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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. Hi, Today is Halloween. It's my

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Speaker 1: sister's birthday.

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Speaker 2: Oh really, my sister Shoshana's birthday is today.

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Speaker 3: Yes, Oh my gosh. I have a brother in law

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Speaker 3: who's a Halloween baby.

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Speaker 1: Happy birthday to all the Halloween babies.

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Speaker 3: And it's maybe not your favorite holiday.

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Speaker 2: I'm not into Halloween.

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Speaker 3: I don't really like costumes, see I do, which is why, which.

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Speaker 1: Is exactly Yeah, I would expect that you would like

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Speaker 1: costumes because we're pretty opposite on everything.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, except for both being a pisces.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we're both pisces. But a lot of people like Halloween.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm always amazed that people are so into

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Speaker 1: it as adults too.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. See, I just love doing a detailed outfit and makeup,

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Speaker 3: look like all that and all that.

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Speaker 4: Ja.

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Speaker 2: I'm just going to get penetrated and stay indoors.

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Speaker 3: Oh that sounds lovely.

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Speaker 1: I would order in outdoor penetration and have that for

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Speaker 1: the evening. And my nephew, I believe, arrives tonight. Tonight

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Speaker 1: is Halloween. Those two things are very separate.

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Speaker 2: Well, won't and I've been a training friend of my nephew.

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Speaker 1: But I want to make sure that they don't get

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Speaker 1: the idea to come up and stay with me too often.

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Speaker 2: This is the one that didn't leave before.

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Speaker 1: Oh so obviously, if they hear me in the bedroom

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Speaker 1: having a really good time, which I would never allow

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Speaker 1: to happen, I just want everyone to know that I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't not that I wouldn't allow. I would never want

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Speaker 1: that to happen, but it could happen, okay, And that'll

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Speaker 1: set him straight.

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Speaker 3: He's warned, fair warning.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so did you hear that? Jaki? Welcome home.

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Speaker 1: Our guest today is perfect for Halloween because her new podcast,

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Speaker 1: which is called Haunting, explores paranormal experiences told by those

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Speaker 1: who experience them, and she also stars in the Wrong

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Speaker 1: Missy on Netflix and as well as she has a

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Speaker 1: new film coming out called Another Happy Day.

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Speaker 2: Please welcome Lauren Lapkiz. I'd beak at you.

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Speaker 5: How are you?

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, long time no see honeybody.

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Speaker 5: I know, so nice to see you.

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Speaker 2: How are you?

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Speaker 1: You're a mother, You're a Oh my god. There are

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Speaker 1: so many things now I know a lot has changed,

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Speaker 1: A lot has changed. To give you background about Lauren

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Speaker 1: and I, the first time we met, right was on

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Speaker 1: that show that they created it was on NBC. It

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Speaker 1: was based on one of my books, Are You There,

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Speaker 1: Vodkats Meet Chelsea Maybe? And Lauren was one of the

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Speaker 1: cast members with Laura pre ponn Ya Ali Wong. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and then what is I feel bad that I don't

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Speaker 1: remember his name? Clerk Lenny Yes, yes, the hot one right?

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Speaker 1: Oh no, oh no, Lenny's not hot. Sorry, I take

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Speaker 1: that back. He's not the hot one.

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Speaker 5: Jake McDorman Jake.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but Jake's and a lot of stuff now too.

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Speaker 1: I always see him and I'm always like, that guy

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Speaker 1: looks really familiar. And then I have to remember, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he was on the show with you idiot. That was

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Speaker 1: a very short lived show. It was on for one

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Speaker 1: season and that was it, so we only got to

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Speaker 1: spend a short amount of time together. But I love

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Speaker 1: seeing you and all of the things that I get

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Speaker 1: to see you in and I can't thank you. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and you are so wait you just had a baby

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Speaker 1: six months ago, right, your second baby?

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Speaker 2: Yes? So you have two girls?

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Speaker 5: Two girls? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: How does it feel to be a mother of women?

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Speaker 5: It's great, it's great, but I mean, I love it.

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Speaker 6: I love girls. I was hoping for girls. Were very

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Speaker 6: happy yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I always find that my girliest friends have boys. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and if you're not too girly and you're girly, but

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Speaker 1: you're not you're.

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Speaker 5: Not overly eirly. Yeah, I would agree with that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you have girls and yeah, and I like that.

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Speaker 2: I like that dynamic.

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Speaker 1: I like what that does to people because it really

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Speaker 1: throws people off their game.

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Speaker 5: It's true.

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Speaker 1: It's true as if parenting isn't hard enough, then you

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Speaker 1: have to parent the sex that you weren't hoping to have.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, it's crazy, it's a lot. But I'm I'm I'm

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Speaker 6: coming out of my like postpartum hole.

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Speaker 2: Were you did you have postpartum No?

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Speaker 6: I just mean like my literal like postpartum time. But

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Speaker 6: I didn't have postpartum depression. But coming out of the

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Speaker 6: like you know, that period of feeling like what is everything?

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Speaker 6: Like my body's crazy, I'm starting to feel like myself

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Speaker 6: more so.

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Speaker 2: I don't know how anyone has children.

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Speaker 1: I really don't understand how people are able to manage

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Speaker 1: all of the things in life and then raise children.

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Speaker 1: I am in awe of every woman. I think I

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Speaker 1: was talking about this my friend who has four kids.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't understand how anything gets done in

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Speaker 1: your life, Like, how do you manage four kids? She's like, Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: it just happens and then you do it.

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Speaker 6: I know, but I literally I used to think, like

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Speaker 6: four sounded amazing, but like having one is really hard

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Speaker 6: and having two is actually harder, and it's crazy. There's

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Speaker 6: just no time to like sit down and think about

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Speaker 6: anything for even a second.

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Speaker 5: So it's a lot.

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Speaker 6: But I recently hired a nanny and that's changed my

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Speaker 6: whole entire life because now I can, like, you know,

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Speaker 6: do this without feeling like I'm split between five things

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Speaker 6: at once.

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Speaker 1: It's so weird that I have a nanny and I

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Speaker 1: don't have any children. Speaking of podcasts, Lauren has a

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Speaker 1: new podcast, tell us all about.

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Speaker 5: It I do. It's called Haunting.

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Speaker 6: It's on iHeart, and I play a dead influencer named

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Speaker 6: Terreza who has she's stuck between heaven and hell because

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Speaker 6: she hasn't gotten verified yet. So it's like a hybrid

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Speaker 6: scripted and unscripted podcast. So my portions are our scripted

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Speaker 6: part where I'm this dead influencer and then we hear

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Speaker 6: real ghost stories from people who are calling in and

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Speaker 6: sharing their.

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Speaker 2: Truth and are you big into ghost stories.

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Speaker 5: I am, but I'm also very scared.

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Speaker 6: I get very scared very easily, and I get scared

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Speaker 6: of like scary movies. So it's a little ironic. But

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Speaker 6: I I mean, do you have any ghost stories? Do

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Speaker 6: you believe in ghosts?

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Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not. I don't disbelieve in ghosts.

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Speaker 1: I dated a guide that had a house that was

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Speaker 1: definitely there were ghosts in the house. I could feel them,

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Speaker 1: I could hear them. I couldn't see them, but I

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Speaker 1: could feel the presence. But most of the places, I

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Speaker 1: think I have a frequency that doesn't really allow me

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Speaker 1: to see that many ghosts.

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Speaker 6: They're like, you're not open to this, Like I don't

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Speaker 6: have time for that, you know what I mean? Yeah,

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Speaker 6: I feel like I've like looked at Zillo and seeing

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Speaker 6: a house that gave me chills. Like it's just like

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Speaker 6: nothing even is like weird about it. It's just like, Ooh,

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Speaker 6: something's wrong, something's wrong there, right, Bad bad vibes.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, if there's a bad vibe in a place, I'm

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Speaker 1: usually out of there pretty quickly. I don't know why

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Speaker 1: we associate ghosts as being bad, because I bet there

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Speaker 1: are some good ghosts, right, like, what's the theory behind

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Speaker 1: why ghosts are even around because they're in the middle

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Speaker 1: of crossing over or what.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, they have unfinished businesses, I guess what people always say.

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Speaker 6: But it does seem weird when you think about it,

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Speaker 6: because literally every inch of earth would have a bunch

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Speaker 6: of ghosts on it, you know what I mean. If

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Speaker 6: it was all just like people who've died and rest

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Speaker 6: hanging around, it just I don't know, it's hard to

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Speaker 6: it's hard to know.

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Speaker 1: Maybe there's certain environments where they are more prone to

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Speaker 1: come out.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, like ghost hunter people go to those

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Speaker 6: special places where I guess there's more vibes they're all

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Speaker 6: hanging out waiting in like an old abandoned psych ward

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Speaker 6: or something.

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Speaker 1: That's what I want for you, which once the kids

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Speaker 1: are old enough, I want you to become a permanent

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Speaker 1: professional ghost hunter.

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Speaker 6: That's my real goal, that's my passion. That's what I'm

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Speaker 6: excited about, and I'm going to do that.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, great, gas excellent, And now wait, you have

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Speaker 1: a new movie coming out also, which which is it's

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Speaker 1: not it's a comedy, but you are very dramatic in it, right,

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Speaker 1: it's the most dramatic you've played.

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Speaker 2: I thanks so far.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I think so.

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Speaker 6: It's called Another Happy Day, and it's a movie about

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Speaker 6: postpartum depression, so it's a comedy. It's finding the absurdity

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Speaker 6: in those like really dark, hard things that people experience.

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Speaker 6: So it's definitely like it's not like slapstick, but it's

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Speaker 6: you know, there's comedy. It's different from other stuff I've done.

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Speaker 1: And I read that she the director had a day

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Speaker 1: care on set and even though it was an indep film,

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Speaker 1: they had you guys were taking care of so that

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Speaker 1: everyone could bring their children.

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Speaker 5: It was amazing.

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Speaker 6: She made it a priority to have eight hour work

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Speaker 6: days so we weren't shooting for like typical movie hours

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Speaker 6: of like twelve to fifteen hour days, and she provided

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Speaker 6: childcare to people who needed it, and it was it

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Speaker 6: was very It felt like a very supportive environment for

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Speaker 6: parents and also just for anyone who was not a parent.

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Speaker 6: It was great because you were done at five o'clock

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Speaker 6: every day and it was like normal, so people really

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Speaker 6: appreciated that there.

