1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:04,280 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercam. I'm a mother of four, 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:08,479 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,799 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, practicing physician and blogger. On 4 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,640 Speaker 1: the side, we are two working parents who love our 5 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 1: careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:33,040 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:35,600 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode ninety five. Sarah and 11 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:38,640 Speaker 1: I are very excited to be talking with Tiffany Doufu today. 12 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:41,199 Speaker 1: We've both read her book, Dropped the Ball, and of 13 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:44,240 Speaker 1: course she's been doing other great things since that came 14 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:47,320 Speaker 1: out a few years ago. Who were looking forward to that? 15 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:51,000 Speaker 1: But the end of the school year is coming up 16 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 1: with its blitz of end of year activities. Sarah, how 17 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:59,880 Speaker 1: are you faring with all that? I'm okay. I've got 18 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:02,360 Speaker 1: two different schools this year, and I guess I will 19 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:05,479 Speaker 1: for the foreseeable future, actually, because then of people will 20 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:08,800 Speaker 1: be in her own little school in quotes next year. 21 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:12,760 Speaker 1: But No, it's a lot because there's kindergarten events, and 22 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: then it seems like the Mother's Day events. I mean, 23 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:16,720 Speaker 1: this is airing past Mother's Day, but they're kind of 24 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:19,640 Speaker 1: mixed in there somewhere. And then a bunch of sort 25 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,880 Speaker 1: of end of year performances which happened to come at 26 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,560 Speaker 1: a very very busy time for me at work right now, 27 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,240 Speaker 1: as we're trying to finish it up at year of 28 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:32,280 Speaker 1: residence and onboard new ones. So yeah, I'm mildly frustrated 29 00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:36,120 Speaker 1: with my calendar right now. Well, it's also that you 30 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,759 Speaker 1: need time. You need to know ahead of time because 31 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:42,360 Speaker 1: like you know, you can't just like easily move patient visits. 32 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,800 Speaker 1: I mean it's not you know, yes, that's actually a 33 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,160 Speaker 1: big part of it. If they could just and I 34 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,440 Speaker 1: get maybe they just can't, but if if by January 35 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:52,720 Speaker 1: we could just know what all the dates were so 36 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:56,280 Speaker 1: I could work around them, it would be wonderful. I 37 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 1: can't be the only person that this kind of thing impacts, 38 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:00,120 Speaker 1: but somehow the end of the stuff always seems to 39 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,840 Speaker 1: get thrown together and you get an email in mid 40 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:03,680 Speaker 1: April and then all of a sudden, it's like, well, 41 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:06,800 Speaker 1: I have patients and the patients have their own things 42 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:09,400 Speaker 1: that they've probably scheduled around, so they're not happy to 43 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:14,040 Speaker 1: be moved either. So it causes a bit of a mess. 44 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:20,079 Speaker 1: And you had mentioned in your notes feeling sometimes judged 45 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:23,400 Speaker 1: if you miss an end of the year event. Yeah, 46 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:27,160 Speaker 1: I'm debating this upcoming event at Cameron's school, and I 47 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:31,760 Speaker 1: feel like if I don't go, they're gonna say something 48 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,079 Speaker 1: or at least think something, right, I know, And why 49 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:38,200 Speaker 1: should I even care? I don't know. I don't know. 50 00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:41,000 Speaker 1: I don't know. You're right, is it me or is 51 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:44,600 Speaker 1: it them? Yeah? Because the end of the world, It 52 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:47,000 Speaker 1: seriously isn't. I mean, there will be end of year 53 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:51,320 Speaker 1: events every year, it turns out, so that is true. No, 54 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 1: And I said I had resent that I didn't think 55 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:58,120 Speaker 1: my husband would be judged for Yeah, no, that's true. 56 00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:02,560 Speaker 1: If well, and you know, we generally try to have 57 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 1: one of us there, but you know, sometimes it doesn't work. 58 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:07,680 Speaker 1: But yeah, I've you know, I probably go to more 59 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,840 Speaker 1: of them. His take on it was that also that 60 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 1: I should not worry about it either, was that if 61 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:14,480 Speaker 1: we can't go to something that it's probably no one 62 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,400 Speaker 1: cares in the long run. Maybe he's right. I'd like 63 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:18,880 Speaker 1: to think he's right. Yeah, And if you know, you 64 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,720 Speaker 1: can always do something special with your kid. At another 65 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:23,640 Speaker 1: point too, it may you'd be like, well, we're going 66 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,600 Speaker 1: to go out for this special evening together. You know, 67 00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,560 Speaker 1: I couldn't do it during the day, but maybe there's 68 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:31,639 Speaker 1: something you could do. Yes, if it's something that they 69 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 1: care about. Yeah, that is so true. Do you have 70 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:35,920 Speaker 1: a ton of stuff? You've got four in different places. 71 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 1: That's got to be four and three different schools. You know, 72 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:44,400 Speaker 1: it's it's not too bad. There's somewhat limited performing arts stuff. 73 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:50,440 Speaker 1: We've got one choir concert, one recital. But the recital 74 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:53,200 Speaker 1: you had an option of like six different days you 75 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:56,360 Speaker 1: could go in and on those six different days, there's 76 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:57,880 Speaker 1: like two shows a day, so you could even say 77 00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,600 Speaker 1: the earlier show or the later show. So that was 78 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,920 Speaker 1: not difficult to find a time that would work. We 79 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:06,560 Speaker 1: have a like a tee in the preschool that I've 80 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:09,640 Speaker 1: scheduled some things around, but it just said, you know, 81 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,560 Speaker 1: I send one special adult. So I was like, well, 82 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:15,080 Speaker 1: if it's not me like our army and a special adult, 83 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:18,159 Speaker 1: I love that. No, our school has not done that, 84 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,039 Speaker 1: but that's lovely. That opens up the door to so 85 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:22,800 Speaker 1: many options, so many other special adults, I mean, grandparents 86 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:26,120 Speaker 1: or a caregiver, what you know, this neighbor, what it 87 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:29,679 Speaker 1: could be anyone, right, like some special adult for this child. 