WEBVTT - Life After Loss

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<v Speaker 1>This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin

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<v Speaker 1>de Gras and I heard radio podcast how do you Everybody?

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<v Speaker 1>My name is brooks Like and welcome to another fine

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<v Speaker 1>episode of How Men Think? And I'm super pumped up

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<v Speaker 1>today because sitting to my right and smiling is my dude,

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<v Speaker 1>Mr Gavin de Gros. Yea good, best, best day of

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<v Speaker 1>my life to see you here again and mine and mine.

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<v Speaker 1>Can I just say that we missed you. You're out

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<v Speaker 1>on this fancy singing and dance and two of the

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<v Speaker 1>men um and you guys at home listening can't see it.

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<v Speaker 1>But I'm wearing my Gavin de Gros shirt the fred

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<v Speaker 1>you are a true story. It's true And in that

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<v Speaker 1>picture on the shirt you're wearing, I'm looking at my

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<v Speaker 1>toes and and the shirt I'm wearing. Yeah, this plan

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<v Speaker 1>backfired on reference one of our Brooks Brooks likes to

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<v Speaker 1>suck toes. So true story. This is what happened today.

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<v Speaker 1>I haven't seen you, and I don't know, maybe it's

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<v Speaker 1>been six weeks too much since you've been out on

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<v Speaker 1>And you sent us your fresh merch from your tour,

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<v Speaker 1>which we all wore. We all rocked it. I saw

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<v Speaker 1>y'all are great in it. Thanks thanks for rocking it. Um.

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<v Speaker 1>And so I was like, I'm gonna support my brother today.

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<v Speaker 1>He's coming back in the studio. I'm gonna support him.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna wear this shirt and I'm gonna it's gonna

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<v Speaker 1>post it on my Instagram and I'm gonna say it's

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<v Speaker 1>where the shirt of your hero to work the boy

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<v Speaker 1>except you come walking, you walk in and you've got

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<v Speaker 1>a shirt, he says. Brooks likes to suck toes. Total

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<v Speaker 1>backfire for me. Yeah, well you need to find better heroes.

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<v Speaker 1>But how are you doing, buddy? How was the tour?

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<v Speaker 1>Give us that? Give us how man? Everything was amazing, man,

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<v Speaker 1>I had a great time. Uh you know, Bend and

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<v Speaker 1>crew all got along great. Everybody did their job, Fans

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<v Speaker 1>showed up, they had a great time, you know. And

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<v Speaker 1>it was something I was a little worried about. Every

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<v Speaker 1>time you go on the road, you're always a little

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<v Speaker 1>bit fearful of are people gonna remember that I exist

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<v Speaker 1>in the world. Are your fans gonna remember you? And

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<v Speaker 1>and my fans all showed up and it was an

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<v Speaker 1>amazing time. Saw the country and had a ball. That's amazing.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you have one, um, best memory from the trip

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<v Speaker 1>from the tour one like what city was just on fire?

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<v Speaker 1>Or song? Man? I don't, I don't have one single

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<v Speaker 1>best memory. I mean, my dad came out. Uh you know,

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<v Speaker 1>he likes to take a bunk in the bus. So yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>we lived together on the bus, me and my my,

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<v Speaker 1>my pops, my best my best buddy, my best buddy

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<v Speaker 1>I grew up with, came out to the show two

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<v Speaker 1>nights ago in Syracuse. Um, you know, from my hometown.

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<v Speaker 1>So we had a great time too. So there are

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of good, good moments on the road, you

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<v Speaker 1>know what I mean. Most of it's for me. I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, uh so kind of a hometown mentally sort

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<v Speaker 1>of kind of guy, you know what I mean. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>a hometown family guys. Sat like having my my pops around,

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<v Speaker 1>like having my friends around, stuff like that. So what

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<v Speaker 1>does it feel like being done to her? Are you

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<v Speaker 1>relieved or you like to press like, oh god now?

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<v Speaker 1>And I don't know what to do off tour being Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>because you're done, though, I mean delicately put it sucks

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<v Speaker 1>coming off tour. I love being on tour. I mean

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<v Speaker 1>artists love it. They love it. I love it. I

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<v Speaker 1>love it. I think it's because there's certain things that

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<v Speaker 1>are just expected and some things that are unexpected that

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<v Speaker 1>you're okay with, you know what I mean. You expect

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<v Speaker 1>to be in a different town every day. You don't

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<v Speaker 1>expect um, you know, for certain things to happen while

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<v Speaker 1>you're on the road, but you're kind of happy that

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<v Speaker 1>they do because it just keeps things interesting, you know

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<v Speaker 1>what I mean. And uh, it must be fun to

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<v Speaker 1>have like thousands of beautiful women screaming at you too. Well.

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<v Speaker 1>So I saw the videos lined up in the front

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<v Speaker 1>row with their Gavin shirts on their their books likes

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<v Speaker 1>to Suck Toes shirts, and the next that's the next

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<v Speaker 1>distribution plan happening out there on the road. Buddy, Well,

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<v Speaker 1>welcome back. We're happy to have you back, and we've

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<v Speaker 1>got the rest of the crew in here. We got

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<v Speaker 1>all the we got the Dream Team reunited, we got Dmitri,

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<v Speaker 1>we got Rick, and we got Ryan, who thankfully is

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<v Speaker 1>still with us. Buddy, you had a bit of a

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<v Speaker 1>tough go. You want to enlighten our listeners to what happened.

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<v Speaker 1>I had an emergency appendeck to me my I woke

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<v Speaker 1>up in the middle of the night. The worst pan

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<v Speaker 1>I've ever experienced. Drove myself to the er and I

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<v Speaker 1>was in the er for fourteen hours before being brought

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<v Speaker 1>up to the operating floor. I am convinced I was

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<v Speaker 1>in the e R for fourteen hours because of our episode.

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<v Speaker 1>Somehow it cot physician. The physician community is aware of me.

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<v Speaker 1>There is the black list, and they put the smallest

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<v Speaker 1>I V. They couldn't find a vein conveniently to put

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<v Speaker 1>in the I V by the biggest veins you've ever seen.

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<v Speaker 1>Just gouging, gouging, couging. Then it's like, oh, you need

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<v Speaker 1>some morphine, let me put it all in at once.

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<v Speaker 1>I almost passed out. Literally four doctors came running and

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<v Speaker 1>they thought they killed me, and I'm by myself and

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<v Speaker 1>they're dying of slow death. Finally get the surgery and

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<v Speaker 1>I was in there for three days. To ask you

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<v Speaker 1>a question, is there anything? Okay? Perfect? Thank you? Next question,

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<v Speaker 1>so I'll have to saying, so, is there a non

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<v Speaker 1>emergency version of an appendic tomy? Uh no, there's not. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>it sounds there's no like voluntary, like, oh you know what,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna take out my I'm not feeling like I

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<v Speaker 1>want to have this anymore. So I don't even eat

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<v Speaker 1>that many nuts. So your appendix burst. It was a

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<v Speaker 1>microscopic perforation. For us in the medical community, that's the

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<v Speaker 1>term we use. Put yourselves. Yes, it was close to bursting.

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<v Speaker 1>How does that happen? That had to have been anxiety

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<v Speaker 1>and stress induced. It had to be. It's a good

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<v Speaker 1>question if I think Amy would tell you, yes, it

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<v Speaker 1>is like it's anxiety induced. The doctor I was going

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<v Speaker 1>to say, in all his pain and misery, he managed

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<v Speaker 1>to text me incessantly because his wife was with the

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<v Speaker 1>baby and the baby on the way, so she couldn't

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<v Speaker 1>really be bothered. So he's like, if I die, tell

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<v Speaker 1>the guys I love him, page for my funeral. She

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<v Speaker 1>probably couldn't be bothered because she knows that her husband

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<v Speaker 1>is high maintenance and was just like really drawing everything out.

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<v Speaker 1>All I wanted were gifts from all of you. Are

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<v Speaker 1>you sure just wasn't a beasting? And we'll never know. Hey,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know that. I don't know a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>medical stuff. I don't know how big an appendix really is.

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<v Speaker 1>But I would have thought because you had I would

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<v Speaker 1>have thought you would have looked a little thinner after.

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<v Speaker 1>That's horrible. It's good to be back. They did not,

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<v Speaker 1>but they So it's a laparoscopic surgery. There's two incisions

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<v Speaker 1>on both sides of my abdomen, and then they pull

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<v Speaker 1>the appendix out through the third incision, which is your

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<v Speaker 1>belly button. So they pull the appendix out from your

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<v Speaker 1>belly button, mounted on a little glass case at home.

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<v Speaker 1>I do not the gave that option. No lint in

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<v Speaker 1>there any longer, all the incisions now, the fake apps already. Okay, Dmitri,

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<v Speaker 1>I think we might need to do another episode on

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<v Speaker 1>on this whole thing because that but that was one

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<v Speaker 1>of my favorite episodes we did about with with your

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<v Speaker 1>story about visiting the doctor, and and everyone on social

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<v Speaker 1>media on Instagram has defended me. Let let the record stay.

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<v Speaker 1>Everyone is behind me. Can I'll give it to you.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll give it to you real quick. Because so he

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<v Speaker 1>he had a little rough go in with a doctor.

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<v Speaker 1>He had like a little sniffle in his nose and

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<v Speaker 1>and he was like ringing the alarm. This is an emergency.

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<v Speaker 1>Doctor didn't call him back. He calls again, it gets

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<v Speaker 1>worse something whatever. Anyway, the doctor doesn't call him back.

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<v Speaker 1>The gist of it is the doctor doesn't call him

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<v Speaker 1>back on his schedule, so he fakes his own death

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<v Speaker 1>and he writes he changes emails as a Ryan has died,

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<v Speaker 1>please send flowers, you know. And so then this this

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<v Speaker 1>doctor panics and like goes into like a like a

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<v Speaker 1>trauma herself, cancels all her appointments for two days. She

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<v Speaker 1>can't believe she let a patient die. It's all because

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<v Speaker 1>of him. He wanted flowers. It's just flowers. He got

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<v Speaker 1>an email from the from the entire health system, and

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<v Speaker 1>I was told that this was not that long ago.

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<v Speaker 1>How long this was like a year ago? Yeah, he's

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<v Speaker 1>fully grown when he did this an adult, an adult

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<v Speaker 1>correct to marry, by the way, and the entire health

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<v Speaker 1>system that I could have died. And here I am

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<v Speaker 1>today to tell the story. To me for for being

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<v Speaker 1>so brave to be here today to tell that story.

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<v Speaker 1>Can't take seriously. Meanwhile, that got around the hospital when

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<v Speaker 1>you end in for your surgery, and they ended up

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<v Speaker 1>giving you, like a first year medical student, to do

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<v Speaker 1>your to do your action your operation. Physicians. The physicians

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<v Speaker 1>don't particularly like me. And this happened again on the

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<v Speaker 1>appendeck to me, and I'll tell you the quick story,

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<v Speaker 1>which is in the e R. In the e R,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm in there for ten hours and I'm like, am

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<v Speaker 1>My wife got there and she was like, look, he's

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<v Speaker 1>been in here ten hours. Are you not you've determined

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<v Speaker 1>he needs a surgery. When are we getting him into surgery?

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<v Speaker 1>Are you worried that it's going to completely burst? And

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<v Speaker 1>the nurse said, well, he already died. The nurse said.

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<v Speaker 1>The nurse said, well, actually, you know other patients that

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<v Speaker 1>I've had that have had their appendix bursts say that

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<v Speaker 1>it actually relieves so much of the pressure and it

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<v Speaker 1>feels better once it bursts, So it would be the

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<v Speaker 1>worst thing in the world if it bursts. I'm sitting

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<v Speaker 1>there on morphine, like, is this guy serious right now?

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<v Speaker 1>So I had a follow up earlier this week with

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<v Speaker 1>the surgeon. I said, look, this is not a reflection

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<v Speaker 1>on you and the surgery you performed. I think you're

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<v Speaker 1>your class act. I love you, but let's let's revisit

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<v Speaker 1>the e R. Because the guy told me this, and

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<v Speaker 1>I don't have my medical degree, but there's something called

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<v Speaker 1>sepsis which you are trying to avoid. And he acknowledged

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<v Speaker 1>that I, while not having my medical degree, am smarter

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<v Speaker 1>than was dyslexic, and he got somebody brought you a PEPSI.

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<v Speaker 1>We're happy you made it through that that life you

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<v Speaker 1>you were shark diving. I believe I was hope hopeful

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<v Speaker 1>that when I got here you at least lost a

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<v Speaker 1>finger or maybe an arm. No, and I have my appendix,

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<v Speaker 1>didn't lose that either. We need to wrap Ryan and

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<v Speaker 1>bubble wrap. This guy is just like a walking disaster.

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<v Speaker 1>I did go shark diving. They'll do his rad We

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<v Speaker 1>went to Guadalupe Island with Andy cassa Grande, who is

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<v Speaker 1>like the shark diving guru. Uh and go pro some

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<v Speaker 1>of the Golden Big House. Yeah, he's just he's a

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<v Speaker 1>stud man. This guy free dives with great white sharks.

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<v Speaker 1>So we spent three days in the water. We were

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<v Speaker 1>in cages, but he got out. What happened to him

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<v Speaker 1>that made him so suicidal? He just he just loves

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<v Speaker 1>sharks man, just like, Yeah, he dives with them, just

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<v Speaker 1>hanging out. Yeah. He and he's behind like almost all

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<v Speaker 1>the content of Shark Week. So anybody that's seen Shark Week,

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<v Speaker 1>him and his wife Emma are behind most of it. Um,

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<v Speaker 1>he's been working with sharks for I think twenty two years,

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<v Speaker 1>great whites. He dives all over the world with them,

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<v Speaker 1>does a lot of awareness and protection and conservation for them.

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<v Speaker 1>And we're able to dive with him with great white sharks,

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<v Speaker 1>really did with bull sharks. Yeah, he'll do. Do you

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<v Speaker 1>name it? He looks at them like their friends, like

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<v Speaker 1>a quick question. Does he chum the water when he's

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<v Speaker 1>before he jumps in? And oh yeah, yeah, so he's

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<v Speaker 1>attracting him and then he's lying there. I'm not lying

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<v Speaker 1>to you. I'm not lying to you. It was gnarly.

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<v Speaker 1>I think we saw because so they all have like

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<v Speaker 1>not all of them, but there were fourteen different ones

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<v Speaker 1>that were tagged or marked. He has a sonar thing

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<v Speaker 1>that goes down and different ones that swim within a

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<v Speaker 1>kilometer paying a different thing or whatever. Anyway, Um, so

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<v Speaker 1>I think we saw somewhere between twelve and fourteen separate ones.

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<v Speaker 1>But we saw sharks every minute for three days. Does

0:11:44.040 --> 0:11:46.280
<v Speaker 1>he have really bad teeth? And is that why the

0:11:46.320 --> 0:11:48.880
<v Speaker 1>sharks don't mess with them? He has perfect all crooked

0:11:48.960 --> 0:11:53.560
<v Speaker 1>and get in and sharp. It's such a one of us.

0:11:53.760 --> 0:11:56.800
<v Speaker 1>It's such a misunderstanding of what great whites are like.

0:11:56.880 --> 0:11:59.240
<v Speaker 1>So what does he think? Does he say what attracts

0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:02.400
<v Speaker 1>the sharks to devour you? Does he have an opinion

0:12:02.440 --> 0:12:07.360
<v Speaker 1>on that? Uh, mistaken identity probably like they actually or curiosity.

0:12:07.400 --> 0:12:09.360
<v Speaker 1>They might think you're a seal and mistake your identity.

0:12:09.400 --> 0:12:12.160
<v Speaker 1>So what what is he attribute his survival in that

0:12:12.240 --> 0:12:16.000
<v Speaker 1>environment too? Probably honestly, great question you'd have to ask him.

0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:18.760
<v Speaker 1>I would bet that he's there. He just admits an

0:12:18.840 --> 0:12:21.040
<v Speaker 1>energy of here. I'm here as a friend, a peaceful friend,

0:12:21.080 --> 0:12:24.640
<v Speaker 1>not an enemy. And also, some smarts no know what

0:12:24.760 --> 0:12:27.640
<v Speaker 1>to look out for. No when a shark knowing their behavior,

0:12:27.640 --> 0:12:29.719
<v Speaker 1>when a shark is looking for a meal, or when

0:12:29.720 --> 0:12:31.640
<v Speaker 1>a shark is relactated. You know, I know when you

0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:33.120
<v Speaker 1>walk in, if you're looking for a meal, or if

0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:38.520
<v Speaker 1>you're looking glass. He's always looking for a But it

0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:40.559
<v Speaker 1>was awesome, It was awesome. And Rick, you just got

0:12:40.559 --> 0:12:43.160
<v Speaker 1>an off gnarly adventure. You're in Alaska, right, Not as

0:12:43.200 --> 0:12:44.800
<v Speaker 1>good as these stories though, But yeah, I was just

0:12:44.840 --> 0:12:47.880
<v Speaker 1>in Alaska for ten days and we were going fishing

0:12:47.960 --> 0:12:50.680
<v Speaker 1>and a little bit of hunting, not not too much hunting,

0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:53.319
<v Speaker 1>but we were fishing for salmon and Halibut, and we're

0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:55.600
<v Speaker 1>in the middle of nowhere and a kind of in

0:12:55.640 --> 0:12:58.760
<v Speaker 1>a cabin with ten other people. And it was awesome, awesome,

0:12:58.760 --> 0:13:02.200
<v Speaker 1>no internet, no cell phones, no nothing, just a lot

0:13:02.240 --> 0:13:04.439
<v Speaker 1>of downtime, a lot of hanging out, a lot of

0:13:04.480 --> 0:13:08.000
<v Speaker 1>kind of self reflection. We were burning not lying about

0:13:08.000 --> 0:13:12.439
<v Speaker 1>that cellphone thing, because I really wanted to text you,

0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:14.280
<v Speaker 1>and I just kept seeing if you were online? Are

0:13:14.320 --> 0:13:19.480
<v Speaker 1>you online? Are you online? Never? Ten days? Not one time? Everything, everything.

