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Speaker 1: Welcome to Becheler Happy Hours Golden Hour. We are back

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Speaker 1: and thank you again for joining us.

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Speaker 2: If you haven't listened to our episode from Wednesday yet,

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Speaker 2: you really need to check it out. We have the

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Speaker 2: wonderful Kelsey Anderson on who is a Joey's fiance and

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Speaker 2: is she not the most amazing person?

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Speaker 1: Way mature beyond her years, I mean, and beautiful in

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Speaker 1: the hair? How about her hair?

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Speaker 2: Okay, I can't stop talking about her hair, But I mean,

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Speaker 2: wouldn't you love to have the life that they're having.

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Speaker 2: They're talking about moving to New York. They've been in

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Speaker 2: Hawaii and Portugal, and I mean they are living their

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Speaker 2: best life, truly, absolutely, and I just hope that they

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Speaker 2: continue to do so.

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Speaker 1: They're all over the place, but don't they?

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Speaker 2: I mean, she just seems so happy to me. Did

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Speaker 2: you love the part about teaching Joey about skincare?

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Speaker 1: I know, and he's very interested because I saw them

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Speaker 1: on Instagram with the iPads and so on. But wait,

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Speaker 1: how about she's the baby and the first one to

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Speaker 1: be engaged.

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Speaker 2: Can you believe?

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Speaker 1: It's so cute?

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Speaker 2: And then did you hear she wants to have she

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Speaker 2: wants to be an Auntie and I did not know

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Speaker 2: that she wants to adopt children. I cannot.

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Speaker 1: Did you said adopt at least one and then have one?

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Speaker 2: Why I think she should adopt one or two and

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Speaker 2: have two or three of her own.

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Speaker 1: Oh? Wait, two is good, Joey, two is good. I'm

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Speaker 1: with you.

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Speaker 2: Remember man to man to his own defense.

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Speaker 1: And today we do have some great band questions. I

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Speaker 1: can't wait to get into these, and don't forget. If

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Speaker 1: you have a question for Kathy and I send them

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Speaker 1: in go to Bachelor nation dot com slash Golden Hour

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Speaker 1: and we'll talk about them.

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Speaker 2: We certainly will. We have our opinions. But before we

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Speaker 2: do that, let's get started with today's question of the day.

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Speaker 2: Are you ready, Susan?

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Speaker 1: I sure, am all right.

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Speaker 2: Everyone always says when you know you know, what does

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Speaker 2: that feel like?

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Speaker 1: Oh, it's a good feeling. When you know you know,

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Speaker 1: I've think of a positive thing, right, or when you

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Speaker 1: know you know it's a red flag and run. It

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Speaker 1: could be quite the opposite.

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Speaker 2: But I like, what if you know, but your partner

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Speaker 2: doesn't you know the other person doesn't know.

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Speaker 1: Oh that will suck.

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Speaker 2: I know. I don't know how many times have you

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Speaker 2: known like I knew with my husband. Do you know

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Speaker 2: this is true story? When I met my husband, I

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Speaker 2: was at a fraternity party. I had just turned eighteen.

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Speaker 2: The drinking age was eighteen back then, and he was

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Speaker 2: a college in New York State. And I went to

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Speaker 2: this fraternity party with my roommate and everyone was drinking

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Speaker 2: with red cups. And you just saw the sea of

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Speaker 2: guys in a fratnity with red with the red silk cups.

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Speaker 2: And I looked at this guy across the room and

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Speaker 2: I said to my roommate, I'm going to marry that guy.

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Speaker 2: I just had. I just had this connection.

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Speaker 1: I remember that story.

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Speaker 2: Yes I did, so, I knew.

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Speaker 1: So when you know, you know people. But hopefully you

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Speaker 1: both know that's exactly all right. You ready, let's get

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Speaker 1: into it, Hi, Kathy and Susan. I love your podcast.

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Speaker 1: I was married for twenty five years. My husband and

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Speaker 1: I did not see eye the eye financially. It came

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Speaker 1: to a head when he retired early without us having

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Speaker 1: good financial footing. We opened a business which left us

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Speaker 1: in a six figure debt, and then he moved out.

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Speaker 1: Oh God, to top it off, our divorce was horrible.

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Speaker 1: He sued me for alimony. I came through all of that, God,

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Speaker 1: bless you. I met a man who treats me with

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Speaker 1: so much love, devotion and respect. I am not sure why,

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Speaker 1: but I feel really guilty. My ex has always struggled financially,

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Speaker 1: and my role in the marriage was fix her. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I know that feeling. I feel like I'm not able

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Speaker 1: to move on freely unless I know my ex is okay.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to let this feeling go. Wow,

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Speaker 1: I can't even know what I don't part it woman

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Speaker 1: she is.

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Speaker 2: There's so many questions I have. I mean, why it

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Speaker 2: came to her head when you retired early without them

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Speaker 2: having good financial footing, and then he suthes her for alimony.

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Speaker 1: Because she made more money obviously, I mean, she's the

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Speaker 1: bread winner now. But you found love. He's going to

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Speaker 1: survive on his own. He already went through that. You

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Speaker 1: can't fix.

