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Speaker 1: Yeah, wind Down with Janna Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast,

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Speaker 1: Episode four. I'm so excited. I'm super excited to wine

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Speaker 1: down today with all of you because we're talking about sex. Baby,

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Speaker 1: let's talk about you and me and we have an expert. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Mike's here, Well we have to. Mike is back. Mike

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Speaker 1: is back for his grand return, and we brought him

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Speaker 1: in for the Sex in Tennessee episode. I mean, is

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Speaker 1: this like a couples therapy that's like on air right now? Like,

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Speaker 1: what are we doing here? Do you have questions? Did

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Speaker 1: you come with them? No? She has to think. Janna

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Speaker 1: doesn't steer me. I told you we were talking about sex.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. She talks about so much. I can't

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Speaker 1: listen to everything. I think I think you tuned me

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Speaker 1: in and tune me out sometimes. But no, we're talking

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Speaker 1: about sex and intimacy today, and that's something that we

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Speaker 1: have issues with in the bedroom. Yes, I think everybody does.

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Speaker 1: I know, I think everybody is too. And you just

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Speaker 1: had your anniversary. Yeah, we just had our anniversary, and

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Speaker 1: you know I had fund you have and we just

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Speaker 1: kind of answer people you were just dying to ask. Alright,

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Speaker 1: So bab um I think, what do you what do

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Speaker 1: you think are what do you think our biggest issue

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Speaker 1: in the bedroom is? Um, A lot of it is

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Speaker 1: communication and expectations. I think, um, you know, where if

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Speaker 1: we try to get in the space of reading each

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Speaker 1: other's mind and you know, oh, it's been a couple

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Speaker 1: of days, we're gonna have sex, and uh, you know

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Speaker 1: that person you know isn't in the mood or too

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Speaker 1: tired or this or that, then the other person feels

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Speaker 1: like that. UM. I know for me in particular, you know,

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Speaker 1: the the stereotype for men is that we're just light

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Speaker 1: switches and no matter what, we can just have sex

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Speaker 1: just you know, as soon as our wives are significant

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Speaker 1: others say that, we're just like, all right, let's do it.

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Speaker 1: So you're saying it's more mental for you. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: think men in general, I don't think you know, I

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Speaker 1: think more guys can relate than people might. People might

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Speaker 1: be surprised with how many men can relate the fact that,

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Speaker 1: especially when you're involved with someone with intimacy, that it

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Speaker 1: takes a lot more than just hey on, let's go

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Speaker 1: have sex. It's like, sometimes we want some four play,

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Speaker 1: sometimes we want to be one and dined a little

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Speaker 1: bit and like feel special and stroke our ego a

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Speaker 1: little bit and then you know that might build our

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Speaker 1: confidence or whatever it may be. Yeah, I mean I

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Speaker 1: definitely hear you, because I mean, I know we have

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Speaker 1: some arguments where it's you know, I and I think

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Speaker 1: unfortunately the infidelity piece plays a part in this because

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Speaker 1: there's times when I'm like, you know, I do want

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Speaker 1: to have sex, but and I and I play the

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Speaker 1: game of waiting for you to come to me because

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Speaker 1: I'm like, well, you know, why doesn't he want me?

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Speaker 1: Why doesn't he want to sleep with me when he would,

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Speaker 1: you know if since he slept with someone else. I

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Speaker 1: think that does play a part with like my head

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Speaker 1: and like where you know, and I know other listeners

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Speaker 1: that have you know, have infidelity in the relationship, like

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Speaker 1: that is you know something they said that is a

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Speaker 1: problem because they like, we want to feel wanted and chosen,

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Speaker 1: you know, when y'all didn't choose us. And so it's

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Speaker 1: like I guess like for me, it's like I wish

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Speaker 1: we could find someone that could help us, like get

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Speaker 1: out of our heads because I think we we we

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Speaker 1: are both mentally like when we're in bed, like you

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Speaker 1: have anxiety, like, god, I I have to, but I mean,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm tired from worker, but she's you know,

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Speaker 1: she probably she wants. And then I'm like, I'm not

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Speaker 1: pretty enough and I'm not I'm insecure, and I'm like

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Speaker 1: why doesn't he choose me? And like I feel rejected again,

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Speaker 1: and it's like I feel like it's like, how do

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Speaker 1: we stay like how do we stay present? How do

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Speaker 1: we stay in the moment? How do we you know,

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Speaker 1: and not feel like we're having to meet these grand

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Speaker 1: expectations is something that we might not be able to

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Speaker 1: or at the time even too. It's not saying that

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Speaker 1: you don't think I'm pretty or you don't think that

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Speaker 1: you don't want to have sex with me, but you know,

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Speaker 1: when infidelity does play apart, that's what affects our sex life.

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Speaker 1: And then you know, I get upset. You get upset,

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Speaker 1: and you're like, you know, I think in general, you know,

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Speaker 1: especially when there is infidelity infidelity involved, communication is key,

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Speaker 1: and I think you and I have slowly gotten better

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Speaker 1: at this, at communicating and coming to each other and

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Speaker 1: be like, hey, I'm starting to feel this way. It's

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Speaker 1: been a couple of days. I'm starting to feel you know,

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Speaker 1: these triggers are coming up or these feelings are coming up,

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Speaker 1: like and then you know, anytime you've done that to me,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh, like, no, that's not it

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Speaker 1: at all, Like I've genuinely been tired or you know,

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Speaker 1: generally just haven't been in the mood. But I love

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Speaker 1: you so much and yes, let's connect or whatever it

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Speaker 1: may be. Um. So I think that's a big part,

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Speaker 1: especially when infidelity is involved, because just like I said

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Speaker 1: in the last episode, I was on, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to feel tested, and I feel like there's passive aggressiveness

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Speaker 1: in the sense of like I know you're waiting for me,

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Speaker 1: but there's hasn't been any talk about it. And then

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Speaker 1: I in my head and I'm like, because I want

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Speaker 1: to feel chosen. I want to feel like that you like,

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Speaker 1: you know, part of me is like you left me,

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Speaker 1: so now choose me, like jump on me, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. Like, and so that's like that's hard.

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Speaker 1: But I also know in your mind it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's been a long day, we have Jolie, and you're tired,

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Speaker 1: and we're tired, and maybe I just want and maybe

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Speaker 1: you just want to go to sleep. It's not because

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Speaker 1: you don't think I'm prettier, but it's just so it's

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Speaker 1: it's it's interesting like how both of our minds can

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Speaker 1: be two different places and then but yeah, we can

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Speaker 1: both be frustrated and that's just that's hard. And I

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Speaker 1: know the communication and you're right, we have done a

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Speaker 1: better job at that, but it's still like sometimes we're

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Speaker 1: like you say that you want the four play too

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Speaker 1: or and it's like, but sometimes I think like the

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Speaker 1: person that has been effected and fidelity wants to four

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Speaker 1: play more because it's like, you know, like the other

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Speaker 1: day when you're like surprised and I was like, you know,

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Speaker 1: like it made me feel special. It made me feel

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Speaker 1: like you know, even though it was you know, it

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Speaker 1: was incredibly spontaneous, and then I was I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh wow, like I didn't feel like your wife, like

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Speaker 1: just like you know, lay next to you. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I just it was something different that like it was

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Speaker 1: it was nice. I just felt like it was like

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Speaker 1: you you wanted me, and I felt and wanted. So

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Speaker 1: I just know that I like the spontaneous. Yeah, the

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Speaker 1: spontaneity is I think key two when there's issue every

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Speaker 1: once in a while, for sure, every once in a while,

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Speaker 1: like you and I have where it's just you know,

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Speaker 1: if it starts to become this planning thing, then I

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Speaker 1: get in my head especially and it's just like anxiety

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Speaker 1: like build up to performing and you know, my insecurities

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Speaker 1: or what however I feel about myself in that moment

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Speaker 1: might take over, you know, how I really feel or

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Speaker 1: how I want to be with you. Um. You know again,

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Speaker 1: that's something that I'm sure most men won't really admit,

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Speaker 1: is you know, insecurities that they may have with performing

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Speaker 1: or uh, you know issues with intimacy, which you know

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Speaker 1: I have where you know me, I never connected sex

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Speaker 1: and intimacy and love together before in my life. Now,

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Speaker 1: being in a real relationship with you that deals with

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Speaker 1: intimacy and really growing together as a couple as to

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Speaker 1: human beings like that is so uncomfortable for me. But

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to do that. I'm trying to get to

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Speaker 1: that level like of intimacy and like what that's really like.

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Speaker 1: And again I think a lot of people don't look

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Speaker 1: into it like that. I mean, And that's the thing, yes,

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Speaker 1: I mean, and I thank you for like saying that

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Speaker 1: because but it but it also makes me sad because

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I want that intimacy. I want that like

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Speaker 1: that and not just like not just sex. I know

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Speaker 1: intimacy isn't just sex. It's everything like leading up to

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Speaker 1: it in our relationship and communication. And I know that,

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Speaker 1: like you know, sex and intimacy, you haven't coupled together.

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Speaker 1: So I mean, what is what are you doing too? Well,

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Speaker 1: that's the thing. I think, you know, I'm starting to

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Speaker 1: and I think you're seeing that that I'm starting to

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Speaker 1: correlate the two. And it's it's not a decision that

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Speaker 1: I have made in my life. It's not like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm just I'm gonna have issues with intimacy. I choose that. No,

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Speaker 1: it's just, you know, things that have happened throughout my

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Speaker 1: life that have caused me to to not relate sex

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Speaker 1: and love and intimacy, and uh so it's just different

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Speaker 1: for me. It's different and having to go through that

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Speaker 1: at you know, thirty one years old, when I spent

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Speaker 1: the whole rest of my life not correlating the two,

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Speaker 1: Is that's a change. Do you think it's possible? Absolutely?

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Speaker 1: I think it's already. I've already shown at times it's possible,

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Speaker 1: and it's just only something that I can by practicing

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Speaker 1: by taking contrary action from what I would do in

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Speaker 1: the past and putting myself in uncomfortable situations, which is

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Speaker 1: very hard to do, but choosing to do that because

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Speaker 1: I want to grow with you. Thank you for sharing. Wow.

