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Speaker 1: In the very beginning, I didn't know if you were

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Speaker 1: wife the material or not. That's a whole damn line.

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Speaker 1: How are you going to tell me? Was a lie

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Speaker 1: on my sound bite? Well, on the contrary, I knew

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Speaker 1: from early when I told you I loved you after

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Speaker 1: two weeks that you were going to be the perfect husbands. Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm Cadine and we're the ellis Is. You may know

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Speaker 1: us from posting funny videos without boys and reading each

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Speaker 1: other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make

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Speaker 1: you need therby most days. Wow. And one more important

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Speaker 1: thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this

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Speaker 1: podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics,

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Speaker 1: things most folks don't want to talk about through the

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Speaker 1: lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is the

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Speaker 1: term that we say every day. So when we say

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Speaker 1: dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth,

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Speaker 1: and nothing at the truth. Were about to take pillow

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Speaker 1: Talk to a whole new level. Dead as starts right now.

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Speaker 1: This story time is gonna take me back to not

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Speaker 1: the first time, but the second time you came to

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Speaker 1: see me. So it had to be October five, two

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Speaker 1: thousand and two. I remember we were chilling like we

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Speaker 1: normally do on my bed at this point. It's funny

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Speaker 1: how you say it like we normally do because we

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Speaker 1: had only met like the second time. But I remember

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Speaker 1: the second time we met, you know, things were a

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Speaker 1: little bit more physical. We're making out, you know, all

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Speaker 1: that stuff that happens here in mine. If you're listening,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but that's what's happening. But I had to

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Speaker 1: go to study hall because it was a Thursday. So

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Speaker 1: I go to study hall and we were texting back

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Speaker 1: and forth and he was like, hey, I had to run.

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Speaker 1: I just want to let you know that I left

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Speaker 1: and I'm home safe. And I was like cool. I

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Speaker 1: get back to my door him after study hall, and

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Speaker 1: my bed is neatly made, like like a navy seal

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Speaker 1: made my bed like she like ironed the sheets in

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Speaker 1: the mattress, tucked in the mattress like it was hard

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Speaker 1: for me to get the sheet out, it was tucked

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Speaker 1: so tight. But there was also an envelope on my pillow, yes,

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Speaker 1: and it had Booby written on the envelope, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, who's Booby. I guess I'm Booby you know.

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Speaker 1: So I opened the envelope and there's a handwritten letter,

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Speaker 1: an actual script with you telling me how you felt

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Speaker 1: about our old encounter so far. And I'm not gonna lie.

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Speaker 1: That was kind of like like a game changer, right,

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Speaker 1: It was a game changer. And it was in that

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Speaker 1: moment when you started two turned me around, because, like

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Speaker 1: I said in my sound bite, I really didn't think

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Speaker 1: in the beginning that you were wifey material. But I'll

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Speaker 1: elaborate on that later. All right, I'll elaborate on the later.

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Speaker 1: I don't know the words of the song, but I

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Speaker 1: don't care, because I know you ever care. We don't

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Speaker 1: ever care we know this song or not, or if

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Speaker 1: we can hold the note, say the first of all,

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Speaker 1: please say the first besime, men own them only one.

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Speaker 1: You're my wifey, maybe my life complete to me? See

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Speaker 1: that's why you're my wife. That be your wifey? Will

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Speaker 1: you be my wife Let's take a quick break after

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Speaker 1: karaoke now, and um we'll get back to story time,

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Speaker 1: so if I can elaborate, all right, so now we're back,

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Speaker 1: let me elaborate. Now, okay, elaborate on storytime because you

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Speaker 1: said when you first met me, you didn't think I

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Speaker 1: look like I didn't look like my wife and Tiler,

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Speaker 1: was there something about me that scream? You? Always? When

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Speaker 1: I first saw you, you you look like wife material. You

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Speaker 1: you you were gorgeous like I just perfect, like angel

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Speaker 1: without wings, Like the wings was tucked in your ass.

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Speaker 1: That's how That's how angels their wings. But I appreciate

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Speaker 1: that if an angel had to store their wings on

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Speaker 1: Earth and had a place to put them, the ask

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Speaker 1: would be in the right place, would it be? Yes? Yes?

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Speaker 1: But um no. The reason why I sat didn't think

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Speaker 1: your wife the material because remember that summer, I was

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Speaker 1: trying to get in contact with you, and you were

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Speaker 1: just horrible with communication. Every time I called your parents house,

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Speaker 1: you wasn't available. Your sister was curving me. Then we

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Speaker 1: had the whole situation where we were supposed to meet up,

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Speaker 1: and then you called me last minute and said you

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Speaker 1: weren't feeling well. Then I found out that you were

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Speaker 1: chilling with somebody else. So why would I think that

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Speaker 1: this person is wife the material? You was on your

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Speaker 1: hot girl summer? I thought you was stot dot Lena.

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Speaker 1: That's what I thought was not I was about my business.

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Speaker 1: Well I didn't I didn't know that at the time

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Speaker 1: that you was. You know, you want to passant, I

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Speaker 1: do that, but I didn't know that you had to

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Speaker 1: like tour, So I thought that you were just playing games.

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Speaker 1: That's why I didn't think your wife material makes sense.

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Speaker 1: On top of that, I didn't want you to be

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Speaker 1: wifey material because I didn't want a girlfriend. We we

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Speaker 1: always talked about this. I was eighteen years old. I

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Speaker 1: was in a relationship with a young lady who was sixteen,

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Speaker 1: and everyone was telling me at the time going into college,

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Speaker 1: like devou you need to focus on school and in football, right,

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Speaker 1: And I don't even mentioned when you think about the

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Speaker 1: age difference now sixteen and eighteen, like that can get

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Speaker 1: real here. Yeah. I mean at the time, I was

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Speaker 1: a senior in high school and she was a sophomore,

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Speaker 1: So it wasn't that taboo at that time. You know nowadays, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: people will be all over the place. He's a growing adult,

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Speaker 1: growing man, and she's a child, and I get it.

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Speaker 1: But we were both in the same high school, so

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Speaker 1: I didn't think that. But what really made me start

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Speaker 1: thinking about it was my d MS and questions I

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Speaker 1: get from women. Right, they all asked me at what

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Speaker 1: point did you know that Codeine was the one and

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Speaker 1: what made what did she do to make you feel

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Speaker 1: like she was the one you wanted to marry? Right?

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Speaker 1: And for the life of me, I was just like,

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Speaker 1: Conein didn't do anything to make me want to be

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Speaker 1: a husband to be married. I always wanted to be married, right,

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Speaker 1: But then I had to really think about like she

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Speaker 1: had to do something for me to think that she

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Speaker 1: was the one, because I wouldn't have just married and

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Speaker 1: I's worthy of being asked to be your wife. So

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Speaker 1: I was like, let me really sit back and think

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Speaker 1: about it. So true was we were chilling last night

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Speaker 1: in between episodes, and we were just always always making

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Speaker 1: jokes and triople just like I gotta find out from

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Speaker 1: Codein what she did to be wifey material, right, And

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Speaker 1: I was drinking some bears and I smoked a little bit,

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Speaker 1: so I just started, like my creativity be on a

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Speaker 1: thousand win. And it really brought me back vividly to

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Speaker 1: the moments. And that is one of the moments that

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Speaker 1: stuck back to me, like it stuck with me, like yo,

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Speaker 1: I came back and my bed was made. But it

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Speaker 1: was the handwritten letter that made me feel like she

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Speaker 1: really took time. You wrote in cursive like person is

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Speaker 1: a lost art. I know I've been saying I want

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Speaker 1: the kid to take that up. I mean, it's really

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Speaker 1: good for them. Their cognitive skills are really good, writing

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Speaker 1: in cursive and drawing and stuff like that. But they're

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Speaker 1: never gonna use some stuff for their name. That's it.