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Speaker 2: Him, that's the answer, Susan. You can't. You can only

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Speaker 2: fix yourself. You can't fix anyone else.

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Speaker 1: And gone, bless you. You found somebody that loves you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he's you know. I don't want to sound harsh,

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Speaker 2: but literally, you've come through six figure debt and he

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Speaker 2: moved out. You've you've you've supported him as much as

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Speaker 2: you could. It's now time for you have a little happiness.

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Speaker 2: If he can't figure it out, that's not your problem.

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Speaker 2: But I mean I think she it's.

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Speaker 1: When she says, unless I know my ex is okay,

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Speaker 1: she can't financially, what are you going to support him?

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Speaker 2: I'm saying you to know he's okay if he's put

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Speaker 2: them in debt and any he you know, she says,

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Speaker 2: they don't see I financially. Obviously, this is not a

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Speaker 2: new problem. I mean, how is exactly how is she

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Speaker 2: going to make sure he's okay?

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Speaker 1: I don't know, but I wish you luck, honey, and

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Speaker 1: be with the guy that loves you right now.

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Speaker 2: You did lucky, right, How lucky she'd have found a

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Speaker 2: guy that loves her. Don focus on that, Focus on

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Speaker 2: the new love that you've found and let the rest

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Speaker 2: take care of itself because you can't fix anybody else.

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Speaker 1: And let the guilt go.

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Speaker 2: Guilt is just a wasteful emotion, we wish. Okay, let

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Speaker 2: me go to the next question. This is from anonymous. Okay, Hello,

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Speaker 2: beautiful ladies, I need some wise advice and I couldn't

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Speaker 2: think of anybody better to ask. Since my grandma has

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Speaker 2: recently passed, she would have known exactly what to say

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Speaker 2: on this topic. My boyfriend and I are twenty nine

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Speaker 2: years old and have been together for almost five years.

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Speaker 2: We are talking about taking the next step and getting

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Speaker 2: engaged in the next year or so. Our relationship is

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Speaker 2: honestly perfect, and I think he's the love of my life.

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Speaker 2: We've lived together for three years and have the cutest

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Speaker 2: fur baby together. I knew he was going to be

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Speaker 2: my future husband from the second I laid eyes on him.

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Speaker 2: Sounds like make of course, there was a catch. We've

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Speaker 2: both been dealing with some medical issues that are making

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Speaker 2: our sex nonexistent. We've tried almost everything, including working with

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Speaker 2: our doctors, to resolve it, over the last two years,

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Speaker 2: but it seems to only be getting worse. I want

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Speaker 2: to marry this guy, and I do feel ready for

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Speaker 2: that next step, But am I investing into a sexless marriage.

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Speaker 2: Aren't they supposed to be our fun years. We're both attractive, spontaneous,

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Speaker 2: fun loving people, so it's frustrating to only be having

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Speaker 2: sex once every two months. I struggle with mixed feelings

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Speaker 2: of being shallow and wanting to have a high sex

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Speaker 2: drive partner. We are very affectionate, just missing the sex.

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Speaker 2: We are big communicators and understand that both of us

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Speaker 2: are feeling frustrated. I will take any and all advice.

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Speaker 2: I love you ladies and look forward to your podcast

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Speaker 2: every week. Well, thank you, Anonymous.

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Speaker 1: Let me get this right. They were both struggling, right,

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Speaker 1: and then she says she has a big sex drive.

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Speaker 1: Are they just one struggling he he's struggling.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. It is a bit confusing. She says

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Speaker 2: that they've both been dealing with medical issues that are

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Speaker 2: making their sex drive non existent. So to that end,

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Speaker 2: you know, I could make a joke here that I've

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Speaker 2: never known, but let's just move ahead. There are doctors

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Speaker 2: that can help you with that. If neither one of

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Speaker 2: you are interested in sex. There are doctors that you

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Speaker 2: can go to.

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Speaker 1: The go to doctors, they're saying, including working with our doctor.

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Speaker 2: I mean a sex therapist. I'm a sex therapist.

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Speaker 1: Whether if it's him that lost the desire or is

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Speaker 1: it that he says?

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Speaker 2: She says, they're both feeling frustrated. It sounds to me

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Speaker 2: like they're both having the issue. But it's interesting to

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Speaker 2: me that she said their relationship is honestly perfect. That

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Speaker 2: you know, no relationship is perfect.

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Speaker 1: Well, if she says it's perfect, it's perfect for her.

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Speaker 1: So stay with the perfect and hopefully these medical issues

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Speaker 1: can be resolved in the future and then you could

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Speaker 1: go back to having great sex. I want to know,

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Speaker 1: do you feel like if there was somebody else you

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Speaker 1: would have great sex?

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Speaker 2: Is it just yeah, I'm a little confused. Is medical issues?

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Speaker 1: We need to know more, We need.

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Speaker 2: To know more, you know. But here's here's here's one

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Speaker 2: thing that I think you and I can both agree.

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Speaker 2: They're young and if she's interested in sex, they better

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Speaker 2: figure it out because that's something that could drive a

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Speaker 2: wedge in their relationship.

