WEBVTT - Hidden Struggles at the Virtual Red Table! (Janelle Monáe recap) 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:06.120 Hey, y'all, Hey, what's up? And welcome to let's Red 0:00:06.160 --> 0:00:10.200 Table that. I'm Tracy t Row and I'm Cala Pressley. Tracy, 0:00:10.240 --> 0:00:12.879 how are you feeling today? I'm feeling successful? You know, 0:00:13.000 --> 0:00:15.760 I know you're feeling successful. You feel successful every day 0:00:15.760 --> 0:00:18.360 and I love that, just like I feel every day amazing. 0:00:18.760 --> 0:00:22.320 I think that's fantastic about us. I cannot wait for 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:25.880 us to dive into the first episode of Red Table Talxic. 0:00:26.800 --> 0:00:30.160 It was so good to hear not only from Janelle Bonnet, 0:00:30.440 --> 0:00:35.120 but from their mother, who is amazing as well. Yes, listen, 0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:38.720 the episode touched so many points. I was so excited 0:00:38.760 --> 0:00:42.479 that Janelle is a Red Table Talk o g just 0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:46.120 like us. I mean, they have been following since the beginning, 0:00:46.640 --> 0:00:48.920 and why would you not. We love the show. It 0:00:49.000 --> 0:00:52.280 just reminds me of how impactful Red Table Talk really 0:00:52.360 --> 0:00:56.040 has been and it continues to be so relevant. You know. 0:00:56.160 --> 0:01:00.360 Let's just give a big kudo to Jada and Gammy 0:01:00.600 --> 0:01:03.720 and especially Willow because this was her wishless and I 0:01:03.840 --> 0:01:06.680 love that. One of the beauties about this episode Janelle 0:01:06.680 --> 0:01:10.679 Monee owns every part of themselves and I love that. Yeah, 0:01:11.120 --> 0:01:14.080 I do love that. They said they feel energy first. 0:01:14.360 --> 0:01:17.480 That is important in the connection. Sometimes if I walk 0:01:17.520 --> 0:01:19.960 in the room, I definitely feel energy first, whether it's hot, 0:01:20.000 --> 0:01:23.440 whether people are cold, like that energy first, just for 0:01:23.480 --> 0:01:26.959 them to tap in like that, that's dope. Yeah, that's dope. Yeah. 0:01:27.120 --> 0:01:29.600 I can't only imagine what the energy felt like at 0:01:29.600 --> 0:01:33.640 that table. And then when Janelle Monet's mom came out, 0:01:34.640 --> 0:01:37.360 Oh my gosh, and the super fan. We have got 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:40.120 to talk about the super fan. This episode was just 0:01:40.720 --> 0:01:45.080 chock full of goodness action. Fact, it was educational, It 0:01:45.240 --> 0:01:49.000 was mind opening. I bet some mindsets were shifted in 0:01:49.080 --> 0:01:53.440 this episode because we talked about family and sexuality and 0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:58.760 acceptance and authenticity and love and energy and being authented. 0:01:59.320 --> 0:02:01.760 Who are you? I think that's something we're gonna tap 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:04.600 into all season long, right, I bet that's true? Who 0:02:04.640 --> 0:02:06.320 are we? And how can we learn from each other 0:02:06.360 --> 0:02:08.519 to support each other and lift as we climb? That's 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:12.600 so important. Absolutely, absolutely, our community is our backbone and 0:02:12.680 --> 0:02:15.400 we love to hear from you. On the episode of 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:18.519 Red Table Talk, we're discussing a fan asked you, now, 0:02:18.760 --> 0:02:22.000 what's the best piece of advice you've ever received? We 0:02:22.080 --> 0:02:24.960 asked our community the same question, and here are some 0:02:25.120 --> 0:02:31.240 of your answers learned from everything and everyone from Styles Traybond, 0:02:31.560 --> 0:02:35.120 from Black Lives Matter Memphis ten. Don't expect and you 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:38.840 won't be disappointed. Oh mg, Now this is a double 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:42.160 edged sword, right? Should you have some expectations? I mean 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:45.680 you should have some realistic expectations, like some things like 0:02:45.720 --> 0:02:48.639 you know, I'm hungry, I'm gonna eat. But to say 0:02:48.400 --> 0:02:51.119 I'm gonna eat this meal is gonna be good? That's 0:02:51.160 --> 0:02:53.919 not always Again, I'm