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Speaker 1: But it makes me want to ask you a question

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Speaker 1: why you do that? Like no, because because me and

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Speaker 1: Triple talked about this, Like in this day and age,

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Speaker 1: a lot of people, women in particular, be like I

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Speaker 1: ain't doing no Schiff don't and I don't know because

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Speaker 1: I and I'm like real or you did all of that?

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Speaker 1: What if I was a scumback right? What if I

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Speaker 1: would have got that letter, read it, laughed at it,

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Speaker 1: crumbled it up, through it in the toilet, and still

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Speaker 1: like proceeded to just be a scumback? Like what made

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Speaker 1: you commit to jumping out the window like that on

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Speaker 1: the second date? Like you know, I think part of

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Speaker 1: it for me was definitely being naive. Like I said

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Speaker 1: in the past, this was my first time out of

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Speaker 1: my Pearance home. Actually wasn't even quite out there home

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Speaker 1: at this point. I was still UM at a community college.

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Speaker 1: I was still commuting to and from home, so I

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Speaker 1: wasn't on campus yet, and this was my first like

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Speaker 1: real boyfriend situation that I could foresee happening, um, even

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Speaker 1: though at the time I was not necessarily looking for that.

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Speaker 1: But there was just something about you that I knew

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Speaker 1: early on, So not having had an extensive background dating

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Speaker 1: guys and what like that, I felt like, maybe, you know,

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Speaker 1: this was just my way of expressing it. Where I

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Speaker 1: probably would have sent you a voice note or a

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Speaker 1: text message in this day and age, you know now,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't be right, and that's what we did, you know,

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Speaker 1: twenty something years ago. So um, part of it was

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Speaker 1: me just probably not even thinking that you would have

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Speaker 1: taken it that way. I think mainly because of how

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Speaker 1: I our interaction was. The first day that we chatted,

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Speaker 1: chatted for like what was it three or four hours,

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Speaker 1: almost five hours in your room. Everything just felt so

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Speaker 1: natural and so normal, like old friends getting together and

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Speaker 1: hanging out again. So that was probably the last thing

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Speaker 1: that crossed my mind that you were definitely some sort

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Speaker 1: of scumbag, you know. And I think also too, because

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Speaker 1: our paths had kind of crossed throughout our lives, even

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Speaker 1: when we were younger. I kind of knew that you

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Speaker 1: were from a good family. I knew that you just

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Speaker 1: were a genuine person. Um, my heart probably definitely would

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Speaker 1: have been broken if you didn't do something like that,

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Speaker 1: but that wasn't on the forefront of my mind. It

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Speaker 1: was more so me trying to find a way to

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Speaker 1: just let you know how I felt, um, trying to

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Speaker 1: be expressive. I always loved writing anyway, so I was like, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna just leave him a note. And sometimes you

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Speaker 1: just want to be able to get your thought out uninterrupted,

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Speaker 1: so it's more intimidating to tell somebody that face to face.

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Speaker 1: So I felt like, let me just do this little

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Speaker 1: note right here, which I think might have been a

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Speaker 1: page or two, But it was just letting you know

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Speaker 1: how much I enjoyed the time that we had spent

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Speaker 1: together so far, knowing that I was looking forward to

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Speaker 1: more of that. Even though we both made it clear

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Speaker 1: in the beginning that we weren't necessarily looking for a

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Speaker 1: boyfriend a girlfriend. I just wanted you to know that

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Speaker 1: I at least valued our interactions thus far because I

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Speaker 1: hadn't experienced anything like that either. Let me tell you

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Speaker 1: something crazy, right in this day and age, if you

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Speaker 1: go on one day with a girl and she were

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Speaker 1: too because they're not going to write a hammering letter,

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Speaker 1: send you a voice note or a text message or

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Speaker 1: an email that's a page and a half of how

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Speaker 1: much she enjoyed it, most dudes, is gonna be like

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Speaker 1: red flag. Very people love red flags flagging people like

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Speaker 1: flags people. And for me, it wasn't really just that

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Speaker 1: moment that was the beginning of the moment. Why wasn't

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Speaker 1: that a red flag for you? Then? Why didn't you

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Speaker 1: think look at it and be like, yo, just girls crazy?

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Speaker 1: To be honest, I just thought it was so like

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Speaker 1: just amazing to be felt like for someone to feel

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Speaker 1: that way about me, right Because I I've said it's

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Speaker 1: a whole bunch of times I did not want a girlfriend.

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Speaker 1: I was prepared to break up with the current girl

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Speaker 1: that I was talking to. One because she was young

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Speaker 1: and I was in college and I felt like I

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Speaker 1: wanted to be able to do things and move freely

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Speaker 1: and not feel attached to anyone. But also number two,

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Speaker 1: she couldn't be there the way I needed her to

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Speaker 1: be there. She was in high school, she didn't drive

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Speaker 1: like her Mom's not gonna bring her up every other day.

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Speaker 1: You were driving every other day. So I never thought

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Speaker 1: that I was going to have a girlfriend. So it

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Speaker 1: wasn't a red flag as much as it was just like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is cute, like this is nice, but it warmed

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Speaker 1: my heart. Being the oldest in the house, I never

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Speaker 1: felt like anyone worried about me. I felt like my

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Speaker 1: parents were always like the VAL's gonna be fine. You know.

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Speaker 1: I was the oldest and I had to take care

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Speaker 1: of my brother and had to take care of my sister.

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Speaker 1: I never felt like anyone cared about me like that,

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Speaker 1: except for my aunt Debbie, like she would check up

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Speaker 1: on me. My grandma while would check up on and

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Speaker 1: remember we used to go see my grandma while war

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Speaker 1: all the time. So for the first time, it was

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Speaker 1: somebody outside of my family who just randomly use the

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Speaker 1: thought and to make me feel special. Right. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: something that it makes sense now because you talked to

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Speaker 1: you spoken about how you felt that way like all

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Speaker 1: your life growing up that nobody really like here to

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Speaker 1: that extent and they loved you, but you felt like

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Speaker 1: you were always kind of overlooked. Yes, I felt like

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Speaker 1: I felt like I was yours. Like when it comes

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Speaker 1: to my parents, my parents prepared and equipped me for

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Speaker 1: life like you do a firstborn. Like they prepared me

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Speaker 1: to be independent, to be strong, to do things on

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Speaker 1: my own, to be you know, unyielding and what I

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Speaker 1: what I wanted. But I never felt like that nurturing

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Speaker 1: feeling from my parents. And part of the reason why

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Speaker 1: I am the I am is because of my parents.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate them for that. But my aunt Debbie always

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Speaker 1: checked the mean, how are you doing, poople? You know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. My grandma wah wah. She used to

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Speaker 1: always listen to my games on the radio and stuff

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Speaker 1: like that, and we sound wow old listen to of

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Speaker 1: my games on the radio. But um no, she like

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Speaker 1: those two women were the ones who really I just

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Speaker 1: checked up on me on my uncle Frank, my godfather,

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Speaker 1: he would check up on me. But at the same time,

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Speaker 1: you know, our Debbie has her own son, that's her

256
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Speaker 1: first son. My Grandmomana has her own kids and grandkids,

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Speaker 1: and I'm sure she checked up on everybody. I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: My my godfather, he's a dude, so he check up

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Speaker 1: on me in the way he checked up on me,

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Speaker 1: you know, shoot me and Texas brothers checking on you. You

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying before a woman that I

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Speaker 1: don't know, to make me feel like I was special.