0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:24.000
<v Speaker 1>I got a FaceTime. I got a FaceTime from By

0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:31.080
<v Speaker 1>the way, what was the biggest salmon you caught? It's

0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:34.200
<v Speaker 1>about twelve pounds pound silver salmon. Yeah, and our helibate

0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:37.080
<v Speaker 1>was about thirty five. I mean they're not huge because

0:13:37.520 --> 0:13:40.040
<v Speaker 1>June is the big helibate season up there in Alaska,

0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:42.640
<v Speaker 1>and we were in August and so, um, we're kind

0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:46.000
<v Speaker 1>of going after the meat. But bald eagles we were,

0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:47.360
<v Speaker 1>you know, we were out in the middle of nowhere

0:13:47.360 --> 0:13:50.720
<v Speaker 1>pretty much and uh, we're burning stuff and shooting guns.

0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:53.880
<v Speaker 1>You talk about like, how did you survive not having

0:13:53.880 --> 0:13:57.760
<v Speaker 1>your cell phone for ten days? It's awesome just doing

0:13:57.840 --> 0:14:00.719
<v Speaker 1>all honesty. It takes about forty hours sort of like

0:14:00.880 --> 0:14:02.880
<v Speaker 1>get it out of your pocket, get it out of

0:14:02.920 --> 0:14:05.080
<v Speaker 1>your like, finally put it in your room and turn

0:14:05.160 --> 0:14:08.000
<v Speaker 1>have it off and just kind of you're walking around

0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:10.000
<v Speaker 1>wandering like where's my phone? And then you're like, oh, wait,

0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:12.200
<v Speaker 1>what am I gonna do with that? So it takes

0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:14.040
<v Speaker 1>a couple of days amy actually to get rid of it.

0:14:14.080 --> 0:14:16.200
<v Speaker 1>But once you I mean, there's so much work we're doing.

0:14:16.240 --> 0:14:18.960
<v Speaker 1>We're we're gassing the boats, we're cleaning things, we're moving

0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:22.320
<v Speaker 1>stuff around. And isn't there a moment where we're at

0:14:22.320 --> 0:14:25.160
<v Speaker 1>there in the wilderness and you're thinking, Man, if something happens,

0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:28.240
<v Speaker 1>I hope I can look it up on the Internet

0:14:28.280 --> 0:14:31.080
<v Speaker 1>of what I need to do to save myself. And

0:14:31.160 --> 0:14:34.840
<v Speaker 1>there's no reception out here. No, So we do have radios,

0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:37.480
<v Speaker 1>so Coast Guard radios in our house and on the boat,

0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:40.000
<v Speaker 1>so it's channel sixteen. So if we do you know,

0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:41.960
<v Speaker 1>if there is an emergency or say someone does get

0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:44.760
<v Speaker 1>attacked by bear or there's something that's really tragic going on,

0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:46.800
<v Speaker 1>we can we can call made it. Can you call

0:14:46.880 --> 0:14:48.520
<v Speaker 1>the Coast Guard and be like, hey, guys, how do

0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:51.120
<v Speaker 1>you build to fire without matches? I'm stuck right now.

0:14:51.160 --> 0:14:56.200
<v Speaker 1>But it's not enough for you to send round version

0:14:56.240 --> 0:15:00.640
<v Speaker 1>of what would that you go through that process? What

0:15:00.640 --> 0:15:04.760
<v Speaker 1>would guys, I forgot my stuff and the soy sauce

0:15:04.800 --> 0:15:08.240
<v Speaker 1>for our salmon sushimi. What can you imagine if on

0:15:08.360 --> 0:15:19.280
<v Speaker 1>that races like I ain't some girl named Amy really names?

0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:21.440
<v Speaker 1>Do you have to clear something up here? Yeah? One

0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:23.480
<v Speaker 1>guy that was up there, and mind you, he was

0:15:23.520 --> 0:15:26.080
<v Speaker 1>from another part of the world, and um, we we

0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:28.440
<v Speaker 1>take you know, it's fun buddies that we know. And

0:15:28.440 --> 0:15:30.840
<v Speaker 1>and there was a little bit of a problem. There

0:15:30.880 --> 0:15:32.440
<v Speaker 1>was a really high tide where we are. It's all

0:15:32.440 --> 0:15:34.400
<v Speaker 1>title based and so there was a really high tide

0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:37.240
<v Speaker 1>and one of the cars we hadn't parked it. We

0:15:37.360 --> 0:15:39.320
<v Speaker 1>launched the boats. We hadn't parked the car high enough.

0:15:39.360 --> 0:15:40.800
<v Speaker 1>So by the time we got home, it's a really

0:15:40.800 --> 0:15:43.120
<v Speaker 1>weady day and and all the waves were up in

0:15:43.160 --> 0:15:46.000
<v Speaker 1>the car was pretty much halfway under water. So the

0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:49.000
<v Speaker 1>one guy that whoever was in that boat at the

0:15:49.040 --> 0:15:51.280
<v Speaker 1>time sent back to the cabin, which is probably like

0:15:51.320 --> 0:15:53.560
<v Speaker 1>it's not very far from the from the water, you know,

0:15:53.600 --> 0:15:57.320
<v Speaker 1>five yards. He's sprinting and he's not in Brooks like shape,

0:15:57.440 --> 0:15:59.040
<v Speaker 1>you know, let's just put it that way. He's in

0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:06.040
<v Speaker 1>gab and shipped so many people to the house and

0:16:06.040 --> 0:16:11.560
<v Speaker 1>there's two guys are and he's like he was like lastie,

0:16:11.560 --> 0:16:15.840
<v Speaker 1>he could what boy trouble like the old milk, Like

0:16:18.080 --> 0:16:23.400
<v Speaker 1>there's underwater. There's not here underwater, and so it just yeah,

0:16:23.440 --> 0:16:27.920
<v Speaker 1>it was that classic Yeah, we're I'm light headed, right?

0:16:28.160 --> 0:16:30.640
<v Speaker 1>Who got a park that car up there? He's never

0:16:30.680 --> 0:16:34.160
<v Speaker 1>working at the ivy Again, it's classic Dmitri. What's up

0:16:34.200 --> 0:16:36.520
<v Speaker 1>with you, dude? We've been grinding away. You and I

0:16:36.520 --> 0:16:38.920
<v Speaker 1>have been the two here work and holding the show

0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:41.480
<v Speaker 1>down and me and Easton. Yeah, you know, so I

0:16:41.480 --> 0:16:43.240
<v Speaker 1>feel like he deserves some of these guys. I didn't

0:16:43.280 --> 0:16:45.440
<v Speaker 1>have time to go on tour. I would have I

0:16:45.440 --> 0:16:49.600
<v Speaker 1>didn't Alaska. Yeah, I certainly didn't have time to get

0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:52.440
<v Speaker 1>my appendix out. Actually, I thought Ryan and I had

0:16:52.960 --> 0:16:55.720
<v Speaker 1>blocked away some nice time together and then he pulled

0:16:55.760 --> 0:16:57.800
<v Speaker 1>that stunt and so I was alone. So really, I've

0:16:57.840 --> 0:16:59.320
<v Speaker 1>just been sitting here in the studio waiting for you

0:16:59.360 --> 0:17:04.280
<v Speaker 1>guys whole time. I've had nothing to do. Buddy and

0:17:04.320 --> 0:17:07.199
<v Speaker 1>wet the scotch in the corner. Guess what, we have

0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:12.400
<v Speaker 1>a treat coming up because we are all going to Vegas.

0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:15.800
<v Speaker 1>So we'll get you out. We'll put we'll put you

0:17:15.920 --> 0:17:18.040
<v Speaker 1>front and center, and also you Gavin front and center.

0:17:18.080 --> 0:17:21.720
<v Speaker 1>But Dmitri deserves a bay. But we are going to Vegas.

0:17:21.400 --> 0:17:24.800
<v Speaker 1>You guys are my heart radio. What is it? I

0:17:25.320 --> 0:17:28.520
<v Speaker 1>Heart Radio Music Festival tickets available now, boom. So we're

0:17:28.520 --> 0:17:30.600
<v Speaker 1>gonna go to Vegas. We're gonna enjoy ourselves. You're gonna

0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:33.840
<v Speaker 1>have uh, we're gonna god a couple of podcasts from Vegas.

0:17:33.880 --> 0:17:36.400
<v Speaker 1>And also I proposed this idea, go ahead, think you'll

0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:39.320
<v Speaker 1>like this one. I propose that we set up Amy

0:17:39.440 --> 0:17:43.880
<v Speaker 1>Amy delightfully got us all sweets at the Bellaggio, right, Amy, right,

0:17:44.400 --> 0:17:49.560
<v Speaker 1>that's what. So we got sweets. I did not. I

0:17:49.560 --> 0:17:55.720
<v Speaker 1>think we're all in one regular standard room queens anyway.

0:17:55.800 --> 0:17:58.959
<v Speaker 1>But I propose that we do a podcast from the

0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:03.240
<v Speaker 1>pool at the log and can get an umbrella and

0:18:03.320 --> 0:18:06.080
<v Speaker 1>we just we just get to speed date girls to

0:18:06.160 --> 0:18:10.640
<v Speaker 1>set up you for a date. Terrible idea. Anybody walking

0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:11.840
<v Speaker 1>by will be like, hey, do you want to sit

0:18:11.880 --> 0:18:14.159
<v Speaker 1>down for thirty seconds a little speed date? And then

0:18:14.160 --> 0:18:16.000
<v Speaker 1>I'll be I'll enter like, well, I'll get like three

0:18:16.080 --> 0:18:17.399
<v Speaker 1>or four that we get to speed date and then

0:18:17.440 --> 0:18:20.600
<v Speaker 1>we'll select our favorite and then we'll we'll see if

0:18:20.600 --> 0:18:22.720
<v Speaker 1>it sounds like a good way to ruin lunch. Yeah,

0:18:23.480 --> 0:18:26.240
<v Speaker 1>this is still working itself out. But some way you're

0:18:26.280 --> 0:18:28.639
<v Speaker 1>doing some massive speed date. And when we're in Vegas, Buddy,

0:18:29.160 --> 0:18:31.800
<v Speaker 1>this is this is happening. This is cocktail hour. You

0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:34.959
<v Speaker 1>just sit there and look pretty. We'll take your can

0:18:35.000 --> 0:18:41.880
<v Speaker 1>I borrow your makeup kit, your guideline. Okay, so more

0:18:41.880 --> 0:18:44.080
<v Speaker 1>of that. Two weeks we're in Vegas, which is gonna

0:18:44.080 --> 0:18:46.720
<v Speaker 1>be awesome. We'll get into more stuff in this show.

0:18:46.760 --> 0:18:52.320
<v Speaker 1>We're going to talk about love after loss, very sensitive topic.

0:18:53.160 --> 0:19:02.560
<v Speaker 1>We're gonna get into it. After the break back from

0:19:02.600 --> 0:19:05.639
<v Speaker 1>break we are. We have a special guest in house.

0:19:05.800 --> 0:19:09.320
<v Speaker 1>We want to talk about a I think, in culture,

0:19:09.400 --> 0:19:12.160
<v Speaker 1>in society, a very sensitive topic. We want to talk

0:19:12.200 --> 0:19:16.199
<v Speaker 1>about divorce and loss. We're going to talk about loss

0:19:16.400 --> 0:19:19.000
<v Speaker 1>as well, and we're going to talk about life after

0:19:19.119 --> 0:19:21.919
<v Speaker 1>loss and happiness after loss. So we have a very

0:19:22.000 --> 0:19:25.920
<v Speaker 1>special guest. Let's welcome to the show. Mitch Messinger, thank

0:19:25.960 --> 0:19:28.919
<v Speaker 1>you and Dmitri. You were telling me earlier you have

0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:32.679
<v Speaker 1>a connection you went to school with so Mitch, uh,

0:19:33.240 --> 0:19:35.520
<v Speaker 1>how long did ago did you get married about five

0:19:35.520 --> 0:19:40.080
<v Speaker 1>months ago. Five months ago he married man. Congratulations, congratulations

0:19:40.080 --> 0:19:43.119
<v Speaker 1>brother and his his wife and I went to college together,

0:19:43.560 --> 0:19:46.160
<v Speaker 1>and I'm from college at Emerson College in Boston. Yeah.

0:19:46.160 --> 0:19:49.760
<v Speaker 1>And and I remember seeing on her Facebook post she said,

0:19:49.800 --> 0:19:52.560
<v Speaker 1>you know, she announced that she met the most amazing

0:19:52.600 --> 0:19:54.359
<v Speaker 1>guy and she was so excited. And I remember I

0:19:54.359 --> 0:19:56.560
<v Speaker 1>said her a message and I said, it's fantastic, like,

0:19:56.600 --> 0:19:58.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm so excited for you, and it's just it's so

0:19:58.560 --> 0:20:01.520
<v Speaker 1>funny that now now you're here because we never met before.

0:20:01.920 --> 0:20:04.159
<v Speaker 1>But your story. I read New York Times that an

0:20:04.160 --> 0:20:08.760
<v Speaker 1>amazing UM article on on your story, your story and

0:20:08.840 --> 0:20:11.959
<v Speaker 1>deb story and how you know things that had happened beforehand,

0:20:12.600 --> 0:20:14.680
<v Speaker 1>um and and how you guys met and it's truly

0:20:15.080 --> 0:20:19.119
<v Speaker 1>it's truly an amazing tale of finding love again after

0:20:19.480 --> 0:20:22.440
<v Speaker 1>you know, having lost and also and the deb had

0:20:22.440 --> 0:20:25.680
<v Speaker 1>been through a divorce. So so we'd love to hear

0:20:25.920 --> 0:20:28.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm sure people listening back home or in your vehicle.

0:20:28.760 --> 0:20:31.120
<v Speaker 1>There's many of our community. We've got so many questions

0:20:31.119 --> 0:20:33.800
<v Speaker 1>and emails from people listening about this question about life

0:20:33.840 --> 0:20:37.159
<v Speaker 1>after loss and life after divorce and is their happiness?

0:20:37.240 --> 0:20:39.640
<v Speaker 1>Is there a tale of happiness for them in their life.

0:20:39.680 --> 0:20:41.520
<v Speaker 1>So Mitch will just open it up to you. We'd

0:20:41.520 --> 0:20:43.480
<v Speaker 1>love to hear your story. We've heard it. But for

0:20:43.520 --> 0:20:46.199
<v Speaker 1>the people listening at home that haven't, please bring us,

0:20:47.040 --> 0:20:51.920
<v Speaker 1>bring us the goods, because it's your version. Give yeah

0:20:51.920 --> 0:20:55.320
<v Speaker 1>somewhere any whatever you want to give less is more,

0:20:55.520 --> 0:20:59.240
<v Speaker 1>so I will kind of that. I think your story

0:20:59.280 --> 0:21:01.800
<v Speaker 1>is incredibly powerful, So whatever elements of it you want

0:21:01.840 --> 0:21:04.159
<v Speaker 1>to share, please do because we have many people in

0:21:04.160 --> 0:21:05.720
<v Speaker 1>our community that I'm sure this is going to help

0:21:06.680 --> 0:21:08.760
<v Speaker 1>to make a very, very long story short. I moved

0:21:08.760 --> 0:21:12.640
<v Speaker 1>to Los Angeles about twenty six years ago, fresh out

0:21:12.640 --> 0:21:16.399
<v Speaker 1>of college from Syracuse University and Upstate New York. I

0:21:16.520 --> 0:21:20.240
<v Speaker 1>met the love of my life soon thereafter, she too

0:21:20.240 --> 0:21:21.959
<v Speaker 1>had moved here from the East Coast to start at

0:21:22.000 --> 0:21:24.960
<v Speaker 1>law school. We dated for about two and a half

0:21:25.040 --> 0:21:30.919
<v Speaker 1>years after uh a pretty good courtship of young kids

0:21:30.920 --> 0:21:33.520
<v Speaker 1>in love here in Los Angeles since we were both

0:21:33.560 --> 0:21:37.880
<v Speaker 1>East Coast kids, and got married soon thereafter. We had

0:21:37.880 --> 0:21:43.000
<v Speaker 1>our child, Jillian about five years later, and then about

0:21:43.520 --> 0:21:45.919
<v Speaker 1>a year and a half after the birth of our

0:21:45.960 --> 0:21:50.520
<v Speaker 1>daughter Jillian, our world UH kind of collapsed and got

0:21:50.560 --> 0:21:54.439
<v Speaker 1>the word that my wife, Michelle was diagnosed with stage

0:21:54.440 --> 0:21:57.760
<v Speaker 1>one breast cancer. UM. We originally thought that we would

0:21:57.960 --> 0:22:00.440
<v Speaker 1>you know, nip it in the bud, as they say. UM.

