1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,600 Speaker 1: Hey, this is am. This is John, your og Okay 2 00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:04,640 Speaker 1: Storytime podcast host, and we got. 3 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:06,640 Speaker 2: Some delicious, juicy stories coming up. 4 00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:08,920 Speaker 1: But if you want to hear that deliciousness, you know, 5 00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:10,959 Speaker 1: just stick around for a two minute break with a 6 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,240 Speaker 1: word from our sponsors. 7 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:17,640 Speaker 3: My boss is now dating my ex girlfriend. Did you 8 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:21,840 Speaker 3: guys introduce them? My ex and I broke up around 9 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:24,279 Speaker 3: four months ago after dating for a little over a year. 10 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:26,000 Speaker 3: She was the one who broke up with me, but 11 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:28,320 Speaker 3: at the time I agreed that it was for the best, 12 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:31,120 Speaker 3: so we ended things on good terms. We're pretty chill 13 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,479 Speaker 3: now and we have mutual friends so we often all 14 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:36,479 Speaker 3: hang out together, so things between us are chill and friendly. 15 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:39,280 Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Throwaway a twenty two 16 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 3: and if you want to submit your own stories, go 17 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:43,959 Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate it and I'm Angie, 18 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:48,360 Speaker 3: I'm Carly, I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily, 19 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:50,199 Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We just know 20 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:52,040 Speaker 3: what we would do in the situation. But let us 21 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:54,720 Speaker 3: know what you would do in the comments. So Op says, 22 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 3: I work at a research lab at my university and 23 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 3: I just recently landed the position after a pretty long 24 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:03,720 Speaker 3: and competitive application slash interviewing process. I met my boss, 25 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:06,320 Speaker 3: who's a grad student, and we became buddies pretty fast. 26 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,760 Speaker 3: He's a really nice and funny dude that knows what 27 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:11,080 Speaker 3: he's doing. I see him every day since me and 28 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:13,959 Speaker 3: the two other undergrads work under him and help with 29 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,640 Speaker 3: his research while he helps us with our own. Fast 30 00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:19,520 Speaker 3: forward about two weeks and I see on my ex's 31 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:25,319 Speaker 3: snapchot story a picture of my boss with a heart emoji. Hmmm, interesting. 32 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:30,800 Speaker 3: I don't like that. I'm shocked as f so I 33 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:33,480 Speaker 3: replied to her story, asking who her a new boy is, 34 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:37,120 Speaker 3: and sure enough, she tells me she's dating my boss. 35 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:41,959 Speaker 3: Wow if you got me, yeah, but you got me 36 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:42,959 Speaker 3: back so good. 37 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:43,479 Speaker 2: Wow. 38 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:49,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so insane. I feign happiness for her and 39 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 3: don't tell her that he's my boss or that I 40 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,440 Speaker 3: know him in any way. Oh, so she doesn't know, 41 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:56,480 Speaker 3: or it's possible that she doesn't know that this is 42 00:01:56,560 --> 00:02:00,120 Speaker 3: his Oh this is my chance. Yeah. 43 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,240 Speaker 4: I thought I was gonna be premeditated me too, Okay, 44 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:04,440 Speaker 4: like I'm gonna get you bad. 45 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:06,560 Speaker 5: And honestly, that makes it a little bit more just. 46 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:09,040 Speaker 4: Like okay, then like it just kind of happened, happens 47 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 4: really awkward at work right now, in the like I'm 48 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:13,839 Speaker 4: mad at you awkward way. 49 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:19,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, dang mans, dang. I feel like someone just broke 50 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 3: my heart. I thought I didn't have feelings for her 51 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:25,400 Speaker 3: after a breakup, and seeing her story hit me with 52 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:28,040 Speaker 3: a pang of jealousy. Maybe it's because he's a major 53 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 3: step up for me. I'm a poor, disorganized undergrad and 54 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:34,079 Speaker 3: he's a successful, young talent who has this crap together. 55 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,800 Speaker 3: The next day at work, I'm basically on edge. The 56 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:39,440 Speaker 3: whole day. I would look at my boss, remember that 57 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:42,839 Speaker 3: he's dating my ex, and just feel uncomfortable. The rest 58 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:45,000 Speaker 3: of the week was like that too. I stopped joking 59 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,560 Speaker 3: around with him and kind of just stopped talking in general. 60 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:50,080 Speaker 3: Now I dread seeing him every day because of the 61 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,520 Speaker 3: fact that he's my boss, so he orders me around 62 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:57,480 Speaker 3: just makes me feel crappier and more below him. He's 63 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:01,320 Speaker 3: got the girl and I've got no. I still love 64 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,600 Speaker 3: my job, though, and I worked so hard to get it, 65 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:05,799 Speaker 3: so I'm not planning on leaving. I also feel like 66 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 3: a crappy person since my boss has been nothing less 67 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 3: than nice and is honestly a great guy. Now I 68 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:13,560 Speaker 3: just feel like I should have tried harder in our 69 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:17,000 Speaker 3: relationship because dang, she was pretty perfect in every way 70 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 3: and I just let it slip through. The other day, 71 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 3: she came over to have lunch with him during his 72 00:03:20,919 --> 00:03:24,639 Speaker 3: lunch break, and I saw them laughing together, and another 73 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:28,320 Speaker 3: wave of sadness and jealousy. What do I even do now? 74 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 3: How do I stop feeling like this? How should I 75 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:34,040 Speaker 3: normalize the situation at work? And there are some comments, 76 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:37,839 Speaker 3: but what do you think, Carly? What would you do 77 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:40,640 Speaker 3: if your boss? 78 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, what would happen? What would you do? 79 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 3: I don't like that. 80 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:52,360 Speaker 4: The implication is at this job, I would be worried 81 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:53,600 Speaker 4: for Angie at that point. 82 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:58,720 Speaker 3: That's right because her boss is right technically. 83 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:05,760 Speaker 4: Oh god, I mean, at least it's like you're not 84 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 4: dealing with your ex in the workplace. You're just dealing 85 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:12,200 Speaker 4: with the person who's dating them. So I think I 86 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:14,080 Speaker 4: just go to boss and I'd be like, hey, we 87 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:17,800 Speaker 4: need to have some like strict boundaries, like I don't 88 00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:19,680 Speaker 4: want to know about my ex. I don't want to 89 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,760 Speaker 4: know about your plans, Like yeah, don't tell me things 90 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:25,799 Speaker 4: you're gonna have to go through that healing of being 91 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:29,160 Speaker 4: okay with like seeing them at events potentially. 92 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean she came to have lunch at work, 93 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:32,680 Speaker 3: so it's like. 94 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,680 Speaker 4: It's like you're gonna have to be okay with that 95 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,400 Speaker 4: kind of stuff. But I also don't think it's wrong 96 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,840 Speaker 4: given the situation to be like, if she's gonna come 97 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,080 Speaker 4: for lunch a lot, can you guys eat outside? 98 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,479 Speaker 5: Can you guys like go out to lunch? Like so 99 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:45,480 Speaker 5: that I'm not seeing my. 100 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,920 Speaker 3: Ex every single day because it's only been four months, 101 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:49,440 Speaker 3: too great. 102 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:52,039 Speaker 4: And I feel like the boss is also not gonna 103 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 4: want her to come into the office or his ex 104 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:58,559 Speaker 4: her exes every day. So I feel like it's gonna 105 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,960 Speaker 4: be like a lot of this is probably gonna solve 106 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:04,400 Speaker 4: itself kind of thing because it's gonna be like both 107 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 4: parties don't want her to. 108 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:12,000 Speaker 3: Be like dealing with them kind of Yeah, yeah exactly. Yeah, 109 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,120 Speaker 3: I feel like, no, yeah, I totally agree. It's just 110 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,880 Speaker 3: so hard because it's like you already have to go 111 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 3: through that idea of like you're ex dating someone else 112 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,040 Speaker 3: when you break up, but it's also kind of like 113 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:27,839 Speaker 3: seeing it and then knowing the guy personally I'm trying 114 00:05:27,839 --> 00:05:28,960 Speaker 3: to think so rough. 115 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,040 Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm trying to think of even like any friend 116 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:35,080 Speaker 4: groups where I've had that weird overlap, Like, yeah, I 117 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,320 Speaker 4: feel like eventually, some somehow, like someone just falls off 118 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:39,320 Speaker 4: of the equation. 119 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,440 Speaker 3: So you're not dealing with it as much. 120 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:44,080 Speaker 4: Kind of right, right, If my ex came in and 121 00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 4: was dating Riley, that would be one very interesting because 122 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 4: we'd find out two people were not straight. 123 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:58,200 Speaker 3: Very yeah. Right, Oh yeah, that's just that's a bummer, dude. 124 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,440 Speaker 3: You're just getting thrown into the deep end of the 125 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:04,520 Speaker 3: healing process and it might just have to deal with that. Sorry, man, 126 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:08,280 Speaker 3: but there are some comments. I'm deleted says it means 127 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 3: you have to start dating again and focusing on your stuff. 128 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:14,000 Speaker 3: The fact you are jealous is because you believe they 129 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,880 Speaker 3: are doing better than you do at this moment when 130 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,080 Speaker 3: you start dating again, if your ex girl still has 131 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:19,760 Speaker 3: feelings for you, she would be the one at your 132 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:23,120 Speaker 3: position right now. Opie says, yeah, that it's pretty close 133 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,800 Speaker 3: to home. Killer creen five says he is not a 134 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:27,680 Speaker 3: step up from you. I need you to know that 135 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:31,040 Speaker 3: people aren't ranked. He's just a person with achievements and 136 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:34,359 Speaker 3: failures and flaws. Just like you. He's young and maybe 137 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:37,159 Speaker 3: not an effective manager. You said, he orders you around, 138 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,640 Speaker 3: but try not to take it personally. He sees you 139 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 3: as a friend, coworker, subordinate threat to his relationship, and 140 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:45,680 Speaker 3: also probably feels a bit awkward about the situation. As 141 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:49,360 Speaker 3: another poster mentioned, he's dating someone significantly younger. When I 142 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,720 Speaker 3: was twenty four, my friends and I would definitely make 143 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,360 Speaker 3: fun of guys who dated nineteen year olds. There's just 144 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,320 Speaker 3: a huge maturity difference at that age, especially for girls. 