WEBVTT - If You’re Asking The Question, You Have The Answer 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:03.000 Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just reading an article 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:05.280 about myself, Brandon, So you're just gonna have to start 0:00:05.280 --> 0:00:08.240 this podcast without me because I'm interested in what I 0:00:08.240 --> 0:00:10.600 have to say here. You're busy. Well, I guess we'll 0:00:10.600 --> 0:00:13.119 have to wait for a update on Cabo. Then. Oh, oh, 0:00:13.160 --> 0:00:15.360 never mind, let me get into that. Okay, let's not 0:00:15.400 --> 0:00:19.239 be silly Cabo. Can I just say that I don't 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:21.840 think of myself as a beach vacation goer in the 0:00:21.880 --> 0:00:23.319 way that I like to do it when I was 0:00:23.360 --> 0:00:25.760 in my twenties and didn't realize that skame cancer was 0:00:26.200 --> 0:00:29.920 just around the corner, so I think taking a beach 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:34.080 vacation it sounded so nice when someone brought up Cabo 0:00:34.159 --> 0:00:37.000 and I I don't love going to Cabo. I'll be honest. 0:00:37.080 --> 0:00:40.240 I mean, I love Mexican food, and I love Mexican people, 0:00:40.680 --> 0:00:45.680 and I love mango margarita's frozen. So I would say 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:48.880 that that that is the main impetus for me when 0:00:48.920 --> 0:00:52.080 I go to Mexico. I like the vision or the 0:00:52.200 --> 0:00:57.600 visual of seeing a mango margarita that is frozen, that's 0:00:57.680 --> 0:01:00.240 headed towards me, and that I know it is coming 0:01:00.240 --> 0:01:03.800 in my way, and especially when they choose the appropriate 0:01:03.800 --> 0:01:08.679 glass ware to put a frozen margarita. And well, no, 0:01:08.760 --> 0:01:11.560 not necessarily. It's the glass shape that I'm talking about. 0:01:11.560 --> 0:01:13.240 But it doesn't have to be thick. It has to 0:01:13.280 --> 0:01:16.959 be actually, prefer it thin. But I like a large 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:20.319 volume of it right because then it becomes an issue 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:22.960 you have to drink it before it gets slushy. See. 0:01:23.000 --> 0:01:24.360 And I like the thick class because I feel like 0:01:24.360 --> 0:01:27.520 it retains the cold better. I don't know if that's true. 0:01:27.840 --> 0:01:31.400 I think that it's not on that. Yeah, it's gonna 0:01:31.600 --> 0:01:34.600 end up like the research I did on on rice. Well, 0:01:34.680 --> 0:01:36.560 I haven't done research on rice yet, but I have 0:01:36.720 --> 0:01:40.199 done research on ice, which is that if you put 0:01:40.440 --> 0:01:42.880 a lot of ice in a drink, it maintains the 0:01:42.920 --> 0:01:46.160 integrity of the coldness of the drink. A lot of 0:01:46.200 --> 0:01:48.200 people think that if you put a lot of ice 0:01:48.240 --> 0:01:50.760 in a drink, it dilutes the drink. If you're in 0:01:50.800 --> 0:01:54.320 the fucking Bahamas, yes, But if you're in a place 0:01:54.360 --> 0:01:58.080 that can hold ice, the more ice, the colder your 0:01:58.120 --> 0:02:02.640 drink will remain. If you put two to three ice 0:02:02.680 --> 0:02:07.840 cubes in a vodka soda in Europe, I don't like that, 0:02:07.840 --> 0:02:10.600 that's when it's going to get diluted. Yes, But back 0:02:10.639 --> 0:02:12.959 to my trip Chicabo. I stayed at a resort that 0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:15.240 I hadn't stayed out before, which was recommended by my 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:17.520 travel agents. She said that I would like it. We 0:02:17.560 --> 0:02:19.919 went for three nights in two days, which is basically 0:02:19.960 --> 0:02:22.720 all I can take for a beach vacation. But I 0:02:22.760 --> 0:02:25.200 was so looking forward to just sitting on this chaise 0:02:26.040 --> 0:02:28.080 at a pool near a body of water. But I 0:02:28.120 --> 0:02:31.440 also had just gotten frac sled into my face around 0:02:31.440 --> 0:02:34.519 my eyes, so I looked like Batman when I left, 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:38.120 and I had to protect myself from the sun, which 0:02:38.240 --> 0:02:43.600 was an exhausting part of being there. Like yeah, but no, no, 0:02:43.639 --> 0:02:45.560 