1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five, 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:10,240 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hartunger. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:34,000 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:37,240 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode two hundred and eighty six, 11 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:39,600 Speaker 1: which is airing toward the end of January of twenty 12 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:42,880 Speaker 1: twenty three. This is going to be a mailbag extravaganza, 13 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:47,519 Speaker 1: lots of questions on lots of different topics, mostly pulled 14 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:50,879 Speaker 1: from emails that listeners have sent us and also from 15 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:55,280 Speaker 1: our Patreon community. Our Patreon community is growing rapidly. We 16 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:58,720 Speaker 1: are having a great time on our discussion forums talking 17 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:01,840 Speaker 1: about all things work, family, how we combine them. We 18 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,280 Speaker 1: would love to have you join us, so please come 19 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:07,440 Speaker 1: check it out. The best of both Worlds Patreon community. 20 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,200 Speaker 1: So we'll go ahead and dive right into these questions 21 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:13,640 Speaker 1: since we have so many of them. So starting off, Sarah, 22 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:19,040 Speaker 1: first question, what is your stroller strategy, So your favorite 23 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:22,640 Speaker 1: strollers by use case, what key features do you look for, 24 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,880 Speaker 1: what situations do you make young kids walk? Or when 25 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:29,199 Speaker 1: do you take the stroller? So I'm going to answer 26 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:32,679 Speaker 1: the last part first. We generally aired on the side 27 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:36,320 Speaker 1: of taking a stroller and almost never regretted it because 28 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:38,800 Speaker 1: worst case scenario, the stroller could be used to carry 29 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,759 Speaker 1: a bag or even a bigger kid for a little 30 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:45,720 Speaker 1: bit of time. And you know, unless it's some situation 31 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:48,080 Speaker 1: where I really want to be streamlined, if we're driving somewhere, 32 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:50,720 Speaker 1: it's just so easy to have the stroller with us. 33 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:53,720 Speaker 1: And even if a child is going to be walking 34 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 1: and getting back on and off, that's easier than you know, 35 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 1: walking and then throwing a tantrum on the ground when 36 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:00,640 Speaker 1: they're just so tired out for the day that they 37 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:02,960 Speaker 1: don't want to make it any longer. I feel like 38 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:07,080 Speaker 1: so again, Genevieve just turned five. We still own one stroller, 39 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:09,840 Speaker 1: but we are finally at the point where we rarely 40 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:11,440 Speaker 1: I mean probably in the last year, I'd say we 41 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 1: rarely used it or brought it anywhere, but before that 42 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:18,080 Speaker 1: we often did. In terms of actual recommendations, I feel 43 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,240 Speaker 1: like I'm out of date. We had a Bob from 44 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:23,919 Speaker 1: twenty twelve to twenty twenty two that you know, was 45 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:28,120 Speaker 1: a very reliable model. Not the fanciest, but it worked great. 46 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:31,000 Speaker 1: And I will say a plug for any system where 47 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,519 Speaker 1: you can clip a matching or a different car seat 48 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,280 Speaker 1: and you know, either with an adapter or if it's 49 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,680 Speaker 1: the same brand. My sister had a lovely upp baby 50 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,760 Speaker 1: system that she got via I think Facebook marketplace, So 51 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,440 Speaker 1: I will throw out that pro tip that you do 52 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:45,480 Speaker 1: not necessarily need to buy your stroller new. This is 53 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:48,680 Speaker 1: an item that you can get some fantastic deals on. 54 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,240 Speaker 1: Like sometimes families will want to get rid of their 55 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:53,560 Speaker 1: single stroller because they are having another baby and they 56 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:55,480 Speaker 1: only used it for one year and they're getting a 57 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:59,079 Speaker 1: double or vice versa. So maybe one kid's aged out 58 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:02,200 Speaker 1: and they're going back to single. So yeah, lots of 59 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 1: used fancy strollers to be found if you're interested in 60 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:07,600 Speaker 1: one of the kind of higher end but don't want 61 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:10,400 Speaker 1: to spend a ton of money. I'm always fascinated by 62 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:14,520 Speaker 1: places that don't allow strollers, right there's a couple. The 63 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,400 Speaker 1: one that stood out in I don't know if this 64 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,640 Speaker 1: has changed, but a few years ago the National Aquarium 65 00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: in Baltimore, And I know this because we went when 66 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,760 Speaker 1: we had like a four month old roughly or maybe 67 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:27,720 Speaker 1: even he was only like two months old, and the 68 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 1: older kids as well, and so we had the stroller 69 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,600 Speaker 1: for the little guy and they're like, you can't bring 70 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:34,560 Speaker 1: it in because it's all escalators, which I presume they 71 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 1: allow people in wheelchairs and there, so I'm not sure 72 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,640 Speaker 1: what they do. They must have elevators somewhere, but anyway, 73 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,560 Speaker 1: you couldn't bring the stroller in, and so they had 74 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:44,120 Speaker 1: these carriers that they gave me, like a carrier to 75 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,600 Speaker 1: put the kid in. It was weird like they had those. 76 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:51,240 Speaker 1: So anyway, digression there and our urban life we had, 77 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 1: you know, back when I was expecting Jasper, so like 78 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:57,040 Speaker 1: sixteen years ago, I bought a Bugaboo, like the fancy, 79 00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:00,920 Speaker 1: high end bugaboo, and then didn't wind up using it 80 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:02,720 Speaker 1: as much as I thought I would like by the 81 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,120 Speaker 1: time he was seven months older, so I almost always 82 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:08,640 Speaker 1: put him in this umbrella stroller, which was twenty dollars 83 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:12,800 Speaker 1: at Baby's r US because it folded up very small, 84 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,400 Speaker 1: so you could just stick it in the trunk of 85 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,200 Speaker 1: a cab or you know, if you were on the 86 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,800 Speaker 1: subway folded up or whatever, and like, it just went 87 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 1: more places than this giant multi piece stroller that looked 88 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 1: really cool but wasn't very usable. Once we had two kids, 89 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:31,440 Speaker 1: we bought a tandem fill and Ted's stroller, so it's 90 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 1: double decker. The little kid is on the bottom and 91 00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:37,039 Speaker 1: the big kid is on the top. Obviously the little 92 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:38,880 Speaker 1: kids view is not that great, but hopefully they're young 93 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:41,359 Speaker 1: enough that they don't care. The cool thing about that 94 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:44,440 Speaker 1: is then it's not side by side, so when you're 95 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 1: side by side with two kids, you it's wild. It's wide, 96 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:52,360 Speaker 1: you don't fit through doors or elevators in places, whereas 97 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,560 Speaker 1: if it's on top of each other, you're you're more 98 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,920 Speaker 1: likely to make it work. And we wound up getting 99 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,600 Speaker 1: a lot of use out of that because then Sam 100 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,120 Speaker 1: and Ruth could use it together and it actually got 101 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:04,320 Speaker 1: a new life for a while with Henry and our 102 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,720 Speaker 1: former nanny's baby is about the same age, so the 103 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:09,160 Speaker 1: two of them would ride it together. So yeah, it 104 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:14,120 Speaker 1: was great for travel, like with Henry in particular, and 105 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,720 Speaker 1: I had done this for Alex, but then the stroller 106 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:17,760 Speaker 1: was too old, so I had to get rid of 107 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,919 Speaker 1: it anyway, But you use a car seat, like for 108 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,960 Speaker 1: a Greatco car seat model that you can just pull 109 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,359 Speaker 1: the car seat in and out of the car and 110 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,680 Speaker 1: then strap it onto the foldable base. And they have 111 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:30,360 Speaker 1: some that are like one hand movable. I mean, it's 112 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:31,839 Speaker 1: really great if you can get a stroller that you 113 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:34,000 Speaker 1: can actually kind of move with one hand. It's that 114 00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:37,120 Speaker 1: maneuverable because inevitably you've got something else you need to 115 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:40,239 Speaker 1: be doing with the other hand. So I would highly 116 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,279 Speaker 1: recommend that. As for you know, I don't know, we 117 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:46,120 Speaker 1: don't bring the stroller many places anymore. Henry can walk 118 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:48,120 Speaker 1: he off and just doesn't want to though that's the problem. 