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Speaker 1: So I'm just I'm so curious. What what was the

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Speaker 1: intimacy level before the infidelity? What was it like you

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Speaker 1: two as a couple before the infidelity? The problem was,

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Speaker 1: I mean, do you want to say it or go ahead?

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Speaker 1: Go ahead? No, I'll let do it because I don't

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Speaker 1: want to, like, I don't want to get you mad

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Speaker 1: at me. I don't want to say that because I

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Speaker 1: know how sensitive you are to certain things, and I

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Speaker 1: know this is this is hard, it's not easy. But again,

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Speaker 1: like you know, you have realized like how many people

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Speaker 1: we are helping as well. But from my take of it,

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Speaker 1: it was great in the very beginning, Like but then again,

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Speaker 1: he meets someone that he loves and he's struggled with

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Speaker 1: intimacy his entire life. So it was in the beginning,

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Speaker 1: you know, where it was like, I'm like, what what happened?

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Speaker 1: Like what why are you not what's up? Like you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like what's going on? Like this

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Speaker 1: isn't this isn't good? Why are you not what? Why

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Speaker 1: are you not wanting to sex with me? Why is

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Speaker 1: why is it not working in this sexual capacity? Being

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Speaker 1: a whole and a whole and you know, mean and

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Speaker 1: short tempered and not the loving, you know, compassionate, supporting

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Speaker 1: boyfriend I was at the beginning, and then what it

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Speaker 1: turned into. And I mean we had a luck. I

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Speaker 1: say this any time we talked to somebody, because I

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Speaker 1: think it's no excuse. But having said that, there are

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Speaker 1: things in life that happened, happened, like circumstances that affect

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Speaker 1: the outcome. And in the span of six months, we

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Speaker 1: bought a house together, we got engaged, we got married,

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Speaker 1: we got pregnant, and I was transitioning out of the

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Speaker 1: only career I've ever done, I've ever had. Okay, but

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Speaker 1: that's not the main reason though. No, No, I'm not

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Speaker 1: saying that. I'm just saying circumstances like like happen in

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Speaker 1: life that maybe caused me to be even that much

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Speaker 1: more disconnected. But the core is you fell in love

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Speaker 1: with me. You have intimacy issues. You don't connect love

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Speaker 1: and sex together. So from way past, like way before, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: my point in saying that because yes, I've always had

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Speaker 1: I didn't correlate love in intimacy and sex and all

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Speaker 1: that stuff, so that on top of all those other things,

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Speaker 1: it was like, you know, perfect storm in my in

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Speaker 1: my brain, can we explain? And then there was the

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Speaker 1: cheating before, and so then that just still Let so

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Speaker 1: is our sex life has been you know, yeah, but

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Speaker 1: I mean it's it's been a work in progress because

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Speaker 1: of those issues and the intimacy. Is it when you

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Speaker 1: actually physically emotionally fall in love, did it trigger the

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Speaker 1: intimacy issues? Yeah, so you didn't have them when you

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Speaker 1: were just dating. It was as you were falling in love.

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Speaker 1: I'm just trying to like he would a few women

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Speaker 1: in my past that it was like it was it

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Speaker 1: was kind of weird. I kind of laughed at myself

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Speaker 1: about it. But it's like I knew I really liked

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Speaker 1: the girl when I started having like yeah, like literally

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Speaker 1: it was like an alarm clock going off from my body.

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Speaker 1: It's like like it would happen. I'm that holy shop,

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Speaker 1: I must really like this girl. I must like like

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Speaker 1: her a lot, and it's only happened to small amount

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Speaker 1: of women and the girls were like, uh, do are

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Speaker 1: we not hot right now? Like what's going on? I mean?

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Speaker 1: And eventually I got past it and things were okay,

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Speaker 1: but still just especially initially, it's just it was really weird.

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Speaker 1: But is it fear? Is it? But at the same time,

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Speaker 1: you'd go off and be with somebody else easily, but

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Speaker 1: with the person you loved, he wouldn't. And that's why

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Speaker 1: I've been unfaithful in every relationship I've ever had ever. Wow, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: yeah it sucks. So yeah, it's not easy. But now

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Speaker 1: you're working on it. Now you guys are working on it.

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Speaker 1: Is yes, we are, but it's you know, it's it's

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Speaker 1: still hard for I think for you because it's like

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Speaker 1: you want to not be always the perpetrator, and you

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Speaker 1: have been in every single one of your relationships. It's

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Speaker 1: hard when you want to do something but then like

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Speaker 1: your body, your brain doesn't want to cooperate, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean, Like your your brain and heart are

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Speaker 1: two different things, you know, and it's tough to kind

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Speaker 1: of get the both of them on the same path,

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Speaker 1: get them in sync, get them in sync on what

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Speaker 1: you really want to do. Um Man, this is harder

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Speaker 1: to talk about. I thought, um I'm proud of you though,

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Speaker 1: for I mean like admitting you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: admitting that, And honestly, that's what drew us together in

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Speaker 1: the first place, because I've cheated plenty in my past,

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Speaker 1: not proud of it. But when we got together, we

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Speaker 1: both were like and I was like I would. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna honked you. I cheated on my last relationship.

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Speaker 1: I cheated on them one before up and I cheated

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Speaker 1: on the one before that. Not proud of it. But

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Speaker 1: I want to be different in this relationship. I want

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Speaker 1: to love you, only love you and be with you.

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Speaker 1: And what hurt was that he said the same thing,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, He's like me too, I

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Speaker 1: have it. It's like we finally found someone that like

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Speaker 1: we got each other. Yeah, and that's why that's where

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Speaker 1: we connected so quick, so fast, because we loved the

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Speaker 1: flaws in one another. Like you know, I feel like

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Speaker 1: the majority of the time when people first start dating,

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Speaker 1: people asked that, like have you ever cheated? And everyone's like, no,

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Speaker 1: like you give the political answer when more times or not,

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Speaker 1: they probably have. Did you feel like a mirror? It

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Speaker 1: was just nice to and finally someone didn't judge me too,

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Speaker 1: because I'm like, it's it sucks and I'm not proud

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Speaker 1: of it at all, But I knew what I wanted

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Speaker 1: to do different in this relationship. So you know, when

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Speaker 1: there was infidelity again his side, I was like, damn it.

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Speaker 1: You know, we talked like we said we were going

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Speaker 1: to be different, you know, like and so that was like,

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Speaker 1: that was that was just hard for me. And I

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Speaker 1: know he wants to be different, you know, and he

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Speaker 1: has act of working on his stuff and you know,

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Speaker 1: and you know, I'm proud of you for for owning

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Speaker 1: all of it too and wanting to be better and

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Speaker 1: wanting to have intimacy because the fact that you even

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Speaker 1: want to work on your intimacy and is huge because

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Speaker 1: you could have easily, I mean, the easiest thing for you, Mike,

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Speaker 1: out of all this was to leave and starting a

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Speaker 1: relationship relationship with someone else that you haven't heard, haven't

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Speaker 1: doesn't have triggers, and that would have been the easiest

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Speaker 1: thing for you to do. And you yes, yes, but

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Speaker 1: I mean I give you a lot because I mean

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Speaker 1: it was I feel like it's a it's a bigger

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Speaker 1: uphill battle for you with you know everything, so um

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Speaker 1: and like totally like changing your ways and you know

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Speaker 1: being but you know who you want to be, and

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Speaker 1: I know who you want to be to know who

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Speaker 1: you can be. So thank you for again being just

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Speaker 1: super honest. And I think this is going to help

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Speaker 1: a lot of people. It's a tough subject to talk about.

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Speaker 1: It is, I can see and you're okay, so have

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Speaker 1: to talk to you guys about something. Um, I like

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Speaker 1: brushing my teeth. I brushed my teeth twice a day. Um,

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Speaker 1: well most of the time. But um, what I love

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00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,560
Speaker 1: about this new toothbrush I'm using is that accused me

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Speaker 1: accountable Because I remember I was facetiming with my mom

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Speaker 1: the other day and I was like, Mom, I gotta

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Speaker 1: brush my teeth. She's like, oh, I will too, So

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Speaker 1: we're facetiming. She's like two minutes. And what I love

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Speaker 1: about it is that my toothbrush is actually time. So

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Speaker 1: my mom stopped at like thirty seconds and she's like, wow,

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Speaker 1: two minutes is really long. I'm like, yeah, Mom, I know.

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Speaker 1: That's why I gotta get quip because it's an electronic toothbrush.

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Speaker 1: It's it literally has a timer in there, so it

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Speaker 1: helps you clean for the dentist recommended two minutes with pulsaying.

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Speaker 1: So it really, really like the vibration helps clean my

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Speaker 1: teeth so much. So I feel like my teeth are

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Speaker 1: just cleaner, and it's so much better than a regular toothbrush,

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Speaker 1: because again, I just think having that vibration on your

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Speaker 1: teeth really gets the cook out. And I think it's fantastic.

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Speaker 1: What I also love about it at Oprah loves it

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Speaker 1: and whatever Oprah loves I love. It was on the

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Speaker 1: Oprah's O List, named one of the times Best Inventions,

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Speaker 1: and the first subscription electric toothbrush accepted by the American

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Speaker 1: Dental Association. So I want you all to be just

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Speaker 1: as happy about brushing your teeth as I am. So.

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Speaker 1: Quip starts at just twenty five dollars and up. If

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Speaker 1: you go to get quip dot com slash Janna right now,

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Speaker 1: you'll get your first refill pack free with Equip Electric toothbrush.

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Speaker 1: By the way, it also looks like an iPhone. It's

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Speaker 1: like looks like it was made from apple. It's like

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Speaker 1: rose Gold's beautiful. That's your first refill pack free at

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Speaker 1: get quip dot com slash Janna spelled g E t

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Speaker 1: q u i P dot com slash Janna happy brushing.

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Speaker 1: Let's let's talk to UM an expert we have on

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Speaker 1: the line right now, right now, right now, right now.

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Speaker 1: Her name is Uh. I don't want to butcher this, Shari,

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Speaker 1: Is it sure? Right? Okay? I was like I was

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Speaker 1: gonna say, Cherry, I'm sorry, but Suary it. How are you?