88 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:31,960 Speaker 1: So that's that's always a great way to get around 89 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:35,479 Speaker 1: that as well, if that's an option. Yeah, no, I'm 90 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,280 Speaker 1: looking forward to it, not being too bad. I'm the 91 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,400 Speaker 1: room parent for one of my kids classes, and so 92 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,320 Speaker 1: I think I need to plan an end of year party. 93 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,919 Speaker 1: But I've got that day marked off, and I in 94 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:49,320 Speaker 1: fact marked off the next days as well, because when 95 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:53,280 Speaker 1: we didn't know how many snow days we would have, right, 96 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,560 Speaker 1: That's that's the problem. The end of the year, at 97 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:58,679 Speaker 1: the end of the school year can move, and maybe 98 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: that's why it often doesn't come out so far in 99 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,160 Speaker 1: advance for us. I mean, that's it. I mean, you 100 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:05,919 Speaker 1: guys don't have snow although you might have her days. 101 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,960 Speaker 1: I don't know. Whatever cockroaches take over the school days 102 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:15,880 Speaker 1: or whatever happens in South Florida like that many cockroaches, 103 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:19,240 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know, similar to New York, exactly 104 00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:24,080 Speaker 1: a lot of bugs there. All right, Well, let's let's 105 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:28,479 Speaker 1: dive into Tiffanyfoo. Well, Sarah and I are excited to 106 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,360 Speaker 1: welcome Tiffany to the program today. Tiffany, can you introduce 107 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:34,000 Speaker 1: yourself to our listeners? Yes, thank you so much for 108 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:37,160 Speaker 1: having me on, Tiffany Dofoo. My life's work is advancing 109 00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:41,040 Speaker 1: women and girls wonderful and Sarah and I both read 110 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:44,200 Speaker 1: your awesome book Drop the Ball a couple of years 111 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:48,120 Speaker 1: ago and your evolution from being the overworked, overworked mom 112 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,400 Speaker 1: to achieving a partnership. So it's been a few years 113 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 1: now since that came out. I'm sure those of our 114 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:57,800 Speaker 1: listeners who've read the book, how have things gone since then? 115 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:01,120 Speaker 1: Were you guys able to maintain this good system or 116 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:04,640 Speaker 1: you know, how's everything been? Well, it's been great, So, 117 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 1: you know, Drop the Ball was a journey that I 118 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,599 Speaker 1: had to go back and really reflect on in hindsight. 119 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:15,120 Speaker 1: I dropped the Ball about ten years ago now, and 120 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,680 Speaker 1: I went back in time because I was getting so 121 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,680 Speaker 1: many questions from women about how do you create a 122 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:23,520 Speaker 1: life that you're passionate about? How do you manage it all? 123 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:27,080 Speaker 1: And I felt it was important to go back far 124 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:31,000 Speaker 1: enough in my own journey before I could afford to 125 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,440 Speaker 1: outsource anything, because I think there are a lot of 126 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,880 Speaker 1: women who are at that point in their lives and careers, 127 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:39,680 Speaker 1: and I wanted to really tackle the nitty gritty of 128 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:43,719 Speaker 1: how I had to reshift my own perspectives and my 129 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:47,440 Speaker 1: own expectations around who I was in order to really 130 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:50,240 Speaker 1: free myself up to be able to do what I'm 131 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:54,560 Speaker 1: doing now. So it's been really rewarding, and in a 132 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:58,200 Speaker 1: lot of ways, my partner and I have switched roles 133 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 1: in ways. You know, now I'm kind of like, you 134 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:07,320 Speaker 1: need to read my book. You need to drop the ball. 135 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:10,080 Speaker 1: He's like, then, who's going to pick them up? Because 136 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 1: you've already dropped the ball? Just we can all drop 137 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:18,120 Speaker 1: the balls. Yeah, it was one of the lessons from 138 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,640 Speaker 1: your book. I think when we did your exercise, it 139 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:23,040 Speaker 1: was in our particular household. It was like, and by 140 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:25,480 Speaker 1: the way, to remind everyone, actually, can you remind our 141 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,600 Speaker 1: listeners about that very famous part of your book where 142 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:31,360 Speaker 1: you and your husband went through an exercise. It was 143 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,680 Speaker 1: very impactful as many people of listing all the things 144 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,440 Speaker 1: you were doing. Yeah, so you know, this was a 145 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 1: very important moment in my own journey, but also a 146 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: very important moment in the book because, like many readers, 147 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 1: I read books, and I believe the person who's writing, 148 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:53,200 Speaker 1: and so you know this whole idea of it. This 149 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,840 Speaker 1: woman is very busy, and she's got this husband who's 150 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,720 Speaker 1: really not pitching in the way that he should. You know, 151 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,880 Speaker 1: you kind of believe that narrative until you get to 152 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:05,280 Speaker 1: this point in the book where I basically had what 153 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:09,520 Speaker 1: I call a Tiffany's epiphany at work one day when 154 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:14,480 Speaker 1: I was leading a team in delivering a new project, 155 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:18,480 Speaker 1: and my first inclination was to put the team in 156 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:22,160 Speaker 1: a room to determine what needed to happen in order 157 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:25,160 Speaker 1: for this project to be a success, and then to 158 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:30,200 Speaker 1: distribute roles based on our gifts, our talents, our skills, 159 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:33,920 Speaker 1: our abilities, our functions. And it was great. And I 160 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:37,160 Speaker 1: was walking home that day thinking, you know, I don't 161 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,640 Speaker 1: manage my home the way that I manage at work. 162 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:43,480 Speaker 1: It doesn't occur to me to think about our skills 163 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,520 Speaker 1: and our talents and our gifts and our abilities and 164 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 1: our schedules and thinking about who's going to do what. 165 