which will really tune others.
Speaker 1: You'll become somebody who actually can walk into the room
Speaker 1: and you calm everybody around you. It's called coregulation, and
Speaker 1: there's a whole theory of polyvagel theory around it. You know,
Speaker 1: where you can actually become a safe place forever everybody
Speaker 1: around you, which is a great way to help you
Speaker 1: know when you say you want to give back. So
Speaker 1: it's it looks like like when I'm doing my work,
Speaker 1: I could easily go to stress. It's such a quick,
Speaker 1: you know, primal instinctual thing for us to do, but
Speaker 1: I don't want to. I chose not to. If I'm
Speaker 1: supposed to be a force of joy on the planet.
Speaker 1: It doesn't make a lot of sense for my brand
Speaker 1: to be showing up super stress to everything. So I'll
Speaker 1: pull myself out of the chair and I'll do a
Speaker 1: practice that would lead me back to a place of
Speaker 1: more piece and ease. Now I could be having the
Speaker 1: worst day I still have like people think me as
Speaker 1: like I have all this great energy that it's just
Speaker 1: easy for me. But it's a commitment. And so if
Speaker 1: I'm having a really rough day, you know, the quickest
Speaker 1: point from A to B for me to get back
Speaker 1: to a place of feeling good is laughter. And I
Speaker 1: will also underscore this with science. There are two great
Speaker 1: humans at Stanford where I do work that just wrote
Speaker 1: a book called Humor Seriously, and they said, we are
Speaker 1: missing out on the power of laughter because as kids
Speaker 1: we laugh like, you know, hundreds of times a day,
Speaker 1: but as adults, like three or four is the average.
Speaker 1: And they found in their studies that about of laughter,
Speaker 1: get this is equal to the same biochemical effects of
Speaker 1: having meditated, slept, and had sex all at the same time. Stop,
Speaker 1: no joke, no joke. What why are we not using
Speaker 1: humor as a strategy? I go on to TikTok to
Speaker 1: make my life work, you know what I'm saying. Wow,
Speaker 1: And I have the kids. I have a sixteen year
Speaker 1: old and eighteen year old. I'm like, send Mama some
Speaker 1: things like in charge of my laughter because I want
Speaker 1: to do great things in the world. Wow. I know,
Speaker 1: so fascinating, right. And I also heard once like when
Speaker 1: I was younger. I don't know if this is true,
Speaker 1: but like laughing makes you live longer, to which problem somehow? Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: and you've got to look into the blue zones because
Speaker 1: the blue zones are these places around the planet. They're
Speaker 1: like six of them, I think where people go um
Speaker 1: to forget to die. They live into their hundreds. And
Speaker 1: so they've been studying these blue zones to say why
Speaker 1: in the world. You know, they don't lose their hair,
Speaker 1: they're they're super healthy. Is this like a mental blue zone? No,
Speaker 1: they're physical blue zones in Grease and California and Italy.
Speaker 1: It's like mind blowing. And so you know what their
Speaker 1: secret is. They it's diet. They definitely eat plant based
Speaker 1: so you don't take on the stress of animals, or
Speaker 1: they eat some fish. But there's like this very simple,
Speaker 1: you know, healthy way of life, they drink wine, all
Speaker 1: these ways that you could sort of break down why
Speaker 1: they do so well, But you know what they say
Speaker 1: is the ultimate reason because of who they eat with.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, you know, like the people you keep. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's so key. I used to talk about that a
Speaker 1: lot on my YouTube channel when I was a little
Speaker 1: bit younger, like, it's so much more effective to think
Speaker 1: of it like quality over quantity, especially when you're thinking
Speaker 1: of friends, or when even when I was younger and
Speaker 1: I'd be talking to girls around my age, so we're
Speaker 1: just like, I feel so left out or I want
Speaker 1: to be a part of this group, and I'm like
Speaker 1: I don't have that many friends, but the friends I
Speaker 1: do have, like they are such quality friends, and I
Speaker 1: feel like that definitely affects how I live my life daily.
