Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. Hi, Today is Halloween. It's my
Speaker 1: sister's birthday.
Speaker 2: Oh really, my sister Shoshana's birthday is today.
Speaker 3: Yes, Oh my gosh. I have a brother in law
Speaker 3: who's a Halloween baby.
Speaker 1: Happy birthday to all the Halloween babies.
Speaker 3: And it's maybe not your favorite holiday.
Speaker 2: I'm not into Halloween.
Speaker 3: I don't really like costumes, see I do, which is why, which.
Speaker 1: Is exactly Yeah, I would expect that you would like
Speaker 1: costumes because we're pretty opposite on everything.
Speaker 3: Yeah, except for both being a pisces.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're both pisces. But a lot of people like Halloween.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm always amazed that people are so into
Speaker 1: it as adults too.
Speaker 3: Yeah. See, I just love doing a detailed outfit and makeup,
Speaker 3: look like all that and all that.
Speaker 4: Ja.
Speaker 2: I'm just going to get penetrated and stay indoors.
Speaker 3: Oh that sounds lovely.
Speaker 1: I would order in outdoor penetration and have that for
Speaker 1: the evening. And my nephew, I believe, arrives tonight. Tonight
Speaker 1: is Halloween. Those two things are very separate.
Speaker 2: Well, won't and I've been a training friend of my nephew.
Speaker 1: But I want to make sure that they don't get
Speaker 1: the idea to come up and stay with me too often.
Speaker 2: This is the one that didn't leave before.
Speaker 1: Oh so obviously, if they hear me in the bedroom
Speaker 1: having a really good time, which I would never allow
Speaker 1: to happen, I just want everyone to know that I
Speaker 1: wouldn't not that I wouldn't allow. I would never want
Speaker 1: that to happen, but it could happen, okay, And that'll
Speaker 1: set him straight.
Speaker 3: He's warned, fair warning.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so did you hear that? Jaki? Welcome home.
Speaker 1: Our guest today is perfect for Halloween because her new podcast,
Speaker 1: which is called Haunting, explores paranormal experiences told by those
Speaker 1: who experience them, and she also stars in the Wrong
Speaker 1: Missy on Netflix and as well as she has a
Speaker 1: new film coming out called Another Happy Day.
Speaker 2: Please welcome Lauren Lapkiz. I'd beak at you.
Speaker 5: How are you?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, long time no see honeybody.
Speaker 5: I know, so nice to see you.
Speaker 2: How are you?
Speaker 1: You're a mother, You're a Oh my god. There are
Speaker 1: so many things now I know a lot has changed,
Speaker 1: A lot has changed. To give you background about Lauren
Speaker 1: and I, the first time we met, right was on
Speaker 1: that show that they created it was on NBC. It
Speaker 1: was based on one of my books, Are You There,
Speaker 1: Vodkats Meet Chelsea Maybe? And Lauren was one of the
Speaker 1: cast members with Laura pre ponn Ya Ali Wong. Yes,
Speaker 1: and then what is I feel bad that I don't
Speaker 1: remember his name? Clerk Lenny Yes, yes, the hot one right?
Speaker 1: Oh no, oh no, Lenny's not hot. Sorry, I take
Speaker 1: that back. He's not the hot one.
Speaker 5: Jake McDorman Jake.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but Jake's and a lot of stuff now too.
Speaker 1: I always see him and I'm always like, that guy
Speaker 1: looks really familiar. And then I have to remember, Yeah,
Speaker 1: he was on the show with you idiot. That was
Speaker 1: a very short lived show. It was on for one
Speaker 1: season and that was it, so we only got to
Speaker 1: spend a short amount of time together. But I love
Speaker 1: seeing you and all of the things that I get
Speaker 1: to see you in and I can't thank you. Yes,
Speaker 1: and you are so wait you just had a baby
Speaker 1: six months ago, right, your second baby?
Speaker 2: Yes? So you have two girls?
Speaker 5: Two girls? Yeah?
Speaker 2: How does it feel to be a mother of women?
Speaker 5: It's great, it's great, but I mean, I love it.
Speaker 6: I love girls. I was hoping for girls. Were very
Speaker 6: happy yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I always find that my girliest friends have boys. Yes,
Speaker 1: and if you're not too girly and you're girly, but
Speaker 1: you're not you're.
Speaker 5: Not overly eirly. Yeah, I would agree with that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have girls and yeah, and I like that.
Speaker 2: I like that dynamic.
Speaker 1: I like what that does to people because it really
Speaker 1: throws people off their game.
Speaker 5: It's true.
Speaker 1: It's true as if parenting isn't hard enough, then you
Speaker 1: have to parent the sex that you weren't hoping to have.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's crazy, it's a lot. But I'm I'm I'm
Speaker 6: coming out of my like postpartum hole.
Speaker 2: Were you did you have postpartum No?
Speaker 6: I just mean like my literal like postpartum time. But
Speaker 6: I didn't have postpartum depression. But coming out of the
Speaker 6: like you know, that period of feeling like what is everything?
Speaker 6: Like my body's crazy, I'm starting to feel like myself
Speaker 6: more so.
Speaker 2: I don't know how anyone has children.
Speaker 1: I really don't understand how people are able to manage
Speaker 1: all of the things in life and then raise children.
Speaker 1: I am in awe of every woman. I think I
Speaker 1: was talking about this my friend who has four kids.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't understand how anything gets done in
Speaker 1: your life, Like, how do you manage four kids? She's like, Chelsea,
Speaker 1: it just happens and then you do it.
Speaker 6: I know, but I literally I used to think, like
Speaker 6: four sounded amazing, but like having one is really hard
Speaker 6: and having two is actually harder, and it's crazy. There's
Speaker 6: just no time to like sit down and think about
Speaker 6: anything for even a second.
Speaker 5: So it's a lot.
Speaker 6: But I recently hired a nanny and that's changed my
Speaker 6: whole entire life because now I can, like, you know,
Speaker 6: do this without feeling like I'm split between five things
Speaker 6: at once.
Speaker 1: It's so weird that I have a nanny and I
Speaker 1: don't have any children. Speaking of podcasts, Lauren has a
Speaker 1: new podcast, tell us all about.
Speaker 5: It I do. It's called Haunting.
Speaker 6: It's on iHeart, and I play a dead influencer named
Speaker 6: Terreza who has she's stuck between heaven and hell because
Speaker 6: she hasn't gotten verified yet. So it's like a hybrid
Speaker 6: scripted and unscripted podcast. So my portions are our scripted
Speaker 6: part where I'm this dead influencer and then we hear
Speaker 6: real ghost stories from people who are calling in and
Speaker 6: sharing their.
Speaker 2: Truth and are you big into ghost stories.
Speaker 5: I am, but I'm also very scared.
Speaker 6: I get very scared very easily, and I get scared
Speaker 6: of like scary movies. So it's a little ironic. But
Speaker 6: I I mean, do you have any ghost stories? Do
Speaker 6: you believe in ghosts?
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not. I don't disbelieve in ghosts.
Speaker 1: I dated a guide that had a house that was
Speaker 1: definitely there were ghosts in the house. I could feel them,
Speaker 1: I could hear them. I couldn't see them, but I
Speaker 1: could feel the presence. But most of the places, I
Speaker 1: think I have a frequency that doesn't really allow me
Speaker 1: to see that many ghosts.
Speaker 6: They're like, you're not open to this, Like I don't
Speaker 6: have time for that, you know what I mean? Yeah,
Speaker 6: I feel like I've like looked at Zillo and seeing
Speaker 6: a house that gave me chills. Like it's just like
Speaker 6: nothing even is like weird about it. It's just like, Ooh,
Speaker 6: something's wrong, something's wrong there, right, Bad bad vibes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if there's a bad vibe in a place, I'm
Speaker 1: usually out of there pretty quickly. I don't know why
Speaker 1: we associate ghosts as being bad, because I bet there
Speaker 1: are some good ghosts, right, like, what's the theory behind
Speaker 1: why ghosts are even around because they're in the middle
Speaker 1: of crossing over or what.
Speaker 6: Yeah, they have unfinished businesses, I guess what people always say.
Speaker 6: But it does seem weird when you think about it,
Speaker 6: because literally every inch of earth would have a bunch
Speaker 6: of ghosts on it, you know what I mean. If
Speaker 6: it was all just like people who've died and rest
Speaker 6: hanging around, it just I don't know, it's hard to
Speaker 6: it's hard to know.