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Speaker 1: I very well could. I agree, and we wish you luck.

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Speaker 1: But if you want to tell us a little more,

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Speaker 1: maybe we can help you figure this out. But we

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Speaker 1: wish you the best.

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Speaker 2: Good luck.

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Speaker 1: Okay, this one's from Katie. Hi, Susan and Kathy. I

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Speaker 1: loved watching you both on The Golden Bachelor, and I'm

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Speaker 1: so happy I get more of you on this podcast. Thanks.

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Speaker 1: My question is this. I am thirty three with two

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Speaker 1: little boys, a five year old and a twenty month

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Speaker 1: old I've been blessed with an amazing job where I

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Speaker 1: get to work from home and be a full time

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Speaker 1: mom and a full time marketing director. The problem is,

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Speaker 1: I never feel like I can be one hundred percent

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Speaker 1: a good mom or one hundred percent a good employee. Recently,

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Speaker 1: a great job opportunity popped up where I would be

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Speaker 1: a teacher. I'd lose my flexibility I have now, but

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Speaker 1: I get to separate work from home and have summers off.

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Speaker 1: I think I want to take the job, but I'm

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Speaker 1: being held down with guilt at losing time with my boys.

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Speaker 1: Do you have any advice? Yes, I did, so don't. Well,

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Speaker 1: you need to do you You're going to be home

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Speaker 1: in the summer with them, and that's a plus.

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Speaker 2: Think that it's one of the biggest fallacies out there

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Speaker 2: that anyone can be one hundred percent great mom and

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Speaker 2: one hundred percent good employee. I think that women really

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Speaker 2: have it tough. You know. Historically we've been asked to

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Speaker 2: do it all right, and more and more, two family

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Speaker 2: incomes are required, and so women. I mean my daughter,

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Speaker 2: we talk about this all the time. She has a

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Speaker 2: high pressure job and her daughter now is in daycare.

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Speaker 2: You can't do it all, Katie. You can't be one

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Speaker 2: hundred percent great mom, one hundred percent great employee. And oh,

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Speaker 2: by the way, you didn't mention this, but you need

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Speaker 2: to be a good wife and partner.

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Speaker 1: And I don't know. Is she happily married. Maybe she's

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Speaker 1: a single mom. I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Does it say that, Oh you're right, it doesn't say that,

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Speaker 2: so so maybe she is single. But the point is

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Speaker 2: you can't do it all, and we as women are

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Speaker 2: expected to sometimes to do it all. You got to

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Speaker 2: cut yourself some slack here, Katie.

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Speaker 1: And I want to know how you did full time mom,

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Speaker 1: full time job at the same time that that has

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Speaker 1: to be difficult.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. My daughter has worked from home, and

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Speaker 2: I don't know. You've got two kids crawling on you.

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Speaker 2: I know. I mean, I'm guessing. I'm guessing one hundred

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Speaker 2: percent good employee. Maybe is in her mind only, but

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Speaker 2: I'm with you, Susan, Katie, take the teaching job. I taught.

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Speaker 2: I loved having summers off.

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Speaker 1: And you'll like getting out of the house. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: you're going but fine, going to miss you in the beginning.

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Speaker 1: It's going to be a struggle, but just know you'll

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Speaker 1: get to spend three long months in the summer with them.

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Speaker 1: I think that's and you.

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Speaker 2: Know what, when you come home from work, it's better

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Speaker 2: to have I think, you know, a couple of hours

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Speaker 2: of really good quality time than you know eight hours

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Speaker 2: where you're trying to juggle work and family and home.

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Speaker 2: So that can take the great job. Take the great job,

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Speaker 2: You'll be glad. Okay, Hi, Susan and Cathy. I really

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Speaker 2: enjoy listening to your podcast. I work in healthcare and

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Speaker 2: one of my patients brought to my attention a situation

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Speaker 2: she is currently in. For some reason, it made me

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Speaker 2: think of you both and was wondering what your advice

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Speaker 2: would be. She is sixty one years old. She is

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Speaker 2: a caregiver for a man who is eighty four years old.

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Speaker 2: She lives with him, and both of them are single.

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Speaker 2: They both have kids from their previous marriages. She loves

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Speaker 2: her job and spending time with him. She told me

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Speaker 2: at her appointment last week that her client has asked

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Speaker 2: her to marry him. He does not have any ailments

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Speaker 2: dementia included. He wants to leave his house to her

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Speaker 2: and his money. Apparently, he doesn't have a good relationship

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Speaker 2: with his kids. She was shocked, unsure if this is

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Speaker 2: morally wrong. She admits he has treated her the nicest

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Speaker 2: any man has ever. He has promised her it does

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Speaker 2: have to be sexual either, just wants her to hold

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Speaker 2: his hand while they watch TV. She has no idea

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Speaker 2: what to do. I am dying to know what you

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Speaker 2: both think. Love you both? Well, wow, that is a lot.

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Speaker 2: What I think is.

