Speaker 1: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 2: We scared her?
Speaker 1: Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need.
Speaker 2: With Karen and chriss a little welcome to Do you
Speaker 2: need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks to my right.
Speaker 1: Her name is Karen Cilgarriff.
Speaker 2: I don't know why I've never introduced you. That was
Speaker 2: that was kind of controlling.
Speaker 1: It was super controlling, but it also made me feel safe.
Speaker 3: When would Karen ever give someone else the chance to
Speaker 3: introduce me?
Speaker 4: So I'm all elbows out in front, I'm all sharp elbows,
Speaker 4: like Margaret Thatcher.
Speaker 5: It was because you were being controlling with the air
Speaker 5: conditioning right off the bat.
Speaker 1: You mean asking to have it turned on?
Speaker 2: Fuck you?
Speaker 4: That that very distinct laugh you heard in the backseat
Speaker 4: was our guest, mister Guy Bronham.
Speaker 3: Good to be here, Karen, but it's really brand It's
Speaker 3: Branham introduced me on my album with Bronham. I didn't
Speaker 3: think after knowing you for three years or so, it
Speaker 3: would be necessary, but also I'm good with it.
Speaker 5: Do you have to have like some kind of a
Speaker 5: sound doctor going there and tinker around.
Speaker 3: I don't care.
Speaker 1: I'll go in for a dr.
Speaker 3: Isn't that what it's called?
Speaker 5: And say brand I alternate between bran Branham and Branham.
Speaker 3: You know that I'm coming up that that much in
Speaker 3: your life, Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm always saying your goddamn.
Speaker 4: I am Guy Branham did this and Guy Branum did that.
Speaker 5: At the beginning of these I'm always for a lots
Speaker 5: of words because I'm looking down at these little things
Speaker 5: to make sure they're not peaking.
Speaker 1: How are we doing?
Speaker 2: Oh, we're doing okay. I'm gonna churn mine up a little.
Speaker 1: And can you hear my gum? I should probably take
Speaker 1: it out.
Speaker 2: No, it's everything's fine.
Speaker 5: It's just when Guy laughs, the actual mechanism shuts down.
Speaker 2: No, please, don't do your laugh. I love your laugh.
Speaker 5: No, I'm the only it's the only solace I have
Speaker 5: during shows that are horrible.
Speaker 2: If you're in the room, you're letting me know everything's okay.
Speaker 3: But anytime people, anytime people like make note of it
Speaker 3: from the stage. I've become very self conscious that I'm
Speaker 3: that girl in tenth grade who has an interesting laugh
Speaker 3: so that people will talk about her and notice her,
Speaker 3: so I will like stop afterwards. It's terrible.
Speaker 1: I used to do long ago.
Speaker 4: I did a joke where I said all comedians have
Speaker 4: their distinctive laugh to let comedians on stage know they
Speaker 4: approve of their material and mine as I just shout
Speaker 4: my name.
Speaker 1: That's how you know.
Speaker 3: I like it.
Speaker 5: Oh, like comics that laugh on stage at their own material.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, comics in the back like you know, like
Speaker 4: guys or when you hear Andy Kidler, it sounds like
Speaker 4: a machine gun in the back and the but a
Speaker 4: machine gun that loves your stand up.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's that thing. Not the kind that puts
Speaker 2: little metal holes in your heart.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, the opposite almost.
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, we laugh plugs and metal.
Speaker 2: And also still metal. It's still a gun.
Speaker 1: Guy. We picked you up from work?
Speaker 3: Yes, you are working up?
Speaker 1: Can you talk about Yes?
Speaker 3: I'm working on a Comedy Central program. It's currently called
Speaker 3: Another Period and may not be called Another Period?
Speaker 1: Did they do that? That's Natasha Lazero and Ricky Lindholm's
Speaker 1: new show. Yes, did they do that? Do you think
Speaker 1: to do a play on words about mensduration.
Speaker 3: They did, and I think that Comedy Central may be
Speaker 3: worried that that is too much of an off putting
Speaker 3: lady subject lady for their core audience to be able
Speaker 3: to enjoy.
Speaker 2: Chris What's your vote? I love I always love the
Speaker 2: mention of a period when also he said the word pudding.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm I'm still looking at the levels here.
Speaker 5: No, I can't figure out what I did. There's always
Speaker 5: some technical thing and it throws me.
Speaker 2: From the loop.
Speaker 4: You are as meticulous about our sound as Jeff Lynn
Speaker 4: from Elo.
Speaker 3: I would say, Oh, Karen, did you okay? A Elo
Speaker 3: is what I listened to the entire time I was
Speaker 3: studying for the bar, and it means so much to me.
Speaker 1: Do you do your mama?
Speaker 2: It's so rang magic, little.
Speaker 1: Evil gota that you can't do say.
Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, where it is?
Speaker 1: Take that one.
Speaker 3: But the other thing was earlier you you said that
Speaker 3: you were all elbows like Margaret Thatcher. Today I was
Speaker 3: listening to my uh songs of people in the eighties
Speaker 3: criticizing Margaret Thatcher playlist.
Speaker 1: Yes is it like? Can I guess?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 4: So it's got It's got to be the clash.
Speaker 1: The first twelve songs of the clash.
Speaker 3: I don't have. I don't look, it's not exhaustive. There
Speaker 3: are like seven songs.
Speaker 1: On Itanama No I have.
Speaker 3: Like there's Morrisey song. There's this these people called the
Speaker 3: English Beats.
Speaker 1: Tell me about the English Beat.
Speaker 3: There's Elton John Oh what did he say?
Speaker 1: Goodbye English Rose.
Speaker 3: No, it's a song from the Billy Elliott for real?
Speaker 2: Yes, a wait from the Billy Elliot was not the movie.
Speaker 3: No, from the musical. That's It's called Merry Christmas, Maggie
Speaker 3: Thatcher and.
Speaker 1: It's basically fuck you. Yes, we're all starving to death.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, there are all just songs about how they
Speaker 3: hope she dies? Yeah, and she did they walk?
Speaker 1: Yeah she was.
Speaker 2: She was row of music.
Speaker 1: The power of a child ballerina that I don't.
Speaker 2: Know which is too small? His tank top or skateboard.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we're.
Speaker 4: Crossing the street, ripping on pedestrians. That's what this uh
Speaker 4: podcast hopefully will devolve into eventually.
Speaker 2: I hope we get in a fight with another cyclist.
Speaker 5: Yes, I'm sure you lock on the reading to black
Speaker 5: off one of your side mirrors mine?
Speaker 2: Oh ship wearing my car?
Speaker 4: Wait, look at that billboard of Larry Flint like he
Speaker 4: was some kind of it looks like the Little Lebowski's
Speaker 4: junior achievers.
Speaker 2: I once look at that.
Speaker 5: I was once at a hotel and he pulled up
Speaker 5: in a in a regular limo, but that that chair
Speaker 5: was pulled out by his helper person. And I said, Wow,
Speaker 5: that's a really nice chair, and thank you.
Speaker 2: Four carried.
Speaker 3: Oh that's it. Yeah, that's a really good impression.
Speaker 5: Yeah. He you notice how I didn't tart it up
Speaker 5: too much. That's because I remember exactly whether his voice.
Speaker 1: Sounded and you are a natural mimic, and he was.
Speaker 2: He was very sweet.
Speaker 5: He talked about that chair for a while. Oh so
Speaker 5: I'd be like, enough about the chair, stranger. And then
Speaker 5: I realized, Larry.
Speaker 3: Flint carrying, you have a very musical ear, but a
Speaker 3: complete inability to commit to anything that's a remotely and abstraction.
Speaker 4: Tres It's so true, and not even that just commit
Speaker 4: in general. It's a serious fucking problem of mine. I'd
Speaker 4: say it's called avoidance personality disorder, I believe is what
Speaker 4: the professionals have told me.
Speaker 3: But do you do you have any impressions that you can.
Speaker 1: Go to well of course, New York really built me, and.
Speaker 6: Uh, that's exactly what I do that that's your New York.
Speaker 1: You could also tell people that's the your Dove impression
Speaker 1: if you wanted to. But I like impressions, you know
Speaker 1: what it is.
Speaker 4: I don't like impressions like rich little where he's got
Speaker 4: to do Sammy Davis with one eye closed. I just
Speaker 4: like when people, Oh okay, I thought impersonations were when
Speaker 4: you stole.
Speaker 1: Someone's wallet and lived their life.
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, okay, we got to get this cleared up.
Speaker 4: But like, like, for example, Chris Fairbanks does such a
Speaker 4: dead on Howard Kramer that it I can't believe it
Speaker 4: and go.
Speaker 2: I'm doing that.
Speaker 5: Okay, you gotta come to because the special gum and
Speaker 5: you're gonna swim away from shocks. And I don't I
Speaker 5: don't think he'd say BFF.
Speaker 4: Whatever I put you on the spot.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: It's really impressive when you're the amazing rich Little well.
Speaker 4: And also I just realized as I watched you do
Speaker 4: that a big part of that impression really is visual
Speaker 4: because you do you turn your head, you look exactly
Speaker 4: like his physical I have.
Speaker 5: To do that otherwise I can't pull it off.
Speaker 2: That's maybe what rich little he has to squish.
Speaker 1: Let's hear some of your impressions, guys.
Speaker 3: I don't do any impressions because I share with with
Speaker 3: my kindred spirit that self sam fear of No. I
Speaker 3: mean it's like you kind of take on your sister's
Speaker 3: mannerisms when you talk like her, and I I will
Speaker 3: do that sometimes, guys. Well, no, I've never met here,
Speaker 3: and sister, I just know that there's this thing that
Speaker 3: she does it rud like it's more just the way
Speaker 3: your face is and the sort of like shaking of
Speaker 3: your head and a little bit of condescension. Yeah, and
Speaker 3: you just you can't do that. You that's not a date.