145 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:00,000 Speaker 3: She's not perfect either, and it turns out you weren't 146 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,160 Speaker 3: right for each other. Yeah, do we know their ages? 147 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:04,719 Speaker 3: I didn't. I don't think I said their ages in here. 148 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,360 Speaker 2: I can double changes. 149 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:11,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, something about nineteen and twenty four, I guess perhaps. 150 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:14,200 Speaker 4: But how long they date a little over a year. 151 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,200 Speaker 4: But at nineteen and twenty four. 152 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:19,400 Speaker 3: I think no Op and the girl are the same age. 153 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,480 Speaker 3: I'm pretty sure. And then the boss maybe is a 154 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 3: little older. I don't know. I don't know. 155 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 6: They were dating for over a year, little over a year. 156 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,800 Speaker 6: It was nineteen No, No, they were just it was 157 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:30,000 Speaker 6: like a thing of like, oh, when we were twenty 158 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 6: four and someone was dating a nineteen year old, We 159 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:32,960 Speaker 6: would make fun of them kind of. 160 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:35,920 Speaker 3: The commenter mentioned something about age difference, but we don't 161 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:36,520 Speaker 3: know their ages. 162 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 2: We don't know their ages as of right now. Yeah, 163 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,400 Speaker 2: no ages as of right now. 164 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:43,040 Speaker 3: Yeah weird, Okay, I mean OPI said that, like the 165 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 3: boss is young, so I'm assuming it's not like that 166 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,720 Speaker 3: crazy of an age difference, right, But if it is 167 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,680 Speaker 3: twenty four to nineteen, I would make fun of them. 168 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,680 Speaker 3: I would think that that's a little sketch. But I like, 169 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,400 Speaker 3: you know whatever, don't try to be his best bud, 170 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 3: but try your best to forgive him and move on. 171 00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,720 Speaker 3: Focus on your work and yourself. You it worked so 172 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,480 Speaker 3: hard to get this job, and it sounds like a 173 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,400 Speaker 3: great thing that you have on your resume. It will 174 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,720 Speaker 3: only make you miserable to dwell on it. And we 175 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:10,280 Speaker 3: do have an update. We do have an update. But yeah, 176 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:14,240 Speaker 3: I feel like the whole boss thing, it definitely isn't 177 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:17,080 Speaker 3: personal having like a boss boss year round. It's like, 178 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,320 Speaker 3: that's just kind of what's gonna happen, right. 179 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 4: I could totally see though, that it could get personal, 180 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 4: like you could feel like it was personal. 181 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:30,160 Speaker 3: Sure, when it's not, I wonder. Yeah, sorry, I don't no, 182 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:30,800 Speaker 3: you're good. 183 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,000 Speaker 4: Or like the boss could kind of take that power 184 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:35,599 Speaker 4: a little bit and it can get personal. 185 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:38,120 Speaker 3: Yeah I would. I would be wary of the boss 186 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:45,720 Speaker 3: getting like jealous or something and taking Angie. Ah. But yeah, 187 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:48,120 Speaker 3: I feel like with you know, I wonder if you 188 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:50,520 Speaker 3: could talk to your ex about it and be like, hey, 189 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,360 Speaker 3: like this is just really awkward. Do you mind like 190 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:56,400 Speaker 3: not coming over to the workplace or like, like, depending 191 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,640 Speaker 3: on how I mean it's you said that they kind 192 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:00,600 Speaker 3: of hang out because of mutual friends and stuff, So 193 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:01,680 Speaker 3: maybe if. 194 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,760 Speaker 4: It's not able to then either way, like a conversation 195 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:08,320 Speaker 4: amongst the parties involved needs to just be like laid out, 196 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,760 Speaker 4: and then I feel like it'll be fine. Yeah, I 197 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,559 Speaker 4: as long as no one gets like power to their heads, right, like. 198 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,760 Speaker 3: Hopefully the new guy doesn't get jealous and starts right, 199 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:19,480 Speaker 3: you know, getting wasted on power. But we do have 200 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,760 Speaker 3: an update. For the past week, I've been trying to 201 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:23,920 Speaker 3: focus on myself and my work and not care about 202 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:26,120 Speaker 3: my ex and my boss who's dating her. It worked 203 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:28,680 Speaker 3: pretty well. I started a painting and I'm pretty close 204 00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:31,520 Speaker 3: to finishing it, and I impressed my boss's boss, the 205 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:34,240 Speaker 3: professor who owns the lab, not the one dating my ex, 206 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:36,320 Speaker 3: by staying late for two days in a row to 207 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,160 Speaker 3: finish a really difficult experiment. During our lab meeting, my 208 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,960 Speaker 3: boss's boss shouted me out in front of the entire 209 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,840 Speaker 3: lab and said that he was really impressed by my 210 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:47,120 Speaker 3: hard work and dedication. Look at you go? What that 211 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:50,200 Speaker 3: felt good? As for the situation with my boss and 212 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:52,360 Speaker 3: my ex, he found out. Like I mentioned in my 213 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,679 Speaker 3: previous post, when my ex told me who her new 214 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,360 Speaker 3: boyfriend was, I didn't mention that he was my boss, 215 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,680 Speaker 3: so neither of them knew. Two days ago, my boss 216 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 3: and us two other undergrads, we're in a conference room 217 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:05,360 Speaker 3: discussing a paper when my ex came in. She came 218 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:08,640 Speaker 3: to drop off my boss's wallet that I think he 219 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:12,000 Speaker 3: forgot or something. Anyway, she saw me, did a double 220 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:18,280 Speaker 3: take and went j J. She was definitely super surprised 221 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 3: and caught off guard, and her boss was already like 222 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:25,280 Speaker 3: what the off? So I was just like, hey, Sarah. 223 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 3: She shot me another shocked, wide eyed look and left. 224 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,840 Speaker 3: Suffice to say the rest of the meeting was pretty awkward. 225 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:33,960 Speaker 3: The next day, it was obvious that my boss now 226 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 3: knew our history. Things just turned so awkward. He didn't 227 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,560 Speaker 3: know how to act around me anymore or what to say. 228 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 3: Now we're both awkward around each other. He's still nice 229 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,640 Speaker 3: and all, but things are just uncomfortable between us two. 230 00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:46,679 Speaker 3: It's not his fault, though. I think things will get 231 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:48,520 Speaker 3: better between the two of us, But as of right now, 232 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,640 Speaker 3: I actually feel kind of relieved that he now knows 233 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:53,600 Speaker 3: something about how both of us now don't know how 234 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,480 Speaker 3: to act and what to do. Kind of makes me 235 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:59,880 Speaker 3: feel reassured. And there is actually quite a chunk le 236 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 3: to this this story. But Okay, they both know. Now 237 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:04,760 Speaker 3: that's where we're at. 238 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,360 Speaker 4: Sorry, Yeah, they both know. 239 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,440 Speaker 3: They both know. I wonder if they can have a 240 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:13,160 Speaker 3: conversation about like how to act around each other just like. 241 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,480 Speaker 3: I feel like that helps so much when people don't 242 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:17,199 Speaker 3: know how to act, just be like, can act like 243 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:21,600 Speaker 3: everything's normal, It's okay, it is what it is. You 244 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,000 Speaker 3: can just be adults here. 245 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:25,880 Speaker 2: We're all adults. We're all mature. 246 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:29,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, because I think they are, seems like we because 247 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:32,040 Speaker 3: I think the awkwardness just comes from like not knowing 248 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:35,240 Speaker 3: how the other person sees the situation, like if OP 249 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 3: is jealous or upset about it. Or if you know 250 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,520 Speaker 3: the boss is threatened or something like that, Like they 251 00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:42,480 Speaker 3: don't know, so they don't want to like ruffle any 252 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:45,040 Speaker 3: feathers or anything like that. But just just you have 253 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,920 Speaker 3: a small two sentence conversation about it. 254 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:49,720 Speaker 5: And you're Gooday it all out real quick. 255 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:53,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, but there is quite a bit more. Sarah also 256 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,120 Speaker 3: called me the night she found out I worked there, 257 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:56,880 Speaker 3: but I missed her call and for ought to call back. 258 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,960 Speaker 3: It's good, though, I've been trying to think of her 259 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,600 Speaker 3: lesson distance myself a bit. But if things continue to 260 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,520 Speaker 3: remain really awkward to the point where both of our 261 00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:06,160 Speaker 3: work is affected, I'll consider talking to my boss's boss 262 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 3: about switching me to work under another grad student instead. 