WEBVTT - My Baby's Lazy 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.159 Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio 0:00:03.279 --> 0:00:04.120 and the Black Effect. 0:00:15.920 --> 0:00:17.079 Oh shit we on a air. 0:00:17.120 --> 0:00:19.720 Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode with your 0:00:19.720 --> 0:00:20.560 girl Jessilarious. 0:00:20.800 --> 0:00:21.680 And what I be doing. 0:00:21.720 --> 0:00:24.360 I'll be fixing mess not only here on the Carefully 0:00:24.440 --> 0:00:27.680 Reckless podcast on the Black Effect Network under our Heart, 0:00:28.040 --> 0:00:30.319 I be doing that shit on Breakfast Club each and 0:00:30.400 --> 0:00:34.360 every Thursday. Well it alternates between Wednesdays and Thursdays or whatever, 0:00:34.440 --> 0:00:36.600 but that's what I'll be doing, y'all. So We're gonna 0:00:36.640 --> 0:00:39.560 jump straight into it. And I'm so excited. Guess what 0:00:39.720 --> 0:00:41.120 your guess why? I guess why? 0:00:41.240 --> 0:00:44.279 Yes? Why? Because we have a fucking voice memo. Thank you. 0:00:44.560 --> 0:00:46.519 So we're just gonna jump straight into it. Here we go. 0:00:47.159 --> 0:00:49.720 What's so, jes, I don't think I ever ever heard 0:00:49.760 --> 0:00:53.520 a guy come on here, but maybe I'll be the first. 0:00:54.960 --> 0:00:56.680 Please bear with me. I do have my son in 0:00:56.720 --> 0:00:57.000 the car. 0:00:57.200 --> 0:00:59.600 Okay, you not with You're not the first. 0:00:59.440 --> 0:01:02.880 Out with my significant other for probably a little bit 0:01:02.880 --> 0:01:03.720 over three years. 0:01:04.720 --> 0:01:08.160 We just had our second child a week ago, and 0:01:09.200 --> 0:01:09.760 I would. 0:01:09.600 --> 0:01:13.400 Say within these last three years I have been having 0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:17.560 issues with you know, her not wanting to grow and 0:01:17.680 --> 0:01:20.400 just you know, help me push you know forth in 0:01:20.520 --> 0:01:24.160 my business, you know, and and and just help help me. 0:01:25.319 --> 0:01:28.040 Just just be that that woman for me that they 0:01:28.040 --> 0:01:34.520 can sense. So when we had our first child, I 0:01:34.560 --> 0:01:37.360 you know, gave her the option to go to work 0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:39.679 or stay home, and she is not to stay home. 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:43.200 And and and that's how I like it. 0:01:43.319 --> 0:01:46.080 Man. I feel like, you know, any I feel like. 0:01:46.120 --> 0:01:50.080 Own black men shouldn't have their significant other, uh stay 0:01:50.120 --> 0:01:52.920 home and. 0:01:51.680 --> 0:01:53.880 And take care of the household while we're out doing 0:01:53.920 --> 0:01:57.040 the farmwork. And my Max was just trying to build 0:01:57.120 --> 0:01:58.640 and grow my business. 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:02.520 And you just make sure that my family never have 0:02:02.760 --> 0:02:05.400 to go to work. And I would say, one of 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:10.320 the things that really gauzes me is we're avery almost home, buddy, 0:02:11.960 --> 0:02:13.680 is that she does. 0:02:13.520 --> 0:02:16.960 Not put forth any effort to show that she values 0:02:17.120 --> 0:02:19.919 he has been while I'm not here going to work 0:02:20.000 --> 0:02:23.119 for difficult people, if you know what I mean. It's 0:02:23.160 --> 0:02:25.639 just as a black man working out in an American 0:02:25.639 --> 0:02:27.079 assistance of all in general. 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:30.000 But I'm sacrificing that so she ain't got to deal 0:02:30.080 --> 0:02:30.360 with it. 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:33.920 And I don't wh I keep my boys on, you know, 0:02:34.040 --> 0:02:34.760 so while. 0:02:34.520 --> 0:02:38.280 I'm putting forth, you know, my hardest work, working overtime 0:02:38.320 --> 0:02:41.600 every day, putting network on Saturdays, and then coming home 0:02:42.080 --> 0:02:45.799 and working the extra you know, three to four hours 0:02:45.840 --> 0:02:47.840 on my own personal business that I've. 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:50.880 Been working on for the last you know, four years 0:02:50.960 --> 0:02:51.160 or so. 0:02:52.800 --> 0:02:56.320 I need her to ask me step up and hold 0:02:56.320 --> 0:02:58.320 it down at the house, and she has. 0:02:58.320 --> 0:02:59.160 Not been doing that. 0:02:59.360 --> 0:03:03.799 Like literally for the last three years some of my relationships, 0:03:03.840 --> 0:03:07.000 she has literally not done anything. 