Speaker 1: What's your alternative. You wake up, it's February twenty eighth.
Speaker 1: You remember, you remember your son, You remember that he
Speaker 1: was murdered, and you get depressed and you sit on
Speaker 1: social media and you flip through Instagram, Facebook. You see
Speaker 1: people acting perfect, looking perfect. You get jealous. You say,
Speaker 1: why can't I have that? Why can't I have my son?
Speaker 1: Why can't I have a nice marriage like I see
Speaker 1: on Facebook? You get pissed off. That's what happens. Choose, Josh, choose,
Speaker 1: well you redeem that day. What's up everybody? Welcome back
Speaker 1: to the podcast, episode number one hundred sixty two. Thanks
Speaker 1: for watching and listening. We answer, well, I say, we
Speaker 1: I answer your questions. That's what The format of this
Speaker 1: podcast is. Email me Granger Smith podcast at gmail dot com,
Speaker 1: and I'll just talk about it in long form. And
Speaker 1: you might see a short form of that on Instagram
Speaker 1: or Facebook or TikTok, but in this place, right here,
Speaker 1: wherever you are, whatever whatever you're using to listen to this,
Speaker 1: maybe it's Spotify or Apple podcast or YouTube, We're just
Speaker 1: talk about it in a long form, So I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get right to it. The first question, subject line says
Speaker 1: mental drained parenthesis urgent he granger. My name is Matthew.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty years old. I'm from North Carolina. Just started
Speaker 1: listening to the podcast. I appreciate everything you do for us.
Speaker 1: I'll send you this email because I struggle with anxiety
Speaker 1: and depression and keep a relationship and keeping a relationship
Speaker 1: because of my past and my mental state. Me and
Speaker 1: my ex recent broke up because I was overwhelmed and
Speaker 1: excuse me because I overwhelmed her and overreacted, which caused
Speaker 1: me to overthink and lash out. And she says she
Speaker 1: wasn't very happy with herself and she is mentally drained,
Speaker 1: and she was having a hard time focusing on college
Speaker 1: her friends, and she keeps trying to make me happy.
Speaker 1: What she says, we were happy together, but we weren't
Speaker 1: happy with ourselves. She thinks it's best that we just
Speaker 1: stay friends for now and focus on ourselves, and I
Speaker 1: somewhat agree, but I truly feel like she's the one,
Speaker 1: and even though we aren't together for less than we
Speaker 1: weren't together for less than a month, it hurts, and
Speaker 1: I'm trying to give her space. So I'm turning to
Speaker 1: God to help me. Lower case G is there any
Speaker 1: advice you have for me? God bless comes from Matthew
Speaker 1: and shout out to North Carolina. But thank you for emailing.
Speaker 1: This is a good way to start the podcast, because
Speaker 1: this is gonna be I'm gonna make this quick. Matthew,
Speaker 1: you've been dating a couple months. You got some you
Speaker 1: got some bad stuff going on with this relationship. She
Speaker 1: is mentally drained. You are overwhelming her, You're overreacting to her.
Speaker 1: You're causing her to which is causing you to overthink
Speaker 1: and lash out. You've only been dating for a few months.
Speaker 1: She's like, I went out. This is crazy, this is
Speaker 1: affecting my mental health. And then you, after she says
Speaker 1: that I'm paraphrasing you say, I don't know about that.
Speaker 1: I think we're meant to be together forever, and so
Speaker 1: I think we should just stay dating. That's borderline psycho,
Speaker 1: and that is borderline stocker. Matthew. I love you, brother,
Speaker 1: I love you. You are part of Yege nation and
Speaker 1: I appreciate you trusting me. And I want to start
Speaker 1: this podcast off with hard tough love because I got
Speaker 1: a feeling that's not the only one I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have to say on this, but buddy, your borderline
Speaker 1: stalking her. Look, I'm not judging you. We all when
Speaker 1: we get in relationships sometimes we get blinded and it
Speaker 1: takes someone from the outside to look in and go, look,
Speaker 1: you're not seeing this correctly. You're sick, your heart sick,
Speaker 1: your mind is scrambled. So we need wise counsel. We
Speaker 1: need friends around us. We need people that are looking
Speaker 1: from the outside perspective and getting the full scope. And
Speaker 1: then they look into our relationship and they go, no, no,
Speaker 1: you need to back away, back away from the ledge, right,
Speaker 1: So let her go. That's my advice, that's my answer.
