1 00:00:15,436 --> 00:00:24,476 Speaker 1: Pushkin. On the face of it, moving your body should 2 00:00:24,476 --> 00:00:27,396 Speaker 1: be a really good New Year's happiness goal. Most research 3 00:00:27,436 --> 00:00:31,036 Speaker 1: shows that exercise makes us feel good. In fact, one 4 00:00:31,076 --> 00:00:33,396 Speaker 1: study showed that a half hour of cardio a day 5 00:00:33,476 --> 00:00:36,636 Speaker 1: could be as effective for reducing symptoms of depression as 6 00:00:36,676 --> 00:00:40,636 Speaker 1: taking an antidepressant medication. So I should applaud the fact 7 00:00:40,716 --> 00:00:42,956 Speaker 1: about half of us intend to exercise more in the 8 00:00:42,956 --> 00:00:46,516 Speaker 1: new year. The problem is, I worry we're kind of 9 00:00:46,556 --> 00:00:48,876 Speaker 1: not doing it right. For many of us, hitting the 10 00:00:48,876 --> 00:00:52,196 Speaker 1: gym isn't about enjoying ourselves or feeling better. It's about 11 00:00:52,236 --> 00:00:55,796 Speaker 1: looking better. It's about not really liking our bodies and 12 00:00:55,916 --> 00:00:57,476 Speaker 1: trying to get them to look like the ones we 13 00:00:57,516 --> 00:01:00,676 Speaker 1: see on Instagram. But could there be a more compassionate, 14 00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:03,596 Speaker 1: more happiness inducing way to get our bodies moving, and 15 00:01:03,716 --> 00:01:06,116 Speaker 1: one that could help us achieve a bigger well being 16 00:01:06,156 --> 00:01:09,476 Speaker 1: boost than we think. Of course there is, So if 17 00:01:09,476 --> 00:01:11,796 Speaker 1: you're ready to learn how to be happier through a movement, 18 00:01:11,916 --> 00:01:14,876 Speaker 1: then join me doctor Laurie Santos for this final New 19 00:01:14,956 --> 00:01:22,156 Speaker 1: Year episode of the Happiness Lab. You know, I think 20 00:01:22,156 --> 00:01:25,756 Speaker 1: that there was a time that I did really enjoy movement. 21 00:01:26,196 --> 00:01:29,116 Speaker 1: This is another one of my heroes, Jessamin Stanley, I 22 00:01:29,236 --> 00:01:31,836 Speaker 1: used to love just like running around in the yard 23 00:01:31,916 --> 00:01:34,876 Speaker 1: and like run a lap and ask my mom to 24 00:01:34,996 --> 00:01:37,396 Speaker 1: time me just so that I can know how fast 25 00:01:37,476 --> 00:01:39,396 Speaker 1: I am, or like I would just try to turn 26 00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:42,916 Speaker 1: cart wheels just because I can. Jessaman's childlike love of 27 00:01:42,996 --> 00:01:46,076 Speaker 1: moving her body was pretty short lived, because, like me, 28 00:01:46,316 --> 00:01:49,116 Speaker 1: Jessaman grew up as a chubby kid. Or she puts 29 00:01:49,116 --> 00:01:52,636 Speaker 1: it even more bluntly in her book Everybody Yoga a fat, 30 00:01:52,676 --> 00:01:57,516 Speaker 1: occasionally smelly, supremely awkward weirdo. Jessaman quickly learned to fear 31 00:01:57,596 --> 00:02:01,476 Speaker 1: all things fitness, like Jim class and that awful lineup 32 00:02:01,516 --> 00:02:04,436 Speaker 1: where you get picked for dodgeball teams, and that trauma 33 00:02:04,476 --> 00:02:07,996 Speaker 1: inducing eight year old rite of passage of situps, pushups, 34 00:02:07,996 --> 00:02:11,436 Speaker 1: and sprints the Presidential Fitness Test. I don't know if 35 00:02:11,436 --> 00:02:13,676 Speaker 1: this is a thing for you if you did this 36 00:02:13,756 --> 00:02:17,916 Speaker 1: test in grade school, but I remember that a component 37 00:02:17,956 --> 00:02:21,716 Speaker 1: of the Presidential Fitness Test was running a mile, and 38 00:02:21,756 --> 00:02:24,316 Speaker 1: I was the very last person in my class to 39 00:02:24,356 --> 00:02:27,796 Speaker 1: the point where, if memory serves like, either one of 40 00:02:27,796 --> 00:02:31,036 Speaker 1: the other kids in my class or the teacher came 41 00:02:31,076 --> 00:02:35,916 Speaker 1: back to join me, and I was so mortified, and 42 00:02:36,036 --> 00:02:41,756 Speaker 1: I felt so totally insufficient, and that directly impacted me 43 00:02:42,356 --> 00:02:45,876 Speaker 1: never wanting to do sports at all. I used to 44 00:02:46,156 --> 00:02:48,876 Speaker 1: on the way to field day in school, like try 45 00:02:48,956 --> 00:02:51,276 Speaker 1: to look for holes in the ground so that I 46 00:02:51,276 --> 00:02:53,276 Speaker 1: could turn my angle in a hole, so that I 47 00:02:53,276 --> 00:02:55,876 Speaker 1: could claim that, like, oh, my angle hurts, and now 48 00:02:55,916 --> 00:02:58,396 Speaker 1: I can't do field day. I went out of my 49 00:02:58,476 --> 00:03:01,996 Speaker 1: way to not do physical exercise as much as possible 50 00:03:02,236 --> 00:03:05,356 Speaker 1: because I was so worried about keeping up with other 51 00:03:05,396 --> 00:03:09,436 Speaker 1: people and really just at a bare level being good 52 00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:12,116 Speaker 1: enough and hating your body when it came to kind 53 00:03:12,116 --> 00:03:15,076 Speaker 1: of gym class and the presidential fitness contest. That was 54 00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:17,716 Speaker 1: part and parcel of not liking aspects of your body 55 00:03:17,716 --> 00:03:21,476 Speaker 1: and your identity generally when you were growing up, right exactly, 56 00:03:21,756 --> 00:03:25,956 Speaker 1: I definitely felt as though I was insufficient that as 57 00:03:26,036 --> 00:03:30,556 Speaker 1: a fat black woman, I didn't see any representation of 58 00:03:30,596 --> 00:03:33,476 Speaker 1: my body at all where my body was not the punchline. 59 00:03:33,676 --> 00:03:35,876 Speaker 1: And this was in the era of like Jennifer love 60 00:03:35,956 --> 00:03:41,036 Speaker 1: Hewitt and Christina Aguilera and the Olsen Twins, and there 61 00:03:41,116 --> 00:03:46,516 Speaker 1: was definitely this very pervasive idea that being small bodied, 62 00:03:46,876 --> 00:03:52,436 Speaker 1: small featured, having a blonde hair or brunette hair. Basically, 63 00:03:52,476 --> 00:03:55,516 Speaker 1: just having like really straight hair was very important, but 64 00:03:55,716 --> 00:04:00,356 Speaker 1: certainly not having dark skinned, big lips, really kinky hair. 65 00:04:01,036 --> 00:04:03,516 Speaker 1: None of those qualities were represented, and so I just 66 00:04:03,596 --> 00:04:07,436 Speaker 1: felt there was something fundamentally wrong with me, And honestly, 67 00:04:07,836 --> 00:04:11,116 Speaker 1: I felt as though would always be something fundamentally wrong 68 00:04:11,196 --> 00:04:14,116 Speaker 1: with me, that really, even if I did lose weight, 69 00:04:14,396 --> 00:04:17,596 Speaker 1: those changes would never be enough because I just fundamentally 70 00:04:17,756 --> 00:04:20,356 Speaker 1: was not good enough. Even if you weren't a fat kid, 71 00:04:20,436 --> 00:04:22,116 Speaker 1: you may be able to relate to this sort of 72 00:04:22,196 --> 00:04:25,796 Speaker 1: low grade self hatred. Jessman's talking about that deep sense 73 00:04:25,876 --> 00:04:28,476 Speaker 1: that there's something bad about you that you need to fix. 74 00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:31,556 Speaker 1: We feel deep down that will only be happy once 75 00:04:31,596 --> 00:04:34,076 Speaker 1: we've lifted enough weights or run enough miles to get 76 00:04:34,116 --> 00:04:36,956 Speaker 1: that new idealized body. But all of that is a 77 00:04:36,996 --> 00:04:39,716 Speaker 1: lie that your mind tells you. And that's the important 78 00:04:39,756 --> 00:04:42,836 Speaker 1: lesson that Jessamin Stanley learned, one that she now teaches 79 00:04:42,876 --> 00:04:46,476 Speaker 1: to millions of people around the world. Her early furays 80 00:04:46,516 --> 00:04:49,236 Speaker 1: into the world of fitness involved all the body hating 81 00:04:49,236 --> 00:04:51,116 Speaker 1: that many of us are feeling when we make that 82 00:04:51,196 --> 00:04:54,396 Speaker 1: got to exercise more New Year's resolution, But she was 83 00:04:54,436 --> 00:04:56,996 Speaker 1: able to break free from all the body shaming in 84 00:04:56,996 --> 00:05:00,316 Speaker 1: a way that transformed her career and her overall well being. 