WEBVTT - Minisode: Secrets in German with Jenny Mollen + Jason Biggs

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to a new segment of Dear Chelsea.

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<v Speaker 2>Call it Couple's Counseling with Chelsea, where we do couples

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<v Speaker 2>counseling on all sorts of variations of friends, lovers, families.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm here with my friends Jenny Mullen and Jason Biggs,

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<v Speaker 2>and we are going to do some couples counseling. Welcome

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<v Speaker 2>to my office. Okay, Jason, I want to talk to

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<v Speaker 2>you about your packing and your neurosis. So you guys

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<v Speaker 2>travel a lot. You travel a lot with the kids.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, is great.

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<v Speaker 2>The kids speak German because Jenny speaks German. That's also great. Jason,

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<v Speaker 2>are you speaking German yet?

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<v Speaker 3>Nine?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, So in.

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<v Speaker 4>Little he understands a lot.

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<v Speaker 1>It's creepy you would understand a lot. You guys have

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<v Speaker 1>been there a lot.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, he understands way too much. It's no longer the

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<v Speaker 4>secret thing I had with the boys. Now he understands

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<v Speaker 4>when we're talking about him, which.

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<v Speaker 3>But also the context is still kid conversations. I mean,

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<v Speaker 3>obviously they are fluent and so it has gotten more

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<v Speaker 3>advanced over the years. They can understand pretty much everything.

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<v Speaker 4>But sometimes I'll say to Sid, like stop asking him

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<v Speaker 4>like I need to go take him aside and bring

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<v Speaker 4>it up so that it's his idea, Like stop asking

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<v Speaker 4>him right.

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<v Speaker 1>Now, you know.

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<v Speaker 4>I'll say that in front to Sid and Jason will understand.

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<v Speaker 1>What are you triangulating your whole family aied front?

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<v Speaker 3>You, Chelsea, you just touched on one of the most

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<v Speaker 3>important issues in our relationships.

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<v Speaker 4>Sometimes I Sid wants something back from Jason. I'm like,

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<v Speaker 4>you can't keep bringing it up right now. I need

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<v Speaker 4>to talk to Daddy. Will decide if you can have

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<v Speaker 4>fortnite first, and then we can present it in a

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<v Speaker 4>different way, Like if you're going to keep asking him

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<v Speaker 4>right now, you're not going to get a different answer. Yeah, right,

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<v Speaker 4>And so I will kind of say that to Sid

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<v Speaker 4>to kind of nudge him, like, shut the fuck up

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<v Speaker 4>right now. You're digging a hole.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, Okay, But that means you're all you're playing both sides.

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<v Speaker 2>You're playing a little You want to be friends with

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<v Speaker 2>Sid and you want to be the one trusts sometimes

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<v Speaker 2>and then and then you're making him into the bad guy.

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<v Speaker 2>And I would expect nothing less.

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<v Speaker 4>From you, thank you, Oh my god.

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<v Speaker 2>And yeah, I would watch your back Jason, if you

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<v Speaker 2>aren't already watching your back watching.

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<v Speaker 5>Believe me, this comes up in real couple therapy.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know why you're intimating that this is.

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<v Speaker 5>Not really Sorry, Sorry are other couples?

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you? It's all I have to say is last night, Jason.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm sorry I'm cutting you off, but I just you

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<v Speaker 4>have to hear this because you don't know this.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean you might have heard this last night. Well

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<v Speaker 1>I probably was covered underneath a bunch of pillows, okay.

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<v Speaker 4>You. Jason came in because he's like mother hen like again, neurotic,

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<v Speaker 4>fixing everything. And he comes in to turn on the

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<v Speaker 4>air purifier in our room and Sid.

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<v Speaker 3>Because I lower it during the day to a low

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<v Speaker 3>level and then at night before they go to bed,

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<v Speaker 3>I knock it up one as white noise slash purifications.

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<v Speaker 4>Sid was about to go to sleep and he was

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<v Speaker 4>literally just like almost out and Jason comes in in.

