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Speaker 1: Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just reading an article

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Speaker 1: about myself, Brandon, So you're just gonna have to start

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Speaker 1: this podcast without me because I'm interested in what I

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Speaker 1: have to say here. You're busy. Well, I guess we'll

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Speaker 1: have to wait for a update on Cabo. Then. Oh, oh,

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Speaker 1: never mind, let me get into that. Okay, let's not

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Speaker 1: be silly Cabo. Can I just say that I don't

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Speaker 1: think of myself as a beach vacation goer in the

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Speaker 1: way that I like to do it when I was

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Speaker 1: in my twenties and didn't realize that skame cancer was

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Speaker 1: just around the corner, so I think taking a beach

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Speaker 1: vacation it sounded so nice when someone brought up Cabo

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Speaker 1: and I I don't love going to Cabo. I'll be honest.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I love Mexican food, and I love Mexican people,

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Speaker 1: and I love mango margarita's frozen. So I would say

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Speaker 1: that that that is the main impetus for me when

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Speaker 1: I go to Mexico. I like the vision or the

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Speaker 1: visual of seeing a mango margarita that is frozen, that's

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Speaker 1: headed towards me, and that I know it is coming

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Speaker 1: in my way, and especially when they choose the appropriate

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Speaker 1: glass ware to put a frozen margarita. And well, no,

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Speaker 1: not necessarily. It's the glass shape that I'm talking about.

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Speaker 1: But it doesn't have to be thick. It has to

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Speaker 1: be actually, prefer it thin. But I like a large

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Speaker 1: volume of it right because then it becomes an issue

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Speaker 1: you have to drink it before it gets slushy. See.

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Speaker 1: And I like the thick class because I feel like

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Speaker 1: it retains the cold better. I don't know if that's true.

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Speaker 1: I think that it's not on that. Yeah, it's gonna

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Speaker 1: end up like the research I did on on rice. Well,

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Speaker 1: I haven't done research on rice yet, but I have

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Speaker 1: done research on ice, which is that if you put

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Speaker 1: a lot of ice in a drink, it maintains the

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Speaker 1: integrity of the coldness of the drink. A lot of

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Speaker 1: people think that if you put a lot of ice

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Speaker 1: in a drink, it dilutes the drink. If you're in

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Speaker 1: the fucking Bahamas, yes, But if you're in a place

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Speaker 1: that can hold ice, the more ice, the colder your

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Speaker 1: drink will remain. If you put two to three ice

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Speaker 1: cubes in a vodka soda in Europe, I don't like that,

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Speaker 1: that's when it's going to get diluted. Yes, But back

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Speaker 1: to my trip Chicabo. I stayed at a resort that

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Speaker 1: I hadn't stayed out before, which was recommended by my

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Speaker 1: travel agents. She said that I would like it. We

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Speaker 1: went for three nights in two days, which is basically

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Speaker 1: all I can take for a beach vacation. But I

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Speaker 1: was so looking forward to just sitting on this chaise

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Speaker 1: at a pool near a body of water. But I

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Speaker 1: also had just gotten frac sled into my face around

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Speaker 1: my eyes, so I looked like Batman when I left,

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Speaker 1: and I had to protect myself from the sun, which

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Speaker 1: was an exhausting part of being there. Like yeah, but no, no,

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Speaker 1: not a good practice because I'll never wear a hat

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Speaker 1: like that again. But I had to wear a Safari

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Speaker 1: hat that kind of like covered the back of my

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Speaker 1: neck and then the sides of my faces, so I

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Speaker 1: was basically talking out of a hole. It was hot

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Speaker 1: to be wearing like an traption like that. Jamie, my

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Speaker 1: makeup bar artist who started a company called bly Lighter,

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Speaker 1: which is the only product I use on my cheeks

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Speaker 1: for blush. Look it up. Blin Lighter by Jamie Greenberg

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Speaker 1: She was trying to teach me how to dance in Cabo,

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Speaker 1: and I don't I can't really dance, So she was

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Speaker 1: trying to teach me how to dance. And then when

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Speaker 1: we got home, I was dancing for her in my kitchen.

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Speaker 1: I made a Marco polo of me dancing in the

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Speaker 1: kitchen the way she taught me, and I sent it

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Speaker 1: to someone else. Her name is Jamie Greenberg, and I

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Speaker 1: sent it to my friends Jackie Greenberg, so I got

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Speaker 1: a really funny Marco, not a lot. She was like

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Speaker 1: that is They were just laughing, laughing hysterically. And then

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Speaker 1: I found out that I sent it to the wrong person,

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Speaker 1: and then I just realized I do ship like that

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Speaker 1: all the time. But yeah, So I came back from Cabo.

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Speaker 1: We basically had Mango Margarita's. It was Jamie Molly, my

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Speaker 1: cousin who for any of you have read my books,

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Speaker 1: Molly's always in my books, and we had it was

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Speaker 1: just so delightful and it was so nice and it

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Speaker 1: was we got Yeah, and that was really your first

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Speaker 1: a post pandemic m Yeah, my first vacation, I would say, Well,

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Speaker 1: I went to San Francisco to see my sissy, But yeah,

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Speaker 1: I would be my first trip like that. Oh, and

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Speaker 1: we announced the tour. Everybody vaccinated and horny. That's me.

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Speaker 1: I'm vaccinated and I'm morny. And we just are adding

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Speaker 1: shows to the original shows. We are adding a second

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Speaker 1: show at the Beacon in New York City. We're adding

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Speaker 1: a second show in Denver the same night as the

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Speaker 1: first show. We're adding a late show. So yeah, get

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Speaker 1: your tickets a ticket master. I'm doing the Santa Barbara

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Speaker 1: Bowl and I'm so fucking excited and Humphries by the

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Speaker 1: Bay and it jumps off at the Mirage in Vegas

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Speaker 1: July the Mirage, So I'm going to spend the night

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Speaker 1: there in Vegas for the first time in a long time.

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Speaker 1: Another place that I don't typically like to spend too

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Speaker 1: much time and for obvious reason. Yeah, that's the location

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Speaker 1: where you only go for twenty four hours too. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's exciting that you're getting back on the road. Are

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Speaker 1: you excited to be out on the road. Yeah, I am.