85 00:05:00,956 --> 00:05:03,356 Speaker 1: But as you'll hear, her journey wasn't a quick one. 86 00:05:04,236 --> 00:05:08,276 Speaker 1: My very first yoga class when I was in high school. 87 00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:11,876 Speaker 1: My aunt at the time was obsessed with bihorn yoga, 88 00:05:12,076 --> 00:05:15,196 Speaker 1: which is a style of hot yoga where you practice 89 00:05:15,276 --> 00:05:18,716 Speaker 1: twenty six of the same yoga postures over a ninety 90 00:05:18,716 --> 00:05:22,916 Speaker 1: minute period. Jessuman's aunt, Tracy was the epitome of nineties glamor. 91 00:05:23,316 --> 00:05:26,516 Speaker 1: She was tall, and beautiful and everything teenage Jessaman thought 92 00:05:26,516 --> 00:05:29,996 Speaker 1: she wanted to be, so, despite her reservations, Jessiman joined 93 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:33,196 Speaker 1: her on for that first ever yoga class. I remember 94 00:05:33,236 --> 00:05:35,436 Speaker 1: it like it was yesterday. I went into the studio 95 00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:39,276 Speaker 1: and it is extremely hot. It's like somewhere between one 96 00:05:39,356 --> 00:05:41,996 Speaker 1: hundred to one hundred and four degrees, kind of depending 97 00:05:42,036 --> 00:05:45,196 Speaker 1: on how sadistic the teacher is. Immediately I walk in 98 00:05:45,476 --> 00:05:47,996 Speaker 1: and I'm just sweating in places that I didn't even 99 00:05:47,996 --> 00:05:50,996 Speaker 1: know human being sweat, Like I was sweating from the 100 00:05:51,036 --> 00:05:54,236 Speaker 1: tops of my fingers. And this is before anything has 101 00:05:54,276 --> 00:05:57,756 Speaker 1: ever happened like this is there's no postures have been practiced. 102 00:05:57,756 --> 00:05:59,276 Speaker 1: And I was like I gotta be in here for 103 00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:01,756 Speaker 1: an hour and a half. And I mean I made it, 104 00:06:01,876 --> 00:06:05,076 Speaker 1: let's say, a third of the way through the class. 105 00:06:05,116 --> 00:06:07,156 Speaker 1: I think I'm being too generous with that, but I 106 00:06:07,196 --> 00:06:08,636 Speaker 1: made it about a third of the way through the 107 00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:10,916 Speaker 1: class where I was like, I'm done. I don't need 108 00:06:10,916 --> 00:06:13,236 Speaker 1: this anymore. I'm good. And they're telling you before you 109 00:06:13,276 --> 00:06:15,916 Speaker 1: go to a become class not to walk out of 110 00:06:15,916 --> 00:06:18,876 Speaker 1: the room. But I was like, these people don't know me. 111 00:06:18,996 --> 00:06:21,076 Speaker 1: I cannot do this, so like I'm going to die, 112 00:06:21,156 --> 00:06:23,036 Speaker 1: And so I walked out of the room and I 113 00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,956 Speaker 1: learned a very important life lesson about why you should 114 00:06:25,956 --> 00:06:28,436 Speaker 1: not walk out of a hot yoga room, because the 115 00:06:28,476 --> 00:06:32,356 Speaker 1: transition in your physical body is so intense going from 116 00:06:32,436 --> 00:06:35,756 Speaker 1: hot to cold that temperature change can bring on a 117 00:06:35,756 --> 00:06:39,236 Speaker 1: lot of different physical experiences. And for me, it brought 118 00:06:39,276 --> 00:06:42,196 Speaker 1: on a wave of nausea, and after when we left, 119 00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:44,756 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm never doing that again, and this 120 00:06:44,836 --> 00:06:48,436 Speaker 1: is the worst. It's bad experiences like this that discourage 121 00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:51,196 Speaker 1: so many of us from making exercise a regular and 122 00:06:51,316 --> 00:06:54,236 Speaker 1: fun part of our daily routine. We can feel ashamed 123 00:06:54,316 --> 00:06:57,676 Speaker 1: or humiliated by our bodies and abilities, or just discouraged 124 00:06:57,716 --> 00:07:02,476 Speaker 1: because the esthetic changes we so desire don't materialize right away. Fortunately, 125 00:07:02,676 --> 00:07:05,316 Speaker 1: Jessamin got a second chance to find joy in moving. 126 00:07:05,636 --> 00:07:08,956 Speaker 1: I was in graduate school and I was going through 127 00:07:08,996 --> 00:07:11,476 Speaker 1: a really tough time in my life that I now 128 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:15,556 Speaker 1: recognize is emblematic of being twenty three, Like I don't 129 00:07:15,556 --> 00:07:18,356 Speaker 1: know who I am, what is the purpose of my life? 130 00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:22,636 Speaker 1: What's going on? And one of my close friends she 131 00:07:22,756 --> 00:07:25,196 Speaker 1: had gotten into Beak from yoga, and she was like, 132 00:07:25,436 --> 00:07:27,556 Speaker 1: oh my god, you should come to yoga. You're gonna 133 00:07:27,596 --> 00:07:30,556 Speaker 1: love it. And I was like, I am not doing that. 134 00:07:30,676 --> 00:07:33,196 Speaker 1: I've done it before. I know it's not for me. 135 00:07:33,556 --> 00:07:35,956 Speaker 1: And she got me caught up on a group on though. 136 00:07:36,076 --> 00:07:37,836 Speaker 1: She was like, what's the worst that can happen? You 137 00:07:37,876 --> 00:07:40,516 Speaker 1: go one time? You paid thirty dollars for this past, Like, 138 00:07:40,596 --> 00:07:42,836 Speaker 1: what's the worst that happen? And I went. And the 139 00:07:42,916 --> 00:07:46,036 Speaker 1: interesting thing about Beacom yoga specifically is that I think 140 00:07:46,036 --> 00:07:49,196 Speaker 1: of it as the McDonald's of yoga. It's literally like 141 00:07:49,396 --> 00:07:51,956 Speaker 1: you could go anywhere in the world and get this 142 00:07:52,036 --> 00:07:55,116 Speaker 1: practice exactly the same. So nothing had changed. It was 143 00:07:55,156 --> 00:07:58,436 Speaker 1: still hot as hell, hard as hell, everything about it 144 00:07:58,476 --> 00:08:02,716 Speaker 1: was the same. But I had changed, though I didn't 145 00:08:02,756 --> 00:08:07,316 Speaker 1: realize that so much of what was making me unhappy 146 00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:10,596 Speaker 1: and unsatisfied in my life was that I'd created all 147 00:08:10,636 --> 00:08:13,436 Speaker 1: of these boundaries for myself, and I made all these 148 00:08:13,436 --> 00:08:15,956 Speaker 1: decisions about the type of person that I am and 149 00:08:16,036 --> 00:08:19,676 