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Speaker 1: I did feel like I was yours, like I was

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Speaker 1: your thing that you were putting on exadmiration into. Then

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Speaker 1: it was the second thing you did. We were um.

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Speaker 1: I was hungry one night and I typically went to

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Speaker 1: Dutch treats. Um. I always brought my tuna, fish, my eggs.

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Speaker 1: I bought my stuff for breakfast because I loved breakfast.

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Speaker 1: And I remember you had stayed the night when this

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Speaker 1: was like one of the first nights that you stayed over.

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Speaker 1: You had on your laughing the little short panty set

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Speaker 1: and you're laughing Debra set and it was swayed. I'm

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Speaker 1: nothing so little. UM. I remember you you first of all,

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Speaker 1: the fact that you had a matching. It was like

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Speaker 1: a little cameras and you thought about that. I was like, yo,

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Speaker 1: this woman is really like we were eighteen, like we

277
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,120
Speaker 1: was young. But you put a lot of energy into

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Speaker 1: that moment. It's the first time you say to night.

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Speaker 1: But I also remember, I don't know if you remember

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Speaker 1: this night I was hungry, and you were like, what

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Speaker 1: do you have any groceries here? And I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I always keeps talking my friends. And you went and

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Speaker 1: got the a's and the bacon and you made breakfast

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Speaker 1: at like two in the morning, and I was like,

285
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Speaker 1: what is happening? You know, like like, first of all,

286
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Speaker 1: he is through stomach and I never thought that, you know,

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Speaker 1: I never said, well, if she does these things, then

288
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Speaker 1: I know she's wife and material. But it was just

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Speaker 1: the compilation of things. On top of that, when it

290
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:58,200
Speaker 1: was time for me to apply for classes, and you

291
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:01,000
Speaker 1: was like, I'll hope your pop classes because I was

292
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Speaker 1: an athlete and I had to apply for certain classes

293
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Speaker 1: at certain times and if you didn't apply on certain times,

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Speaker 1: you wouldn't get in the classes. Then you had to

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00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:10,880
Speaker 1: maneuver your schedule around practice and travel. So you remember,

296
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Speaker 1: you got all of my classes that I wanted. I

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Speaker 1: headed down to a science literally down to a science.

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Speaker 1: I think this really is what it was. You had

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Speaker 1: all of the codes for the classes. Then you put

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Speaker 1: all of the codes for the classes in different different slots,

301
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,760
Speaker 1: and at twelve o'clock, literally I was sitting there like

302
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:33,760
Speaker 1: like chomping at the bits, wait and hit the answer button.

303
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,440
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, she got life hacks.

304
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Speaker 1: So so she fine, she's thoughtful, she can cook, she

305
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:46,080
Speaker 1: got life hacks. And the last one I told Triple

306
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:50,880
Speaker 1: last night, we was sucking like rabbits. Yes, we were

307
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,280
Speaker 1: like rabbits. So for me, it was just like it

308
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:58,760
Speaker 1: was like, yo, like this, this is like what else

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Speaker 1: do I do? I want? You know what I'm saying?

310
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Speaker 1: Like we and before we did all of that, we

311
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:09,040
Speaker 1: were like best friends. We talked forever. We definitely did

312
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,360
Speaker 1: a lot of our conversation. A lot of our time

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00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:15,280
Speaker 1: spent together was just like talk talking about so many

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Speaker 1: different things. You know what I'm wondering now, I wonder

315
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Speaker 1: if there is Like I said, I was maybe naive

316
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:22,440
Speaker 1: in that moment, but is there like an innocence at

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00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,320
Speaker 1: that age that you still had or we still had

318
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:29,560
Speaker 1: where those simple things were just enough versus imagine if

319
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Speaker 1: we were in the dating scene now or in our

320
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:35,160
Speaker 1: late twenties early thirties. There's so much ego that's built

321
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Speaker 1: up by that point that people are afraid a to

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Speaker 1: be who they are, so they're showing up to these

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00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,920
Speaker 1: interactions and these relationships as representatives of who they are

324
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,320
Speaker 1: and not really being themselves I think for fear of

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Speaker 1: being ridiculed or for fear of being judged. Um. I

326
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:52,880
Speaker 1: do social media age has a lot to do with

327
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:55,320
Speaker 1: it now too, But I think us just being in

328
00:16:55,360 --> 00:17:00,000
Speaker 1: that space and just not really having experience with other people, um,

329
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,280
Speaker 1: not really knowing exactly what we wanted or what we

330
00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,360
Speaker 1: were looking for. But it just we're really going off

331
00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:06,920
Speaker 1: of what felt right in that moment. And I think

332
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,399
Speaker 1: everything as it began to roll out for us just

333
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:14,800
Speaker 1: felt so right in each moment that it escalated so quickly. Um,

334
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,840
Speaker 1: and there was just no denying it, you know. But

335
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,960
Speaker 1: but here's my thing. Though you had dated other guys

336
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,720
Speaker 1: in the past, you didn't do every all of that

337
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,960
Speaker 1: for them all the time. UM. No, I didn't. I didn't.

338
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,440
Speaker 1: I think I didn't have the freedom to either though,

339
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,440
Speaker 1: because I was very like under my parents thumb a lot.

340
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:31,119
Speaker 1: So it's like for me to pop up and do

341
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,400
Speaker 1: something special for them at their house or my house

342
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:36,040
Speaker 1: that just wasn't happening, you know. So I felt like

343
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:37,560
Speaker 1: it was something that was always in me, and it's

344
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,119
Speaker 1: little things that I would used to observe, you know.

345
00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:40,919
Speaker 1: When my mom used to do for my dad growing up,

346
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,520
Speaker 1: or just like you know, everybody watches movies and says

347
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,560
Speaker 1: the people do so it's like you want to kind

348
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,680
Speaker 1: of make those things your own. So for me, Um,

349
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,000
Speaker 1: I think we also made it easy too. For me,

350
00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:53,480
Speaker 1: is that you if we I guess if we turned

351
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:55,320
Speaker 1: the tables a little bit here and think about the

352
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,160
Speaker 1: things that you had done to make me know like, Wow,

353
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,000
Speaker 1: this guy is it. I don't think there were a

354
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:01,720
Speaker 1: lot of specific moments per se, though I do felt

355
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:05,760
Speaker 1: very protected um by you early on, like there was

356
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:08,159
Speaker 1: a genuine concern for me, Like you still do this

357
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,760
Speaker 1: to this day. Becau. You don't leave this house and

358
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:13,280
Speaker 1: I get to where you're going without calling, they're okay,

359
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:14,840
Speaker 1: And you would call me down and be like, hey,

360
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,359
Speaker 1: are you home, And I'm like, oh, shoot, I just

361
00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:18,240
Speaker 1: walked in the house and just got in the shower,

362
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,400
Speaker 1: and you're like, yo, don't have me on this belt

363
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,720
Speaker 1: park where coming and find you if you don't call

364
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,119
Speaker 1: me when you get home. Um. But I think what

365
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:28,680
Speaker 1: I was so attracted to with you and what made

366
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:32,119
Speaker 1: me feel like, wow, this man could potentially make an

367
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:36,000
Speaker 1: amazing boyfriend, husband, and father one day, it's just seeing

368
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:40,640
Speaker 1: your approach with everything that you did, your approach with football,

369
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:44,880
Speaker 1: your approach with academics, your approach with eventually the NFL

370
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:48,560
Speaker 1: UM your approach with everything in life was always a