119 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:49,760 Speaker 1: But then he won't stay in the stroller either, like 120 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,880 Speaker 1: a whine about that, so somebody winds up carrying him inevitably. 121 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,800 Speaker 1: So yeah, I guess you just got to be prepared 122 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:59,279 Speaker 1: for that. I think I did enough solo outings and 123 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:02,200 Speaker 1: I visit My kids were big chunkers, so like when 124 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:04,960 Speaker 1: they would be like two, I needed a stroller, like 125 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,960 Speaker 1: I could not survive without it otherwise I'd have like 126 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,040 Speaker 1: a kid flailing in the parking lot and I couldn't 127 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:13,440 Speaker 1: carry their thirty pound pot around. So your mileage, Mayberry, 128 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,080 Speaker 1: I forgot to mention that in the kind of zero 129 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:19,160 Speaker 1: to eighteen month age range, I loved just using their 130 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:22,360 Speaker 1: ergo for travel, Like I just found that super streamlined 131 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:24,880 Speaker 1: and easy. And that's you know, those like front pack 132 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:28,240 Speaker 1: kind of things. And yeah, memories of good, good trips 133 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,039 Speaker 1: and good like Disney vacations where we could do that 134 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,880 Speaker 1: because at Disney you have to park your stroller all 135 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:33,640 Speaker 1: the time, but you don't have to park your ergo, 136 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,800 Speaker 1: So BIXI a very true, very true. Yeah, I remember, Yeah, 137 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 1: we did a Disney trip with the fill and Ted's 138 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,680 Speaker 1: and an ergo with Sam and Jasper in the fill 139 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,400 Speaker 1: in Ted and Ruth in the ergo. That was a 140 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:50,080 Speaker 1: lot of child volume to be moving around, but we 141 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:54,000 Speaker 1: made it work all right. So Sarah, question two, there's 142 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,600 Speaker 1: a certain assumption in this next question, how did you 143 00:06:56,640 --> 00:07:00,920 Speaker 1: convince your husband's to plan with you? There are many 144 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,920 Speaker 1: assumptions in that question, many assumptions, and that is the question. 145 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,080 Speaker 1: So we will share. Okay, what is their level of 146 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:09,040 Speaker 1: involvement and do they take part in goals setting too. 147 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 1: You can go first? Can I go first? My husband 148 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,800 Speaker 1: is probably more of a spontaneous sort than I am, 149 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 1: though some of this has evolved as our level of 150 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:22,960 Speaker 1: complexity in our life has risen. In general, I do 151 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 1: the family schedule, and I attempt to take into account 152 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 1: everyone's input of what they would like to do. I'm 153 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:33,920 Speaker 1: pretty flexible to suggestions and open to the reality that 154 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,080 Speaker 1: teens in particular have veryous, spontaneous social lives, and so 155 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,840 Speaker 1: I have to deal with that reality. But our general 156 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:43,920 Speaker 1: agreement is I create the schedule and then he does 157 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:48,760 Speaker 1: not whine about it, and mostly that works, and I 158 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 1: try to make spot you know, on the weekend, I'll 159 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,040 Speaker 1: make spots for him to go to the gym or run, 160 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 1: and you know, if there's something he says we should do, 161 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,240 Speaker 1: I'll try to build it in there too, and he'll 162 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 1: do the occasional family trip. But yeah, that's kind of 163 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:03,240 Speaker 1: how the split winds up working. So we do like 164 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:07,080 Speaker 1: bigger picture planning together, usually on like little couples trips, 165 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,760 Speaker 1: Like if we have like a forty eight hour kind 166 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:12,680 Speaker 1: of break somewhere, we will spend some time thinking about 167 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,400 Speaker 1: the months ahead. We've done this like at the end 168 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:15,960 Speaker 1: of the year before or in the middle of the 169 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,160 Speaker 1: year thinking about how things are going. So I feel 170 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,560 Speaker 1: like the big picture stuff we do actually sit down 171 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,720 Speaker 1: and plan together, but when it comes to like operationalizing 172 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:26,040 Speaker 1: it on a week to week basis, that does definitely 173 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 1: fall more on me, and I'm just okay with it 174 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,440 Speaker 1: at this point. I think maybe ten years ago I 175 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:34,360 Speaker 1: would have bristled at it or have been really passionate 176 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:37,040 Speaker 1: about trying to find a way to make this, you know, 177 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:40,400 Speaker 1: more of a shared responsibility. But maybe I'm just mellowed, 178 00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:42,960 Speaker 1: or maybe I just have recognized certain things that he 179 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,640 Speaker 1: does that I don't think about, and I think we're 180 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:48,600 Speaker 1: generally both okay with this. I think it is important 181 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,680 Speaker 1: that if you're going to be doing most of that planning, 182 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,280 Speaker 1: that you have a partner who is going to generally 183 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 1: either help you do it or go along with what 184 00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,319 Speaker 1: you say, because it is hard to put all the 185 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:03,600 Speaker 1: pieces together. And they do recognize that. And so when 186 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,480 Speaker 1: you're like, okay, you know this is their plan for 187 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:07,600 Speaker 1: the week, if they then are going to go back 188 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:09,440 Speaker 1: and be like, well, I don't like this, this, this, 189 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,400 Speaker 1: and this, then that I can imagine that they need 190 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:14,480 Speaker 1: to be creating the schedule with you. Yeah. Yeah, but 191 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,800 Speaker 1: that's not usually an issue for us. No, you can't. 192 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:20,240 Speaker 1: You can't have somebody do it and then somebody else 193 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,079 Speaker 1: like trying to change it. That just doesn't work at all. 194 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,800 Speaker 1: And you know, I'm not saying that, I mean because 195 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,840 Speaker 1: I know there's a lot of questions about like the 196 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,920 Speaker 1: mental load of various things. But i'd point out that 197 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:36,079 Speaker 1: Sarah and I are both really into planning and logistics. 198 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:37,880 Speaker 1: I mean in the point of like Sarah's you know, 199 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:41,200 Speaker 1: runs a podcast on plans and you know, all this stuff, 200 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:45,040 Speaker 1: and I write about time management, and so what we 201 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:48,960 Speaker 1: do may not necessarily be what others would do, and 202 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:54,080 Speaker 1: so that's important to keep in mind with that as well. Yeah, 203 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,040 Speaker 1: we will sit down and talk about if we have 204 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,720 Speaker 1: a lot of stuff going on, we'll talk about different things. 