Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, Hey, what's up? And welcome to let's Red
Speaker 1: Table that. I'm Tracy t Row and I'm Cala Pressley. Tracy,
Speaker 1: how are you feeling today? I'm feeling successful? You know,
Speaker 1: I know you're feeling successful. You feel successful every day
Speaker 1: and I love that, just like I feel every day amazing.
Speaker 1: I think that's fantastic about us. I cannot wait for
Speaker 1: us to dive into the first episode of Red Table Talxic.
Speaker 1: It was so good to hear not only from Janelle Bonnet,
Speaker 1: but from their mother, who is amazing as well. Yes, listen,
Speaker 1: the episode touched so many points. I was so excited
Speaker 1: that Janelle is a Red Table Talk o g just
Speaker 1: like us. I mean, they have been following since the beginning,
Speaker 1: and why would you not. We love the show. It
Speaker 1: just reminds me of how impactful Red Table Talk really
Speaker 1: has been and it continues to be so relevant. You know.
Speaker 1: Let's just give a big kudo to Jada and Gammy
Speaker 1: and especially Willow because this was her wishless and I
Speaker 1: love that. One of the beauties about this episode Janelle
Speaker 1: Monee owns every part of themselves and I love that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I do love that. They said they feel energy first.
Speaker 1: That is important in the connection. Sometimes if I walk
Speaker 1: in the room, I definitely feel energy first, whether it's hot,
Speaker 1: whether people are cold, like that energy first, just for
Speaker 1: them to tap in like that, that's dope. Yeah, that's dope. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I can't only imagine what the energy felt like at
Speaker 1: that table. And then when Janelle Monet's mom came out,
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, and the super fan. We have got
Speaker 1: to talk about the super fan. This episode was just
Speaker 1: chock full of goodness action. Fact, it was educational, It
Speaker 1: was mind opening. I bet some mindsets were shifted in
Speaker 1: this episode because we talked about family and sexuality and
Speaker 1: acceptance and authenticity and love and energy and being authented.
Speaker 1: Who are you? I think that's something we're gonna tap
Speaker 1: into all season long, right, I bet that's true? Who
Speaker 1: are we? And how can we learn from each other
Speaker 1: to support each other and lift as we climb? That's
Speaker 1: so important. Absolutely, absolutely, our community is our backbone and
Speaker 1: we love to hear from you. On the episode of
Speaker 1: Red Table Talk, we're discussing a fan asked you, now,
Speaker 1: what's the best piece of advice you've ever received? We
Speaker 1: asked our community the same question, and here are some
Speaker 1: of your answers learned from everything and everyone from Styles Traybond,
Speaker 1: from Black Lives Matter Memphis ten. Don't expect and you
Speaker 1: won't be disappointed. Oh mg, Now this is a double
Speaker 1: edged sword, right? Should you have some expectations? I mean
Speaker 1: you should have some realistic expectations, like some things like
Speaker 1: you know, I'm hungry, I'm gonna eat. But to say
Speaker 1: I'm gonna eat this meal is gonna be good? That's
Speaker 1: not always Again, I'm gonna eat lobster tail and you
Speaker 1: have two dollars in your pocket? Got it? Okay? Number three,
Speaker 1: make sure that what you do today you can live
Speaker 1: with tomorrow. From Diane feeling cooked. That's a good one.
Speaker 1: I told my son all the time, like, don't make
Speaker 1: permanent decisions on temporary emotions. So that reminds me of that. Right, Yes,
Speaker 1: that's good for that's my favorite. I love acronym. You've
Speaker 1: been waiting for it. Come on, Cora, let us have it. Legammo. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's let it go and move on. Shout out to
Speaker 1: Sarah Richardson from that's from my Red Tables r v
Speaker 1: A group. So yeah, I love that. I'm gonna just
Speaker 1: start saying that Legamo number five. Don't envy people. You
Speaker 1: don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Hello and
Speaker 1: hello Glenda Morrison. Yes, indeed that is so true. Thank you, Glenda.
Speaker 1: That's right there with the grass is greener. You look
Speaker 1: over and realize the grass is astro turf. Right. You
Speaker 1: gotta get people off that pedestal, okay. And six, Never
Speaker 1: place your happiness in someone else's hands. Thank you to
Speaker 1: Seal soul More. Yeah, that's what we needed. Don't put
Speaker 1: you your stomach in somebody's hands either. My daddy used
Speaker 1: to say that. Okay, feed yourself. I like that. That's good.
Speaker 1: I love that. Thank you to our community for sharing.
Speaker 1: We love it when you engage with us. Keep it
Speaker 1: comment alright, red Table Talk family, we are going to
Speaker 1: take a quick break, but when we get back, we
Speaker 1: will be joined by two amazing guests from our Red
Speaker 1: Table Talk community. We're breaking two fellow Red Table Talk
Speaker 1: community members to the virtual Red Table do. It's my
Speaker 1: pleasure to introduce you all to my friend Joy Donaldson listen.
Speaker 1: Joy is a published author, sexuality professional, award winning filmmaker,
Speaker 1: mental health advocate, and an all around creative. She is
Speaker 1: the curator of good vibes as we all love those,
Speaker 1: and through transparency and humor, she has learned how to
Speaker 1: make these tough conversations fun and exciting and of course successful.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Joy for joining us, Thank you for having
Speaker 1: me and also joining us is Edmund Giles, Originally from
Speaker 1: the small town of Dermott, Arkansas. Edmund has been a
Speaker 1: fan of Red Table Talk for more than two years,
Speaker 1: and he was recently invited to this year's Memphis Sister
Speaker 1: Friends Red Table Talk Community. Edmund joined the Red Table
Speaker 1: Talk community to learn, be informed, and have conversation with
Speaker 1: friends and family to understand their perspectives on the many
Speaker 1: topics discussed on the show. I love that. Welcome Edmund,
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you so much for inviting me. Absolutely well,
Speaker 1: let's let's kick it off, don't. This is the part
Speaker 1: of the show where we reveal which moments made us pause.
Speaker 1: I mean, listen again and say, wait, what, Joy and Edmund?