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Speaker 1: Okay, she's a caregiver, so obviously they're friends now because

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Speaker 1: she's there all the time. I mean, do you have

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Speaker 1: anything in your life other than this man?

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Speaker 2: You know?

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Speaker 1: What about her personal life?

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Speaker 2: She said? They both have kids from their previous marriages.

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Speaker 1: They both have children, right, Okay, so she's not married

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Speaker 1: and she's spending every minute with him, right, you know,

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Speaker 1: I think, I mean, do you like him? Do you

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Speaker 1: love him? Because I mean, yeah, life.

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Speaker 2: Sounds very transactional to me. This sounds like, you know,

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Speaker 2: I don't think this person would be asking the question

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Speaker 2: if the guy had no money, it would be no,

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Speaker 2: I've got my job. I'm taking care of him. But apparently,

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Speaker 2: and I don't mean to again, I don't mean to

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Speaker 2: sound harsh, but she says, is it morally wrong? I

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Speaker 2: don't think morals come into it. It's it's maybe ethically

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Speaker 2: there's a question of is it right to marry someone

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Speaker 2: because you're going to gain financial Uh, you have financial

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Speaker 2: gain from it.

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Speaker 1: But well, you know people, the kids are going to

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Speaker 1: say that that, yeah, this kid, but you know what,

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Speaker 1: if he's got ironclad will, good luck.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I think that's really harsh.

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Speaker 1: I think she has ask herself how she feels about him?

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Speaker 2: Right, well, did you hear in this that she loves

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Speaker 2: him anywhere? I didn't hear it.

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Speaker 1: No. I think he cares about her and he wants

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Speaker 1: he cares.

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Speaker 2: About her, and he wants to leave her the money.

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Speaker 1: But you know what she's got.

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Speaker 2: She doesn't have to marry him to do that. He

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Speaker 2: can he can leave her money in his will. I

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Speaker 2: think there's more to it. I think he wants that.

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Speaker 2: I think he wants, he wants, he will, he wants

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Speaker 2: someone that twenty four hours a day.

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Speaker 1: But you got to ask your self, babe, how do

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Speaker 1: you feel do you want to be with this man until.

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Speaker 2: Twenty four hours a day?

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Speaker 1: Yes, because you will be sorrying.

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Speaker 2: For him twenty four hours a day.

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Speaker 1: And don just stop worrying about the kids and people's opinions.

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Speaker 1: It's it's about you what you want.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well I don't Susan, if will you come and

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Speaker 2: take care of me?

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Speaker 1: If I believe are you going to leave me all

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Speaker 1: your money?

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Speaker 2: What money?

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Speaker 1: Okay? The next one's from Chloe and she says, Hi,

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Speaker 1: Kathy and Susan, my husband really wants to have a

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Speaker 1: second child. But the more time goes on, the more

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Speaker 1: I feel like I don't What are your thoughts on

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Speaker 1: how to navigate this. I know you're going to say communicate, Oh,

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Speaker 1: they know us, Gott, but the problem is that we

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Speaker 1: do talk about it. Ultimately, he says it's my decision,

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Speaker 1: but I know he really really wants it. What would

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Speaker 1: you do.

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Speaker 2: Again? On these questions, we don't have enough information. I

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Speaker 2: want to know why she doesn't want a second child.

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Speaker 2: I mean, to me, that's important. If it's because her career,

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Speaker 2: you know, is taken off and she doesn't want to

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Speaker 2: go back to diapers or whatever, you know, if that's

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Speaker 2: the issue, then then they can talk about what are

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Speaker 2: the ways they could get help taking care of the baby.

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Speaker 2: But if it's you know, I mean.

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Speaker 1: It's a whole new ball game when you have more

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Speaker 1: than one, it really is now you could talk about

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Speaker 1: having an only child and what that means and think

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Speaker 1: about that you don't want.

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Speaker 2: Would you have wanted to? I would say to have

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Speaker 2: another one, because I mean I had three children, Chloe,

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Speaker 2: but I would not want my child to have all

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Speaker 2: the responsibility of being an only child. And many of

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Speaker 2: my friends who have had only children their kids are

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Speaker 2: you know, they're older now, they have said they wish

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Speaker 2: they had a sibling to share the responsibilities with.

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Speaker 1: I just at one child. My husband's career. He was

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Speaker 1: traveling everywhere in baseball, and I got pregnant again with twins,

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Speaker 1: and I was in shock. I love them to death today,

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Speaker 1: but it was hard. It was hard when you feel

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Speaker 1: like that's all you want. It's a tough decision. But

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Speaker 1: you and your husband absolutely should communicate.

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Speaker 2: Right Did you and your husband talk about it?

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Speaker 1: No, it was an accident.

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Speaker 2: Oh so you really only wanted one child? Wow?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because of our lifestyle on how we moved around,

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Speaker 1: and it was just going to be too hard and

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Speaker 1: it was difficult. I don't regret my boys. I love

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Speaker 1: my boys, but yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I don't think it's fair. Do you think it's fair

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Speaker 2: for Chloe's husband to say it's ultimately her decision. I

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Speaker 2: just don't think that's fair either. That's not fair.