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<v Speaker 5>His not frantic, he was very quiet.

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<v Speaker 4>No, he was frustrated, okay, And Jason's like, well, I'm

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<v Speaker 4>just turning up the air so that it drowns out

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<v Speaker 4>all the sound. And it turns to me.

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<v Speaker 1>He goes, Mom, are re.

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<v Speaker 5>Okay with this? I did hear? I did hear?

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<v Speaker 1>Did you say that in English or in German English.

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<v Speaker 2>Have I died? So?

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<v Speaker 1>Jason, back to your packing, what do you think is

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<v Speaker 1>wrong with you? Do you have to pack?

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<v Speaker 4>What?

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<v Speaker 2>Two weeks in advance, because otherwise you'll flip your lid

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<v Speaker 2>if you're not ready to go?

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<v Speaker 5>Not that far.

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<v Speaker 3>I've I've shortened the window to be sure, but it's

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<v Speaker 3>I need to be prepared, certainly minimum the day before.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean everything needs to because also it's not just

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<v Speaker 3>myself that I'm packing, it's the boys, and it's basically

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<v Speaker 3>repacking Jenny when she's and by the way, she's not

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<v Speaker 3>even packing now at this point. She's kind of given

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<v Speaker 3>it up and now given up. The nanny packs like

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<v Speaker 3>smoking given off, but still she if the nanny hasn't

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<v Speaker 3>packed her.

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<v Speaker 2>Given up, I also have given up packing.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm sure it's control issue, it's OCD, it's all it's

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<v Speaker 3>all the things that track for me and my personality.

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<v Speaker 3>But it's like I can't. First of all, I need

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<v Speaker 3>to take advantage of the space, and I need to

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<v Speaker 3>so needs to be.

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<v Speaker 4>Space military role.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's very true that you can fit a lot more.

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<v Speaker 5>In your way more way way unless it's.

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<v Speaker 1>A sweater, don't roll your sweaters. That actually takes up more.

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<v Speaker 5>Exactly you fold your sweaters. That's exactly right.

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<v Speaker 2>Sweatshirts otherwise known as suda there as an Espanol.

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<v Speaker 1>Now, so that's controlling or OCD, right, is.

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<v Speaker 3>That it's a touch of all of that. I think

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<v Speaker 3>it's control issue. I think it's o CD. I don't

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<v Speaker 3>know what else that would fall under. But it's also

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<v Speaker 3>like there is that mother hen it's not just about me.

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<v Speaker 3>There is a sort of need to make sure the

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<v Speaker 3>family is so everything needs to go like whatever I

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<v Speaker 3>can control in terms of travel, because so much can

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<v Speaker 3>go wrong and does go wrong and is out of

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<v Speaker 3>your control that whatever is possibly in my control, I

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<v Speaker 3>want to make sure it goes smoothly.

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<v Speaker 5>And so that means and so that.

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<v Speaker 2>Means, yeah, we'd like to say one more time that

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<v Speaker 2>Jason is not Jewish.

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<v Speaker 3>So that means I'm not walking around with a checklist,

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<v Speaker 3>but I am. In my mind, I've got a checklist,

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<v Speaker 3>like are the boys medicines's kids tiling?

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<v Speaker 5>All kids? This kids too medicated? You know? Are they

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<v Speaker 5>drug yes? Traveling? You know?

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<v Speaker 3>Do we charge everything downloaded iPhone's charge? Are the movies

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<v Speaker 3>downloaded on their iPads are because this is also also

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<v Speaker 3>I'll say this, I'll say that not only and Jenny

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<v Speaker 3>might have a counterpoint to this, which I'm curious to hear.

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<v Speaker 3>But I think it's not just that I feel I

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<v Speaker 3>need to do it because of my own personal impulses

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<v Speaker 3>and my own personal deficiencies mentally, but I also feel

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<v Speaker 3>like it's a reaction to the fact that I'm getting

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<v Speaker 3>no help on this side. There is zero Like if

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<v Speaker 3>I had a partner who was also like, there's not

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<v Speaker 3>room for.

