Speaker 1: In the very beginning, I didn't know if you were
Speaker 1: wife the material or not. That's a whole damn line.
Speaker 1: How are you going to tell me? Was a lie
Speaker 1: on my sound bite? Well, on the contrary, I knew
Speaker 1: from early when I told you I loved you after
Speaker 1: two weeks that you were going to be the perfect husbands. Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm Cadine and we're the ellis Is. You may know
Speaker 1: us from posting funny videos without boys and reading each
Speaker 1: other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make
Speaker 1: you need therby most days. Wow. And one more important
Speaker 1: thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this
Speaker 1: podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics,
Speaker 1: things most folks don't want to talk about through the
Speaker 1: lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is the
Speaker 1: term that we say every day. So when we say
Speaker 1: dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth,
Speaker 1: and nothing at the truth. Were about to take pillow
Speaker 1: Talk to a whole new level. Dead as starts right now.
Speaker 1: This story time is gonna take me back to not
Speaker 1: the first time, but the second time you came to
Speaker 1: see me. So it had to be October five, two
Speaker 1: thousand and two. I remember we were chilling like we
Speaker 1: normally do on my bed at this point. It's funny
Speaker 1: how you say it like we normally do because we
Speaker 1: had only met like the second time. But I remember
Speaker 1: the second time we met, you know, things were a
Speaker 1: little bit more physical. We're making out, you know, all
Speaker 1: that stuff that happens here in mine. If you're listening,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but that's what's happening. But I had to
Speaker 1: go to study hall because it was a Thursday. So
Speaker 1: I go to study hall and we were texting back
Speaker 1: and forth and he was like, hey, I had to run.
Speaker 1: I just want to let you know that I left
Speaker 1: and I'm home safe. And I was like cool. I
Speaker 1: get back to my door him after study hall, and
Speaker 1: my bed is neatly made, like like a navy seal
Speaker 1: made my bed like she like ironed the sheets in
Speaker 1: the mattress, tucked in the mattress like it was hard
Speaker 1: for me to get the sheet out, it was tucked
Speaker 1: so tight. But there was also an envelope on my pillow, yes,
Speaker 1: and it had Booby written on the envelope, and I
Speaker 1: was like, who's Booby. I guess I'm Booby you know.
Speaker 1: So I opened the envelope and there's a handwritten letter,
Speaker 1: an actual script with you telling me how you felt
Speaker 1: about our old encounter so far. And I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: That was kind of like like a game changer, right,
Speaker 1: It was a game changer. And it was in that
Speaker 1: moment when you started two turned me around, because, like
Speaker 1: I said in my sound bite, I really didn't think
Speaker 1: in the beginning that you were wifey material. But I'll
Speaker 1: elaborate on that later. All right, I'll elaborate on the later.
Speaker 1: I don't know the words of the song, but I
Speaker 1: don't care, because I know you ever care. We don't
Speaker 1: ever care we know this song or not, or if
Speaker 1: we can hold the note, say the first of all,
Speaker 1: please say the first besime, men own them only one.
Speaker 1: You're my wifey, maybe my life complete to me? See
Speaker 1: that's why you're my wife. That be your wifey? Will
Speaker 1: you be my wife Let's take a quick break after
Speaker 1: karaoke now, and um we'll get back to story time,
Speaker 1: so if I can elaborate, all right, so now we're back,
Speaker 1: let me elaborate. Now, okay, elaborate on storytime because you
Speaker 1: said when you first met me, you didn't think I
Speaker 1: look like I didn't look like my wife and Tiler,
Speaker 1: was there something about me that scream? You? Always? When
Speaker 1: I first saw you, you you look like wife material. You
Speaker 1: you you were gorgeous like I just perfect, like angel
Speaker 1: without wings, Like the wings was tucked in your ass.
Speaker 1: That's how That's how angels their wings. But I appreciate
Speaker 1: that if an angel had to store their wings on
Speaker 1: Earth and had a place to put them, the ask
Speaker 1: would be in the right place, would it be? Yes? Yes?
Speaker 1: But um no. The reason why I sat didn't think
Speaker 1: your wife the material because remember that summer, I was
Speaker 1: trying to get in contact with you, and you were
Speaker 1: just horrible with communication. Every time I called your parents house,
Speaker 1: you wasn't available. Your sister was curving me. Then we
Speaker 1: had the whole situation where we were supposed to meet up,
Speaker 1: and then you called me last minute and said you
Speaker 1: weren't feeling well. Then I found out that you were
Speaker 1: chilling with somebody else. So why would I think that
Speaker 1: this person is wife the material? You was on your
Speaker 1: hot girl summer? I thought you was stot dot Lena.
Speaker 1: That's what I thought was not I was about my business.
Speaker 1: Well I didn't I didn't know that at the time
Speaker 1: that you was. You know, you want to passant, I
Speaker 1: do that, but I didn't know that you had to
Speaker 1: like tour, So I thought that you were just playing games.
Speaker 1: That's why I didn't think your wife material makes sense.
Speaker 1: On top of that, I didn't want you to be
Speaker 1: wifey material because I didn't want a girlfriend. We we
Speaker 1: always talked about this. I was eighteen years old. I
Speaker 1: was in a relationship with a young lady who was sixteen,
Speaker 1: and everyone was telling me at the time going into college,
Speaker 1: like devou you need to focus on school and in football, right,
Speaker 1: And I don't even mentioned when you think about the
Speaker 1: age difference now sixteen and eighteen, like that can get
Speaker 1: real here. Yeah. I mean at the time, I was
Speaker 1: a senior in high school and she was a sophomore,
Speaker 1: So it wasn't that taboo at that time. You know nowadays, Yeah,
Speaker 1: people will be all over the place. He's a growing adult,
Speaker 1: growing man, and she's a child, and I get it.
Speaker 1: But we were both in the same high school, so
Speaker 1: I didn't think that. But what really made me start
Speaker 1: thinking about it was my d MS and questions I
Speaker 1: get from women. Right, they all asked me at what
Speaker 1: point did you know that Codeine was the one and
Speaker 1: what made what did she do to make you feel
Speaker 1: like she was the one you wanted to marry? Right?