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,760 Speaker 1: I just kind of do it all. And so I 166 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:53,480 Speaker 1: thought we should do this at home, and so we 167 00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:57,760 Speaker 1: just completed an Excel spreadsheet. I started off by writing 168 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:00,920 Speaker 1: all the things that I thought were acquired in order 169 00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:05,360 Speaker 1: for our home to function smoothly. And it turned out 170 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:08,760 Speaker 1: that when I sat down with my husband and I 171 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,640 Speaker 1: asked him if there was anything missing from the list, 172 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:14,400 Speaker 1: there indeed were things that were missing that he did 173 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:17,240 Speaker 1: that I didn't know that he did. And there were 174 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:21,560 Speaker 1: a couple of learnings from that exercise. One was the 175 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:25,120 Speaker 1: fact that I had just listed tasks on the list, 176 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:29,680 Speaker 1: but he listed job roles. So like, one of the 177 00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:32,880 Speaker 1: things he added to the list was botanist and I 178 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,200 Speaker 1: was like what and he was like, yeah, I water 179 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:38,520 Speaker 1: all of the plants around here, you know. And then 180 00:09:38,559 --> 00:09:42,760 Speaker 1: he put travel coordinator and I'm like travel coordinator. He's like, yeah, Like, 181 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,280 Speaker 1: you don't even know your frequent fire miles, you know. 182 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 1: I'm the one who researches, you know, the tickets when 183 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,840 Speaker 1: we go on vacation. I'm like, okay, okay, you've got that. 184 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:54,440 Speaker 1: But I think the another the other insight was we 185 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:58,080 Speaker 1: had to create a column that I wasn't anticipating, called 186 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,960 Speaker 1: the No. One column. Because when you go through the 187 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,760 Speaker 1: process of actually detailing everything that you feel is required 188 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,640 Speaker 1: in order for your home to function smoothly, and you 189 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:11,160 Speaker 1: do it with another person. You realize that no two 190 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:14,520 Speaker 1: people or three people or four people could actually accomplish 191 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:19,160 Speaker 1: everything that's on your list. So we mutually agreed that 192 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:23,120 Speaker 1: there would be tasks or rules or jobs that neither 193 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:26,600 Speaker 1: one of us would have the capacity to do, and 194 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,400 Speaker 1: that we would be okay with that. So it would 195 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:31,680 Speaker 1: prevent us from blaming the other person if the car 196 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:33,520 Speaker 1: wasn't washed, which was one of the first things that 197 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:36,360 Speaker 1: ended up in the no one callum, like, who cares? 198 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 1: We live in New York. It's not like we're driving 199 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:41,000 Speaker 1: in LA in this fancy car. So it'll just sit 200 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,559 Speaker 1: there and it'll be dirty and it'll rain occasionally, right, 201 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:47,440 Speaker 1: so exactly unfolding the laundry, like you know what, it 202 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:48,880 Speaker 1: could just be in the bind. We could just both 203 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 1: fox and T shirts like out of the bin. I 204 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,680 Speaker 1: think it'll be fine. So that column was important for 205 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:58,240 Speaker 1: managing our expectations of ourselves, but it also turned out 206 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:02,120 Speaker 1: to be an important column in engaging our community because 207 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:05,520 Speaker 1: people ask you if you're paying attention, People ask you 208 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:08,559 Speaker 1: quite frequently do you need anything? Is there anything that 209 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:12,760 Speaker 1: I can do to help? We kind of by habit decline, 210 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,880 Speaker 1: Oh no, it's great, Oh it's all good. But when 211 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 1: no one called them there, we actually had tasks that 212 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,160 Speaker 1: we could assign to other people. So, you know, if 213 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:23,320 Speaker 1: a neighbor was like, hey, I know that you're traveling. 214 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,680 Speaker 1: You guys seem really busy, Like is anything that I 215 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:28,400 Speaker 1: can do, We're like, yeah, our car is really dirty, 216 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:31,160 Speaker 1: you can drive it and give you the keys and 217 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,720 Speaker 1: can you take it to you can watch well. Of course, 218 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:36,400 Speaker 1: when you actually give people things to do and they 219 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:39,680 Speaker 1: feel like they're supporting your family and your journey together, 220 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:44,160 Speaker 1: they then start doing things without being asked. Yeah, and 221 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:49,319 Speaker 1: that's how you build a community of support. That's wonderful. Yeah, 222 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,160 Speaker 1: and I'm sure that's been I mean that sort of 223 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,760 Speaker 1: segues into our topic of what you're doing now in 224 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,400 Speaker 1: terms of the communities of support. So you have this 225 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,760 Speaker 1: fascinating book come out, you do a lot of speaking. 226 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,040 Speaker 1: I know, I've seen you all over the speaking circuit, 227 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,520 Speaker 1: and then Tiffany decides, hey, I should start a business, 228 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:07,880 Speaker 1: So why don't you tell what led to this and 229 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:12,040 Speaker 1: what you're doing now. Yeah. So I mentioned at the 230 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 1: top that my life's work is advancing women and girls, 231 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,760 Speaker 1: and you know what that really means for me is 232 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:21,240 Speaker 1: that I'm here to serve them and to answer questions 233 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:24,720 Speaker 1: and to help solve problems. And I felt that the 234 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,960 Speaker 1: best medium for answering the question, well, how do you 235 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,200 Speaker 1: manage it all? Was a book. It's kind of a 236 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:33,360 Speaker 1: long drawn out story. I felt there was some humor there. 237 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,080 Speaker 1: I felt that I could take women on a psychological journey. 238 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,559 Speaker 1: But the next question that I started really getting for 239 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,880 Speaker 1: women was around this idea of a village. It was 240 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,680 Speaker 1: this idea of community and how do I build that. 241 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:50,320 Speaker 1: So I've been proselytizing and kind of evangelizing this idea 242 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:53,480 Speaker 1: of a crew for a couple of years now and 243 00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:56,080 Speaker 1: telling women, you know, you don't have to lean in alone. 