263 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,880 Speaker 3: But yeah, that's about all again. Thanks for the help 264 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:15,160 Speaker 3: you guys. And there are some comments. Let me see 265 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:18,720 Speaker 3: which ones are good. Okay. One commentor says, I'm actually 266 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:21,040 Speaker 3: sort of glad you didn't answer your ex's phone call 267 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,600 Speaker 3: or return it. I cannot imagine, for the life of 268 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,400 Speaker 3: me any usefulness to that conversation. I mean, did she 269 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,640 Speaker 3: not know anything about the department you were in at 270 00:12:28,679 --> 00:12:31,120 Speaker 3: school or the likelihood of seeing you if she kept 271 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:33,920 Speaker 3: her dating pool there in my humble opinion, you really 272 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:37,960 Speaker 3: demonstrated an ability to be above drama by not immediately 273 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,760 Speaker 3: telling your boss or Sarah about your previous work slash 274 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:44,480 Speaker 3: romantic relationship, and I'm super stoked that instead you just 275 00:12:44,559 --> 00:12:47,000 Speaker 3: focused on work and got praised by your boss's boss. 276 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:50,280 Speaker 3: Good for you, Opie says, Actually me too. We're still 277 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:52,160 Speaker 3: friends and all, but I think I really need to 278 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,360 Speaker 3: put some distance between us and focus on myself for now. 279 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,760 Speaker 3: I'm glad I missed the call too. I applied for 280 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,120 Speaker 3: the job after we broke up and never mentioned it 281 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,160 Speaker 3: to her, so I guess he never found out. Thanks 282 00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:05,040 Speaker 3: for the support. That's good clarification. Yeah, that makes sense then, Yeah, 283 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:08,680 Speaker 3: Observant Barracuda says, you should clear up the awkwardness at work. 284 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:10,360 Speaker 3: Go to your boss and tell him. I guess you 285 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,280 Speaker 3: know that Sarah and I dated. I hope that won't 286 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:15,400 Speaker 3: affect our working relationship. Opie says, I thought about doing 287 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,599 Speaker 3: that too, but it's been only a day since he 288 00:13:17,679 --> 00:13:19,640 Speaker 3: found out, so I'll give it some time. But if 289 00:13:19,679 --> 00:13:22,000 Speaker 3: it gets worse over the next week, I'll consider it. 290 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:24,560 Speaker 4: I would do that. Yeah, don't don't like wait and 291 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 4: consider this. I would make that a plan, and I 292 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 4: would make that by the end. 293 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,720 Speaker 3: Of the week. Yeah, I think it's totally fine to 294 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 3: do it. It's weird and later on it Yeah, yeah, exactly, 295 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,160 Speaker 3: hopefully that's what OPI did. But yeah, I feel like 296 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,280 Speaker 3: if you just say too, like, yeah, we dated, like 297 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,959 Speaker 3: we ended on good terms, so like, don't even worry 298 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,160 Speaker 3: about it, no hard feelings, man. Yeah, it's been like 299 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:48,520 Speaker 3: a few months, so you're good. Tame Volie says, If anything, 300 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:51,520 Speaker 3: your boss probably feels embarrassed that he's dating the girl 301 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,800 Speaker 3: that his nineteen year old subordinate dated. That probably feels 302 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:58,840 Speaker 3: slightly emasculating to him. If he enjoyed feeling powerful over you, 303 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:01,800 Speaker 3: the he has got your leftover's mentality. If you will 304 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:05,280 Speaker 3: you sounds like you're crushing it and doing everything right. 305 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:08,280 Speaker 3: Keep the positive attitude and hard work. Thanks for the update, op, 306 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:10,320 Speaker 3: He says, Oh, dagg, I never thought about it that way, 307 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 3: but that makes sense. But the dude's a nice guy 308 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,440 Speaker 3: and I don't want to hate on him. But yeah, 309 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,360 Speaker 3: I honestly don't even know how they met and got together. Haha. 310 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,840 Speaker 3: Undergrads are usually pretty separated from all the grad students 311 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,440 Speaker 3: at our school, and thank you bar Soap guy says 312 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:25,520 Speaker 3: Op should bring in some food that he made from 313 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:28,440 Speaker 3: the night before and then offer it to his boss, saying, Hey, 314 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:31,120 Speaker 3: I heard you like leftovers. Want to try this you. 315 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,160 Speaker 5: I think that's supposed to be a joke, but it is. 316 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:40,240 Speaker 3: I hate a bad joke. On advice website, Op says, Olaoh, 317 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 3: that would be so funny. 318 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:44,760 Speaker 4: No, woun't not talking about our feelings like adults would 319 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,920 Speaker 4: be so and so chill and so great. 320 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 2: Put yourself in your boss's shoes. 321 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:53,720 Speaker 3: Not I'd be like, okay, hr, Honestly, what the heck? 322 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 3: Also not a fan of calling girls leftovers if they've 323 00:14:56,760 --> 00:15:00,000 Speaker 3: just dated someone else before. Not a fan. Get over yourself. 324 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:04,680 Speaker 3: Commenter YEP. Singer Bell says, I'm glad you're doing better, 325 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:06,800 Speaker 3: But if he's working at the university with you and 326 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,280 Speaker 3: your extend, then it is one hundred percent his fault 327 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:12,280 Speaker 3: that he's running into awkward social situations when he dates undergrads. 328 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 3: Even if she isn't a student. She's nineteen, so I 329 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,400 Speaker 3: guess they are. We do have their ages. Okay, they're nineteen, 330 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,840 Speaker 3: I think the guy must be twenty four. Yeah, and 331 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,280 Speaker 3: they dated for a year. Not the twenty four or 332 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:25,760 Speaker 3: nineteen year olds Opie and op and the girlfriend are 333 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:28,360 Speaker 3: nineteen twenty four five? Yeah, okay, okay, yep, yeah, I 334 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,600 Speaker 3: thought Ope was the twenty four Yeah. So they're working 335 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,000 Speaker 3: at the like school lab. So I'm guessing like the 336 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,680 Speaker 3: twenty four old used to go to that school and 337 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:37,520 Speaker 3: then is like a boss there now or something, or 338 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:41,320 Speaker 3: getting his master's. It's a bit older though, the opin 339 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:44,000 Speaker 3: wait wait wait, wait, yeah, okay, yeah, I don't know. 340 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:47,960 Speaker 3: We're getting our info from other concerts manner. Who does 341 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,720 Speaker 3: he think she socializes with at that age? Only in 342 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:54,200 Speaker 3: professors and researchers. Opie says, thanks, he's actually a second 343 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,720 Speaker 3: year grad student at the same university and just works 344 00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:59,080 Speaker 3: as a researcher at my lab. I have no idea 345 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,880 Speaker 3: how they got together. That my guess is dating ups. 346 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:03,720 Speaker 3: I'm thinking that's what I'm thinking. 347 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,680 Speaker 4: I just it sounded like op was so far out 348 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,000 Speaker 4: of college already from like I'm working at a lab 349 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:09,160 Speaker 4: that I was like, are you older? 350 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,280 Speaker 3: Oh no, no, no, he said, yeah, no, he said a 351 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:12,320 Speaker 3: lab at the university. 352 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:12,560 Speaker 4: Yeah. 353 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:14,640 Speaker 3: Right, but that's the end of that story. 354 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 6: Wow. 355 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like, honestly. 356 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,520 Speaker 4: From what we thought the title was gonna be about though, 357 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:22,640 Speaker 4: like way easier situation. 358 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,400 Speaker 3: Honestly, like it really did seem like it was like 359 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:30,480 Speaker 3: a sabotage or revenge type thing. But this seems just 360 00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:33,840 Speaker 3: like an awkward accident. Did we get a location? Were 361 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:37,880 Speaker 3: they in the US? They were saying university, yea, so 362 00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:42,840 Speaker 3: could be could be anywhere, but not sure. Not sure. 363 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:45,280 Speaker 3: But that's the end of that story. We've got another 364 00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:46,440 Speaker 3: one coming right up. 365 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:52,720 Speaker 4: I discovered my girlfriend's lies about her male best friend 366 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:56,440 Speaker 4: fire liear pants on fire trigger. 367 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:57,160 Speaker 3: Running for essay. 368 00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:01,880 Speaker 4: I twenty three mail met Nicole, one female, three years ago, 369 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:05,240 Speaker 4: around my second year of college. I'm from out of 370 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:08,520 Speaker 4: state and I received a full scholarship to the university 371 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,719 Speaker 4: that we're currently at, so I didn't have any friends 372 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:14,439 Speaker 4: at the time. She was nice and took interest in 373 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:16,480 Speaker 4: me pretty quickly and we started dating. 374 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:19,560 Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from three years a lie. 375 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,720 Speaker 4: And if you want to submit your own stories, go 376 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,720 Speaker 4: to the r slash Okay Storytime, suprendit. 377 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:27,600 Speaker 3: I'm Carly, I'm Angie, I'm Keon, and we're here to 378 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,639 Speaker 3: give good advice. Goofiy. But we don't have all the answers. 379 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,840 Speaker 4: We only know what we would do, so let's know 380 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,160 Speaker 4: what you would do in the comments, and Opie says 381 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,880 Speaker 4: she's told me from the beginning that she had been 382 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:41,320 Speaker 4: best friends with this guy, Adam twenty one male, since 383 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,959 Speaker 4: they were little, and that they were very close and 384 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,359 Speaker 4: their families were close. 385 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:47,160 Speaker 3: I was fine with it at the time. 386 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,240 Speaker 4: I'm not really a jealous person, and I'm pretty laid back. 387 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,040 Speaker 4: Adam seemed like a nice guy, and I thought, who 388 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,119 Speaker 4: am I to really tell her who she can and 389 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,800 Speaker 4: can't be friends with. Anyways, they have been close even 390 00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:01,440 Speaker 4: through the relationship. They go one trip together with their families, 391 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:05,920 Speaker 4: they study together, have a few classes together, go to dinner. 392 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,720 Speaker 5: Or lunch, and have even stayed the. 393 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:11,960 Speaker 3: Night at each other's apartments. Ro raggy. 394 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,360 Speaker 2: They're just BFFs. They're just you know, having fun late 395 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:16,000 Speaker 2: night talks. 396 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:19,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, just really really good friend. 397 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:22,040 Speaker 2: Just the local gossip, you know, the hot goss. 398 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:23,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, uh, you know it. 399 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,320 Speaker 4: There was so many things listed there that I would 400 00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:32,160 Speaker 4: be way uncomfortable with. Totally well made that last apartments one, right, 401 00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:35,440 Speaker 4: It was weird at first, but I trusted her as 402 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:36,200 Speaker 4: well as him. 403 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:37,120 Speaker 3: Honestly. 404 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,359 Speaker 4: She always told me ahead of time, so I felt like. 405 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:43,560 Speaker 4: It was fine, not ideal. It never really affected our relationship. 406 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,399 Speaker 4: We spent time together. I had a great connection and 407 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,880 Speaker 4: all that good stuff. Nicole and Adam left on Sunday 408 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,680 Speaker 4: they finished finals early or something like that to head 409 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:56,000 Speaker 4: down to their family's beach house about four hours away 410 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,399 Speaker 4: from campus. They did invite me, but I have some 411 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:02,399 Speaker 4: finals and then I have a summer course starting nearly 412 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:05,560 Speaker 4: immediately after my finals, so I declined so that I 413 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:08,320 Speaker 4: could prep for my final two courses before I graduate. 