Speaker 3: I mean, there was somebody else there. That's not a date.
Speaker 4: That's the thing I love talking to my sister about,
Speaker 4: especially guys, because it's as if she sees the world.
Speaker 1: It's so black and white.
Speaker 4: All I do in my mind is entertain every possibility
Speaker 4: of a situation. Yeah, and my sister leader I will
Speaker 4: call her and just be like hey, so blah blah blah,
Speaker 4: you know whatever, and then she'll be like no and
Speaker 4: never talk to that person again.
Speaker 1: And also like she has all the answers, it's crazy,
Speaker 1: and she sounds like that.
Speaker 3: I like people who are bringing that level of clarity
Speaker 3: to the table, because even if you don't agree with them,
Speaker 3: you can just at least be like, I understand exactly
Speaker 3: where you're coming from. You've given me clear, clear analysis
Speaker 3: about this.
Speaker 4: Yes, well, any kind of any person who has a
Speaker 4: very strong stance. It's so much easier to follow their
Speaker 4: stance than to make up your own right right who
Speaker 4: wants to dig around and inside yourself and figure out
Speaker 4: what you truly believe. Way easier to be like, I'll
Speaker 4: follow the loud, insistent person.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry again, all.
Speaker 1: Are you still in the sound box?
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's because the battery died in my mic, and
Speaker 5: so oh I'm not mine.
Speaker 3: I'm really how.
Speaker 1: Do we fix it? There's ambient sound.
Speaker 5: We just keep doing it the way it is because
Speaker 5: the contrast would be abrupt.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm.
Speaker 3: I'm really excited that we've like we are getting in
Speaker 3: during that period of time that California has not yet
Speaker 3: made podcasting while driving it legal.
Speaker 2: It's a small window.
Speaker 3: Like years from now, we're all going to be talking
Speaker 3: to our grandchildren that we purchased leg we didn't even
Speaker 3: purchase children. We just got grand and children. Yes, but
Speaker 3: we'll be telling them about how we used to podcast
Speaker 3: and drive at the same time. Like people used to
Speaker 3: tell stories about drinking a six pack on you know,
Speaker 3: while driving around.
Speaker 2: That's right, you can still do that where I'm from.
Speaker 3: I'm serious.
Speaker 5: As long as you're not the one driving, you can
Speaker 5: just have all the beers you want.
Speaker 1: That's amazing, I think.
Speaker 2: So. I don't know that. I would confidently just put
Speaker 2: it to the test.
Speaker 1: What don't you google it before you do it?
Speaker 2: I'll google it live while driving?
Speaker 3: Illegal?
Speaker 2: Now that is illegal. Yeah. I'm going there tomorrow.
Speaker 5: My friend is having a bachelor party. But it's just
Speaker 5: us going to the woods and camping. But we aren't
Speaker 5: bringing food, so we have to I'm not going to
Speaker 5: kill anything, but my friends, I think.
Speaker 1: Will What are you going to eat? Deer fish?
Speaker 2: I think all fish?
Speaker 1: Oh good?
Speaker 2: Yeah, fishing like that. You can do that and then
Speaker 2: cook it and eat it good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely cook it.
Speaker 2: We'll bring canned goods processed, yes, yeah, you gotta have those.
Speaker 1: A little cottage cheese.
Speaker 3: Feminism ruined bachelor parties, I believe, Yes, they are now
Speaker 3: pointless it's true.
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, I think traditionally you're supposed to have a
Speaker 5: last fling with a dancing girl a woman.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well it depends on that's your part, right. Ah,
Speaker 2: that was a big old dick jum. But then I.
Speaker 5: Think we're just going to hang out with the boys
Speaker 5: and go up in the woods. That'll be fun. But
Speaker 5: on the way there, what I'm saying is we'll drink
Speaker 5: in the car and.
Speaker 2: See if we get pulled over.
Speaker 4: Chris, the tone of your voice tells me that there's
Speaker 4: definitely gonna be a stripper busting out of a duck
Speaker 4: blind at some point.
Speaker 1: There don't even lie.
Speaker 2: I'm from Missoula, Montana.
Speaker 5: There are no women that aren't currently wearing flannel. Oh
Speaker 5: that's not very nice. That's a lot of a lot
Speaker 5: of like, well no, because they don't have they don't
Speaker 5: listen to podcasts, they don't know.
Speaker 3: Is there duck hunting in Montana?
Speaker 2: I'm sure there is. I'm sure there is, of course
Speaker 2: there is. What do you marry?
Speaker 3: Of course there is.
Speaker 2: I just am so far removed from that world.
Speaker 5: I never have killed an animal, and I don't have
Speaker 5: anyone in my in my friend circle. Okay, and that's
Speaker 5: a Google Google circle of friends who who kills ducks.
Speaker 5: I do have friends that have stayed there long enough
Speaker 5: to where they just kind of accepted this Montana heritage
Speaker 5: and they have killed deer.
Speaker 3: My uncle Ronnie, Okay, where I come from is a
Speaker 3: very duck hunting place. But be my uncle Ronnie used
Speaker 3: to go deer and moose and elk or whatever hunting
Speaker 3: in Montana, and he talked about it like it was paradise.
Speaker 2: It is beautiful there.
Speaker 5: Everyone says that, and it is amazing and majestic when
Speaker 5: you're in the woods.
Speaker 2: Like we will be kind of far.
Speaker 5: We're going to drive to a certain point and then
Speaker 5: from their hike, I believe, so what kind of We
Speaker 5: won't see any people and there will be a moose possible,
Speaker 5: mostly evergreen, I would say Ponderosa Pine highly occurrent.
Speaker 3: Do you guys plan on reenacting any scenes from Northern Exposure?
Speaker 2: Only Civil War?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 2: Scenes? We are a Civil War an actor?
Speaker 3: Did the Civil War rage up?
Speaker 2: There are some passionate Yankees there. We will there. I've
Speaker 2: never seen that show, so I have to back out.
Speaker 3: It's okay, I've never seen backing.
Speaker 1: Out with your hands in prayer position.
Speaker 2: That was a lot like the town I lived in.
Speaker 5: So it's like, why would I watch a TV show
Speaker 5: about what's going on outside my window?
Speaker 3: Since we have ended this improv, do you want me
Speaker 3: to get out and run in front of the two
Speaker 3: of you like they do when they're editing a scene
Speaker 3: in improv?
Speaker 5: What do you mean swipe? He's talking about a swipe,
Speaker 5: a stage swipe. Even though when he said running in
Speaker 5: front of the car, I just thought of that radio
Speaker 5: Head video I'm a police I I sound great right now,
Speaker 5: By the way.
Speaker 3: So we're driving past the place that's the show that
Speaker 3: I was supposed to go to and probably want to
Speaker 3: look at. We need to drive back around so that
Speaker 3: we can drive past and just see all of the
Speaker 3: gay guys who are showing up to John show, who
Speaker 3: would never remotely come to one of mine. So I
Speaker 3: can be jealous, even though I love John a great deal,
Speaker 3: but I'm still jealous because he's young and beautiful.
Speaker 5: Well, you're on the fence. You don't you're not tappening.
Speaker 5: You wouldn't say you're a gay comic, you don't do
Speaker 5: the cruises.
Speaker 3: I would say that I'm a gay comedian. What would
Speaker 3: be telling jokes and putting dicks in my mouth.
Speaker 5: No, but simultaneously you have to do them to becoming
Speaker 5: a gay colon comic.
Speaker 3: Well, John is not a gay colon comic in that way, though.
Speaker 5: I think it's say, I don't know you guys.
Speaker 3: I was gonna make a punctuation upon you guys, Aaron,
Speaker 3: he said, gay colon comic? Yes, what do you think
Speaker 3: the joke I was going to make.
Speaker 5: But we're get there, and I wasn't talking about the puncut.
Speaker 5: I was talking about the word cold.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you and your gay colon. It's one man show.
Speaker 2: Well, do you want to go by the Virgil and
Speaker 2: be jealous of the line.
Speaker 3: Yes, I want to go by the Virgil jealous of
Speaker 3: the line.
Speaker 1: Let's them, Let's do it. You know what, this is
Speaker 1: great mirror work.
Speaker 4: Let's really look into what drives us and what pulds
Speaker 4: us back?
Speaker 1: Is this?
Speaker 4: Are these feelings healthy? Are they the gas to get
Speaker 4: us somewhere? Or actually are they the sand bags that
Speaker 4: pull us down under the waters.
Speaker 3: One of the things I was meaning to ask you
Speaker 3: about when we were just standing at the strip mall
Speaker 3: that we were standing at while we were waiting.
Speaker 4: Now we're gold we're standing down in the corner away
Speaker 4: from the myriad homeless that stand and sit out in
Speaker 4: front of that Starbucks.
Speaker 5: But they're polite and they pull out seats for people
Speaker 5: when they sit down.
Speaker 1: True.
Speaker 2: Yeah, good.
Speaker 3: The thing is like, there are only like fifteen gay comics,
Speaker 3: so I am able to just be like, guy, you
Speaker 3: have like the good ones. You have to like and
Speaker 3: respect because however much you may be jealous of them
Speaker 3: for being prettier than you are, Like, it's just not
Speaker 3: healthy and you just have to accept it. But like,
Speaker 3: women are half of humanity, that's right, and like twelve
Speaker 3: percent of.
Speaker 2: Comedy, that's right.
Speaker 3: So like there have to be sometimes that you're like,
Speaker 3: oh god, but guy, why is this woman busy being
Speaker 3: like why is she being a woman in front of
Speaker 3: these people and implying it? That's what female comics are.
Speaker 5: You are already beloved by mainstream audiences. Why would you
Speaker 5: be jealous of a fraction of an audience.
Speaker 3: Because jealousy is fun. I'm not seeing anyone particularly notewhere.
Speaker 2: Oh I'm really excited for the show.
Speaker 5: Huh.