Speaker 1: What were your weight what moments? Oh? I'd love to
Speaker 1: hear of y'all have to say. I really was blown
Speaker 1: the way when Janelle said to think about God and
Speaker 1: being bigger. I feel like God is so much bigger
Speaker 1: than the heat. Or the sheep. It's like, it's like
Speaker 1: something and if I am from God, I am everything.
Speaker 1: I'm continuing to unpack my relationship with God. Could there
Speaker 1: have been moments I'm like, really, one of the things
Speaker 1: that I really loved it when she talked about how
Speaker 1: God is bigger than pronounced God is bigger than the
Speaker 1: box that we tend to put God in. And I
Speaker 1: have trouble when people say God is a heat why
Speaker 1: again saying again, I don't like it. I fight back
Speaker 1: against it. It bothers me so much and makes the
Speaker 1: back of my knees itch. I don't like it because
Speaker 1: it really feeds into patriarchy and the expectation that this
Speaker 1: has to be a male dominated thing for this to
Speaker 1: be truthful. And I honestly think that the God of
Speaker 1: our ancestors, the God that met us not only on
Speaker 1: the passage, but was there before anyone was out there.
Speaker 1: That's the God that has been swallowed up within white
Speaker 1: supremacy and patriarchy and everything else. And getting back to
Speaker 1: that version of God, I think is why so many
Speaker 1: of us black people specifically have left the church, because
Speaker 1: we're like some in the milker and clean. We have
Speaker 1: further questions. Yeah, and you know what. Shout out to
Speaker 1: fellow co founder Memphis Sister Friends Rep. Dr Ros Goals,
Speaker 1: who regularly refers to God issue. So I totally feel
Speaker 1: you there, Mean, what were your weight? What moments? I
Speaker 1: think there was a moment when Joanlle talked about life
Speaker 1: is like a plane. It's like a play. You're going
Speaker 1: to be reoccurring characters. You know they're going to be
Speaker 1: folks that won't make it back for the second act.
Speaker 1: That's right, and we have to just be fine with
Speaker 1: letting go and having to be okay with the people
Speaker 1: leaving and not holding like I was like okay, wow,
Speaker 1: And then kind of going to what Joy was saying
Speaker 1: about God being this bigger person, bigger than the heat,
Speaker 1: than the sheet. How are you and I had similar weight?
Speaker 1: What moments when she came out in the dress, come
Speaker 1: on here for the what come on late Tex? Listen?
Speaker 1: It was the red people in the back for me,
Speaker 1: you better have the red zipper and you represent. It
Speaker 1: was also the moment at the very very end when
Speaker 1: Willow was like you could wear a late Tex mom
Speaker 1: and Jade was like, you just get to an age
Speaker 1: where you just can't as much as I I ain't
Speaker 1: no way exactly sliding round. It's no way one year
Speaker 1: old right in the midst of menopause, I can tell
Speaker 1: you the latex is not your faby. My other way
Speaker 1: what moment goes right in line with what you said,
Speaker 1: Edmond about how you wake up, because Janelle Bonney literally said,
Speaker 1: we don't just stay down like we get up. You know,
Speaker 1: this is a reminder that in every era, if you
Speaker 1: try to oppress the marginalized, you will not win. You
Speaker 1: don't stay down, you get up, and you slay that.
Speaker 1: I like it. It can We also talk about how
Speaker 1: Willow carried that episode she did. She did. I was
Speaker 1: very proud of the same. I was like, yes, in
Speaker 1: my mind sometimes Willow be at the table, like I know,
Speaker 1: my MoMA and grandma got me up here doing this show.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm thinking sometimes. But I was so happy
Speaker 1: that this was her. She was all vested in this episode.
Speaker 1: So I agree with you guys, because I definitely don't
Speaker 1: want to hear her in ten years, like I didn't
Speaker 1: really want to sit at the red table. I'm glad
Speaker 1: you're at the red table, Willow. I am too, Willow.
Speaker 1: We need more of that more of the same, Willow.
Speaker 1: And the other thing I love is that you know
Speaker 1: you guys remember at that one point where you could
Speaker 1: tell how she could sense the energy in the room, right,
Speaker 1: and then how Janelle Blename's mom, who is uh that's
Speaker 1: that love that she was sharing? You could see like
Speaker 1: Willow was like, oh Mom, I love you. You know
Speaker 1: it was just so sweat. It was just such a nice,
Speaker 1: tender moment for us to be able to see that
Speaker 1: I love her unconditional. Nobody will take that away from y. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm so happy you brought that up because I thought
Speaker 1: that was so sweet when they when she said they
Speaker 1: have these moments when they argue with it. I can't
Speaker 1: be manageding because I need that. I need help help me.
Speaker 1: Who can I know what side my bread is buttered on? Right?
Speaker 1: I need you might be getting on my nerves, but
Speaker 1: I still need you. Yes, yes, And can we talk
Speaker 1: of out my my weight? What moment in the vein.
Speaker 1: Two of the four of us have had mothers who
Speaker 1: have transitioned on and so the mother daughter dynamic, which
Speaker 1: is one of the premises of this whole show, was
Speaker 1: so overwhelmingly wonderful to see for me because there's so
Speaker 1: few images that we see that are positive, healthy mother
Speaker 1: daughter relationships with women of we got a chance to
Speaker 1: see it hand over fists. I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: Gammy and Jada and Jada and Willow and Janelle Monet's
Speaker 1: mom and it was just the whole table was overflowing
Speaker 1: of love. It's the evolution for me. Even in the
Speaker 1: end one um Jada grabbed Janelle Money's mom hand and
Speaker 1: just encouraged, just felt that. I was like, that's so amazing.
Speaker 1: That was like, yes, that was amazing. And even oh
Speaker 1: the super fan, super super Fan, it's so nice to
Speaker 1: meet you. You have brought tears to eyes. Stop. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, You're like, I don't have words. You're like
Speaker 1: one of the most iconic people. Super Fan killed it
Speaker 1: when they were talking about the relationship they have with
Speaker 1: their mom and how supported their mom was during their
Speaker 1: coming out. I just thought it was just so much
Speaker 1: love and energy in that space. And even with Janelle
Speaker 1: asking her about people were hugging how was your flight?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, right, come on, how moment. That's what
Speaker 1: makes the Red Table talk the Red Table talk, right,
Speaker 1: It's just I also want to say, like, even on
Speaker 1: Janelle's journey. I loved how she said, I will always
Speaker 1: stand with women for whatever they're fighting. Exactly. We all
Speaker 1: as humans just need to evolve. We all should fight
Speaker 1: for each other, like you don't have to abandon a
Speaker 1: piece of your journey when you find a new path.