Speaker 1: And for the life of me, I was just like,
Speaker 1: Conein didn't do anything to make me want to be
Speaker 1: a husband to be married. I always wanted to be married, right,
Speaker 1: But then I had to really think about like she
Speaker 1: had to do something for me to think that she
Speaker 1: was the one, because I wouldn't have just married and
Speaker 1: I's worthy of being asked to be your wife. So
Speaker 1: I was like, let me really sit back and think
Speaker 1: about it. So true was we were chilling last night
Speaker 1: in between episodes, and we were just always always making
Speaker 1: jokes and triople just like I gotta find out from
Speaker 1: Codein what she did to be wifey material, right, And
Speaker 1: I was drinking some bears and I smoked a little bit,
Speaker 1: so I just started, like my creativity be on a
Speaker 1: thousand win. And it really brought me back vividly to
Speaker 1: the moments. And that is one of the moments that
Speaker 1: stuck back to me, like it stuck with me, like yo,
Speaker 1: I came back and my bed was made. But it
Speaker 1: was the handwritten letter that made me feel like she
Speaker 1: really took time. You wrote in cursive like person is
Speaker 1: a lost art. I know I've been saying I want
Speaker 1: the kid to take that up. I mean, it's really
Speaker 1: good for them. Their cognitive skills are really good, writing
Speaker 1: in cursive and drawing and stuff like that. But they're
Speaker 1: never gonna use some stuff for their name. That's it.
Speaker 1: But it makes me want to ask you a question
Speaker 1: why you do that? Like no, because because me and
Speaker 1: Triple talked about this, Like in this day and age,
Speaker 1: a lot of people, women in particular, be like I
Speaker 1: ain't doing no Schiff don't and I don't know because
Speaker 1: I and I'm like real or you did all of that?
Speaker 1: What if I was a scumback right? What if I
Speaker 1: would have got that letter, read it, laughed at it,
Speaker 1: crumbled it up, through it in the toilet, and still
Speaker 1: like proceeded to just be a scumback? Like what made
Speaker 1: you commit to jumping out the window like that on
Speaker 1: the second date? Like you know, I think part of
Speaker 1: it for me was definitely being naive. Like I said
Speaker 1: in the past, this was my first time out of
Speaker 1: my Pearance home. Actually wasn't even quite out there home
Speaker 1: at this point. I was still UM at a community college.
Speaker 1: I was still commuting to and from home, so I
Speaker 1: wasn't on campus yet, and this was my first like
Speaker 1: real boyfriend situation that I could foresee happening, um, even
Speaker 1: though at the time I was not necessarily looking for that.
Speaker 1: But there was just something about you that I knew
Speaker 1: early on, So not having had an extensive background dating
Speaker 1: guys and what like that, I felt like, maybe, you know,
Speaker 1: this was just my way of expressing it. Where I
Speaker 1: probably would have sent you a voice note or a
Speaker 1: text message in this day and age, you know now,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be right, and that's what we did, you know,
Speaker 1: twenty something years ago. So um, part of it was
Speaker 1: me just probably not even thinking that you would have
Speaker 1: taken it that way. I think mainly because of how
Speaker 1: I our interaction was. The first day that we chatted,
Speaker 1: chatted for like what was it three or four hours,
Speaker 1: almost five hours in your room. Everything just felt so
Speaker 1: natural and so normal, like old friends getting together and
Speaker 1: hanging out again. So that was probably the last thing
Speaker 1: that crossed my mind that you were definitely some sort
Speaker 1: of scumbag, you know. And I think also too, because
Speaker 1: our paths had kind of crossed throughout our lives, even
Speaker 1: when we were younger. I kind of knew that you
Speaker 1: were from a good family. I knew that you just
Speaker 1: were a genuine person. Um, my heart probably definitely would
Speaker 1: have been broken if you didn't do something like that,
Speaker 1: but that wasn't on the forefront of my mind. It
Speaker 1: was more so me trying to find a way to
Speaker 1: just let you know how I felt, um, trying to
Speaker 1: be expressive. I always loved writing anyway, so I was like, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just leave him a note. And sometimes you
Speaker 1: just want to be able to get your thought out uninterrupted,
Speaker 1: so it's more intimidating to tell somebody that face to face.
Speaker 1: So I felt like, let me just do this little
Speaker 1: note right here, which I think might have been a
Speaker 1: page or two, But it was just letting you know
Speaker 1: how much I enjoyed the time that we had spent
Speaker 1: together so far, knowing that I was looking forward to
Speaker 1: more of that. Even though we both made it clear
Speaker 1: in the beginning that we weren't necessarily looking for a
Speaker 1: boyfriend a girlfriend. I just wanted you to know that
Speaker 1: I at least valued our interactions thus far because I
Speaker 1: hadn't experienced anything like that either. Let me tell you
Speaker 1: something crazy, right in this day and age, if you
Speaker 1: go on one day with a girl and she were
Speaker 1: too because they're not going to write a hammering letter,
Speaker 1: send you a voice note or a text message or
Speaker 1: an email that's a page and a half of how
Speaker 1: much she enjoyed it, most dudes, is gonna be like
Speaker 1: red flag. Very people love red flags flagging people like
Speaker 1: flags people. And for me, it wasn't really just that
Speaker 1: moment that was the beginning of the moment. Why wasn't
Speaker 1: that a red flag for you? Then? Why didn't you
Speaker 1: think look at it and be like, yo, just girls crazy?
Speaker 1: To be honest, I just thought it was so like
Speaker 1: just amazing to be felt like for someone to feel
Speaker 1: that way about me, right Because I I've said it's
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of times I did not want a girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I was prepared to break up with the current girl
Speaker 1: that I was talking to. One because she was young
Speaker 1: and I was in college and I felt like I
Speaker 1: wanted to be able to do things and move freely
Speaker 1: and not feel attached to anyone. But also number two,
Speaker 1: she couldn't be there the way I needed her to
Speaker 1: be there. She was in high school, she didn't drive
Speaker 1: like her Mom's not gonna bring her up every other day.
Speaker 1: You were driving every other day. So I never thought
Speaker 1: that I was going to have a girlfriend. So it
Speaker 1: wasn't a red flag as much as it was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is cute, like this is nice, but it warmed
Speaker 1: my heart. Being the oldest in the house, I never
Speaker 1: felt like anyone worried about me. I felt like my
Speaker 1: parents were always like the VAL's gonna be fine. You know.
Speaker 1: I was the oldest and I had to take care
Speaker 1: of my brother and had to take care of my sister.