0:22:00.600 --> 0:22:03.480
<v Speaker 1>We were able to do everything we could to make

0:22:03.480 --> 0:22:06.800
<v Speaker 1>sure that it didn't come back. But unfortunately, about two

0:22:06.840 --> 0:22:10.639
<v Speaker 1>years later it had returned. And for the next six

0:22:11.280 --> 0:22:16.000
<v Speaker 1>six and a half years she basically had um you know,

0:22:16.160 --> 0:22:20.280
<v Speaker 1>kind of fought the battle, uh, pretty successfully with medication,

0:22:20.920 --> 0:22:25.040
<v Speaker 1>constant doctor visits. But then the last year of her life,

0:22:25.640 --> 0:22:29.480
<v Speaker 1>things got really awry, as we say, and unfortunately it's

0:22:29.480 --> 0:22:33.080
<v Speaker 1>spread all over her body. Uh. And we did everything

0:22:33.080 --> 0:22:35.679
<v Speaker 1>again what we could to keep it at bay or

0:22:36.000 --> 0:22:38.200
<v Speaker 1>turn the tide that you know, she would still live

0:22:38.280 --> 0:22:41.240
<v Speaker 1>for a long time, as her doctor kept telling us. UM,

0:22:41.240 --> 0:22:44.520
<v Speaker 1>but she, the ever pessimist, me the ever optimist, UH

0:22:44.640 --> 0:22:49.520
<v Speaker 1>felt differently. Uh. And so unfortunately things got worse and

0:22:49.600 --> 0:22:52.920
<v Speaker 1>worse and worse, and unfortunately she did pass away five

0:22:53.000 --> 0:22:56.440
<v Speaker 1>years ago this past May. Our daughter Jillian was ten

0:22:56.480 --> 0:23:01.520
<v Speaker 1>at the time. And you know, it wasn't wasn't for

0:23:01.680 --> 0:23:04.960
<v Speaker 1>the faint of heart, so to speak. Unfortunately. Uh, it's

0:23:05.000 --> 0:23:07.760
<v Speaker 1>not something that they tell you, uh, you know, an

0:23:07.800 --> 0:23:10.800
<v Speaker 1>emmanual that someday, you know, your spouse let alone your

0:23:10.840 --> 0:23:14.160
<v Speaker 1>young spouse would die of a disease like that. Um.

0:23:14.240 --> 0:23:17.000
<v Speaker 1>You know, we were pretty healthy, uh, you know again

0:23:17.080 --> 0:23:20.160
<v Speaker 1>young and had a whole life ahead of us. Unfortunately

0:23:20.800 --> 0:23:24.679
<v Speaker 1>that was not the case. And that's where the story

0:23:25.200 --> 0:23:28.479
<v Speaker 1>you know, I guess began and ended with Michelle. Um.

0:23:28.600 --> 0:23:30.959
<v Speaker 1>Obviously never ends with her. I still think of her

0:23:31.000 --> 0:23:34.200
<v Speaker 1>all the time, and my new wife deb knows that. Uh.

0:23:34.240 --> 0:23:37.040
<v Speaker 1>And obviously she is always and will always be Jillian's mother,

0:23:37.560 --> 0:23:40.679
<v Speaker 1>So that is you know, that doesn't change, um. But

0:23:40.880 --> 0:23:43.879
<v Speaker 1>that being said, then a new chapter began soon after

0:23:44.000 --> 0:23:47.679
<v Speaker 1>her passing, from the first year of mourning, trying to

0:23:47.720 --> 0:23:49.680
<v Speaker 1>get a sense of it all, try to figure out,

0:23:49.720 --> 0:23:51.560
<v Speaker 1>you know, what I needed to do now as a

0:23:51.600 --> 0:23:53.959
<v Speaker 1>single father, not by choice as I like to call it,

0:23:54.920 --> 0:23:59.040
<v Speaker 1>um and just living life like you know, everything was

0:23:59.080 --> 0:24:01.920
<v Speaker 1>normal when it really wasn't. Um. But luckily we had

0:24:01.920 --> 0:24:05.760
<v Speaker 1>a great uh support group of family. Most family were

0:24:05.920 --> 0:24:08.800
<v Speaker 1>not in l A. They were back east, but they

0:24:08.880 --> 0:24:11.440
<v Speaker 1>you know, showered them or showered us with their love

0:24:11.520 --> 0:24:14.280
<v Speaker 1>to all of us to make sure that we were supported.

0:24:14.880 --> 0:24:18.159
<v Speaker 1>My parents actually sped up their retirement so to speak,

0:24:18.240 --> 0:24:20.200
<v Speaker 1>and and I ended up rather than doing the back

0:24:20.240 --> 0:24:23.119
<v Speaker 1>and forth thing between the East Coast and California, that

0:24:23.160 --> 0:24:26.119
<v Speaker 1>they would move to California permanently just to be closer

0:24:26.160 --> 0:24:29.520
<v Speaker 1>to us. UM, but also our friends who are like family.

0:24:29.600 --> 0:24:32.280
<v Speaker 1>We had so many friends that were really supportive of us,

0:24:33.000 --> 0:24:37.480
<v Speaker 1>those you know, dark weeks and months after Michelle's passing, UM,

0:24:37.600 --> 0:24:40.440
<v Speaker 1>and then about a year after she passed, I said

0:24:40.480 --> 0:24:43.720
<v Speaker 1>to myself, all right, I'm at a crossroads. Now do

0:24:43.840 --> 0:24:48.480
<v Speaker 1>I continue this single father uh life, or do I

0:24:48.720 --> 0:24:51.320
<v Speaker 1>see if that may be that there's love again And

0:24:51.400 --> 0:24:54.840
<v Speaker 1>kind of brushed myself off in my head and physically

0:24:54.960 --> 0:24:58.159
<v Speaker 1>is in my body as well, and decided that I would,

0:24:58.520 --> 0:25:01.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, start seeing it might be out there now.

0:25:01.280 --> 0:25:05.520
<v Speaker 1>I wasn't. I'm not a millennial. I'm not a young

0:25:05.600 --> 0:25:07.960
<v Speaker 1>kid anymore. Unfortunately, even though I like to think I

0:25:08.000 --> 0:25:10.399
<v Speaker 1>am just on the cusp of it. Thank you, Thank you,

0:25:10.520 --> 0:25:13.040
<v Speaker 1>especially as I'm turning a big milestone next year. Hard

0:25:13.080 --> 0:25:23.800
<v Speaker 1>to believe. Um, yeah, thank you. Twenty thanks to you.

0:25:25.080 --> 0:25:27.359
<v Speaker 1>And so, you know, I said to myself, you know,

0:25:27.840 --> 0:25:31.200
<v Speaker 1>Michelle's never coming home. I know where she is. I

0:25:31.240 --> 0:25:33.000
<v Speaker 1>always joked that an hundred years I'll be in the

0:25:33.040 --> 0:25:36.760
<v Speaker 1>same place. Uh. But here I am, and I'm gonna

0:25:36.760 --> 0:25:38.960
<v Speaker 1>need to find if I'm gonna find love again, I

0:25:39.000 --> 0:25:41.680
<v Speaker 1>need to you know, take the boot by the straps,

0:25:41.720 --> 0:25:44.080
<v Speaker 1>I guess is that the right phrase? Uh, and kind

0:25:44.080 --> 0:25:46.920
<v Speaker 1>of find love again. And so I wasn't going to

0:25:47.040 --> 0:25:50.040
<v Speaker 1>do all of the you know again millennial thing of

0:25:50.400 --> 0:25:53.040
<v Speaker 1>you know, either going to bars or going on j

0:25:53.280 --> 0:25:56.720
<v Speaker 1>date and uh, those type of things. I'm gonna talk

0:25:56.760 --> 0:25:59.679
<v Speaker 1>to my friends and say, hey, do you know of

0:25:59.760 --> 0:26:02.440
<v Speaker 1>any buddy that might be in your world that could

0:26:02.440 --> 0:26:04.480
<v Speaker 1>be a good fit for me, That might be divorced,

0:26:04.520 --> 0:26:07.440
<v Speaker 1>might be widowed, I don't really care, Just someone or

0:26:07.480 --> 0:26:10.359
<v Speaker 1>maybe who was never married before, just you know, you

0:26:10.400 --> 0:26:12.399
<v Speaker 1>know me and these were friends obviously that I know

0:26:12.440 --> 0:26:15.159
<v Speaker 1>in a long time, not just new mutual friends, but

0:26:15.240 --> 0:26:17.560
<v Speaker 1>people who knew me a long time, knew Michelle as well,

0:26:17.600 --> 0:26:19.800
<v Speaker 1>and Jillian. You know, if you think there's a good fit,

0:26:19.840 --> 0:26:23.080
<v Speaker 1>then let's do it. So sure enough, you know, as

0:26:23.480 --> 0:26:25.240
<v Speaker 1>Michelle is probably laughing me as I tell you the

0:26:25.280 --> 0:26:27.639
<v Speaker 1>story right now, that you know, all the entas at

0:26:27.640 --> 0:26:30.119
<v Speaker 1>my daughter's elementary school at the time probably were like,

0:26:30.560 --> 0:26:33.240
<v Speaker 1>he's ready, and we're gonna We're gonna do what we

0:26:33.280 --> 0:26:35.240
<v Speaker 1>can to set you know, set them up and so

0:26:35.720 --> 0:26:37.960
<v Speaker 1>they went through their you know, virtual as well as

0:26:38.080 --> 0:26:40.760
<v Speaker 1>you know old fashioned rolodexes. You know, I'm sure most

0:26:40.840 --> 0:26:45.440
<v Speaker 1>of us know what rolodexes are, but exactly not quite

0:26:45.600 --> 0:26:53.119
<v Speaker 1>but you know, speaking yourself. And so basically, I, uh,

0:26:53.240 --> 0:26:56.920
<v Speaker 1>you know, started getting calls and texts of you know, emails,

0:26:57.040 --> 0:27:00.320
<v Speaker 1>uh saying that I have somebody you know in mind

0:27:00.359 --> 0:27:02.560
<v Speaker 1>for you. Here's her number, Why don't you give her

0:27:02.560 --> 0:27:05.640
<v Speaker 1>a call? So I did that for a little while. Um.

0:27:05.640 --> 0:27:08.400
<v Speaker 1>In the meantime, as some of you in this room

0:27:08.440 --> 0:27:11.040
<v Speaker 1>know that, I'm a publicist at ABC, and I was

0:27:11.080 --> 0:27:14.920
<v Speaker 1>at a talk show, uh with one of my actors

0:27:15.000 --> 0:27:18.560
<v Speaker 1>who was promoting one of her new shows. And one

0:27:18.600 --> 0:27:20.840
<v Speaker 1>of the guests that was on the talk show besides

0:27:21.040 --> 0:27:26.000
<v Speaker 1>the actress, was a woman talking about relationships and relationships

0:27:26.280 --> 0:27:30.320
<v Speaker 1>after death, and I thought this is interesting. So of

0:27:30.320 --> 0:27:33.120
<v Speaker 1>course everyone said, talk to Mitch, talk to Mitch. So

0:27:33.760 --> 0:27:36.159
<v Speaker 1>uh not on the show, but privately we spoke and

0:27:36.200 --> 0:27:39.240
<v Speaker 1>she said, you know, don't let anybody let you let

0:27:39.280 --> 0:27:41.680
<v Speaker 1>don't let anybody tell you when you're ready to start

0:27:41.760 --> 0:27:45.040
<v Speaker 1>dating again. And that also hit me like a ton

0:27:45.080 --> 0:27:47.280
<v Speaker 1>of bricks, saying, you know what, I'm gonna take it.

0:27:47.320 --> 0:27:49.280
<v Speaker 1>Actually on the reverse side, yes, no one can tell

0:27:49.320 --> 0:27:51.199
<v Speaker 1>me when I can start dating, But at the same token,

0:27:51.640 --> 0:27:54.600
<v Speaker 1>why not start now? Like again, I know where Michelle is.

0:27:54.760 --> 0:27:58.679
<v Speaker 1>I know we actually had conversations towards her before her

0:27:58.680 --> 0:28:00.760
<v Speaker 1>passing to say, you know, I want you to find

0:28:00.800 --> 0:28:04.480
<v Speaker 1>them again. And so that obviously something that also you know,

0:28:04.480 --> 0:28:07.000
<v Speaker 1>stuck with me this whole time. And sure enough I

0:28:07.040 --> 0:28:10.280
<v Speaker 1>started dating um and all the women that I dated

0:28:10.320 --> 0:28:13.280
<v Speaker 1>actually weren't bad. There was not maybe a connection I

0:28:13.320 --> 0:28:17.840
<v Speaker 1>had with deb when that relationship started, but everybody at

0:28:17.880 --> 0:28:21.560
<v Speaker 1>least was very you know, normal, I guess, especially in

0:28:21.560 --> 0:28:24.960
<v Speaker 1>this town. I heard horror stories over the years. That's

0:28:25.000 --> 0:28:26.480
<v Speaker 1>tough to do to find a group of people that

0:28:26.480 --> 0:28:29.159
<v Speaker 1>are all normal. So yeah, again, maybe there was not

0:28:29.440 --> 0:28:31.960
<v Speaker 1>a true love connection or like, oh there's something there,

0:28:32.200 --> 0:28:35.960
<v Speaker 1>but at least, you know, no one was crazy or otherwise.

0:28:36.600 --> 0:28:39.240
<v Speaker 1>And so then maybe a month or two after that,

0:28:39.440 --> 0:28:42.280
<v Speaker 1>I get a call from an old friend, someone who

0:28:42.280 --> 0:28:44.120
<v Speaker 1>I have known since I've been out here in l

0:28:44.160 --> 0:28:46.440
<v Speaker 1>A for you know, twenty plus years. He was also

0:28:46.480 --> 0:28:49.560
<v Speaker 1>from back eastern New Jersey where I grew up, and said,

0:28:49.640 --> 0:28:52.240
<v Speaker 1>you know, I have a I have someone that I

0:28:52.280 --> 0:28:53.960
<v Speaker 1>think might be a good fit for you. And I said,

0:28:54.040 --> 0:28:57.120
<v Speaker 1>tell me more, and he said, well, um, Glenn his

0:28:57.320 --> 0:29:00.440
<v Speaker 1>best friend from growing up. His wife Sharon has a

0:29:00.480 --> 0:29:03.000
<v Speaker 1>friend that she used to work with at the Family Channel,

0:29:03.440 --> 0:29:06.440
<v Speaker 1>uh years ago, would you consider it? And here are

0:29:06.480 --> 0:29:09.560
<v Speaker 1>all our particulars? And I said, again, sure, why not?

0:29:09.640 --> 0:29:11.960
<v Speaker 1>I have nothing to lose. And so he's like, let

0:29:12.040 --> 0:29:14.200
<v Speaker 1>me talk to Sharon. I'll get back to you, uh

0:29:14.280 --> 0:29:16.080
<v Speaker 1>in a couple of days, and we'll kind of go

0:29:16.160 --> 0:29:19.360
<v Speaker 1>from there. And so basically a couple of days went by,

0:29:19.560 --> 0:29:21.480
<v Speaker 1>and I still have it, and I probably show you

0:29:21.520 --> 0:29:23.440
<v Speaker 1>guys somewhere on my phone, but I have the email

0:29:23.440 --> 0:29:26.440
<v Speaker 1>that he said saying, here all the particulars of this

0:29:26.760 --> 0:29:31.040
<v Speaker 1>deb kaplan, Jacoby, would you be interested in here again

0:29:31.120 --> 0:29:34.920
<v Speaker 1>all of her her information and the one century thing

0:29:34.920 --> 0:29:37.080
<v Speaker 1>that he did say, and he's my age as well,

0:29:37.320 --> 0:29:41.040
<v Speaker 1>was you know, check her on Facebook and see if

0:29:41.080 --> 0:29:42.880
<v Speaker 1>you like, you know what you see, and if you do,

0:29:43.040 --> 0:29:45.120
<v Speaker 1>that's how you can connect, you know, probably connect with her,

0:29:45.240 --> 0:29:46.920
<v Speaker 1>or I'll get her cell number. And you said, I'm

0:29:46.920 --> 0:29:48.600
<v Speaker 1>still in my Space? Does she have a page there?

0:29:50.200 --> 0:29:57.480
<v Speaker 1>What's my space? And so then I called her and

0:29:57.600 --> 0:30:01.120
<v Speaker 1>that was uh two. That was like again about a

0:30:01.160 --> 0:30:04.440
<v Speaker 1>year after Michelle's passing, and it took a little while

0:30:04.480 --> 0:30:07.240
<v Speaker 1>to get our first date under you know, schedule, because

0:30:07.240 --> 0:30:10.000
<v Speaker 1>of our schedules. And again, she has kids, I have

0:30:10.040 --> 0:30:12.360
<v Speaker 1>a kid. Um, you know, she had some other things

0:30:12.360 --> 0:30:13.920
<v Speaker 1>that were going on in her life that she had

0:30:13.960 --> 0:30:16.120
<v Speaker 1>to kind of figure out before we went on our

0:30:16.120 --> 0:30:18.680
<v Speaker 1>first date. And we went on our first date in

0:30:19.200 --> 0:30:23.320
<v Speaker 1>March of Uh. To make a very long story short, Um,

0:30:23.360 --> 0:30:26.320
<v Speaker 1>I knew there was something there right away. I didn't

0:30:26.320 --> 0:30:28.080
<v Speaker 1>know if we were going to get married, but I

0:30:28.120 --> 0:30:30.440
<v Speaker 1>just knew that that it was very comfortable. As I

0:30:30.640 --> 0:30:34.080
<v Speaker 1>keep telling dev all the time. And uh, by the

0:30:34.160 --> 0:30:35.920
<v Speaker 1>next year, I said, you know what, I think this

0:30:36.000 --> 0:30:40.000
<v Speaker 1>is gonna be another thankfully permanent union. Uh, this is

0:30:40.040 --> 0:30:45.640
<v Speaker 1>gonna be my this is my next chapter. Wow, that's amazing. Man. First,

0:30:45.800 --> 0:30:48.480
<v Speaker 1>I want to I want to commend you. I want

0:30:48.480 --> 0:30:50.720
<v Speaker 1>to commend you and acknowledge you for having the courage

0:30:50.760 --> 0:30:55.320
<v Speaker 1>to come share that story. That is amazing. And I'm

0:30:55.320 --> 0:31:00.320
<v Speaker 1>blown away. Um, I'm just blown away. How sincere you are.

