Speaker 1: This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin
Speaker 1: de Gras and I heard radio podcast how do you Everybody?
Speaker 1: My name is brooks Like and welcome to another fine
Speaker 1: episode of How Men Think? And I'm super pumped up
Speaker 1: today because sitting to my right and smiling is my dude,
Speaker 1: Mr Gavin de Gros. Yea good, best, best day of
Speaker 1: my life to see you here again and mine and mine.
Speaker 1: Can I just say that we missed you. You're out
Speaker 1: on this fancy singing and dance and two of the
Speaker 1: men um and you guys at home listening can't see it.
Speaker 1: But I'm wearing my Gavin de Gros shirt the fred
Speaker 1: you are a true story. It's true And in that
Speaker 1: picture on the shirt you're wearing, I'm looking at my
Speaker 1: toes and and the shirt I'm wearing. Yeah, this plan
Speaker 1: backfired on reference one of our Brooks Brooks likes to
Speaker 1: suck toes. So true story. This is what happened today.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen you, and I don't know, maybe it's
Speaker 1: been six weeks too much since you've been out on
Speaker 1: And you sent us your fresh merch from your tour,
Speaker 1: which we all wore. We all rocked it. I saw
Speaker 1: y'all are great in it. Thanks thanks for rocking it. Um.
Speaker 1: And so I was like, I'm gonna support my brother today.
Speaker 1: He's coming back in the studio. I'm gonna support him.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna wear this shirt and I'm gonna it's gonna
Speaker 1: post it on my Instagram and I'm gonna say it's
Speaker 1: where the shirt of your hero to work the boy
Speaker 1: except you come walking, you walk in and you've got
Speaker 1: a shirt, he says. Brooks likes to suck toes. Total
Speaker 1: backfire for me. Yeah, well you need to find better heroes.
Speaker 1: But how are you doing, buddy? How was the tour?
Speaker 1: Give us that? Give us how man? Everything was amazing, man,
Speaker 1: I had a great time. Uh you know, Bend and
Speaker 1: crew all got along great. Everybody did their job, Fans
Speaker 1: showed up, they had a great time, you know. And
Speaker 1: it was something I was a little worried about. Every
Speaker 1: time you go on the road, you're always a little
Speaker 1: bit fearful of are people gonna remember that I exist
Speaker 1: in the world. Are your fans gonna remember you? And
Speaker 1: and my fans all showed up and it was an
Speaker 1: amazing time. Saw the country and had a ball. That's amazing.
Speaker 1: Do you have one, um, best memory from the trip
Speaker 1: from the tour one like what city was just on fire?
Speaker 1: Or song? Man? I don't, I don't have one single
Speaker 1: best memory. I mean, my dad came out. Uh you know,
Speaker 1: he likes to take a bunk in the bus. So yeah,
Speaker 1: we lived together on the bus, me and my my,
Speaker 1: my pops, my best my best buddy, my best buddy
Speaker 1: I grew up with, came out to the show two
Speaker 1: nights ago in Syracuse. Um, you know, from my hometown.
Speaker 1: So we had a great time too. So there are
Speaker 1: a lot of good, good moments on the road, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Most of it's for me. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm like, uh so kind of a hometown mentally sort
Speaker 1: of kind of guy, you know what I mean. I'm
Speaker 1: a hometown family guys. Sat like having my my pops around,
Speaker 1: like having my friends around, stuff like that. So what
Speaker 1: does it feel like being done to her? Are you
Speaker 1: relieved or you like to press like, oh god now?
Speaker 1: And I don't know what to do off tour being Yeah,
Speaker 1: because you're done, though, I mean delicately put it sucks
Speaker 1: coming off tour. I love being on tour. I mean
Speaker 1: artists love it. They love it. I love it. I
Speaker 1: love it. I think it's because there's certain things that
Speaker 1: are just expected and some things that are unexpected that
Speaker 1: you're okay with, you know what I mean. You expect
Speaker 1: to be in a different town every day. You don't
Speaker 1: expect um, you know, for certain things to happen while
Speaker 1: you're on the road, but you're kind of happy that
Speaker 1: they do because it just keeps things interesting, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. And uh, it must be fun to
Speaker 1: have like thousands of beautiful women screaming at you too. Well.
Speaker 1: So I saw the videos lined up in the front
Speaker 1: row with their Gavin shirts on their their books likes
Speaker 1: to Suck Toes shirts, and the next that's the next
Speaker 1: distribution plan happening out there on the road. Buddy, Well,
Speaker 1: welcome back. We're happy to have you back, and we've
Speaker 1: got the rest of the crew in here. We got
Speaker 1: all the we got the Dream Team reunited, we got Dmitri,
Speaker 1: we got Rick, and we got Ryan, who thankfully is
Speaker 1: still with us. Buddy, you had a bit of a
Speaker 1: tough go. You want to enlighten our listeners to what happened.
Speaker 1: I had an emergency appendeck to me my I woke
Speaker 1: up in the middle of the night. The worst pan
Speaker 1: I've ever experienced. Drove myself to the er and I
Speaker 1: was in the er for fourteen hours before being brought
Speaker 1: up to the operating floor. I am convinced I was
Speaker 1: in the e R for fourteen hours because of our episode.
Speaker 1: Somehow it cot physician. The physician community is aware of me.
Speaker 1: There is the black list, and they put the smallest
Speaker 1: I V. They couldn't find a vein conveniently to put
Speaker 1: in the I V by the biggest veins you've ever seen.
Speaker 1: Just gouging, gouging, couging. Then it's like, oh, you need
Speaker 1: some morphine, let me put it all in at once.
Speaker 1: I almost passed out. Literally four doctors came running and
Speaker 1: they thought they killed me, and I'm by myself and
Speaker 1: they're dying of slow death. Finally get the surgery and
Speaker 1: I was in there for three days. To ask you
Speaker 1: a question, is there anything? Okay? Perfect? Thank you? Next question,
Speaker 1: so I'll have to saying, so, is there a non
Speaker 1: emergency version of an appendic tomy? Uh no, there's not. Okay,
Speaker 1: it sounds there's no like voluntary, like, oh you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take out my I'm not feeling like I
Speaker 1: want to have this anymore. So I don't even eat
Speaker 1: that many nuts. So your appendix burst. It was a
Speaker 1: microscopic perforation. For us in the medical community, that's the
Speaker 1: term we use. Put yourselves. Yes, it was close to bursting.
Speaker 1: How does that happen? That had to have been anxiety
Speaker 1: and stress induced. It had to be. It's a good
Speaker 1: question if I think Amy would tell you, yes, it
Speaker 1: is like it's anxiety induced. The doctor I was going
Speaker 1: to say, in all his pain and misery, he managed
Speaker 1: to text me incessantly because his wife was with the
Speaker 1: baby and the baby on the way, so she couldn't
Speaker 1: really be bothered. So he's like, if I die, tell
Speaker 1: the guys I love him, page for my funeral. She
Speaker 1: probably couldn't be bothered because she knows that her husband
Speaker 1: is high maintenance and was just like really drawing everything out.
Speaker 1: All I wanted were gifts from all of you. Are
Speaker 1: you sure just wasn't a beasting? And we'll never know. Hey,
Speaker 1: I don't know that. I don't know a lot of
Speaker 1: medical stuff. I don't know how big an appendix really is.
Speaker 1: But I would have thought because you had I would
Speaker 1: have thought you would have looked a little thinner after.
Speaker 1: That's horrible. It's good to be back. They did not,
Speaker 1: but they So it's a laparoscopic surgery. There's two incisions
Speaker 1: on both sides of my abdomen, and then they pull
Speaker 1: the appendix out through the third incision, which is your
Speaker 1: belly button. So they pull the appendix out from your
Speaker 1: belly button, mounted on a little glass case at home.
Speaker 1: I do not the gave that option. No lint in
Speaker 1: there any longer, all the incisions now, the fake apps already. Okay, Dmitri,
Speaker 1: I think we might need to do another episode on
Speaker 1: on this whole thing because that but that was one
Speaker 1: of my favorite episodes we did about with with your
Speaker 1: story about visiting the doctor, and and everyone on social
Speaker 1: media on Instagram has defended me. Let let the record stay.
Speaker 1: Everyone is behind me. Can I'll give it to you.
Speaker 1: I'll give it to you real quick. Because so he
Speaker 1: he had a little rough go in with a doctor.
Speaker 1: He had like a little sniffle in his nose and
Speaker 1: and he was like ringing the alarm. This is an emergency.
Speaker 1: Doctor didn't call him back. He calls again, it gets
Speaker 1: worse something whatever. Anyway, the doctor doesn't call him back.
Speaker 1: The gist of it is the doctor doesn't call him
Speaker 1: back on his schedule, so he fakes his own death
Speaker 1: and he writes he changes emails as a Ryan has died,
Speaker 1: please send flowers, you know. And so then this this
Speaker 1: doctor panics and like goes into like a like a
Speaker 1: trauma herself, cancels all her appointments for two days. She
Speaker 1: can't believe she let a patient die. It's all because
Speaker 1: of him. He wanted flowers. It's just flowers. He got
Speaker 1: an email from the from the entire health system, and
Speaker 1: I was told that this was not that long ago.
Speaker 1: How long this was like a year ago? Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: fully grown when he did this an adult, an adult
Speaker 1: correct to marry, by the way, and the entire health
Speaker 1: system that I could have died. And here I am
Speaker 1: today to tell the story. To me for for being
Speaker 1: so brave to be here today to tell that story.
Speaker 1: Can't take seriously. Meanwhile, that got around the hospital when
Speaker 1: you end in for your surgery, and they ended up
Speaker 1: giving you, like a first year medical student, to do
Speaker 1: your to do your action your operation. Physicians. The physicians
Speaker 1: don't particularly like me. And this happened again on the
Speaker 1: appendeck to me, and I'll tell you the quick story,
Speaker 1: which is in the e R. In the e R,
Speaker 1: I'm in there for ten hours and I'm like, am
Speaker 1: My wife got there and she was like, look, he's
Speaker 1: been in here ten hours. Are you not you've determined
Speaker 1: he needs a surgery. When are we getting him into surgery?
Speaker 1: Are you worried that it's going to completely burst? And
Speaker 1: the nurse said, well, he already died. The nurse said.