0:03:07.040 --> 0:03:09.280 And I said rules, like, hey, if. 0:03:09.160 --> 0:03:10.600 You're gonna be in stay at home mom, you went 0:03:10.639 --> 0:03:14.120 to homeschool like kids, let's start working on the curriculum 0:03:14.160 --> 0:03:16.440 for them, you know, because I don't agree with the 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:19.240 public school system. I feel like young black men should 0:03:19.240 --> 0:03:24.359 be taught differently. And it's just like she doesn't do anything. Man, 0:03:24.480 --> 0:03:27.400 it just bothers me, and it kind of kills my 0:03:27.480 --> 0:03:30.480 sex drive with her, because like when I come home 0:03:30.760 --> 0:03:33.120 every single day of the week and I'm so pissed 0:03:33.160 --> 0:03:36.320 off because not only I'm dealing with these white folks 0:03:36.400 --> 0:03:39.560 at work, I got to come home to a dirty house, 0:03:39.760 --> 0:03:42.520 food not being cooked, you know a lot of the 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:45.320 times I'm cooking, and just she's just not holding her 0:03:45.440 --> 0:03:48.520 up her end of the day. If I know, no 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:50.720 means I am not going to break up with her. 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:53.960 I cannot destroy my family like that. You know. I 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:57.600 got two boys that needs me and the two playing household. 0:03:57.680 --> 0:04:00.000 It's just that's extremely important to me because I didn't 0:04:00.120 --> 0:04:02.080 have that and it affected me a lot. 0:04:02.200 --> 0:04:06.720 But when you're dealing with somebody who don't respect growth 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:11.280 and developing themselves as a you know, person in general, 0:04:11.880 --> 0:04:12.880 it really bothers me. 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:14.680 And You've got a lot of people who are just 0:04:15.480 --> 0:04:16.520 okay with just. 0:04:16.440 --> 0:04:20.520 Going to work and and just looking forward to the weekend, 0:04:20.560 --> 0:04:22.320 and I'm not. And I'm like, I'm. 0:04:22.160 --> 0:04:25.000 Grinding, and I need my partner to know, like, hey. 0:04:25.240 --> 0:04:29.880 I need you to grind with me one quickst album. 0:04:29.920 --> 0:04:33.240 With my business, you know, I'm probably projected to make 0:04:34.279 --> 0:04:37.640 an extra thirty to fifty thousand dollars in my small 0:04:37.680 --> 0:04:38.440 business this year. 0:04:39.080 --> 0:04:41.240 But I'm doing everything by myself. 0:04:41.320 --> 0:04:43.479 Like I have to answer all the emails, I have 0:04:43.640 --> 0:04:44.680 to talk to. 0:04:44.640 --> 0:04:47.440 The people that I hired to work for me to. 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:50.920 Do some software stuff and engineering type stuff. I gotta 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:54.640 do all that. And it would really suit me to 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:58.880 have her hands as emails, have her contact, or even 0:04:58.920 --> 0:04:59.680 have her do. 0:04:59.720 --> 0:05:03.040 Some social media stuff for me. But it's literally like 0:05:03.160 --> 0:05:04.680 she doesn't really value it. 0:05:05.320 --> 0:05:09.479 And like, sexually, I love it if I love having 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:13.960 sex with her, but for me to boost my energy 0:05:14.000 --> 0:05:16.279 with her, it's just like I need some type of 0:05:16.360 --> 0:05:19.600 intellect between us to be formed, because like, it just 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:22.200 doesn't really drive me to want to be so romantic 0:05:22.279 --> 0:05:24.800 when I have somebody who don't even care about growth. 0:05:25.720 --> 0:05:27.120 And I would say we are. 0:05:27.040 --> 0:05:29.760 In therapy right now, but I don't really see therapy 0:05:29.880 --> 0:05:32.920 working when I have already communicated. 0:05:32.320 --> 0:05:36.320 Her like, hey, look, look if I need you. 0:05:35.760 --> 0:05:38.039 Like it's tough out here, man, and I need you 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:41.320 to you know, I need you to pick up that 0:05:41.360 --> 0:05:42.280 second half. 0:05:42.040 --> 0:05:44.400 Of me while I'm at work. 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:47.440 And I do understand what got kids and she's a 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:50.120 stay at home mom, but imagine if she had to 0:05:50.120 --> 0:05:51.560 go to work, and it'd be a lot different. 