Speaker 1: Maybe there's certain environments where they are more prone to
Speaker 1: come out.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, like ghost hunter people go to those
Speaker 6: special places where I guess there's more vibes they're all
Speaker 6: hanging out waiting in like an old abandoned psych ward
Speaker 6: or something.
Speaker 1: That's what I want for you, which once the kids
Speaker 1: are old enough, I want you to become a permanent
Speaker 1: professional ghost hunter.
Speaker 6: That's my real goal, that's my passion. That's what I'm
Speaker 6: excited about, and I'm going to do that.
Speaker 1: So yeah, great, gas excellent, And now wait, you have
Speaker 1: a new movie coming out also, which which is it's
Speaker 1: not it's a comedy, but you are very dramatic in it, right,
Speaker 1: it's the most dramatic you've played.
Speaker 2: I thanks so far.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I think so.
Speaker 6: It's called Another Happy Day, and it's a movie about
Speaker 6: postpartum depression, so it's a comedy. It's finding the absurdity
Speaker 6: in those like really dark, hard things that people experience.
Speaker 6: So it's definitely like it's not like slapstick, but it's
Speaker 6: you know, there's comedy. It's different from other stuff I've done.
Speaker 1: And I read that she the director had a day
Speaker 1: care on set and even though it was an indep film,
Speaker 1: they had you guys were taking care of so that
Speaker 1: everyone could bring their children.
Speaker 5: It was amazing.
Speaker 6: She made it a priority to have eight hour work
Speaker 6: days so we weren't shooting for like typical movie hours
Speaker 6: of like twelve to fifteen hour days, and she provided
Speaker 6: childcare to people who needed it, and it was it
Speaker 6: was very It felt like a very supportive environment for
Speaker 6: parents and also just for anyone who was not a parent.
Speaker 6: It was great because you were done at five o'clock
Speaker 6: every day and it was like normal, so people really
Speaker 6: appreciated that there.
Speaker 5: It was just a very happy set. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well when people are Yeah, when you have help with
Speaker 1: your children, people seem to get much happier. It would
Speaker 1: be nice if our country could take on that responsibility.
Speaker 6: I know it's so interesting in people. I think that's
Speaker 6: a bad idea. I don't get it.
Speaker 1: But have you had any like I want to ask
Speaker 1: you personal questions about parenting and motherhood? Yeah, what was
Speaker 1: your biggest meltdown as a mother that threw you for
Speaker 1: a loop de loop?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 6: I mean I think I reached one every few months
Speaker 6: of like just hitting an actual breaking point. I mean
Speaker 6: most recently, so, yeah, I have a six month old
Speaker 6: and a three year old, and so much of it
Speaker 6: has to do with not sleeping. It's just like the
Speaker 6: terrible feelings that come from not sleeping that like I
Speaker 6: reached a total breaking point where everything was just making
Speaker 6: me cry. And then I immediately downloaded this like sleep
Speaker 6: training app thing or like program called taking care of Babies,
Speaker 6: this woman who like tells you how to like make
Speaker 6: your baby go to sleep, and it wasn't I mean,
Speaker 6: it has changed everything, so I have to say it
Speaker 6: was worth doing. But it's like that breakdown moment of
Speaker 6: like I'm just gonna buy the thing. It's two hundred
Speaker 6: fifty dollars. Camera's gonna buy this right now. I don't
Speaker 6: even know what this is, Like, let's just go because
Speaker 6: you can't function in your own home and get anything done.
Speaker 1: Sleep deprivation seems to be the biggest issue because it's
Speaker 1: so funny. I was out with my friends the other
Speaker 1: night and I was with Karen and Molly, and Karen
Speaker 1: was like, you know, she just got her baby to
Speaker 1: sleep through the night, and she was saying, I was like,
Speaker 1: it's so funny that.
Speaker 2: You have a baby. You're so in love with this baby.
Speaker 1: All you want to do is like, you know, love
Speaker 1: on this baby and you know, see it grow and
Speaker 1: take every picture you can possibly take and like and
Speaker 1: then when you're fucking tired, you're like, go the fuck.
Speaker 2: To sleep, Like I can't love you in the middle
Speaker 2: of the night.
Speaker 6: Also, I mean I know, well, and my personality really
Speaker 6: does go out the window. It is like I think
Speaker 6: with my three year old, she's she's delightful and like
Speaker 6: the funniest person ever, but like the bedtime thing of
Speaker 6: like I finally got the baby down and then she
Speaker 6: wants to just like make me do every single thing.
Speaker 6: I'm like singing and dancing in her room for like
Speaker 6: a full hour, Like I have a routine that I
Speaker 6: do that involves four songs, and I have to repeat
Speaker 6: them as many times as she says, and it's crazy.
Speaker 6: There's a song called the Love You Song where we
Speaker 6: just list every single person that we can think of
Speaker 6: and say we love them, and that's cute. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 6: then twinkled Winkle and ABC's I sing over and over again.
Speaker 6: And then she likes to do a mash up where
Speaker 6: she sings one and I sing together because they have
Speaker 6: the same melody, and she just thinks that's delightful and
Speaker 6: she's like, it's the same song. I mean, it's kind
Speaker 6: of smart for a three year old, but I'm usually
Speaker 6: like at my breaking point.
Speaker 1: I think they catch wind after a while, like that
Speaker 1: you catch wind or whatever after a while, that this
Speaker 1: is the go to bed song, and then they stop
Speaker 1: wanting to hear that song.
Speaker 2: They're like, I know what you're up to.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Everyone I know who has two kids says that, like
Speaker 3: two is more than twice as hard as one. Do
Speaker 3: you find that to be true?
Speaker 5: I think so.
Speaker 6: I think, like there's one, like one thing that I
Speaker 6: found surprising was that I feel like it's easier in
Speaker 6: some sense because I'm not as like stressed, like I
Speaker 6: feel like I get how it's gonna go. It's not
Speaker 6: as abstract that she's gonna grow up into like a
Speaker 6: really fun person who like will talk and be great.
Speaker 6: So like all of that makes it easier because the
Speaker 6: first time, you're like just going through every day, like
Speaker 6: how will it ever be different than it is?
Speaker 5: Right now? It feels like this is forever. But what's
Speaker 5: hard is.
Speaker 6: Like just doing two things at once because they're on
Speaker 6: totally different pages with what they need, and one of
Speaker 6: them can tell you what they need and one just cries.
Speaker 6: So it's Yeah, I think that's where it gets really hard,
Speaker 6: And those moments where it gets really overwhelming, or when
Speaker 6: both of them are needing something at the same time
Speaker 6: and you feel like you can't do everything, and that's
Speaker 6: always sad feeling.
Speaker 1: Can you just get the little of one a tutor
Speaker 1: so she can start communicating more quickly?
Speaker 5: I think that is what I need to do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's why you're here today, Lauren, and I have
Speaker 1: all the answers. Thank you tell me about Like, if
Speaker 1: you can, I would love to hear about one of
Speaker 1: your most joyful experiences you've had since becoming a mother.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, so many I feel like it's the
Speaker 6: happiest I've ever been. I really feel I got a
Speaker 6: sack a cry right now. I feel very fulfilled by
Speaker 6: being a mom and I love it so much. And
Speaker 6: I think the happiest is like really just watching both
Speaker 6: of them and like looking at how they're developing and
Speaker 6: how their personalities are developing. And my older one, like
Speaker 6: when the more she can articulate herself and say her
Speaker 6: full thoughts, like I'm just in awe of it. I
Speaker 6: just every is so beautiful, Like truly, every day I
Speaker 6: watch her for at least a few moments where I'm
Speaker 6: just going like, Wow, I can't believe you're this person
Speaker 6: who has all these feelings. And then I'll think about
Speaker 6: her getting older and how and that will make me
Speaker 6: really excited but also make me want to cry, and
Speaker 6: or her being like thirty or something. It's just like
Speaker 6: such a fleeting period. I think time just moves so
Speaker 6: differently watching someone age, because you're like you were just
Speaker 6: a baby, like that's only been a couple of years,
Speaker 6: and now you're this person with all these you know,
Speaker 6: desires and you're so funny, and the idea of her
Speaker 6: like growing up and you know, telling me to fuck
Speaker 6: off is like overwhelming.
Speaker 1: I just came from a friend who has three boys
Speaker 1: and one of them is a teenager and the way
Speaker 1: he speaks to them is horrendous.