Speaker 1: I never felt like anyone cared about me like that,
Speaker 1: except for my aunt Debbie, like she would check up
Speaker 1: on me. My grandma while would check up on and
Speaker 1: remember we used to go see my grandma while war
Speaker 1: all the time. So for the first time, it was
Speaker 1: somebody outside of my family who just randomly use the
Speaker 1: thought and to make me feel special. Right. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: something that it makes sense now because you talked to
Speaker 1: you spoken about how you felt that way like all
Speaker 1: your life growing up that nobody really like here to
Speaker 1: that extent and they loved you, but you felt like
Speaker 1: you were always kind of overlooked. Yes, I felt like
Speaker 1: I felt like I was yours. Like when it comes
Speaker 1: to my parents, my parents prepared and equipped me for
Speaker 1: life like you do a firstborn. Like they prepared me
Speaker 1: to be independent, to be strong, to do things on
Speaker 1: my own, to be you know, unyielding and what I
Speaker 1: what I wanted. But I never felt like that nurturing
Speaker 1: feeling from my parents. And part of the reason why
Speaker 1: I am the I am is because of my parents.
Speaker 1: I appreciate them for that. But my aunt Debbie always
Speaker 1: checked the mean, how are you doing, poople? You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. My grandma wah wah. She used to
Speaker 1: always listen to my games on the radio and stuff
Speaker 1: like that, and we sound wow old listen to of
Speaker 1: my games on the radio. But um no, she like
Speaker 1: those two women were the ones who really I just
Speaker 1: checked up on me on my uncle Frank, my godfather,
Speaker 1: he would check up on me. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: you know, our Debbie has her own son, that's her
Speaker 1: first son. My Grandmomana has her own kids and grandkids,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure she checked up on everybody. I'm saying.
Speaker 1: My my godfather, he's a dude, so he check up
Speaker 1: on me in the way he checked up on me,
Speaker 1: you know, shoot me and Texas brothers checking on you. You
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying before a woman that I
Speaker 1: don't know, to make me feel like I was special.
Speaker 1: I did feel like I was yours, like I was
Speaker 1: your thing that you were putting on exadmiration into. Then
Speaker 1: it was the second thing you did. We were um.
Speaker 1: I was hungry one night and I typically went to
Speaker 1: Dutch treats. Um. I always brought my tuna, fish, my eggs.
Speaker 1: I bought my stuff for breakfast because I loved breakfast.
Speaker 1: And I remember you had stayed the night when this
Speaker 1: was like one of the first nights that you stayed over.
Speaker 1: You had on your laughing the little short panty set
Speaker 1: and you're laughing Debra set and it was swayed. I'm
Speaker 1: nothing so little. UM. I remember you you first of all,
Speaker 1: the fact that you had a matching. It was like
Speaker 1: a little cameras and you thought about that. I was like, yo,
Speaker 1: this woman is really like we were eighteen, like we
Speaker 1: was young. But you put a lot of energy into
Speaker 1: that moment. It's the first time you say to night.
Speaker 1: But I also remember, I don't know if you remember
Speaker 1: this night I was hungry, and you were like, what
Speaker 1: do you have any groceries here? And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I always keeps talking my friends. And you went and
Speaker 1: got the a's and the bacon and you made breakfast
Speaker 1: at like two in the morning, and I was like,
Speaker 1: what is happening? You know, like like, first of all,
Speaker 1: he is through stomach and I never thought that, you know,
Speaker 1: I never said, well, if she does these things, then
Speaker 1: I know she's wife and material. But it was just
Speaker 1: the compilation of things. On top of that, when it
Speaker 1: was time for me to apply for classes, and you
Speaker 1: was like, I'll hope your pop classes because I was
Speaker 1: an athlete and I had to apply for certain classes
Speaker 1: at certain times and if you didn't apply on certain times,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't get in the classes. Then you had to
Speaker 1: maneuver your schedule around practice and travel. So you remember,
Speaker 1: you got all of my classes that I wanted. I
Speaker 1: headed down to a science literally down to a science.
Speaker 1: I think this really is what it was. You had
Speaker 1: all of the codes for the classes. Then you put
Speaker 1: all of the codes for the classes in different different slots,
Speaker 1: and at twelve o'clock, literally I was sitting there like
Speaker 1: like chomping at the bits, wait and hit the answer button.
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, she got life hacks.
Speaker 1: So so she fine, she's thoughtful, she can cook, she
Speaker 1: got life hacks. And the last one I told Triple
Speaker 1: last night, we was sucking like rabbits. Yes, we were
Speaker 1: like rabbits. So for me, it was just like it
Speaker 1: was like, yo, like this, this is like what else
Speaker 1: do I do? I want? You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1: Like we and before we did all of that, we
Speaker 1: were like best friends. We talked forever. We definitely did
Speaker 1: a lot of our conversation. A lot of our time
Speaker 1: spent together was just like talk talking about so many
Speaker 1: different things. You know what I'm wondering now, I wonder
Speaker 1: if there is Like I said, I was maybe naive
Speaker 1: in that moment, but is there like an innocence at
Speaker 1: that age that you still had or we still had
Speaker 1: where those simple things were just enough versus imagine if
Speaker 1: we were in the dating scene now or in our
Speaker 1: late twenties early thirties. There's so much ego that's built
Speaker 1: up by that point that people are afraid a to
Speaker 1: be who they are, so they're showing up to these
Speaker 1: interactions and these relationships as representatives of who they are
Speaker 1: and not really being themselves I think for fear of
Speaker 1: being ridiculed or for fear of being judged. Um. I
Speaker 1: do social media age has a lot to do with
Speaker 1: it now too, But I think us just being in
Speaker 1: that space and just not really having experience with other people, um,
Speaker 1: not really knowing exactly what we wanted or what we
Speaker 1: were looking for. But it just we're really going off
Speaker 1: of what felt right in that moment. And I think
Speaker 1: everything as it began to roll out for us just
Speaker 1: felt so right in each moment that it escalated so quickly. Um,
Speaker 1: and there was just no denying it, you know. But
Speaker 1: but here's my thing. Though you had dated other guys
Speaker 1: in the past, you didn't do every all of that
Speaker 1: for them all the time. UM. No, I didn't. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I think I didn't have the freedom to either though,
Speaker 1: because I was very like under my parents thumb a lot.
Speaker 1: So it's like for me to pop up and do
Speaker 1: something special for them at their house or my house
Speaker 1: that just wasn't happening, you know. So I felt like
Speaker 1: it was something that was always in me, and it's
Speaker 1: little things that I would used to observe, you know.
