WEBVTT - The Best of: Checking In (Pt. 2) 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.120 Peaks of the planet, charlamagnea god here, and as we 0:00:02.200 --> 0:00:04.400 come close to the closing out this year, I just 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:06.120 want to say thank you for tuning it into the 0:00:06.120 --> 0:00:08.640 Black Effect podcast network. There have been so many great 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:10.720 moments over the past year. Take a listen to some 0:00:10.760 --> 0:00:14.160 of those captivating moments in this special best of episode. 0:00:15.520 --> 0:00:18.560 She is a three time Emmy Award winning co host 0:00:18.560 --> 0:00:22.479 of ABC's The View. New York Times best selling author. 0:00:23.239 --> 0:00:25.560 I fell in love with her first ball because she 0:00:25.720 --> 0:00:29.400 is an attorney, a legal analyst, as well as a 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:34.320 sought after speaker. Y'all already know. Y'all know who it is. Please, 0:00:35.440 --> 0:00:36.960 Sonny Houstin. 0:00:36.680 --> 0:00:38.919 Oh, thank you for having me. 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:42.320 Wow. You know, I remember the first time we met. 0:00:42.360 --> 0:00:45.120 I mean I had watched you perform, of course, but 0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:47.640 I remember the first time we met. We were you 0:00:47.680 --> 0:00:49.960 were walking out of a Japanese restaurant and I was 0:00:49.960 --> 0:00:52.800 walking into a Japanese restaurant and you were like, Sonny 0:00:52.840 --> 0:00:54.880 Haustin and I was like, I know, Michelle. 0:00:54.520 --> 0:00:56.160 Williams does not know who I am. 0:00:59.640 --> 0:01:02.160 So it was great and it's been great to keep 0:01:02.200 --> 0:01:03.160 in touch since then. 0:01:03.800 --> 0:01:05.520 Yes, ma'am, it has been great. 0:01:05.959 --> 0:01:10.039 It has just been awesome over the years, because. 0:01:09.720 --> 0:01:11.600 You know, I am a bootleg attorney. 0:01:11.840 --> 0:01:17.920 My college was criminal justice, so I would stay tuned 0:01:17.959 --> 0:01:23.120 and peeled into cases that made like mainstream television. And 0:01:23.360 --> 0:01:27.080 what inspired me so much was to see women of 0:01:27.240 --> 0:01:31.480 color bringing it as it related to the legal parts 0:01:31.600 --> 0:01:34.000 of all these cases that were going on. 0:01:34.520 --> 0:01:38.520 I mean, killing it sure confident. 0:01:38.640 --> 0:01:40.280 There are times where you had to set people in 0:01:40.280 --> 0:01:42.640 their place, or there are times you have to be like, no, 0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:46.959 the person did it, how did y'all not see it? 0:01:47.120 --> 0:01:51.720 How do they see it? So I'm just appreciative of you. 0:01:51.800 --> 0:01:54.800 I'm appreciative you've been what ten seasons or more on 0:01:54.840 --> 0:01:55.280 the View? 0:01:55.960 --> 0:01:56.200 You know. 0:01:56.600 --> 0:01:58.440 I was just reminded of that. 0:01:58.600 --> 0:02:02.120 Have some one on the View I had said during 0:02:02.120 --> 0:02:05.720 an interview six years and she was like, no, you 0:02:05.840 --> 0:02:10.120 started guest hosting with us in twenty twelve, and I 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:12.840 was like what She was like, yep, Barbara got you 0:02:12.960 --> 0:02:16.799 into the rotation in twenty twelve, and so I was 0:02:16.840 --> 0:02:20.639 a guest co host for a lot, like half the 0:02:20.680 --> 0:02:23.160 shows in a year, and then I've been on the 0:02:23.160 --> 0:02:27.480 show formally as a full time co host since for 0:02:27.560 --> 0:02:28.760 seven years. 