414 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,440 Speaker 4: I met up in the library with one of her 415 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,080 Speaker 4: friends in my web design class to put some finishing 416 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:15,959 Speaker 4: touches on our final project. We got on the topic 417 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:19,160 Speaker 4: of relationships and she was telling me about how when 418 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,920 Speaker 4: she started dating her current boyfriend, she made him cut 419 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:26,200 Speaker 4: all contact with his ex girlfriend, even though the ex 420 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,480 Speaker 4: wanted to remain close. She asked me why I didn't 421 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:33,000 Speaker 4: do the same, and I was confused. I didn't understand 422 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:36,000 Speaker 4: what she meant. And then she explained and showed me 423 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:40,920 Speaker 4: proof that Nicole and Adam dated throughout high school. 424 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,720 Speaker 5: No why they also went to prom together? 425 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:46,720 Speaker 3: No, not prom. 426 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:50,080 Speaker 6: Hold on, this is very crazy because I know of 427 00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:54,160 Speaker 6: a couple who actually dated in high school. And there's 428 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:58,000 Speaker 6: still like BFFs and everything. But then the guy was like, 429 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:00,800 Speaker 6: he became gay, he was gay. He just he's like, 430 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:02,880 Speaker 6: I don't but they be like still best they're still 431 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:04,080 Speaker 6: best friends now to this day. 432 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,959 Speaker 5: I think he's probably the whole time realized it. 433 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, well I don't know. 434 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,680 Speaker 3: I'm just laughing at you became gay. 435 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,520 Speaker 2: He became gay. I knew what you meant, you know. 436 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 3: I knew what she meant, but I just like clarification 437 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:18,840 Speaker 3: for you because I love you. 438 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:21,520 Speaker 5: Don't give it that look. 439 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:22,840 Speaker 3: You do it to me all the time. 440 00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:27,960 Speaker 4: And chat is all witnesses, all witnesses. 441 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,919 Speaker 3: That's crazy. Yeah no, I mean where they chill that happened. 442 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:33,639 Speaker 3: Were they chill after that? 443 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:34,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, they're very chill. 444 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,680 Speaker 5: I don't think he's going to be gay in this one. 445 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:38,239 Speaker 3: I think he is. 446 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:39,840 Speaker 2: I think that lies to come up. 447 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:44,320 Speaker 3: Oh he is a woman, yes, yes, this is he's 448 00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:44,640 Speaker 3: a man. 449 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,200 Speaker 4: Oh he's dating a woman and that woman is best 450 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:47,920 Speaker 4: friends with a man. 451 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:52,400 Speaker 3: I see I thought this was no man. Okay, okay, okay, okay, 452 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,639 Speaker 3: But so this man has a girlfriend. 453 00:20:56,040 --> 00:21:01,720 Speaker 4: Opie has a girlfriend. Yes, that girlfriends may best friend. Okay, 454 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 4: she dated in high school and went to prom with 455 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,480 Speaker 4: and he did not know, and that's who she's staying 456 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,840 Speaker 4: over at his house and doing all these like seemingly 457 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,600 Speaker 4: daty things with. But he's like, but they never dated. 458 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,520 Speaker 4: They've just been like Bestie's fruit life, right, and now 459 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,200 Speaker 4: her female friend is like, I'm shocked that you would 460 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,840 Speaker 4: let like your girlfriends still hang out with her ex. 461 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,960 Speaker 5: And he was like, she's not hanging out with her ex. 462 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,680 Speaker 5: She's hanging out with like her long time. 463 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:25,080 Speaker 4: Now. 464 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,120 Speaker 5: It's like, and she's like, actually the receipts. 465 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,919 Speaker 3: I thought it was like the guy's girlfriend or something 466 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,000 Speaker 3: like that was Opie was out of the two best 467 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:37,520 Speaker 3: friends girl. I thought it was like, oh, she's the 468 00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:39,680 Speaker 3: guy's girlfriend. But wrong, I'm wrong. 469 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,240 Speaker 5: I was pretty lost as to what to do or 470 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:42,879 Speaker 5: how to feel. 471 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,600 Speaker 4: I found out yesterday and all I could think was 472 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,840 Speaker 4: that Adam could potentially be screwing my girlfriend at this 473 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:52,480 Speaker 4: very moment. I trust her, or trusted her, but I've 474 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,439 Speaker 4: never seen exes hang out and be as buddy buddy 475 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:59,240 Speaker 4: as them without hooking up before. As dense as it sounds, 476 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,640 Speaker 4: I almost I can't wrap my head around their level 477 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,280 Speaker 4: of closeness and not doing it. I talked to my 478 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:07,040 Speaker 4: older sister, and she told me I had to calm 479 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:09,480 Speaker 4: down and that maybe there was a reason they never 480 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:13,159 Speaker 4: said anything. She said, if I trusted Nicole before knowing, 481 00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:16,400 Speaker 4: she didn't see why I would suddenly accuse her otherwise, 482 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,720 Speaker 4: I will say, I feel like that comes in of 483 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 4: the part of like, yeah, you didn't lie to me, 484 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,560 Speaker 4: but you omitted like a really big truth. 485 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:29,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, totally. It's like, well, why you would hide that? Yeah? Yeah, 486 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:33,639 Speaker 3: because I feel like if I, like, I feel like 487 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:35,200 Speaker 3: it would just be right to kind of like let 488 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,159 Speaker 3: them know, just like hey, by the way, like I 489 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:39,359 Speaker 3: just want to go out there. We we dated for 490 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,120 Speaker 3: a while in high school. High school thing, but it's 491 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,960 Speaker 3: like totally over. This is how it is now. Yeah, 492 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:46,960 Speaker 3: but like we're still friends, and it's like, ChIL, I 493 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,360 Speaker 3: just don't want you to worry, you know. Yeah, Yeah 494 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:53,080 Speaker 3: that's simple. Yeah, save all this like super nonchalant. 495 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:54,359 Speaker 5: Spiraling that ope's about to go. 496 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:56,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly exactly. 497 00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,240 Speaker 4: She said, If I trusted Nicole before knowing, she didn't 498 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:02,760 Speaker 4: see why I would suddenly accuse her otherwise, even if 499 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,480 Speaker 4: her best friend is her ex. But I feel like 500 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,879 Speaker 4: that logic is so flawed because My entire foundation of 501 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:12,119 Speaker 4: trust for this relationship stemmed from the fact that Adam 502 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:16,840 Speaker 4: was her childhood best friend, not her ex. Honestly, if 503 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,000 Speaker 4: she would have told me before we started dating, I 504 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,920 Speaker 4: think I probably would have walked away from the relationship. 505 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,879 Speaker 4: She's a great and nice girl, but getting with someone 506 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:28,280 Speaker 4: who is still so heavily involved with their ex is 507 00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,840 Speaker 4: a roller coaster. I don't think I would have ever 508 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:32,680 Speaker 4: willingly signed up for Am. 509 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:34,320 Speaker 3: I thinking about this the wrong way. 510 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:38,360 Speaker 4: Is it crazy that I'm already considering ending the relationship 511 00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:41,680 Speaker 4: over this, whether she cheated or not. I haven't brought 512 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:43,600 Speaker 4: it up to her yet. I want to talk in 513 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,400 Speaker 4: person rather than on the phone. I'm going to hide 514 00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:48,879 Speaker 4: the fact that I know until she comes back to 515 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:49,560 Speaker 4: campus on. 516 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:52,040 Speaker 3: Friday to spend my Birthday weekend with me. 517 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:55,400 Speaker 4: But I don't see any logical explanation that will keep 518 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:59,040 Speaker 4: me committed, except for the one that Kean said. We 519 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,760 Speaker 4: have some comments, but uh, any advice before we get 520 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:02,080 Speaker 4: into this. 521 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:05,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I think it's interesting. I wasn't expecting 522 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,880 Speaker 3: him to say that, like he would have walked away 523 00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:09,920 Speaker 3: from the relationship if he knew right away. I thought 524 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,040 Speaker 3: he was about to say like I would have been 525 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,360 Speaker 3: fine with it if if she told me straight up, 526 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:16,399 Speaker 3: like at the beginning of our relationship. But I mean, 527 00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:19,040 Speaker 3: I guess some people some people I guess are just 528 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:23,119 Speaker 3: not comfortable with that. But but yeah, it just it 529 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:27,000 Speaker 3: is very suspicious. It is very suspicious. Yeah, I think 530 00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:28,840 Speaker 3: I'd just be like, why didn't you tell me? 531 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:33,480 Speaker 4: Like this is really weird and uncomfortable, Like, and they're 532 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,960 Speaker 4: early in college, so it's not like this is the 533 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:39,320 Speaker 4: high school relationship. It's pretty recently. Yeah, this was so 534 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:42,800 Speaker 4: forever ago in the past maybe, but right right, because 535 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,160 Speaker 4: it's like it's like a couple of years old, potentially 536 00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:46,080 Speaker 4: gay went to prom. 537 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,000 Speaker 3: This is like less than four years yeah, yeah, and 538 00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:51,080 Speaker 3: if it was all throughout high school, it's like that. 539 00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:53,800 Speaker 3: I feel like the further you get away from high 540 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,960 Speaker 3: school relationships like that, it's like, okay, right, it was 541 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,280 Speaker 3: a long time, but like in high school everything seems 542 00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:02,280 Speaker 3: like so much longer. But yeah, if it's so recent, 543 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:04,360 Speaker 3: then they probably still recognize it as like a long 544 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:08,320 Speaker 3: time and like super meaningful, so weird. I also want 545 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,120 Speaker 3: to know why they broke up. I feel like that's important. 546 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:11,040 Speaker 3: That is important too. 547 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:16,120 Speaker 4: I'm curious relevant comments empty Whiteboard. The lying is problematic. 548 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,639 Speaker 4: I made a comment already detailing what I think the 549 00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,719 Speaker 4: lying was done for. But the lying is the crux 550 00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,679 Speaker 4: of the issue. Your trust is shattered and if you 551 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,880 Speaker 4: pit yourself up against Adam, I am positive she will 552 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:31,159 Speaker 4: choose Adam over you every single time. That is the 553 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,919 Speaker 4: real crux. Now, before you thought that you would be 554 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,399 Speaker 4: a bigger priority than him, it never had to be 555 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:39,040 Speaker 4: that way because of the history as you understood it. 556 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:41,439 Speaker 4: Now that you know the truth, it will either be 557 00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:44,840 Speaker 4: something you get over after hearing her reasons, which I 558 00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,479 Speaker 4: detailed in another comment, I would bet money on it, 559 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:51,880 Speaker 4: or you push and she chooses Adam over you. Lastly, 560 00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:53,919 Speaker 4: you could try to get over it and just not 561 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,800 Speaker 4: be able to. I would personally find it very hard 562 00:25:56,840 --> 00:26:00,440 Speaker 4: to be okay with their friendship after this lie, OPI responds. 