Speaker 1: When my mom used to do for my dad growing up,
Speaker 1: or just like you know, everybody watches movies and says
Speaker 1: the people do so it's like you want to kind
Speaker 1: of make those things your own. So for me, Um,
Speaker 1: I think we also made it easy too. For me,
Speaker 1: is that you if we I guess if we turned
Speaker 1: the tables a little bit here and think about the
Speaker 1: things that you had done to make me know like, Wow,
Speaker 1: this guy is it. I don't think there were a
Speaker 1: lot of specific moments per se, though I do felt
Speaker 1: very protected um by you early on, like there was
Speaker 1: a genuine concern for me, Like you still do this
Speaker 1: to this day. Becau. You don't leave this house and
Speaker 1: I get to where you're going without calling, they're okay,
Speaker 1: And you would call me down and be like, hey,
Speaker 1: are you home, And I'm like, oh, shoot, I just
Speaker 1: walked in the house and just got in the shower,
Speaker 1: and you're like, yo, don't have me on this belt
Speaker 1: park where coming and find you if you don't call
Speaker 1: me when you get home. Um. But I think what
Speaker 1: I was so attracted to with you and what made
Speaker 1: me feel like, wow, this man could potentially make an
Speaker 1: amazing boyfriend, husband, and father one day, it's just seeing
Speaker 1: your approach with everything that you did, your approach with football,
Speaker 1: your approach with academics, your approach with eventually the NFL
Speaker 1: UM your approach with everything in life was always a
Speaker 1: thousand percent. And I'm like, if he's doing this with
Speaker 1: everything in his life. And I saw the way you
Speaker 1: interacted with your family and the way you support into
Speaker 1: your siblings, I'm like, those are the things that I
Speaker 1: looked for or that I was like, Wow, this person
Speaker 1: here is going to be excellent and he's going to
Speaker 1: excel at everything that he does. And I think that
Speaker 1: he would be no different when it came to a
Speaker 1: relationship excuse me, marriage or eventually fatherhood. And I saw
Speaker 1: that early. I saw that really really early on. That's
Speaker 1: that's crazy, because, um, it's funny to hear you talk
Speaker 1: about you watched how I approach life. I watched how
Speaker 1: you approached me. M you see what I'm saying. So,
Speaker 1: And I don't know if that's a man woman think
Speaker 1: or if it's just um particularly how we were, but
Speaker 1: you watched me and you said, the way I treat
Speaker 1: life is how I'm going to treat you. I literally
Speaker 1: watched you and the way you approached me and said
Speaker 1: that would be the best thing for me. Women always
Speaker 1: asked me what was Cade's prayer? And I think this
Speaker 1: is important to talk about. Codean was doing all of
Speaker 1: these things and show when me that you were worthy
Speaker 1: of being a wife. Right. I always knew in my
Speaker 1: heart that I wanted to be a husband. So for me,
Speaker 1: it wasn't like I don't know if I want to
Speaker 1: be a husband or not, and you made me want
Speaker 1: to want to be a husband or you convinced me
Speaker 1: that was never the case. I just knew that after
Speaker 1: you showed me the things that you showed me, I
Speaker 1: wanted to share the fact that I wanted to be
Speaker 1: a husband with you. You see what I'm saying. So
Speaker 1: because a lot of women asked me all the time,
Speaker 1: what did could deem do to make you want to
Speaker 1: settle down? And at first I didn't really understand it,
Speaker 1: you know saying, cause I was like, no, I always
Speaker 1: want to settle down. I just chose her. But those
Speaker 1: things that you did made me want to settle down
Speaker 1: with you, the way you cared and nurtured for me.
Speaker 1: But also, like you just said, when I think about
Speaker 1: how where we were, you were you a graduated top
Speaker 1: of your class at Bethlehem, you graduate Valiatorian graduated top
Speaker 1: of your class at Middwood. I'm watching you get all
Speaker 1: a's and how sure it was like this woman is
Speaker 1: a god get her as well as being a nurturer.
Speaker 1: So it's almost very similar the way you approach life.
Speaker 1: I was kind of like that and the way she
Speaker 1: approaches life. If she approaches me that way, will be fine.
Speaker 1: And I was willing to share everything with you because
Speaker 1: of how you you you came into this relationship, but
Speaker 1: there is something that you said that kind of made
Speaker 1: me kind of be like, oh, now I'm kind of
Speaker 1: not concerned I love you after two weeks. No, No,
Speaker 1: it wasn't. It wasn't I love you. But it was
Speaker 1: like you said that you weren't able to share that
Speaker 1: with other men early on because you were under your parents.
Speaker 1: Don't similar to me, right, So it's like that I
Speaker 1: was the first person you were able to share that with.
Speaker 1: So does that mean that if you would have shared
Speaker 1: that with someone else who was a scumbag? Would you
Speaker 1: have been deterred from doing that for the next guy?
Speaker 1: Because a lot of women, they're they're not eighteen, they're
Speaker 1: not naive, and I hear a lot of men say
Speaker 1: a lot of my boys were singers, like, you gotta
Speaker 1: get a young woman who's not scorned about the dating circle,
Speaker 1: because if she's been scorned by the dating circle, you're
Speaker 1: never going to get to meet the real her. And
Speaker 1: I mean you just validated that right because you said
Speaker 1: part of the reason why you did it because you
Speaker 1: had never done it before, and you just jumped out
Speaker 1: the window like this is what I saw, this is romantic,
Speaker 1: is what I should do. That's actually a super valid
Speaker 1: um question. I mean valid uh idea, because it's true.
Speaker 1: I think about even friends of mine who are now,
Speaker 1: for example, divorced and are very adamant. I think it
Speaker 1: can go two ways. They're very adamant about what they
Speaker 1: want because they know now what they want, they know
Speaker 1: what they didn't like in the past, they know what
Speaker 1: they've done in the past that didn't work, and they
Speaker 1: may want to tail or make something different to somebody else. However,
Speaker 1: that also then opens you up to people feeling like, wow,
Speaker 1: am I going to have to bear the cross of
Speaker 1: all of the people and you have dealt with and
Speaker 1: then now for me, I can't even get you as
Speaker 1: you want to be because you're so guarded. UM. So
Speaker 1: that's definitely I think a valid concern because for me
Speaker 1: at eighteen, like I said, I didn't I didn't know
Speaker 1: any better. I was just doing freely what I wanted
Speaker 1: to do. UM. And I can see how a woman
Speaker 1: if she does that for a couple men, you know,
Speaker 1: who may not be the one at that time, where
Speaker 1: she can just be like, you know, I'm not doing
Speaker 1: ship for these niggas no more. It's all about me
Speaker 1: what can I get which And then now in turn
Speaker 1: becomes the issue with dating, you know, when you're in
Speaker 1: your later twenties and thirties and stuff, it's like you're
Speaker 1: dating now with a defense up, you know, because you're
Speaker 1: just your guard is up and you're like, I can't like,
Speaker 1: these are the things that I'm looking for. And maybe
Speaker 1: that will help in the future with them because you know,
Speaker 1: they'll be able to weed out things based off of
Speaker 1: the stuff that they're now searching for um or there
Speaker 1: may be those red flags that they see that say,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm not going back down this path.