0:05:51.880 --> 0:05:55.960 My question to you is like how do I how do. 0:05:55.880 --> 0:05:58.760 I get her to understand the value that she brings 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:02.160 to me as for one being at being at home 0:06:02.240 --> 0:06:06.520 taking care of kids, having a freedom not to go 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:09.360 to work, and didn't deal with the bullshit. 0:06:09.040 --> 0:06:12.120 I deal with, you know, It's like, how do I 0:06:12.200 --> 0:06:15.919 get that through her? Because like I have already maxed 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:18.520 out of my life. I bought my second house when 0:06:18.520 --> 0:06:21.000 I was twenty nine years old. I make good money, 0:06:21.400 --> 0:06:22.599 you know, I got my family. 0:06:23.240 --> 0:06:26.240 You know, it's just the thing that's lacking is that 0:06:26.240 --> 0:06:28.680 that woman. Man Like, I need her to pick up 0:06:28.839 --> 0:06:30.000 and be that rock for me. 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:34.080 Man Like. I literally, I literally do so much to 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:35.200 the points where it's like. 0:06:37.480 --> 0:06:40.680 Me to the point where I'm like, man Like, a 0:06:40.720 --> 0:06:42.680 lot of men go through this kind of shit and 0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:44.920 they end up getting aside piece or something like that, 0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:46.960 Hey we home, but let's go in to eat. 0:06:47.520 --> 0:06:49.480 They end up getting aside chicken. I ain't trying to 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:50.599 do that, man like. 0:06:50.839 --> 0:06:53.800 I like, I like my girls, So just just help 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:54.200 me out. 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:54.440 Man. 0:06:54.720 --> 0:06:57.800 But I like what you're doing in the breakfast club. 0:06:57.839 --> 0:07:01.760 And keep up the good work. You're doing great. Your 0:07:01.800 --> 0:07:03.640 reading is getting a lot better too, by. 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:04.839 The way, a whole lot thanks. 0:07:05.440 --> 0:07:07.400 First of all, you know what, I'm gonna come back 0:07:07.440 --> 0:07:09.040 to that, all right, I'm gonna come back to that. 0:07:09.360 --> 0:07:11.280 Hold up, Hold up, I know the shit getting good. 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:13.600 But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. 0:07:13.600 --> 0:07:17.360 If you love me, you'll listen. But no, I just 0:07:17.400 --> 0:07:20.400 couldn't get past your baby in the back. You know, 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:24.560 even though I have I'm pregnant right now already. That 0:07:24.680 --> 0:07:27.360 just gave me baby fever again. Babies, just give me 0:07:27.480 --> 0:07:31.080 baby fever period, pregnant or not, honey, I just oh 0:07:31.120 --> 0:07:34.320 my god, I love this baby. It's like, Nigga, I'm hungry. 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:36.560 You want to be talking talking to the stranger about 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:38.640 my mom. Nigga, come on home, get me out this car. 0:07:38.840 --> 0:07:41.560 All right? Anyway, all right, let's get to that. And 0:07:41.600 --> 0:07:43.600 then secondly, thank you so much. 0:07:43.640 --> 0:07:47.920 I appreciate you and and the fact that you complimented 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:50.360 my reading or whatever, which is why I'm glad that 0:07:50.400 --> 0:07:52.640 you sent them the voice. No, nigga, ha ha, so 0:07:52.680 --> 0:07:54.560 I would have to read just shit because that was long. 0:07:55.080 --> 0:07:58.760 But let's jump into it. So obviously, either you two 0:07:58.920 --> 0:08:02.480 are from totally different walks of life, you know, y'all, 0:08:02.520 --> 0:08:05.160 y'all are bought up different differently. You know, you care 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:08.680 about things that at twenty nine, like you said, you 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:10.880 was already buying your second property. You know what I'm saying, 0:08:11.080 --> 0:08:13.320 as opposed to the average twenty nine year old ain't 0:08:13.360 --> 0:08:16.680 thinking about that, you get what I'm saying, Or just 0:08:16.760 --> 0:08:19.080 another twenty nine year old, you know, could be thinking 0:08:19.120 --> 0:08:22.200 about what she gonna wake up and post on social 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:25.880 media tomorrow. You know, it's just it's different walks of 0:08:25.920 --> 0:08:30.480 life that different paths, different mindsets, different thinking. Okay, now, 0:08:30.560 --> 0:08:32.280 you let this go on for three years. You told 0:08:32.320 --> 0:08:35.200 me three years. I'm just quoting you three That's what 0:08:35.320 --> 0:08:37.080 Also like when y'all send voice notes in because I 0:08:37.080 --> 0:08:38.560 can challenge what you said. 