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Speaker 1: I'm great? How are you good? I'm just sitting here

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Speaker 1: talking with my husband about sex my favorite topics so perfect,

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Speaker 1: and we're you know, we're just kind of and also

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Speaker 1: producer Jenna's here with us, and UM, you know, we're

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Speaker 1: just kind of talking about how we're now building our

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Speaker 1: sex life through infidelity and intimacy and UM, if you

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Speaker 1: have any helpful hints, I think or managing expectations too

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Speaker 1: is something that I think of my husband, like mind

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Speaker 1: reading or having expectations too to please me and to um. Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: so the infidelity happened on whose part mine? Okay? And

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Speaker 1: you both want to rebuild and get back to a

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Speaker 1: place or get to a new place in the relations.

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Speaker 1: We want to obviously, I mean we're we're working on

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Speaker 1: our marriage, what would be helpful, like, okay, So for me,

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Speaker 1: I'll tell you what I need, and then my husband

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Speaker 1: you can say what you might need. But for me,

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Speaker 1: I want to know how do I stop with the comparisons?

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Speaker 1: First of all, because I have a lot of insecurities

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Speaker 1: and I get in my head a lot like how

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Speaker 1: do I stay present with the man that I'm in

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Speaker 1: bed with now, not who he was right? And then

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Speaker 1: comparing and then also you know, if he doesn't want

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Speaker 1: to sleep with me because he's tired, how do I

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Speaker 1: not like be like, well, you wanted to sleep with

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Speaker 1: so and so, why won't you be with me? Of course,

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Speaker 1: Oh these are great questions. And let me just start

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Speaker 1: by saying that I went through this too, So I

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Speaker 1: was in your shoes and I've worked with so many

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Speaker 1: clients to get through this, and it's absolutely possible. So

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Speaker 1: what would be paramount is that you two decide what

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Speaker 1: you want now. You know, maybe where you were before

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Speaker 1: there were some holes in the relation, tip or one

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Speaker 1: or the both of you were not getting everything that

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Speaker 1: you needed, and so to create a new vision for

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Speaker 1: the relationship is really key. To say okay in the

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Speaker 1: future as we're you know, day by day rebuilding what

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Speaker 1: are we building and really get on the same page

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Speaker 1: about what it is that you want together, because I

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Speaker 1: imagine there's something better to walk into. You know, you

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Speaker 1: can learn a lot from this instead of walking away

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Speaker 1: from it. So if you're both on the same page

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Speaker 1: about what that vision is, that's going to help a

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Speaker 1: lot because then you're holding that as opposed to something

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Speaker 1: from the past. You know, we know what happened, but

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Speaker 1: here's where we're going and work, you know, working towards

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Speaker 1: that is going to be a great container to stay

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Speaker 1: focused on what you two are building. Like art, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's something you're creating together, future focused and then in

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Speaker 1: the present for you, you know, there's some work that

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Speaker 1: you can do just in individually to look at what

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Speaker 1: what's the blessing of this? It showed you that you've

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Speaker 1: got some some insecurity, some sense of now questioning who

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Speaker 1: you are, and so in that there's a giant lesson,

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Speaker 1: there's giant growth for you and that you know, any

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Speaker 1: of us has that opportunity. But the fact that you

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Speaker 1: have that in your hands now you can say, all right,

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Speaker 1: how do I see myself and really go into some

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Speaker 1: exploration of how do I identify am I the girl

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Speaker 1: who has cheated on? Or am I you know, some

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Speaker 1: really beautiful soul on this planet who's worthy of love,

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Speaker 1: who has their own unique flavor of love to give,

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Speaker 1: and and start really amplifying how you see yourself. You know,

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Speaker 1: I see that there's these life stages that we go

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Speaker 1: through as men and women, and as a woman, you're

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Speaker 1: going through. Can I ask how old you are? I'm

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Speaker 1: thirty four, okay, so right about that age. You're in

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Speaker 1: what we would call like the princess age before you

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Speaker 1: become a queen. So it sounds really silly, but I

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Speaker 1: think it's a great sort of metaphor that we can

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Speaker 1: relate to. Is that you're learning about your power right now,

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Speaker 1: and in short order, as you start to approach forty,

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Speaker 1: you're going to step into that power so holy and

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Speaker 1: become the queen you know, and then and beyond that,

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Speaker 1: there's other stages, but these these stages are important for

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Speaker 1: you to know about. Now that you get to you

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Speaker 1: get to be playing with your power and what that

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Speaker 1: means as a woman. You know, how you want to

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Speaker 1: be treated, how much love you have to give, Identifying

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Speaker 1: with yourself as a really powerful form of love on

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Speaker 1: this planet for that man that no other woman can

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Speaker 1: compare to, frankly, because there's no other woman exactly like you,

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Speaker 1: And so I would spend my time filter sting on

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Speaker 1: your own unique gifts and the own you know, your

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Speaker 1: own ways of expressing because when you really you know

425
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:06,480
Speaker 1: except that and your own way of being, then yeah,

426
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:08,560
Speaker 1: there are a million other flavors of women out there,

427
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 1: but when you're really aligned with yours, you become irresistible.

428
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:17,639
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, I hear you. There's two parts in me.

429
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,840
Speaker 1: One that's like yeah, absolutely, like I am like I

430
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:22,640
Speaker 1: am beautiful, and then in other parts like, well then

431
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:26,760
Speaker 1: why didn't he choose me? Right? Well, that'd be a

432
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:30,119
Speaker 1: really good question. I'd love to hear his answer. I

433
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:33,399
Speaker 1: need both your names. I'm Jane, and then this is

434
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:38,240
Speaker 1: my husband, Mike. Hi, Mike. Yeah, tell me there's there's

435
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,600
Speaker 1: a truth here that you there was something you weren't

436
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,439
Speaker 1: getting in life, and maybe not just from Janna, but

437
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,880
Speaker 1: just in life. Have you guys had that conversation where

438
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:53,200
Speaker 1: you've told her really what you were speaking? Yeah, we have, Um,

439
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 1: you know, there's as open as we are on this show.

440
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:58,960
Speaker 1: About our issues are still some things that we keep

441
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:02,520
Speaker 1: to ourselves. UM, but her and her and I have had,

442
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:06,800
Speaker 1: you know, these conversations and they've been ongoing. Um. You know,

443
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:11,160
Speaker 1: it's been two years now almost um since since kind

444
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:15,240
Speaker 1: of discovery. But um, you know, there's a lot of

445
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,240
Speaker 1: things that I was missing. I mean, you know, I

446
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 1: could spend all day talking about. But our important thing

447
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 1: now is kind of as you said, it's rebuilding who

448
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 1: we are as individuals, as two separate human beings, and

449
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 1: then within that coming together stronger than we ever ever were.

450
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:35,920
Speaker 1: And you know, there we don't have to be um,

451
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,720
Speaker 1: codependent on one another, you know, and wake up in

452
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 1: the morning and say, you know, how, hey, honey, how

453
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 1: how am I? How do I feel today? How am

454
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 1: I feeling? You know, and depend on each other to

455
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:48,680
Speaker 1: kind of dictate our emotions are our feelings that day,

456
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,600
Speaker 1: which I think we did for a while at the

457
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:53,399
Speaker 1: beginning of the beginning of our marriage when we started

458
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 1: hitting some just you know, real world regular stresses in

459
00:24:57,040 --> 00:25:00,520
Speaker 1: life and became kind of codependent on one another and

460
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 1: kind of lost part of ourselves in that. Um, I

461
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:08,160
Speaker 1: know I did for sure, so and a huge piece

462
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,080
Speaker 1: of it too. Is that he does struggle with intimacy,

463
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,600
Speaker 1: and so that is also an issue like with you

464
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 1: know why he has treated in previous relationships and then

465
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:20,080
Speaker 1: in ours as well. Um, but I think now like

466
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:23,880
Speaker 1: as we are coupling together again, you know, how does

467
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:28,560
Speaker 1: I mean, Mike, Like, your biggest thing is the mind

468
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:33,680
Speaker 1: reading and expectations? Is that you would say is your Um? Yeah,

469
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:38,200
Speaker 1: that's definitely one of them. Um, you know it's for

470
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:39,960
Speaker 1: me again, Like I said before, I don't want to

471
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,040
Speaker 1: feel tested, and so I would like to know what's

472
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:44,640
Speaker 1: out on the table as opposed to in your mind.

473
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 1: You might have these expectations and if I don't meet them,

474
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:51,199
Speaker 1: you get upset when well, that's not fair because I

475
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:54,160
Speaker 1: never knew what they were. So I don't know because

476
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:57,920
Speaker 1: we're again, we're two different people and we think different ways, right,

477
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 1: So how would deal with that? Then there's there's a

478
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,640
Speaker 1: short pad around this that is really just the simplest

479
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 1: question and getting really good at asking this question and

480
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:12,919
Speaker 1: giving honest answers and moment to moment, baby, what do

481
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:16,399
Speaker 1: you need? What do you need? Right? Okay? I hear that.

482
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,119
Speaker 1: At the same time, like I want him to be

483
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,080
Speaker 1: able to I don't want to have to tell him

484
00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:23,000
Speaker 1: what I need. I hear you because you guys have

485
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 1: probably been together for a long time, right, I mean

486
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:27,320
Speaker 1: we've been together for you know, three and three and

487
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:29,640
Speaker 1: a half four years. But it's like, I'm like, I'm

488
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:32,440
Speaker 1: laying in bed, I got a really sexy lingerie thing on. Yeah,

489
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 1: I want you to jump me right now. I don't

490
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:34,960
Speaker 1: want you to. I don't have to tell you to

491
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:39,280
Speaker 1: jump me. You know, like I totally get it. And

492
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 1: and for for us as women, we find it really

493
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:47,679
Speaker 1: reassuring that you know us right, that you that you

494
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:51,400
Speaker 1: can catch our cues. And I'm like, I'm wearing I'm

495
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:55,880
Speaker 1: not wearing like, you know, your big sweatshirt, like hellow.