205 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:01,160 Speaker 1: And I would say it's also somewhat change of not 206 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:03,680 Speaker 1: having to do as much of this with my husband 207 00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:07,400 Speaker 1: not traveling as much. Back when he was more on 208 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:11,439 Speaker 1: the road pre COVID, then there was a lot more logistics, 209 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,240 Speaker 1: tire and out with stuff like that. All right, next question, 210 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:18,199 Speaker 1: how would you define the stages of parenting? What stage 211 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,560 Speaker 1: are you in now? That's such a fun question. It 212 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:23,760 Speaker 1: was fun to think about. Okay, here are my stages. 213 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,720 Speaker 1: Why did you come up with SMA? We have the 214 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:30,920 Speaker 1: infant survival mode stage, when you're like leaking, bleeding, not sleeping, 215 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 1: like literally like it's all a haze. That's like definitely 216 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:35,520 Speaker 1: one separate stage. And I feel like for me that's 217 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,240 Speaker 1: like the first two to three two months maybe. Then 218 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,280 Speaker 1: you have the baby stage, where it becomes a little 219 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:42,880 Speaker 1: bit more predictable, but you just don't feel like you're 220 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:47,080 Speaker 1: just like lost, and that lasts for me about until weaning. 221 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:50,120 Speaker 1: Like it's the pumping and the still the night wake ups, 222 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,200 Speaker 1: but it's very sweet and they're so cute at that 223 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,840 Speaker 1: age and they're cuddling and kind of missed that stage 224 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,600 Speaker 1: a little bit, but not the pumping part. Then there's 225 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,439 Speaker 1: the toddler stage, which is when they're they're walking, but 226 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:03,160 Speaker 1: they're totally irrational and maybe they're not very verbal, and 227 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,839 Speaker 1: they're they're really challenging because they can really get hurt 228 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,559 Speaker 1: very easily. This is to me, I feel like even 229 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,680 Speaker 1: the most hands on stage even more than baby, because 230 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:12,600 Speaker 1: baby you could just place them somewhere and like move 231 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:16,000 Speaker 1: on tyler, you certainly cannot. So it was my least 232 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,679 Speaker 1: favorite stage. I'm not afraid to say it, especially now 233 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:21,199 Speaker 1: that I don't have toddler's I'd feel bad if I did. 234 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:26,280 Speaker 1: Preschoolers it's like transitional, it's like more reasonable than your toddler, 235 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,320 Speaker 1: more verbal, can understand frameworks of behavior a little more, 236 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,679 Speaker 1: but still challenging. And then there's school age, which is 237 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,199 Speaker 1: like kindergarten plus, and I feel like we're Genevieve's in 238 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,600 Speaker 1: pre K but she turned five, and I feel like 239 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,800 Speaker 1: we are moving to the point where everybody is school 240 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:43,240 Speaker 1: age and above and I am here for it. I 241 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:47,720 Speaker 1: really enjoy it. I guess after that comes like tween stage, 242 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:50,960 Speaker 1: and I would say Annabel definitely fits into the tween category, 243 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:55,480 Speaker 1: both hormonally and socially and all that. And so I 244 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,319 Speaker 1: guess I have two one preschooler to school age, one 245 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:00,520 Speaker 1: school age, one tween, and I I I'll have to 246 00:12:00,559 --> 00:12:02,839 Speaker 1: have Laura talk about the stages that come after that, 247 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:07,720 Speaker 1: but this is my favorite stage. I did love babies. 248 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:11,520 Speaker 1: Babies are really really fun, but there were some years 249 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,439 Speaker 1: in there when I had multiple little ones where I 250 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:17,080 Speaker 1: honestly felt like my day to day wasn't very much fun. 251 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:18,400 Speaker 1: I was trying to get as much joy out of 252 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,679 Speaker 1: it as possible, and there were wonderful moments and wonderful 253 00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:23,560 Speaker 1: things to talk about, but I almost felt like I 254 00:12:23,679 --> 00:12:25,600 Speaker 1: was waiting for something, And now I feel like I've 255 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,480 Speaker 1: I've arrived, and this is what I was waiting for. 256 00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:31,040 Speaker 1: And I really like enjoy waking up on a weekend 257 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,360 Speaker 1: morning with my kids home. And so if you're in 258 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,600 Speaker 1: that middle, I feel like there weren't voices saying that there. 259 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:38,880 Speaker 1: It was more like just you're word it goes worse, Like, well, 260 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,600 Speaker 1: for me, it's didn't get worse. I love it now, 261 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:43,040 Speaker 1: and so you will have lots of fun things to 262 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:47,319 Speaker 1: look forward to if you're struggling right now with younger kids. Yeah, 263 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,160 Speaker 1: I sort of thought of it. It's like, you know, 264 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,560 Speaker 1: there's the baby stage, which I kind of included the 265 00:12:51,559 --> 00:12:53,800 Speaker 1: littles in general, like so toddler's and I mean I 266 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:55,680 Speaker 1: often had a toddler and a baby, you know, together, 267 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,400 Speaker 1: so it's like, you know, that was like the little 268 00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,440 Speaker 1: kids stage, and we are not in that anymore. I mean, 269 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:02,439 Speaker 1: for even Henry's three, so we still in kind of 270 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:07,840 Speaker 1: the little stage. It's not that level anymore. Right, then 271 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:11,680 Speaker 1: there's a stage where you have school age kids, which 272 00:13:11,679 --> 00:13:14,600 Speaker 1: I include sort of preschool in that, and then I 273 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:17,480 Speaker 1: kind of view this like there's a teen slash young 274 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:20,880 Speaker 1: adult stage, and my older kids are definitely I mean 275 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,240 Speaker 1: getting into that. And you see it what they're hanging 276 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,959 Speaker 1: out with cousins and stuff, like there's all these you know, 277 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:28,440 Speaker 1: young people sitting around the table and like, you know, 278 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:31,400 Speaker 1: having their own lives and things they do, and I 279 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:35,200 Speaker 1: think it's I'm really I enjoy the big kids stage, 280 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:36,880 Speaker 1: but I'm kind of looking forward to having a house 281 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:40,800 Speaker 1: full of teenagers. And I know teenagers get a bad reputation, 282 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:44,360 Speaker 1: but they're people. They're finding their place in the world. 283 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:47,400 Speaker 1: They're often very interesting, they're fun to talk to, they 284 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,720 Speaker 1: do various adventures. It's kind of cool to watch them develop. 285 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:53,960 Speaker 1: But I guess the thing about having five kids is 286 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,760 Speaker 1: that you still have the little ones too. So I 287 00:13:56,800 --> 00:14:00,520 Speaker 1: have literally Jasper starts drivers training later this month, and 288 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:03,920 Speaker 1: we're still working on the potty training on the other 289 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:10,560 Speaker 1: end of space. Many skills to be learned simultaneously. So yeah, 290 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:12,920 Speaker 1: that's we're in the middle of all of it. Why 291 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,680 Speaker 1: don't you read the next one? Sarah, Sure, I would 292 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:18,000 Speaker 1: love to hear your thoughts on dealing with fertility or 293 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 1: pregnancy issues in the workplace that fall outside the realm 294 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,720 Speaker 1: of maternity leave and breastfeeding. Not that those two pieces 295 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,400 Speaker 1: aren't challenging. I just find that at least most workplaces 296 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,600 Speaker 1: have a clear structure for dealing with them. Fertility treatments 297 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:31,920 Speaker 1: can often involve a huge number of office visits for 298 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,520 Speaker 1: blood draws and monitoring, and also can require you to 299 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:37,120 Speaker 1: be ready for minor surgery with only about thirty six 300 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:40,240 Speaker 1: hours notice. Many people go through more than one cycle 301 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:43,120 Speaker 1: of IUI or IVF, sometimes back to back. There are 302 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:46,480 Speaker 1: times when travel or planning meetings, etc. Can be really challenging. 