0:31:00.320 --> 0:31:02.760
<v Speaker 1>How and you can see the optimism in your face

0:31:02.800 --> 0:31:05.080
<v Speaker 1>when you tell the story, even something as tragic as that,

0:31:05.360 --> 0:31:07.480
<v Speaker 1>can I ask you how long you were married to Michelle,

0:31:07.800 --> 0:31:11.000
<v Speaker 1>we would have been married seventeen, almost seventeen years. Amazing,

0:31:11.040 --> 0:31:13.320
<v Speaker 1>So I wanted together twenty one. We I mean, we

0:31:13.360 --> 0:31:15.200
<v Speaker 1>had moved to l A pretty much the same time

0:31:15.280 --> 0:31:18.720
<v Speaker 1>for different reasons. We met soon thereafter and we've been

0:31:18.720 --> 0:31:21.280
<v Speaker 1>together ever since. So it was a long, good time.

0:31:21.320 --> 0:31:23.040
<v Speaker 1>I want to I don't want to think long as

0:31:23.120 --> 0:31:27.040
<v Speaker 1>bad I want. I just want to pay homage to

0:31:27.280 --> 0:31:31.800
<v Speaker 1>Shell and to that to being married seventeen years together

0:31:31.840 --> 0:31:35.080
<v Speaker 1>twenty one is amazing. I'm currently married just over two years.

0:31:35.080 --> 0:31:38.560
<v Speaker 1>I can't imagine finding out something that that my wife

0:31:38.560 --> 0:31:41.440
<v Speaker 1>has something a cancer or an illness that could possibly

0:31:41.520 --> 0:31:44.960
<v Speaker 1>be terminal. I cannot even begin to imagine what that

0:31:45.040 --> 0:31:46.880
<v Speaker 1>must feel like. So I just want to applaud you

0:31:46.920 --> 0:31:49.920
<v Speaker 1>for the courage to to tell us that story, share

0:31:49.920 --> 0:31:52.440
<v Speaker 1>that story, and for our listeners, and also to do

0:31:52.520 --> 0:31:54.960
<v Speaker 1>it with a smile on your face, in a way

0:31:55.000 --> 0:31:57.120
<v Speaker 1>that you look back at your entire time with her

0:31:57.640 --> 0:32:00.800
<v Speaker 1>with joy. That was a great that we had, and

0:32:00.960 --> 0:32:04.160
<v Speaker 1>unfortunately it was cut way shorter than we both thought.

0:32:04.400 --> 0:32:06.400
<v Speaker 1>And and I think of our daughter, you know, who

0:32:06.440 --> 0:32:07.720
<v Speaker 1>didn't have her. You know, I was only going to

0:32:07.800 --> 0:32:10.080
<v Speaker 1>have memories of her mother from her you know, from

0:32:10.120 --> 0:32:12.840
<v Speaker 1>ten years old and younger, which that's not fair either,

0:32:13.080 --> 0:32:17.680
<v Speaker 1>but again, you know, I'm a very optimistic person by nature,

0:32:17.840 --> 0:32:20.520
<v Speaker 1>so I just know that I had to do something

0:32:21.280 --> 0:32:24.280
<v Speaker 1>to make it, you know, keep her memory alive, and

0:32:24.320 --> 0:32:26.320
<v Speaker 1>to also know that, you know, I have to move forward.

0:32:27.000 --> 0:32:29.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm still young. Even though I like to say, you

0:32:29.080 --> 0:32:32.360
<v Speaker 1>know earlier that big milestone is coming up, I'm still young.

0:32:32.960 --> 0:32:36.880
<v Speaker 1>I will say. I I from a first hint point,

0:32:36.920 --> 0:32:40.400
<v Speaker 1>I know your story in the sense of my brother

0:32:40.400 --> 0:32:42.760
<v Speaker 1>went through a very similar thing. Um. He got married

0:32:43.000 --> 0:32:45.200
<v Speaker 1>right after college with the love of his life. They

0:32:45.200 --> 0:32:48.640
<v Speaker 1>were married for a long time and UM, she they

0:32:48.640 --> 0:32:51.600
<v Speaker 1>had two small, two young girls, and she was pregnant

0:32:51.600 --> 0:32:54.720
<v Speaker 1>with twin boys, and she, uh, something happens. She suddenly

0:32:55.120 --> 0:32:58.760
<v Speaker 1>within a day, UM passed away and he was left

0:32:58.920 --> 0:33:02.160
<v Speaker 1>with the same type of situation, UM where he had

0:33:02.200 --> 0:33:04.400
<v Speaker 1>to find his find you know, how to move on.

0:33:04.720 --> 0:33:07.240
<v Speaker 1>And I think it's something when you have kids, you know,

0:33:07.520 --> 0:33:09.880
<v Speaker 1>because it's in our nature to want to just give

0:33:09.960 --> 0:33:11.520
<v Speaker 1>up at that point. But when you have a child,

0:33:11.880 --> 0:33:14.000
<v Speaker 1>I think it's you know, something that keeps you going.

0:33:14.000 --> 0:33:15.320
<v Speaker 1>And that's what kept him going. And I just want

0:33:15.320 --> 0:33:16.800
<v Speaker 1>to say. I'm not going to get into all that,

0:33:16.840 --> 0:33:19.880
<v Speaker 1>but what I will say is he too, um, found

0:33:19.920 --> 0:33:23.840
<v Speaker 1>love again and remarried and and I recognize your happiness

0:33:24.400 --> 0:33:26.760
<v Speaker 1>from from the same happiness that he has. So I

0:33:26.800 --> 0:33:28.760
<v Speaker 1>just want to say, like Brook said, I want to

0:33:28.760 --> 0:33:30.840
<v Speaker 1>say thank you for you know, sharing the story and stuff,

0:33:30.840 --> 0:33:32.200
<v Speaker 1>but I want to I want to congratulate you on

0:33:32.440 --> 0:33:35.400
<v Speaker 1>having that that look and having that happiness and finding

0:33:35.400 --> 0:33:37.560
<v Speaker 1>it again because I think it's important for you and

0:33:37.640 --> 0:33:40.560
<v Speaker 1>for your daughter. So thank you, Thank you. There's so

0:33:40.640 --> 0:33:42.440
<v Speaker 1>much in there, There's so much value in there. I

0:33:42.440 --> 0:33:46.280
<v Speaker 1>want to ask you one particular question. You had the

0:33:46.280 --> 0:33:48.640
<v Speaker 1>conversation with the lady after the TV show. What was

0:33:48.680 --> 0:33:51.520
<v Speaker 1>the lady's name? Do you remember that gave you the advice? Don't?

0:33:51.560 --> 0:33:54.479
<v Speaker 1>Actually she was like a family therapist. Basic, Okay, So

0:33:54.720 --> 0:33:58.360
<v Speaker 1>that moment when she said to you that, um, what

0:33:58.400 --> 0:34:00.640
<v Speaker 1>was what was the exact commentation, just that don't let

0:34:00.680 --> 0:34:03.680
<v Speaker 1>anybody decide when you're ready to start dating it, because

0:34:03.680 --> 0:34:06.640
<v Speaker 1>that was the whole topic of her being on this

0:34:06.760 --> 0:34:10.200
<v Speaker 1>talk show. Again, not with me involved on the talk show,

0:34:10.640 --> 0:34:12.719
<v Speaker 1>but just you know, privately it said, you know, just

0:34:12.760 --> 0:34:15.640
<v Speaker 1>don't because you know, I Unfortunately, I have about four

0:34:15.719 --> 0:34:18.320
<v Speaker 1>or five other guy friends, all in my age group

0:34:18.360 --> 0:34:21.680
<v Speaker 1>that had lost their wives in my community. Um, and

0:34:21.760 --> 0:34:25.200
<v Speaker 1>so you know, they all started dating at different times.

0:34:25.200 --> 0:34:28.600
<v Speaker 1>Some dated right away, you know, you could either say

0:34:28.640 --> 0:34:30.520
<v Speaker 1>that's a good thing or a bad thing, and some people,

0:34:30.800 --> 0:34:33.440
<v Speaker 1>you know, d waited a lot longer. So it's it's

0:34:33.520 --> 0:34:35.600
<v Speaker 1>until you're in that situation, you really don't know what

0:34:35.640 --> 0:34:39.359
<v Speaker 1>you're gonna do. So how long after your you're after

0:34:39.400 --> 0:34:42.680
<v Speaker 1>Michelle's passing? Was that when you had this conversation just

0:34:42.719 --> 0:34:44.600
<v Speaker 1>about a just shy of a year, just shy of

0:34:44.600 --> 0:34:47.640
<v Speaker 1>a year. So until that point you sort of had

0:34:47.680 --> 0:34:50.680
<v Speaker 1>you'd been a father to Jillian, but you hadn't thought

0:34:50.719 --> 0:34:54.239
<v Speaker 1>about dating again or didn't want. I think I did,

0:34:54.320 --> 0:34:58.360
<v Speaker 1>but very superficially, just like you know, I'm young, I'm

0:34:58.400 --> 0:35:01.320
<v Speaker 1>at that time, I was forty four, forty five years old.

0:35:01.640 --> 0:35:04.360
<v Speaker 1>You know, I need have a whole lot of life

0:35:04.760 --> 0:35:07.080
<v Speaker 1>to live ahead, or you know, I need to live

0:35:07.160 --> 0:35:09.480
<v Speaker 1>my life and I would like it someone by my

0:35:09.600 --> 0:35:12.160
<v Speaker 1>side like I was hoping originally was to be with Michelle.

0:35:12.239 --> 0:35:15.120
<v Speaker 1>But obviously we can't change the change the past. So

0:35:15.160 --> 0:35:18.359
<v Speaker 1>how do you said that comment hits you immensely, So

0:35:18.400 --> 0:35:21.160
<v Speaker 1>what switched within you? And I'm asking this because I'm

0:35:21.160 --> 0:35:23.960
<v Speaker 1>sure a lot of our listeners. There's not a lot,

0:35:24.000 --> 0:35:26.600
<v Speaker 1>but some of them have gone through this where they've

0:35:26.600 --> 0:35:31.160
<v Speaker 1>loved and lost and maybe they're currently grieving. I'm sure everybody.

0:35:31.280 --> 0:35:33.120
<v Speaker 1>I don't have experience on this, so guys don't take

0:35:33.120 --> 0:35:37.280
<v Speaker 1>my advice on this, but um, I'm sure everybody grieves differently,

0:35:37.840 --> 0:35:40.480
<v Speaker 1>grieves a different extended period of time. I to say,

0:35:40.480 --> 0:35:43.120
<v Speaker 1>it just like cancer, there's no one sure thing to

0:35:43.840 --> 0:35:46.240
<v Speaker 1>you know, treat it the same thing. You know, everyone

0:35:46.280 --> 0:35:49.000
<v Speaker 1>deals with it differently. And and for me, I just

0:35:49.080 --> 0:35:51.880
<v Speaker 1>knew when the time was right that I would, you know,

0:35:52.280 --> 0:35:56.480
<v Speaker 1>start dating again. Um hearing like I said what that

0:35:56.560 --> 0:35:59.560
<v Speaker 1>therapist on that talk show it said to me about

0:36:00.040 --> 0:36:02.920
<v Speaker 1>you know, not you know, letting anybody else make decisions

0:36:02.920 --> 0:36:04.839
<v Speaker 1>for you again, I just turned it on its head.

0:36:04.920 --> 0:36:07.080
<v Speaker 1>Not because I think she was trying to say, like

0:36:07.360 --> 0:36:10.480
<v Speaker 1>you can wait, like if you wait three years, four years,

0:36:10.680 --> 0:36:13.560
<v Speaker 1>that's okay. But for me, it was just a weird

0:36:14.200 --> 0:36:17.600
<v Speaker 1>feeling of turning it upside down, saying, you know, Michelle

0:36:17.680 --> 0:36:19.759
<v Speaker 1>is not coming home. It's not like, you know, we

0:36:19.840 --> 0:36:22.440
<v Speaker 1>got divorced, and she's at her parents house in New York,

0:36:22.480 --> 0:36:24.960
<v Speaker 1>and I'm praying that she'll come home to me and

0:36:25.040 --> 0:36:28.160
<v Speaker 1>Jillian again, I know where she is, and that's where

0:36:28.360 --> 0:36:31.240
<v Speaker 1>you know she'll be for eternity. Did you feel any

0:36:31.280 --> 0:36:34.840
<v Speaker 1>pressure from your friends or your peer group or society

0:36:34.880 --> 0:36:38.720
<v Speaker 1>in general about when that time was right to date

0:36:38.960 --> 0:36:42.160
<v Speaker 1>or to start doing with you? With thinks? And also

0:36:42.520 --> 0:36:44.520
<v Speaker 1>I had that same may shoe, like when we first

0:36:44.560 --> 0:36:47.120
<v Speaker 1>you know, got engaged, when's the wedding and again first

0:36:47.160 --> 0:36:51.080
<v Speaker 1>marriage also not just the recent wedding with deb when

0:36:51.080 --> 0:36:53.200
<v Speaker 1>you're gonna have a kid, so it's everyone wants to

0:36:53.280 --> 0:36:55.160
<v Speaker 1>rush you, you know, I think that's why life goes

0:36:55.160 --> 0:36:59.000
<v Speaker 1>so quickly. But that being said, no, actually everyone was

0:36:59.040 --> 0:37:02.239
<v Speaker 1>pretty pretty understanding because again maybe the first year was

0:37:02.320 --> 0:37:05.040
<v Speaker 1>like you know, because also you know, we in the

0:37:05.120 --> 0:37:08.760
<v Speaker 1>Jewish faith, we you know, commemorate the year passing by,

0:37:08.840 --> 0:37:12.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, unveiling the headstone of the deceased, So that

0:37:12.200 --> 0:37:14.400
<v Speaker 1>hadn't even happened yet. So I feel like that's like

0:37:14.440 --> 0:37:19.480
<v Speaker 1>the magic milestone marker literally that says, you know, now

0:37:19.520 --> 0:37:23.680
<v Speaker 1>it's been a year since the person has passed. How

0:37:23.680 --> 0:37:26.600
<v Speaker 1>did Jillian feel, you said, she was about ten, she

0:37:26.600 --> 0:37:29.120
<v Speaker 1>would have been eleven, but she would have been eleven. Yeah,

0:37:29.239 --> 0:37:32.960
<v Speaker 1>how did she feel? When did you have a conversation like, hey,

0:37:33.040 --> 0:37:36.439
<v Speaker 1>I'm ready to start dating again. We talked a little

0:37:36.480 --> 0:37:39.920
<v Speaker 1>bit about it. Um. But also I did not introduce

0:37:39.960 --> 0:37:41.959
<v Speaker 1>her even to deb when I kind of even knew

0:37:42.000 --> 0:37:44.920
<v Speaker 1>that things were going well for at least like six months.

0:37:45.000 --> 0:37:47.239
<v Speaker 1>It's in a relationship. At least did you tell her

0:37:47.280 --> 0:37:49.520
<v Speaker 1>about her? Um? I think a little bit. I think

0:37:49.600 --> 0:37:54.480
<v Speaker 1>I I, you know, my memories face fuzzy these days sometimes,

0:37:54.520 --> 0:37:56.919
<v Speaker 1>but um, I think I kind of maybe just very

0:37:56.920 --> 0:37:59.719
<v Speaker 1>in general terms that you know, I always will love

0:37:59.760 --> 0:38:02.480
<v Speaker 1>mom me. You know that this, you know, unfortunately the

0:38:02.520 --> 0:38:06.240
<v Speaker 1>situation has been presented to us not by choice, and

0:38:06.440 --> 0:38:09.120
<v Speaker 1>I need to, you know, maybe find somebody, you know,

0:38:09.160 --> 0:38:11.759
<v Speaker 1>to share my life with again like mom. And so

0:38:12.000 --> 0:38:14.320
<v Speaker 1>she was very you know, I have a pretty amazing

0:38:14.400 --> 0:38:18.640
<v Speaker 1>child are now children, but Chilian being my officially by blood,

0:38:19.040 --> 0:38:23.080
<v Speaker 1>you know, it's pretty biology. Um, she's pretty amazing overall.

0:38:23.200 --> 0:38:27.040
<v Speaker 1>So she doesn't surprise me that she was very accepting

0:38:27.080 --> 0:38:29.960
<v Speaker 1>and understanding what I was going through. It's funny how

0:38:30.000 --> 0:38:33.080
<v Speaker 1>the kids and that's in in situations like this, I

0:38:33.080 --> 0:38:36.000
<v Speaker 1>have for kids myself. It seems when when we think

0:38:36.000 --> 0:38:37.719
<v Speaker 1>we have to do everything for them, it's actually when

0:38:37.719 --> 0:38:39.800
<v Speaker 1>they kind of turn and and help take care of

0:38:39.880 --> 0:38:42.360
<v Speaker 1>us as well. And it sounds like that's something that

0:38:42.840 --> 0:38:44.400
<v Speaker 1>whether she knew it or not, she was kind of

0:38:44.520 --> 0:38:46.439
<v Speaker 1>she was kind of doing with you. I mean, we

0:38:46.440 --> 0:38:49.680
<v Speaker 1>we've I've always said also we've we've fed off each other,

0:38:49.800 --> 0:38:51.960
<v Speaker 1>like you know, again, it's the most horrible thing that

0:38:52.000 --> 0:38:53.759
<v Speaker 1>anybody should deal with. And you know, no one in

0:38:53.960 --> 0:38:56.120
<v Speaker 1>you know, in this room or anywhere else she have

0:38:56.280 --> 0:38:58.000
<v Speaker 1>to deal with the loss of someone at a you know,

0:38:58.040 --> 0:39:00.960
<v Speaker 1>a very young age, let alone, you know, from a

0:39:01.040 --> 0:39:03.880
<v Speaker 1>disease that you think, you know, they've had a handle

0:39:03.960 --> 0:39:06.719
<v Speaker 1>on for a long time. That being said, you know,

0:39:06.760 --> 0:39:09.360
<v Speaker 1>the fact that we were able to be positive about

0:39:09.400 --> 0:39:12.480
<v Speaker 1>it and not let it paralyze us, because I think

0:39:12.520 --> 0:39:14.480
<v Speaker 1>that's what it does to a lot of people, which

0:39:15.040 --> 0:39:18.719
<v Speaker 1>you know, that's not good for you, that's not good physically, mentally,

0:39:19.320 --> 0:39:21.640
<v Speaker 1>all the above. And so the fact that we were

0:39:21.640 --> 0:39:24.759
<v Speaker 1>able to somehow positively see you know, and and you know,

0:39:24.760 --> 0:39:27.760
<v Speaker 1>and Mommy would want us to you know, bond together

0:39:27.960 --> 0:39:30.640
<v Speaker 1>and see the world. Now the two of us, you know,

0:39:31.719 --> 0:39:34.120
<v Speaker 1>without her being there, and so let's do the best

0:39:34.160 --> 0:39:36.960
<v Speaker 1>we can with the situation. So so, Mitch, so how

0:39:37.000 --> 0:39:41.200
<v Speaker 1>do you do that currently with Jillian and um Deb? Like,

0:39:41.320 --> 0:39:43.279
<v Speaker 1>do you bring back some of those memories? Do you

0:39:43.280 --> 0:39:46.879
<v Speaker 1>have certain you know, times during you know, the year

0:39:46.960 --> 0:39:48.960
<v Speaker 1>that you talk about Michelle or how do you how

0:39:49.000 --> 0:39:51.000
<v Speaker 1>do you relate that? I guess, I mean we we

0:39:51.040 --> 0:39:53.000
<v Speaker 1>talk about Michelle. I mean I also said to a

0:39:53.040 --> 0:39:54.960
<v Speaker 1>lot of my friends, anybody who's gonna be with me?