0:02:28.880 --> 0:02:33.560 It went by really quickly, doesn't it go? By quickly. Yeah, 0:02:33.639 --> 0:02:34.240 and it's like. 0:02:34.520 --> 0:02:36.480 I started guest co hosting, but at the time I 0:02:36.560 --> 0:02:39.959 was working at CNN, so it was, you know, they 0:02:40.080 --> 0:02:42.800 wanted me to start at the View, but I really 0:02:42.800 --> 0:02:46.360 couldn't because I had a contract and CNN at the 0:02:46.440 --> 0:02:49.720 time was like, no, you can't get out of your contract, 0:02:50.840 --> 0:02:52.480 which in a way was a good thing for me 0:02:52.560 --> 0:02:55.120 because I was reporting out in the field. I was 0:02:55.120 --> 0:02:57.720 doing the things that you were just talking about. You know, 0:02:57.800 --> 0:03:00.519 I was covering the Trade bon Martin trial, well, the 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:03.720 George Zimmerman traum, but the Trayvon's murder. And I was, 0:03:04.080 --> 0:03:07.880 you know, covering Casey Anthony who murdered, in my opinion, 0:03:07.919 --> 0:03:10.520 her you know, her baby, And so I was. I 0:03:10.600 --> 0:03:13.160 was in the thick of a lot of heavy stuff 0:03:13.840 --> 0:03:18.040 that was really important to me. And so in a 0:03:18.080 --> 0:03:20.560 way it was great to be able to do that 0:03:20.560 --> 0:03:24.760 that heavy lifting and give voice to our community and 0:03:24.800 --> 0:03:26.600 then get on the View and have a little bit 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:27.000 of fun. 0:03:27.240 --> 0:03:31.320 So it was a good balance. Got it. 0:03:32.120 --> 0:03:36.920 The foundation of checking in is mental health. It just 0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:42.400 mentioned that, you know, you had to cover some heavy cases. Yeah, okay, 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:45.360 I named all these brilliant things that you do, but 0:03:45.440 --> 0:03:47.960 some of the most brilliant things that you are is 0:03:48.000 --> 0:03:53.600 a wife and mother. Yes, say someone's daughter, someone's friend. 0:03:54.440 --> 0:03:56.880 How were you able to handle all of these heavy 0:03:57.000 --> 0:04:00.000 moments as far as your mental health is concerned. 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:02.080 Learned? You know, it's interesting. 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:07.120 I'm learning how to handle it better. I am someone 0:04:07.240 --> 0:04:12.120 who tended to internalize things. You know, I was the 0:04:12.160 --> 0:04:15.960 calm in the storm. I had a pretty chaotic upbringing 0:04:16.000 --> 0:04:18.520 because I grew up in the South Bronx projects and 0:04:18.560 --> 0:04:22.040 I saw a lot of violence and addiction, and so 0:04:22.120 --> 0:04:24.960 I was always the kid with the book that was 0:04:24.960 --> 0:04:29.440 looking for an escape from my surroundings. And it kind 0:04:29.520 --> 0:04:32.159 of grounded me. And my faith grounded me. You know, 0:04:32.160 --> 0:04:36.279 I'm Catholic, went to Catholic schools. I had a really 0:04:36.520 --> 0:04:39.839 good friendship with a nun believe it or not, sister, 0:04:39.880 --> 0:04:42.160 and she passed a couple of years ago, and I 0:04:42.240 --> 0:04:44.240 still to this day have a really good friendship with 0:04:44.320 --> 0:04:47.839 two priests, Father Edward Beck and Father Bob, and so 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:48.360 I was. 0:04:48.320 --> 0:04:49.479 Able to turn to them. 0:04:49.880 --> 0:04:53.440 I didn't turn to a traditional therapists, but I turned 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:56.880 to them for a guidance, you know, like faith guidance, 0:04:56.960 --> 0:04:59.640 Like how do I do this? Especially when I was 0:04:59.640 --> 0:05:04.360 covering a lot of the heavy stuff, and it's hard, 0:05:05.120 --> 0:05:09.440 I will say, not only covering those issues, but covering 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:13.400 them as a public figure, and it's especially hard. 0:05:13.240 --> 0:05:14.280 On your family. 