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Speaker 5: It was just a very happy set. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Well when people are Yeah, when you have help with

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Speaker 1: your children, people seem to get much happier. It would

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Speaker 1: be nice if our country could take on that responsibility.

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Speaker 6: I know it's so interesting in people. I think that's

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Speaker 6: a bad idea. I don't get it.

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Speaker 1: But have you had any like I want to ask

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Speaker 1: you personal questions about parenting and motherhood? Yeah, what was

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Speaker 1: your biggest meltdown as a mother that threw you for

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Speaker 1: a loop de loop?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 6: I mean I think I reached one every few months

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Speaker 6: of like just hitting an actual breaking point. I mean

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Speaker 6: most recently, so, yeah, I have a six month old

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Speaker 6: and a three year old, and so much of it

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Speaker 6: has to do with not sleeping. It's just like the

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Speaker 6: terrible feelings that come from not sleeping that like I

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Speaker 6: reached a total breaking point where everything was just making

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Speaker 6: me cry. And then I immediately downloaded this like sleep

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Speaker 6: training app thing or like program called taking care of Babies,

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Speaker 6: this woman who like tells you how to like make

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Speaker 6: your baby go to sleep, and it wasn't I mean,

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Speaker 6: it has changed everything, so I have to say it

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Speaker 6: was worth doing. But it's like that breakdown moment of

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Speaker 6: like I'm just gonna buy the thing. It's two hundred

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Speaker 6: fifty dollars. Camera's gonna buy this right now. I don't

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Speaker 6: even know what this is, Like, let's just go because

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Speaker 6: you can't function in your own home and get anything done.

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Speaker 1: Sleep deprivation seems to be the biggest issue because it's

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Speaker 1: so funny. I was out with my friends the other

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Speaker 1: night and I was with Karen and Molly, and Karen

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Speaker 1: was like, you know, she just got her baby to

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Speaker 1: sleep through the night, and she was saying, I was like,

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Speaker 1: it's so funny that.

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Speaker 2: You have a baby. You're so in love with this baby.

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Speaker 1: All you want to do is like, you know, love

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Speaker 1: on this baby and you know, see it grow and

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Speaker 1: take every picture you can possibly take and like and

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Speaker 1: then when you're fucking tired, you're like, go the fuck.

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Speaker 2: To sleep, Like I can't love you in the middle

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Speaker 2: of the night.

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Speaker 6: Also, I mean I know, well, and my personality really

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Speaker 6: does go out the window. It is like I think

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Speaker 6: with my three year old, she's she's delightful and like

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Speaker 6: the funniest person ever, but like the bedtime thing of

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Speaker 6: like I finally got the baby down and then she

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Speaker 6: wants to just like make me do every single thing.

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Speaker 6: I'm like singing and dancing in her room for like

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Speaker 6: a full hour, Like I have a routine that I

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Speaker 6: do that involves four songs, and I have to repeat

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Speaker 6: them as many times as she says, and it's crazy.

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Speaker 6: There's a song called the Love You Song where we

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Speaker 6: just list every single person that we can think of

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Speaker 6: and say we love them, and that's cute. Yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 6: then twinkled Winkle and ABC's I sing over and over again.

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Speaker 6: And then she likes to do a mash up where

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Speaker 6: she sings one and I sing together because they have

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Speaker 6: the same melody, and she just thinks that's delightful and

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Speaker 6: she's like, it's the same song. I mean, it's kind

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Speaker 6: of smart for a three year old, but I'm usually

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Speaker 6: like at my breaking point.

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Speaker 1: I think they catch wind after a while, like that

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Speaker 1: you catch wind or whatever after a while, that this

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Speaker 1: is the go to bed song, and then they stop

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Speaker 1: wanting to hear that song.

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Speaker 2: They're like, I know what you're up to.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Everyone I know who has two kids says that, like

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Speaker 3: two is more than twice as hard as one. Do

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Speaker 3: you find that to be true?

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Speaker 5: I think so.

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Speaker 6: I think, like there's one, like one thing that I

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Speaker 6: found surprising was that I feel like it's easier in

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Speaker 6: some sense because I'm not as like stressed, like I

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Speaker 6: feel like I get how it's gonna go. It's not

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Speaker 6: as abstract that she's gonna grow up into like a

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Speaker 6: really fun person who like will talk and be great.

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Speaker 6: So like all of that makes it easier because the

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Speaker 6: first time, you're like just going through every day, like

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Speaker 6: how will it ever be different than it is?

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Speaker 5: Right now? It feels like this is forever. But what's

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Speaker 5: hard is.

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Speaker 6: Like just doing two things at once because they're on

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Speaker 6: totally different pages with what they need, and one of

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Speaker 6: them can tell you what they need and one just cries.

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Speaker 6: So it's Yeah, I think that's where it gets really hard,

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Speaker 6: And those moments where it gets really overwhelming, or when

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Speaker 6: both of them are needing something at the same time

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Speaker 6: and you feel like you can't do everything, and that's

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Speaker 6: always sad feeling.

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Speaker 1: Can you just get the little of one a tutor

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Speaker 1: so she can start communicating more quickly?

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Speaker 5: I think that is what I need to do.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's why you're here today, Lauren, and I have

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Speaker 1: all the answers. Thank you tell me about Like, if

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Speaker 1: you can, I would love to hear about one of

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Speaker 1: your most joyful experiences you've had since becoming a mother.

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Speaker 6: Oh my god, so many I feel like it's the

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Speaker 6: happiest I've ever been. I really feel I got a

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Speaker 6: sack a cry right now. I feel very fulfilled by

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Speaker 6: being a mom and I love it so much. And

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Speaker 6: I think the happiest is like really just watching both

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Speaker 6: of them and like looking at how they're developing and

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Speaker 6: how their personalities are developing. And my older one, like

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Speaker 6: when the more she can articulate herself and say her

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Speaker 6: full thoughts, like I'm just in awe of it. I

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Speaker 6: just every is so beautiful, Like truly, every day I

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Speaker 6: watch her for at least a few moments where I'm

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Speaker 6: just going like, Wow, I can't believe you're this person

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Speaker 6: who has all these feelings. And then I'll think about

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Speaker 6: her getting older and how and that will make me

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Speaker 6: really excited but also make me want to cry, and

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Speaker 6: or her being like thirty or something. It's just like

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Speaker 6: such a fleeting period. I think time just moves so

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Speaker 6: differently watching someone age, because you're like you were just

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Speaker 6: a baby, like that's only been a couple of years,

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Speaker 6: and now you're this person with all these you know,

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Speaker 6: desires and you're so funny, and the idea of her

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Speaker 6: like growing up and you know, telling me to fuck

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Speaker 6: off is like overwhelming.

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Speaker 1: I just came from a friend who has three boys

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Speaker 1: and one of them is a teenager and the way

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Speaker 1: he speaks to them is horrendous.

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Speaker 5: Like I'm so scared of that.

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Speaker 2: It's so awful.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh my god. And she's like, well,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's the worst. It's it's terrible. She goes,

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Speaker 1: and now the younger kids are picking up the language

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Speaker 1: from the older kids, and they're like actually contemplating sending

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Speaker 1: him to boarding school because they don't know what to

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Speaker 1: do with him. And she's like, I feel like my

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Speaker 1: son is a product of LA. Like that is a

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Speaker 1: product that is scary to me.

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Speaker 6: So I'm from Chicago and like I'm from Evanston, Illinois,

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Speaker 6: and it's like a really perfect suburb of Chicago. It's

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Speaker 6: just so great and it was such an ideal place

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Speaker 6: to grow up, and being out here is a weird

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Speaker 6: element for me to like get my head around, like, oh,

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Speaker 6: they're gonna be like LA kids, Like what does that mean?

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Speaker 6: And of course it's like my influence will do something,

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Speaker 6: but then the world influences them too.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think kids are always reacting to some

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Speaker 1: sort of absence of something, right, Like most of your

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Speaker 1: bad behavior is a result of some sort of neglect,

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Speaker 1: And not that my friend's a neglectful parent, but she

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Speaker 1: even said herself, like I need to be more present,

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Speaker 1: I need to be home more. You know, there's always

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Speaker 1: like a reason why kids act that way. It's not

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Speaker 1: like they're just fucking screaming at you, fuck you mom,

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Speaker 1: because they're not upset. They're clearly upset about something that's

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Speaker 1: transpired or a pattern that has evolved.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and puberty, I think is just like uncontrollable.

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Speaker 1: If I wouldn't go through puberty again. First of all,

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I will. I'm going through I'm not me.

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Speaker 1: I don't think I've hit menopause, but I'm perry menopausal

348
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Speaker 1: for sure.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, which is worse. I don't know what

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Speaker 1: was worse, puberty or perimenopause. I read this book, Naomi

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Speaker 1: Watts wrote this book about menopause, and I read it,

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Speaker 1: and as I was reading it, every symptom hit me.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I started having hot flashes, and

355
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Speaker 1: then my shoulder started hurting.

356
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Speaker 2: There's this menopause shoulder thing.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, what, And I told her, I but yeah,

358
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Speaker 1: there's frozen shoulder that women get.

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Speaker 2: And then weird. I mean, I am of the age.

360
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Speaker 1: I would assume I'm in peri menopause, but I've never

361
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Speaker 1: really like I get tested pretty frequently, and I'm going

362
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Speaker 1: again after reading that fucking book, because I'm like, something's up,

363
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,480
Speaker 1: but all of the other things around it, I just

364
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:43,080
Speaker 1: started to experience, like all these symptoms that she was

365
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Speaker 1: talking about.

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Speaker 2: And then I came home.

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Speaker 1: I asked my doctor for something for night sweats because

368
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Speaker 1: I was getting those night sweats, and he gave me

369
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,720
Speaker 1: this over the counter thing and it worked right away.

370
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Speaker 1: So I sent it to my sisters, and my sister's like,

371
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Speaker 1: I use that for six months and it didn't work once.

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Speaker 2: She's like, I don't even she was, I don't even think.

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Speaker 1: I think you just get thoughts suggested to and then

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Speaker 1: you have them. She's like, you read a book about menopause,

375
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Speaker 1: and now you think you have metopause, and then you

376
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Speaker 1: took these things that are for menopause and you're fine.

377
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Speaker 2: She's like, so I'm like, I am.

378
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:13,040
Speaker 1: I am more impressionable and malleable than one would think.