0:39:55.239 --> 0:39:57.080
<v Speaker 1>And again this even before I met Deb, that's gonna

0:39:57.080 --> 0:39:59.000
<v Speaker 1>have to understand that Michelle was a big, like you

0:39:59.000 --> 0:40:01.360
<v Speaker 1>said twenty one year, you know, in part of my

0:40:01.440 --> 0:40:04.640
<v Speaker 1>life for so long that you know, I can't just

0:40:04.719 --> 0:40:07.680
<v Speaker 1>erase her. You know, it's not like divorce where you know,

0:40:07.920 --> 0:40:10.040
<v Speaker 1>you could probably say, yeah, you could might a one

0:40:10.080 --> 0:40:14.120
<v Speaker 1>a race that person, that horrible person that I used

0:40:14.120 --> 0:40:17.120
<v Speaker 1>to love and care for. But you know, and again,

0:40:17.239 --> 0:40:21.920
<v Speaker 1>she's Jillian's mom. I'm still obviously very close with her parents,

0:40:21.960 --> 0:40:26.680
<v Speaker 1>her brother, his family. Why wouldn't you know, Why wouldn't

0:40:27.600 --> 0:40:29.799
<v Speaker 1>I you know, want to make sure that you know,

0:40:29.960 --> 0:40:33.080
<v Speaker 1>I bring her up, I would say, on a regular basis,

0:40:33.120 --> 0:40:35.880
<v Speaker 1>But on a basis that is comfortable for all of

0:40:35.960 --> 0:40:37.319
<v Speaker 1>us because you know, there are a lot of great

0:40:37.360 --> 0:40:39.360
<v Speaker 1>memories that I have that I want to you know,

0:40:39.400 --> 0:40:42.160
<v Speaker 1>either share with deb or remind Jillian remember we did this.

0:40:42.239 --> 0:40:45.279
<v Speaker 1>And that's a actually good segue because um, I'm also

0:40:45.360 --> 0:40:48.880
<v Speaker 1>part of an organization called Family Lives On out of

0:40:48.920 --> 0:40:54.360
<v Speaker 1>Philadelphia where they kind of take, um, uh what you

0:40:54.440 --> 0:40:56.279
<v Speaker 1>call it. I guess I make a wish on its

0:40:56.320 --> 0:41:00.000
<v Speaker 1>head also by giving families that have lost a parent

0:41:00.000 --> 0:41:04.319
<v Speaker 1>into at a young age, uh, the wonderful tradition that

0:41:04.520 --> 0:41:07.840
<v Speaker 1>a family had done when the family was quote unquote whole.

0:41:08.480 --> 0:41:12.080
<v Speaker 1>And so they help keep a traditional alive even if

0:41:12.120 --> 0:41:16.120
<v Speaker 1>a mother or father has passed on. So for our case, um,

0:41:16.160 --> 0:41:17.920
<v Speaker 1>we used to do a lot of trips to San Francisco.

0:41:17.960 --> 0:41:20.120
<v Speaker 1>It was just we love the city and we'd go

0:41:20.200 --> 0:41:22.799
<v Speaker 1>for you know, long weekends, go for the holidays. And

0:41:22.880 --> 0:41:25.959
<v Speaker 1>so they help get us up to San Francisco once

0:41:26.000 --> 0:41:29.759
<v Speaker 1>a year, uh, and we do a fun weekend just

0:41:29.880 --> 0:41:32.480
<v Speaker 1>Jilliana myself and do things that we had done as

0:41:32.520 --> 0:41:35.600
<v Speaker 1>a family before. Whether it's eating at a certain restaurant,

0:41:35.680 --> 0:41:38.920
<v Speaker 1>whether it's eating Garattelli chocolate, whether it's you know, going

0:41:38.960 --> 0:41:42.240
<v Speaker 1>to Alcatraz, which is one of my favorite Jillian's favorite

0:41:42.480 --> 0:41:45.520
<v Speaker 1>attractions in San Francisco, and so so that and and

0:41:45.560 --> 0:41:48.120
<v Speaker 1>so Shena and Deb knows that that's something that Jillian

0:41:48.239 --> 0:41:50.880
<v Speaker 1>I do. We honor Michelle. Most of my friends and

0:41:50.920 --> 0:41:53.160
<v Speaker 1>family know. That's what we do every year, and we'll

0:41:53.200 --> 0:41:56.239
<v Speaker 1>do it until Jillian turns eighteen. Can you can you

0:41:56.280 --> 0:41:58.680
<v Speaker 1>mention that family lives on Where can people in our

0:41:58.680 --> 0:42:00.719
<v Speaker 1>community that are going through something of this find that,

0:42:00.800 --> 0:42:02.640
<v Speaker 1>because I think that's amazing. I've never heard of that.

0:42:02.680 --> 0:42:07.480
<v Speaker 1>But dot org basically and they have a great website

0:42:07.640 --> 0:42:10.400
<v Speaker 1>and you know, they have families from mostly on the

0:42:10.400 --> 0:42:12.719
<v Speaker 1>East coast. We're trying to make a presence because they

0:42:12.760 --> 0:42:14.560
<v Speaker 1>loved me so much they asked to be on the

0:42:14.640 --> 0:42:17.440
<v Speaker 1>on the board of directors now, so but trying to

0:42:17.480 --> 0:42:20.560
<v Speaker 1>make some more inroads in other parts of the country, pally.

0:42:20.760 --> 0:42:23.200
<v Speaker 1>And it's a great organization because you know, again, I've

0:42:23.200 --> 0:42:26.719
<v Speaker 1>actually another father who you know, their their tradition was

0:42:26.800 --> 0:42:29.760
<v Speaker 1>Disneyland every every you know, every year, and so the

0:42:29.920 --> 0:42:32.759
<v Speaker 1>organization helps him and his two daughters, you know, go

0:42:32.800 --> 0:42:35.319
<v Speaker 1>to Disneyland every year so that they can you know,

0:42:35.760 --> 0:42:39.600
<v Speaker 1>keep that tradition alive even with her their mom, his wife,

0:42:39.600 --> 0:42:43.359
<v Speaker 1>first wife, you know, uh, you know, not not around. Yeah,

0:42:43.520 --> 0:42:45.560
<v Speaker 1>Well you share a little bit because I obviously know

0:42:45.680 --> 0:42:48.799
<v Speaker 1>your story. Well, you share a little bit about Michelle's

0:42:48.880 --> 0:42:53.000
<v Speaker 1>parents because I find the way they are to be

0:42:53.040 --> 0:42:56.799
<v Speaker 1>so incredible. Was there a time when you and the

0:42:57.000 --> 0:43:01.280
<v Speaker 1>kids and Deb lived with them? Or am getting you're

0:43:01.320 --> 0:43:05.000
<v Speaker 1>you're mixing other things. Actually, what's so amazing by our story,

0:43:05.000 --> 0:43:07.680
<v Speaker 1>which I know we're what you're alluding to, so to speak,

0:43:07.760 --> 0:43:12.319
<v Speaker 1>is that we are extremely close with all four families, um,

0:43:12.360 --> 0:43:15.680
<v Speaker 1>all four families word our at our wedding. UM. So

0:43:15.719 --> 0:43:20.960
<v Speaker 1>that includes my parents, Deb's parents, uh, Deb's I guess

0:43:20.960 --> 0:43:24.879
<v Speaker 1>first in laws laws, but first which is we're still

0:43:24.960 --> 0:43:28.040
<v Speaker 1>very close with his whole side of the family. UM.

0:43:28.239 --> 0:43:31.439
<v Speaker 1>And then obviously my first in laws, Michelle's parents and

0:43:31.520 --> 0:43:35.279
<v Speaker 1>her brother and his whole family, my sister in law

0:43:35.320 --> 0:43:39.160
<v Speaker 1>and my two nephews. And so we actually lived with

0:43:40.400 --> 0:43:44.600
<v Speaker 1>as I call it, father in law adjacent because it's

0:43:44.600 --> 0:43:48.120
<v Speaker 1>again Deb's first father in law from her first marriage

0:43:48.320 --> 0:43:51.759
<v Speaker 1>who lives here in l A. And they had us

0:43:51.800 --> 0:43:54.520
<v Speaker 1>at their house the first two weeks after the Woolsey fire,

0:43:55.000 --> 0:43:58.439
<v Speaker 1>which ravaged Los Angeles and Interura Counties, and we live

0:43:58.680 --> 0:44:01.600
<v Speaker 1>in an area that was pretty hard hit. My street

0:44:01.680 --> 0:44:04.479
<v Speaker 1>had ten homes before the fire. Now they're only three,

0:44:04.560 --> 0:44:06.560
<v Speaker 1>and we were one of the lucky three. To speak.

0:44:07.000 --> 0:44:09.560
<v Speaker 1>That's to some of them, I mean to me listening,

0:44:09.600 --> 0:44:12.600
<v Speaker 1>that sounds it's a story I haven't heard before like

0:44:12.680 --> 0:44:15.759
<v Speaker 1>that kind of connection, and especially with in laws or

0:44:15.800 --> 0:44:18.239
<v Speaker 1>actually in laws and whatever. But take all the labels away,

0:44:18.280 --> 0:44:22.400
<v Speaker 1>it's people helping people. Really well again, I look at

0:44:22.480 --> 0:44:26.520
<v Speaker 1>as again, Michelle's parents will always be like Michelle being

0:44:26.600 --> 0:44:30.359
<v Speaker 1>Jillian's mom, will always be Jillian's grandparents, Jillian's and uncle,

0:44:30.480 --> 0:44:33.920
<v Speaker 1>her brother and my sister in law. Likewise, you know,

0:44:34.120 --> 0:44:37.200
<v Speaker 1>despite the divorce of Deb and her ex husband, you know,

0:44:37.520 --> 0:44:40.200
<v Speaker 1>we're really close with his family and there will always

0:44:40.200 --> 0:44:43.160
<v Speaker 1>be the grandparents of my bonus children, isn't we don't

0:44:43.200 --> 0:44:46.040
<v Speaker 1>we don't call X or step in our house. You

0:44:46.080 --> 0:44:49.920
<v Speaker 1>know that they will basically, you know, always be Sarah

0:44:49.960 --> 0:44:53.520
<v Speaker 1>and Josh my two bonus children's uh you know, grandparents

0:44:53.760 --> 0:44:57.440
<v Speaker 1>there and uncle, you know, cousins whatever. So it's important

0:44:57.480 --> 0:45:01.640
<v Speaker 1>that that relationship continues. I have a quick question for

0:45:01.680 --> 0:45:06.759
<v Speaker 1>you much so you mentioned towards the end before Um,

0:45:06.960 --> 0:45:09.920
<v Speaker 1>Michelle passed that that you had a conversation with her

0:45:09.920 --> 0:45:14.160
<v Speaker 1>where she gave you her blessing so to speak, that

0:45:14.200 --> 0:45:18.040
<v Speaker 1>she wanted you to be happy. What what was that conversation? Like,

0:45:18.120 --> 0:45:22.000
<v Speaker 1>did she initiate it? Were you? Did you feel compelled

0:45:22.040 --> 0:45:26.680
<v Speaker 1>to tell her no, I I I don't want to

0:45:26.719 --> 0:45:29.719
<v Speaker 1>be with anyone but you, and out of fear, you know,

0:45:29.760 --> 0:45:32.600
<v Speaker 1>Like on the one hand, she she's saying, I want

0:45:32.640 --> 0:45:35.640
<v Speaker 1>this for you and and but do you feel a

0:45:35.680 --> 0:45:39.120
<v Speaker 1>sense of guilt by saying, okay, I will heed your advice.

0:45:39.880 --> 0:45:42.480
<v Speaker 1>I still remember, very vividly and without trying not to

0:45:42.480 --> 0:45:44.719
<v Speaker 1>get emotional. We had it in our kitchen and our

0:45:44.760 --> 0:45:48.439
<v Speaker 1>old house. Again, it was probably four or five months

0:45:48.520 --> 0:45:51.760
<v Speaker 1>before she passed, So things were bad, but not really

0:45:51.760 --> 0:45:54.879
<v Speaker 1>bad just yet. So she was still you know, kind

0:45:54.880 --> 0:45:58.480
<v Speaker 1>of normal, so to speak. UM. And she brought it

0:45:58.560 --> 0:46:01.440
<v Speaker 1>up because I think she like she knew this was

0:46:01.480 --> 0:46:03.880
<v Speaker 1>not going to end well. She always felt like, even

0:46:04.280 --> 0:46:06.920
<v Speaker 1>even though with stage one all those years ago, that

0:46:06.960 --> 0:46:10.000
<v Speaker 1>she knew that it would never you know, never uh

0:46:10.080 --> 0:46:12.560
<v Speaker 1>you know, end well, even though we caught it early

0:46:12.600 --> 0:46:15.200
<v Speaker 1>at the first the first time. UM. And so she

0:46:15.800 --> 0:46:19.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, had that conversation. I never thought of saying,

0:46:19.360 --> 0:46:22.440
<v Speaker 1>you know, uh, you know, I'll never be with anybody

0:46:22.480 --> 0:46:25.040
<v Speaker 1>but you. I said to her, You're going to be great.

0:46:25.080 --> 0:46:27.360
<v Speaker 1>You know you're gonna fight this. She was a fighter,

0:46:27.440 --> 0:46:29.680
<v Speaker 1>She was a New Yorker, she was a lawyer, like

0:46:29.880 --> 0:46:32.920
<v Speaker 1>she had in every ounce in her body to you know,

0:46:33.040 --> 0:46:36.200
<v Speaker 1>fight this as she had fought for all those years before. Um.

0:46:36.239 --> 0:46:38.279
<v Speaker 1>So it was never you know, you know, I don't

0:46:38.280 --> 0:46:40.480
<v Speaker 1>want to get remarried. It was more like, I'm not

0:46:40.480 --> 0:46:42.640
<v Speaker 1>gonna get remarried because You're going to be here, you know,

0:46:42.840 --> 0:46:45.799
<v Speaker 1>that's the thing. But I'm thrilled, you know, thrilled, I

0:46:45.800 --> 0:46:48.319
<v Speaker 1>guess that's the right word to use. But I'm very

0:46:48.360 --> 0:46:50.759
<v Speaker 1>happy that we had that conversation. And I was just

0:46:50.800 --> 0:46:53.680
<v Speaker 1>talking to another friend who knows my story that I've

0:46:53.680 --> 0:46:56.520
<v Speaker 1>worked with for many years, and I said the same thing, like,

0:46:56.760 --> 0:46:59.200
<v Speaker 1>God forbid anybody's in that situation, but you might want

0:46:59.200 --> 0:47:01.799
<v Speaker 1>to have that conversation in the best of times, just

0:47:01.880 --> 0:47:04.600
<v Speaker 1>because I think I still could have moved on, but

0:47:04.760 --> 0:47:07.799
<v Speaker 1>having that conversation it felt a lot better. I think

0:47:08.000 --> 0:47:11.040
<v Speaker 1>I think when someone loves you deeply like she loved you,

0:47:11.600 --> 0:47:13.920
<v Speaker 1>she also knew that it was important for her to

0:47:13.960 --> 0:47:17.840
<v Speaker 1>free you. Yes, absolutely and that and for her to

0:47:17.880 --> 0:47:20.000
<v Speaker 1>do that while she was still cognizant enough to have

0:47:20.120 --> 0:47:23.560
<v Speaker 1>that conversation and to be emotionally there and not desperate,

0:47:23.600 --> 0:47:25.480
<v Speaker 1>not in a desperate place to tell you things that

0:47:25.520 --> 0:47:28.560
<v Speaker 1>you wouldn't necessarily believe in the desperate moment, but rather

0:47:28.960 --> 0:47:32.160
<v Speaker 1>her tell you it in coming from a place of

0:47:32.160 --> 0:47:36.240
<v Speaker 1>of from a healthier place. You know, she was obviously

0:47:36.239 --> 0:47:39.520
<v Speaker 1>a very smart woman. I like smart women in my life.