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:40.240 Three years. 0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:43.079 You let this go on. Okay, Now, I know you 0:08:43.120 --> 0:08:45.680 said you've talked to her and everything. I'm gonna just 0:08:45.679 --> 0:08:48.880 give you a couple things that it could be if 0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:50.559 it ain't the different worlds. 0:08:50.880 --> 0:08:54.040 Okay, she just had a baby. That baby sounds fairly young. 0:08:54.080 --> 0:08:55.880 I think you said he's a couple months or no, 0:08:55.960 --> 0:08:58.360 you should she just had a baby a week ago 0:08:58.480 --> 0:08:59.080 something like that. 0:08:59.160 --> 0:08:59.800 I know you just said that. 0:08:59.840 --> 0:09:03.640 You y'all have a newborn, of course, a small infant child. 0:09:04.080 --> 0:09:06.959 Have you ever thought about maybe she is having post 0:09:07.000 --> 0:09:11.960 traumatic stress disorder? Have you thought about like, maybe she 0:09:12.280 --> 0:09:15.360 is miserable in her own right, Maybe she wants to 0:09:15.400 --> 0:09:18.680 do something else so badly with her life. Maybe she 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:20.480 doesn't want to be a stay at home mom just 0:09:20.480 --> 0:09:22.600 because that's the mold that you want her to fit. 0:09:22.679 --> 0:09:24.200 Me, because that's what you see for her. 0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:28.040 Have you ever thought that maybe she had dreams but 0:09:28.120 --> 0:09:30.000 she put them aside to have your two babies. 0:09:30.000 --> 0:09:30.800 You get what I'm saying. 0:09:31.040 --> 0:09:35.280 Have you thought about the fact that what's running through 0:09:35.280 --> 0:09:37.560 her mind when you are out there and those two 0:09:37.559 --> 0:09:39.559 babies are that she's not getting proper sleep. 0:09:39.880 --> 0:09:40.679 Have you thought about that? 0:09:40.760 --> 0:09:40.880 Now? 0:09:40.880 --> 0:09:43.000 These are not excuses, these are facts, and this could 0:09:43.160 --> 0:09:45.080 very well be what's going on with her. 0:09:45.559 --> 0:09:47.199 I just want to tell you don't. 0:09:47.440 --> 0:09:50.000 And I know you're not discrediting her, and I know 0:09:50.080 --> 0:09:51.920 that you feel that you have given her grace, But 0:09:52.040 --> 0:09:54.400 have you you got to think about that? Have you 0:09:54.440 --> 0:09:57.440 given her grace all right until you are able to 0:09:57.600 --> 0:10:00.400 have a baby and then have another one and then 0:10:01.000 --> 0:10:03.960 you want me to cook and clean and still you 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:06.320 know now, listen, it's been done. I'm not sitting here 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:08.320 telling you that it is not possible, because baby, it 0:10:08.440 --> 0:10:09.160 is possible. 0:10:09.600 --> 0:10:11.560 It's possible. Black women do it every day. 0:10:11.760 --> 0:10:14.319 White women do it every day, Hispanic women do All 0:10:14.360 --> 0:10:17.440 other women do it every day. I'm not here to 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:20.199 narrow it down to race, but I'm just saying women 0:10:20.280 --> 0:10:23.640 do it every day. Okay, so it is not impossible, 0:10:23.760 --> 0:10:30.199 but everybody is different. Their mindsets are different. Okay, everybody 0:10:30.360 --> 0:10:32.800 is not strong after birth mentally. 0:10:33.160 --> 0:10:34.000 You get what I'm saying. 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:36.280 And then you say you bought up the thing of Okay, 0:10:36.320 --> 0:10:39.880 we can do therapy, but I feel like me talking 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:42.840 to her should be enough, should be mm hmm. Because 0:10:42.840 --> 0:10:45.040 you're in the house, you have a bias opinion. You 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:48.400 know you're in it. Maybe y'all do need a professional. Okay, 0:10:48.480 --> 0:10:49.240 I understand. 0:10:49.520 --> 0:10:49.800 Brother. 