Speaker 2: Yes, this is a good side for the show, aren't you.
Speaker 3: John does all of a show with your.
Speaker 1: High and tight haircuts.
Speaker 5: Oh oh, we put on our buttons nuts tonight, didn't we.
Speaker 3: You guys were really seeing what summer fashion of tomorrow is.
Speaker 3: We're seeing a lot of bold colors, a lot of
Speaker 3: very very large shirts and very thin boys.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, and Sin is in this the girl.
Speaker 1: You know what it was out for so long? When
Speaker 1: never what it is? And I'm so sick of top knots.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 4: They're the tall, weird buns that girls wear on the
Speaker 4: top of their head.
Speaker 3: And some boys and some.
Speaker 4: Boys father John Misty to be specific, just a really
Speaker 4: bad hair look that for some reason fills me with anxiety.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hate it. I don't want to see any
Speaker 2: top buns top knots.
Speaker 3: Oh, but Karen, let me finish my statement and saying, yes,
Speaker 3: I have just resolved to miss Brodie all of the
Speaker 3: good little gay comedian boys as hard as I can.
Speaker 2: You don't have to miss the show. We can take
Speaker 2: you there. We've still already.
Speaker 4: He's making a reference. He's miss Jean Brodie. He's saying
Speaker 4: he wants to take them under his wing.
Speaker 3: And in an aggressive way that makes them go and
Speaker 3: fight in the Spanish Civil War and eventually die.
Speaker 1: So you will have your revenge.
Speaker 3: I don't look on it as revenge. I just think
Speaker 3: all my girls are the crems of the crown. Basically,
Speaker 3: it just comes down to if I cannot be the
Speaker 3: crossover gay comedian that must happen eventually. I just wanted
Speaker 3: to be one of the ones that I pick and
Speaker 3: not one of the ones that I told That's right.
Speaker 4: I understand this very well well. Comedy really is hard
Speaker 4: in all of these ways. It's hard for you personally,
Speaker 4: and then there's all these ants Larry situations that are difficult.
Speaker 4: That's a great one where it's like it feels like
Speaker 4: when I look at that group of like a big
Speaker 4: long line of super hipster standing outside the Virgil, I
Speaker 4: just think, oh that I would never draw that crowd.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I immediately go, I can't have that.
Speaker 5: And I'm obsessing right now because I don't know the
Speaker 5: name of the person that is bring Like I feel
Speaker 5: out a touch because I've never heard the name that
Speaker 5: you used.
Speaker 4: The Prime of Miss Jane Birdie is a movie from
Speaker 4: probably nineteen sixty nine.
Speaker 3: Nineteen sixty nine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, they're watching that movie. That's what they're like.
Speaker 5: Yeah, oh sorry, yeah, yeah, I in the comic that's
Speaker 5: performing there.
Speaker 2: I'm jealous. I get, I'm started. It's a new thing.
Speaker 4: Well because you used to know every single person anyone
Speaker 4: anyone mentioned.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and I don't get.
Speaker 1: But John Early is not. He's relatively new.
Speaker 3: He's relatively new, and he's sort of one foot in
Speaker 3: like gay performance in New York World and one foot
Speaker 3: and stand up and like pursues both of them. Like
Speaker 3: frequently you'll have these people who call themselves comedians and
Speaker 3: we would be like, no, I don't think so, who
Speaker 3: are Like I do comedy. I do jokes in between
Speaker 3: my songs, but they aren't funny songs. Wait, but John
Speaker 3: is not that. John is a really really funny like
Speaker 3: you know caper Lance, right, Yes, he's like really good
Speaker 3: friends with caper Lance. They have similar styles, yes, but
Speaker 3: he just opens it.
Speaker 2: Up in a way.
Speaker 4: But really he's really smart, really smart perspective Shire. They
Speaker 4: they compliment each other very well. He's I saw him
Speaker 4: at a we did a show that Cindy Crawford show
Speaker 4: Billy Skiffurrey does. I didn't pronounce that correctly. That was
Speaker 4: super fun and he was just so engaging, like you
Speaker 4: just wanted him to talk the whole time. Yes, it's
Speaker 4: just he's just great to watch. It doesn't hurt that
Speaker 4: he is magazine model beautiful.
Speaker 2: Here's the thing there, why didn't you guys just say
Speaker 2: that at the beginning.
Speaker 3: Here's the thing that's hard about it.
Speaker 1: Guy said it nineteen times I did.
Speaker 3: Is the other thing that's difficult is like, go to
Speaker 3: that show, I know I will see my agents, and
Speaker 3: I never see my agent at my own show. And
Speaker 3: it's that. And I've made this podcast way too much
Speaker 3: about professional jealousy.
Speaker 1: That's what it's all about.
Speaker 2: Though.
Speaker 4: If it's not professional jealousy, I am professionally jealous.
Speaker 5: We don't dick around anymore and worried about what other
Speaker 5: people have, but they get professional.
Speaker 4: I just thought of this because I think that too,
Speaker 4: where I always go, oh, I've never heard of that person.
Speaker 4: I think there's literally ten times more comics now than
Speaker 4: there were when I was like really in it and
Speaker 4: doing it all the time.
Speaker 1: So many more, Yeah, there's many more.
Speaker 4: I also laughed so hard when people are like so
Speaker 4: and so has an album, and back in my old
Speaker 4: timey days, like.
Speaker 1: Literally no one had albums unless they were like, you know, thank.
Speaker 3: You, thank you for bringing this up. A week after
Speaker 3: I recorded an album. Karen, I get what you're saying.
Speaker 4: I just feel like you wasted your time. Your own
Speaker 4: recording was wonderful, by the way.
Speaker 2: I wish I had I didn't.
Speaker 5: I had my own show that I had to go
Speaker 5: to and I didn't get to watch the full recording.
Speaker 5: But I have only heard good things, and I wonder
Speaker 5: have you heard and edit?
Speaker 3: I heard the raw audio and it seems all right,
Speaker 3: but it's very hard. I'm not Are you guys responsible
Speaker 3: about recording yourselves and listening to yourself?
Speaker 2: No? No, I record myself. I did. I then do
Speaker 2: not listen breaks. I have forty shows that I've been listening.
Speaker 3: I sound like I just can't stand listening to myself.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's everyone, That's everyone forever. We all are nasally muppets.
Speaker 3: It's so true.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well, and can I just say not to say my
Speaker 4: pain is worse than yours. But it is because when
Speaker 4: I recorded my album, I was like, after that show,
Speaker 4: because I do singing, and so I was like, that
Speaker 4: show went so well, I can't wait to listen to this.
Speaker 1: And when I.
Speaker 4: First put Like the Needle on the record, it was horrifying.
Speaker 4: I sounded like a fright.
Speaker 2: Child doing that. You do good singing, You do do
Speaker 2: good singing.
Speaker 1: But I'm just saying it's.
Speaker 4: My own I understand that it's my own neurosis, but
Speaker 4: it's so painful.
Speaker 3: You have a beautif. We have a little bit of
Speaker 3: vulnerability in your voice of the first song, and it's
Speaker 3: so lovely.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just those moments where your voice cracks and stuff.
Speaker 2: It's just there's this vulnerability there.
Speaker 5: Why. Yeah, we're just it's like, oh, she's so vulnerable.
Speaker 5: But then the other the low stuff. Oh man, oh
Speaker 5: my god, thank you.
Speaker 3: For turning that into an inside I'm so kidding. I
Speaker 3: also really like the Cup the Cricket. I really enjoyed
Speaker 3: the Cup of Cricket.
Speaker 1: Honestly felt like a miracle to me. When that first happened.
Speaker 2: He was like, right, there was a real cricket in there.
Speaker 1: There's a real cricket.
Speaker 4: And I got to do a joke right off the bat,
Speaker 4: and I think it just made me go, Okay, I
Speaker 4: can do this.
Speaker 2: Did you say what the jiminy is that noise? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I stole your joke.
Speaker 2: Man, I'm gonna get gas.
Speaker 1: Should we wait for you?
Speaker 2: No? No. The cordal Stretch I'm getting out of the car.
Speaker 2: You guys talk to your so, okay, we.
Speaker 3: Will shift Pope. The night of my album recording, after
Speaker 3: I got home, saw that I was on Facebook. This
Speaker 3: question to me was, this is that fucking cricket. It's
Speaker 3: time that nerd mouth. There was always that fucking cricket,
Speaker 3: right that.
Speaker 4: When Morgan Murphy recorded her album, me and Dave Anthony
Speaker 4: were sitting on the in the very back and that
Speaker 4: cricket started above our heads and we started laughing but
Speaker 4: had to be quiet because it was she was explaining something.
Speaker 4: It wasn't a funny part. Yeah, and then we stood
Speaker 4: up and were tapping the wall really quietly, trying to
Speaker 4: get rid of the cricket.
Speaker 1: But you don't apparently did not read and it wasn't
Speaker 1: a big deal.
Speaker 2: But I'm I guess I do have to get out
Speaker 2: of the car. I'm gonna get some gas. I'll be
Speaker 2: right back.
Speaker 1: Okay, why not have to sound so depressed. Nobody wants
Speaker 1: to be left out.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna try to take that. Watch this.
Speaker 1: Oh he's gonna pump gass and.
Speaker 5: I can't hear you guys, but I'm going to be
Speaker 5: out here just getting Yeah.
Speaker 3: I thought, yep, I thought his microphone wasn't working.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he said it wasn't.
Speaker 4: Totally getting Yes, I thought your microphone wasn't working. Oh
Speaker 4: it is now interesting, just whatever you want it to be.
Speaker 5: The little battery was a skew inside. There's a couple time.
Speaker 3: How expensive is alave?
Speaker 4: It's all kind of expensive, Like, well, I bought this
Speaker 4: the microphone pack altogether. Huh, and Chris bought the actual zoom.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: It was like, does Arizon just have like a little
Speaker 3: package together.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they sell them all together.