244 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:59,800 Speaker 1: You were never meant to. We all need scaffolding and 245 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:04,040 Speaker 1: really encouraging women to develop a community of women who 246 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:07,000 Speaker 1: can help hold them accountable for their ambition, who can 247 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,359 Speaker 1: help them create plans and help them execute on these plans. 248 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,560 Speaker 1: And I kind of would give it as a pep talk, 249 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,640 Speaker 1: you know, at the end of all of my conversations 250 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:18,600 Speaker 1: with women that reach out to me. But last year 251 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:24,199 Speaker 1: about this time, then thirteen fourteen months ago, I had 252 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,600 Speaker 1: a woman who at the end of my conversation with her, 253 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,840 Speaker 1: when I was giving my PEP talk about how you 254 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:33,319 Speaker 1: needed to find your crew, she pushed back. She kind 255 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:36,840 Speaker 1: of became visibly frustrated, and what she said to me was, Tiffany, 256 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:41,600 Speaker 1: I understand theoretically this idea of a crew, and I 257 00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:43,760 Speaker 1: believe that if I had one, I could move my 258 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:47,480 Speaker 1: life forward. But honestly, by the time I go to 259 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:52,319 Speaker 1: enough cocktail parties, conferences, events, introduced myself to enough strangers, 260 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:56,160 Speaker 1: collect enough business cards, then scheduled the coffees, the tease, 261 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,160 Speaker 1: the lunches, by the way, I had to take off 262 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,840 Speaker 1: work to meet with you at ten am, you know, 263 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:05,240 Speaker 1: on a Tuesday. Then somehow curate ten or twelve of 264 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:10,520 Speaker 1: these people to form a crew, like organize gatherings and 265 00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:13,400 Speaker 1: put forth our ambitions and goals. Like I have a 266 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:16,920 Speaker 1: full time job, Tiffany, I have three kids, I have 267 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,520 Speaker 1: a mom with a diagnosis, I have a dog. I 268 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 1: don't have time to find a crew. So is that 269 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 1: all you have for me? That's it? Go find your crew. 270 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,520 Speaker 1: And I had another one of my Tiffany's epiphanies, you know, 271 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,240 Speaker 1: in that moment, and just gave for a hug and said, 272 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:36,840 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, I will help you find your crew. 273 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:41,760 Speaker 1: And that is how this began, was me realizing that 274 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,320 Speaker 1: women were coming to me with a pain point, just 275 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:46,640 Speaker 1: like they were coming to me with how do you 276 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,640 Speaker 1: manage it all? And that I was offering a solution 277 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:53,720 Speaker 1: but not in the medium that women needed in order 278 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:57,680 Speaker 1: to actually move their lives forward. So I was like, well, 279 00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:00,080 Speaker 1: I'll just launch a business where I help them you 280 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:04,240 Speaker 1: find their crew, because that's what Divini does. And I 281 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:07,120 Speaker 1: just created a site. I got my crew together for 282 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 1: a photograph and basically it's kind of simple. You apply 283 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:15,880 Speaker 1: to become a member of the crew, and our algorithm 284 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,920 Speaker 1: matches you with nine women in your city based on 285 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:24,320 Speaker 1: your personalities, your values, your demographics, your goals. The ten 286 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:27,880 Speaker 1: of you then become a crew and you collaborate to 287 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:30,480 Speaker 1: meet your life goals together, so as like having an 288 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:35,840 Speaker 1: accountability partner, but ten women doing it together. You interface 289 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:39,200 Speaker 1: digitally so there are in your intentions, your goals. You 290 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:42,040 Speaker 1: upload those to our portal. Your crew can see that 291 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:44,200 Speaker 1: you said you were going to lose ten pounds. Your 292 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:45,520 Speaker 1: crew can see that you were going to ask for 293 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:51,000 Speaker 1: a race and your actions against them. And you also 294 00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:55,080 Speaker 1: meet in person once a quarter. I love there's an 295 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:58,040 Speaker 1: in person component because I feel like, yeah, the virtual 296 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,240 Speaker 1: mentor is wonderful, but when once you bring the real 297 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,160 Speaker 1: life part to it, that's got to be so powerful. 298 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:06,760 Speaker 1: Do you have do you have like different careers mixed 299 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,880 Speaker 1: all together or do our people tend to be in 300 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 1: the same industry if they're very heterogeneous? Cruise by design, 301 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,520 Speaker 1: So you're with a group of women you wouldn't otherwise 302 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 1: have been with format, So women from different industries, different 303 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:24,880 Speaker 1: racial ethnic backgrounds. What you have in common is obviously 304 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,640 Speaker 1: you being attracted to the values of the crew, your 305 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:35,000 Speaker 1: geographic location, and likely your industry the level, right, you 306 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:38,360 Speaker 1: tend to be peers. But other than that, you are 307 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:43,760 Speaker 1: beautifully matched together differently by design. Yeah, and so our 308 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:47,360 Speaker 1: listeners know this is Cruse, are you right? It's a 309 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:50,200 Speaker 1: spelling right in case they're looking this exactly your care 310 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:54,400 Speaker 1: dot com and and so, because you've got an algorithm 311 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,320 Speaker 1: for this, this isn't just Tiffany going in and playing matchmaker, 312 00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:00,760 Speaker 1: then you will be able to scale this. What's your 313 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:04,240 Speaker 1: vision for the crew and where are we now? Many 314 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,840 Speaker 1: crew members? Yes, so we launched in May. We all 315 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:11,000 Speaker 1: launched the first application round in May, we matched one 316 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:14,920 Speaker 1: hundred women in the pilot. We have seven hundred women 317 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:18,000 Speaker 1: on a waiting list, so we didn't match everyone. We're 318 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,040 Speaker 1: learning a lot about the experience. We're going to bring 319 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:24,080 Speaker 1: in twelve hundred women the next round. So we launched 320 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:27,720 Speaker 1: another application round in May. And the reason why my 321 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,359 Speaker 1: voice sounds so terrible is because I have been in 322 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,720 Speaker 1: back to back investor meetings raising my seed round for 323 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:38,640 Speaker 1: the crew, So my voice is fragile. Fragile. Yeah, how's 324 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:41,280 Speaker 1: the experience of raising money been for you? I mean, 325 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:45,639 Speaker 1: because this is that's different from what you've been doing before. 