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Speaker 1: I did like six shows at the Irvine Improv a

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Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago, and I put a whole brand

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Speaker 1: new hour up, like you have to go up with

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Speaker 1: all brand new materials, some stuff I had left over

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Speaker 1: from the last special that I didn't use. So that

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Speaker 1: was great, little buffer. It's hard to do that. I

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Speaker 1: was so so nervous and then I did it and

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Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, that's tough. Like I like to

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Speaker 1: do tough stuff like that. It makes you feel really

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Speaker 1: confident in your ability to like challenge yourself, you know,

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Speaker 1: in the accomplishment of getting like starting the set from

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Speaker 1: scratch too, then cultivating over your next tour dates and

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Speaker 1: really like fine tuning that. Yeah. Yeah, so I love it,

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Speaker 1: and I'm really glad and people are excited about the

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Speaker 1: tour and that makes me so happy. Yeah, so out

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Speaker 1: they need to laugh. Yeah, it's a good time to

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Speaker 1: be doing it, exactly. Rum Well, speaking of timing, you

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Speaker 1: wrapped up your thirty days of no smoking cannabis, Yes,

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Speaker 1: I did. And what were your takeaways? Okay, that's a

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Speaker 1: good question. I think that I mean obvious takeaways. I

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Speaker 1: don't have to clear my throat as much. What's important

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Speaker 1: when you're smoking weed is to be smoking really organic

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Speaker 1: weed that isn't doesn't have pesticides and chemicals that so

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Speaker 1: many of them do that you buy. So it's like

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Speaker 1: you have to have a friend who, like my friend

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Speaker 1: sends me weed. So I just try now to smoke

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Speaker 1: it off of that one hitter, because anytime I smoke

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Speaker 1: a pre roll it's just like hurting my throat. And

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Speaker 1: obviously I'm not going to be banging on about cannabis

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Speaker 1: and then not getting all the good effects, you know.

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Speaker 1: So I've been using my one hitter, which is great.

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Speaker 1: But my takeaway from quitting is that it's good to

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Speaker 1: exercise your willpower in life. It's good too, that sounded

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Speaker 1: so annoying. It's good to show yourself what you're capable of.

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Speaker 1: You know, thirty days was nothing. Even though it sounded

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Speaker 1: like it was going to be something, it wasn't. And

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Speaker 1: it gave me a lot of hope for people who

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Speaker 1: think that it's hard to break habits, because it's really not.

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Speaker 1: Because I have to say, like, I do love smoking joints,

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Speaker 1: but now that I took the thirty days off, it's

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Speaker 1: like I don't love it as much as I thought

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Speaker 1: I did. Don't care. I'll take an edible. You know.

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Speaker 1: That's a nice feeling too. Should we see how Shane

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Speaker 1: felt about it? Oh? Yeah, speaking of which, this is

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Speaker 1: why we're talking about this for anyone listening who maybe

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Speaker 1: hasn't listened to that episode. Shane went on a thirty

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Speaker 1: day canvas detox with Chelsea, so they went cold turkey

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Speaker 1: after the initial phone call, no smoking for one month,

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Speaker 1: and now they have both completed that month. So let's

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Speaker 1: see how that went for him. Yeah, Hey, Shane, Hey,

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Speaker 1: how's it going. Hi? Se, Nice to see you again. Hi,

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Speaker 1: nice to see you again. How are you? We made it?

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Speaker 1: We did it, We did it. High five. I'm so

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Speaker 1: proud of us. I know, I know. How was it?

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Speaker 1: The first week was kind of rough, like I had

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Speaker 1: no appetite at all, but it got pretty easy after that. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so for any women who are looking to lose weight, um,

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Speaker 1: and you're a pothead, take a week off and you'll

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Speaker 1: have no appetite. You know, it's funny you say that.

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Speaker 1: I totally felt that too. I was like, why do

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Speaker 1: I not feel the need to be living with my

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Speaker 1: head inside of my refrigerator? Yeah? I was not hungry

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Speaker 1: like at all. Yeah, and then what what about it?

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Speaker 1: What about cravings? I didn't really have cravings. The first

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Speaker 1: week was bad and then like it was chilled sailing

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Speaker 1: after that. Other than like slow drivers and irritating people.

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Speaker 1: Oh right, people became a little bit more irritating. Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: How did you manage your stress while you weren't smoking?

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Speaker 1: I went running a lot? Oh this is this is

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Speaker 1: great trading habits. Yeah totally. I did like thirty plus miles.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to do at least one mile for like

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Speaker 1: every day. But did you run that much when you

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Speaker 1: were smoking weed? I tried to, but I think I

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Speaker 1: did it more when I was less stoned. Yeah, well

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Speaker 1: that makes sense probably, although I bet you when your

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Speaker 1: stone you couldn't get into a really good groove when

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Speaker 1: you're running right, and then just like you turned into

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Speaker 1: Forrest Gump before you know it, you get that natural

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Speaker 1: running high and the actual high. Yeah yeah, because sometimes

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Speaker 1: I work out and I smoke weed right before I

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Speaker 1: work out, and I get in the zone like it

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Speaker 1: helps me. Yeah totally. So how was it with your

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Speaker 1: roommates because they were all still smoking weed? Right? Um.

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Speaker 1: One of them actually just kept that to their room,

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Speaker 1: so I think, so I didn't have to see any

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Speaker 1: of it. That's nice to them. The other one went

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Speaker 1: on a break with me, so it was I had

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Speaker 1: a little buddy. This is like a huge success. Store

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Speaker 1: is great? And how were things with work? I know

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Speaker 1: you said that you would you would forget things, You'd

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Speaker 1: constantly be leaving stuff behind. I forgot absolutely nothing the

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Speaker 1: entire time. However, as soon as I started smoking again,

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Speaker 1: I did forget something, Shane, how old you? I just

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Speaker 1: turned thirty one on Friday? Okay, happy birthday? Thank yeah? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: happy birthday. So that's great. And did you at any

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Speaker 1: point think about, like, funk this. I cannot keep up

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Speaker 1: with this and I'm just going to smoke a joy

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Speaker 1: and pretend and lie about it because I did so.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to wait until like midnight of the actual

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Speaker 1: day that I could start smoking again, but I hit

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Speaker 1: the pen three hours earlier, and I got so paranoid

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Speaker 1: that everyone in my house gonna know I cheated, and

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Speaker 1: though I was high that I like had it a

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Speaker 1: little mini panic attacks. Oh that's the story I didn't

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Speaker 1: tell the first time I smoked a joint after my

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Speaker 1: thirty day thing, my thirty day break. Did I make

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Speaker 1: it to thirty days though? Did? Only you can answer.

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Speaker 1: I think I did a full menstrual cycle. So let's

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Speaker 1: just say it was twenty eight days, because I think

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Speaker 1: I did do a day early. If I'm going to

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Speaker 1: be completely honest, which I have to be. But I

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Speaker 1: was getting my hair done and I smoked a little

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Speaker 1: bit of a dog walker and I got up. I

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Speaker 1: was so lightheaded, and I just was like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I'm a weakling again. But I like it because I

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Speaker 1: liked to you know, it's nice to have a low tolerance.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it wasn't nice to be lightheaded and then

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Speaker 1: you know, fall, But other than that, it was fine. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I Also, I was so sober that I told my

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Speaker 1: parents that I'm trans. I didn't do that for like

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Speaker 1: eight years. I kept it to myself. So that happened

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Speaker 1: all thanks to being sober. Oh my god, my god.

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Speaker 1: Everyone was pretty chill other than my mom. What was

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Speaker 1: her reaction? How did you say it? What did you say? So?