Speaker 5: Like I'm so scared of that.
Speaker 2: It's so awful.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh my god. And she's like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, it's the worst. It's it's terrible. She goes,
Speaker 1: and now the younger kids are picking up the language
Speaker 1: from the older kids, and they're like actually contemplating sending
Speaker 1: him to boarding school because they don't know what to
Speaker 1: do with him. And she's like, I feel like my
Speaker 1: son is a product of LA. Like that is a
Speaker 1: product that is scary to me.
Speaker 6: So I'm from Chicago and like I'm from Evanston, Illinois,
Speaker 6: and it's like a really perfect suburb of Chicago. It's
Speaker 6: just so great and it was such an ideal place
Speaker 6: to grow up, and being out here is a weird
Speaker 6: element for me to like get my head around, like, oh,
Speaker 6: they're gonna be like LA kids, Like what does that mean?
Speaker 6: And of course it's like my influence will do something,
Speaker 6: but then the world influences them too.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think kids are always reacting to some
Speaker 1: sort of absence of something, right, Like most of your
Speaker 1: bad behavior is a result of some sort of neglect,
Speaker 1: And not that my friend's a neglectful parent, but she
Speaker 1: even said herself, like I need to be more present,
Speaker 1: I need to be home more. You know, there's always
Speaker 1: like a reason why kids act that way. It's not
Speaker 1: like they're just fucking screaming at you, fuck you mom,
Speaker 1: because they're not upset. They're clearly upset about something that's
Speaker 1: transpired or a pattern that has evolved.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and puberty, I think is just like uncontrollable.
Speaker 1: If I wouldn't go through puberty again. First of all,
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I will. I'm going through I'm not me.
Speaker 1: I don't think I've hit menopause, but I'm perry menopausal
Speaker 1: for sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, which is worse. I don't know what
Speaker 1: was worse, puberty or perimenopause. I read this book, Naomi
Speaker 1: Watts wrote this book about menopause, and I read it,
Speaker 1: and as I was reading it, every symptom hit me.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I started having hot flashes, and
Speaker 1: then my shoulder started hurting.
Speaker 2: There's this menopause shoulder thing.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what, And I told her, I but yeah,
Speaker 1: there's frozen shoulder that women get.
Speaker 2: And then weird. I mean, I am of the age.
Speaker 1: I would assume I'm in peri menopause, but I've never
Speaker 1: really like I get tested pretty frequently, and I'm going
Speaker 1: again after reading that fucking book, because I'm like, something's up,
Speaker 1: but all of the other things around it, I just
Speaker 1: started to experience, like all these symptoms that she was
Speaker 1: talking about.
Speaker 2: And then I came home.
Speaker 1: I asked my doctor for something for night sweats because
Speaker 1: I was getting those night sweats, and he gave me
Speaker 1: this over the counter thing and it worked right away.
Speaker 1: So I sent it to my sisters, and my sister's like,
Speaker 1: I use that for six months and it didn't work once.
Speaker 2: She's like, I don't even she was, I don't even think.
Speaker 1: I think you just get thoughts suggested to and then
Speaker 1: you have them. She's like, you read a book about menopause,
Speaker 1: and now you think you have metopause, and then you
Speaker 1: took these things that are for menopause and you're fine.
Speaker 2: She's like, so I'm like, I am.
Speaker 1: I am more impressionable and malleable than one would think.
Speaker 6: At least it works for the medication too. If you
Speaker 6: just think it's working. It works for you, like that's
Speaker 6: a good side effect.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's called bona Fide, guys, in case anybody has
Speaker 1: nice sweats, Bonafide. It's in a green bottle and if
Speaker 1: you use that for hot flashes.
Speaker 5: It worked for me.
Speaker 2: My sister said she used it for six months and
Speaker 2: it did. It work for her. But shout out to
Speaker 2: bona Fide.
Speaker 6: It's fascinating. I'm like, perimenopause is really coming up a lot.
Speaker 6: I mean because my friends are, you know, getting to
Speaker 6: that point, and so it's interesting. There's so many things
Speaker 6: that are never explained to us about this. I feel
Speaker 6: like my whole life, Like you heard what menopause was,
Speaker 6: and it's like, I guess hot flashes is the one
Speaker 6: thing that I would think of, But there's so many
Speaker 6: other side effects and it can hit you earlier. Just
Speaker 6: all these things that nobody teaches us because people don't
Speaker 6: care about women's heelf, Yeah exactly.
Speaker 1: Because but you're well, you're thirty nine, right, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: forty nine, so you're a decade younger than me. So
Speaker 1: you're about you're going to turn forty next year.
Speaker 5: Yeah mm hmm.
Speaker 6: I kept thinking I was forty. This year, I lost
Speaker 6: track of my age. I was like driving, I was like, wow,
Speaker 6: I can't believe I'm forty. And then I was like, oh,
Speaker 6: I'm thirty nine, and then I was like, I'm actually
Speaker 6: thirty eight. Like it was like, I have no idea.
Speaker 6: I think at a certain point like stops mattering, but yeah,
Speaker 6: I'm thirty nine.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's Los Angeles because we have
Speaker 1: access to so many anti aging practices.
Speaker 2: I don't know if it's.
Speaker 1: Just modern times, but age does not feel like what
Speaker 1: it felt like when I was growing up, right, and
Speaker 1: or it's just us being adults and being like, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm so young.
Speaker 2: I'm vibrant.
Speaker 5: I know.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's also you can't tell if it's just how
Speaker 6: you feel inside. But I saw this thing that was
Speaker 6: so funny. It was like the Golden Girls hairstyles on
Speaker 6: like celebrities who are the same age as the actors
Speaker 6: who were playing them. Like now it was like j
Speaker 6: Loo with like the Golden Girl's hairstyle because they weren't
Speaker 6: so young. Like I feel like age was like put
Speaker 6: out to us as like being so much older than
Speaker 6: it was back in the day, with even just like
Speaker 6: the style it was so old fashioned feeling and like
Speaker 6: not sexy.
Speaker 2: How do you feel about aging?
Speaker 1: What's your I mean, you're a mom now, so you're
Speaker 1: prior already are your children. I'm sure you're not stuck
Speaker 1: with your head up your ass, but you still are
Speaker 1: an actress, so you have to think about that stuff.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I mean I definitely think about it.
Speaker 6: I mean, and I feel like all the things that
Speaker 6: people are doing to like look great are have evolved
Speaker 6: so much and everyone looks amazing. I don't even know
Speaker 6: what all the things are, but I'm like, when I
Speaker 6: need to know, I'm sure I'll have a few friends
Speaker 6: that can be like, what are the things I need
Speaker 6: to do right now? But I don't think about it
Speaker 6: too much. I mean, I do feel young. I feel
Speaker 6: the same, like in so many ways as I did
Speaker 6: ten years ago, although I guess that physically that maybe
Speaker 6: it's not for it all. Maybe that's not I'm like
Speaker 6: about to take it all back actually, because I'm like,
Speaker 6: I feel more confident. I feel like better about myself.
Speaker 6: I have like higher self esteem. I don't think I
Speaker 6: don't overthink my actions as much as I used to.
Speaker 5: And I also.
Speaker 6: Physically possibly feel worse, but mentally I think I feel better.
Speaker 2: Well that's just because you just had a baby, so
Speaker 2: you're tied.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but in another.
Speaker 1: Happy day, you had to be very emotional, right, you
Speaker 1: had to cry a lot. How did it work for you?
Speaker 1: Because because you haven't done a lot of roles like that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean in the past, Like the sort of
Speaker 6: crying I had to do was like in like Jurassic World,
Speaker 6: like watching like a dinosaur eat a security guard or
Speaker 6: something like. It's not really like the same crying about
Speaker 6: a baby. But I feel like having kids brought my
Speaker 6: emotions to like the forefront work. It's all kind of
Speaker 6: right there. I really I almost cried like five minutes
Speaker 6: ago talking to you. I'm just like I could really
Speaker 6: cry at any moment just thinking about life, and.
Speaker 5: So it was easier.
Speaker 6: But also the director of this movie is so amazing,
Speaker 6: Nora Pfeiffer, who also wrote the movie. She's an actor
Speaker 6: and we're old friends as well, and she she just
Speaker 6: like has such a great way with actors of like
Speaker 6: getting you to tap into something without making you feel
Speaker 6: the pressure of it. But she's just a she's a
Speaker 6: really great communicator. But yeah, it was it's definitely a
Speaker 6: It felt like I was crying all the time while
Speaker 6: we were shooting that because just doing multiple takes we
Speaker 6: are sobbing. Is it wears you out. I don't know,
Speaker 6: have you ever had to cry and something?