563 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,040 Speaker 4: The lying is what really makes me just want to 564 00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:06,440 Speaker 4: leave altogether, not only her lying, but his lying, as 565 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,919 Speaker 4: well as their families. I've met all of them, and 566 00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:11,480 Speaker 4: none of them have ever said a word about it, 567 00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,960 Speaker 4: though maybe their families don't know. Emotionally invested or not, 568 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,960 Speaker 4: I'd never be up for having her pick between Adam 569 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:21,520 Speaker 4: or myself. I'm not that type of person. Those ultimatums, 570 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:25,359 Speaker 4: in my opinion, never result in anything but more issues. Also, 571 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,520 Speaker 4: they do have a lot of history and families are connected. 572 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:30,679 Speaker 4: I feel like I'm the one and the wrong for 573 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,959 Speaker 4: even stepping into her life. I've been thinking about this 574 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:35,000 Speaker 4: too much. 575 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:36,640 Speaker 3: Although I should be studying instead. 576 00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:39,320 Speaker 4: But I feel like it's either she's loyal and faithful 577 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:42,240 Speaker 4: but I knew I wouldn't have even begun a relationship 578 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,719 Speaker 4: with her in the first place, or she's hooking up 579 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:47,200 Speaker 4: occasionally or something like friends with benefits. 580 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:48,960 Speaker 3: Either way, I see it as a wrong. 581 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:52,439 Speaker 4: If she's loyal, which honestly I think might be the case, 582 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:55,719 Speaker 4: then it's wrong of her to omit information and manipulate 583 00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,159 Speaker 4: my choice to begin dating her in the first place. 584 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,480 Speaker 4: If I had any skeletons in my closet, I would 585 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:04,399 Speaker 4: be open and clear about it before I engage in 586 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,480 Speaker 4: a relationship with someone, letting them make a clear and 587 00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:10,439 Speaker 4: honest decision about it it was a deal breaker or not. 588 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,120 Speaker 4: As for getting over it, I don't think I can, 589 00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:16,400 Speaker 4: or even if I can, I feel like it's almost 590 00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,000 Speaker 4: not worth the effort. I feel like it's going to 591 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:21,800 Speaker 4: mess with the dynamic of our relationship, and then I 592 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,639 Speaker 4: have to deal with her feeling guilty or always having 593 00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,520 Speaker 4: to check in with me, or sending Adam to talk, 594 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:28,760 Speaker 4: or any of the other. 595 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:30,800 Speaker 5: Stuff that I don't even want to have to deal with. 596 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,919 Speaker 4: I'm probably saying this out of convenience, but once I 597 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,919 Speaker 4: finished this summer semester, I'll be done. I could have 598 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,520 Speaker 4: a clean break, move back home with my parents for 599 00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,880 Speaker 4: a few months, and move on with my life. 600 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:45,440 Speaker 3: We have an update three days later. I mean, Okay, 601 00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:49,840 Speaker 3: I feel like if you knew this at the beginning 602 00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:53,560 Speaker 3: of the relationship, and just knowing that at the beginning 603 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,840 Speaker 3: would make you walk away. I feel like you should 604 00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:59,040 Speaker 3: just walk away, Like I feel like, yeah, because you 605 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:02,080 Speaker 3: know it now, Yeah, you know it now. It seems 606 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:03,560 Speaker 3: like he's trying to make up his mind. 607 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,000 Speaker 4: Well I think he's just like, do I bother getting 608 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:08,640 Speaker 4: the reasons that they're still friends? 609 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:09,359 Speaker 3: Yeah? 610 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:11,359 Speaker 5: Or do I just be like nope, can't get over 611 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:11,680 Speaker 5: it now? 612 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:13,800 Speaker 3: By I feel like you should do that one. Yeah. 613 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:16,120 Speaker 4: I mean, well, okay, I feel like you can get 614 00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:19,280 Speaker 4: the reasons anyway, but ultimately I think you're gonna leave still. 615 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:19,840 Speaker 3: Yeah. 616 00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:24,280 Speaker 4: Update three days later, whoa Nicole showed up Thursday night 617 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,640 Speaker 4: after my exams to surprise me for my birthday weekend. 618 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,160 Speaker 4: We hung out and talked, and I tried my best 619 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,199 Speaker 4: to just be normal with her. When I asked her 620 00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:36,240 Speaker 4: about Adam, she was extremely reluctant and borderline defensive to 621 00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:37,320 Speaker 4: even discuss it. 622 00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:39,280 Speaker 5: You'd never brought it up before, or why do you 623 00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:40,240 Speaker 5: want to know about it now? 624 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,480 Speaker 4: When she realized I wasn't dropping it, she pretty much 625 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:44,680 Speaker 4: broke down and. 626 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:47,640 Speaker 3: Told me everything. Oh Man. 627 00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:50,480 Speaker 4: Adam was the one who convinced her not to tell 628 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,080 Speaker 4: me about their past relationship. The last few guys she 629 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,720 Speaker 4: dated were scared off by her being best friends with 630 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:58,040 Speaker 4: her ex, and he didn't want me to leave in 631 00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:00,520 Speaker 4: the same way. It was only so supposed to be 632 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,160 Speaker 4: for a little while. She didn't plan on staying that 633 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:06,880 Speaker 4: close to Adam while being in a relationship. Adam's dad 634 00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:09,240 Speaker 4: was in the process of getting a promotion when Nicole 635 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:11,600 Speaker 4: and I started dating, which would move him and his 636 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:15,080 Speaker 4: family to the Midwest, but the promotion fell through. She 637 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,800 Speaker 4: said Adam became more direct once he found out he 638 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:21,400 Speaker 4: wasn't leaving, constantly insisting that she hang out with him 639 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:24,640 Speaker 4: without me even to the point where she would be 640 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:28,240 Speaker 4: canceling plans with me. For most people, I'm sure that 641 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,720 Speaker 4: would have been a red flag. But I've been taking 642 00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:32,520 Speaker 4: six to seven course semesters. 643 00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:38,560 Speaker 3: Where's Riley? Oh my gosh, Riley are. 644 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:42,080 Speaker 4: You watching six seven mentioned for the past two years 645 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:44,760 Speaker 4: in attempts to graduate early and get the most out 646 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:47,960 Speaker 4: of my scholarship. If I wasn't studying or with Nicole, 647 00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:51,000 Speaker 4: I always had a million other things to catch up on. 648 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,680 Speaker 4: She blamed me for not setting boundaries or being more 649 00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,959 Speaker 4: strict with her, which led her to become comfortable with 650 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:03,840 Speaker 4: her freedom with him. No, wow, Yeah, I can't blame someone. 651 00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:07,560 Speaker 3: Else for your dirty, dirty cheating. Yeah, absolutely not. 652 00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:11,560 Speaker 4: You should have told me straight out that I couldn't 653 00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,000 Speaker 4: cheat on you, right, You should have told me I 654 00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:15,960 Speaker 4: couldn't have spend more time with the guy. 655 00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:18,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's your fault that I slept at his house. 656 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:20,200 Speaker 3: You weren't telling me to come home. 657 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:22,920 Speaker 4: Right, It's like, uh huh, Well, maybe you should have 658 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,240 Speaker 4: told me the information that you used to date him. 659 00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, come on, dude, come on, John here og host. 660 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:30,680 Speaker 3: We're gonna get back to these stories. But a quick 661 00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:32,440 Speaker 3: three minute break from as for more sponsors. 662 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,800 Speaker 4: Adam still had really strong feelings for her, though she 663 00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:38,040 Speaker 4: said she didn't feel the same way about him. She 664 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:41,280 Speaker 4: admitted that Adam grew to resent me and became very 665 00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:45,200 Speaker 4: jealous of our relationship and how effortlessly happy I made 666 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:47,480 Speaker 4: her feel. She told me she never cheated on me, 667 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:51,560 Speaker 4: despite Adam's advances and flirtation, and yet somehow I feel 668 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:56,840 Speaker 4: as though you staying in his room counts. I feel 669 00:30:56,920 --> 00:31:01,520 Speaker 4: like knowing that making advances, I feel like staying over 670 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:03,280 Speaker 4: at his apartment counts. 671 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,080 Speaker 3: I do not trusts emotion. When you say that you 672 00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:08,520 Speaker 3: didn't cheat, you know if you're staying over. 673 00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:12,120 Speaker 4: At this point, she was crying and desperate, begging for 674 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:15,160 Speaker 4: forgiveness and promising to cut all ties with Adam. She 675 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,840 Speaker 4: swore she wouldn't ever talk to him or hang out 676 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:20,120 Speaker 4: with him again. She told me I was the only 677 00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:22,640 Speaker 4: person she wanted to spend her life with, and poured 678 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,440 Speaker 4: out a bunch of other ridiculousness I could hardly even 679 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:28,280 Speaker 4: listen to. I was angry and probably didn't phrase it 680 00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:30,080 Speaker 4: the way I should have, but I told her it 681 00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:34,080 Speaker 4: was the perpetual lying and deceitfulness that had me so angry, 682 00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,120 Speaker 4: and that was the reason I was breaking up with her. 683 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:40,000 Speaker 4: That's pretty much how it ended, with me telling her 684 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:43,400 Speaker 4: she could leave. Adam sent me some hateful texts, which 685 00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:47,040 Speaker 4: I ignored. Yesterday night, I was an emotional wreck. I 686 00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:50,480 Speaker 4: felt ashamed and angry at myself for crying over someone 687 00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:53,360 Speaker 4: so stupid. But this morning I didn't feel nearly as 688 00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:56,000 Speaker 4: bad as I expected. I spoke to my best friend 689 00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:58,960 Speaker 4: and he helped me put it into perspective. I'm going 690 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,040 Speaker 4: home tonight for my birth up a weekend, and then 691 00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:04,000 Speaker 4: I'll just focusing on finishing school and finding a job. 692 00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:07,080 Speaker 4: I'm glad it's over, and even more glad I don't 693 00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:08,360 Speaker 4: live in this state anymore. 694 00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:12,400 Speaker 3: We have some comments, first one being a down voted comment. 