0:10:50.240 --> 0:10:53.080 I just want to say congratulations on you being that 0:10:53.160 --> 0:10:55.960 strong black man for your family. All right, you're building 0:10:56.000 --> 0:10:58.760 an empire and you wanting to take care of your 0:10:58.760 --> 0:11:01.760 family because it's not. There are many brothers like you, 0:11:01.840 --> 0:11:04.360 but we need more. You get what I'm saying. I 0:11:04.360 --> 0:11:07.199 do understand. I understand, But I also need you to 0:11:07.280 --> 0:11:08.920 understand the other side of it as well, and that's 0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:11.360 her side. You come home to a dirty house, you 0:11:11.400 --> 0:11:14.280 feel yo, she could very well be depressed as fuck. 0:11:14.559 --> 0:11:15.000 Right now. 0:11:15.559 --> 0:11:18.240 You know the baby's crying, and then you know sometimes 0:11:18.280 --> 0:11:21.000 you got to come home and cook. Let's compromise, okay, baby, 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:24.199 piece of day can be Thursdays and Fridays. You don't 0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:27.560 gotta cook Monday through Friday. I'll give you that check 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:29.160 in with her how. 0:11:28.960 --> 0:11:29.320 Is you today? 0:11:29.360 --> 0:11:29.520 Baby? 0:11:29.520 --> 0:11:30.400 Why is the house dirty? 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:32.720 Is it something that I you know, it's something that 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:34.800 was bothering you today? How's your mental? How do you 0:11:35.000 --> 0:11:37.040 how are you feeling? Come here and sit down. Let 0:11:37.040 --> 0:11:39.000 the baby cry for a second. Let there is nothing 0:11:39.040 --> 0:11:41.160 wrong with a baby crying. They strengthening them lungs. I'm 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:44.560 telling you all right, So nothing wrong with a baby 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:47.920 crying for a little minute. Y'all go sit in the 0:11:48.000 --> 0:11:51.400 room somewhere. What happened? Why is the house dirty? Furthermore, 0:11:51.400 --> 0:11:54.439 before we get to the house being dirty, listen, how's 0:11:54.440 --> 0:11:57.240 your mental? How are you feeling? Let me come inside 0:11:57.240 --> 0:12:00.959 of your world before I just come home and be 0:12:01.120 --> 0:12:04.400 angry with you and not want to give you no 0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:07.640 sex or I don't feel like I'm sexually attracted to 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:10.719 you because you know, I feel like you're lazy. Let 0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:14.600 me figure out why I feel like you're lazy. Let's 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:18.040 figure out why you are changing or whatever you said. 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:22.240 It's been three years, sir, Why haven't y'all gotten therapy? 0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:24.880 If this shit has not changed you like you said 0:12:24.920 --> 0:12:27.920 you mentioned therapy, y'all don't need that because you ain't 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:30.800 the therapist here, you know, because you have a biased opinion, 0:12:30.800 --> 0:12:33.640 and you're already kind of frustrated. 0:12:33.640 --> 0:12:34.880 You're already frustrated with it. 0:12:35.040 --> 0:12:38.080 So if she's frustrated and you're frustrated, that's all it's 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:41.960 gonna be is just boom knocking heads, knocking heads, you 0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:44.600 know what I'm saying, Instead of knocking the boots, y'all 0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:48.120 need to get back to y'all. Y'all sexual spice. Y'all 0:12:48.120 --> 0:12:49.640 need to be able to put them babies down. She 0:12:49.720 --> 0:12:52.400 needs a schedule, she needs a schedule, she needs to 0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:53.840 prioritize certain things. 0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:56.720 But you have to get through to her mental first. 0:12:57.080 --> 0:12:59.880 Make sure she's mentally okay and not just being lazy, 0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:02.760 because we can always mistake what we think somebody is 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:06.400 going through for some shit that they're actually really going through. 0:13:07.040 --> 0:13:11.200 You get me, I hope you getting me all right now. 0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:14.160 I absolutely applaud you for putting me in your business 0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:16.560 because you did not you absolutely did not have to 0:13:16.600 --> 0:13:16.840 do this. 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:18.640 But I'm happy. 