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Speaker 1: I was at my parents house and they started talking

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Speaker 1: shit about the like trans athlete Van, and I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: now I'm gonna come out out of spite. So as

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Speaker 1: soon as I got home, I sent a group text

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Speaker 1: message to like my siblings and my parents, and my

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Speaker 1: mom didn't respond for like three days, but everybody else

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Speaker 1: was super nice. What were their responses? I think they

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Speaker 1: support me and they love me. But what can you

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Speaker 1: tell us? What you wrote? Oh, it was a long

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Speaker 1: ass text message, but basically that I've been transitioning for

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Speaker 1: eight years. Didn't feel like telling any family because I

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Speaker 1: didn't want to deal with their like negative opinions. Wow,

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Speaker 1: good for you. That's so fucking hard and brave. How

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Speaker 1: do you feel now for Leaves? Yeah, a lot of relief.

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Speaker 1: I don't have to hide anything or ever shave my

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Speaker 1: face ever. Again, that's what I would do when I

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Speaker 1: would go see them. I just shade. It's very powerful though, too,

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Speaker 1: that you know, you've kind of made this bold decision

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Speaker 1: to get out of your comfort zone and stop smoking

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Speaker 1: something it you've relied on for a long time, and

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Speaker 1: out of that came something like totally unexpected. Yeah. I

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Speaker 1: think that I was stoned all the time, and that's

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Speaker 1: what kept me from coming out. Whenever I was uncomfortable,

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Speaker 1: I just smoke. Yeah, I think, well, that's what a

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Speaker 1: lot of people do instead of thinking about it as

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Speaker 1: something that enhances the goodness you're thinking about is something

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Speaker 1: that kind of shoves a feeling away or something you know, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: a distractor. This is incredible. I'm so glad that you

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Speaker 1: called in like when you did. And I hope you

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Speaker 1: consider because it sounds to me that this has had

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Speaker 1: such an impact, Like look at the ripple effect of

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Speaker 1: you making just like one strong decision about your well being.

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Speaker 1: Look at the ripple effect that it's had. And I

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Speaker 1: hope you can think about that in other ways, like

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Speaker 1: in your life that you can implement that, you know, Yeah, totally.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna try not to smoke during the week while

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Speaker 1: I'm at work so I don't forget anything. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: well that's good. Let's let's keep you too that that's

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Speaker 1: a good one. And then way that way when you

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Speaker 1: have the week and it's actually a celebration not just

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Speaker 1: another day where you're stone out of your mind, you know, Yeah, totally.

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Speaker 1: We'll keep us post a chain, let us know how

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Speaker 1: it goes if you stick to your weekend regiment of

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Speaker 1: no smoking, so it becomes more of a treat, and

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Speaker 1: how things develop with your family and kind of how

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Speaker 1: things turn out with your mom, all right, and she'll

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Speaker 1: see I'll see you when you come to San Jose.

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Speaker 1: Got presale tickets at San Jose Civic Center, Right, I'll

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Speaker 1: be there too, see you there. Yeah, see you there

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Speaker 1: by Shane. By Shane. Well, I mean, if that's not

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Speaker 1: a problem solved, oh my god. Wow, that's like, what's

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Speaker 1: our track record here? I don't know, but that's really moving.

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Speaker 1: He has hit his life out of the park in

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Speaker 1: a thirty day period. He has made major changes. I mean, wow,

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Speaker 1: I'm very I'm speechless. Good for him. Okay, So, okay,

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Speaker 1: I think we should take it. I think we should.

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Speaker 1: You know what, I'm going to take a shower. Let's

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Speaker 1: take a break. Okay, I'm bad. Are you done chewing? Sweetheart?

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm never going to finish that protein bar.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna set my teeth through the next set. Flavor

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Speaker 1: of that protein bar is a little bit off kilter.

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Speaker 1: I don't like berry protein bars. Something protein about berries? Okay, sweetheart,

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Speaker 1: what were we talking about? Well, our first mission, we're

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Speaker 1: going to get right into it. Okay, let's do that.

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Speaker 1: It comes from ready to get to work. Comes from

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Speaker 1: a man. Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend of fourteen years for

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Speaker 1: the past year has not really been interested in sex,

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Speaker 1: at least not the way he used to be. He's

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Speaker 1: forty two and I'm fifty four. When we do have sex,

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Speaker 1: I notice that he's quite literally fucking differently. There's a

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Speaker 1: whole different energy and vibe, like he's learning something from

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Speaker 1: someone and it's not me. The sex is great, but infrequent.

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Speaker 1: I can't stop thinking that while we're having sex, where

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Speaker 1: did that come from? Should I be worried? Should I

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Speaker 1: just assume he's watching an extra helping of porn and

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Speaker 1: picking up tips? Is he cheating? We're two gay guys

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Speaker 1: in our relationship has been monogamous. Is it still? What

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Speaker 1: do you think? No, it doesn't sound like it sounds

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Speaker 1: to me like something is definitely going on. What do

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Speaker 1: you think after that long? You know your partner's habits,

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Speaker 1: you know their go to tricks to get things going,

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Speaker 1: So if a new trick has been incorporated, they're probably

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Speaker 1: getting it somewhere else. Yeah. Yeah, do we have this

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Speaker 1: caller on the phone? Probably because it's personal, there's okay?

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Speaker 1: So what advice can we give them? Though? To like

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Speaker 1: what I mean? I think you need to address it

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Speaker 1: head on. I think that you need to. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: you know how people are. They're not always honest. Well

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Speaker 1: they may not be honest, but for your own mental

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Speaker 1: well being, I would I would say, hey, like you've

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Speaker 1: done this this way. I'm just thinking, is there a

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Speaker 1: way for them to set up keep getting catching them

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Speaker 1: in the act. That might be a more effective way

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Speaker 1: of getting to the truth faster. I feel like that

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Speaker 1: it's tricky and long term relationships. Do you need some help?

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Speaker 1: I don't know, sweetheart. I'm like, it's like I'm in

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Speaker 1: wearing a carpenter's outfit. I can't get anything. Oh, your

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Speaker 1: little sleeves got tangled up in there. Thanks Sweeter. Yeah there,

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Speaker 1: now you look like Popeye on that side. You have

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Speaker 1: this huge bicep. I wish everyone could see this. That's

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Speaker 1: so rescute. Those from Aviator Nation, Okay they're not a sponsor,

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Speaker 1: but they could be. So. Yeah, after fourteenyears, I think

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Speaker 1: trying to set your partner up to catch them doing something,

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Speaker 1: or to set yourself up in a way that you

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Speaker 1: catch them doing something. If there's that little trust in

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Speaker 1: the relationship after fourteen years, then you probably shouldn't be

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Speaker 1: in that relationship. That's a good point, but I think

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Speaker 1: it's just quicker with people who are liars. The quickest

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Speaker 1: thing is just as Yeah, but a lot of liars

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Speaker 1: don't tell the truth. They lie again and then it

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Speaker 1: convince you that you're safe or that you're're not there.

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Speaker 1: You know, you're crazy, you're out of your mind. Yeah, Gaslight,

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Speaker 1: you exactly. I had a boyfriend like that once you

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Speaker 1: did that, And I also was I deserve to be

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Speaker 1: Gaslight because I wasn't in a good place at that time.