not a good practice because I'll never wear a hat 0:02:45.600 --> 0:02:48.200 like that again. But I had to wear a Safari 0:02:48.320 --> 0:02:50.880 hat that kind of like covered the back of my 0:02:50.960 --> 0:02:53.480 neck and then the sides of my faces, so I 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:56.800 was basically talking out of a hole. It was hot 0:02:56.960 --> 0:02:59.480 to be wearing like an traption like that. Jamie, my 0:02:59.560 --> 0:03:03.120 makeup bar artist who started a company called bly Lighter, 0:03:03.160 --> 0:03:05.120 which is the only product I use on my cheeks 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:07.920 for blush. Look it up. Blin Lighter by Jamie Greenberg 0:03:08.960 --> 0:03:11.080 She was trying to teach me how to dance in Cabo, 0:03:11.240 --> 0:03:14.800 and I don't I can't really dance, So she was 0:03:14.800 --> 0:03:16.560 trying to teach me how to dance. And then when 0:03:16.560 --> 0:03:20.359 we got home, I was dancing for her in my kitchen. 0:03:20.400 --> 0:03:22.600 I made a Marco polo of me dancing in the 0:03:22.720 --> 0:03:24.920 kitchen the way she taught me, and I sent it 0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:28.160 to someone else. Her name is Jamie Greenberg, and I 0:03:28.200 --> 0:03:31.560 sent it to my friends Jackie Greenberg, so I got 0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:34.960 a really funny Marco, not a lot. She was like 0:03:35.240 --> 0:03:39.240 that is They were just laughing, laughing hysterically. And then 0:03:39.400 --> 0:03:41.760 I found out that I sent it to the wrong person, 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:44.200 and then I just realized I do ship like that 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:46.960 all the time. But yeah, So I came back from Cabo. 0:03:47.240 --> 0:03:50.080 We basically had Mango Margarita's. It was Jamie Molly, my 0:03:50.120 --> 0:03:52.240 cousin who for any of you have read my books, 0:03:52.240 --> 0:03:55.120 Molly's always in my books, and we had it was 0:03:55.200 --> 0:03:57.840 just so delightful and it was so nice and it 0:03:57.920 --> 0:03:59.880 was we got Yeah, and that was really your first 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:04.960 a post pandemic m Yeah, my first vacation, I would say, Well, 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:08.120 I went to San Francisco to see my sissy, But yeah, 0:04:08.160 --> 0:04:10.280 I would be my first trip like that. Oh, and 0:04:10.320 --> 0:04:14.720 we announced the tour. Everybody vaccinated and horny. That's me. 0:04:15.280 --> 0:04:19.440 I'm vaccinated and I'm morny. And we just are adding 0:04:19.480 --> 0:04:22.479 shows to the original shows. We are adding a second 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:25.600 show at the Beacon in New York City. We're adding 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:27.600 a second show in Denver the same night as the 0:04:27.600 --> 0:04:30.480 first show. We're adding a late show. So yeah, get 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:32.960 your tickets a ticket master. I'm doing the Santa Barbara 0:04:32.960 --> 0:04:37.400 Bowl and I'm so fucking excited and Humphries by the 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:40.960 Bay and it jumps off at the Mirage in Vegas 0:04:41.120 --> 0:04:44.600 July the Mirage, So I'm going to spend the night 0:04:44.600 --> 0:04:46.520 there in Vegas for the first time in a long time. 0:04:46.520 --> 0:04:48.600 Another place that I don't typically like to spend too 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:52.480 much time and for obvious reason. Yeah, that's the location 0:04:52.520 --> 0:04:57.719 where you only go for twenty four hours too. Yeah, 0:04:57.839 --> 0:04:59.320 it's exciting that you're getting back on the road. Are 0:04:59.320 --> 0:05:01.279 you excited to be out on the road. Yeah, I am. 0:05:01.360 --> 0:05:04.440 I did like six shows at the Irvine Improv a 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:07.760 couple of weeks ago, and I put a whole brand 0:05:07.760 --> 0:05:09.680 new hour up, like you have to go up with 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:12.520 all brand new materials, some stuff I had left over 0:05:12.560 --> 0:05:14.520 from the last special that I didn't use. So that 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:17.800 