371
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:51,800
Speaker 1: thousand percent. And I'm like, if he's doing this with

372
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,479
Speaker 1: everything in his life. And I saw the way you

373
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:56,760
Speaker 1: interacted with your family and the way you support into

374
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,600
Speaker 1: your siblings, I'm like, those are the things that I

375
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:01,679
Speaker 1: looked for or that I was like, Wow, this person

376
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,840
Speaker 1: here is going to be excellent and he's going to

377
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:07,560
Speaker 1: excel at everything that he does. And I think that

378
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,119
Speaker 1: he would be no different when it came to a

379
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:13,160
Speaker 1: relationship excuse me, marriage or eventually fatherhood. And I saw

380
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,880
Speaker 1: that early. I saw that really really early on. That's

381
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:20,720
Speaker 1: that's crazy, because, um, it's funny to hear you talk

382
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:24,960
Speaker 1: about you watched how I approach life. I watched how

383
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,840
Speaker 1: you approached me. M you see what I'm saying. So,

384
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,840
Speaker 1: And I don't know if that's a man woman think

385
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:34,720
Speaker 1: or if it's just um particularly how we were, but

386
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,159
Speaker 1: you watched me and you said, the way I treat

387
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:42,680
Speaker 1: life is how I'm going to treat you. I literally

388
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,119
Speaker 1: watched you and the way you approached me and said

389
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:48,520
Speaker 1: that would be the best thing for me. Women always

390
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:52,879
Speaker 1: asked me what was Cade's prayer? And I think this

391
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:57,639
Speaker 1: is important to talk about. Codean was doing all of

392
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:01,159
Speaker 1: these things and show when me that you were worthy

393
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:05,480
Speaker 1: of being a wife. Right. I always knew in my

394
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:09,320
Speaker 1: heart that I wanted to be a husband. So for me,

395
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:14,480
Speaker 1: it wasn't like I don't know if I want to

396
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 1: be a husband or not, and you made me want

397
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,800
Speaker 1: to want to be a husband or you convinced me

398
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:22,080
Speaker 1: that was never the case. I just knew that after

399
00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:23,919
Speaker 1: you showed me the things that you showed me, I

400
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,800
Speaker 1: wanted to share the fact that I wanted to be

401
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,600
Speaker 1: a husband with you. You see what I'm saying. So

402
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,480
Speaker 1: because a lot of women asked me all the time,

403
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,439
Speaker 1: what did could deem do to make you want to

404
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,840
Speaker 1: settle down? And at first I didn't really understand it,

405
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:37,560
Speaker 1: you know saying, cause I was like, no, I always

406
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,840
Speaker 1: want to settle down. I just chose her. But those

407
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,000
Speaker 1: things that you did made me want to settle down

408
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,440
Speaker 1: with you, the way you cared and nurtured for me.

409
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:46,840
Speaker 1: But also, like you just said, when I think about

410
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:50,000
Speaker 1: how where we were, you were you a graduated top

411
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:53,800
Speaker 1: of your class at Bethlehem, you graduate Valiatorian graduated top

412
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,440
Speaker 1: of your class at Middwood. I'm watching you get all

413
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,560
Speaker 1: a's and how sure it was like this woman is

414
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:02,520
Speaker 1: a god get her as well as being a nurturer.

415
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,879
Speaker 1: So it's almost very similar the way you approach life.

416
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 1: I was kind of like that and the way she

417
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:11,560
Speaker 1: approaches life. If she approaches me that way, will be fine.

418
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,879
Speaker 1: And I was willing to share everything with you because

419
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:19,040
Speaker 1: of how you you you came into this relationship, but

420
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:20,760
Speaker 1: there is something that you said that kind of made

421
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,560
Speaker 1: me kind of be like, oh, now I'm kind of

422
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:27,320
Speaker 1: not concerned I love you after two weeks. No, No,

423
00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:29,119
Speaker 1: it wasn't. It wasn't I love you. But it was

424
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:32,119
Speaker 1: like you said that you weren't able to share that

425
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:35,359
Speaker 1: with other men early on because you were under your parents.

426
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:38,280
Speaker 1: Don't similar to me, right, So it's like that I

427
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,560
Speaker 1: was the first person you were able to share that with.

428
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,480
Speaker 1: So does that mean that if you would have shared

429
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:46,199
Speaker 1: that with someone else who was a scumbag? Would you

430
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,080
Speaker 1: have been deterred from doing that for the next guy?

431
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:52,120
Speaker 1: Because a lot of women, they're they're not eighteen, they're

432
00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:54,840
Speaker 1: not naive, and I hear a lot of men say

433
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 1: a lot of my boys were singers, like, you gotta

434
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,920
Speaker 1: get a young woman who's not scorned about the dating circle,

435
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,240
Speaker 1: because if she's been scorned by the dating circle, you're

436
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:05,160
Speaker 1: never going to get to meet the real her. And

437
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,960
Speaker 1: I mean you just validated that right because you said

438
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,600
Speaker 1: part of the reason why you did it because you

439
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 1: had never done it before, and you just jumped out

440
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:13,720
Speaker 1: the window like this is what I saw, this is romantic,

441
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,600
Speaker 1: is what I should do. That's actually a super valid

442
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:20,960
Speaker 1: um question. I mean valid uh idea, because it's true.

443
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,800
Speaker 1: I think about even friends of mine who are now,

444
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,399
Speaker 1: for example, divorced and are very adamant. I think it

445
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,440
Speaker 1: can go two ways. They're very adamant about what they

446
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 1: want because they know now what they want, they know

447
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,280
Speaker 1: what they didn't like in the past, they know what

448
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,480
Speaker 1: they've done in the past that didn't work, and they

449
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:36,679
Speaker 1: may want to tail or make something different to somebody else. However,

450
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,479
Speaker 1: that also then opens you up to people feeling like, wow,

451
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:44,520
Speaker 1: am I going to have to bear the cross of

452
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,520
Speaker 1: all of the people and you have dealt with and

453
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,600
Speaker 1: then now for me, I can't even get you as

454
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:53,880
Speaker 1: you want to be because you're so guarded. UM. So

455
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,199
Speaker 1: that's definitely I think a valid concern because for me

456
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 1: at eighteen, like I said, I didn't I didn't know

457
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,160
Speaker 1: any better. I was just doing freely what I wanted

458
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,240
Speaker 1: to do. UM. And I can see how a woman

459
00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:05,320
Speaker 1: if she does that for a couple men, you know,

460
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,080
Speaker 1: who may not be the one at that time, where

461
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 1: she can just be like, you know, I'm not doing

462
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,720
Speaker 1: ship for these niggas no more. It's all about me

463
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:13,119
Speaker 1: what can I get which And then now in turn

464
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,040
Speaker 1: becomes the issue with dating, you know, when you're in

465
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,920
Speaker 1: your later twenties and thirties and stuff, it's like you're

466
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,760
Speaker 1: dating now with a defense up, you know, because you're

467
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,200
Speaker 1: just your guard is up and you're like, I can't like,

468
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,320
Speaker 1: these are the things that I'm looking for. And maybe

469
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,679
Speaker 1: that will help in the future with them because you know,

470
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:31,479
Speaker 1: they'll be able to weed out things based off of

471
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:34,400
Speaker 1: the stuff that they're now searching for um or there

472
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:36,480
Speaker 1: may be those red flags that they see that say,

473
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm not going back down this path.

474
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 1: I don't care who it is, you know. So that's

475
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:43,120
Speaker 1: a that's a valid concern. Tuple also board up another point.