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<v Speaker 4>Two of us. I've actually like he's enabled me to

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<v Speaker 4>be we don't know that.

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<v Speaker 5>We don't know that. You like he's your assistant, Well,

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<v Speaker 5>never know that because there aren't you.

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<v Speaker 4>Yes, because because during the pandemic, he's like, I've never

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<v Speaker 4>seen you use a broom, I've never seen you do

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<v Speaker 4>these I've never seen you loaded dishrush shore. And I

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<v Speaker 4>said to him, when I lived alone, who do you

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<v Speaker 4>think did all this stuff? But now when I when

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<v Speaker 4>I we paired up, it's like he's enabled me to

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<v Speaker 4>like not like put.

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<v Speaker 5>A paper on the rack. My belief that there was

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<v Speaker 5>never mother.

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<v Speaker 2>Hands, you were always looking for someone to offload your packing,

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<v Speaker 2>Isn't that true? You were always looking for some sort

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<v Speaker 2>of dynamic, whether it was Jason or nanny or maybe

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<v Speaker 2>even your own children. Like if someone else could do

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<v Speaker 2>it for you.

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<v Speaker 5>A hundred could delegate things.

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<v Speaker 4>I mean, when I first got said from the store,

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<v Speaker 4>from the store and I had I had a nanny,

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<v Speaker 4>I realized, whoa, this is ideal. This is what I've

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<v Speaker 4>always knew, of course, but I think before, before I

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<v Speaker 4>was with you, I mean, I did all these things.

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<v Speaker 4>I mean sometimes, yes, like instead of washing the dishes

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<v Speaker 4>and just throw them away exactly exactly most of the

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<v Speaker 4>time I had to.

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<v Speaker 5>And you had roommates that took the trash out, like

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<v Speaker 5>you know, I.

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<v Speaker 4>Lived alone, Jason, I lived alone.

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<v Speaker 5>She did take the trash out the other night, first

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<v Speaker 5>time I've ever seen her do it.

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<v Speaker 3>Trash downs, no, of course not no. We have a

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<v Speaker 3>trash shoot in the hallway right across. But hold on,

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<v Speaker 3>but here's the best there. It couldn't be an easier

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<v Speaker 3>task given our building and the trash shooting across the

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<v Speaker 3>hall like it is so so easy.

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<v Speaker 5>You're really getting on me now, and I come back

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<v Speaker 5>in the apartment.

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<v Speaker 1>We're here for.

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<v Speaker 4>The one thing that I did something great, and you're

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<v Speaker 4>gonna talk about it.

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<v Speaker 5>Well, I think this is funny.

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<v Speaker 1>Hold on, you did not do something great?

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, exactly.

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<v Speaker 1>The throwing trash out into a shoot is like what

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<v Speaker 1>I would say to someone if they But she's gonna,

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<v Speaker 1>did you do anything today? I like, you, bet?

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<v Speaker 2>I did?

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<v Speaker 1>You fucking bet I did.

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<v Speaker 5>But that's her.

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<v Speaker 3>She's like, what do you mean I took out the

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<v Speaker 3>trash today? Don't even get on me about this, this, this,

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<v Speaker 3>and this. It's like, uh, okay anyway. But she didn't

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<v Speaker 3>even complete the task because I came back in. I like,

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<v Speaker 3>had some trash and I go, I opened the trash

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<v Speaker 3>can and I throw it in the trash and I realized,

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<v Speaker 3>I go.

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<v Speaker 5>There's a fucking bag in the trash.

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<v Speaker 3>I go, Jenny, You know when you take the trash out,

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<v Speaker 3>there is another step in the process. You have to

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<v Speaker 3>put a new bag in the cant Oh okay, she

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<v Speaker 3>was a lost gone into space something else.

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<v Speaker 2>You was thinking, right, what about the cooking at your house?

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<v Speaker 2>Who's in charge of that?