was great, little buffer. It's hard to do that. I 0:05:17.880 --> 0:05:21.200 was so so nervous and then I did it and 0:05:21.240 --> 0:05:24.599 I was like, yeah, that's tough. Like I like to 0:05:24.640 --> 0:05:27.360 do tough stuff like that. It makes you feel really 0:05:27.480 --> 0:05:30.600 confident in your ability to like challenge yourself, you know, 0:05:30.880 --> 0:05:33.480 in the accomplishment of getting like starting the set from 0:05:33.520 --> 0:05:36.720 scratch too, then cultivating over your next tour dates and 0:05:36.760 --> 0:05:39.840 really like fine tuning that. Yeah. Yeah, so I love it, 0:05:39.920 --> 0:05:42.279 and I'm really glad and people are excited about the 0:05:42.279 --> 0:05:45.600 tour and that makes me so happy. Yeah, so out 0:05:45.680 --> 0:05:47.640 they need to laugh. Yeah, it's a good time to 0:05:47.720 --> 0:05:51.160 be doing it, exactly. Rum Well, speaking of timing, you 0:05:51.200 --> 0:05:54.839 wrapped up your thirty days of no smoking cannabis, Yes, 0:05:54.880 --> 0:05:58.400 I did. And what were your takeaways? Okay, that's a 0:05:58.400 --> 0:06:01.680 good question. I think that I mean obvious takeaways. I 0:06:01.720 --> 0:06:04.760 don't have to clear my throat as much. What's important 0:06:04.760 --> 0:06:08.000 when you're smoking weed is to be smoking really organic 0:06:08.839 --> 0:06:11.880 weed that isn't doesn't have pesticides and chemicals that so 0:06:11.920 --> 0:06:13.680 many of them do that you buy. So it's like 0:06:13.760 --> 0:06:15.480 you have to have a friend who, like my friend 0:06:15.520 --> 0:06:18.440 sends me weed. So I just try now to smoke 0:06:18.480 --> 0:06:20.440 it off of that one hitter, because anytime I smoke 0:06:20.480 --> 0:06:22.640 a pre roll it's just like hurting my throat. And 0:06:22.680 --> 0:06:25.920 obviously I'm not going to be banging on about cannabis 0:06:25.920 --> 0:06:28.560 and then not getting all the good effects, you know. 0:06:29.400 --> 0:06:31.839 So I've been using my one hitter, which is great. 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:34.240 But my takeaway from quitting is that it's good to 0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:38.080 exercise your willpower in life. It's good too, that sounded 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:42.720 so annoying. It's good to show yourself what you're capable of. 0:06:42.839 --> 0:06:45.800 You know, thirty days was nothing. Even though it sounded 0:06:45.839 --> 0:06:48.560 like it was going to be something, it wasn't. And 0:06:48.640 --> 0:06:50.560 it gave me a lot of hope for people who 0:06:50.600 --> 0:06:52.840 think that it's hard to break habits, because it's really not. 0:06:52.960 --> 0:06:56.080 Because I have to say, like, I do love smoking joints, 0:06:56.120 --> 0:06:57.800 but now that I took the thirty days off, it's 0:06:57.839 --> 0:06:59.479 like I don't love it as much as I thought 0:06:59.480 --> 0:07:01.960 I did. Don't care. I'll take an edible. You know. 0:07:02.200 --> 0:07:04.799 That's a nice feeling too. Should we see how Shane 0:07:04.839 --> 0:07:07.320 felt about it? Oh? Yeah, speaking of which, this is 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:10.679 why we're talking about this for anyone listening who maybe 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:14.240 hasn't listened to that episode. Shane went on a thirty 0:07:14.320 --> 0:07:17.960 day canvas detox with Chelsea, so they went cold turkey 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:21.040 after the initial phone call, no smoking for one month, 0:07:21.080 --> 0:07:24.880 and now they have both completed that month. So let's 0:07:24.880 --> 0:07:29.440 see how that went for him. Yeah, Hey, Shane, Hey, 0:07:29.440 --> 0:07:33.200 how's it going. Hi? Se, Nice to see you again. Hi, 0:07:33.360 --> 0:07:36.400 nice to see you again. How are you? We made it? 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:40.280 We did it, We did it. High five. I'm so 0:07:40.320 --> 0:07:42.760 proud of us. I know, I know. How was it? 