476
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 1: Not only were we just young and naive, but we

477
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:50,040
Speaker 1: were also broken ship. So if you're not thinking about

478
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:51,800
Speaker 1: what this person is trying to get from me when

479
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 1: you have nothing to give them to, you know, but

480
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:57,560
Speaker 1: the meal points right. But dudes, but dudes will come

481
00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 1: to me all the time and be like, yeah, because

482
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:03,280
Speaker 1: I court of you when we went on dates, I

483
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,119
Speaker 1: paid for all of the dates. I made sure that I,

484
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 1: you know, reciprocated. But I love that doors like little

485
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 1: things like opening doors and car doors. And but I

486
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:17,200
Speaker 1: also never felt like you were just trying to get

487
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 1: something from me because I never had anything. And that's

488
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 1: what happens when you're eighteen and dating. Because you don't

489
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:24,640
Speaker 1: have nothing, you you don't have no fear. A lot

490
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,680
Speaker 1: of my my guy friends who are dating now, they'll

491
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 1: be putting caps on things and they have so many

492
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,760
Speaker 1: rules right Like for example, one of my homeboys is like, listen,

493
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:38,560
Speaker 1: if we just start talking, depending on the vibe I get,

494
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:41,600
Speaker 1: we may do a coffee. We're not doing dinner right

495
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 1: away because I have to find out over coffee if

496
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 1: you're worth of the date. Then on the date, I

497
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,879
Speaker 1: have to find out how much I'm willing to spend

498
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:51,600
Speaker 1: if I'm going to do if I'm gonna do a

499
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 1: date and drinks, because if I do a date and drinks,

500
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,760
Speaker 1: now we're talking about four hundred five hundred dollars. I'm

501
00:24:57,760 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 1: not just gonna be spending four hundred five dollars to

502
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:01,880
Speaker 1: get to know if I want to be with this person.

503
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 1: That's a lot of money. And I have heard through

504
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,160
Speaker 1: the rape vine women that be like, listen, I want

505
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,280
Speaker 1: a meal, I'm hungry, I want to go out. Let

506
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 1: me call homeboy because he's going to take me out.

507
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 1: And it becomes like a thing where people are just

508
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 1: using each other for meal. So what what is that about?

509
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:18,919
Speaker 1: I mean, this is what the dating life is like.

510
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 1: And people ask me all the time, like how did

511
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,440
Speaker 1: we get to this point? I honestly feel like it's

512
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:25,239
Speaker 1: in part because we hadn't We didn't have to go

513
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:27,960
Speaker 1: through that that date life. We went through a whole

514
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:32,359
Speaker 1: lot of years of having nothing, than having than having

515
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:37,480
Speaker 1: nothing nothing again, and then having to rebuild again, so

516
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:40,680
Speaker 1: that if anything was going to stand the test of

517
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:43,480
Speaker 1: time or the test of tribulations, it was going to

518
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:45,760
Speaker 1: be that for us for sure. So you know what

519
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,200
Speaker 1: I want to do now? Before we had to break.

520
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,640
Speaker 1: I want to proclaim and I hope the triple listening.

521
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:54,879
Speaker 1: I want to do a podcast about how to date

522
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,199
Speaker 1: once you've achieved some goals in life, because it's more

523
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 1: at stake. It's easy of a date when you broke.

524
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:03,639
Speaker 1: But I do want to date. I do want to

525
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,160
Speaker 1: date when you I want to do a podcast about

526
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,119
Speaker 1: how to date when you've already achieved some goals in

527
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 1: life and you have more to lose and more to state,

528
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:13,800
Speaker 1: because that's complicated, y'all. I'll envy you at all with you.

529
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,639
Speaker 1: All right, let's take a break and get into some ads,

530
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:18,600
Speaker 1: pay some bills, and we'll be back with listening letters.

531
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:32,360
Speaker 1: All right, guys, be back with listening letters. Yes, sir,

532
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:36,080
Speaker 1: these these is long, like these where you'll be finding

533
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:39,480
Speaker 1: these listening letters from people into these listening letters. I

534
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:41,160
Speaker 1: love it. I'll read the first one. There's a whole

535
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:45,440
Speaker 1: chapter book ahead. Damn, I can't even grow fast enough.

536
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,119
Speaker 1: All right, um, hey, y'all, I love you like cook food,

537
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:50,080
Speaker 1: love you back, and just wanted to pick up you

538
00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:53,240
Speaker 1: in your beautiful family first and foremost, thank you. This

539
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 1: is kind of long. It is so boom from New York,

540
00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:02,840
Speaker 1: so The problem I'm having is a financial one. I'm married.

541
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:04,480
Speaker 1: It will be three years in a few months, but

542
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:06,920
Speaker 1: we've been together for ten years and we're fresh first

543
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:10,399
Speaker 1: time parents, like had the baby during the whole panorama fresh.

544
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,440
Speaker 1: I love how we have alternate names of the pandemic.

545
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:16,479
Speaker 1: Now we're expecting our second child. Before we had children,

546
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 1: we decided it was best for me to stay home

547
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 1: and not return to work. However, I feel like my

548
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:23,360
Speaker 1: husband is under a lot of pressure to provide for us.

549
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:27,560
Speaker 1: My husband is an entrepreneur enthusiast, and we've had our

550
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 1: fair share of financial disappointments throughout the years. All these years,

551
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:35,359
Speaker 1: I've seen my husband work to make his boss's dreams

552
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,360
Speaker 1: come true. As an employee. In two thousand and fifteen,

553
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 1: he branched out and became an entrepreneur while holding down

554
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,960
Speaker 1: jobs to support his dream I've seen him pull hope

555
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 1: and motivation out of the sky to keep developing business

556
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:51,119
Speaker 1: ideas and seek out investors. The most to make matters worse,

557
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:53,920
Speaker 1: he was laid off during the pandemic. If the pandemic

558
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:57,000
Speaker 1: has shown us anything it's that nothing is stable for

559
00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,639
Speaker 1: a lot of us. We moved to be closure to

560
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:03,280
Speaker 1: family and to recover from this financial hit. But good

561
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:06,800
Speaker 1: paying jobs are pretty bleak where we live now. He's

562
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:09,560
Speaker 1: been investing heavily in crypto as a means to build

563
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:13,040
Speaker 1: financial freedom, but it will soon be time. It'll soon

564
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 1: be time to find a higher paying job. All this

565
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:19,600
Speaker 1: to say it's affecting his ability to be present as

566
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,200
Speaker 1: a father because he's trying to gain money for us.

567
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:26,320
Speaker 1: He says, he's sacrificing being present right now to ensure

568
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:29,359
Speaker 1: a good financial future for us. Have you or anyone

569
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:31,119
Speaker 1: you know gone through this? And what's a piece of

570
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:34,600
Speaker 1: advice you can give? How can balance? How can he

571
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:37,520
Speaker 1: balance fatherhood and being a provider to find a stable job.

572
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 1: The pressure is real, and this is you, This is

573
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 1: you a couple of years ago, me to a t U.

574
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 1: First and foremost, I I appreciate the entrepreneur enthusiasts. Right,

575
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:54,120
Speaker 1: It's not easy. It's a very difficult dream. Um. I

576
00:28:54,120 --> 00:29:00,360
Speaker 1: remember saying to Cadeen specifically that I feel conflicted having

577
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 1: to spend so many hours building my dream and not

578
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:06,120
Speaker 1: spending more time with my children. And I remember Candeen

579
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:09,120
Speaker 1: saying to me the vow these kids ain't even four.