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Speaker 6: At least it works for the medication too. If you

380
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:17,120
Speaker 6: just think it's working. It works for you, like that's

381
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Speaker 6: a good side effect.

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Speaker 1: Oh, it's called bona Fide, guys, in case anybody has

383
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:22,920
Speaker 1: nice sweats, Bonafide. It's in a green bottle and if

384
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Speaker 1: you use that for hot flashes.

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Speaker 5: It worked for me.

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Speaker 2: My sister said she used it for six months and

387
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,080
Speaker 2: it did. It work for her. But shout out to

388
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Speaker 2: bona Fide.

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Speaker 6: It's fascinating. I'm like, perimenopause is really coming up a lot.

390
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,080
Speaker 6: I mean because my friends are, you know, getting to

391
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Speaker 6: that point, and so it's interesting. There's so many things

392
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Speaker 6: that are never explained to us about this. I feel

393
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Speaker 6: like my whole life, Like you heard what menopause was,

394
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Speaker 6: and it's like, I guess hot flashes is the one

395
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Speaker 6: thing that I would think of, But there's so many

396
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Speaker 6: other side effects and it can hit you earlier. Just

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Speaker 6: all these things that nobody teaches us because people don't

398
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Speaker 6: care about women's heelf, Yeah exactly.

399
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Speaker 1: Because but you're well, you're thirty nine, right, yeah, I'm

400
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,720
Speaker 1: forty nine, so you're a decade younger than me. So

401
00:15:57,720 --> 00:15:59,680
Speaker 1: you're about you're going to turn forty next year.

402
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Speaker 5: Yeah mm hmm.

403
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,720
Speaker 6: I kept thinking I was forty. This year, I lost

404
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:06,120
Speaker 6: track of my age. I was like driving, I was like, wow,

405
00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,160
Speaker 6: I can't believe I'm forty. And then I was like, oh,

406
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,680
Speaker 6: I'm thirty nine, and then I was like, I'm actually

407
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Speaker 6: thirty eight. Like it was like, I have no idea.

408
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:14,280
Speaker 6: I think at a certain point like stops mattering, but yeah,

409
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:15,080
Speaker 6: I'm thirty nine.

410
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:15,320
Speaker 4: Now.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if it's Los Angeles because we have

412
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Speaker 1: access to so many anti aging practices.

413
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:22,160
Speaker 2: I don't know if it's.

414
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:25,360
Speaker 1: Just modern times, but age does not feel like what

415
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,480
Speaker 1: it felt like when I was growing up, right, and

416
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,960
Speaker 1: or it's just us being adults and being like, no, no,

417
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Speaker 1: I'm so young.

418
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Speaker 2: I'm vibrant.

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Speaker 5: I know.

420
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:33,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's also you can't tell if it's just how

421
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:35,800
Speaker 6: you feel inside. But I saw this thing that was

422
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,880
Speaker 6: so funny. It was like the Golden Girls hairstyles on

423
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,960
Speaker 6: like celebrities who are the same age as the actors

424
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,720
Speaker 6: who were playing them. Like now it was like j

425
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,840
Speaker 6: Loo with like the Golden Girl's hairstyle because they weren't

426
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,680
Speaker 6: so young. Like I feel like age was like put

427
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:49,360
Speaker 6: out to us as like being so much older than

428
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,400
Speaker 6: it was back in the day, with even just like

429
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:54,120
Speaker 6: the style it was so old fashioned feeling and like

430
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Speaker 6: not sexy.

431
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Speaker 2: How do you feel about aging?

432
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Speaker 1: What's your I mean, you're a mom now, so you're

433
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:02,520
Speaker 1: prior already are your children. I'm sure you're not stuck

434
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:03,920
Speaker 1: with your head up your ass, but you still are

435
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:06,400
Speaker 1: an actress, so you have to think about that stuff.

436
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,639
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I mean I definitely think about it.

437
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:11,439
Speaker 6: I mean, and I feel like all the things that

438
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:14,480
Speaker 6: people are doing to like look great are have evolved

439
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,359
Speaker 6: so much and everyone looks amazing. I don't even know

440
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:17,800
Speaker 6: what all the things are, but I'm like, when I

441
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:19,520
Speaker 6: need to know, I'm sure I'll have a few friends

442
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:20,880
Speaker 6: that can be like, what are the things I need

443
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,520
Speaker 6: to do right now? But I don't think about it

444
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,320
Speaker 6: too much. I mean, I do feel young. I feel

445
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,640
Speaker 6: the same, like in so many ways as I did

446
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:32,760
Speaker 6: ten years ago, although I guess that physically that maybe

447
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,240
Speaker 6: it's not for it all. Maybe that's not I'm like

448
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:35,960
Speaker 6: about to take it all back actually, because I'm like,

449
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,160
Speaker 6: I feel more confident. I feel like better about myself.

450
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,679
Speaker 6: I have like higher self esteem. I don't think I

451
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,800
Speaker 6: don't overthink my actions as much as I used to.

452
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,240
Speaker 5: And I also.

453
00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:51,000
Speaker 6: Physically possibly feel worse, but mentally I think I feel better.

454
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,080
Speaker 2: Well that's just because you just had a baby, so

455
00:17:53,119 --> 00:17:53,560
Speaker 2: you're tied.

456
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, but in another.

457
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,600
Speaker 1: Happy day, you had to be very emotional, right, you

458
00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,760
Speaker 1: had to cry a lot. How did it work for you?

459
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,760
Speaker 1: Because because you haven't done a lot of roles like that.

460
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,399
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean in the past, Like the sort of

461
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,520
Speaker 6: crying I had to do was like in like Jurassic World,

462
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,840
Speaker 6: like watching like a dinosaur eat a security guard or

463
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,600
Speaker 6: something like. It's not really like the same crying about

464
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:15,159
Speaker 6: a baby. But I feel like having kids brought my

465
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:18,159
Speaker 6: emotions to like the forefront work. It's all kind of

466
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,760
Speaker 6: right there. I really I almost cried like five minutes

467
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:22,560
Speaker 6: ago talking to you. I'm just like I could really

468
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:27,840
Speaker 6: cry at any moment just thinking about life, and.

469
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:28,920
Speaker 5: So it was easier.

470
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,040
Speaker 6: But also the director of this movie is so amazing,

471
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,840
Speaker 6: Nora Pfeiffer, who also wrote the movie. She's an actor

472
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:37,199
Speaker 6: and we're old friends as well, and she she just

473
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:38,879
Speaker 6: like has such a great way with actors of like

474
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,640
Speaker 6: getting you to tap into something without making you feel

475
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,480
Speaker 6: the pressure of it. But she's just a she's a

476
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,000
Speaker 6: really great communicator. But yeah, it was it's definitely a

477
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:48,960
Speaker 6: It felt like I was crying all the time while

478
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,199
Speaker 6: we were shooting that because just doing multiple takes we

479
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,840
Speaker 6: are sobbing. Is it wears you out. I don't know,

480
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:55,200
Speaker 6: have you ever had to cry and something?

481
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:56,919
Speaker 2: I don't think I would be able to. I'm not

482
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,320
Speaker 2: sure that I'm that kind of first.

483
00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,480
Speaker 1: So I'm not really an actress, but I like acting

484
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,359
Speaker 1: every once in a while and like to do, like,

485
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:04,719
Speaker 1: you know, when a project comes my way that's interesting.

486
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:07,520
Speaker 2: I'm totally open to it. But I have never really

487
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:08,160
Speaker 2: had to cry.

488
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,240
Speaker 1: I've had to be emotional, which is easy because that's

489
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:14,199
Speaker 1: just kind of acting emotional, you know what I mean. Like,

490
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,000
Speaker 1: I don't know that I'm a gifted enough actress to

491
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,520
Speaker 1: have to cry. I'd really have to get into the

492
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:19,080
Speaker 1: right zone.

493
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, it helps with the script with in this movie

494
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:26,080
Speaker 6: is like, truly, my character is just really struggling, and

495
00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:28,760
Speaker 6: so most of the stuff I'm saying is stuff that

496
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,399
Speaker 6: would make me cry if I really said it.

497
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:31,679
Speaker 5: So that helps too.

498
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,360
Speaker 2: How did you meet your husband?

499
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,600
Speaker 6: We met on a sitcom that we were both on

500
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:39,480
Speaker 6: called Clips that was on TBS. It was another short

501
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:42,919
Speaker 6: lip sitcom and it was created by Max Muchnik and

502
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:47,000
Speaker 6: David Cohen and starring Ashley Tisdale and George Went and

503
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,480
Speaker 6: me and my husband Mike were both on this show

504
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,520
Speaker 6: as well. And it was only ten episodes, but from

505
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,639
Speaker 6: like the pilot getting picked up to like shooting the

506
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:56,639
Speaker 6: other episodes, it was like a full year. So we

507
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:58,480
Speaker 6: would hang out as a cast a lot, and we

508
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:00,880
Speaker 6: got to be friends, and after the show was done,

509
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:01,520
Speaker 6: we got together.

510
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:05,119
Speaker 1: But yeah, because you're so professional, Because you're so professional,

511
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,800
Speaker 1: you would never ever let something like that happen.

512
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:10,080
Speaker 5: Prior and I was married to somebody else.

513
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,480
Speaker 1: Oh well, there's a good Graason sort of sort of

514
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,520
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, this is your second marriage.

515
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:20,760
Speaker 5: Yes it is, girl, My god.

516
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,800
Speaker 2: I must have had a real influence on you.

517
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:26,080
Speaker 5: Yeah.

518
00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:28,440
Speaker 6: I've been through a lot, so it's great. That also

519
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:30,520
Speaker 6: helps with you know, not caring about stuff as well.

520
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:32,960
Speaker 2: Exactly exactly.

521
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:34,800
Speaker 1: Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going

522
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:36,280
Speaker 1: to come back with Lauren, and we're going to take

523
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:36,880
Speaker 1: some callers.

524
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:37,400
Speaker 2: Yay.

525
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:45,000
Speaker 1: And we're back with Lauren Lapkis, who is just a

526
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:46,000
Speaker 1: breath of fresh air.

527
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:47,679
Speaker 5: Thank you.