0:05:14.440 --> 0:05:16.400 And you don't think about that, or at least I 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:18.719 didn't think about that when I first started. I just 0:05:18.720 --> 0:05:20.800 want to tell people stories. I just want to make 0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:23.359 sure people knew about Trayvon. I wanted to make sure 0:05:23.600 --> 0:05:25.640 you know that people knew about George Floyd. I just 0:05:25.680 --> 0:05:27.240 it was important to me that people knew about what 0:05:27.240 --> 0:05:31.440 was going on community. I prosecuted child sex crimes and trafficking. 0:05:31.600 --> 0:05:34.280 That was the business that I was in when I 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:38.600 was a prosecutor, and I pretty much put myself last 0:05:39.320 --> 0:05:42.119 all the time. I wanted to make sure my daughter 0:05:42.240 --> 0:05:45.160 was okay, my son was okay, my husband was okay, 0:05:45.920 --> 0:05:49.840 and I was doing the work. But I wasn't as 0:05:49.920 --> 0:05:53.159 concerned about myself. And I would say within the past 0:05:53.200 --> 0:05:57.039 five years, especially with the help of Joy Behar and 0:05:57.080 --> 0:06:01.279 Whoopee and my co hosts asking me, are you and 0:06:01.320 --> 0:06:04.520 I started kind of taking stock in that and I 0:06:04.560 --> 0:06:08.120 was like, some days I'm great, but sometimes I'm actually 0:06:08.120 --> 0:06:11.520 not okay, And it's okay to say I'm not Okay, 0:06:11.880 --> 0:06:13.800 it's okay to say I. 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:15.520 Think I'm gonna have to take a mental health day 0:06:15.560 --> 0:06:18.400 off today because I need to. 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:22.159 You know, I live on kind of a modified farm, 0:06:22.240 --> 0:06:24.040 so I'm like, I need to go out with my chickens, 0:06:24.040 --> 0:06:26.479 I need to tend to my beehives. I need to 0:06:26.480 --> 0:06:29.680 be with my two hundred and fifty pounds New Finland dogs. 0:06:30.160 --> 0:06:33.240 I need to just spend some time for me. And 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:36.920 that's been extremely helpful. But it took me a minute 0:06:37.520 --> 0:06:42.000 to understand what self care meant and how if I 0:06:42.080 --> 0:06:46.039 am not good and centered mentally, that I am not 0:06:46.240 --> 0:06:48.119 good and centered for anybody else. 0:06:55.160 --> 0:07:01.760 His authenticity is what won the hearts of millions, went 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:04.880 on to work with and have his own show through 0:07:04.960 --> 0:07:10.440 Ellen DeGeneres, and is now transitioning and doing so many 0:07:10.720 --> 0:07:15.400 great things. He is someone's friend. He is someone's son. 0:07:16.480 --> 0:07:21.200 To us, we love him. He is Kaylin Allen. Have 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:25.760 you heard Tapitha Brown's story, Yes, kind of the same 0:07:25.880 --> 0:07:28.560 thing where she says she heard a voice say, get 0:07:28.640 --> 0:07:34.600 your phone, use your phone, and to see what you 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:38.160 two have done just by the power of making good 0:07:38.320 --> 0:07:41.239 use out of the phone, bringing joy to people's hearts. 0:07:41.280 --> 0:07:46.000 Because people use their phones for evil. I'm just gonna 0:07:46.040 --> 0:07:51.160 say it, but y'all, you use your phone to make us? 0:07:51.280 --> 0:07:53.600 Did you know you were you trying to make us laugh? 0:07:54.080 --> 0:07:54.280 No? 0:07:54.520 --> 0:07:56.200 And you know what's so funny about that. And I 0:07:56.200 --> 0:07:57.640 tell people this all the time is that I'm not 0:07:57.720 --> 0:08:01.040 a comedian. And it's like, I just know I'm a 0:08:01.040 --> 0:08:05.320 comedic entertainer. I know comedy. I just know what's funny. 0:08:05.640 --> 0:08:07.640 And it's really a lot of times it's just how 0:08:07.680 --> 0:08:10.360 I talk. It's just how I express myself. It's just 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:13.360 who I am, you know. So it's just like I 0:08:13.400 --> 0:08:16.080 don't see it as I'm sitting down, like writing down 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:17.200 a joke or something like that. 0:08:17.280 --> 0:08:18.560 It's just like every now. 