Speaker 1: Let her go. She's given you a really good excuse
Speaker 1: that you're messing her up mentally. So you got to
Speaker 1: fix some things. You gotta fix some things. You got
Speaker 1: to be single and content, fix things, and whatever you do,
Speaker 1: stop bothering her. Okay, love you, brother. Next question says
Speaker 1: subject line friend's wedding. Hey, Grandeer, I'm a big fan
Speaker 1: of you and your vlogs. Hopefully someday I could see
Speaker 1: you in concert. My question is I have one of
Speaker 1: my friends that I've known since the sixth grade that
Speaker 1: I've had a crush on I still do, and she's
Speaker 1: getting married to her boyfriend. If I get an invite
Speaker 1: to the wedding, should I go knowing that I have
Speaker 1: feelings for her? Interesting question comes from Kevin and man,
Speaker 1: that is that's an interesting question. Kevin, I don't think
Speaker 1: I've ever got one quite like that, and so I
Speaker 1: appreciate you. I appreciate you stretching the boundaries of the podcast.
Speaker 1: A little bit. Got a crush on a girl. You've
Speaker 1: known her for a long time, since the sixth grade.
Speaker 1: Now she's getting married. You're wondering if you should even
Speaker 1: go to the wedding because you still have feelings. Well,
Speaker 1: here's the deal. There's nothing wrong with having feelings for
Speaker 1: her because you've known her as a friend and you
Speaker 1: have somewhat of an attachment. Now there's a level that
Speaker 1: those feelings could get to where then it becomes a problem.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you said that. I don't know
Speaker 1: if that's what you mean, But here's my point. The
Speaker 1: problem is having a crush on this girl doesn't become
Speaker 1: a problem until you act on it, right. It becomes
Speaker 1: a problem when you're starting to lust over it, You're
Speaker 1: starting to be jealous of the new guy, you're starting
Speaker 1: to think about her late at night and wonder if
Speaker 1: there's no way that maybe you could still have a chance,
Speaker 1: and maybe she's going to get a divorce one day
Speaker 1: and you could be ready. Like that's where this leads.
Speaker 1: If what might start is just innocent, just got a crush.
Speaker 1: I've noticed since sixth grade, I've got a crush. You
Speaker 1: have to be careful. Are you self disciplined enough where
Speaker 1: you could hit the brakes if it starts going towards
Speaker 1: that the wrong direction? Could you hit the brakes? If
Speaker 1: the answer is yeah, I got this under control, then
Speaker 1: by all means, go support your friends and go to
Speaker 1: the wedding and keep your mouth shut. If this leads
Speaker 1: to more, If this leads to lustful thinking and jealousy
Speaker 1: towards the new husband, wondering if you ever have a
Speaker 1: chance with her, then buddy, stay away from the wedding,
Speaker 1: Stay away from her. It's it's time to find new friends.
Speaker 1: You know what that is? It's funny. You know what
Speaker 1: that sound is? I record this and this is that
Speaker 1: sound reminds me that it's time to post a clip
Speaker 1: from this podcast on TikTok. That's funny, right, I have
Speaker 1: to remind myself because I get busy and I'll get
Speaker 1: doing stuff like this, so so now I have to
Speaker 1: re remind myself after I finished. But if you ever
Speaker 1: wonder who does that, If you ever wonder who who
Speaker 1: puts those things on Instagram and TikTok, that's me Ian,
Speaker 1: the guy that edits this podcast. He makes me those
Speaker 1: clips and then I go in and add a caption
Speaker 1: and add music, and then I'll go in and post
Speaker 1: it on TikTok. So there you go. Let's see what
Speaker 1: we got. Let's yeah, we got time. We'll still's hit
Speaker 1: another question here. I've got I've got an idea. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna hit a heavy one here. This is I saw
Speaker 1: this earlier as I was as I was going flipping
Speaker 1: through these emails. It says, hey Granger, my name is
Speaker 1: Josh I'm from South Dakota. I want to start by
Speaker 1: saying thank you for being a light in the dark world.
Speaker 1: You always have your arms wide open for this podcast.
Speaker 1: And I know that you lost a son in the past.
Speaker 1: My testimony is a little rough, but I love Jesus
Speaker 1: more than anything. About two years ago, my ex and
Speaker 1: I were pregnant two months in without me knowing she
Speaker 1: took a bunch of pills and killed our son and
Speaker 1: almost took her own life. We since don't talk anymore,
Speaker 1: but on February twenty eighth, he will be too. God
Speaker 1: has shown me what he looks like and also gave
Speaker 1: me some hope. Every year on the twenty eighth, I
Speaker 1: get super depressed. How do I keep my head up?