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:45.360 The first week was kind of rough, like I had 0:07:45.440 --> 0:07:51.240 no appetite at all, but it got pretty easy after that. Okay, 0:07:51.280 --> 0:07:54.760 so for any women who are looking to lose weight, um, 0:07:55.480 --> 0:07:58.160 and you're a pothead, take a week off and you'll 0:07:58.160 --> 0:08:00.880 have no appetite. You know, it's funny you say that. 0:08:01.000 --> 0:08:03.280 I totally felt that too. I was like, why do 0:08:03.440 --> 0:08:05.680 I not feel the need to be living with my 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:08.720 head inside of my refrigerator? Yeah? I was not hungry 0:08:08.760 --> 0:08:12.160 like at all. Yeah, and then what what about it? 0:08:12.200 --> 0:08:15.400 What about cravings? I didn't really have cravings. The first 0:08:15.400 --> 0:08:17.720 week was bad and then like it was chilled sailing 0:08:17.760 --> 0:08:21.400 after that. Other than like slow drivers and irritating people. 0:08:21.720 --> 0:08:25.200 Oh right, people became a little bit more irritating. Yeah. Yeah. 0:08:25.520 --> 0:08:28.000 How did you manage your stress while you weren't smoking? 0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:31.680 I went running a lot? Oh this is this is 0:08:31.920 --> 0:08:36.040 great trading habits. Yeah totally. I did like thirty plus miles. 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:37.440 I wanted to do at least one mile for like 0:08:37.520 --> 0:08:40.440 every day. But did you run that much when you 0:08:40.480 --> 0:08:43.040 were smoking weed? I tried to, but I think I 0:08:43.080 --> 0:08:45.880 did it more when I was less stoned. Yeah, well 0:08:45.880 --> 0:08:47.760 that makes sense probably, although I bet you when your 0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:49.840 stone you couldn't get into a really good groove when 0:08:49.880 --> 0:08:52.000 you're running right, and then just like you turned into 0:08:52.040 --> 0:08:54.280 Forrest Gump before you know it, you get that natural 0:08:54.400 --> 0:08:57.160 running high and the actual high. Yeah yeah, because sometimes 0:08:57.200 --> 0:08:59.079 I work out and I smoke weed right before I 0:08:59.120 --> 0:09:00.880 work out, and I get in the zone like it 0:09:00.920 --> 0:09:04.120 helps me. Yeah totally. So how was it with your 0:09:04.160 --> 0:09:07.400 roommates because they were all still smoking weed? Right? Um. 0:09:07.480 --> 0:09:09.640 One of them actually just kept that to their room, 0:09:09.679 --> 0:09:11.000 so I think, so I didn't have to see any 0:09:11.040 --> 0:09:13.800 of it. That's nice to them. The other one went 0:09:13.840 --> 0:09:16.040 on a break with me, so it was I had 0:09:16.040 --> 0:09:18.559 a little buddy. This is like a huge success. Store 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:21.679 is great? And how were things with work? I know 0:09:21.720 --> 0:09:23.520 you said that you would you would forget things, You'd 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:27.400 constantly be leaving stuff behind. I forgot absolutely nothing the 0:09:27.559 --> 0:09:30.600 entire time. However, as soon as I started smoking again, 0:09:30.920 --> 0:09:36.280 I did forget something, Shane, how old you? I just 0:09:36.360 --> 0:09:40.120 turned thirty one on Friday? Okay, happy birthday? Thank yeah? Yeah, 0:09:40.160 --> 0:09:42.920 happy birthday. So that's great. And did you at any 0:09:42.960 --> 0:09:45.760 point think about, like, funk this. I cannot keep up 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:47.320 with this and I'm just going to smoke a joy 0:09:47.400 --> 0:09:50.360 and pretend and lie about it because I did so. 0:09:50.800 --> 0:09:53.640 I wanted to wait until like midnight of the actual 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:56.000 day that I could start smoking again, but I hit 0:09:56.040 --> 0:09:58.959 the pen three hours earlier, and I got so paranoid 0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:01.720 that everyone in my house gonna know I cheated, and 0:10:01.800 --> 0:10:04.360 though I was high that I like had it a 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:07.040 little mini panic attacks. Oh that's the story I didn't 0:10:07.040 --> 0:10:10.960 tell the first time I smoked a joint after my 0:10:11.320 --> 0:10:14.600 thirty day thing, my thirty day break. Did I make 0:10:14.640 --> 0:10:17.920 it to thirty days though? Did? Only you can answer. 