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Speaker 1: Discipline over desire determines your destination, but perfection is not possible.

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Speaker 2: Look at you. With all of these, I always keep

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Speaker 2: favorite at my big age. I've realized that do people

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Speaker 2: tend to mask procrastination as the pursuit of perfection?

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Speaker 3: Hmm?

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Speaker 2: I wonder.

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Speaker 1: It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight

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Speaker 1: from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become

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Speaker 1: Webby award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

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Speaker 2: That Ask was more than a podcast for us. It

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Speaker 2: was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable.

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Speaker 1: Be wraw urse, but most appointingly be us.

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Speaker 2: But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we,

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Speaker 2: and through it all, one thing has never This is

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Speaker 2: after because we got a lot to talk about.

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Speaker 1: So storytime, I'm going to take you back to summer

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Speaker 1: two thousand and three, some of two thousand. Yeah, this

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Speaker 1: is over twenty years ago. This is when Kadeen and

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Speaker 1: I had already been together for a year. But this

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Speaker 1: is also my first off season as a college athlete,

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Speaker 1: and I remember going into this offseason telling everybody I'm

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Speaker 1: approved to them that I belong here. As a freshman,

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Speaker 1: I didn't start I only played in two games. Both

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Speaker 1: games I played and I scored touchdowns. I felt like

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Speaker 1: I was a best receiver on the team, and because

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Speaker 1: of that, I felt like I had to show everybody

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Speaker 1: who I was. You know, I was the only receiver

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Speaker 1: at the time that was a walk on and had

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Speaker 1: to earn a scholarship other than me and Brian Woman.

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Speaker 4: At the time.

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Speaker 1: So I was just kind of tired of people like

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Speaker 1: putting me with the walk on group. So I was like,

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Speaker 1: I am going to be perfect in anything came to

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Speaker 1: depth of routes, when it came to catching the ball,

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Speaker 1: knowing all the plays, I wanted to be perfect. And

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Speaker 1: you know what happened with my pursuit of perfection. I failed.

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Speaker 1: My sophomore season at HAFTA was the worst year I

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Speaker 1: ever played in football. And I'm explaining to you why

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Speaker 1: since I was trying to do everything with the standard

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Speaker 1: of perfection. If I was slightly off, I didn't accept it,

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Speaker 1: which means I spent many days in a row never

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Speaker 1: reaching a standard that I saw value in it myself,

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Speaker 1: and I started to get depressed. And as I started

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Speaker 1: to get depressed, it started to be like can I

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Speaker 1: do this because I couldn't do it perfectly. I started

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Speaker 1: to tell myself, Oh can I do this? Then I

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Speaker 1: told myself, when I'm a sophomore, it's a sophomore slump.

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Speaker 4: I'm supposed to go through this.

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Speaker 1: So in chasing perfection and then not getting it, I

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Speaker 1: then told myself I wasn't supposed to be here at

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Speaker 1: this moment and accepted the failures and it was the

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Speaker 1: worst thing that could ever happen to me. My sophomore year.

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Speaker 2: I remember that time all right karaoke. So I figured

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Speaker 2: perfection and people trying to do things their way to

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Speaker 2: pursue their pursuit of perfection. It only made sense to

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Speaker 2: sing I just like this song on My Way by

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Speaker 2: us y'all. I had nothing to do or nothing, and

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh, you're still on tour is see.

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Speaker 2: I wish you would go back and do his residency

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Speaker 2: because I was like the best one. I preferred the

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Speaker 2: residency over the tour.

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Speaker 1: I feel like the residency was more intimate. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: we're not going to keep over. You're supposed to sing

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Speaker 1: my way.

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Speaker 2: Will know you know I'm still getting better. You want

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Speaker 2: to help me out, please, I got you.

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Speaker 4: But whatever you need, I got way.

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Speaker 2: My way. I'm in contrust that met me to get

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Speaker 2: this funny.

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Speaker 5: Why she's so fast.

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Speaker 2: We never know the words, y'all, but y'all get the point,

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Speaker 2: okay about.

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Speaker 1: Doing things my way?

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Speaker 6: Perfectionists, You are a perfectionists. Certainly am shout out to

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Speaker 6: Josh for bringing up this topic, because my wife is

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Speaker 6: a perfectionist and a lot of times she'll tell you

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Speaker 6: that leads to her procrastinating and.

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Speaker 2: Not getting done. Me and Josh kind of cut from

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Speaker 2: the same cloth we've had.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, we are. I'm glad Matt staring right at

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Speaker 4: you over there. You know who else is.

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Speaker 1: Like that too? Trouble Trible is definitely the type that's like,

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Speaker 1: if this ain't perfect, I'm not putting it out and

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Speaker 1: it will never go out. We want to pay some bills,

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Speaker 1: and we're gonna come back and attack these three. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna we're gonna attack these We're going.

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Speaker 2: To call to the front of the congregation.

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Speaker 4: You're gonna attack all of us. Yes, this nigga doesn't

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Speaker 4: live in a bubble just like us. Cat Oh we

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Speaker 4: got I can't wait for this.

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Speaker 2: Matt is hiding something that we don't know. That's the mystery.

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Speaker 2: Of Matt. That's why Matt will invite us over. That's

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Speaker 2: why Matt, guys. I'm just throwing it out there that

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Speaker 2: Matt hasn't invited us over to his house. And he's

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Speaker 2: lived here for two years, that is always here. But

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Speaker 2: Matt says he doesn't invite people to his house. So

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Speaker 2: we're just gonna pull up one of these days with

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Speaker 2: all the kids and we're going to break in. And

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Speaker 2: that's just what it is.

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Speaker 4: We won't be just start cleaning the house.

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Speaker 3: People on the way over.

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Speaker 4: Look at that I want to start.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna change the door code. I'm not gonna let

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Speaker 2: him in unless he lets me over one day, Matthew,

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Speaker 2: So we're gonna come to the front of the congregation.

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Speaker 4: But if she said you can't come in.

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Speaker 2: Well, sometimes I'm looking for a place to send it out.

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Speaker 2: And where am I gonna send him?

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Speaker 1: I say, you see, this is why I take the

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Speaker 1: cookies when I get the biggest.

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Speaker 2: I mean, hey, it's a fair trade away. It's a

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Speaker 2: fair trade off.

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Speaker 1: I think if they would have saw you by that address,

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Speaker 1: they would understand why you be trying to get rid

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Speaker 1: of me?

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Speaker 2: All right, I understand. I'll stand up for you again

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Speaker 2: later and then.

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Speaker 1: Stand up for you again. Trust me. You know what, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying that I would stop playing with.

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Speaker 2: Twenty three years.

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Speaker 4: Can we just go pay these bills?

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Speaker 2: I would know better. Let's pay some bills, y'all. We'll

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Speaker 2: come back. Stick around for the snailigans. All right, We're back,

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Speaker 2: all right, Time for op or no op, take it away,

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Speaker 2: triple all right.

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Speaker 5: This month is Father's Day.

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Speaker 4: Shout out to all the father's baby to the two fathers.

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Speaker 3: On the cast.

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Speaker 2: Amazing thing. Never want to do this life without, y'all.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, big up to the guys who don't want to

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Speaker 7: be fathers because they've got some male birth control coming out,

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Speaker 7: but they do.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it's an injection.

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Speaker 7: It's some type of like jail that they inject into

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Speaker 7: the like semen ducks, sperm ducks, so that sperm doesn't

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Speaker 7: mix with the semen when it comes out here.

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Speaker 1: They injected directly into the sack.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a I think it's an implant.

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Speaker 2: Oh, kind of like when women have like the the

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Speaker 2: implant that goes under the skin. Yeah, so this just

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Speaker 2: goes into the scrollum into that.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, but I think it's just a jail and its

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Speaker 7: it says it's a water soluble hydrogel gel that's inserted

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Speaker 7: into the sperm ducks so the sperm doesn't mix with

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Speaker 7: the semen and they it said it it lasts for

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Speaker 7: two years.

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Speaker 4: Oh, Josh said, he got out. This goes against all

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Speaker 4: that we stand for. I just want to say that first,

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Speaker 4: men or people men, Okay, Right, So my opinion in

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Speaker 4: general is women have been injecting stuff into them. Sorry,

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Speaker 4: women have been injecting things into them like forever or

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Speaker 4: placing things inside of them for the sake of not

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Speaker 4: having children. And I understand wanting to do this, but

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Speaker 4: this is this goes against everything that we stand for

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Speaker 4: as men. Right, does it come out?

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Speaker 2: In what sense?

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Speaker 4: Does it come out? You putting something in a block something?

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Speaker 4: Is it coming out?

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Speaker 1: Says it's a jelu, So probably in after two years

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Speaker 1: it probably doesn't.

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Speaker 4: No, no, no, that's coming out. I know that's coming out.

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Speaker 4: But is anything coming out?

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Speaker 7: It is?

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Speaker 2: It doesn't come out with sperms. It blocks the sperm,

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Speaker 2: but you can still ejaculate.

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Speaker 4: And pulling out.

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Speaker 1: No, you don't have to understand what I understand. It's

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Speaker 1: like getting to pisectomy. Remember when I was concerned that

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Speaker 1: it wouldn't be the same consistency. Oh, everything is still

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Speaker 1: the same.

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Speaker 2: I can, yes, let you know that it is.

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Speaker 1: Everything is still the I didn't ask.

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Speaker 4: I'm you didn't know.

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Speaker 1: You didn't ask, but you technically did just ask. You

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Speaker 1: just said does it come out, which means does it

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Speaker 1: come out with the same.

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Speaker 2: So it's not blocking an ejaculation, it's just brought the sperm.

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Speaker 2: That's what you meant by goes again because I'm like,

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Speaker 2: where is he going with? It goes against everything that

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Speaker 2: we stand for as a man, because it gotta come out.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, we're doing men such a disservice by not giving

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Speaker 7: them birth control because as women, because we have to

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Speaker 7: do all this stuff, we have such an intimate relationship

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Speaker 7: with our anatomy.

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Speaker 5: You niggas don't even know what seemen is.

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Speaker 2: I do it.

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Speaker 4: No, I do not.

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Speaker 1: I know what semen y'all.

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Speaker 5: Y'all don't know how it works. Y'all keep asking these

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Speaker 5: questions like.

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Speaker 4: No, Josh asked answered the question. You just presented this

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Speaker 4: to me. My god, this is the problem. What am

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Speaker 4: I know what to do? Am I supposed to not

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Speaker 4: ask questions?

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm glad Josh that you brought this up,

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Speaker 1: and I'm glad the Tripple brought this up because we

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Speaker 1: were talking about the female anatomy before this, and we

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Speaker 1: were saying that there's so many different things that women

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Speaker 1: go through that men don't know, and men, I mean

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Speaker 1: women expect us to know. We talked about the four

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Speaker 1: different phases of the menstal cycle and how you put

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Speaker 1: this pretty much four different people that live. That is

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Speaker 1: an actual fact, right, Men didn't know that, but women

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Speaker 1: will constantly be.

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Speaker 5: Like, y'all didn't know that, Well, we didn't know for

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Speaker 5: a long time. A lot of us.

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Speaker 2: I'm just learning about the luteal phase and all these

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Speaker 2: different phases and what emotions are corresponding with each week.

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Speaker 2: And then we feel like we're crazy half the time

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Speaker 2: because y'all tell us that we're crazy too. It's like,

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Speaker 2: I know I'm crazy, and then you co signed that

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Speaker 2: I'm crazy, But am I crazy? Or am I just

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Speaker 2: going through whatever my body is going through in the moment,

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Speaker 2: And it's yeah, no, no, no, no, but but no,

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Speaker 2: no change his dress.

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Speaker 1: I'll change it with you. But no, you are right though, though,

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Speaker 1: you're right because you are going through changes and we

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Speaker 1: need to know. But I do kind of want to

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Speaker 1: get back to why you say it goes against everything?

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Speaker 1: Is it because you ejaculating is like the manliest thing?

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Speaker 4: That's yeah, I mean that's part of it.

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Speaker 2: Like he thought it was blocking ejaculation completely, and.

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Speaker 1: You're saying it doesn't block, it just comes out just

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Speaker 1: what you think it's. Do you still have the same.

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Speaker 4: App No, I don't. I do. I do have the

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Speaker 4: same app Now I'm not doing You're not with it? Now,

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Speaker 4: I'm not with it? Okay? Are you with EXECTI meies

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Speaker 4: you're not with exectories. I don't mind that, okay, okay,

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Speaker 4: But this is a foreign object, right. Exectly is a

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Speaker 4: procedure that's stopping something.

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Speaker 2: This is a foreign object, which is the problem a

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Speaker 2: lot of women have with putting foreign in their bodies forever.

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Speaker 4: And I see here it says non hormonal. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 4: not a non hormonal situation. So it's a foreign object

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Speaker 4: that's going into my body and we don't know what

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Speaker 4: the what the adverse respects of this is, Well, they.

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Speaker 5: Said they've been testing it and there have been no

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Speaker 5: adverse effects recorded.

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Speaker 2: No diarrhea, no leaky gut, no yellow eyes.

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Speaker 4: When they put the joint on TV, it's going to

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Speaker 4: be like a whole bunch of stuff. Here go fall out,

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Speaker 4: your toe, nails go fall off.

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Speaker 7: And this is a this is a reversible alternative to

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Speaker 7: the vissectomy because this will only last for two years.

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Speaker 5: You get the implant taken out.

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Speaker 4: But isn't the reversible checking bar?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so here's that it can be reversible.

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Speaker 2: So here's my opponente because I can't speak to the

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Speaker 2: male anatomy, the nail male body. However, speaking about procreating

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Speaker 2: and having children, I think that men should be given

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Speaker 2: the option to say, you know what, I'm in a

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Speaker 2: space where I want to enjoy myself and I don't

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Speaker 2: want to have to worry about becoming a father before

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Speaker 2: my time. I don't want to have to make that decision.

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Speaker 2: So if he can take control over that, then it's

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Speaker 2: like why not. I'm all for that.

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Speaker 4: I don't have an op.

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Speaker 1: I had a vasectomy, So I'm all for men holding

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Speaker 1: the power and taking control over their own bodies if

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Speaker 1: there's something they want to do, especially if they have

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Speaker 1: a wife or a significant other. I gree with Josh

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Speaker 1: that putting something in your body is different than the vasectomy.

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Speaker 1: But I will also say this, now we've asked women

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Speaker 1: to take hormones, put in rings, put in coils.

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Speaker 2: Copper, and all sorts of gear.

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Speaker 4: And for me, I'm not asking my wife to do that.