Speaker 1: The nurse said, well, actually, you know other patients that
Speaker 1: I've had that have had their appendix bursts say that
Speaker 1: it actually relieves so much of the pressure and it
Speaker 1: feels better once it bursts, So it would be the
Speaker 1: worst thing in the world if it bursts. I'm sitting
Speaker 1: there on morphine, like, is this guy serious right now?
Speaker 1: So I had a follow up earlier this week with
Speaker 1: the surgeon. I said, look, this is not a reflection
Speaker 1: on you and the surgery you performed. I think you're
Speaker 1: your class act. I love you, but let's let's revisit
Speaker 1: the e R. Because the guy told me this, and
Speaker 1: I don't have my medical degree, but there's something called
Speaker 1: sepsis which you are trying to avoid. And he acknowledged
Speaker 1: that I, while not having my medical degree, am smarter
Speaker 1: than was dyslexic, and he got somebody brought you a PEPSI.
Speaker 1: We're happy you made it through that that life you
Speaker 1: you were shark diving. I believe I was hope hopeful
Speaker 1: that when I got here you at least lost a
Speaker 1: finger or maybe an arm. No, and I have my appendix,
Speaker 1: didn't lose that either. We need to wrap Ryan and
Speaker 1: bubble wrap. This guy is just like a walking disaster.
Speaker 1: I did go shark diving. They'll do his rad We
Speaker 1: went to Guadalupe Island with Andy cassa Grande, who is
Speaker 1: like the shark diving guru. Uh and go pro some
Speaker 1: of the Golden Big House. Yeah, he's just he's a
Speaker 1: stud man. This guy free dives with great white sharks.
Speaker 1: So we spent three days in the water. We were
Speaker 1: in cages, but he got out. What happened to him
Speaker 1: that made him so suicidal? He just he just loves
Speaker 1: sharks man, just like, Yeah, he dives with them, just
Speaker 1: hanging out. Yeah. He and he's behind like almost all
Speaker 1: the content of Shark Week. So anybody that's seen Shark Week,
Speaker 1: him and his wife Emma are behind most of it. Um,
Speaker 1: he's been working with sharks for I think twenty two years,
Speaker 1: great whites. He dives all over the world with them,
Speaker 1: does a lot of awareness and protection and conservation for them.
Speaker 1: And we're able to dive with him with great white sharks,
Speaker 1: really did with bull sharks. Yeah, he'll do. Do you
Speaker 1: name it? He looks at them like their friends, like
Speaker 1: a quick question. Does he chum the water when he's
Speaker 1: before he jumps in? And oh yeah, yeah, so he's
Speaker 1: attracting him and then he's lying there. I'm not lying
Speaker 1: to you. I'm not lying to you. It was gnarly.
Speaker 1: I think we saw because so they all have like
Speaker 1: not all of them, but there were fourteen different ones
Speaker 1: that were tagged or marked. He has a sonar thing
Speaker 1: that goes down and different ones that swim within a
Speaker 1: kilometer paying a different thing or whatever. Anyway, Um, so
Speaker 1: I think we saw somewhere between twelve and fourteen separate ones.
Speaker 1: But we saw sharks every minute for three days. Does
Speaker 1: he have really bad teeth? And is that why the
Speaker 1: sharks don't mess with them? He has perfect all crooked
Speaker 1: and get in and sharp. It's such a one of us.
Speaker 1: It's such a misunderstanding of what great whites are like.
Speaker 1: So what does he think? Does he say what attracts
Speaker 1: the sharks to devour you? Does he have an opinion
Speaker 1: on that? Uh, mistaken identity probably like they actually or curiosity.
Speaker 1: They might think you're a seal and mistake your identity.
Speaker 1: So what what is he attribute his survival in that
Speaker 1: environment too? Probably honestly, great question you'd have to ask him.
Speaker 1: I would bet that he's there. He just admits an
Speaker 1: energy of here. I'm here as a friend, a peaceful friend,
Speaker 1: not an enemy. And also, some smarts no know what
Speaker 1: to look out for. No when a shark knowing their behavior,
Speaker 1: when a shark is looking for a meal, or when
Speaker 1: a shark is relactated. You know, I know when you
Speaker 1: walk in, if you're looking for a meal, or if
Speaker 1: you're looking glass. He's always looking for a But it
Speaker 1: was awesome, It was awesome. And Rick, you just got
Speaker 1: an off gnarly adventure. You're in Alaska, right, Not as
Speaker 1: good as these stories though, But yeah, I was just
Speaker 1: in Alaska for ten days and we were going fishing
Speaker 1: and a little bit of hunting, not not too much hunting,
Speaker 1: but we were fishing for salmon and Halibut, and we're
Speaker 1: in the middle of nowhere and a kind of in
Speaker 1: a cabin with ten other people. And it was awesome, awesome,
Speaker 1: no internet, no cell phones, no nothing, just a lot
Speaker 1: of downtime, a lot of hanging out, a lot of
Speaker 1: kind of self reflection. We were burning not lying about
Speaker 1: that cellphone thing, because I really wanted to text you,
Speaker 1: and I just kept seeing if you were online? Are
Speaker 1: you online? Are you online? Never? Ten days? Not one time? Everything, everything.
Speaker 1: I got a FaceTime. I got a FaceTime from By
Speaker 1: the way, what was the biggest salmon you caught? It's
Speaker 1: about twelve pounds pound silver salmon. Yeah, and our helibate
Speaker 1: was about thirty five. I mean they're not huge because
Speaker 1: June is the big helibate season up there in Alaska,
Speaker 1: and we were in August and so, um, we're kind
Speaker 1: of going after the meat. But bald eagles we were,
Speaker 1: you know, we were out in the middle of nowhere
Speaker 1: pretty much and uh, we're burning stuff and shooting guns.
Speaker 1: You talk about like, how did you survive not having
Speaker 1: your cell phone for ten days? It's awesome just doing
Speaker 1: all honesty. It takes about forty hours sort of like
Speaker 1: get it out of your pocket, get it out of
Speaker 1: your like, finally put it in your room and turn
Speaker 1: have it off and just kind of you're walking around
Speaker 1: wandering like where's my phone? And then you're like, oh, wait,
Speaker 1: what am I gonna do with that? So it takes
Speaker 1: a couple of days amy actually to get rid of it.
Speaker 1: But once you I mean, there's so much work we're doing.
Speaker 1: We're we're gassing the boats, we're cleaning things, we're moving
Speaker 1: stuff around. And isn't there a moment where we're at
Speaker 1: there in the wilderness and you're thinking, Man, if something happens,
Speaker 1: I hope I can look it up on the Internet
Speaker 1: of what I need to do to save myself. And
Speaker 1: there's no reception out here. No, So we do have radios,
Speaker 1: so Coast Guard radios in our house and on the boat,
Speaker 1: so it's channel sixteen. So if we do you know,
Speaker 1: if there is an emergency or say someone does get
Speaker 1: attacked by bear or there's something that's really tragic going on,
Speaker 1: we can we can call made it. Can you call
Speaker 1: the Coast Guard and be like, hey, guys, how do
Speaker 1: you build to fire without matches? I'm stuck right now.
Speaker 1: But it's not enough for you to send round version
Speaker 1: of what would that you go through that process? What
Speaker 1: would guys, I forgot my stuff and the soy sauce
Speaker 1: for our salmon sushimi. What can you imagine if on
Speaker 1: that races like I ain't some girl named Amy really names?
Speaker 1: Do you have to clear something up here? Yeah? One
Speaker 1: guy that was up there, and mind you, he was
Speaker 1: from another part of the world, and um, we we
Speaker 1: take you know, it's fun buddies that we know. And
Speaker 1: and there was a little bit of a problem. There
Speaker 1: was a really high tide where we are. It's all
Speaker 1: title based and so there was a really high tide
Speaker 1: and one of the cars we hadn't parked it. We
Speaker 1: launched the boats. We hadn't parked the car high enough.
Speaker 1: So by the time we got home, it's a really
Speaker 1: weady day and and all the waves were up in
Speaker 1: the car was pretty much halfway under water. So the
Speaker 1: one guy that whoever was in that boat at the
Speaker 1: time sent back to the cabin, which is probably like
Speaker 1: it's not very far from the from the water, you know,
Speaker 1: five yards. He's sprinting and he's not in Brooks like shape,
Speaker 1: you know, let's just put it that way. He's in
Speaker 1: gab and shipped so many people to the house and
Speaker 1: there's two guys are and he's like he was like lastie,
Speaker 1: he could what boy trouble like the old milk, Like
Speaker 1: there's underwater. There's not here underwater, and so it just yeah,
Speaker 1: it was that classic Yeah, we're I'm light headed, right?
Speaker 1: Who got a park that car up there? He's never
Speaker 1: working at the ivy Again, it's classic Dmitri. What's up
Speaker 1: with you, dude? We've been grinding away. You and I
Speaker 1: have been the two here work and holding the show
Speaker 1: down and me and Easton. Yeah, you know, so I
Speaker 1: feel like he deserves some of these guys. I didn't
Speaker 1: have time to go on tour. I would have I
Speaker 1: didn't Alaska. Yeah, I certainly didn't have time to get
Speaker 1: my appendix out. Actually, I thought Ryan and I had
Speaker 1: blocked away some nice time together and then he pulled
Speaker 1: that stunt and so I was alone. So really, I've
Speaker 1: just been sitting here in the studio waiting for you
Speaker 1: guys whole time. I've had nothing to do. Buddy and
Speaker 1: wet the scotch in the corner. Guess what, we have
Speaker 1: a treat coming up because we are all going to Vegas.
Speaker 1: So we'll get you out. We'll put we'll put you
Speaker 1: front and center, and also you Gavin front and center.
Speaker 1: But Dmitri deserves a bay. But we are going to Vegas.
Speaker 1: You guys are my heart radio. What is it? I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio Music Festival tickets available now, boom. So we're
Speaker 1: gonna go to Vegas. We're gonna enjoy ourselves. You're gonna
Speaker 1: have uh, we're gonna god a couple of podcasts from Vegas.
Speaker 1: And also I proposed this idea, go ahead, think you'll
Speaker 1: like this one. I propose that we set up Amy
Speaker 1: Amy delightfully got us all sweets at the Bellaggio, right, Amy, right,
Speaker 1: that's what. So we got sweets. I did not. I
Speaker 1: think we're all in one regular standard room queens anyway.