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Speaker 1: Well, he doesn't want to be the one that she

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Speaker 1: blames if she has a second child and says, see,

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Speaker 1: see you made me do this, that kind of thing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Well you know what if, Chloe, if you decide

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Speaker 2: to have a second child, and you make that decision,

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Speaker 2: then you can never go back and say you made

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Speaker 2: me do this, right, I don't know. I love kids,

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Speaker 2: so I would say, Chloe, have a second one. Their blessings,

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Speaker 2: they're fun, they're you know, don't There's always going to

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Speaker 2: be more month than money, Chloe, So don't worry about that.

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Speaker 1: We wish you a lot of luck and thank you

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Speaker 1: to everyone who wrote in.

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Speaker 2: Oh wait, Susan, we have time for one more?

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Speaker 1: Whoa okay, so.

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Speaker 2: Hold the phone. Roberto, who's twenty nine from Michigan High

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Speaker 2: Golden Hour. I am writing in about my future father

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Speaker 2: in law. My fiance and I have been together for

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Speaker 2: five years and we're very much in love and looking

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Speaker 2: forward to getting married. I am struggling with my future

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Speaker 2: father in law though, because he is having a very

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Speaker 2: hard time sharing his little girl with me. I am

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Speaker 2: nothing but kind and respectful around their family, but he

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Speaker 2: always finds a reason to pick on every little thing

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Speaker 2: I do. He brings it up with his daughter, but

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Speaker 2: never me, which puts us in a weird position. He

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Speaker 2: feels like he raised the perfect woman and he's single

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Speaker 2: now and I don't think he wants to share her

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Speaker 2: with anyone, not just me. One time, he didn't speak

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Speaker 2: to me for months and didn't tell me or his daughter.

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Speaker 2: Why any idea on how to try to mend our

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Speaker 2: relationship before the wedding. I want to feel better about

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Speaker 2: all this on the wedding day and to feel like

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Speaker 2: one family. I'm not taking this little girl from him.

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Speaker 2: We all just love her.

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Speaker 1: Oh poor guy, Oh my god. So does she know

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Speaker 1: about this?

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Speaker 2: He says? He says she didn't. He didn't talk to

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Speaker 2: his fancy or him for months and they don't know why.

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Speaker 2: I gotta say I had a similar relations a similar issue.

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Speaker 2: My my husband was the oldest of three kids, and

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Speaker 2: he his mom's favorite, and they did not like me

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Speaker 2: coming along, and it was tough. It was tough in

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Speaker 2: our marriage.

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Speaker 1: What did you do.

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Speaker 2: You know? I have to say I probably didn't handle

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Speaker 2: it the best way. My husband was very respectful to

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Speaker 2: his parents, and he loved his parents very much. But

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Speaker 2: I remember him saying to them one day, saying to

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Speaker 2: his mother, Mom, we've been married, I can't remember you

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Speaker 2: thirty years. I love Kathy. Why can't you accept her?

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Speaker 2: And she just looked at him and said, well, I do,

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Speaker 2: But I mean and so I guess my answer is

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Speaker 2: to you, Roberto, you may not be able to change

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Speaker 2: your future father in law. He may just hold on

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Speaker 2: to that. Hopefully, once you're married and he sees how

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Speaker 2: you cherish his daughter, he will warm up to you.

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Speaker 2: But like I repeatedly say, you can only change yourself.

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Speaker 1: I would honestly have a talk with her and maybe

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Speaker 1: they could approach the father together. You know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: speak your piece. I mean, she it sounds like she

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Speaker 1: doesn't really know what's going on as much as he feels.

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Speaker 1: And I don't blame you for feeling weird about it.

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Speaker 1: I get it. You want to feel welcome, you want

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Speaker 1: to feel a part of the family.

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Speaker 2: You know, everybody talks about joining families. I mean, did

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Speaker 2: you get along great with your in laws? I'm sure

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Speaker 2: you did. Yeah, it's hard not everyone does. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I love daughter in law.

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Speaker 1: My daughter in laws are just precious. I have no issues.

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Speaker 2: I know that's weird. You and I share that in common,

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Speaker 2: don't we both love our in laws. Well, I wish

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Speaker 2: you all the best, Roberto. I hope your wedding is

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Speaker 2: the day that you want it to be, and that

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Speaker 2: your marriage is the marriage you wanted to be.

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Speaker 1: I know, or Daddy might lose this little girl. You know,

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Speaker 1: there's always that too.

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Speaker 2: Oh. Yes, make them pay too.

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Speaker 1: I know you don't, but he needs to treat him

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Speaker 1: with some respect. I mean, that's a shame that could

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Speaker 1: cause problems.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but we wish thank you to everyone who wrote in.

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Speaker 2: We're wishing you guys the best, and if you want

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Speaker 2: to send us a question, head to bachelornation dot com

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00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:20,359
Speaker 2: slash Golden Hour and submit yours. Now. We love hearing

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Speaker 2: from you, so keep those questions coming.

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Speaker 1: All right. Before we wrap up of the day, though,

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Speaker 1: should we play a game of our moral quandary?

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Speaker 2: What do you think?