Speaker 1: I keep going. I have since forgiven her for what
Speaker 1: she has done, as Jesus has forgiven me for what
Speaker 1: I have done. Josh, that's a heavy one, brother, And
Speaker 1: like I, like I say to a lot of people,
Speaker 1: thank you for trusting me and being vulnerable enough to
Speaker 1: open up to this podcast knowing that I'm gonna read
Speaker 1: it and to a lot of ears. But I do
Speaker 1: know that a lot of I would say ninety nine
Speaker 1: point nine percent of people that listen to this podcast
Speaker 1: never email. But everyone has something going on. Everyone has
Speaker 1: a difficulty, some kind of trial that they're going through
Speaker 1: or have been through, or don't know it but about
Speaker 1: to go through, And they listen to this podcast without
Speaker 1: emailing because it makes them feel like they're not alone.
Speaker 1: People have wild stories out there. You can't you can't
Speaker 1: make this stuff up. Josh, your's story. You can't you
Speaker 1: can't even make this up. And people hear it though,
Speaker 1: and they go, wow, I've been through something like that.
Speaker 1: I thought I was the only one. I thought my
Speaker 1: life was just wacky, and then I hear you, Josh,
Speaker 1: and it's comforting. I know that that's what people think
Speaker 1: of because I've heard it firsthand. So Josh to you,
Speaker 1: you are not alone. He says, this kind of thing like,
Speaker 1: I don't have a magic answer, but we could talk
Speaker 1: through it. And that's that's why I'm here, and you
Speaker 1: are correct. I have arms wide open for this podcast.
Speaker 1: I always have my arms wide open. So here's the
Speaker 1: first thing I'm gonna say. You got your You get
Speaker 1: your eyes right on Jesus. Keep them there, don't lose
Speaker 1: the focus. You remember when Peter saw Jesus walking on
Speaker 1: the water and he said, he said, Lord, I want
Speaker 1: to come to you. I want to come. You want
Speaker 1: to walk on water. I want to come to you.
Speaker 1: So Jesus says, come. He steps out into the water
Speaker 1: and he walks on the water. Peter does immortal like
Speaker 1: me and you, And as soon as he loses sight
Speaker 1: of Jesus, as soon as he gets distracted by his
Speaker 1: feet and it looks down. He sinks, that's you, Josh.
Speaker 1: Keep your eyes up, keep your eyes on your savior.
Speaker 1: What you're doing. What do you do practically on the
Speaker 1: twenty eighth, February twenty eighth, What do you do practically
Speaker 1: for something like this? I would tell you as a
Speaker 1: friend that you got to redeem that day. You have
Speaker 1: to redeem February the twenty eighth. It is a dark
Speaker 1: day in your history. It's a dark day in your life,
Speaker 1: and it's a dark piece of It's something that it's
Speaker 1: hard for you to pull that up and wake up
Speaker 1: on the twenty eighth and have a good day. So
Speaker 1: you got to redeem it. How do you do that?
Speaker 1: You take take all that pain and you say, on
Speaker 1: February twenty eighth, here, let me just start throwing some
Speaker 1: stuff out. Okay, Josh, this is I'm gonna give you
Speaker 1: examples of what you could do, and then you take
Speaker 1: take this idea of yourself. You say on February twenty eighth,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna run I would say half a marathon,
Speaker 1: but that's really tough. I would say I'm gonna run
Speaker 1: five miles with I'm gonna add to this with a
Speaker 1: twenty pound ruck, okay, And I'm gonna run five miles
Speaker 1: with a twenty pound ruck, and I'm gonna go through
Speaker 1: a certain area, maybe an urban area, and i'm gonna
Speaker 1: I'm gonna raise money for child cancer. And the first
Speaker 1: time I do it, I'm gonna I'm gonna put in
Speaker 1: my own money and i'm gonna raise. I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 1: gonna put in y'all. I'm literally making this up as
Speaker 1: I go. I'm gonna put in twenty bucks per mile. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're just starting low, like we're starting low. So you're
Speaker 1: gonna have one hundred bucks. And this is year one.
Speaker 1: What this does, what I'm trying to do for you, buddy,
Speaker 1: is you're redeeming that day. So February twenty eighth is
Speaker 1: for your son, and for your son, you're gonna you're
Speaker 1: gonna pour that into others and you're gonna put effort
Speaker 1: and sweat because running five miles, if you're a runner,
Speaker 1: make it ten, make it fifteen. I'm not a runner,
Speaker 1: so five would be five would be tough. But something
Speaker 1: that takes it takes mental and physical strength, and you're
Speaker 1: gonna have a twenty pound ruck, so it makes it harder.
Speaker 1: So you're sweating and you're hurting, and maybe you got
Speaker 1: some blisters. But you're running for a cause, for a purpose.
Speaker 1: You're pouring in to others. You're gonna help others on
Speaker 1: February twenty eighth, for your son and if anyone asks you,
Speaker 1: and hopefully what you want to do is you want
Speaker 1: to get You want to start gathering people like you
Speaker 1: tell your friends like, hey, guys, you want to come,
Speaker 1: and you want to you wanna chip in twenty bucks
Speaker 1: per mile that you run and at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, we're gonna collect this money. Maybe it's four
Speaker 1: or five, six hundred dollars and we're gonna write a
Speaker 1: check to Saint Jude for preventing childhood cancer something like that.