Speaker 1: I don't care who it is, you know. So that's
Speaker 1: a that's a valid concern. Tuple also board up another point.
Speaker 1: Not only were we just young and naive, but we
Speaker 1: were also broken ship. So if you're not thinking about
Speaker 1: what this person is trying to get from me when
Speaker 1: you have nothing to give them to, you know, but
Speaker 1: the meal points right. But dudes, but dudes will come
Speaker 1: to me all the time and be like, yeah, because
Speaker 1: I court of you when we went on dates, I
Speaker 1: paid for all of the dates. I made sure that I,
Speaker 1: you know, reciprocated. But I love that doors like little
Speaker 1: things like opening doors and car doors. And but I
Speaker 1: also never felt like you were just trying to get
Speaker 1: something from me because I never had anything. And that's
Speaker 1: what happens when you're eighteen and dating. Because you don't
Speaker 1: have nothing, you you don't have no fear. A lot
Speaker 1: of my my guy friends who are dating now, they'll
Speaker 1: be putting caps on things and they have so many
Speaker 1: rules right Like for example, one of my homeboys is like, listen,
Speaker 1: if we just start talking, depending on the vibe I get,
Speaker 1: we may do a coffee. We're not doing dinner right
Speaker 1: away because I have to find out over coffee if
Speaker 1: you're worth of the date. Then on the date, I
Speaker 1: have to find out how much I'm willing to spend
Speaker 1: if I'm going to do if I'm gonna do a
Speaker 1: date and drinks, because if I do a date and drinks,
Speaker 1: now we're talking about four hundred five hundred dollars. I'm
Speaker 1: not just gonna be spending four hundred five dollars to
Speaker 1: get to know if I want to be with this person.
Speaker 1: That's a lot of money. And I have heard through
Speaker 1: the rape vine women that be like, listen, I want
Speaker 1: a meal, I'm hungry, I want to go out. Let
Speaker 1: me call homeboy because he's going to take me out.
Speaker 1: And it becomes like a thing where people are just
Speaker 1: using each other for meal. So what what is that about?
Speaker 1: I mean, this is what the dating life is like.
Speaker 1: And people ask me all the time, like how did
Speaker 1: we get to this point? I honestly feel like it's
Speaker 1: in part because we hadn't We didn't have to go
Speaker 1: through that that date life. We went through a whole
Speaker 1: lot of years of having nothing, than having than having
Speaker 1: nothing nothing again, and then having to rebuild again, so
Speaker 1: that if anything was going to stand the test of
Speaker 1: time or the test of tribulations, it was going to
Speaker 1: be that for us for sure. So you know what
Speaker 1: I want to do now? Before we had to break.
Speaker 1: I want to proclaim and I hope the triple listening.
Speaker 1: I want to do a podcast about how to date
Speaker 1: once you've achieved some goals in life, because it's more
Speaker 1: at stake. It's easy of a date when you broke.
Speaker 1: But I do want to date. I do want to
Speaker 1: date when you I want to do a podcast about
Speaker 1: how to date when you've already achieved some goals in
Speaker 1: life and you have more to lose and more to state,
Speaker 1: because that's complicated, y'all. I'll envy you at all with you.
Speaker 1: All right, let's take a break and get into some ads,
Speaker 1: pay some bills, and we'll be back with listening letters.
Speaker 1: All right, guys, be back with listening letters. Yes, sir,
Speaker 1: these these is long, like these where you'll be finding
Speaker 1: these listening letters from people into these listening letters. I
Speaker 1: love it. I'll read the first one. There's a whole
Speaker 1: chapter book ahead. Damn, I can't even grow fast enough.
Speaker 1: All right, um, hey, y'all, I love you like cook food,
Speaker 1: love you back, and just wanted to pick up you
Speaker 1: in your beautiful family first and foremost, thank you. This
Speaker 1: is kind of long. It is so boom from New York,
Speaker 1: so The problem I'm having is a financial one. I'm married.
Speaker 1: It will be three years in a few months, but
Speaker 1: we've been together for ten years and we're fresh first
Speaker 1: time parents, like had the baby during the whole panorama fresh.
Speaker 1: I love how we have alternate names of the pandemic.
Speaker 1: Now we're expecting our second child. Before we had children,
Speaker 1: we decided it was best for me to stay home
Speaker 1: and not return to work. However, I feel like my
Speaker 1: husband is under a lot of pressure to provide for us.
Speaker 1: My husband is an entrepreneur enthusiast, and we've had our
Speaker 1: fair share of financial disappointments throughout the years. All these years,
Speaker 1: I've seen my husband work to make his boss's dreams
Speaker 1: come true. As an employee. In two thousand and fifteen,
Speaker 1: he branched out and became an entrepreneur while holding down
Speaker 1: jobs to support his dream I've seen him pull hope
Speaker 1: and motivation out of the sky to keep developing business
Speaker 1: ideas and seek out investors. The most to make matters worse,
Speaker 1: he was laid off during the pandemic. If the pandemic
Speaker 1: has shown us anything it's that nothing is stable for
Speaker 1: a lot of us. We moved to be closure to
Speaker 1: family and to recover from this financial hit. But good
Speaker 1: paying jobs are pretty bleak where we live now. He's
Speaker 1: been investing heavily in crypto as a means to build
Speaker 1: financial freedom, but it will soon be time. It'll soon
Speaker 1: be time to find a higher paying job. All this
Speaker 1: to say it's affecting his ability to be present as
Speaker 1: a father because he's trying to gain money for us.