Speaker 1: But I propose that we do a podcast from the
Speaker 1: pool at the log and can get an umbrella and
Speaker 1: we just we just get to speed date girls to
Speaker 1: set up you for a date. Terrible idea. Anybody walking
Speaker 1: by will be like, hey, do you want to sit
Speaker 1: down for thirty seconds a little speed date? And then
Speaker 1: I'll be I'll enter like, well, I'll get like three
Speaker 1: or four that we get to speed date and then
Speaker 1: we'll select our favorite and then we'll we'll see if
Speaker 1: it sounds like a good way to ruin lunch. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is still working itself out. But some way you're
Speaker 1: doing some massive speed date. And when we're in Vegas, Buddy,
Speaker 1: this is this is happening. This is cocktail hour. You
Speaker 1: just sit there and look pretty. We'll take your can
Speaker 1: I borrow your makeup kit, your guideline. Okay, so more
Speaker 1: of that. Two weeks we're in Vegas, which is gonna
Speaker 1: be awesome. We'll get into more stuff in this show.
Speaker 1: We're going to talk about love after loss, very sensitive topic.
Speaker 1: We're gonna get into it. After the break back from
Speaker 1: break we are. We have a special guest in house.
Speaker 1: We want to talk about a I think, in culture,
Speaker 1: in society, a very sensitive topic. We want to talk
Speaker 1: about divorce and loss. We're going to talk about loss
Speaker 1: as well, and we're going to talk about life after
Speaker 1: loss and happiness after loss. So we have a very
Speaker 1: special guest. Let's welcome to the show. Mitch Messinger, thank
Speaker 1: you and Dmitri. You were telling me earlier you have
Speaker 1: a connection you went to school with so Mitch, uh,
Speaker 1: how long did ago did you get married about five
Speaker 1: months ago. Five months ago he married man. Congratulations, congratulations
Speaker 1: brother and his his wife and I went to college together,
Speaker 1: and I'm from college at Emerson College in Boston. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And and I remember seeing on her Facebook post she said,
Speaker 1: you know, she announced that she met the most amazing
Speaker 1: guy and she was so excited. And I remember I
Speaker 1: said her a message and I said, it's fantastic, like,
Speaker 1: I'm so excited for you, and it's just it's so
Speaker 1: funny that now now you're here because we never met before.
Speaker 1: But your story. I read New York Times that an
Speaker 1: amazing UM article on on your story, your story and
Speaker 1: deb story and how you know things that had happened beforehand,
Speaker 1: um and and how you guys met and it's truly
Speaker 1: it's truly an amazing tale of finding love again after
Speaker 1: you know, having lost and also and the deb had
Speaker 1: been through a divorce. So so we'd love to hear
Speaker 1: I'm sure people listening back home or in your vehicle.
Speaker 1: There's many of our community. We've got so many questions
Speaker 1: and emails from people listening about this question about life
Speaker 1: after loss and life after divorce and is their happiness?
Speaker 1: Is there a tale of happiness for them in their life.
Speaker 1: So Mitch will just open it up to you. We'd
Speaker 1: love to hear your story. We've heard it. But for
Speaker 1: the people listening at home that haven't, please bring us,
Speaker 1: bring us the goods, because it's your version. Give yeah
Speaker 1: somewhere any whatever you want to give less is more,
Speaker 1: so I will kind of that. I think your story
Speaker 1: is incredibly powerful, So whatever elements of it you want
Speaker 1: to share, please do because we have many people in
Speaker 1: our community that I'm sure this is going to help
Speaker 1: to make a very, very long story short. I moved
Speaker 1: to Los Angeles about twenty six years ago, fresh out
Speaker 1: of college from Syracuse University and Upstate New York. I
Speaker 1: met the love of my life soon thereafter, she too
Speaker 1: had moved here from the East Coast to start at
Speaker 1: law school. We dated for about two and a half
Speaker 1: years after uh a pretty good courtship of young kids
Speaker 1: in love here in Los Angeles since we were both
Speaker 1: East Coast kids, and got married soon thereafter. We had
Speaker 1: our child, Jillian about five years later, and then about
Speaker 1: a year and a half after the birth of our
Speaker 1: daughter Jillian, our world UH kind of collapsed and got
Speaker 1: the word that my wife, Michelle was diagnosed with stage
Speaker 1: one breast cancer. UM. We originally thought that we would
Speaker 1: you know, nip it in the bud, as they say. UM.
Speaker 1: We were able to do everything we could to make
Speaker 1: sure that it didn't come back. But unfortunately, about two
Speaker 1: years later it had returned. And for the next six
Speaker 1: six and a half years she basically had um you know,
Speaker 1: kind of fought the battle, uh, pretty successfully with medication,
Speaker 1: constant doctor visits. But then the last year of her life,
Speaker 1: things got really awry, as we say, and unfortunately it's
Speaker 1: spread all over her body. Uh. And we did everything
Speaker 1: again what we could to keep it at bay or
Speaker 1: turn the tide that you know, she would still live
Speaker 1: for a long time, as her doctor kept telling us. UM,
Speaker 1: but she, the ever pessimist, me the ever optimist, UH
Speaker 1: felt differently. Uh. And so unfortunately things got worse and
Speaker 1: worse and worse, and unfortunately she did pass away five
Speaker 1: years ago this past May. Our daughter Jillian was ten
Speaker 1: at the time. And you know, it wasn't wasn't for
Speaker 1: the faint of heart, so to speak. Unfortunately. Uh, it's
Speaker 1: not something that they tell you, uh, you know, an
Speaker 1: emmanual that someday, you know, your spouse let alone your
Speaker 1: young spouse would die of a disease like that. Um.
Speaker 1: You know, we were pretty healthy, uh, you know again
Speaker 1: young and had a whole life ahead of us. Unfortunately
Speaker 1: that was not the case. And that's where the story
Speaker 1: you know, I guess began and ended with Michelle. Um.
Speaker 1: Obviously never ends with her. I still think of her
Speaker 1: all the time, and my new wife deb knows that. Uh.
Speaker 1: And obviously she is always and will always be Jillian's mother,
Speaker 1: So that is you know, that doesn't change, um. But
Speaker 1: that being said, then a new chapter began soon after
Speaker 1: her passing, from the first year of mourning, trying to
Speaker 1: get a sense of it all, try to figure out,
Speaker 1: you know, what I needed to do now as a
Speaker 1: single father, not by choice as I like to call it,
Speaker 1: um and just living life like you know, everything was
Speaker 1: normal when it really wasn't. Um. But luckily we had
Speaker 1: a great uh support group of family. Most family were
Speaker 1: not in l A. They were back east, but they
Speaker 1: you know, showered them or showered us with their love
Speaker 1: to all of us to make sure that we were supported.
Speaker 1: My parents actually sped up their retirement so to speak,
Speaker 1: and and I ended up rather than doing the back
Speaker 1: and forth thing between the East Coast and California, that
Speaker 1: they would move to California permanently just to be closer
Speaker 1: to us. UM, but also our friends who are like family.
Speaker 1: We had so many friends that were really supportive of us,
Speaker 1: those you know, dark weeks and months after Michelle's passing, UM,
Speaker 1: and then about a year after she passed, I said
Speaker 1: to myself, all right, I'm at a crossroads. Now do
Speaker 1: I continue this single father uh life, or do I
Speaker 1: see if that may be that there's love again And
Speaker 1: kind of brushed myself off in my head and physically
Speaker 1: is in my body as well, and decided that I would,
Speaker 1: you know, start seeing it might be out there now.
Speaker 1: I wasn't. I'm not a millennial. I'm not a young
Speaker 1: kid anymore. Unfortunately, even though I like to think I
Speaker 1: am just on the cusp of it. Thank you, Thank you,
Speaker 1: especially as I'm turning a big milestone next year. Hard
Speaker 1: to believe. Um, yeah, thank you. Twenty thanks to you.
Speaker 1: And so, you know, I said to myself, you know,
Speaker 1: Michelle's never coming home. I know where she is. I
Speaker 1: always joked that an hundred years I'll be in the
Speaker 1: same place. Uh. But here I am, and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: need to find if I'm gonna find love again, I
Speaker 1: need to you know, take the boot by the straps,
Speaker 1: I guess is that the right phrase? Uh, and kind
Speaker 1: of find love again. And so I wasn't going to
Speaker 1: do all of the you know again millennial thing of
Speaker 1: you know, either going to bars or going on j
Speaker 1: date and uh, those type of things. I'm gonna talk
Speaker 1: to my friends and say, hey, do you know of
Speaker 1: any buddy that might be in your world that could
Speaker 1: be a good fit for me, That might be divorced,
Speaker 1: might be widowed, I don't really care, Just someone or
Speaker 1: maybe who was never married before, just you know, you
Speaker 1: know me and these were friends obviously that I know
Speaker 1: in a long time, not just new mutual friends, but
Speaker 1: people who knew me a long time, knew Michelle as well,
Speaker 1: and Jillian. You know, if you think there's a good fit,
Speaker 1: then let's do it. So sure enough, you know, as
Speaker 1: Michelle is probably laughing me as I tell you the
Speaker 1: story right now, that you know, all the entas at
Speaker 1: my daughter's elementary school at the time probably were like,
Speaker 1: he's ready, and we're gonna We're gonna do what we
Speaker 1: can to set you know, set them up and so
Speaker 1: they went through their you know, virtual as well as
Speaker 1: you know old fashioned rolodexes. You know, I'm sure most
Speaker 1: of us know what rolodexes are, but exactly not quite
Speaker 1: but you know, speaking yourself. And so basically, I, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, started getting calls and texts of you know, emails,
Speaker 1: uh saying that I have somebody you know in mind
Speaker 1: for you. Here's her number, Why don't you give her
Speaker 1: a call? So I did that for a little while. Um.
Speaker 1: In the meantime, as some of you in this room
Speaker 1: know that, I'm a publicist at ABC, and I was
Speaker 1: at a talk show, uh with one of my actors
Speaker 1: who was promoting one of her new shows. And one
Speaker 1: of the guests that was on the talk show besides
Speaker 1: the actress, was a woman talking about relationships and relationships
Speaker 1: after death, and I thought this is interesting. So of
Speaker 1: course everyone said, talk to Mitch, talk to Mitch. So
Speaker 1: uh not on the show, but privately we spoke and
Speaker 1: she said, you know, don't let anybody let you let
Speaker 1: don't let anybody tell you when you're ready to start
Speaker 1: dating again. And that also hit me like a ton
Speaker 1: of bricks, saying, you know what, I'm gonna take it.