Speaker 1: I love that we have lots of questions for you exactly.
Speaker 1: I know we want to know from both of you,
Speaker 1: what did you both think of the episode. Let's start
Speaker 1: with Joy and then here from Edmund. I have been
Speaker 1: a fan of Janelle Money since shoot the mixtape days. Right,
Speaker 1: A lot of people don't know her backstory, like she
Speaker 1: originally was with Diddy and Diddy was like I don't
Speaker 1: know what to do her, So that's how she ended
Speaker 1: up with Big Boy, all the things that she didn't
Speaker 1: in Atlanta. And I've been a fan of theirs for ever,
Speaker 1: and when I saw they were going to be on
Speaker 1: the Red Table, I was so excited to hear their perspective,
Speaker 1: especially after them coming out as non binaries. So I
Speaker 1: am the mother of a non binary child, so I
Speaker 1: know Janelle goes by still goes by. She her and
Speaker 1: they then uses them interchangeably, but watching her interact with
Speaker 1: everyone around the table, and especially when her mom came out.
Speaker 1: It was just so beautiful to watch her share about
Speaker 1: her journey. It was such a good episode. It was
Speaker 1: so thorough. I loved the moment between Jada and her
Speaker 1: mom when she touched and was like, oh, child, I
Speaker 1: feel that. Yeah, I said, Jada at this table, I
Speaker 1: saw what she That was hilarious to me. I loved
Speaker 1: they love Yes, I love it. Such a good episode. Yes,
Speaker 1: come on, Edmund, what did you think of the episode? Oh?
Speaker 1: My god. First of all, I think the episode was
Speaker 1: just amazing. Right. The consistent word I've heard, even even
Speaker 1: on the episode was like the energy in the room.
Speaker 1: The energy was just so like exploding to me. The
Speaker 1: conversation was amazing just to hear Janelle Monet's background, where
Speaker 1: she came from, and how she really decided to live
Speaker 1: on her true, authentic self and you know, not worry
Speaker 1: about what others think. And that's what really resonated with me.
Speaker 1: Really being able to live and be free with who
Speaker 1: you are, regardless of what other people think. Having your tribe,
Speaker 1: having those important people that support you, that love you
Speaker 1: at the foundation of all things, right, that's so important,
Speaker 1: so important. Shout authenticity, yes, and not sacrificing out to it,
Speaker 1: like Hi, five people are being themselves. Finally, I don't
Speaker 1: know if it was called COVID, but the mass are
Speaker 1: off Okay, So I love that. I love that's move
Speaker 1: forward in spite of or because of COVID. The masks
Speaker 1: are of exact we are living are authentic. I love that, Edmond.
Speaker 1: I love the point that you made to about despite
Speaker 1: the fact that Genemon, they came from a small town
Speaker 1: like you, she was able to live in her authentic life.
Speaker 1: She was able to be authentic and identify however she chooses,
Speaker 1: interchangeably or not. How was there a time in your
Speaker 1: life when you had to decide that living your authentic
Speaker 1: life was more important than fulfilling any kind of familial expectations.
Speaker 1: That's a really good question. I came from a really
Speaker 1: small town. Population are probably like two thousand, like that's
Speaker 1: including the mailboxes and everything, right, so kind of growing
Speaker 1: up in a small town, the small town mentality. People
Speaker 1: were really deep rooted in their religion, right what they
Speaker 1: were taught, and not really thinking outside of the norm
Speaker 1: or really getting an understanding the word per se for themselves. Right.
Speaker 1: I consider I was in a box right by growing
Speaker 1: up in a small town. But I wasn't really able
Speaker 1: to expand and fly and be free. My mom was
Speaker 1: really strict or whatever. So it really came full circle
Speaker 1: for me when I graduated from high school. I did
Speaker 1: an internship at Walt Disney World for a year. That's
Speaker 1: when I really began to be free and kind of
Speaker 1: explore who I truly was and who I truly was
Speaker 1: born to be. Right when I left Walt dis in
Speaker 1: the World, I said, Okay, this is me. I don't
Speaker 1: care what people think. Of course, I was still younger,
Speaker 1: but I was willing to take to take the risk
Speaker 1: step outside of the norm of what people say, Well,
Speaker 1: this is how you should be versus this is who
Speaker 1: I truly am. You accepted or leave it. I came
Speaker 1: out to my family. It was a struggle in the
Speaker 1: beginning with some of my family, but you know, I
Speaker 1: was willing again to take the risk because at the
Speaker 1: core of it, like love is really what holds all
Speaker 1: of us together. And I think that's the problem that
Speaker 1: goes back to being able to step outside of the
Speaker 1: boundaries and just think about like God, for example, God
Speaker 1: is loved, loved that and have a limit, right, come on?
Speaker 1: No limits? Yes? Some here m j B shout out
Speaker 1: to marry j Blicke. Don't you look no more love
Speaker 1: without a limit? Hey? Like God, he doesn't have a
Speaker 1: limit on us. So why are we putting limits on
Speaker 1: people rights? Free? Yes? Be free? Well edmund? I love
Speaker 1: that and talk about unlimited love, right and unconditional love
Speaker 1: is what we all expect to have from our families,
Speaker 1: but we know all too often that is not the case.
Speaker 1: And seemingly the smaller the town, the more challenging it
Speaker 1: is to align with certain more raising values that exist
Speaker 1: in small town community. So I celebrate you for being
Speaker 1: able to live in your own authentic self joy. You
Speaker 1: have definitely crossed over into a whole new realm, especially
Speaker 1: for a woman of color to be so accepting and
Speaker 1: so on point. How were you able to get to that?