580
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:11,960
Speaker 1: They ain't gonna remember none of this ship anyway. We'll

581
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:13,800
Speaker 1: do what you gotta do so you can be here

582
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:15,960
Speaker 1: for us in the future and not for nothing. That's

583
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:18,920
Speaker 1: exactly what happened. I spent the first ten years of

584
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 1: my life building businesses like not ten years of my life.

585
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,360
Speaker 1: The first ten years of our marriage. Um, first ten

586
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:29,000
Speaker 1: years of our marriage was all about me building UM.

587
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,440
Speaker 1: I was playing in the NFL. First. Everybody knows that

588
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 1: making really good money got cut. Recession happened, similar to

589
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 1: y'all with the Pana Marma Panda Marra. We lost. We

590
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:45,440
Speaker 1: lost pretty much everything due to the recession. The property

591
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:48,360
Speaker 1: we bought lost value, we lost equity and the homes.

592
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 1: The stock market was terrible. We lost cash because we

593
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 1: was trying to survive. So we pretty much moved back

594
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:55,680
Speaker 1: to to Brooklyn and was living paycheck to paycheck. And

595
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 1: at that time I didn't have a steady nine to

596
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:03,640
Speaker 1: five job. So the difference between you guys and us

597
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 1: is that we didn't have children at that point yet.

598
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 1: But Codeine had gotten pregnant when we came back from

599
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:14,000
Speaker 1: the honeymoon, and I still didn't have a full time job,

600
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 1: so we had and the thing was Codeine and I

601
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 1: both said we wanted her to stay home when we

602
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:25,480
Speaker 1: had children, but the truth of the matter was it

603
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 1: just wasn't possible. At that time. We needed insurance. I

604
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 1: didn't have a steady jobs, so Codeine started working at

605
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 1: MAC full time just to give us insurance. Plus she

606
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:36,160
Speaker 1: was helping with the rent and everything, because we're not

607
00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 1: technically helping with the rent. I always covered the rent,

608
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 1: but she always had money coming in, and it was

609
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 1: like a just in case, like devout. I know you

610
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 1: said you got everything, but but just in case, this

611
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 1: is what it is. And there were many situations where

612
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 1: if she didn't have that just in case fund, she

613
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 1: wouldn't been able to go shopping, she wouldn't been able

614
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 1: to do certain things for food, like bare necessities. Like

615
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,800
Speaker 1: we were living in New York three bet room apartment

616
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:04,040
Speaker 1: with a child. We had two cars, we also had properties.

617
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:06,400
Speaker 1: The vast majority of the money that I was scraping

618
00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:09,680
Speaker 1: together with the five jobs I had, was going to

619
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 1: managing the businesses, and Codeine's money was going to maintaining

620
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:15,880
Speaker 1: the household other than paying the ranks. I always made

621
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 1: sure that the rent was covered. But um, I say

622
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:20,480
Speaker 1: all that to say this, I know what you guys,

623
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 1: plan is or plan was, but life happens, and the

624
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:28,840
Speaker 1: plan may have been for you not to work, but

625
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:31,040
Speaker 1: Code working for those two years. I think he worked

626
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,440
Speaker 1: full time. Conde work full time for two years and

627
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 1: then dropped back to freelance so that she can make

628
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:38,719
Speaker 1: her own money as opposed to working for a boss.

629
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 1: Was the greatest decision that we made, because if we

630
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:44,000
Speaker 1: didn't make that decision, I don't think we would have

631
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 1: gotten here. Being an entrepreneurs tough. There's ebbs and flows,

632
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 1: ups and downs. Um. I would tell your husband that

633
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 1: he needs to work every job he can work in

634
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 1: order to pay for whatever you guys need. But those

635
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:01,440
Speaker 1: first four years of life, he will be present when

636
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:03,680
Speaker 1: he gets home. But none of my kids have ever

637
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:06,120
Speaker 1: said dad, you know. When I was three, I looked

638
00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 1: around and I didn't see nobody ever said that because

639
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 1: I was going a lot. But after after Kate, when

640
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 1: Jackson was too and k was able to drop back home,

641
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:18,960
Speaker 1: I was in the gym eighteen hours a day. That's

642
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 1: not an exaggeration. I was. I was building that gym

643
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 1: business because I wanted to be able to support our family.

644
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 1: And on top of that, I was working at MSG

645
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:31,240
Speaker 1: varsity as a color commentator. I was doing in studio

646
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:33,640
Speaker 1: analysts work. I was doing commercials. I worked as a

647
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:36,600
Speaker 1: substitute teacher. I worked as a gym teacher. What else

648
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 1: I did? I was a personal trainer. I was a

649
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:44,680
Speaker 1: personal trainer. Um, I think I did of things he did.

650
00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:47,480
Speaker 1: Like I said, going back to the topic of the show,

651
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,640
Speaker 1: I saw early on how you attacked everything in your life,

652
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:53,080
Speaker 1: So something like that was not anything different for me.

653
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,360
Speaker 1: I just knew that it was my place too. Then

654
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 1: once I was able to cut back in freelance, I

655
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 1: was able to be almost like stay at home mom

656
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 1: because I was still working. But it then gave you

657
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 1: the flexibility to then go and do what you had

658
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:06,240
Speaker 1: to do. Because we know that Jackson was taken care

659
00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 1: of in the Instagram between me and my family and

660
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:12,680
Speaker 1: your family. UM, so the support definitely, I would encourage

661
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 1: me to continue. That it's great that he's has the entrepreneurial,

662
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 1: enthusist spirit and that he's actually working at it and

663
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 1: it's not just a dream that he's just hoping will happen,

664
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 1: but he's actually out there attempting to make it happen.

665
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 1: And she said he's pulling motivation out the sky and

666
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 1: all that. That's a good sign that I think they'll

667
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 1: be all right. I just think that he I think

668
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 1: entrepreneurs need to know that it's okay to work for

669
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 1: someone while you build your dream, you know, like necessary

670
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 1: almost this is a horrible like a horrible correlation, but

671
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:47,480
Speaker 1: it's true. Right when you're a drug dealer, even that's

672
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:50,320
Speaker 1: an entrepreneurial spirit, right, But when you first get your

673
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:56,320
Speaker 1: first set of drugs, it's on consignment. You're working for someone.

674
00:33:56,720 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 1: You're building their business until you can stand on your

675
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 1: own to build your own business. And ultimately, the goal

676
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:06,160
Speaker 1: is to become the connect. Right, It's the same thing

677
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 1: as an entrepreneur. You want to be the connect, but

678
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 1: you can't be the connect without first working for the

679
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:14,360
Speaker 1: connect to learn how the business works. This idea for

680
00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:17,239
Speaker 1: entrepreneurs that I'm gonna quit my job and figure it out,

681
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 1: especially when you have kids. And this is men. Men,

682
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:24,279
Speaker 1: when you have a wife who's giving you kids, I

683
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:28,919
Speaker 1: think that it's it's careless, thoughtless and selfish for you

684
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:33,200
Speaker 1: to sacrifice the security of your family because you have

685
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:35,959
Speaker 1: a dream that you want to pursue. There's a way

686
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:39,120
Speaker 1: to do both. You know, and and sometimes I know.

687
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 1: People say there has to be there can be no

688
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 1: plan B because plan B only distracts from plan A.

689
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:47,120
Speaker 1: And I understand that. But for me, my plan A

690
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 1: included me working for someone for a couple of years

691
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:53,080
Speaker 1: until I figured it out. So your plan A has

692
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,719
Speaker 1: to be a strong plan. And and it sounds like

693
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:57,759
Speaker 1: you guys love each other enough to y'all speak to

694
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:00,399
Speaker 1: each other. You can figure it out together, So make

695
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:02,319
Speaker 1: it happen. We're gonna pray for you, guys, and I

696
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:04,440
Speaker 1: have the utmost confidence that you guys will make it

697
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:09,160
Speaker 1: work sure. Number two, I'm forty three years old, married

698
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,360
Speaker 1: with one child that loves that leadst for college in August.