Speaker 4: If you want microphones for this thing, you get two
Speaker 4: of these and a.
Speaker 3: Love Oh that's cool.
Speaker 1: I know it's a good setup. So what do we
Speaker 1: talk about when the boy's gone?
Speaker 3: Oh, I totally. I had not spent that much time
Speaker 3: with Chris Fairbanks. And then they had to share a
Speaker 3: cabin in a cruise ship together. And then I woke
Speaker 3: up one morning because like he always came back later
Speaker 3: than I did.
Speaker 2: And we woke up in the morning.
Speaker 3: Things are going.
Speaker 1: Great, O good, real good.
Speaker 3: Just down here, get some petrol. Anyway, in the morning,
Speaker 3: he was just wearing underwear and I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: that's better than I thought it would be.
Speaker 1: Hey, yo. Yeah, well Chris is.
Speaker 4: An athlete and a skateboarder. Then he's got old fashioned hair.
Speaker 4: It all comes together.
Speaker 3: He really does what nothing?
Speaker 2: He was talking about me? No, I have old timey hair?
Speaker 2: You do, hey, guy? We got to live on a
Speaker 2: boat together.
Speaker 1: Oh we're talking about we're.
Speaker 3: Talking about that. It was very fun. I did not
Speaker 3: think I was going to have to share a cabin.
Speaker 3: They told us you can bring someone, and so I
Speaker 3: was like, I won't bring anyone and then I'll just
Speaker 3: have a room to myself. And they were like, but
Speaker 3: also like, clearly, I think fewer people came than they
Speaker 3: were in tend and so they were trying to streamline things,
Speaker 3: which I respect.
Speaker 1: That makes sense.
Speaker 3: It was super fun and great and I had a
Speaker 3: good time. But the minute you got on the boat,
Speaker 3: they were I was trying to upsell you because you
Speaker 3: were supposed to go. I know, yes, I was.
Speaker 1: I already got the guilt trip. On the last episode, I.
Speaker 3: Was telling the people at home, this is my podcast.
Speaker 3: But like the minute we got on, they were just
Speaker 3: trying to sell us like drink packages, and then they
Speaker 3: were trying to get us to buite jewelry.
Speaker 1: Did you buy me jewelry.
Speaker 5: He bought the most expensive thing on the boat, which
Speaker 5: was internet.
Speaker 2: I can't believe you.
Speaker 5: Yes, it was cheaper for me to have endless drinks
Speaker 5: all three nights than to have internet. That's not exactly,
Speaker 5: it's actually indeed false, because it was about one hundred
Speaker 5: bucks more for me to Yes, okay, so you're right,
Speaker 5: you got me.
Speaker 2: There, you got me.
Speaker 3: It was very Here's here's the core.
Speaker 2: Did I do that?
Speaker 1: Go ahead?
Speaker 3: It's basically just name Chris and Bronger all got the
Speaker 3: like fifty five dollars you can have all the alcohol
Speaker 3: you wants. I did the one where you also got
Speaker 3: coffee in fresh squeeze stores whoa for ten dollars more?
Speaker 3: And I felt really stupid. And also it was the
Speaker 3: most discussing fresh spezed orange juice I've ever consumed. Like
Speaker 3: it was just a swindle. The whole thing was just
Speaker 3: a swindle.
Speaker 1: Yeah. It's almost like you're trapped at the what is
Speaker 1: the place, well, like in.
Speaker 4: Las Vegas or like in a movie theater, a place
Speaker 4: where you have no choice, right, and so basically they
Speaker 4: take all the things you need and take for granted
Speaker 4: every day, yeah, and then sell them back to marked
Speaker 4: up time score.
Speaker 3: Like the politics of water at an airport is just
Speaker 3: ridiculous to me these days, the whole you can't have water,
Speaker 3: give us your water, all right, A smoking pander of
Speaker 3: water costs seventy dollars now and you can't do that.
Speaker 3: This is not the free market.
Speaker 4: Except for here's the thing that I always think is funny,
Speaker 4: like what nine to eleven happened?
Speaker 1: What year?
Speaker 4: We don't know, but since that time, I still do
Speaker 4: this day. People show up at the security area at
Speaker 4: the airport, they're told to throw their water away, and
Speaker 4: they fucking freak out.
Speaker 1: Those people.
Speaker 4: It's it's like the year, like a couple of years after,
Speaker 4: where you couldn't bring wrapped gifts onto the plane because
Speaker 4: security had to look at them. I watched a woman
Speaker 4: have like a full temper tantrum because she had to
Speaker 4: unwrap these gifts. And it's like, lady, there have been
Speaker 4: commercials on television like every thirty minutes for three months
Speaker 4: about how you can't have a wrap gift like work
Speaker 4: with it, avoid this pain.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I got serious. Because for freedom, Okay, I
Speaker 1: love my freedom.
Speaker 2: It's true.
Speaker 5: I think a lot of times it's because people don't
Speaker 5: fly a lot, but it took me a long time.
Speaker 5: I had to get It's so many expensive sixteen dollars
Speaker 5: hair gels, and when they're when they keep taking those
Speaker 5: from you, it's like, but that was sixteen dollars. Oh yeah,
Speaker 5: that's my palm made.
Speaker 2: It's hard to believe that I'm just gonna not just
Speaker 2: get away.
Speaker 3: Always weird the stuff that you managed to accidentally just
Speaker 3: get through because you took your bag on a car truck.
Speaker 3: Like I take my bag on a road trip and
Speaker 3: I put liquid in there, and then I accidentally bring
Speaker 3: that along to the airport and I'm like, oh no,
Speaker 3: they're going to throw away mikelogone, and then they don't.
Speaker 3: But when we were coming back from the Bahamas, I
Speaker 3: bought a bottle of some sort of weird rum based liqueur,
Speaker 3: and I completely forgot about it and did not put
Speaker 3: it in my check bag, and then I had to
Speaker 3: throw it away. It was very emotionally difficult for me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, God damn it a duty free, my lord, I
Speaker 2: don't know what that means.
Speaker 3: Also, I enjoy how long these microphones are. Do you
Speaker 3: guys ever host a game showing here?
Speaker 1: These are straight up Jean Rayburn style.
Speaker 5: I went to a party at Drew Carrey's house the
Speaker 5: other night and he he, I'm not name dropping.
Speaker 2: It was laying no, go ahead, that doesn't matter. All
Speaker 2: the stories. Well, don't do it, It's okay.
Speaker 5: He was just he has a long microphone the end,
Speaker 5: big house friendly person.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, a second, he is a long microphone at
Speaker 1: the party.
Speaker 5: No, he just I didn't remember that. That's what he
Speaker 5: does now as host a game show. Yes, with the
Speaker 5: signature long microphone. So that's why he's a millionaire person.
Speaker 1: He yeah, that long microphone with the little rounded top,
Speaker 1: that Parker one.
Speaker 5: What is more memorable to me is that he's just
Speaker 5: on Drew Carey Show and does stand up.
Speaker 2: And my friend opened from so he had a birthday.
Speaker 5: Party there and uh it was Uh, it was not
Speaker 5: what I wish. I didn't start talking about.
Speaker 3: How weird is that you go from being the comedian
Speaker 3: who tells stories about strippers to hosting the Prices Rights.
Speaker 2: Yeah, who then still dates strippers.
Speaker 4: Well, look, can we talk about a part in the
Speaker 4: middle called the Drew Carey Show, which put him firmly
Speaker 4: planted him in the hearts of all America. My parents
Speaker 4: loved it, so, yeah, can I tell you guys a
Speaker 4: secret that I will then regret having said yes, I
Speaker 4: was on the first two episodes.
Speaker 3: You played a girlfriends in the first.
Speaker 2: Remember that, that's right, I remember that.
Speaker 4: Unfortunately, simultaneously I was on diet pills, which was essentially
Speaker 4: like beyond experience that.
Speaker 2: He was a very nice person.
Speaker 1: He was so beyond lovely, so beyond lovely.
Speaker 4: But I in the second episode was written out of
Speaker 4: a bunch of stuff, so I didn't show up.
Speaker 1: For a rehearsal, so they just wrote me out. Yeah.
Speaker 4: No, I was out of my mind, like and he
Speaker 4: was still. The next time I saw him was that like,
Speaker 4: uh uh, what do you call it?
Speaker 1: You know, ship, I'm not gonna remember.
Speaker 4: What's the name of the Whoopee Goldberg? Robin Williams, Billy
Speaker 4: Crystal Relief. I saw him at Comic Relief and he
Speaker 4: literally came over to me and said, I'm so sorry
Speaker 4: it didn't work out. You're so great, and I was like,
Speaker 4: are you kidding me? Like a two line character.
Speaker 2: Once.
Speaker 5: I think everyone there was taking something called Molly, which
Speaker 5: I avoided taking but until the very end when it
Speaker 5: was handed to me. Anyway, we were all Rolling I guess,
Speaker 5: they say, and he said, well, we all have to
Speaker 5: go to this screening room and watch this James Brown
Speaker 5: early concert.
Speaker 2: It was like old guy.
Speaker 5: He was very young James Brown, which I've never seen
Speaker 5: him young. And then the Rolling Stones had to follow him,
Speaker 5: and then.
Speaker 2: The Beach Boys.
Speaker 5: But it was the best performance. We were laughing. It
Speaker 5: was so amazing, like everyone was laughing. It's like this
Speaker 5: is comedic the way he was just performing his ass
Speaker 5: and he was just walking around making sure that people
Speaker 5: were paying attention to it. And Terry Garr was in
Speaker 5: it for some reason, like dancing back up.
Speaker 2: He's like, that's Terry Garr. That's Tony Basil. They were friends.
Speaker 2: She was dance choreographer. That's Terry gar. Look at that,
Speaker 2: that's Glenn Miller and he's.
Speaker 3: Like dancing around.