695 00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:13,960 Speaker 3: So interesting, let's read it. 696 00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:16,520 Speaker 4: So. There's no time frame on when Adam found out 697 00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:19,080 Speaker 4: that he wasn't leaving. It could have been way more recent. 698 00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:21,680 Speaker 4: You have no idea how she rebuked his advances or 699 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:24,280 Speaker 4: what their conversations were like. She could have rebuked him 700 00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:25,960 Speaker 4: several times and didn't want to bring it up with 701 00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:28,680 Speaker 4: her boyfriend because it would just be unnecessary drama in 702 00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:31,200 Speaker 4: her life since she no longer saw Adam that way. 703 00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:32,360 Speaker 3: Where I can. 704 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:35,080 Speaker 4: See being upset breaking up with her over it just 705 00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:39,400 Speaker 4: seems really extreme, especially since when she one comes clean 706 00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:42,400 Speaker 4: and two admit she was wrong, and three is willing 707 00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,120 Speaker 4: to fix it. Do people not get second chances anymore? 708 00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,240 Speaker 5: Is that just not a thing that is done? 709 00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:51,520 Speaker 3: No? Three years in That was from Adam. Adam made 710 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:52,440 Speaker 3: that comment. 711 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,800 Speaker 6: She I'm a man of second chances, but if you 712 00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,520 Speaker 6: were lying to me for three years and yeah, dude, 713 00:32:58,160 --> 00:32:59,400 Speaker 6: I don't know, that's. 714 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:04,240 Speaker 3: Second chances on cheating. Yeah, like, second chances are chill, 715 00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:08,440 Speaker 3: but not in every situation. Yeah, like come on. Op 716 00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:10,120 Speaker 3: expands on the timeline. 717 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,120 Speaker 4: When I first found out about her and her best 718 00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,160 Speaker 4: friend being excess from high school. 719 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:15,680 Speaker 3: I was ready to end it immediately. 720 00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,160 Speaker 4: I was upset that I got lied to, and even 721 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:19,840 Speaker 4: more angry that I had to hear it from a 722 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,640 Speaker 4: friend and not from her. I took some time and 723 00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:24,960 Speaker 4: thought about it, and before I spoke with her last night, 724 00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:28,400 Speaker 4: I was fully willing to forgive her if her reasoning was. 725 00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:29,240 Speaker 3: To avoid drama. 726 00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:32,480 Speaker 4: I do believe in second chances, but trust is hard 727 00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:35,480 Speaker 4: to win back. Adam found out six months into my 728 00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:39,040 Speaker 4: relationship with her that his dad wasn't getting promoted that's 729 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:42,000 Speaker 4: basically two and a half years for Nicole to take 730 00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:46,320 Speaker 4: responsibility and separate herself from him, especially if he liked her, 731 00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:49,040 Speaker 4: whether she felt the same way or not. In my eyes, 732 00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:52,600 Speaker 4: it's wrong to keep hanging out and sleeping over with 733 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:55,280 Speaker 4: someone who has such strong feelings for you when you 734 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:58,800 Speaker 4: have a significant other. She only came clean after I 735 00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:01,200 Speaker 4: confronted her. Her land was to never tell me. 736 00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:04,480 Speaker 5: After the year mark, she admitted she realized she was 737 00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:05,440 Speaker 5: into deep. 738 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:06,600 Speaker 3: And that was the only way. 739 00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:10,319 Speaker 5: She blamed me for everything, saying it was my fault 740 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:13,880 Speaker 5: for not setting boundaries, for trusting her decision making skills, 741 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:17,480 Speaker 5: and for not recognizing what was appropriate. She only wanted 742 00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:20,000 Speaker 5: to fix it once she realized I was one hundred 743 00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:21,640 Speaker 5: percent done with the relationship. 744 00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:23,799 Speaker 4: She tried to guilt me, as if her hiding this 745 00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:27,680 Speaker 4: and me not playing detective was my fault, even if 746 00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:31,440 Speaker 4: I was willing to forgive her. Our relationship dynamic is ruined. 747 00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:33,880 Speaker 4: I don't want to be the controlling boyfriend and I 748 00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:36,759 Speaker 4: can't be with someone I don't trust. And we have 749 00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:41,040 Speaker 4: some vital information from Ope courtesy of Queen Levine. Sounds 750 00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:42,839 Speaker 4: like she really likes you and she wants to try 751 00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:44,840 Speaker 4: to make it work. The thing about it is that 752 00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:47,160 Speaker 4: I really liked her as well. I wanted to. 753 00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:49,520 Speaker 3: Make it work more than anything in the world. I 754 00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:50,160 Speaker 3: really did. 755 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,800 Speaker 4: It's something that I couldn't really convey in my post 756 00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,319 Speaker 4: is that I always saw this girl as. 757 00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:57,280 Speaker 5: Like my escape away from everything. 758 00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:00,279 Speaker 4: I've been in study mode since I was eighteen, and 759 00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,480 Speaker 4: I haven't really had much time for the simple things 760 00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:05,239 Speaker 4: in life, like hanging out with a girlfriend or going 761 00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:06,799 Speaker 4: out to parties or anything like that. 762 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:07,839 Speaker 3: I didn't want a. 763 00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:10,319 Speaker 4: Relationship at first because I didn't think I would have 764 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,520 Speaker 4: the time or be able to time manage properly when 765 00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:15,839 Speaker 4: I was busy. I always encourage her to have fun 766 00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:19,320 Speaker 4: with other friends. There was a mutual trust there, especially 767 00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:22,399 Speaker 4: with Adam. It was rough at first, but eventually she 768 00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:25,160 Speaker 4: convinced me nothing would happen between them and that he 769 00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:28,760 Speaker 4: was just a childhood friend. But I made it explicitly 770 00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:32,000 Speaker 4: clear way back when we started dating. She had concerns 771 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,640 Speaker 4: about her freedom and being able to do as she wanted, 772 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,359 Speaker 4: and she wanted to know why I trusted her since 773 00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:40,480 Speaker 4: her other boyfriends didn't and gave her so much space. 774 00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:42,480 Speaker 4: And I told her that I had no reason not 775 00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:45,279 Speaker 4: to trust her. She's my girlfriend, after all. All I 776 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:47,160 Speaker 4: ask is that you tell me the truth, even if 777 00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,960 Speaker 4: it'll hurt my feelings or get me upset. I realized 778 00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:52,120 Speaker 4: my school schedule is an ideal, but I think we 779 00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:55,359 Speaker 4: can work through just about anything. But I don't think 780 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:59,000 Speaker 4: people owe their significant other their entire dating history, including 781 00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:02,480 Speaker 4: the people you know, and I strongly disagree with this statement. 782 00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,440 Speaker 4: If you guys have mutual friends that when disclosing pasts 783 00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:08,359 Speaker 4: are the most important, Especially when you don't disclose your 784 00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:11,320 Speaker 4: past with someone because you'll know it'll alter their decisions 785 00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:14,520 Speaker 4: and other aspects of your relationship. That's not cool on 786 00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:17,279 Speaker 4: a bunch of levels. Omitted to tell someone about a 787 00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:19,799 Speaker 4: neighbor who you slept with three years ago isn't the 788 00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:23,200 Speaker 4: same as keeping an ex under your significant other's nose. 789 00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:25,120 Speaker 3: Maybe if her and Adam saw. 790 00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:28,319 Speaker 4: Each other occasionally or weekly or monthly, it wouldn't have 791 00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:30,560 Speaker 4: been a big deal, But were hanging out with someone 792 00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:32,800 Speaker 4: pretty much four to five times a week, it becomes 793 00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:35,960 Speaker 4: a problem. You owe it to your significant other to 794 00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:39,080 Speaker 4: tell them about people you interact with often. Maybe you're 795 00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:42,120 Speaker 4: different than me and have yourself and your relationship with 796 00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:45,120 Speaker 4: your significant other all figured out. But that's a really 797 00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:47,800 Speaker 4: big deal in my book, she's being honest about everything 798 00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,720 Speaker 4: that's happened during your relationship. I could no longer trust 799 00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:53,840 Speaker 4: what happened during our relationship. I didn't know what was 800 00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:56,520 Speaker 4: truth and what was alive. However, I spoke with her 801 00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:58,520 Speaker 4: today and she actually came to visit me in my 802 00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:01,879 Speaker 4: apartment unannounced, and although we are broken up, she felt 803 00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:04,120 Speaker 4: the need to tell me more about it. She apologized 804 00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:08,600 Speaker 4: on how she acted, letting her disappointment, shamefulness, and guilt 805 00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:11,120 Speaker 4: get the better of her. She apologized for Adam's text 806 00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:13,719 Speaker 4: messages and some other things she did. But she did 807 00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:23,319 Speaker 4: in fact cheat on me day day the truth comes out, 808 00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:29,640 Speaker 4: ah Man, who saw that one coming? Not me? 809 00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:34,680 Speaker 3: Really? No, it was very obvious. I was like, Angie, what, 810 00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:38,960 Speaker 3: I'm blind? But she didn't fact cheat on me. 811 00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:43,200 Speaker 4: It happened two different occasions throughout different parts of our relationship. 812 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:46,440 Speaker 4: Every occasion mixed with booze and then being alone for 813 00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:49,960 Speaker 4: the night, all initiated by Adam. I don't like that 814 00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:52,480 Speaker 4: it was all mixed with booze and initiated by him. 815 00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:58,120 Speaker 4: The same suspicious our legs back legs are back, Hello, 816 00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:00,120 Speaker 4: legs legless. 817 00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:01,640 Speaker 3: You should be. 818 00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:04,520 Speaker 5: They also have kissed, or, as she told me, Adam 819 00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:05,239 Speaker 5: would kiss her. 820 00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:08,840 Speaker 4: Frequently on the lips, taking advantage of her. Oh, hang on, 821 00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:13,040 Speaker 4: hang on, what row new information? Bad new information, very 822 00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:16,759 Speaker 4: bad new information. Yeah, I'm not gonna lie too, Like 823 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:22,160 Speaker 4: that changes the terms she cheated on me for me? Yeah, 824 00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:25,319 Speaker 4: because it's like, yes, she did, and I do think 825 00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:27,600 Speaker 4: she's still withheld stuff and there was a lot of 826 00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:30,120 Speaker 4: that kind of stuff, and I'm sure she didn't necessarily 827 00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,600 Speaker 4: maybe realize what was happening or like. 828 00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:37,279 Speaker 3: All right, you guys, I need to think and process it. No, 829 00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:38,960 Speaker 3: I agree. I think she was. 830 00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:41,520 Speaker 4: Being taken advantage of, Like you don't want to be like, 831 00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:45,239 Speaker 4: yeah she yes, she one percent still cheated. But this 832 00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:48,320 Speaker 4: adds like a whole new spin of like, well, Adam's 833 00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:50,160 Speaker 4: an icky, yucky person. 