699
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,080
Speaker 1: My husband and I have been together since we were

700
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:16,919
Speaker 1: seniors in high school. Similar to us, we've been married

701
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:20,319
Speaker 1: nineteen years. Similar to us were I was twenty four

702
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:23,359
Speaker 1: and he was twenty five, and we were not married

703
00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:25,840
Speaker 1: for nineteen has been together twenty years. Sorry, I was

704
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 1: twenty four and he was twenty five. I know kay

705
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:31,000
Speaker 1: dabbles and horoscopes. I am a Capricorn and he is

706
00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 1: a Scorpio. I have no idea what none of that means.

707
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 1: We've gone through infidelity on his part, and just compatibility issues.

708
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:39,800
Speaker 1: I left the house and stayed in my own place

709
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:41,919
Speaker 1: for two years. I recently moved back into the home

710
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:45,560
Speaker 1: for financial reasons. He wants us to get back together.

711
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:47,480
Speaker 1: My issue is that he is selfish and not a

712
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:49,719
Speaker 1: team player. I often listened to your podcast and find

713
00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:53,080
Speaker 1: myself comparing my husband's beliefs on family to devows. My

714
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,440
Speaker 1: husband is not a provider of protector, So how do

715
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:59,839
Speaker 1: we have the same? Says? Comparing comparing nots so more

716
00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 1: as more like contrasting. He makes the money to be

717
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:06,640
Speaker 1: to be so, but feels like he should pay fifty

718
00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:12,520
Speaker 1: close to that as he thinks is fear wow. One

719
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:15,400
Speaker 1: situation in particular is I quit working with his blessing

720
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:17,880
Speaker 1: to go to nursing school. He immediately started cheating and

721
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:21,040
Speaker 1: treating me like a burden. He has told me on

722
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:23,400
Speaker 1: several occasions, I owe him because he took care of

723
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,640
Speaker 1: the family while I pursued my dreams. This was twelve

724
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:28,799
Speaker 1: years ago, and he still brings it up whenever we argue.

725
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 1: He rationalizes infidelity, and no matter how many times he

726
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,440
Speaker 1: can admit that he was wrong, he always seems to

727
00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:36,520
Speaker 1: figure out a way to rationalize it. With all that

728
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:40,200
Speaker 1: being said, I love him, I wish things were different,

729
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:43,160
Speaker 1: but I don't like his beliefs or views on life.

730
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:44,919
Speaker 1: On the flip side, I do not want to fail

731
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:47,680
Speaker 1: at marriage. That that that right, there is a problem.

732
00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:49,800
Speaker 1: I want to show my daughter what a successful marriage

733
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,280
Speaker 1: looks like. And I just don't want to be single

734
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:57,160
Speaker 1: in this cesspool. He's tried. We've tried counseling one session

735
00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:00,759
Speaker 1: and he acted like a complete asshole. I ended up

736
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:03,120
Speaker 1: getting up and walking out, so our refused. I don't

737
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:04,400
Speaker 1: even need to read them more parts of this. I

738
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:06,879
Speaker 1: already see what was happening here. Already see what's happen

739
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:10,480
Speaker 1: You see what's happening here. He's a whole one. Thing

740
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:14,160
Speaker 1: don't do is judge other people's relationships. So we're not

741
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:16,480
Speaker 1: going to judge a relationship. But I will say this, right,

742
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:22,680
Speaker 1: you walk into a marriage being prepared to serve HM.

743
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:26,359
Speaker 1: If you walk into marriage saying, I hope I get

744
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 1: everything I can get out of this relationships, let me

745
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:32,279
Speaker 1: keep all of my things to the side here because

746
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:35,400
Speaker 1: they're mine, not yours. Then you don't want to be married,

747
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:37,560
Speaker 1: You don't want to be mad, you want the benefits

748
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:40,040
Speaker 1: of having a spouse, but you don't want to be married.

749
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:42,120
Speaker 1: And that's what it sounds like he's dealing with, right,

750
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,880
Speaker 1: for example, the whole I'm gonna pay as close to

751
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:48,719
Speaker 1: fifty fifty as I can, and if you're going to

752
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:50,480
Speaker 1: chase your dreams, I'm gonna hold you down. But I'm

753
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 1: gonna constantly remind you. That doesn't sound like someone is

754
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:56,560
Speaker 1: being a service, you know what I'm saying. That sounds

755
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:59,720
Speaker 1: like someone who's very selfish. Sounds like a freaking loan officer.

756
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:03,359
Speaker 1: If you ask me, you know, I'll let you out.

757
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 1: You got to pay the toll, right, And um, it's

758
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:08,600
Speaker 1: hard to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't

759
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 1: find the value and being a partner. Yeah, because she's

760
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:15,880
Speaker 1: saying that he wants us to get back together. So

761
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:18,520
Speaker 1: my thing is what he's just gaining the benefits of

762
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:21,439
Speaker 1: being with you when it's convenient for him, because he's

763
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:24,040
Speaker 1: still cheating according to this, like when you went back

764
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:26,640
Speaker 1: to nursing school and all that. So you're trying to

765
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:29,279
Speaker 1: show your your daughter what a successful marriage looks like,

766
00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:32,279
Speaker 1: and the marriage is not what I would say is

767
00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:36,400
Speaker 1: maybe successful in this moment, that's difficult to like. It's

768
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,480
Speaker 1: it's it's actually oxymoron. You know, you're not going to

769
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:44,839
Speaker 1: show her teaching a settle and stay with them no

770
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:47,279
Speaker 1: matter what they do and how they treat you, because

771
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:50,279
Speaker 1: if you leave, then you're a failure. That's that's the

772
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 1: message you're giving your daughter, and that's the wrong message

773
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:56,840
Speaker 1: you want to give anybody because you don't like, here's

774
00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:59,680
Speaker 1: the thing. You do not have to stay in a

775
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 1: relationship that does not serve you. You don't have you

776
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:06,239
Speaker 1: don't have to stay in that relationship, and you're not

777
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 1: considered a failure because you made a choice for yourself.

778
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 1: You're saying right now, what you're thinking about is what

779
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:15,960
Speaker 1: everyone else will think. When you start to say to yourself,

780
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 1: I don't want to fail at marriage. That means that

781
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:20,439
Speaker 1: you believe everybody else will look at you and say

782
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:22,640
Speaker 1: you failed if you left this marriage, as opposed to

783
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:25,080
Speaker 1: saying this is a victory and a triumph for me

784
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:28,360
Speaker 1: to recognize that I'm a gift to someone else and

785
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,719
Speaker 1: someone else needs to honor that gift. This relationship is

786
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:34,880
Speaker 1: not bringing any value to me or my life, which

787
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:36,879
Speaker 1: which is okay, because if you're going to go into

788
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:38,680
Speaker 1: a marriage and or go into a relationship and be

789
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:42,000
Speaker 1: selfless and say I'm going to serve. There is a

790
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 1: part of that serving that says I wanted to be reciprocated.

791
00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:48,920
Speaker 1: I'm going to serve and serve and serve. But it's

792
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:51,319
Speaker 1: so also okay to say, you know what, I'm not

793
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:54,239
Speaker 1: being served and that's fine because this person may not

794
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 1: know how to serve me. If you've communicated multiple times

795
00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:00,759
Speaker 1: that you want to be served certain way and that

796
00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:03,640
Speaker 1: person doesn't want to do that, there within their right.