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:20.560 I think I did a full menstrual cycle. So let's 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:22.720 just say it was twenty eight days, because I think 0:10:22.800 --> 0:10:24.280 I did do a day early. If I'm going to 0:10:24.360 --> 0:10:27.040 be completely honest, which I have to be. But I 0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:30.080 was getting my hair done and I smoked a little 0:10:30.080 --> 0:10:32.480 bit of a dog walker and I got up. I 0:10:32.559 --> 0:10:36.080 was so lightheaded, and I just was like, oh my god, 0:10:36.160 --> 0:10:38.480 I'm a weakling again. But I like it because I 0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:40.760 liked to you know, it's nice to have a low tolerance. 0:10:40.960 --> 0:10:43.040 I mean, it wasn't nice to be lightheaded and then 0:10:43.200 --> 0:10:47.480 you know, fall, But other than that, it was fine. Yeah. 0:10:47.720 --> 0:10:51.440 I Also, I was so sober that I told my 0:10:51.559 --> 0:10:53.480 parents that I'm trans. I didn't do that for like 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:55.679 eight years. I kept it to myself. So that happened 0:10:55.960 --> 0:11:00.760 all thanks to being sober. Oh my god, my god. 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:04.200 Everyone was pretty chill other than my mom. What was 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:07.280 her reaction? How did you say it? What did you say? So? 0:11:07.320 --> 0:11:09.440 I was at my parents house and they started talking 0:11:09.520 --> 0:11:13.680 shit about the like trans athlete Van, and I was like, well, 0:11:13.720 --> 0:11:15.440 now I'm gonna come out out of spite. So as 0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:17.520 soon as I got home, I sent a group text 0:11:17.559 --> 0:11:20.600 message to like my siblings and my parents, and my 0:11:20.679 --> 0:11:23.319 mom didn't respond for like three days, but everybody else 0:11:23.360 --> 0:11:26.480 was super nice. What were their responses? I think they 0:11:26.480 --> 0:11:28.240 support me and they love me. But what can you 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:30.439 tell us? What you wrote? Oh, it was a long 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:34.320 ass text message, but basically that I've been transitioning for 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:36.280 eight years. Didn't feel like telling any family because I 0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:40.120 didn't want to deal with their like negative opinions. Wow, 0:11:40.160 --> 0:11:43.560 good for you. That's so fucking hard and brave. How 0:11:43.559 --> 0:11:46.760 do you feel now for Leaves? Yeah, a lot of relief. 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:48.720 I don't have to hide anything or ever shave my 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:50.439 face ever. Again, that's what I would do when I 0:11:50.440 --> 0:11:54.360 would go see them. I just shade. It's very powerful though, too, 0:11:54.400 --> 0:11:57.040 that you know, you've kind of made this bold decision 0:11:57.120 --> 0:11:59.640 to get out of your comfort zone and stop smoking 0:11:59.679 --> 0:12:02.040 something it you've relied on for a long time, and 0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:05.280 out of that came something like totally unexpected. Yeah. I 0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:07.439 think that I was stoned all the time, and that's 0:12:07.480 --> 0:12:10.720 what kept me from coming out. Whenever I was uncomfortable, 0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:13.280 I just smoke. Yeah, I think, well, that's what a 0:12:13.280 --> 0:12:15.640 lot of people do instead of thinking about it as 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:19.000 something that enhances the goodness you're thinking about is something 0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:22.920 that kind of shoves a feeling away or something you know, Yeah, 0:12:23.720 --> 0:12:26.880 a distractor. This is incredible. I'm so glad that you 0:12:26.960 --> 0:12:30.120 called in like when you did. And I hope you 0:12:30.160 --> 0:12:33.840 consider because it sounds to me that this has had 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:37.240 such an impact, Like look at the ripple effect of 0:12:37.320 --> 0:12:40.600 you making just like one strong decision about your well being. 0:12:41.200 --> 0:12:44.160 Look at the ripple effect that it's had. And I 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:46.360 hope you can think about that in other ways, like 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:50.360 in your life that you can implement that, you know, Yeah, totally. 