Speaker 1: about what I'm capable of handling, and I never allowed 150 00:08:19,756 --> 00:08:24,156 Speaker 1: myself to step outside of those boundaries. And yoga requires 151 00:08:24,196 --> 00:08:28,116 Speaker 1: that you step outside of your boundaries, and it put 152 00:08:28,156 --> 00:08:31,196 Speaker 1: me in these situations where I actually had to look 153 00:08:31,236 --> 00:08:33,476 Speaker 1: at the way that I talked to myself and look 154 00:08:33,476 --> 00:08:37,116 Speaker 1: at the way that I process information and be like, 155 00:08:37,356 --> 00:08:39,916 Speaker 1: you know what, I know, I decided that I'm not 156 00:08:39,956 --> 00:08:42,116 Speaker 1: going to be able to do this, but maybe I'm 157 00:08:42,116 --> 00:08:45,476 Speaker 1: just going to try. The example that I think of often, 158 00:08:45,796 --> 00:08:49,476 Speaker 1: especially that first class back, I remember, we were practicing 159 00:08:49,516 --> 00:08:52,756 Speaker 1: a posture called awkward pose that is literally it's so 160 00:08:52,876 --> 00:08:56,716 Speaker 1: aptly named because it is extremely awkward. I was watching 161 00:08:56,716 --> 00:08:59,796 Speaker 1: everybody around me just like to sit down into this posture, 162 00:08:59,836 --> 00:09:03,036 Speaker 1: and it looked like they had all practiced it together beforehand, 163 00:09:03,316 --> 00:09:05,636 Speaker 1: and be from yoga, you look at yourself in the mirror. 164 00:09:05,676 --> 00:09:08,116 Speaker 1: So I'm looking at myself in this mirror, and which 165 00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:12,636 Speaker 1: is traumatized on its own because I literally would go 166 00:09:12,676 --> 00:09:14,556 Speaker 1: out of my way at that stage in my life 167 00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:17,236 Speaker 1: to avoid mirrors. I went out of my way to 168 00:09:17,316 --> 00:09:19,396 Speaker 1: not look at myself, but I'm forced to look at 169 00:09:19,436 --> 00:09:21,796 Speaker 1: myself and looking at myself, and I'm just thinking, like, 170 00:09:21,836 --> 00:09:24,156 Speaker 1: why did you even think you could come to this class? 171 00:09:24,156 --> 00:09:27,156 Speaker 1: Like you obviously don't know what you're doing, and everybody 172 00:09:27,236 --> 00:09:29,996 Speaker 1: here knows it, and you can't even do this basic thing. 173 00:09:30,076 --> 00:09:32,676 Speaker 1: This is like maybe the third or fourth posture in 174 00:09:32,676 --> 00:09:35,236 Speaker 1: the class. I'm like, if you can't do this, then 175 00:09:35,236 --> 00:09:38,476 Speaker 1: why even show up? And I had this moment where 176 00:09:38,476 --> 00:09:43,076 Speaker 1: I was like, you know, you could just try. Maybe 177 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:46,036 Speaker 1: you just try, Like yes, maybe you're gonna fall down, 178 00:09:46,276 --> 00:09:48,636 Speaker 1: Maybe everyone in the room is going to know that 179 00:09:48,676 --> 00:09:50,996 Speaker 1: you don't know what you're doing, Maybe the teacher's gonna 180 00:09:51,036 --> 00:09:53,836 Speaker 1: know that you don't know what you're doing, And maybe 181 00:09:53,876 --> 00:09:56,876 Speaker 1: that's just got to be okay, because did you spend 182 00:09:56,916 --> 00:09:59,556 Speaker 1: this money to come to this class to just stand 183 00:09:59,636 --> 00:10:01,756 Speaker 1: here and talk shit about yourself? Because you could have 184 00:10:01,796 --> 00:10:05,916 Speaker 1: done that at home. And that moment that breaking point 185 00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:09,156 Speaker 1: to this day. Ultimately, that is why I can and 186 00:10:09,236 --> 00:10:12,676 Speaker 1: you to practice yoga. It's a cracking open of the spirits. 187 00:10:12,796 --> 00:10:15,516 Speaker 1: It's being able to I think of a lot of 188 00:10:15,676 --> 00:10:18,996 Speaker 1: like it's like you're looking in a foggy bathroom mirror, 189 00:10:19,156 --> 00:10:22,116 Speaker 1: a mirror that you fogged up, and like just swiping 190 00:10:22,156 --> 00:10:25,836 Speaker 1: across it and seeing your actual reflection back at you. 191 00:10:26,356 --> 00:10:29,556 Speaker 1: And it was so profound for me in a way 192 00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:32,876 Speaker 1: that I certainly didn't walk into class thinking I was 193 00:10:32,916 --> 00:10:36,836 Speaker 1: going to experience. Jessaman's insight of noticing how she was 194 00:10:36,876 --> 00:10:39,276 Speaker 1: really talking to herself kept her going back to that 195 00:10:39,316 --> 00:10:42,276 Speaker 1: hot studio. But eventually her group on ran out and 196 00:10:42,316 --> 00:10:44,396 Speaker 1: she was out of work and out of money. She 197 00:10:44,396 --> 00:10:47,196 Speaker 1: couldn't afford the yoga classes that were teaching her so much, 198 00:10:47,676 --> 00:10:50,836 Speaker 1: and she started backsliding to that bad emotional place. But 199 00:10:51,236 --> 00:10:54,276 Speaker 1: she decided to fight back, and so literally one day, 200 00:10:54,356 --> 00:10:57,676 Speaker 1: I just rolled out my mat in my living room 201 00:10:58,036 --> 00:10:59,756 Speaker 1: and I like push. I had to push all the 202 00:10:59,796 --> 00:11:01,676 Speaker 1: furniture out of the corner of the room. And I 203 00:11:01,716 --> 00:11:07,036 Speaker 1: really didn't feel confident practicing any postures that were outside 204 00:11:07,036 --> 00:11:10,276 Speaker 1: of the postures that I knew. So I would practice 205 00:11:10,316 --> 00:11:14,276 Speaker 1: the same, like eight to ten yoga postures from the 206 00:11:14,316 --> 00:11:17,796 Speaker 1: Beacons sequence, and that just became my medicine. I'm gonna 207 00:11:17,796 --> 00:11:20,756 Speaker 1: do this yoga and I feel comfortable doing this without 208 00:11:20,756 --> 00:11:24,116 Speaker 1: a teacher watching me. This is great. But then over time, 209 00:11:24,156 --> 00:11:27,516 Speaker 1: you know, I became more and more obsessed with the 210 00:11:27,596 --> 00:11:30,996 Speaker 1: practice and wanting to try out postures that I saw 211 00:11:31,076 --> 00:11:33,996 Speaker 1: on the internet. This was back whenever Instagram like first 212 00:11:34,036 --> 00:11:37,116 Speaker 1: came out, because I was practicing at home. I wanted 213 00:11:37,156 --> 00:11:40,156 Speaker 1: to be able to receive feedback from other people. But 214 00:11:40,556 --> 00:11:43,436 Speaker 1: I was also very scared to take photos of myself 215 00:11:43,516 --> 00:11:46,356 Speaker 1: because I was so afraid to look at my body. 216 00:11:46,556 --> 00:11:49,476 Speaker 1: And when I first started taking the photos, I would 217 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:52,436 Speaker 1: take them at really random angles. I'd be like, no, 218 00:11:52,516 --> 00:11:54,676 Speaker 1: I think this angle is my good side, so I 219 00:11:54,676 --> 00:11:57,076 Speaker 1: can shoot it from here. But after a while, I 220 00:11:57,116 --> 00:11:59,196 Speaker 1: was like, I can't even see my body, Like I 221 00:11:59,236 --> 00:12:01,676 Speaker 1: have to do something. So I had a timer set 222 00:12:01,756 --> 00:12:04,476 Speaker 1: up on the camera. I have like thirty seconds to 223 00:12:04,596 --> 00:12:07,796 Speaker 1: hold the posture while it takes four photos. And in 224 00:12:07,836 --> 00:12:09,956 Speaker 1: that moment when I'm in the hostre, I'd be like, 225 00:12:10,076 --> 00:12:13,076 Speaker 1: oh my god, yoga is amazing. I feel incredible. I 226 00:12:13,716 --> 00:12:16,476 Speaker 1: am lifted up to another place, and then I would 227 00:12:16,516 --> 00:12:18,196 Speaker 1: go and look at the photos and I would just 228 00:12:18,276 --> 00:12:21,076 Speaker 1: immediately start talking shit about myself. I'd be like, oh 229 00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:23,356 Speaker 1: my god, look at my belly. Look at my arms, 230 00:12:23,356 --> 00:12:26,716 Speaker 1: look at my chins, Like every negative thing, that everything 231 00:12:26,716 --> 00:12:30,476 Speaker 1: that I thought was negative was getting picked at and scrutinized. 