gonna eat lobster tail and you 0:02:54.040 --> 0:02:57.360 have two dollars in your pocket? Got it? Okay? Number three, 0:02:57.639 --> 0:03:00.800 make sure that what you do today you can live 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:04.040 with tomorrow. From Diane feeling cooked. That's a good one. 0:03:04.639 --> 0:03:06.240 I told my son all the time, like, don't make 0:03:06.360 --> 0:03:10.280 permanent decisions on temporary emotions. So that reminds me of that. Right, Yes, 0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:13.720 that's good for that's my favorite. I love acronym. You've 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:17.560 been waiting for it. Come on, Cora, let us have it. Legammo. Okay, 0:03:17.760 --> 0:03:20.800 it's let it go and move on. Shout out to 0:03:20.800 --> 0:03:23.480 Sarah Richardson from that's from my Red Tables r v 0:03:23.600 --> 0:03:25.560 A group. So yeah, I love that. I'm gonna just 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:29.000 start saying that Legamo number five. Don't envy people. You 0:03:29.120 --> 0:03:32.600 don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Hello and 0:03:32.680 --> 0:03:36.560 hello Glenda Morrison. Yes, indeed that is so true. Thank you, Glenda. 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:39.160 That's right there with the grass is greener. You look 0:03:39.160 --> 0:03:41.440 over and realize the grass is astro turf. Right. You 0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:45.200 gotta get people off that pedestal, okay. And six, Never 0:03:45.320 --> 0:03:48.560 place your happiness in someone else's hands. Thank you to 0:03:48.720 --> 0:03:51.480 Seal soul More. Yeah, that's what we needed. Don't put 0:03:51.520 --> 0:03:53.720 you your stomach in somebody's hands either. My daddy used 0:03:53.760 --> 0:03:56.480 to say that. Okay, feed yourself. I like that. That's good. 0:03:56.560 --> 0:03:59.200 I love that. Thank you to our community for sharing. 0:03:59.320 --> 0:04:01.000 We love it when you engage with us. Keep it 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:03.880 comment alright, red Table Talk family, we are going to 0:04:04.000 --> 0:04:06.640 take a quick break, but when we get back, we 0:04:06.720 --> 0:04:09.720 will be joined by two amazing guests from our Red 0:04:09.760 --> 0:04:18.599 Table Talk community. We're breaking two fellow Red Table Talk 0:04:18.640 --> 0:04:23.479 community members to the virtual Red Table do. It's my 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:27.960 pleasure to introduce you all to my friend Joy Donaldson listen. 0:04:28.040 --> 0:04:32.960 Joy is a published author, sexuality professional, award winning filmmaker, 0:04:33.160 --> 0:04:36.560 mental health advocate, and an all around creative. She is 0:04:36.560 --> 0:04:39.400 the curator of good vibes as we all love those, 0:04:39.520 --> 0:04:42.520 and through transparency and humor, she has learned how to 0:04:42.560 --> 0:04:46.760 make these tough conversations fun and exciting and of course successful. 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:50.080 Thank you, Joy for joining us, Thank you for having 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:54.960 me and also joining us is Edmund Giles, Originally from 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:57.840 the small town of Dermott, Arkansas. Edmund has been a 0:04:57.839 --> 0:05:00.440 fan of Red Table Talk for more than two years, 0:05:00.560 --> 0:05:03.640 and he was recently invited to this year's Memphis Sister 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:07.080 Friends Red Table Talk Community. Edmund joined the Red Table 0:05:07.080 --> 0:05:10.920 Talk community to learn, be informed, and have conversation with 0:05:11.000 --> 0:05:13.960 friends and family to understand their perspectives on the many 0:05:14.040 --> 0:05:17.360 topics discussed on the show. I love that. Welcome Edmund, 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:20.120 Thank you, thank you so much for inviting me. Absolutely well, 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:29.440 let's let's kick it off, don't. This is the part 0:05:29.440 --> 0:05:32.159 of the show where we reveal which moments made us pause. 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:36.159 I mean, listen again and say, wait, what, Joy and Edmund? 