326 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:49,639 Speaker 1: Yes and no. So for me, the process has been great. 327 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,679 Speaker 1: But I have several advantages, and one of them is 328 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:55,240 Speaker 1: that I spent about ten years of my career as 329 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,400 Speaker 1: a nonprofit fundraiser. I raised money. I was a major 330 00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,199 Speaker 1: gift officer for Simmons Knowsity. I raised money for a 331 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:05,040 Speaker 1: girls school. I raised money for a nonprofit called the 332 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,480 Speaker 1: White House Project that trained women to run for office 333 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:11,400 Speaker 1: before I ran that organization. So I have a lot 334 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:15,439 Speaker 1: of sales experience and experience raising money. And truth be told, 335 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:21,240 Speaker 1: raising venture money for a startup is easier than raising 336 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:25,840 Speaker 1: money from philanthropists because you have something more maybe tangible, 337 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:29,520 Speaker 1: to hopefully promise in return. I guess several things. I 338 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 1: think one is that the motive is a uniform. Every 339 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,439 Speaker 1: person you talk to in this you know, venture space, 340 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,879 Speaker 1: wants something ex return on an investment. You don't need 341 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:43,440 Speaker 1: to try to figure out did their mom have cancer? 342 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,679 Speaker 1: You know what? What are they concerned about? What do 343 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:51,480 Speaker 1: they care about? I also have realized that many more 344 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:56,000 Speaker 1: investors and companies are also founders themselves. That's how they 345 00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:59,679 Speaker 1: came to be vcs, and so they have respect for 346 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,840 Speaker 1: you as a builder. They know what you're going through, 347 00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:06,560 Speaker 1: so they add tremendous value and they don't waste your time. 348 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:11,240 Speaker 1: You know, very few philanthropists have ever started or run nonprofits, 349 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,280 Speaker 1: so they're not as familiar with the world, and so 350 00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:18,359 Speaker 1: the process of raising money in this new space is 351 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:22,840 Speaker 1: much more founder centric, where when you're raising nonprofit dollars, 352 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 1: that process is much more donor centric. Yeah, so you 353 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,720 Speaker 1: see this being like really big, like sort of almost 354 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:33,399 Speaker 1: social networking combined with in person networking. Is that how 355 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,560 Speaker 1: you're pitching it to them? And in the future, That's 356 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,359 Speaker 1: not how I started it. I thought I was starting 357 00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:41,359 Speaker 1: like a little membership organization. But as I listen to 358 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,600 Speaker 1: the members, and as I learned from them, and as 359 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,840 Speaker 1: I adapt to what they want, it's very clear that 360 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:49,160 Speaker 1: the crew is the future of social networking. Yeah yeah, 361 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,240 Speaker 1: well that's really cool. So we, you know, be the 362 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,760 Speaker 1: next Google here, school next Facebook here that we're we've 363 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:58,399 Speaker 1: got Tiffany on and I should also mention to get 364 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,960 Speaker 1: in on this. I should I mentioned that. The other 365 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:07,520 Speaker 1: reason why it's going well is because I have a crew. Yeah, okay, 366 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:11,040 Speaker 1: so I'm sponsored. I have people who have made introductions 367 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:15,199 Speaker 1: for me. I have people who even the crew themselves, 368 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,000 Speaker 1: the women in the crew have become part of my crew. 369 00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:20,240 Speaker 1: They are like, if you need us to talk to 370 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:23,280 Speaker 1: an investor about our experience, and the crew like call us, 371 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,600 Speaker 1: which I have, and several of them have had conversations 372 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:30,400 Speaker 1: with investors. So I know that when I have a problem, 373 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,600 Speaker 1: the first question I ask myself is not how am 374 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,119 Speaker 1: I going to solve this problem? It's who's going to 375 00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:39,440 Speaker 1: help me solve this problem? And people have been amazing, 376 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,359 Speaker 1: and it's not just because of me. If you ask, 377 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,399 Speaker 1: people will be amazing. But the courage to ask is 378 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:48,480 Speaker 1: the hard part. That's definitely hard and having a crew. 379 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,360 Speaker 1: I mean, it's sort of this. We always talk about 380 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,760 Speaker 1: the importance of mentoring, but what you're getting at with 381 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,960 Speaker 1: this is like there's a lot of peer mentors. Yes, 382 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,879 Speaker 1: that having that pure relationship is often incredible. I mean, 383 00:20:57,960 --> 00:20:59,560 Speaker 1: can you just talk a little bit to I mean, 384 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,960 Speaker 1: our listener about why that's so important for your career. 385 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:07,280 Speaker 1: I think it's incredibly important, and it's particularly important early 386 00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:12,040 Speaker 1: on in your career because over time, as you and 387 00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:15,920 Speaker 1: your peers grow and mature in your careers, what you're 388 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:20,919 Speaker 1: going to find is that transactionally, you become the power players, right, 389 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:24,240 Speaker 1: So it's important to cultivate that group of people very early. 390 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,800 Speaker 1: Mentors are great. There are people who can help you 391 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:31,320 Speaker 1: achieve clarity through guidance and encouragement. I have my stage mentors. 392 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,400 Speaker 1: They've been around the block more times than I have. 393 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:37,399 Speaker 1: They give me really amazing feedback. And early in your career, 394 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:40,639 Speaker 1: sponsorship is also important. People who are senior, more senior 395 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,639 Speaker 1: than you in the organization, who spend their capital on you. 396 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,320 Speaker 1: But I think that having a group of people who 397 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:51,439 Speaker 1: proverbally are climbing the mountain with you, and you know 398 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,040 Speaker 1: you're kind of at the same level, and you're all 399 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:56,000 Speaker 1: harnessed to one another. So somebody falls, it's like Okay, 400 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,760 Speaker 1: I got her, and you're kind of climbing the summit together. 