0:12:50.559 --> 0:12:52.719 I'm gonna try not to smoke during the week while 0:12:52.720 --> 0:12:55.240 I'm at work so I don't forget anything. Yeah, yeah, 0:12:55.280 --> 0:12:57.760 well that's good. Let's let's keep you too that that's 0:12:57.800 --> 0:12:59.480 a good one. And then way that way when you 0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:01.800 have the week and it's actually a celebration not just 0:13:01.840 --> 0:13:05.200 another day where you're stone out of your mind, you know, Yeah, totally. 0:13:05.720 --> 0:13:07.520 We'll keep us post a chain, let us know how 0:13:07.520 --> 0:13:10.360 it goes if you stick to your weekend regiment of 0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:12.679 no smoking, so it becomes more of a treat, and 0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:14.760 how things develop with your family and kind of how 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:17.040 things turn out with your mom, all right, and she'll 0:13:17.080 --> 0:13:18.640 see I'll see you when you come to San Jose. 0:13:18.920 --> 0:13:23.280 Got presale tickets at San Jose Civic Center, Right, I'll 0:13:23.320 --> 0:13:26.880 be there too, see you there. Yeah, see you there 0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:30.080 by Shane. By Shane. Well, I mean, if that's not 0:13:30.120 --> 0:13:34.480 a problem solved, oh my god. Wow, that's like, what's 0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:38.200 our track record here? I don't know, but that's really moving. 0:13:38.320 --> 0:13:41.240 He has hit his life out of the park in 0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:46.640 a thirty day period. He has made major changes. I mean, wow, 0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:51.959 I'm very I'm speechless. Good for him. Okay, So, okay, 0:13:52.000 --> 0:13:53.400 I think we should take it. I think we should. 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:55.160 You know what, I'm going to take a shower. Let's 0:13:55.160 --> 0:14:00.960 take a break. Okay, I'm bad. Are you done chewing? Sweetheart? 0:14:01.160 --> 0:14:02.600 I mean, I'm never going to finish that protein bar. 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:04.520 It's gonna set my teeth through the next set. Flavor 0:14:04.600 --> 0:14:06.720 of that protein bar is a little bit off kilter. 0:14:07.000 --> 0:14:12.559 I don't like berry protein bars. Something protein about berries? Okay, sweetheart, 0:14:12.559 --> 0:14:15.040 what were we talking about? Well, our first mission, we're 0:14:15.040 --> 0:14:16.800 going to get right into it. Okay, let's do that. 0:14:17.040 --> 0:14:19.560 It comes from ready to get to work. Comes from 0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:22.800 a man. Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend of fourteen years for 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:24.960 the past year has not really been interested in sex, 0:14:25.160 --> 0:14:26.880 at least not the way he used to be. He's 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:29.640 forty two and I'm fifty four. When we do have sex, 0:14:29.680 --> 0:14:33.120 I notice that he's quite literally fucking differently. There's a 0:14:33.160 --> 0:14:35.880 whole different energy and vibe, like he's learning something from 0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:39.080 someone and it's not me. The sex is great, but infrequent. 0:14:39.360 --> 0:14:41.760 I can't stop thinking that while we're having sex, where 0:14:41.760 --> 0:14:44.000 did that come from? Should I be worried? Should I 0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:46.640 just assume he's watching an extra helping of porn and 0:14:46.640 --> 0:14:49.440 picking up tips? Is he cheating? We're two gay guys 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:53.040 in our relationship has been monogamous. Is it still? What 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:56.320 do you think? No, it doesn't sound like it sounds 0:14:56.400 --> 0:14:59.560 to me like something is definitely going on. What do 0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:02.760 you think after that long? You know your partner's habits, 0:15:02.760 --> 0:15:05.600 you know their go to