834 00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:55,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, because I wonder because some of the situation seemed consensual, 835 00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:59,319 Speaker 3: I thought, but with that information, like it very well 836 00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:00,719 Speaker 3: could be that reading was not. 837 00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:06,239 Speaker 4: The stuff that is consensual was mixed with booze them 838 00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:09,920 Speaker 4: being alone and initiated by Adam that is, which then 839 00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:12,560 Speaker 4: really sounds a lot less consensual. 840 00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:15,319 Speaker 3: Yeah, it does. So it's like I honestly wouldn't even 841 00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:18,200 Speaker 3: call that cheating then, and she probably is calling it 842 00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:20,840 Speaker 3: that because she feels guilty, and you know, there's obviously 843 00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:21,759 Speaker 3: so much, like I. 844 00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:24,640 Speaker 4: Think, the guilt and the like shame of it, which 845 00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:26,680 Speaker 4: she doesn't need to have. I think that it could 846 00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:28,880 Speaker 4: have come forward and told her boyfriend about all this, 847 00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:31,359 Speaker 4: like right, maybe they could have worked through it. There 848 00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:33,600 Speaker 4: was still that like lying in admitting of truth, but 849 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:35,320 Speaker 4: that changes things a lot. 850 00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:38,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, it totally does. I wonder how op he feels 851 00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:39,160 Speaker 3: about that. 852 00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:42,680 Speaker 4: Okay, I'm just gonna keep reading, guys. Yeah, my brain's 853 00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:43,959 Speaker 4: not gonna process this one. 854 00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,520 Speaker 5: So based off that alone, I'm two thousand percent done. 855 00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:52,680 Speaker 3: Ah, not our favorite way to deal with that. Yeah, 856 00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:53,880 Speaker 3: I had my doubts. 857 00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,000 Speaker 4: You know, maybe she really did just lie about them 858 00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:59,120 Speaker 4: being exes. But when she confirmed that she cheated, that's 859 00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,279 Speaker 4: when I knew I made the right decision to move on. 860 00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:04,000 Speaker 4: Has it been a rollercoaster it? Did it affect your 861 00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:06,279 Speaker 4: relationship in any way before you found out? 862 00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:08,359 Speaker 3: I'm assuming this is a comment trask. 863 00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:11,640 Speaker 4: All for this, All I can say is that ignorance 864 00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:14,480 Speaker 4: is bliss. Looking back on it now, I can vividly 865 00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:17,640 Speaker 4: see periods that would have made me question everything, freedoms 866 00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:19,520 Speaker 4: and things that I was okay with. 867 00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:21,000 Speaker 3: I would have freaked over. 868 00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:23,439 Speaker 5: Letting her sleep at his house was a big deal. 869 00:40:23,719 --> 00:40:26,239 Speaker 4: Having to split my limited free time up with him 870 00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:29,400 Speaker 4: was a huge issue for me. Despite the cheating and lying, 871 00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:31,640 Speaker 4: I do care for her, but I can never be 872 00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:34,480 Speaker 4: with her again. She either has to date Adam or 873 00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:36,839 Speaker 4: get the f away from him. She used to get 874 00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:39,520 Speaker 4: the f away from him, definitely. Oh, I just had 875 00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:44,360 Speaker 4: a thought and it just like I basically I feel like, one, 876 00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:46,680 Speaker 4: you can still end this relationship. Like no one is 877 00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:48,759 Speaker 4: ever saying like, because it happened in this way, you 878 00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:51,200 Speaker 4: have to stay in this relationship. But I feel like 879 00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:54,160 Speaker 4: that changes enough things that you can like, I don't know, 880 00:40:54,239 --> 00:40:55,360 Speaker 4: it doesn't have to be like you don't have to 881 00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:57,560 Speaker 4: be like and she like like, I'm not sure she 882 00:40:57,680 --> 00:41:01,120 Speaker 4: cheated on you, my dude, Like, honestly, I think by 883 00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:02,680 Speaker 4: a technicality she did. 884 00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,080 Speaker 3: I think it depends on your definition of cheating, yea, 885 00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:08,880 Speaker 3: because some you know, people have different definitions. I feel like, 886 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,520 Speaker 3: you know, some people think holding hands is cheating or 887 00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:14,799 Speaker 3: something like that, or kissing isn't cheating, you know, I 888 00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:19,279 Speaker 3: think my definition would be like if you would be 889 00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:22,120 Speaker 3: consciously cheating, Like if something is just you were in 890 00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:25,280 Speaker 3: a relationship and something just like happened to you against 891 00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:27,920 Speaker 3: your will and without your consent, I feel like I 892 00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:30,520 Speaker 3: would not blame my partner for that at all. Cheating 893 00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:33,640 Speaker 3: to me, Yeah, at all. Yeah, that's why I'm. 894 00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:37,040 Speaker 4: Like, I don't know if she realizes if Yeah, like 895 00:41:37,239 --> 00:41:38,840 Speaker 4: the way that she's saying it, I want to be 896 00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:42,560 Speaker 4: like like, are you okay? And yeah, I'm like, let's 897 00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:45,640 Speaker 4: not because I'm not sure that you cheated, And I 898 00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:47,040 Speaker 4: don't think we need to jump right to that. 899 00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:50,680 Speaker 3: I need to jump to like are you okay? Totally? Totally. 900 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:53,840 Speaker 3: I think maybe the relationship should still end based on 901 00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:56,560 Speaker 3: how you are acting. I don't actually, I don't think 902 00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:58,799 Speaker 3: she should have you in her life, but. 903 00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:03,080 Speaker 4: I think she should get some help and yeah, get 904 00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:03,759 Speaker 4: away from him. 905 00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:05,600 Speaker 3: She needs to be away from Adam. 906 00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:08,680 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, she either has to date Adam or get 907 00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:10,960 Speaker 4: the f away from him. But that's not something I 908 00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:13,040 Speaker 4: can be a part of right now. Like I told 909 00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:15,839 Speaker 4: someone else before I leave back to my hometown for good. 910 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:17,759 Speaker 4: Maybe I'll sit down with her and give her a 911 00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:21,160 Speaker 4: new perspective on things. No, stop, No, I don't like 912 00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:23,680 Speaker 4: your perspective on things, op, not at all. But right 913 00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:25,680 Speaker 4: now she can learn on her own and that's the 914 00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:26,440 Speaker 4: end of that story. 915 00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:30,279 Speaker 3: Hikes, dude, I don't like Uope yikes, sang wow the 916 00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:34,680 Speaker 3: man in that story. Yeah, geez, yeah, I think I Yeah, 917 00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:36,520 Speaker 3: I still stand by I don't think you guys should 918 00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:38,640 Speaker 3: be together because I don't think you should be in 919 00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:42,560 Speaker 3: a relationship with her. I think, uh I it sucks though, 920 00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:45,200 Speaker 3: because even with that, she's gonna take out so hard 921 00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:50,480 Speaker 3: and so yeah, like internally, like she if she already 922 00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:54,040 Speaker 3: like if she had been with past boyfriends who didn't 923 00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:56,080 Speaker 3: like that she was best friends with her ex and 924 00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:58,279 Speaker 3: broke up with her because of that, and now she's 925 00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:00,360 Speaker 3: in this relationship, and now it's a problem that she 926 00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:03,800 Speaker 3: kept it secret, right, she's already probably yeah, she's already 927 00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:06,600 Speaker 3: probably like stressed and confused about that. And then of 928 00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:09,280 Speaker 3: course you know the factor of the essay, and it's 929 00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:12,920 Speaker 3: like that's huge and she's probably thinking so much guilt 930 00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:17,800 Speaker 3: there exactly. So it's just so many layers to this 931 00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:19,680 Speaker 3: this problem, and I feel so bad for her. 932 00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:23,560 Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm I'm concerned for the level of coercion and 933 00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:25,920 Speaker 4: like control that Adam has over her. 934 00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:28,520 Speaker 3: Totally that she's not realizing. 935 00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:30,840 Speaker 4: Oh, he's not going to realize because she's not able 936 00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:33,000 Speaker 4: to tell him right right. 937 00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:34,680 Speaker 3: The fact that he was like you have to hide 938 00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:37,680 Speaker 3: this from Yeah, he convinced her to do that. That 939 00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:41,360 Speaker 3: already is like a raisin, a red flag of their dynamic. 940 00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:44,319 Speaker 3: So I also want to I do still want to 941 00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:46,560 Speaker 3: know why they broke up initially, like if they broke up, 942 00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:48,799 Speaker 3: but Adam still you know, has this hold on her 943 00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:52,560 Speaker 3: and wants to use her, Like I wonder. 944 00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:55,360 Speaker 4: It sounded like whatever it was, she ended things with 945 00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:58,200 Speaker 4: Adam okay, which is because it was like Adam's still 946 00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:00,880 Speaker 4: in love with her, She's doesn't want anything to do 947 00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:02,759 Speaker 4: with him, is what the original? 948 00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:05,840 Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, I mean obviously she doesn't want I would 949 00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:07,480 Speaker 3: not blame her for not wanting anything to do with 950 00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:11,960 Speaker 3: him after he's doing this stuff. Ikey iky ach ikey 951 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:15,960 Speaker 3: ikey ikey. I really hope that she is okay now. 952 00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:18,320 Speaker 5: I hope somewhere else there with Adam. 953 00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:22,279 Speaker 4: Yeah, I hope someone She felt comfortable enough to go 954 00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,399 Speaker 4: to someone and not. 955 00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:27,000 Speaker 5: Feel shame for something that she should not feel shame about. 956 00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:30,520 Speaker 3: At all and then she can get help. Hopefully, we're 957 00:44:30,640 --> 00:44:34,560 Speaker 3: just gonna pretend that that's what happened. Now we're just 958 00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:35,800 Speaker 3: going happy endings. 