Speaker 2: I don't think I would be able to. I'm not
Speaker 2: sure that I'm that kind of first.
Speaker 1: So I'm not really an actress, but I like acting
Speaker 1: every once in a while and like to do, like,
Speaker 1: you know, when a project comes my way that's interesting.
Speaker 2: I'm totally open to it. But I have never really
Speaker 2: had to cry.
Speaker 1: I've had to be emotional, which is easy because that's
Speaker 1: just kind of acting emotional, you know what I mean. Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know that I'm a gifted enough actress to
Speaker 1: have to cry. I'd really have to get into the
Speaker 1: right zone.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it helps with the script with in this movie
Speaker 6: is like, truly, my character is just really struggling, and
Speaker 6: so most of the stuff I'm saying is stuff that
Speaker 6: would make me cry if I really said it.
Speaker 5: So that helps too.
Speaker 2: How did you meet your husband?
Speaker 6: We met on a sitcom that we were both on
Speaker 6: called Clips that was on TBS. It was another short
Speaker 6: lip sitcom and it was created by Max Muchnik and
Speaker 6: David Cohen and starring Ashley Tisdale and George Went and
Speaker 6: me and my husband Mike were both on this show
Speaker 6: as well. And it was only ten episodes, but from
Speaker 6: like the pilot getting picked up to like shooting the
Speaker 6: other episodes, it was like a full year. So we
Speaker 6: would hang out as a cast a lot, and we
Speaker 6: got to be friends, and after the show was done,
Speaker 6: we got together.
Speaker 1: But yeah, because you're so professional, Because you're so professional,
Speaker 1: you would never ever let something like that happen.
Speaker 5: Prior and I was married to somebody else.
Speaker 1: Oh well, there's a good Graason sort of sort of
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, this is your second marriage.
Speaker 5: Yes it is, girl, My god.
Speaker 2: I must have had a real influence on you.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I've been through a lot, so it's great. That also
Speaker 6: helps with you know, not caring about stuff as well.
Speaker 2: Exactly exactly.
Speaker 1: Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going
Speaker 1: to come back with Lauren, and we're going to take
Speaker 1: some callers.
Speaker 2: Yay.
Speaker 1: And we're back with Lauren Lapkis, who is just a
Speaker 1: breath of fresh air.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 3: Well, we have some callers, We have some emails today,
Speaker 3: But I wanted to. Since we've touched on sort of
Speaker 3: paranormal ghosty stuff and sort of like talking about the
Speaker 3: great beyond, I wanted to start with one. It's a
Speaker 3: little more serious, but I wanted to start with this
Speaker 3: question from Susannah. She says, should I see a medium?
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea in twenty the answer. In twenty thirteen, my
Speaker 3: husband passed away in a car accident. He left me
Speaker 3: and my then twelve year old daughter. My daughter is
Speaker 3: now twenty two and living in Seattle, the place where
Speaker 3: my husband was raised, where we first met, and where
Speaker 3: she was born. I think he would be so proud
Speaker 3: of the woman she has become. But every time there's
Speaker 3: a major event in her life, he won't be there.
Speaker 3: And it's not just her big events either. In June,
Speaker 3: she and I attended a wedding and when the father
Speaker 3: daughter dance started, she had to leave the room.
Speaker 5: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: I know. I guess I just want to know if
Speaker 3: he's around, if there's any part of him that's keeping
Speaker 3: an eye on her. I've thought before it'd be nice
Speaker 3: to talk to him through a medium, but I'm also
Speaker 3: a skeptic. If there's any way that it's real and
Speaker 3: he's around. It would ease my heart. Should I seek
Speaker 3: one out? Susannah, Definitely, I.
Speaker 2: Would just think so yeah, I mean what if you
Speaker 2: have to lose?
Speaker 1: Like I've had readings by bad psychics or mediums or
Speaker 1: whatever and it still makes you feel good, Like the
Speaker 1: idea that someone because it exists. I definitely believe that
Speaker 1: your husband is around and he can communicate with you,
Speaker 1: and if you find the right person, he can come
Speaker 1: through and say the things that you are going to
Speaker 1: feel good to you to hear. It's very rare that
Speaker 1: you go to a psychic or a medium and you
Speaker 1: leave feeling worse.
Speaker 2: Or like no one's out there.
Speaker 1: It gives you a sense of, oh, this is all
Speaker 1: possible because they're talking to somebody, you know, whether their
Speaker 1: communication is flawless or not. It's like people don't get
Speaker 1: into that just to like dupe other people. It's not
Speaker 1: like you're walking down the street in New York City
Speaker 1: and going into like, you know, a five dollars place,
Speaker 1: Like if you really seek out a good medium and
Speaker 1: they have Yelp reviews, like you can go online and
Speaker 1: actually find somebody that has a lot of good reviews.
Speaker 1: But I think there's only benefits from that, people have
Speaker 1: always said to me, Oh, I don't want to hear
Speaker 1: anything bad. I don't want to hear that I'm going
Speaker 1: to get cancer. That's not what they do. They don't
Speaker 1: do that. They give you good, positive information and they
Speaker 1: relay information to you if they can, in fact speak
Speaker 1: to the people in your life that are no longer here.
Speaker 1: And I wholeheartedly believe in that. I've had amazing experiences
Speaker 1: with mediums.
Speaker 5: That is so cool.
Speaker 6: I believe in that too, and I have had good
Speaker 6: experiences as well, but nothing too like life changing. But
Speaker 6: it was what you're saying that like, I left feeling
Speaker 6: like happy, and it felt like a nice connection. And
Speaker 6: even just I you know, I always loved Long Island
Speaker 6: medium and people would be like, that's, you know, not
Speaker 6: real or whatever my feeling is. If it's even if
Speaker 6: it was not real, it does make those people feel
Speaker 6: so good and that's really not a bad thing. But
Speaker 6: I do believe in it. And have you seen Life
Speaker 6: after Death with Tyler Henry on Netflix?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 5: I have. Oh my god, he is amazing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we've had him on the podcast. He is I mean,
Speaker 2: my god, Wow.
Speaker 5: Did he do a reading for you?
Speaker 2: I think so? Yeah, he did a little reading for me.
Speaker 6: Yeah, so amazing. That's a really good show. But I
Speaker 6: mean I think this person should try that. I don't
Speaker 6: especially if you're thinking should I do this?
Speaker 5: Like why not?
Speaker 6: Like I do think you're right that if you look
Speaker 6: and find a person that has like great reviews or
Speaker 6: was like highly recommended, then that makes it worthwhile.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And also Laurel and Jackson, I would say, like
Speaker 3: read some of her books. We've had her on the
Speaker 3: podcast as well, and she also says, like when I
Speaker 3: work with people, they can speak to their loved ones
Speaker 3: through me, but also like you can just talk to
Speaker 3: them like they're here. But I would say start with
Speaker 3: a medium and then like upgrade to just have a
Speaker 3: conversation with them.
Speaker 1: Also because it shouldn't be prohibiting your life and like
Speaker 1: you know, go into a wedding should be a joyous occasion.
Speaker 1: Watching a father and daughter dance should be a joyous occasion.
Speaker 1: And when it starts to interrupt the stuff that you
Speaker 1: should be joyful for others for, then you really need
Speaker 1: to do something about it, Like and you need to
Speaker 1: actually start thinking about your father. In addition to you know,
Speaker 1: contacting a medium and exploring that, you know, you should
Speaker 1: really encourage your daughter to be thinking about her father
Speaker 1: as if he's walking with her, you know, just because
Speaker 1: he's not physically here. It's it's very limit comitting to
Speaker 1: only believe this is what exists.
Speaker 2: That's silly, I mean.
Speaker 1: And when people say that, I just know that they're narrow,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, because there's so much that
Speaker 1: we don't know. There's and there's so many different scientists,
Speaker 1: metaphysicists and mediums and people like that that all have
Speaker 1: the same story that there are seven different realms of consciousness,
Speaker 1: that there are seven, you know, in this and that
Speaker 1: are coexisting at the same time. There's people that are
Speaker 1: crossed over, have crossed over, there are people that are
Speaker 1: in other dimensions. There's all these things kind of coexisting
Speaker 1: at the same time. But we can only see what
Speaker 1: we can see. So I always would encourage people to
Speaker 1: be more open minded.