0:47:40.040 --> 0:47:44.080
<v Speaker 1>But no, but it's true because she also she probably

0:47:44.120 --> 0:47:46.719
<v Speaker 1>had a grand plan. She never divulged with me, but

0:47:46.840 --> 0:47:49.800
<v Speaker 1>that last year she was even making sure that Julian

0:47:49.840 --> 0:47:51.720
<v Speaker 1>and I did things just the two of us together,

0:47:51.920 --> 0:47:54.480
<v Speaker 1>and she wanted to make sure that, you know, our

0:47:54.480 --> 0:47:56.440
<v Speaker 1>new life would be it would be okay. And also

0:47:56.800 --> 0:47:59.760
<v Speaker 1>if she if she you know, she she had that strength.

0:47:59.800 --> 0:48:03.040
<v Speaker 1>And and let's not forget some people that are much

0:48:03.040 --> 0:48:06.000
<v Speaker 1>sicker than they seem to be. And a lot of

0:48:06.000 --> 0:48:09.280
<v Speaker 1>people have great composure when they're ill and they're holding

0:48:09.280 --> 0:48:11.600
<v Speaker 1>it in because they're trying not to show you how

0:48:11.640 --> 0:48:13.960
<v Speaker 1>ill they are. So perhaps even in the kitchen at

0:48:13.960 --> 0:48:16.480
<v Speaker 1>that time, she was much more ill than she was

0:48:16.560 --> 0:48:18.480
<v Speaker 1>letting on. That's why she was having that conversation. She

0:48:18.520 --> 0:48:21.279
<v Speaker 1>could feel things going wrong in her body. She was

0:48:21.440 --> 0:48:25.200
<v Speaker 1>very you know exactly, and she was she was she

0:48:25.320 --> 0:48:28.400
<v Speaker 1>was knowing, knowing these things that we couldn't we couldn't

0:48:28.400 --> 0:48:31.279
<v Speaker 1>see because they were masking them so well. You know

0:48:31.320 --> 0:48:33.080
<v Speaker 1>a lot of times people are ill and they're masking

0:48:33.080 --> 0:48:35.759
<v Speaker 1>them really quite well. When when my mother was ill,

0:48:36.440 --> 0:48:39.399
<v Speaker 1>h with pancreatic cancer, and she she didn't make it

0:48:39.880 --> 0:48:44.800
<v Speaker 1>um you know, she was she really masked it very well,

0:48:44.840 --> 0:48:46.959
<v Speaker 1>you know, as long as she could. Well, she doesn't

0:48:47.000 --> 0:48:51.560
<v Speaker 1>want to you know, upset exactly, but she she she

0:48:51.640 --> 0:48:54.120
<v Speaker 1>would have these conversations and my father told me they

0:48:54.120 --> 0:48:58.000
<v Speaker 1>would have these conversations about you know, uh, you know

0:48:58.080 --> 0:49:00.760
<v Speaker 1>when I go, there's no reason that you should be lonely.

0:49:00.800 --> 0:49:03.759
<v Speaker 1>I don't want you to be lonely. A lot of

0:49:03.760 --> 0:49:06.359
<v Speaker 1>people it's very hard and I get that. But at

0:49:06.360 --> 0:49:09.479
<v Speaker 1>the same token, like I said earlier, they're not coming home,

0:49:09.600 --> 0:49:12.200
<v Speaker 1>so you know, there it's not there's no chance of

0:49:12.239 --> 0:49:14.080
<v Speaker 1>it changing. If I could, you know, get a magic

0:49:14.120 --> 0:49:16.200
<v Speaker 1>one and say poof, you're back, you know, it's back

0:49:16.200 --> 0:49:18.080
<v Speaker 1>to the old way, I would that's do it in

0:49:18.080 --> 0:49:20.439
<v Speaker 1>a new York minute, as we say, but obviously that's

0:49:20.440 --> 0:49:23.560
<v Speaker 1>not possible. Absolutely, it's important. I mean, it's it's amazing

0:49:23.560 --> 0:49:26.360
<v Speaker 1>that they take that upon themselves to free you in

0:49:26.440 --> 0:49:28.520
<v Speaker 1>that moment. They really take that out of love, they

0:49:28.600 --> 0:49:31.520
<v Speaker 1>free Absolutely, I've got a lot to think about because

0:49:31.680 --> 0:49:33.840
<v Speaker 1>I had originally told my wife if anything happened to me,

0:49:33.920 --> 0:49:39.080
<v Speaker 1>under no circumstances, am I to be replaced? Could not

0:49:39.120 --> 0:49:44.880
<v Speaker 1>be replaced. There's only one Dmitri brother. I want to

0:49:44.920 --> 0:49:46.439
<v Speaker 1>thank you for sharing that. I want to get more

0:49:46.520 --> 0:49:50.120
<v Speaker 1>into uh, progressing to now dating again with damp and

0:49:50.120 --> 0:49:52.640
<v Speaker 1>how that the emotions of things you went through when

0:49:52.680 --> 0:49:54.879
<v Speaker 1>that started. But first we gotta take a quick break.

0:49:54.920 --> 0:50:01.080
<v Speaker 1>But will you stick around with budget? We got these

0:50:01.080 --> 0:50:06.680
<v Speaker 1>new two's back from break and we have Mitch Messinger

0:50:06.800 --> 0:50:10.000
<v Speaker 1>with us, who has just told an exceptional story. Your

0:50:10.080 --> 0:50:14.120
<v Speaker 1>life is amazing has been. I am just absolutely blown

0:50:14.120 --> 0:50:18.560
<v Speaker 1>away receiving your thoughts and comments and your story. Uh,

0:50:18.600 --> 0:50:20.200
<v Speaker 1>and looking around the room here all the guys were

0:50:20.200 --> 0:50:21.839
<v Speaker 1>looking at each other in the eyes like, Wow, this

0:50:21.920 --> 0:50:25.280
<v Speaker 1>is powerful, this conversation that's going on. So you loved

0:50:25.320 --> 0:50:28.799
<v Speaker 1>and lost married for seventeen years together with twenty one

0:50:29.480 --> 0:50:32.520
<v Speaker 1>one with Michelle. You have Jillian, she's ten years old.

0:50:32.560 --> 0:50:35.319
<v Speaker 1>When Michelle passes away, it takes you about a year

0:50:35.920 --> 0:50:38.279
<v Speaker 1>and then you have a conversation that sort of kick

0:50:38.320 --> 0:50:40.120
<v Speaker 1>starts you into Okay, I think I might be ready

0:50:40.160 --> 0:50:42.640
<v Speaker 1>to start dating again. I have a lot of life

0:50:42.680 --> 0:50:44.800
<v Speaker 1>ahead of me and I want to live that happily.

0:50:44.920 --> 0:50:49.000
<v Speaker 1>You've had a conversation with Michelle about this possibly coming

0:50:49.040 --> 0:50:52.640
<v Speaker 1>in your life. UM, take us through that process now

0:50:52.719 --> 0:50:56.520
<v Speaker 1>when you're ready to start dating. So you had a

0:50:56.560 --> 0:50:58.799
<v Speaker 1>couple of dates and then your friend Glenn was at

0:50:58.800 --> 0:51:02.360
<v Speaker 1>Glenn no Ira, but Glenn was his best friend and

0:51:02.800 --> 0:51:06.880
<v Speaker 1>you get shot out to them. Also, I was connected

0:51:06.880 --> 0:51:08.759
<v Speaker 1>through a friend with my wife, So I know what

0:51:08.800 --> 0:51:11.840
<v Speaker 1>it's like to just owe that man everything for connecting

0:51:11.880 --> 0:51:14.480
<v Speaker 1>me with the love of my life. Uh, Teddy sears

0:51:14.480 --> 0:51:17.040
<v Speaker 1>Teddy shout out to you. Um, but what was it like?

0:51:17.120 --> 0:51:20.320
<v Speaker 1>Take me through your process, um, when you're like, Okay,

0:51:20.520 --> 0:51:22.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to go on a date with deb and

0:51:22.440 --> 0:51:25.880
<v Speaker 1>then what does it start? What goes through your body

0:51:25.920 --> 0:51:28.319
<v Speaker 1>and soul when you start to feel that there might

0:51:28.320 --> 0:51:31.360
<v Speaker 1>be another romantic connection with a different soul than Michelle.

0:51:31.440 --> 0:51:33.520
<v Speaker 1>It's hard to put into words. I just feel like,

0:51:33.719 --> 0:51:35.759
<v Speaker 1>you know, you just knew, like there's just something came

0:51:35.800 --> 0:51:39.600
<v Speaker 1>over me that again, just felt very comfortable. Again, didn't

0:51:39.600 --> 0:51:42.080
<v Speaker 1>know for sure that you know, we'd have a future together,

0:51:42.200 --> 0:51:45.680
<v Speaker 1>but just that first dinner at sushi, Uh, was just

0:51:45.760 --> 0:51:49.160
<v Speaker 1>like wow, like I could be myself. I didn't have

0:51:49.200 --> 0:51:51.439
<v Speaker 1>to and I'm not a type of person who either

0:51:51.480 --> 0:51:54.440
<v Speaker 1>likes to show off or be someone who I'm not.

0:51:54.760 --> 0:51:57.479
<v Speaker 1>But in the same token, I could just talk about

0:51:57.520 --> 0:52:01.120
<v Speaker 1>anything and you know, and she seemed to like what

0:52:01.200 --> 0:52:03.160
<v Speaker 1>I had to say. And that have to, you know again,

0:52:03.280 --> 0:52:07.000
<v Speaker 1>show off to someone who I just met five minutes ago.

0:52:07.320 --> 0:52:12.560
<v Speaker 1>Were you conflicted? Were you like, yes, Like what was there?

0:52:12.560 --> 0:52:17.120
<v Speaker 1>An internal struggle? Was an internal struggle in that, oh,

0:52:17.280 --> 0:52:20.880
<v Speaker 1>I have to now kind of open myself up to

0:52:20.920 --> 0:52:24.000
<v Speaker 1>somebody else of things that only Michelle might have known

0:52:24.040 --> 0:52:28.680
<v Speaker 1>about me. Uh, nothing too salacious, but you know, but

0:52:28.800 --> 0:52:38.840
<v Speaker 1>still yeah, but you know, it's just something that I

0:52:38.880 --> 0:52:40.600
<v Speaker 1>was like, Oh, we have to kind of go through

0:52:40.640 --> 0:52:44.520
<v Speaker 1>those motions again, and you know, will she even care

0:52:44.840 --> 0:52:47.640
<v Speaker 1>that I say something that I like or dislike or

0:52:47.880 --> 0:52:50.600
<v Speaker 1>something that I you know, happen at work or something

0:52:50.680 --> 0:52:53.560
<v Speaker 1>happened with my parents or whatever. It's just stuff that

0:52:53.640 --> 0:52:56.560
<v Speaker 1>was very comfortable obviously being with Michelle for twenty one years.

0:52:56.760 --> 0:52:58.279
<v Speaker 1>Now I'm gonna have to do that all over again.

0:52:58.360 --> 0:53:00.440
<v Speaker 1>Are you kidding me? You know? I was like, how

0:53:00.440 --> 0:53:04.759
<v Speaker 1>did I deserve this? But again brushed myself off, you know,

0:53:04.880 --> 0:53:07.680
<v Speaker 1>physically and mentally, and just said, got to do it now.

0:53:07.960 --> 0:53:10.600
<v Speaker 1>I try to be, you know, mindful of what I

0:53:10.640 --> 0:53:12.560
<v Speaker 1>was talking about, especially that first date. I don't want

0:53:12.560 --> 0:53:14.560
<v Speaker 1>to make it all about Michelle because that wouldn't go

0:53:14.719 --> 0:53:16.920
<v Speaker 1>very well. So I had to be mindful of that,

0:53:17.400 --> 0:53:20.759
<v Speaker 1>uh conversation, But the same token, I did what I

0:53:20.760 --> 0:53:23.359
<v Speaker 1>had to do to show who I was right off

0:53:23.360 --> 0:53:26.360
<v Speaker 1>the bat, and I think I did pretty well. Question

0:53:26.400 --> 0:53:27.840
<v Speaker 1>for you, You've touched on it, You've mentioned it a

0:53:27.880 --> 0:53:30.759
<v Speaker 1>couple of times, and on this show we always try

0:53:30.800 --> 0:53:34.719
<v Speaker 1>and give our listeners tangible things to apply to positively

0:53:34.800 --> 0:53:38.640
<v Speaker 1>impact their life. And you've said, brush myself off mentally

0:53:38.680 --> 0:53:41.960
<v Speaker 1>and physically. Can you expand on that with any specifics

0:53:42.000 --> 0:53:44.799
<v Speaker 1>for anybody listening that's maybe going through Just No, you

0:53:44.840 --> 0:53:47.680
<v Speaker 1>need to move forward, you know, it's just the the

0:53:47.719 --> 0:53:50.640
<v Speaker 1>action of moving forward. Yes, you had a horrible thing

0:53:50.680 --> 0:53:54.840
<v Speaker 1>happened to you. You know, you can't imagine your life

0:53:54.920 --> 0:53:58.640
<v Speaker 1>without X person in my case Michelle, but you need

0:53:58.719 --> 0:54:01.480
<v Speaker 1>to to move on. You need not forget, but you

0:54:01.520 --> 0:54:04.520
<v Speaker 1>need to move on. And brushing yourself off as like

0:54:04.560 --> 0:54:09.359
<v Speaker 1>being I would say dirty because that connotates a negative connotation,

0:54:09.440 --> 0:54:11.439
<v Speaker 1>but you know, just kind of just be able to

0:54:11.680 --> 0:54:14.520
<v Speaker 1>know that I need to find love again and I

0:54:14.560 --> 0:54:17.279
<v Speaker 1>need to do everything I can to be in a

0:54:17.320 --> 0:54:21.160
<v Speaker 1>positive space as opposed to a negative space. Mitch, I

0:54:21.160 --> 0:54:25.319
<v Speaker 1>think Brooks meant when with the physical question, he wanted

0:54:25.320 --> 0:54:27.840
<v Speaker 1>to know do you do box jumps because he's looking

0:54:27.920 --> 0:54:34.359
<v Speaker 1>for a few What was your work that's on that

0:54:34.400 --> 0:54:39.520
<v Speaker 1>frantic you know? But and and even just having I

0:54:39.600 --> 0:54:41.320
<v Speaker 1>just put popped in my head. I just also remember

0:54:41.480 --> 0:54:43.759
<v Speaker 1>one of my other very close friends and I still

0:54:43.760 --> 0:54:46.360
<v Speaker 1>also have it in my phone a call he left

0:54:47.280 --> 0:54:49.839
<v Speaker 1>or more voicemail message of knowing he knew that I

0:54:49.840 --> 0:54:51.520
<v Speaker 1>was going on my first date, not with deb but

0:54:51.719 --> 0:54:53.520
<v Speaker 1>this was when I went on my very very first

0:54:53.560 --> 0:54:56.840
<v Speaker 1>date after Michelle, and I still have it on my phone. UM,

0:54:56.920 --> 0:54:59.040
<v Speaker 1>and he kind of gave me a pep talk is saying,

0:54:59.320 --> 0:55:03.000
<v Speaker 1>you know we loved Michelle. You love Michelle. I love Michelle.

0:55:03.280 --> 0:55:05.480
<v Speaker 1>You know you need to you know you can do this,

0:55:05.600 --> 0:55:08.759
<v Speaker 1>basically giving me the you know, the you know, the

0:55:09.200 --> 0:55:13.000
<v Speaker 1>let's do this mantra. Uh. That's even though you know

0:55:13.040 --> 0:55:15.880
<v Speaker 1>obviously it would be very hard for me. It sounds

0:55:15.880 --> 0:55:19.520
<v Speaker 1>like you have such a great support system from family

0:55:19.600 --> 0:55:21.919
<v Speaker 1>through friends, and I think I think that's pretty great

0:55:21.920 --> 0:55:24.280
<v Speaker 1>because I think a lot of us might think something

0:55:24.320 --> 0:55:26.640
<v Speaker 1>like that. But the fact that your buddy called and

0:55:26.719 --> 0:55:29.520
<v Speaker 1>left you that voicemail, I think that's pretty cool. And

0:55:29.560 --> 0:55:31.359
<v Speaker 1>I think that's it's nice that you're surrounded by those

0:55:31.360 --> 0:55:33.160
<v Speaker 1>types of people because I think a lot of us

0:55:33.200 --> 0:55:35.800
<v Speaker 1>may think nice things, oh, you know, my buddy is

0:55:35.840 --> 0:55:38.359
<v Speaker 1>doing this, But when you have people, I think it's

0:55:38.360 --> 0:55:40.200
<v Speaker 1>something we can all keep in mind. When you have

0:55:40.760 --> 0:55:43.200
<v Speaker 1>people near you that that supports you like that and

0:55:43.360 --> 0:55:45.759
<v Speaker 1>and outwardly do it, I think it goes a long way.

0:55:46.080 --> 0:55:48.600
<v Speaker 1>And I think you obviously can attest to that. Yeah, well,

0:55:48.840 --> 0:55:51.080
<v Speaker 1>I feel like, you know, I've been very good to

0:55:51.080 --> 0:55:52.840
<v Speaker 1>a lot of people, and you know I got it

0:55:52.840 --> 0:55:55.640
<v Speaker 1>in return. You know, I'm a good person at heart, um,

0:55:55.800 --> 0:56:00.359
<v Speaker 1>and so thankfully it was repaid to me in time

0:56:00.360 --> 0:56:03.880
<v Speaker 1>of need. Basically, so things start going well with deb

0:56:04.640 --> 0:56:07.680
<v Speaker 1>You're you feel some sort of intrigue and connection on

0:56:07.719 --> 0:56:09.799
<v Speaker 1>a greater level than any of the previous states you've

0:56:09.800 --> 0:56:13.120
<v Speaker 1>been on. Um take us through the pace if you

0:56:13.239 --> 0:56:15.919
<v Speaker 1>if you don't mind sharing, but like does it? Did

0:56:16.400 --> 0:56:20.360
<v Speaker 1>it all the details? But that's a different show together

0:56:20.440 --> 0:56:25.200
<v Speaker 1>to this is how often were you working at the

0:56:25.200 --> 0:56:29.160
<v Speaker 1>most what was sort of the tempo of the relationship

0:56:29.160 --> 0:56:32.920
<v Speaker 1>where you hesitant to progress romantically and physically? Did you

0:56:32.960 --> 0:56:35.080
<v Speaker 1>take it slow? Where you where you know, like this

0:56:35.160 --> 0:56:37.719
<v Speaker 1>is a new relationship where you right in and and

0:56:38.680 --> 0:56:42.040
<v Speaker 1>but with with with some you know, I would say reservations.