tricks to get things going, 0:15:05.720 --> 0:15:10.040 So if a new trick has been incorporated, they're probably 0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:12.160 getting it somewhere else. Yeah. Yeah, do we have this 0:15:12.200 --> 0:15:15.880 caller on the phone? Probably because it's personal, there's okay? 0:15:15.920 --> 0:15:17.760 So what advice can we give them? Though? To like 0:15:17.800 --> 0:15:19.520 what I mean? I think you need to address it 0:15:19.560 --> 0:15:21.760 head on. I think that you need to. Yeah, but 0:15:22.160 --> 0:15:24.520 you know how people are. They're not always honest. Well 0:15:24.520 --> 0:15:26.520 they may not be honest, but for your own mental 0:15:26.560 --> 0:15:28.960 well being, I would I would say, hey, like you've 0:15:29.000 --> 0:15:30.880 done this this way. I'm just thinking, is there a 0:15:30.880 --> 0:15:33.320 way for them to set up keep getting catching them 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:36.040 in the act. That might be a more effective way 0:15:36.160 --> 0:15:39.280 of getting to the truth faster. I feel like that 0:15:39.480 --> 0:15:42.520 it's tricky and long term relationships. Do you need some help? 0:15:42.560 --> 0:15:44.800 I don't know, sweetheart. I'm like, it's like I'm in 0:15:44.880 --> 0:15:48.800 wearing a carpenter's outfit. I can't get anything. Oh, your 0:15:48.840 --> 0:15:53.600 little sleeves got tangled up in there. Thanks Sweeter. Yeah there, 0:15:55.360 --> 0:15:57.240 now you look like Popeye on that side. You have 0:15:57.280 --> 0:16:02.160 this huge bicep. I wish everyone could see this. That's 0:16:02.160 --> 0:16:06.080 so rescute. Those from Aviator Nation, Okay they're not a sponsor, 0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:08.880 but they could be. So. Yeah, after fourteenyears, I think 0:16:08.880 --> 0:16:11.600 trying to set your partner up to catch them doing something, 0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:14.120 or to set yourself up in a way that you 0:16:14.200 --> 0:16:17.360 catch them doing something. If there's that little trust in 0:16:17.400 --> 0:16:19.880 the relationship after fourteen years, then you probably shouldn't be 0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:21.960 in that relationship. That's a good point, but I think 0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:25.400 it's just quicker with people who are liars. The quickest 0:16:25.400 --> 0:16:27.520 thing is just as Yeah, but a lot of liars 0:16:27.600 --> 0:16:29.320 don't tell the truth. They lie again and then it 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:31.520 convince you that you're safe or that you're're not there. 0:16:31.560 --> 0:16:34.160 You know, you're crazy, you're out of your mind. Yeah, Gaslight, 0:16:34.200 --> 0:16:36.560 you exactly. I had a boyfriend like that once you 0:16:36.640 --> 0:16:38.720 did that, And I also was I deserve to be 0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:41.600 Gaslight because I wasn't in a good place at that time. 0:16:41.640 --> 0:16:44.200 But it's super jealous, and I always like looking and 0:16:44.280 --> 0:16:46.720 thinking something was happening, and it's like, oh my god, 0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:49.920 that's such an exhausting place to live. It's it's so unfair. 0:16:49.960 --> 0:16:52.560 So yes, obviously asking for the truth straight out is 0:16:52.600 --> 0:16:54.520 the way to go, but be prepared to have to 0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:57.080 get creative. Well, this submission makes me think that they 0:16:57.080 --> 0:17:00.320 probably don't have open communication as it is, because if 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:02.720 he's writing it, if he's asking us, why are his 0:17:02.760 --> 0:17:06.080 boyfriend got his new moves and hasn't asked his boyfriend well, 0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:08.080 and like you know, do you watch porn together? There 0:17:08.080 --> 0:17:09.960 are a lot of There are a lot of aspects 0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:12.960 to this that without additional context, we can't give thorough advice. 