496
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:57,720
Speaker 1: And then he's just like good night, babe, And I'm like,

497
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:03,719
Speaker 1: what the what do I want? Baby? Like that's what

498
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 1: I want. I want the baby Like on the air,

499
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,720
Speaker 1: we could sit out loud that it's now a new

500
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:15,639
Speaker 1: code that if mama's wearing lingerie that means I want

501
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:22,439
Speaker 1: the Yeah, yeah exactly. But I mean I guess, like

502
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:24,639
Speaker 1: I guess the times that you know I you know

503
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 1: that I'm not wearing the lingeree and I still might

504
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 1: want to is it is it conscious? Should there be

505
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 1: conscious times for both of us, even if we're tired

506
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:39,280
Speaker 1: or whatever, to try, I guess, or to like make

507
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:42,600
Speaker 1: the effort because I don't Again, I just I don't.

508
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,639
Speaker 1: I have hard time. I don't want to ask for that. No,

509
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,880
Speaker 1: you want it to be natural. You want to feel wanted,

510
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,920
Speaker 1: you want absolutely you do so, so here's another way

511
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:55,160
Speaker 1: if it's to be something else, because that's not gonna work.

512
00:27:56,760 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 1: It's incredibly generous to have that shortcut to sometimes know

513
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 1: that he's going to be thinking of other things, or

514
00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:05,119
Speaker 1: have had a busy day, or be really tired and

515
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:09,359
Speaker 1: just not know. And that is universally a trait that

516
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:12,720
Speaker 1: we struggle with with anyone who identifies masculine. There in

517
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,600
Speaker 1: a single focused mindset, and they're not always going to

518
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:18,239
Speaker 1: be able to penetrate the depths of our being and

519
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:21,880
Speaker 1: figure out what we're feeling. He should try, right, Mike,

520
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:24,119
Speaker 1: I would think you'd be willing to try to get

521
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 1: in there, to give her presence, to get to know

522
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:29,399
Speaker 1: her more deeply. I think today it would be really

523
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,399
Speaker 1: amazing if you could just sign up to always know

524
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:36,880
Speaker 1: that she's saying she wants you, and he's wearing. It

525
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:39,880
Speaker 1: helps when you start to learn those cues that build trust.

526
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:43,720
Speaker 1: But for the times that you you don't want to

527
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 1: do that, I think there's there's got to be um

528
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 1: an understanding. So let's say you know he's tired, but

529
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:55,000
Speaker 1: you really want him if we flipped it, if you

530
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 1: were really tired and he want to do if you

531
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:02,480
Speaker 1: had the ability to say, look, there are a few

532
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 1: things that I need first, I need the dishwasher, Anthony,

533
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:07,560
Speaker 1: I need to think aback, there are a couple of

534
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:09,120
Speaker 1: things I need in order to be able to give

535
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 1: that to you that you guys should be able to

536
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,080
Speaker 1: ask for that. Like he may be tired and he

537
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:16,920
Speaker 1: can say I can have a quickie, I can't spend

538
00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 1: an hour. You know that there be a little negotiating

539
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:23,720
Speaker 1: because I think that's what we call level three relationships,

540
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 1: which is really just all about giving, trying to be

541
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:32,320
Speaker 1: a source of your partner's needs. And that's another conversation

542
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 1: we can go into more deeply if you want, but

543
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 1: it's it's taking the stance of being just a total

544
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 1: giver and wanting to give to your lap. So if

545
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:43,320
Speaker 1: she really needs you, then Mike, you get to ask

546
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:44,880
Speaker 1: for what you know, do you get to take a

547
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:47,320
Speaker 1: power nott first, You're gonna get a coffee? You like,

548
00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:50,560
Speaker 1: what do you need in order to give her that?

549
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:53,360
Speaker 1: Because what I what I think is really helpful is

550
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 1: to say in all relationships that you haven't you have.

551
00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:00,200
Speaker 1: This is a great metaphor, but I'm a twenty four

552
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:04,320
Speaker 1: seven always open restaurant for you. But if you're going

553
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 1: to come by around three in the morning, you got

554
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 1: to expect that the waitress is going to be a

555
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 1: little cranky and not give you like hard course meal,

556
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,600
Speaker 1: you know, and or that maybe you can just decide

557
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:19,920
Speaker 1: as a couple that there's certain hours that you're closed

558
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,520
Speaker 1: for business. Yeah, you know, well, and that's and that's

559
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,520
Speaker 1: what we had an argument about that because you know,

560
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:27,080
Speaker 1: he like woke me up, and I was like, I

561
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 1: don't want to just be woken up like having you

562
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:31,800
Speaker 1: know what I mean. He's like, whoa, I was giving

563
00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:33,920
Speaker 1: you like you want to have all the time. And

564
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:35,800
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, but I want like, yeah, I

565
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 1: want you to maybe kiss me for I don't wake

566
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:40,120
Speaker 1: me up like when I'm dead sleep like you know,

567
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:44,360
Speaker 1: she said, she has said both like sometimes she's like

568
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:45,880
Speaker 1: I just want you to jump my bones and stuff

569
00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 1: like that. And don't get me wrong with grant and

570
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:50,120
Speaker 1: plenty of sex. And this is just where our issues

571
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 1: come up are in these situations, right. But I mean,

572
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 1: you've given me both signs, like you said both things.

573
00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 1: Where're like you've literally said to me, wake me up,

574
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 1: like I won't care, Like I don't remember ever saying

575
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 1: wake me up. You don't wake me up. So the

576
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:10,840
Speaker 1: record on the record, the greatest thing, shake me first

577
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:15,000
Speaker 1: and our mind exactly. Yes, we absolutely do change your mind.

578
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 1: Yet now now I'm in a different now now that

579
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 1: we're two years past in Phil don't wake me up. Yeah,

580
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:25,240
Speaker 1: So you guys decide, and and that's really generous to say,

581
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:27,840
Speaker 1: like here's what I'm opened for business. Here's my favorite.

582
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 1: I'm open for business like sixteen hours of the day.

583
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:35,280
Speaker 1: So that's amazing. And then and then to give him

584
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 1: a sense of what turns you on, I call them

585
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 1: jump starts, like what would be the zero to sixty

586
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 1: move you know that would really turn you on? And

587
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,440
Speaker 1: what you might know for him to like a zero

588
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:47,760
Speaker 1: to sixty move that you don't have to beg and

589
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 1: plead you could do one or two things that you

590
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 1: know are always going to turn him on, you know,

591
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:57,800
Speaker 1: to share that with each other really were because the

592
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 1: common misconception, and I mean rightfully so, is that you know,

593
00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:04,840
Speaker 1: men were just like light switches. We can just turn

594
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 1: it on or you know, our spouse wants to have sex, Yeah,

595
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,760
Speaker 1: let's do this, like you know, no issue. Well, you know,

596
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 1: I think, or at least for me personally, when I

597
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 1: struggle with intimacy and and really connecting with you know,

598
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:20,520
Speaker 1: with Joanna and you know who I'm in a relationship with.

599
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:24,160
Speaker 1: For me, it's not just a light switch. Sometimes sometimes

600
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 1: it is. I mean, shoot, yesterday it was you know, spontaneous,

601
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 1: and you know it wasn't a big issue at all.

602
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,960
Speaker 1: But sometimes for me it's like I feel like, right now,

603
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 1: she's just waiting for me to make a move and

604
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:39,160
Speaker 1: make her feel special, when sometimes in my mind, I'm like,

605
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:44,320
Speaker 1: what about me, Like I'm here too, Like I don't

606
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 1: I don't see anything coming to me and making me

607
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:50,840
Speaker 1: feel special sometimes and I think I'm the first. I'm

608
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:56,240
Speaker 1: sorry like that you feel that way. I think for me,

609
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 1: maybe why I don't is because I'm still in that

610
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:03,640
Speaker 1: like I want you to choose me, because I haven't

611
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 1: felt chosen in our relationship. So I think that's where

612
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 1: like infidelity has screwed up our sex life. But I mean,

613
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:12,200
Speaker 1: I feel like we're kind of getting into a place

614
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 1: now where it's something that you know, that is something

615
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:19,240
Speaker 1: that I can now try more on because but and

616
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,920
Speaker 1: here's but here's my issue with it though when I

617
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:25,360
Speaker 1: have done it. My biggest thing is I when he

618
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 1: rejects me, I get furious because I'm like, oh, you're

619
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:33,520
Speaker 1: rejecting me. You did not reject them, right, And so

620
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:35,719
Speaker 1: when I get rejected, if I'm telling you right now,

621
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 1: if I start to try and I get rejected, it

622
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:42,760
Speaker 1: won't be pretty because I'm gonna be upset. And I

623
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 1: have been before, like when I have tried, So what sure,

624
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:47,560
Speaker 1: what do I do in that instance where I'm like,

625
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 1: I am trying and but now I'm not getting chosen

626
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:54,360
Speaker 1: or he's not going to sleep with me right right? Well,

627
00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 1: there's a number of things. I think knowing what you

628
00:33:57,080 --> 00:34:01,520
Speaker 1: guys are building and being future focused or even present focus,

629
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,680
Speaker 1: you're going to have an easier time because what happens

630
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:07,000
Speaker 1: in that moment, which I totally get, is you go

631
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:10,920
Speaker 1: back into the past. And and that is where like

632
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 1: I want you still to prove to me that I'm lovable.

633
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:15,239
Speaker 1: I want you to choose me. I want you to

634
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:18,480
Speaker 1: undo this. So there's there's a something a ritual that

635
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:21,360
Speaker 1: you guys have to have around for giving forgiving this

636
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:24,919
Speaker 1: and drawing a line in this band and saying we're

637
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:28,160
Speaker 1: going to move beyond this. I'm not gonna I'm not

638
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:32,279
Speaker 1: gonna make anything in the future now mean that I'm

639
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:35,759
Speaker 1: not as good as her. But what do I do

640
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,480
Speaker 1: when he rejects me when I'm trying so Yeah, But

641
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:40,600
Speaker 1: then that's the other thing is that you in life,

642
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:43,799
Speaker 1: you have the ability to choose the meaning for everything. Right,

643
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:47,280
Speaker 1: this guy just cut me off, I'm gonna make it mean, right,

644
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:50,759
Speaker 1: or I didn't get you know, this opportunity, I'm gonna

645
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:53,120
Speaker 1: make it mean and you can you can choose that.