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Speaker 1: Oh and I'm not even talking about wives. I'm talking

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Speaker 1: about Say you a single dude out there right, my

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Speaker 1: first thing would be like to my sons, you need

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Speaker 1: to be putting on a fucking condom regards so you

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Speaker 1: don't need that anyway, but just in case you the

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Speaker 1: kind of breaks or something and you don't want to

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Speaker 1: have no kids. If you know for a fact you

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Speaker 1: don't have no kids, if this is healthy, and why not, Like,

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Speaker 1: to be.

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Speaker 2: Honest, why not prevent pregnancy. It's not preventing that.

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Speaker 1: And everybody don't need to have kids. Everybody shouldn't. And

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Speaker 1: that's not a man thing. That's a man every person

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Speaker 1: and most some people you see here never wanted to

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Speaker 1: have the kids they have.

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Speaker 5: It happened.

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Speaker 1: And if there's a way to prevent that, I'm for that.

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Speaker 2: Like just who around the South trips did you have

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Speaker 2: any feedback on it?

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Speaker 7: I think men should definitely have birth control that they

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Speaker 7: are responsible for.

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Speaker 5: I feel like the owner shouldn't be on women. The

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Speaker 5: medical field.

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Speaker 7: They haven't done a lot of research on women's anatomy.

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Speaker 7: They've done more on men, so they should put it

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Speaker 7: on men to be responsible. And I think too, men

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Speaker 7: have the option of walking away when a woman gets pregnant,

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Speaker 7: when whereas a woman doesn't. The baby's in her body,

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Speaker 7: so if you don't want it, you should be responsible

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Speaker 7: for not having it.

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Speaker 1: I do have a question too, though, to ask Allen's women.

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Speaker 1: I hear women say this all the time.

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Speaker 2: Men.

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Speaker 1: If a man lays down with a woman and gets

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Speaker 1: her pregnant, but he has a chance to walk away,

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Speaker 1: that's unfair, right, But I do kind of feel like, well,

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Speaker 1: a woman also didn't have to lay down, So why

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Speaker 1: is it only put on a man like he got

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Speaker 1: her pregnant. She laid down and got herself pregnant too,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's the case by case in thearor Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I agree that both people have to be responsible. I

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Speaker 2: think because women ultimately have the choice to have the

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Speaker 2: baby or not. Because you have choices, right when you

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Speaker 2: get pregnant and say you don't want the baby, you

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Speaker 2: can give it up for adoption. If you have the baby,

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Speaker 2: you can go get a plan B. If you know, like,

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Speaker 2: oh man, we got into a situation that we didn't

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Speaker 2: expect to be in. There's termination. There's so many options

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Speaker 2: available to women. So I think in that circumstance, you know,

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Speaker 2: giving men the power to create kind of their destiny

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Speaker 2: with knowing whether or not they want to have children

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Speaker 2: or not, with having them birth control method that works

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Speaker 2: because that way you don't leave it up to guests

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Speaker 2: with what the woman is going to do with her body,

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Speaker 2: because ultimately she has full autonomy over her body.

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Speaker 1: I agree, I got four sons. I agree. I don't

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Speaker 1: want my sons to have to lay down and say

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Speaker 1: I hope she doesn't have it. I hope, to be honest,

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Speaker 1: I hope my sons would have used discernment before even

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Speaker 1: laying down with whoever, saying that, Okay, if I'm laying

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Speaker 1: down with her, then she might be the type of

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Speaker 1: person that I'll have a child with. But even if

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Speaker 1: you are laying down with her, if she's at the child,

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Speaker 1: you should have a choice contraceptive, whether it's a condom

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Speaker 1: or is this thing you're talking about. I think men

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Speaker 1: need to start taking more responsibility over what they do

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Speaker 1: with their seed, leaving it up to so only a woman.

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Speaker 1: To me is like, that's fuck boys shit if we

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Speaker 1: be honest, like, oh, she got pregnant, No, she didn't

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Speaker 1: get pregnant, nigga, right, you got her pregnant? Yeah, y'all,

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Speaker 1: I got pregnant.

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Speaker 4: I would say, I do like that perspective, Ka, that

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Speaker 4: makes that makes perfect tense to me. And if that's

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Speaker 4: the situation for me personally, I'm just thinking about myself,

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Speaker 4: but in general, like that that is I mean, having

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Speaker 4: this Adam pill or whatever this thing is allows men

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Speaker 4: to like take control, right, So like, yeah, I know

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Speaker 4: for a fact that ain't mine, right, right, you know

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Speaker 4: what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Right, So I get that, and then you won't get

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Speaker 1: that whose is it? It ain't mine? I'm on the

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Speaker 1: shot or you know what I'm saying. I got my

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Speaker 1: balls injected with this. It's not mine.

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Speaker 2: Now, you just hope that people will still take a

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Speaker 2: step further and we're condom so that there's influx of

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Speaker 2: it's not a past to just go out there and

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Speaker 2: be raw dog and everything. You know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 2: There has to still be that is.

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Speaker 1: A deeper issue. Right about that. That's a deeper issue.

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Speaker 2: So just be smart. People be smart.

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Speaker 7: No on the same vein as Father's Day. I know

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Speaker 7: that you guys with kids in here, you try to

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Speaker 7: be good dads. But I often hear dad say they

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Speaker 7: don't get good gifts for Father's Day.

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Speaker 1: We don't.

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Speaker 7: So I'm like, does it make you feel doubtful as

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Speaker 7: a dad when your kids bring you a little shitty?

365
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Speaker 7: When they got mom, they got mom something to elaborate.

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Speaker 1: Last month, that's they're gonna get their mom something elaborate.

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Speaker 1: I do have an op on that. I personally don't care.

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Speaker 1: My kids typically ask me that what you want for

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Speaker 1: Father's Day? And I to be like, I don't want nothing,

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Speaker 1: But they actually mother what you want? Well, I want flowers,

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Speaker 1: make sure you have a card, make sure we go

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Speaker 1: to dinner.

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Speaker 4: So you ask your mom, your mom to do that,

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Speaker 4: Mom to do that. That's and that's why I feel

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Speaker 4: this way. I asked my mom, she tell me. I

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Speaker 4: asked my pops.

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Speaker 1: He just be like, don't nothing. Ilse grill for y'all.

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Speaker 1: We watched the games. So to be honest, you can't

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Speaker 1: be upset at women saying exactly what they want. That

380
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,399
Speaker 1: is just like the joke and complain, but realistically, I

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Speaker 1: don't want to go to a brunch.

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Speaker 2: Do not take me anywhere that's there. That's my devots hard.

383
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,800
Speaker 2: He's hard in general. Like birthdays. Everyone always texts me

384
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Speaker 2: for birthdays and they're like, what do I get Devout?

385
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Speaker 2: We don't know what Devo wants his pajamas today, y'all

386
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:20,399
Speaker 2: we were supposed to be dressing.

387
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Speaker 4: Why they didn't even notice?

388
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Speaker 2: Or are you serious? The theme around the theme around

389
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,800
Speaker 2: elsejama like elevation. We're in a new space. Let's try

390
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,520
Speaker 2: to dress nicely, make it a show. Blah blah blah.

391
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:41,000
Speaker 2: And Deval comes down here in his Warriors pajama pans. Now,

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Speaker 2: I get just playoff basketball time. I get it, and

393
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,520
Speaker 2: I get it that you're still holding on to dead ass.

394
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,200
Speaker 2: But this is how he showed up to set today.

395
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,119
Speaker 2: But that's indicative of who you.

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Speaker 1: Got a nice watch about, Thank you, Josh, because I

397
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,040
Speaker 1: didn't realize I had on the dead ass shirt. I

398
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Speaker 1: woke up like this.

399
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,359
Speaker 2: Clearly you didn't make it like that exactly I was.

400
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,400
Speaker 2: Which if you haven't gotten your dead ass merch, there's

401
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,520
Speaker 2: not much less y'all is at this point of collector's

402
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,840
Speaker 2: item invented, So make sure y'all hit up the website

403
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,240
Speaker 2: and get what's left. But I'm just saying that to say,

404
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,879
Speaker 2: devou is such a simple person, like he does not

405
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Speaker 2: want to go anywhere. So anytime I've tried to like, oh,

406
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,200
Speaker 2: for Father's Day, we should go here, we should go that, devousa,

407
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,360
Speaker 2: I don't want to go nowhere. It's my day. Why

408
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:16,840
Speaker 2: are you trying to put your spin on what I

409
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,359
Speaker 2: want for my day? I want you to sit at home.

410
00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:22,920
Speaker 2: I want to grill. He's like, essentially become his dad.

411
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:24,840
Speaker 2: He's like, I want to sit home. I'll grill with

412
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,760
Speaker 2: the boys, be hanging around, they get in the pool.

413
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,720
Speaker 2: It's in June, they just got out to school. I

414
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:30,840
Speaker 2: just want to chill with my family. And then still

415
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,600
Speaker 2: I'll go and I'll buy him a couple of things here,

416
00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:34,959
Speaker 2: you know, a Mary's his spot or whatever, and then

417
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,800
Speaker 2: he'll open it and it's like you didn't have to

418
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,760
Speaker 2: get this, I didn't need this. So it's really ultimately hard.

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Speaker 2: But I get your point, tripe. But most of the time,

420
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Speaker 2: fathers feel like they're the second thought or they're the afterthought,

421
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:48,119
Speaker 2: and that's not nearly the case. It's just that you

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Speaker 2: require less.

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Speaker 1: Well, let me ask, do fathers feel like they afterthought?

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Speaker 1: Do other people next to us say, why do y'all

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Speaker 1: do this.

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Speaker 3: To dad's marketing your father's you know you think that's

427
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Speaker 3: what it is.

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Speaker 4: I mean, there is a difference with how men and

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Speaker 4: women are celebrated on those days, like in general. But yo,

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Speaker 4: for me personally, I think, don't complicate that day. Yo,

431
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:15,439
Speaker 4: Like it is my second birthday. Father's Day is literally

432
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,520
Speaker 4: my second That's what it is. That's literally don't complicate it.

433
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Speaker 4: Like if I go to church on that Sunday, fine,

434
00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:24,800
Speaker 4: I come home. Not trying to go nowhere to eat, Nope.

435
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,760
Speaker 4: I just want to sit down on a couch and

436
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,280
Speaker 4: just watch TV. If y'all if this is a day

437
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:32,360
Speaker 4: I'm celebrated, I don't celebrated. You're not gonna do something.

438
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:37,960
Speaker 4: You do what you do. Like I don't give some

439
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:40,879
Speaker 4: cool like I got I got five different mugs for

440
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:44,440
Speaker 4: Father's Day. I got that. I don't even use them,

441
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:46,560
Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying? Like one year, one year

442
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:50,000
Speaker 4: I got like golf clubs. I love that. Would I

443
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:53,760
Speaker 4: be okay without those golf clubs. I would absolutely be

444
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,440
Speaker 4: okay with it. Why because I still haven't been to

445
00:19:56,640 --> 00:20:00,879
Speaker 4: damn driving ring, right, So don't overcomplicate my day. Just

446
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,040
Speaker 4: let me chill man, like this is this is my

447
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:03,800
Speaker 4: second birthday.

448
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:07,080
Speaker 2: So I know some moms we're for Mother's Day. Personally,

449
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 2: I like to be with my children on Mother's Day

450
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,399
Speaker 2: because I feel like the kids look for me like

451
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:11,080
Speaker 2: it's Mother's Day.

452
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:11,920
Speaker 4: I won't to be with y'all.

453
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:14,240
Speaker 2: Right, I know a contingent of moms that are like

454
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,600
Speaker 2: for Mother's Day, send me away, take me away. I

455
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:19,600
Speaker 2: don't want to be with them, damn kids. I have

456
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,680
Speaker 2: a friend who every year, her husband books her a

457
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,280
Speaker 2: hotel room from Friday night and she does not check

458
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,119
Speaker 2: out until Sunday night because she just wants to be

459
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,439
Speaker 2: alone to do nothing because she's always having to do something.

460
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:32,840
Speaker 2: So it depends on the person. You gotta know your

461
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:34,719
Speaker 2: person and know what they like and what they expect.

462
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:36,639
Speaker 2: I'll just put it out there, baby, you don't have

463
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,520
Speaker 2: to get me flowers as Mother's Day. I just bought

464
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:40,600
Speaker 2: my Mother's Day gift.

465
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:46,120
Speaker 4: Y'all. See, y'all see how y'all see how this happening?

466
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:51,000
Speaker 4: This go ahead, you what you gave me, whatever you bought,

467
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:52,280
Speaker 4: Whatever you bought, you can have it.

468
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 2: I just bought my Mother's Day gift. Guys, I got

469
00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:00,600
Speaker 2: a purse. I haven't got on in a well purse

470
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:02,200
Speaker 2: you back. Don't worry about it. You'll see when we

471
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,480
Speaker 2: go upstairs. Just don't check your phone yet. But I

472
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:06,119
Speaker 2: couldn't make it to the store today because we had

473
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,879
Speaker 2: to record. So just letting you know, just letting you

474
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,000
Speaker 2: do not open your phone right now and making a thing.

475
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:16,119
Speaker 2: But I'm just letting you know that just saved I

476
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:21,119
Speaker 2: absolved him of having to go and shout for me. Yo. Today,

477
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:24,520
Speaker 2: he was just happy.

478
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:30,000
Speaker 1: The go sit over there.

479
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,160
Speaker 2: What did you see? That's not mine? Okay, that's yours,

480
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:32,640
Speaker 2: that's your.

481
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:35,720
Speaker 1: For me.

482
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:38,680
Speaker 2: No, I said, that was one of the expenses you had.

483
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:39,800
Speaker 2: That wasn't an expense for me.

484
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 1: Oh see, there's a bunch of I'm not even gonna

485
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:42,760
Speaker 1: look at this.

486
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,080
Speaker 2: He's making it a thing. He's you know what I'm saying.

487
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 2: But in the pursuit of you trying to find the

488
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,400
Speaker 2: perfect gift, as we're talking about the pursuit of perfection,

489
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:58,160
Speaker 2: I found it for you, and I saved you. The trouble,

490
00:21:58,240 --> 00:21:59,080
Speaker 2: So don't worry about it.

491
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:00,600
Speaker 1: This is not making.

492
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:07,080
Speaker 2: It's just one little bag. I haven't brought a bag

493
00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 2: in years, y'all. But since working, since is working now?

494
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:13,000
Speaker 2: This is what I've always been working. But I'm working, y'all.

495
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,440
Speaker 2: Gonna find out soon, I know.

496
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 7: Cardi B said that she's gonna give her birkeens to

497
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:22,840
Speaker 7: her daughter. Yeah, well you don't have any daughters, Kadeen.

498
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,720
Speaker 2: Are you making a look at this?

499
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 1: Were talking about and somehow, somehow on Father's Day, Kadeen

500
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 1: got a bag and it's gonna pass it down.

501
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:37,560
Speaker 4: The triple won't be talking about God's triple. She really said,

502
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:41,400
Speaker 4: you don't get me nothing. She led with, you don't

503
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:42,280
Speaker 4: got to get me nothing.