Speaker 1: It happened without me being able to be accepted. I'm
Speaker 1: a straight cis head woman who I like to say,
Speaker 1: unfortunately it's straight. I have never heard that before, right,
Speaker 1: because I mean, you know men, right, you know that's
Speaker 1: a full sentence right there. But when it really came
Speaker 1: down to it, and as we continue to talk about family,
Speaker 1: my family wasn't super religious, but it seemed like there
Speaker 1: was a thread of you shouldn't be able to do
Speaker 1: that because I can't do that, and a long ways
Speaker 1: folded into that was this element of but what about security?
Speaker 1: What about I can't picture you doing that? So if
Speaker 1: I can't picture it, there's no way that I can
Speaker 1: see you doing it, So I'm not going to support you.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be there for you. And that
Speaker 1: was kind of the relationship I had with my mom,
Speaker 1: and it was really difficult to have these dreams as
Speaker 1: a kid and to basically be told I can't see
Speaker 1: you in that, therefore this dream is not worthwhile. Sound
Speaker 1: growing up in Richmond, Virginia, we are already the capital
Speaker 1: of the Federacy, so about default, there are some things
Speaker 1: that are against us, But then you fold in the
Speaker 1: religiosity that's there. You're holding the elder mentality of respectability,
Speaker 1: politics and how things are supposed to go, and you're
Speaker 1: not supposed to go after anything like that, right, You're
Speaker 1: not supposed to do something. And my way of kind
Speaker 1: of fighting back, even unintentionally growing up, now I see
Speaker 1: how intentionally it was, even if it was the ancestor.
Speaker 1: This kind of intentionally working through me with that, was going, no,
Speaker 1: you're not gonna tell me what I can and cannot
Speaker 1: do such strength. I already beat myself up enough, right,
Speaker 1: I'm already beating myself up. Exactly. I don't need you
Speaker 1: to do the work for me. But if I really,
Speaker 1: fold really like pay attention to that. I learned how
Speaker 1: to beat myself up by being told you can't do that.
Speaker 1: That's where I came from with that. So when my
Speaker 1: child initially came out to me, it wasn't a question.
Speaker 1: You immediately were I'm here for support out the gate right,
Speaker 1: exactly right, I'm here for support. And they they just
Speaker 1: recently turned thirteen this past Saturday. While we were out
Speaker 1: to eat, they told me you're the only parent I
Speaker 1: can trust. You're the only parent that supports me. And
Speaker 1: that's bitter sweet. It's bitter sweet. Let's stop into that, because,
Speaker 1: like my next question for you anyway, was we're already
Speaker 1: talking about authenticity, right, and and being who you are.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about being a parent, right, and how the
Speaker 1: journey of parenthood. I could speak for myself. You not
Speaker 1: got that twenty year old, it already did not look
Speaker 1: anything like I wanted it to look right, and it
Speaker 1: kind of goes back to what you were saying about,
Speaker 1: you know, you growing up in those religious pieces, not
Speaker 1: what they were picturing and not what we thought. I
Speaker 1: have found personally found peace and just allowing myself to
Speaker 1: enjoy what this journey is. How did you feel watching
Speaker 1: the episode and seeing the parallel between you and Janelle's mother.
Speaker 1: So I get a lot of backlash about Janelle. I
Speaker 1: tell him back at home, I said, who are you
Speaker 1: to judge? There you go, you stick up for her.
Speaker 1: It's definitely a journey, and there are elements that people
Speaker 1: don't talk about when it comes to children or our
Speaker 1: kids that come out as trans or non binary. There
Speaker 1: is an element of mourning that you do. You don't
Speaker 1: know that you're doing it, but it's you're watching, Like
Speaker 1: you said, the expectation that you had your parents idea,
Speaker 1: And I actually had to talk to my cousin about
Speaker 1: that and allow myself to say the sentence that I
Speaker 1: was looking forward to raising a daughter, and now my
Speaker 1: child is in that space of discovering who they are
Speaker 1: along the binary and sometimes they lean in to hear him.
Speaker 1: Sometimes they lean in that they them and they've all
Speaker 1: but kind of shunned that she her element of things,
Speaker 1: and I have to allow myself those spaces of grief
Speaker 1: and of mourning that this is not what I, quote
Speaker 1: unquote thought it would look like. But my child needs
Speaker 1: me as they are in this moment, so I think
Speaker 1: it's healthy to allow yourself that space of change. And then,
Speaker 1: with me being a sexuality professional, I talked to them
Speaker 1: about how things look a little bit different for trans
Speaker 1: and non binary kids. So we have these almost clinical
Speaker 1: conversations folded into these emotional conversations to say, this is
Speaker 1: who they are, and they're still figuring themselves out. These
Speaker 1: teenagers are different anyway. Okay, let's just talk about teenage
Speaker 1: life is already young me was not standing up for
Speaker 1: me today like that, you know what I mean, So
Speaker 1: shout out to these young kids. Though. I look at
Speaker 1: my kids every day as they are finding their voice
Speaker 1: and beating back depression, beating back anxiety, beating back PTSD,
Speaker 1: beating back the friends that make them feel othered and
Speaker 1: the people that did actually other them, the people that
Speaker 1: have mis gendered them, the people that have used their
Speaker 1: old name against them. As much as they beat themselves up.
Speaker 1: I look at them and say you have a one
Speaker 1: survival rate every day and I look at you and
Speaker 1: I go, you should be proud. I'm interested in knowing
Speaker 1: for you and for Edmund, how did you find in
Speaker 1: your community? Because you each have different journeys, right, Because
Speaker 1: Edmond identifies in the l G B, t Q what
Speaker 1: I call the alphabet community, I can say that because
Speaker 1: I'm in the community, I'd love to know how are
Speaker 1: you able to find your people? It's kind of like
Speaker 1: trial and error, right, So just meeting people and just
Speaker 1: having friends and really understanding that some people are only
Speaker 1: in your life for a season and that's right, and
Speaker 1: so once that season has expired, it's time to let
Speaker 1: that go. Because if you hold onto things that are
Speaker 1: not meant to be in your life, that's essentially holding
Speaker 1: you down from your success. So it's really about for me,
Speaker 1: trial and error and not having a large circle. Right.
Speaker 1: So now I have a really really small knit circle,
Speaker 1: and I can truly say that they are my tribe.