Speaker 1: Actually on the reverse side, yes, no one can tell
Speaker 1: me when I can start dating, But at the same token,
Speaker 1: why not start now? Like again, I know where Michelle is.
Speaker 1: I know we actually had conversations towards her before her
Speaker 1: passing to say, you know, I want you to find
Speaker 1: them again. And so that obviously something that also you know,
Speaker 1: stuck with me this whole time. And sure enough I
Speaker 1: started dating um and all the women that I dated
Speaker 1: actually weren't bad. There was not maybe a connection I
Speaker 1: had with deb when that relationship started, but everybody at
Speaker 1: least was very you know, normal, I guess, especially in
Speaker 1: this town. I heard horror stories over the years. That's
Speaker 1: tough to do to find a group of people that
Speaker 1: are all normal. So yeah, again, maybe there was not
Speaker 1: a true love connection or like, oh there's something there,
Speaker 1: but at least, you know, no one was crazy or otherwise.
Speaker 1: And so then maybe a month or two after that,
Speaker 1: I get a call from an old friend, someone who
Speaker 1: I have known since I've been out here in l
Speaker 1: A for you know, twenty plus years. He was also
Speaker 1: from back eastern New Jersey where I grew up, and said,
Speaker 1: you know, I have a I have someone that I
Speaker 1: think might be a good fit for you. And I said,
Speaker 1: tell me more, and he said, well, um, Glenn his
Speaker 1: best friend from growing up. His wife Sharon has a
Speaker 1: friend that she used to work with at the Family Channel,
Speaker 1: uh years ago, would you consider it? And here are
Speaker 1: all our particulars? And I said, again, sure, why not?
Speaker 1: I have nothing to lose. And so he's like, let
Speaker 1: me talk to Sharon. I'll get back to you, uh
Speaker 1: in a couple of days, and we'll kind of go
Speaker 1: from there. And so basically a couple of days went by,
Speaker 1: and I still have it, and I probably show you
Speaker 1: guys somewhere on my phone, but I have the email
Speaker 1: that he said saying, here all the particulars of this
Speaker 1: deb kaplan, Jacoby, would you be interested in here again
Speaker 1: all of her her information and the one century thing
Speaker 1: that he did say, and he's my age as well,
Speaker 1: was you know, check her on Facebook and see if
Speaker 1: you like, you know what you see, and if you do,
Speaker 1: that's how you can connect, you know, probably connect with her,
Speaker 1: or I'll get her cell number. And you said, I'm
Speaker 1: still in my Space? Does she have a page there?
Speaker 1: What's my space? And so then I called her and
Speaker 1: that was uh two. That was like again about a
Speaker 1: year after Michelle's passing, and it took a little while
Speaker 1: to get our first date under you know, schedule, because
Speaker 1: of our schedules. And again, she has kids, I have
Speaker 1: a kid. Um, you know, she had some other things
Speaker 1: that were going on in her life that she had
Speaker 1: to kind of figure out before we went on our
Speaker 1: first date. And we went on our first date in
Speaker 1: March of Uh. To make a very long story short, Um,
Speaker 1: I knew there was something there right away. I didn't
Speaker 1: know if we were going to get married, but I
Speaker 1: just knew that that it was very comfortable. As I
Speaker 1: keep telling dev all the time. And uh, by the
Speaker 1: next year, I said, you know what, I think this
Speaker 1: is gonna be another thankfully permanent union. Uh, this is
Speaker 1: gonna be my this is my next chapter. Wow, that's amazing. Man. First,
Speaker 1: I want to I want to commend you. I want
Speaker 1: to commend you and acknowledge you for having the courage
Speaker 1: to come share that story. That is amazing. And I'm
Speaker 1: blown away. Um, I'm just blown away. How sincere you are.
Speaker 1: How and you can see the optimism in your face
Speaker 1: when you tell the story, even something as tragic as that,
Speaker 1: can I ask you how long you were married to Michelle,
Speaker 1: we would have been married seventeen, almost seventeen years. Amazing,
Speaker 1: So I wanted together twenty one. We I mean, we
Speaker 1: had moved to l A pretty much the same time
Speaker 1: for different reasons. We met soon thereafter and we've been
Speaker 1: together ever since. So it was a long, good time.
Speaker 1: I want to I don't want to think long as
Speaker 1: bad I want. I just want to pay homage to
Speaker 1: Shell and to that to being married seventeen years together
Speaker 1: twenty one is amazing. I'm currently married just over two years.
Speaker 1: I can't imagine finding out something that that my wife
Speaker 1: has something a cancer or an illness that could possibly
Speaker 1: be terminal. I cannot even begin to imagine what that
Speaker 1: must feel like. So I just want to applaud you
Speaker 1: for the courage to to tell us that story, share
Speaker 1: that story, and for our listeners, and also to do
Speaker 1: it with a smile on your face, in a way
Speaker 1: that you look back at your entire time with her
Speaker 1: with joy. That was a great that we had, and
Speaker 1: unfortunately it was cut way shorter than we both thought.
Speaker 1: And and I think of our daughter, you know, who
Speaker 1: didn't have her. You know, I was only going to
Speaker 1: have memories of her mother from her you know, from
Speaker 1: ten years old and younger, which that's not fair either,
Speaker 1: but again, you know, I'm a very optimistic person by nature,
Speaker 1: so I just know that I had to do something
Speaker 1: to make it, you know, keep her memory alive, and
Speaker 1: to also know that, you know, I have to move forward.
Speaker 1: I'm still young. Even though I like to say, you
Speaker 1: know earlier that big milestone is coming up, I'm still young.
Speaker 1: I will say. I I from a first hint point,
Speaker 1: I know your story in the sense of my brother
Speaker 1: went through a very similar thing. Um. He got married
Speaker 1: right after college with the love of his life. They
Speaker 1: were married for a long time and UM, she they
Speaker 1: had two small, two young girls, and she was pregnant
Speaker 1: with twin boys, and she, uh, something happens. She suddenly
Speaker 1: within a day, UM passed away and he was left
Speaker 1: with the same type of situation, UM where he had
Speaker 1: to find his find you know, how to move on.
Speaker 1: And I think it's something when you have kids, you know,
Speaker 1: because it's in our nature to want to just give
Speaker 1: up at that point. But when you have a child,
Speaker 1: I think it's you know, something that keeps you going.
Speaker 1: And that's what kept him going. And I just want
Speaker 1: to say. I'm not going to get into all that,
Speaker 1: but what I will say is he too, um, found
Speaker 1: love again and remarried and and I recognize your happiness
Speaker 1: from from the same happiness that he has. So I
Speaker 1: just want to say, like Brook said, I want to
Speaker 1: say thank you for you know, sharing the story and stuff,
Speaker 1: but I want to I want to congratulate you on
Speaker 1: having that that look and having that happiness and finding
Speaker 1: it again because I think it's important for you and
Speaker 1: for your daughter. So thank you, Thank you. There's so
Speaker 1: much in there, There's so much value in there. I
Speaker 1: want to ask you one particular question. You had the
Speaker 1: conversation with the lady after the TV show. What was
Speaker 1: the lady's name? Do you remember that gave you the advice? Don't?
Speaker 1: Actually she was like a family therapist. Basic, Okay, So
Speaker 1: that moment when she said to you that, um, what
Speaker 1: was what was the exact commentation, just that don't let
Speaker 1: anybody decide when you're ready to start dating it, because
Speaker 1: that was the whole topic of her being on this
Speaker 1: talk show. Again, not with me involved on the talk show,
Speaker 1: but just you know, privately it said, you know, just
Speaker 1: don't because you know, I Unfortunately, I have about four
Speaker 1: or five other guy friends, all in my age group
Speaker 1: that had lost their wives in my community. Um, and
Speaker 1: so you know, they all started dating at different times.
Speaker 1: Some dated right away, you know, you could either say
Speaker 1: that's a good thing or a bad thing, and some people,
Speaker 1: you know, d waited a lot longer. So it's it's
Speaker 1: until you're in that situation, you really don't know what
Speaker 1: you're gonna do. So how long after your you're after
Speaker 1: Michelle's passing? Was that when you had this conversation just
Speaker 1: about a just shy of a year, just shy of
Speaker 1: a year. So until that point you sort of had
Speaker 1: you'd been a father to Jillian, but you hadn't thought
Speaker 1: about dating again or didn't want. I think I did,
Speaker 1: but very superficially, just like you know, I'm young, I'm
Speaker 1: at that time, I was forty four, forty five years old.
Speaker 1: You know, I need have a whole lot of life
Speaker 1: to live ahead, or you know, I need to live
Speaker 1: my life and I would like it someone by my
Speaker 1: side like I was hoping originally was to be with Michelle.
Speaker 1: But obviously we can't change the change the past. So
Speaker 1: how do you said that comment hits you immensely, So
Speaker 1: what switched within you? And I'm asking this because I'm
Speaker 1: sure a lot of our listeners. There's not a lot,
Speaker 1: but some of them have gone through this where they've
Speaker 1: loved and lost and maybe they're currently grieving. I'm sure everybody.
Speaker 1: I don't have experience on this, so guys don't take
Speaker 1: my advice on this, but um, I'm sure everybody grieves differently,
Speaker 1: grieves a different extended period of time. I to say,
Speaker 1: it just like cancer, there's no one sure thing to
Speaker 1: you know, treat it the same thing. You know, everyone
Speaker 1: deals with it differently. And and for me, I just
Speaker 1: knew when the time was right that I would, you know,
Speaker 1: start dating again. Um hearing like I said what that
Speaker 1: therapist on that talk show it said to me about
Speaker 1: you know, not you know, letting anybody else make decisions
Speaker 1: for you again, I just turned it on its head.