0:56:42.040 --> 0:56:46.040
<v Speaker 1>That's not the right word to use, but that seemed negative,

0:56:46.080 --> 0:56:48.799
<v Speaker 1>to just take take take your time, you know, be

0:56:48.880 --> 0:56:51.600
<v Speaker 1>all in, but take your time and deb understood. You know.

0:56:51.640 --> 0:56:54.560
<v Speaker 1>That was another, thankfully, a thing that I think helped

0:56:54.640 --> 0:56:57.360
<v Speaker 1>us because I didn't bring up the story earlier. But

0:56:57.680 --> 0:57:00.560
<v Speaker 1>her mother in law, our first mother in law, not

0:57:00.680 --> 0:57:04.239
<v Speaker 1>my mom, had actually passed away from cancer years ago,

0:57:04.600 --> 0:57:06.440
<v Speaker 1>and so she was so close with her, and I

0:57:06.480 --> 0:57:09.400
<v Speaker 1>think she understood seeing what her father in law had

0:57:09.440 --> 0:57:12.600
<v Speaker 1>gone through, what I was had gone through and maybe

0:57:12.640 --> 0:57:15.680
<v Speaker 1>would continue to go through for those first you know,

0:57:15.880 --> 0:57:18.800
<v Speaker 1>A couple of years after Michelle passed away, so that

0:57:18.840 --> 0:57:21.640
<v Speaker 1>I think helped her understand, you know, what I was

0:57:21.680 --> 0:57:24.560
<v Speaker 1>going through. And if not that, I like put the

0:57:24.600 --> 0:57:27.520
<v Speaker 1>brakes on, Oh we shouldn't date right now, or let's

0:57:27.600 --> 0:57:29.400
<v Speaker 1>you know, I'll call you in a month. And I

0:57:29.480 --> 0:57:32.800
<v Speaker 1>never did any of that because obviously there was definitely

0:57:32.800 --> 0:57:37.120
<v Speaker 1>interest and I was like, oh this is again something good. Um.

0:57:37.160 --> 0:57:38.960
<v Speaker 1>It was just just you know, just let me just

0:57:39.080 --> 0:57:42.840
<v Speaker 1>let me beat to the you know, the drum or

0:57:42.880 --> 0:57:46.360
<v Speaker 1>the pace that I was okay with you, which wasn't

0:57:46.400 --> 0:57:48.600
<v Speaker 1>that slow or that fast. It was just kind of

0:57:48.600 --> 0:57:51.600
<v Speaker 1>maybe a little bit slower than a normal courtship, you know,

0:57:51.640 --> 0:57:55.000
<v Speaker 1>because again I had this story behind me. We I

0:57:55.040 --> 0:57:58.080
<v Speaker 1>think we just uh so you know much. We've found

0:57:58.080 --> 0:58:01.240
<v Speaker 1>out a few weeks ago that Brooks is into sucking toes,

0:58:01.560 --> 0:58:04.240
<v Speaker 1>so he's trying to get at at what is it

0:58:04.400 --> 0:58:07.320
<v Speaker 1>day three that you But let's just move on, Brooks.

0:58:07.560 --> 0:58:09.840
<v Speaker 1>This is a weird thing of yours. Let's move on. Okay.

0:58:10.120 --> 0:58:12.200
<v Speaker 1>I feel like I feel like there's a boxing mask

0:58:12.240 --> 0:58:13.760
<v Speaker 1>going on here. Like every once in a while Ryan

0:58:13.800 --> 0:58:16.000
<v Speaker 1>just comes out swinging it. Brooke. He's just mad that

0:58:16.040 --> 0:58:22.360
<v Speaker 1>I have one more appendix than he has. Um, So

0:58:23.280 --> 0:58:25.800
<v Speaker 1>I I listening to you speak there. I once had

0:58:25.840 --> 0:58:29.840
<v Speaker 1>a friend, UH tell me that he praised for me.

0:58:30.080 --> 0:58:32.600
<v Speaker 1>This is actually when my career ended, my hockey career ended.

0:58:32.880 --> 0:58:36.000
<v Speaker 1>That he said he praised for me that I lift

0:58:36.040 --> 0:58:38.080
<v Speaker 1>my anchor and let my boat go with the current.

0:58:39.320 --> 0:58:41.680
<v Speaker 1>And I thought it was so profound. He's like, I

0:58:41.720 --> 0:58:43.800
<v Speaker 1>pray for you that you just give up control and

0:58:43.840 --> 0:58:45.480
<v Speaker 1>you lift your anchor and you go with the current

0:58:45.520 --> 0:58:48.400
<v Speaker 1>with where life is supposed to take you. Was that

0:58:48.520 --> 0:58:50.880
<v Speaker 1>sort of your mindset in this It sounds when you

0:58:50.920 --> 0:58:53.200
<v Speaker 1>said that it resonated with me that that was I

0:58:53.200 --> 0:58:54.960
<v Speaker 1>don't know where this is going. I don't know the temple.

0:58:55.000 --> 0:58:56.600
<v Speaker 1>I kind of don't know what I'm doing, but I

0:58:56.640 --> 0:59:00.000
<v Speaker 1>know that i'm supposed to. I'm gravitating towards this relationship,

0:59:00.080 --> 0:59:03.120
<v Speaker 1>but I'm just moving at the flow that feels comfortable.

0:59:03.760 --> 0:59:09.240
<v Speaker 1>That's very well said. Yeah, absolutely, because again I didn't

0:59:09.280 --> 0:59:12.040
<v Speaker 1>know what the future would bring. Even say it didn't

0:59:12.040 --> 0:59:14.040
<v Speaker 1>work out with deb and I would have to find

0:59:14.080 --> 0:59:16.200
<v Speaker 1>somebody else, you know, to date again, or you know,

0:59:16.280 --> 0:59:20.160
<v Speaker 1>date somebody new. So however it goes, it will go.

0:59:20.440 --> 0:59:22.440
<v Speaker 1>You know, at what point did you know? At what

0:59:22.480 --> 0:59:25.720
<v Speaker 1>point were you like, yes, I mean this is my

0:59:25.760 --> 0:59:28.520
<v Speaker 1>personally about a year a year, about a year once

0:59:28.560 --> 0:59:31.080
<v Speaker 1>again knew the kids. You know, we again we waited

0:59:31.080 --> 0:59:33.840
<v Speaker 1>for all the kids to meet either me, her kids

0:59:34.120 --> 0:59:38.120
<v Speaker 1>or Jillian meet my, meet Deb. Um. And so that

0:59:38.200 --> 0:59:41.320
<v Speaker 1>was six seven months into the relationship. And then you know,

0:59:41.360 --> 0:59:43.680
<v Speaker 1>a few more months and just making sure that you know,

0:59:43.960 --> 0:59:46.560
<v Speaker 1>maybe all the teaser crossed and the eyes are dotted,

0:59:46.600 --> 0:59:49.600
<v Speaker 1>so to speak. Um, And then you know, then it

0:59:49.680 --> 0:59:53.520
<v Speaker 1>was like, yeah, I think this is something again, something good,

0:59:53.640 --> 0:59:55.280
<v Speaker 1>and I think it's gonna be a permit thing. And

0:59:55.320 --> 0:59:57.680
<v Speaker 1>did that meeting with the with the kids, did that

0:59:58.440 --> 1:00:00.520
<v Speaker 1>go well from the start or yeah, actually it did.

1:00:00.600 --> 1:00:03.120
<v Speaker 1>We Actually we had a little buffer because we had

1:00:03.280 --> 1:00:09.560
<v Speaker 1>Deb's first in laws with us. You said, she used

1:00:09.600 --> 1:00:11.560
<v Speaker 1>to work for ABC Family or when's this movie come?

1:00:11.760 --> 1:00:14.320
<v Speaker 1>Was an ABC family back then? Just the Family channel

1:00:14.320 --> 1:00:17.479
<v Speaker 1>back that's okay. Still they can still do the movie

1:00:17.560 --> 1:00:21.080
<v Speaker 1>or they could. Yeah that this is fantastic. Yeah no,

1:00:21.240 --> 1:00:24.200
<v Speaker 1>but yeah, so you know, with with her father in

1:00:24.280 --> 1:00:26.600
<v Speaker 1>law and now his new wife because again as I

1:00:26.640 --> 1:00:29.000
<v Speaker 1>mentioned her father, her mother in law had passed away

1:00:29.120 --> 1:00:33.200
<v Speaker 1>years ago. Um, that you know, it was buffer in

1:00:33.240 --> 1:00:35.360
<v Speaker 1>that if it didn't go well with the kids, then

1:00:35.640 --> 1:00:39.120
<v Speaker 1>the kids, least her kids would have their grandparents there

1:00:39.480 --> 1:00:44.080
<v Speaker 1>and likewise, if you know, or likewise, Jillian, I was there,

1:00:44.120 --> 1:00:46.080
<v Speaker 1>so to speak, even though obviously there was nobody else

1:00:46.160 --> 1:00:48.160
<v Speaker 1>in our side of the family there, and then if

1:00:48.200 --> 1:00:50.480
<v Speaker 1>it went well, then all the better. And that was

1:00:50.600 --> 1:00:53.960
<v Speaker 1>a great rate way to cement even my relationship or

1:00:54.000 --> 1:00:57.200
<v Speaker 1>Jilian's relationship with her uh first in laws. Did you

1:00:57.240 --> 1:00:59.360
<v Speaker 1>ever have to fight the father in law over who

1:00:59.360 --> 1:01:02.240
<v Speaker 1>gets to sleep on the couch? Okay, I just want

1:01:02.280 --> 1:01:05.280
<v Speaker 1>to We had plenty of events in our house. Damn,

1:01:05.280 --> 1:01:11.120
<v Speaker 1>he's already on my couch. I love the questions. You

1:01:11.240 --> 1:01:17.040
<v Speaker 1>know you're on my couch. I have a good question. Um,

1:01:17.160 --> 1:01:18.840
<v Speaker 1>with all the family support that you have, and it

1:01:18.880 --> 1:01:22.760
<v Speaker 1>sounds fantastic, and even the Cohen laws or whatever you

1:01:22.800 --> 1:01:25.800
<v Speaker 1>want to call and the adjacent in laws, did you

1:01:25.840 --> 1:01:31.840
<v Speaker 1>ever others seek any additional UM, therapy, advice, counsel whatever,

1:01:31.880 --> 1:01:34.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, I mean, outside of that, even especially for

1:01:34.200 --> 1:01:36.000
<v Speaker 1>your daughter. Yeah, you know, and again we just I

1:01:36.040 --> 1:01:37.440
<v Speaker 1>just talked about this with a friend of mine who

1:01:37.440 --> 1:01:39.720
<v Speaker 1>asked me the same question. I hadn't seen in a while.

1:01:40.440 --> 1:01:42.680
<v Speaker 1>Luckily we didn't. I mean, it was always in the

1:01:42.720 --> 1:01:45.919
<v Speaker 1>back of my mind. It was always something that I knew.

1:01:46.000 --> 1:01:49.440
<v Speaker 1>Thankfully I have the resources to do, but at the

1:01:49.480 --> 1:01:51.840
<v Speaker 1>same token, I didn't feel like I needed it, even

1:01:51.840 --> 1:01:53.560
<v Speaker 1>though my parents gave me a little bit of an

1:01:53.600 --> 1:01:57.360
<v Speaker 1>intervention those first few months after Michelle passed away at dinner, saying,

1:01:57.400 --> 1:01:59.400
<v Speaker 1>you know, you should really consider this, and I said,

1:01:59.440 --> 1:02:01.400
<v Speaker 1>but I don't feel like I need to. If I

1:02:01.440 --> 1:02:04.960
<v Speaker 1>feel like I need to, I'm not you know, ashamed

1:02:05.080 --> 1:02:08.800
<v Speaker 1>or too you know, not too uh scared to to

1:02:09.120 --> 1:02:11.439
<v Speaker 1>seek help, because I had done that years ago when

1:02:11.480 --> 1:02:14.160
<v Speaker 1>the earthquake here in l A hit after I first

1:02:14.160 --> 1:02:17.000
<v Speaker 1>moved to l A in n So I'm not afraid

1:02:17.000 --> 1:02:18.760
<v Speaker 1>of that. But I felt like I didn't need it,

1:02:18.800 --> 1:02:22.680
<v Speaker 1>and likewise to stay for Jillian, she was thankfully very

1:02:22.720 --> 1:02:25.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, in a good space so to speak. You know,

1:02:25.240 --> 1:02:28.840
<v Speaker 1>she had her family, you know me, she had her grandparents,

1:02:28.920 --> 1:02:31.160
<v Speaker 1>herunds and uncle's cousins, all of our friends who were

1:02:31.240 --> 1:02:33.680
<v Speaker 1>like family. She you know, is has a lot of

1:02:33.720 --> 1:02:36.040
<v Speaker 1>friends at school. She's an athlete, she has her so

1:02:36.200 --> 1:02:38.280
<v Speaker 1>you know, had her softball team at that time. So

1:02:38.400 --> 1:02:41.640
<v Speaker 1>she was able to you know, use other resources as

1:02:41.680 --> 1:02:44.440
<v Speaker 1>almost therapy, as opposed to going to a traditional therapist,

1:02:44.440 --> 1:02:45.960
<v Speaker 1>and I felt the same way. For me, I have,

1:02:46.280 --> 1:02:48.520
<v Speaker 1>thankfully a lot of friends, and you know, they could

1:02:48.600 --> 1:02:52.480
<v Speaker 1>you know, I guess I have to just having having

1:02:52.480 --> 1:02:54.640
<v Speaker 1>people help you navigate through those tough times. And I

1:02:54.640 --> 1:02:56.560
<v Speaker 1>still talked to to Jillian every once in a while,

1:02:56.640 --> 1:02:58.480
<v Speaker 1>you know, do you need you know, do you want

1:02:58.520 --> 1:03:01.440
<v Speaker 1>to talk to somebody? And you really it's no, I'm okay,

1:03:01.440 --> 1:03:03.320
<v Speaker 1>but dad, I'll let you know if I am. Yeah,

1:03:03.600 --> 1:03:05.600
<v Speaker 1>And maybe that will they change in a few years

1:03:05.680 --> 1:03:08.440
<v Speaker 1>or you know, you know, some people have said, you know,

1:03:08.480 --> 1:03:10.680
<v Speaker 1>Jillian might not really process this all until she's in

1:03:10.720 --> 1:03:13.200
<v Speaker 1>her twenties, you know, right, but right, you know, but

1:03:13.320 --> 1:03:15.919
<v Speaker 1>right now, thankfully she's in a really good space. She's

1:03:15.960 --> 1:03:18.640
<v Speaker 1>an excellent student, an athlete. And you know, it was

1:03:18.680 --> 1:03:21.640
<v Speaker 1>two years away from considering college, you know, or two

1:03:21.680 --> 1:03:23.680
<v Speaker 1>years from her senior year of high school. So are

1:03:23.760 --> 1:03:27.080
<v Speaker 1>you talking about colleges? Yeah, that's great. So how long

1:03:27.160 --> 1:03:31.040
<v Speaker 1>into dating, Debb, did you get engaged? Uh? So? Our

1:03:31.080 --> 1:03:35.760
<v Speaker 1>first date was March uh And I remember that because

1:03:35.760 --> 1:03:39.000
<v Speaker 1>again it was in that article in the New York Times.

1:03:39.480 --> 1:03:47.160
<v Speaker 1>I knew here, if you learn a lot from this guy.

1:03:47.200 --> 1:03:50.400
<v Speaker 1>Guy Again, I've been hard on you. I just missed it.

1:03:51.080 --> 1:03:57.040
<v Speaker 1>It's okay, haven't you? So yeah, so so March. So

1:03:57.520 --> 1:04:01.680
<v Speaker 1>about let's see three years, because we got engaged March

1:04:01.760 --> 1:04:06.000
<v Speaker 1>of so, just shy of three, and then married almost

1:04:06.080 --> 1:04:08.280
<v Speaker 1>a little over a year after that March of this

1:04:08.280 --> 1:04:11.800
<v Speaker 1>this year, so four years from dating that first first

1:04:11.840 --> 1:04:15.200
<v Speaker 1>those on the anniversary of your first date. We did

1:04:15.200 --> 1:04:22.800
<v Speaker 1>it chance. You know, you're same month, same month, same month,

1:04:22.800 --> 1:04:24.560
<v Speaker 1>And actually that's why we also got married in March.