959 00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:38,239 Speaker 4: Adam got all the bad karma he deserves and so 960 00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:38,680 Speaker 4: did Ope. 961 00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:42,200 Speaker 3: Honestly, just for those comments at the end, Yeah, didn't 962 00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:44,160 Speaker 3: like it. Didn't like it, but you know what I 963 00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:46,560 Speaker 3: do like the fact that we've gotten another story coming up. 964 00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:48,600 Speaker 1: Hey, it's sam og Host. We're get it back to 965 00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:51,239 Speaker 1: these delectable stories. But here's three minutes of ads from 966 00:44:51,239 --> 00:44:52,680 Speaker 1: our sponsors to help support the show. 967 00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:56,520 Speaker 3: My HR boss is obsessed with my life. 968 00:44:56,880 --> 00:44:58,920 Speaker 5: It's not a very good HR boss. 969 00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:02,000 Speaker 3: Hi, but let me tell you about how my HR 970 00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:04,840 Speaker 3: coworker became obsessed with me. I need to get this 971 00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:07,000 Speaker 3: off my chest because I don't know if I'm overreacting 972 00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:09,359 Speaker 3: anymore or if this has really turned into a weird 973 00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:12,520 Speaker 3: level of obsession. My name is Claudia, I'm twenty five, female, 974 00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:15,640 Speaker 3: and I work at a company where, unfortunately, professionalism seems 975 00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:19,240 Speaker 3: to be absent. What started as something small has spiraled 976 00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:21,919 Speaker 3: into something creepy. And by the way, this comes from 977 00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,520 Speaker 3: deleted And if you want to submit your own stories, 978 00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:27,360 Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay, story time is Supreddit 979 00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:29,040 Speaker 3: and I'm Angie. 980 00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:30,920 Speaker 2: I'm Carly, I'm Keon, and we're. 981 00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:32,920 Speaker 3: Here to give good advice goofully, but we don't have 982 00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:34,759 Speaker 3: all the answers. We're just gonna guess what we would 983 00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:36,520 Speaker 3: do in this situation. But let us know what you 984 00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,399 Speaker 3: would do in the comments. So Opie says. It all 985 00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:42,759 Speaker 3: began when a colleague, my age, Victor, twenty five male, 986 00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:45,120 Speaker 3: showed interest in me. I have a boyfriend, so I 987 00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:48,360 Speaker 3: turned him down lately, professionally and without any drama. But 988 00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:51,120 Speaker 3: his ego didn't handle the rejection well. He sulked to 989 00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:54,120 Speaker 3: act a distant and spent a solid week behaving like 990 00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:57,040 Speaker 3: a teenager who had just been left on red. Eventually, 991 00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:59,399 Speaker 3: he seemed to move on, but unfortunately, the drama didn't 992 00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:02,600 Speaker 3: end there. That's when Addison, a forty five year old 993 00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:06,160 Speaker 3: woman who works in HR, started showing interest in Victor. 994 00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:09,400 Speaker 3: Since she had told half of the office that he 995 00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:14,560 Speaker 3: liked me, Addison decided that she hated me for no reason. 996 00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:17,520 Speaker 3: I have never had any problems with her before, but 997 00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:20,360 Speaker 3: suddenly she was giving me dirty looks, ignoring me, or 998 00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:23,680 Speaker 3: being outright rude without any explanation. I could have stopped 999 00:46:23,680 --> 00:46:26,680 Speaker 3: there and just been a petty office situation, but no, 1000 00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:30,960 Speaker 3: it escalated into something straight up creepy. I have a 1001 00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:35,480 Speaker 3: very defined personal style. I think think preppy, dark academia, 1002 00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:39,319 Speaker 3: long dresses, boots, tights, layers, and a yellow umbrella that 1003 00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:41,359 Speaker 3: I carry because I'm a huge How I'm at your 1004 00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:42,040 Speaker 3: Mother fan. 1005 00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:43,960 Speaker 5: You carry an umbrella even when it's not raining. 1006 00:46:44,280 --> 00:46:46,759 Speaker 3: I suppose has anyone seen How I'm at your Mother? 1007 00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:49,439 Speaker 4: No? I know there's a yellow umbrella, but just carry 1008 00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:50,839 Speaker 4: it all the time, all the time. 1009 00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:53,920 Speaker 3: That's so funny. I also had blonde hair until recently, 1010 00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:56,879 Speaker 3: when I died it a rich brown, got long extensions, 1011 00:46:56,920 --> 00:47:00,560 Speaker 3: and added a wispy fringe. Addison, who was always had 1012 00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:04,160 Speaker 3: short orange hair and dressed in plain jeans, suddenly showed 1013 00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:09,840 Speaker 3: up with brown hair dyed to match mine. Identical long extensions, bangs, 1014 00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:13,759 Speaker 3: and even the same yellow umbrella. That's wild. Behab That 1015 00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:16,760 Speaker 3: is wild. Yellow umbrella is not something that everyone. 1016 00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:18,719 Speaker 2: She also likes How I met your mother? 1017 00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:23,400 Speaker 3: That's all guys, just each other. Just watched it exactly, 1018 00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:30,280 Speaker 3: watched it, watch watched it. She began copying my outfits, boots, tights, skirts, 1019 00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:33,680 Speaker 3: the whole look I'm not exaggerating when I say people 1020 00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:36,120 Speaker 3: noticed immediately. At least You're not the only one then 1021 00:47:36,239 --> 00:47:39,239 Speaker 3: that noticed. I feel like I was expecting you to 1022 00:47:39,239 --> 00:47:41,080 Speaker 3: be the only one and everyone was just like, I 1023 00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:41,400 Speaker 3: don't know. 1024 00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:44,440 Speaker 5: She loo hair brown. Yeah, that was the problem. 1025 00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:48,279 Speaker 3: But it didn't stop there. She started spreading lies about me, 1026 00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:52,280 Speaker 3: flaunting swimsuit pictures of herself in front of Victor's friends 1027 00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:55,520 Speaker 3: right where I could see, and loudly laughing or touching 1028 00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:57,839 Speaker 3: Victor's face whenever I walked by. 1029 00:47:58,760 --> 00:48:03,320 Speaker 4: I even like Victor though, yeah, what is this doing? 1030 00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:08,440 Speaker 3: Victor just likes ope, like, calm, calm down, weird. 1031 00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:10,560 Speaker 2: I would be like, could I reach out to HR? 1032 00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:12,360 Speaker 2: But you can't You're HR? 1033 00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:15,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, can I get a new HR? It felt like 1034 00:48:16,080 --> 00:48:19,480 Speaker 3: high school drama, except for adults in an office. And 1035 00:48:19,520 --> 00:48:22,319 Speaker 3: to top it off, she stalks me online, Oh my god, 1036 00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:25,719 Speaker 3: I've caught her on my TikTok and LinkedIn repeatedly. Even 1037 00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:29,120 Speaker 3: after I blocked her, fake accounts kept popping up, all 1038 00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:33,319 Speaker 3: linked back to the same email patterns. Classic. It was unsettling, 1039 00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:35,799 Speaker 3: to say the least. I've tried to remain professional through 1040 00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:37,479 Speaker 3: all of this. I don't want to stir up any 1041 00:48:37,560 --> 00:48:42,160 Speaker 3: unnecessary drama, but she constantly throws passive aggressive comments my way. 1042 00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:44,359 Speaker 3: She claims, I don't do any real work, even though 1043 00:48:44,360 --> 00:48:46,840 Speaker 3: I'm literally one of the most needed people in the company. 1044 00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:51,080 Speaker 3: Flex She talks loudly about her spicy sleep life inappropriate, 1045 00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:54,280 Speaker 3: especially whenever Victor is nearby, making it clear she wants 1046 00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:57,600 Speaker 3: me to hear it. Just search. Okay, story time, and 1047 00:48:57,680 --> 00:48:59,640 Speaker 3: there is a little bit more to the story. But yeah, 1048 00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:01,440 Speaker 3: this is very clear. What is happening. 1049 00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:05,280 Speaker 6: Yikes, I say you got to reach out to someone, 1050 00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:09,279 Speaker 6: like a higher up or something like this. 1051 00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:12,360 Speaker 3: This is not you gotta go past HR? Yeah? Is 1052 00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:13,960 Speaker 3: there are there more people in HR? 1053 00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:14,520 Speaker 2: Is there? 1054 00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:18,360 Speaker 3: I feel like h for this HR. I feel like 1055 00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:21,440 Speaker 3: HR would be like, you know, usually more than one person, 1056 00:49:21,640 --> 00:49:24,359 Speaker 3: although I guess in the office it was just Toby. Yeah, 1057 00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:27,719 Speaker 3: actually they higher up though. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure. 1058 00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:30,400 Speaker 5: I'm sure things can get escalated past AGR. 1059 00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:34,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, go there definitely there is a little bit 1060 00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:36,440 Speaker 3: more to the story. What makes us worse is that 1061 00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:40,440 Speaker 3: Addison has already engaged in harmful behavior with other coworkers. 1062 00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:43,200 Speaker 3: Several people have quit because they couldn't handle her. Oh 1063 00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:46,520 Speaker 3: my gosh. One younger colleague, Ali, twenty four, female, lost 1064 00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:48,600 Speaker 3: her grandmother and asked her a couple of days off 1065 00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:51,960 Speaker 3: to attend the hospital and then the funeral. Addison, showing 1066 00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:55,160 Speaker 3: no empathy, told her that she didn't believe her. Alie 1067 00:49:55,239 --> 00:50:00,520 Speaker 3: ended up resigning shortly afterwards, completely devastated. Nobody dares confront 1068 00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:04,280 Speaker 3: Addison because as HR, she holds power and people prefer 1069 00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:07,680 Speaker 3: to avoid conflict. So now I'm stuck in this toxic loop. 1070 00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:09,839 Speaker 3: I love my job, I'm good at it, but I 1071 00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:14,800 Speaker 3: constantly feel watched, harassed, and disrespected, and since the problem 1072 00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:17,120 Speaker 3: is HR itself, I don't even have a safe place 1073 00:50:17,160 --> 00:50:19,240 Speaker 3: to report it. At this point, I don't know whether 1074 00:50:19,320 --> 00:50:22,000 Speaker 3: to laugh, cry, or just start dressing differently every week 1075 00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:24,160 Speaker 3: to see if she keeps trying to copy me. And 1076 00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:25,560 Speaker 3: that is the end of that story. 1077 00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:29,560 Speaker 4: But yeah, yeah, yee, yeah, escalate that totally. 1078 00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:34,120 Speaker 3: That's wild, I know. Yeah, definitely talk to your boss, yeah, 1079 00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:35,799 Speaker 3: for sure, because I'm sure there's like a manager of 1080 00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:39,120 Speaker 3: your department. They can help you gun around HR. Yeah, 1081 00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:41,960 Speaker 3: because I feel like in a lot of workplaces anyway, 1082 00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,200 Speaker 3: it's kind of like you can talk to the boss anyway, 1083 00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:46,600 Speaker 3: and then they might like refer you to HR, but 1084 00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:48,240 Speaker 3: like you can definitely heard of them first. 1085 00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:50,640 Speaker 4: Yeah, there's no way that HR is holding all the 1086 00:50:50,719 --> 00:50:53,840 Speaker 4: power in this company totally, which would be just like 1087 00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:54,680 Speaker 4: a crazy way. 1088 00:50:54,719 --> 00:50:57,759 Speaker 3: It makes you think of like Game of Thrones. It's 1089 00:50:57,800 --> 00:50:59,799 Speaker 3: like you don't have to be on the throne to 1090 00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:00,440 Speaker 3: have power. 1091 00:51:01,640 --> 00:51:03,240 Speaker 2: All right, little finger, calm down. 1092 00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:08,120 Speaker 3: No, it's okay. I feel like she does that pretty 1093 00:51:08,120 --> 00:51:11,480 Speaker 3: early on. But anyway, Yeah, that's the in that story. 1094 00:51:11,719 --> 00:51:15,359 Speaker 3: That's I'm honestly relieved that other people notice that she's copying. Yeah, 1095 00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:15,719 Speaker 3: me too. 1096 00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:19,160 Speaker 5: So yellow umbrella is such an easy giveaway, Yeah, exactly. 1097 00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:21,000 Speaker 3: It's like it's, first of all, it's already weird that 1098 00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:23,920 Speaker 3: you're doing that, so it's like extra weird. If someone 1099 00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:28,400 Speaker 3: else does that, people will notice. People will notice. So 1100 00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:31,080 Speaker 3: if you love us, make sure to subscribe. We love 1101 00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:33,200 Speaker 3: you and see you tomorrow.