504
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:44,159
Speaker 1: Because I already got her something technical because you got it.

505
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,320
Speaker 2: To day, baby, you did. I saved you the trouble, honey.

506
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:48,640
Speaker 2: I mean, if you'd like to get.

507
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 1: More, listen, I don't. I don't have a problem giving

508
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,000
Speaker 1: gifts and they're not for nothing. This actually goes back

509
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,200
Speaker 1: like I'm joking. I really don't care what she getting

510
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,159
Speaker 1: home thing, But this is the point. Kay says what

511
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:03,439
Speaker 1: she wants. Women oftentimes say exactly what they want, show men,

512
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:07,520
Speaker 1: especially dads, be like, I'm good, just leave me alone,

513
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 1: like and enough for nothing. If Kay says your mother's

514
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:11,760
Speaker 1: that she want to go away, I'm gonna pay for

515
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:14,560
Speaker 1: her go away and do this right. If I say

516
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,360
Speaker 1: I want to go away for Father's Day, k would

517
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,399
Speaker 1: definitely be like, yo, leave your pops alone. The thing is,

518
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 1: pops just normally don't say what they want.

519
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:25,040
Speaker 2: We really don't local guys. We're just trying to rock

520
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 2: our brain, trying to figure out what it is so

521
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:27,600
Speaker 2: to make you feel special.

522
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,359
Speaker 4: You know you don't got to rock your brain. I

523
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:33,640
Speaker 4: want cookies and brain and brain. That's all I want.

524
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,360
Speaker 1: And my lion, you're father, right, what do you want?

525
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 1: I just want somebody to pay attention, to be only me,

526
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,920
Speaker 1: just for the day. And if that's gonna be you,

527
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,439
Speaker 1: then that's what I want. Cookies and brain. Same thing

528
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,760
Speaker 1: for Valentine's Day, right, Sandwich. Why do women get chocolates

529
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:50,359
Speaker 1: and bracelets and diamonds as for Valentine's Day and we

530
00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:52,280
Speaker 1: don't get nothing but butt because that's what we asked for.

531
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,439
Speaker 1: I don't want no diamonds, I don't want no cookies.

532
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:55,400
Speaker 1: I don't want no flowers.

533
00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:57,920
Speaker 7: I don't want to want to go to for Valentine's Day.

534
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:01,400
Speaker 7: That was something you know, that's not all I want

535
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 7: to give, don't.

536
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 5: Because because you're still for Valentine.

537
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:05,200
Speaker 4: I get it.

538
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:06,840
Speaker 5: That's that's gonna piss me off.

539
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 4: That's why I couldn't they.

540
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,679
Speaker 1: Know lesbians because lesbians want to be women. And then

541
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:14,200
Speaker 1: at the same time, Tripple want to funches, right, she

542
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,920
Speaker 1: want toes and tell them bitches, Yo, I'm still a woman.

543
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:24,680
Speaker 4: You ready. Gift is a superwoman. All yes, she's complex,

544
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 4: He's super woman.

545
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 2: I love it.

546
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:26,879
Speaker 5: I love it.

547
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 1: If I could go back and come back as anything,

548
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:30,040
Speaker 1: I want to go back and come back as a

549
00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 1: black lesbian. You know why. I have my own titties right,

550
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:36,600
Speaker 1: my own pussy. I can play it with. I can

551
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:38,640
Speaker 1: play with other people's titties and we talking.

552
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 4: Plus on Valentine's Day.

553
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 5: I get gifts that it is actually the best thing ever.

554
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 1: See that lesbian privileged. Y'all heard it here first. Triple

555
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 1: don't be going through nothing in her life. Could you

556
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:58,359
Speaker 1: imagine that people just die like diagnose lesbianism to like

557
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 1: Triple just have the perfect life. Couldn't that wouldn't that

558
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,560
Speaker 1: be the most fucked up thing because TRUP will be

559
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:04,160
Speaker 1: going through shit.

560
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:06,560
Speaker 2: Is it perfect? Let's go on to perfectionist.

561
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:08,719
Speaker 1: We all talk about perfectionism.

562
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:15,159
Speaker 4: I'll be leading us down the path of somewhere else's.

563
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:16,800
Speaker 2: I know that that tends to happen. Do we have

564
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:18,960
Speaker 2: another app or I forget what we know?

565
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:22,040
Speaker 5: I wanted this to lead and talking about perfectionism.

566
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 7: When I was creating the run A show for this episode,

567
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 7: I was wondering, if de vou ever, it doesn't seem

568
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:32,679
Speaker 7: like you suffer with perfectionism. It seems like there's something

569
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,359
Speaker 7: else where you do things well, but it's not. There's

570
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 7: no pressure to do things well. It's just kind of

571
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 7: like an expectation from yourself. So I wanted to talk

572
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,240
Speaker 7: about I guess you're gonna have to talk to the

573
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 7: rest of us about how perfectionism ruins our lives.

574
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:48,680
Speaker 1: It does it seriously?

575
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 4: Does like I hope to God y'all stop doing that.

576
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:55,480
Speaker 2: Start with our oldest.

577
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,639
Speaker 4: Jackson because Jackson Jackson is just.

578
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 2: Like and I think the hardest part part of dealing

579
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:04,680
Speaker 2: with someone who suffers from this pursuit of perfect perfection

580
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:08,440
Speaker 2: is the the anxiety that they build up and the

581
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:12,600
Speaker 2: performance anxiety, the nerves. Like, that's something we noticed with Jackson.

582
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:14,680
Speaker 2: It's like him wanting to do something perfect. There's like

583
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:16,040
Speaker 2: a frustration that comes with it.

584
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 5: There's this.

585
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,080
Speaker 2: You know, it's almost as if he talks himself out

586
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 2: of it sometimes. And that's that's what we have to

587
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:25,320
Speaker 2: talk came back off the legend. It's like, no, you

588
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,520
Speaker 2: can do this because you've prepared for it. That's why

589
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:31,119
Speaker 2: we always tell them that the pursuit of perfection.

590
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 1: Practice practice, practice is not the pursuit of perfection, right,

591
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:38,760
Speaker 1: practice is the pursuit of the process.

592
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:39,600
Speaker 4: Right exactly.

593
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 2: And that's what we try to instill in the voids

594
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:43,640
Speaker 2: time and and time and again, especially to vour working

595
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 2: with them closely on sports for example, you know, trying

596
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 2: to get over anxiety.

597
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 1: But I changed it because remember it used to be

598
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,080
Speaker 1: now a practice, practice used to it used to be

599
00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 1: practice makes perfect, yeah, right, right, practice was perfect. So

600
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:58,160
Speaker 1: I used to say that, right, and then Jackson want

601
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 1: to be perfect perfect. Analogy is to I no longer

602
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,840
Speaker 1: preach perfection. It didn't start with Jackson, started with myself. Right,

603
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 1: Jackson is playing basketball. First half of the year, Jackson

604
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 1: is averaging like maybe eleven points. He's only shooting maybe

605
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,159
Speaker 1: four shots a game, so once a quarter he shoots right,

606
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:17,040
Speaker 1: but he's also scoring at a high percentage. I said, Jackson,

607
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,880
Speaker 1: why are you not shooting? I'm afraid I won't miss

608
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:23,400
Speaker 1: I'm afraid I won't make it. So then you shoot

609
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 1: another one. Yeah, but if I missed, then Oh, so

610
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 1: you think missing any shot in the game means that

611
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 1: you're not perfect.

612
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:31,639
Speaker 4: So you don't want to shoot.

613
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, but what if your team could use those points? Jackson?

614
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:42,040
Speaker 1: I said, Yeah, what if you make half and miss half,

615
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:45,479
Speaker 1: but you still score twenty points? He said, he if

616
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,080
Speaker 1: I scored twenty and our team's gonna win. Yeah, but

617
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 1: you had to miss half of them to make the twenty.

618
00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 1: And that's when he got it and he realized, like, oh,

619
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,720
Speaker 1: and he said to me, so I miss all the

620
00:27:55,800 --> 00:28:00,800
Speaker 1: shots you don't take Exactly, you don't take a shot

621
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:03,399
Speaker 1: because you fear you won't be perfect. You've missed it.

622
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 1: So you've automatically disqualified yourself from the opportunity to even

623
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 1: be great because you avoided it out of the fear

624
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,479
Speaker 1: of perfection. And he really got that out and then

625
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:15,200
Speaker 1: he was just like, oh, so I don't got to

626
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:17,840
Speaker 1: be perfect. No, the greatest shoot of all time shoots

627
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,720
Speaker 1: at forty percent from three. That's Steph Curry. The best

628
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:24,240
Speaker 1: batters in baseball all shoot between two hundred and three hundred,

629
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 1: which means that they miss way more than they make,

630
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 1: and those are the greats. And that's when he realized, like, oh,

631
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,200
Speaker 1: so I don't got to chase perfection. Yeah, because perfection

632
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 1: is untainable. Nobody can always be perfect all the time.

633
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 2: Then you had Cairo who runs the two hundred, and

634
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 2: Cairo has figured out in his mind the perfect way

635
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:45,480
Speaker 2: to pursue this perfect race. So Cairo running the two hundred.

636
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:47,760
Speaker 2: They just started running track this year. Right at the

637
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 2: last track me, we were at Kiro's running the two hundred.

638
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:54,840
Speaker 2: So Cairo gets out the gate, he's running, hits the curve,

639
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 2: He's at the back of the pack. So me and

640
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 2: DeValve were like, damn, he's at the back of the pack.

641
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 2: And then as he hits the straightaway, Cairo literally like

642
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 2: sonic blows past like five people everybody. They finished first

643
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 2: and right. So when he came off, he kind of

644
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 2: smirked and he was just like them, like is that

645
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:16,840
Speaker 2: your strategy? Like you want to just coast around the

646
00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:19,120
Speaker 2: corner and then like turn it up and he's just like,

647
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,040
Speaker 2: kind of yet, because I know I could once I

648
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 2: like hit the straightaway and then Deval was like, but bro,

649
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:26,360
Speaker 2: if you were like hitting it the entire time, your

650
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:29,640
Speaker 2: time would be faster, because in track it's ultimately you

651
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:31,960
Speaker 2: against the time and you against your your last time

652
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:34,360
Speaker 2: trying to get that personal record. But it's funny to

653
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:36,760
Speaker 2: see how people's brains work differently, and we're noticing that

654
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:39,000
Speaker 2: with our kids. The way they try to pursue what

655
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:41,720
Speaker 2: their idea is of perfect is it's always with a

656
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 2: different process, Right.

657
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:47,239
Speaker 1: I think your point is super valid because he won

658
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 1: his heat, but since he won his heat, he thought

659
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:52,320
Speaker 1: he's gonna get a medal. He didn't get a medal,

660
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 1: and he didn't get a medal because he finished only

661
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:58,200
Speaker 1: top twenty in times. Now, in his mind, he ran

662
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:01,040
Speaker 1: his race perfectly to win his heat heat, but he

663
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:03,840
Speaker 1: still didn't get what he wanted. And that's the whole thing.

664
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 1: Perfect to you isn't perfect to everybody, which means perfect

665
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 1: to everybody isn't perfect to you. So if you're facing

666
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,760
Speaker 1: your life or living your life saying my life isn't

667
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:16,000
Speaker 1: perfect to everyone else. It doesn't have to be because

668
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,000
Speaker 1: even when you think you're doing stuff perfect, it's not

669
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 1: perfect for everyone.

670
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 2: You know, what do you guys think is the standard

671
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:23,680
Speaker 2: of perfection for something in your life? For example, Triple,

672
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:28,480
Speaker 2: you want to be perfect at something? What has set

673
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 2: that wants to What do you look at and say

674
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 2: this would be perfect for me?

675
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:36,280
Speaker 1: She wants to be a performer Shriple love stand up.

676
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 1: She wants to be a writer, show someone's to act.

677
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 1: So what would be the perfect performance?

678
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 2: What would be like the perfect or the perfect avenue

679
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,120
Speaker 2: to get to that for you that you feel like

680
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:49,040
Speaker 2: you have not been able to unfold yet, the.

681
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 5: Perfect avenue to get there? I don't think that I have.

682
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:56,680
Speaker 7: And this is probably the problem that comes with this

683
00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:00,840
Speaker 7: question of perfectionism, is it self doubt Because I think

684
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 7: the avenues the doors have been open. I've done almost

685
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 7: everything that I could think to do to get there.

686
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 7: But a lot of times when I get there, I'm like,

687
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,320
Speaker 7: oh my god, you know what I'm saying. I get scared,

688
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:17,000
Speaker 7: I get nervous, I fuck up somehow, or I moved

689
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:18,560
Speaker 7: to the next thing, or I think I'm not good

690
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 7: enough to be here, and I don't keep going. Yeah,

691
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 7: I think that that has been my biggest hang up

692
00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:30,480
Speaker 7: in the last couple of years. It's just being like,

693
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:32,960
Speaker 7: I'm not funny enough to be a comic.

694
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 5: I can't do this. And then I just had this

695
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 5: situation happen.

696
00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:42,840
Speaker 7: I made a video Mimicky and Gail King, and I

697
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:44,640
Speaker 7: made the video and then I was like, I'm not

698
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 7: about to post this and I'm fucking funny.

699
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:50,000
Speaker 5: And then I was like, here I go talking myself

700
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 5: out of it. So I just posted it anyway. I'm like,

701
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 5: if it flops, it flops whatever, I don't care. And

702
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:55,520
Speaker 5: it didn't flop.

703
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:58,040
Speaker 2: It like it did very well.

704
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I was surprised. Yeah, it was funny. I

705
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 4: was so.

706
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 7: I was extremely surprised, and I was like, okay, Like,

707
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:11,200
Speaker 7: so my best friend, who's the smartest, most ambitious person

708
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 7: that I've that I know. She finished her NBA this

709
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 7: year and she.

710
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:18,960
Speaker 1: Smarter than me.

711
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 7: She chosen to give the commencement speech, and in the speech,

712
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:26,040
Speaker 7: she talks about Steph Curry's three point average and his

713
00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 7: mindset is that the next one is going on no

714
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:32,959
Speaker 7: matter like how you do. The point is to get

715
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:35,560
Speaker 7: better every time. Absolutely the point is to keep trying

716
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 7: so that the next one does go in so that

717
00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:39,640
Speaker 7: you do have a better shot if you keep going.

718
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 7: So I'll be trying to I'll be trying to keep

719
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:43,760
Speaker 7: that in mind. But I think for me, I think

720
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:47,880
Speaker 7: getting on stage, being able to perform. If I get

721
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 7: on stage, if I do the thing, I know that

722
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:52,680
Speaker 7: I'm gonna do it well, So really it doesn't matter

723
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 7: how I get there.