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<v Speaker 1>You do a lot of cooking, Yeah, because you do

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<v Speaker 1>your dictator lunch.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, And what about you cook too, though, Jason, don't

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<v Speaker 2>you who's who's holding the fort down?

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<v Speaker 1>On that.

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<v Speaker 4>I usually do the cooking for the kids, and then

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<v Speaker 4>Jason will do like a weekend pasta and.

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<v Speaker 5>Roast a chicken.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, because you can only eat like two things, right

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<v Speaker 2>because of your situation?

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<v Speaker 1>Or have you been able to eat more nuts?

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<v Speaker 4>I mean I don't. Yeah, I eat more things. I

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<v Speaker 4>guess you love you really just love I love a

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<v Speaker 4>fucking nuts.

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<v Speaker 1>I've never seen anyone eat nuts.

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<v Speaker 2>You actually turn into a squirrel when I squirrel out

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<v Speaker 2>Sophie my friend also you you guys know she fucking

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<v Speaker 2>loves nuts too.

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<v Speaker 1>What kind of you guys have made me so turned

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<v Speaker 1>off by nuts that I can't even eat them anymore.

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<v Speaker 5>But it's not even like good nuts, like a roasted peanuts.

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<v Speaker 5>It's like a tiger nut with me.

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<v Speaker 2>And then Jenny eats it and she can somehow take

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<v Speaker 2>like fourteen bites have one.

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<v Speaker 3>Peanut, and then and then because this is yeah, and

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<v Speaker 3>then yeah, and then because this is healthy, she'll leave

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<v Speaker 3>like a half a bite and then put that aside

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<v Speaker 3>and be like, Okay, that's I didn't eat the whole thing.

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<v Speaker 1>So and then who cleans up after you? Guys?

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<v Speaker 5>Oh my god, are you kidding me to? This is

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<v Speaker 5>fucking this bad.

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<v Speaker 1>I knew the answer to before I asked him.

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<v Speaker 5>This is truly for me.

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<v Speaker 4>I can't wait for Jason to listen to this back

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<v Speaker 4>and be like, WHOA.

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<v Speaker 3>I really really was hard on her.

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<v Speaker 2>So I think he's just exposing you, you know what,

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<v Speaker 2>for what we all know to be true. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>some people are very good at a certain group of things.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm with you. I can't do anything.

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<v Speaker 2>My dog Pete in the house the other day and

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<v Speaker 2>I waited for someone to arrive because.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't know what what. I was like, these are

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<v Speaker 1>wood floors.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know what to use is it's just regular

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<v Speaker 2>And I was like, you know what, it's better just

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<v Speaker 2>back away.

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<v Speaker 5>Someone's I will make this worse. Yeah, ROLLI.

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<v Speaker 2>He's like, you know, you can just use paper towel,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, I don't think that's right.

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<v Speaker 1>So you're doing all the cleaning.

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<v Speaker 2>And then when you guys argue, do you have is

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<v Speaker 2>it okay for you to argue in front of the

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<v Speaker 2>kids or do you try to keep it away from

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<v Speaker 2>the kids.

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like you guys probably just argue in front

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<v Speaker 1>of the kids.

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<v Speaker 4>We bicker in front of the kids. I don't know,

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<v Speaker 4>do we argue in front of the kids. Some sid

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<v Speaker 4>would be like, oh, my parents are always fighting. You know.

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<v Speaker 4>It's like, but he has an idea. He's so fucking

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<v Speaker 4>like privileged and like, you know, I said him one night,

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<v Speaker 4>I was like, yeah, I'm putting in your room and

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<v Speaker 4>you're going to sleep by yourself, and he screams into

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<v Speaker 4>the hallway. You would do that to an innocent child,

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<v Speaker 4>you know. So it's like his version of reality, yes,

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<v Speaker 4>is just so far off, Like he doesn't understand when

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<v Speaker 4>we bicker even you know, he's like, oh.

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<v Speaker 5>Here they go again.