Speaker 1: If you will, I can go to them. They call
Speaker 1: me out when I'm wrong, Like we all kind of
Speaker 1: adapt in the spirit of love, and like we can
Speaker 1: argue today and tomorrow we're back at being best friends.
Speaker 1: I love that beautiful. I'm a major proponent and fan
Speaker 1: and champion of seeing a firm have been loved. So
Speaker 1: I love that your tribe can agree to disagree and
Speaker 1: still move on and do it from a loving place
Speaker 1: and still love each other and not let that be
Speaker 1: the end of it, because you just have a different perspective,
Speaker 1: and it's really about not like holding grudges than not
Speaker 1: taking it personal right, just being able to take what
Speaker 1: I say and kind of move on right. So that's beautiful. Oh,
Speaker 1: I love that. That's the beauty of family, exact that
Speaker 1: I identify that you get an Earth family and a
Speaker 1: birth family, and oftentimes, for many people that identify in
Speaker 1: the queer community, the Earth family tends to be the truer, closer,
Speaker 1: more loyal and supportive family. Sometimes you cannot put these
Speaker 1: human beings on the pedestal because they are going to
Speaker 1: show up for you the way in which you think
Speaker 1: they should because oh, that's mom, that's such a such,
Speaker 1: that's whoever. Doesn't always happen that way. And the quickie
Speaker 1: you learned that, the quicker you're able to rebound and
Speaker 1: be able to really reconcile that thought process of what
Speaker 1: a mother when a father was family is and then
Speaker 1: you're able to better pick and find that birth family.
Speaker 1: Like Tracy said, and as a mother, now your child
Speaker 1: seems so self realized and so self aware, and at thirteen,
Speaker 1: I'm super impressed with that. There has to be some
Speaker 1: practice of self acceptance, self affirmation. How has that practice
Speaker 1: played a part in this process and journey for your
Speaker 1: child could be honest, they have a really hard time
Speaker 1: with self acceptance. They have a few chosen names, but
Speaker 1: the one I us is Lonnie, which is a part
Speaker 1: of their birth middle name because they're named after my
Speaker 1: grandmother and mamaternal grandmother as well. So when I would
Speaker 1: tell them when they would have these fights with these
Speaker 1: quote unquote friends, or they would have an argument with
Speaker 1: their dad, or they would just get really down. They
Speaker 1: would deal with suicide of ideation at some points, and
Speaker 1: they would get upset with themselves in the mirror and
Speaker 1: say they don't like what they see, I would again
Speaker 1: tell them, I know you're thinking that self love is
Speaker 1: just staring in a mirror and telling yourself, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I love you so much. You're the greatest thing ever.
Speaker 1: But the fact that you set a boundary with someone.
Speaker 1: The fact that you told someone you're not going to
Speaker 1: talk to me that way, You're not going to treat
Speaker 1: me that way. That is self love and acceptance. Sharing
Speaker 1: with them and letting them know like that is a
Speaker 1: form of love for yourself, and watching that kind of
Speaker 1: click with them has been a form of self acceptance
Speaker 1: for them. I love that they're understanding or reidentifying like
Speaker 1: some pieces of pain are necessary in pieces of love,
Speaker 1: Like that's what I heard, and that like we don't
Speaker 1: have to throw all pain in one bucket, Like there's
Speaker 1: pain when you're working out, but that's a form of
Speaker 1: self love. It's going to get you to a greater space.
Speaker 1: So again, I'm hoping that they'll see and kind of
Speaker 1: going back to the episode two, like we're not gonna
Speaker 1: hold on to our tribe that think for us, Like
Speaker 1: we're gonna let them go. We're gonna accept that, we're
Speaker 1: gonna respect our own boundaries and move forward exactly. I mean,
Speaker 1: what about you, how do you practice your current self
Speaker 1: love and acceptance? So I mean it's really about you know,
Speaker 1: I wake up every day I'm confidence in who I
Speaker 1: am right, So yes, I love that when I wake
Speaker 1: up in the morning, and I look in the mirror
Speaker 1: and I see the reflection. I see myself, right, I
Speaker 1: just see confidence. So it's really about being clear on
Speaker 1: what matters to me and aligning to those decisions and
Speaker 1: identity of my core values. That's what really helps me.
Speaker 1: I mean, hop about the bit and I heard my
Speaker 1: swag on I mean that's what I heard that. I
Speaker 1: look in the mirror and say, what's It's the rap
Speaker 1: lyrics for me? Come here with the rap lyrics. Lyrics,
Speaker 1: these affirmations. You guys were speaking about these affirmations. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm all about affirmations absolutely. I want to kind of
Speaker 1: take a step back if we can for a moment.
Speaker 1: You know, you said something around like acceptionce right. When
Speaker 1: you think about parents that have a young child that
Speaker 1: wants to come out and be free and be themselves,
Speaker 1: what would you tell a parent that's kind of struggling.
Speaker 1: How do they say, I love my child, I want
Speaker 1: to accept my child, but they're struggling, right? What advice
Speaker 1: would you give to that parents? That is a great question.
Speaker 1: Something I was thinking about earlier this week was I
Speaker 1: can't live their life for them, And the one thing
Speaker 1: I don't want to be is the boulder that they
Speaker 1: had to jump over in therapy getting over me because
Speaker 1: I wouldn't allow them what they wanted to do. And
Speaker 1: I think that also is a leftover piece of church
Speaker 1: slash slavery slash generational trauma, all the things that we
Speaker 1: went through to be expected that this is how you're
Speaker 1: supposed to be and how you can break your child's
Speaker 1: spirit unintentionally because you're not allowing them to be who
Speaker 1: they are and to walk with them through that. And
Speaker 1: I would definitely say that to a parent, because I
Speaker 1: have a couple of friends that have out kids that
Speaker 1: are very dismissive of them or kind of treat them
Speaker 1: like they all move past it's always a phase, and
Speaker 1: like that baby is twenty four, that's not a phase.