401 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:04,640 Speaker 1: That is also incredibly important so that you stay relevant. 402 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,760 Speaker 1: You know that you're not going crazy. You know. Sometimes 403 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:11,800 Speaker 1: my stage mentors they were involved in my industry twenty 404 00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:16,200 Speaker 1: years ago, you know, and so some of their information 405 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:19,280 Speaker 1: and their knowledge isn't as relevant. I think that the 406 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:24,119 Speaker 1: peer grouping is so important. I see. I'm actually so 407 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,680 Speaker 1: good timing for me to think about this because I'm 408 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:28,280 Speaker 1: headed to a conference where I'm going to be seeing 409 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:29,720 Speaker 1: a lot of the people that I was with medical 410 00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:33,040 Speaker 1: training with, and I feel like residency process it's a 411 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:36,359 Speaker 1: little bit of an automatic crew situation. And I definitely 412 00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:39,320 Speaker 1: see what you're saying about the value of making these 413 00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:41,840 Speaker 1: relationships when you're lower on the totem pole, and then 414 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,240 Speaker 1: as each person rises, you're pulling each other up. I've 415 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:47,439 Speaker 1: already like potentially found a job, for example, for somebody 416 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,480 Speaker 1: that I trained with previously, but she probably wouldn't have 417 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:51,199 Speaker 1: made that connection. And now that I've been where I 418 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,040 Speaker 1: am a few years, I can be much more helpful 419 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:56,000 Speaker 1: compared to back when, back in the day. But you know, 420 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:59,199 Speaker 1: not every industry has such an automatic grouping like that, 421 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 1: So that is fantastic. And I can also see how 422 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,960 Speaker 1: in that millennial generation it's just going to be it's 423 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:08,960 Speaker 1: going to be huge, So that's great. Yeah, So Tiffany, 424 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:10,920 Speaker 1: we'd love to hear like what a day in your 425 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:14,760 Speaker 1: life looks like now. Our listeners always love to hear 426 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,560 Speaker 1: about that. So how do in remind everybody how old 427 00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:20,040 Speaker 1: your children are? Now? You have two? Correct? Yes, my 428 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,640 Speaker 1: daughter's ten, my son is twelve. I start my day 429 00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,200 Speaker 1: getting myself ready taking my daughter to school. I try 430 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:27,960 Speaker 1: to do that as many mornings as I can when 431 00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:30,679 Speaker 1: I'm not traveling. Our sons in middle school now, so 432 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,919 Speaker 1: he writes the best and gets himself to and from school, 433 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:37,920 Speaker 1: which is great. On any given day, I'm doing a 434 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:41,600 Speaker 1: combination of things that help me execute my passion and 435 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,960 Speaker 1: purpose for advancing women and girls. I might be on 436 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:48,080 Speaker 1: a call with one of my committees for my boards. 437 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,439 Speaker 1: I serve on the board of Girls Who Code and 438 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:54,520 Speaker 1: Simmons University. I might have a speaking event. Fortunately I 439 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:57,840 Speaker 1: did not have one of those today with this voice. 440 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,119 Speaker 1: You know, sometimes I have to travel for those so 441 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,159 Speaker 1: my days I do a lot of traveling, and my 442 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,800 Speaker 1: days often involved travel because I'm the founder and CEO 443 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,520 Speaker 1: of a new startup venture. Most of my time is 444 00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:12,920 Speaker 1: spent executing on the ground. You know, in the beginning, 445 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:17,760 Speaker 1: your everything. You're the customer service representative, your fulfillment. Earlier today, 446 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:22,000 Speaker 1: I was at ups sending gifts, you know, mugs to 447 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,960 Speaker 1: all of our members, so you know, I'm doing whatever 448 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,560 Speaker 1: I need to do to move things forward. In the evening, 449 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:31,520 Speaker 1: I'm sometimes helping out with homework that's relevant to me, 450 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:33,800 Speaker 1: so I get a signed If somebody has an essay 451 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:37,560 Speaker 1: or a book report that's due that usually gets thrown 452 00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:41,160 Speaker 1: at me, I read those. I have dinner, usually unfortunately 453 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:43,800 Speaker 1: not with my family, but on my own. Whatever I can, 454 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,640 Speaker 1: you know, grab from the refrigerator at the end. Every night, 455 00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:51,639 Speaker 1: I spend way too much time dancing. I put on 456 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:55,159 Speaker 1: my Beats headset. Last night I spent two hours dancing 457 00:24:55,200 --> 00:25:01,160 Speaker 1: to Beyonce's homecoming album. I should is my voice needed 458 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,200 Speaker 1: me to be asleep. But you know what, you it's 459 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:07,720 Speaker 1: so important to know what brings you joy and regardless 460 00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:12,120 Speaker 1: of the stresses, regardless of the challenges. When I put 461 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:16,120 Speaker 1: on that beads headset and I turn on Shakira, Beyonce, 462 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:20,760 Speaker 1: Janet Madonna, one of my power sisters. Can I get 463 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:23,719 Speaker 1: to move in my body? Not only do I engage 464 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:27,320 Speaker 1: in physical fitness, it just brings me so much joy 465 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,399 Speaker 1: and I feel like I can do it again the 466 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:32,320 Speaker 1: next day. So last night I didn't get as much 467 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,919 Speaker 1: sleep because I got distracted with that. But that's what 468 00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:38,960 Speaker 1: a day looks like for me. That's amazing. The urges 469 00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:42,879 Speaker 1: like dance to Beyonce it ten o'clock at night. I 470 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:44,520 Speaker 1: got to work on that. I had to tap some 471 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:49,359 Speaker 1: of that. Well, Tiffany, we we always do a as 472 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,320 Speaker 1: part of our episodes, we do a love of the Week, 473 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,159 Speaker 1: So I mean it may honestly be Beyonce's homecoming. That 474 00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:55,520 Speaker 1: could be fine. That could be your love of the 475 00:25:55,520 --> 00:26:00,000 Speaker 1: wehones Tidun. We'll give you a minute to think of it. 476 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:04,080 Speaker 1: Sarah and I can go first. So Sarah, Sarah, what 477 00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:06,520 Speaker 1: do you have for us? Well that's not really fair 478 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:09,399 Speaker 1: because I just copied mine off of yours, But well, 479 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,239 Speaker 1: we were talking about our hobbies and both Laura and 480 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:14,960 Speaker 1: I are into running, and well, since you're going to 481 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:17,520 Speaker 1: give yours, I'll say I really enjoy every once in 482 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,720 Speaker 1: a while just splurging like crazy at the local running store. 