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<v Speaker 4>It's right, you have no idea, but it lands.

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<v Speaker 3>I guess it's a good sign because we don't. I mean,

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<v Speaker 3>the house I grew up in was constant fighting, operatic, loud,

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<v Speaker 3>always screaming and stuff.

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<v Speaker 5>So that was the one. And Jenny grew up in

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<v Speaker 5>a house where they just didn't they ran.

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<v Speaker 3>Right, which is also not new people always new people, Yeah, exactly,

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<v Speaker 3>they flee and start a new thing, like there wasn't

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<v Speaker 3>fighting because they wasn't around long enough to fight, which

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<v Speaker 3>is also not healthy. We grew up in the opposite end.

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<v Speaker 3>The healthy thing is like, yeah, couples that love each

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<v Speaker 3>other get into disagreements, there is bickering, there are fights.

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<v Speaker 3>Sometimes we do our best. We do maybe and maybe

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<v Speaker 3>I can do better. Maybe we can do better. I

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<v Speaker 3>know I can do better. Because of the two of us,

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<v Speaker 3>I will be the one that will get louder, quicker

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<v Speaker 3>for sure, and I have a harder time. Jenny, because

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<v Speaker 3>of her family of origin, can be like, all right,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm out, Like can leave and just be like we're

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<v Speaker 3>not doing this now, whereas I'm like, what, no, I

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<v Speaker 3>need resolution.

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<v Speaker 5>This feels like abandonment. I can't. I need to fix this.

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<v Speaker 5>Stay in a fight.

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<v Speaker 3>I'll stay in a fight, ironically in the hopes of

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<v Speaker 3>ending the fight, whereas Jenny will just leave the fight

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<v Speaker 3>in the hopes of ending the fight.

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<v Speaker 5>But that actually triggers me more.

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<v Speaker 3>It's it's that's part of our many dances that we

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<v Speaker 3>do where we do trigger each other, but we do

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<v Speaker 3>our best to not do it in front of the kids. Jenny,

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<v Speaker 3>for a long time, even the bickering, because again she

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<v Speaker 3>did not grow up with bickering or any any type

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<v Speaker 3>of fighting, was like we you know, we'd be in

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<v Speaker 3>couples therapy and she'd be like and he just we

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<v Speaker 3>were fighting, screaming in front and I was like, well, Jenny,

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<v Speaker 3>hold on, we have done that. But the fight you're

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<v Speaker 3>referring to was literally us just disagreeing in like her

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<v Speaker 3>definition of what a fight was in front of the

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<v Speaker 3>kids has changed as her as like she's I believe

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<v Speaker 3>in my speaking out of turn. You've realize like, oh, yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>this happens, this is okay, and some of it is

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<v Speaker 3>okay to happen in front of the kids.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>I think you're right. I think that's right.

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<v Speaker 2>Like, who doesn't have disagreement, it's scarier if there isn't anything,

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<v Speaker 2>well then yeah, then it's like you're describing your childhood right,

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<v Speaker 2>your family dynamic. But the good thing is that Jason

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<v Speaker 2>has been to so much therapy so that he's a

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<v Speaker 2>willing participant in actually resolution and conflict, like dealing with conflict,

0:12:54.360 --> 0:12:57.600
<v Speaker 2>not conflict avoidant, because conflict avoiding doesn't get anybody anywhere.

0:12:58.000 --> 0:13:01.079
<v Speaker 2>And we'll be back with this worry about when Jenny

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<v Speaker 2>and Jason went scuba diving and she left Jason for dead.

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<v Speaker 2>You can check out Jenny mull and substack The Best

0:13:06.760 --> 0:13:10.120
<v Speaker 2>Friend Experience and her new side hustle The Shirts Off

0:13:10.160 --> 0:13:12.920
<v Speaker 2>My Back, where you can buy fabulous vintage clothes, and

0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:15.199
<v Speaker 2>you can also check out Jenny and Jason co hosting

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<v Speaker 2>Dinner in a Movie on TBS