0:05:36.240 --> 0:05:38.760 What were your weight what moments? Oh? I'd love to 0:05:38.760 --> 0:05:41.400 hear of y'all have to say. I really was blown 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:44.080 the way when Janelle said to think about God and 0:05:44.200 --> 0:05:47.120 being bigger. I feel like God is so much bigger 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:51.520 than the heat. Or the sheep. It's like, it's like 0:05:51.560 --> 0:05:54.480 something and if I am from God, I am everything. 0:05:54.920 --> 0:05:57.479 I'm continuing to unpack my relationship with God. Could there 0:05:57.480 --> 0:05:59.920 have been moments I'm like, really, one of the things 0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:02.400 that I really loved it when she talked about how 0:06:02.440 --> 0:06:04.960 God is bigger than pronounced God is bigger than the 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:07.000 box that we tend to put God in. And I 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:09.960 have trouble when people say God is a heat why 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:15.440 again saying again, I don't like it. I fight back 0:06:15.480 --> 0:06:17.760 against it. It bothers me so much and makes the 0:06:17.760 --> 0:06:19.720 back of my knees itch. I don't like it because 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:23.960 it really feeds into patriarchy and the expectation that this 0:06:24.080 --> 0:06:27.120 has to be a male dominated thing for this to 0:06:27.160 --> 0:06:30.320 be truthful. And I honestly think that the God of 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:33.640 our ancestors, the God that met us not only on 0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:37.520 the passage, but was there before anyone was out there. 0:06:37.680 --> 0:06:40.400 That's the God that has been swallowed up within white 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:43.359 supremacy and patriarchy and everything else. And getting back to 0:06:43.480 --> 0:06:45.960 that version of God, I think is why so many 0:06:46.000 --> 0:06:49.080 of us black people specifically have left the church, because 0:06:49.120 --> 0:06:54.200 we're like some in the milker and clean. We have 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:57.039 further questions. Yeah, and you know what. Shout out to 0:06:57.160 --> 0:07:00.360 fellow co founder Memphis Sister Friends Rep. Dr Ros Goals, 0:07:00.400 --> 0:07:03.400 who regularly refers to God issue. So I totally feel 0:07:03.440 --> 0:07:05.640 you there, Mean, what were your weight? What moments? I 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:08.480 think there was a moment when Joanlle talked about life 0:07:08.560 --> 0:07:11.840 is like a plane. It's like a play. You're going 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:15.200 to be reoccurring characters. You know they're going to be 0:07:15.360 --> 0:07:18.400 folks that won't make it back for the second act. 0:07:18.520 --> 0:07:20.440 That's right, and we have to just be fine with 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:23.080 letting go and having to be okay with the people 0:07:23.480 --> 0:07:25.559 leaving and not holding like I was like okay, wow, 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:28.119 And then kind of going to what Joy was saying 0:07:28.120 --> 0:07:31.680 about God being this bigger person, bigger than the heat, 0:07:31.720 --> 0:07:34.000 than the sheet. How are you and I had similar weight? 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:37.160 What moments when she came out in the dress, come 0:07:37.160 --> 0:07:39.840 on here for the what come on late Tex? Listen? 0:07:40.280 --> 0:07:41.880 It was the red people in the back for me, 0:07:42.800 --> 0:07:45.680 you better have the red zipper and you represent. It 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:48.680 was also the moment at the very very end when 0:07:48.720 --> 0:07:50.720 Willow was like you could wear a late Tex mom 0:07:50.720 --> 0:07:52.640 and Jade was like, you just get to an age 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:55.800 where you just can't as much as I I ain't 0:07:55.840 --> 0:08:02.440 no way exactly sliding round. It's no way one year 0:08:02.480 --> 0:08:05.080 old right in the midst of menopause, I can tell 0:08:05.120 --> 0:08:09.280 you the latex is not your faby. My other way 0:08:09.360 --> 0:08:11.960 what moment goes right in line with what you said, 0:08:12.200 --> 