1:04:24.600 --> 1:04:27.200
<v Speaker 1>We we liked the number three. Really, deb likes the

1:04:27.280 --> 1:04:29.480
<v Speaker 1>number three more than I do. Um, but I also

1:04:29.520 --> 1:04:32.640
<v Speaker 1>appreciate the number three a lot um, And so we

1:04:32.680 --> 1:04:35.040
<v Speaker 1>made sure that our first you know, if our first

1:04:35.560 --> 1:04:37.959
<v Speaker 1>date was in March, then our engagement will be March,

1:04:38.240 --> 1:04:40.400
<v Speaker 1>and our wedding will be in right. And how long

1:04:40.440 --> 1:04:43.760
<v Speaker 1>you've been married now five months and three days something

1:04:43.800 --> 1:04:49.480
<v Speaker 1>like that. Uh, your story is incredible. Man. You're a

1:04:49.520 --> 1:04:53.520
<v Speaker 1>man of grace and poison, composure and optimism, and you're

1:04:53.560 --> 1:04:56.760
<v Speaker 1>just a guiding light for It's been impressive for myself

1:04:56.800 --> 1:05:00.480
<v Speaker 1>to hear and for certainly our community, uh, for anybody

1:05:00.520 --> 1:05:03.960
<v Speaker 1>going through what I want to ask you two things. First,

1:05:04.080 --> 1:05:06.320
<v Speaker 1>where can people find you? Can people reach out to you.

1:05:06.360 --> 1:05:09.360
<v Speaker 1>Do you engage with people going through a similar thing? Um,

1:05:09.400 --> 1:05:11.880
<v Speaker 1>do you have can people find you on social media?

1:05:12.160 --> 1:05:14.520
<v Speaker 1>Or or do you not want to share that? No,

1:05:14.760 --> 1:05:16.360
<v Speaker 1>I mean if people want to reach out, I feel

1:05:16.360 --> 1:05:19.080
<v Speaker 1>like maybe reach out to you guys can come through

1:05:19.120 --> 1:05:22.200
<v Speaker 1>me because given my line of work, I mean, I

1:05:22.200 --> 1:05:24.479
<v Speaker 1>guess you could probably find out where I work because

1:05:24.480 --> 1:05:26.880
<v Speaker 1>if you just google it, so it's not too difficult.

1:05:27.080 --> 1:05:29.280
<v Speaker 1>Man that I heart radio dot com. You can reach

1:05:29.280 --> 1:05:32.160
<v Speaker 1>out to us and then we can connect you with Mitch. Uh.

1:05:32.240 --> 1:05:34.640
<v Speaker 1>And then lastly, I'd love to give just open up

1:05:34.680 --> 1:05:38.640
<v Speaker 1>to you to give anybody, Uh, just an open mic

1:05:38.720 --> 1:05:42.080
<v Speaker 1>to to you too, say to people listening to them,

1:05:42.120 --> 1:05:46.280
<v Speaker 1>have maybe loved and lost or I just want you

1:05:46.360 --> 1:05:49.280
<v Speaker 1>to have a whatever you want to share with people

1:05:49.920 --> 1:05:53.160
<v Speaker 1>based on your experience, a lasting memory or lasting thought

1:05:53.240 --> 1:05:56.440
<v Speaker 1>that you think can really positively help the community. Just

1:05:56.480 --> 1:06:00.360
<v Speaker 1>don't let uh, you know, a horrible tragedy no matter

1:06:00.440 --> 1:06:04.680
<v Speaker 1>what it is, UH, paralyze you and know that you

1:06:04.720 --> 1:06:08.280
<v Speaker 1>know they there's a good chance that you will find

1:06:08.360 --> 1:06:12.440
<v Speaker 1>love again and just find the positivity uh in it

1:06:12.520 --> 1:06:15.960
<v Speaker 1>all being an optimist and uh, you know, I think

1:06:16.000 --> 1:06:18.120
<v Speaker 1>good things will happen to you eventually and you know

1:06:18.120 --> 1:06:21.000
<v Speaker 1>it might take some time. Luckily for me it happened

1:06:21.000 --> 1:06:24.439
<v Speaker 1>pretty quickly, but you know it will happen, and and

1:06:24.480 --> 1:06:27.480
<v Speaker 1>think that on a regular basis, it will definitely help

1:06:27.520 --> 1:06:30.040
<v Speaker 1>you in the long run. Amazing, man, amazing what I

1:06:30.200 --> 1:06:32.720
<v Speaker 1>what I I just met you as we did this podcast.

1:06:32.760 --> 1:06:35.200
<v Speaker 1>But what I take from you is that I believe

1:06:35.200 --> 1:06:38.280
<v Speaker 1>you put so much good out into the world that

1:06:38.360 --> 1:06:43.320
<v Speaker 1>then goodness greatness I tried to return to you probably tenfold. Um.

1:06:43.360 --> 1:06:46.760
<v Speaker 1>So thank you so much for coming on, Mitch, your courage,

1:06:46.760 --> 1:06:49.520
<v Speaker 1>for sharing your story. Thank you very much. You are

1:06:49.560 --> 1:06:52.680
<v Speaker 1>a hero man. It's it's it's been a blessing having

1:06:52.680 --> 1:06:55.280
<v Speaker 1>you in here. Thank you, thank you. We'll be back

1:06:55.280 --> 1:07:06.280
<v Speaker 1>from break. This is how men think. And I'm Brooks

1:07:06.560 --> 1:07:08.920
<v Speaker 1>and I just want to say that was powerful stuff

1:07:08.920 --> 1:07:11.960
<v Speaker 1>from Mitch. That was man. It's it's you know what.

1:07:12.440 --> 1:07:14.040
<v Speaker 1>I think you said it best when you told him

1:07:14.320 --> 1:07:17.000
<v Speaker 1>he was an inspiration to see because, like I mentioned earlier,

1:07:17.040 --> 1:07:19.480
<v Speaker 1>I do have a firsthand connection with something like that.

1:07:19.880 --> 1:07:22.800
<v Speaker 1>And to see people, you know, be able to pick

1:07:22.920 --> 1:07:24.760
<v Speaker 1>up and move on with their life, I think that's

1:07:24.760 --> 1:07:26.840
<v Speaker 1>got to be the most difficult thing and it was.

1:07:26.960 --> 1:07:30.240
<v Speaker 1>It was really nice to hear his story and see

1:07:30.240 --> 1:07:32.840
<v Speaker 1>how he's rebounded from that tragedy. Yeah, and turned and

1:07:32.880 --> 1:07:34.960
<v Speaker 1>turned it into a positive. I mean, you heard him

1:07:35.000 --> 1:07:38.040
<v Speaker 1>say he's an optimist, so in eternal optimists. But I

1:07:38.080 --> 1:07:41.200
<v Speaker 1>believe in in the course of a life, in anybody's life,

1:07:41.240 --> 1:07:46.720
<v Speaker 1>there's three to four, like real defining moments in your life,

1:07:47.280 --> 1:07:50.480
<v Speaker 1>and look for him, loss was one of them. And

1:07:50.480 --> 1:07:53.000
<v Speaker 1>that's a tragedy I wouldn't wish on anybody. But how

1:07:53.080 --> 1:07:55.600
<v Speaker 1>you respond to these certain moments in your life is

1:07:55.600 --> 1:07:58.240
<v Speaker 1>going to dictate the quality of the rest of your life.

1:07:58.240 --> 1:08:00.360
<v Speaker 1>And I mean he could have went down a totally

1:08:00.360 --> 1:08:03.040
<v Speaker 1>different path. I'm sure some people do, maybe turn to

1:08:03.160 --> 1:08:06.200
<v Speaker 1>some sort of substance abuse or depression or blame or

1:08:07.360 --> 1:08:10.160
<v Speaker 1>anger or something, but he turned that into a positive

1:08:10.200 --> 1:08:13.480
<v Speaker 1>found another love is the happiest way. He walked in

1:08:13.480 --> 1:08:15.880
<v Speaker 1>here with a huge smile, incredibly happy guy. What an

1:08:15.920 --> 1:08:20.160
<v Speaker 1>inspirational story. And that's and what I hope from this,

1:08:20.240 --> 1:08:23.559
<v Speaker 1>I mean is that people listening people to think or

1:08:23.600 --> 1:08:26.200
<v Speaker 1>in a similar situation or anything and feel like I'm

1:08:26.240 --> 1:08:28.800
<v Speaker 1>not going to find love. I'm not going to It

1:08:28.840 --> 1:08:32.360
<v Speaker 1>can happen, man, even from the darkest moments. Clearly we've

1:08:32.360 --> 1:08:34.880
<v Speaker 1>seen that you can find love again, you can find

1:08:34.920 --> 1:08:37.400
<v Speaker 1>that that partner or that support that you need in life.

1:08:37.400 --> 1:08:39.200
<v Speaker 1>And I think the important thing is to hear things

1:08:39.200 --> 1:08:42.320
<v Speaker 1>like this and know that that's Mitch would happened. Mitch

1:08:42.360 --> 1:08:43.720
<v Speaker 1>can happen to anybody, and I think you've got to

1:08:43.800 --> 1:08:46.400
<v Speaker 1>keep that in mind. Yeah, just wow, I just want

1:08:46.439 --> 1:08:49.400
<v Speaker 1>to I'm blown away. Sometimes we have amazing people come

1:08:49.439 --> 1:08:51.680
<v Speaker 1>in here that just absolutely blow us away and make

1:08:51.760 --> 1:08:54.120
<v Speaker 1>me just realize how grateful I am to be on

1:08:54.160 --> 1:08:57.280
<v Speaker 1>this podcast. So we also have a question here from

1:08:57.280 --> 1:09:00.840
<v Speaker 1>a listener on a very similar topic. On the same topic.

1:09:01.240 --> 1:09:04.400
<v Speaker 1>This is from Chelsea, and she wants to know about

1:09:04.479 --> 1:09:07.679
<v Speaker 1>dating after a family loss. So she said, my sister

1:09:07.760 --> 1:09:11.760
<v Speaker 1>passed away from breast cancer in April. I've found that

1:09:11.800 --> 1:09:14.120
<v Speaker 1>while I would like to keep first date's light and fun,

1:09:14.240 --> 1:09:17.120
<v Speaker 1>somehow it comes up and it's a total downer. She

1:09:17.240 --> 1:09:18.679
<v Speaker 1>was a huge part of my life, so I feel

1:09:18.680 --> 1:09:20.840
<v Speaker 1>like memories come up and I talk about her. So

1:09:20.960 --> 1:09:23.840
<v Speaker 1>when how do I bring this up on dates without

1:09:23.920 --> 1:09:26.800
<v Speaker 1>ruining it? It's a great question. That is a great question.

1:09:26.840 --> 1:09:29.519
<v Speaker 1>I think that's a it's obviously a tough situation because

1:09:29.520 --> 1:09:32.080
<v Speaker 1>she's trying to put on a game face for whoever

1:09:32.160 --> 1:09:35.200
<v Speaker 1>that person is sitting across the table. But I mean, listen,

1:09:35.880 --> 1:09:37.599
<v Speaker 1>you're in a you're in a tough spot. She'll see

1:09:37.840 --> 1:09:40.280
<v Speaker 1>you you feel a certain way, and I think this

1:09:40.360 --> 1:09:42.720
<v Speaker 1>is my opinion, I think you need to just kind

1:09:42.720 --> 1:09:45.800
<v Speaker 1>of navigate that, like, don't don't try and be something

1:09:45.800 --> 1:09:48.400
<v Speaker 1>for somebody else right now, Be something, Be what you

1:09:48.439 --> 1:09:51.160
<v Speaker 1>need for yourself. And if someone will be sitting across

1:09:51.200 --> 1:09:53.040
<v Speaker 1>that table or wherever it is you are on that date,

1:09:53.360 --> 1:09:56.479
<v Speaker 1>and they'll understand, and they'll you know, and they'll talk

1:09:56.479 --> 1:09:58.040
<v Speaker 1>to you about it, and they'll know that you're that

1:09:58.080 --> 1:10:01.040
<v Speaker 1>you're hurting, or that you've you're actually fine, ding to

1:10:01.200 --> 1:10:04.040
<v Speaker 1>feel good in talking about memories of your sister. Yeah,

1:10:04.680 --> 1:10:06.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm thinking about this. And if if I'm Chelsea, right,

1:10:07.320 --> 1:10:09.720
<v Speaker 1>so I'm on a first date, I'm Chelsea. What do

1:10:09.760 --> 1:10:12.280
<v Speaker 1>you do on first dates? Usually you'll ask a person

1:10:12.320 --> 1:10:14.960
<v Speaker 1>like do you have any siblings? Right? That that's a

1:10:15.080 --> 1:10:18.120
<v Speaker 1>very common question on a first date. So she's now

1:10:18.200 --> 1:10:21.000
<v Speaker 1>got to navigate that question almost on every first date.

1:10:21.000 --> 1:10:23.160
<v Speaker 1>And you what do you do? Do you talk about?

1:10:23.320 --> 1:10:25.280
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if she has any other siblings alive

1:10:25.400 --> 1:10:27.880
<v Speaker 1>or do you mention also the one that's passed way,

1:10:27.960 --> 1:10:32.160
<v Speaker 1>I don't see a downside of mentioning that you had

1:10:32.200 --> 1:10:34.920
<v Speaker 1>a sister that that passed away that you were super

1:10:34.960 --> 1:10:37.519
<v Speaker 1>close with, if you do so in a positive light,

1:10:37.560 --> 1:10:40.240
<v Speaker 1>Like Mitch just sat here and talked about Michelle with

1:10:40.280 --> 1:10:43.080
<v Speaker 1>a smile on his face the entire time, which kept

1:10:43.160 --> 1:10:46.320
<v Speaker 1>us smiling, kept the mood up. So if if Chelsea

1:10:46.360 --> 1:10:48.400
<v Speaker 1>were to talk about her sister, had my sister passed

1:10:48.400 --> 1:10:50.960
<v Speaker 1>away last year or best cancer? But she was awesome, guy,

1:10:50.960 --> 1:10:52.519
<v Speaker 1>I wish you could have had a chance to meet her.

1:10:52.680 --> 1:10:54.720
<v Speaker 1>She was a light of my day kind of thing.

1:10:55.080 --> 1:10:58.639
<v Speaker 1>I think that then airs that topic, but it keeps

1:10:58.640 --> 1:11:00.920
<v Speaker 1>the mood light. That's that's a that's a great point.

1:11:00.960 --> 1:11:02.200
<v Speaker 1>And the last thing you want to do when you're

1:11:02.240 --> 1:11:04.280
<v Speaker 1>on a date is be something that you're not, So

1:11:04.400 --> 1:11:06.640
<v Speaker 1>don't don't do don't try and be something for that

1:11:06.680 --> 1:11:08.719
<v Speaker 1>other person. I think you're absolutely right remember your sister

1:11:09.080 --> 1:11:11.320
<v Speaker 1>in happy times and speak about it that way, and

1:11:11.520 --> 1:11:14.640
<v Speaker 1>I think that's the way to go. Agree. Wow, that

1:11:14.800 --> 1:11:18.400
<v Speaker 1>was an awesome our conversation. That was a topic that

1:11:18.439 --> 1:11:21.599
<v Speaker 1>I had never given any mindset to I've been very

1:11:21.640 --> 1:11:26.320
<v Speaker 1>fortunate where I haven't lost anybody tragically or drastically. My

1:11:26.640 --> 1:11:29.920
<v Speaker 1>family is healthy, and I've never given any thought to

1:11:30.240 --> 1:11:33.400
<v Speaker 1>what life after loss might be. So I learned a

1:11:33.400 --> 1:11:35.720
<v Speaker 1>lot in this one. This was incredible for sure. And

1:11:35.760 --> 1:11:38.519
<v Speaker 1>it's like, you know, when you see what you're gonna

1:11:38.520 --> 1:11:40.760
<v Speaker 1>be talking about for for an hour. It isn't like

1:11:40.840 --> 1:11:43.160
<v Speaker 1>we just said, even about Chelsea Stuay, it's not the

1:11:43.200 --> 1:11:45.519
<v Speaker 1>most uplifting thing to think about talking. But when you

1:11:45.560 --> 1:11:48.080
<v Speaker 1>get in and you and you have conversations like this, man,

1:11:48.120 --> 1:11:51.040
<v Speaker 1>it can really be inspirational. Yeah. So I hope anybody

1:11:51.080 --> 1:11:53.559
<v Speaker 1>out there that's loved and lost got some value from

1:11:53.600 --> 1:11:56.000
<v Speaker 1>from today. Um, you can reach out to us if

1:11:56.040 --> 1:11:58.519
<v Speaker 1>you want to get in touch with Mitch, but just

1:11:58.560 --> 1:12:00.800
<v Speaker 1>know that there's a lot of life ahead you. There's

1:12:01.160 --> 1:12:03.280
<v Speaker 1>many more blessings coming in your life if you look

1:12:03.280 --> 1:12:06.040
<v Speaker 1>at life as a place of opportunity. Uh. And as

1:12:06.080 --> 1:12:08.040
<v Speaker 1>Mitch said, you get back in the game. So thank

1:12:08.080 --> 1:12:10.719
<v Speaker 1>you guys for listening. We appreciate you all. Until next time,

1:12:11.040 --> 1:12:13.160
<v Speaker 1>take care of one another, love one another, and we'll

1:12:13.160 --> 1:12:15.120
<v Speaker 1>see you back here next week for another episode of

1:12:15.200 --> 1:12:18.360
<v Speaker 1>How Men Think. Hey, guys, it's Brooks and one last

1:12:18.400 --> 1:12:20.879
<v Speaker 1>thing before we let you go. If you like today's episode,

1:12:20.960 --> 1:12:23.000
<v Speaker 1>we would love to get a five star review from

1:12:23.000 --> 1:12:25.000
<v Speaker 1>you on iTunes and if you could possibly share it

1:12:25.000 --> 1:12:27.360
<v Speaker 1>with a friend, that would be amazing as well. We

1:12:27.400 --> 1:12:30.559
<v Speaker 1>always look forward to your questions, comments, or insights, so

1:12:30.600 --> 1:12:32.559
<v Speaker 1>you can send us an email at men at I

1:12:32.640 --> 1:12:35.280
<v Speaker 1>heart radio dot com and also follow along with us

1:12:35.280 --> 1:12:37.960
<v Speaker 1>on Instagram at how Men Think Podcast.