Speaker 1: If I had people around that were like, it's just
Speaker 1: it's the matter of that they give me energy instead
Speaker 1: of like draining energy. I think you failed at how
Speaker 1: many people are walking around in life doing all these
Speaker 1: things that drain them. You know, to do an exercise
Speaker 1: where you just take stock and how you live your
Speaker 1: day and you go do these things that I do
Speaker 1: and these people that I hang out with give me
Speaker 1: energy or drain my energy and really make some choices,
Speaker 1: and your gut will tell you if it's draining energy,
Speaker 1: then it's time to rethink your friendships. Yeah, you check
Speaker 1: in with your body and if there's a tightness or
Speaker 1: there is an like an elevated kind of feeling, you'll
Speaker 1: know why is it? Though? Because I feel like I
Speaker 1: can I see this a lot online too, and then
Speaker 1: in the past past in my life, Like, I can
Speaker 1: relate to this a little bit. But whether you're in
Speaker 1: a toxic friendship or a toxic relationship, then why is
Speaker 1: it so hard to get out of if your body
Speaker 1: is physically telling you from that like type feeling, or
Speaker 1: your brain is like or you're just that gut intuition
Speaker 1: where you're like, I know this isn't healthy, because I
Speaker 1: feel like a lot of people listening to this have
Speaker 1: been or are in situations like that. And ask somebody
Speaker 1: who you know works with people all the time, like,
Speaker 1: what would you tell somebody in that case? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean COVID madd so that we had to be home
Speaker 1: with people that maybe weren't at all healthy for us,
Speaker 1: you know, caretaking for people who maybe didn't care to
Speaker 1: take for us or being in relationships where we saw
Speaker 1: domestic violence go through the root. And I know that
Speaker 1: in some scenarios there are people listening where they can't
Speaker 1: make that change or they feel really helpless to make
Speaker 1: that change. And I would say in that case, there's
Speaker 1: such a huge need for a commitment to beyond self care.
Speaker 1: You know, we know all is self care in the world.
Speaker 1: Everybody knows what we should be doing, but to this
Speaker 1: deep self love, you know, I think that's like the
Speaker 1: PhD level of of self care is to accepting what
Speaker 1: you've chosen for your life and loving yourself for the lesson,
Speaker 1: and that's bringing you. You know. I lived in an
Speaker 1: ashram when I was in my twenties with a guru
Speaker 1: who told me when people come to her and say
Speaker 1: I'm in the wrong relationship, I don't I don't know
Speaker 1: if I'm with the right person, She'd say, it's very simple.
Speaker 1: Try to get away and if you can. If like
Speaker 1: it's you know, some people, their relationship just go poof
Speaker 1: and it's like the karma has done, you know, it's
Speaker 1: it's the lesson has been learned. If you're not And
Speaker 1: I am an expert at toxic relationships, I have chosen
Speaker 1: quite a few in my day, and I think it's
Speaker 1: because I had lessons to learn, I had stuff to
Speaker 1: process that this person was the perfect person to help
Speaker 1: me work out, you know, issues from childhood or issues
Speaker 1: of self worth or whatever. And until I was ready
Speaker 1: to actually say I got it, you know, I was
Speaker 1: stuck in that relationship. Yeah. I think time is a
Speaker 1: huge thing, right. It's like you time and time again,
Speaker 1: if you give it enough time. If eventually, just as
Speaker 1: a human, you get sick of certain behaviors, whether maybe
Speaker 1: you're doing you're feeding into it too, or whatever the
Speaker 1: situation might be. I feel like one thing that I
Speaker 1: would think to tell somebody, even though I have no
Speaker 1: professional background in this, so maybe don't listen to me,
Speaker 1: but I would say, you know, give yourself time to
Speaker 1: because sometimes you have those thoughts, at least for me,
Speaker 1: where I think like, oh, I can't do this, I
Speaker 1: can't be in this, and and I think about that
Speaker 1: for like months, and I stay in situations that I'm
Speaker 1: just not happy, and then I hit this realization that
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, I'm just not happy. Whether it's like
Speaker 1: a friendship or an ex boyfriend or whatever it might
Speaker 1: be in somebody's case. It's like you have to give
Speaker 1: yourself time, but then once you know you're ready to
Speaker 1: let go, I just I highly suggest trying to let go. No,
Speaker 1: I think you're right. I think you'd be gentle with yourself.