232 00:12:30,676 --> 00:12:33,276 Speaker 1: And it took a really long time, like I would 233 00:12:33,276 --> 00:12:36,476 Speaker 1: say months before I started to really question that. And 234 00:12:36,516 --> 00:12:39,956 Speaker 1: I would be like, no one else is here saying 235 00:12:39,996 --> 00:12:42,556 Speaker 1: these things about yourself, like I. You know, we always 236 00:12:42,556 --> 00:12:45,316 Speaker 1: want to blame the media, and I want to blame 237 00:12:45,316 --> 00:12:47,716 Speaker 1: my family, and I want to blame my partner. That's 238 00:12:47,756 --> 00:12:51,516 Speaker 1: why I hate myself. No, I'm looking at these photos, 239 00:12:51,716 --> 00:12:54,516 Speaker 1: I am saying these awful things about myself. This is me. 240 00:12:54,836 --> 00:12:56,916 Speaker 1: I have to own that. And if I'm the one 241 00:12:56,956 --> 00:12:59,676 Speaker 1: saying these things about myself, are these things that I 242 00:12:59,716 --> 00:13:02,716 Speaker 1: really believe about myself? Like it turned into this whole 243 00:13:02,796 --> 00:13:06,396 Speaker 1: space for therapy that again, I didn't go into it 244 00:13:06,476 --> 00:13:10,476 Speaker 1: thinking like, yes, I'd like to have any or emotionally 245 00:13:10,476 --> 00:13:14,436 Speaker 1: complex relationship with my higher self. No, I was just like, 246 00:13:14,756 --> 00:13:17,596 Speaker 1: this is dumb. Like I hated that aspect of it. 247 00:13:17,636 --> 00:13:20,476 Speaker 1: But it really opened up so much for me in 248 00:13:20,556 --> 00:13:24,396 Speaker 1: terms of just being able to understand where self hate 249 00:13:24,436 --> 00:13:26,956 Speaker 1: resides and that it's something that I have to own 250 00:13:27,076 --> 00:13:31,236 Speaker 1: as an individual. It really helped me to understand that 251 00:13:31,716 --> 00:13:34,996 Speaker 1: I am a body shamer at my core, Like how 252 00:13:35,036 --> 00:13:38,036 Speaker 1: an alcoholic is an alcoholic forever. I am a body 253 00:13:38,036 --> 00:13:41,356 Speaker 1: shamer forever, and all I can do is just be 254 00:13:41,436 --> 00:13:44,676 Speaker 1: aware of it. I can just know it and see it, 255 00:13:45,236 --> 00:13:47,716 Speaker 1: and I have to accept it about myself. But I 256 00:13:47,756 --> 00:13:51,676 Speaker 1: think that had I not started that practice of photographing myself, 257 00:13:51,836 --> 00:13:55,436 Speaker 1: then I would never have started that conversation. When we 258 00:13:55,476 --> 00:13:57,436 Speaker 1: return from the rake, we'll try to figure out how 259 00:13:57,436 --> 00:14:00,636 Speaker 1: being ashamed of our bodies and exercise got so intertwined, 260 00:14:00,916 --> 00:14:03,236 Speaker 1: and how we can all begin to separate them out again. 261 00:14:04,116 --> 00:14:20,996 Speaker 1: The Happiness Lab will be right back Through photographing her 262 00:14:20,996 --> 00:14:24,196 Speaker 1: own fat body and tough yoga postures, Jessam and Stanley 263 00:14:24,236 --> 00:14:26,876 Speaker 1: began to realize that fitness could be about feeling good 264 00:14:27,076 --> 00:14:30,076 Speaker 1: and loving yourself just the way you are. In the 265 00:14:30,196 --> 00:14:33,036 Speaker 1: years since she's turned this simple insight into a mission, 266 00:14:33,476 --> 00:14:36,276 Speaker 1: she's now a world renowned yoga instructor, an author of 267 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:39,556 Speaker 1: the book Everybody Yoga, Let Go of Fear, Get on 268 00:14:39,596 --> 00:14:43,036 Speaker 1: the mat, Love your Body. As one article put it, 269 00:14:43,356 --> 00:14:46,476 Speaker 1: she's now become famous for everything. Yoga instructors are not 270 00:14:46,556 --> 00:14:51,316 Speaker 1: supposed to be black, queer, messy, unapologetically fat, and she 271 00:14:51,396 --> 00:14:54,556 Speaker 1: swears a lot. Jessamin has used her yoga practice not 272 00:14:54,636 --> 00:14:57,676 Speaker 1: to achieve some perfect body, but to accept and allow 273 00:14:57,716 --> 00:15:00,556 Speaker 1: her imperfect reality to be there just as it is, 274 00:15:01,076 --> 00:15:03,796 Speaker 1: and in doing so, she's realized that a more self 275 00:15:03,796 --> 00:15:06,716 Speaker 1: compassionate approach to exercise can be an important way to 276 00:15:06,756 --> 00:15:10,516 Speaker 1: boost your health and your happiness. When you look at 277 00:15:10,556 --> 00:15:15,556 Speaker 1: people who are extreme athletes, people who run ultra marathons, 278 00:15:15,956 --> 00:15:18,476 Speaker 1: they're not doing that for their health, like, they're not 279 00:15:18,516 --> 00:15:21,556 Speaker 1: obsessed with that experience because it's like, oh my god, 280 00:15:21,676 --> 00:15:23,956 Speaker 1: my body is going to look this way. No, they 281 00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:28,076 Speaker 1: are working out deep psychological truth. So they're having a 282 00:15:28,116 --> 00:15:30,996 Speaker 1: spiritual experience. And I think that the more that we 283 00:15:31,036 --> 00:15:35,076 Speaker 1: can approach fitness from that perspective of just wanting to 284 00:15:35,116 --> 00:15:38,556 Speaker 1: get inside yourself, just wanting to touch something that is real, 285 00:15:39,116 --> 00:15:43,356 Speaker 1: it's really ultimately coming back to that experience of being 286 00:15:43,396 --> 00:15:47,076 Speaker 1: a child, that experience of just running around the block 287 00:15:47,276 --> 00:15:50,876 Speaker 1: just because it feels good, not because there's any kind 288 00:15:50,916 --> 00:15:56,356 Speaker 1: of goal or any kind of expectation. You run around 289 00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:59,276 Speaker 1: the block, you try to turn a cartwheel, you swim 290 00:15:59,396 --> 00:16:02,676 Speaker 1: in the ocean, not because something is going to change 291 00:16:02,756 --> 00:16:06,236 Speaker 1: about you, but honestly to honor who you are right now. 292 00:16:06,396 --> 00:16:08,756 Speaker 1: And this is something that really isn't talked about in 293 00:16:08,756 --> 00:16:12,196 Speaker 1: the main stream with yoga because in the mainstream yoga 294 00:16:12,316 --> 00:16:15,676 Speaker 1: is only about fitness. It is postures that you practice 295 00:16:15,916 --> 00:16:20,276 Speaker 1: for exercise. I think that what really shifted things for 296 00:16:20,436 --> 00:16:24,516 Speaker 1: me was understanding that yoga is really a spiritual life path. 297 00:16:24,716 --> 00:16:26,556 Speaker 1: I love to dive into some of these benefits because 298 00:16:26,556 --> 00:16:28,796 Speaker 1: I think they're so powerful. So, I mean, one of 299 00:16:28,796 --> 00:16:31,636 Speaker 1: these approaches about thinking of yoga not just as fitness 300 00:16:31,636 --> 00:16:34,596 Speaker 1: but as kind of life changing is to recognize that 301 00:16:34,676 --> 00:16:38,396 Speaker 1: yoga really is about mindfulness. It's about being present with 302 00:16:38,476 --> 00:16:40,836 Speaker 1: whatever is going on. And this is something we talk 303 00:16:40,876 --> 00:16:43,756 Speaker 1: about a lot on the Happiness Lab that being present 304 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:47,116 Speaker 1: even for negative stuff is good. Right. This is the 305 00:16:47,196 --> 00:16:48,636 Speaker 1: kind of thing we need to do is to work 306 00:16:48,636 --> 00:16:50,756 Speaker 1: on allowing and so, you know, talk about how that 307 00:16:50,796 --> 00:16:53,716 Speaker 1: works in yoga, either as a practitioner as a teacher. 