Speaker 1: And you start growing this and you make t shirts
Speaker 1: for it, and you all wear the shirt and you're
Speaker 1: gonna run this and you have your rucksack and you're
Speaker 1: gonna you're gonna sweat and you're gonna cry, and you're
Speaker 1: gonna redeem that day. That's what you do. What's your alternative?
Speaker 1: You wake up it's February twenty eighth. You remember you
Speaker 1: remember your son. You remember that he was murdered, and
Speaker 1: you get depressed, and you sit on social media and
Speaker 1: you flip through Instagram, Facebook. You see people and perfect
Speaker 1: looking perfect. You get jealous. You say, why can't I
Speaker 1: have that? Why can't I have my son? Why can't
Speaker 1: I have a nice marriage like I see on Facebook?
Speaker 1: You get pissed off. That's what happens. Choose, Josh, choose
Speaker 1: will you redeem that day? Hey, I'll tell you what
Speaker 1: you email me back, Josh, you come up with something
Speaker 1: to redeem February twenty eighth, and I'll show up there
Speaker 1: with you. I'll show up. Let's take back that day.
Speaker 1: Next question, no subject here. The email says, So, my
Speaker 1: girlfriend and I have been together for six months and
Speaker 1: she is still talking to her ex, who she had
Speaker 1: been together with for three years. And I've been told
Speaker 1: by my friends and even her sister that they believe
Speaker 1: she is cheating on me with her ex. And I'm
Speaker 1: not sure what to do do I break up with her,
Speaker 1: sit down and talk to her about it. I love
Speaker 1: her to death and i don't want to lose her,
Speaker 1: but I'm just not sure what to believe. So I'm
Speaker 1: asking for your opinion. On what I should do. Did
Speaker 1: you say your name, Nathan? You didn't say it. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say it anyway because you didn't say anonymous. But Nathan, buddy,
Speaker 1: this is a conversation issue, communication issue. You can't not
Speaker 1: say anything. You gotta say something right. But you can't
Speaker 1: just go right out your girlfriend and say, are you
Speaker 1: cheating on me with you with your ex? Okay? That
Speaker 1: could cause major problems if it's just a lie, maybe
Speaker 1: her sister's stirring some stuff up, that would be a
Speaker 1: big problem. But you can't just let it go because
Speaker 1: maybe it's true. So you just be as mature as
Speaker 1: you can about it. You sit her down, face to
Speaker 1: face like an adult, and you just say, Babe, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna ask you something. And I just want to be
Speaker 1: straight up and I'm not mad at you, and I'm
Speaker 1: not freaking out here. I've heard from a few people
Speaker 1: quitting your sister saying you're still seeing your ex? Is
Speaker 1: it true? If you are, I'm out, Okay, I'll bow out.
Speaker 1: No hard feelings. I've only been together with you for
Speaker 1: six months, but I just want to know right now.
Speaker 1: Could he just tell me? And if she's like no,
Speaker 1: this is crazy you could be like, Okay, yeah, I
Speaker 1: thought it was crazy too, but you know, maybe you
Speaker 1: should talk to your sister about why she's spreading these
Speaker 1: kind of rumors. Or maybe she goes, yeah, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I still love my ex, and you go, okay, it's
Speaker 1: been fun, but now I know it's really as easy
Speaker 1: as that. It's religious communication thing. Be cool about it,
Speaker 1: don't be crazy, don't be angry, and don't be silent
Speaker 1: about it. We'll take a break, be right back. Have
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Speaker 1: welcome back to the podcast. This next question, subject line says,
Speaker 1: girl Tips, and I got to tell you before we
Speaker 1: get into this, I don't keep notes. I don't read
Speaker 1: these in advance and make some kind of bullet points.
Speaker 1: We're just going we're just shooting in the dark here.
Speaker 1: So here we go. You with me, everyone, subject line
Speaker 1: girl tips, and the email says, hey, Granger came across
Speaker 1: your podcast on TikTok. Love to your content. My name
Speaker 1: is Justin. I'm twenty three years old. I'm a follower
Speaker 1: of Christ. I met this girl who isn't but she
Speaker 1: says she really wants to have a relationship with God
Speaker 1: the way I do. Although she doesn't have Christ in
Speaker 1: her heart, we share the same morals, views and things
Speaker 1: like that. She's a sweet girl. However, we were getting
Speaker 1: to know each other and going on dates and stuff,
Speaker 1: and I asked her, how does she feel about all this?