Speaker 1: No one is really gentle with it. I'm not gentle
Speaker 1: with myself. I try very hard to be, but it's
Speaker 1: which is not our culture, you know. But if you
Speaker 1: can be and then really ask for help. I think
Speaker 1: we've got so many great humans, Like I've got a village,
Speaker 1: you know, We've got therapists and healers, energy healers and tuitives,
Speaker 1: you know. Just some people think that all they've got
Speaker 1: is their doctor or their therapists. But there's a lot
Speaker 1: of other ways, you know, through all kinds of modes
Speaker 1: that you can reach out and say, I need perspective,
Speaker 1: I need you know, I need some more wisdom because
Speaker 1: we are not meant to do this by ourselves. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's so true. This is a little bit off topic,
Speaker 1: but not really. But it's just a question I'm genuinely
Speaker 1: curious about. Um, what would you tell somebody that's going
Speaker 1: through something really really tough at the time, you know
Speaker 1: they're going through something really hard, they don't see the light.
Speaker 1: And obviously you were talking about practices you can do
Speaker 1: to like calm your stress, but like what do you
Speaker 1: do if you feel just like genuinely hopeless and like
Speaker 1: what is that next? And you know, and it's easier
Speaker 1: said than done for like me, where I can look
Speaker 1: around and be like, Okay, I'm gonna count my blessings
Speaker 1: and like really put into perspective on like what I'm
Speaker 1: harping on and what I should be focusing on that's
Speaker 1: going to bring me joy un happiness. But I feel
Speaker 1: like for so many that's so much harder when especially
Speaker 1: after COVID, when you're looking around and you just don't
Speaker 1: have much left. Yeah, what does one do? Well, let's
Speaker 1: look at these formulas. I think this is like such
Speaker 1: a tangible way to to work with something that feels
Speaker 1: really probably out of control for some people are very esoteric.
Speaker 1: There's a formula for happiness that says your blueprint must
Speaker 1: equal your life conditions. So if we totally made it
Speaker 1: into a formula, be your BP equals your l C.
Speaker 1: And that means that if I'm you know, at this age,
Speaker 1: expecting that I should be experiencing something at this age,
Speaker 1: and I am and that's my reality. I'm gold, I'm happy.
Speaker 1: That's the formula for happiness. That what I expect I
Speaker 1: should have I have, right if you don't have that
Speaker 1: equal and my blueprint is off because what I think
Speaker 1: I should have, Like I recently felt like I should
Speaker 1: have a love that I was waiting for this partner
Speaker 1: to show up forever and he hadn't come yet. It
Speaker 1: was like, I think I should have him, but he's
Speaker 1: not here. So that's the formula for unhappiness. Interesting, that
Speaker 1: makes sense right right now, there's a formula for suffern
Speaker 1: which you just snailed when somebody is hopeless to change
Speaker 1: their blueprint does not equal their life conditions and they
Speaker 1: feel helpless to change it, totally stuck, powerless, which it's
Speaker 1: my belief, and this would be called an empowering belief,
Speaker 1: not a limiting belief. But I believe we're never totally
Speaker 1: stuck because I'm a possibilitary and I like I think
Speaker 1: anything it's possible. So here's the way out. You have
Speaker 1: to change your blueprint or change your life conditions. Right,
Speaker 1: You either change the way you're looking at it, your expectations,
Speaker 1: or you change the reality. So let's say, for COVID,
Speaker 1: a lot of us thought this shouldn't be happening. What
Speaker 1: the hell is this? You know, this is a wreck,
Speaker 1: the world's falling apart, and and so that that made
Speaker 1: us all feel quite hopeless. But my blueprint for it,
Speaker 1: in order to deal with it was, let me do
Speaker 1: a bunch of research and see what's actually going on.