Speaker 1: Not because I think she was trying to say, like
Speaker 1: you can wait, like if you wait three years, four years,
Speaker 1: that's okay. But for me, it was just a weird
Speaker 1: feeling of turning it upside down, saying, you know, Michelle
Speaker 1: is not coming home. It's not like, you know, we
Speaker 1: got divorced, and she's at her parents house in New York,
Speaker 1: and I'm praying that she'll come home to me and
Speaker 1: Jillian again, I know where she is, and that's where
Speaker 1: you know she'll be for eternity. Did you feel any
Speaker 1: pressure from your friends or your peer group or society
Speaker 1: in general about when that time was right to date
Speaker 1: or to start doing with you? With thinks? And also
Speaker 1: I had that same may shoe, like when we first
Speaker 1: you know, got engaged, when's the wedding and again first
Speaker 1: marriage also not just the recent wedding with deb when
Speaker 1: you're gonna have a kid, so it's everyone wants to
Speaker 1: rush you, you know, I think that's why life goes
Speaker 1: so quickly. But that being said, no, actually everyone was
Speaker 1: pretty pretty understanding because again maybe the first year was
Speaker 1: like you know, because also you know, we in the
Speaker 1: Jewish faith, we you know, commemorate the year passing by,
Speaker 1: you know, unveiling the headstone of the deceased, So that
Speaker 1: hadn't even happened yet. So I feel like that's like
Speaker 1: the magic milestone marker literally that says, you know, now
Speaker 1: it's been a year since the person has passed. How
Speaker 1: did Jillian feel, you said, she was about ten, she
Speaker 1: would have been eleven, but she would have been eleven. Yeah,
Speaker 1: how did she feel? When did you have a conversation like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm ready to start dating again. We talked a little
Speaker 1: bit about it. Um. But also I did not introduce
Speaker 1: her even to deb when I kind of even knew
Speaker 1: that things were going well for at least like six months.
Speaker 1: It's in a relationship. At least did you tell her
Speaker 1: about her? Um? I think a little bit. I think
Speaker 1: I I, you know, my memories face fuzzy these days sometimes,
Speaker 1: but um, I think I kind of maybe just very
Speaker 1: in general terms that you know, I always will love
Speaker 1: mom me. You know that this, you know, unfortunately the
Speaker 1: situation has been presented to us not by choice, and
Speaker 1: I need to, you know, maybe find somebody, you know,
Speaker 1: to share my life with again like mom. And so
Speaker 1: she was very you know, I have a pretty amazing
Speaker 1: child are now children, but Chilian being my officially by blood,
Speaker 1: you know, it's pretty biology. Um, she's pretty amazing overall.
Speaker 1: So she doesn't surprise me that she was very accepting
Speaker 1: and understanding what I was going through. It's funny how
Speaker 1: the kids and that's in in situations like this, I
Speaker 1: have for kids myself. It seems when when we think
Speaker 1: we have to do everything for them, it's actually when
Speaker 1: they kind of turn and and help take care of
Speaker 1: us as well. And it sounds like that's something that
Speaker 1: whether she knew it or not, she was kind of
Speaker 1: she was kind of doing with you. I mean, we
Speaker 1: we've I've always said also we've we've fed off each other,
Speaker 1: like you know, again, it's the most horrible thing that
Speaker 1: anybody should deal with. And you know, no one in
Speaker 1: you know, in this room or anywhere else she have
Speaker 1: to deal with the loss of someone at a you know,
Speaker 1: a very young age, let alone, you know, from a
Speaker 1: disease that you think, you know, they've had a handle
Speaker 1: on for a long time. That being said, you know,
Speaker 1: the fact that we were able to be positive about
Speaker 1: it and not let it paralyze us, because I think
Speaker 1: that's what it does to a lot of people, which
Speaker 1: you know, that's not good for you, that's not good physically, mentally,
Speaker 1: all the above. And so the fact that we were
Speaker 1: able to somehow positively see you know, and and you know,
Speaker 1: and Mommy would want us to you know, bond together
Speaker 1: and see the world. Now the two of us, you know,
Speaker 1: without her being there, and so let's do the best
Speaker 1: we can with the situation. So so, Mitch, so how
Speaker 1: do you do that currently with Jillian and um Deb? Like,
Speaker 1: do you bring back some of those memories? Do you
Speaker 1: have certain you know, times during you know, the year
Speaker 1: that you talk about Michelle or how do you how
Speaker 1: do you relate that? I guess, I mean we we
Speaker 1: talk about Michelle. I mean I also said to a
Speaker 1: lot of my friends, anybody who's gonna be with me?
Speaker 1: And again this even before I met Deb, that's gonna
Speaker 1: have to understand that Michelle was a big, like you
Speaker 1: said twenty one year, you know, in part of my
Speaker 1: life for so long that you know, I can't just
Speaker 1: erase her. You know, it's not like divorce where you know,
Speaker 1: you could probably say, yeah, you could might a one
Speaker 1: a race that person, that horrible person that I used
Speaker 1: to love and care for. But you know, and again,
Speaker 1: she's Jillian's mom. I'm still obviously very close with her parents,
Speaker 1: her brother, his family. Why wouldn't you know, Why wouldn't
Speaker 1: I you know, want to make sure that you know,
Speaker 1: I bring her up, I would say, on a regular basis,
Speaker 1: But on a basis that is comfortable for all of
Speaker 1: us because you know, there are a lot of great
Speaker 1: memories that I have that I want to you know,
Speaker 1: either share with deb or remind Jillian remember we did this.
Speaker 1: And that's a actually good segue because um, I'm also
Speaker 1: part of an organization called Family Lives On out of
Speaker 1: Philadelphia where they kind of take, um, uh what you
Speaker 1: call it. I guess I make a wish on its
Speaker 1: head also by giving families that have lost a parent
Speaker 1: into at a young age, uh, the wonderful tradition that
Speaker 1: a family had done when the family was quote unquote whole.
Speaker 1: And so they help keep a traditional alive even if
Speaker 1: a mother or father has passed on. So for our case, um,
Speaker 1: we used to do a lot of trips to San Francisco.
Speaker 1: It was just we love the city and we'd go
Speaker 1: for you know, long weekends, go for the holidays. And
Speaker 1: so they help get us up to San Francisco once
Speaker 1: a year, uh, and we do a fun weekend just
Speaker 1: Jilliana myself and do things that we had done as
Speaker 1: a family before. Whether it's eating at a certain restaurant,
Speaker 1: whether it's eating Garattelli chocolate, whether it's you know, going
Speaker 1: to Alcatraz, which is one of my favorite Jillian's favorite
Speaker 1: attractions in San Francisco, and so so that and and
Speaker 1: so Shena and Deb knows that that's something that Jillian
Speaker 1: I do. We honor Michelle. Most of my friends and
Speaker 1: family know. That's what we do every year, and we'll
Speaker 1: do it until Jillian turns eighteen. Can you can you
Speaker 1: mention that family lives on Where can people in our
Speaker 1: community that are going through something of this find that,
Speaker 1: because I think that's amazing. I've never heard of that.
Speaker 1: But dot org basically and they have a great website
Speaker 1: and you know, they have families from mostly on the
Speaker 1: East coast. We're trying to make a presence because they
Speaker 1: loved me so much they asked to be on the
Speaker 1: on the board of directors now, so but trying to
Speaker 1: make some more inroads in other parts of the country, pally.
Speaker 1: And it's a great organization because you know, again, I've
Speaker 1: actually another father who you know, their their tradition was
Speaker 1: Disneyland every every you know, every year, and so the
Speaker 1: organization helps him and his two daughters, you know, go
Speaker 1: to Disneyland every year so that they can you know,
Speaker 1: keep that tradition alive even with her their mom, his wife,
Speaker 1: first wife, you know, uh, you know, not not around. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Well you share a little bit because I obviously know
Speaker 1: your story. Well, you share a little bit about Michelle's
Speaker 1: parents because I find the way they are to be
Speaker 1: so incredible. Was there a time when you and the
Speaker 1: kids and Deb lived with them? Or am getting you're
Speaker 1: you're mixing other things. Actually, what's so amazing by our story,
Speaker 1: which I know we're what you're alluding to, so to speak,
Speaker 1: is that we are extremely close with all four families, um,
Speaker 1: all four families word our at our wedding. UM. So
Speaker 1: that includes my parents, Deb's parents, uh, Deb's I guess
Speaker 1: first in laws laws, but first which is we're still
Speaker 1: very close with his whole side of the family. UM.
Speaker 1: And then obviously my first in laws, Michelle's parents and
Speaker 1: her brother and his whole family, my sister in law
Speaker 1: and my two nephews. And so we actually lived with
Speaker 1: as I call it, father in law adjacent because it's
Speaker 1: again Deb's first father in law from her first marriage
Speaker 1: who lives here in l A. And they had us
Speaker 1: at their house the first two weeks after the Woolsey fire,
Speaker 1: which ravaged Los Angeles and Interura Counties, and we live
Speaker 1: in an area that was pretty hard hit. My street
Speaker 1: had ten homes before the fire. Now they're only three,
Speaker 1: and we were one of the lucky three. To speak.
Speaker 1: That's to some of them, I mean to me listening,
Speaker 1: that sounds it's a story I haven't heard before like
Speaker 1: that kind of connection, and especially with in laws or
Speaker 1: actually in laws and whatever. But take all the labels away,
Speaker 1: it's people helping people. Really well again, I look at
Speaker 1: as again, Michelle's parents will always be like Michelle being
Speaker 1: Jillian's mom, will always be Jillian's grandparents, Jillian's and uncle,
Speaker 1: her brother and my sister in law. Likewise, you know,
Speaker 1: despite the divorce of Deb and her ex husband, you know,
Speaker 1: we're really close with his family and there will always
Speaker 1: be the grandparents of my bonus children, isn't we don't
Speaker 1: we don't call X or step in our house. You
Speaker 1: know that they will basically, you know, always be Sarah
Speaker 1: and Josh my two bonus children's uh you know, grandparents
Speaker 1: there and uncle, you know, cousins whatever. So it's important
Speaker 1: that that relationship continues. I have a quick question for
Speaker 1: you much so you mentioned towards the end before Um,
Speaker 1: Michelle passed that that you had a conversation with her
Speaker 1: where she gave you her blessing so to speak, that
Speaker 1: she wanted you to be happy. What what was that conversation? Like,
Speaker 1: did she initiate it? Were you? Did you feel compelled
Speaker 1: to tell her no, I I I don't want to
Speaker 1: be with anyone but you, and out of fear, you know,
Speaker 1: Like on the one hand, she she's saying, I want
Speaker 1: this for you and and but do you feel a
Speaker 1: sense of guilt by saying, okay, I will heed your advice.