528
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:51,159
Speaker 3: Well, we have some callers, We have some emails today,

529
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,480
Speaker 3: But I wanted to. Since we've touched on sort of

530
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:56,960
Speaker 3: paranormal ghosty stuff and sort of like talking about the

531
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,000
Speaker 3: great beyond, I wanted to start with one. It's a

532
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:02,000
Speaker 3: little more serious, but I wanted to start with this

533
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 3: question from Susannah. She says, should I see a medium?

534
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:12,600
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea in twenty the answer. In twenty thirteen, my

535
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:15,480
Speaker 3: husband passed away in a car accident. He left me

536
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:18,080
Speaker 3: and my then twelve year old daughter. My daughter is

537
00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:20,480
Speaker 3: now twenty two and living in Seattle, the place where

538
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,880
Speaker 3: my husband was raised, where we first met, and where

539
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 3: she was born. I think he would be so proud

540
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,200
Speaker 3: of the woman she has become. But every time there's

541
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,320
Speaker 3: a major event in her life, he won't be there.

542
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:33,080
Speaker 3: And it's not just her big events either. In June,

543
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,320
Speaker 3: she and I attended a wedding and when the father

544
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,120
Speaker 3: daughter dance started, she had to leave the room.

545
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:37,880
Speaker 5: Oh my god.

546
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,440
Speaker 3: I know. I guess I just want to know if

547
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,840
Speaker 3: he's around, if there's any part of him that's keeping

548
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,720
Speaker 3: an eye on her. I've thought before it'd be nice

549
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,400
Speaker 3: to talk to him through a medium, but I'm also

550
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,080
Speaker 3: a skeptic. If there's any way that it's real and

551
00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:52,359
Speaker 3: he's around. It would ease my heart. Should I seek

552
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,800
Speaker 3: one out? Susannah, Definitely, I.

553
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,720
Speaker 2: Would just think so yeah, I mean what if you

554
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:57,240
Speaker 2: have to lose?

555
00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:01,240
Speaker 1: Like I've had readings by bad psychics or mediums or

556
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:05,840
Speaker 1: whatever and it still makes you feel good, Like the

557
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:09,480
Speaker 1: idea that someone because it exists. I definitely believe that

558
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,399
Speaker 1: your husband is around and he can communicate with you,

559
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,800
Speaker 1: and if you find the right person, he can come

560
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:18,159
Speaker 1: through and say the things that you are going to

561
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 1: feel good to you to hear. It's very rare that

562
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,080
Speaker 1: you go to a psychic or a medium and you

563
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,480
Speaker 1: leave feeling worse.

564
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,160
Speaker 2: Or like no one's out there.

565
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:30,880
Speaker 1: It gives you a sense of, oh, this is all

566
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:34,280
Speaker 1: possible because they're talking to somebody, you know, whether their

567
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:37,800
Speaker 1: communication is flawless or not. It's like people don't get

568
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,240
Speaker 1: into that just to like dupe other people. It's not

569
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:42,000
Speaker 1: like you're walking down the street in New York City

570
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,159
Speaker 1: and going into like, you know, a five dollars place,

571
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:46,639
Speaker 1: Like if you really seek out a good medium and

572
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:49,040
Speaker 1: they have Yelp reviews, like you can go online and

573
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:51,680
Speaker 1: actually find somebody that has a lot of good reviews.

574
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,800
Speaker 1: But I think there's only benefits from that, people have

575
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,359
Speaker 1: always said to me, Oh, I don't want to hear

576
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:57,879
Speaker 1: anything bad. I don't want to hear that I'm going

577
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,480
Speaker 1: to get cancer. That's not what they do. They don't

578
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,680
Speaker 1: do that. They give you good, positive information and they

579
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:06,800
Speaker 1: relay information to you if they can, in fact speak

580
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,360
Speaker 1: to the people in your life that are no longer here.

581
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:13,040
Speaker 1: And I wholeheartedly believe in that. I've had amazing experiences

582
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:13,680
Speaker 1: with mediums.

583
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 5: That is so cool.

584
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:17,680
Speaker 6: I believe in that too, and I have had good

585
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:20,280
Speaker 6: experiences as well, but nothing too like life changing. But

586
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,400
Speaker 6: it was what you're saying that like, I left feeling

587
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:25,200
Speaker 6: like happy, and it felt like a nice connection. And

588
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 6: even just I you know, I always loved Long Island

589
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 6: medium and people would be like, that's, you know, not

590
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 6: real or whatever my feeling is. If it's even if

591
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,439
Speaker 6: it was not real, it does make those people feel

592
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 6: so good and that's really not a bad thing. But

593
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,360
Speaker 6: I do believe in it. And have you seen Life

594
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 6: after Death with Tyler Henry on Netflix?

595
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:45,119
Speaker 2: Yes?

596
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 5: I have. Oh my god, he is amazing.

597
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, we've had him on the podcast. He is I mean,

598
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 2: my god, Wow.

599
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:52,479
Speaker 5: Did he do a reading for you?

600
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 2: I think so? Yeah, he did a little reading for me.

601
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,359
Speaker 6: Yeah, so amazing. That's a really good show. But I

602
00:23:57,359 --> 00:23:59,400
Speaker 6: mean I think this person should try that. I don't

603
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:01,640
Speaker 6: especially if you're thinking should I do this?

604
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 5: Like why not?

605
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,120
Speaker 6: Like I do think you're right that if you look

606
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 6: and find a person that has like great reviews or

607
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 6: was like highly recommended, then that makes it worthwhile.

608
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, And also Laurel and Jackson, I would say, like

609
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:13,440
Speaker 3: read some of her books. We've had her on the

610
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:17,080
Speaker 3: podcast as well, and she also says, like when I

611
00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:20,240
Speaker 3: work with people, they can speak to their loved ones

612
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,159
Speaker 3: through me, but also like you can just talk to

613
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,639
Speaker 3: them like they're here. But I would say start with

614
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 3: a medium and then like upgrade to just have a

615
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:27,760
Speaker 3: conversation with them.

616
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,600
Speaker 1: Also because it shouldn't be prohibiting your life and like

617
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 1: you know, go into a wedding should be a joyous occasion.

618
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 1: Watching a father and daughter dance should be a joyous occasion.

619
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 1: And when it starts to interrupt the stuff that you

620
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:43,520
Speaker 1: should be joyful for others for, then you really need

621
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,480
Speaker 1: to do something about it, Like and you need to

622
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,959
Speaker 1: actually start thinking about your father. In addition to you know,

623
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,960
Speaker 1: contacting a medium and exploring that, you know, you should

624
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 1: really encourage your daughter to be thinking about her father

625
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,320
Speaker 1: as if he's walking with her, you know, just because

626
00:24:57,359 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 1: he's not physically here. It's it's very limit comitting to

627
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 1: only believe this is what exists.

628
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:05,320
Speaker 2: That's silly, I mean.

629
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 1: And when people say that, I just know that they're narrow,

630
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:10,480
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, because there's so much that

631
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,879
Speaker 1: we don't know. There's and there's so many different scientists,

632
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:18,399
Speaker 1: metaphysicists and mediums and people like that that all have

633
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 1: the same story that there are seven different realms of consciousness,

634
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:25,160
Speaker 1: that there are seven, you know, in this and that

635
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 1: are coexisting at the same time. There's people that are

636
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:30,240
Speaker 1: crossed over, have crossed over, there are people that are

637
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 1: in other dimensions. There's all these things kind of coexisting

638
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 1: at the same time. But we can only see what

639
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 1: we can see. So I always would encourage people to

640
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:38,880
Speaker 1: be more open minded.

641
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,960
Speaker 3: Well, our next question comes from Carly and she says,

642
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:46,159
Speaker 3: you're Chelsea. I've been having a sexual relationship with a

643
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,040
Speaker 3: coworker for about two months now.

644
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:48,440
Speaker 2: For you.

645
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,320
Speaker 3: I mentioned to him that I missed having a friends

646
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,919
Speaker 3: with benefit situation, and later that night he told me

647
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 3: he was interested in being that for me.

648
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,439
Speaker 5: Oh sh love it. Yeah, just getting it so far.

649
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 3: I was hesitant at first because he's a coworker, and

650
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:07,120
Speaker 3: he's also twenty three and I'm thirty. I know he's

651
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,400
Speaker 3: genuinely a good guy, so I decided to go for it.

652
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,600
Speaker 3: It turned out that the sex was amazing, probably the

653
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 3: best I've ever had, and I couldn't get enough. I

654
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:17,399
Speaker 3: started doing things that I would never allow myself to

655
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,800
Speaker 3: do with other men. I allowed him to spend nights

656
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 3: at my house, cuddle. He gives me compliments like saying

657
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,640
Speaker 3: I'm so perfect, so beautiful, etc. I have really thick

658
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:28,600
Speaker 3: walls up, but I let some of the walls down

659
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 3: for him. I don't usually allow myself to be vulnerable

660
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:33,600
Speaker 3: with men because I'm scared of rejection and getting hurt,

661
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,120
Speaker 3: and of course, because he treats me so well. I

662
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,400
Speaker 3: caught feelings and told him about it. He basically said

663
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:43,480
Speaker 3: he was not interested in continuing our relationships, so she said.

664
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,120
Speaker 3: Being rejected like that made me realize I'm growing out

665
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:48,280
Speaker 3: of my friends with benefits phase, and I think I'm

666
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 3: ready to look for something more mature. I've never been

667
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:53,399
Speaker 3: in a serious relationship before because I've never allowed that

668
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 3: for myself. I always self sabotage and overthink things. So

669
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:58,879
Speaker 3: what's your advice for me as I move into this

670
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:00,800
Speaker 3: different phase of my dating life? Carly?

671
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:05,680
Speaker 1: Hi, Carly, Hello, Hi, Hi Lauren our special guest today,

672
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,920
Speaker 1: Lauren Lapiz. First of all, good job, way to go,

673
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 1: because all of the things that you did, that's great.

674
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,359
Speaker 1: You went after what you said, what you wanted, you

675
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 1: got what you wanted, and then you had a nice

676
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 1: experience where you were sexually free.

677
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:21,440
Speaker 5: It sounds like, right, it sounded amazing.

678
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounded great.

679
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,840
Speaker 1: And then and then when you told him that you

680
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:27,280
Speaker 1: wanted a relationship, he said or that you were having

681
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:29,080
Speaker 1: stronger feelings, like, how did you frame it?

682
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:30,120
Speaker 2: Well?