308 00:16:53,716 --> 00:16:57,156 Speaker 1: When you're holding these postures that might not feel great 309 00:16:57,196 --> 00:16:59,876 Speaker 1: in the moment, but the act of allowing that, like, 310 00:16:59,956 --> 00:17:04,356 Speaker 1: how does that change you? It really, I think allows 311 00:17:04,396 --> 00:17:08,676 Speaker 1: you to see life as being so much more than 312 00:17:08,676 --> 00:17:12,036 Speaker 1: it's seen on the surface. Let's take a posture like 313 00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:15,036 Speaker 1: chair pose. For example, you look at a posture like 314 00:17:15,116 --> 00:17:17,716 Speaker 1: chair pose, and it's like, what do I need to do? 315 00:17:17,836 --> 00:17:21,636 Speaker 1: I need to turn my thighs toward one another. I 316 00:17:21,716 --> 00:17:25,516 Speaker 1: need to engage my core. I need to fall down 317 00:17:25,596 --> 00:17:31,116 Speaker 1: backwards while also sitting upright. I need to lengthen out 318 00:17:31,116 --> 00:17:34,316 Speaker 1: of the crown of my head. When I'm feeling challenged, 319 00:17:34,716 --> 00:17:38,716 Speaker 1: when someone is pushing back against me at work, when 320 00:17:38,756 --> 00:17:44,316 Speaker 1: I feel like someone is being mean to me, those 321 00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:46,076 Speaker 1: are the same things that I need to do. I 322 00:17:46,116 --> 00:17:48,796 Speaker 1: need to pull into my core. I need to try 323 00:17:48,796 --> 00:17:52,116 Speaker 1: to fall down backwards but also stay upright. I need 324 00:17:52,156 --> 00:17:55,316 Speaker 1: to lengthen up to the sky. I need to pull 325 00:17:55,596 --> 00:17:58,796 Speaker 1: It's all of these ideas that seemed theoretical and that 326 00:17:58,956 --> 00:18:03,516 Speaker 1: seemed like philosophical, but that are really actually very practical, 327 00:18:03,756 --> 00:18:06,836 Speaker 1: And I think it makes it easier to deal with 328 00:18:06,876 --> 00:18:10,636 Speaker 1: the parts of life that are really hard, really really 329 00:18:10,676 --> 00:18:13,356 Speaker 1: hard and complicated, and that are not meant to be 330 00:18:13,556 --> 00:18:18,196 Speaker 1: anything other than that. I think sometimes in life, bad 331 00:18:18,236 --> 00:18:21,036 Speaker 1: shit happens and you think, this isn't how things are 332 00:18:21,076 --> 00:18:23,476 Speaker 1: supposed to be. Things are supposed to be good. I'm 333 00:18:23,476 --> 00:18:26,836 Speaker 1: supposed to be happy. This is wrong, and what yoga 334 00:18:26,916 --> 00:18:30,916 Speaker 1: reminds is that everything in life is not good, everything 335 00:18:30,916 --> 00:18:33,756 Speaker 1: in life is not happy. You need for things to 336 00:18:33,836 --> 00:18:38,076 Speaker 1: be hard so that you can actually strengthen from the inside. 337 00:18:38,476 --> 00:18:42,396 Speaker 1: So practice the things that you do when things get hard. 338 00:18:42,516 --> 00:18:45,756 Speaker 1: Pull into your core, draw your butt, cheeks together, whatever 339 00:18:45,796 --> 00:18:49,356 Speaker 1: the things are. Practice that in the moments that feel 340 00:18:49,356 --> 00:18:52,836 Speaker 1: emotionally hard, and you will be strengthened as a result. 341 00:18:53,076 --> 00:18:56,476 Speaker 1: In yoga, we talk about it as tap us and 342 00:18:56,796 --> 00:19:00,116 Speaker 1: tap us as many definitions, but I would loosely define 343 00:19:00,116 --> 00:19:05,156 Speaker 1: it here as fire, and that we step into this 344 00:19:05,316 --> 00:19:08,756 Speaker 1: fire that is burning away the pieces of ourselves that 345 00:19:08,796 --> 00:19:12,676 Speaker 1: don't to be there. And you think about how anything 346 00:19:12,876 --> 00:19:19,316 Speaker 1: becomes strong, how anything becomes honed and and deepened, and 347 00:19:19,356 --> 00:19:23,916 Speaker 1: it is always through intensity. It's always through things being 348 00:19:24,116 --> 00:19:30,676 Speaker 1: complicated and messy and unpleasant, And really it's just are 349 00:19:30,716 --> 00:19:33,316 Speaker 1: you okay with that? Are you willing to get okay 350 00:19:33,356 --> 00:19:37,276 Speaker 1: with that? Are you willing to take the tools that 351 00:19:37,356 --> 00:19:42,756 Speaker 1: you have in your arsenal to withstand that intensity. I 352 00:19:42,876 --> 00:19:45,036 Speaker 1: love that you brought up chair pose in this capacity, 353 00:19:45,036 --> 00:19:47,596 Speaker 1: because that is one of the poses that anytime one 354 00:19:47,596 --> 00:19:49,996 Speaker 1: of my yoga instructors is like, let's go through chairs 355 00:19:50,076 --> 00:19:52,756 Speaker 1: secretly in my head. My first reaction is like, I 356 00:19:52,836 --> 00:19:56,156 Speaker 1: hate you, Why did you do that? Then I have 357 00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:58,236 Speaker 1: to turn on the sort of voice that I talk 358 00:19:58,276 --> 00:20:00,516 Speaker 1: about a lot on this podcast, my sort of stoic 359 00:20:00,636 --> 00:20:03,316 Speaker 1: voice that says, no, I invited this. You know, this 360 00:20:03,396 --> 00:20:05,276 Speaker 1: is a nice challenge, right. I didn't want to just 361 00:20:05,316 --> 00:20:08,116 Speaker 1: go through this yoga class and just you know, flop over, right. 362 00:20:08,156 --> 00:20:10,876 Speaker 1: You know, I invited this challenge so I could work 363 00:20:10,916 --> 00:20:13,796 Speaker 1: through it and allow it. And so it's great to 364 00:20:13,836 --> 00:20:15,476 Speaker 1: hear that that's such an important part of it. But 365 00:20:15,876 --> 00:20:18,556 Speaker 1: for me, another thing that yoga gives me is it 366 00:20:18,636 --> 00:20:22,436 Speaker 1: allows me to experience my body not just in terms 367 00:20:22,436 --> 00:20:23,996 Speaker 1: of the way it looks, but in terms of what 368 00:20:24,036 --> 00:20:26,636 Speaker 1: it can do. And that for me has really been 369 00:20:26,676 --> 00:20:28,556 Speaker 1: a game changer. And it's one of the reasons I 370 00:20:28,596 --> 00:20:32,156 Speaker 1: love following your practice and practicing with you. Right. You know, 371 00:20:32,196 --> 00:20:34,916 Speaker 1: sometimes when we're engaging with any kind of activity, we 372 00:20:34,956 --> 00:20:37,516 Speaker 1: can get sort of obsessed with how our body looks 373 00:20:37,516 --> 00:20:39,236 Speaker 1: in that moment or what our body is supposed to 374 00:20:39,316 --> 00:20:41,796 Speaker 1: be doing. And I think one thing about yoga is 375 00:20:41,836 --> 00:20:43,916 Speaker 1: that it really allows you to sort of see your 376 00:20:43,916 --> 00:20:46,756 Speaker 1: body flexibly to kind of understand better what it's doing. 