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Speaker 1: Kathy? Oh?

439
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,080
Speaker 2: I love this, I love it? All right, all right,

440
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 2: let's do it. We'll switch off reading the quandary and

441
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:47,720
Speaker 2: we'll give our thoughts on what we would do. Okay,

442
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,119
Speaker 2: Susan you want to go ahead and start.

443
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,679
Speaker 1: Okay, here we go. You've been dating someone for a

444
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:56,199
Speaker 1: few months and things are going well. You discover that

445
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,920
Speaker 1: your partner had a criminal record from ten years ago.

446
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 1: They've since turned their life around completely and all crimes

447
00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:07,879
Speaker 1: were non violent. Do you confront them about it and

448
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:13,359
Speaker 1: does it change how you feel about continuing the relationship? Well,

449
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,520
Speaker 1: hell yeah, you confront them. You want to know what

450
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:19,359
Speaker 1: it was. First of all, how did you find that out?

451
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 1: I mean communicate?

452
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,960
Speaker 2: Well, wait a minute, I mean, Susan, we're talking one

453
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 2: DUI hear all the crimes? How many damn crimes were there?

454
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 1: The partner had a criminal record from ten years ago?

455
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think I would bring it up

456
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 2: and ask It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.

457
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:43,600
Speaker 2: It was ten years ago.

458
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, and people do change. And like they said, it

459
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:49,919
Speaker 1: was nonviolent, so it could have been something stupid like

460
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 1: a do ui. You're right?

461
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 2: I mean, yes, be really serious, but yeah, I mean

462
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:56,560
Speaker 2: I would definitely got to confront him.

463
00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, All right.

464
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 2: Here's the next one. All right, you were ghosted by

465
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,320
Speaker 2: someone you were dating for several months After a year,

466
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 2: they come back and apologize profusely, wanting to rekindle the relationship.

467
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,440
Speaker 2: Do you give them another chance? You're single and looking

468
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:17,679
Speaker 2: everything was great until they ghosted you. Their excuse is

469
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 2: that they were going through a tough time, but they

470
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:22,280
Speaker 2: don't elaborate further than that.

471
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:29,119
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm sorry, darling. No, no, no, new.

472
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:30,879
Speaker 2: No, Wait a minute.

473
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 1: You wouldn't No, Oh, I would Why they don't elaborate

474
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:40,400
Speaker 1: they were going through a tough time. Well, you know what,

475
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:42,960
Speaker 1: call me and tell me you're going through a tough

476
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 1: time before you ghost me.

477
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:48,360
Speaker 2: Okay, wait a minute. By definition, if they ghost you,

478
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 2: they're not going to reach out and call you. But

479
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:55,040
Speaker 2: here's the thing, they don't elaborate further. Guess what they're

480
00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:57,479
Speaker 2: going to do before I date them again. They're going

481
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:00,920
Speaker 2: to elaborate further. Yes, So I would give the guy

482
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:05,800
Speaker 2: a chance. I would give him a chance. I wouldn't say, Okay,

483
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,520
Speaker 2: you know, all's forgiven, let's start dating again. I would

484
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:11,000
Speaker 2: give him a chance and ask him to tell me

485
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,080
Speaker 2: what happened and why he goes. Didn't you? I think

486
00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:13,440
Speaker 2: you would.

487
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:18,080
Speaker 1: I would want to know why. Yes, but he didn't

488
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,680
Speaker 1: once he may do it again. I don't know. No,

489
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,680
Speaker 1: I don't feel good about that one. I talked to

490
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:28,360
Speaker 1: him and hear his story and wish him luck. Yeah,

491
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,640
Speaker 1: I'm not feeling that one. Okay, you're a teenager has

492
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:35,719
Speaker 1: been acting secretive and spending a lot of time on

493
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,960
Speaker 1: their phone. Do you go through their messages and social

494
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:44,920
Speaker 1: media accounts to ensure they are safe? So freaking lutely.

495
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 2: So, I love you, Susan. You know what I say.

496
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,760
Speaker 2: I'm paying for the phone. Yes, I'm looking at it

497
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:57,480
Speaker 2: anytime I want, and you don't like it. I'm the parent.

498
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:01,120
Speaker 2: I think that's one of the issues today. Parents are

499
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:07,400
Speaker 2: sometimes afraid to parent. You're not your child's friend, you're the.

500
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:10,560
Speaker 1: Parent, and god forbid, they're getting themselves in some kind

501
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:13,080
Speaker 1: of trouble. I mean, you have to.

502
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:17,160
Speaker 2: Be there, right, I think that. I think you're absolutely right,

503
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:20,280
Speaker 2: and I think the fact even if they weren't I'm

504
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 2: being honest, even if they weren't acting secretive. My deal,

505
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:30,680
Speaker 2: I mean my kids when they were teenagers, literally they

506
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,520
Speaker 2: didn't have cell phones because they weren't there until my youngest,

507
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 2: you know, but they had beepers and my deal was

508
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:38,920
Speaker 2: my oldest one. I had a beeper what's that called?