Speaker 1: He says, he's sacrificing being present right now to ensure
Speaker 1: a good financial future for us. Have you or anyone
Speaker 1: you know gone through this? And what's a piece of
Speaker 1: advice you can give? How can balance? How can he
Speaker 1: balance fatherhood and being a provider to find a stable job.
Speaker 1: The pressure is real, and this is you, This is
Speaker 1: you a couple of years ago, me to a t U.
Speaker 1: First and foremost, I I appreciate the entrepreneur enthusiasts. Right,
Speaker 1: It's not easy. It's a very difficult dream. Um. I
Speaker 1: remember saying to Cadeen specifically that I feel conflicted having
Speaker 1: to spend so many hours building my dream and not
Speaker 1: spending more time with my children. And I remember Candeen
Speaker 1: saying to me the vow these kids ain't even four.
Speaker 1: They ain't gonna remember none of this ship anyway. We'll
Speaker 1: do what you gotta do so you can be here
Speaker 1: for us in the future and not for nothing. That's
Speaker 1: exactly what happened. I spent the first ten years of
Speaker 1: my life building businesses like not ten years of my life.
Speaker 1: The first ten years of our marriage. Um, first ten
Speaker 1: years of our marriage was all about me building UM.
Speaker 1: I was playing in the NFL. First. Everybody knows that
Speaker 1: making really good money got cut. Recession happened, similar to
Speaker 1: y'all with the Pana Marma Panda Marra. We lost. We
Speaker 1: lost pretty much everything due to the recession. The property
Speaker 1: we bought lost value, we lost equity and the homes.
Speaker 1: The stock market was terrible. We lost cash because we
Speaker 1: was trying to survive. So we pretty much moved back
Speaker 1: to to Brooklyn and was living paycheck to paycheck. And
Speaker 1: at that time I didn't have a steady nine to
Speaker 1: five job. So the difference between you guys and us
Speaker 1: is that we didn't have children at that point yet.
Speaker 1: But Codeine had gotten pregnant when we came back from
Speaker 1: the honeymoon, and I still didn't have a full time job,
Speaker 1: so we had and the thing was Codeine and I
Speaker 1: both said we wanted her to stay home when we
Speaker 1: had children, but the truth of the matter was it
Speaker 1: just wasn't possible. At that time. We needed insurance. I
Speaker 1: didn't have a steady jobs, so Codeine started working at
Speaker 1: MAC full time just to give us insurance. Plus she
Speaker 1: was helping with the rent and everything, because we're not
Speaker 1: technically helping with the rent. I always covered the rent,
Speaker 1: but she always had money coming in, and it was
Speaker 1: like a just in case, like devout. I know you
Speaker 1: said you got everything, but but just in case, this
Speaker 1: is what it is. And there were many situations where
Speaker 1: if she didn't have that just in case fund, she
Speaker 1: wouldn't been able to go shopping, she wouldn't been able
Speaker 1: to do certain things for food, like bare necessities. Like
Speaker 1: we were living in New York three bet room apartment
Speaker 1: with a child. We had two cars, we also had properties.
Speaker 1: The vast majority of the money that I was scraping
Speaker 1: together with the five jobs I had, was going to
Speaker 1: managing the businesses, and Codeine's money was going to maintaining
Speaker 1: the household other than paying the ranks. I always made
Speaker 1: sure that the rent was covered. But um, I say
Speaker 1: all that to say this, I know what you guys,
Speaker 1: plan is or plan was, but life happens, and the
Speaker 1: plan may have been for you not to work, but
Speaker 1: Code working for those two years. I think he worked
Speaker 1: full time. Conde work full time for two years and
Speaker 1: then dropped back to freelance so that she can make
Speaker 1: her own money as opposed to working for a boss.
Speaker 1: Was the greatest decision that we made, because if we
Speaker 1: didn't make that decision, I don't think we would have
Speaker 1: gotten here. Being an entrepreneurs tough. There's ebbs and flows,
Speaker 1: ups and downs. Um. I would tell your husband that
Speaker 1: he needs to work every job he can work in
Speaker 1: order to pay for whatever you guys need. But those
Speaker 1: first four years of life, he will be present when
Speaker 1: he gets home. But none of my kids have ever
Speaker 1: said dad, you know. When I was three, I looked
Speaker 1: around and I didn't see nobody ever said that because
Speaker 1: I was going a lot. But after after Kate, when
Speaker 1: Jackson was too and k was able to drop back home,
Speaker 1: I was in the gym eighteen hours a day. That's
Speaker 1: not an exaggeration. I was. I was building that gym
Speaker 1: business because I wanted to be able to support our family.
Speaker 1: And on top of that, I was working at MSG
Speaker 1: varsity as a color commentator. I was doing in studio
Speaker 1: analysts work. I was doing commercials. I worked as a
Speaker 1: substitute teacher. I worked as a gym teacher. What else
Speaker 1: I did? I was a personal trainer. I was a
Speaker 1: personal trainer. Um, I think I did of things he did.
Speaker 1: Like I said, going back to the topic of the show,
Speaker 1: I saw early on how you attacked everything in your life,
Speaker 1: So something like that was not anything different for me.
Speaker 1: I just knew that it was my place too. Then
Speaker 1: once I was able to cut back in freelance, I
Speaker 1: was able to be almost like stay at home mom
Speaker 1: because I was still working. But it then gave you
Speaker 1: the flexibility to then go and do what you had
Speaker 1: to do. Because we know that Jackson was taken care
Speaker 1: of in the Instagram between me and my family and
Speaker 1: your family. UM, so the support definitely, I would encourage
Speaker 1: me to continue. That it's great that he's has the entrepreneurial,
Speaker 1: enthusist spirit and that he's actually working at it and
Speaker 1: it's not just a dream that he's just hoping will happen,
Speaker 1: but he's actually out there attempting to make it happen.
Speaker 1: And she said he's pulling motivation out the sky and
Speaker 1: all that. That's a good sign that I think they'll
Speaker 1: be all right. I just think that he I think
Speaker 1: entrepreneurs need to know that it's okay to work for
Speaker 1: someone while you build your dream, you know, like necessary
Speaker 1: almost this is a horrible like a horrible correlation, but
Speaker 1: it's true. Right when you're a drug dealer, even that's
Speaker 1: an entrepreneurial spirit, right, But when you first get your
Speaker 1: first set of drugs, it's on consignment. You're working for someone.