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:21.040 And to be honest, even the way that I make 0:08:21.080 --> 0:08:24.720 content now, it's all off a feeling. I don't believe 0:08:24.760 --> 0:08:26.760 in making content. Just to say that i'd have made 0:08:26.760 --> 0:08:29.000 some content or whatever, I have to feel it. So 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:30.520 for instance, like the other day, I was at the 0:08:30.560 --> 0:08:33.560 grocery store and these two boys call me sir, and 0:08:33.600 --> 0:08:36.400 so then something in my spirit was like this would 0:08:36.400 --> 0:08:39.440 be a funny video. So I went home. I was like, 0:08:39.559 --> 0:08:41.640 I already know what I want to say, I know 0:08:41.720 --> 0:08:43.319 how I want to say, I'm a pressure record and 0:08:43.360 --> 0:08:44.959 I'm gonna talk to this phone for a minute and 0:08:45.080 --> 0:08:46.440 thirty seconds, you know what I mean. 0:08:46.760 --> 0:08:49.000 And what I realized after. 0:08:48.760 --> 0:08:52.240 That video is that I think because because it is 0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:55.720 so natural to me, I think it becomes so believable 0:08:55.760 --> 0:08:59.000 that people think that I actually really care about it. 0:08:59.360 --> 0:09:02.120 If that makes of being like and I'm like, I 0:09:02.120 --> 0:09:04.320 don't really care that these boys call me sir, Like 0:09:04.600 --> 0:09:07.120 that's not that is not keeping me up at night, 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:09.160 you know what I mean. But it's like it's a 0:09:09.200 --> 0:09:12.240 part of the comedy, is a part of the hysteria 0:09:12.360 --> 0:09:15.640 of it Allfore. 0:09:15.160 --> 0:09:18.800 I love it. I have those moments and where I 0:09:18.840 --> 0:09:22.160 should press for corpor then I'm self conscious, like, well, 0:09:22.200 --> 0:09:24.560 you don't have no makeup. You gotta do this, you 0:09:24.600 --> 0:09:27.000 gotta do that, don't be coming on looking busted. So 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:30.800 a lot of my thoughts just stay thoughts. But I'm 0:09:30.800 --> 0:09:35.079 going to try to do some more natural moments of 0:09:35.720 --> 0:09:37.800 you know, spontaneous filming. 0:09:38.160 --> 0:09:41.120 Now, where do you feel like that self consciousness comes from? 0:09:41.120 --> 0:09:45.120 Where does it stem from? 0:09:45.200 --> 0:09:47.560 So this could you interview with me? 0:09:49.559 --> 0:09:50.520 I can't help it. 0:09:50.679 --> 0:09:53.480 I can't help so, Okay, I know where it comes from. 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:57.079 It comes from always being known or seen as glamour, 0:09:57.120 --> 0:10:01.360 hair and makeup always done, and it's like I should 0:10:01.360 --> 0:10:04.720 at least have on some lipsticks. Okay, I'm not saying 0:10:05.760 --> 0:10:09.080 one that comes on natural with no makeup done or 0:10:09.160 --> 0:10:12.000 no hair. I'm not saying that they're wrong, but it's 0:10:12.080 --> 0:10:16.040 just like if I don't, will it be like, ooh, 0:10:16.080 --> 0:10:19.600 what's she going through today summer? Okay, I don't know, 0:10:19.640 --> 0:10:22.680 but that's me overthinking assuming what people are thinking, and 0:10:22.720 --> 0:10:24.640 they're probably not. They probably don't care. 0:10:25.520 --> 0:10:28.560 Well, I would say that the flip is. 0:10:29.880 --> 0:10:32.520 I think it's also the fact of like you, being 0:10:32.559 --> 0:10:35.800 in the industry at a time before social media, but 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:38.000 at the level that you were doing it as well. 0:10:38.040 --> 0:10:40.800 I can understand why you would have that perspective, and 0:10:40.880 --> 0:10:44.280 I think the industry has changed so much in today's 0:10:44.320 --> 0:10:44.920 day and age. 0:10:44.960 --> 0:10:48.560 It's that it's two different times, you know what I mean. 