724
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:57,120
Speaker 5: I think it's just getting there mentally.

725
00:32:58,440 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 2: Battle for you.

726
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 1: I think that people struggle with not being accepted right,

727
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 1: like for example, Tripple's thing was I created this, I

728
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:09,880
Speaker 1: think it's funny, but what if it flops? That whole

729
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 1: what if it flops is also another word for what

730
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 1: if people don't think?

731
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:16,840
Speaker 2: It's other people to validate exactly it.

732
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:21,600
Speaker 1: Especially as a creative, you're constantly seeking validation to know

733
00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:24,840
Speaker 1: that your creativity is going to be appreciated. And it's

734
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,520
Speaker 1: very hard if you're an artist. If people don't appreciate

735
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:31,480
Speaker 1: your work, it doesn't matter if it's paint, music, film, TV.

736
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:34,120
Speaker 1: If people don't appreciate your work, you start to feel worthless.

737
00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 1: So I understand that from artists, for example, like Josh

738
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 1: and Matt, they both do pictures and video.

739
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:39,600
Speaker 4: Right.

740
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 1: I remember saying to Josh, like, y'all say, yo, Josh,

741
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 1: you got mad pictures that you don't ever post, and

742
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 1: he'd be like, nah, it's just it's not it's not

743
00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 1: And I'm like, you see, you get about to give

744
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 1: me a whole bunch of reasons why this picture isn't perfect.

745
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:54,200
Speaker 1: But a picture doesn't have to be perfect to be

746
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:57,840
Speaker 1: posted and hit. For example, remember when you said, I'm

747
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 1: gonna tell y'all how I just be throwing against the wall, Like, Okay,

748
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:06,720
Speaker 1: I think this is funny. I'm gonna try I throw

749
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:09,680
Speaker 1: it against the wall. It don't hit. I use that

750
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:12,520
Speaker 1: opportunity to see why it don't hit, to learn and

751
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:15,800
Speaker 1: understand from it. There's never no loss. A video that

752
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:18,040
Speaker 1: don't hit, a picture that don't hit, a joke that

753
00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 1: don't hit, is always just more information for you to

754
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:23,279
Speaker 1: get better at what you do. It's not an end,

755
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 1: and that's what happens. People think if a video don't hit,

756
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 1: a picture don't hit, it's the end. It's still always

757
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:30,959
Speaker 1: the beginning. Even when you have a picture of video

758
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:34,120
Speaker 1: that hits, now you've got the information of why it hits.

759
00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:36,719
Speaker 1: It's just the beginning, because now you have to duplicate

760
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:37,360
Speaker 1: that success.

761
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 2: That's essentially what we did with social media, essentially devals strategy.

762
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,640
Speaker 2: He said, We're gonna just keep posting, and if it

763
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:46,759
Speaker 2: didn't hit, that's fine, because all it takes is for

764
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,920
Speaker 2: one thing to hit, and then you have a catalog

765
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:51,840
Speaker 2: of things for people to go and look at. That

766
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:53,760
Speaker 2: happens all the time. I may see something come across

767
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:56,560
Speaker 2: my page if I'm aimlessly scrolling one day, and I'm like, oh,

768
00:34:56,640 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 2: this is funny, and then I'll go to that person's

769
00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:02,080
Speaker 2: page and then look for other funny videos that caught

770
00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:04,320
Speaker 2: my attention or caught other people's attention, and before you

771
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 2: know it, you might have gained somebody who follows you

772
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:09,800
Speaker 2: now because they see something there. But you also have

773
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:12,800
Speaker 2: to understand that you're not for everybody you know who creative.

774
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 1: Barack Obama his first New York Times best selling book.

775
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:18,120
Speaker 4: People think it was his book.

776
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:20,920
Speaker 1: Obama his first New York Times best selling book was

777
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:23,399
Speaker 1: when he was running for president. I think he went

778
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 1: up to go speak in Chicago. Oprah was there, and

779
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:29,120
Speaker 1: Oprah pretty much was just like, guys, this.

780
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:32,319
Speaker 7: Is going to be at the Democratic National Convention yeah.

781
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:34,200
Speaker 7: I remember we watched it in high school and we

782
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 7: were like, dad, he's going to be the president.

783
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:38,759
Speaker 1: Yes, right now. He had two books that he had

784
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 1: already published before that when he was in college, and

785
00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:43,759
Speaker 1: the book sold like seven copies. He said he got

786
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:47,080
Speaker 1: a phone call randomly from the publisher and which just like, hey,

787
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:48,920
Speaker 1: we have a check for you, and he's like what

788
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:50,799
Speaker 1: he was just like, you know, your books were flying

789
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 1: off the sales ever since the Democratic National Convention. Then

790
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:56,279
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks later, both of his books became

791
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 1: New York Times bestsellers, but those were years after he

792
00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:01,640
Speaker 1: first released him So when he first released them, they

793
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 1: were considered flops. Nobody cared. Then two years go by,

794
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:08,080
Speaker 1: people listen to him speak and then read his book

795
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:10,840
Speaker 1: and go back like the catalog you talked about, and realize,

796
00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:13,720
Speaker 1: this man is brilliant. That's why you can't knock yourself

797
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:16,759
Speaker 1: if something doesn't happen the way you want it to

798
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,319
Speaker 1: happen in that time.

799
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 4: Sometimes it takes people to catch on. And this is

800
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:21,520
Speaker 4: not for Nobody's.

801
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:25,839
Speaker 1: Chris Brown, who is in Everybody did the song Residuals,

802
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:30,600
Speaker 1: But I said, so, when did that song come out?

803
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 2: Years ago?

804
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:34,080
Speaker 1: And it just started popping last year.

805
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:36,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, like two, it came out.

806
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:36,319
Speaker 1: Two or three.

807
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 2: No, it came out like maybe five or six years.

808
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:39,440
Speaker 2: Are started popping like two years ago.

809
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,319
Speaker 1: The fact it was like how does this song pop down?

810
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:45,560
Speaker 1: When it came out, And when it first came out,

811
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 1: nobody was checking for it, so people consider it a flop.

812
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:51,480
Speaker 1: To me, there's no such thing as a flop. It's

813
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 1: just people have to start paying attention. The only way

814
00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:57,320
Speaker 1: you get them to pay attention is consistency. But you

815
00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:00,760
Speaker 1: can't be consistent if you're a perfectionist and keep stopping

816
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:04,160
Speaker 1: because you don't think what you're putting out is perfect

817
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:05,400
Speaker 1: and that's ultimately the thing.

818
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 2: Or if you're a procrastinator like I tended to be

819
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:10,719
Speaker 2: for a large portion of my life and probably still

820
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:12,680
Speaker 2: to this day. And I realized, like I said in

821
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:16,920
Speaker 2: my sound by earlier, that I will sometimes mask putting

822
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:19,719
Speaker 2: things off as me trying to find the perfect way

823
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,399
Speaker 2: to do it when I'm realizing that I'm just really

824
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 2: not doing the work.

825
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 5: Well, you know what I was reading on I think

826
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,440
Speaker 5: it was like psych Central that.

827
00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:32,560
Speaker 2: Come on doctor mell me.

828
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:40,320
Speaker 7: As a neuro divergent person, myself I'm always trying to

829
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,120
Speaker 7: figure out what the hell is going on?

830
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:44,919
Speaker 5: Get crossed? They said.

831
00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:50,040
Speaker 7: Procrastination can be a personality trait for a perfectionist. It's

832
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:56,440
Speaker 7: known as maladaptive perfectionism. So usually a perfectionist will try

833
00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:58,359
Speaker 7: to get things right, and they'll work on something until

834
00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:00,279
Speaker 7: they get it right because they have a fear of

835
00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:06,360
Speaker 7: judgment sometimes and procrastination is the same thing, but maladaptive

836
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:08,879
Speaker 7: means that you are unable to do the thing you're

837
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 7: supposed to be doing because the perfectionism makes you shut down.

838
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:16,879
Speaker 7: So perfectionists might have a you know, take more time,

839
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:20,440
Speaker 7: but they get it done, whereas if your perfectionism is maladaptive,

840
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:21,200
Speaker 7: you're not getting it.

841
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:22,200
Speaker 2: You never get it.

842
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:22,840
Speaker 5: That's me.

843
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:26,800
Speaker 2: I don't even want to repeat the word because I

844
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:29,280
Speaker 2: feel like when you repeat the word, it like saying

845
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 2: that's what it is. Yeah, I don't want to I

846
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 2: don't want to say that that's what I am, what

847
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:32,759
Speaker 2: I'm worting, But you.

848
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:37,799
Speaker 7: Know what I think, sometimes it is helpful to lean

849
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 7: on something like perfectionism, because perfectionism will take you to

850
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:43,759
Speaker 7: the root of what it is that's hurting you or

851
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:45,479
Speaker 7: what it is that's causing it, Like fear.

852
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 5: Do you fear judgment? Is it something that happened to

853
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 5: your childhood? You can go back and.

854
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 7: Understand why you're a perfectionist and then you can heal

855
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:54,920
Speaker 7: that thing. But if you say something like, oh, I'm

856
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 7: a procrastinator, that's kind of negatively talking about yourself, like

857
00:38:58,719 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 7: I just am lazy.

858
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:01,960
Speaker 5: I'm just not able to do the thing.

859
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 7: You are able, but there's something blocking you, so so

860
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:08,719
Speaker 7: labeling it as perfectionism might help you to get to

861
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:09,680
Speaker 7: the root of the block.

862
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:13,879
Speaker 1: Okay, Devil's Advocate. I do think some people be full

863
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:18,520
Speaker 1: of shit. You know, people going on job interviewers right right,

864
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:20,239
Speaker 1: and what's the first thing they say, tell me something

865
00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:23,239
Speaker 1: about yourself. I'm a perfection I'm a perfectionist. So that's

866
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:25,719
Speaker 1: the first thing people say. And it's like almost like

867
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:28,560
Speaker 1: when people say, you know, I have anxiety. It's almost

868
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 1: like it's a word that's so overused now that people

869
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:33,359
Speaker 1: just throw it into their vernacular that seem like they're

870
00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:36,880
Speaker 1: self aware, when realistically they just scared. And a lot

871
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 1: of times I feel like this whole perfectionism thing like

872
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 1: you just described is a byproduct of something that's really

873
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:45,600
Speaker 1: going on, and they use the perfectionist thing. So I

874
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:47,960
Speaker 1: agree with that, Like, I didn't think about it until

875
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:49,520
Speaker 1: you said it like that. How many people just say

876
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:51,759
Speaker 1: I'm a perfectionist because it sounds better than saying I'm

877
00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 1: scared as a motherfucker that this ain't gonna work.

878
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:54,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not.

879
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:57,839
Speaker 5: I don't consider myself a perfectionist. I am scared as fuck.

880
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:02,399
Speaker 7: I have debilitating anxiety whenever I think about, especially things

881
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:04,719
Speaker 7: that are visible, Like I can go on stage, you know,

882
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:07,120
Speaker 7: and do this, do the thing, but like posting something

883
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,680
Speaker 7: on the internet, I'd be like, oh, I'll be ready.

884
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:11,319
Speaker 2: To throw which is so crazy because most people their

885
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:13,160
Speaker 2: biggest for the number one fear except for people that's

886
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:14,919
Speaker 2: like public speaking or being in front of a crowd

887
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:16,800
Speaker 2: or an audience and speaking, which is something that I

888
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:18,719
Speaker 2: feel like most of us can do pretty naturally in

889
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:19,680
Speaker 2: this room, but.

890
00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:23,600
Speaker 4: Public speaking, but I know Matt wouldn't. But I'm like,

891
00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:27,920
Speaker 4: I don't think it's the act of doing it is

892
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:30,920
Speaker 4: not the issue. It's the result of it, Like how

893
00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:34,040
Speaker 4: is this going to be received after? For me personally,

894
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:36,000
Speaker 4: Like how is it going to be received after? So

895
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:38,160
Speaker 4: I have no problem doing the work, I have no

896
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:40,799
Speaker 4: problem taking the photos. I have no problem making a video.

897
00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:44,000
Speaker 4: It's like afterwards and part of part my thing is

898
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 4: what I'm conscious of is well it doesn't look like

899
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:51,840
Speaker 4: this person's especially when I'm in a foreign space.

900
00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:53,160
Speaker 1: You think you want validation.

901
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:56,480
Speaker 4: It could be a form of validation, but it could

902
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,959
Speaker 4: be a form of me trying to validate my own self.

903
00:40:59,120 --> 00:40:59,880
Speaker 1: I get that.

904
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:02,440
Speaker 4: People, Then you want you want to valiance. I want

905
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:04,480
Speaker 4: to feel like it's okay, right, Like I want to

906
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:06,960
Speaker 4: say like, nah, this measures up. But the thing, like

907
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,360
Speaker 4: we talked about with Jack's like, bro, you you got

908
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:11,560
Speaker 4: to get more reps in like you got to be

909
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:14,120
Speaker 4: able to do way more than you're doing right now.

910
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:16,000
Speaker 4: This is me talking to myself. I gotta do way

911
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:19,200
Speaker 4: more I'm doing right now, So like, stop thinking about

912
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:23,600
Speaker 4: how this will be received and just do something right.

913
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:27,360
Speaker 4: But like for me, it's it's perfectionism. It's almost like

914
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 4: you just keep putting roadblocks in your own way. That's

915
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:32,759
Speaker 4: what I feel like you keep putting for me as

916
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:37,400
Speaker 4: a personally like desperately wants to be a film director. Right,

917
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,720
Speaker 4: It's it first started off like all right, I'm gonna

918
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:43,160
Speaker 4: go to take classes. Then when you get these classes,

919
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 4: you're like, all right, this is not that easy, like okay,

920
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,600
Speaker 4: I need something to make right. And then you're like, okay,

921
00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:51,239
Speaker 4: let me start writing. And then you start writing and

922
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 4: it's just like this is not good, like I'm not

923
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,200
Speaker 4: writing good enough. So I'm like, now you're wasting time

924
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:58,080
Speaker 4: trying to figure out how to write something when that's

925
00:41:58,120 --> 00:41:59,959
Speaker 4: not your goal. The goal is not trying to write.

926
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:01,800
Speaker 4: Your goal is try to make something. So it's like

927
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:07,680
Speaker 4: constantly putting things that you gotta hurdle over trip over

928
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:09,799
Speaker 4: most of the time, and then try to like once

929
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:12,160
Speaker 4: you trip, you gotta find another hurdle, and you're putting

930
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:12,840
Speaker 4: those things in front of you.

931
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:14,759
Speaker 1: This is why I feel like people need to start

932
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:18,320
Speaker 1: understanding the process of being great. People think the process

933
00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:20,680
Speaker 1: of being great just happens like someone just woke up

934
00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:23,239
Speaker 1: and was great and then they started practicing and they

935
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:26,480
Speaker 1: made all the shots. That's not how greatness works. This

936
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:29,279
Speaker 1: is literally how greatness works. I had never returned the

937
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:30,960
Speaker 1: punt in college. That's not what I did.