303 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,600 Speaker 1: Would you just come clean to your boss and ask 304 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:50,520 Speaker 1: for what you need, phone it in for a while 305 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:55,840 Speaker 1: and hope no one notices or claim vague unspecified health issues, Laura, 306 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,960 Speaker 1: I think that you want to. I mean, obviously, yes, 307 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,800 Speaker 1: this is very challenge and ideally you just be able 308 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:04,840 Speaker 1: to have like a closed door conversation with your immediate 309 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:08,120 Speaker 1: supervisor to talk about what's going on and just you know, 310 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:12,440 Speaker 1: ask for support and flexibility during this. I think in general, 311 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 1: with this and anything else that anyone's going through. You 312 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 1: want to figure out how to address your manager's main concern, 313 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,000 Speaker 1: which is probably the worry that you will drop the 314 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,200 Speaker 1: ball on something important. So if you are going to 315 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:29,960 Speaker 1: need to be out at some point unspecified or you know, 316 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,119 Speaker 1: miss stuff because you have to be in the office, 317 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,720 Speaker 1: you probably want to figure out can somebody else cover 318 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:38,760 Speaker 1: for you? Right? Like, is that an option in your 319 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,720 Speaker 1: particular line of work? Do you have a junior colleague 320 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:43,320 Speaker 1: who wants to learn more about what you're doing and 321 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 1: you can work more closely with that person and figure 322 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,480 Speaker 1: out that they can take over for you if they 323 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:50,320 Speaker 1: need to. You know, I think the particular person who 324 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,600 Speaker 1: sent this in they're not in a place where they 325 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 1: do something more specialized, so that would be a lot harder. 326 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,680 Speaker 1: And you know, that's it's an issue. You know, if 327 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,880 Speaker 1: you're in a business where you travel a lot, then 328 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:04,880 Speaker 1: perhaps you want to ask to be staffed on something 329 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,800 Speaker 1: more local for the next few months if that's an 330 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:11,520 Speaker 1: option where you work. Many places have this for whatever reason. 331 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,920 Speaker 1: You know that people can put themselves on a local 332 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:17,240 Speaker 1: track for a couple months and then open themselves up 333 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:20,680 Speaker 1: to more travel later. But you know, yeah, it's it's 334 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,160 Speaker 1: going to be hard to hide it, like I mean, 335 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,160 Speaker 1: especially if you are having to go in for blood 336 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,040 Speaker 1: draws like every morning, unless you Sarah was pointing out, 337 00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 1: sometimes you can get really early appointments. I mean, if 338 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:31,440 Speaker 1: you can get like a you know, seven am appointment 339 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,160 Speaker 1: every day and then you don't go to work till nine, like, yeah, 340 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,600 Speaker 1: you probably will just be able to work around the 341 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:41,040 Speaker 1: actual procedure itself. And then that's only happening once a 342 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,920 Speaker 1: month or whatever, so it's slightly less of an issue, 343 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,000 Speaker 1: and so that might be something to look into as well, 344 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:49,560 Speaker 1: right Sarah, Yeah, definitely, I would. I would say, you know, 345 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,840 Speaker 1: you want to choose a practice that's quality and you 346 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:55,400 Speaker 1: don't want to sacrifice that. But logistics are important. And 347 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:59,800 Speaker 1: because reproductive endochronology is a lot of you know, kind 348 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,640 Speaker 1: of a competitive market, there are a lot of practices 349 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:06,360 Speaker 1: that do offer like really early appointments, and there are 350 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,760 Speaker 1: more and more solutions that might involve like mobile flebottomists 351 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:11,639 Speaker 1: coming to your house, Like there is probably some of 352 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:14,000 Speaker 1: this medical stuff that, believe it or not, you could 353 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:17,000 Speaker 1: outsource more than not outsource, but like pay to make 354 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,920 Speaker 1: it easier more than you think. So just don't assume 355 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:23,840 Speaker 1: that that that's a lost cause, and maybe be communicative 356 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:25,840 Speaker 1: with your practice and say like, Okay, you know, I'm 357 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:29,040 Speaker 1: going to sign up for this you know, expensive fertility package, 358 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:32,240 Speaker 1: but I'm going to the extent possible need as many 359 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,560 Speaker 1: my ultra sounds first of the day at seven thirty 360 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:37,240 Speaker 1: in the morning or whatever it is. And again, this 361 00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:40,200 Speaker 1: is so challenging, and it is unfortunate that we don't 362 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:43,560 Speaker 1: have a better, you know setup, And I hope, hope 363 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,120 Speaker 1: that you're able to like actually be able to talk 364 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:49,040 Speaker 1: to your supervisor or boss about this, because I do 365 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,160 Speaker 1: feel like trying to be secretive would add this whole 366 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,800 Speaker 1: entire layer of stress that you probably don't want right now. 367 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:57,399 Speaker 1: And I will say, like, if someone is completely obnoxious 368 00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:00,400 Speaker 1: about it and doesn't want to be flexible, then they 369 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:02,199 Speaker 1: may not be the world's best employer once you do 370 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:06,160 Speaker 1: have a kid, So you can keep that in mind absolutely. 371 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:07,920 Speaker 1: All Right, we need to take a quick ad break 372 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,840 Speaker 1: and then we'll be back with more of our mail 373 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:26,720 Speaker 1: bag extravaganza. So we are back. We're doing mail Bag episode. 374 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:30,119 Speaker 1: Lots of questions sent in by people from email. You 375 00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:33,840 Speaker 1: can always email me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Sarah, 376 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:36,199 Speaker 1: can you quick say your email address so people can 377 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,600 Speaker 1: send you questions as well. Yeah, there's so many different 378 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,440 Speaker 1: ones you might as well just use Sarah dot heart 379 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,919 Speaker 1: dot unger at gmail dot com. That's Sarah with an 380 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,800 Speaker 1: H and then Haart. Yeah. We also have a lot 381 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,520 Speaker 1: of questions from our Patreon community, so we would love 382 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,320 Speaker 1: to have you join us there. We have great discussion 383 00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:54,680 Speaker 1: forums going. So here's another question from a listener who 384 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:57,280 Speaker 1: says that she has lots of routines with her kids. 385 00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:59,920 Speaker 1: One that they have that's particularly well ingrained is having 386 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,600 Speaker 1: one pm screen time on weekends. I assume that this 387 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,840 Speaker 1: used to be nap time. As the kids got older, 388 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:08,040 Speaker 1: it became screen time. It's now something they do almost 389 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,000 Speaker 1: every weekend. But she says, how do I best handle 390 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:13,000 Speaker 1: it when we want to do something on weekend afternoons 391 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,040 Speaker 1: and sometimes one of her kids is a little bit 392 00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:18,679 Speaker 1: less flexible about it and complains a lot and not 393 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:21,360 Speaker 1: want to do things because that's the routine that one 394 00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:24,639 Speaker 1: pm is screen time. So any tips, she says, are welcome. 