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:50.720 So I don't think it has anything to do with 0:10:50.960 --> 0:10:54.040 you overthinking at all. I think it's you thinking in 0:10:54.520 --> 0:10:57.040 what you're used to and what it used to be, 0:10:57.280 --> 0:10:59.719 you know what I mean, which that I can understand. 0:11:00.679 --> 0:11:05.400 And this has been your ask, doctor kaylen Hermett, because 0:11:06.400 --> 0:11:09.120 thank you, though you are so right, you're spot on. 0:11:09.160 --> 0:11:10.920 That's why I was sitting in the spirit of hush, 0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:14.880 because I was like, Caitlen is actually spot on. I 0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:15.320 don't know. 0:11:15.400 --> 0:11:17.559 I just try to add perspective to stuff. 0:11:17.600 --> 0:11:17.760 You know. 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:20.679 I think I'm very especially so. And I don't know 0:11:20.720 --> 0:11:23.000 if I've even told you this before. Is that I 0:11:23.160 --> 0:11:26.320 plan on when this is, you know, when I decide 0:11:26.320 --> 0:11:28.520 I want to retire and I want to like, you know, 0:11:28.760 --> 0:11:32.480 sit down or somewhere. I plan to become a therapist too, 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:36.000 specifically to people that work in the industry, because in 0:11:36.040 --> 0:11:40.240 my experience in going to therapy, therapists could only understand 0:11:40.720 --> 0:11:43.360 the everyday stuff, but when it came to industry stuff, 0:11:43.640 --> 0:11:47.040 they had no idea of how to help me, and 0:11:47.120 --> 0:11:50.600 a lot of especially in earlier that was a lot 0:11:50.640 --> 0:11:55.280 of my issues. We're rooted in navigating the industry, and 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:57.000 it was just like, well, who am I supposed to 0:11:57.040 --> 0:11:57.320 talk to? 0:11:57.800 --> 0:11:59.920 You know what I mean? So I want to be 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:02.360 able to be that resource to people. 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:04.920 So you think we should go to school together and 0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:05.680 open up a practice. 0:12:05.679 --> 0:12:09.920 Come on, let's go, we should let's go. I like that. 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:13.280 Let's go. I like that. Go okay, I'll let you 0:12:13.320 --> 0:12:14.360 get back to the interviewer. 0:12:14.880 --> 0:12:16.760 No, no, we no, because it's going to flow. 0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:17.560 Ince a half of. 0:12:18.160 --> 0:12:20.959 Eighty percent of what we're talking about ain't even you 0:12:21.120 --> 0:12:25.559 right about it? So you did a reaction video. 0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:26.520 Now wait a minute. 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:28.800 Were people that you did reaction videos to did they 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:29.800 actually get offended? 0:12:30.400 --> 0:12:31.040 Some? 0:12:31.040 --> 0:12:34.800 Some at first? But it was never like a big thing. 0:12:35.880 --> 0:12:38.120 But I do remember. I think there was at some 0:12:38.160 --> 0:12:40.880 point when the videos would be, you know, featured on 0:12:41.160 --> 0:12:43.360 Kaitlin or on Ellen, that people would be like, well, 0:12:43.400 --> 0:12:46.360 we need to cut, you know, like because it was like. 0:12:47.960 --> 0:12:49.960 A cut of the revenue. 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:52.800 You know, no, no, you ain't need what you cook 0:12:52.960 --> 0:12:53.920 needed to be cut? 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:57.560 Okay, exactly exactly, they were right, it needed to be cut. 0:12:57.840 --> 0:12:59.280 Exactly cut the video. 