509
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:42,399
Speaker 2: You know, like you yeah, a pager and if he

510
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:45,439
Speaker 2: didn't call me right back from a landline, which because

511
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,919
Speaker 2: that's what we had back then, he was in deep trouble.

512
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:51,639
Speaker 2: I don't care, like that's that's the deal. So I

513
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:54,560
Speaker 2: think parents, I know I'm probably gonna catch some flat

514
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:56,679
Speaker 2: for this, but do you agree with me, susan that

515
00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:58,760
Speaker 2: you should always be able to go through your child's

516
00:27:58,800 --> 00:27:59,800
Speaker 2: phone at any time?

517
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:03,840
Speaker 1: And they're definitely not going to like it, but you

518
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,200
Speaker 1: got to keep an eye on them. They're teen agers.

519
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 1: They make mistakes and their brains are not fully formed,

520
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:14,639
Speaker 1: and you're there to guide and help. They're gonna hate

521
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,879
Speaker 1: you for it. Trust and believe me. And my daughter

522
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:21,680
Speaker 1: just went through it. I'm like whoa. And she's telling

523
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 1: me the things that her daughter was saying.

524
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 2: I was like owls Okay. I got to ask you

525
00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:30,200
Speaker 2: what age? I mean, we have grandkids? What age would

526
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:31,600
Speaker 2: you get a child phone?

527
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,400
Speaker 1: Oh? Today? In today's world?

528
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:36,359
Speaker 2: If you had kids today, how old would they be

529
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:39,840
Speaker 2: if you gave a phone? Ten?

530
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:40,840
Speaker 1: Twelve? Yeah?

531
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:45,680
Speaker 2: So give me a grade? What grade?

532
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:47,480
Speaker 1: Six? Middle school?

533
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:52,640
Speaker 2: Yeah? See, I'm again people aren't gonna like this. I

534
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 2: don't think children need phones in middle school. If I

535
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:59,840
Speaker 2: were the educationals are they would there would be no

536
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 2: phones at all in schools.

537
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 1: High school. There shouldn't be phones in schools. There shouldn't,

538
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 1: but they should have one in their back. Why not

539
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:11,680
Speaker 1: to take them to class of course, to call home,

540
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:14,160
Speaker 1: to call for the rive people. There's two working parents.

541
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 2: How did you and I? How did you and I

542
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:17,640
Speaker 2: make it without cell phones?

543
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 1: Katy? Times have changed?

544
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 2: Okay, I just think I think young kids phones are

545
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,959
Speaker 2: trouble and there's just too much on the internet. I

546
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 2: think it's asking too much. But I'm sure people aren'ting

547
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:31,440
Speaker 2: to agree on this. But that's why you and I

548
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:31,960
Speaker 2: love each other.

549
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:35,760
Speaker 1: We have different but definitely check it. Definitely you're in

550
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 1: charge of that phone.

551
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 2: Yep, for sure.

552
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay.

553
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:44,600
Speaker 2: Your boyfriend of six years gets an amazing job offer

554
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:47,880
Speaker 2: in a different country. You've just started to settle into

555
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,520
Speaker 2: your current city and love your own job. Do you

556
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:53,520
Speaker 2: uproot your life to support their career or ask them

557
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:55,280
Speaker 2: to reconsider the move for your sake?

558
00:29:57,040 --> 00:30:01,400
Speaker 1: Well, that depends on how many commas are in the

559
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:03,360
Speaker 1: figure that demand's going to make.

560
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 2: Oh wait, I thought you were going to go with

561
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 2: where I was going. Your boyfriend of six years? What

562
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 2: are you married, I mean, are living together? You know,

563
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 2: why haven't you made that.

564
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:20,000
Speaker 1: Country? That's always exciting. It depends on how old you are,

565
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:23,560
Speaker 1: where you're at in your own career, where he's at.

566
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:27,040
Speaker 1: But if it's a big, huge thing, it's an experience.

567
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 2: I know, see you and I that's the difference. We

568
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:33,800
Speaker 2: have lived long enough that if that opportunity came our way,

569
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 2: we'd be like, hell yeah, the suitcase would be packed

570
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:38,960
Speaker 2: and you know, loaded for the airport before it get

571
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:40,280
Speaker 2: they had time to reconsider.

572
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 1: But it does depend on a lot of how old

573
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 1: are you right?

574
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:47,720
Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean, do you want to marry this person?

575
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:49,320
Speaker 2: Or do you want to live with this person? Do

576
00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:51,320
Speaker 2: you uproot your life? I don't know. Do you want

577
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:53,200
Speaker 2: to spend the rest of your life with this guy

578
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:56,960
Speaker 2: or this woman? Whoever it is. You know, it's an

579
00:30:56,960 --> 00:31:00,200
Speaker 2: amazing job offer. Is your job so fabulous and you

580
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,960
Speaker 2: work remotely? Can you get another job? Do you are

581
00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 2: you going to be resentful? I mean yeah, if it were.

582
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 1: You six year six year boyfriend, that's I mean.

583
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:14,040
Speaker 2: Maybe they don't go get married, maybe they don't want to.

584
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 1: Be maybe they just live together or do they live together?