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Speaker 1: But it's super jealous, and I always like looking and

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Speaker 1: thinking something was happening, and it's like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: that's such an exhausting place to live. It's it's so unfair.

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Speaker 1: So yes, obviously asking for the truth straight out is

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Speaker 1: the way to go, but be prepared to have to

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Speaker 1: get creative. Well, this submission makes me think that they

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00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:00,320
Speaker 1: probably don't have open communication as it is, because if

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Speaker 1: he's writing it, if he's asking us, why are his

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Speaker 1: boyfriend got his new moves and hasn't asked his boyfriend well,

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Speaker 1: and like you know, do you watch porn together? There

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Speaker 1: are a lot of There are a lot of aspects

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Speaker 1: to this that without additional context, we can't give thorough advice.

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Speaker 1: But I would say ask him up front, if not,

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Speaker 1: take Chelsea's approach and try and set him up or

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Speaker 1: just grab his phone. I mean, isn't that the quickest

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Speaker 1: way to find shit out. Seriously, like everyone should just

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Speaker 1: hand each other their phones and be like here, here, here,

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Speaker 1: unless you're hiding something, right, I mean, especially because how

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Speaker 1: many stories you have to hear about women. And also

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00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,159
Speaker 1: that's the other thing. If you're looking for something, you

358
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:36,960
Speaker 1: usually find it, but you can also find something that's

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00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:41,280
Speaker 1: out of context or that isn't actually framing something in

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Speaker 1: the way that you're finding it. So again, if you

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Speaker 1: do that, great, and if you find something, just be

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Speaker 1: aware that that might be the outcome that what you're

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00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:50,440
Speaker 1: what you're seeing is not actually what you're finding. And

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Speaker 1: their boyfriend was fifty two, right, so there's definitely like

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Speaker 1: in the throws of being horny. Yeah, I mean, I

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Speaker 1: don't think men are ever not horny. Well, right, women

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Speaker 1: are the ones that are not horny. He's forty two,

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Speaker 1: the boyfriend is fifty four. So also who knows, Like

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Speaker 1: maybe he's going through a little midlife crisis and he's

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Speaker 1: just trying to incorporate new things to keep it fresh

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Speaker 1: for himself to feel that vibrance again, who knows, don't

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00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:18,480
Speaker 1: don't say vibrants like that her vescence, but not vibrant youth. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: probably it's hard to be gay. It's the worst. Well

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Speaker 1: I don't think we really tied a bow on for

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Speaker 1: this one too nicely. But well, sometimes this advice isn't

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Speaker 1: going to be uplifting. I would like to know what

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00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:34,760
Speaker 1: happened to this, So if you're listening, pleaset's let us

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00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,600
Speaker 1: know what the result is. He's better be listening. I mean,

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Speaker 1: you can't write into a show and then not listen

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Speaker 1: to see if we address the issue. Plus he doesn't

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00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:42,520
Speaker 1: really want the advice. It's like actually, and then he

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00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:46,040
Speaker 1: cuts off contacts. Yeah, he unsubscribes to thank you, not

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00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:49,320
Speaker 1: from these fucking two. Okay, so our next emission. This

384
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,080
Speaker 1: is a really common theme that we get people wanting

385
00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:55,000
Speaker 1: to know if they should pull the trigger on this

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Speaker 1: decision moving to another city, going after a big dream,

387
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,800
Speaker 1: And it always comes down too should I stay or

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Speaker 1: should I go? And this submission is no different. So

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00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:06,240
Speaker 1: maybe we can give some overarching advice for anyone who

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Speaker 1: has written in or is thinking about writing in. The

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Speaker 1: submission says dear Chelsea. I'm a forty nine year old

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Speaker 1: married woman with no kids who has been in the

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Speaker 1: same career for twenty eight years. Dental assisting has been

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00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,880
Speaker 1: good to me, but now I want a complete change.

395
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,399
Speaker 1: I lost my dad in December, not to COVID, but

396
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,600
Speaker 1: had to say goodbye over the phone since I couldn't

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Speaker 1: see him. It's changed me and I don't want to

398
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Speaker 1: waste another goddamn day doing something that's killing me mentally.

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00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,080
Speaker 1: I want to become a nail technician. Yes you heard

400
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:35,480
Speaker 1: me right, probably the oldest in my class. And I

401
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,520
Speaker 1: know it will take time to build a business, costs

402
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:40,960
Speaker 1: money and time, and I'm scared. I have a job

403
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,960
Speaker 1: now that is study and reliable. I'm at a crossroads.

404
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,440
Speaker 1: Stay at this job that's study or build a business

405
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,480
Speaker 1: slowly that could give me freedom and a chance to

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00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,119
Speaker 1: be my own boss. I'm terrified that I'll fail and

407
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,240
Speaker 1: have to rely on my spouse instead of the financial

408
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:56,520
Speaker 1: independence I have now. Okay, Chelsea, give it to me straight.

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Speaker 1: What should I do? Aaron, move on from your job

410
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:02,280
Speaker 1: and take a chance and build a business and live

411
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:05,920
Speaker 1: your life and when when. Don't live out of fear,

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00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,720
Speaker 1: don't base decisions out of fear. Don't think what if

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00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,480
Speaker 1: this doesn't work. There's only one scenario, and the scenario

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00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,720
Speaker 1: is that it's going to work. So you're perfectly capable

415
00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:17,480
Speaker 1: of doing this. You've admitted you want to make the change,

416
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:20,320
Speaker 1: do it, no questions asked. That's it seems to be

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00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,560
Speaker 1: thematically that a lot of people are already have already

418
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,320
Speaker 1: made the decision that they're going to make, but they

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00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:26,840
Speaker 1: just need like us to chime in and give them

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00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:30,680
Speaker 1: a go ahead, right, like a little nudge. And that's good.

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00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,000
Speaker 1: I want you guys to treat us like your sisters

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00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,600
Speaker 1: or girlfriends or whatever. Well you're not a girlfriend, but

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00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:40,720
Speaker 1: and yeah, most people want to make a decision. When

424
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,760
Speaker 1: I can't make a decision, I like survey it, like

425
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,119
Speaker 1: to my group of like six closest people, and I'm like,

426
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:46,320
Speaker 1: what do you think about this? What do you think

427
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:47,440
Speaker 1: about this? What do you think about this? What do

428
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,840
Speaker 1: you think? And you know, actually, the less you do that,

429
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:53,760
Speaker 1: the better you are at recognizing your intuition and your gut.

430
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:55,959
Speaker 1: Well that's what you're great with. You go with your

431
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,760
Speaker 1: gut a lot, and it normally doesn't point you in

432
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,159
Speaker 1: the wrong direction. So when you have that inkling of

433
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:02,560
Speaker 1: what you want to do, it's just a matter of

434
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,359
Speaker 1: And also the other thing is making the decision. Just

435
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 1: making a decision because there's not a wrong or right

436
00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:10,640
Speaker 1: decision for everything. Most of the times, it's just about

437
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:14,119
Speaker 1: you making a decision in either direction and then putting

438
00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 1: your energy towards that decision, and then it will always

439
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:18,600
Speaker 1: work out, you know. So you just have to be

440
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,639
Speaker 1: confident in your decision making and no one to listen

441
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:24,080
Speaker 1: to your gut, which is all the time, and to

442
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:28,800
Speaker 1: all listeners. If you're asking the question, you're answering the question, right,

443
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,840
Speaker 1: don't you think? So? Great slogan? Print those up on

444
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:35,080
Speaker 1: our T shirts. We should have t shirts. The next

445
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:38,160
Speaker 1: one we do have on the line. Her name is Katie.