0:12:59.440 --> 0:13:02.199 But the fun you think about that is that technically 0:13:02.240 --> 0:13:04.760 it's a parody, you know, because it's like a commentary 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:07.320 or whatever. But you know, when you when you're dealing 0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:10.600 with something that was getting that many views. I think 0:13:10.679 --> 0:13:13.760 once I left Ellen on Kaitlin itself had already done 0:13:13.760 --> 0:13:17.160 over a billion views in itself, So it's like when 0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:19.280 you have stuff with that magnitude, of course, people want 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:21.400 to you know, cash in or get a cut of 0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:23.240 the check or whatever. I didn't really care about that 0:13:23.280 --> 0:13:27.360 because I don't that's not why I make stuff. But yeah, no, 0:13:27.679 --> 0:13:30.960 I think what was also crazy about it was just 0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:34.200 that then, And this is why I stopped doing them, 0:13:34.720 --> 0:13:37.480 was because I noticed that people were just making videos 0:13:37.480 --> 0:13:40.080 to that were just nasty. And I think for me, 0:13:40.280 --> 0:13:43.360 everything is about authenticity, you know. And so I was like, 0:13:43.400 --> 0:13:45.280 I would watch a video and I'd be like, that's 0:13:45.360 --> 0:13:48.400 not real, you know, and me talking about like how 0:13:48.440 --> 0:13:50.360 I'm not a comedian. It's like, I'm not about to 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:52.720 sit here and just write a couple of jokes to 0:13:52.800 --> 0:13:55.000 try and make this funny, you know what I mean. 0:13:55.080 --> 0:13:58.200 It's like I don't ever want to be a character 0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:01.400 or or for it to feel inauthentic. So I was 0:14:01.440 --> 0:14:03.079 just like, so I just won't do it that much. 0:14:03.080 --> 0:14:04.559 I'll just find something else to do, you know what 0:14:04.600 --> 0:14:04.920 I mean. 0:14:07.280 --> 0:14:12.559 I'm still stuck on because we saw the videos and 0:14:12.640 --> 0:14:15.520 then wow, I'm just tripping, Like you said, it was 0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:19.680 only three months later that Ellen DeGeneres calls you and 0:14:19.720 --> 0:14:24.160 then you literally saunter and Sashet and strut out on 0:14:24.240 --> 0:14:26.960 that show and you sit down and you cross your 0:14:27.040 --> 0:14:30.920 legs and you're sitting with Ellen Degenerous. 0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:34.840 This is what twenty seventeen, twenty eighteen. So I take 0:14:34.920 --> 0:14:37.440 the first episode December of twenty seventeen. 0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:40.840 And so what was that like, you get the phone 0:14:40.880 --> 0:14:43.360 call to go out there? What? 0:14:44.560 --> 0:14:49.360 Well, it was a whirlwind. Kansas born, very much, so, 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:51.800 very much. So it was a whirlwind, you know. I 0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:55.600 So my first idea was that I was going to 0:14:55.680 --> 0:14:57.960 show up. They was gonna give me a cute little 0:14:57.960 --> 0:15:00.320 shutterfly check and I was gonna go buy my bas 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:02.240 like That's what I thought it was gonna be. And 0:15:02.280 --> 0:15:04.560 then I wasn't expecting to be offered the job. And 0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:07.000 so when I was off at the job, I said 0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:10.120 yes on the show. I remember I left there. I 0:15:10.160 --> 0:15:13.640 was staying at the Hilton in Universal City. 0:15:14.040 --> 0:15:14.400 Uh huh. 0:15:14.400 --> 0:15:17.160 So I was at the Hilton, and I remember the 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:19.720 next day. I think my flight may have been in 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:21.440 the evening or something. I was like, Okay, well I'm 0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:23.600 gonna get up go to Universal Studios. I ain't never been, 0:15:23.680 --> 0:15:25.040 you know, I'm gonna go buy myself and go have 0:15:25.120 --> 0:15:27.000 hun and I member I got to university and I 0:15:27.080 --> 0:15:30.080 called up at that time my acting teacher at Temple. 