483 00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:22,840 Speaker 1: Even though sometimes I do order my shoes on Amazon, 484 00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:24,960 Speaker 1: it can be really fun to kind of get that 485 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:29,200 Speaker 1: real treatment and have them, you know, quote unquote match 486 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:30,840 Speaker 1: the shoes to me and pick out an outfit and 487 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:34,560 Speaker 1: feel like I'm supporting a small business. So I'll say that, Yeah, 488 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:36,679 Speaker 1: that's how it's good. I was gonna list my my 489 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:39,520 Speaker 1: Brooks running shoes. I get new running shoes from time 490 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:40,960 Speaker 1: to time, and what I love about these that I 491 00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:43,159 Speaker 1: just put them on and run and it's like I 492 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:44,720 Speaker 1: did eight and a half miles the other day and 493 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:46,359 Speaker 1: I didn't feel like I was breaking in a new 494 00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:49,000 Speaker 1: pair of shoes. So you know, that's that's always a 495 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,959 Speaker 1: good thing. So all right, Tiffany, how about you? Is 496 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:55,800 Speaker 1: this just something that we love? Is like a physical 497 00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:59,040 Speaker 1: item or an experience anything. It could be an experience, 498 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:04,240 Speaker 1: a type of weather, anything. So I had an experience 499 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:09,879 Speaker 1: this week that I will cherish for so long. I 500 00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:13,679 Speaker 1: was recognized by an organization called Girls Leadership that was 501 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:17,880 Speaker 1: founded by my friend Rachel Simmons, and what they do 502 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:21,040 Speaker 1: with the honorees is ask you so when you accept 503 00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,959 Speaker 1: the award. Instead of just giving a regular thank you speech, 504 00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:27,840 Speaker 1: they ask you to bring someone to the event that 505 00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:30,960 Speaker 1: you want to think that has helped you realize your 506 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:34,639 Speaker 1: power and your voice. And I brought my mentor and 507 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:38,639 Speaker 1: my sponsor and my political mother, Marie C. Wilson, to 508 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:43,440 Speaker 1: the Girl's Leadership event on Monday. And she founded the 509 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,280 Speaker 1: Misfoundation for Women and grew that she co found to 510 00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,960 Speaker 1: take our daughters to work day. And even though I'm 511 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,560 Speaker 1: smart and I work hard, there's hardly anything in my 512 00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:56,600 Speaker 1: bio that isn't made possible because of Maurice C. Wilson. 513 00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,439 Speaker 1: And to be able to stand on that stage and 514 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:02,760 Speaker 1: give her honor and express gratitude and let her know 515 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,400 Speaker 1: that every day I was going to continue to work 516 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,480 Speaker 1: my ass off so that the entire world got a 517 00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:12,359 Speaker 1: return on the investment that she needed me was love. 518 00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:17,120 Speaker 1: Love Love. That is a wonderful love of the week. Yes, 519 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,439 Speaker 1: that's probably one of our most inspiring loves of the 520 00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:25,480 Speaker 1: week that we have had well well this, yeah, I'm 521 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:27,639 Speaker 1: not kidding. Like at least a year ago, I was like, 522 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:29,440 Speaker 1: I love that book. Drop the ball. We have to 523 00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:31,520 Speaker 1: see if we can get Tiffany on and this has 524 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:35,240 Speaker 1: exceeded expectations. So thank you so much for speaking with 525 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:38,400 Speaker 1: us today. And if our listeners they should check out 526 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:42,560 Speaker 1: It's the crew dot com. Right, it's crew, Find your 527 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:45,800 Speaker 1: crew dot com. Find your crew. Okay, find your crew 528 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,360 Speaker 1: and its crew is c are you? So check that out? 529 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:50,400 Speaker 1: And what Tiffany is up to now? So Tiffany, thanks 530 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:54,720 Speaker 1: so much, thank you. So this question and answer comes 531 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,840 Speaker 1: to us from Instagram to our best of Worse World's feed, 532 00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:00,080 Speaker 1: which just a reminder you can subscribe to you and 533 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,840 Speaker 1: you will get details on each week's episode and can 534 00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:06,040 Speaker 1: leave your comments there. So this person asked, what do 535 00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:08,040 Speaker 1: you do about bedtime? I have a nine month old 536 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,080 Speaker 1: daughter who has been going to bed around eight to fifteen, 537 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,160 Speaker 1: but it seems like she might need an earlier bedtime. 538 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:14,720 Speaker 1: I usually don't get home until six fifteen, so I 539 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:16,600 Speaker 1: feel like my already limited time with her is going 540 00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:19,360 Speaker 1: to be cut even more. My hesitation to leave work 541 00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,800 Speaker 1: earlier and finish up after she goes to bed has 542 00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,520 Speaker 1: been that a lot of my most helpful collaborative conversations 543 00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:26,480 Speaker 1: with my law partners seem to happen at the end 544 00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:30,080 Speaker 1: of the day. No, that's understandable. I mean, certainly people 545 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:32,480 Speaker 1: like to say, like, oh yeah, on your way out 546 00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,320 Speaker 1: the door, I was minting to mention this to you, like, 547 00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:35,920 Speaker 1: so for some reason, people don't seem to think of 548 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,120 Speaker 1: this earlier in the day. Although I think there's a 549 00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:40,440 Speaker 1: lot of other ways you can look at this question. Sarah, 550 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,600 Speaker 1: did you want to start in with your sure? Yeah, 551 00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,040 Speaker 1: And I agree with you. It's amazing how many actually 552 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:50,040 Speaker 1: non trivial things do tend to come up at the 553 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:51,760 Speaker 1: end of a meeting or at the end of a day, 554 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,320 Speaker 1: which is interesting. Must be human nature for some reason. 