0:08:16.080 Edmond about how you wake up, because Janelle Bonney literally said, 0:08:16.280 --> 0:08:20.440 we don't just stay down like we get up. You know, 0:08:20.560 --> 0:08:23.840 this is a reminder that in every era, if you 0:08:23.960 --> 0:08:27.400 try to oppress the marginalized, you will not win. You 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:30.240 don't stay down, you get up, and you slay that. 0:08:32.320 --> 0:08:36.080 I like it. It can We also talk about how 0:08:36.400 --> 0:08:40.040 Willow carried that episode she did. She did. I was 0:08:40.160 --> 0:08:45.880 very proud of the same. I was like, yes, in 0:08:46.040 --> 0:08:49.679 my mind sometimes Willow be at the table, like I know, 0:08:49.720 --> 0:08:51.640 my MoMA and grandma got me up here doing this show. 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:54.520 That's what I'm thinking sometimes. But I was so happy 0:08:54.559 --> 0:08:58.199 that this was her. She was all vested in this episode. 0:08:58.240 --> 0:09:00.400 So I agree with you guys, because I definitely don't 0:09:00.400 --> 0:09:01.680 want to hear her in ten years, like I didn't 0:09:01.720 --> 0:09:03.240 really want to sit at the red table. I'm glad 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:05.560 you're at the red table, Willow. I am too, Willow. 0:09:05.600 --> 0:09:07.520 We need more of that more of the same, Willow. 0:09:07.640 --> 0:09:09.640 And the other thing I love is that you know 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:12.160 you guys remember at that one point where you could 0:09:12.200 --> 0:09:16.520 tell how she could sense the energy in the room, right, 0:09:16.600 --> 0:09:22.800 and then how Janelle Blename's mom, who is uh that's 0:09:22.920 --> 0:09:25.280 that love that she was sharing? You could see like 0:09:25.280 --> 0:09:27.520 Willow was like, oh Mom, I love you. You know 0:09:27.559 --> 0:09:29.400 it was just so sweat. It was just such a nice, 0:09:29.440 --> 0:09:31.000 tender moment for us to be able to see that 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:39.800 I love her unconditional. Nobody will take that away from y. Yes, 0:09:40.160 --> 0:09:42.080 I'm so happy you brought that up because I thought 0:09:42.080 --> 0:09:44.679 that was so sweet when they when she said they 0:09:44.800 --> 0:09:47.000 have these moments when they argue with it. I can't 0:09:47.000 --> 0:09:50.160 be manageding because I need that. I need help help me. 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:54.160 Who can I know what side my bread is buttered on? Right? 0:09:54.520 --> 0:09:56.760 I need you might be getting on my nerves, but 0:09:56.800 --> 0:09:59.800 I still need you. Yes, yes, And can we talk 0:09:59.800 --> 0:10:02.400 of out my my weight? What moment in the vein. 0:10:02.679 --> 0:10:05.240 Two of the four of us have had mothers who 0:10:05.280 --> 0:10:08.680 have transitioned on and so the mother daughter dynamic, which 0:10:08.720 --> 0:10:11.160 is one of the premises of this whole show, was 0:10:11.280 --> 0:10:16.800 so overwhelmingly wonderful to see for me because there's so 0:10:17.360 --> 0:10:21.600 few images that we see that are positive, healthy mother 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:25.439 daughter relationships with women of we got a chance to 0:10:25.480 --> 0:10:27.480 see it hand over fists. I was like, you know, 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:31.199 Gammy and Jada and Jada and Willow and Janelle Monet's 0:10:31.280 --> 0:10:34.120 mom and it was just the whole table was overflowing 0:10:34.120 --> 0:10:36.960 of love. It's the evolution for me. Even in the 0:10:37.120 --> 0:10:41.400 end one um Jada grabbed Janelle Money's mom hand and 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:45.480 just encouraged, just felt that. I was like, that's so amazing. 0:10:45.600 --> 0:10:50.439 That was like, yes, that was amazing. And even oh 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:54.520 the super fan, super super Fan, it's so nice to 0:10:54.559 --> 0:10:57.719 meet you. You have brought tears to eyes. Stop. Oh 0:10:57.760 --> 0:11:03.360 my god, You're like, I don't have words. You're like 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:06.960 one of the most iconic people. Super Fan killed it 0:11:07.040 --> 0:11:08.840 when they were talking about the relationship they have with 0:11:08.880 --> 0:11:11.800 their mom and how supported their mom was during their 0:11:11.840 --> 0:11:14.200 coming out. I just thought it was just so much 0:11:14.559 --> 0:11:18.280 love and energy in that space. And even with Janelle 0:11:18.320 --> 0:11:20.600 asking her about people were hugging how was your flight? 