Speaker 5: I'm like, look how excited he is about this.
Speaker 2: This whole video. It just really made me.
Speaker 3: Like celebrities in their natural habitat. It's fascinating to watch.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what, it is nice that he is
Speaker 4: not jaded, he's not cooler than now, he's not how
Speaker 4: many how many people that you go, why in the
Speaker 4: world would you be a douchebag.
Speaker 1: You should be the nicest.
Speaker 5: So many words and names of people we know that
Speaker 5: are friends of mine are in my mouth right now
Speaker 5: that I can't It would just me be me mumbling
Speaker 5: the alphabet.
Speaker 2: There's so many people that I can't believe are unbelievable
Speaker 2: pricks that.
Speaker 3: But isn't it like drugs. Don't you think those people
Speaker 3: just have like their pleasure centers blown out by the
Speaker 3: fact that like they've had all the pleasure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they believe all of it.
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 4: I don't think there's been a lot of downside for
Speaker 4: most of the people we are probably thinking of. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and it's there's it comes back around. The hardest thing
Speaker 4: is like you're very jealous of people in having done
Speaker 4: this for a long time. Uh, not to be like
Speaker 4: that about it, but yeah, you see a full cycle
Speaker 4: and then you get this kind of oh, like you
Speaker 4: that jealousy subsides a little bit when you see full
Speaker 4: cycles of like, oh they have everything, then they stop
Speaker 4: having it, then they still want it.
Speaker 1: That's the worst.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's when you can call me yeah exactly.
Speaker 1: I mean you I've seen it. It's rough.
Speaker 4: It's really rough, and comics don't handle either the up
Speaker 4: or the down very well, because I think we're so
Speaker 4: ego based and so needy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the end.
Speaker 5: Well, that's why I think it can only happen in
Speaker 5: a gradual way and then you come out of it
Speaker 5: being normal.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well, there's something nice about being in LA.
Speaker 5: We're doing a very gradual family you do that, do
Speaker 5: it that way?
Speaker 3: Sorry, guy, Just like in LA, you're at least like
Speaker 3: exposed to stuff enough that like when something good happens
Speaker 3: to you, at least you probably have like been in
Speaker 3: a writer's room or how to friends be successful, and
Speaker 3: you like understand it a little bit better. Sure, Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's it's a mind funk. It's interesting. I'm uh. The
Speaker 3: people who have been doing this about as long as me,
Speaker 3: like some of them have started to like get shows,
Speaker 3: have them go to years and then have them go away,
Speaker 3: and then it's an interesting thing of oh god, now
Speaker 3: they have to figure out what their second act is.
Speaker 3: That's really interesting.
Speaker 2: That's right. That would be yeah, the jazzl Nicks, and
Speaker 2: then and then and then like Pete.
Speaker 3: No, I didn't say anyone by name.
Speaker 2: I do fucking drop and name.
Speaker 5: I drop names in a in a braggy way, and
Speaker 5: also in a way that makes everyone uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: You know, you're just name dropping.
Speaker 4: Having kind of done it on a very smaller scale myself,
Speaker 4: the second act can actually be great.
Speaker 1: Is it was that my time?
Speaker 3: How much? How much does she bring up the Emmys
Speaker 3: on the podcast, Chris, It's like how like how frequently?
Speaker 2: Never? Karen rarely gets in a word edgewise.
Speaker 5: I'm always complaining about my uncomfortable shoes or mother, but oh, yeah,
Speaker 5: you did that.
Speaker 2: Emmy is a.
Speaker 5: Grammys or Emmy whatever. Anyway, these shoes I got. They're
Speaker 5: from Ross, but they're a high grand Oh.
Speaker 3: When we were on the boat, couldn't stop talking about
Speaker 3: Ross I got.
Speaker 2: I still can't.
Speaker 4: You.
Speaker 2: I know why.
Speaker 5: Because that's where I've found a lot of exciting deals.
Speaker 1: For your summer clothes.
Speaker 5: Well, every guy's like, well, those are some cute shorts,
Speaker 5: and I'm like, yeah.
Speaker 2: Guess where I got them? Ross? And then you'd be
Speaker 2: like yeah, And then I'd do a mannequin pose.
Speaker 1: Would you say you're show him the receipt a maxim Still.
Speaker 5: I'd say I'm a fashion I'd say I'm a communist.
Speaker 1: Oh well, then this podcast is over.
Speaker 3: The Maxiny says they're the ones who sees control of Cuba, right, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: they've got.
Speaker 1: All the warheads. Maxidese does careful, careful?
Speaker 2: Have you heard? Maybe it was in my roommate said,
Speaker 2: there's a two.
Speaker 5: I don't know why they would keep smallpox in a
Speaker 5: giant oil tanker, but there's two oil tankers size things
Speaker 5: of smallpox.
Speaker 2: Does this already sound like something I'm making up?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: Okay, anyway, your friend named Alex Jones, Yes.
Speaker 5: Yes, looks a little like Bill Hicks and you can
Speaker 5: see him on public access in Texas.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Anyway, we could get wiped out by something floating around
Speaker 5: there at any moment.
Speaker 2: The end.
Speaker 1: Two tankers are they heading toward each other?
Speaker 5: I think they have just been disappeared and are unaccounted
Speaker 5: for ever since the.
Speaker 2: Sixties or something. Oh okay, oh there goes my mic.
Speaker 3: And so are you saying I should immunize my children
Speaker 3: or not?
Speaker 2: I'm saying don't have them.
Speaker 5: And if you listen to Jenny McCarthy at all, you
Speaker 5: know the answer to the other question.
Speaker 2: Okay, here we go. I am so a lot of us.
Speaker 3: It's age fifteen and where there's still so many people.
Speaker 2: I just wanted to let you know.
Speaker 5: You're still gonna who is this kid that he has
Speaker 5: a line twice around the block?
Speaker 2: Jonathan what?
Speaker 3: John Early? It's a sensation. He's a sensation, you guys.
Speaker 2: Well, I now I want to watch him.
Speaker 3: He opens up with a video he made when he
Speaker 3: was twelve of him being Celine Dion doing it's all
Speaker 3: coming back to me now and it's a revelation.
Speaker 1: It's amazing.
Speaker 2: Wow. I wish i'd grown up with a video camera.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad I didn't. It would be devastating.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's some things so beautiful about Lank. All of that.
Speaker 3: Nobody can look at that, Like the records of me
Speaker 3: being terrible and embarrassing and in the closet are all
Speaker 3: pretty much just text.
Speaker 1: That's right, it's all diaries that you probably burned.
Speaker 3: I did not keep diaries. I was never that responsible.
Speaker 4: I would start them and it would always be my
Speaker 4: diary would always be like school starts next week this year,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna be nice, I'm gonna act shy, and I'm
Speaker 4: gonna lose weight. Every single time, it was the exactly.
Speaker 3: Why would you plan on acting shy?
Speaker 4: Because that seemed to me to be what popular girls
Speaker 4: did and the better plan, and mentally, like in n
Speaker 4: in movies, that's what you saw like it was always
Speaker 4: the girl standing pigeon toad looking up down at the ground.
Speaker 4: That was like, look at her, she's so hot. So
Speaker 4: I was like, I gotta shut this mouth soon and
Speaker 4: I could not do it.
Speaker 1: She couldn't. I wanted to so bad.
Speaker 2: I shut this mouth so.
Speaker 3: Well. No, I remember feeling that way of like, guy,
Speaker 3: if you didn't just immediately tell people how you feel
Speaker 3: about fis, eventually someone might wonder how you felt.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: No one ever asked me how I feel. I know
Speaker 1: how you feel.
Speaker 2: You don't give us time to wonder. But the thing is,
Speaker 2: that's so great.
Speaker 3: You totally have time.
Speaker 2: Okay, sure, so we aren't going to that show now?
Speaker 3: No, clearly not terrible.
Speaker 2: There's still a line though, bless you.
Speaker 4: Generally he won't miss us. He's the place is packed
Speaker 4: because those people aren't getting in.
Speaker 3: He's busy being a sensation.
Speaker 1: It's twenty after eight.
Speaker 2: That show, Okay, I need someone to explain. Is a
Speaker 2: YouTube that does it? How do you get No?
Speaker 3: That's that's the thing is that, seriously, I don't think
Speaker 3: I don't think he is. I don't think he has
Speaker 3: a shipload of hits on YouTube. I think it is
Speaker 3: just sort of like people telling friends or people he went.
Speaker 2: To n y U with.
Speaker 3: But for God's sake, but like last time he came
Speaker 3: to LA, I was at a gay party at Eric
Speaker 3: Gillilan's house, though he was not there, but because Karen
Speaker 3: has previously told me stories that centered on being in
Speaker 3: Eric's house, so I wanted to make clear that it
Speaker 3: was the space that she's familiar with. And they were like, oh,
Speaker 3: you going, are you going? And they were just all
Speaker 3: a buzz about whether people were going to John show,
Speaker 3: and I was just like, what's wrong with you? Guy?
Speaker 3: And then I listed in my head what was wrong
Speaker 3: with me?
Speaker 4: It's always good to keep a running list it is
Speaker 4: it is, and really hold it out in front.
Speaker 1: Of you every where you go.
Speaker 3: But this is one of those situations. This is one
Speaker 3: of those acting shy situations where all I'm thinking about is,
Speaker 3: wouldn't you seem gracious guy if you just haven't said
Speaker 3: any of these fates?
Speaker 2: I know that if you just.
Speaker 3: Had a solid five minutes of John is so talented, but.
Speaker 1: We did that.
Speaker 3: I'm not and it's true, but now it sounds like protesting,
Speaker 3: where if I had just done it otherwise.
Speaker 5: In this internet age, I brought the protesting to the
Speaker 5: because I don't know who he is, and that guy,
Speaker 5: whoever that is, is wildly popular, and if it's word
Speaker 5: of mouth that brings it, then I should just stop
Speaker 5: doing this because I don't.