938
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:31,759
Speaker 4: A punt.

939
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 1: For people who don't know, is when the punter kicks

940
00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:36,759
Speaker 1: the ball off, the shit goes like ten stories even

941
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:38,920
Speaker 1: higher than that in the air. It's a little tiny skittle.

942
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:40,360
Speaker 1: You got to catch it in front of all the

943
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:43,320
Speaker 1: people in the arena, plus eleven dudes trying to smack

944
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:47,160
Speaker 1: you in the mouth. Right I'm in practice, Coach says,

945
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:49,520
Speaker 1: you have to catch fifty punts after practice if I'm

946
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,400
Speaker 1: going to even allow you to catch a punt in

947
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:55,120
Speaker 1: the game. So the whole week of practice goes through,

948
00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:57,760
Speaker 1: and me and Chuck Priefer we go back after practice

949
00:42:57,800 --> 00:43:00,680
Speaker 1: and they kick these punts and through every aspect of

950
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:02,760
Speaker 1: the punt. He made it more difficult. He started dumping

951
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:05,160
Speaker 1: the balls and water. He started putting the stuff under

952
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:07,320
Speaker 1: my arms to make it difficult. Out of the fifty

953
00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:10,640
Speaker 1: punts the first day, I only caught like ten. And

954
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:12,600
Speaker 1: this is what I think people need to understand about

955
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 1: the process. I caught the ten out of the fifty,

956
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,680
Speaker 1: which is like twenty percent of what it is. But

957
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:20,200
Speaker 1: he was excited about me going through the journey of

958
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 1: constantly trying to catch it.

959
00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:25,600
Speaker 4: Right after doing it for three weeks.

960
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 1: I was starting to catch fifty out of fifty. But

961
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:31,879
Speaker 1: the problem is people don't ever want to go through

962
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:35,359
Speaker 1: that aspect of being terrible at something while they learn.

963
00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 1: And I was freaking horrible the same way I was

964
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:41,239
Speaker 1: horrible at making videos, I was horrible at color commentary,

965
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:43,880
Speaker 1: I was horrible at football, I was horrible at basketball,

966
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:46,080
Speaker 1: I was horrible at acting, I was horrible at writing.

967
00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:49,800
Speaker 1: When you start anything, you just be horrible. And we

968
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:52,160
Speaker 1: all have to get used to the fact that you're

969
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:56,200
Speaker 1: going to be horrible until you take the necessary time

970
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:59,480
Speaker 1: to be miserable for a certain a lot of time

971
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:03,680
Speaker 1: be great. And if people start realizing that, they'll do

972
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 1: like I do and start throwing shit against the wall. Hey,

973
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:08,000
Speaker 1: the last time I tried to catch this point, the

974
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:09,680
Speaker 1: shit hit me right in my face.

975
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:13,480
Speaker 4: Mass bounced up. I could at that point been like, I'm.

976
00:44:13,320 --> 00:44:15,840
Speaker 1: Not doing this. Look at how Chuck Chuck Prifa was

977
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:20,160
Speaker 1: laughing laughing at first, you saying you and be an

978
00:44:20,239 --> 00:44:23,840
Speaker 1: NFL punp returner, send your black ass back to Brooklyn.

979
00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:26,360
Speaker 1: This is an old white man telling me this. I

980
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:28,319
Speaker 1: had to ignore all that and let them shits bounce

981
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 1: off my face forty out of fifty times until I

982
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:33,120
Speaker 1: returned my first punt in the NFL. And what happened.

983
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:35,359
Speaker 1: I almost return that shit for a touchdown. Go back

984
00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:38,000
Speaker 1: to two thousand and six, Deval's first punt return against

985
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:40,000
Speaker 1: the Chicago Bears. I returned that bitch on the two.

986
00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:42,520
Speaker 1: You ain't got that shit back to the fifty and

987
00:44:42,600 --> 00:44:44,799
Speaker 1: then that was my first punt return, and everybody kept

988
00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:46,759
Speaker 1: saying that that point, Oh, you're gonna be great. He's

989
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:49,719
Speaker 1: a natural. This is first punt return. Yeah, y'all didn't

990
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:52,400
Speaker 1: know that for three weeks. Them shits was bouncing off

991
00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:53,800
Speaker 1: my face mass in practice.

992
00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:56,680
Speaker 2: And if I know anything about Daval the chip he

993
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:59,360
Speaker 2: had on his shoulder after Teller, Everyone tells if you

994
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:00,880
Speaker 2: want Devalu to do something, telling me.

995
00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:02,640
Speaker 1: Can't tell me I can't do it, tell me can't

996
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:02,840
Speaker 1: do it.

997
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 2: Fact, I can relate to you in the process of it. So, Josh,

998
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:09,880
Speaker 2: when you were talking about having to write and then

999
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:11,239
Speaker 2: having to do this, and you look at them as

1000
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:13,200
Speaker 2: hurdles to try to get you to be a director, right,

1001
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:16,759
Speaker 2: I instantly thought about, that's probably just a part of

1002
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:18,920
Speaker 2: the process to get you to understand the scope of

1003
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:20,160
Speaker 2: work of what a director does.

1004
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:20,520
Speaker 4: Right.

1005
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:23,920
Speaker 2: And I think about my recent project that I did

1006
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:26,320
Speaker 2: over at TPS, Divorced SSS make sure I'll watch on

1007
00:45:26,440 --> 00:45:31,719
Speaker 2: b ET plus. Preparing for this particular role, I was

1008
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:34,920
Speaker 2: enjoying the process of it, because I've always wanted this

1009
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:38,360
Speaker 2: for myself, right, went to school for it, all of that.

1010
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:40,520
Speaker 2: So I had an opportunity to do the acting now

1011
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:46,120
Speaker 2: in a very prestigious role. When I say prestigious series

1012
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:51,200
Speaker 2: regularly everyone on the show, right and baby, let me

1013
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:56,600
Speaker 2: tell you when perfectionism, the pursuit of that, the pressure,

1014
00:45:57,640 --> 00:45:59,959
Speaker 2: the process, all of the things were starting to fall

1015
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:04,160
Speaker 2: on my lap and imposter syndrome wanted to sneak in

1016
00:46:04,239 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 2: every single time that I sat down and read those

1017
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:12,360
Speaker 2: scripts and had to prepare. So to your point, the

1018
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:16,840
Speaker 2: process of preparing for filming and the hours that I

1019
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:21,840
Speaker 2: put in to my scripts with my coach, developing Geneva

1020
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:26,120
Speaker 2: in the gym, changing my diet, like everything that I

1021
00:46:26,239 --> 00:46:29,880
Speaker 2: did to prepare for that, which Devou thought I was

1022
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:32,279
Speaker 2: obsessive over. At some point he thought I was doing

1023
00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:35,080
Speaker 2: the most. He was like, it shouldn't require all of this.

1024
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:37,759
Speaker 4: I legit was like, are you okay? Like I was like,

1025
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:40,800
Speaker 4: this is not not realizing this was her first opportunity

1026
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 4: to do that. I'm like, I do this.

1027
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:45,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, You're nine seasons in and fourth two shows, four

1028
00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:47,680
Speaker 2: seasons in. This is my first time in the like

1029
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:51,120
Speaker 2: imagine me getting this opportunity and fumbling it as you

1030
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:54,920
Speaker 2: were just thinking of oportunities as Devou's wife missed the TPS.

1031
00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:57,080
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. So I had all of

1032
00:46:57,120 --> 00:46:59,839
Speaker 2: these things on my shoulders, and every time something crap

1033
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:02,680
Speaker 2: up to my this is how I knew that perfectionism

1034
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 2: and procrastination, those are things that I throw in my way.

1035
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:09,920
Speaker 2: It's the process of preparing for it. So I prepared

1036
00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:14,680
Speaker 2: so much, and I was so obsessive and I was

1037
00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 2: so drastic with it that when I got to set

1038
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:21,080
Speaker 2: for those two weeks, I was Jeneva. I was just

1039
00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 2: her like I wasn't Kadeen. I was so prepared, and

1040
00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:26,759
Speaker 2: that just made me realize, like all the shit I've

1041
00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:30,400
Speaker 2: told myself over the years, the self doubt, the imposter syndrome,

1042
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:33,000
Speaker 2: all of that, that's just the enemy. That's just the depth,

1043
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:34,880
Speaker 2: that's whoever you want to say, it is creeping in.

1044
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:37,279
Speaker 2: Because I was, I was capable. I was capable of

1045
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:40,120
Speaker 2: the whole time. All I had to do was the work,

1046
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:43,640
Speaker 2: and I think most people just shy away from committing

1047
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:46,360
Speaker 2: to doing the work and doing the process.

1048
00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:48,839
Speaker 1: There's no way you can avoid you can't cheat that, Yeah,

1049
00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:52,600
Speaker 1: you can't avoid the fear or the nerves that come

1050
00:47:52,680 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 1: with something new if you don't practice it. You have

1051
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:56,960
Speaker 1: to like, this is what I told Jackson said, if

1052
00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:58,920
Speaker 1: you really Because Jackson was like that, I'd be nervous

1053
00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:02,040
Speaker 1: before every game. A stomach be bothered me, and he's

1054
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:03,520
Speaker 1: just like, I don't know how to shake it. I

1055
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:05,800
Speaker 1: was like, well, the only reason why you're nervous is

1056
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:08,840
Speaker 1: because the unknown. You don't know what's gonna happen in

1057
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:10,400
Speaker 1: this game, do you. He's like, nah, I say, you

1058
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:12,080
Speaker 1: know why you don't know what's gonna happen in this game.

1059
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:15,000
Speaker 1: When you get in practice, you don't spend time in

1060
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:18,239
Speaker 1: practice throwing shit against the wall going full speed trying

1061
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:20,200
Speaker 1: to just func shit up to see what it is.

1062
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:23,239
Speaker 1: You spend time in practice trying to be perfect so

1063
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:24,760
Speaker 1: that coach can remember you perfect.

1064
00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:24,920
Speaker 4: Right.

1065
00:48:25,040 --> 00:48:27,279
Speaker 1: He was just like, yeah, I said, that's the wrong way.

1066
00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:29,160
Speaker 1: The only reason why I knew I wasn't going to

1067
00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 1: drop the ball in the game is because I had

1068
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:32,880
Speaker 1: dropped it so many times in practice that by the

1069
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:34,919
Speaker 1: time the ball came to me, I had already knew

1070
00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:37,279
Speaker 1: what was going to happen. And he was just like,

1071
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:40,480
Speaker 1: and I watched Kate do the same thing. Kate was

1072
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:42,800
Speaker 1: so nervous about the emotional scenes, right, and this is

1073
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:46,480
Speaker 1: important for acting. People always say, how you able to

1074
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:49,880
Speaker 1: just cry on Q? How are you able to be angry?

1075
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:50,120
Speaker 7: How you?

1076
00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:52,080
Speaker 1: And I said, well, first thing is you don't just

1077
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:54,800
Speaker 1: cry on Q. That's not what happens. You become the person.

1078
00:48:55,239 --> 00:48:58,759
Speaker 1: How do you become the person? You constantly rep the

1079
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:01,440
Speaker 1: emotions the person goes through. When you're going through the

1080
00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:04,840
Speaker 1: lines before you get to the screen, like before it

1081
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:06,600
Speaker 1: even gets that you're going to rehearsal, you're going through

1082
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:08,799
Speaker 1: is you become this person? Then when you get there,

1083
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:12,279
Speaker 1: when they say action, there is no thinking about Now

1084
00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:15,759
Speaker 1: I have to cry. Your person says the line, You

1085
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:18,000
Speaker 1: say the line back. Y'all live in the space, and

1086
00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:22,319
Speaker 1: when you go watch, it's, oh shit, he cried. It's

1087
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 1: the same thing with photography. Writing a joke, there's never

1088
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:28,480
Speaker 1: gonna be a I wrote this perfect joke on the

1089
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:32,120
Speaker 1: spot trouble It's gonna be I worked it. I wrote

1090
00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:35,080
Speaker 1: this joke. I practiced this joke in front of a

1091
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:39,399
Speaker 1: bunch of audiences thousands of times before the Netflix special came.

1092
00:49:39,800 --> 00:49:42,399
Speaker 1: So I knew the joke was gonna hit, and that's

1093
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:44,640
Speaker 1: what people miss. You know what I'm saying. At first,

1094
00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:46,920
Speaker 1: It's just like I want my joke to hit on Netflix.

1095
00:49:47,680 --> 00:49:50,640
Speaker 1: What did your joke flop and the laugh factory a

1096
00:49:50,719 --> 00:49:53,360
Speaker 1: thousand times? Because if it flopped at the lave factory,

1097
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:56,040
Speaker 1: then you'll know how to adjust it to make it flip.

1098
00:49:56,080 --> 00:49:58,719
Speaker 1: And that's what I want people to like take away

1099
00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:01,479
Speaker 1: when they listen to this. Your afectionism is probably coming

1100
00:50:01,520 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 1: from your lack of approach to consistently doing the thing

1101
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:08,040
Speaker 1: you say you love thousands of times to become great

1102
00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:08,320
Speaker 1: at it.

1103
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:10,759
Speaker 3: But I'll push back on that because he says I'm

1104
00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 3: a perfectionist. My wife probably said the same thing. I

1105
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:16,600
Speaker 3: wholeheartedly disagree because I go through the process. I'll take

1106
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:19,160
Speaker 3: pictures every day knowing nobody gonna see this picture, but

1107
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:20,719
Speaker 3: I know that pictures for me because I need to

1108
00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:21,320
Speaker 3: put up shots.

1109
00:50:21,640 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 1: So what do you what do you think?

1110
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:26,000
Speaker 4: It's not your issue? What's my issuer? I think you

1111
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:30,759
Speaker 4: also create herders for yourself as well. Because we talked

1112
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:34,960
Speaker 4: about you doing the gallery, and we talked about and

1113
00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:36,880
Speaker 4: you talked about all the things that you had to

1114
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:39,440
Speaker 4: do to get to the place where not even a gallery.

1115
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:43,040
Speaker 4: You talked about selling your prints online, and you talked about, well,

1116
00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:45,440
Speaker 4: I don't I don't know how to do the site

1117
00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:47,560
Speaker 4: gotta be like this, The site gotta do that. You

1118
00:50:47,600 --> 00:50:49,960
Speaker 4: gotta do the site got to do a damn thing.

1119
00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:52,719
Speaker 4: All that's for me, person for you. Correct, And that's

1120
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 4: the reason why you currently are not selling these prints.