Speaker 1: You're building their business until you can stand on your
Speaker 1: own to build your own business. And ultimately, the goal
Speaker 1: is to become the connect. Right, It's the same thing
Speaker 1: as an entrepreneur. You want to be the connect, but
Speaker 1: you can't be the connect without first working for the
Speaker 1: connect to learn how the business works. This idea for
Speaker 1: entrepreneurs that I'm gonna quit my job and figure it out,
Speaker 1: especially when you have kids. And this is men. Men,
Speaker 1: when you have a wife who's giving you kids, I
Speaker 1: think that it's it's careless, thoughtless and selfish for you
Speaker 1: to sacrifice the security of your family because you have
Speaker 1: a dream that you want to pursue. There's a way
Speaker 1: to do both. You know, and and sometimes I know.
Speaker 1: People say there has to be there can be no
Speaker 1: plan B because plan B only distracts from plan A.
Speaker 1: And I understand that. But for me, my plan A
Speaker 1: included me working for someone for a couple of years
Speaker 1: until I figured it out. So your plan A has
Speaker 1: to be a strong plan. And and it sounds like
Speaker 1: you guys love each other enough to y'all speak to
Speaker 1: each other. You can figure it out together, So make
Speaker 1: it happen. We're gonna pray for you, guys, and I
Speaker 1: have the utmost confidence that you guys will make it
Speaker 1: work sure. Number two, I'm forty three years old, married
Speaker 1: with one child that loves that leadst for college in August.
Speaker 1: My husband and I have been together since we were
Speaker 1: seniors in high school. Similar to us, we've been married
Speaker 1: nineteen years. Similar to us were I was twenty four
Speaker 1: and he was twenty five, and we were not married
Speaker 1: for nineteen has been together twenty years. Sorry, I was
Speaker 1: twenty four and he was twenty five. I know kay
Speaker 1: dabbles and horoscopes. I am a Capricorn and he is
Speaker 1: a Scorpio. I have no idea what none of that means.
Speaker 1: We've gone through infidelity on his part, and just compatibility issues.
Speaker 1: I left the house and stayed in my own place
Speaker 1: for two years. I recently moved back into the home
Speaker 1: for financial reasons. He wants us to get back together.
Speaker 1: My issue is that he is selfish and not a
Speaker 1: team player. I often listened to your podcast and find
Speaker 1: myself comparing my husband's beliefs on family to devows. My
Speaker 1: husband is not a provider of protector, So how do
Speaker 1: we have the same? Says? Comparing comparing nots so more
Speaker 1: as more like contrasting. He makes the money to be
Speaker 1: to be so, but feels like he should pay fifty
Speaker 1: close to that as he thinks is fear wow. One
Speaker 1: situation in particular is I quit working with his blessing
Speaker 1: to go to nursing school. He immediately started cheating and
Speaker 1: treating me like a burden. He has told me on
Speaker 1: several occasions, I owe him because he took care of
Speaker 1: the family while I pursued my dreams. This was twelve
Speaker 1: years ago, and he still brings it up whenever we argue.
Speaker 1: He rationalizes infidelity, and no matter how many times he
Speaker 1: can admit that he was wrong, he always seems to
Speaker 1: figure out a way to rationalize it. With all that
Speaker 1: being said, I love him, I wish things were different,
Speaker 1: but I don't like his beliefs or views on life.
Speaker 1: On the flip side, I do not want to fail
Speaker 1: at marriage. That that that right, there is a problem.
Speaker 1: I want to show my daughter what a successful marriage
Speaker 1: looks like. And I just don't want to be single
Speaker 1: in this cesspool. He's tried. We've tried counseling one session
Speaker 1: and he acted like a complete asshole. I ended up
Speaker 1: getting up and walking out, so our refused. I don't
Speaker 1: even need to read them more parts of this. I
Speaker 1: already see what was happening here. Already see what's happen
Speaker 1: You see what's happening here. He's a whole one. Thing
Speaker 1: don't do is judge other people's relationships. So we're not
Speaker 1: going to judge a relationship. But I will say this, right,
Speaker 1: you walk into a marriage being prepared to serve HM.
Speaker 1: If you walk into marriage saying, I hope I get
Speaker 1: everything I can get out of this relationships, let me
Speaker 1: keep all of my things to the side here because
Speaker 1: they're mine, not yours. Then you don't want to be married,
Speaker 1: You don't want to be mad, you want the benefits
Speaker 1: of having a spouse, but you don't want to be married.
Speaker 1: And that's what it sounds like he's dealing with, right,
Speaker 1: for example, the whole I'm gonna pay as close to
Speaker 1: fifty fifty as I can, and if you're going to
Speaker 1: chase your dreams, I'm gonna hold you down. But I'm
Speaker 1: gonna constantly remind you. That doesn't sound like someone is
Speaker 1: being a service, you know what I'm saying. That sounds
Speaker 1: like someone who's very selfish. Sounds like a freaking loan officer.
Speaker 1: If you ask me, you know, I'll let you out.
Speaker 1: You got to pay the toll, right, And um, it's
Speaker 1: hard to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't
Speaker 1: find the value and being a partner. Yeah, because she's
Speaker 1: saying that he wants us to get back together. So
Speaker 1: my thing is what he's just gaining the benefits of
Speaker 1: being with you when it's convenient for him, because he's
Speaker 1: still cheating according to this, like when you went back
Speaker 1: to nursing school and all that. So you're trying to
Speaker 1: show your your daughter what a successful marriage looks like,
Speaker 1: and the marriage is not what I would say is
Speaker 1: maybe successful in this moment, that's difficult to like. It's
Speaker 1: it's it's actually oxymoron. You know, you're not going to
Speaker 1: show her teaching a settle and stay with them no
Speaker 1: matter what they do and how they treat you, because
Speaker 1: if you leave, then you're a failure. That's that's the
Speaker 1: message you're giving your daughter, and that's the wrong message
Speaker 1: you want to give anybody because you don't like, here's
Speaker 1: the thing. You do not have to stay in a
Speaker 1: relationship that does not serve you. You don't have you
Speaker 1: don't have to stay in that relationship, and you're not
Speaker 1: considered a failure because you made a choice for yourself.