Speaker 2: People like that coming to my comedy concerts.
Speaker 3: But guys, everybody, And also I'm being this whining like
Speaker 3: a week after so many people showed up to my hobby.
Speaker 4: Recording exactly that was amazing, And can I just remind quickly,
Speaker 4: sorry sidebar, remind you my favorite joke, which is where
Speaker 4: you said, because I did your show, Megan Keister did
Speaker 4: the show and then you were the headliner, and you said,
Speaker 4: this night is about me and women with too much personality,
Speaker 4: and I laughed.
Speaker 1: But I really what I want to do is really
Speaker 1: solve because that is my problem. It always has been.
Speaker 4: And the idea that now it's being turned around and
Speaker 4: it's the advantage that I have.
Speaker 1: What a magical Hollywood movie that that turned out to me?
Speaker 3: Well, there is also that weird thing of I was
Speaker 3: having a conversation with a friend who was not a
Speaker 3: comedian and just I forget what we were talking about.
Speaker 3: You when you professionally monetize having too much personality, you
Speaker 3: can't go back to a normally interaction with.
Speaker 1: People, No, you can't. It's really not good.
Speaker 4: Well, also, there's nothing worse than when you have that
Speaker 4: when you're kind of like can't turn off the show,
Speaker 4: but you're like supposed to.
Speaker 1: Be helping with Thanksgiving dinner with your ants, right, Well,
Speaker 1: my ants.
Speaker 4: Don't count because they love it and they want me
Speaker 4: to do it all the time. But like, there are
Speaker 4: those times where I can hear myself and I am
Speaker 4: like in my head, I'm like, just be quiet or
Speaker 4: just don't riff, like just talk like normal people where you.
Speaker 1: Go, Oh me too.
Speaker 4: I read an article or whatever the fuck people do
Speaker 4: right right, make seven jokes after everything?
Speaker 1: Like, can you do that? And the answer is no.
Speaker 2: For me, I've I've got.
Speaker 5: I was way worse before I became a comedian. Now
Speaker 5: that I have an outlet, I can totally talk about
Speaker 5: what article had the right recipe in it. I'm gonna
Speaker 5: be borring as the Dickens every Christmas.
Speaker 1: You just really tone it down, yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, especially around but man, I know, I yes, how
Speaker 5: silly and funny.
Speaker 2: I used to be walking around like filled with energy.
Speaker 3: No, I had like constant need to prove that there's
Speaker 3: a reason that guys should be allowed to be around.
Speaker 3: And I feel like only it was only after doing
Speaker 3: stand up for a couple of years that I was
Speaker 3: like able to just be quiet, right, And then I
Speaker 3: was like, oh my god, have you gotten boring?
Speaker 5: No, it's I think it's you becoming healthy, because what.
Speaker 4: It is is you realize you're already allowed to be around.
Speaker 4: There's no qualifiers, right, you are allowed to be around.
Speaker 4: End of story, the end, right now.
Speaker 1: But that's the thing, Honestly.
Speaker 3: There came a point in time, after having been on
Speaker 3: Chelsea Lately for a couple of years, when gay guys
Speaker 3: were being really nice to me because I was on
Speaker 3: Chelsea Lately that I was like, guy, your capacity to
Speaker 3: tap dance and do something in between mesmerism and pick
Speaker 3: up artistic at gay guys. If you lose that and
Speaker 3: then you're no longer on television, what will you have?
Speaker 3: And then I was like, no, you have to continue
Speaker 3: to be able to be aggressive, horrible cake, that's true.
Speaker 1: I think the rules are different.
Speaker 2: And all that fails you'll still have tap dancing and.
Speaker 1: Gays love that. I mean, if nothing else tap.
Speaker 5: Dancing, it's being mocked.
Speaker 1: Click quicklick.
Speaker 2: Tap dancing.
Speaker 1: Click. Wait did I tell you guys? I'm sure I
Speaker 1: told you this.
Speaker 4: But one of my favorite moments of my life so
Speaker 4: far has been the opening of.
Speaker 1: Beach Blanket Babylon in San Francisco.
Speaker 4: I went with my family. It was like the one
Speaker 4: of the last Christmases. My family was still like regular
Speaker 4: before my mom got sick. We went to Beach Blanket Babylon.
Speaker 4: The show starts, the lights go out, A spotlight goes
Speaker 4: up on the stage, Mister Peanut comes out tap dancing,
Speaker 4: and I laughed so loud that my mom took my
Speaker 4: drink away.
Speaker 2: I was.
Speaker 1: It was hilarious.
Speaker 4: It's it was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Some
Speaker 4: They got some you know, Joel Gray looking motherfucker with
Speaker 4: insanely long, skinny legs and then a plastic mister Peanut
Speaker 4: costume so look just like all stick limbs dancing.
Speaker 1: It was the best.
Speaker 4: No one will ever relate to that with me, but
Speaker 4: I'm fine with it alone.
Speaker 2: People know mister Peanut is I do.
Speaker 5: I always gets a warm response, it's like, the guys still.
Speaker 3: Got it, do you CHRISTI eu peanut chunk for us.
Speaker 2: Oh, I can't. I can't.
Speaker 5: It involves a lot of facial expressions, and I honestly,
Speaker 5: it's a lot like what you're talking about making food
Speaker 5: on Thanksgiving. I don't have the energy.
Speaker 4: When I lived in Chicago a couple of years ago,
Speaker 4: I literally knew four or five people in the whole town.
Speaker 4: And I made my new friend who was my friend Loarcraft,
Speaker 4: who you work with. Floorcraft had this great friend named
Speaker 4: Kristin Carter.
Speaker 1: I believe Kristin Hi, There's no way you're listening to this.
Speaker 1: She's the greatest. She was the coolest girl, so funny.
Speaker 2: Every time we mentioned someone, we said, oh, by the way, hi, assuming.
Speaker 1: Hi, I know you're having a great time. She is
Speaker 1: the coolest.
Speaker 4: She she owns a company called Busy Beaver Button Company.
Speaker 4: She makes buttons for like bands and for things. She's
Speaker 4: just the best, and we had a great time. She
Speaker 4: would be like, let's go to this, you know, let's
Speaker 4: go to this talk, let's go to this thing or whatever.
Speaker 4: So she invited me one NYE to her friend's poker
Speaker 4: game and I sat there and it was like a
Speaker 4: total conscious decision. I was the shy girl at the
Speaker 4: poker game. Oh really, So even though there were all
Speaker 4: these I mean amazing gems that I could have riffed out,
Speaker 4: I just did not do it. I just sat there
Speaker 4: very quietly. I would only talk to people like in
Speaker 4: normal exchanges of seriousness.
Speaker 1: I didn't. I made maybe made two jokes the whole time.
Speaker 4: That may probably not because I just wanted to feel
Speaker 4: that feeling of like this feel what show people feel like?
Speaker 5: Can we not all agree that it feels good to
Speaker 5: be when you're the one, like you just said, a
Speaker 5: group of people that all know each other and suddenly
Speaker 5: you're the shy person.
Speaker 2: I like that feeling.
Speaker 1: Well, it's just a nice change of pace.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I do that with some frequency. But I feel
Speaker 3: like it is almost bitchy from me, Like not bitchy, bitchy,
Speaker 3: but it is just like sometimes I will just be like,
Speaker 3: now I'm not trying in this situation. You guys have
Speaker 3: your little.
Speaker 2: Gameck, you're right, That's what I'm doing too.
Speaker 3: I think when I worked on Punks, when.
Speaker 2: I'm being shy, I'm just being quiet because I hate everything. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 2: damn it. But such a thin line between shy and
Speaker 2: hate and hate?
Speaker 1: Go ahead? Oh what still worked on something?
Speaker 3: Oh pumped? It was basically like they were very nice boys,
Speaker 3: but collectively they were douchebags who were just talking about
Speaker 3: the people who they had banged. And I really felt
Speaker 3: like the like they had already explained to me that
Speaker 3: I was the female writer on the show, which was
Speaker 3: deeply insulting to female writers. But I was like, I'm
Speaker 3: here to be the typist. I'm fine with that.
Speaker 2: Like when was this? Who were these jerks?
Speaker 3: This was two thousand and eleven to twelve, and they
Speaker 3: were fine, fine people who I really enjoy and love.
Speaker 1: So not true, I can tell.
Speaker 3: But collectively there was one guy who was really a
Speaker 3: lot and the rest of them were in.
Speaker 1: His name was Ashton? Could chair? Am I right in?
Speaker 1: I pumped a girl? Congratulations.
Speaker 3: I've gotten in an argument with Laura about whether Ashton Kutcher
Speaker 3: is stupid or nuts. Laura, Laura craft.
Speaker 1: Yes because you say no, and she said.
Speaker 3: Yes no, I'm I was firmly team stupid and she
Speaker 3: was like, I can't believe that he's done too much
Speaker 3: with himself and his businesses are all very successful and
Speaker 3: he is like his production company used to be really
Speaker 3: really idol and active, but he's also very stupid.
Speaker 2: Oh is he? Yeah? Yeah, I wouldn't. Yeah, I would
Speaker 2: be smart.
Speaker 3: I only have stories, all of my celebrity stories. The
Speaker 3: end is how stupid they are. I only have stories.
Speaker 3: Even Mendes.
Speaker 2: No, of course they're Oh, you're kidding.
Speaker 5: I'm just like, those are the two dumblest people I've
Speaker 5: heard of all day.
Speaker 1: Although I have to say even Mendez.
Speaker 4: When she and Bradley Cooper were together, the two of
Speaker 4: them were at the same arc Light showing of a
Speaker 4: movie me and they came in and the person sold
Speaker 4: them tickets directly next to me and my friend who
Speaker 4: were there to see the movie.
Speaker 1: So it was like an empty theater except for we
Speaker 1: were all four sitting next to each other.