585
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 2: But that's a thing you, But you and I can

586
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:22,160
Speaker 2: agree we'd be packed and ready to go.

587
00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 1: It depends on the country, of course.

588
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 2: Okay, well there's there's there's.

589
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 1: A few I might not want.

590
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 2: To go to. I don't know, all right, amazing.

591
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 1: Sweetheart, Do you and once again communicate with them? You know,

592
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 1: see how big of a job this is already. So

593
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:45,480
Speaker 1: you discover that a colleague is taking credit for work

594
00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:49,520
Speaker 1: you've done which has led to them receiving a promotion,

595
00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:53,520
Speaker 1: do you confront them or go directly to your boss

596
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:59,160
Speaker 1: risking workplace harmony? Oh go, what a jerk?

597
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:06,480
Speaker 2: Well, there's always two sides of the guy sing that

598
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 2: maybe it was a group project. We don't know all

599
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 2: the details. But I can tell you what I wouldn't do.

600
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:15,800
Speaker 2: I would not go to the boss, and I would

601
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 2: not confront the person because, you know what, the other

602
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:22,560
Speaker 2: person already has the promotion, so that ship has sailed.

603
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 2: I would make sure that I am front and center

604
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 2: on other projects and that my boss takes notice of

605
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:32,880
Speaker 2: me so that the next promotion is mine.

606
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:36,880
Speaker 1: I feel a little bit differently. I agree with not

607
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 1: running to the boss and be a little snitch tattletale,

608
00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:45,200
Speaker 1: but I will definitely confront him in a quiet place

609
00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:48,240
Speaker 1: that nobody sees you. But you need to let him

610
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:52,320
Speaker 1: know that you're aware. Watch out, bitch, because I'm on you.

611
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:56,920
Speaker 1: How dare you? How dare you? She worked harder? They

612
00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:00,920
Speaker 1: worked hard for this. We don't know the situation. Was

613
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 1: it a team effort maybe that's what I'm saying.

614
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 2: If it was a team that project, maybe you know.

615
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:06,000
Speaker 2: I mean, we only know.

616
00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 1: But she says, you discovered that a colleague is taking

617
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:14,360
Speaker 1: credit for work that you've done. Boom right there.

618
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:19,560
Speaker 2: Well, you know what if if if there's no documentation,

619
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:22,080
Speaker 2: I feel sorry for the boss because the boss probably

620
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:26,080
Speaker 2: you know, isn't isn't a detail oriented If they're not

621
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:28,480
Speaker 2: taking notice of that, I don't know that that's a

622
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 2: tough one, but it is. I definitely would make sure

623
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:35,560
Speaker 2: that the work you do in the future, there's ways

624
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 2: to make your boss aware of the work you're doing.

625
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:41,840
Speaker 1: But this happened, so what I said.

626
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:43,600
Speaker 2: The ship had sailed, so you know, it's not going

627
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:44,680
Speaker 2: to do anything. Bring it up.

628
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 1: And I don't like people like that, but you know what,

629
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:48,040
Speaker 1: karma is a bitch.

630
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 2: Did it ever happen to you?

631
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:53,480
Speaker 1: No? No, And I've never done that to anybody either.

632
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:57,240
Speaker 1: I would always give somebody credit, even if I helped

633
00:33:57,240 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 1: on it.

634
00:33:57,640 --> 00:33:57,840
Speaker 2: You know.

635
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 1: Oh that's good. You know. I love the way people

636
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:03,960
Speaker 1: just write in and they're frustrated, they don't know what

637
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:07,200
Speaker 1: to do, and that's why we're here. Sometimes we can't

638
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 1: give you the best answers, but we will give you

639
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 1: our opinions, right.

640
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:13,759
Speaker 2: You know what I what I noticed, Susan, is that

641
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:17,759
Speaker 2: you and I give I think different answers now than

642
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:20,200
Speaker 2: we would have when we were in our twenties or thirties.

643
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:22,520
Speaker 1: Absolutely, absolutely, you.

644
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 2: Know it's what is that? What is that youth is

645
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 2: wasted on the young?

646
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:28,360
Speaker 1: Yeah?

647
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:29,680
Speaker 2: Is that right?

648
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:30,279
Speaker 1: Yes?

649
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:31,440
Speaker 2: It is? Yes?

650
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 1: Okay, then well that does it for this episode. And

651
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:37,440
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us today on Bachelor

652
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:38,919
Speaker 1: Happy Hours Golden Hour.

653
00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:42,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you guys so much, and be sure to

654
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:47,080
Speaker 2: subscribe as we have new episodes and fabulous guests coming

655
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:49,279
Speaker 2: out every week that you won't want to.

656
00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:51,879
Speaker 1: Miss, and make sure to submit your questions to us.

657
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:55,720
Speaker 1: Go to bachelornation dot com slash Golden Hour and send

658
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:56,080
Speaker 1: them in.

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00:34:56,520 --> 00:35:00,239
Speaker 2: Listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the Heart

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00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 2: Radio app or wherever you listen to podcasts, See you next,

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00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 2: mm hmm