Speaker 3: Well, our next question comes from Carly and she says,
Speaker 3: you're Chelsea. I've been having a sexual relationship with a
Speaker 3: coworker for about two months now.
Speaker 2: For you.
Speaker 3: I mentioned to him that I missed having a friends
Speaker 3: with benefit situation, and later that night he told me
Speaker 3: he was interested in being that for me.
Speaker 5: Oh sh love it. Yeah, just getting it so far.
Speaker 3: I was hesitant at first because he's a coworker, and
Speaker 3: he's also twenty three and I'm thirty. I know he's
Speaker 3: genuinely a good guy, so I decided to go for it.
Speaker 3: It turned out that the sex was amazing, probably the
Speaker 3: best I've ever had, and I couldn't get enough. I
Speaker 3: started doing things that I would never allow myself to
Speaker 3: do with other men. I allowed him to spend nights
Speaker 3: at my house, cuddle. He gives me compliments like saying
Speaker 3: I'm so perfect, so beautiful, etc. I have really thick
Speaker 3: walls up, but I let some of the walls down
Speaker 3: for him. I don't usually allow myself to be vulnerable
Speaker 3: with men because I'm scared of rejection and getting hurt,
Speaker 3: and of course, because he treats me so well. I
Speaker 3: caught feelings and told him about it. He basically said
Speaker 3: he was not interested in continuing our relationships, so she said.
Speaker 3: Being rejected like that made me realize I'm growing out
Speaker 3: of my friends with benefits phase, and I think I'm
Speaker 3: ready to look for something more mature. I've never been
Speaker 3: in a serious relationship before because I've never allowed that
Speaker 3: for myself. I always self sabotage and overthink things. So
Speaker 3: what's your advice for me as I move into this
Speaker 3: different phase of my dating life? Carly?
Speaker 1: Hi, Carly, Hello, Hi, Hi Lauren our special guest today,
Speaker 1: Lauren Lapiz. First of all, good job, way to go,
Speaker 1: because all of the things that you did, that's great.
Speaker 1: You went after what you said, what you wanted, you
Speaker 1: got what you wanted, and then you had a nice
Speaker 1: experience where you were sexually free.
Speaker 5: It sounds like, right, it sounded amazing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounded great.
Speaker 1: And then and then when you told him that you
Speaker 1: wanted a relationship, he said or that you were having
Speaker 1: stronger feelings, like, how did you frame it?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 4: He basically made me realize that I was kind of
Speaker 4: done with this phase of my life, and I thought
Speaker 4: I owed it to myself to tell him how I
Speaker 4: was feeling, and he nicely rejected me in a way
Speaker 4: like we're still fine, no hard feelings. I was having
Speaker 4: more anxiety over the fact that I was keeping this
Speaker 4: kind of like a secret and I.
Speaker 3: Had to let it out.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I ended it.
Speaker 1: So your question is how to move I mean, everything
Speaker 1: you said is awesome. Like that is female empowerment, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like, so just don't let that
Speaker 1: skate by, Like you had feelings. You told him how
Speaker 1: you felt. You're a big girl. He didn't reciprocate, that's all, okay,
Speaker 1: but you still you know what I mean, Like you
Speaker 1: did all of the things that you should that a
Speaker 1: woman who is empowered would do.
Speaker 2: So, first of all, kudos to you for that.
Speaker 1: Don't negate that, or because because it didn't work out
Speaker 1: in a situation like that you wanted, don't negate all
Speaker 1: the positives that have come out of it.
Speaker 6: And also the positives of like being really vulnerable with
Speaker 6: him and allowing him to compliment you and the things
Speaker 6: that you usually wouldn't really let happen. Like, I feel
Speaker 6: like that's also a huge sign of growth to let
Speaker 6: yourself let something else in. I mean, I feel it
Speaker 6: feels like your next person that will be you know,
Speaker 6: you'll be more primed for that from this experience.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I like that.
Speaker 1: Well absolutely, because you know, he gave you a gift,
Speaker 1: Like your gift is now that you want to now
Speaker 1: you know, you want to be in a more serious
Speaker 1: relationship and possibly look for a partner and that's a gift. Also,
Speaker 1: like everything is good that happened. So first of all,
Speaker 1: frame it in your mind in a different way, or
Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe you were already framing it as
Speaker 1: a positive thing, but I just want to remind you
Speaker 1: about the positive aspect of all of those things. And
Speaker 1: then as you're moving forward, I guess what is your question?
Speaker 1: How do you move forward looking for someone more permanent?
Speaker 4: I honestly don't even know how to date seriously. I've
Speaker 4: always just slept around because I'm just so scared of
Speaker 4: getting hurt and I'm so scared of rejection, and I
Speaker 4: just have very I have a lot of anxiety around dating.
Speaker 4: And I guess my question is to how do I date?
Speaker 4: I guess I don't know. I guess I just honestly
Speaker 4: need to be more honest with myself and what I want.
Speaker 4: But that is my question, how do I learn how
Speaker 4: to date seriously without, like, you know, kind of I
Speaker 4: guess putting sex to the side for a little while.
Speaker 6: I guess, I mean, it sounded like it was a
Speaker 6: really natural PROGRESSI with this guy, even if it was
Speaker 6: not into a full relationship, but that like you got
Speaker 6: along really well and it was sort of a natural
Speaker 6: thing to like hook up. I feel like that is dating,
Speaker 6: like when you don't when it's not like through an
Speaker 6: app and you're meeting someone and going out to dinner
Speaker 6: or whatever. Like you meet people in your life and
Speaker 6: you have chemistry and then you can try to take
Speaker 6: it to the next place. But also the people in
Speaker 6: your life that you know can often become people that
Speaker 6: are really, you know, right for you. You might not
Speaker 6: know them yet.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I also want to say, like, Okay, so
Speaker 1: you think about dating, right, you're going on a date
Speaker 1: with somebody, say you go on a date with him,
Speaker 1: the anxiety around all of that, let's talk about that.
Speaker 1: So say the date goes well, great, then you go
Speaker 1: on another date with them and say that date doesn't
Speaker 1: go well, okay, so then that's over. That's the worst
Speaker 1: thing that you know what I mean, Like that's the
Speaker 1: end result, like the worst possible outcome for you, not
Speaker 1: the worst possible outcome, but the outcome that you wouldn't
Speaker 1: welcome is to not find someone right. But it's a
Speaker 1: trial and error process. So like say you go out
Speaker 1: on date somebody and it's not a great match. You
Speaker 1: don't have a lot of chemistry or you like him
Speaker 1: and he doesn't like you, So what that's the worst
Speaker 1: thing that's gonna happen on that.
Speaker 2: Date, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 6: Yeah, And it helps to like get if, like for
Speaker 6: my friends who have newly single and getting back out
Speaker 6: there and stuff and having that sort of same experience
Speaker 6: of like, okay, I have to like date. I do
Speaker 6: know that like my friends who have gone through that,
Speaker 6: going on more dates is helpful because you're like the
Speaker 6: stakes are lower where you're just like, oh, I'm just
Speaker 6: gonna meet this person and see if maybe they're cool,
Speaker 6: and if they're not cool, then we don't even have
Speaker 6: to stay. Like you don't have to like have a meal,
Speaker 6: you don't have to like do all that. You can
Speaker 6: make it a drink and then leave after one drink,
Speaker 6: like if they suck. It doesn't have to be like
Speaker 6: a huge investment of like your time and your personality
Speaker 6: and like getting a lot up. And another tip I
Speaker 6: liked that my friend did was she got herself like
Speaker 6: a few date outfits that she just felt really amazing
Speaker 6: in and she just wears them for every date. Like
Speaker 6: it doesn't have to be like you have a new
Speaker 6: cute look every time. It's like, I love this dress
Speaker 6: on me. I'm just gonna wear this every time I
Speaker 6: go on a first date or whatever, And it kind
Speaker 6: of takes away one step of like.
Speaker 5: What am I gonna wear? How am I gonna look?