Speaker 1: And don't ignore it, don't dismiss, don't dismiss what's in
Speaker 1: front of you, right They because they think that, oh,
Speaker 1: if I stretch that arm out a little bit to
Speaker 1: give them some distance, they'll realize that, oh, I'm on
Speaker 1: the wrong side, and they'll quote unquote straightened up. And
Speaker 1: that's not how that works. So I have a lot
Speaker 1: of affirming friends in my life. I am demi sexual,
Speaker 1: so I'm on the a sexual space of the LGBT community.
Speaker 1: I heard somebody on TikTok called the leg booty community,
Speaker 1: which has always been funny to me. He was like,
Speaker 1: as a member of the leg booty community, and I
Speaker 1: kept it in my head that was Tracey, We're gonna
Speaker 1: come back to that. Wait a minute, play that back. Okay,
Speaker 1: wait a bit. As a fellow member of the leg
Speaker 1: Booty committee, he have you ever heard this? I've never
Speaker 1: heard this leg booty committee. The leg booty because if
Speaker 1: you say it quickly enough, the leg booty Committee. Okay,
Speaker 1: sound like a word, right, sound like you're right, You're
Speaker 1: actually if you try to make it a word, I
Speaker 1: would say to parents that ultimately, yes, you brought the
Speaker 1: child into this world. No, you do not legally have
Speaker 1: the right to take them out of it. But if
Speaker 1: you are in that space and that child feels safe
Speaker 1: enough to come out to you, the worst thing you
Speaker 1: can do is break that spirit. Because they had the courage,
Speaker 1: the courage, right, they had the courage. It takes so
Speaker 1: much courage. I just a bravery. Another friend of mine,
Speaker 1: when Lonnie first initially came out, she was like, go
Speaker 1: nuts by every rainbow thing, be that parent, because that
Speaker 1: kid needs to know that you support them. That was
Speaker 1: a super big thing. Yes. So going back to Janelle
Speaker 1: Mune and the fact that her folks were from Aberdeen, Mississippi,
Speaker 1: and my mom and dad are from Aberdeen, Mississippi. My
Speaker 1: grandmother had fourteen brothers and sisters and she was a
Speaker 1: sharecropper in Aberdeen, Mississippi. The answer to that question was Yes, Cara,
Speaker 1: a pebble became a bolder. I believe it. I understand
Speaker 1: it was a big old boulder and I am so
Speaker 1: totally here for Lonnie. So Lonnie, here's to you, prob oh.
Speaker 1: When I tell you, I see you, I affirm you,
Speaker 1: I love you, and you be the most amazing, authentic
Speaker 1: you that you want to be. You got my vote
Speaker 1: on Monney, go you period. I want to just give
Speaker 1: a shout out to Lonnie. I came out when I
Speaker 1: was nineteen years old and it was super difficult, and
Speaker 1: I can't imagine having done that six years prior to,
Speaker 1: at twelve thirteen years old, saying anything about who I
Speaker 1: thought I was. It's such a societal conditioning that if
Speaker 1: you don't fit, you literally don't fit. You know, if
Speaker 1: you're a square peg in a group of circles you
Speaker 1: don't fit, and then your ostracized. Exactly. Some parents have
Speaker 1: like this vision for their children exactly. They want them
Speaker 1: to live this life or this life that they have
Speaker 1: in their mind. But unfortunately that's not their path, like
Speaker 1: their path does their own path. So yeah, oftentimes parents
Speaker 1: want you to live the life that they didn't get
Speaker 1: to live. You know, it's like you're the dream deferred.
Speaker 1: They want to fulfill their hopes and wishes and dreams
Speaker 1: and goals through you and not really identify what it
Speaker 1: is you want. So show up, you would tell a parent,
Speaker 1: show up for your child, go all out, rainbow it up.
Speaker 1: Be a part of the leg Booty Allied Committee. Yes,
Speaker 1: well listen, I had to watch. I watched Post shout
Speaker 1: out to Post. I love that show. Yes, it was
Speaker 1: set in the nineteen eighties, super influential about dance culture,
Speaker 1: has several segments about life in the society based in
Speaker 1: New York. The show really it changed my perspective. It
Speaker 1: gave me a sense of something I had no idea about,
Speaker 1: which was just the community and the family aspects. I
Speaker 1: can tell you car Not only were the families identified
Speaker 1: behind the scenes, so to speak from the ball. When
Speaker 1: they were doing the balls, they would prepare and compete
Speaker 1: as families, So you had the family that was connected
Speaker 1: based on in many cases the mother of the house
Speaker 1: took in the kids air quotes kids because they had
Speaker 1: been re chected it from their own biological families. So
Speaker 1: few people knew. Yeah, it definitely changed the trajectory of mind.
Speaker 1: Just straight privileged man, you just start to realize the
Speaker 1: things that you dismiss and don't take into consideration. And
Speaker 1: so it definitely was heart breaking for me to even
Speaker 1: see that people were going through that, Like how could
Speaker 1: I be so dismissive? So I'm happy to be learning more.
Speaker 1: A lot was uncovered in that and that show. Bravo
Speaker 1: to those good folks that brought that absolutely great awareness.
Speaker 1: I've had a whole debate card to your point with
Speaker 1: another person who was a church member, interestingly enough, and
Speaker 1: we were talking about coming out day right, and she
Speaker 1: was like, I reject coming out day because her argument,
Speaker 1: which is legit, is people that are hetero sexual, to
Speaker 1: your straight privilege do not have a I'm straight deck right,
Speaker 1: So you shouldn't have by default a day where we
Speaker 1: have to proclaim and do a blah blah blah. Here's
Speaker 1: the declaration of Yes, the dad came out, and so
Speaker 1: there's a lot to be said for families who are accepting.
Speaker 1: And to you, Joy, I applaud you for being able
Speaker 1: to identify that you don't want your child to default
Speaker 1: to the absolute worst extreme of hate to be the
Speaker 1: response that comes to you. Know here it is, I
Speaker 1: have to tell you something that is about my true,
Speaker 1: authentic self. It's just a challenge. There's so many nuances
Speaker 1: to it. And then you start talking about people of
Speaker 1: color in the LGBTQ community and how that's a double standard.