Speaker 1: All this for about two months. She responded by saying,
Speaker 1: you're like the perfect boyfriend. But to be honest, I
Speaker 1: still have an attachment to my ex. This is her talking.
Speaker 1: I feel like you met me at the wrong time.
Speaker 1: Now she just wants to be friends and see where
Speaker 1: things will go. Not sure what to do. Do I
Speaker 1: drop her? Be friends? Not sure? Thank you God blessed Justin.
Speaker 1: Thanks for the email, brother, and man, I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: right after this. You are You're in one of these
Speaker 1: kind of situations where she's just not into you. And
Speaker 1: she says that you're the perfect boyfriend. No, you're not.
Speaker 1: You're not to her, You're not justin. I think you're
Speaker 1: a good guy. Man, I think you're awesome, but she doesn't.
Speaker 1: She says you're the perfect boyfriend. You're not the perfect
Speaker 1: boyfriend to her, or you would be with her, she
Speaker 1: would choose you. It's just a line, you see what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I love you, man, tough love here. But
Speaker 1: that's just a line that she's given you to make
Speaker 1: you feel better, and because then she gets you, she
Speaker 1: gives you the big blow, which is right after that,
Speaker 1: which says, to be honest, I still have an attachment
Speaker 1: to my ex. I feel like you met me at
Speaker 1: the wrong time, which is another one of these lies.
Speaker 1: No one meets someone right at the wrong time. You
Speaker 1: meet someone wrong at the wrong time. You meet someone
Speaker 1: right at the right time, But you never meet someone
Speaker 1: right at the wrong time. That just doesn't happen, because
Speaker 1: if you meet someone that's right, you change everything, you
Speaker 1: rearrange your life, and suddenly, whila, it's the right time,
Speaker 1: right person, right time. That's the correct way to see it.
Speaker 1: If she gives you anything like this, I have met
Speaker 1: you at the wrong time. You're just the perfect boyfriend,
Speaker 1: and I'm so sorry I have an attachment to my ex. Whoops,
Speaker 1: we met at the wrong time. That's just a very
Speaker 1: nice way of saying she's just not into you, man.
Speaker 1: So your question is what do I do? Do I
Speaker 1: drop her? Be friends? Not sure? Thank you, brother, here's
Speaker 1: my answer. How's your heart? I think I think your heartbroken? Otherwise,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't have emailed me a long email about this.
Speaker 1: So I'm saying, as a it's a friend me and you.
Speaker 1: I'm saying, we're driving down the truck together. You know,
Speaker 1: we're in the cab of the truck and we got
Speaker 1: the windows down. We're on a county road, doing some
Speaker 1: back road. And then you're like, man, Granger, tell me
Speaker 1: what to do. I'm like, justin, leave everything behind, dropper blocker,
Speaker 1: No to friends, no to future girlfriend, because your heart
Speaker 1: is in jeopardy. Your heart is in danger here. That's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. If you were like, man, she's a
Speaker 1: cool girl. I don't know, met her a couple of
Speaker 1: weeks ago. I think she's still into her ex. What
Speaker 1: should I do? I'd say, Hey, just be friends. It's okay,
Speaker 1: you know, hang out. But that's not the case. I
Speaker 1: think your heart is really attached to her, so it's
Speaker 1: time to move on. Let me grab another question here,
Speaker 1: and here we go. Subject line says obesity. Hey Granger,
Speaker 1: I wish to remain anonymous, but my question to you
Speaker 1: is this, how do I tell my wife that she
Speaker 1: needs to lose weight without offending her? My wife is
Speaker 1: three hundred and sixty pounds and can't get around much.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel alone. Well, that's a tough question, and
Speaker 1: this is one of these words like, well, there's not
Speaker 1: a right answer. Here's what I would do, total just transparency,
Speaker 1: total vulnerability to your wife, and come from a place
Speaker 1: of love, come from a place of complete servitude. So
Speaker 1: you're just servitude right back to your wife. And it's
Speaker 1: like this, maybe it looks like this, Hey babe, I
Speaker 1: mean you're sitting around, right, You're sitting around, You're like
Speaker 1: watching your favorite Netflix show, and you say, hey, babe,
Speaker 1: what are things in your life you wish you had better?
Speaker 1: What are some things in your life you wish you
Speaker 1: could do that you haven't done. Try to bait her
Speaker 1: into saying something along the lines of I wish I
Speaker 1: could lose some weight. So she says it like it's
Speaker 1: her idea. Okay, so however you could do that. You're
Speaker 1: just like, you're let's just dream together, babe, We're just
Speaker 1: dreaming together here. What's something you wish you wish you
Speaker 1: could do for yourself? And so eventually you want her
Speaker 1: to say, well, I wish I could lose some weight.