Speaker 1: I still remember, very vividly and without trying not to
Speaker 1: get emotional. We had it in our kitchen and our
Speaker 1: old house. Again, it was probably four or five months
Speaker 1: before she passed, So things were bad, but not really
Speaker 1: bad just yet. So she was still you know, kind
Speaker 1: of normal, so to speak. UM. And she brought it
Speaker 1: up because I think she like she knew this was
Speaker 1: not going to end well. She always felt like, even
Speaker 1: even though with stage one all those years ago, that
Speaker 1: she knew that it would never you know, never uh
Speaker 1: you know, end well, even though we caught it early
Speaker 1: at the first the first time. UM. And so she
Speaker 1: you know, had that conversation. I never thought of saying,
Speaker 1: you know, uh, you know, I'll never be with anybody
Speaker 1: but you. I said to her, You're going to be great.
Speaker 1: You know you're gonna fight this. She was a fighter,
Speaker 1: She was a New Yorker, she was a lawyer, like
Speaker 1: she had in every ounce in her body to you know,
Speaker 1: fight this as she had fought for all those years before. Um.
Speaker 1: So it was never you know, you know, I don't
Speaker 1: want to get remarried. It was more like, I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna get remarried because You're going to be here, you know,
Speaker 1: that's the thing. But I'm thrilled, you know, thrilled, I
Speaker 1: guess that's the right word to use. But I'm very
Speaker 1: happy that we had that conversation. And I was just
Speaker 1: talking to another friend who knows my story that I've
Speaker 1: worked with for many years, and I said the same thing, like,
Speaker 1: God forbid anybody's in that situation, but you might want
Speaker 1: to have that conversation in the best of times, just
Speaker 1: because I think I still could have moved on, but
Speaker 1: having that conversation it felt a lot better. I think
Speaker 1: I think when someone loves you deeply like she loved you,
Speaker 1: she also knew that it was important for her to
Speaker 1: free you. Yes, absolutely and that and for her to
Speaker 1: do that while she was still cognizant enough to have
Speaker 1: that conversation and to be emotionally there and not desperate,
Speaker 1: not in a desperate place to tell you things that
Speaker 1: you wouldn't necessarily believe in the desperate moment, but rather
Speaker 1: her tell you it in coming from a place of
Speaker 1: of from a healthier place. You know, she was obviously
Speaker 1: a very smart woman. I like smart women in my life.
Speaker 1: But no, but it's true because she also she probably
Speaker 1: had a grand plan. She never divulged with me, but
Speaker 1: that last year she was even making sure that Julian
Speaker 1: and I did things just the two of us together,
Speaker 1: and she wanted to make sure that, you know, our
Speaker 1: new life would be it would be okay. And also
Speaker 1: if she if she you know, she she had that strength.
Speaker 1: And and let's not forget some people that are much
Speaker 1: sicker than they seem to be. And a lot of
Speaker 1: people have great composure when they're ill and they're holding
Speaker 1: it in because they're trying not to show you how
Speaker 1: ill they are. So perhaps even in the kitchen at
Speaker 1: that time, she was much more ill than she was
Speaker 1: letting on. That's why she was having that conversation. She
Speaker 1: could feel things going wrong in her body. She was
Speaker 1: very you know exactly, and she was she was she
Speaker 1: was knowing, knowing these things that we couldn't we couldn't
Speaker 1: see because they were masking them so well. You know
Speaker 1: a lot of times people are ill and they're masking
Speaker 1: them really quite well. When when my mother was ill,
Speaker 1: h with pancreatic cancer, and she she didn't make it
Speaker 1: um you know, she was she really masked it very well,
Speaker 1: you know, as long as she could. Well, she doesn't
Speaker 1: want to you know, upset exactly, but she she she
Speaker 1: would have these conversations and my father told me they
Speaker 1: would have these conversations about you know, uh, you know
Speaker 1: when I go, there's no reason that you should be lonely.
Speaker 1: I don't want you to be lonely. A lot of
Speaker 1: people it's very hard and I get that. But at
Speaker 1: the same token, like I said earlier, they're not coming home,
Speaker 1: so you know, there it's not there's no chance of
Speaker 1: it changing. If I could, you know, get a magic
Speaker 1: one and say poof, you're back, you know, it's back
Speaker 1: to the old way, I would that's do it in
Speaker 1: a new York minute, as we say, but obviously that's
Speaker 1: not possible. Absolutely, it's important. I mean, it's it's amazing
Speaker 1: that they take that upon themselves to free you in
Speaker 1: that moment. They really take that out of love, they
Speaker 1: free Absolutely, I've got a lot to think about because
Speaker 1: I had originally told my wife if anything happened to me,
Speaker 1: under no circumstances, am I to be replaced? Could not
Speaker 1: be replaced. There's only one Dmitri brother. I want to
Speaker 1: thank you for sharing that. I want to get more
Speaker 1: into uh, progressing to now dating again with damp and
Speaker 1: how that the emotions of things you went through when
Speaker 1: that started. But first we gotta take a quick break.
Speaker 1: But will you stick around with budget? We got these
Speaker 1: new two's back from break and we have Mitch Messinger
Speaker 1: with us, who has just told an exceptional story. Your
Speaker 1: life is amazing has been. I am just absolutely blown
Speaker 1: away receiving your thoughts and comments and your story. Uh,
Speaker 1: and looking around the room here all the guys were
Speaker 1: looking at each other in the eyes like, Wow, this
Speaker 1: is powerful, this conversation that's going on. So you loved
Speaker 1: and lost married for seventeen years together with twenty one
Speaker 1: one with Michelle. You have Jillian, she's ten years old.
Speaker 1: When Michelle passes away, it takes you about a year
Speaker 1: and then you have a conversation that sort of kick
Speaker 1: starts you into Okay, I think I might be ready
Speaker 1: to start dating again. I have a lot of life
Speaker 1: ahead of me and I want to live that happily.
Speaker 1: You've had a conversation with Michelle about this possibly coming
Speaker 1: in your life. UM, take us through that process now
Speaker 1: when you're ready to start dating. So you had a
Speaker 1: couple of dates and then your friend Glenn was at
Speaker 1: Glenn no Ira, but Glenn was his best friend and
Speaker 1: you get shot out to them. Also, I was connected
Speaker 1: through a friend with my wife, So I know what
Speaker 1: it's like to just owe that man everything for connecting
Speaker 1: me with the love of my life. Uh, Teddy sears
Speaker 1: Teddy shout out to you. Um, but what was it like?
Speaker 1: Take me through your process, um, when you're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to go on a date with deb and
Speaker 1: then what does it start? What goes through your body
Speaker 1: and soul when you start to feel that there might
Speaker 1: be another romantic connection with a different soul than Michelle.
Speaker 1: It's hard to put into words. I just feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, you just knew, like there's just something came
Speaker 1: over me that again, just felt very comfortable. Again, didn't
Speaker 1: know for sure that you know, we'd have a future together,
Speaker 1: but just that first dinner at sushi, Uh, was just
Speaker 1: like wow, like I could be myself. I didn't have
Speaker 1: to and I'm not a type of person who either
Speaker 1: likes to show off or be someone who I'm not.
Speaker 1: But in the same token, I could just talk about
Speaker 1: anything and you know, and she seemed to like what
Speaker 1: I had to say. And that have to, you know again,
Speaker 1: show off to someone who I just met five minutes ago.
Speaker 1: Were you conflicted? Were you like, yes, Like what was there?
Speaker 1: An internal struggle? Was an internal struggle in that, oh,
Speaker 1: I have to now kind of open myself up to
Speaker 1: somebody else of things that only Michelle might have known
Speaker 1: about me. Uh, nothing too salacious, but you know, but
Speaker 1: still yeah, but you know, it's just something that I
Speaker 1: was like, Oh, we have to kind of go through
Speaker 1: those motions again, and you know, will she even care
Speaker 1: that I say something that I like or dislike or
Speaker 1: something that I you know, happen at work or something
Speaker 1: happened with my parents or whatever. It's just stuff that
Speaker 1: was very comfortable obviously being with Michelle for twenty one years.
Speaker 1: Now I'm gonna have to do that all over again.
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? You know? I was like, how
Speaker 1: did I deserve this? But again brushed myself off, you know,
Speaker 1: physically and mentally, and just said, got to do it now.
Speaker 1: I try to be, you know, mindful of what I
Speaker 1: was talking about, especially that first date. I don't want
Speaker 1: to make it all about Michelle because that wouldn't go
Speaker 1: very well. So I had to be mindful of that,
Speaker 1: uh conversation, But the same token, I did what I
Speaker 1: had to do to show who I was right off
Speaker 1: the bat, and I think I did pretty well. Question
Speaker 1: for you, You've touched on it, You've mentioned it a
Speaker 1: couple of times, and on this show we always try
Speaker 1: and give our listeners tangible things to apply to positively
Speaker 1: impact their life. And you've said, brush myself off mentally
Speaker 1: and physically. Can you expand on that with any specifics
Speaker 1: for anybody listening that's maybe going through Just No, you
Speaker 1: need to move forward, you know, it's just the the
Speaker 1: action of moving forward. Yes, you had a horrible thing
Speaker 1: happened to you. You know, you can't imagine your life
Speaker 1: without X person in my case Michelle, but you need
Speaker 1: to to move on. You need not forget, but you
Speaker 1: need to move on. And brushing yourself off as like
Speaker 1: being I would say dirty because that connotates a negative connotation,
Speaker 1: but you know, just kind of just be able to
Speaker 1: know that I need to find love again and I
Speaker 1: need to do everything I can to be in a
Speaker 1: positive space as opposed to a negative space. Mitch, I
Speaker 1: think Brooks meant when with the physical question, he wanted
Speaker 1: to know do you do box jumps because he's looking
Speaker 1: for a few What was your work that's on that
Speaker 1: frantic you know? But and and even just having I
Speaker 1: just put popped in my head. I just also remember
Speaker 1: one of my other very close friends and I still
Speaker 1: also have it in my phone a call he left
Speaker 1: or more voicemail message of knowing he knew that I
Speaker 1: was going on my first date, not with deb but
Speaker 1: this was when I went on my very very first
Speaker 1: date after Michelle, and I still have it on my phone. UM,
Speaker 1: and he kind of gave me a pep talk is saying,
Speaker 1: you know we loved Michelle. You love Michelle. I love Michelle.