0:11:20.679 --> 0:11:25.840 And I'm like, right, come on, how moment. That's what 0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:28.800 makes the Red Table talk the Red Table talk, right, 0:11:28.920 --> 0:11:31.680 It's just I also want to say, like, even on 0:11:31.760 --> 0:11:34.120 Janelle's journey. I loved how she said, I will always 0:11:34.160 --> 0:11:37.120 stand with women for whatever they're fighting. Exactly. We all 0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:39.199 as humans just need to evolve. We all should fight 0:11:39.240 --> 0:11:43.640 for each other, like you don't have to abandon a 0:11:43.640 --> 0:11:45.720 piece of your journey when you find a new path. 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:54.760 I love that we have lots of questions for you exactly. 0:11:57.320 --> 0:11:58.760 I know we want to know from both of you, 0:11:58.800 --> 0:12:01.160 what did you both think of the episode. Let's start 0:12:01.200 --> 0:12:03.360 with Joy and then here from Edmund. I have been 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:08.720 a fan of Janelle Money since shoot the mixtape days. Right, 0:12:09.679 --> 0:12:11.679 A lot of people don't know her backstory, like she 0:12:11.720 --> 0:12:13.959 originally was with Diddy and Diddy was like I don't 0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:15.520 know what to do her, So that's how she ended 0:12:15.600 --> 0:12:18.240 up with Big Boy, all the things that she didn't 0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:22.520 in Atlanta. And I've been a fan of theirs for ever, 0:12:23.120 --> 0:12:24.920 and when I saw they were going to be on 0:12:24.920 --> 0:12:30.160 the Red Table, I was so excited to hear their perspective, 0:12:30.280 --> 0:12:34.960 especially after them coming out as non binaries. So I 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:38.280 am the mother of a non binary child, so I 0:12:38.320 --> 0:12:40.640 know Janelle goes by still goes by. She her and 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:44.600 they then uses them interchangeably, but watching her interact with 0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:47.240 everyone around the table, and especially when her mom came out. 0:12:47.360 --> 0:12:50.720 It was just so beautiful to watch her share about 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:54.320 her journey. It was such a good episode. It was 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:58.199 so thorough. I loved the moment between Jada and her 0:12:58.280 --> 0:13:00.839 mom when she touched and was like, oh, child, I 0:13:00.880 --> 0:13:04.839 feel that. Yeah, I said, Jada at this table, I 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:07.800 saw what she That was hilarious to me. I loved 0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:11.000 they love Yes, I love it. Such a good episode. Yes, 0:13:11.200 --> 0:13:13.640 come on, Edmund, what did you think of the episode? Oh? 0:13:13.679 --> 0:13:15.680 My god. First of all, I think the episode was 0:13:15.760 --> 0:13:19.360 just amazing. Right. The consistent word I've heard, even even 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:21.680 on the episode was like the energy in the room. 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:24.720 The energy was just so like exploding to me. The 0:13:24.760 --> 0:13:28.640 conversation was amazing just to hear Janelle Monet's background, where 0:13:28.679 --> 0:13:31.679 she came from, and how she really decided to live 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:34.240 on her true, authentic self and you know, not worry 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:36.840 about what others think. And that's what really resonated with me. 