Speaker 1: I'm three hundred and sixty pounds. I wish I could
Speaker 1: lose some weight, and you just let it sit there
Speaker 1: for a second. I mean, you're not gonna jump on
Speaker 1: it and be like yeah, yeah that total love, total servitude,
Speaker 1: total honoring, and you're gonna go. You know, I feel
Speaker 1: the same way. I feel like I should lose some
Speaker 1: weight too. Even though I love you, I don't love
Speaker 1: you because of the way how much you weigh. Like
Speaker 1: I love you because you I love your heart, I
Speaker 1: love your soul. I love the way you love me.
Speaker 1: You know which is should be true? All that should
Speaker 1: be true. And then you say something like if you
Speaker 1: want we should try to try to lose weight together,
Speaker 1: we should challenge each other, we should hold each other accountable,
Speaker 1: not because we're trying to gain each other's favor or
Speaker 1: love each other more, but just let's just you know,
Speaker 1: we're married, Let's work on this together. Let's encourage each other.
Speaker 1: Will you encourage me? And she's like yeah, and You're like, well,
Speaker 1: I'll encourage you because I think if we both if
Speaker 1: we lost a little bit of weight, we could enjoy
Speaker 1: things more, we could enjoy life. Okay, do you see
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Everything I've just said, you don't have
Speaker 1: to do it that way, but just come from a
Speaker 1: place of humility, come from a place where you're it's
Speaker 1: not judgmental, it's it's not vanity. You know, you're not
Speaker 1: saying you're not pretty anymore. You're saying I love you,
Speaker 1: And because I love you, I want to be there
Speaker 1: for you, and I want to be there in a
Speaker 1: place of sympathy where I could hold your hand and
Speaker 1: we could walk through this together. Not because I want
Speaker 1: you to, but because I love you and I know
Speaker 1: you'll enjoy life more if you do. If you could
Speaker 1: do that, I think that's your answer to a very
Speaker 1: tough situation. Nice question. Subject CLIENTE says school bully, Hey Granger,
Speaker 1: I'm fourteen years old. I'm homeschooled. I used to go
Speaker 1: to school and I was a bully. I asked everyone
Speaker 1: for forgiveness last year, but one girl did not forgive
Speaker 1: me and told me that my friend made her try
Speaker 1: that me and my friend made her tried to commit
Speaker 1: suicide but it didn't work. How do I show her
Speaker 1: that I'm really sorry. That's a lot for a fourteen
Speaker 1: year old, that's a lot. That's a lot for an adult.
Speaker 1: And did you say your name? Your name's Evan. Evan,
Speaker 1: that's a lot for an adult, and you're gonna have
Speaker 1: to have to deal with this at fourteen. The good
Speaker 1: news is you already have a repentant heart about this.
Speaker 1: You already feel sorry, and you've already asked for forgiveness,
Speaker 1: hopefully from a true place of humility. And one girl,
Speaker 1: I mean, you can't blame her right She was bullied
Speaker 1: to a point where she tried to commit suicide. So
Speaker 1: where are you now? This is my thing, Evan, Where
Speaker 1: are you in your head? Are you trying to reconcile
Speaker 1: her and have her forgive you so that you could
Speaker 1: sleep better at night? This is this about you just
Speaker 1: a question? Or are you coming from a place where
Speaker 1: you just genuinely from a selfless place where you genuinely
Speaker 1: want her to be healed because of the damage you did.
Speaker 1: There's a big difference between those two things. If it
Speaker 1: comes from a place where you just need a clean
Speaker 1: slate and you need to check off one another box
Speaker 1: so your conscience feels a little bit better. If that's
Speaker 1: the case, then I wouldn't mess with this girl ever.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't talk to her anymore. I wouldn't move on
Speaker 1: because you could come to a spot that could be
Speaker 1: dangerous to her again. You've already done damage and you
Speaker 1: could her not accepting your apology again could trigger anger
Speaker 1: with you. If you get triggered, that could trigger a
Speaker 1: suicidal thought for her again. So don't do it. The
Speaker 1: only way you ever see her again or interact ever
Speaker 1: ever again is through complete selflessness and humility. And it
Speaker 1: could start with some flowers and a card. You put
Speaker 1: flowers on her doorstep, and you put in your right
Speaker 1: a card you say it's Evan, I'm pretty much the
Speaker 1: worst person in the world. And I know I've asked
Speaker 1: you for forgiveness, but I just want to tell you again,
Speaker 1: and I'll tell you every day that what I did
Speaker 1: is nothing. It's not related to you at all. It
Speaker 1: comes from a place for me being insecure, from me
Speaker 1: feeling like I'm not worthy. It comes from a place
Speaker 1: of me hurting. And then I put that out, I
Speaker 1: put that forward and hurt you because I wanted to
Speaker 1: drag other people down with me. And you're just a
Speaker 1: victim in that, and you're a casualty and I will
Speaker 1: see it now. Then you're such a special person and
Speaker 1: you deserve so much more than what I gave you,
Speaker 1: and I know these flowers are nothing and this card
Speaker 1: is nothing, but I hope that one day it could
Speaker 1: just be the beginning of mending a heart that I've crushed. Sincerely, Evan,
Speaker 1: something like that. Next question no subject here. It says,
Speaker 1: Hey Granger, I'm Joseph. I'm thirty four. I have a
Speaker 1: beautiful wife and family. We currently live in Savannah, Georgia.