683
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 4: He basically made me realize that I was kind of

684
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:36,680
Speaker 4: done with this phase of my life, and I thought

685
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,320
Speaker 4: I owed it to myself to tell him how I

686
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:42,600
Speaker 4: was feeling, and he nicely rejected me in a way

687
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:46,200
Speaker 4: like we're still fine, no hard feelings. I was having

688
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,959
Speaker 4: more anxiety over the fact that I was keeping this

689
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 4: kind of like a secret and I.

690
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:53,200
Speaker 3: Had to let it out.

691
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:56,520
Speaker 2: But yeah, I ended it.

692
00:27:55,520 --> 00:28:00,800
Speaker 1: So your question is how to move I mean, everything

693
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,840
Speaker 1: you said is awesome. Like that is female empowerment, you

694
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:05,720
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like, so just don't let that

695
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:09,000
Speaker 1: skate by, Like you had feelings. You told him how

696
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:13,120
Speaker 1: you felt. You're a big girl. He didn't reciprocate, that's all, okay,

697
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:15,040
Speaker 1: but you still you know what I mean, Like you

698
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,720
Speaker 1: did all of the things that you should that a

699
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 1: woman who is empowered would do.

700
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:21,199
Speaker 2: So, first of all, kudos to you for that.

701
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 1: Don't negate that, or because because it didn't work out

702
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:28,000
Speaker 1: in a situation like that you wanted, don't negate all

703
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 1: the positives that have come out of it.

704
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:32,119
Speaker 6: And also the positives of like being really vulnerable with

705
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:35,080
Speaker 6: him and allowing him to compliment you and the things

706
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 6: that you usually wouldn't really let happen. Like, I feel

707
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:41,040
Speaker 6: like that's also a huge sign of growth to let

708
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 6: yourself let something else in. I mean, I feel it

709
00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:48,240
Speaker 6: feels like your next person that will be you know,

710
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:50,520
Speaker 6: you'll be more primed for that from this experience.

711
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:52,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, I like that.

712
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,920
Speaker 1: Well absolutely, because you know, he gave you a gift,

713
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:57,720
Speaker 1: Like your gift is now that you want to now

714
00:28:57,760 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 1: you know, you want to be in a more serious

715
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:03,240
Speaker 1: relationship and possibly look for a partner and that's a gift. Also,

716
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 1: like everything is good that happened. So first of all,

717
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 1: frame it in your mind in a different way, or

718
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:10,479
Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe you were already framing it as

719
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 1: a positive thing, but I just want to remind you

720
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:15,520
Speaker 1: about the positive aspect of all of those things. And

721
00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:18,280
Speaker 1: then as you're moving forward, I guess what is your question?

722
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 1: How do you move forward looking for someone more permanent?

723
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 4: I honestly don't even know how to date seriously. I've

724
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 4: always just slept around because I'm just so scared of

725
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 4: getting hurt and I'm so scared of rejection, and I

726
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 4: just have very I have a lot of anxiety around dating.

727
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:40,920
Speaker 4: And I guess my question is to how do I date?

728
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:44,240
Speaker 4: I guess I don't know. I guess I just honestly

729
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 4: need to be more honest with myself and what I want.

730
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:50,959
Speaker 4: But that is my question, how do I learn how

731
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:53,640
Speaker 4: to date seriously without, like, you know, kind of I

732
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 4: guess putting sex to the side for a little while.

733
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,000
Speaker 6: I guess, I mean, it sounded like it was a

734
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:02,040
Speaker 6: really natural PROGRESSI with this guy, even if it was

735
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,320
Speaker 6: not into a full relationship, but that like you got

736
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:07,320
Speaker 6: along really well and it was sort of a natural

737
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 6: thing to like hook up. I feel like that is dating,

738
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:12,720
Speaker 6: like when you don't when it's not like through an

739
00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:14,200
Speaker 6: app and you're meeting someone and going out to dinner

740
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 6: or whatever. Like you meet people in your life and

741
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 6: you have chemistry and then you can try to take

742
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 6: it to the next place. But also the people in

743
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 6: your life that you know can often become people that

744
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 6: are really, you know, right for you. You might not

745
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 6: know them yet.

746
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I also want to say, like, Okay, so

747
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,280
Speaker 1: you think about dating, right, you're going on a date

748
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 1: with somebody, say you go on a date with him,

749
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 1: the anxiety around all of that, let's talk about that.

750
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:41,960
Speaker 1: So say the date goes well, great, then you go

751
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:43,880
Speaker 1: on another date with them and say that date doesn't

752
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:46,800
Speaker 1: go well, okay, so then that's over. That's the worst

753
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 1: thing that you know what I mean, Like that's the

754
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 1: end result, like the worst possible outcome for you, not

755
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 1: the worst possible outcome, but the outcome that you wouldn't

756
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:57,440
Speaker 1: welcome is to not find someone right. But it's a

757
00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:59,680
Speaker 1: trial and error process. So like say you go out

758
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 1: on date somebody and it's not a great match. You

759
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 1: don't have a lot of chemistry or you like him

760
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:07,640
Speaker 1: and he doesn't like you, So what that's the worst

761
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 1: thing that's gonna happen on that.

762
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 2: Date, do you know what I mean?

763
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 6: Yeah, And it helps to like get if, like for

764
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 6: my friends who have newly single and getting back out

765
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 6: there and stuff and having that sort of same experience

766
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:18,800
Speaker 6: of like, okay, I have to like date. I do

767
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:20,520
Speaker 6: know that like my friends who have gone through that,

768
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,240
Speaker 6: going on more dates is helpful because you're like the

769
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 6: stakes are lower where you're just like, oh, I'm just

770
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:27,800
Speaker 6: gonna meet this person and see if maybe they're cool,

771
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:29,720
Speaker 6: and if they're not cool, then we don't even have

772
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:31,640
Speaker 6: to stay. Like you don't have to like have a meal,

773
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:32,880
Speaker 6: you don't have to like do all that. You can

774
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:35,080
Speaker 6: make it a drink and then leave after one drink,

775
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:36,960
Speaker 6: like if they suck. It doesn't have to be like

776
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,280
Speaker 6: a huge investment of like your time and your personality

777
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 6: and like getting a lot up. And another tip I

778
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:44,680
Speaker 6: liked that my friend did was she got herself like

779
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 6: a few date outfits that she just felt really amazing

780
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 6: in and she just wears them for every date. Like

781
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:50,600
Speaker 6: it doesn't have to be like you have a new

782
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:52,760
Speaker 6: cute look every time. It's like, I love this dress

783
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:53,920
Speaker 6: on me. I'm just gonna wear this every time I

784
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 6: go on a first date or whatever, And it kind

785
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:57,040
Speaker 6: of takes away one step of like.

786
00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:58,440
Speaker 5: What am I gonna wear? How am I gonna look?

787
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 5: What am I gonna do? And you can just like

788
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 5: feel confident. So I do like that tip.

789
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:06,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, and also having the intention, the intention of wanting

790
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 1: to pursue a more regular relationship. You're already putting it

791
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:13,600
Speaker 1: out there, you called into this podcast. You're actually energetically

792
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,440
Speaker 1: moving yourself towards that goal just by talking about it,

793
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,800
Speaker 1: and so then it's going to become a reality. It's

794
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,080
Speaker 1: like a trial and error, Like it's a good exercise

795
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 1: and good practice to go on dates with several men anyway,

796
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:25,880
Speaker 1: Like what's the worst thing that can happen there?

797
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:27,280
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't want to say.

798
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 1: What's the worst thing, because you know, weird things can happen,

799
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 1: but I mean in terms of your self esteem and

800
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:34,760
Speaker 1: rejection and then the issues that are surrounding what you're

801
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,640
Speaker 1: talking about. I really think it's actually a good exercise

802
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:39,920
Speaker 1: for you to actually go on dates with people that

803
00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 1: aren't going to end with you having sex. Just get

804
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 1: into the habit of doing that, and then you're creating

805
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:48,800
Speaker 1: a new habit and if someone doesn't like you, great.

806
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:51,720
Speaker 1: There's eight billion people on this planet now, I think,

807
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 1: is that.

808
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:52,920
Speaker 2: The number we're dealing with.

809
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:57,160
Speaker 1: That's eight billion, So you know, some of those people

810
00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,480
Speaker 1: you're run into, but a lot of them you will

811
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 1: run into.

812
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:00,440
Speaker 3: You know.

813
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 1: So I just want you to think about it in

814
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:06,000
Speaker 1: a different way, like this is exciting. Yeah, you had

815
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:09,120
Speaker 1: this interaction and guess what this interaction with this colleague

816
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 1: spurred the interest in you to actually look for something

817
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 1: more permanent and like kind of a partner. This is

818
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:18,360
Speaker 1: an exciting development as well. So everything moved towards like

819
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 1: with the attitude of opportunity and experience, and don't worry

820
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 1: about being rejected. Listen, the more rejections our lives are

821
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 1: based in rejection. If you are a celebrity, you have

822
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:31,960
Speaker 1: been rejected multiple multiple, multiple times.

823
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 2: Lauren. You can have project to this every day. It

824
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 2: is a new rejection every day.

825
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 5: Someone doesn't like you.

826
00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:42,440
Speaker 2: Levels of sucking and guess what it makes you?

827
00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:45,080
Speaker 6: It makes it matter a lot less though it like

828
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:47,600
Speaker 6: it makes you you have like thicker skin, but you

829
00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 6: just care less, Like I just get less invested in

830
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:53,400
Speaker 6: the thing I have my high hopes about, like, which

831
00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:55,320
Speaker 6: might sound depressing, but I actually think it's good. Like

832
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:58,680
Speaker 6: you're not sobbing every time something doesn't work out. I'm like, oh, okay,

833
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:01,240
Speaker 6: I kind of assumed that was going to happen because

834
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,600
Speaker 6: that happens all the time. It just takes it off

835
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:06,080
Speaker 6: your you know, shoulders as being like, this has to

836
00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 6: be the perfect thing. It's going You're going to have

837
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 6: a bunch of dates where you don't even like that person, like,

838
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 6: and you get to be the one who says that

839
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,359
Speaker 6: I don't want to go out again, Like yeah, you,

840
00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:17,839
Speaker 6: it's on you too, you know, which is great.

841
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 5: It's a great power.

842
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:20,880
Speaker 3: Well, and you also just went through this thing that

843
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,359
Speaker 3: had sort of a negative outcome and like, look how

844
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:25,799
Speaker 3: amazingly you handled it. You were like, oh, maybe I'm

845
00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:28,280
Speaker 3: growing beyond this and wanted to be different.