646
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:57,319
Speaker 1: That's what your brain does, so you can now redefine it.

647
00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:00,239
Speaker 1: If he doesn't want you in that moment it or

648
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:04,240
Speaker 1: if he's not turned on. You get to consciously decide

649
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:08,759
Speaker 1: what does this mean? And it's it's really something that

650
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:12,400
Speaker 1: I would sort of check with him on, you know, like, honey,

651
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:14,879
Speaker 1: I need some help here. What does this mean? Does

652
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:16,719
Speaker 1: it mean that you're just tired. Doesn't mean that you're

653
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:19,840
Speaker 1: not attractive to me, doesn't you know? Does it mean later,

654
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 1: like try to find something that actually empowers you and

655
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:27,160
Speaker 1: has you feel close to him, because it's usually something

656
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:29,880
Speaker 1: that it is better than what we're making up in

657
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,640
Speaker 1: our minds. And I have this whole commitment to myself

658
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 1: that my mind will make up all kinds of crazy

659
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:38,760
Speaker 1: stuff and I and it's sometimes wrong, it's most often wrong.

660
00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:41,680
Speaker 1: And so I say it's in my love, Honey, I'm

661
00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:43,520
Speaker 1: making up a story right now, and I'm not sure

662
00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:45,680
Speaker 1: if it's true. Can I check it out with you?

663
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:49,239
Speaker 1: Because what I'm feeling right now is totally rejected, you know,

664
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,279
Speaker 1: and completely closed off and shut down. And I don't

665
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 1: want to feel that. Do you think you could have

666
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:59,959
Speaker 1: that with him? Yeah? I mean I would. I would

667
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:05,400
Speaker 1: love that. It's just I'm again, in my right healthy brain,

668
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:09,760
Speaker 1: I am saying absolutely and my other and rejected, um,

669
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,440
Speaker 1: you know her wife, You're not you know, not feeling

670
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:17,720
Speaker 1: good enough. That hurts and I don't. I can try

671
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 1: to work on asking him that, but again it's taking

672
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:28,560
Speaker 1: a huge leap for me to try. Yeah. Yeah, it's

673
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:30,359
Speaker 1: a lot of work, and what I would say would

674
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:32,799
Speaker 1: be an easier way because you've got like your high

675
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 1: self right, You're like you've been calling that your healthy self,

676
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:39,240
Speaker 1: your wise your self. When you're in your prefrontal cortex

677
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:41,560
Speaker 1: or you're in your heart and you're feeling safe, you

678
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 1: can always be her and you'll have a great conversation

679
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:45,600
Speaker 1: with him. But there's gonna be the times when you

680
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 1: get triggered or when you go out of that area

681
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 1: straight into the amygdala and you are reptilian brain and

682
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:54,960
Speaker 1: you're going to react, and so you have to have

683
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,279
Speaker 1: an agreement with Mike, and Mike if you would be

684
00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:01,320
Speaker 1: so generous to hold her when she gets triggered, to

685
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:05,640
Speaker 1: stay there like a redwood tree and say, Okay, this

686
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:10,120
Speaker 1: doesn't scare me. I've got this. It's it's her. Her

687
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:12,480
Speaker 1: hurt feelings will come out, and I would say, Jennifer,

688
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,840
Speaker 1: you just to like cry and say I feel rejected,

689
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,239
Speaker 1: I don't feel good right now and honest really hurts me,

690
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 1: and and be in your vulnerability. Then Mike you get

691
00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 1: to hold that and know and know this without a

692
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 1: shadow of a doubt, that these moments will pass. They're

693
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 1: not going to be here forever. She's not going to

694
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:33,799
Speaker 1: test you forever, bring up the past for forever. But

695
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:35,920
Speaker 1: if you can stand there and be present to that

696
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:41,759
Speaker 1: emotion and hold it every time that comes up, that

697
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:44,840
Speaker 1: will be like one last time and it'll finally go away.

698
00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:48,319
Speaker 1: She's going to work through those emotions and learn to

699
00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:51,399
Speaker 1: trust you again. If you can just say you don't

700
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:53,960
Speaker 1: scare me. I got you. This doesn't mean that I'm

701
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:57,560
Speaker 1: rejecting you and reassure her, which I'm sure feels like

702
00:37:57,600 --> 00:38:00,080
Speaker 1: a pain in the butt at sometimes you'd love of

703
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,839
Speaker 1: this to go away. But if you're willing to do

704
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:08,720
Speaker 1: that for some period of time, you'll notice major progress. Absolutely.

705
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:14,640
Speaker 1: I mean, that's sure, you're amazing. No, it's it's it's

706
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:17,000
Speaker 1: a like shere he said. It's like a trust, a

707
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:20,560
Speaker 1: trust fall. You know, it's leaning in, it's leaning into

708
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:24,120
Speaker 1: one another. And you know, just to speak my opinion

709
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:26,880
Speaker 1: on that, like if Janna came to me and you know,

710
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 1: I just got home from work or whatever it may be,

711
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 1: and she's, you know, wanting to be intimate however you

712
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:35,359
Speaker 1: want to call that. It's if I you know, said

713
00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 1: no whatever, that's not rejection coming from me. But if

714
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:41,359
Speaker 1: she came to me softly like she asks of me

715
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:44,600
Speaker 1: and said, hey, because you don't want to like be

716
00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:47,439
Speaker 1: physical right now, this is how I'm feeling. I would

717
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:50,320
Speaker 1: immediately my guard would go down. I would not put

718
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,400
Speaker 1: it balls up, and I would be like, oh my gosh,

719
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:54,840
Speaker 1: like that is not at all like what I'm trying

720
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:57,120
Speaker 1: to portray to you, like I love you, Like that

721
00:38:57,120 --> 00:39:01,239
Speaker 1: would help me be more intimate, help be you know,

722
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:03,360
Speaker 1: there for her and be that red wood and be

723
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:05,200
Speaker 1: strong for her and hold her and be like, oh

724
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:07,000
Speaker 1: my gosh, she must be feeling pain, Like that is

725
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:10,040
Speaker 1: not at all what I'm trying to do is reject you.

726
00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:13,880
Speaker 1: That is huge. That is so huge because you know

727
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:15,920
Speaker 1: what we do is when we go into that and Magdula,

728
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:21,200
Speaker 1: we go into the protective outside feelings like anger and

729
00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:24,600
Speaker 1: defensiveness like I'm gonna take you down, you know, like

730
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 1: because that feels safer to us than crying and feeling

731
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:31,320
Speaker 1: how hurt and rejected we are. So it's going to

732
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:34,319
Speaker 1: take major courage on your part, Janna, but it's going

733
00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:38,200
Speaker 1: to make you a lover who can stay open instead

734
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:44,880
Speaker 1: of shutting down and pushing him away. Yeah, okay, I

735
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:48,759
Speaker 1: am the world's worst at defensiveness, Like I am an

736
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 1: ultimate defender. And for me, if she reacted in a

737
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:56,319
Speaker 1: negative way and started screaming at me saying, you don't

738
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,919
Speaker 1: choose me, you chose them, so on and so forth, Yeah,

739
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:03,319
Speaker 1: then I would get into a place of Okay, I'm

740
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:06,239
Speaker 1: not good enough because look at all these other things

741
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:09,360
Speaker 1: I'm doing that are right. I'm being vulnerable, I'm being honest.

742
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:11,839
Speaker 1: Clearly that's not enough for her. That's in my brain.

743
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:15,000
Speaker 1: That's what that means. Where I'm like, she's she doesn't

744
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 1: see all the great things I am doing and changing.

745
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 1: She's taking the one thing I didn't do right in

746
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:23,000
Speaker 1: this moment and blowing up about it. And that sends

747
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 1: me through the roof. And she knows that. But it's

748
00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:28,200
Speaker 1: just it's so hard I get in that in that situation,

749
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,200
Speaker 1: it's hard to control of those emotions that she must

750
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:33,360
Speaker 1: be feeling. And again she comes to me, Sauce, I

751
00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 1: just I know I do, of course, because you love her.

752
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 1: And I'll tell you what, here's a secret superpower of yours, Mike,

753
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:42,680
Speaker 1: that if she does come to you with anger, I

754
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:46,720
Speaker 1: know that right behind it is a scared little girl

755
00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:50,840
Speaker 1: who's hurting, and that if you just stand like a

756
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:54,600
Speaker 1: giant redwood tree and like, go, okay, I'm not afraid

757
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:58,080
Speaker 1: of this. The anger is just a shield and I'm

758
00:40:58,080 --> 00:40:59,879
Speaker 1: gonna hold her. I'm gonna look at her in the eyes.

759
00:40:59,880 --> 00:41:03,719
Speaker 1: I'm gonna listen and just watch it'll it'll come down.

760
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:07,680
Speaker 1: It's a little girl just wanting to be chosen. Yeah,

761
00:41:07,719 --> 00:41:13,760
Speaker 1: I don't know. Jan is pretty scary. I challenge anyone

762
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:16,399
Speaker 1: to stand in front of her like a red red

763
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:21,879
Speaker 1: oak and think that you can. You totally have her

764
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 1: heart in your hand so you can hold it. Well,

765
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:27,920
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with you, and you are now our new

766
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:32,280
Speaker 1: life coach. People just literally are listening to whoever's listening

767
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:35,160
Speaker 1: to this, that's like a couple of therapy sessions. It

768
00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:38,120
Speaker 1: really was incredible Gold And again like, there's so many

769
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,960
Speaker 1: people that are dealing with, you know, this issue and

770
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:43,520
Speaker 1: and sex in general, and can I reach her just

771
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:45,360
Speaker 1: a few emails just to lighten some of this a

772
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 1: little bit um and help some of our listeners out. Okay,

773
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:53,560
Speaker 1: so it says, high Love, I have a question for you.

774
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:55,600
Speaker 1: I have a friend who was born and raised Christian.