395 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,800 Speaker 1: We run into this. I don't know my answer is 396 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:32,200 Speaker 1: going to be necessarily what you're looking for But let's 397 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,760 Speaker 1: say we get asked to go and do something outdoors 398 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,800 Speaker 1: with friends at two o'clock and my kids know that 399 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,760 Speaker 1: screen time is usually like on the afternoons, and they 400 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,520 Speaker 1: talk about, oh, I might miss screen time. I kind 401 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:46,199 Speaker 1: of gently try to remind them that if they're that 402 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:50,080 Speaker 1: obsessed with doing screen time to the point where they'd 403 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:53,639 Speaker 1: be missing out on like actual things that are at least, 404 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:55,720 Speaker 1: you know, you would think somewhat fun, Like I'm not 405 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,159 Speaker 1: asking them to I don't know, let's go back to 406 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,520 Speaker 1: our last episode, tour a museum and look at art 407 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,520 Speaker 1: for four hours. Then we need to reevaluate the role 408 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,360 Speaker 1: of screen time in your life, and perhaps that means 409 00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:07,920 Speaker 1: we might need to take a month off screens, which 410 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,479 Speaker 1: we've done before in our house, and usually that is 411 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,320 Speaker 1: plenty to get them to be like, Okay, fine, you're right, 412 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,840 Speaker 1: I can let go. And that might mean also that 413 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:19,320 Speaker 1: I'm flexible and might let them, you know, watch screens 414 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,480 Speaker 1: later that day. But I don't necessarily promise it as 415 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:24,160 Speaker 1: a tit for tach because I just don't want them 416 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,119 Speaker 1: to feel like I am guaranteed three hours on my 417 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,280 Speaker 1: iPad or else I am not like living a just 418 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:32,240 Speaker 1: life because I don't want them to have that degree 419 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:36,720 Speaker 1: of obsession over it. So so far it's worked. Yeah, 420 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:38,800 Speaker 1: so I've handled it. I don't know. I mean I 421 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:41,240 Speaker 1: try to be empathetic with this. You know, there's people 422 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 1: who really enjoy video games, for instance, and that's what 423 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:49,160 Speaker 1: they would prefer to do, and you know, we may 424 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:52,879 Speaker 1: not be those people. I think there's a certain having 425 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:55,360 Speaker 1: four boys, I will tell you that that's a lot 426 00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:58,280 Speaker 1: of how they kind of interact with friends sometimes. And 427 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:02,280 Speaker 1: you know, so what us could look as like a 428 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:05,240 Speaker 1: waste of time is in fact they're social time with friends, 429 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,240 Speaker 1: and so I you know, try to be a little 430 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:11,040 Speaker 1: bit empathetic with that, you know, and particularly for a 431 00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:13,040 Speaker 1: kid who really does enjoy it. I would try to 432 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,520 Speaker 1: work out some sort of swap, Like if with the 433 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:17,960 Speaker 1: family schedule, if it's like if you get whatever two 434 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,640 Speaker 1: to three hours on weekends of screen time and one 435 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,240 Speaker 1: o'clock is not going to work because of the family schedule, 436 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:25,639 Speaker 1: like try to swap it out and say like, well, 437 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,280 Speaker 1: you know, you could be on from ten to one, 438 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,280 Speaker 1: or you could be on when we get back in 439 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,199 Speaker 1: the evening. You know, that'll be fine if you're on, 440 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,760 Speaker 1: you know after dinner and til bedtime like that would 441 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:38,000 Speaker 1: be okay too. If what the kid cares about most 442 00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:43,160 Speaker 1: is having the screen time versus the exact time when 443 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:46,520 Speaker 1: it happens, that that would be My approach is to 444 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:50,040 Speaker 1: try to swap it out. I don't really necessarily limit 445 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:53,120 Speaker 1: my kids like in terms of hours, but I think 446 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,399 Speaker 1: because of that it can fit around other things. So 447 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,320 Speaker 1: it's not like that like one pm is sacred. It's like, well, 448 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,320 Speaker 1: we can go do stuff on the weekends, and they 449 00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:02,880 Speaker 1: know before or after it. If we're having downtime, that's 450 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,600 Speaker 1: probably you know, when they can can play it. I 451 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,840 Speaker 1: would just double check he's not, like, I think that's 452 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:09,359 Speaker 1: probably not the case. But if you have a friend 453 00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:11,480 Speaker 1: who is like arranged to meet his friends at one 454 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:15,320 Speaker 1: pm that's a little to play Fortnite together or something like, 455 00:22:15,359 --> 00:22:18,120 Speaker 1: you are in fact disrupting a playdate that he sat up, 456 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,280 Speaker 1: like you know, somebody coming in and be like, no, sorry, 457 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:22,440 Speaker 1: you can't go to dinner with your friends because I've 458 00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:24,960 Speaker 1: decided you should do something else. So I just you 459 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:27,359 Speaker 1: want to double check on that. I assume that's not 460 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:30,919 Speaker 1: what's happening, but you know, you want to see that's fair. 461 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:32,879 Speaker 1: If it was a specific occur and I guess it 462 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:38,479 Speaker 1: also matters what the family is doing instead. I don't know. 463 00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:41,959 Speaker 1: I guess yeah, not to be hierarchical about it, but 464 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:43,920 Speaker 1: there is this thing rubs me the wrong way about 465 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:45,600 Speaker 1: I don't want to hang out with my but my 466 00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:48,800 Speaker 1: kids are younger, I think teens. It's probably a little 467 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:53,440 Speaker 1: bit of a different scenario. Yeah, perhaps, all right, Sorry 468 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:59,159 Speaker 1: on that one. Okay, So the next one, this person writes, 469 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 1: how do you resolve of having a goal that you 470 00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:05,440 Speaker 1: care about but also don't want to do? My daughter 471 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:07,439 Speaker 1: wants to swim with me. It's very important to me 472 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:10,280 Speaker 1: that she learns how to swim. I also hate the pool. 473 00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:12,760 Speaker 1: It's an ick factor for me. So if it's important 474 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,640 Speaker 1: to me, do I put down the goal of swimming 475 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,560 Speaker 1: with her? Or do I avoid it? Since I hate 476 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,199 Speaker 1: it already? I know hiring someone to teach swim is 477 00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,320 Speaker 1: another option. But my question is more about whether you 478 00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,920 Speaker 1: should create goals your better selves should want to do 479 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,240 Speaker 1: and that you know you'll be happy when they're done. 480 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,320 Speaker 1: Oh deep, Yes, I thought this was an interesting question. 