446
00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:42,439
Speaker 1: She's thirty seven. She's from Maryland. Katie says, Hello, Chelsea.

447
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:46,280
Speaker 1: I'm a single, childless, thirty seven year old woman who

448
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:50,199
Speaker 1: is somewhat successful, but constantly feels I'm being judged. How

449
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:52,520
Speaker 1: do I help myself feel fulfilled on my own? I'm

450
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,960
Speaker 1: a rather confident woman, strong and enjoy eating at my

451
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:58,199
Speaker 1: favorite restaurants alone. I question whether I'm too independent to

452
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,440
Speaker 1: find love and then get more mad at my self

453
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:03,760
Speaker 1: for thinking archaically. I know there is an increasing population

454
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:07,400
Speaker 1: of women and men who could use this advice. Thanks Katie,

455
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 1: what do you think The bottom line question is how

456
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:11,479
Speaker 1: how do I? I I mean, I think it's really just

457
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:14,240
Speaker 1: learning to be okay with yourself and where you're at. Yes,

458
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,159
Speaker 1: I think I can relate though to that. Like I

459
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:18,680
Speaker 1: go through periods where I like, you're mad at yourself

460
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:20,720
Speaker 1: for having a feeling, or you're mad at yourself for

461
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:22,920
Speaker 1: doing this, or you're mad at yourself, and it's like, oh,

462
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:26,639
Speaker 1: she's on the phone, Katie, Hi, Katie, Hi, How you

463
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 1: doing good? How are you good? We're just saying I

464
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,040
Speaker 1: was saying, like I can relate to the self loathing

465
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,120
Speaker 1: and to the like kind of beating yourself up, like

466
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,080
Speaker 1: you know, why didn't I do this? Or or being

467
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:39,320
Speaker 1: embarrassed of past behavior or like you know, especially since

468
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 1: I've been home from Whistler, like I feel like, uh

469
00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:45,159
Speaker 1: not an isolationist. What's the person who stays home all

470
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:49,040
Speaker 1: the time of recluse? Yeah, you say recluse, I say recluse.

471
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:51,199
Speaker 1: You do think about your own behavior and stuff, and

472
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:54,720
Speaker 1: obviously beating yourself up about your own feelings is pointless

473
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 1: task and just creates suffering of your own ego all

474
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 1: the time. So I when I do that, I just

475
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:04,240
Speaker 1: always try to this is gonna sound very corny, but

476
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 1: this is really true and it works as a practice

477
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:09,080
Speaker 1: when I do that, and I'm like thinking about myself

478
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:11,560
Speaker 1: too much or being too self conscious about what I

479
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 1: really like and want to do and how I feel.

480
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:18,000
Speaker 1: I really I already prominent was going to say we

481
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,120
Speaker 1: had such a strong lead up, and then I'm like, wait,

482
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,679
Speaker 1: what this is why you don't smoke a joint right

483
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,119
Speaker 1: before we get here? Ran, I'm sober by now, I

484
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:27,199
Speaker 1: don't have to even feel that joint. I'm sorry that

485
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:32,800
Speaker 1: you're bearing the broad starting to feel like you are okay.

486
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:37,439
Speaker 1: So my practice, Katie is too really to just shift

487
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:40,480
Speaker 1: from from that to the present moment to be mindful

488
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,080
Speaker 1: of like every moment that you're in. The more present

489
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:45,200
Speaker 1: and a where you are leads to the next moment

490
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,639
Speaker 1: of presence and awareness, and the more present and aware

491
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 1: you practice becoming, the less self conscious you are about

492
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 1: judging yourself or berating yourself or any sort of self loathing,

493
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 1: because you know, like I think of it like this,

494
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:00,520
Speaker 1: like if I start talking to mysel off in that way,

495
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,960
Speaker 1: I'm bringing my energy down, I'm bringing my vibe down.

496
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,520
Speaker 1: I'm not attracting a lot. I'm kind of my eyes

497
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:08,960
Speaker 1: are watering a little bit. Are you crying? Are you crying? Yeah?

498
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:12,679
Speaker 1: I think I'm I'm getting there. Oh, when it's just

499
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:16,720
Speaker 1: a very real thing of like, how do you defeat

500
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 1: that and not not feel like beat myself up over

501
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:24,119
Speaker 1: things that are out of my control? I guess yeah, Well,

502
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,840
Speaker 1: I think it's just that it's like repeating that to you, like,

503
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:30,399
Speaker 1: you know, wasting your time on your self, critique that

504
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:33,199
Speaker 1: is suffering. You are suffering, suffering, suffering. We do it

505
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,000
Speaker 1: with our bodies, we do it with the way we look.

506
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,919
Speaker 1: I'm very vain about all of that stuff. I suffer

507
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,320
Speaker 1: a lot in that regard, but I do practice being

508
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:44,159
Speaker 1: present because when you're really present in every moment and

509
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,879
Speaker 1: you're paying attention, like in this conversation, in this moment,

510
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,000
Speaker 1: I don't have time to think about anything else, like

511
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:50,840
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, I'm not thinking about that.

512
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,159
Speaker 1: And even if you're in your apartment and it's just

513
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 1: you and you have your thoughts, it's like, Okay, now

514
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:57,600
Speaker 1: I can feel like this for a moment, and then

515
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,600
Speaker 1: I'm moving on to the next thing, not denying the feeling,

516
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:04,800
Speaker 1: but knowing it's not healthy for you, Okay, And practicing

517
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 1: just present moment awareness, which is like there's a million

518
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:11,040
Speaker 1: books on present moment awareness or mindfulness or whatever you

519
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,600
Speaker 1: want to call it. Vaginal rejuvenation. I mean, it can

520
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 1: be referred to as a lot of things, but it

521
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:19,360
Speaker 1: makes you much less filled with self doubt and less

522
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 1: self conscious. Well, and I think to your point in

523
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,280
Speaker 1: that regard, like Katie, you bring up the things that

524
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,040
Speaker 1: are out of your control is what you feel like

525
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 1: you are criticizing yourself over. And the one thing that

526
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 1: you do have control over is how you respond to

527
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:35,240
Speaker 1: those things. So again, change that narrative for yourself. Don't

528
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 1: worry about what you're not able to control. What you

529
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 1: do control is how you feel you. You do control

530
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:41,800
Speaker 1: your success. You do control the fact that you are

531
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:45,760
Speaker 1: confident enough to go have a solo dinner and be happy. Yeah,

532
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,199
Speaker 1: that's cool, Like that's confident and I like that. I

533
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:49,639
Speaker 1: like to do stuff like that too. Do you know

534
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:51,679
Speaker 1: how many people can't do that? That they would not

535
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:53,240
Speaker 1: have the balls to walk into us or go see

536
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,880
Speaker 1: a movie alone, Like, oh, that's one of my favorite things.