Speaker 1: We have six beautiful kids and live off the sweat
Speaker 1: of my brow. We are a blended family. My wife
Speaker 1: had two little girls prior to me, and I had
Speaker 1: a son and daughter prior to her. Now we have
Speaker 1: two sons together. I love all of them. My problem
Speaker 1: is the distance from my other two and being the
Speaker 1: dad I need to be for them. They live on
Speaker 1: the other side of the state. I work night shifts
Speaker 1: on a loading dock at Southeastern Freight Lines. I'm struggling
Speaker 1: trying to be everything I need to be for my family,
Speaker 1: and it tears my heart out. How do I be
Speaker 1: sure that I'm doing my part to fill this void?
Speaker 1: Any advice is greatly appreciated, your friend, Joseph. And then
Speaker 1: Joseph puts a picture on this email, just beautiful family
Speaker 1: with everybody one, two, three, four, five, six kids. Brother,
Speaker 1: I appreciate you emailing, and it's a legitimate question. And
Speaker 1: here's the thing that might like. Okay, we're riding the
Speaker 1: truck together. We're back road, me and you, Joseph, we're
Speaker 1: going down some back roads, and you're you're dumping this
Speaker 1: on me. You're like, man, this is a big deal.
Speaker 1: And and Joseph, I'm glad that it's a big deal
Speaker 1: to you, and I hope it's a big deal to
Speaker 1: other dads that hear it too, because so many times
Speaker 1: in a when a family divorces, splits up and some
Speaker 1: kind of distance comes between the two, so many times
Speaker 1: the kids that are born after become the priority and
Speaker 1: the others are kind of forgotten because it's just too
Speaker 1: difficult to deal with in a lot of ways. But
Speaker 1: not to you. You're looking at all of them as
Speaker 1: a priority equally, which you should. Here's the deal, Okay,
Speaker 1: riding in the true me and you. You got this
Speaker 1: job at the loading dock at Southeastern Freight Lines. My
Speaker 1: question would be this, how do you get the other
Speaker 1: kids here with you in Savannah or how do you
Speaker 1: uproot where you are and go to them? Because my
Speaker 1: question would be what's more important here, the job or
Speaker 1: the kids? Because could you get another job where the
Speaker 1: kids are? How could you get these families together? That's
Speaker 1: my question. Are you doing all that you can to
Speaker 1: get to them? I mean, surely your wife understands that now,
Speaker 1: and I under understand that six kids, that's a big deal.
Speaker 1: The move. You can't just move them. It takes planning,
Speaker 1: it takes effort. It takes finding a new job. It
Speaker 1: takes your wife finding a job, It takes looking at schools,
Speaker 1: it takes looking in a place. But I want to
Speaker 1: tell you this. I want to be your friend, Joseph
Speaker 1: and tell you that although all that stuff is stacked
Speaker 1: against you and it's very difficult, all of that would
Speaker 1: be worth the sacrifice to have everybody together in the
Speaker 1: same town. Like if you could do one thing, if
Speaker 1: we thirty years from now, you could look back on
Speaker 1: your life at thirty four. Say you're sixty four years
Speaker 1: old and you're looking back thirty years ago. If you
Speaker 1: could do one thing, if you could say I had
Speaker 1: one chance, I could do one thing to change I
Speaker 1: had a chance to get everybody in the same town
Speaker 1: where all the kids grew up together. And I was
Speaker 1: the dad equal to all of them. I was there
Speaker 1: for him. I went to their sporting events, I went
Speaker 1: to church with them. I was there when they needed
Speaker 1: me for their birthdays and their proms and whatever. You
Speaker 1: get that chance now and thirty years it's just a memory,
Speaker 1: possibly or regret. Is this job worth it? Could you
Speaker 1: get another job at a loading dock where they are?
Speaker 1: Could you uproot that family and get them to with you?
Speaker 1: Get them with you? All questions I have in the
Speaker 1: cab of the truck. Thanks for the email, brother, all right,
Speaker 1: cruising right through here, Let's grab another. We've actually, we've
Speaker 1: actually moved and gotten some gotten some stuff done today.