481 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:31,800 Speaker 1: I mean because the first part was like, how do 482 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:33,440 Speaker 1: I get my kid to swim? If I hate to swim, 483 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,040 Speaker 1: and everyone's like, swim lesson, swim teacher, and you're like, oh, 484 00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,439 Speaker 1: that was easy. But of course the question she's asking 485 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:41,040 Speaker 1: is more like, if there's stuff you hate to do 486 00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:43,280 Speaker 1: but you want your kids to do it, like, what 487 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:45,240 Speaker 1: do you do about that? Especially if you know that 488 00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:48,160 Speaker 1: they would take it more seriously if you were doing 489 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:51,600 Speaker 1: it with them. I think you know, for stuff like that, 490 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,520 Speaker 1: it probably can grin and bear it a few times 491 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:57,600 Speaker 1: a year. For stuff that you don't really love to 492 00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,479 Speaker 1: do but you know that the kids would want to 493 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,680 Speaker 1: do it with you, Like it doesn't have to be 494 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,800 Speaker 1: every week, but you know, a couple of times a 495 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:07,720 Speaker 1: year would be enough to establish that you're not saying 496 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:10,240 Speaker 1: I'll never do this in my life. You can also 497 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:13,400 Speaker 1: choose the scenario like I mean, you know, I don't 498 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,960 Speaker 1: know making up something of like your kids like anime 499 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:20,640 Speaker 1: movies or whatever, and you don't maybe you could choose 500 00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:23,680 Speaker 1: one that you'd watch, like you know, look through write 501 00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:26,879 Speaker 1: ups and find one that is like the least offensive 502 00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,280 Speaker 1: to you and seems vast, and then you know, have 503 00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:31,840 Speaker 1: it be that, you know, choose at a time when 504 00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:34,199 Speaker 1: you wouldn't be doing something else, and then know that 505 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,359 Speaker 1: all time passes and in two hours you will be 506 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,760 Speaker 1: on the other side of it, or you know, same 507 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,960 Speaker 1: with any other activity. I'm not particularly into board games, 508 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,480 Speaker 1: but I will occasionally do one that was of my choosing, 509 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:47,320 Speaker 1: like with kids at a time, again of my choosing, 510 00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:51,000 Speaker 1: rather than never, but never. It's pretty close to it. 511 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,159 Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, I don't like to do 512 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,400 Speaker 1: stuff I don't, but you could often redirect kids too, 513 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:56,800 Speaker 1: to like related stuff that's close that you maybe don't 514 00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:58,680 Speaker 1: mind as much, right, Sarah, I mean that's kind of 515 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:02,280 Speaker 1: what you Yeah, this question is sort of layered because 516 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:04,399 Speaker 1: I feel like she has this vision of swimming with 517 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,600 Speaker 1: her daughter, and she says her daughter wants to, but 518 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,280 Speaker 1: I can't tell if there's really like, you know, has 519 00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:12,159 Speaker 1: a daughter had alternatives like maybe daddy swims with you 520 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:14,359 Speaker 1: or your partner swims with the daughter, but you do 521 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,280 Speaker 1: this other thing with her. I guess that's a general rule. 522 00:25:17,359 --> 00:25:20,480 Speaker 1: If I hate doing something with my kids, I do 523 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:24,400 Speaker 1: try to avoid it. Would you'd put swimming in this category, right? Yeah? 524 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,840 Speaker 1: I don't really enjoy and I do I have many 525 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:28,240 Speaker 1: times have I been in the pool with my kids, 526 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:29,720 Speaker 1: So it's not like, oh, I never do that, but 527 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:33,880 Speaker 1: if there's another option, like if my husband's there, then 528 00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:37,919 Speaker 1: I don't. He does the swimming, and then it's not 529 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 1: like I don't do other things with the kids. I 530 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,200 Speaker 1: love reading to them. You know, maybe you could think 531 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,200 Speaker 1: of some if this is sort of like an idea 532 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,639 Speaker 1: of you doing a one on one activity together, like 533 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,760 Speaker 1: that's what appeals to you, not just at teaching her 534 00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,320 Speaker 1: swimm because we've already discussed that you can easily outsource 535 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,840 Speaker 1: that piece of it. Think of some other activity you 536 00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:55,479 Speaker 1: might want to do together. Maybe you're going to take 537 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:58,680 Speaker 1: a mommy baby yoga or cooking class, or go on 538 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,000 Speaker 1: like random nature walks or like have a spot home. 539 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,240 Speaker 1: Like think about what you were actually looking for in 540 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,760 Speaker 1: this activity and whether it has to be swimming, and 541 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:08,080 Speaker 1: if it doesn't, I would look for ways to spend 542 00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:12,000 Speaker 1: that quality time doing something that you enjoy. If you 543 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:14,040 Speaker 1: have to swim on occasion, you have to swim, I've 544 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,520 Speaker 1: done it many times. It's gonna be hard to avoid 545 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:18,240 Speaker 1: swimming for your entire life. I mean, maybe you could 546 00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:19,639 Speaker 1: get away with it, but if your kids like it, 547 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:23,439 Speaker 1: you're gonna be in that hotel pool. Sorry, Okay, how 548 00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:25,440 Speaker 1: much time do you spend on the pod on an 549 00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:31,040 Speaker 1: average week. Well, let's see, we have about a forty 550 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:33,840 Speaker 1: five minute show usually, so obviously there's the recording time, which, 551 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:35,800 Speaker 1: if you figure you know, a little bit, a few 552 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:38,640 Speaker 1: minutes before and after, it's about an hour for the recording. 553 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:43,320 Speaker 1: We do maybe an hour prep or so, more or less. 554 00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:47,480 Speaker 1: Sometimes it's more, sometimes it's less. We do blog, I 555 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:49,920 Speaker 1: post on the blog about it, and I do this 556 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,400 Speaker 1: show notes out, you do the show, not like the equivalent, 557 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,680 Speaker 1: and then we record ads, which usually it's pretty quick, 558 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,480 Speaker 1: but it can take a little bit longer. But it's 559 00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:00,200 Speaker 1: only a couple hours per week. It's actually not that many. 560 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:03,040 Speaker 1: Yeah so, but it's a very fun part of the week. 561 00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:06,000 Speaker 1: We're glad that we're getting the chance to do it. Yes, 562 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:11,600 Speaker 1: very worthwhile. And we don't do the sound editing, and 563 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:15,639 Speaker 1: I never want to, so very grateful to have people 564 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:19,240 Speaker 1: help us with that. Excellent suggestions for this is really 565 00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:20,840 Speaker 1: for Laura, because I'm not as good at the fun 566 00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:24,320 Speaker 1: lists suggestions for spring fun lists. I'm not as keen 567 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:26,639 Speaker 1: on flowers as Laura. So my current ideas are mostly 568 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,920 Speaker 1: visiting a friend, going ice skating with my older kid, baking, 569 00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:32,679 Speaker 1: but none of those are particularly springy. I'm in London, 570 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:34,560 Speaker 1: so it's wet and cold and windy without it being 571 00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:38,320 Speaker 1: snowy or really terrifyingly cold. Yeah, I mean she was 572 00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:40,640 Speaker 1: like spring list. I'm like, wow, we're at spring already. 