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:15.320 But I would say ask him up front, if not, 0:17:15.680 --> 0:17:17.919 take Chelsea's approach and try and set him up or 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:20.359 just grab his phone. I mean, isn't that the quickest 0:17:20.359 --> 0:17:22.679 way to find shit out. Seriously, like everyone should just 0:17:22.720 --> 0:17:25.520 hand each other their phones and be like here, here, here, 0:17:25.640 --> 0:17:29.280 unless you're hiding something, right, I mean, especially because how 0:17:29.280 --> 0:17:31.760 many stories you have to hear about women. And also 0:17:32.200 --> 0:17:34.159 that's the other thing. If you're looking for something, you 0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:36.960 usually find it, but you can also find something that's 0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:41.280 out of context or that isn't actually framing something in 0:17:41.320 --> 0:17:43.520 the way that you're finding it. So again, if you 0:17:43.560 --> 0:17:45.879 do that, great, and if you find something, just be 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:48.080 aware that that might be the outcome that what you're 0:17:48.160 --> 0:17:50.440 what you're seeing is not actually what you're finding. And 0:17:50.520 --> 0:17:53.639 their boyfriend was fifty two, right, so there's definitely like 0:17:53.720 --> 0:17:56.280 in the throws of being horny. Yeah, I mean, I 0:17:56.320 --> 0:17:59.320 don't think men are ever not horny. Well, right, women 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:01.160 are the ones that are not horny. He's forty two, 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:03.600 the boyfriend is fifty four. So also who knows, Like 0:18:03.640 --> 0:18:06.160 maybe he's going through a little midlife crisis and he's 0:18:06.200 --> 0:18:08.320 just trying to incorporate new things to keep it fresh 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:12.840 for himself to feel that vibrance again, who knows, don't 0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:18.480 don't say vibrants like that her vescence, but not vibrant youth. Yeah, 0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:24.640 probably it's hard to be gay. It's the worst. Well 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:26.639 I don't think we really tied a bow on for 0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:30.160 this one too nicely. But well, sometimes this advice isn't 0:18:30.200 --> 0:18:32.280 going to be uplifting. I would like to know what 0:18:32.280 --> 0:18:34.760 happened to this, So if you're listening, pleaset's let us 0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:36.600 know what the result is. He's better be listening. I mean, 0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:38.240 you can't write into a show and then not listen 0:18:38.240 --> 0:18:40.359 to see if we address the issue. Plus he doesn't 0:18:40.359 --> 0:18:42.520 really want the advice. It's like actually, and then he 0:18:42.520 --> 0:18:46.040 cuts off contacts. Yeah, he unsubscribes to thank you, not 0:18:46.119 --> 0:18:49.320 from these fucking two. Okay, so our next emission. This 0:18:49.400 --> 0:18:52.080 is a really common theme that we get people wanting 0:18:52.119 --> 0:18:55.000 to know if they should pull the trigger on this 0:18:55.080 --> 0:18:58.640 decision moving to another city, going after a big dream, 0:18:58.680 --> 0:19:00.800 And it always comes down too should I stay or 0:19:00.800 --> 0:19:03.400 should I go? And this submission is no different. So 0:19:03.640 --> 0:19:06.240 maybe we can give some overarching advice for anyone who 0:19:06.240 --> 0:19:08.800 has written in or is thinking about writing in. The 0:19:08.800 --> 0:19:11.520 submission says dear Chelsea. I'm a forty nine year old 0:19:11.960 --> 0:19:14.600 married woman with no kids who has been in the 0:19:14.600 --> 0:19:17.600 same career for twenty eight years. Dental assisting has been 0:19:17.600 --> 0:19:19.880 good to me, but now I want a complete change. 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:22.399 I lost my dad in December, not to COVID, but 0:19:22.480 --> 0:19:24.600 had to say goodbye over the phone since I couldn't 0:19:24.600 --> 0:19:27.080 see him. It's changed me and I don't want to 0:19:27.119 --> 0:19:30.200 waste another goddamn day doing something that's killing me mentally. 0:19:30.720 --> 0:19:33.080 I want to become a nail technician. Yes you heard 0:19:33.119 --> 0:19:35.480 me right, probably the oldest in my class. And I 0:19:35.520 --> 0:19:37.520