0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:33.200 I said this is the deal. I was offered a job. 0:15:33.720 --> 0:15:34.600 I need to move to LA. 0:15:34.680 --> 0:15:36.840 The original contract did not say I needed to move 0:15:36.880 --> 0:15:39.600 to LA, but I knew that if I moved to LA, 0:15:39.920 --> 0:15:43.000 then I would be you used more. They would use 0:15:43.040 --> 0:15:44.680 me more because I was there. I was more convenient, 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:46.640 they didn't have to pay for travel and stuff like that. 0:15:46.920 --> 0:15:48.640 And so I was like, we need to figure out 0:15:48.640 --> 0:15:51.760 how I can finish my degrees in LA and with 0:15:51.840 --> 0:15:56.160 this move needs to happen asap. So I flew back 0:15:56.360 --> 0:15:58.480 to Temple, packed up all my stuff. 0:15:58.520 --> 0:15:59.280 We figured it out. 0:15:59.400 --> 0:16:01.680 I did claims at night while I was at Ellen, 0:16:02.120 --> 0:16:04.520 and then I moved to Los Angeles. But I will 0:16:04.560 --> 0:16:07.840 say that it was very scary at first, and to 0:16:07.960 --> 0:16:11.240 be honest, it's probably one of my most depressive moments 0:16:11.280 --> 0:16:15.120 of my life. And the reason is is because I 0:16:15.160 --> 0:16:18.400 was thrown into something with little to no guidance as 0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:21.200 so far as how it operated and how it worked, 0:16:21.280 --> 0:16:21.960 you know what I mean. 0:16:22.680 --> 0:16:24.800 Also, and when I got. 0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:27.080 The job, I was working five jobs in college like 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:29.440 I was used to, you know, working, working, working BBB, 0:16:29.960 --> 0:16:33.320 and now my only job is the Ellen Degenerate Show. 0:16:33.360 --> 0:16:35.160 But this is before on Kaitln. 0:16:35.240 --> 0:16:37.880 This is before regular appearances, so it's just like an 0:16:37.960 --> 0:16:40.440 every down. And then so I'm just sitting in the apartment, 0:16:40.880 --> 0:16:43.320 Like I'm just sitting in my apartment watching TV all day. 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:47.640 It was driving me insane. I was like, I'm so bored. 0:16:47.800 --> 0:16:50.080 I was in like a furnished apartment, so it really 0:16:50.160 --> 0:16:53.680 wasn't mine. So the apartment was just like there and 0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:55.880 it was dark. There wasn't a lot of sunlight. I 0:16:55.960 --> 0:16:59.040 was like, I can't do this. This is sad. I 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:01.440 don't like it. So then that was when I asked 0:17:01.520 --> 0:17:04.000 for an office at Warner Brothers, because I was like, 0:17:04.040 --> 0:17:07.280 give me purpose, give me somewhere I can go, you know. 0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:09.680 And then I think that that was really why then 0:17:09.720 --> 0:17:12.560 everything else started to happen. Was because I was very 0:17:12.600 --> 0:17:16.080 hands on, and you know me, I'm a very vocal person. 0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:19.560 I am very like all toesy in you know what 0:17:19.640 --> 0:17:29.879 I mean. So that's just who I am. 0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:32.639 I'm so thankful that y'all continue to check in and 0:17:32.680 --> 0:17:38.000 subscribe and download our podcast. Now today, I'm so excited. 