377 00:20:46,756 --> 00:20:48,676 Speaker 1: To pay attention to it in a way that I 378 00:20:48,756 --> 00:20:51,836 Speaker 1: never had with any other kind of movement practice. But 379 00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:53,996 Speaker 1: I think one of the things I loved about practicing 380 00:20:53,996 --> 00:20:56,556 Speaker 1: with you we had this wonderful opportunity to practice together 381 00:20:56,716 --> 00:21:00,516 Speaker 1: at a retreat in Montana, was that you also, as 382 00:21:00,556 --> 00:21:04,356 Speaker 1: a teacher, really encourage people to listen to their bodies 383 00:21:04,356 --> 00:21:07,316 Speaker 1: and allow their bodies to be however their body has been. 384 00:21:07,796 --> 00:21:09,876 Speaker 1: One of the poses I've often struggled with is a 385 00:21:10,036 --> 00:21:13,516 Speaker 1: gomu casana or cow face, where you kind of exactly 386 00:21:13,916 --> 00:21:16,276 Speaker 1: squash your hips over one another, you kind of like 387 00:21:16,396 --> 00:21:18,116 Speaker 1: leg over leg, and then you kind of bend over 388 00:21:18,156 --> 00:21:20,836 Speaker 1: to stretch. And immediately when my body gets into that position, 389 00:21:21,276 --> 00:21:23,996 Speaker 1: my stomach is in the way, and I take the bait. 390 00:21:24,076 --> 00:21:25,476 Speaker 1: You know, it's so hard for me to be in 391 00:21:25,476 --> 00:21:27,636 Speaker 1: that posture without saying like, oh my god, my stomach 392 00:21:27,676 --> 00:21:29,716 Speaker 1: is so big, wise my stomach here, I'm doing it wrong. 393 00:21:30,036 --> 00:21:31,636 Speaker 1: And the first time I did that posture with you 394 00:21:31,676 --> 00:21:34,156 Speaker 1: in your class, you said, and if your stomach isn't 395 00:21:34,156 --> 00:21:35,876 Speaker 1: in the way, move your stomach out of the way. 396 00:21:35,916 --> 00:21:38,876 Speaker 1: You like, make space for your stomach, because your stomach 397 00:21:38,956 --> 00:21:41,196 Speaker 1: is going to be there anyway. And this was like, 398 00:21:41,316 --> 00:21:43,396 Speaker 1: you know, a bomb went offered my head of like 399 00:21:43,516 --> 00:21:46,396 Speaker 1: wait a minute, Like I can still practice this posture 400 00:21:46,516 --> 00:21:48,956 Speaker 1: with my stomach in the way, It's okay, Like it's 401 00:21:48,996 --> 00:21:51,396 Speaker 1: good to take up space. And so you'll talk about 402 00:21:51,396 --> 00:21:54,036 Speaker 1: the kind of freedom that you give to your students 403 00:21:54,156 --> 00:21:57,636 Speaker 1: by kind of acknowledging that you know, yoga is for everybody. 404 00:21:57,996 --> 00:22:00,436 Speaker 1: You know. I think that it is the great benefit 405 00:22:00,476 --> 00:22:03,876 Speaker 1: of my life that I have had to learn how 406 00:22:03,956 --> 00:22:06,676 Speaker 1: to love my body, learn how to love a body 407 00:22:06,756 --> 00:22:10,356 Speaker 1: that society has actively told me to like because it 408 00:22:10,876 --> 00:22:13,676 Speaker 1: allows me to have more empathy with the fact that 409 00:22:13,796 --> 00:22:17,596 Speaker 1: everybody is having that experience or feeling like not good 410 00:22:17,676 --> 00:22:20,396 Speaker 1: enough for that something is wrong with their body. Because 411 00:22:20,396 --> 00:22:23,236 Speaker 1: when you started talking about that with Goma Cosana, I 412 00:22:23,316 --> 00:22:25,876 Speaker 1: was just like, literally, the reason that I know that 413 00:22:25,956 --> 00:22:28,556 Speaker 1: and feel that is because I feel the exact same 414 00:22:28,636 --> 00:22:31,396 Speaker 1: way about that posture, Like it is one of the 415 00:22:31,476 --> 00:22:35,156 Speaker 1: most challenging postures for me. It's something that I've been 416 00:22:35,156 --> 00:22:39,756 Speaker 1: extremely critical of myself about and very judgmental, and it 417 00:22:39,796 --> 00:22:43,356 Speaker 1: always comes down to just accepting it exactly as it is, 418 00:22:43,956 --> 00:22:46,676 Speaker 1: exactly as I am right now, so that like maybe 419 00:22:46,716 --> 00:22:49,996 Speaker 1: my legs are not crossing over each other entirely. Maybe 420 00:22:49,996 --> 00:22:52,196 Speaker 1: I'm using a block. May I'm resting my foot on 421 00:22:52,196 --> 00:22:56,476 Speaker 1: a block. Maybe my fingers are not pressing together. Maybe 422 00:22:56,596 --> 00:23:00,636 Speaker 1: I'm just trying to even get my arms somewhere near 423 00:23:00,716 --> 00:23:05,036 Speaker 1: one another. And that is okay. I am okay exactly 424 00:23:05,076 --> 00:23:08,156 Speaker 1: as I am right now. And in addition to that, 425 00:23:08,636 --> 00:23:12,636 Speaker 1: I think getting okay with exactly as you are then 426 00:23:12,756 --> 00:23:15,236 Speaker 1: opens the door to for this idea that you were saying, 427 00:23:15,436 --> 00:23:20,356 Speaker 1: taking up space. And that idea of taking up space 428 00:23:20,636 --> 00:23:23,276 Speaker 1: has been a game changer for me because I don't 429 00:23:23,276 --> 00:23:26,556 Speaker 1: know about you, but I really try to make myself 430 00:23:26,716 --> 00:23:30,756 Speaker 1: small all the time. I'm like trying to take up 431 00:23:30,756 --> 00:23:34,996 Speaker 1: as little space as possible. And it's not just physical space, 432 00:23:35,076 --> 00:23:38,796 Speaker 1: it's emotional space, spiritual space. It's like I don't want 433 00:23:38,836 --> 00:23:43,516 Speaker 1: to encumber anybody else by existing, Like I don't want 434 00:23:43,556 --> 00:23:47,596 Speaker 1: to offend anybody else with my existence. And that idea 435 00:23:48,076 --> 00:23:51,916 Speaker 1: talk about a pervasive idea. It seeks into everything. You 436 00:23:51,956 --> 00:23:55,196 Speaker 1: can't do anything because you don't want to take up space, 437 00:23:55,316 --> 00:23:59,356 Speaker 1: and so just allowing yourself practicing taking up space in 438 00:23:59,436 --> 00:24:03,716 Speaker 1: the yoga practice the effects in the rest of your life. 439 00:24:04,076 --> 00:24:07,796 Speaker 1: It resonates in a way that words can't express. It 440 00:24:07,836 --> 00:24:11,236 Speaker 1: becomes about something that it's not just about a yoga 441 00:24:11,276 --> 00:24:13,916 Speaker 1: posture at all. Like if you can practice taking up 442 00:24:13,956 --> 00:24:16,796 Speaker 1: space in a physical posture, you can take up space 443 00:24:16,796 --> 00:24:19,116 Speaker 1: on the rest of your life. And another way I 444 00:24:19,156 --> 00:24:21,356 Speaker 1: think that kind of coming to terms with your own 445 00:24:21,396 --> 00:24:23,796 Speaker 1: body and you're through your yoga practice can be really 446 00:24:23,836 --> 00:24:26,636 Speaker 1: profound in terms of increasing your happiness is a way 447 00:24:26,636 --> 00:24:28,436 Speaker 1: that it kind of connects you with the rest of 448 00:24:28,436 --> 00:24:30,796 Speaker 1: the people out there, right, I mean, I think, you know, 449 00:24:31,236 --> 00:24:33,836 Speaker 1: like allowing my body to be just as it is 450 00:24:33,916 --> 00:24:36,716 Speaker 1: on the yoga mat allows me to see that everyone 451 00:24:36,916 --> 00:24:39,076 Speaker 1: you know has these critiques of their body. You've