Speaker 1: That's another episode to another long episode. When they first
Speaker 1: initially came out, and I was basically saying, you have
Speaker 1: a history that is black, you have a history that
Speaker 1: is lgbt and please understand that those histories intersects. Do
Speaker 1: not think you have to choose as So the first
Speaker 1: person I told them about was Marsha P. Johnson, right right,
Speaker 1: Marsha P. Johnson. She was such an impactful black gay
Speaker 1: rights activists from the sixties and into the nineties. So
Speaker 1: that's so true. I was telling them that, like, well,
Speaker 1: join the to people that lad these spaces that you
Speaker 1: are into now, look like you don't let anybody tell you.
Speaker 1: That's not how you're supposed to do it. As What
Speaker 1: was it like when you had to decide that living
Speaker 1: as your authentic self was more important than fulfilling for
Speaker 1: meal real expectations. What was it like? You know, initially
Speaker 1: I would say that it was like very scary, right,
Speaker 1: it was lonely. It was more important for me to
Speaker 1: really be and live in my true authentic self. My
Speaker 1: mom raised me as a single mom. So when I
Speaker 1: came out to my family, I came out to one
Speaker 1: of my sisters and the kind of just casting it
Speaker 1: down from there, right, So my sister told my other sister,
Speaker 1: then they told my mom. And at that time I
Speaker 1: had a really good relationship with my father because we
Speaker 1: were like best friends. I was afraid of losing that relationship,
Speaker 1: and so my mom told him and he kept asking,
Speaker 1: like he can't, I'll never forget. He came to me
Speaker 1: twice and I was like, what's going on? Your mom
Speaker 1: is saying this, this, this, And I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: at one point, I was like, you know what, forget it.
Speaker 1: I'm just to tell him the truth and I'll just
Speaker 1: have to deal with the rest later, right, So I
Speaker 1: told him the truth and it was so refreshing because
Speaker 1: when I told him, he was like, Okay, what's the problem?
Speaker 1: I love you regardless. From that point on, it was
Speaker 1: just amazing. And that was just confirmation to me that
Speaker 1: I can really be myself regardless of what other people think.
Speaker 1: That's fantastic. That's like the ideal state you want from
Speaker 1: a parent. Absolutely, But I have to know, did you
Speaker 1: go back to the sister and say, now, look here,
Speaker 1: I told you to spill all my beings because what
Speaker 1: in the world average beverage? Like, what in the world anybody? Actually?
Speaker 1: I asked her, said, so who told you to go
Speaker 1: to tell everybody? Like? That was the discussion between you
Speaker 1: and I? She said, I didn't think it was a
Speaker 1: big big deal. So my older sister she struggled with
Speaker 1: it for like a while. And so I'll be transparent
Speaker 1: and say that our relationship with strained for like years.
Speaker 1: We were very distant. I came out around the age
Speaker 1: of nineteen, so I'm thirty eight now, so I would say,
Speaker 1: and I turned thirty, I called my older sister. I
Speaker 1: was like, you know what, just scratch everything, let's have
Speaker 1: a relationship so relationships we've kind of been building from there.
Speaker 1: We just can't continue to hold onto things. I was
Speaker 1: a bigger person, and I mean now we're all in
Speaker 1: a really good space. Unfortunately my mom has transition. My
Speaker 1: mom transition last year, but we're really really in a
Speaker 1: good space. You know. It's so interesting that siblings can
Speaker 1: have even more impacts sometimes in parents, right, because you're
Speaker 1: so close to them and you grow up with them
Speaker 1: more times than not, and what they think and how
Speaker 1: they feel, and then of course what they share in
Speaker 1: your sister's case, can make a real impact on your life,
Speaker 1: because what if you weren't ready for your other siblings
Speaker 1: and your mom and dad to know, you know, she
Speaker 1: kind of outed you. And what happened if I wasn't
Speaker 1: strong enough to handle like everything that was coming at me.
Speaker 1: What happened if I would have tried to commit suicide
Speaker 1: or something. And the thing about coming out is you
Speaker 1: have to come out in your own timing. You should
Speaker 1: not be forced to come out, and you have those
Speaker 1: face to face I wrote my mom letter Edmund. When
Speaker 1: she opens it and reads it, it's going to be like, hey,
Speaker 1: I remember they're being a distinct line. It's like everything's fine.
Speaker 1: But now don't don't freak out because I like women.
Speaker 1: It's not a big deal. And what was the response though,
Speaker 1: Oh mg, she called me and and she at first
Speaker 1: she wanted to be supportive. She wanted to be supportive
Speaker 1: because she's like, you're my child. And then it was like,
Speaker 1: now what do I call you? Do I call you gay?
Speaker 1: Do I call you homosexual? Do I call you a lesbian?
Speaker 1: What do I call you? And then it went way
Speaker 1: beyond that. Then it was all about you know, what
Speaker 1: does that mean? What do you do? And I was like, okay, now,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, we're doing too much. It's amazing because
Speaker 1: people become curious, right, they become comfortable. They feel like
Speaker 1: they can ask you all of these questions. That's the
Speaker 1: funny thing about it. So, yeah, she had her wife
Speaker 1: cornered one time we visited. Yeah, well that's what my
Speaker 1: wife was saying. And she promises now that never ever
Speaker 1: stay up without me. She's like going to beds witty,
Speaker 1: all right, I'm going to bed. She's like, no, too
Speaker 1: many questions. I'm gonna stare at the ceiling. But I'm
Speaker 1: going with you wherever you're going, right, right, But you know,
Speaker 1: It's so interesting too about siblings. My wife and I've
Speaker 1: been together twenty eight years and and we got married
Speaker 1: on our anniversary, and my brother, my younger brother, didn't
Speaker 1: come to the wedding because his wife had an issue
Speaker 1: with our relationship. Yeah, so even though you have support
Speaker 1: and you want to believe universally that the family accepts you,
Speaker 1: there's still some things that can stay. Yeah. My thing is,
Speaker 1: I don't think that I have to go and wear
Speaker 1: the rainbow flag every day. It's really about respecting who
Speaker 1: I am, respecting me as an individual, and that's even
Speaker 1: for family members, right right. I don't care if you
Speaker 1: accept who I am. It's really about just respecting me.