0:17:38.280 --> 0:17:40.240 I've said that word about three times already in the 0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:44.680 span of one minute to have this beautiful guest checking 0:17:44.840 --> 0:17:50.479 in with us. Her name is Deabbie Brown. When I 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:55.679 tell y'all, she is so soothing. She focuses on mental health, 0:17:56.080 --> 0:17:59.760 you know, an advocate for healing. She is an author, 0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:04.879 a successful podcaster, master educator, and y'all, she works for 0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:09.920 organizations such as Chase, Microsoft, Chopra and other Fortune five 0:18:10.000 --> 0:18:10.880 hundred companies. 0:18:11.280 --> 0:18:16.080 Please welcome Debbie Brown. Yay, I'm so happy to be here. 0:18:16.880 --> 0:18:20.800 Girl. You talk about naming your wounds and how there's 0:18:20.840 --> 0:18:27.240 strength in it, and thank you for that. How does 0:18:27.280 --> 0:18:33.960 a person name their wounds? It is a long, slow, 0:18:34.800 --> 0:18:36.160 beautiful process. 0:18:36.680 --> 0:18:39.960 Our healing is a lot of things, but one thing 0:18:40.000 --> 0:18:43.520 it isn't is like a one weekend session of something right. 0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:48.840 It is the continued practice. It is building a system 0:18:48.920 --> 0:18:52.040 of curiosity with the way that you view yourself and 0:18:52.119 --> 0:18:56.440 your life. And so self awareness is what allows us 0:18:56.440 --> 0:19:00.520 to come into our healing. And the more self aware 0:19:00.560 --> 0:19:03.919 we become, the more we're able to look at the 0:19:04.000 --> 0:19:06.879 things that have really hurt us in our lives, the 0:19:06.960 --> 0:19:10.280 easier it is to look at our own behaviors and 0:19:10.359 --> 0:19:13.639 not be in judgment of them. Sometimes it's really hard 0:19:13.880 --> 0:19:16.960 for people to come into self awareness because being honest 0:19:17.040 --> 0:19:21.160 with yourself hurts, you know, it can feel really defeating. 0:19:21.320 --> 0:19:24.159 For some people that have had traumatic backgrounds, it also 0:19:24.280 --> 0:19:28.360 means meeting experiences in their lives that didn't receive their consent, 0:19:28.640 --> 0:19:31.919 that they didn't deserve, and looking at. 0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:34.000 That stuff is hard. 0:19:35.200 --> 0:19:38.719 It does feel easier to pretend things didn't happen. It 0:19:38.800 --> 0:19:41.880 does feel easier to bypass that and to just try 0:19:41.920 --> 0:19:44.600 to instantly push yourself into a positive thought. 0:19:44.760 --> 0:19:46.160 But it is not sustainable. 0:19:47.000 --> 0:19:49.679 Everyone who has ever tried that knows you may be 0:19:49.880 --> 0:19:52.960 projecting a look of yourself to the world, but you're 0:19:53.000 --> 0:19:56.280 not feeling it in your own heart. You deserve more. 0:19:56.720 --> 0:20:00.240 You deserve more. You deserve real healing, not performative healing. 0:20:00.800 --> 0:20:04.119 For that to happen, we just have to really be 0:20:04.280 --> 0:20:10.280 willing gently to look at the truth of our individual lives, 0:20:10.800 --> 0:20:13.640 the truth of our behavior, the truth of our experiences, 0:20:14.280 --> 0:20:16.679 as soon as we're able to do that. And for 0:20:16.800 --> 0:20:19.720 anyone listening that may have a story that you think 0:20:20.040 --> 0:20:23.200 that makes sense for everyone else, but not me, because 0:20:23.280 --> 0:20:24.320 this happened to me. 0:20:25.160 --> 0:20:26.360 I hear you. 0:20:27.880 --> 0:20:33.240 And it's about releasing yourself from that cell. It's about 0:20:33.280 --> 0:20:36.360 saying it out loud. It is about saying it and 0:20:36.400 --> 0:20:39.760 sharing it with trusted people who give you this space 0:20:39.960 --> 0:20:43.399 to talk about yourself without trying to cover you with 0:20:43.440 --> 0:20:48.280 their discomfort or their advice or their spiritual bypassing. It's 0:20:48.320 --> 0:20:51.560 about giving yourself, however much time you need to say 0:20:51.600 --> 0:20:54.280