775
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:57,640
Speaker 1: She got married two years ago and her and her

776
00:41:57,680 --> 00:42:00,720
Speaker 1: husband still have sex problems. They haven't had real, normal,

777
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:08,399
Speaker 1: successful sex. What are your thoughts on that? Yes, M Well,

778
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:13,400
Speaker 1: it could be so many things. I the fact that

779
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:16,279
Speaker 1: she said Christian. You know, I grew up Catholics, so

780
00:42:16,360 --> 00:42:19,439
Speaker 1: I'm I'm aware of what comes with that. And there

781
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:24,600
Speaker 1: can be a real distorted understanding of sects. There can

782
00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:28,839
Speaker 1: be a lot of um, misunderstandings of how good it is,

783
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,840
Speaker 1: how pure it is, and you know, what a healthy

784
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:37,160
Speaker 1: thing it is. So maybe there's some issues there. Um.

785
00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:41,240
Speaker 1: I think that sex is like the topic that nobody

786
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 1: gets taught about. We don't talk about it. I mean,

787
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:47,840
Speaker 1: we have stealthy skills around it, and it really probably

788
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:52,600
Speaker 1: comes down to a skill gap, like a communication challenge

789
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 1: and a skill gap of asking for what we need.

790
00:42:56,560 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 1: You know, everybody needs this. It's like food and water

791
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:05,400
Speaker 1: for us as human beings. And if they have any

792
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:10,279
Speaker 1: sort of challenge around communicating what their heart's desire is

793
00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:13,319
Speaker 1: or who they are and what they need, then there's

794
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:15,879
Speaker 1: just going to be a standoff. And it probably has

795
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:19,480
Speaker 1: roots and what you're experiencing, Jenna, somebody's feeling rejected and

796
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:23,000
Speaker 1: then nuts shut them down, and then one person withholds

797
00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:26,279
Speaker 1: the other person automatically withholds, and so you have this

798
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:30,960
Speaker 1: domino effective withholding and then just trying to cope, you know,

799
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:34,279
Speaker 1: with Maybe this is what married sex looks like, which

800
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 1: is a tragedy. Well, and here's here's another one. Lately,

801
00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:39,760
Speaker 1: IM possibly for the last couple of years, I found

802
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:43,640
Speaker 1: myself not attracted to my husband. I absolutely love him

803
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:45,680
Speaker 1: and don't want to divorce him, but I'm finding other

804
00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 1: men more attractive. What is wrong with me? To be honest,

805
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:50,080
Speaker 1: though I had never married him for his looks, but

806
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:52,280
Speaker 1: I was definitely more attracted to him when we were dating.

807
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:55,120
Speaker 1: All of this has caused a block in our sex life.

808
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:56,719
Speaker 1: I'm wondering if a lot of this has to do

809
00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:59,200
Speaker 1: with the comfort level of being married for almost four years,

810
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,239
Speaker 1: because nine times out of ten, he just smells bad,

811
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:04,279
Speaker 1: whether it burbs or farts, I like, she says, whether

812
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:07,800
Speaker 1: it's not him, whether it burbs, farts are a bad cough.

813
00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:10,320
Speaker 1: We have been trying to better our marriage via marriage

814
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:13,160
Speaker 1: counseling books, as we can't afford a marriage counselor. I

815
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:15,120
Speaker 1: feel like I feel like can talk to him about

816
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:18,160
Speaker 1: anything except this one issue of my attractiveness to him.

817
00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:20,680
Speaker 1: How can we even discuss that I feel if I

818
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:23,000
Speaker 1: told him I wasn't a percent attracted to him, that

819
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:25,359
Speaker 1: it would be a huge blow and may also lead

820
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:27,919
Speaker 1: to him thinking I don't love him. So I think

821
00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 1: I think you know you guys, Mike, and you can

822
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 1: both as a man's perspective, and then you know from

823
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:36,560
Speaker 1: your knowledge, what do you think? Yeah, Mike, do you

824
00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:39,439
Speaker 1: want to go first on that? Sure? I mean that man,

825
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:44,239
Speaker 1: that's dozy um for me. I mean, I don't know.

826
00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:47,080
Speaker 1: I don't know if Jana gain Well, I've said that

827
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:49,320
Speaker 1: to you. I said that to you before though, Remember

828
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:51,360
Speaker 1: when the infidelity stuff happened. I said, I'm not attracted

829
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:54,560
Speaker 1: to you anymore. Yeah, but that's I gave you a reason.

830
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:57,279
Speaker 1: Well maybe well he farts and burbs and you know

831
00:44:57,320 --> 00:44:59,600
Speaker 1: what I mean. That's like, hey, can you bring maybe

832
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:01,719
Speaker 1: a little bit more of the like romance? And that's

833
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:03,920
Speaker 1: what I was gonna say. You know, for me personally,

834
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:06,640
Speaker 1: I think you're the same way is Janna and I

835
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 1: always want to impress each other, Like, I think that's

836
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:12,480
Speaker 1: the way you and I will always be is. I

837
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:15,400
Speaker 1: don't think couples should get too comfortable where they stop

838
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:18,239
Speaker 1: wanting to impress the other person. Like when Janna and

839
00:45:18,320 --> 00:45:20,040
Speaker 1: I go out and we get dressed up, like we

840
00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:21,920
Speaker 1: complement each other because we want to look good for

841
00:45:21,960 --> 00:45:24,799
Speaker 1: one another. We don't just you know, go through go

842
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:27,560
Speaker 1: through emotions like that's you know, something we take pride.

843
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 1: And so I think that in that relationship, that's something

844
00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:32,759
Speaker 1: that they should talk about. Is like, hey, honey, like

845
00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:34,960
Speaker 1: if she doesn't want to bring up his attractiveness, be

846
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:37,839
Speaker 1: like I really want to impress you and like make

847
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:39,640
Speaker 1: you feel this way about me or help you feel

848
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:42,000
Speaker 1: this way about me, and you know, maybe he'll just

849
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:44,560
Speaker 1: naturally want to do the same so she's more attracted

850
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:47,279
Speaker 1: to him. I think I think Mike's right. People do

851
00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:51,399
Speaker 1: get way too comfortable. When I was married, I would

852
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:53,919
Speaker 1: end up sending like, oh, this is what I want

853
00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:56,600
Speaker 1: from my anniversary, this is what I want for Hanakah,

854
00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:58,880
Speaker 1: this is what I want for Christmas, this is what

855
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:02,799
Speaker 1: because he didn't know, so you end up getting. The

856
00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:07,359
Speaker 1: comfort level is so high that you just become these

857
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:12,040
Speaker 1: strangers who are just emailing and texting each other yes

858
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:16,080
Speaker 1: and comitating, and you're not. There's no romance left, there's

859
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:21,120
Speaker 1: no communication, there's none of your needs are being met

860
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:24,640
Speaker 1: at any level. So they need to bring the romance back.

861
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:28,160
Speaker 1: It's only been four years. Shoot, mine was at seventeen years,

862
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:32,520
Speaker 1: so we need to work on that now. Yeah, and

863
00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:35,360
Speaker 1: I'd say, you know, I completely agree with what you

864
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:38,759
Speaker 1: guys have said, and I think that there's uh an

865
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:45,360
Speaker 1: energy that also creates attraction. Sometimes we limit the definition

866
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:49,680
Speaker 1: of intimacy or attraction to just one thing, like intimacy

867
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:55,880
Speaker 1: only equals sex versus touching and talking and like sending

868
00:46:55,960 --> 00:46:57,920
Speaker 1: text to each other and all the other things that

869
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 1: could equal intimacy and at activeness also comes from like

870
00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 1: the maculine energy he might be putting out, like the

871
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 1: stuff he's talking about at dinner, you know, the things

872
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:11,319
Speaker 1: that he's bringing to her that would be a turn on.

873
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:15,319
Speaker 1: So I'd be so interesting, you know. They say, if

874
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:17,840
Speaker 1: you focus on what you love like you did in

875
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:20,440
Speaker 1: the beginning of the relationship, there'd never be an end.

876
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:23,600
Speaker 1: We start out focusing on all the things that we love,

877
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:25,480
Speaker 1: like oh my god, his hands, oh my god, the

878
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:27,160
Speaker 1: way he talks, oh my god, the thing you know,

879
00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:29,360
Speaker 1: like you just can't help but focus on all the

880
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:31,680
Speaker 1: great stuff. And then as time goes on and hurts happen,

881
00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:33,800
Speaker 1: you start to focus on all the things you don't

882
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:37,600
Speaker 1: like and that's what undoes us. So I'd be so

883
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:41,800
Speaker 1: interested to see if she could start to talk about

884
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:44,839
Speaker 1: the things that really turn her on, you know, like

885
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:48,000
Speaker 1: we don't go to museans anymore, you know, you are,

886
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:50,840
Speaker 1: like the things that they could do or talk about

887
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:58,920
Speaker 1: that would really bring back that yeah, yeah, and that right,

888
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:02,440
Speaker 1: And in that higher level relationship, that's your desire as

889
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:04,640
Speaker 1: a partner is to be like, I want to rock

890
00:48:04,719 --> 00:48:08,000
Speaker 1: your world, So keep telling me, you know what, what

891
00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:11,000
Speaker 1: does it for you? Because it does change over time too.

892
00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:14,799
Speaker 1: And I agree with her that she didn't marry him

893
00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:17,279
Speaker 1: for his look, so this really isn't the issue. There's

894
00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 1: probably something else, you know that maybe he's shut down

895
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:23,800
Speaker 1: a bit energetically, or he's not coming home. Is on fire,

896
00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:27,200
Speaker 1: you do, And that's a cool conversation to have. They

897
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:29,920
Speaker 1: can get that back, and I would challenge her. I

898
00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:33,800
Speaker 1: hope she emails responsive she does anything about this, But again,

899
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:35,680
Speaker 1: like Janna and I talked about, is kind of ask

900
00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:38,000
Speaker 1: for what you need. Like you know, Janna likes to

901
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:40,520
Speaker 1: sit back sometimes and see what I'm gonna do to

902
00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:44,040
Speaker 1: to choose her to make you feel special. Well, sometimes

903
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:46,279
Speaker 1: in a relationship if they're at that kind of comfort level,

904
00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:49,840
Speaker 1: like remind him. I go to him like, hey, honey,

905
00:48:49,880 --> 00:48:52,279
Speaker 1: this is you know where I feel like we're lacking,

906
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:54,840
Speaker 1: Like I would love for you to do X, Y

907
00:48:54,840 --> 00:48:57,840
Speaker 1: and Z, because because he might, he might think everything's

908
00:48:57,880 --> 00:49:01,360
Speaker 1: okay in his world. He might everything is fine, and

909
00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:04,200
Speaker 1: then next thing you know, she blindsides him with you know,

910
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:06,560
Speaker 1: I don't think this relationship, this marriage is working. He's like,

911
00:49:06,600 --> 00:49:12,120
Speaker 1: what the hell just happened? You know, best best marriage

912
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:15,320
Speaker 1: vows I ever heard where when the man said to

913
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:19,000
Speaker 1: the woman, I promised to never know you. And at

914
00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:21,200
Speaker 1: first I was like, there's a lot of good thing.