Speaker 1: I respect you, you respect me. I love that. How
Speaker 1: long did it take for you to get to the
Speaker 1: point before you said I accept myself and I'm going
Speaker 1: to accept that you may or may not accept me.
Speaker 1: I think it probably took me a couple of years,
Speaker 1: you know, growing, growing pains and just maturing. But you know,
Speaker 1: I did finally to point, and even now it's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't care, it is what it is. I really
Speaker 1: appreciate you being on and giving the voice from a
Speaker 1: man's perspective, because it's refreshing to hear that even though
Speaker 1: it's from two different sexes, the journey is very much
Speaker 1: the same, the same, the trials, the challenges, the pruning
Speaker 1: is the same, right, And so I'm glad that self
Speaker 1: actualization is the same too. Here lately, I'm trying to
Speaker 1: be the best ally can, right, and you got to
Speaker 1: call some people out because they're just saying anything, and
Speaker 1: it's like that is not successful. Card to your point.
Speaker 1: To your point, I will say, as a person who
Speaker 1: wants to genuinely learn, I have never been offended by
Speaker 1: a question that was authentically coming to me from a
Speaker 1: place of curiosity and wanting to learn. So I say,
Speaker 1: continue to make that part of your exploration. I will.
Speaker 1: The person you've got to be worried about is somebody
Speaker 1: just like when their own narrative exactly. Oh, I'm just
Speaker 1: asking questions. No, you're not, don't play on my intelligence.
Speaker 1: I just want to make sure that, especially from the
Speaker 1: young people, we're not creating environments where they have to
Speaker 1: manipulate or they're you know, working to say what they
Speaker 1: have to say to please mom, dad, grandma, whoever, may
Speaker 1: not like their lifestyle like that's so hurtful to see
Speaker 1: when you know someone's not living in their truths. All
Speaker 1: safe spaces is the goal. As much as we could
Speaker 1: go on, you guys have been amazing. Guess Joy, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for being here and sharing your journey,
Speaker 1: not only as a parent but as an individual who's
Speaker 1: doing your own sexual exploration. I think that's fantastic. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much. Yes, and thank you Edmund. You woke
Speaker 1: up like this and we love it. Hopped about the bed. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's all right exactly. Thank you guys both for joining
Speaker 1: us for this episode of Let's Read Table Back. We
Speaker 1: are going to take a short break, but when we
Speaker 1: get back, Tracy and I will be breaking down our
Speaker 1: top five thoughts from this episode. It's time to share
Speaker 1: our thoughts. So this is presenting Car and Tracy's top
Speaker 1: five thoughts. This is the part of the show where
Speaker 1: we speed through five thoughts slash takeaways from the episode.
Speaker 1: There were so many. I'm so glad we could nail
Speaker 1: this down to five. Car, all right, come on, let's go. Well,
Speaker 1: let's father them off. Who wants to go first? Of
Speaker 1: course I probably will, so number five. God does not
Speaker 1: make mistakes. I mean that's it. That's that's the post.
Speaker 1: He doesn't make mistakes. She he them, she he him heard,
Speaker 1: they them, does not make mistakes. Love somebody, hell. I
Speaker 1: love that. Number four, Find your community, because everybody has
Speaker 1: a community out there somewhere, and that is the truth.
Speaker 1: That is the truth. And I love the fact that
Speaker 1: our guests did a great job of sharing how they,
Speaker 1: you know, had an organic experience with their communities. And
Speaker 1: Edmond talked about how he, you know, got his tribe
Speaker 1: and it's a very small circle. I think we all
Speaker 1: find that when you get to that mall set. That's
Speaker 1: the tried and true, and it's usually pretty limited. And
Speaker 1: Joy has a tribe, but I love how she's able
Speaker 1: to use her experience to help her child, her teenager
Speaker 1: world find their tribe. So community is super important. That right,
Speaker 1: That's exactly right, that's right. Absolutely. Number three, familial expectations
Speaker 1: should not determine your life's pass That is very key.
Speaker 1: I hear a lot of people lately saying leave the
Speaker 1: toxic going behind, even if it is your family. So
Speaker 1: I understand that more and more as I understand how
Speaker 1: people feel and what people are really going through. If
Speaker 1: it's necessary, then it's necessary. You have to make yourself happy.
Speaker 1: You can't fulfill someone else's dream, you don't. You have
Speaker 1: to live right. How many times have we seen that
Speaker 1: where it's the business that's the father and sons, and
Speaker 1: the father expects that the son is going to automatically
Speaker 1: just take over. I don't want to do this. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: I love that. Let your family support you, not destroy you.
Speaker 1: And then number two, be your authentic self. Goes right
Speaker 1: in line with that. I love that because you just
Speaker 1: honor yourself if you're trying to do anything else. It's
Speaker 1: as simple as that. Absolutely, we are as authentic as
Speaker 1: it comes. I believe we both know all about that,
Speaker 1: and I want that for everyone else I come in
Speaker 1: contact with. So last, but definitely not least. Number one,
Speaker 1: accept your authentic self. You know, some of us have
Speaker 1: these quirks, and you know we're dealing with it. But
Speaker 1: I want you to accept it and I want you
Speaker 1: to love it back. Whatever that quirk is. That you
Speaker 1: have love right, and it's important because there's no one
Speaker 1: else that's like you. You're just exactly the way you're
Speaker 1: supposed to be. Enjoy it. Yeah, I love that. We
Speaker 1: want to know how you're feeling about this new season
Speaker 1: of Red Table Talk. We are open to talk about
Speaker 1: anything with you all, so send in your questions at
Speaker 1: Let's Red Table that's at red table talk dot com.
Speaker 1: And we are so appreciative of you listening. We want
Speaker 1: you to make sure that you subscribe on I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio app and please rate this podcast on Apple podcast.
Speaker 1: We want a five rating. I'm gonna be clear, don't
Speaker 1: we card We want you want five. We'll be back
Speaker 1: next week for another episode of Let's Red Table Back,
Speaker 1: Hey Vick. Thank you to the show's producers Alan Jethro,
Speaker 1: Ellen Rakoton, Kyla Teneiro and Mara Dela Rosa, and our
Speaker 1: sound engineers Calvin Baylis and Devin Donahe We love you guys.
Speaker 1: Thank you,