Speaker 1: Subject line here says social media, and the email says,
Speaker 1: hey Granger, my name is Brian. I'm from Idaho. I'm
Speaker 1: in the ninth grade. I don't have social media because
Speaker 1: my parents won't let me. I feel like it's the
Speaker 1: thing that will help me make friends and just overall happier.
Speaker 1: I molawn's make good money. I have friends, but I
Speaker 1: just feel like I need social media. Any advice would
Speaker 1: be appreciated. Things ye ye, all right, Brian, shout out
Speaker 1: to Idaho. I love your state, and man, I remember
Speaker 1: I remember being a ninth grader. It's not an easy time.
Speaker 1: And obviously I didn't have that issue growing up when
Speaker 1: I was in ninth grade. But I'm gonna say this.
Speaker 1: You might know this already. You know. I'm gonna say,
Speaker 1: you got to honor your parents. Why do they not
Speaker 1: let you have social media? It's because they want to
Speaker 1: make your life miserable. No, because they love you, Brian,
Speaker 1: I love you, and it's dangerous. We don't know the
Speaker 1: effects of what social media is doing to kids. We
Speaker 1: don't know. Yeah, you're you're just a kid. Your man,
Speaker 1: you're almost a man. You're like right on the border
Speaker 1: of becoming a man, but in a lot of ways,
Speaker 1: like you might look like a man, but a lot
Speaker 1: of ways you're still a boy. And your parents know
Speaker 1: some things that I don't. They know something that your
Speaker 1: teachers don't. They know some things that your friends don't.
Speaker 1: They know some things that you don't about you. Why, man,
Speaker 1: they raised you, They changed your diapers, Man, they give
Speaker 1: you bottles. They taught you to walk, they taught you
Speaker 1: to talk, they put you in school, they taught you
Speaker 1: how to throw a ball. And now they're saying I
Speaker 1: don't want you on social media for a reason that
Speaker 1: you might not understand. And I could tell you one
Speaker 1: thing for sure, Brian. It will not bring you more happiness.
Speaker 1: It will not bring you more friends. That's the lie
Speaker 1: that social media brings to our world today. In fact, Brian,
Speaker 1: here's the crazy thing. You might not believe me. Maybe
Speaker 1: you won't, and I don't really care, but I can
Speaker 1: tell you that social media has the opposite effect of happiness.
Speaker 1: It brings you loneliness, It brings you insecurity. It makes
Speaker 1: you feel like you're not worthy if it makes you
Speaker 1: feel like you're not perfect, It makes you feel like
Speaker 1: you'll never be there. You start seeing likes and hearts
Speaker 1: and comments and posts, and then you post and you
Speaker 1: don't get a comment, you don't get a like, you
Speaker 1: don't get a heart. You start seeing some of your
Speaker 1: friends talking to each other about something you're not a
Speaker 1: part of. The conversation is endless on what this could
Speaker 1: do to your life, and it's all negative. Do I
Speaker 1: understand why you want to be on social media? Of
Speaker 1: course I do. Yeah, that's obvious. You don't want to
Speaker 1: miss out. You have fomo. You don't want to walk
Speaker 1: down the halls and someone's laughing at a meme that
Speaker 1: you didn't see because you're not on social media. Bro,
Speaker 1: you're better off. You are better off. That's my opinion.
Speaker 1: That's what I would tell you. And then the whole
Speaker 1: other side of the coin is what I started with.
Speaker 1: Honor your mother and father. They just know what's best. Brian.
Speaker 1: I say all this out of love, man. I have
Speaker 1: everyone every question I've answered on this podcast, on this
Speaker 1: episode or any episodes in the past, Guys, I have
Speaker 1: no reason. I have no reason to lead you astray
Speaker 1: from what I don't feel in my heart, in my
Speaker 1: own house, my own family, my own kids, my own life.
Speaker 1: I have no reason to lead you any other direction. Besides,
Speaker 1: I genuinely just love you guys, like it doesn't make
Speaker 1: the podcast any better if I just lead you astray
Speaker 1: on purpose. I believe everything I'm saying, and I'm only
Speaker 1: doing it because I genuinely want to try to help.
Speaker 1: That's it. I love you, guys, and I appreciate you listening,
Speaker 1: and as always, we'll see you next Monday morning. Thanks
Speaker 1: for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. Appreciate all of
Speaker 1: you guys. You could help me out by rating this
Speaker 1: podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel.
Speaker 1: Hit that little like button and the notification spell so
Speaker 1: that you never miss anytime I upload a video. If
Speaker 1: you have a question for me that you would like
Speaker 1: me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Yigi