Speaker 5: What am I gonna do? And you can just like
Speaker 5: feel confident. So I do like that tip.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and also having the intention, the intention of wanting
Speaker 1: to pursue a more regular relationship. You're already putting it
Speaker 1: out there, you called into this podcast. You're actually energetically
Speaker 1: moving yourself towards that goal just by talking about it,
Speaker 1: and so then it's going to become a reality. It's
Speaker 1: like a trial and error, Like it's a good exercise
Speaker 1: and good practice to go on dates with several men anyway,
Speaker 1: Like what's the worst thing that can happen there?
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't want to say.
Speaker 1: What's the worst thing, because you know, weird things can happen,
Speaker 1: but I mean in terms of your self esteem and
Speaker 1: rejection and then the issues that are surrounding what you're
Speaker 1: talking about. I really think it's actually a good exercise
Speaker 1: for you to actually go on dates with people that
Speaker 1: aren't going to end with you having sex. Just get
Speaker 1: into the habit of doing that, and then you're creating
Speaker 1: a new habit and if someone doesn't like you, great.
Speaker 1: There's eight billion people on this planet now, I think,
Speaker 1: is that.
Speaker 2: The number we're dealing with.
Speaker 1: That's eight billion, So you know, some of those people
Speaker 1: you're run into, but a lot of them you will
Speaker 1: run into.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: So I just want you to think about it in
Speaker 1: a different way, like this is exciting. Yeah, you had
Speaker 1: this interaction and guess what this interaction with this colleague
Speaker 1: spurred the interest in you to actually look for something
Speaker 1: more permanent and like kind of a partner. This is
Speaker 1: an exciting development as well. So everything moved towards like
Speaker 1: with the attitude of opportunity and experience, and don't worry
Speaker 1: about being rejected. Listen, the more rejections our lives are
Speaker 1: based in rejection. If you are a celebrity, you have
Speaker 1: been rejected multiple multiple, multiple times.
Speaker 2: Lauren. You can have project to this every day. It
Speaker 2: is a new rejection every day.
Speaker 5: Someone doesn't like you.
Speaker 2: Levels of sucking and guess what it makes you?
Speaker 6: It makes it matter a lot less though it like
Speaker 6: it makes you you have like thicker skin, but you
Speaker 6: just care less, Like I just get less invested in
Speaker 6: the thing I have my high hopes about, like, which
Speaker 6: might sound depressing, but I actually think it's good. Like
Speaker 6: you're not sobbing every time something doesn't work out. I'm like, oh, okay,
Speaker 6: I kind of assumed that was going to happen because
Speaker 6: that happens all the time. It just takes it off
Speaker 6: your you know, shoulders as being like, this has to
Speaker 6: be the perfect thing. It's going You're going to have
Speaker 6: a bunch of dates where you don't even like that person, like,
Speaker 6: and you get to be the one who says that
Speaker 6: I don't want to go out again, Like yeah, you,
Speaker 6: it's on you too, you know, which is great.
Speaker 5: It's a great power.
Speaker 3: Well, and you also just went through this thing that
Speaker 3: had sort of a negative outcome and like, look how
Speaker 3: amazingly you handled it. You were like, oh, maybe I'm
Speaker 3: growing beyond this and wanted to be different.
Speaker 2: That's awesome, right.
Speaker 1: And Also the other thing I want to say about
Speaker 1: rejection is it does builds character.
Speaker 2: It builds strength, and it builds character.
Speaker 1: So I always any rejection I get, I'm like, great,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for that.
Speaker 5: Note.
Speaker 2: I'm going to be even greater at being myself, you know.
Speaker 1: And also one other thing I want to say is
Speaker 1: when you go on these dates, don't go in there
Speaker 1: trying to get them to like.
Speaker 2: You go in there and see if you like them.
Speaker 4: I always like I put too much pressure on it,
Speaker 4: and I kind of like drive myself nuts, right, yeah,
Speaker 4: look of being like, oh, maybe this is the guy,
Speaker 4: maybe this is the and I like I create this
Speaker 4: like false hope in my head and I just always
Speaker 4: set myself up for failure.
Speaker 6: So yeah, I feel like the apps do that too,
Speaker 6: because like when you're talking to someone without meeting them,
Speaker 6: you kind of can start creating what they're like, and
Speaker 6: then you meet them and they're not like that, and
Speaker 6: then that's disappointing or something. It's a tough thing to
Speaker 6: deal with where we're sort of like interacting on in
Speaker 6: this way that feels like so disconnected, and then you're
Speaker 6: kind of looking at a picture that they've decided is
Speaker 6: like what they're like, you.
Speaker 5: Know what I mean.
Speaker 6: It's a lot of it's a lot of expectation that
Speaker 6: everyone's putting into it. But I think as much as
Speaker 6: you can take that with a grain of salt, when
Speaker 6: you're meeting somebody and just try to just not even
Speaker 6: think too hard about what they're going to be like
Speaker 6: before you go out. Don't build them up at all,
Speaker 6: because nobody can live up to like whatever thing you
Speaker 6: made up. Even if they're amazing, it's like you already
Speaker 6: went in a different direction with it, and then they're
Speaker 6: weird to you or something.
Speaker 5: I don't know. I think that happens.
Speaker 6: But again, I have not been on an app in ever,
Speaker 6: and I've only been married my whole life so multiple times.
Speaker 1: But you've been married eight times. That's why she's here
Speaker 1: give advice. Does any of that help you?
Speaker 2: Yeah? It does, thank you great?
Speaker 1: Okay, well, yeah, and just remember the more dates the better. Like,
Speaker 1: have a fun experience dating. It is a numbers game,
Speaker 1: and you're going to find a lot of people you like,
Speaker 1: probably probably more than one.
Speaker 5: That's a fun problem to have. Yeah, I love it
Speaker 5: all right.
Speaker 3: Carly, get out there and keep us posted and let
Speaker 3: us know what happens.
Speaker 2: Good luck much, thank you bank Bye.
Speaker 5: Well.
Speaker 3: Our next question comes from Shanna. This one is just
Speaker 3: an email or my sister.
Speaker 2: I mean, let's hope, so she writes in too much.
Speaker 3: She says, Dear Chelsea, I've been married to my wonderful
Speaker 3: husband for fourteen years. He's an excellent dad and a
Speaker 3: great husband, and I don't want anyone else. Here is
Speaker 3: our problem. We have vastly different sex drives. We have
Speaker 3: two children, ages six and thirteen. Our first child was
Speaker 3: born about a year into our relationship, and I realized
Speaker 3: about three years into our relationship that I'm gray asexual,
Speaker 3: meaning I really don't have that much of a sex
Speaker 3: drive at all, but it can come and go a bit.
Speaker 3: My husband, on the other hand, has a normal sex
Speaker 3: drive for a forty year old man and would like
Speaker 3: to have sex a couple times a week, which doesn't
Speaker 3: seem unreasonable, but honestly, if I had sex as much
Speaker 3: as I needed to, it would be a few times
Speaker 3: a year. Specifically, in order to want sex, I need
Speaker 3: the kids to basically be gone. It's very difficult for
Speaker 3: me to be relaxed enough to want to have sex
Speaker 3: when I know that the kids could be knocking on
Speaker 3: the door at any second, especially since my daughter has
Speaker 3: panic attacks. We don't have the money for a babysitter
Speaker 3: and can only send them to their grandparents every so often.
Speaker 3: I know this sounds bad, but how do I go
Speaker 3: about having enough sex with him to keep him satisfied
Speaker 3: without feeling like I'm having way more sex than I
Speaker 3: want to to keep him happy. I don't want him
Speaker 3: to be unhappy in our relationship, and he isn't interested
Speaker 3: in a hall pass he wants me. I wish I
Speaker 3: didn't have to feel guilty all the time. He's very patient,
Speaker 3: but I can't help but feel bad that he's not
Speaker 3: getting his needs met.