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:40.400 Really being able to live and be free with who 0:13:40.480 --> 0:13:43.920 you are, regardless of what other people think. Having your tribe, 0:13:44.000 --> 0:13:46.679 having those important people that support you, that love you 0:13:46.720 --> 0:13:49.440 at the foundation of all things, right, that's so important, 0:13:49.520 --> 0:13:55.240 so important. Shout authenticity, yes, and not sacrificing out to it, 0:13:55.400 --> 0:13:59.320 like Hi, five people are being themselves. Finally, I don't 0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:01.000 know if it was called COVID, but the mass are 0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:04.880 off Okay, So I love that. I love that's move 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:08.920 forward in spite of or because of COVID. The masks 0:14:09.000 --> 0:14:13.360 are of exact we are living are authentic. I love that, Edmond. 0:14:13.400 --> 0:14:15.959 I love the point that you made to about despite 0:14:15.960 --> 0:14:18.040 the fact that Genemon, they came from a small town 0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:21.840 like you, she was able to live in her authentic life. 0:14:21.840 --> 0:14:25.640 She was able to be authentic and identify however she chooses, 0:14:25.680 --> 0:14:28.480 interchangeably or not. How was there a time in your 0:14:28.520 --> 0:14:31.600 life when you had to decide that living your authentic 0:14:31.720 --> 0:14:35.920 life was more important than fulfilling any kind of familial expectations. 0:14:36.760 --> 0:14:38.840 That's a really good question. I came from a really 0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:42.080 small town. Population are probably like two thousand, like that's 0:14:42.120 --> 0:14:48.080 including the mailboxes and everything, right, so kind of growing 0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:51.400 up in a small town, the small town mentality. People 0:14:51.800 --> 0:14:54.920 were really deep rooted in their religion, right what they 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:57.680 were taught, and not really thinking outside of the norm 0:14:57.840 --> 0:15:02.040 or really getting an understanding the word per se for themselves. Right. 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:04.480 I consider I was in a box right by growing 0:15:04.560 --> 0:15:06.600 up in a small town. But I wasn't really able 0:15:06.640 --> 0:15:09.480 to expand and fly and be free. My mom was 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:12.600 really strict or whatever. So it really came full circle 0:15:12.720 --> 0:15:15.520 for me when I graduated from high school. I did 0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:18.400 an internship at Walt Disney World for a year. That's 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:21.520 when I really began to be free and kind of 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:24.720 explore who I truly was and who I truly was 0:15:24.760 --> 0:15:27.200 born to be. Right when I left Walt dis in 0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:28.920 the World, I said, Okay, this is me. I don't 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:31.400 care what people think. Of course, I was still younger, 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:33.720 but I was willing to take to take the risk 0:15:33.880 --> 0:15:36.400 step outside of the norm of what people say, Well, 0:15:36.440 --> 0:15:39.000 this is how you should be versus this is who 0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:41.440 I truly am. You accepted or leave it. I came 0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:43.600 out to my family. It was a struggle in the 0:15:43.640 --> 0:15:45.600 beginning with some of my family, but you know, I 0:15:45.640 --> 0:15:47.960 was willing again to take the risk because at the 0:15:48.000 --> 0:15:51.440 core of it, like love is really what holds all 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:53.600 of us together. And I think that's the problem that 0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:55.760 goes back to being able to step outside of the 0:15:55.760 --> 0:15:58.640 boundaries and just think about like God, for example, God 0:15:58.760 --> 0:16:01.680 is loved, loved that and have a limit, right, come on? 0:16:01.720 --> 0:16:05.040 No limits? Yes? Some here m j B shout out 0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:08.680 to marry j Blicke. Don't you look no more love 0:16:08.720 --> 0:16:12.040 without a limit? Hey? Like God, he doesn't have a 0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:14.160 limit on us. So why are we putting limits on 0:16:14.240 --> 0:16:18.360 people rights? Free? Yes? Be free? Well edmund? I love 0:16:18.440 --> 0:16:21.920 