talked 452 00:24:39,076 --> 00:24:41,316 Speaker 1: about being you know, a permanent body sham or in 453 00:24:41,356 --> 00:24:44,276 Speaker 1: body shaming recovery. But I think you know, secretly most 454 00:24:44,316 --> 00:24:46,836 Speaker 1: of us are right. You know, if I don't like 455 00:24:46,916 --> 00:24:48,836 Speaker 1: how I'm doing a pose, it means I just kind 456 00:24:48,836 --> 00:24:51,916 Speaker 1: of share common humanity with like basically everyone that's ever 457 00:24:51,996 --> 00:24:54,236 Speaker 1: tried yoga or done any fitness thing in their life. 458 00:24:54,356 --> 00:24:56,836 Speaker 1: Or if you know, maybe you're perfect in the fitness realm, 459 00:24:56,836 --> 00:24:58,876 Speaker 1: but in a different realm you're kind of feeling shamed 460 00:24:58,876 --> 00:25:01,556 Speaker 1: and so kind of talk about what that sort of 461 00:25:01,556 --> 00:25:04,396 Speaker 1: connection has done for you and your happiness as you've 462 00:25:04,396 --> 00:25:07,796 Speaker 1: practiced more and taught this practice to others. God, it 463 00:25:07,796 --> 00:25:11,236 Speaker 1: has been crazy. I mean I had so many assumptions 464 00:25:11,276 --> 00:25:16,956 Speaker 1: about how other people experience life. I felt like it's 465 00:25:17,036 --> 00:25:22,476 Speaker 1: only people who look different than the mainstream that feel 466 00:25:22,916 --> 00:25:26,636 Speaker 1: uncomfortable with themselves. But the turning point for me, I 467 00:25:27,356 --> 00:25:30,556 Speaker 1: hope I never forget, but knowing me, I probably will eventually. 468 00:25:30,556 --> 00:25:32,316 Speaker 1: So let me say it now while I still remember. 469 00:25:32,756 --> 00:25:36,156 Speaker 1: I was teaching in London and it's this huge class, 470 00:25:36,156 --> 00:25:38,956 Speaker 1: like hot as all hell in there, and it was 471 00:25:38,996 --> 00:25:41,476 Speaker 1: like we were really getting into it. So it's like 472 00:25:41,836 --> 00:25:45,476 Speaker 1: it's sweaty, there are tears, lots of energy in the space, 473 00:25:45,676 --> 00:25:50,036 Speaker 1: and we get to the final posture, a resting posture, 474 00:25:50,556 --> 00:25:53,716 Speaker 1: and I had to pee so badly. It was taking 475 00:25:53,796 --> 00:25:55,276 Speaker 1: up all of my mental space. I had to pee 476 00:25:55,316 --> 00:25:57,156 Speaker 1: so bad, and I was like, I'm not going to 477 00:25:57,236 --> 00:26:00,316 Speaker 1: be able to get out of this room before meditation, 478 00:26:00,436 --> 00:26:02,716 Speaker 1: like I'm gonna have to pee on my mat. So 479 00:26:02,756 --> 00:26:05,436 Speaker 1: I peed on my mat in this class, right, So 480 00:26:05,476 --> 00:26:09,196 Speaker 1: I'm feeling all this. I'm feeling a lot as the 481 00:26:09,196 --> 00:26:11,716 Speaker 1: the teacher, As a practitioner, I'm feeling a lot, and 482 00:26:11,836 --> 00:26:15,116 Speaker 1: the class is over and people are coming up to 483 00:26:15,276 --> 00:26:18,236 Speaker 1: say thank you and say goodbye, and this guy came 484 00:26:18,316 --> 00:26:21,196 Speaker 1: up to me. He just looks like a like a model, 485 00:26:21,396 --> 00:26:25,436 Speaker 1: you know, just like a very traditionally attractive cis het 486 00:26:25,476 --> 00:26:28,516 Speaker 1: white guy. And he comes up and he's just like, 487 00:26:28,556 --> 00:26:30,676 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I want to thank you for this class. 488 00:26:30,716 --> 00:26:32,476 Speaker 1: It really needs a lot to me. I've been feeling 489 00:26:32,516 --> 00:26:35,156 Speaker 1: so down on my body. And he just launches into 490 00:26:35,196 --> 00:26:38,476 Speaker 1: this whole emotional tale of what's going on with him 491 00:26:38,476 --> 00:26:41,556 Speaker 1: and his body. And I really hope that I processed 492 00:26:41,716 --> 00:26:44,116 Speaker 1: anything that he was saying, because what I thought in 493 00:26:44,156 --> 00:26:46,556 Speaker 1: the back of my mind was like, you have body 494 00:26:46,596 --> 00:26:51,276 Speaker 1: issues too? Is every Wow? Like I was really like, damn, 495 00:26:51,316 --> 00:26:55,196 Speaker 1: this isn't everybody problem You're like we think about probably 496 00:26:55,236 --> 00:26:58,476 Speaker 1: because of the way that body positivity as a concept 497 00:26:58,516 --> 00:27:02,316 Speaker 1: has been co opted as something that is only for fat, 498 00:27:02,516 --> 00:27:06,596 Speaker 1: cis het women. But I think that because of that 499 00:27:06,756 --> 00:27:12,516 Speaker 1: misunderstanding of like who needs to feel better about themselves, 500 00:27:12,996 --> 00:27:16,916 Speaker 1: we miss that like everybody has this and this is 501 00:27:16,956 --> 00:27:20,436 Speaker 1: a universal issue. In fact, I would argue that people 502 00:27:20,516 --> 00:27:24,676 Speaker 1: who see themselves reflected in the mainstream are more likely 503 00:27:24,716 --> 00:27:27,716 Speaker 1: to feel uncomfortable with themselves because they feel like they 504 00:27:27,756 --> 00:27:30,756 Speaker 1: have to reach that standard in a way that if 505 00:27:30,756 --> 00:27:33,476 Speaker 1: you don't see yourself represented, you can just be like, well, 506 00:27:34,076 --> 00:27:36,876 Speaker 1: the options are, I can either get used to this 507 00:27:36,996 --> 00:27:38,916 Speaker 1: or die. So I guess I'll just get used to it, 508 00:27:39,036 --> 00:27:41,276 Speaker 1: And so I think that there's there's like a low 509 00:27:41,316 --> 00:27:45,276 Speaker 1: key freedom there that can't get forgotten. But for me, 510 00:27:45,356 --> 00:27:49,276 Speaker 1: it has been really transformational to understand that every problem 511 00:27:49,356 --> 00:27:52,396 Speaker 1: that I have with myself is a universal problem and 512 00:27:52,596 --> 00:27:55,876 Speaker 1: that everyone is struggling with themselves and it might not 513 00:27:55,916 --> 00:27:59,076 Speaker 1: be struggling with your physical body. It might be struggling 514 00:27:59,076 --> 00:28:02,396 Speaker 1: with something in your emotional life or somebody who's in 515 00:28:02,436 --> 00:28:06,996 Speaker 1: your life. There's there's always something that is holding someone 516 00:28:07,676 --> 00:28:12,236 Speaker 1: hostage from themselves. And really being able to understand that 517 00:28:13,236 --> 00:28:16,596 Speaker 1: has been I say transformational, but that just feels so 518 00:28:16,636 --> 00:28:19,836 Speaker 1: small to me because it has been. It's really changed 519 00:28:19,956 --> 00:28:23,796 Speaker 1: my worldview because it makes me understand that if I 520 00:28:23,836 --> 00:28:28,716 Speaker 1: am able to accept myself, then I can reflect and 521 00:28:28,836 --> 00:28:32,636 Speaker 1: from their reverberate energy that allows for other people to 522 00:28:32,676 --> 00:28:36,516 Speaker 1: accept themselves. So that the more that I can accept myself, 523 00:28:36,796 --> 00:28:39,436 Speaker 1: the more that I can lean into my truth, the 524 00:28:39,476 --> 00:28:43,796 Speaker 1: more that it can resonate in ways that I will 525 00:28:43,836 --> 00:28:47,836 Speaker 1: probably never understand, Like I will never understand the impact 526 00:28:48,076 --> 00:28:52,196 Speaker 1: fully of making space for even one person to be 527 00:28:52,236 --> 00:28:55,836 Speaker 1: comfortable with themselves, because that person is going to influence 