Speaker 1: And there were stories from the great traditions that said
Speaker 1: this moment in time has been predicted for thousands of years,
Speaker 1: that an apocalyptic sort of moment was going to come
Speaker 1: and it was going to be the end of things
Speaker 1: as we know it. And I thought, oh god, that's
Speaker 1: actually what we're going through. But it's not like end
Speaker 1: of the world like the way the movies showed us.
Speaker 1: It was an awakening, like a reset, great global awakening. Yeah,
Speaker 1: where our consciousness, our energy, the whole vibration of the planet,
Speaker 1: the human residence, everything is going up where we might
Speaker 1: just have the shot for a better world. Right, So,
Speaker 1: if that's our life conditions right now, we're wocked in
Speaker 1: and all this craziness is happening. But if that's my blueprint,
Speaker 1: I'm good. Right, that's the way I see things, I
Speaker 1: know that good will come out of this. Somehow I
Speaker 1: see what you're saying. It now equals right. So instead
Speaker 1: of like harping on the situation and being like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, I lost my job, this is ruining my life,
Speaker 1: you change your mindset into saying like, okay, but if
Speaker 1: you look at this, this was coming and it's going
Speaker 1: to be a positive thing, and trust the universe and
Speaker 1: the timing. Yeah, if I say that's my blueprint, I
Speaker 1: believe when people lose their jobs it's because something better
Speaker 1: is here. It's like the same thing around the relationship.
Speaker 1: You lose your relationship, it goes like that it means
Speaker 1: there's a better one coming. It's just the way I
Speaker 1: see that, because that's the way it always seems to work.
Speaker 1: When people get laid off, they get fired, they always say,
Speaker 1: holy cow, I didn't know what was coming. You know.
Speaker 1: I agree with that too, because I'm a huge believer
Speaker 1: in manifestation. And I don't manifest enough to like really
Speaker 1: talk about it and preach about it. But I do
Speaker 1: really feel like when I focus or I think about
Speaker 1: something repeatedly, and it's like something I really want to happen,
Speaker 1: and I speak it into existence and I speak it
Speaker 1: out loud like it does come true. And I think
Speaker 1: it's kind of similar to what you're talking about right now.
Speaker 1: I think it kind of goes hand in hand, right Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm telling you Ted Lasso, it's so good.
Speaker 1: I love you, know how he has the sign believe. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that is literally the beginning of the whole manifestation process.
Speaker 1: Is if you believe in something full heart, like a
Speaker 1: whole body, like I know no plan B, I'm going
Speaker 1: to have this thing, you will have it because it
Speaker 1: sets into this whole motionless success cycle of being able
Speaker 1: to then tap into your potential and take some brave
Speaker 1: action and get results, and then the whole thing just
Speaker 1: keeps repeating where you just go, this is what I want.
Speaker 1: And I think nobody is actually truly helpless at the
Speaker 1: end of the day. There's always a way. So I
Speaker 1: just think for anybody listening who feels really, really stuck,
Speaker 1: the secret is either you believe that there's something better coming,
Speaker 1: or if you don't believe it, just start taking action.
Speaker 1: Just tell someone you want something more in life, or
Speaker 1: make a brave call or send an email or take
Speaker 1: any action simplest action, and you get that whole loop going,
Speaker 1: you know, because things can't stay the same when you
Speaker 1: take some action. That's so true. It's true. And then
Speaker 1: you go like, oh wow, I thought I was stuck,
Speaker 1: but I'm not. Things can't stay the same. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: is so so true. What are your thoughts on like
Speaker 1: doing like a vision board or like a journaling. Do
Speaker 1: you believe in like physically doing stuff like that too?