Speaker 1: SHAWNA Oh, I would say a exploit that grandparents relationship
Speaker 1: as much as you can, Like I know you said
Speaker 1: she said in the letter that you can't go they
Speaker 1: can't go there all the time, But is there any
Speaker 1: way they could go there a little bit more frequently,
Speaker 1: because then that becomes your date night and that becomes
Speaker 1: your thing. And I'm sure you know if you can
Speaker 1: arrange that, I think that would be a really healthy
Speaker 1: addition to your like schedule and your sex schedule with
Speaker 1: your husband. It's really sweet that you care so much
Speaker 1: about satisfying his needs. But also, you know, the kids
Speaker 1: go to bed at a certain time, So if you
Speaker 1: pick out a night of the week, like okay, Saturday nights,
Speaker 1: we're every Saturday, we're gonna do you know, we're gonna
Speaker 1: make sure the kids are in bed by this time,
Speaker 1: or even if it's a Tuesday, it doesn't matter. But
Speaker 1: if you create a regular consistency, then it doesn't feel
Speaker 1: like I understand that that can can create its own pressure,
Speaker 1: but you're a willing participant. You're saying that you want
Speaker 1: to actually like meet your husband's needs, and you don't
Speaker 1: have to meet all of his needs or everyone's needs
Speaker 1: at all, but if you want to make the effort,
Speaker 1: those are two simple ways to make an effort, you know,
Speaker 1: because the girls, I mean your six year old and
Speaker 1: your thirteen year old obviously are going to go to
Speaker 1: going to be asleep by hopefully like eleven o'clock, right,
Speaker 1: I mean, there's a night where you can stay up
Speaker 1: and say and then it kind of makes it more
Speaker 1: adventurous and more fun. We have to wait for the
Speaker 1: kids to go to sleep and or have them go
Speaker 1: to a sleepover at their friend's house. Anytime they have
Speaker 1: a sleepover, you can you know, flirt with him and
Speaker 1: be like, this is our night, this is our night,
Speaker 1: you know, like make it more of an event instead
Speaker 1: of a schedule.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and if they're ever at school and then you're
Speaker 5: ever at home.
Speaker 6: I don't know how your schedule's like, but that's a
Speaker 6: time of day when it's also possible.
Speaker 2: Or send your kids to night school. You can send
Speaker 2: them to school night.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I thought it was really nice that she even said
Speaker 6: he's not interested in a hall pass, because it means
Speaker 6: she offered that, which is very generous.
Speaker 5: Not everyone would want to do that.
Speaker 6: You obviously care about him a lot, and it's I'm
Speaker 6: curious what he thinks about it, because she didn't mention
Speaker 6: him being particularly unsatisfied. It was more that he wishes
Speaker 6: it was more, you know what I mean, which is
Speaker 6: kind of a different thing. It doesn't seem like it's
Speaker 6: a maybe a problem for him, but something that he's like,
Speaker 6: it'd be cool if we did that more.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and also like these feelings of this, like this
Speaker 1: kind of anxious and you said her she said her
Speaker 1: daughter has panic attacks. Like all of those anxious feelings
Speaker 1: around the sex, It's like it helps to kind of
Speaker 1: separate all of that from sex, Like you're making them
Speaker 1: more related than they need to be to the sex.
Speaker 2: You can have sex with your.
Speaker 1: Husband without your daughter knocking on your door because she's
Speaker 1: having a panic attack, Like that's an exception, not the rule.
Speaker 1: So I would just kind of flip your way of
Speaker 1: thinking about it, like, oh, think of ways to make
Speaker 1: this more exciting, not only for your husband, for you
Speaker 1: you want to get. You know, you're the one who's
Speaker 1: in a gray kind of asexual area, which is totally fine. Listen,
Speaker 1: we all have different kind of sexual appetites, and we
Speaker 1: also go through different phases.
Speaker 2: You never know what's around the corner.
Speaker 1: You could become a huge horn dog when you go
Speaker 1: through menopausal, you know, or postmenopausal or perimenopausa, who knows.
Speaker 1: But I would definitely just try to not just but
Speaker 1: one of the things I would do is try to
Speaker 1: reframe how you're looking at the sex and make it
Speaker 1: more of a fun activity and even a fun activity
Speaker 1: you're initiating.
Speaker 6: I think that's great because it also helps to take
Speaker 6: the pressure off of the actual sex when it's happening.
Speaker 6: Because if you're thinking, like, oh my god, she's gonna
Speaker 6: have a panic attack while this is happening, like, you're
Speaker 6: not gonna be able to enjoy yourself, So working to
Speaker 6: like separate that before it's even happening is probably smart.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And also, like I was reading this, thing recently
Speaker 1: about sex.
Speaker 2: You know how we always, like.
Speaker 1: I know this is true for me when I was young,
Speaker 1: like always wanted to like a conquest. I always wanted
Speaker 1: to like if I didn't have sex with a guy,
Speaker 1: it didn't mean, you know, like I didn't like I
Speaker 1: had this very male look out outlook towards it. And
Speaker 1: I also we all kind of think about sex as
Speaker 1: something that you know, you have to climax and that's
Speaker 1: the completion of the act.
Speaker 2: And it's like sex is a lot more than that.
Speaker 1: It's about being affectionate, and it's about having intimacy, and
Speaker 1: it's about you know, rolling around with someone in bed
Speaker 1: and flirting and having fun with your partner. And it
Speaker 1: doesn't always have to lead to an orgasm, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like you're pleasuring each other, you're doing
Speaker 1: whatever you're doing. If you're having oral sex, you know,
Speaker 1: it doesn't always have to lead like that.
Speaker 2: It's it's about the togetherness.
Speaker 1: And I think if you make an effort in that
Speaker 1: direction to move closer to your husband in an intimate way,
Speaker 1: you'll also feel the effect that will feel like the
Speaker 1: effects of actually having sex more. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And to that end, you know you might not
Speaker 3: feel like you want him in your space or touching
Speaker 3: you as much twice a week once a week, but
Speaker 3: you know, doing something like oral sex, like being able
Speaker 3: to satisfy him in a way that like you don't
Speaker 3: necessarily need to be touched, might be something that works
Speaker 3: for you. So maybe experiment with some of that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and just let your husband know since you care
Speaker 1: so much about, you know, pleasing him, like, let him
Speaker 1: know that these are all things you're working.
Speaker 2: On and that you want to be closer.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: I like the flirting aspect because that's so easy to do,
Speaker 1: to be flirting with your husband, you know, and to
Speaker 1: make sure you're giving him an extra hug, giving him
Speaker 1: an extra kiss, touching him you know, when you don't
Speaker 1: need to. All of those things add up up and
Speaker 1: they make people feel closer, So it's worthwhile.
Speaker 6: Yeah, Yeah, I think that I do that sometimes where
Speaker 6: I don't. I'll think about something and then not follow
Speaker 6: through on it or not say it out loud, and
Speaker 6: then I'll act in my mind as if it happened,
Speaker 6: do you know, Like it's like I'm thinking so much
Speaker 6: about this thing that I'm like, oh, obviously he knows
Speaker 6: what I'm thinking about and that's not true.
Speaker 5: People can't read your mind.
Speaker 6: So that's also that's great advice because I do think
Speaker 6: saying making a point to do the actions more, but
Speaker 6: also saying out loud like this matters to me so much,
Speaker 6: Like I just want you to know I really care
Speaker 6: about this, like so that it's not just something that lives.
Speaker 5: In your head. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And oh, one more thing I want to say about this.
Speaker 1: When you have a negative reaction to sex or the
Speaker 1: thought of sex, that goes a long way as well.
Speaker 2: Your thoughts are important. They do matter.
Speaker 1: So when you start thinking about it, it's almost like
Speaker 1: you have to trick yourself into being like, ooh, this
Speaker 1: is gonna be fun I'm going to do you know, like,
Speaker 1: not like oh fuck, I gotta do.
Speaker 2: This again, you know.
Speaker 1: Like, so just start thinking about ways to make it
Speaker 1: more playful, ways to make it more fun, and you
Speaker 1: will change your attitude about it.
Speaker 2: That's a fact.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there is one thing else I want to say
Speaker 3: about the panic attacks, because say your daughter does wake
Speaker 3: up in the middle of the night and you guys
Speaker 3: are getting frisky or whatever, and you can't get the
Speaker 3: kids out of the house, but you do want to
Speaker 3: get together. If your daughter knocks on your door, really,
Speaker 3: like the time between having sex and being able to
Speaker 3: address that is like you just have to put on
Speaker 3: a house coat. So true, like you know how to
Speaker 3: handle it. You can be there in like two extra
Speaker 3: seconds and it'll be okay.
Speaker 2: Exactly, it will be okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, album solved. Probably problem solved. Oh, I
Speaker 1: can't believe my sister's writing in about this stuff. I mean, honestly,
Speaker 1: I'm going to bring this.