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:20.480 And no, you're not the first man to come on 0:13:20.559 --> 0:13:23.280 and actually ask for my advice on an issue. 0:13:24.200 --> 0:13:25.960 And thank you for being so open and vulnerable. 0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:28.240 You know, most of our black men do not feel comfortable, 0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:31.360 you know, And because you came to me with the situation. 0:13:31.559 --> 0:13:34.400 I know that you would be down for therapy. I 0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:36.880 know you got to get inside your woman's brain. Babe, 0:13:37.440 --> 0:13:39.880 you have to we hurt just like y'all hurt. You 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:43.040 are a black man. You are a black man, which means, yeah, 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:46.120 it is a lot harder for you in this world, 0:13:46.280 --> 0:13:50.200 whatever industry you in, whatever workforce you and than other races. 0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:51.839 Of course, you get me. You get what I'm saying. 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:54.960 But at the same time, it's hard for us too, 0:13:55.400 --> 0:13:58.600 all right, to be the bore of the house. 0:13:59.400 --> 0:14:02.760 You know, we bear everything. You get what I'm saying. 0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:05.760 If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and 0:14:05.760 --> 0:14:11.040 then we'll be right back. That beautiful woman of yours 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:14.920 probably don't feel beautiful no more. You understand what I'm saying, 0:14:15.200 --> 0:14:18.040 So you have to meet her on those levels, and 0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:19.480 you already working hard. 0:14:19.600 --> 0:14:22.040 You are. I'm applauding both of you. 0:14:22.440 --> 0:14:24.880 I want it to be that communication where y'all take 0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:27.600 I don't even want to call it the ego and pride, 0:14:28.160 --> 0:14:33.960 take all the hardness away, take the defense away. Try 0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:37.400 not to offend her so much, give her grace in 0:14:37.520 --> 0:14:42.160 the conversation. Babe, Look what's wrong we need to see 0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:42.760 a professional. 0:14:42.960 --> 0:14:45.320 Let's do it. You know, maybe you should take. 0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:47.600 And I don't know how your finances are set up, 0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:50.280 set up, maybe you should take maybe one week or 0:14:50.280 --> 0:14:53.000 even four days off of work, three four days off 0:14:53.000 --> 0:14:55.800 work and live in her world and see watch her 0:14:55.840 --> 0:14:58.120 everyday pattern. I'm not gonna say, put cameras in the house, 0:14:58.120 --> 0:15:00.360 because what the fuck. You ain't spying on your girl. 0:15:00.680 --> 0:15:02.320 I don't know if you said your wife or your girl. 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:05.200 You're not spying on her. You want to have a 0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:08.440 day in the life of her. First, You're not home 0:15:08.440 --> 0:15:11.440 with them babies all day, not all day, all right, 0:15:11.440 --> 0:15:14.440 you got to come home and cook dinner. Compromise that compromise, 0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:16.640 you know, until she gets on the schedule. Then you 0:15:16.640 --> 0:15:18.760 said you also have a small business that allows you 0:15:18.800 --> 0:15:21.120 to make maybe thirty to fifty thousand dollars extra. I 0:15:21.200 --> 0:15:23.680 applaud you for that too, black man. Yes, I do, Yes, 0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:27.760 I do. But listen to me. Maybe she does need 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:30.760 something to do, you know, maybe that can give her 0:15:30.840 --> 0:15:33.440 some motivation. All right, Shit, if I feel like I'm working, 0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:37.400 I'm doing something. Maybe if and then pay her a 0:15:37.440 --> 0:15:39.280 little something, go get her and you know, so she 0:15:39.360 --> 0:15:41.600 go get her nails, and I told done feel good 0:15:41.800 --> 0:15:45.440 while she's mommying all day, you know, while she's wifing 0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:49.200 all day. These are wifely duties. You understand that shit 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:51.960 ain't easy. And I'm not a wife yet, but I 0:15:52.000 --> 0:15:55.720 know plenty, I know many. I'm a daughter of one. Listen, 0:15:56.600 --> 0:16:00.600 I know, I know what it takes. You know, I'm 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:02.960 not a man, but I'm a daughter of a man 0:16:03.000 --> 0:16:06.880 who was married to my mom for decades, all right, 0:16:07.080 --> 0:16:08.960 three uh over three? 