Speaker 1: All on? I believe that in all of our senses,
Speaker 1: we have gateways to all the things. Right, So if
Speaker 1: you see something and you have a vision board and
Speaker 1: it's visual, like my, oh my god, my Pinterest boards,
Speaker 1: I love, you know, it's like those are visual anchors.
Speaker 1: Those are things that you know. Your subconscious mind responds
Speaker 1: to visual cues, two symbols, to colors, two stories. So
Speaker 1: you're feeding. You know. The only reason we actually ever
Speaker 1: get sort of like when we're in a bad situation
Speaker 1: and we know we shouldn't be, it's because our subconscious
Speaker 1: mind is out of sync with our conscious mind. It's
Speaker 1: like we're at odds with each other. And there are
Speaker 1: all kinds of ways we can work with this, but
Speaker 1: you bring your subconscious mind up to speed by feeding
Speaker 1: it stories and visuals and colors and things like this.
Speaker 1: Your ears, you know, hearing stories, hearing stories of possibility.
Speaker 1: Right if you hear somebody else fell in love, you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: maybe I can't too. Maybe love is closer than I thought.
Speaker 1: You know, you we we get we get juiced by
Speaker 1: hearing that other people have been able to do it,
Speaker 1: you know, unless you know, you could also be sort
Speaker 1: of blocked. And I think this happens on social media
Speaker 1: where you're like, well, good for her, you know, that's
Speaker 1: great for you, you know. But I think this is
Speaker 1: a reminder to take it as evidence that if it's
Speaker 1: possible for one of us, it's possible for all of us,
Speaker 1: because we're all human. That's such a great way of
Speaker 1: looking at it. And I think that's so helpful. I
Speaker 1: don't even think of it that way. And I'm sure
Speaker 1: people on listening to this, or people that follow me
Speaker 1: or don't follow me, look at my page and think, oh,
Speaker 1: she's got it together. You wouldn't know. I'm balding at
Speaker 1: the front of my head right now. You have no
Speaker 1: I would never post about that, even though I'm talking
Speaker 1: about it now, and it feels good to share it
Speaker 1: because I hope that it can help somebody, or it's relatable,
Speaker 1: or it's just like Okay, it really does show social
Speaker 1: media is not that realistic, and she's not showing all
Speaker 1: those like scary terrible moments where I'm face timing my
Speaker 1: mom scream crying like why am I balding and freaking out?
Speaker 1: No kidding, I am. I am fifty one and I
Speaker 1: just started losing my hair because menopause, for God's sakes.
Speaker 1: So I'm with you, sugar, and there's there are some
Speaker 1: serious products out there that we can talk offline that work.
Speaker 1: It is a temporary situation for you and me, But
Speaker 1: I think I think it's like so brave to just
Speaker 1: share more. You know that we're all struggling, We're all
Speaker 1: in this. I have more insecurities that nobody would know
Speaker 1: about because I'm still working on getting braver sharing them
Speaker 1: out there. But we're all in this together. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: so agree. And I think that's kind of the perfect
Speaker 1: note to end this on. And so I just cannot
Speaker 1: thank you enough Jarif for coming on here and talking
Speaker 1: to me and talking to them today. I feel like
Speaker 1: this was so helpful and definitely I'm so new at
Speaker 1: this still but by far one of my favorite podcasts
Speaker 1: I've recorded because I feel like it genuinely was so insightful.
Speaker 1: So thank you so so much. I'm so excited for you.
Speaker 1: You're unnatural incredible podcast. Thank you, Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for coming on, and hopefully we'll have you again so
Speaker 1: we can talk more, because I could ask you like
Speaker 1: a trillion more questions anytime. Thank you so much. All right,
Speaker 1: thanks for listening, y'all,