528 00:28:55,876 --> 00:28:58,996 Speaker 1: another person and then so on and so on. And 529 00:28:59,076 --> 00:29:01,076 Speaker 1: this is one of the most powerful concepts that we're 530 00:29:01,076 --> 00:29:04,316 Speaker 1: talking about in this mini season, is this idea of 531 00:29:04,316 --> 00:29:07,996 Speaker 1: self compassion, right, like kind of giving yourself some grace 532 00:29:08,116 --> 00:29:11,196 Speaker 1: can feel selfish, but ultimately it's one of the biggest 533 00:29:11,196 --> 00:29:13,436 Speaker 1: gifts we can give to the people around us, because 534 00:29:13,476 --> 00:29:16,356 Speaker 1: if we allow ourselves some grace, that means that we're 535 00:29:16,436 --> 00:29:19,276 Speaker 1: naturally extending grace to other people who need to give 536 00:29:19,276 --> 00:29:21,956 Speaker 1: it to themselves too. I think that's one of the reasons, 537 00:29:21,996 --> 00:29:24,796 Speaker 1: at least when we practice together in Montana, you ended 538 00:29:24,836 --> 00:29:26,956 Speaker 1: your class with a wonderful phrase, and I thought it'd 539 00:29:26,996 --> 00:29:30,596 Speaker 1: be a nice ending for this mini season on self compassion, 540 00:29:30,956 --> 00:29:33,356 Speaker 1: about the light in me sees the light in you, 541 00:29:33,636 --> 00:29:36,916 Speaker 1: but the darkness in me also sees the darkness in you. Yes, 542 00:29:37,156 --> 00:29:40,476 Speaker 1: the thing man, because it's like it's not about changing anything. 543 00:29:40,556 --> 00:29:42,276 Speaker 1: I was just saying to my partner the other day, 544 00:29:42,356 --> 00:29:45,036 Speaker 1: like I would spend so much time trying not to 545 00:29:45,036 --> 00:29:47,916 Speaker 1: accept something about myself and like just trying to change it. 546 00:29:47,956 --> 00:29:49,516 Speaker 1: I'll be like, I don't need to look at that, 547 00:29:49,556 --> 00:29:51,876 Speaker 1: because I'm going to change it. Whatever the thing is. 548 00:29:51,956 --> 00:29:53,716 Speaker 1: It'll be like, yeah, I don't I don't need to 549 00:29:53,756 --> 00:29:55,436 Speaker 1: look at all of that. I'm just going to change it. 550 00:29:55,516 --> 00:29:57,956 Speaker 1: But how can you change it if you don't look 551 00:29:57,956 --> 00:29:59,676 Speaker 1: at all of it? All you're doing is just making 552 00:29:59,716 --> 00:30:04,076 Speaker 1: a bigger mess. And so really being able to see that, like, no, 553 00:30:04,356 --> 00:30:07,836 Speaker 1: there is darkness inside of me. There is pure darkness, 554 00:30:08,276 --> 00:30:11,996 Speaker 1: and I can see that darkness, and if I make 555 00:30:12,076 --> 00:30:15,436 Speaker 1: space for it, I can accept that darkness. And the 556 00:30:15,476 --> 00:30:18,716 Speaker 1: beautiful thing is that when I accept that darkness in myself, 557 00:30:19,156 --> 00:30:22,876 Speaker 1: I can accept that darkness in somebody else, in everybody else, 558 00:30:23,036 --> 00:30:26,876 Speaker 1: because it is in everybody else and there's no there's 559 00:30:27,076 --> 00:30:30,956 Speaker 1: none among us that get away from that darkness, and 560 00:30:31,036 --> 00:30:33,396 Speaker 1: that the darkness has to be there or else how 561 00:30:33,436 --> 00:30:38,556 Speaker 1: could the light be there. There's this assumption that comes 562 00:30:38,716 --> 00:30:44,796 Speaker 1: with being a person who's on a journey of self acceptance, 563 00:30:45,236 --> 00:30:48,756 Speaker 1: that there's an assumption that like, oh, well, that girl, 564 00:30:48,836 --> 00:30:50,796 Speaker 1: she's got to figure it out, like you figured out 565 00:30:50,836 --> 00:30:52,996 Speaker 1: how to love yourself and how to be okay with 566 00:30:53,036 --> 00:30:55,876 Speaker 1: everything and so, and I just do not find that 567 00:30:55,956 --> 00:30:57,756 Speaker 1: to be the case. I think that I am on 568 00:30:57,756 --> 00:31:00,716 Speaker 1: a journey for the rest of my life to accept 569 00:31:00,756 --> 00:31:02,996 Speaker 1: what the universe has brought me. And I think that 570 00:31:03,116 --> 00:31:05,276 Speaker 1: the more that I can just accept that it is 571 00:31:05,316 --> 00:31:08,836 Speaker 1: an ongoing journey and that there will always be new 572 00:31:09,396 --> 00:31:12,236 Speaker 1: ways that that journey looks, the more that I can 573 00:31:12,236 --> 00:31:15,876 Speaker 1: accept that the better, because it's never going to end. 574 00:31:17,236 --> 00:31:20,516 Speaker 1: I'm so grateful that I've discovered Jessimin's yoga practice. She's 575 00:31:20,556 --> 00:31:22,956 Speaker 1: really helping me break that link in my mind between 576 00:31:23,036 --> 00:31:27,116 Speaker 1: exercising and some dark urge to change my body. Nowadays, 577 00:31:27,156 --> 00:31:29,236 Speaker 1: when I roll out my yoga mat, I'm trying to 578 00:31:29,276 --> 00:31:31,716 Speaker 1: be more okay with how I look and to concentrate 579 00:31:31,756 --> 00:31:34,716 Speaker 1: instead on how the poses make me feel. But that's 580 00:31:34,716 --> 00:31:36,876 Speaker 1: because yoga is my thing. For you, it could be 581 00:31:36,916 --> 00:31:41,236 Speaker 1: something different, running, hiking, cycling, it doesn't matter. What really 582 00:31:41,276 --> 00:31:43,596 Speaker 1: matters is that the goal of exercise should be that 583 00:31:43,676 --> 00:31:46,476 Speaker 1: it brings you some sort of enjoyment and happiness. It 584 00:31:46,556 --> 00:31:51,036 Speaker 1: shouldn't be some panting, sweaty ordeal of self loathing. With 585 00:31:51,116 --> 00:31:53,716 Speaker 1: January coming to a close, this is the final episode 586 00:31:53,756 --> 00:31:56,236 Speaker 1: of our New Year's season, I want to thank all 587 00:31:56,236 --> 00:31:58,636 Speaker 1: of the experts who came on the show. I hope 588 00:31:58,636 --> 00:32:01,236 Speaker 1: we've convinced you that self compassion can be a much 589 00:32:01,276 --> 00:32:03,996 Speaker 1: more powerful weapon in our happiness arsenal than most of 590 00:32:04,076 --> 00:32:07,156 Speaker 1: us usually think that. Happiness Lab will be back this 591 00:32:07,196 --> 00:32:10,156 Speaker 1: spring with more of our happiness lessons of the ancients. 592 00:32:10,636 --> 00:32:12,796 Speaker 1: We look at what we can learn from the spiritual 593 00:32:12,836 --> 00:32:16,756 Speaker 1: and philosophical thinkers of the past. And until then, I'll 594 00:32:16,796 --> 00:32:19,836 Speaker 1: ask you to do just one thing, which is be 595 00:32:19,916 --> 00:32:22,556 Speaker 1: kind to other people, but never forget the power of 596 00:32:22,596 --> 00:32:35,476 Speaker 1: being kind, caring and compassionate to yourself. Dappinus Lab was 597 00:32:35,476 --> 00:32:38,076 Speaker 1: co written and produced by Ryan Dilley. The show was 598 00:32:38,116 --> 00:32:41,036 Speaker 1: mixed and mastered by Evan Viola, and our original music 599 00:32:41,116 --> 00:32:45,076 Speaker 1: was by Zachary Silver. Special thanks to the entire Pushkin team, 600 00:32:45,116 --> 00:32:51,036 Speaker 1: including Neila Belle, Maggie Taylor, Carl mcgliori, Heather Fame, Sophie Crane, mckibbon, 601 00:32:51,436 --> 00:32:56,716 Speaker 1: Eric Sandler, Jacob Weisberg, and my agent Bendinis. Dapinus Lab 602 00:32:56,756 --> 00:32:58,876 Speaker 1: is brought to you by Pushkin Industries and by me, 603 00:32:59,156 --> 00:33:04,076 Speaker 1: doctor Laurie Sanchos.