that and talk about unlimited love, right and unconditional love 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:24.240 is what we all expect to have from our families, 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:26.600 but we know all too often that is not the case. 0:16:27.040 --> 0:16:30.440 And seemingly the smaller the town, the more challenging it 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:34.680 is to align with certain more raising values that exist 0:16:34.720 --> 0:16:37.520 in small town community. So I celebrate you for being 0:16:37.560 --> 0:16:40.840 able to live in your own authentic self joy. You 0:16:41.120 --> 0:16:46.440 have definitely crossed over into a whole new realm, especially 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:48.760 for a woman of color to be so accepting and 0:16:48.800 --> 0:16:51.600 so on point. How were you able to get to that? 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:55.320 It happened without me being able to be accepted. I'm 0:16:55.360 --> 0:16:57.600 a straight cis head woman who I like to say, 0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:02.160 unfortunately it's straight. I have never heard that before, right, 0:17:05.280 --> 0:17:09.800 because I mean, you know men, right, you know that's 0:17:09.840 --> 0:17:12.200 a full sentence right there. But when it really came 0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:15.000 down to it, and as we continue to talk about family, 0:17:15.240 --> 0:17:19.680 my family wasn't super religious, but it seemed like there 0:17:19.880 --> 0:17:22.959 was a thread of you shouldn't be able to do 0:17:23.000 --> 0:17:26.240 that because I can't do that, and a long ways 0:17:26.280 --> 0:17:30.560 folded into that was this element of but what about security? 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:34.120 What about I can't picture you doing that? So if 0:17:34.160 --> 0:17:37.280 I can't picture it, there's no way that I can 0:17:37.400 --> 0:17:40.000 see you doing it, So I'm not going to support you. 0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:42.720 I'm not going to be there for you. And that 0:17:42.840 --> 0:17:44.840 was kind of the relationship I had with my mom, 0:17:45.359 --> 0:17:49.440 and it was really difficult to have these dreams as 0:17:49.480 --> 0:17:52.560 a kid and to basically be told I can't see 0:17:52.600 --> 0:17:56.960 you in that, therefore this dream is not worthwhile. Sound 0:17:57.040 --> 0:17:59.639 growing up in Richmond, Virginia, we are already the capital 0:17:59.640 --> 0:18:02.000 of the Federacy, so about default, there are some things 0:18:02.000 --> 0:18:04.679 that are against us, But then you fold in the 0:18:05.000 --> 0:18:10.600 religiosity that's there. You're holding the elder mentality of respectability, 0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:14.040 politics and how things are supposed to go, and you're 0:18:14.080 --> 0:18:17.880 not supposed to go after anything like that, right, You're 0:18:17.920 --> 0:18:20.960 not supposed to do something. And my way of kind 0:18:20.960 --> 0:18:24.000 of fighting back, even unintentionally growing up, now I see 0:18:24.040 --> 0:18:26.600 how intentionally it was, even if it was the ancestor. 0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:29.640 This kind of intentionally working through me with that, was going, no, 0:18:29.720 --> 0:18:31.600 you're not gonna tell me what I can and cannot 0:18:31.600 --> 0:18:35.239 do such strength. I already beat myself up enough, right, 0:18:35.280 --> 0:18:38.600 I'm already beating myself up. Exactly. I don't need you 0:18:38.640 --> 0:18:41.920 to do the work for me. But if I really, 0:18:42.000 --> 0:18:44.920 fold really like pay attention to that. I learned how 0:18:44.960 --> 0:18:49.520 to beat myself up by being told you can't do that. 0:18:49.520 --> 0:18:52.200 That's where I came from with that. So when my 0:18:52.480 --> 0:18:55.119 child initially came out to me, it wasn't a question. 