Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
Speaker 1: tip is to look for context friends. When people say
Speaker 1: they want more friends, what they often mean is that
Speaker 1: they want someone to do X, Y or Z with.
Speaker 1: So figure out what X, Y or zeas for you
Speaker 1: and you will have a far more productive search. Today's
Speaker 1: tip comes courtesy of Anna Goldfarb, who is the author
Speaker 1: of the new book Modern Friendship. I recently interviewed her
Speaker 1: for my Best of Both Worlds podcasts. I asked her
Speaker 1: for advice for people who are feeling lonely and felt
Speaker 1: that they needed more friends. Goldfarb told me that this
Speaker 1: was the wrong way to frame the question. When people
Speaker 1: are feeling lonely, what they often mean is that they
Speaker 1: want someone who can do X, that is fill some
Speaker 1: specific need. Maybe you want someone you can go see
Speaker 1: movies with, or you want someone to run or walk with.
Speaker 1: Maybe you want someone who likes to go to brunch
Speaker 1: on Saturdays, or if you've got little kids and you
Speaker 1: want someone who's always down for an afternoon playground trip,
Speaker 1: or who will text silly memes with you at night
Speaker 1: while you're sitting with your toddler trying to get the
Speaker 1: kid to go to bed, Well, you need to look
Speaker 1: for that. All of these suggest different approaches for looking.
Speaker 1: For instance, if you are looking for a friend who
Speaker 1: likes leisurely Saturday brunches, even if you personally have kids
Speaker 1: but your spouse and relatives love taking them all day Saturday,
Speaker 1: it might be hard to find other folks with little
Speaker 1: kids in that situation, so you might be best off
Speaker 1: getting close with a colleague who doesn't have such responsibilities
Speaker 1: but seems to like trying new restaurants. Or maybe it's
Speaker 1: a person you meet at the dog park who mentions
Speaker 1: her love of Bloody Mary's see if she would like
Speaker 1: to join you some weekend to have one. If you
Speaker 1: want a friend who will run with you, then you
Speaker 1: are best off joining some group runs, maybe some sponsored
Speaker 1: by your local running store or a nearby gym, and
Speaker 1: seeing who you might be compatible with. If you are
Speaker 1: looking for other parents who would be up for afternoon
Speaker 1: playground trips, then you can see who seems cool at
Speaker 1: the library ten am story hour, because that person probably
Speaker 1: is also available during the day. I think this is
Speaker 1: a wise approach because it turns the problem of finding
Speaker 1: friends into a more practical exercise. People who do X
Speaker 1: or Y tend to show themselves or congregate in certain places,
Speaker 1: so when you figure out what X or Y is
Speaker 1: for you, you can go look in those places. Now. Obviously,
Speaker 1: what a lot of us truly want is someone who
Speaker 1: will love us unconditionally and will help us feel seen
Speaker 1: on a soul affirming level. But most of us only
Speaker 1: get a handful of those people in our lifetimes. The
Speaker 1: good news is that if you find a few running
Speaker 1: buddies you really hit it off with, over the course
Speaker 1: of a few years of weekly runs, someone can become
Speaker 1: that sole affirming friend. But if you start off hunting
Speaker 1: for the soul affirming friend, the search process might feel
Speaker 1: a little more fraught and probably not all that fruitful.
Speaker 1: Best to look for context specific friends and then let
Speaker 1: things proceed from there. In the meantime, this is Laura.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of
Speaker 1: our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've
Speaker 1: got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at
Speaker 1: Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a
Speaker 1: production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, Please visit
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.