537
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 1: Like that is that is something that's like so hot

538
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 1: about someone where they don't need anyone, like that think

539
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 1: about that, don't think about what you don't have, think

540
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,359
Speaker 1: about like I can go do this like other people can't.

541
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:08,240
Speaker 1: Like I'm a fucking badass woman who does not need

542
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,760
Speaker 1: someone to fulfill these things for me. Yes, I know

543
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 1: it's hard because mainstream media and mainstream media are just

544
00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:21,880
Speaker 1: media media in general, and society continuously sets a standard

545
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:25,119
Speaker 1: for what a woman's life should be. And that's something

546
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 1: that you see in every way that you no longer

547
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:31,119
Speaker 1: have to apply that to your life, Like that is

548
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:32,879
Speaker 1: a standard they're setting. That's not a standard you have

549
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:36,199
Speaker 1: to accept. Yeah, it's so true. It's like it's just

550
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:39,280
Speaker 1: a mindset. Are you taking notes on this call because

551
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:42,359
Speaker 1: you need to be writing this stuff down? No, because

552
00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:44,760
Speaker 1: that's really good advice to all. Right, well this is

553
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 1: going to be in the podcast, so you can always

554
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 1: just but you need to listen back to the podcast.

555
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,400
Speaker 1: But you need to start implementing this to your life

556
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,600
Speaker 1: because it is about your confidence, right, It's about your

557
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:56,560
Speaker 1: belief in yourself that you are responsible for instilling. You

558
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,080
Speaker 1: have to believe in yourself, and so if you're constantly

559
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,359
Speaker 1: reminding yourself about all your good attributes and all your

560
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 1: good qualities, which is a theme that's come up on

561
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 1: the show now multiple times. It's like, you need to

562
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:07,879
Speaker 1: be reminded of the things that you do have, the

563
00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 1: things that you are good at, the things that are

564
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:11,440
Speaker 1: working for you. You know, looks like you have a

565
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:15,119
Speaker 1: beautiful apartment, you have a beautiful blowout, like you know,

566
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:18,640
Speaker 1: things are Yeah, exactly, you're ROCKINGNA, Like you have a

567
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:20,960
Speaker 1: lot of things to offer which I don't even know about.

568
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:23,200
Speaker 1: But you need to focus on those things to instill

569
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 1: your own confidence, to build yourself up so that you're

570
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,159
Speaker 1: not worried about what other people are thinking. You know,

571
00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 1: you're worried about what you're thinking. What do I think

572
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:35,199
Speaker 1: of myself? Yeah, it seems so simple, but it is

573
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:39,919
Speaker 1: really like resetting my entire narrative, my entire mindset about

574
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 1: how I process and think about things and internalize them too.

575
00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 1: You bring up in your submission about being judged and

576
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:48,879
Speaker 1: that that's you know, a big point of contention that

577
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:50,919
Speaker 1: you feel like people around you are judging either your

578
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:54,000
Speaker 1: circumstances or your decisions. But remember, like that's something about

579
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:58,520
Speaker 1: them that's not you. They're they're projecting what they think

580
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 1: on you, So it doesn't matter good, bad, or indifferent,

581
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:03,680
Speaker 1: Like if you set yourself up in life to be

582
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 1: happy with where you're at, it shouldn't matter what someone

583
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:09,360
Speaker 1: else thinks of your current circumstances, Like that's that has

584
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 1: that is there as they go to bed with that,

585
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 1: not you. Luckily, because you're you can put yourself in

586
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:16,040
Speaker 1: a good space where you don't have that mentality and

587
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 1: you get to go to bed peacefully every night not

588
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:20,119
Speaker 1: giving a sh about what someone else is doing or

589
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:23,000
Speaker 1: how they're living their life, because you've created the life

590
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 1: that you want for yourself. It's very true, sou those people. Yeah,

591
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 1: why do you say you feel judged all the time?

592
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 1: Is that something from like childhood or is that something

593
00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:35,199
Speaker 1: that I think it's more so when I when I

594
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,159
Speaker 1: sent him my submission, it was the day after my

595
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 1: thirty seventh birthday, and I think that had a lot

596
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,960
Speaker 1: to do with it too. It's kind of I feel

597
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 1: like I should have I should be, you know, with

598
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:48,000
Speaker 1: a husband and kids or something at this point, and

599
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,960
Speaker 1: most of the people that I used to associate with,

600
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:54,520
Speaker 1: that's their life. So it's almost like breaking away from

601
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 1: that and being comfortable if I don't end up married,

602
00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:59,479
Speaker 1: if I don't end up with a child if I

603
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:02,800
Speaker 1: end up, you know, maybe on a farm with a

604
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 1: woman who knows being comfortable with that stuff. I also

605
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:09,480
Speaker 1: came out more recently is buy So I think that's

606
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,920
Speaker 1: a whole other accepting things. Well. I like that you

607
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 1: think being with a woman leads to farming. I mean

608
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 1: it very well could. Yeah, it's another stereotype. But wouldn't

609
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:24,200
Speaker 1: you rather be the exception not the rule? Like those

610
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 1: people in those nuclear families, they're fucking miserable. So again,

611
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:30,360
Speaker 1: create the life you want for yourself, Like, don't worry

612
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,280
Speaker 1: about what they have going on because they're going to

613
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 1: end up divorce. Like your thirty seven you've not been

614
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:38,240
Speaker 1: through a divorce, which is great gratulations on that you're

615
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:40,520
Speaker 1: on your own. You've built a life without a man.

616
00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:43,920
Speaker 1: You were able to afford everything that you've wanted to

617
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:47,000
Speaker 1: take care of yourself. Yeah, and that's the fucking win

618
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 1: right there, Like, that's what you should be proud of

619
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 1: that I've not needed anyone for this. So when I

620
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 1: would like to say, I would like to go on

621
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 1: the record and tell you I'm forty six single and

622
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:56,360
Speaker 1: do not have a man in my life, and I

623
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:59,080
Speaker 1: don't have any regrets about that. I mean, I know

624
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:01,200
Speaker 1: we're not the same person in but like there is

625
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:04,720
Speaker 1: a very unique kind of boldness about it that feels

626
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:07,320
Speaker 1: pretty powerful to have been able to do this whole

627
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 1: life thing on my own and like be strong about it.

628
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:13,320
Speaker 1: And not that I'm against man. I mean it sounds

629
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 1: like I am every time I talk about them. I'm not.

630
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 1: I'm not, but I'm just I have standards and I'm

631
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 1: not willing to compromise who I am at this point,

632
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 1: and so that might mean that I'm alone for the

633
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:25,480
Speaker 1: rest of my life without a meaningful relationship so I

634
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 1: can relate to you. You know, these are all constructs,

635
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:31,960
Speaker 1: societal constructs that are just telling us milestones and people's lives.