846
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:29,560
Speaker 2: That's awesome, right.

847
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:31,359
Speaker 1: And Also the other thing I want to say about

848
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:32,920
Speaker 1: rejection is it does builds character.

849
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:34,720
Speaker 2: It builds strength, and it builds character.

850
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:37,479
Speaker 1: So I always any rejection I get, I'm like, great,

851
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:38,640
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for that.

852
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 5: Note.

853
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:41,799
Speaker 2: I'm going to be even greater at being myself, you know.

854
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:43,520
Speaker 1: And also one other thing I want to say is

855
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:45,879
Speaker 1: when you go on these dates, don't go in there

856
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:47,719
Speaker 1: trying to get them to like.

857
00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:50,040
Speaker 2: You go in there and see if you like them.

858
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:52,719
Speaker 4: I always like I put too much pressure on it,

859
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 4: and I kind of like drive myself nuts, right, yeah,

860
00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:59,200
Speaker 4: look of being like, oh, maybe this is the guy,

861
00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:01,960
Speaker 4: maybe this is the and I like I create this

862
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:04,680
Speaker 4: like false hope in my head and I just always

863
00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 4: set myself up for failure.

864
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:09,839
Speaker 6: So yeah, I feel like the apps do that too,

865
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:13,040
Speaker 6: because like when you're talking to someone without meeting them,

866
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 6: you kind of can start creating what they're like, and

867
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 6: then you meet them and they're not like that, and

868
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:20,960
Speaker 6: then that's disappointing or something. It's a tough thing to

869
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:22,960
Speaker 6: deal with where we're sort of like interacting on in

870
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,239
Speaker 6: this way that feels like so disconnected, and then you're

871
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:27,279
Speaker 6: kind of looking at a picture that they've decided is

872
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:28,319
Speaker 6: like what they're like, you.

873
00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:28,759
Speaker 5: Know what I mean.

874
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,600
Speaker 6: It's a lot of it's a lot of expectation that

875
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:33,120
Speaker 6: everyone's putting into it. But I think as much as

876
00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:34,759
Speaker 6: you can take that with a grain of salt, when

877
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:37,239
Speaker 6: you're meeting somebody and just try to just not even

878
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 6: think too hard about what they're going to be like

879
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:41,680
Speaker 6: before you go out. Don't build them up at all,

880
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 6: because nobody can live up to like whatever thing you

881
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:46,320
Speaker 6: made up. Even if they're amazing, it's like you already

882
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:48,319
Speaker 6: went in a different direction with it, and then they're

883
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:49,399
Speaker 6: weird to you or something.

884
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 5: I don't know. I think that happens.

885
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 6: But again, I have not been on an app in ever,

886
00:35:53,239 --> 00:35:56,959
Speaker 6: and I've only been married my whole life so multiple times.

887
00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 1: But you've been married eight times. That's why she's here

888
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:03,480
Speaker 1: give advice. Does any of that help you?

889
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 2: Yeah? It does, thank you great?

890
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:09,880
Speaker 1: Okay, well, yeah, and just remember the more dates the better. Like,

891
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:12,719
Speaker 1: have a fun experience dating. It is a numbers game,

892
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:14,640
Speaker 1: and you're going to find a lot of people you like,

893
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:17,440
Speaker 1: probably probably more than one.

894
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 5: That's a fun problem to have. Yeah, I love it

895
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:20,600
Speaker 5: all right.

896
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:23,239
Speaker 3: Carly, get out there and keep us posted and let

897
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 3: us know what happens.

898
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 2: Good luck much, thank you bank Bye.

899
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:29,200
Speaker 5: Well.

900
00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 3: Our next question comes from Shanna. This one is just

901
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:33,320
Speaker 3: an email or my sister.

902
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:35,759
Speaker 2: I mean, let's hope, so she writes in too much.

903
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:39,920
Speaker 3: She says, Dear Chelsea, I've been married to my wonderful

904
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:42,680
Speaker 3: husband for fourteen years. He's an excellent dad and a

905
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:45,400
Speaker 3: great husband, and I don't want anyone else. Here is

906
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:49,000
Speaker 3: our problem. We have vastly different sex drives. We have

907
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:52,960
Speaker 3: two children, ages six and thirteen. Our first child was

908
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:56,040
Speaker 3: born about a year into our relationship, and I realized

909
00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:59,160
Speaker 3: about three years into our relationship that I'm gray asexual,

910
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:01,439
Speaker 3: meaning I really don't have that much of a sex

911
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:03,480
Speaker 3: drive at all, but it can come and go a bit.

912
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:06,200
Speaker 3: My husband, on the other hand, has a normal sex

913
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 3: drive for a forty year old man and would like

914
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 3: to have sex a couple times a week, which doesn't

915
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:13,080
Speaker 3: seem unreasonable, but honestly, if I had sex as much

916
00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:14,799
Speaker 3: as I needed to, it would be a few times

917
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:18,279
Speaker 3: a year. Specifically, in order to want sex, I need

918
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:21,360
Speaker 3: the kids to basically be gone. It's very difficult for

919
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:23,279
Speaker 3: me to be relaxed enough to want to have sex

920
00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:24,920
Speaker 3: when I know that the kids could be knocking on

921
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:27,279
Speaker 3: the door at any second, especially since my daughter has

922
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:29,920
Speaker 3: panic attacks. We don't have the money for a babysitter

923
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:32,360
Speaker 3: and can only send them to their grandparents every so often.

924
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 3: I know this sounds bad, but how do I go

925
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:37,280
Speaker 3: about having enough sex with him to keep him satisfied

926
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:39,560
Speaker 3: without feeling like I'm having way more sex than I

927
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 3: want to to keep him happy. I don't want him

928
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:44,680
Speaker 3: to be unhappy in our relationship, and he isn't interested

929
00:37:44,719 --> 00:37:47,160
Speaker 3: in a hall pass he wants me. I wish I

930
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 3: didn't have to feel guilty all the time. He's very patient,

931
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:51,319
Speaker 3: but I can't help but feel bad that he's not

932
00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:52,560
Speaker 3: getting his needs met.

933
00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 1: SHAWNA Oh, I would say a exploit that grandparents relationship

934
00:37:58,080 --> 00:37:59,919
Speaker 1: as much as you can, Like I know you said

935
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,719
Speaker 1: she said in the letter that you can't go they

936
00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:04,480
Speaker 1: can't go there all the time, But is there any

937
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,560
Speaker 1: way they could go there a little bit more frequently,

938
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:09,440
Speaker 1: because then that becomes your date night and that becomes

939
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:12,640
Speaker 1: your thing. And I'm sure you know if you can

940
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 1: arrange that, I think that would be a really healthy

941
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:18,759
Speaker 1: addition to your like schedule and your sex schedule with

942
00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:21,759
Speaker 1: your husband. It's really sweet that you care so much

943
00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:24,920
Speaker 1: about satisfying his needs. But also, you know, the kids

944
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,080
Speaker 1: go to bed at a certain time, So if you

945
00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:29,959
Speaker 1: pick out a night of the week, like okay, Saturday nights,

946
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:32,239
Speaker 1: we're every Saturday, we're gonna do you know, we're gonna

947
00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:33,800
Speaker 1: make sure the kids are in bed by this time,

948
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 1: or even if it's a Tuesday, it doesn't matter. But

949
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:40,360
Speaker 1: if you create a regular consistency, then it doesn't feel

950
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:43,000
Speaker 1: like I understand that that can can create its own pressure,

951
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 1: but you're a willing participant. You're saying that you want

952
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:48,680
Speaker 1: to actually like meet your husband's needs, and you don't

953
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:51,280
Speaker 1: have to meet all of his needs or everyone's needs

954
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:53,840
Speaker 1: at all, but if you want to make the effort,

955
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 1: those are two simple ways to make an effort, you know,

956
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:57,840
Speaker 1: because the girls, I mean your six year old and

957
00:38:57,880 --> 00:38:59,840
Speaker 1: your thirteen year old obviously are going to go to

958
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:02,480
Speaker 1: going to be asleep by hopefully like eleven o'clock, right,

959
00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 1: I mean, there's a night where you can stay up

960
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:05,759
Speaker 1: and say and then it kind of makes it more

961
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 1: adventurous and more fun. We have to wait for the

962
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:10,560
Speaker 1: kids to go to sleep and or have them go

963
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:13,320
Speaker 1: to a sleepover at their friend's house. Anytime they have

964
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:15,880
Speaker 1: a sleepover, you can you know, flirt with him and

965
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:17,960
Speaker 1: be like, this is our night, this is our night,

966
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:21,560
Speaker 1: you know, like make it more of an event instead

967
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:22,320
Speaker 1: of a schedule.

968
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, and if they're ever at school and then you're

969
00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:26,239
Speaker 5: ever at home.

970
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:28,000
Speaker 6: I don't know how your schedule's like, but that's a

971
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 6: time of day when it's also possible.

972
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:32,120
Speaker 2: Or send your kids to night school. You can send

973
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:33,080
Speaker 2: them to school night.

974
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:34,759
Speaker 1: Yeah.

975
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:36,560
Speaker 6: I thought it was really nice that she even said

976
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:38,239
Speaker 6: he's not interested in a hall pass, because it means

977
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:39,840
Speaker 6: she offered that, which is very generous.

978
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 5: Not everyone would want to do that.

979
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:43,600
Speaker 6: You obviously care about him a lot, and it's I'm

980
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:47,479
Speaker 6: curious what he thinks about it, because she didn't mention

981
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:50,800
Speaker 6: him being particularly unsatisfied. It was more that he wishes

982
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:52,080
Speaker 6: it was more, you know what I mean, which is

983
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:54,360
Speaker 6: kind of a different thing. It doesn't seem like it's

984
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:56,680
Speaker 6: a maybe a problem for him, but something that he's like,

985
00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:58,399
Speaker 6: it'd be cool if we did that more.

986
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:01,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, and also like these feelings of this, like this

987
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:04,160
Speaker 1: kind of anxious and you said her she said her

988
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:08,040
Speaker 1: daughter has panic attacks. Like all of those anxious feelings

989
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:10,440
Speaker 1: around the sex, It's like it helps to kind of

990
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:14,359
Speaker 1: separate all of that from sex, Like you're making them

991
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:16,720
Speaker 1: more related than they need to be to the sex.

