WEBVTT - Second Cup: Look for context friends

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is to look for context friends. When people say

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<v Speaker 1>they want more friends, what they often mean is that

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<v Speaker 1>they want someone to do X, Y or Z with.

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<v Speaker 1>So figure out what X, Y or zeas for you

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<v Speaker 1>and you will have a far more productive search. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip comes courtesy of Anna Goldfarb, who is the author

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<v Speaker 1>of the new book Modern Friendship. I recently interviewed her

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<v Speaker 1>for my Best of Both Worlds podcasts. I asked her

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<v Speaker 1>for advice for people who are feeling lonely and felt

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<v Speaker 1>that they needed more friends. Goldfarb told me that this

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<v Speaker 1>was the wrong way to frame the question. When people

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<v Speaker 1>are feeling lonely, what they often mean is that they

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<v Speaker 1>want someone who can do X, that is fill some

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<v Speaker 1>specific need. Maybe you want someone you can go see

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<v Speaker 1>movies with, or you want someone to run or walk with.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe you want someone who likes to go to brunch

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<v Speaker 1>on Saturdays, or if you've got little kids and you

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<v Speaker 1>want someone who's always down for an afternoon playground trip,

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<v Speaker 1>or who will text silly memes with you at night

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<v Speaker 1>while you're sitting with your toddler trying to get the

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<v Speaker 1>kid to go to bed, Well, you need to look

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<v Speaker 1>for that. All of these suggest different approaches for looking.

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<v Speaker 1>For instance, if you are looking for a friend who

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<v Speaker 1>likes leisurely Saturday brunches, even if you personally have kids

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<v Speaker 1>but your spouse and relatives love taking them all day Saturday,

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<v Speaker 1>it might be hard to find other folks with little

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<v Speaker 1>kids in that situation, so you might be best off

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<v Speaker 1>getting close with a colleague who doesn't have such responsibilities

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<v Speaker 1>but seems to like trying new restaurants. Or maybe it's

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<v Speaker 1>a person you meet at the dog park who mentions

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<v Speaker 1>her love of Bloody Mary's see if she would like

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<v Speaker 1>to join you some weekend to have one. If you

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<v Speaker 1>want a friend who will run with you, then you

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<v Speaker 1>are best off joining some group runs, maybe some sponsored

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<v Speaker 1>by your local running store or a nearby gym, and

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<v Speaker 1>seeing who you might be compatible with. If you are

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<v Speaker 1>looking for other parents who would be up for afternoon

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<v Speaker 1>playground trips, then you can see who seems cool at

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<v Speaker 1>the library ten am story hour, because that person probably

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<v Speaker 1>is also available during the day. I think this is

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<v Speaker 1>a wise approach because it turns the problem of finding

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<v Speaker 1>friends into a more practical exercise. People who do X

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<v Speaker 1>or Y tend to show themselves or congregate in certain places,

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<v Speaker 1>so when you figure out what X or Y is

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<v Speaker 1>for you, you can go look in those places. Now. Obviously,

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<v Speaker 1>what a lot of us truly want is someone who

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<v Speaker 1>will love us unconditionally and will help us feel seen

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<v Speaker 1>on a soul affirming level. But most of us only

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<v Speaker 1>get a handful of those people in our lifetimes. The

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<v Speaker 1>good news is that if you find a few running

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<v Speaker 1>buddies you really hit it off with, over the course

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<v Speaker 1>of a few years of weekly runs, someone can become

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<v Speaker 1>that sole affirming friend. But if you start off hunting

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<v Speaker 1>for the soul affirming friend, the search process might feel

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<v Speaker 1>a little more fraught and probably not all that fruitful.

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<v Speaker 1>Best to look for context specific friends and then let

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<v Speaker 1>things proceed from there. In the meantime, this is Laura.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of

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<v Speaker 1>our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've

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<v Speaker 1>got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at

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<v Speaker 1>Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a

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<v Speaker 1>production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, Please visit

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