1121
00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:56,880
Speaker 4: By the way, you got this point, not that you

1122
00:50:57,080 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 4: has phenomenal photos over that we know that go back

1123
00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:05,279
Speaker 4: to so we understand no exactly right, though Matthew has

1124
00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:10,399
Speaker 4: phenomenal photos, photos that would look amazing in your home.

1125
00:51:10,520 --> 00:51:14,440
Speaker 4: Hell yeah, Matthew wants to sell you those photos. The

1126
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:19,000
Speaker 4: reason why he hasn't sold those photos is because he

1127
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:23,120
Speaker 4: keeps putting those hurdles in his own way. That's the

1128
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,040
Speaker 4: reason why that's not in this house right now on

1129
00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:27,799
Speaker 4: the walls, because you're putting those hurtles in a way.

1130
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:32,000
Speaker 4: So I think taking a pictures point, you got a point,

1131
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:33,480
Speaker 4: because I agree with the point.

1132
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:37,120
Speaker 1: Why why some point you created the website yet for

1133
00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:38,360
Speaker 1: people to buy them photos.

1134
00:51:38,760 --> 00:51:41,319
Speaker 4: His thing is he's not a perfectionist because he's still

1135
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:43,400
Speaker 4: doing the reps, he's still taking a picture because.

1136
00:51:43,160 --> 00:51:44,680
Speaker 3: I'm still in the process of building the project to

1137
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:46,080
Speaker 3: be what I wanted to be before I even put

1138
00:51:46,080 --> 00:51:46,640
Speaker 3: it out to people.

1139
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:50,040
Speaker 1: That's my point, and that's and that's what he's that's perfectionism.

1140
00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:51,320
Speaker 4: It hasn't I don't.

1141
00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:54,440
Speaker 3: Even know that is even to a point of imperfect

1142
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:56,440
Speaker 3: I just don't want to incomplete project out there where

1143
00:51:56,440 --> 00:51:57,600
Speaker 3: you go, there you see his life.

1144
00:51:58,160 --> 00:52:00,960
Speaker 4: That's that's the thing. That's that's the things it has

1145
00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:03,000
Speaker 4: to get, and that's the thing. It has to get

1146
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 4: to a certain point until I feel it's ready for

1147
00:52:05,719 --> 00:52:06,440
Speaker 4: public assumption.

1148
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:10,080
Speaker 3: And I don't care about the public, so I'm ready

1149
00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:11,759
Speaker 3: to put it out. That's when I don't put it out.

1150
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:12,719
Speaker 4: I can put it out.

1151
00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:14,080
Speaker 3: I don't care if the public don't like it or

1152
00:52:14,160 --> 00:52:16,920
Speaker 3: not if I'm not comfortable with it, because there's many

1153
00:52:17,080 --> 00:52:20,239
Speaker 3: times where and I'll go back to and I'm not

1154
00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:22,120
Speaker 3: comfortable with how it looks for me as an artist.

1155
00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:24,160
Speaker 4: That's what I want to go and change it. I'd

1156
00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:25,759
Speaker 4: rather not put it out in a rush way. I

1157
00:52:25,880 --> 00:52:28,560
Speaker 4: rather wait as a as a as a fellow artist.

1158
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:32,200
Speaker 4: I completely understand what you mean, right, you want to

1159
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:35,280
Speaker 4: be comfortable, to be able to stand on this product.

1160
00:52:35,719 --> 00:52:38,279
Speaker 4: Once it's out that there's like, I have my hands off.

1161
00:52:38,360 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 4: It's going to do what it does. If it does well,

1162
00:52:40,239 --> 00:52:42,080
Speaker 4: does well, it doesn't. I put my all into it.

1163
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:46,279
Speaker 4: But there's a school of thought that says, put it

1164
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:49,319
Speaker 4: out there regardless right now, because you don't know you're

1165
00:52:49,760 --> 00:52:52,040
Speaker 4: I would say, looking at it, you have a vision

1166
00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:54,000
Speaker 4: of how this thing is supposed to look once it's done.

1167
00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:57,920
Speaker 4: The reality is, you know, making movies, right, you know,

1168
00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:01,239
Speaker 4: doing TV. Sometimes you get the script, it's one way

1169
00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:05,120
Speaker 4: you feel it, it's one way. The finished product is

1170
00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:11,320
Speaker 4: a completely different way, completely right. So I say that

1171
00:53:13,080 --> 00:53:15,680
Speaker 4: because I think you should just start with the process.

1172
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 4: This is your first time.

1173
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:20,959
Speaker 3: We second because I put it out before, people didn't

1174
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:22,279
Speaker 3: receive it, and I left it out there and I

1175
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:24,080
Speaker 3: took it down because I wanted to go and revamp

1176
00:53:24,120 --> 00:53:24,399
Speaker 3: it now.

1177
00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:25,960
Speaker 4: That's why it's not back up.

1178
00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:27,400
Speaker 3: My print shop has been up.

1179
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:29,239
Speaker 4: Okay, can I just jump in?

1180
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:30,920
Speaker 1: I want to point out something with perfection.

1181
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:32,440
Speaker 3: But I'm here, I'm not being defended.

1182
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:34,840
Speaker 4: I want to I want to point out something with perfection.

1183
00:53:36,520 --> 00:53:38,600
Speaker 1: I pointed out to Josh that he does that, and

1184
00:53:38,719 --> 00:53:41,359
Speaker 1: Josh's first response was, no, I don't I don't care

1185
00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:43,680
Speaker 1: what other people think. I didn't put it out because

1186
00:53:43,840 --> 00:53:46,439
Speaker 1: I wasn't happy about it. That's what Josh said. Josh

1187
00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:48,560
Speaker 1: just said to you the same thing I said to him.

1188
00:53:48,920 --> 00:53:51,840
Speaker 1: Your first response is, it ain't about other people. I

1189
00:53:51,920 --> 00:53:54,800
Speaker 1: don't like the way it's out. That's automatically typically a

1190
00:53:54,920 --> 00:53:58,520
Speaker 1: response for someone who's using perfectionism as a defense to

1191
00:53:58,600 --> 00:54:00,880
Speaker 1: not put their product out. Y'all both just did the

1192
00:54:00,960 --> 00:54:03,440
Speaker 1: same thing, And while Josh was trying to help you

1193
00:54:03,560 --> 00:54:05,480
Speaker 1: do it, he was doing the same thing because he

1194
00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:08,040
Speaker 1: said the same response to me. I said, Josh, you

1195
00:54:08,239 --> 00:54:10,239
Speaker 1: tend to wait to see if other people will receive it.

1196
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:12,800
Speaker 1: He said, no, I don't care how other people receive it.

1197
00:54:12,840 --> 00:54:15,520
Speaker 1: It's me, the same way you just saying it's me.

1198
00:54:16,080 --> 00:54:20,759
Speaker 1: That's what perfectionism is. You're using yourself as the reason

1199
00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:22,959
Speaker 1: why you can't put your thing out. And the reason

1200
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:25,239
Speaker 1: why you can stand on that is because can't no

1201
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:27,920
Speaker 1: one else tell you nothing about you. So that's the

1202
00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:30,200
Speaker 1: ultimate defense. It ain't about other people, it's about me.

1203
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:32,759
Speaker 1: So when people say it's about us, about you, now,

1204
00:54:32,800 --> 00:54:35,120
Speaker 1: you're like, I win, that's why I put it out. No,

1205
00:54:35,640 --> 00:54:37,520
Speaker 1: that's why you need to put it out because, like

1206
00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:40,160
Speaker 1: I said before, if people didn't buy it, use that

1207
00:54:40,239 --> 00:54:40,840
Speaker 1: as a lesson.

1208
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:41,680
Speaker 4: Let me see why.

1209
00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:44,239
Speaker 1: Let me not not put it out again. Let me

1210
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:46,280
Speaker 1: see why and what can I adjust correct?

1211
00:54:46,440 --> 00:54:48,279
Speaker 3: And that was the reason why I took it. I'm like,

1212
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:50,480
Speaker 3: I see how this looks. I didn't like it in

1213
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:52,759
Speaker 3: the first place, but I tried it. Let me take it,

1214
00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:55,359
Speaker 3: let me go back, let me revamp this. I feel

1215
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:57,919
Speaker 3: like now when it's out, y'all gonna love it because

1216
00:54:57,960 --> 00:54:59,759
Speaker 3: I revamped it. And then if y'all don't cool, it's

1217
00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:01,600
Speaker 3: gonna be out there. I don't feel like it's out

1218
00:55:01,600 --> 00:55:03,000
Speaker 3: of place now where I need to take it down.

1219
00:55:03,200 --> 00:55:04,879
Speaker 3: I feel like I've gotten the project to a place

1220
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:06,520
Speaker 3: where I could keep adding to it. At this point

1221
00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:08,799
Speaker 3: before it looked like an incomplete message to me as

1222
00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:09,280
Speaker 3: an artist?

1223
00:55:09,719 --> 00:55:10,480
Speaker 1: What's the time on you?

1224
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:13,719
Speaker 3: By the time this is out, y'all, y'all would be

1225
00:55:13,719 --> 00:55:14,960
Speaker 3: able to buy prints, I guarantee.

1226
00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:17,400
Speaker 2: So do you have photos in your possession right now

1227
00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:19,680
Speaker 2: that you feel like this is the perfect photo. I've

1228
00:55:19,800 --> 00:55:21,480
Speaker 2: done all that I needed to do in terms of

1229
00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:24,279
Speaker 2: edit whatnot, and I can put this on I said, okay,

1230
00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:26,600
Speaker 2: put them up, absolutely and it's.

1231
00:55:26,480 --> 00:55:27,160
Speaker 4: Not the pictures.

1232
00:55:27,880 --> 00:55:30,680
Speaker 1: I don't think the issues the pictures because I went

1233
00:55:30,719 --> 00:55:33,239
Speaker 1: to I seen the pictures. It's not the picture who

1234
00:55:33,360 --> 00:55:35,239
Speaker 1: I said, I've seen. Like I said the same thing

1235
00:55:35,280 --> 00:55:38,200
Speaker 1: to him at his wedding. Wedding, I said, and this

1236
00:55:38,320 --> 00:55:40,279
Speaker 1: is the truth, man, you know you my man, I said, Yo,

1237
00:55:40,880 --> 00:55:42,480
Speaker 1: what are these pictures that he's like, I'm working on

1238
00:55:42,719 --> 00:55:45,000
Speaker 1: And that was your wedding was a year ago, and

1239
00:55:45,080 --> 00:55:47,400
Speaker 1: he was like, I'm working on the gallery. It's been

1240
00:55:47,480 --> 00:55:50,479
Speaker 1: over a year now. So now it's like at some point,

1241
00:55:50,640 --> 00:55:52,840
Speaker 1: just like I did with Trouble, you got to stop

1242
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:53,480
Speaker 1: working on it.

1243
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:55,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll admit to that, you know, because you you

1244
00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:58,040
Speaker 3: definitely said that. You said the same thing when I said,

1245
00:55:58,239 --> 00:56:03,160
Speaker 3: and maybe it's just me again. But when you say gallery,

1246
00:56:03,280 --> 00:56:05,640
Speaker 3: I push back because I'm thinking about public space where

1247
00:56:05,640 --> 00:56:07,600
Speaker 3: I could bring people in. Y'all can see it on

1248
00:56:07,760 --> 00:56:09,960
Speaker 3: the wall. The print shop is an issue of my

1249
00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:11,480
Speaker 3: own that should have been up a long time ago,

1250
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:13,319
Speaker 3: and I need to get that fixed.

1251
00:56:13,360 --> 00:56:13,720
Speaker 4: The gallery.

1252
00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:16,200
Speaker 3: On another hand, I also don't want to waste the

1253
00:56:16,239 --> 00:56:18,080
Speaker 3: money to put out it to do a gallery and

1254
00:56:18,360 --> 00:56:23,040
Speaker 3: five people show up. Personally, I feel like I'm yeah,

1255
00:56:24,120 --> 00:56:25,480
Speaker 3: monetarily and don't make sense.

1256
00:56:26,960 --> 00:56:31,360
Speaker 1: I don't bro I don't have camps where around the

1257
00:56:31,440 --> 00:56:34,920
Speaker 1: whole city where three people came up to six camps.

1258
00:56:35,440 --> 00:56:37,919
Speaker 1: Three kids came to six camps around the city. Remember

1259
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:40,720
Speaker 1: we was doing them camps and them three kids was family.

1260
00:56:40,840 --> 00:56:43,280
Speaker 1: It was my cousin God, another one of my uncles,

1261
00:56:43,360 --> 00:56:44,960
Speaker 1: one of my coaches, nephews.

1262
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:47,840
Speaker 4: It shit hurts and I never have to do what

1263
00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:53,200
Speaker 4: you came. I think I think that that we should

1264
00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:58,239
Speaker 4: talk about, uh that depending on the position you're in financially,

1265
00:56:59,080 --> 00:57:02,439
Speaker 4: uh or any any space in your life that also

1266
00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:06,160
Speaker 4: plays a uh the place of a role in how

1267
00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:10,000
Speaker 4: you approach things. And your back is against the absolute

1268
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:13,000
Speaker 4: against the wall like yours was probably at that time, Yeah,

1269
00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:15,680
Speaker 4: at that time with the cams in my back, it's

1270
00:57:15,760 --> 00:57:19,160
Speaker 4: more it's probably different from that at this point against right.

1271
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:21,000
Speaker 1: He's trying to you absolutely like that.

1272
00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:27,480
Speaker 4: And that and that talks to your hustle. For me personally,

1273
00:57:27,520 --> 00:57:30,000
Speaker 4: I know my back is in against the wall as

1274
00:57:30,160 --> 00:57:34,280
Speaker 4: much as it could it could be. That's why the

1275
00:57:34,360 --> 00:57:35,800
Speaker 4: firing on my ass is not what it is.

1276
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:36,280
Speaker 2: Right.

1277
00:57:36,480 --> 00:57:41,400
Speaker 4: Like when you have when you have external forces forcing

1278
00:57:41,480 --> 00:57:44,440
Speaker 4: you or pushing you in this direction because you need it, right,

1279
00:57:44,560 --> 00:57:47,960
Speaker 4: that is something that you can't deny that that pushes

1280
00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:51,720
Speaker 4: people out of perfectionism perfectionism and into a space of necessity.

1281
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:53,840
Speaker 1: So check this out. So what you pretty much said

1282
00:57:53,880 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 1: is that socio economic uh details can pretty much hunt.

1283
00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:02,360
Speaker 1: Let you know, like, because if you comfortable, you're like,

1284
00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:05,160
Speaker 1: I don't got a four stage year. But if you

1285
00:58:05,520 --> 00:58:07,960
Speaker 1: back against the wall, that's a good point. Think of

1286
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,760
Speaker 1: the most comfortable people won't take chance.