915
00:49:22,600 --> 00:49:25,279
Speaker 1: I realized it was the best thing that you could

916
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:27,680
Speaker 1: say to someone because every single day, so many things

917
00:49:27,719 --> 00:49:30,680
Speaker 1: happened to us that change us, you know, And if

918
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:33,919
Speaker 1: they could bring that back, like act like you don't

919
00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:37,840
Speaker 1: know each other at all every day and be curious

920
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:40,600
Speaker 1: about each other, then that creates a sense of openness,

921
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:45,960
Speaker 1: you know, where anything is possible. Mystery is that is

922
00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:48,000
Speaker 1: that what you would say to to like the mom

923
00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:50,080
Speaker 1: at the end of the day that you know they

924
00:49:50,080 --> 00:49:52,040
Speaker 1: haven't had sex in a month and a half and

925
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:54,880
Speaker 1: they're exhausted and tired. I mean, is it just is

926
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:58,440
Speaker 1: it is it that too like kind of re igniting

927
00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:02,600
Speaker 1: something to you know, like we're friends at having a

928
00:50:02,640 --> 00:50:06,480
Speaker 1: sex in a while? Do they need the yann But

929
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:09,799
Speaker 1: is that just like something where like you just have

930
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:13,520
Speaker 1: to reignite and um spice it up a little bit,

931
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:16,319
Speaker 1: like because I'm moms, like I'm so tired, I don't

932
00:50:16,320 --> 00:50:19,080
Speaker 1: want to have sex well, and so that would be

933
00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:22,120
Speaker 1: interesting to like change up you know, the ritual right

934
00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:24,879
Speaker 1: because yes, and the mom mode when you know you're

935
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:27,800
Speaker 1: raising little kids, there's this period of time where everybody's

936
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:31,799
Speaker 1: highest need is certainty. It's this routine and the same

937
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:35,279
Speaker 1: same and make sure no one dies every day, Like

938
00:50:35,920 --> 00:50:39,439
Speaker 1: not a really great period of time for couples. So

939
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:44,239
Speaker 1: I would say, you know, knowing what would restore a

940
00:50:44,320 --> 00:50:48,000
Speaker 1: really tired mama and have her transition from mom mode

941
00:50:48,080 --> 00:50:52,719
Speaker 1: into woman mode. That's the bridge that you know, we

942
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:55,279
Speaker 1: as women should get good at getting ourselves over. But

943
00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:57,279
Speaker 1: it's so nice to have a man help you and

944
00:50:57,360 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 1: so you know when at the end of the day,

945
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:04,040
Speaker 1: whoever's you know, babies are in bed. Would would a

946
00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:08,400
Speaker 1: really nice back together be something that would feel connecting

947
00:51:08,480 --> 00:51:12,879
Speaker 1: and right with a massage, feeling really good, and then

948
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:16,160
Speaker 1: you know, with those sorts of things, it's highly likely

949
00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:19,239
Speaker 1: that it could lead. I mean, I asked Michael last

950
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:21,560
Speaker 1: night to put lotion on my legs. Did any lotion

951
00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:29,239
Speaker 1: get on my legs? Negative? That's did not get my cue. Well,

952
00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:31,920
Speaker 1: I think we need to make a list all the cues.

953
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:38,680
Speaker 1: This is my language, this is my and I just well,

954
00:51:38,760 --> 00:51:41,040
Speaker 1: I cannot thank you enough. You have made me laugh,

955
00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:44,239
Speaker 1: you've made me cry, you have given us some really

956
00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:46,400
Speaker 1: good tips. And again, I know a lot of my

957
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:51,160
Speaker 1: wind out listeners need this, So thank you so incredibly much.

958
00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:55,520
Speaker 1: Can can I can my listeners find you somewhere? Yeah? Absolutely,

959
00:51:55,560 --> 00:51:58,359
Speaker 1: I have a website that's my name, Shari Healy dot

960
00:51:58,360 --> 00:52:01,319
Speaker 1: com and I'll spell it for you the H E

961
00:52:01,560 --> 00:52:05,839
Speaker 1: R I E H E A l E y And

962
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:08,920
Speaker 1: there's all kinds of good into out there around how

963
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:10,920
Speaker 1: to become the person you're here to be and do

964
00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:13,120
Speaker 1: what you're here to do on the planet. Well, I

965
00:52:13,239 --> 00:52:19,200
Speaker 1: love you, so you're so welcome. Thank you for having

966
00:52:19,280 --> 00:52:23,080
Speaker 1: Thank you. So. This was supposed to be the sex episode,

967
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:26,319
Speaker 1: and believe me, I have so much sex stuff to

968
00:52:26,400 --> 00:52:28,799
Speaker 1: talk about. And ask about but it turned into the

969
00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:32,759
Speaker 1: Jana and My Couples Therapy episodes, which which I'm not

970
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:38,000
Speaker 1: saying it did not disappoint because you guys were so

971
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:42,360
Speaker 1: open that I was nearly in tears because I was

972
00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:46,280
Speaker 1: really in it with you guys, and I have empathy

973
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:50,279
Speaker 1: and for both of you, because you guys are so

974
00:52:50,360 --> 00:52:55,240
Speaker 1: open that we're getting both sides and it's so honest

975
00:52:55,800 --> 00:52:58,879
Speaker 1: that it's mind blowing really and it's helping a lot

976
00:52:58,880 --> 00:53:01,719
Speaker 1: of people. Yeah, I hope. So I was terrifying. I'm

977
00:53:01,719 --> 00:53:04,600
Speaker 1: not gonna line yea, I'm proud of you. I am.

978
00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:08,440
Speaker 1: I'm really proud of you. Thank you for being open

979
00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:14,879
Speaker 1: to being open. Its couples out there. It does. I mean,

980
00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:17,680
Speaker 1: there's a one girl she's like I literally sat my

981
00:53:17,760 --> 00:53:20,880
Speaker 1: husband down and I said, listen to Mike. Listen to

982
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:24,600
Speaker 1: his empathy for her when she gets triggered, please I

983
00:53:24,680 --> 00:53:29,120
Speaker 1: need that. And he was like, you know wow, like

984
00:53:29,160 --> 00:53:31,279
Speaker 1: and he was able to sit in her pain and

985
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:34,399
Speaker 1: sit in you know. So I think that's I think,

986
00:53:34,680 --> 00:53:37,400
Speaker 1: having your side of things, and you know again like

987
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:40,520
Speaker 1: we're you know, we're two years post, but you know,

988
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:42,640
Speaker 1: and now we're able to you know, you told me

989
00:53:42,719 --> 00:53:44,319
Speaker 1: some things that I have to work on, and that's

990
00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:47,919
Speaker 1: you know, that's helpful for me and for the other

991
00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:51,799
Speaker 1: listeners out there that can relate to that. Okay, so

992
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:55,840
Speaker 1: you guys know my obsession with Hello Fresh because again,

993
00:53:55,920 --> 00:53:59,240
Speaker 1: I'm not the greatest cook, and I love easy recipes

994
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:01,160
Speaker 1: and the fact that they deliver the groceries to me.

995
00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:02,960
Speaker 1: I don't have to go searching in the grocery store.

996
00:54:03,040 --> 00:54:06,919
Speaker 1: It's so easy, thirty minute recipes. Like my husband says,

997
00:54:06,920 --> 00:54:09,160
Speaker 1: every time Hello Fresh comes, it's like a halo at

998
00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:11,520
Speaker 1: the front door over these the bags that are delivered.

999
00:54:11,719 --> 00:54:15,479
Speaker 1: What I love though, right now is this thing called

1000
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:18,719
Speaker 1: Green Chef. They actually are owned by Hello Fresh. But

1001
00:54:18,760 --> 00:54:20,840
Speaker 1: the difference between Hello Fresh and Green Chef is that

1002
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:24,640
Speaker 1: Green Chef is the first U s D. A certified

1003
00:54:24,760 --> 00:54:27,839
Speaker 1: organic meal kit delivery service that includes everything you need

1004
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:30,920
Speaker 1: to cook delicious gourmet meals that you can feel good about.

1005
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:34,000
Speaker 1: So yes, Hello Fresh is amazing, but if you want

1006
00:54:34,120 --> 00:54:36,239
Speaker 1: organic meals sent to your door, then definitely go to

1007
00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:39,799
Speaker 1: Green Chef. So again, if you want organic meals for

1008
00:54:39,840 --> 00:54:42,360
Speaker 1: fifty off your first box of Green Chef, go to

1009
00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:47,080
Speaker 1: Green Chef dot us slash Janna that's Green Chef dot

1010
00:54:47,200 --> 00:54:51,080
Speaker 1: us slash Jana. I promise you it's gonna be the

1011
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:54,319
Speaker 1: best meal you ever rate. I have one more email, okay,

1012
00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:58,280
Speaker 1: and it's from Holly. Hi Holly, And this will wrap

1013
00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:00,520
Speaker 1: this up nicely. How did you know Michael was the one?

1014
00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:02,960
Speaker 1: She's about to graduate college and she's borne with her

1015
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:06,160
Speaker 1: boyfriends since high school and she says I loved him

1016
00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:10,399
Speaker 1: more than anything, but I find myself doubting the relationship

1017
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:15,600
Speaker 1: a lot. How did you know Michael was the one? Okay?