Speaker 1: You know you need to you know you can do this,
Speaker 1: basically giving me the you know, the you know, the
Speaker 1: let's do this mantra. Uh. That's even though you know
Speaker 1: obviously it would be very hard for me. It sounds
Speaker 1: like you have such a great support system from family
Speaker 1: through friends, and I think I think that's pretty great
Speaker 1: because I think a lot of us might think something
Speaker 1: like that. But the fact that your buddy called and
Speaker 1: left you that voicemail, I think that's pretty cool. And
Speaker 1: I think that's it's nice that you're surrounded by those
Speaker 1: types of people because I think a lot of us
Speaker 1: may think nice things, oh, you know, my buddy is
Speaker 1: doing this, But when you have people, I think it's
Speaker 1: something we can all keep in mind. When you have
Speaker 1: people near you that that supports you like that and
Speaker 1: and outwardly do it, I think it goes a long way.
Speaker 1: And I think you obviously can attest to that. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, I've been very good to
Speaker 1: a lot of people, and you know I got it
Speaker 1: in return. You know, I'm a good person at heart, um,
Speaker 1: and so thankfully it was repaid to me in time
Speaker 1: of need. Basically, so things start going well with deb
Speaker 1: You're you feel some sort of intrigue and connection on
Speaker 1: a greater level than any of the previous states you've
Speaker 1: been on. Um take us through the pace if you
Speaker 1: if you don't mind sharing, but like does it? Did
Speaker 1: it all the details? But that's a different show together
Speaker 1: to this is how often were you working at the
Speaker 1: most what was sort of the tempo of the relationship
Speaker 1: where you hesitant to progress romantically and physically? Did you
Speaker 1: take it slow? Where you where you know, like this
Speaker 1: is a new relationship where you right in and and
Speaker 1: but with with with some you know, I would say reservations.
Speaker 1: That's not the right word to use, but that seemed negative,
Speaker 1: to just take take take your time, you know, be
Speaker 1: all in, but take your time and deb understood. You know.
Speaker 1: That was another, thankfully, a thing that I think helped
Speaker 1: us because I didn't bring up the story earlier. But
Speaker 1: her mother in law, our first mother in law, not
Speaker 1: my mom, had actually passed away from cancer years ago,
Speaker 1: and so she was so close with her, and I
Speaker 1: think she understood seeing what her father in law had
Speaker 1: gone through, what I was had gone through and maybe
Speaker 1: would continue to go through for those first you know,
Speaker 1: A couple of years after Michelle passed away, so that
Speaker 1: I think helped her understand, you know, what I was
Speaker 1: going through. And if not that, I like put the
Speaker 1: brakes on, Oh we shouldn't date right now, or let's
Speaker 1: you know, I'll call you in a month. And I
Speaker 1: never did any of that because obviously there was definitely
Speaker 1: interest and I was like, oh this is again something good. Um.
Speaker 1: It was just just you know, just let me just
Speaker 1: let me beat to the you know, the drum or
Speaker 1: the pace that I was okay with you, which wasn't
Speaker 1: that slow or that fast. It was just kind of
Speaker 1: maybe a little bit slower than a normal courtship, you know,
Speaker 1: because again I had this story behind me. We I
Speaker 1: think we just uh so you know much. We've found
Speaker 1: out a few weeks ago that Brooks is into sucking toes,
Speaker 1: so he's trying to get at at what is it
Speaker 1: day three that you But let's just move on, Brooks.
Speaker 1: This is a weird thing of yours. Let's move on. Okay.
Speaker 1: I feel like I feel like there's a boxing mask
Speaker 1: going on here. Like every once in a while Ryan
Speaker 1: just comes out swinging it. Brooke. He's just mad that
Speaker 1: I have one more appendix than he has. Um, So
Speaker 1: I I listening to you speak there. I once had
Speaker 1: a friend, UH tell me that he praised for me.
Speaker 1: This is actually when my career ended, my hockey career ended.
Speaker 1: That he said he praised for me that I lift
Speaker 1: my anchor and let my boat go with the current.
Speaker 1: And I thought it was so profound. He's like, I
Speaker 1: pray for you that you just give up control and
Speaker 1: you lift your anchor and you go with the current
Speaker 1: with where life is supposed to take you. Was that
Speaker 1: sort of your mindset in this It sounds when you
Speaker 1: said that it resonated with me that that was I
Speaker 1: don't know where this is going. I don't know the temple.
Speaker 1: I kind of don't know what I'm doing, but I
Speaker 1: know that i'm supposed to. I'm gravitating towards this relationship,
Speaker 1: but I'm just moving at the flow that feels comfortable.
Speaker 1: That's very well said. Yeah, absolutely, because again I didn't
Speaker 1: know what the future would bring. Even say it didn't
Speaker 1: work out with deb and I would have to find
Speaker 1: somebody else, you know, to date again, or you know,
Speaker 1: date somebody new. So however it goes, it will go.
Speaker 1: You know, at what point did you know? At what
Speaker 1: point were you like, yes, I mean this is my
Speaker 1: personally about a year a year, about a year once
Speaker 1: again knew the kids. You know, we again we waited
Speaker 1: for all the kids to meet either me, her kids
Speaker 1: or Jillian meet my, meet Deb. Um. And so that
Speaker 1: was six seven months into the relationship. And then you know,
Speaker 1: a few more months and just making sure that you know,
Speaker 1: maybe all the teaser crossed and the eyes are dotted,
Speaker 1: so to speak. Um, And then you know, then it
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I think this is something again, something good,
Speaker 1: and I think it's gonna be a permit thing. And
Speaker 1: did that meeting with the with the kids, did that
Speaker 1: go well from the start or yeah, actually it did.
Speaker 1: We Actually we had a little buffer because we had
Speaker 1: Deb's first in laws with us. You said, she used
Speaker 1: to work for ABC Family or when's this movie come?
Speaker 1: Was an ABC family back then? Just the Family channel
Speaker 1: back that's okay. Still they can still do the movie
Speaker 1: or they could. Yeah that this is fantastic. Yeah no,
Speaker 1: but yeah, so you know, with with her father in
Speaker 1: law and now his new wife because again as I
Speaker 1: mentioned her father, her mother in law had passed away
Speaker 1: years ago. Um, that you know, it was buffer in
Speaker 1: that if it didn't go well with the kids, then
Speaker 1: the kids, least her kids would have their grandparents there
Speaker 1: and likewise, if you know, or likewise, Jillian, I was there,
Speaker 1: so to speak, even though obviously there was nobody else
Speaker 1: in our side of the family there, and then if
Speaker 1: it went well, then all the better. And that was
Speaker 1: a great rate way to cement even my relationship or
Speaker 1: Jilian's relationship with her uh first in laws. Did you
Speaker 1: ever have to fight the father in law over who
Speaker 1: gets to sleep on the couch? Okay, I just want
Speaker 1: to We had plenty of events in our house. Damn,
Speaker 1: he's already on my couch. I love the questions. You
Speaker 1: know you're on my couch. I have a good question. Um,
Speaker 1: with all the family support that you have, and it
Speaker 1: sounds fantastic, and even the Cohen laws or whatever you
Speaker 1: want to call and the adjacent in laws, did you
Speaker 1: ever others seek any additional UM, therapy, advice, counsel whatever,
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, outside of that, even especially for
Speaker 1: your daughter. Yeah, you know, and again we just I
Speaker 1: just talked about this with a friend of mine who
Speaker 1: asked me the same question. I hadn't seen in a while.
Speaker 1: Luckily we didn't. I mean, it was always in the
Speaker 1: back of my mind. It was always something that I knew.
Speaker 1: Thankfully I have the resources to do, but at the
Speaker 1: same token, I didn't feel like I needed it, even
Speaker 1: though my parents gave me a little bit of an
Speaker 1: intervention those first few months after Michelle passed away at dinner, saying,
Speaker 1: you know, you should really consider this, and I said,
Speaker 1: but I don't feel like I need to. If I
Speaker 1: feel like I need to, I'm not you know, ashamed
Speaker 1: or too you know, not too uh scared to to
Speaker 1: seek help, because I had done that years ago when
Speaker 1: the earthquake here in l A hit after I first
Speaker 1: moved to l A in n So I'm not afraid
Speaker 1: of that. But I felt like I didn't need it,
Speaker 1: and likewise to stay for Jillian, she was thankfully very
Speaker 1: you know, in a good space so to speak. You know,
Speaker 1: she had her family, you know me, she had her grandparents,
Speaker 1: herunds and uncle's cousins, all of our friends who were
Speaker 1: like family. She you know, is has a lot of
Speaker 1: friends at school. She's an athlete, she has her so
Speaker 1: you know, had her softball team at that time. So
Speaker 1: she was able to you know, use other resources as
Speaker 1: almost therapy, as opposed to going to a traditional therapist,
Speaker 1: and I felt the same way. For me, I have,
Speaker 1: thankfully a lot of friends, and you know, they could
Speaker 1: you know, I guess I have to just having having
Speaker 1: people help you navigate through those tough times. And I
Speaker 1: still talked to to Jillian every once in a while,
Speaker 1: you know, do you need you know, do you want
Speaker 1: to talk to somebody? And you really it's no, I'm okay,
Speaker 1: but dad, I'll let you know if I am. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And maybe that will they change in a few years
Speaker 1: or you know, you know, some people have said, you know,
Speaker 1: Jillian might not really process this all until she's in
Speaker 1: her twenties, you know, right, but right, you know, but
Speaker 1: right now, thankfully she's in a really good space. She's
Speaker 1: an excellent student, an athlete. And you know, it was
Speaker 1: two years away from considering college, you know, or two
Speaker 1: years from her senior year of high school. So are
Speaker 1: you talking about colleges? Yeah, that's great. So how long
Speaker 1: into dating, Debb, did you get engaged? Uh? So? Our
Speaker 1: first date was March uh And I remember that because
Speaker 1: again it was in that article in the New York Times.
Speaker 1: I knew here, if you learn a lot from this guy.