Speaker 1: You're saying right now, what you're thinking about is what
Speaker 1: everyone else will think. When you start to say to yourself,
Speaker 1: I don't want to fail at marriage. That means that
Speaker 1: you believe everybody else will look at you and say
Speaker 1: you failed if you left this marriage, as opposed to
Speaker 1: saying this is a victory and a triumph for me
Speaker 1: to recognize that I'm a gift to someone else and
Speaker 1: someone else needs to honor that gift. This relationship is
Speaker 1: not bringing any value to me or my life, which
Speaker 1: which is okay, because if you're going to go into
Speaker 1: a marriage and or go into a relationship and be
Speaker 1: selfless and say I'm going to serve. There is a
Speaker 1: part of that serving that says I wanted to be reciprocated.
Speaker 1: I'm going to serve and serve and serve. But it's
Speaker 1: so also okay to say, you know what, I'm not
Speaker 1: being served and that's fine because this person may not
Speaker 1: know how to serve me. If you've communicated multiple times
Speaker 1: that you want to be served certain way and that
Speaker 1: person doesn't want to do that, there within their right.
Speaker 1: But you can leave. You're not stuck. That's a fact
Speaker 1: because with the whole serving thing, if you're going to
Speaker 1: be serving your spouse, you expect that it's going to
Speaker 1: be reciprocated, So your needs are going to be met
Speaker 1: either way. So if that's not happening, then what exactly
Speaker 1: are we doing here? And she said she's forty three,
Speaker 1: doesn't want to be in the dating cesspool. I can
Speaker 1: completely get to but you're in the marriage cesspool, right right,
Speaker 1: that's just the truth. Like people, people don't want to
Speaker 1: hear it. I don't want to leave this because it's
Speaker 1: hard out there. It's hard where you are, and if
Speaker 1: you're if your spouse is constantly making your life hard
Speaker 1: and difficult. You don't have to stay there, you just don't.
Speaker 1: You don't. And she said her daughter is about to
Speaker 1: leave for college. So I'm sure at that age she
Speaker 1: has good sense to see what's been transpiring in their
Speaker 1: relationship and in the marriage. And it may be too late.
Speaker 1: She might be like, Yo, my father's woking all over
Speaker 1: my mother. For all these years, you'd be surprised with kids.
Speaker 1: See from a young age, you'd be surprised with kids,
Speaker 1: see early on. Good luck to you sis. All right, y'all,
Speaker 1: if you want to be featured as one of our
Speaker 1: listener letters, be sure to email us at dead as
Speaker 1: Advice at gmail dot com and send us your whole dissertation.
Speaker 1: That's right, that's d E A D A S S
Speaker 1: A d V I c E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: All right, moment of truth devours prayer and Caden's prayer first.
Speaker 1: Um I can go first. I guess my moment of
Speaker 1: truth with this whole thing here. Um, I can only
Speaker 1: speak to the time that we had together meanings dating
Speaker 1: early on, because we talked about how different it could
Speaker 1: be if we started dating in like our late twenties,
Speaker 1: and our really thirties and whatnot. Um, But the biggest
Speaker 1: thing for me, I think was being sure that I
Speaker 1: showed up true to who I was and who I
Speaker 1: wanted to be in that moment. That way, you were
Speaker 1: able to experience me in my truth. UM, that was
Speaker 1: super important as I approached what I didn't even know
Speaker 1: was going to be a relationship with you. I think
Speaker 1: because I was my authentic self in those moments, you
Speaker 1: were really able to to see who I was and
Speaker 1: then decide that I was somebody you wanted to continue
Speaker 1: to date and then eventually marry. So I think I
Speaker 1: would encourage people, if they can, to try to show
Speaker 1: up as their truest self, because then they would be
Speaker 1: better able and better equipped to allow someone to say,
Speaker 1: you know what, this is someone that I genuinely connect
Speaker 1: connect with or not, and then you go from there. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's that's real. I did have. I had
Speaker 1: a moment of truth prepared. It's funny when you have
Speaker 1: a moment of truth prepared before the podcast and then
Speaker 1: you speak through the podcast, which is what podcasts before,
Speaker 1: and then there's like a moment of clarity, my moment
Speaker 1: of truth and this is the truth I feel like
Speaker 1: we were blessed. We were blessed to meet each other
Speaker 1: when we had nothing because all we could offer each
Speaker 1: other was each other. And because we both had nothing
Speaker 1: and knew that all we could have was each other,
Speaker 1: it was easy for us to be genuine and organically
Speaker 1: build something without looking for red flag because we both
Speaker 1: had nothing to lose. And that's really just a moment
Speaker 1: of truth, Like every blessing, we gained everything working together,
Speaker 1: not having to think about individually what we had to lose,
Speaker 1: because when you really think about it, every single thing
Speaker 1: that we gained throughout the course of our relationship together
Speaker 1: was because we were doing it together absolutely like there
Speaker 1: was no there was no triumph, there was no victory
Speaker 1: where one felt it more than the other because it
Speaker 1: was collective, regardless of whose dream or whose goal, it
Speaker 1: was absolutely and and still rings true to this day.
Speaker 1: So that's my moment of truth. Man, I do I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna allow you know how sometimes we want to
Speaker 1: have like a positive ending in any more. I feel
Speaker 1: kind of like I don't know what to tell people
Speaker 1: who are a little bit older, who had certain levels
Speaker 1: of success in life, because once you get to your
Speaker 1: mid to late twenties. A lot of people, if they
Speaker 1: figured things out, they want to protect what they've figured
Speaker 1: out on their right. So I don't know what that
Speaker 1: feels like when meeting someone new, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: And I remember saying to my so, why do industry
Speaker 1: people only day industry people? When I'm starting to realize,
Speaker 1: when you have something to lose, you you look for
Speaker 1: someone else who has something to lose too, because because
Speaker 1: now you know that that person has their own thing
Speaker 1: and they're not looking at you as a meal ticket,
Speaker 1: right or you know, you can understand that this person
Speaker 1: understands your play, or knows your work, or knows what
Speaker 1: goes into it. Um knows how hard it is to
Speaker 1: accrue all these things, you know. Um, So yeah, good
Speaker 1: luck to y'all out there, because yes, good luck to y'all.
Speaker 1: It ain't easy, but what is easy for you? To
Speaker 1: find us on social media? You can follow us at
Speaker 1: dead as the Podcast and I'm Kadina I am and
Speaker 1: I am devouting. If you're listening on Apple podcasts, be
Speaker 1: sure to rate, review, and subscribe. Dead as dead Ass
Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and
Speaker 1: is produced by the Noorapinia and triple follow the podcast
Speaker 1: on social media at dead as the Podcasts and never
Speaker 1: miss a thing. It is the Wave.