0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:11.040 So I know that's not hard. 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:14.080 And I know that it sucks like hell for a 0:16:14.120 --> 0:16:16.040 man to feel like he cannot provide for his family. 0:16:16.080 --> 0:16:18.440 So that's where your mindset is, and I love that 0:16:18.560 --> 0:16:21.200 for you, But I want you to give her the 0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:25.360 grace in the conversation to make her feel safe enough 0:16:25.360 --> 0:16:28.000 to tell you, baby, I don't feel I don't know, 0:16:28.040 --> 0:16:30.520 I don't know what it is. Maybe she don't even 0:16:30.520 --> 0:16:33.520 know how to communicate that. You know, because you always 0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:35.440 come home on ten. You know, I'm not saying you're 0:16:35.480 --> 0:16:37.320 trying to knock her head off. Don't get don't get 0:16:37.320 --> 0:16:39.720 that mixed up the listeners either. 0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:41.160 I'm not saying that. 0:16:41.040 --> 0:16:46.200 He's coming home violently verbally attacking her and shit, no, no, 0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:50.480 no, no no, but she's very fragile. She just had another baby. 0:16:51.080 --> 0:16:54.360 She's very fragile. Treated that way all right. I'm not 0:16:54.400 --> 0:16:57.920 saying coddle her and make excuses and all of that, 0:16:57.960 --> 0:17:00.160 but you still have to understand we're very fragile. You 0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:03.640 want we give birth and PTSD. I think that's it. 0:17:04.119 --> 0:17:08.600 That is very real. That is very real. I just 0:17:08.600 --> 0:17:10.920 saw a video the other day of a woman screaming 0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:13.159 to the top of her lungs at her baby in 0:17:13.200 --> 0:17:14.000 her baby's face. 0:17:14.520 --> 0:17:16.560 I hate you, I hate you. The baby was crying. 0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:20.199 What was the husband doing recording his wife doing that 0:17:20.240 --> 0:17:24.639 shit instead of removing the baby, removing the fucking baby 0:17:24.680 --> 0:17:27.080 from the room. And then when he posted it, he 0:17:27.160 --> 0:17:29.439 captioned it, my wife has pt AS the I mean, 0:17:29.480 --> 0:17:32.200 she has post traumatic disorder. She has she's not she's 0:17:32.280 --> 0:17:34.600 not been well. So why the fuck are you recording 0:17:34.680 --> 0:17:38.240 or posting or putting on the internet embarrassing her? Probably 0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:40.800 not enough, fucking right, mind. She was a home mom 0:17:40.840 --> 0:17:43.520 as well, a stay at home mom as well. I 0:17:43.560 --> 0:17:45.439 totally agree that you don't even want your kids to 0:17:45.480 --> 0:17:48.280 be in school? Is she the one to teach them? 0:17:48.280 --> 0:17:51.400 A curriculum? This is what we got also understand, all right? 0:17:51.480 --> 0:17:53.720 Is she the one to do that? Or would you 0:17:54.160 --> 0:17:57.520 recommend that you guys get what like a nanny tutor 0:17:57.640 --> 0:17:59.760 or something, somebody to help her, somebody to be there 0:17:59.760 --> 0:18:02.159 with her. That she had friends? Does she have somebody 0:18:02.160 --> 0:18:05.080 that she can talk to? She just probably needs to 0:18:05.119 --> 0:18:08.240 open up to somebody. She probably feels suffocated. 0:18:08.800 --> 0:18:11.760 You understand what I'm saying. How old is she? 0:18:11.840 --> 0:18:14.240 Like, give me a little bit more feedback on it. 0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:15.720 Like I said, I'm not beating you up. I'm not 0:18:15.760 --> 0:18:16.560 beating you down. 0:18:17.040 --> 0:18:19.320 Brother. I actually really do love that you came to 0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:22.560 me with this story. All right. This is the first 0:18:22.560 --> 0:18:24.800 time I've actually gotten a story like this. It's very 0:18:24.840 --> 0:18:26.600 relatable and it's very real. 0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:29.480 I just want you to understand, like I understand that 0:18:29.560 --> 0:18:33.280 you need her, but she needs you too. You understand 0:18:33.280 --> 0:18:36.520