Speaker 4: And so then at once they sat down and it
Speaker 4: was super weird because at first I didn't know they
Speaker 4: were celebrities, So I was like, move, weird, sit next
Speaker 4: to us. And then I looked over and was Bradley Cooper,
Speaker 4: and he got this look on his face and he
Speaker 4: like got up and.
Speaker 2: They picked it because you looked at him.
Speaker 4: No, just it was uncomfortable, but the way he did
Speaker 4: look at me. I almost said out loud, I was
Speaker 4: here first, fuck.
Speaker 2: You, and I'm talking about Hollywood.
Speaker 1: I remember that.
Speaker 5: Drew carry back in nineteen back when you were asking
Speaker 5: asking questions in James Lipton's class, he really was really yeah,
Speaker 5: there's a Sean Penn was on James Lipton and he asked.
Speaker 1: Really did he say, I'm I'm on the actress track?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like, I love your work. I've been studying
Speaker 5: really hard. My question is it's got like long hair
Speaker 5: and a ponytail.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 3: But I love seeing famous people when they were real
Speaker 3: because you're like, yeah, oh they were real once. They
Speaker 3: were only kind of attractive before we all collectively decided
Speaker 3: to make them the most attractive.
Speaker 5: The one that really blows me away. Not that we
Speaker 5: should go down this spiraling. What celebrities like, you know,
Speaker 5: the okay, the that what's his name?
Speaker 2: Retner? Jeremy Renner, Jeremy Renner, Thank you? Who's Rettner? I think? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: Bret Ratner. Jeremy Renner did.
Speaker 5: He was on some MTV reality show called Making It
Speaker 5: or something. I think it was called Making There was
Speaker 5: like a country singer and a ballerina and then him
Speaker 5: moved to la Let's see who does well, and he
Speaker 5: was like auditioning for commercials and stuff.
Speaker 2: That's his first IMDb credit.
Speaker 5: And then at one point in it he starts crying
Speaker 5: because he has to choose between a commercial and.
Speaker 2: Some MINDI film.
Speaker 5: And then the next thing you know, he's Jorn Identity whatever.
Speaker 1: He runs around with that baby strapped to the front
Speaker 1: of him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, totally.
Speaker 3: His face looks like a meat.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it really does. It looks like thinly sliced beef.
Speaker 4: I kind of like to see somebody like Jeremy Renner
Speaker 4: do well. Can he is not classically beautiful, like when
Speaker 4: I watch Bradley Cooper.
Speaker 1: After a while, I'm like, like, I don't want to
Speaker 1: look at that too much.
Speaker 4: His eyes are too intense, or like it's like the
Speaker 4: eyes of a person who knows he's good looking and
Speaker 4: wants to shoot it at you like a laser, or
Speaker 4: it's like get off me.
Speaker 1: But as opposed to a.
Speaker 4: Jeremy Runner, who looks like someone who might drive the
Speaker 4: tow truck that picks up there, and.
Speaker 1: Then you go, oh my, that tow truck driver was hot.
Speaker 3: Okay, I want to make two points. Okay, one is
Speaker 3: that I really like people do become I like that
Speaker 3: people do become super super famous off of reality shows,
Speaker 3: but not that much. Like it's like a thing where
Speaker 3: like when you get on reality show, you know, I
Speaker 3: could be Jennifer Hudson. Probably not, but they happen. The
Speaker 3: other thing is girls are so likely to like that
Speaker 3: guy who seems like acceptable and realistic and nice, but
Speaker 3: like gay guys like because they're all probably straight, you're like, well,
Speaker 3: all just like the best one. But then that also
Speaker 3: leads to gay guys like polishing themselves until they don't
Speaker 3: have corners.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's right.
Speaker 1: They're all starts like Kendall's.
Speaker 4: The weirdest way, like blue permanent blue eyeliner and shit,
Speaker 4: yeah it's terrifying.
Speaker 3: It's also super hot.
Speaker 4: I well, I kind of like that same thing happened
Speaker 4: with Jennifer Ansten because she was technically not the prettiest.
Speaker 1: Girl on Friends.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but she would and everyone would be like, she's
Speaker 4: so hot, but it's like, no, she's the one you
Speaker 4: think you can get.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had pictures of her on my wall.
Speaker 1: Oh so I'm talking to you, yeah, right to you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do not have those pictures anymore. Good? Good, good?
Speaker 1: Do you did you have that feeling though, that she
Speaker 1: seemed accessible to yees?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you're exactly right. Yeah, that Coudro was untouchable,
Speaker 2: fucking hippie.
Speaker 1: She was spiritually and physically.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so funny to remember that. I don't.
Speaker 5: I was snowboarding and I was living in Oregon and
Speaker 5: I just was sharing a room with a friend who
Speaker 5: got his feet smelled, and my mattress was on the floor,
Speaker 5: and I had one picture from a magazine of Jennifer
Speaker 5: Aiston on the wall. Like if you walked in there, Oh,
Speaker 5: who's a murderer who's obsessed about Jennifer?
Speaker 2: Why?
Speaker 3: Why did you have her on your wall. It's not
Speaker 3: like you weren't masturbating to that, were you. No? I
Speaker 3: just like the look of it.
Speaker 2: I just dressing up the place. Yeah, how old are you? Oh? Fuck?
Speaker 2: Twenty two?
Speaker 3: And you were just snowboarding with your life, that's all
Speaker 3: I was doing.
Speaker 5: That's crazy, going every day and building jumps and flipping
Speaker 5: around and thinking about Jennifer Aniston.
Speaker 3: It's very fun to watch Chris Fairbanks jump on or
Speaker 3: over things. He really likes jumping on or over things.
Speaker 2: When was I doing that.
Speaker 3: That's really exciting.
Speaker 2: I was drunk on the Boh, you're right, yes, trying
Speaker 2: to your riders, trying to climb up on that thing.
Speaker 1: Well, the trampoline's so funny.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, trampoline at Drew Carrey's house. Dad, I mentioned, guy.
Speaker 3: You only really brought up the long microphone. You didn't
Speaker 3: say anything about trampoline.
Speaker 5: There's a trampoline there. Let's just say I gave quite
Speaker 5: the performance.
Speaker 4: Oh.
Speaker 1: I thought you told me that Tramplin story, but I
Speaker 1: mixed it up. I thought that happened on the boat.
Speaker 2: Oh, they're Oh, also on the boat late at night.
Speaker 2: Did you see that there was trampolines on the boat.
Speaker 3: Where were the trampoline?
Speaker 5: It was at the front of the boat they hold
Speaker 5: the uh starboard, the mask, the mask at the top
Speaker 5: of the crow's nest, there was a trampoline.
Speaker 2: It was terrifying.
Speaker 3: Front of the boat is the four they bat yeaft.
Speaker 2: They had all like walking around.
Speaker 5: At first I saw they had like harnesses and you
Speaker 5: could do flips, and there's two spotter guys. But at
Speaker 5: one in the morning there was no one there. And
Speaker 5: I know there's cameras, but I jumped up and down
Speaker 5: on that trampoline.
Speaker 2: It was really fun.
Speaker 3: Karen, have you ever been on a cruise ship?
Speaker 4: Not only have I been on a cruise ship, my
Speaker 4: parents met on a cruise ship.
Speaker 1: It's sort of god.
Speaker 4: My dad was a purser and my mom was a
Speaker 4: nurse's Purser's like what Gopher did on the Love boat,
Speaker 4: Like they get your bags and they're basically kind of
Speaker 4: like a bell hop but more.
Speaker 1: Oh, I bet my dad'd be real mad. I said
Speaker 1: pursers were bells.
Speaker 4: But yeah, they both worked on these ships and they
Speaker 4: would go on cruises.
Speaker 1: It's actually pretty funny.
Speaker 4: When they left San Francisco, it was like nineteen sixty seven,
Speaker 4: and when they came back, it was like they were
Speaker 4: in the middle of like crazy hippie flower power era
Speaker 4: and they were both so disgusted. They were just like, this,
Speaker 4: what's happened to our city? Because they were both natives.
Speaker 4: But they met, my mom was already engaged.
Speaker 2: How long were they on that boat for like six
Speaker 2: months or something?
Speaker 1: Well more than that actually, because they did multiple.
Speaker 3: Cruises, several tours of Dude.
Speaker 1: Several tours of Dude. But my mom was engaged and
Speaker 1: my basically my dad was like, Na, you're not going
Speaker 1: to marry that guy.
Speaker 3: It's beautiful.
Speaker 4: Now here's something un beautiful that I think is hilarious.
Speaker 4: My mom had humongous boobs, and she said she went
Speaker 4: into the purser's lounge one day and they had her picture.
Speaker 1: Up on the wall, but they had cut her head off.
Speaker 1: It was just her tips.
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: So she said she didn't talk to my dad for
Speaker 1: a long time.
Speaker 4: She saw that allow and this is what matter did.
Speaker 5: Wait where'd the photo come from? And then it got
Speaker 5: blown up? I assume that it was a life size photo. Okay, okay,
Speaker 5: uh well.
Speaker 4: No, it just sounded like, you know, they take like
Speaker 4: headshots of the crew, so that if you were a passenger,
Speaker 4: it's like, sure, there's the woman that stole.
Speaker 1: My finger or whatever. She helped me.
Speaker 2: Straight up anywhere. She took my briefcase.
Speaker 1: So yeah, Chris, cruising is in my blood. Cruise shipping
Speaker 1: is I think.
Speaker 3: Is that those bass instincts created you. I know, that's beautiful.
Speaker 1: It is pretty beautiful. Thanks guys.
Speaker 2: It really is a love boat. Love boat.
Speaker 5: Oh I got you exciting new he I got your back.
Speaker 7: Now come a boat, come on, join back in we're
Speaker 7: expecting you, right right, guys, Yes, I like.
Speaker 3: A laugh track. Let's never forget that show was an
Speaker 3: hour log.