992
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:18,399
Speaker 2: You can have sex with your.

993
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:21,279
Speaker 1: Husband without your daughter knocking on your door because she's

994
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:24,759
Speaker 1: having a panic attack, Like that's an exception, not the rule.

995
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:27,640
Speaker 1: So I would just kind of flip your way of

996
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:30,200
Speaker 1: thinking about it, like, oh, think of ways to make

997
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:32,799
Speaker 1: this more exciting, not only for your husband, for you

998
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:34,439
Speaker 1: you want to get. You know, you're the one who's

999
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 1: in a gray kind of asexual area, which is totally fine. Listen,

1000
00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:39,759
Speaker 1: we all have different kind of sexual appetites, and we

1001
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:41,160
Speaker 1: also go through different phases.

1002
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:42,680
Speaker 2: You never know what's around the corner.

1003
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:44,480
Speaker 1: You could become a huge horn dog when you go

1004
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:48,880
Speaker 1: through menopausal, you know, or postmenopausal or perimenopausa, who knows.

1005
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 1: But I would definitely just try to not just but

1006
00:40:52,680 --> 00:40:54,160
Speaker 1: one of the things I would do is try to

1007
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 1: reframe how you're looking at the sex and make it

1008
00:40:56,680 --> 00:40:59,880
Speaker 1: more of a fun activity and even a fun activity

1009
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 1: you're initiating.

1010
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:05,160
Speaker 6: I think that's great because it also helps to take

1011
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:07,280
Speaker 6: the pressure off of the actual sex when it's happening.

1012
00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:08,919
Speaker 6: Because if you're thinking, like, oh my god, she's gonna

1013
00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:10,359
Speaker 6: have a panic attack while this is happening, like, you're

1014
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 6: not gonna be able to enjoy yourself, So working to

1015
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:16,160
Speaker 6: like separate that before it's even happening is probably smart.

1016
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:16,520
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1017
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:20,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, And also, like I was reading this, thing recently

1018
00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:20,760
Speaker 1: about sex.

1019
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:21,920
Speaker 2: You know how we always, like.

1020
00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:24,200
Speaker 1: I know this is true for me when I was young,

1021
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:26,600
Speaker 1: like always wanted to like a conquest. I always wanted

1022
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 1: to like if I didn't have sex with a guy,

1023
00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 1: it didn't mean, you know, like I didn't like I

1024
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:36,160
Speaker 1: had this very male look out outlook towards it. And

1025
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 1: I also we all kind of think about sex as

1026
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:44,640
Speaker 1: something that you know, you have to climax and that's

1027
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:46,120
Speaker 1: the completion of the act.

1028
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:47,840
Speaker 2: And it's like sex is a lot more than that.

1029
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:51,200
Speaker 1: It's about being affectionate, and it's about having intimacy, and

1030
00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:54,760
Speaker 1: it's about you know, rolling around with someone in bed

1031
00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:58,000
Speaker 1: and flirting and having fun with your partner. And it

1032
00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:00,920
Speaker 1: doesn't always have to lead to an orgasm, you know

1033
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:03,520
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like you're pleasuring each other, you're doing

1034
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:06,239
Speaker 1: whatever you're doing. If you're having oral sex, you know,

1035
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:08,120
Speaker 1: it doesn't always have to lead like that.

1036
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:09,920
Speaker 2: It's it's about the togetherness.

1037
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 1: And I think if you make an effort in that

1038
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:15,360
Speaker 1: direction to move closer to your husband in an intimate way,

1039
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:18,279
Speaker 1: you'll also feel the effect that will feel like the

1040
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:21,200
Speaker 1: effects of actually having sex more. Yeah.

1041
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:23,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, And to that end, you know you might not

1042
00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 3: feel like you want him in your space or touching

1043
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,920
Speaker 3: you as much twice a week once a week, but

1044
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:32,560
Speaker 3: you know, doing something like oral sex, like being able

1045
00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:34,839
Speaker 3: to satisfy him in a way that like you don't

1046
00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 3: necessarily need to be touched, might be something that works

1047
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:39,160
Speaker 3: for you. So maybe experiment with some of that.

1048
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:42,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, and just let your husband know since you care

1049
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 1: so much about, you know, pleasing him, like, let him

1050
00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:46,960
Speaker 1: know that these are all things you're working.

1051
00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:48,480
Speaker 2: On and that you want to be closer.

1052
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:48,759
Speaker 4: You know.

1053
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:51,960
Speaker 1: I like the flirting aspect because that's so easy to do,

1054
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 1: to be flirting with your husband, you know, and to

1055
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:56,359
Speaker 1: make sure you're giving him an extra hug, giving him

1056
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:58,239
Speaker 1: an extra kiss, touching him you know, when you don't

1057
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:00,279
Speaker 1: need to. All of those things add up up and

1058
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:02,400
Speaker 1: they make people feel closer, So it's worthwhile.

1059
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:05,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, Yeah, I think that I do that sometimes where

1060
00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:08,680
Speaker 6: I don't. I'll think about something and then not follow

1061
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:10,160
Speaker 6: through on it or not say it out loud, and

1062
00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:12,040
Speaker 6: then I'll act in my mind as if it happened,

1063
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:13,520
Speaker 6: do you know, Like it's like I'm thinking so much

1064
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:15,279
Speaker 6: about this thing that I'm like, oh, obviously he knows

1065
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:17,239
Speaker 6: what I'm thinking about and that's not true.

1066
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:18,200
Speaker 5: People can't read your mind.

1067
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:20,399
Speaker 6: So that's also that's great advice because I do think

1068
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 6: saying making a point to do the actions more, but

1069
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:25,439
Speaker 6: also saying out loud like this matters to me so much,

1070
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:26,920
Speaker 6: Like I just want you to know I really care

1071
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 6: about this, like so that it's not just something that lives.

1072
00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:30,279
Speaker 5: In your head. Yeah.

1073
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:32,560
Speaker 2: And oh, one more thing I want to say about this.

1074
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:36,560
Speaker 1: When you have a negative reaction to sex or the

1075
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:39,680
Speaker 1: thought of sex, that goes a long way as well.

1076
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:41,880
Speaker 2: Your thoughts are important. They do matter.

1077
00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:45,960
Speaker 1: So when you start thinking about it, it's almost like

1078
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:48,440
Speaker 1: you have to trick yourself into being like, ooh, this

1079
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:50,560
Speaker 1: is gonna be fun I'm going to do you know, like,

1080
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:52,319
Speaker 1: not like oh fuck, I gotta do.

1081
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:53,480
Speaker 2: This again, you know.

1082
00:43:53,719 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 1: Like, so just start thinking about ways to make it

1083
00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:58,440
Speaker 1: more playful, ways to make it more fun, and you

1084
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:00,600
Speaker 1: will change your attitude about it.

1085
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:01,320
Speaker 2: That's a fact.

1086
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:04,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, there is one thing else I want to say

1087
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 3: about the panic attacks, because say your daughter does wake

1088
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:08,319
Speaker 3: up in the middle of the night and you guys

1089
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 3: are getting frisky or whatever, and you can't get the

1090
00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:12,160
Speaker 3: kids out of the house, but you do want to

1091
00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:16,600
Speaker 3: get together. If your daughter knocks on your door, really,

1092
00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:19,440
Speaker 3: like the time between having sex and being able to

1093
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:21,160
Speaker 3: address that is like you just have to put on

1094
00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:24,000
Speaker 3: a house coat. So true, like you know how to

1095
00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:26,520
Speaker 3: handle it. You can be there in like two extra

1096
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:28,480
Speaker 3: seconds and it'll be okay.

1097
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:30,040
Speaker 2: Exactly, it will be okay.

1098
00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:33,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, album solved. Probably problem solved. Oh, I

1099
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:36,200
Speaker 1: can't believe my sister's writing in about this stuff. I mean, honestly,

1100
00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:37,399
Speaker 1: I'm going to bring this.

1101
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:40,600
Speaker 2: Up at Thanksgiving in front of the whole family. Absolutely.

1102
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:43,160
Speaker 1: That's when they caught me masturbating in front of my family,

1103
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:45,279
Speaker 1: And my whole family caught me masturbating on Thanksgiving, so

1104
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:46,320
Speaker 1: it's a full circle moment.

1105
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:50,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, so, Jen asks, Dear Chelsea, My partner and I

1106
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:53,600
Speaker 3: have been together over ten years. We met in college

1107
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:55,640
Speaker 3: and have worked really hard on our relationship and have

1108
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:58,920
Speaker 3: created a really healthy partnership. We're headed into our thirties

1109
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 3: this year, and for the first time kind of feels

1110
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 3: like we are actually, in fact adults. We live in

1111
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 3: a growing city and both of us are working hard

1112
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,840
Speaker 3: on our careers, though I'm definitely the more career driven

1113
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:11,240
Speaker 3: of the two of us. In the past two years,

1114
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:13,360
Speaker 3: my partner has casually brought up that he wants at

1115
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 3: least one child. This is a bit unsettling to me

1116
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:19,560
Speaker 3: because I've said from day one, before we ever started dating,

1117
00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:23,200
Speaker 3: that I have no interest in having children. I've felt

1118
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 3: this way my entire life, and until recently, he always

1119
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:28,440
Speaker 3: seemed to be on the same page. He's always agreed

1120
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:30,760
Speaker 3: when I've said I'm never having children, and has always

1121
00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 3: expressed disinterest in them as well. This puts me in

1122
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:36,200
Speaker 3: an extremely difficult position because it's not like I hate

1123
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:38,359
Speaker 3: my boyfriend and can tell him to fuck off. I

1124
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 3: am very much in love with him and respect him,

1125
00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:42,919
Speaker 3: and now feel like if we don't bring a child

1126
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:45,239
Speaker 3: into this relationship, one way or another, I may be

1127
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:48,560
Speaker 3: holding him back from fulfilling a bigger purpose that no

1128
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:50,839
Speaker 3: matter how many times I try to visualize my life

1129
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:53,400
Speaker 3: with a child in it, it still doesn't sound like

1130
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:56,279
Speaker 3: something I want for myself. I'm perfectly fulfilled by my

1131
00:45:56,360 --> 00:45:59,400
Speaker 3: relationship with him, my close friends, and my career. I

1132
00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:01,720
Speaker 3: need some serious perspective on this, jen.

1133
00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:04,280
Speaker 2: Ooh, what do you think, Lauren?