573 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:42,640 Speaker 1: I was still working on my Winter fun list when 574 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,240 Speaker 1: we're recording this in early January, which is probably gonna 575 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:48,920 Speaker 1: have stuff like ice skating and using my hand warmers 576 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:53,040 Speaker 1: and you know, going sledding if there is snow. I 577 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:55,440 Speaker 1: presume there will be at some point. But there's actually 578 00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:58,720 Speaker 1: flower shows. There's this flower show in Philadelphia in early March, 579 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:00,159 Speaker 1: so that will probably wind up on the wind A 580 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:04,400 Speaker 1: Fun list since that is still technically wintertime. But when 581 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:08,240 Speaker 1: I create these seasonal fun lists, it's more about activities 582 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,959 Speaker 1: that I will enjoy that are sort of associated with 583 00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:15,800 Speaker 1: this season, so you feel like you had the experience 584 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:19,240 Speaker 1: of the season if you live somewhere that has four seasons, 585 00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:23,840 Speaker 1: as London does for this particular listener, And so whatever 586 00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:28,640 Speaker 1: makes London in springtime feel like London in springtime for you, 587 00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:31,720 Speaker 1: and you know, for somebody that might be going to 588 00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:34,760 Speaker 1: see flowers, but maybe for somebody else it's I don't know, 589 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,400 Speaker 1: some annual event that happens and there's a fashion week 590 00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:39,360 Speaker 1: or something that they always go to in the spring, 591 00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:44,600 Speaker 1: or if there's an activity that works better during certain 592 00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:48,200 Speaker 1: months than others. I mean, if there's a you know, 593 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:50,360 Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of just like the Flower Show 594 00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:52,920 Speaker 1: happening in winter. I mean, there's nothing wintry about flower Show, 595 00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:54,600 Speaker 1: but that's something that happens here every year and I 596 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:56,719 Speaker 1: like to go to. So anyway, just think of it 597 00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,840 Speaker 1: like that. What would make you appreciate the season? What 598 00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:04,120 Speaker 1: some activities that are mostly available during that season? And 599 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:07,480 Speaker 1: then go with that? All right, Sarah, this question is 600 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:12,280 Speaker 1: definitely for you. This is from a breastfeeding physician. That's 601 00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:15,040 Speaker 1: how she put herself. As she says, she has kids 602 00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:18,400 Speaker 1: who are five years, two years, and three weeks, so 603 00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:22,920 Speaker 1: congratulations for her new arrival. She's on a sixteen week 604 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:24,800 Speaker 1: maternity leave here, but she's trying to figure out when 605 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:27,960 Speaker 1: she goes back, how to do outpatient clinic notes from 606 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:32,080 Speaker 1: home efficiently or I guess the alternative is pumping at 607 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,120 Speaker 1: so I'm trying to understand. I guess she's making a 608 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,000 Speaker 1: choice here, right, does she? She's saying there's a trade 609 00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,440 Speaker 1: off there's a trade off if she pumps at work, 610 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:40,920 Speaker 1: and so she's at work longer and she's having to 611 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:44,280 Speaker 1: do her notes at home versus, you know, trying to 612 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,280 Speaker 1: do it some other way, stay at the clinic longer, 613 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:48,560 Speaker 1: get them done there. Maybe you can talk about what 614 00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:50,760 Speaker 1: the most efficient way is to deal with patient notes 615 00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:53,520 Speaker 1: when you also have the time off from seeing patients 616 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:57,120 Speaker 1: for pumping as well. So hard, Oh my god, And yeah, 617 00:29:57,160 --> 00:29:58,520 Speaker 1: I think she's saying pumping at work is in it. 618 00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:00,040 Speaker 1: She's probably like me and that it would be so 619 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:01,680 Speaker 1: quick to just go home and feed the baby, but 620 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:05,560 Speaker 1: like you know, pumping takes much much longer. I will say, 621 00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:07,560 Speaker 1: get your set up at home to be the best 622 00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:10,280 Speaker 1: that you can. So take a nod from all those 623 00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:12,560 Speaker 1: people that were doing telehealth at home and get two 624 00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:15,200 Speaker 1: screens and whatever you need, like throw money at that 625 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:17,800 Speaker 1: problem to make your setup as good as you can. 626 00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:20,040 Speaker 1: My husband definitely does his notes with two screens, and 627 00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:22,400 Speaker 1: I think it helps. My home setup is not that 628 00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:24,440 Speaker 1: good anymore because I don't do my clinic notes at home, 629 00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:27,080 Speaker 1: but if I did, I would do that. I would 630 00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:28,520 Speaker 1: also make sure you have the best pump that you 631 00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:30,200 Speaker 1: can to make that part as efficient as you can, 632 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:33,320 Speaker 1: though you probably know that I don't know. I probably 633 00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:36,360 Speaker 1: would plan to just like take one for the team 634 00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 1: a couple. If you can't get a home set up, 635 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,680 Speaker 1: that is great. Or you find yourself distracted at home 636 00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:43,720 Speaker 1: because you're home and you have multiple little kids and 637 00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,440 Speaker 1: nobody will leave you alone to do your notes, which 638 00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:49,320 Speaker 1: is a distinct possibility, you might want to consider doing 639 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,800 Speaker 1: like a routine one to two nights where you just 640 00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:54,719 Speaker 1: plan on pumping at work and then taking a longer night, 641 00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:56,680 Speaker 1: maybe being home in time to do the babies like 642 00:30:56,760 --> 00:31:00,000 Speaker 1: later night feeding, or do like a Saturday morning maybe 643 00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,160 Speaker 1: between feedings, if you were like me and just wanted 644 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:04,520 Speaker 1: to avoid pumping it all costs, like be the baby 645 00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:06,320 Speaker 1: in the morning, go to work as your nose for 646 00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,160 Speaker 1: three four hours to catch up, and then come home. 647 00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:10,800 Speaker 1: This sucks. All this sucks. I hate that you have 648 00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:14,560 Speaker 1: to do this. I hate that you know physics. I mean, 649 00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:17,920 Speaker 1: it's so hard to keep up with your documentation when 650 00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:21,320 Speaker 1: you are pumping. And I will remind you that this 651 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:24,920 Speaker 1: is finite and you've done it before and it will 652 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,600 Speaker 1: be over and probably depending on you know, you have 653 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:29,400 Speaker 1: a four month leave, depending on how long you want 654 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:32,160 Speaker 1: to pump. Maybe it's just six months or four months. Remember, 655 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,240 Speaker 1: you get to decide this. There's no rule that says 656 00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:38,200 Speaker 1: how long you have to do this either and either 657 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:40,640 Speaker 1: way it's going to be finite. So I have a 658 00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:42,920 Speaker 1: question because I know some people, and I know this 659 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:46,880 Speaker 1: didn't really work well for you. Some people have had 660 00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:50,200 Speaker 1: success with hands free pumps, or even just holding it 661 00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,360 Speaker 1: on with one hand and that you can type with 662 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,800 Speaker 1: the other. I know that I answered a lot of 663 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:59,400 Speaker 1: emails pumping like with one hand while holding the pump 664 00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:02,800 Speaker 1: on with the other hand, sort of elbow and wrist 665 00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:05,960 Speaker 1: pressed up against it for mild pressure on it. I 666 00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:08,920 Speaker 1: guess as the case. Maybe, so I'm just say, you know, 667 00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:11,440 Speaker 1: it might be possible that you'll be able to do 668 00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:16,520 Speaker 1: some notes, maybe not at your total level of normal efficiency, 669 00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:18,520 Speaker 1: but maybe you'd be able to do some while pumping, 670 00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:20,640 Speaker 1: and then maybe that would ease it up a little bit. 671 00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:23,400 Speaker 1: Not everybody can, but if you can, and you're lucky 672 00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:26,880 Speaker 1: that way, that would be helpful. Yeah. My guess is 673 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:29,680 Speaker 1: that this she mentions the inefficiency. Some people are very 674 00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:31,600 Speaker 1: like like I have friends at pumped in five minutes, 675 00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:33,360 Speaker 1: so like this wouldn't have been a question from one 676 00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:37,400 Speaker 1: of those people mentioning that pumping at work is inefficient 677 00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:39,520 Speaker 1: makes me feel like she's not a good pumper. Plus 678 00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:42,040 Speaker 1: this is her third kid, so she she probably knows. 