Speaker 2: Up at Thanksgiving in front of the whole family. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: That's when they caught me masturbating in front of my family,
Speaker 1: And my whole family caught me masturbating on Thanksgiving, so
Speaker 1: it's a full circle moment.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so, Jen asks, Dear Chelsea, My partner and I
Speaker 3: have been together over ten years. We met in college
Speaker 3: and have worked really hard on our relationship and have
Speaker 3: created a really healthy partnership. We're headed into our thirties
Speaker 3: this year, and for the first time kind of feels
Speaker 3: like we are actually, in fact adults. We live in
Speaker 3: a growing city and both of us are working hard
Speaker 3: on our careers, though I'm definitely the more career driven
Speaker 3: of the two of us. In the past two years,
Speaker 3: my partner has casually brought up that he wants at
Speaker 3: least one child. This is a bit unsettling to me
Speaker 3: because I've said from day one, before we ever started dating,
Speaker 3: that I have no interest in having children. I've felt
Speaker 3: this way my entire life, and until recently, he always
Speaker 3: seemed to be on the same page. He's always agreed
Speaker 3: when I've said I'm never having children, and has always
Speaker 3: expressed disinterest in them as well. This puts me in
Speaker 3: an extremely difficult position because it's not like I hate
Speaker 3: my boyfriend and can tell him to fuck off. I
Speaker 3: am very much in love with him and respect him,
Speaker 3: and now feel like if we don't bring a child
Speaker 3: into this relationship, one way or another, I may be
Speaker 3: holding him back from fulfilling a bigger purpose that no
Speaker 3: matter how many times I try to visualize my life
Speaker 3: with a child in it, it still doesn't sound like
Speaker 3: something I want for myself. I'm perfectly fulfilled by my
Speaker 3: relationship with him, my close friends, and my career. I
Speaker 3: need some serious perspective on this, jen.
Speaker 2: Ooh, what do you think, Lauren?
Speaker 5: Oh my god, it's so intense.
Speaker 6: I mean, I do think it sounds like she really
Speaker 6: knows that she doesn't want kids, and that is such
Speaker 6: a huge thing to change your mind on, and you
Speaker 6: can't really be convinced by someone else.
Speaker 5: I don't think. I mean, I'm sure it's happened, but
Speaker 5: I feel like, how long have been together?
Speaker 3: Ten years?
Speaker 2: Oh god, yeah, I know.
Speaker 6: That's so hard. She loves them so much. That is
Speaker 6: really hard. I don't know, Chelsea, do have ideas you
Speaker 6: don't have kids? And I feel like maybe you know
Speaker 6: about like the feeling of like knowing that you.
Speaker 2: Know, yeah, I do, I do. I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have a kid because you know, even if
Speaker 1: I I mean, I can't speak to her being in
Speaker 1: a ten year relationship because I haven't been, and neither
Speaker 1: can Lauren because she's been divorced like sixteen times. But
Speaker 1: I would say that no child deserves to be born
Speaker 1: because because someone else wants one, and you're just agreeing,
Speaker 1: like you have to be one hundred and fifty percent into.
Speaker 2: Having a baby if you're going to have a baby.
Speaker 1: Anything less than that is unacceptable in terms of, you know,
Speaker 1: children having to deal with their parents, resentment, guilt and
Speaker 1: all that other stuff. The world is hard enough, so
Speaker 1: it's not fair to just do that for someone else,
Speaker 1: because you're not really doing that person. You're doing that
Speaker 1: person a solid initially, and what ends up happening is
Speaker 1: your resentment, a child's resentment, all of that stuff. So
Speaker 1: you can't have a baby unless you want to have
Speaker 1: a baby, and a ten year relationship is really difficult.
Speaker 1: But I think you know, if this isn't negotiable, which
Speaker 1: it doesn't sound like it is, then I think your
Speaker 1: partner is going to be unfulfilled and he's also going
Speaker 1: to be resentful. And I think you have to be
Speaker 1: a person to just say, listen, I'm not willing to
Speaker 1: do this.
Speaker 2: I don't want to stop you from doing this. I
Speaker 2: love you.
Speaker 1: I want this relationship to continue, obviously, but I if
Speaker 1: I'm going to prohibit you from fulfilling one of your dreams,
Speaker 1: I love you too much to do something like that.
Speaker 1: You know I'm not going to do that. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to prevent you. And I know you want to
Speaker 1: go find someone, so like you have to deal with
Speaker 1: that very difficult decision to make, but I think it's
Speaker 1: the right thing to do.
Speaker 6: I know it sounds so hard to end a relationship
Speaker 6: that you're happy in. Yeah, you know that just for
Speaker 6: any reason, and then that but that reason would build
Speaker 6: resentment over time. And I think also what's kind of
Speaker 6: interesting it depends on I don't know what it depends on,
Speaker 6: but thinking about the length of time or relationship can
Speaker 6: make you think like, well, I can never have this again,
Speaker 6: or I can never start over, or how would I ever?
Speaker 6: You know, being in ten years, you're like, then we're
Speaker 6: supposed to be together forever. That that's not true of everything,
Speaker 6: and you can be really happy and find the person
Speaker 6: that is totally perfect for you. And so I mean
Speaker 6: it's really hard though, because we're talking about someone who's
Speaker 6: in love with somebody. So I mean, I don't even
Speaker 6: know how you can. That just sounds so hard to
Speaker 6: have to end something. But it also I think Chelsea's
Speaker 6: right that, like when you're saying the resentment that would
Speaker 6: build from that.
Speaker 1: When you really love someone, you want them to fulfill
Speaker 1: their dreams, you know. And I think when you say that, actually,
Speaker 1: like you act in such an honorable way, because it
Speaker 1: is painful to end such a long relationship, But when
Speaker 1: you act in honor of someone and honor and that
Speaker 1: relationship by saying I don't want to hold you back
Speaker 1: in any way, and this just isn't for me.
Speaker 2: I honestly think like you.
Speaker 1: Get rewarded in life, like when you really treat something
Speaker 1: with dignity and respect, then that's what comes back at you.
Speaker 1: And that's not going to help you through a painful breakup,
Speaker 1: but it is kind of if you look at the
Speaker 1: big picture of life, it would be the right thing
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 3: And I think part of this conversation too, is finding
Speaker 3: out from him.
Speaker 2: Is this a deal.
Speaker 3: Breaker for you?
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, right, absolutely, is it a deal breaker?
Speaker 1: Is it?
Speaker 2: I mean I read from that letter that it was not.
Speaker 1: I would assume, but yeah, yeah, yeah. So here we
Speaker 1: are wrecking relationships. Relationship wrecker. That's my middle name, relationship wrecker.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, keep us post agen.
Speaker 1: Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back
Speaker 1: and we're back to close it up with Lauren Lapkiz.
Speaker 2: So, Lauren, what's the name of your podcast again?
Speaker 5: It's called Haunting. It's Haunting.
Speaker 6: It comes out every Tuesday on iHeart or wherever you
Speaker 6: get your podcasts.
Speaker 5: It's very fun.
Speaker 1: Okay, So Haunting is her new podcast. Is Lauren's new podcast.
Speaker 1: It comes out every Tuesday on iHeart like you're listening
Speaker 1: to right now, which is iHeart, and then another Happy Day.
Speaker 5: It's out now.
Speaker 6: You can get it on Apple TV or Prime or
Speaker 6: some other places, but it is available for your viewing
Speaker 6: pleasure now.
Speaker 2: Yes, I always love watching you in anything, Lauren.
Speaker 5: Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: You're so unique and original and it's nice and refreshing
Speaker 1: always to see your face.
Speaker 5: Thank you well.
Speaker 6: I always, I always have a special place for you
Speaker 6: because you gave me my big break. That show was
Speaker 6: like the biggest and most exciting thing ever. I had
Speaker 6: never been on a TV show before, so I love it.
Speaker 2: Oh good, I'm so happy to hear that. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: how do you take care?
Speaker 5: Thanks so much, thanks for having me. Bye.
Speaker 1: Okay, So upcoming shows that I have you, guys, I'm
Speaker 1: coming to Texas and then I will be in Las
Speaker 1: Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel.
Speaker 2: I'm coming to Brooklyn, New.
Speaker 1: York at the King's Theater on November eighth, and I
Speaker 1: have tickets on sale throughout the end of the year
Speaker 1: in December, So if you're in a city like Philadelphia
Speaker 1: or Bethlehem or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha.
Speaker 2: Check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 3: Okay, if you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an
Speaker 3: email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and
Speaker 3: be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is
Speaker 3: edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law
Speaker 3: and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler
Speaker 3: dot com