1287
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:12,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, think about success stories though. Whenever you see people

1288
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:15,840
Speaker 2: at the top of whatever their industry is, usually they

1289
00:58:15,920 --> 00:58:20,160
Speaker 2: have a struggle story behind it. Where I was living

1290
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:22,720
Speaker 2: out my car, I was working five jobs, I was

1291
00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:26,480
Speaker 2: and the site out of that need for you know,

1292
00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:29,000
Speaker 2: moving forward in life, your back's against the wall. You're

1293
00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:30,880
Speaker 2: doing everything that you have to do the hustle, and

1294
00:58:30,960 --> 00:58:33,080
Speaker 2: eventually you make it there because the fire is under

1295
00:58:33,120 --> 00:58:33,480
Speaker 2: your tail.

1296
00:58:34,040 --> 00:58:35,240
Speaker 4: So this what I think, This what I think.

1297
00:58:35,200 --> 00:58:37,280
Speaker 1: Y'all should do. Everybody over there, just give me all

1298
00:58:37,360 --> 00:58:39,440
Speaker 1: y'all money. So y'all could be broke. So it's not

1299
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:43,800
Speaker 1: that y'all broke. Y'all could be struggling and dreams. Maybe

1300
00:58:44,080 --> 00:58:44,680
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying.

1301
00:58:44,720 --> 00:58:47,520
Speaker 4: Whatever money you get for everybody in the next six weeks,

1302
00:58:48,800 --> 00:58:52,040
Speaker 4: I will say this, you have to look at your circumstances.

1303
00:58:52,600 --> 00:58:56,680
Speaker 4: I had this like crazy eye opening, uh epiphany.

1304
00:58:57,560 --> 00:58:59,240
Speaker 2: This sounds moment of is it?

1305
00:58:59,400 --> 00:59:01,760
Speaker 4: It does two nights ago ahead and I'm not giving

1306
00:59:01,760 --> 00:59:05,200
Speaker 4: the story, but I'll keep it. But I had this

1307
00:59:05,320 --> 00:59:08,320
Speaker 4: epiphany about my circumstance and what I want to do,

1308
00:59:08,880 --> 00:59:11,400
Speaker 4: and it was just like you almost have to put

1309
00:59:11,400 --> 00:59:15,720
Speaker 4: in perspective. I'm not a millionaire, like I am not

1310
00:59:15,880 --> 00:59:19,880
Speaker 4: a millionaire, so logistically, like for me personally, my back

1311
00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:23,040
Speaker 4: is against the wall. Right, I can't take a month

1312
00:59:23,120 --> 00:59:24,480
Speaker 4: off if I want to. I want to get to

1313
00:59:24,520 --> 00:59:26,320
Speaker 4: the point where I could say, lie, I want to

1314
00:59:26,360 --> 00:59:27,919
Speaker 4: take the summer off. I don't want to do nothing

1315
00:59:27,960 --> 00:59:30,160
Speaker 4: for Junior July, and I want to go. I want

1316
00:59:30,160 --> 00:59:33,440
Speaker 4: to live in Jamaica for two whole months. I want that, right,

1317
00:59:34,760 --> 00:59:37,520
Speaker 4: And because I want that, I have to be able

1318
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:40,360
Speaker 4: to make myself uncomfortable about what I'm doing right now.

1319
00:59:40,840 --> 00:59:43,240
Speaker 4: And I think that's that's where I'm at. It's like

1320
00:59:43,760 --> 00:59:47,760
Speaker 4: the uncomfortability isn't there enough to push you? And that's

1321
00:59:47,800 --> 00:59:50,880
Speaker 4: where that that that perfectionism is sort of like a crutch.

1322
00:59:51,640 --> 00:59:54,800
Speaker 1: You're just good though, because you sound like a like

1323
00:59:54,880 --> 00:59:57,400
Speaker 1: a coach now, because coaches will tell you that, you

1324
00:59:57,480 --> 00:59:59,520
Speaker 1: know what your problem is, you too fucking comfortable on

1325
00:59:59,560 --> 01:00:01,960
Speaker 1: this team. You need to be uncomfortable. Then they bene you,

1326
01:00:02,440 --> 01:00:03,360
Speaker 1: you understand.

1327
01:00:03,080 --> 01:00:06,320
Speaker 2: You like like a mind game. Essentially, it is a

1328
01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:06,840
Speaker 2: mind game.

1329
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:09,720
Speaker 4: Most people people comfortable bro even when they broke. They

1330
01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:11,840
Speaker 4: just comfortable, and that's why they can't do other things.

1331
01:00:13,520 --> 01:00:15,200
Speaker 1: She just blew like that. Shit really just blew my

1332
01:00:15,280 --> 01:00:15,920
Speaker 1: mind thinking about it.

1333
01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:17,520
Speaker 2: Now, I got to pay business.

1334
01:00:17,680 --> 01:00:23,400
Speaker 1: We do, gotta pay man, paypills, pay bills, come back all.

1335
01:00:22,480 --> 01:00:24,200
Speaker 2: Right, all right, we gonna face some bills and come back. Okay,

1336
01:00:24,320 --> 01:00:26,880
Speaker 2: as we talked about cutting everybody's salary, let's go face

1337
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:29,480
Speaker 2: some buildings. We'll do the listener letter, but will hold

1338
01:00:29,520 --> 01:00:31,480
Speaker 2: your thoughts. We'll round it out in the moment of truth.

1339
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:31,800
Speaker 4: Deal.

1340
01:00:45,200 --> 01:00:47,400
Speaker 2: All right, and we're back. We're gonna dive into listening letters.

1341
01:00:47,440 --> 01:00:49,840
Speaker 2: As I hear the kiddos her home from school now.

1342
01:00:50,200 --> 01:00:52,720
Speaker 1: About to come down at some point, somebody won't.

1343
01:00:52,560 --> 01:00:54,640
Speaker 2: Come to somebody gonna come down here. But let's jump

1344
01:00:54,720 --> 01:00:57,520
Speaker 2: into it. Hey, de Valen Kadeen, I'm a new listener

1345
01:00:57,600 --> 01:01:00,880
Speaker 2: for about a month and I love it. Here congratulates welcome.

1346
01:01:01,360 --> 01:01:03,320
Speaker 2: I'm a single, twenty six year old who has no

1347
01:01:03,480 --> 01:01:05,880
Speaker 2: trust in men, but I do wish to change that.

1348
01:01:06,480 --> 01:01:08,800
Speaker 2: In my childhood I had an inconsistent father with a

1349
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:11,320
Speaker 2: mother who handled everything. It taught me to be very

1350
01:01:11,400 --> 01:01:14,880
Speaker 2: independent and not to rely on anyone. During college, I

1351
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:19,240
Speaker 2: experienced sexual trauma with strengthened my mistrust. I do want

1352
01:01:19,360 --> 01:01:22,440
Speaker 2: to eventually have a healthy black love relationship, even though

1353
01:01:22,520 --> 01:01:24,840
Speaker 2: I never grew up seeing a strong black male figure

1354
01:01:24,880 --> 01:01:27,920
Speaker 2: in my life. Here are my questions, Deval, What do

1355
01:01:28,080 --> 01:01:30,560
Speaker 2: I do to place trust in men? So when mister

1356
01:01:30,640 --> 01:01:33,600
Speaker 2: Wright comes along, I'm prepared. Kadeen, how did you learn

1357
01:01:33,680 --> 01:01:36,360
Speaker 2: to lose control for Devo to handle things in times

1358
01:01:36,400 --> 01:01:39,280
Speaker 2: where you weren't confident? Ps, Devo, I love your character

1359
01:01:39,400 --> 01:01:40,120
Speaker 2: owned sisters.

1360
01:01:41,080 --> 01:01:43,880
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. First and foremost, I understand why

1361
01:01:43,960 --> 01:01:47,360
Speaker 1: she doesn't trust men. You had a father who was inconsistent,

1362
01:01:47,840 --> 01:01:52,000
Speaker 1: like most people get their idea of what the opposing

1363
01:01:52,040 --> 01:01:54,800
Speaker 1: sex supposed to be by being a parent. So when

1364
01:01:54,840 --> 01:01:56,840
Speaker 1: you look at our demographic of people and you think

1365
01:01:56,880 --> 01:01:59,200
Speaker 1: about mass incarceration and the things they've done to our

1366
01:01:59,280 --> 01:02:02,800
Speaker 1: people over the past fifty years, a lot of young

1367
01:02:02,880 --> 01:02:05,280
Speaker 1: people men and women grew up without their father, especially

1368
01:02:05,280 --> 01:02:07,040
Speaker 1: if they grew up in an urban area. So to

1369
01:02:07,160 --> 01:02:09,360
Speaker 1: hearing young black women or black men say they don't

1370
01:02:09,680 --> 01:02:13,360
Speaker 1: have a trusting male figure in their life has become

1371
01:02:13,440 --> 01:02:16,080
Speaker 1: something I'm used to. So hearing this story. Remember my

1372
01:02:16,160 --> 01:02:20,560
Speaker 1: track girls from Brooklyn, most of them were all single moms.

1373
01:02:20,800 --> 01:02:23,040
Speaker 1: What came from single moms? But I understand where her

1374
01:02:23,040 --> 01:02:26,320
Speaker 1: trust lack of trust comes from. Then the sexual trauma. Right,

1375
01:02:27,120 --> 01:02:30,400
Speaker 1: she asked, what you did to be able to let

1376
01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:32,920
Speaker 1: me in? I think she's going to have to do

1377
01:02:33,040 --> 01:02:34,880
Speaker 1: the work to heal herself and find a way to

1378
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:38,640
Speaker 1: become more vulnerable and open. Two men, because every man

1379
01:02:38,880 --> 01:02:41,240
Speaker 1: isn't going to be the person who assaulted you or

1380
01:02:41,360 --> 01:02:44,480
Speaker 1: your father, right, but there still are men out there

1381
01:02:44,480 --> 01:02:46,160
Speaker 1: who are just like them. So you have to learn

1382
01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:48,920
Speaker 1: how to use discernment and see those red flags from

1383
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:51,880
Speaker 1: far away. For example, most people who go through stuff

1384
01:02:51,960 --> 01:02:54,720
Speaker 1: like that are then attracted to that type because that's

1385
01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:57,480
Speaker 1: all lace. And I just want her to hear my

1386
01:02:57,600 --> 01:02:59,840
Speaker 1: voice and say, listen, all men are not like that.

1387
01:03:00,440 --> 01:03:02,600
Speaker 1: They're not, so you don't have to accept that. And

1388
01:03:02,680 --> 01:03:04,600
Speaker 1: if you ever get to a position where you feel like, well,

1389
01:03:04,680 --> 01:03:06,360
Speaker 1: my dad was like this and this guy, So I

1390
01:03:06,400 --> 01:03:09,560
Speaker 1: guess that's how all men are. Fuck, know, sweetheart, all

1391
01:03:09,600 --> 01:03:11,480
Speaker 1: men are not like that. All men are not abusers,

1392
01:03:11,800 --> 01:03:15,280
Speaker 1: all men are not inconsistent. So first work on yourself

1393
01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:17,480
Speaker 1: to be able to heal for yourself. Don't try to

1394
01:03:17,560 --> 01:03:19,600
Speaker 1: heal for a man that you think you might meet

1395
01:03:19,640 --> 01:03:22,320
Speaker 1: in the future. Heal for yourself so you feel better

1396
01:03:22,360 --> 01:03:24,720
Speaker 1: about who you are. And then once you feel healed,

1397
01:03:24,880 --> 01:03:26,720
Speaker 1: use that discernment and pick the right type of man

1398
01:03:26,760 --> 01:03:28,439
Speaker 1: who's gonna love you the where you want to be loved.

1399
01:03:28,560 --> 01:03:30,400
Speaker 2: And then when you find that person. So to answer

1400
01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:34,000
Speaker 2: your question, for me, earn is something. Trust is something

1401
01:03:34,080 --> 01:03:37,080
Speaker 2: that's earned, it's not just something that happens. So with

1402
01:03:37,200 --> 01:03:40,600
Speaker 2: deval and I, I was able to develop a trust

1403
01:03:40,640 --> 01:03:42,360
Speaker 2: for him, or a level of trust for him because

1404
01:03:42,400 --> 01:03:45,840
Speaker 2: he consistently and we talked about consistency with even perfection istion,

1405
01:03:45,960 --> 01:03:49,520
Speaker 2: but perfectionism, but he consistently showed me and proved to

1406
01:03:49,640 --> 01:03:52,360
Speaker 2: me not just through words but through his action, the

1407
01:03:52,520 --> 01:03:54,720
Speaker 2: character of the kind of man that he is and

1408
01:03:54,840 --> 01:03:57,160
Speaker 2: would be. So that made it easy for me to

1409
01:03:57,280 --> 01:04:00,480
Speaker 2: then relinquish control to him in certain situations, or be

1410
01:04:00,600 --> 01:04:03,720
Speaker 2: able to kind of soften. You know what my mom

1411
01:04:03,840 --> 01:04:06,400
Speaker 2: instilled in me to be that independent woman who does

1412
01:04:06,480 --> 01:04:08,960
Speaker 2: not need anyone for anything and can do on her own.

1413
01:04:09,360 --> 01:04:12,360
Speaker 2: But he also simultaneously never stripped that from me either

1414
01:04:12,480 --> 01:04:16,160
Speaker 2: and required that I become a dumbed down version of

1415
01:04:16,240 --> 01:04:19,120
Speaker 2: myself because he was able to take care of him provide.

1416
01:04:19,520 --> 01:04:21,720
Speaker 2: So that's something that you have to find within that person,

1417
01:04:21,840 --> 01:04:24,520
Speaker 2: like Davao said, after bettering yourself and making sure that

1418
01:04:24,640 --> 01:04:26,920
Speaker 2: you're in a position to receive that kind of person,

1419
01:04:27,400 --> 01:04:30,160
Speaker 2: allowing them to earn the trust not through just words

1420
01:04:30,200 --> 01:04:32,600
Speaker 2: but also action. So it was easy for me to

1421
01:04:32,760 --> 01:04:40,360
Speaker 2: just let everything down, panties included with DeVos. I trusted

1422
01:04:40,440 --> 01:04:42,600
Speaker 2: him in every which way, honey, and still do twenty

1423
01:04:42,680 --> 01:04:45,920
Speaker 2: three years in. So it gets better this, So thank

1424
01:04:46,000 --> 01:04:48,040
Speaker 2: you so much for listening. I'm happy you found us,

1425
01:04:48,120 --> 01:04:50,120
Speaker 2: I'm happy that you love it here. You have a

1426
01:04:50,160 --> 01:04:53,080
Speaker 2: couple of seasons to catch up on, but thank you

1427
01:04:53,280 --> 01:04:56,360
Speaker 2: for joining the family over here and ever after. All right, y'all,

1428
01:04:56,400 --> 01:04:57,920
Speaker 2: if you want to be featured as one of our

1429
01:04:57,960 --> 01:05:01,360
Speaker 2: listener letters, be sure to email us at the Ellis

1430
01:05:01,520 --> 01:05:03,480
Speaker 2: advice at gmail dot com.