1134
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:06,200
Speaker 5: Oh my god, it's so intense.

1135
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 6: I mean, I do think it sounds like she really

1136
00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:13,279
Speaker 6: knows that she doesn't want kids, and that is such

1137
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:16,120
Speaker 6: a huge thing to change your mind on, and you

1138
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:17,799
Speaker 6: can't really be convinced by someone else.

1139
00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:19,600
Speaker 5: I don't think. I mean, I'm sure it's happened, but

1140
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 5: I feel like, how long have been together?

1141
00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:23,480
Speaker 3: Ten years?

1142
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:25,160
Speaker 2: Oh god, yeah, I know.

1143
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:27,960
Speaker 6: That's so hard. She loves them so much. That is

1144
00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:30,160
Speaker 6: really hard. I don't know, Chelsea, do have ideas you

1145
00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:31,520
Speaker 6: don't have kids? And I feel like maybe you know

1146
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:33,600
Speaker 6: about like the feeling of like knowing that you.

1147
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:36,160
Speaker 2: Know, yeah, I do, I do. I wouldn't.

1148
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:39,399
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have a kid because you know, even if

1149
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:41,719
Speaker 1: I I mean, I can't speak to her being in

1150
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:44,480
Speaker 1: a ten year relationship because I haven't been, and neither

1151
00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:47,440
Speaker 1: can Lauren because she's been divorced like sixteen times. But

1152
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:51,000
Speaker 1: I would say that no child deserves to be born

1153
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:55,320
Speaker 1: because because someone else wants one, and you're just agreeing,

1154
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:57,920
Speaker 1: like you have to be one hundred and fifty percent into.

1155
00:46:57,680 --> 00:46:59,320
Speaker 2: Having a baby if you're going to have a baby.

1156
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:02,880
Speaker 1: Anything less than that is unacceptable in terms of, you know,

1157
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:06,520
Speaker 1: children having to deal with their parents, resentment, guilt and

1158
00:47:06,560 --> 00:47:08,520
Speaker 1: all that other stuff. The world is hard enough, so

1159
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:11,520
Speaker 1: it's not fair to just do that for someone else,

1160
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:14,120
Speaker 1: because you're not really doing that person. You're doing that

1161
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:17,560
Speaker 1: person a solid initially, and what ends up happening is

1162
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:20,600
Speaker 1: your resentment, a child's resentment, all of that stuff. So

1163
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:22,279
Speaker 1: you can't have a baby unless you want to have

1164
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:25,280
Speaker 1: a baby, and a ten year relationship is really difficult.

1165
00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:27,839
Speaker 1: But I think you know, if this isn't negotiable, which

1166
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:32,120
Speaker 1: it doesn't sound like it is, then I think your

1167
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:35,839
Speaker 1: partner is going to be unfulfilled and he's also going

1168
00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 1: to be resentful. And I think you have to be

1169
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:40,799
Speaker 1: a person to just say, listen, I'm not willing to

1170
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:41,160
Speaker 1: do this.

1171
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:43,839
Speaker 2: I don't want to stop you from doing this. I

1172
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:44,319
Speaker 2: love you.

1173
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:48,319
Speaker 1: I want this relationship to continue, obviously, but I if

1174
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:50,680
Speaker 1: I'm going to prohibit you from fulfilling one of your dreams,

1175
00:47:50,800 --> 00:47:52,680
Speaker 1: I love you too much to do something like that.

1176
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:54,880
Speaker 1: You know I'm not going to do that. I'm not

1177
00:47:54,920 --> 00:47:57,040
Speaker 1: going to prevent you. And I know you want to

1178
00:47:57,080 --> 00:47:59,600
Speaker 1: go find someone, so like you have to deal with

1179
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:02,640
Speaker 1: that very difficult decision to make, but I think it's

1180
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:03,600
Speaker 1: the right thing to do.

1181
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:07,280
Speaker 6: I know it sounds so hard to end a relationship

1182
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:11,160
Speaker 6: that you're happy in. Yeah, you know that just for

1183
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:13,840
Speaker 6: any reason, and then that but that reason would build

1184
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:17,239
Speaker 6: resentment over time. And I think also what's kind of

1185
00:48:17,239 --> 00:48:19,200
Speaker 6: interesting it depends on I don't know what it depends on,

1186
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,920
Speaker 6: but thinking about the length of time or relationship can

1187
00:48:21,920 --> 00:48:25,399
Speaker 6: make you think like, well, I can never have this again,

1188
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:28,239
Speaker 6: or I can never start over, or how would I ever?

1189
00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:31,440
Speaker 6: You know, being in ten years, you're like, then we're

1190
00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:34,680
Speaker 6: supposed to be together forever. That that's not true of everything,

1191
00:48:34,800 --> 00:48:37,880
Speaker 6: and you can be really happy and find the person

1192
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:41,359
Speaker 6: that is totally perfect for you. And so I mean

1193
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:44,279
Speaker 6: it's really hard though, because we're talking about someone who's

1194
00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:46,279
Speaker 6: in love with somebody. So I mean, I don't even

1195
00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:48,880
Speaker 6: know how you can. That just sounds so hard to

1196
00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:51,520
Speaker 6: have to end something. But it also I think Chelsea's

1197
00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 6: right that, like when you're saying the resentment that would

1198
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:54,160
Speaker 6: build from that.

1199
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:56,800
Speaker 1: When you really love someone, you want them to fulfill

1200
00:48:56,880 --> 00:49:00,560
Speaker 1: their dreams, you know. And I think when you say that, actually,

1201
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:04,359
Speaker 1: like you act in such an honorable way, because it

1202
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:07,919
Speaker 1: is painful to end such a long relationship, But when

1203
00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 1: you act in honor of someone and honor and that

1204
00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:14,399
Speaker 1: relationship by saying I don't want to hold you back

1205
00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:16,080
Speaker 1: in any way, and this just isn't for me.

1206
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:18,319
Speaker 2: I honestly think like you.

1207
00:49:18,239 --> 00:49:21,160
Speaker 1: Get rewarded in life, like when you really treat something

1208
00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:23,759
Speaker 1: with dignity and respect, then that's what comes back at you.

1209
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:27,440
Speaker 1: And that's not going to help you through a painful breakup,

1210
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:29,840
Speaker 1: but it is kind of if you look at the

1211
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:32,799
Speaker 1: big picture of life, it would be the right thing

1212
00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:33,080
Speaker 1: to do.

1213
00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:36,400
Speaker 3: And I think part of this conversation too, is finding

1214
00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 3: out from him.

1215
00:49:37,239 --> 00:49:38,240
Speaker 2: Is this a deal.

1216
00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:40,239
Speaker 3: Breaker for you?

1217
00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:43,840
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, right, absolutely, is it a deal breaker?

1218
00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:44,120
Speaker 1: Is it?

1219
00:49:44,200 --> 00:49:46,759
Speaker 2: I mean I read from that letter that it was not.

1220
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:51,759
Speaker 1: I would assume, but yeah, yeah, yeah. So here we

1221
00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:57,880
Speaker 1: are wrecking relationships. Relationship wrecker. That's my middle name, relationship wrecker.

1222
00:49:58,040 --> 00:49:59,640
Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, keep us post agen.

1223
00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 1: Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back

1224
00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:10,320
Speaker 1: and we're back to close it up with Lauren Lapkiz.

1225
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:13,080
Speaker 2: So, Lauren, what's the name of your podcast again?

1226
00:50:13,480 --> 00:50:15,320
Speaker 5: It's called Haunting. It's Haunting.

1227
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:18,000
Speaker 6: It comes out every Tuesday on iHeart or wherever you

1228
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:18,760
Speaker 6: get your podcasts.

1229
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:19,359
Speaker 5: It's very fun.

1230
00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:22,760
Speaker 1: Okay, So Haunting is her new podcast. Is Lauren's new podcast.

1231
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:25,680
Speaker 1: It comes out every Tuesday on iHeart like you're listening

1232
00:50:25,719 --> 00:50:29,359
Speaker 1: to right now, which is iHeart, and then another Happy Day.

1233
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:30,359
Speaker 5: It's out now.

1234
00:50:30,400 --> 00:50:33,880
Speaker 6: You can get it on Apple TV or Prime or

1235
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:36,399
Speaker 6: some other places, but it is available for your viewing

1236
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:37,120
Speaker 6: pleasure now.

1237
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:40,040
Speaker 2: Yes, I always love watching you in anything, Lauren.

1238
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:41,160
Speaker 5: Thank you so much.

1239
00:50:41,160 --> 00:50:44,080
Speaker 1: You're so unique and original and it's nice and refreshing

1240
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:45,280
Speaker 1: always to see your face.

1241
00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:46,319
Speaker 5: Thank you well.

1242
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:48,400
Speaker 6: I always, I always have a special place for you

1243
00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:50,239
Speaker 6: because you gave me my big break. That show was

1244
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:52,160
Speaker 6: like the biggest and most exciting thing ever. I had

1245
00:50:52,200 --> 00:50:55,280
Speaker 6: never been on a TV show before, so I love it.

1246
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:58,840
Speaker 2: Oh good, I'm so happy to hear that. Yeah, okay,

1247
00:50:58,840 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 2: how do you take care?

1248
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:03,080
Speaker 5: Thanks so much, thanks for having me. Bye.

1249
00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:06,520
Speaker 1: Okay, So upcoming shows that I have you, guys, I'm

1250
00:51:06,520 --> 00:51:09,080
Speaker 1: coming to Texas and then I will be in Las

1251
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:13,200
Speaker 1: Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel.

1252
00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:15,000
Speaker 2: I'm coming to Brooklyn, New.

1253
00:51:14,920 --> 00:51:19,160
Speaker 1: York at the King's Theater on November eighth, and I

1254
00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:22,400
Speaker 1: have tickets on sale throughout the end of the year

1255
00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:26,640
Speaker 1: in December, So if you're in a city like Philadelphia

1256
00:51:26,760 --> 00:51:30,440
Speaker 1: or Bethlehem or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha.

1257
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:32,719
Speaker 2: Check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.

1258
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:35,680
Speaker 3: Okay, if you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an

1259
00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:38,840
Speaker 3: email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and

1260
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:41,600
Speaker 3: be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is

1261
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:45,359
Speaker 3: edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law

1262
00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:47,959
Speaker 3: and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler

1263
00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:48,719
Speaker 3: dot com