797
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:07,160
Speaker 1: But you can leave. You're not stuck. That's a fact

798
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:08,640
Speaker 1: because with the whole serving thing, if you're going to

799
00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:10,560
Speaker 1: be serving your spouse, you expect that it's going to

800
00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:12,520
Speaker 1: be reciprocated, So your needs are going to be met

801
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:15,880
Speaker 1: either way. So if that's not happening, then what exactly

802
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:19,200
Speaker 1: are we doing here? And she said she's forty three,

803
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:20,880
Speaker 1: doesn't want to be in the dating cesspool. I can

804
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:24,680
Speaker 1: completely get to but you're in the marriage cesspool, right right,

805
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 1: that's just the truth. Like people, people don't want to

806
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 1: hear it. I don't want to leave this because it's

807
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:32,200
Speaker 1: hard out there. It's hard where you are, and if

808
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:35,320
Speaker 1: you're if your spouse is constantly making your life hard

809
00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:39,680
Speaker 1: and difficult. You don't have to stay there, you just don't.

810
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:41,880
Speaker 1: You don't. And she said her daughter is about to

811
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:45,400
Speaker 1: leave for college. So I'm sure at that age she

812
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:48,120
Speaker 1: has good sense to see what's been transpiring in their

813
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:50,200
Speaker 1: relationship and in the marriage. And it may be too late.

814
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:52,080
Speaker 1: She might be like, Yo, my father's woking all over

815
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:54,879
Speaker 1: my mother. For all these years, you'd be surprised with kids.

816
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:58,040
Speaker 1: See from a young age, you'd be surprised with kids,

817
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 1: see early on. Good luck to you sis. All right, y'all,

818
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:02,319
Speaker 1: if you want to be featured as one of our

819
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:04,439
Speaker 1: listener letters, be sure to email us at dead as

820
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 1: Advice at gmail dot com and send us your whole dissertation.

821
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:11,239
Speaker 1: That's right, that's d E A D A S S

822
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:15,360
Speaker 1: A d V I c E at gmail dot com.

823
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:19,719
Speaker 1: All right, moment of truth devours prayer and Caden's prayer first.

824
00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 1: Um I can go first. I guess my moment of

825
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:26,719
Speaker 1: truth with this whole thing here. Um, I can only

826
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:31,520
Speaker 1: speak to the time that we had together meanings dating

827
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:33,760
Speaker 1: early on, because we talked about how different it could

828
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:36,520
Speaker 1: be if we started dating in like our late twenties,

829
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:40,440
Speaker 1: and our really thirties and whatnot. Um, But the biggest

830
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:42,759
Speaker 1: thing for me, I think was being sure that I

831
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:45,120
Speaker 1: showed up true to who I was and who I

832
00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:47,400
Speaker 1: wanted to be in that moment. That way, you were

833
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:50,560
Speaker 1: able to experience me in my truth. UM, that was

834
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:53,360
Speaker 1: super important as I approached what I didn't even know

835
00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:55,600
Speaker 1: was going to be a relationship with you. I think

836
00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 1: because I was my authentic self in those moments, you

837
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 1: were really able to to see who I was and

838
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:03,719
Speaker 1: then decide that I was somebody you wanted to continue

839
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 1: to date and then eventually marry. So I think I

840
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:10,520
Speaker 1: would encourage people, if they can, to try to show

841
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 1: up as their truest self, because then they would be

842
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 1: better able and better equipped to allow someone to say,

843
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:18,680
Speaker 1: you know what, this is someone that I genuinely connect

844
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:23,800
Speaker 1: connect with or not, and then you go from there. Yeah.

845
00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:27,880
Speaker 1: I mean, that's that's real. I did have. I had

846
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:29,719
Speaker 1: a moment of truth prepared. It's funny when you have

847
00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:32,600
Speaker 1: a moment of truth prepared before the podcast and then

848
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:35,720
Speaker 1: you speak through the podcast, which is what podcasts before,

849
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:39,480
Speaker 1: and then there's like a moment of clarity, my moment

850
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:41,040
Speaker 1: of truth and this is the truth I feel like

851
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:43,279
Speaker 1: we were blessed. We were blessed to meet each other

852
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:47,160
Speaker 1: when we had nothing because all we could offer each

853
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:51,040
Speaker 1: other was each other. And because we both had nothing

854
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:53,680
Speaker 1: and knew that all we could have was each other,

855
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:57,480
Speaker 1: it was easy for us to be genuine and organically

856
00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:00,839
Speaker 1: build something without looking for red flag because we both

857
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:03,920
Speaker 1: had nothing to lose. And that's really just a moment

858
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:08,000
Speaker 1: of truth, Like every blessing, we gained everything working together,

859
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:11,439
Speaker 1: not having to think about individually what we had to lose,

860
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:13,839
Speaker 1: because when you really think about it, every single thing

861
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:18,480
Speaker 1: that we gained throughout the course of our relationship together

862
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:21,520
Speaker 1: was because we were doing it together absolutely like there

863
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:24,040
Speaker 1: was no there was no triumph, there was no victory

864
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 1: where one felt it more than the other because it

865
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:28,960
Speaker 1: was collective, regardless of whose dream or whose goal, it

866
00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:31,919
Speaker 1: was absolutely and and still rings true to this day.

867
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:35,440
Speaker 1: So that's my moment of truth. Man, I do I'm

868
00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:36,880
Speaker 1: not gonna allow you know how sometimes we want to

869
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:39,480
Speaker 1: have like a positive ending in any more. I feel

870
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:41,720
Speaker 1: kind of like I don't know what to tell people

871
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:44,759
Speaker 1: who are a little bit older, who had certain levels

872
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:46,719
Speaker 1: of success in life, because once you get to your

873
00:43:46,719 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 1: mid to late twenties. A lot of people, if they

874
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:51,680
Speaker 1: figured things out, they want to protect what they've figured

875
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:54,319
Speaker 1: out on their right. So I don't know what that

876
00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:58,760
Speaker 1: feels like when meeting someone new, you know what I'm saying,

877
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:01,360
Speaker 1: And I remember saying to my so, why do industry

878
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:03,560
Speaker 1: people only day industry people? When I'm starting to realize,

879
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:06,520
Speaker 1: when you have something to lose, you you look for

880
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:10,719
Speaker 1: someone else who has something to lose too, because because

881
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:13,440
Speaker 1: now you know that that person has their own thing

882
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:15,600
Speaker 1: and they're not looking at you as a meal ticket,

883
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 1: right or you know, you can understand that this person

884
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:20,640
Speaker 1: understands your play, or knows your work, or knows what

885
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:23,520
Speaker 1: goes into it. Um knows how hard it is to

886
00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:26,960
Speaker 1: accrue all these things, you know. Um, So yeah, good

887
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:29,400
Speaker 1: luck to y'all out there, because yes, good luck to y'all.

888
00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:33,440
Speaker 1: It ain't easy, but what is easy for you? To

889
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:36,520
Speaker 1: find us on social media? You can follow us at

890
00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 1: dead as the Podcast and I'm Kadina I am and

891
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:42,440
Speaker 1: I am devouting. If you're listening on Apple podcasts, be

892
00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:50,280
Speaker 1: sure to rate, review, and subscribe. Dead as dead Ass

893
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:52,840
Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and

894
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:56,440
Speaker 1: is produced by the Noorapinia and triple follow the podcast

895
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 1: on social media at dead as the Podcasts and never

896
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 1: miss a thing. It is the Wave.