1018
00:55:15,800 --> 00:55:21,560
Speaker 1: So this question has been asked to me before, and

1019
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:23,719
Speaker 1: it was always a one part answer. It's now a

1020
00:55:23,719 --> 00:55:27,200
Speaker 1: two part answer. So the first part is I knew

1021
00:55:27,239 --> 00:55:29,799
Speaker 1: he was the one from I mean, I know this

1022
00:55:29,880 --> 00:55:32,960
Speaker 1: is the most cliche answer ever. I knew he was

1023
00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:35,520
Speaker 1: the one from the moment I saw him, because I saw,

1024
00:55:37,400 --> 00:55:39,880
Speaker 1: I saw a pain in him that I could relate to.

1025
00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:42,600
Speaker 1: I saw, and then when once I got to know him,

1026
00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:45,880
Speaker 1: and I was like, we we have the same struggles.

1027
00:55:47,080 --> 00:55:50,640
Speaker 1: And I loved his heart. I loved his openness and

1028
00:55:50,760 --> 00:55:53,880
Speaker 1: his willingness to to bear that. And yes, was it

1029
00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:56,520
Speaker 1: perfect in the beginning. No, But for me it was

1030
00:55:56,640 --> 00:56:01,600
Speaker 1: someone you know, he loved he loved kids, and he

1031
00:56:03,400 --> 00:56:05,799
Speaker 1: you know, he loved he loved me. He loved me

1032
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:09,640
Speaker 1: for my flaws and that was huge for me. Now

1033
00:56:09,680 --> 00:56:11,640
Speaker 1: the second part of this is how I know is

1034
00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:14,520
Speaker 1: the one is because he has stood by me through

1035
00:56:15,520 --> 00:56:18,959
Speaker 1: all the hardship and hasn't walked away. Because the one,

1036
00:56:21,160 --> 00:56:24,879
Speaker 1: your one, does not walk away from all the hard,

1037
00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:31,200
Speaker 1: hard pain and and the the past that we've had. Anyway,

1038
00:56:31,280 --> 00:56:33,359
Speaker 1: you know, there's there's been so many times when again

1039
00:56:33,400 --> 00:56:35,200
Speaker 1: he could have walked he could have walked away, I

1040
00:56:35,239 --> 00:56:37,440
Speaker 1: could have walked away. But the one is going to

1041
00:56:37,560 --> 00:56:41,319
Speaker 1: be the one still fighting for you in my opinion. Yeah,

1042
00:56:41,880 --> 00:56:45,600
Speaker 1: what about you? When did you know that channel was

1043
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:55,000
Speaker 1: the one? Um? You know you after ten days of

1044
00:56:55,480 --> 00:57:02,520
Speaker 1: even knowing each other in five hours? Yeah, um it was.

1045
00:57:02,960 --> 00:57:09,040
Speaker 1: It was the week I was in Austin, I flew

1046
00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:11,640
Speaker 1: out to Chicago to see her. I was in between

1047
00:57:11,800 --> 00:57:15,600
Speaker 1: the time of off season and before training camp and

1048
00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:20,120
Speaker 1: uh A flu show to see her in Chicago. I

1049
00:57:20,200 --> 00:57:23,520
Speaker 1: had a great time. Were kissed by the monkeys because

1050
00:57:23,560 --> 00:57:27,360
Speaker 1: we're at the Chicago's. It's so sweet. And it was

1051
00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:33,680
Speaker 1: later that week I remember I was helping miss and

1052
00:57:34,040 --> 00:57:37,120
Speaker 1: his now wife Marissa get picked up like a washing

1053
00:57:37,160 --> 00:57:40,760
Speaker 1: machine or something like office, you know, from somewhere, and

1054
00:57:40,800 --> 00:57:43,000
Speaker 1: when I was living in Baltimore and they asked me

1055
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:44,480
Speaker 1: like how to go. It was like two days later.

1056
00:57:44,520 --> 00:57:47,720
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm going to marry this girl. It

1057
00:57:47,840 --> 00:57:49,440
Speaker 1: was crazy. And they're like, at first I thought it

1058
00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:53,040
Speaker 1: was just like infatuation because she's a celebrity and it's

1059
00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:56,120
Speaker 1: just that whole package that goes along with it. I'm like, no, guys, like,

1060
00:57:57,000 --> 00:58:00,000
Speaker 1: you know, I can't explain it. I literally couldn't put

1061
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:04,280
Speaker 1: it into words. And my buddy miss like he was

1062
00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:06,880
Speaker 1: my partner in crime, like through college and stuff like that,

1063
00:58:06,920 --> 00:58:08,800
Speaker 1: like he knows me in and out, and he was

1064
00:58:08,840 --> 00:58:13,840
Speaker 1: just like okay, you know. Um. So from that moment on,

1065
00:58:13,880 --> 00:58:15,680
Speaker 1: from that first week of meeting her, and for the

1066
00:58:15,760 --> 00:58:20,040
Speaker 1: same reasons, it's just I'm was really never honest in

1067
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:23,640
Speaker 1: a relationship to my fullest extent, and to be that

1068
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:28,240
Speaker 1: honest with somebody that quick and find connection in flaws

1069
00:58:28,600 --> 00:58:31,960
Speaker 1: that you have in character defects, it's like, you know, what,

1070
00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:34,760
Speaker 1: what is this honesty thing? Like, what what is this

1071
00:58:35,160 --> 00:58:37,880
Speaker 1: crazy feeling I'm feeling? So um. I mean it was

1072
00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:40,680
Speaker 1: within the first week of knowing her and like James said,

1073
00:58:40,680 --> 00:58:44,400
Speaker 1: knowing each other's hearts and where they are. You know,

1074
00:58:44,440 --> 00:58:46,480
Speaker 1: regardless of the things that we've gone through now, it's

1075
00:58:47,760 --> 00:58:49,640
Speaker 1: our hearts are still in the right place. We still

1076
00:58:49,720 --> 00:58:53,320
Speaker 1: want the same things. Um we take we are taking

1077
00:58:53,360 --> 00:58:59,080
Speaker 1: the hardest road to get there. But yeah, thanks yeah, um. So,

1078
00:58:59,160 --> 00:59:01,360
Speaker 1: I mean for her if this guy, you know, she's

1079
00:59:01,360 --> 00:59:02,880
Speaker 1: been with him since high school, A lot of people

1080
00:59:02,920 --> 00:59:05,480
Speaker 1: would say, go out, explore the world and whatever. But

1081
00:59:05,600 --> 00:59:07,840
Speaker 1: it's like, if she knows this guy is going to

1082
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:12,120
Speaker 1: stand by her, but she finds out anyone would find

1083
00:59:12,160 --> 00:59:15,880
Speaker 1: out if I did not have doubt with you. Her

1084
00:59:15,920 --> 00:59:19,640
Speaker 1: doubt comes from time to timetable, from high school through college.

1085
00:59:19,880 --> 00:59:21,800
Speaker 1: It's like, I'm just saying, if you have to doubt,

1086
00:59:21,880 --> 00:59:23,920
Speaker 1: listen to your gut, listen to your heart, because all

1087
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:26,560
Speaker 1: she hears is you've been with so and so, you

1088
00:59:26,600 --> 00:59:28,800
Speaker 1: know ever since you know, high school, Like, don't you

1089
00:59:28,800 --> 00:59:32,000
Speaker 1: want to go out and see what's out there? She says,

1090
00:59:32,040 --> 00:59:33,800
Speaker 1: I love him more than anything, but I find myself

1091
00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:35,720
Speaker 1: doubting their relationship. I know that's not what it says.

1092
00:59:35,800 --> 00:59:38,400
Speaker 1: That's what people are probably telling her in her ear,

1093
00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:40,880
Speaker 1: in her ear, and if they're not, and she is

1094
00:59:40,920 --> 00:59:44,680
Speaker 1: doubting it. That's yeah, and that's something to be said

1095
00:59:44,680 --> 00:59:46,800
Speaker 1: about that. But also it could just be it could

1096
00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:48,640
Speaker 1: be off. Nothing, could just be from her age and

1097
00:59:48,680 --> 00:59:51,720
Speaker 1: being like, man, I haven't explored what's out there, Holly,

1098
00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:54,840
Speaker 1: I'm going. I was looking at Facebook. I'm talking directly

1099
00:59:54,880 --> 00:59:57,880
Speaker 1: to you. I was looking at Facebook yesterday and scrolling through,

1100
00:59:58,080 --> 01:00:01,800
Speaker 1: and I saw one of my high school friends with

1101
01:00:01,840 --> 01:00:05,160
Speaker 1: her husband who she was dating when we were in

1102
01:00:05,240 --> 01:00:08,760
Speaker 1: tenth grade. And I will be forty four in June.

1103
01:00:09,760 --> 01:00:14,440
Speaker 1: So they're happy. They have I think four or five kids,

1104
01:00:14,920 --> 01:00:17,720
Speaker 1: some of them are in college now and they have

1105
01:00:17,880 --> 01:00:23,520
Speaker 1: been together since tenth grade. And that's it. That's like,

1106
01:00:24,200 --> 01:00:26,360
Speaker 1: you know, Charlie and Shelley. Yeah, they're so cute to

1107
01:00:26,480 --> 01:00:28,480
Speaker 1: my friends. One of my best friends from college, it's

1108
01:00:28,520 --> 01:00:32,480
Speaker 1: like him and his you know, wife dated since high school.

1109
01:00:32,920 --> 01:00:36,080
Speaker 1: They were kids basically, and now they're married and I

1110
01:00:36,160 --> 01:00:38,720
Speaker 1: have a daughter, and I mean they're the best people ever.

1111
01:00:39,240 --> 01:00:43,920
Speaker 1: They're so happy, you know, So that's possible, totally possible.

1112
01:00:44,080 --> 01:00:46,720
Speaker 1: All right, Well, you guys, if you have any questions

1113
01:00:46,880 --> 01:00:50,000
Speaker 1: or you need some answers, please please please email me

1114
01:00:50,040 --> 01:00:52,480
Speaker 1: at Jane Kramer at I heart media dot com. UM,

1115
01:00:52,480 --> 01:00:54,880
Speaker 1: thank you, Mike, thank you Jenn, thank you for winding

1116
01:00:54,880 --> 01:00:56,520
Speaker 1: down with us, and we'll do it again next time.