0:18:55.160 --> 0:18:57.959 You immediately were I'm here for support out the gate right, 0:18:58.080 --> 0:19:00.320 exactly right, I'm here for support. And they they just 0:19:00.600 --> 0:19:04.720 recently turned thirteen this past Saturday. While we were out 0:19:04.720 --> 0:19:06.679 to eat, they told me you're the only parent I 0:19:06.680 --> 0:19:09.200 can trust. You're the only parent that supports me. And 0:19:09.400 --> 0:19:12.440 that's bitter sweet. It's bitter sweet. Let's stop into that, because, 0:19:12.440 --> 0:19:15.040 like my next question for you anyway, was we're already 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:17.920 talking about authenticity, right, and and being who you are. 0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:20.760 Let's talk about being a parent, right, and how the 0:19:20.840 --> 0:19:23.600 journey of parenthood. I could speak for myself. You not 0:19:23.640 --> 0:19:25.800 got that twenty year old, it already did not look 0:19:25.920 --> 0:19:28.000 anything like I wanted it to look right, and it 0:19:28.080 --> 0:19:30.240 kind of goes back to what you were saying about, 0:19:30.280 --> 0:19:32.520 you know, you growing up in those religious pieces, not 0:19:32.600 --> 0:19:35.560 what they were picturing and not what we thought. I 0:19:35.600 --> 0:19:39.080 have found personally found peace and just allowing myself to 0:19:39.280 --> 0:19:42.600 enjoy what this journey is. How did you feel watching 0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:45.640 the episode and seeing the parallel between you and Janelle's mother. 0:19:45.880 --> 0:19:48.879 So I get a lot of backlash about Janelle. I 0:19:48.960 --> 0:19:51.560 tell him back at home, I said, who are you 0:19:51.640 --> 0:19:55.239 to judge? There you go, you stick up for her. 0:19:55.680 --> 0:19:59.840 It's definitely a journey, and there are elements that people 0:20:00.000 --> 0:20:02.600 don't talk about when it comes to children or our 0:20:02.720 --> 0:20:06.280 kids that come out as trans or non binary. There 0:20:06.400 --> 0:20:09.640 is an element of mourning that you do. You don't 0:20:09.680 --> 0:20:12.760 know that you're doing it, but it's you're watching, Like 0:20:12.800 --> 0:20:17.439 you said, the expectation that you had your parents idea, 0:20:17.640 --> 0:20:20.200 And I actually had to talk to my cousin about 0:20:20.240 --> 0:20:23.680 that and allow myself to say the sentence that I 0:20:23.720 --> 0:20:27.639 was looking forward to raising a daughter, and now my 0:20:27.840 --> 0:20:31.520 child is in that space of discovering who they are 0:20:31.880 --> 0:20:35.680 along the binary and sometimes they lean in to hear him. 0:20:35.800 --> 0:20:38.320 Sometimes they lean in that they them and they've all 0:20:38.400 --> 0:20:41.840 but kind of shunned that she her element of things, 0:20:41.960 --> 0:20:45.800 and I have to allow myself those spaces of grief 0:20:45.920 --> 0:20:48.680 and of mourning that this is not what I, quote 0:20:48.720 --> 0:20:52.639 unquote thought it would look like. But my child needs 0:20:52.760 --> 0:20:55.960 me as they are in this moment, so I think 0:20:55.960 --> 0:21:00.840 it's healthy to allow yourself that space of change. And then, 0:21:01.080 --> 0:21:04.640 with me being a sexuality professional, I talked to them 0:21:04.640 --> 0:21:07.399 about how things look a little bit different for trans 0:21:07.400 --> 0:21:10.960 and non binary kids. So we have these almost clinical 0:21:11.000 --> 0:21:15.240 conversations folded into these emotional conversations to say, this is 0:21:15.240 --> 0:21:18.160 who they are, and they're still figuring themselves out. These 0:21:18.160 --> 0:21:21.840 teenagers are different anyway. Okay, let's just talk about teenage 0:21:21.960 --> 0:21:25.280 life is already young me was not standing up for 0:21:25.600 --> 0:21:27.520 me today like that, you know what I mean, So 0:21:27.800 --> 0:21:29.879 shout out to these young kids. Though. I look at 0:21:29.920 --> 0:21:33.399 my kids every day as they are finding their voice 0:21:34.080 --> 0:21:38.199 and beating back depression, beating back anxiety, beating back PTSD, 0:21:38.400 --> 0:21:41.439 beating back the friends that make them feel othered and 0:21:41.520 --> 0:21:43.879 the people that did actually other them, the people that 0:21:44.000 --> 0:21:46.440 have mis gendered them, the people that have used their 0:21:46.680 --> 0:21:50.119 old name against them. As much as they beat themselves up. 0:21:50.200 --> 0:21:52.600 I look at them and say you have a one 0:21:53.400 --> 0:21:55.520 survival rate every day and I look at you and 0:21:55.560 --> 0:21:57.920 I go, you should be proud. I'm interested in knowing 0:21:58.119 --> 0:22:00.080 for you and for Edmund, how did you find in 0:22:00.160 --> 0:22:03.359 your community? Because you each have different journeys, right, Because 0:22:03.720 --> 0:22:05.760