Speaker 4: You'd be cool if someone recut it and put the
Speaker 4: laughs over the romantic scenes. I have so many I
Speaker 4: wish I had an editor, so many good editing ideas.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love I love editing. Uh YouTube
Speaker 2: jokey thing favor, Yeah I do. I really do like where.
Speaker 5: You you know, it's a live a band playing live
Speaker 5: and they fuck up the music and yeah, and then
Speaker 5: it sounds like they suck, but they're like in their
Speaker 5: faces they're amazing, No, they're or whatever?
Speaker 4: Do you like that more or less than Ross Dress
Speaker 4: for less? You had to pick one desert island.
Speaker 2: Ross, I would have them build a ross on the island. Guy,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to give YouTube connections.
Speaker 4: What would you what would you pick? You're on a
Speaker 4: desert island. Yes, and you could pick uh huh one
Speaker 4: of the following Okay, and it can only be one.
Speaker 4: There can only be one doing a show where there's
Speaker 4: people out in line for forty five minutes beforehand.
Speaker 5: Like we drove by like a little kid on a
Speaker 5: bike past the girl's Fountcy.
Speaker 2: Likes yes, okay, and you yelled at those peoples was smiling.
Speaker 3: It was smile.
Speaker 1: They were staring. You can either have that.
Speaker 3: Or sorts of fresh water, or you live or you
Speaker 3: have life.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 4: I was gonna say something along the lines of the
Speaker 4: guy from that shows, Uh.
Speaker 1: What's that show? That really good looking gay?
Speaker 4: A guy that's like beyond good looking that was also
Speaker 4: in Magic Mike, but he's on like a us.
Speaker 3: Yes, Matthew, Matthew Boehmer boomer, Yes, do you.
Speaker 4: Want to show with people waiting outside for forty five minutes?
Speaker 4: Or Matthew Boehmer's boomers of dying Love.
Speaker 3: Oh, here's the thing, is that Matthew Boehmer's Undying Love.
Speaker 3: Like after I had just done him four or five times,
Speaker 3: I would be like, all right, okay, we would have
Speaker 3: to like make chit chat, and he would talk about
Speaker 3: his adopted children he doesn't seen anymore as we live
Speaker 3: on a desert island.
Speaker 5: How much Jesus, it's gonna take it to shut your mouth,
Speaker 5: Sarah about here's the here's the thing. Let's go back
Speaker 5: a little bit. Because that line was around the block.
Speaker 5: I think that he's not on a deserted island.
Speaker 2: It's it's actually inhabited popular.
Speaker 5: Would you rather live in a nice tropical location filled
Speaker 5: with young hipsters or come on one famous guy's face
Speaker 5: a little?
Speaker 4: Basically, do you want to go to Hawaii? That's the
Speaker 4: only question. Do you ever want to go to Hawaii?
Speaker 3: It seems lovely and you know, we've successfully done colonialism.
Speaker 3: Why not just revel it?
Speaker 4: It is so weird how that is the undercurrent in Hawaii.
Speaker 1: The locals fucking hate you. Yeah, they hate you.
Speaker 2: And socks they hate socks.
Speaker 5: They do hate socks, Like, what the fuck are you wearing?
Speaker 2: Kelly?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was being being in the Bahamas was really
Speaker 3: interesting because there's like everything is just huddled around the
Speaker 3: place where the American money spills out from the boats. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and it was the grossest and weirdest. It was basically
Speaker 3: just places to buy expensive watches and shoes.
Speaker 2: That was every I've been on three cruises.
Speaker 5: Now, don't don't ask me why, but I mentioned that
Speaker 5: during did you watch My where I was like, tomorrow,
Speaker 5: we're gonna park on some coral reads and the captain's
Speaker 5: going to point at some people and they're gonna act
Speaker 5: native and dance and grass skirts and We're going to
Speaker 5: leave our boat chugging on and then they're gonna sell
Speaker 5: us necklaces and it's going to be depressing.
Speaker 2: And that's what it was. And i'd never been to
Speaker 2: the Bahamas.
Speaker 1: You just knew.
Speaker 2: I knew it.
Speaker 5: I had the instinct and the insight and the experience.
Speaker 2: Sorry, but it was. It was depressing.
Speaker 3: But I had deep read conch and that was exciting.
Speaker 1: Wait is that it's?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: This thing that looks like a crazy tongue, Yes, you
Speaker 1: eat it?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: And did it tastes like eels?
Speaker 3: Fried? Tasted like fried.
Speaker 5: It tastes like I'm thinking of a giant thing that
Speaker 5: would inhabit that large shell fried like a giant saw.
Speaker 3: No, it was cut up in the little Okay, okay, okay, good.
Speaker 1: Did you have to eat a lot of fish on
Speaker 1: that trip, you guys.
Speaker 3: The food on the boat was so terrible. It was
Speaker 3: so sad. The whole point of okay, terrible, Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 3: Chris Fairbanks was like, you're gonna get on that boat
Speaker 3: and there's gonna be lobster everywhere, and it's going to
Speaker 3: be best.
Speaker 2: When I did it before. Yeah, there was.
Speaker 3: You went on a better cruise line.
Speaker 2: I guess that's right. I guess Norwegian. I don't know
Speaker 2: Norwegian is And it was the time.
Speaker 5: I think, now it's out of market or whatever, and
Speaker 5: you had to pay extra for the lobster. But maybe,
Speaker 5: you know, I didn't grow up with a family that
Speaker 5: was good at cooking.
Speaker 2: Maybe I just think because I kind of liked the dinners.
Speaker 3: Okay, so here where your your food options were, there's
Speaker 3: a buffet. It was gross.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: There was a thing that was called the ham pasta.
Speaker 1: Ham pasta ham pasta.
Speaker 3: So something you would make at three in the morning
Speaker 3: yourself because.
Speaker 2: Heat up left like they were throwing shit together that
Speaker 2: they had laying around.
Speaker 3: Eggs that didn't make sense, like scrambled eggs. We've all
Speaker 3: had dorms, trambled eggs. These were so many steps further
Speaker 3: down from dorm scrambled eggs and.
Speaker 1: The powdered scrambled eggs.
Speaker 3: Yes, so it was disgusting. And then if you went
Speaker 3: to dinner at five forty five when you were supposed to,
Speaker 3: they would make a big show out of serving you
Speaker 3: a fancy meal. And then it was a weird It
Speaker 3: was it was like children putting on a play of
Speaker 3: what a good restaurant is yeah, yeah, right, you had
Speaker 3: your little because you were the one who got the
Speaker 3: salad that was you know, the like mozzarella and tomatoes,
Speaker 3: yeah pasta, yes, except that the tomatoes were like a
Speaker 3: chalky white and it was was that.
Speaker 1: The Mary Loom?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: Is that is that Bradley Cooper?
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, there he is again.
Speaker 1: I knew i'd see you again.
Speaker 2: It is handsome. I would not expect him to drive
Speaker 2: a volks Wagon wagon.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry. I rolled down my window to look the
Speaker 3: people saw talking and they stared it up. That's funny.
Speaker 3: You've earned some real ire from those homeless peopeople.
Speaker 2: It was funny.
Speaker 4: When we were turning out of that gas station, I
Speaker 4: saw Mike Sweeney, who's the head writer of Conan.
Speaker 1: You know Mike Sweenie, right, yeah, yeah, And he was
Speaker 1: totally watching us and laughing because we were sitting here
Speaker 1: with microphones.
Speaker 3: Why didn't you run over and professionally network?
Speaker 1: I wish I could have with the microphone in my head.
Speaker 2: That's so great. He was laughing. He was laughing at us,
Speaker 2: So like, yeah, thank god I got the gig.
Speaker 5: I do.
Speaker 1: Recognized you, though I forgot your wonderful set.
Speaker 3: Let me just say, writers like fancy writers with good
Speaker 3: jobs who aren't stand up comedians have shittier podcast than
Speaker 3: this put a lot of time into Yeah, they're all
Speaker 3: weirdly jealous of the fact that we get attention.
Speaker 5: I bet you're right, probably right. I've had in Mike
Speaker 5: spirits with having writing jobs. It's I was very, very
Speaker 5: anxious to go be doing stand up again. And then
Speaker 5: of course when you're doing stand up you wish that
Speaker 5: you were making money writing.
Speaker 2: I cannot end this sentence fast enough.
Speaker 5: This podcast, Yeah, I'm very hungry.
Speaker 3: First know, let's talk about this hot guy. No, do
Speaker 3: you see the hot.
Speaker 2: Guy, the guy with the earphones.
Speaker 3: Yes, he's Latino and muscly and.
Speaker 2: He's five ft four. He's trying hard.
Speaker 3: He's like six feet tall.
Speaker 2: He's trying.
Speaker 3: So no one listening to this podcast cares.
Speaker 2: Yeah he does look good.
Speaker 5: Okay, wait, wait, okay, thanks, thanks really, thank you. Do
Speaker 5: you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Please listen to us on iTunes and give a positive review.
Speaker 1: And thank you.
Speaker 4: We have forty five positive reviews. I looked at them
Speaker 4: the other day and it was lovely. People say really
Speaker 4: nice thing.
Speaker 1: Oh that's great, Thank you. So much.
Speaker 2: You yeah, thank you, thank you very much. You've been
Speaker 2: listening to d y n A.
Speaker 5: Are are you leaving?
Speaker 2: I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 1: Either way we want to be there. Doesn't matter how
Speaker 1: much baggage you claim. Give us time and a termino
Speaker 1: and Gabe. We want to send you.
Speaker 3: Off instylele wanna welcome.
Speaker 2: You back home.
Speaker 1: Tell us all about it. We scared her?
Speaker 2: Was it fine?
Speaker 1: Mal porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need
Speaker 1: to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need ride? Do you ride? Do you mean.
Speaker 2: With Karen and Cress m