555 00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,640 Speaker 1: But my initial thought was, is there any way you 556 00:29:57,640 --> 00:30:00,160 Speaker 1: can try to just work on shifting her schedule a 557 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:03,960 Speaker 1: little bit by manipulating the environment. If you control light cues, 558 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:05,720 Speaker 1: you may be able to get her to just sleep 559 00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:09,080 Speaker 1: in later and go to bed later. If that is 560 00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:10,600 Speaker 1: going to work better for your schedule. I mean it 561 00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:11,800 Speaker 1: may not if you have to leave or if you 562 00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:13,160 Speaker 1: have to drop her off somewhere, But if you have 563 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,480 Speaker 1: a caregiver that's coming to the home and she's still 564 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:18,160 Speaker 1: passed out when the caregiver gets there, maybe maybe that's okay. 565 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,000 Speaker 1: If you feel like you have better quality time with 566 00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:24,200 Speaker 1: her at night. I've also found if my kids nap later, 567 00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:26,640 Speaker 1: then they tend to lap longer, and then that can 568 00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:30,000 Speaker 1: extend the bedtime at least, you know, within reason, you're 569 00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:32,880 Speaker 1: not going to be able to get most nine month 570 00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:35,280 Speaker 1: olds to comfortably stay up till ten PM. But maybe 571 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:38,520 Speaker 1: if that last nap, you know, starts at two thirty 572 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:40,600 Speaker 1: or three rather than one or two, you might sort 573 00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:42,440 Speaker 1: of be able to stretch out the entire day a 574 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:46,040 Speaker 1: little bit. And then finally, I've always found that morning 575 00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:49,160 Speaker 1: quality time, if anything, can be more fun than evening 576 00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:52,160 Speaker 1: quality time because kids are less fussy, they're less clingy. 577 00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:54,240 Speaker 1: You can get your coffee and just kind of play 578 00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:57,000 Speaker 1: with them and talk to them. So don't discount that 579 00:30:57,320 --> 00:31:00,880 Speaker 1: extra morning quality time. Yeah, i'd say that as well, 580 00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:03,240 Speaker 1: like plus like two hours in the evening is not 581 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,880 Speaker 1: a short amount of time, by the way, Like, I 582 00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:07,800 Speaker 1: don't know why she's got the story that this is 583 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:10,880 Speaker 1: like already short and already so limited, especially if she 584 00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:12,760 Speaker 1: is seeing her baby in the morning, which I mean, 585 00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:14,800 Speaker 1: my children woke up at the crack of dawn. Like 586 00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:18,000 Speaker 1: it's entirely possible that the kid is up at six 587 00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:19,840 Speaker 1: and she's leaving at eight so they've got two hours 588 00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:22,600 Speaker 1: in the morning as well, in addition to these two 589 00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:24,960 Speaker 1: hours in the evening, which you know, if she needs 590 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:26,560 Speaker 1: to go to bed at seven forty five instead of 591 00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:30,479 Speaker 1: eight fifteen. Okay, Like I feel like that's not a 592 00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:35,560 Speaker 1: huge deal, especially if you are getting that morning quality 593 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:39,720 Speaker 1: time too, and your time on weekends, and then you know, 594 00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:41,760 Speaker 1: having that hour and a half in the evening with her. 595 00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:44,640 Speaker 1: So I would say this is not necessarily needing to 596 00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:46,520 Speaker 1: be a huge source of stress. There is no one 597 00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,160 Speaker 1: number where you are a good mother if you spend 598 00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,200 Speaker 1: two hours with your kid in the evening, and you 599 00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,120 Speaker 1: are not a good mother if you spend an hour 600 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:57,560 Speaker 1: and a half. So we should we should maybe explore 601 00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:01,240 Speaker 1: these stories and where they come from and all that. 602 00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:05,800 Speaker 1: You know. That said, if you can also with the 603 00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:08,480 Speaker 1: work thing, you might be able to get people to 604 00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:11,440 Speaker 1: have these conversations earlier. I mean, one reason they're probably 605 00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:13,680 Speaker 1: having these conversations when you're leaving is because that's when 606 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:15,920 Speaker 1: you're circling around and talking to people. You're like, Okay, 607 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:18,520 Speaker 1: I see you tomorrow. Oh, by the way, hey, did 608 00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:21,200 Speaker 1: you get your answer to this? Go have a conversation 609 00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:23,719 Speaker 1: with them earlier. Why not circle around after lunch being like, hey, 610 00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:26,320 Speaker 1: how's it going. And then you know, when people see you, 611 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:29,280 Speaker 1: this thought will occur to them earlier, so you could 612 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:32,080 Speaker 1: have those conversations earlier in the day. And then also, 613 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:33,600 Speaker 1: you know, think one hundred and sixty eight hours, not 614 00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:35,560 Speaker 1: twenty four. I think Sarah had put something about this 615 00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:38,040 Speaker 1: in her notes. But you know, maybe you decide to 616 00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:40,479 Speaker 1: stay really really late two nights a week and then 617 00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:42,760 Speaker 1: leave early three days a week, right, like, you can 618 00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:46,560 Speaker 1: have really productive conversations, productive conversations over dinner or something 619 00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,719 Speaker 1: with some of your law partners two nights a week 620 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:50,800 Speaker 1: and then leave much earlier on the other three and 621 00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:53,400 Speaker 1: sort of work the same number of hours, have the 622 00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:56,360 Speaker 1: benefit of being seen there really late if that's important 623 00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:58,960 Speaker 1: in your office, but then also still preserve quite a 624 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:01,520 Speaker 1: bit of a family time as well, so all things 625 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,280 Speaker 1: we can do. All right, Well, this has been best 626 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:07,480 Speaker 1: of both worlds. We've been talking with Tiffany Doofu with 627 00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:10,160 Speaker 1: all her great ideas on making work and life work. 628 00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:12,479 Speaker 1: We'll be back next week for more on making work 629 00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:18,200 Speaker 1: and life fit together. Thanks for listening. You can find 630 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:21,600 Speaker 1: me Sarah at the shoebox dot com or at the 631 00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:25,880 Speaker 1: Underscore Shoebox on Instagram and you can find me Laura 632 00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:29,600 Speaker 1: at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been the best 633 00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:33,160 Speaker 1: of both worlds podcasts. Please join us next time for 634 00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:35,640 Speaker 1: more on making work and life work together