1431
01:05:03,680 --> 01:05:06,600
Speaker 4: That's t h E E L l I S A

1432
01:05:06,760 --> 01:05:09,440
Speaker 4: d v I C E at gmail dot com.

1433
01:05:09,560 --> 01:05:12,880
Speaker 2: All right, moment of truth time today we're talking about perfectionism,

1434
01:05:13,800 --> 01:05:16,920
Speaker 2: the pursuit of that triple. What you got for us,

1435
01:05:16,960 --> 01:05:18,720
Speaker 2: it's your moment of truth. This.

1436
01:05:19,400 --> 01:05:22,919
Speaker 7: I didn't just learn this, but I was pleasantly reminded

1437
01:05:23,640 --> 01:05:27,720
Speaker 7: to appreciate the process. I do have a thing where

1438
01:05:28,800 --> 01:05:31,320
Speaker 7: I'm just I'm realizing that it is and it's important

1439
01:05:31,360 --> 01:05:32,160
Speaker 7: for me to be liked.

1440
01:05:33,720 --> 01:05:36,200
Speaker 5: And I don't like not being good.

1441
01:05:36,080 --> 01:05:39,320
Speaker 4: At stuff, and so that's honest.

1442
01:05:39,480 --> 01:05:43,680
Speaker 7: I always have to remind myself that practice makes you better. Yes,

1443
01:05:43,960 --> 01:05:46,240
Speaker 7: so I gotta appreciate the process do that.

1444
01:05:46,400 --> 01:05:49,040
Speaker 2: And you're just such a great person regardless, like I

1445
01:05:49,120 --> 01:05:51,360
Speaker 2: think that that's the that's like the number one thing

1446
01:05:51,640 --> 01:05:53,720
Speaker 2: at the top of the list, especially for us. Daval

1447
01:05:53,760 --> 01:05:55,720
Speaker 2: and I we like you're just such a pleasure, a

1448
01:05:55,800 --> 01:05:59,080
Speaker 2: pleasure to be with. That that's why we want to

1449
01:05:59,200 --> 01:06:01,280
Speaker 2: keep you around. I mean, the work portion of it

1450
01:06:01,440 --> 01:06:03,360
Speaker 2: is work, you know, that's business, but you as a

1451
01:06:03,440 --> 01:06:06,880
Speaker 2: person is really what helps to keep this together because

1452
01:06:06,920 --> 01:06:09,200
Speaker 2: we want you in our space. So never doubt that.

1453
01:06:09,480 --> 01:06:12,400
Speaker 1: Can I jump in real quick, trible. You've never been

1454
01:06:12,440 --> 01:06:15,840
Speaker 1: a perfect producer, Yeah, but you've always been a really

1455
01:06:15,880 --> 01:06:19,400
Speaker 1: good person. Yes, and outside of like we joke a lot,

1456
01:06:19,560 --> 01:06:21,440
Speaker 1: all of us joke a lot. This is not a joke, bro,

1457
01:06:22,040 --> 01:06:24,280
Speaker 1: Nobody here has ever been perfect at their job. I

1458
01:06:24,400 --> 01:06:26,320
Speaker 1: fucked up as a whole site. We we fuck up

1459
01:06:26,320 --> 01:06:28,640
Speaker 1: all the time. I need you to just know that you,

1460
01:06:28,880 --> 01:06:31,560
Speaker 1: because of the person you are, shines through more people

1461
01:06:31,600 --> 01:06:35,640
Speaker 1: will give you opportunities than not. We chose to because

1462
01:06:35,680 --> 01:06:38,520
Speaker 1: of your character. It had nothing to do with the work,

1463
01:06:38,600 --> 01:06:40,640
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. We're all not perfect.

1464
01:06:41,040 --> 01:06:44,000
Speaker 2: Worktuff we can work on, you know, but you can't

1465
01:06:44,040 --> 01:06:47,520
Speaker 2: replace the heart and the self and the energy of

1466
01:06:47,600 --> 01:06:48,000
Speaker 2: a person.

1467
01:06:48,080 --> 01:06:49,960
Speaker 7: Now that's something I do know. I always joke that

1468
01:06:50,040 --> 01:06:52,160
Speaker 7: I'm a personality higher every jobs.

1469
01:06:52,960 --> 01:06:55,400
Speaker 1: Absolutely yeah, absolutely yeah.

1470
01:06:55,920 --> 01:06:58,280
Speaker 2: And your personality will prevent you from being a fire.

1471
01:07:05,400 --> 01:07:08,560
Speaker 2: What you got for us, Josh, moment of truth and perfectionism.

1472
01:07:11,320 --> 01:07:14,800
Speaker 4: If you're listening and you sound like me, you really

1473
01:07:14,880 --> 01:07:19,600
Speaker 4: need to put yourself in an uncomfortable space to get

1474
01:07:19,640 --> 01:07:23,640
Speaker 4: to your next level, follow your dreams. All that. It's

1475
01:07:23,680 --> 01:07:29,240
Speaker 4: not eloquent, it's tough, And I'm talking to myself, but

1476
01:07:29,440 --> 01:07:33,880
Speaker 4: it's possible. I think men who are lesser than me

1477
01:07:34,600 --> 01:07:37,920
Speaker 4: as far as talent, have done it. So there's no excuse.

1478
01:07:38,400 --> 01:07:44,280
Speaker 4: So Josh, as a fact, I've seen in the photography space,

1479
01:07:44,480 --> 01:07:47,480
Speaker 4: not even don't you talk about with me? I won't

1480
01:07:47,520 --> 01:07:50,520
Speaker 4: cut you up. Barack Obama had had an interview where

1481
01:07:50,520 --> 01:07:52,200
Speaker 4: he talked about that. He said, at every level that

1482
01:07:52,280 --> 01:07:54,600
Speaker 4: he went to, you realized it was just like not

1483
01:07:54,680 --> 01:07:59,200
Speaker 4: that smart. They weren't smart. People are not And I've

1484
01:07:59,240 --> 01:08:03,320
Speaker 4: noticed that my so at every level that people aren't

1485
01:08:03,480 --> 01:08:07,440
Speaker 4: as as as affluent or or talented as you as

1486
01:08:07,480 --> 01:08:10,480
Speaker 4: you might think they would be. So Uh, anyone who

1487
01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:13,600
Speaker 4: listening it sounds like me, stop putting barriers or hurdles

1488
01:08:13,680 --> 01:08:16,760
Speaker 4: in your way. Run through, not lying through.

1489
01:08:17,800 --> 01:08:22,320
Speaker 2: Have a little audacity, y'all. Audacity goes a long way. Matt.

1490
01:08:22,360 --> 01:08:27,559
Speaker 3: What you got, Uh, prints are available, That's what I'm

1491
01:08:27,640 --> 01:08:28,240
Speaker 3: talking about.

1492
01:08:28,520 --> 01:08:30,240
Speaker 4: If you want a license photos.

1493
01:08:31,479 --> 01:08:32,559
Speaker 1: That's what I'm talking about.

1494
01:08:32,680 --> 01:08:34,200
Speaker 2: Period. You gotta plug your ship.

1495
01:08:34,479 --> 01:08:37,920
Speaker 7: Yeah, everybody listening to let's make sure we put this

1496
01:08:38,000 --> 01:08:42,560
Speaker 7: pressure on Matt like y'all have been putting. Go to

1497
01:08:42,640 --> 01:08:44,720
Speaker 7: that pair asking me if I started a business a

1498
01:08:44,760 --> 01:08:46,200
Speaker 7: long time ago it's mad.

1499
01:08:48,120 --> 01:08:50,880
Speaker 3: By time out, y'all go on the website follow that

1500
01:08:51,000 --> 01:08:52,719
Speaker 3: page too, or you can send it to a company

1501
01:08:52,720 --> 01:08:54,080
Speaker 3: who wants to license it so we can see it

1502
01:08:54,120 --> 01:08:54,679
Speaker 3: around the globe.

1503
01:08:54,840 --> 01:08:55,640
Speaker 1: Then do it.

1504
01:08:55,840 --> 01:08:56,240
Speaker 4: I love that.

1505
01:08:56,560 --> 01:08:59,559
Speaker 2: I guess my moment you kind of got inspired from Josh's.

1506
01:08:59,600 --> 01:09:02,760
Speaker 2: But there are folks out here that are doing way less,

1507
01:09:03,760 --> 01:09:07,719
Speaker 2: but they have consistency, they have audacity, they have nerve,

1508
01:09:08,439 --> 01:09:10,800
Speaker 2: they have the gall and they just be doing it

1509
01:09:10,920 --> 01:09:14,160
Speaker 2: and doing it consistently enough. Do not cheat the process

1510
01:09:15,080 --> 01:09:19,040
Speaker 2: because eventually, whatever it is, it's gonna hit. And that's

1511
01:09:19,120 --> 01:09:21,559
Speaker 2: me speaking to myself as well too, because I saw

1512
01:09:22,160 --> 01:09:26,320
Speaker 2: what locking into the process did for me recently, and

1513
01:09:26,520 --> 01:09:28,560
Speaker 2: it has completely changed my life. And I'm in my

1514
01:09:28,680 --> 01:09:30,720
Speaker 2: forties now, well at the top of the forties, in

1515
01:09:30,880 --> 01:09:33,360
Speaker 2: my forties, like I won toe in it. I'm forty one,

1516
01:09:33,680 --> 01:09:36,040
Speaker 2: but at this age, and I'm sure there's people who

1517
01:09:36,080 --> 01:09:38,200
Speaker 2: listen that are younger. We have so many younger listeners

1518
01:09:38,560 --> 01:09:41,360
Speaker 2: like don't wait, you can do it sooner and enjoy

1519
01:09:41,439 --> 01:09:41,880
Speaker 2: it longer.

1520
01:09:42,240 --> 01:09:47,760
Speaker 1: I agree, be uncomfortable. Josh brought up a real good

1521
01:09:47,840 --> 01:09:50,400
Speaker 1: point about all of the people we know who have

1522
01:09:50,479 --> 01:09:52,880
Speaker 1: done great things had they back against the wall, and

1523
01:09:53,080 --> 01:09:55,280
Speaker 1: a lot of times it's easier to take chances when

1524
01:09:55,320 --> 01:09:57,640
Speaker 1: your back is against the wall. Yeah, so these are

1525
01:09:57,720 --> 01:09:59,920
Speaker 1: all my parents who have kids. Stop making your kids

1526
01:10:00,040 --> 01:10:03,680
Speaker 1: life so comfortable, Kadeen Deval Mimi Pop, Like you know

1527
01:10:03,720 --> 01:10:07,360
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Like we all as parents, this generation

1528
01:10:07,520 --> 01:10:10,200
Speaker 1: of parents who have more than our parents, we got

1529
01:10:10,320 --> 01:10:12,360
Speaker 1: to stop making our kids life so comfortable so that

1530
01:10:12,439 --> 01:10:14,200
Speaker 1: they can take chances and be better than us.

1531
01:10:14,680 --> 01:10:15,639
Speaker 4: That's what Josh.

1532
01:10:15,720 --> 01:10:17,080
Speaker 1: You brought that to me because I didn't even think

1533
01:10:17,080 --> 01:10:19,720
Speaker 1: about the financial component and the fact that all those

1534
01:10:19,760 --> 01:10:22,679
Speaker 1: times I was hustling, I was freaking broke.

1535
01:10:22,520 --> 01:10:24,880
Speaker 2: Because you had nothing else happening at that moment. Yeah,

1536
01:10:24,920 --> 01:10:27,200
Speaker 2: it was all on you. Was this your topic today? Josh?

1537
01:10:27,280 --> 01:10:28,360
Speaker 2: Did you put this one in there?

1538
01:10:28,680 --> 01:10:28,880
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1539
01:10:28,880 --> 01:10:30,560
Speaker 2: So we've been putting topics in the ring and in

1540
01:10:30,640 --> 01:10:32,240
Speaker 2: the group chat and stuff, and this was a good

1541
01:10:32,280 --> 01:10:40,479
Speaker 2: one for today. So Josh episode today, I know I

1542
01:10:40,600 --> 01:10:43,680
Speaker 2: need to hear from you. Okay, all right, y'all, be

1543
01:10:43,800 --> 01:10:45,680
Speaker 2: sure to find us on Patreon if you're not part

1544
01:10:45,720 --> 01:10:48,479
Speaker 2: of the gang yet, because we have the exclusive after

1545
01:10:48,600 --> 01:10:52,040
Speaker 2: show there, as well as more Ellis Family content, BTS,

1546
01:10:52,160 --> 01:10:53,960
Speaker 2: all that good stuff. That you want to see from us,

1547
01:10:54,240 --> 01:10:57,040
Speaker 2: and you can find us on social media at Elvis

1548
01:10:57,080 --> 01:11:00,800
Speaker 2: ever After. I am Kadeen, I am I am.

1549
01:11:00,800 --> 01:11:06,240
Speaker 3: Devaal matt Ellis Photo dot com, M A T T

1550
01:11:06,400 --> 01:11:09,280
Speaker 3: E L L I S P h O t O

1551
01:11:09,520 --> 01:11:09,960
Speaker 3: dot com.

1552
01:11:10,920 --> 01:11:12,559
Speaker 2: There you go, give him a lower third, bab.

1553
01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:15,799
Speaker 4: You double click on my fix at Joshua Underscore Dwayne.

1554
01:11:17,240 --> 01:11:19,280
Speaker 5: You can find me at tribs The Cool, t R

1555
01:11:19,360 --> 01:11:21,479
Speaker 5: I B b Z The Cool on Everything.

1556
01:11:22,000 --> 01:11:24,479
Speaker 1: And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to

1557
01:11:24,600 --> 01:11:28,240
Speaker 1: wait reviews such ribe and get your copy of We

1558
01:11:28,439 --> 01:11:30,679
Speaker 1: Over Me. It's still available now, y'all.

1559
01:11:30,960 --> 01:11:31,719
Speaker 2: It's everywhere.

1560
01:11:31,840 --> 01:11:34,439
Speaker 4: Baby Dad ass.

1561
01:11:36,800 --> 01:11:41,320
Speaker 7: Cut Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted

1562
01:11:41,400 --> 01:11:45,960
Speaker 7: by Kadeen and deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video,

1563
01:11:46,120 --> 01:11:50,599
Speaker 7: Production by Joshua, Dwayne and Matthew Ellis, video editing by

1564
01:11:50,720 --> 01:11:51,519
Speaker 7: Leshan rothe

1565
01:13:01,160 --> 01:13:01,320
Speaker 2: Sa