636
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:34,960
Speaker 1: I obviously respect everyone's decision to live their lives how

637
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:38,240
Speaker 1: they want to to a degree, but you're basically comparing

638
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,640
Speaker 1: yourself to a race that no one had agreed to.

639
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 1: Everybody has to go through all of these milestones at

640
00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:46,480
Speaker 1: the right amount of time, and it's just a societal

641
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:49,880
Speaker 1: construct that we've all allowed to happen. So we think, oh,

642
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:52,280
Speaker 1: what's you know, that's the It's a frame of reference.

643
00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 1: It's like life mile markers that you're supposed to hit.

644
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 1: And it's also just like the lameness of people's ability

645
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 1: not to have an original conversation when they're like, oh,

646
00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:03,480
Speaker 1: what's up with Melissa? You know, she's not married, she's

647
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:05,760
Speaker 1: still single, or what Chelsea ever be with somebody? I

648
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:08,800
Speaker 1: don't know. But it's really not anybody's fucking problem, right,

649
00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:11,560
Speaker 1: but your own. And it's only a problem for you.

650
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:13,960
Speaker 1: If it is a problem for you, it sounds more

651
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,120
Speaker 1: to me like you're worried more about what other people

652
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:18,800
Speaker 1: think than what you think. Yeah, well, and be excited,

653
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:20,479
Speaker 1: like do you know how many more possibilities you have

654
00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:23,560
Speaker 1: now that you can date men and women? Like what

655
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:25,400
Speaker 1: what I got to open up that hand of warm

656
00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 1: soon and become a lesbian or become by actually just

657
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 1: become open to the possibility like that. I will be.

658
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:34,479
Speaker 1: I guess I will be, because you're right again, it's

659
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:36,000
Speaker 1: not about what you don't have, it's about what you

660
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:38,880
Speaker 1: do have on the horizon, Like you're going to have

661
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:42,440
Speaker 1: some hot lesbian lover possibly, so like, let's let's be

662
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 1: excited about that. Okay. Yeah, well, I really appreciate you guys,

663
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 1: and I love your energy too. I think that's part

664
00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:52,360
Speaker 1: of it, like fucking positivity and that's the new narrative.

665
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 1: Just a reset that I need to Yeah, you just

666
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:59,000
Speaker 1: need a quick reset. So just like write some things down,

667
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 1: like some positive things, things that you can like remember

668
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:04,720
Speaker 1: about yourself. Make sure it's visible. Just start on your

669
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,560
Speaker 1: most fundamental level of like telling yourself that you're important

670
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:11,040
Speaker 1: and what you think matters more than what others think. Okay,

671
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 1: all right, nice to talk to you, Okatie, talk to

672
00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:16,240
Speaker 1: you as well, Katie with a c is it Katie?

673
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:19,480
Speaker 1: Are we pronouncing that correctly? You are? What is it, Harriet?

674
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 1: Exactly what I was getting at. It's a mean girls reference.

675
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,560
Speaker 1: Wouldn't sorry, I'm sorry you let us know if you

676
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:30,400
Speaker 1: do find a girlfriend, I would like to like to

677
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 1: hear about that. Please, yes, all right, thank you, Katie.

678
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 1: She was cute. Yeah, I liked her, liked her enough

679
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 1: to data when that time comes. Well, I mean, god,

680
00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:42,719
Speaker 1: I know, I just feel like, yeah, that's just right

681
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,120
Speaker 1: around the corner from me transitioning into let's or a

682
00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:47,400
Speaker 1: bisexual person. Well it's not really, well, it is a

683
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:50,800
Speaker 1: transition metaphorically. I think it could happen for you. I

684
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 1: think maybe it should happen because sounds like me, a

685
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:59,040
Speaker 1: woman would annoy you less. Possibly, Yeah, there's just so

686
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 1: many different ways to be annoying. That was the thing,

687
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 1: you know, That's what I worry about. Yeah, and this

688
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,480
Speaker 1: would be well, we won't get into the specifics of

689
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 1: the sexual dynamic, but I imagine there would have to

690
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 1: be a tap out for you at a certain points

691
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 1: sextually be like okay, thank you so much. That that

692
00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:17,120
Speaker 1: goes for men and women. So there's yeah, I need

693
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:20,360
Speaker 1: to tap out safe word. Okay, Brandon, would you like

694
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:23,080
Speaker 1: to take a bath? I could. Okay, Well we're going

695
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 1: to take a quick break, so let me run you

696
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:30,960
Speaker 1: a bath. Our next and last omission comes from initials

697
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:36,400
Speaker 1: j K thirty nine, advice she's gotten in a lot

698
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:39,480
Speaker 1: of like, well, this is probably her what situations lately?

699
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 1: She says, dear hand job, I'm thirty nine. I got

700
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:44,840
Speaker 1: married in my twenties to a doctor and divorced him

701
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:47,400
Speaker 1: for a drummer. My parents are very proud. I'm sure

702
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:50,640
Speaker 1: they are. I'm uninterested in marriage and feel fine with that.

703
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:53,520
Speaker 1: Still with the drummer after ten years. We have always

704
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 1: lived apart and it's a fun relationship where I have

705
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:58,280
Speaker 1: lots of time to focus on my career during the week,

706
00:33:58,320 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 1: and then we hang out on the weekends and playing

707
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 1: a band together. He has kids from a previous marriage,

708
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,040
Speaker 1: and several years into our relationship he told me he

709
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 1: didn't want any more kids. Understandable, but this was initially

710
00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 1: something that made me feel deep grief. Even though if

711
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 1: given the choice, I have trouble visualizing my life with

712
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 1: kids because I like my freedom. Plus I enjoy not

713
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:20,200
Speaker 1: being broke, and kids would interfere with this. Yet sometimes

714
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 1: I see myself as having quote unquote settled, like I

715
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:25,000
Speaker 1: should have picked up and left when my boyfriend said

716
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:27,440
Speaker 1: he didn't want kids, when I am otherwise happy in

717
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:30,719
Speaker 1: our relationship. My question is, why do I keep ruminating

718
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:32,560
Speaker 1: on the fact that I don't have kids and feeling

719
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 1: like a total weirdo for it? Is this a midlife

720
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:38,359
Speaker 1: crisis or just an antiquated sexist idea that has gotten

721
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:40,279
Speaker 1: stuck in my head about what it means to be

722
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 1: a grown woman. What do you think I think she

723
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:45,239
Speaker 1: should just let go of the idea of kids and

724
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:49,920
Speaker 1: stop forcing it again. Societal pressure, societal standards. You're happy,

725
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 1: everything's good in your life, and you're just going to

726
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 1: complicate things by yeah, you're thinking what if? What if?