679 00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:46,400 Speaker 1: She probably tried, yeah, trail, although I mean, I I'm old, 680 00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:48,840 Speaker 1: so I no, I never got to try like the 681 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,400 Speaker 1: LV and the Willow, which is like the two latest 682 00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:53,880 Speaker 1: or there's probably more ones since then, but like in 683 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:55,280 Speaker 1: the last couple of years, I feel like those are 684 00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:58,880 Speaker 1: the two trendy hands free pumps, and so maybe they've 685 00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:01,120 Speaker 1: gotten a lot better and they might be worth a 686 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:03,760 Speaker 1: try if you haven't tried them before. Yeah, yeah, good, 687 00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:05,880 Speaker 1: because it definitely if you can get some of that 688 00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:07,880 Speaker 1: time back for notes. I mean, that would be a 689 00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:12,680 Speaker 1: major lifestyle improvement. Does so it's worth trying it even 690 00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:15,040 Speaker 1: if it winds up not working. You want to know 691 00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:19,520 Speaker 1: that for sure. So yeah, all right. Next question, how 692 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:23,080 Speaker 1: do you handle it when your friend's kids exclude your 693 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:26,480 Speaker 1: kid from their play, or say, create a thousand random 694 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:28,720 Speaker 1: rules that your kid has to obey, so basically making 695 00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:31,920 Speaker 1: the play unpleasant for your child. When my own kid 696 00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:35,120 Speaker 1: engages and sort of this kind of behavior, the person says, 697 00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:36,800 Speaker 1: I can try to change it, but obviously at a 698 00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,880 Speaker 1: loss for what to do in other people's houses. So, Sarah, 699 00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:44,160 Speaker 1: what would you say, Yeah, this is happening recurrently, and 700 00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,120 Speaker 1: my kid's miserable and doesn't want to get together with 701 00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:49,440 Speaker 1: this family. I think I would probably just try to 702 00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:53,400 Speaker 1: find other ways to connect with the person because and 703 00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:55,800 Speaker 1: this may be age specific too. I mean, if I 704 00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:56,960 Speaker 1: had like a three year old and they had a 705 00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:58,840 Speaker 1: three year old, this might be more about like talking 706 00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:00,720 Speaker 1: to the parents. Hey, do you think you could try 707 00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:03,360 Speaker 1: to make my kid more more comfortable because they're just 708 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:06,040 Speaker 1: little and everybody's trying to figure things out if they're 709 00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:09,040 Speaker 1: older and it seems like like actual bullying and they're 710 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:12,360 Speaker 1: just really not getting along. I was thinking about this. 711 00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:15,560 Speaker 1: I probably wouldn't keep getting that group of kids together 712 00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:18,719 Speaker 1: because at some point you have to make sure that 713 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:23,000 Speaker 1: the kids get along too where they're going to be unhappy, Yeah, 714 00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:24,800 Speaker 1: I would say. I mean, if it's your good friend, 715 00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:26,719 Speaker 1: I mean, obviously you can try to have a talk 716 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:28,359 Speaker 1: with them, but it may just be that this needs 717 00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:31,759 Speaker 1: to be a friend for you, and that's fine, I 718 00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:33,640 Speaker 1: mean not all. I mean people try to force their 719 00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:35,200 Speaker 1: kids to be friends, but at some point you know, 720 00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:37,440 Speaker 1: kids are their own people and you're your own person, 721 00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:40,160 Speaker 1: and the people you like, maybe they're offspring, don't necessarily 722 00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:43,040 Speaker 1: like each other. So that's you know, that's life. You 723 00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:45,759 Speaker 1: can go do adult things with this friend, and if 724 00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:48,399 Speaker 1: you're going to do stuff with the kids, you could 725 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:50,080 Speaker 1: go to a neutral place, like you all go to 726 00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:52,520 Speaker 1: the zoo together, right, because they're not in charge of 727 00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:55,000 Speaker 1: the play. Then if you're walking around looking at tigers 728 00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:57,200 Speaker 1: or else, you know, have them over to your house, 729 00:34:57,200 --> 00:34:59,560 Speaker 1: where again you are in charge and you can kind 730 00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:02,759 Speaker 1: of make sure that everyone is playing in a certain 731 00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:06,600 Speaker 1: way or you have more control over what happens. But yeah, 732 00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:09,200 Speaker 1: that's what I because you don't want to subject your 733 00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:12,440 Speaker 1: kid to this too much just because that's the person 734 00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:15,840 Speaker 1: you want to hang out with. Yeah, I'm grateful I 735 00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:18,160 Speaker 1: haven't run into this too much. I could think of 736 00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:21,040 Speaker 1: a couple of like isolated occasions where I've been like, eh, 737 00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:24,439 Speaker 1: this isn't the best fit and it makes parenting hard too, 738 00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:26,960 Speaker 1: So like I think it naturally would phase out in 739 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:29,680 Speaker 1: most cases. But it doesn't mean you have to throw 740 00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:32,359 Speaker 1: out the friendship and get together without the kids, all right. 741 00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:35,600 Speaker 1: Last question that was not planted by the way Laura 742 00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:39,560 Speaker 1: wanted to make that clear, but really wasn't curious to 743 00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:41,840 Speaker 1: know what Laura is planning to do with her Norwegian 744 00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:44,000 Speaker 1: Winter novel. I, for one, would love to read it. 745 00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:46,359 Speaker 1: I had really enjoyed The Courtland Boys. I also would 746 00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:51,000 Speaker 1: like to read Norwegian Winter, so Pleisa, all right, Well, 747 00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,160 Speaker 1: good to know it's going to have an audience. At 748 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:56,480 Speaker 1: least two people will read it. That's exciting. There's probably 749 00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:59,480 Speaker 1: novels that don't have two people reading. Anyway, revising it 750 00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:02,680 Speaker 1: is on my list for the year, so to stay tuned. 751 00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:04,200 Speaker 1: I just you know, have to figure that in like 752 00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:07,040 Speaker 1: everything else. But in the meantime, yes, people can order 753 00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:09,239 Speaker 1: The Courtland Boys as an ebook if you would like 754 00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:12,759 Speaker 1: to read a novel that to Yeah, Sarah read that 755 00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:15,040 Speaker 1: a couple of years ago. I guess it's very fun, 756 00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:17,840 Speaker 1: very fun. You can check it out if you'd like. Anyway, 757 00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:20,960 Speaker 1: this has been best of both worlds. We have been 758 00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:24,080 Speaker 1: doing an all mail bag episode Mailbag Extravaganza. We had 759 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:25,640 Speaker 1: lots more questions that came in we couldn't get to. 760 00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:27,240 Speaker 1: We're going to put some of those as the questions 761 00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:29,120 Speaker 1: for the next few weeks. In the Q and A segment, 762 00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:30,840 Speaker 1: and we'll do another mail bag in a couple months, 763 00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,239 Speaker 1: so feel free to keep sending them in. We'd love 764 00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:36,000 Speaker 1: your questions, we love talking about all these topics. We 765 00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:38,359 Speaker 1: will be back next week with more on making work 766 00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:43,000 Speaker 1: and life fit together. Thanks for listening. You can find 767 00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:46,440 Speaker 1: me Sarah at the shoebox dot com or at the 768 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:50,680 Speaker 1: Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you can find me Laura 769 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:54,400 Speaker 1: at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been the best 770 00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:57,960 Speaker 1: of both worlds podcasts. Please join us next time for 771 00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:00,480 Speaker 1: more on making work and life work together.