Speaker 1: Guy Again, I've been hard on you. I just missed it.
Speaker 1: It's okay, haven't you? So yeah, so so March. So
Speaker 1: about let's see three years, because we got engaged March
Speaker 1: of so, just shy of three, and then married almost
Speaker 1: a little over a year after that March of this
Speaker 1: this year, so four years from dating that first first
Speaker 1: those on the anniversary of your first date. We did
Speaker 1: it chance. You know, you're same month, same month, same month,
Speaker 1: And actually that's why we also got married in March.
Speaker 1: We we liked the number three. Really, deb likes the
Speaker 1: number three more than I do. Um, but I also
Speaker 1: appreciate the number three a lot um, And so we
Speaker 1: made sure that our first you know, if our first
Speaker 1: date was in March, then our engagement will be March,
Speaker 1: and our wedding will be in right. And how long
Speaker 1: you've been married now five months and three days something
Speaker 1: like that. Uh, your story is incredible. Man. You're a
Speaker 1: man of grace and poison, composure and optimism, and you're
Speaker 1: just a guiding light for It's been impressive for myself
Speaker 1: to hear and for certainly our community, uh, for anybody
Speaker 1: going through what I want to ask you two things. First,
Speaker 1: where can people find you? Can people reach out to you.
Speaker 1: Do you engage with people going through a similar thing? Um,
Speaker 1: do you have can people find you on social media?
Speaker 1: Or or do you not want to share that? No,
Speaker 1: I mean if people want to reach out, I feel
Speaker 1: like maybe reach out to you guys can come through
Speaker 1: me because given my line of work, I mean, I
Speaker 1: guess you could probably find out where I work because
Speaker 1: if you just google it, so it's not too difficult.
Speaker 1: Man that I heart radio dot com. You can reach
Speaker 1: out to us and then we can connect you with Mitch. Uh.
Speaker 1: And then lastly, I'd love to give just open up
Speaker 1: to you to give anybody, Uh, just an open mic
Speaker 1: to to you too, say to people listening to them,
Speaker 1: have maybe loved and lost or I just want you
Speaker 1: to have a whatever you want to share with people
Speaker 1: based on your experience, a lasting memory or lasting thought
Speaker 1: that you think can really positively help the community. Just
Speaker 1: don't let uh, you know, a horrible tragedy no matter
Speaker 1: what it is, UH, paralyze you and know that you
Speaker 1: know they there's a good chance that you will find
Speaker 1: love again and just find the positivity uh in it
Speaker 1: all being an optimist and uh, you know, I think
Speaker 1: good things will happen to you eventually and you know
Speaker 1: it might take some time. Luckily for me it happened
Speaker 1: pretty quickly, but you know it will happen, and and
Speaker 1: think that on a regular basis, it will definitely help
Speaker 1: you in the long run. Amazing, man, amazing what I
Speaker 1: what I I just met you as we did this podcast.
Speaker 1: But what I take from you is that I believe
Speaker 1: you put so much good out into the world that
Speaker 1: then goodness greatness I tried to return to you probably tenfold. Um.
Speaker 1: So thank you so much for coming on, Mitch, your courage,
Speaker 1: for sharing your story. Thank you very much. You are
Speaker 1: a hero man. It's it's it's been a blessing having
Speaker 1: you in here. Thank you, thank you. We'll be back
Speaker 1: from break. This is how men think. And I'm Brooks
Speaker 1: and I just want to say that was powerful stuff
Speaker 1: from Mitch. That was man. It's it's you know what.
Speaker 1: I think you said it best when you told him
Speaker 1: he was an inspiration to see because, like I mentioned earlier,
Speaker 1: I do have a firsthand connection with something like that.
Speaker 1: And to see people, you know, be able to pick
Speaker 1: up and move on with their life, I think that's
Speaker 1: got to be the most difficult thing and it was.
Speaker 1: It was really nice to hear his story and see
Speaker 1: how he's rebounded from that tragedy. Yeah, and turned and
Speaker 1: turned it into a positive. I mean, you heard him
Speaker 1: say he's an optimist, so in eternal optimists. But I
Speaker 1: believe in in the course of a life, in anybody's life,
Speaker 1: there's three to four, like real defining moments in your life,
Speaker 1: and look for him, loss was one of them. And
Speaker 1: that's a tragedy I wouldn't wish on anybody. But how
Speaker 1: you respond to these certain moments in your life is
Speaker 1: going to dictate the quality of the rest of your life.
Speaker 1: And I mean he could have went down a totally
Speaker 1: different path. I'm sure some people do, maybe turn to
Speaker 1: some sort of substance abuse or depression or blame or
Speaker 1: anger or something, but he turned that into a positive
Speaker 1: found another love is the happiest way. He walked in
Speaker 1: here with a huge smile, incredibly happy guy. What an
Speaker 1: inspirational story. And that's and what I hope from this,
Speaker 1: I mean is that people listening people to think or
Speaker 1: in a similar situation or anything and feel like I'm
Speaker 1: not going to find love. I'm not going to It
Speaker 1: can happen, man, even from the darkest moments. Clearly we've
Speaker 1: seen that you can find love again, you can find
Speaker 1: that that partner or that support that you need in life.
Speaker 1: And I think the important thing is to hear things
Speaker 1: like this and know that that's Mitch would happened. Mitch
Speaker 1: can happen to anybody, and I think you've got to
Speaker 1: keep that in mind. Yeah, just wow, I just want
Speaker 1: to I'm blown away. Sometimes we have amazing people come
Speaker 1: in here that just absolutely blow us away and make
Speaker 1: me just realize how grateful I am to be on
Speaker 1: this podcast. So we also have a question here from
Speaker 1: a listener on a very similar topic. On the same topic.
Speaker 1: This is from Chelsea, and she wants to know about
Speaker 1: dating after a family loss. So she said, my sister
Speaker 1: passed away from breast cancer in April. I've found that
Speaker 1: while I would like to keep first date's light and fun,
Speaker 1: somehow it comes up and it's a total downer. She
Speaker 1: was a huge part of my life, so I feel
Speaker 1: like memories come up and I talk about her. So
Speaker 1: when how do I bring this up on dates without
Speaker 1: ruining it? It's a great question. That is a great question.
Speaker 1: I think that's a it's obviously a tough situation because
Speaker 1: she's trying to put on a game face for whoever
Speaker 1: that person is sitting across the table. But I mean, listen,
Speaker 1: you're in a you're in a tough spot. She'll see
Speaker 1: you you feel a certain way, and I think this
Speaker 1: is my opinion, I think you need to just kind
Speaker 1: of navigate that, like, don't don't try and be something
Speaker 1: for somebody else right now, Be something, Be what you
Speaker 1: need for yourself. And if someone will be sitting across
Speaker 1: that table or wherever it is you are on that date,
Speaker 1: and they'll understand, and they'll you know, and they'll talk
Speaker 1: to you about it, and they'll know that you're that
Speaker 1: you're hurting, or that you've you're actually fine, ding to
Speaker 1: feel good in talking about memories of your sister. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about this. And if if I'm Chelsea, right,
Speaker 1: so I'm on a first date, I'm Chelsea. What do
Speaker 1: you do on first dates? Usually you'll ask a person
Speaker 1: like do you have any siblings? Right? That that's a
Speaker 1: very common question on a first date. So she's now
Speaker 1: got to navigate that question almost on every first date.
Speaker 1: And you what do you do? Do you talk about?
Speaker 1: I don't know if she has any other siblings alive
Speaker 1: or do you mention also the one that's passed way,
Speaker 1: I don't see a downside of mentioning that you had
Speaker 1: a sister that that passed away that you were super
Speaker 1: close with, if you do so in a positive light,
Speaker 1: Like Mitch just sat here and talked about Michelle with
Speaker 1: a smile on his face the entire time, which kept
Speaker 1: us smiling, kept the mood up. So if if Chelsea
Speaker 1: were to talk about her sister, had my sister passed
Speaker 1: away last year or best cancer? But she was awesome, guy,
Speaker 1: I wish you could have had a chance to meet her.
Speaker 1: She was a light of my day kind of thing.
Speaker 1: I think that then airs that topic, but it keeps
Speaker 1: the mood light. That's that's a that's a great point.
Speaker 1: And the last thing you want to do when you're
Speaker 1: on a date is be something that you're not, So
Speaker 1: don't don't do don't try and be something for that
Speaker 1: other person. I think you're absolutely right remember your sister
Speaker 1: in happy times and speak about it that way, and
Speaker 1: I think that's the way to go. Agree. Wow, that
Speaker 1: was an awesome our conversation. That was a topic that
Speaker 1: I had never given any mindset to I've been very
Speaker 1: fortunate where I haven't lost anybody tragically or drastically. My
Speaker 1: family is healthy, and I've never given any thought to
Speaker 1: what life after loss might be. So I learned a
Speaker 1: lot in this one. This was incredible for sure. And
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, when you see what you're gonna
Speaker 1: be talking about for for an hour. It isn't like
Speaker 1: we just said, even about Chelsea Stuay, it's not the
Speaker 1: most uplifting thing to think about talking. But when you
Speaker 1: get in and you and you have conversations like this, man,
Speaker 1: it can really be inspirational. Yeah. So I hope anybody
Speaker 1: out there that's loved and lost got some value from
Speaker 1: from today. Um, you can reach out to us if
Speaker 1: you want to get in touch with Mitch, but just
Speaker 1: know that there's a lot of life ahead you. There's
Speaker 1: many more blessings coming in your life if you look
Speaker 1: at life as a place of opportunity. Uh. And as
Speaker 1: Mitch said, you get back in the game. So thank
Speaker 1: you guys for listening. We appreciate you all. Until next time,
Speaker 1: take care of one another, love one another, and we'll
Speaker 1: see you back here next week for another episode of
Speaker 1: How Men Think. Hey, guys, it's Brooks and one last
Speaker 1: thing before we let you go. If you like today's episode,
Speaker 1: we would love to get a five star review from
Speaker 1: you on iTunes and if you could possibly share it
Speaker 1: with a friend, that would be amazing as well. We
Speaker 1: always look forward to your questions, comments, or insights, so
Speaker 1: you can send us an email at men at I
Speaker 1: heart radio dot com and also follow along with us
Speaker 1: on Instagram at how Men Think Podcast.