727
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:56,560
Speaker 1: What if you have to go with the fact that

728
00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:58,040
Speaker 1: you're not having kids and it's going to be a

729
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:00,640
Speaker 1: great life. It's sad to see how many of these

730
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:04,520
Speaker 1: women feel like they need kids to fulfill something in them. Yeah,

731
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:06,360
Speaker 1: I know it. So it's a real it's like drinking

732
00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:08,719
Speaker 1: the kool aid, Like it's so unfair. This is a

733
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 1: conversation I have with all of my sisters really regularly, actually,

734
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:14,520
Speaker 1: because yeah, because in the Midwest, your life is on

735
00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:16,960
Speaker 1: a certain timeline of you know, you graduate high school,

736
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 1: you either go to a trade school or you start

737
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 1: working immediately, you have kids by twenty three or twenty five,

738
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:23,920
Speaker 1: you're married, like it's just and so I always tell

739
00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:25,880
Speaker 1: my sisters, like, you can't live for your kids. They

740
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:28,680
Speaker 1: have to be incorporated to your life because eventually they're gone. So,

741
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:30,880
Speaker 1: you know, people have kids to try and fix a marriage,

742
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:32,799
Speaker 1: or they have kids because it's what's expected of them.

743
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 1: And I'm like, life has so much more talk. And

744
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 1: it's also like you're allowing somebody else to dictate what

745
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:40,680
Speaker 1: is your true happiness. You know, if you really wanted

746
00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:42,640
Speaker 1: kids that badly, you wouldn't be you with your boyfriend,

747
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:44,560
Speaker 1: you would have left him at that moment if you

748
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:47,080
Speaker 1: really really, if it was like everything to you, you

749
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 1: would have worked harder to make it happen. So you

750
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:51,160
Speaker 1: can accept that it's not for you and that you're

751
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:52,879
Speaker 1: not going to make it happen, and it's so easy

752
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 1: and enjoy yourself. It's so easily identifiable with some of

753
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 1: these women that just had the kids because it was

754
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:00,440
Speaker 1: what they thought was expected of them and should not

755
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:02,480
Speaker 1: and fucking hate being a mom. I'm thinking of one

756
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 1: of your friends in particular. It's like you were not

757
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:09,560
Speaker 1: made to be a mom. And that's okay. Again, that's

758
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:13,480
Speaker 1: something that women have. That's great because a lot of

759
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:15,520
Speaker 1: women don't. And then you see what happens. They just

760
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:17,960
Speaker 1: get up and leave, they disappear. It's like I should

761
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:20,240
Speaker 1: not have done this. Well, too little, too late, Yeah

762
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 1: you have the kids, Yeah, too little, too late. I've

763
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 1: definitely seen a lot of people have kids, not a lot,

764
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:28,040
Speaker 1: but I've had my fair share of friends that have

765
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:31,000
Speaker 1: had kids that are like, not good at it and

766
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 1: not happy about it now. And then there are some

767
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 1: people that, again, like I think we've talked about this,

768
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 1: that you knew that exactly what they wanted that it

769
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:39,600
Speaker 1: didn't have anything to do with anyone else. And they're

770
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:41,319
Speaker 1: a great parents. They love it. That's exactly how they

771
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,440
Speaker 1: want to spend their time. I can't imagine that. Speaking

772
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:45,960
Speaker 1: of kids, there's about sixteen thoud kids at the border

773
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:48,520
Speaker 1: that need foster home. So if anybody's thinking about fostering,

774
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:51,279
Speaker 1: we should give them the resources to register as a

775
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 1: foster parent. Well, it's great to know. And yeah, if

776
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,799
Speaker 1: you have a house or bed, these kids have nowhere

777
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:58,239
Speaker 1: else to go. So if you do want information on

778
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 1: how you can foster a child who is stuck at

779
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:03,600
Speaker 1: the border, you can go to the Lutheran Immigration and

780
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 1: Refugee Services at l i r S dot org. L

781
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:11,560
Speaker 1: i r S dot org find out more. And on

782
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:14,320
Speaker 1: that upbeat note, I think we've come to a conclusion.

783
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:16,279
Speaker 1: Do you have any parting words of advice for all

784
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:18,040
Speaker 1: of our colors? What would you say the theme was

785
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:20,920
Speaker 1: of today's episode really just for the women listening, Well,

786
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:22,520
Speaker 1: I guess men too, but just be okay with where

787
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 1: you're at, Like you don't let anyone else influence how

788
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:28,479
Speaker 1: you feel about what you're going through, what you've been through,

789
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:31,960
Speaker 1: what you're going to go through inevitably, like it's all okay,

790
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:34,200
Speaker 1: it's all in motion, it's all changing. Yeah, it's all

791
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:36,640
Speaker 1: cyclical too, so like you also, something to remember is like,

792
00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:38,200
Speaker 1: you know, if you're in a bad frame of mind,

793
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:41,160
Speaker 1: or if you're feeling down or you're feeling depressed, Like,

794
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:43,480
Speaker 1: that's cyclical too. It comes in waves and ebbs and

795
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:45,480
Speaker 1: flows and like, so no mood is permanent. So like

796
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:47,719
Speaker 1: the impermanence of everything is a good reminder of Like

797
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 1: things don't stick around forever. You're not going to feel

798
00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 1: this way forever. You're not going to be insecure forever.

799
00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:56,120
Speaker 1: Like things move. Do you have one piece of advice? So, say,

800
00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:58,719
Speaker 1: someone who's listening is feeling that way right now, what

801
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:00,840
Speaker 1: is your best at us to get them out of

802
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 1: that feeling in this moment? Like is there something you do?

803
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:05,479
Speaker 1: Is there something you would suggest that they try to do,

804
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:07,840
Speaker 1: like if they're down and they want to feel happier

805
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:14,120
Speaker 1: out of that melodramatic self loathing space. I mean, you know,

806
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:15,920
Speaker 1: I want to say, just go outside and take a

807
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,239
Speaker 1: walk in nature, exactly what I was gonna say. Yeah,

808
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,160
Speaker 1: go look at the trees and the greenery and just

809
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:22,400
Speaker 1: be like oh wow, wait, you know, get out of

810
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:25,759
Speaker 1: your own I think half of the problem is right now,

811
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:29,879
Speaker 1: especially during this time period, is that people are so isolated,

812
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:32,759
Speaker 1: so like you are thinking about yourself too much and

813
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:36,400
Speaker 1: you are having more thoughts than normal because you're stuck.

814
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:39,680
Speaker 1: So it's about being unstuck, and like that is up

815
00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:41,719
Speaker 1: to you to get yourself out of being stuck. And

816
00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 1: that's like as easy as taking a walk in nature

817
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:46,960
Speaker 1: and like going for you know something, whatever is going

818
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:49,400
Speaker 1: to make you feel good in thirty minutes, do it,

819
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:52,759
Speaker 1: you know, and do it now. Get a peloton, and

820
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:55,759
Speaker 1: if you are someone you know needs advice, you can

821
00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:58,440
Speaker 1: write in. We might get you on the phone for

822
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 1: additional details or context, and you can do that by

823
00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:06,040
Speaker 1: submitting your advice request to dear Chelsea Project at gmail

824
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:11,160
Speaker 1: dot com. Okay, I mean, we really did it today, sweetheart.

825
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:13,200
Speaker 1: We really really knocked it out of the park.